Original subtitles

- DON'T YOU EVER DO ANYTHING?

HEY, I'M TALKING TO YOU.

SIT.

ROLL OVER.

FETCH THE PAPER.

- HI, SWEETIE.

- GOOD BOY. EVER THINK OF BREEDING HIM?

- LOOK, SCOTTY.

MOMMY'S VERY FIRST BY-LINE.

NOW THAT I'M A FULL-FLEDGED REPORTER,

I CAN WRITE THE WRONGS OF SOCIETY,

INFLUENCE PUBLIC OPINION,

AND SHAKE THE VERY FOUNDATIONS OF POWER.

- "COMMUNITY POOL OPENING."

"STATE-OF-THE-ART SKIMMER, A SCUM-SUCKING WONDER."

- BY CAROL WESTON.

BY CAROL WESTON.

- BYE, CAROL WESTON.

COME ON, SCOTTY.

I'LL TEACH YOU HOW TO SIT UP AND BEG.

IT'LL COME ON HANDY WHEN YOU START TO DATE, YEAH.

- CAROL...

I HAVE INCREDIBLE NEWS.

YOU WILL NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS

GUESS WHO'S COMING TO TOUR THE CLINIC THIS WEEK.

- I DON'T KNOW. HILLARY CLINTON.

- [stammering]

YEAH.

- HILLARY CLINTON IS COMING TO THE CLINIC?

- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GOT IT ON THE FIRST TRY.

MAXINE HAD TO TELL ME THE INITIALS

EVEN THEN I GUESSED HOWARD COSELL.

- DADDY, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?

HILLARY CLINTON IS BIG NEWS.

- YEAH? - I'M A REPORTER.

- YEAH...

- DON'T YOU SEE?

THIS COULD BE MY TICKET TO THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS CORPS.

MR. PRESIDENT, MR. PRESIDENT,

I HAVE A NINE-PART QUESTION.

- CAROL...

- SORRY, DADDY. I--I GOT CARRIED AWAY.

BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW

THAT NO MATTER HOW FAR I GO

I WILL NEVER FORGET WHERE I CAME FROM.

- CAN'T YOU AT LEAST TRY?

- LIFE GOES ON

AND SO DO WE

JUST HOW WE DO IT IS NO MYSTERY

ONE BY ONE, WE FILL THE DAYS

WE FIND A THOUSAND DIFFERENT WAYS

SOMETIMES THE ANSWER CAN BE HARD TO FIND

THAT'S SOMETHING I WILL NEVER BE

I'M ALWAYS HERE

FOR ANYTHING YOU NEED

RAIN OR SHINE

I'LL BE THE ONE

TO SHARE IT ALL AS LIFE GOES ON

WE SHARE IT ALL

AS LIFE GOES ON

- BUT WHY CAN'T I COME?

- CAROL, HONEY, IT'S NOT ME.

THE SECRET SERVICE SAID ONLY EMPLOYEES OF THE CLINIC

ARE ALLOWED TO MEET MRS. CLINTON.

- FINE.

I'LL JUST GET A PRESS PASS.

THE DADE COUNTY CRIER MAY NOT BE

THE BIGGEST PAPER IN THE COUNTRY,

BUT IT IS STILL A WIDELY-READ AND RESPECTED PUBLICATION.

- YEAH.

AND VERY ABSORBENT.

- SO, DADDY...

DID YOU READ MY SCUM-SUCKING ARTICLE?

- CAROL, IT WASN'T THAT BAD.

- JUST SAW THE NEWS, HARRY.

IS IT TRUE?

HILLARY'S COMING TO YOUR CLINIC?

- WHY DO YOU WANNA KNOW?

- 'CAUSE I GOTTA MEET HER.

SHE'S THE FIRST PRESIDENTIAL WIFE

I EVER SAW IN THE NUDE.

- WHAT?

- YEAH, I GOT OUT OF THE SHOWER ONE DAY,

AND THERE SHE WAS ON TV.

EVER SINCE THEN,

SHE'S BEEN FLOATING AROUND IN MY HEAD.

- SHE MUST FEEL LIKE A TIC TAC IN THE OCEAN.

- I'M SERIOUS.

I GOT A MAJOR JONES FOR AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE BABE.

- CHARLEY, ARE YOU SAYING YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH THE FIRST LADY?

- SURE.

IF THAT'S WHAT SHE WANTS TO HEAR.

- CHARLEY, YOU ARE NOT MEETING HILLARY.

NO WAY. - YES, WAY.

I'VE BEEN WRITING TO HER FOR MONTHS

TELLING HER EXACTLY WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO FOR HER CAUSE

AND EXACTLY WHAT I'D LIKE HER TO WEAR WHILE I'M DOING IT.

ALL I KNOW IS SHE'S COMING TO MIAMI.

I LIVE IN MIAMI. YOU DO THE MATH.

- LAVERNE...

LAVERNE!

YOU SAID I COULD HAVE A TURN.

- OKAY, DOCTOR.

HOP ON.

- NO, NO, JUST-- COME ON, GIVE ME THAT.

- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

- I'M, YOU KNOW, BUFFING.

- WELL, CUT IT OUT.

- DOCTOR, WE JUST WANNA MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION

ON THE FIRST LADY.

YOU'RE WEARING JEANS?

- OF COURSE NOT.

I WAS JUST ABOUT TO CHANGE INTO MY YANKEE DOODLE PANT SUIT.

NOW, LOOK, YOU TWO.

MRS. CLINTON WANTS TO SEE AN INNER CITY MEDICAL CLINIC.

THAT'S WHAT WE SHOULD SHOW HER.

GRUNGE AND ALL.

- OKEY-DOKEY.

- QUIT BUFFING MY CLINIC!

- MAXINE...

UH, MAY I SPEAK TO YOU IN PRIVATE?

WAIT HERE.

MAX, LOOK,

I KNOW THIS IS YOUR CLINIC,

BUT I THINK...

MAYBE I SHOULD BE THE ONE TO TALK TO MRS. CLINTON.

- WHY?

- WELL, MAXINE, YOU SEEM TO HAVE

A BIT OF AN ATTITUDE ABOUT HER VISIT.

- ATTITUDE?

WHAT THE HELL GAVE YOU THE DUMB-ASS IDEA

THAT I HAVE AN ATTITUDE?

- I DON'T KNOW.

LUCKY DUMB-ASS GUESS?

- I'M SORRY, HARRY.

I'VE JUST HAD IT WITH POLITICIANS.

THEY WALTZ IN HERE, TAKE A PICTURE,

SAY THEY'RE GONNA CHANGE THINGS,

AND NOTHING EVER HAPPENS.

WELL, IF HILLARY EXPECTS ME TO JUST SMILE

AND NOT SPEAK MY MIND,

THEN SHE DOES NOT KNOW MAXINE DOUGLAS.

- ACTUALLY, SHE-- SHE DOESN'T KNOW YOU.

- WELL, SHE WILL.

- MAXINE, LOOK. COME ON.

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, BUT...

SHE'S STILL THE FIRST LADY,

SO JUST BE... RESPECTFUL, OKAY?

- WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M GONNA DO, PANTS HER?

I'M A PROFESSIONAL, DAMN IT.

- YOU'RE NOT GONNA PANTS HER, RIGHT?

- MAKE A HELL OF A PHOTO OPPORTUNITY. WHOO!

- HI, DADDY-KINS.

- DADDY-KINS? WHAT IS IT?

WHAT? THE CAR, THE HOUSE, WHAT?

- THEY WOULDN'T GIVE ME A PRESS PASS.

OF COURSE, SAM DONALDSON THEY LET MARCH RIGHT IN.

WELL, EXCUSE ME FOR HAVING NORMAL EYEBROWS.

DADDY, YOU'VE GOTTA HELP ME.

GIVE ME A JOB HERE AT THE CLINIC.

- WHAT?

- THAT WAY I'LL BE HERE WHEN HILLARY COMES.

OH, DADDY, PLEASE, PLEASE.

I'VE NEVER WANTED ANYTHING MORE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

- THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT THE SUEDE BOOTS.

- YES, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW THIS WAS GONNA COME UP.

- CAROL, HONEY, I DON'T-- - DADDY, PLEASE.

I'LL MAKE POT ROAST TONIGHT.

- WITH TATER TOTS?

- EXTRA CRISPY.

- OOH, ALL RIGHT.

- [shrieking]

- LAVERNE, CAROL'S GONNA BE WORKING WITH US TODAY.

- [laughing]

YOU'RE NOT KIDDIN'?

I DON'T WANNA GIVE ANYONE THE SLIGHTEST REASON

TO SUSPECT I'M NOT A NURSE.

- OKAY, FINE.

CAROL, WOULD YOU LABEL THIS?

- SURE. WHAT IS IT?

- A URINE SPECIMEN.

- EW!

- YOU COULDN'T BE A NURSE ON HALLOWEEN.

- WHERE IS MAXINE?

- OH, DOCTOR, SHE'S STILL IN WITH THE SECRET SERVICE.

I WAS WONDERIN'--

I WANT HER OUTTA HERE.

- COME ON, CAROL? SHE CAN'T BE THAT BAD.

[phone ringing] - CAROL WESTON'S OFFICE.

- LOOK, IT'S JUST A COUPLE MORE HOURS.

- OH, HI, HEY, MAXINE. - HI.

- HOW DID IT GO?

- OH, IT WENT FINE.

THEY ESPECIALLY ENJOYED HEARING ABOUT YOU AND CASTRO.

- SHE'S KIDDING, YOU KNOW?

- WOULD YOU STEP IT, PLEASE?

- YOUR NAME?

- UH, WESTON, HARRY.

HARRY WESTON, M.D.

DR. HARRY WESTON.

I'M, UH-- I'M HARRY.

- SIT DOWN, DOCTOR. - OH.

- YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO BE NERVOUS ABOUT.

- GOOD. I GUESS--

- DO YOU?

- I, UH-- ME? NO. ME? NO.

NO. JUST ASK ME ANYTHING. MY LIFE IS AN OPEN...BOOK.

- YOU KNOW A CHARLES DIETZ?

- OH, YEAH, SURE. HE'S MY NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR.

- ARE YOU AWARE HE'S BEEN SENDING LETTERS

OF A ROMANTIC NATURE TO THE FIRST LADY?

- CAROL, YOU'RE STILL AT MY DESK.

- SHH, JUST A SECOND.

DATELINE MIAMI.

11:17 AM.

THE CANAL STREET CLINIC ANXIOUSLY AWAITS

THE ARRIVAL OF THE FIRST LADY.

- CAROL, I WANT MY DESK BACK RIGHT NOW!

- THE STAFF GROWS IMPATIENT.

- DON'T MAKE ME TELL YOUR DADDY.

- LAVERNE, IF YOU KEEP INTERRUPTING ME,

I'M NEVER GONNA GET MY HILLARY CLINTON STORY DONE.

- WELL, IF YOU WAS ANY KIND OF REPORTER AT ALL,

YOU'D KNOW THERE'S SOMEONE IN THIS CLINIC

WHO'S ACTUALLY MET HER.

- WHO? YOU?

- MY COUSIN MARY BETH ANNE USED TO DO HER NAILS

BACK IN LITTLE ROCK ALL THE TIME.

I SAT NEXT TO HER ONCE.

- WELL, GIVE ME THE SCOOP. WHAT'S SHE REALLY LIKE?

- OKAY, NICE ENOUGH. CRACKED CUTICLES.

- NO. I MEAN, WHAT DID SHE SAY?

DID SHE MENTION WHITEWATER? WHAT ABOUT BILL?

DID SHE DISCUSS HIS POLITICAL PLANS?

- NO.

AS I RECALL, SHE SAID, "MARY BETH,

"IF YOU DON'T GET YOU AN AIR CONDITIONER,

"YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO USE A SPATULA

TO PEEL MY THIGHS OFF THIS NAUGAHYDE."

- AND? - THEN MARY BETH GOT A BIG FAN.

- LAVERNE, THIS WOULD BE FINE IF I WERE DOING A FLUFF PIECE,

BUT I'M PLANNING ON DOING A SERIOUS INTERVIEW ON HILLARY.

- CAROL, HONEY, I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU,

BUT HILLARY AIN'T GONNA HAVE TIME FOR AN INTERVIEW.

SHE'S GONNA BLOW THROUGH HERE

FASTER THAN ROGER CLINTON'S CD ON THE WAY TO THE BARGAIN TABLE.

- WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

- I'M SAYING SHE AIN'T GONNA TALK TO YOU.

IF SHE'S GONNA TALK TO ANYBODY, IT'LL BE ME.

- YOU?

WHY WOULD SHE WANNA TALK TO YOU?

- I'M FROM ARKANSAS.

- BUT SHE'S FROM CHICAGO.

- WE FORGIVE HER.

THE POINT IS, I HAVE A CONNECTION.

MY COUSIN USED TO DO HER NAILS.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'VE GOT JUST ENOUGH TIME

TO RUN DOWN TO THE DRUGSTORE

AND PICK UP HER FAVORITE NAIL POLISH,

CHERRIES AT DUSK.

- WELL, THAT OUGHTA MAKE HER

JUMP ON A STUMP AND YELL "HEE-HAW!"

- ALL RIGHT, MISS SMARTY-PANTS,

I'LL BE GONE 15 MINUTES.

DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING,

DON'T DO ANYTHING, DON'T EVEN ANSWER THE PHONE.

- HELLO, HELLO,

HELLO, HELLO.

- YOU KNOW, CAROL,

I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR ENTHUSIASM,

BUT YOU MIGHT WANNA WAIT TILL THAT RINGS.

- NEXT.

- THIS IS POST 5. GO AHEAD, RED LEADER.

SHE'S ON HER WAY? WE HAVEN'T FINISHED HERE.

FINE, AND SHE CAN ONLY MEET THE STAFF WE'VE ALREADY CLEARED.

- NO! - WHO ARE YOU?

- UH, I'M UH... LAVERNE.

LAVERNE TODD. HOWDY, Y'ALL?

- I'M SORRY, MISS TODD. WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO CLEAR YOU.

- BUT I'M FROM ARKANSAS.

AND MY SECOND COUSIN MARY BETH USED TO DO HILLARY'S NAILS

BACK IN LITTLE ROCK.

AND-AND, WHOO, DOGGIE!

UH, UH...

ME AND HILLARY ARE CLOSER THAN--

THAN TWO BIG OLD BREEDIN' SOWS IN A, UH,

A BLOOMINGDALE'S DRESSING ROOM.

BY CRACKY.

- UH, I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT,

BUT MR. BRAXTON NEEDS YOU TO CALL HIM RIGHT AWAY, CAROL.

- CAROL? YOU SAID YOUR NAME WAS LAVERNE.

- WELL, NOW I DON'T RIGHTLY RECOLLECT WHAT I SAID.

- WHO ARE YOU? - WHO'S MR. BRAXTON?

- LET ME SEE YOUR ID. - NO!

- GET HER PURSE. - JUST--

- RED LEADER, WE GOT A CODE 3. CHECK THOSE ROOFTOPS AGAIN.

EAGLE ONE, TURN THE MOTORCADE ONTO ALTERNATE ROUTE "B".

- OKAY, OKAY.

I'M A REPORTER WITH THE DADE COUNTY CRIER.

IF YOU TOUCH ONE HAIR ON MY HEAD--

WHOA-OOH-OOH!

GUESS THAT'S MOOT NOW.

- GET HER OUT OF HERE. - DADDY!

- OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD.

I JUST SAW HER MOTORCADE.

I'VE GOTTA GET MY CAMERA.

- HEY! - CAN WE HELP YOU?

- I'M JUST GONNA GET MY CAMERA.

- WHO ARE YOU? - LAVERNE TODD.

MY COUSIN MARY BETH USED TO DO HILLARY'S NAILS

BACK IN ARKANSAS.

AND, BOY, HAVE I GOT A SURPRISE FOR HER.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

HEY, HEY!

- ALL UNITS, THIS IS POST 5. WE GOT ANOTHER ONE.

- HEY. I-- - LET'S GO.

- I AM AMERICAN, I HAVE MY RIGHTS.

- [mumbling] - OUCH!

- AND I WILL BITE.

- MAXINE, I FINALLY GOT SOME ANSWERS.

THEY TOOK CAROL AND LAVERNE TO THE POLICE STATION

TO INTERROGATE THEM.

- ARE THEY ALL RIGHT? - LAVERNE'S ALL RIGHT.

CAROL'S DEMANDING TO SEE ROBERT SHAPIRO.

I'LL GET BACK AS SOON AS I CAN.

- HEY! WAIT A MINUTE. WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

THE FIRST LADY WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

- MAXINE, YOU'LL DO FINE.

JUST, WHEN YOU GIVE YOUR SPEECH,

DON'T FORGET, LOOK INTO THE CAMERA.

- CAMERA? WHAT CAMERA?

I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA BE TALKING TO HILLARY.

- WELL, YOU WILL BE TALKING TO HILLARY,

BUT THERE'LL BE NEWS CAMERAS THERE

SO JUST BE SURE TO LOOK DIRECTLY INTO THE LENS.

OR WAS IT DON'T LOOK?

I DON'T KNOW. WHATEVER. YOU'LL BE FINE.

- NO. HEY! I DON'T DO CAMERAS.

- JUST-- JUST FORGET THEY'RE THERE.

- HOW? FIRST, YOU TELL ME TO LOOK AT THEM.

DON'T LOOK AT THEM. LOOK AT THEM.

DON'T LOOK AT THEM.

I HATE YOU, HARRY.

- MAXINE, RELAX. YOU'LL DO FINE.

JUST TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND GIVE THE SPEECH.

- [breathing heavily]

- YOU'RE NOT--YOU'RE NOT GIVING THE WELCOMING SPEECH?

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY, MAXINE.

I AM NOT DOING THE SPEECH.

I'M NOT PREPARED. AND YOU'RE...

YOU'RE GOING TO FAINT, AREN'T YOU?

EASY, EASY. ALL RIGHT, LIE RIGHT THERE.

JUST TAKE IT EASY.

I'M SURE YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT BY THE TIME--

- SHE'S HERE. - SHE'S HERE.

- I CAN'T TAKE IT. I TELL YOU, I'M GOING BATS.

I'M GOING BATS.

DO YOU HEAR ME OUT THERE?

I'M GOING BATS.

- SHUT UP, LADY!

- CAROL...

WE HAVE ONLY BEEN IN HERE FIVE MINUTES.

- WE HAVE A PROBLEM IN HERE?

- OH! YES, EXCUSE ME.

THERE'S BEEN A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.

- CAN'T YOU JUST SHOOT HER AND LET ME GO?

- I NEED TO GET OUT SO I CAN SEE THE FIRST LADY.

- YEAH, YOU AND HALF THE PEOPLE IN HERE.

THE SECRET SERVICE HAS BEEN BRINGING IN

LOONIES ALL DAY LONG.

- HI, CAROL. HI, LAVERNE.

- CHARLEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

- OH, I WAS ON MY WAY TO HILLARY'S HOTEL ROOM

WHEN THESE WELL-DRESSED GOONS JUMPED ME.

I GUESS THERE'S SOME LAW AGAINST

BRINGING THE FIRST LADY A GIFT BASKET OF BEER.

- COME ON, BUDDY. YOUR CELL'S THIS WAY.

- WAIT A MINUTE.

DON'T I GET A PHONE CALL FIRST?

- YEAH.

- AH, GOOD. WHO'S IT FROM?

- COME ON.

- LAVERNE...

GOT A SMOKE?

- YOU DON'T SMOKE.

- NO, NO.

TO BRIBE THE SCREWS.

IT'S LIKE MONEY IN HERE.

- CAROL...

GET OFF MY BENCH.

- THAT ONE'S ALL CRUSTY.

- THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO STAND

'CAUSE YOU AIN'T A-SITTIN' ON MY BENCH.

- YOU KNOW, LAVERNE,

I MUST SAY YOU DON'T MAKE A VERY CORDIAL CELLMATE.

- CORDIAL?

YOU WANT CORDIAL?

DAMN IT, CAROL.

YOU GOT ME HANDCUFFED, DRAGGED OUT OF MY CLINIC,

AND THROWED IN JAIL.

EXCUSE ME IF I DON'T INVITE YOU TO A TEA PARTY ON MY BENCH.

- LOOK, I WAS JUST DOING MY JOB.

- I WAS JUST DOING MY JOB TOO, YOU KNOW?

TRYIN' TO HELP SICK PEOPLE.

I GUESS YOUR JOB IS A WHOLE LOT MORE IMPORTANT THAN MINE.

- I NEVER SAID THAT.

- YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO.

YOU JUST STRUT AROUND LIKE A 12-POUND PULLET

WHAT JUST LAID A SPECKLED EGG.

- WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?

- DON'T PLAY DUMB WITH ME.

- HONESTLY, LAVERNE,

YOU'D HAVE TO BE DR. DOOLITTLE

TO UNDERSTAND THAT CORNPONE GIBBERISH.

- TAKE THAT BACK.

- NO.

- TAKE IT BACK!

- LEAVE ME ALONE. - AND IF I DON'T?

- I'LL-- I'LL SIT ON YOUR BENCH.

I'M SITTING HERE. - OH, BIG DEAL.

- I'M LAYING ON YOUR BENCH.

- OH, CAROL, KNOCK IT OFF.

- I'M DOING THE BACKSTROKE ON YOUR BENCH.

- YOU ARE PATHETIC.

- GET OFF MY BENCH. - OH, MAKE ME!

- MAKE YOU? MAKE YOU?

ALL RIGHT, SISTER. COME ON, COME ON. GET UP.

LET'S RUMBLE. - [laughing]

AIN'T THAT A HOOT?

- WHAT, AM I STANDING WRONG?

- I HAD NEVER SEEN YOU SO FIRED UP.

HELL, MAYBE I'S WRONG ABOUT YOU.

MAYBE YOU AIN'T JUST A PRISSY LITTLE DADDY'S GIRL.

YOU GOT GUMPTION.

- I GOT A PLETHORA OF GUMPTION.

- SIT DOWN HERE.

WE NEED TO HAVE A LITTLE TALK.

NOW, CAROL, WHAT YOU DID TODAY WAS WRONG.

YOU WAS RUDE, PUSHY AND OBNOXIOUS.

AND YOU WALKED ALL OVER ME JUST TO GET YOUR DAMN STORY.

- I KNOW.

I'M SORRY.

- WHICH PROBABLY MEANS

YOU'LL TURN OUT TO BE A HELL OF A REPORTER.

- REALLY? DO YOU THINK SO?

- IN MY HUMBLE OPINION, YES.

- OH, LAVERNE.

YOU KNOW, IT'S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY.

ONCE YOU MAKE A FRIEND IN THE CAN,

YOU GOT A FRIEND FOR LIFE.

- AIN'T "THE CAN" THE BATHROOM?

- CAROL, LAVERNE, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

- OH, DADDY. WE'RE MORE THAN ALL RIGHT.

WE'RE BEST FRIENDS NOW.

- WE'RE ALL RIGHT.

- ALL RIGHT. YOU JUST SIT TIGHT AND I'LL GET YOU OUT OF HERE.

- [Charley] WHAT ABOUT ME, HARRY?

- CHARLEY?

- YEAH.

- I'LL TAPE BAYWATCH FOR YOU.

- PRAISE THE LORD, WE'RE GETTIN' SPRUNG.

- YEAH, I STILL MISSED THE STORY OF A LIFETIME.

- OH, WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THAT STORY?

WRITE ABOUT ANYTHING.

WRITE ABOUT WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE IN PRISON.

- THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. - THERE YOU GO.

- WHO NEEDS HILLARY CLINTON?

I'LL WRITE ABOUT THE DREGS OF SOCIETY

WHO FIND THEMSELVES TRAPPED

WITHIN THESE WALLS OF CONFINEMENT

WE CALL THE "BIG HOUSE."

MA'AM, EXCUSE ME.

CAN YOU TELL ME THE PATHETIC STORY

OF YOUR WRETCHED LIFE?

- WELL, DARLING, IT ALL STARTED WHEN I WAS BORN.

YOU SEE, THE DOCTOR SLAPPED ME,

AND I SLAPPED HIM BACK.

- HILLARY THIS, HILLARY THAT.

LET'S SEE WHO DIED.

- SOPHIA, SOPHIA, GUESS WHAT.

I WAS IN JAIL.

WANNA SEE MY MUGSHOT?

- WELL, I GOT MY LOTTO NUMBERS FOR TOMORROW.

- CAROL, YOU'RE FREE.

DID THEY LET LAVERNE OUT TOO?

- YEAH. - DAMN.

- LOOK, DADDY, THERE YOU ARE.

- OH, NO, NO, NO.

- OH, YES, YES, YES.

HARRY, DON'T BE BASHFUL.

- AND SO I ASK,

HOW CAN WE CALL OURSELVES A CIVILIZED NATION

A JUST NATION, A MORAL NATION,

UNTIL EVERY CHILD, NO MATTER HOW POOR,

HAS ACCESS TO PROPER MEDICAL CARE.

MRS. CLINTON, I SAY THESE THINGS TO YOU

NOT JUST AS AN AFRICAN-AMERICAN...

BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY,

I'M--I'M NOT AN AFRICAN-AMERICAN.

BUT RATHER AS A DOCTOR

AND, PERHAPS MORE IMPORTANTLY,

AS A WOMAN.

- OH.

- DR. DOUGLAS? - YES.

- DOCTOR, WE'D LIKE YOU TO COME WITH US.

- WHY? WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?

- WELL, MRS. CLINTON REALLY LIKED YOUR SPEECH,

BUT SHE WAS LAUGHING SO HARD, SHE MISSED MOST OF IT.

- IS SHE OUT THERE NOW?

- NOT SO FAST, LAVERNE.

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