Original subtitles

[electricity buzzing]

- OH, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

WE'RE GONNA BLOW ANOTHER FUSE?

- YOU KNOW, JUST ONCE

I'D REALLY LIKE TO USE THE TOASTER OVEN

WITHOUT SHORTING OUT THE WHOLE EASTERN SEABOARD.

- THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

AN ELECTRICIAN WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE WEEKS AGO.

- WELL, I CALLED THE MANAGEMENT COMPANY AGAIN,

BUT ALL THEY DO IS PUT ME ON HOLD.

IF I HAVE TO LISTEN TO THE RAY CONNIFF SINGERS

DOING HANG ON SLOOPY ONE MORE TIME...

- WELL, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

I'M GOING DOWN THERE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.

AND I'M GONNA GET SOME ACTION.

- YOU GIVE 'EM HELL, DOCTOR.

AND YOU TELL THEM WE WANT NEW PAINT,

NEW PLUMBIN', NEW ELECTRICAL

AND PATIO FURNITURE.

- PATIO FURNITURE?

- FIRST RULE OF NEGOTIATIONS, DOCTOR.

ALWAYS ASK FOR MORE THAN WHAT YOU WANT.

- FINE. AND WHAT IF ALL THEY GIVE US IS PATIO FURNITURE?

- SUMMER'S COMIN'.

- LIFE GOES ON, AND SO DO WE

- OH, CAROL. I GOT A RIDDLE FOR YOU.

IT TAKES ME 28 STEPS TO GET TO THE ELEVATOR,

BUT IT ONLY TAKES MY ROOMMATE 14. WHY?

- I DON'T KNOW.

- SHE ONLY HAS ONE LEG.

[laughing]

I'VE GOT A BETTER ONE.

I FELL DOWN 17 STEPS,

BUT OLD LADY HUDSON ONLY FELL DOWN 3. WHY?

- I HAVE NO IDEA.

- IT WAS A DIFFERENT BUILDING.

[laughing]

HEY, SOURPUSS, WHERE'S YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR?

- I'M SORRY, SOPHIA,

IT'S JUST THAT SCOTTY KEPT ME UP ALL NIGHT.

I'M AFRAID MY LITTLE OEDIPAL ONE IS TRYING TO AGE ME

SO THAT NO OTHER MAN WILL WANT ME.

- IT'S WORKING.

- HEY, LOOK AT THIS.

THE BABY WAGON IS HAVING A "GET A" SALE.

OH, ISN'T THIS CLEVER?

BUY A PACIFIER, GET A RATTLE.

BUY A BLANKET, GET A BIB.

- BUY A CLUE, GET A LIFE.

YOU NEED SOME TIME AWAY FROM THAT BABY.

GO OUT. GET YOUR HAIR DONE.

- GET MY HAIR DONE?

SOPHIA, I--I HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES.

I CAN'T JUST DROP EVERYTHING AT THE SPUR OF THE MOMENT

TO SATISFY SOME PETTY VANITY.

WHY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY HAIR?

- CAROL, YOU GOTTA LIGHTEN UP.

- REALLY? DO YOU THINK?

- I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU AND YOUR KID.

- BUT, SOPHIA, THAT WOULD MEAN GETTING A--A BABYSITTER.

I'VE NEVER LEFT SCOTTY WITH A STRANGER BEFORE.

- YOU'RE EXACTLY LIKE MY COUSIN MONA.

FROM THE MINUTE LITTLE ALPHONSO WAS BORN,

SHE WAS OBSESSED.

SHE STAYED WITH HIM NIGHT AND DAY.

ALMOST RUINED HIS HONEYMOON.

- BYE-BYE, NOELLE. THANK YOU.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE A BUNCH OF KIDS IN AN AMUSEMENT PARK

WOULD JUST ATTACK ME LIKE THAT.

- WELL, MAYBE NEXT TIME YOU WON'T TRY CUTTIN' LINE

AT MR. TIPPY'S TEACUP RIDE.

- YOU WOULDN'T EXPECT A FOUR-YEAR-OLD

COULD PACK SUCH A PUNCH.

- OKAY, MR. HACKLER, TIME FOR THE USUAL QUESTIONS.

ARE YOU COVERED BY BLUE CROSS, BLUE SHIELD, HMO, PPO,

MASTERCARD, VISA OR DISCOVER?

- YOU KNOW, I LOVE IT THE WAY YOUR MOUTH PUCKERS

WHEN YOU SAY "PPO".

- I'LL TAKE THAT AS A NO.

PLEASE SIGN THE PINK FORM. - YOU GOT A PEN?

- WHY DON'T YOU USE THE ONE YOU STOLE WHEN YOU SIGNED IN?

- YOU KNOW, IT SKIPS A LITTLE.

- WAS THE OPERATION A SUCCESS, DOCTOR?

- YES, I REMOVED THE OBSTRUCTION

AND CIRCULATION HAS BEEN RESTORED.

THE SINK IS RESTING COMFORTABLY.

- MORNING.

- OH. HARRY, HOW DID IT GO DOWN AT THE MANAGEMENT COMPANY?

ARE WE GONNA GET THE THINGS WE NEED OR NOT?

- WELL, I-- - DID YOU KICK BUTT?

- I WAS DEALING WITH AN 85-YEAR-OLD WOMAN.

I MEAN, SHE REMINDED ME

OF MY FIRST GRADE TEACHER, MRS. McDIVETT.

I WAS HER FAVORITE.

- BUT YOU DID TELL HER HOW UPSET WE ARE.

- OH, WELL, I TOLD HER WE WERE PERTURBED.

- PERTURBED? JEEZ, HARRY, SUCH LANGUAGE!

DID SHE WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP?

- NO, SHE GAVE ME TEA WITH HONEY IN IT.

AND A--AND A--AND A COOKIE.

- SO YOU COME AWAY WITH SQUAT?

- NO, LAVERNE.

HE COME AWAY WITH SQUAT AND A COOKIE.

- WELL THEN WHY DID YOU SEND ME?

I DON'T SEE YOU GOING DOWN THERE.

- WELL, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT.

I'M A DOCTOR. - WHOA, WHOA. I'M A DOCTOR.

- WELL, I'VE GOT PAPERWORK TO DO.

- I DO YOUR PAPERWORK.

- WELL, I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE.

I CAN'T NEGOTIATE.

I'M NOTHING BUT A BIG OL' CREAMPUFF.

- YOU'RE A WHAT?

- WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HAGGLE.

YOU KNOW MY '84 PINTO?

I STILL GOT A YEAR LEFT ON THE LEASE.

- OKAY, DOCTORS.

I CAN SEE IT'S TIME FOR ME TO TAKE OVER FROM HERE.

- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. NO, LAVERNE.

LOOK, I CAN GO BACK THERE AGAIN.

- DR. DOUGLAS, IT'S YOUR CHOICE.

WHO WOULD YOU WANT BATTLIN' AT THE HILLS OF OUR LANDLORD?

LAVERNE "THE PITBULL" TODD

OR HARRY "SQUAT" WESTON?

- LAVERNE, KILL.

- GOOD MORNING, DEAR. - HI, DADDY.

DADDY, I'VE DECIDED TO TAKE SOPHIA'S ADVICE

AND SPEND A DAY AWAY FROM THE BABY.

- GREAT. YEAH. GO OUT.

SEE A MOVIE. DO SOME SHOPPING. GET YOUR HAIR DONE.

- WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY HAIR?

- NOTHING. I JUST MEAN IT WAS A CHANCE FOR YOU

TO GO OUT AND DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF.

- YOU KNOW? THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT OCCURRED TO ME TODAY

WHEN I WAS TAPE-RECORDING MYSELF

READING EXCERPTS FROM MY DIARY.

I THOUGHT, "IT'S TIME TO START THINKING

ABOUT CAROL FOR A CHANGE."

- YEAH, IT'S ABOUT TIME.

- DADDY, I NEED YOU TO LOOK AT THIS.

IT'S THE SITTER APPLICATION THAT I LEFT AT THE AGENCY.

- LET'S SEE HERE. "DO YOU LIKE CHILDREN?

"HAVE YOU WORKED AS A BABYSITTER BEFORE?

"CAN YOU FIND WALDO IN THIS HAPPY-WACKY JUNGLE?"

THIS IS A BIT MUCH, CAROL. YOU SHOULDN'T EXPECT--

AH! THERE'S WALDO, WITH THE RED AND WHITE HAT.

- NO, DADDY. THAT'S THE MONKEY.

- THEN WHY IS IT WEARING WALDO'S HAT?

- HEY, CAROL. WHAT YOU DOING?

- I'M LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO TAKE CARE OF THE BABY.

- HA. I KNEW YOU'D GET BORED WITH THIS WHOLE BABY THING.

- CHARLEY, I'M INTERVIEWING BABYSITTERS.

- BABYSITTERS?

WHAT DO YOU NEED A BABYSITTER FOR WHEN YOU GOT ME?

- YOU? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT BABIES EAT.

- I DO SO.

BABIES EAT BABY--

KIBBLE.

- BABY KIBBLE?

- BABY SEED? [doorbell rings]

- OOH, THERE'S MY FIRST INTERVIEW.

- I REMEMBER THE BABYSITTER I HAD WHEN I WAS 18.

- YOU HAD A BABYSITTER WHEN YOU WERE 18?

- I HAD A BABYSITTER, I HAD A CHEERLEADER,

I HAD A CARHOP.

I HAD PARENTS ON VACATION.

- HELLO, MRS. GRIFFIN. I'M CAROL WESTON.

- SO NICE TO MEET YOU, CAROL. - PLEASE COME IN.

FOLLOW ME. I'VE JUST BEEN GOING OVER YOUR APPLICATION.

I MUST SAY I AM MOST IMPRESSED WITH YOUR CREDENTIALS.

NOT TO MENTION THAT YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE

WHO SPOTTED WALDO AMONG THE PAPAYAS.

[knocking on the door]

- HI. I'M HERE ABOUT THE BABYSITTING JOB.

- YEAH.

RIGHT.

AH, THE NEWSPAPER MADE A MISTAKE.

YOU WANT THE HOUSE NEXT DOOR.

- OH. THANKS. - YOU'RE WELCOME.

- BYE. - BYE-BYE.

- MY QUEST FOR THE PERFECT SITTER

MAY WELL BE OVER.

DID YOU GET A GOOD LOOK AT THAT MAN?

- I THINK SO. - GOOD.

NEVER LET HIM IN THE HOUSE.

- YOU MEAN I'M HIRED? - YOU'RE PERFECT.

- OH, CAROL. YOU WON'T BE DISAPPOINTED.

I CAN START RIGHT AWAY.

- [shrieking]

GET OUT! GET OUT!

- HEY.

LET ME TRY THAT.

[electricity buzzing]

HA, HA.

COOL.

- HEY, THAT'S MY ONLY PENCIL SHARPENER.

- UH, STOP PLAYING WITH THAT, STEWART.

I'LL BE WITH YOU IN A MINUTE.

SO, HOW'D IT GO?

- LIKE I ALWAYS SAY,

NEVER SEND A DOCTOR TO DO A NURSE'S JOB.

OUR LANDLORD'S GONNA MEET US HERE ANY MINUTE.

- HEY, NICE GOING, LAVERNE.

DID YOU KICK BUTT?

- THAT WASN'T NECESSARY, DOCTOR.

THAT SWEET OL' WOMAN WARMED UP RIGHT AWAY

WHEN SHE FOUND OUT WE WERE FROM THE SAME HOMETOWN.

GOOSE HARBOR, MAINE.

- YOU TOLD HER YOU WERE FROM MAINE?

- [New England accent] EH, YA, I'M FROM DERE.

NOW, BEFORE THAT BOZO GETS HERE,

LET'S GET OUR DEMANDS STRAIGHT.

WE WANT TO PRESENT A UNITED FRONT TO THAT BUM.

WE WANT ALL NEW PLUMBIN'.

- MAKE IT COPPER.

- ALL NEW WIRIN' AND AIR-CONDITIONIN'.

- MAKE IT CENTRAL.

- FIX THE ROOF AND A NEW PAINT JOB.

- MAKE IT AZTEC WHITE.

HEY, LOOK AT ME. I'M NEGOTIATIN'.

- AIN'T YOU FORGETTIN' ONE LITTLE THING, DOCTOR.

- WHAT? - PATIO FURNITURE.

- LANDLORD TROUBLE, AH? - YEAH. BUT NOT FOR LONG.

WE GOIN' STRAIGHTEN OUT THAT EGG-SUCKIN' SLUM LORD.

- THAT'D BE ME.

ALTHOUGH I PREFER THE TERM

"EGG-SUCKING LOW INCOME HOUSING ENTREPRENEUR".

- WHAT?

- YOU OWN THIS BUILDING?

- YEAH. YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

- YES, WE HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT.

WE WANT A WHOLE NEW PLUMBING. COPPER.

- ABSOLUTELY NOT.

- OKAY.

- BOY, YOU ARE BAD AT THIS.

LOOK HACKLER, THAT'S NOT ALL WE WANT.

- SAVE YOUR BREATH. I HEARD YOUR DEMANDS, AND

I'M WILLING TO COMPROMISE. - GOOD.

- YOU CAN HAVE MY OLD PATIO FURNITURE HALF PRICE.

- YOU EVER HEARD THE WORD "RENT STRIKE"?

- THAT'S TWO WORDS. - NOT WHERE I COME FROM.

AND IF THINGS AROUND HERE DON'T CHANGE,

YOU AIN'T GON' SEE A PENNY A RENT,

AND THEY AIN'T A THING IN THE WORLD

YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

NOW GET!

AND THAT, DOCTOR, IS HOW YOU HANDLE A LANDLORD.

OH, MY LORD, HE'S LOCKED US OUT.

- SO, THAT'S HOW YOU HANDLE A LANDLORD,

EH, LAVERNE?

- DID YOU REACH THE LAWYER?

- SHE'S TALKIN' TO THE LAWYER NOW.

SHE'S DOIN' REAL GOOD. I COACHED HER.

- BUT WE CAN FIGHT THE EVICTION.

GOOD.

UH-HUH. UH-HUH.

A $25,000 RETAINER?

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

WELL, IF IT'S STANDARD--

- GIVE ME THAT.

- I'LL HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK LATER.

- ALL RIGHT. IT SOUNDS LIKE WE CAN FIGHT THE EVICTION.

- OH, YEAH. WE GOT A REAL SOLID CASE.

- GREAT. WHEN DO WE GO TO COURT?

- THREE YEARS FROM MONDAY.

- ALL RIGHT. LOOK, MAYBE I SHOULD TALK TO HACKLER.

- AH, I'LL HANDLE IT.

WE'RE GONNA GET BACK IN THAT CLINIC

IF I HAVE TO GET ON MY KNEES AND BEG.

- AND WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT?

WE'VE GOT HIM RIGHT WHERE WE WANT HIM.

EVERYTHING IS GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN.

I GOT HIS RESPECT, AND I GOT HIS ATTENTION.

- YOU GOT US EVICTED.

- STEP ONE.

- WHAT'S STEP TWO? HE RUNS US DOWN WITH A TRUCK?

- AIN'T YOU PEOPLE EVER PLAYED CHICKEN POKER?

- NO.

- FIRST THING YOU DO IS GET YOURSELF 52 CHICKENS.

- LAVERNE, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS.

- THE POINT IS YOU GOTTA KNOW THE HAND YOU'RE PLAYIN'.

YOU THINK IT'S SO EASY TO RENT A PLACE IN THAT NEIGHBORHOOD?

EVERY DAY THE CLINIC SITS EMPTY.

IT'S MONEY OUT OF HIS POCKET.

- MAXINE, SHE'S-- SHE'S GOT A POINT.

- WELL, AS THEY SAY IN CHICKEN POKER,

"YOU GOTTA KNOW WHEN TO HOLD 'EM,

KNOW WHEN TO CHOP OFF THEIR HEADS AND EAT 'EM."

- YOU HAVE PLAYED.

- WELL, OKAY. THAT SHOULD DO IT.

DID I MENTION THAT THERE ARE TWO PRE-PREPARED BOTTLES

IN THE FRIDGE? - THREE TIMES.

- DID I SHOW YOU WHERE THE ALARM IS?

- FOUR TIMES.

- DID I SHOW YOU THE FIRST-AID KIT?

- YES, YOU POINTED THAT OUT DURING THE FIRE DRILL.

- YOU'RE RIGHT. OH, MY GOD!

I FORGOT TO SHOW YOU HOW TO WORK THE PHONE.

- OH, NO, NO, I--I KNOW HOW TO WORK A PHONE.

MY UNCLE HAS ONE. [laughing]

YOU KNOW, YOU--YOU SHOULD HURRY ALONG, MISS WESTON.

YOU DON'T WANNA MISS THAT HAIR APPOINTMENT.

- WHAT IS IT WITH MY HAIR?

DID I MENTION THAT WEDNESDAY'S SCOTTY'S SMASHED BANANA DAY?

- TODAY IS TUESDAY.

- IN CASE I'M LATE.

- DON'T WORRY ABOUT A THING.

REALLY, I'VE DONE THIS A THOUSAND TIMES.

YOU JUST PUT ALL THOSE CONCERNS OUT OF YOUR MIND.

- YOU'RE RIGHT, DANIELLE.

A-AND I HAVE EVERY CONFIDENCE IN YOU.

BYE-BYE. - BYE.

- I'M SORRY, DANIELLE. YOU'RE JUST NOT WORKING OUT.

- YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK, MISS WESTON?

I THINK THIS IS THE FIRST TIME

YOU'VE LEFT YOUR BABY ALONE WITH A STRANGER

AND YOU'RE JUST THE TEENSIEST BIT ANXIOUS.

- YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT.

IT'S CLASSIC SEPARATION ANXIETY.

I'M A CLICHE.

- CAROL.

CAROL.

OH.

YOU JUST-- YOU HAVE TO LET GO.

- GOOD-BYE, SCOTTY.

I LOVE YOU.

I'LL MISS YOU.

I'LL BE BACK AROUND 4:00!

- HELLO, MR. HACKLER. - LAVERNE.

- MAY I HAVE A WORD WITH YOU?

- OH, I GUESS. COME ON IN.

- YOU LIVE HERE? - YEAH.

KIND OF COZY, HUH?

- YOU LIVE HERE? - OH, YEAH.

I OWN THE BUILDING. JUST GOT FINISHED REDECORATING.

- UH, LOOK, MR. HACKLER, I THINK YOU KNOW WHY I'M HERE.

- YEAH, WELL, I CAN GUESS.

- YOU'VE GOT SOMETHIN' I WANT.

I'VE GOT SOMETHIN' YOU WANT.

- OH.

WELL, IF YOU PUT IT THAT WAY, IT SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.

- GOOD. NOW THAT WE BOTH KNOW WHAT WE'RE TALKIN' ABOUT,

LET'S JUST GET STARTED.

- I LIKE YOUR SPIRIT.

WHY DON'T WE JUST SIT DOWN OVER HERE?

CAREFUL. THERE'S A LOOSE SPRING IN THERE SOMEWHERE.

- LOOK, MR. HACKLER. OH!

- THAT TAKES CARE OF FOREPLAY.

COME ON. SIT DOWN AND SAY IT FOR ME.

- SAY WHAT?

- PPO.

- PPO? - OH, NO.

THE WAY I LIKE IT. YOU KNOW, SLOWER, SOFTER.

POUTY.

- PPO.

- OH, YEAH.

- WHY ARE YOU ACTIN' SO ICKY?

- BABY, YOU--YOU GOTTA RELAX.

LOOK... YOU WANNA BUY A DRINK?

- LOOK, MR. HACKLER, LET'S JUST GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.

NOW, YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF

AN EMPTY STORE IN A BAD NEIGHBORHOOD.

IF WE'RE NOT IN THERE,

WHO YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA RENT IT TO?

- NUTS-4-LESS.

- NUTS-4-LESS? YOU'RE A-BLUFFIN'.

- OH, YEAH?

WELL, HERE'S MY BLUFFING LEASE.

YOU KNOW, YOU PLAYED RIGHT INTO MY HANDS.

I GUESS YOU NEVER HEARD OF A LITTLE GAME CALLED

CHICKEN POKER.

- HEY, MY BOY!

HI, SOPHIA. - HI, HARRY.

- WHERE'S SCOTTY? - OUT WITH THE SITTER.

- OH, GREAT! CAROL FINALLY GOT OUT OF THE HOUSE.

I'M REALLY PROUD OF HER.

- YEAH, YEAH, IT'S THE TALK OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

ANYWAY, OLD LADY HUDSON FELL DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.

- SOPHIA, YOU--YOU ALREADY TOLD ME THAT ONE.

- OKAY. OLD LADY MURPHY FELL DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.

- AND?

- SHE DIED.

- I-I DON'T GET IT.

- THE WOMAN DIED.

DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE A JOKE TO YOU, HARRY?

- SO-SOPHIA, I'M SORRY.

DEAR, REALLY, I DIDN'T KNOW.

I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND.

- GOTCHA. - OH.

- [laughing]

I'M IRREPRESSIBLE. - YEAH.

- HI, DADDY. - HEY.

- SO...WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY HAIR?

- OOH, IT'S VERY, VERY THE SAME.

- WELL, EXACTLY, DADDY.

A GOOD HAIRCUT DOESN'T SCREAM, "HEY, LOOK AT ME."

IT WHISPERS, "WHAT'S DIFFERENT?"

- THE IMPORTANT THE THING IS THAT YOU GOT OUT.

WHERE'D YOU GO?

- FIRST TO JOHAN'S FOR THE HAIRCUT,

THEN TO THE BOOKSTORE, THEN TO CHEZ CHERIE FOR LUNCH.

- OH.

- OH, THERE'S MY SCOTTY!

MY LITTLE BABY SCOTTY.

DADDY, THIS IS DANIELLE.

- HI, DANIELLE, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

SO WHERE DID YOU AND MY GRANDSON GO TODAY?

- FIRST TO JOHAN'S FOR THE HAIRCUT,

THEN TO THE BOOKSTORE,

AND THEN TO CHEZ CHERIE FOR LUNCH.

- CAROL, I THOUGHT THE IDEA WAS TO SPEND

SOME TIME AWAY FROM THE BABY.

- WELL, YES, DADDY,

BUT ONE HAS TO TAKE THESE THINGS SLOWLY.

I WENT TO THE BATHROOM BY MYSELF.

- WE DIDN'T GO INTO THE STALL.

- WELL, I'M GONNA GO UPSTAIRS AND CHANGE.

- OKAY.

YEAH. LOOK AT YOU.

- WELL, IT'S OVER, HARRY.

FIVE YEARS OF MY HEART AND SOUL INTO THIS PLACE.

ALL THE HARD WORK.

I MUST HAVE SEEN 30,000 PATIENTS.

TAKEN 11,000 BLOOD SAMPLES,

LOOKED AT 4,000 X-RAYS.

- OKAY, SWEETIE, COME ON, LET IT OUT.

- MY GOD, IT'S OVER.

I'M FINALLY FREE.

- THEY LAW!

THEY LAW, THEY LAW!

- HARRY, I THINK SHE'S TRYING TO TELL US SOMETHING.

- WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS?

- AH, PAY NO ATTENTION TO THEM. THEY'RE FINISHED.

NOW WE'RE GONNA REDO THE ENTIRE BUILDING

WITH COPPER PLUMBING.

- YEAH, THAT AIN'T ALL YOU'RE DOIN'.

NEW PAINT AND NEW ROOF.

- AS A MATTER OF FACT, I AM, BUT WHAT'S THAT TO YOU?

- PLENTY. WE'RE GON' BE STAYIN' RIGHT HERE.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- OH, ALLOW ME TO READ FROM YOUR FILE.

HMM, LET'S SEE.

"NO DOLLARS NO CENTS IS THE AMOUNT I AM ABLE TO PAY

"FOR SERVICES RENDERED.

"I, VERNON HACKLER, HEREBY ATTEST TO THIS

UNDER PENALTY OF PERJURY."

- WOULD YOU SAY "PENALTY OF PERJURY" AGAIN?

- DOCTORS, MR. HACKLER HAS USED THE PINK FORM

AT THIS CLINIC SINCE 1990.

- WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

- HERE. LET ME SEE IT.

- BIG DEAL.

EVERYBODY SIGNS A PINK FORM.

- NOT EVERYBODY OWNS PROPERTY ALL OVER FLORIDA.

- WELL, IT'S THE TIME TO PAY THE PIPER, MR. HACKLER,

AND YOU BETTER BRING CASH.

- 'CAUSE THE PIPER DON'T TAKE PINK FORMS

AND HE DON'T TAKE AMERICAN EXPRESS.

- WELL, YOU'RE NEVER GONNA MAKE IT STICK.

NOBODY GETS THE BEST OF VERNON HACKLER.

HEY, HEY, I SAID SKIP THE UNDERCOAT, SKIP IT!

- HEY, HEY, HEY! YOU AIN'T SKIPPIN' NOTHIN'.

- GOD, WHAT A PLEASURE

TO FINALLY DRINK A HOT CUP OF COFFEE

WITH THE LIGHTS ON.

- YEAH, AIN'T IT'S AMAZING WHAT THE WORDS

"10 TO 20" WILL DO TO A FELLOW.

- HEY, YOU WITH THE PUTTY KNIFE,

YOU THINK SPACKLE GROWS ON TREES?

- AHEM!

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, SPACKLE GROWS ON TREES.

- AND THAT, DR. DOUGLAS,

IS HOW CHICKEN POKER IS PLAYED.

- GOD, LAVERNE'S AMAZING.

SHE NOT ONLY GOT US NEW WIRING, AIR-CONDITIONING,

PLUMBING, A NEW PAINT JOB,

SHE GOT US SIX MONTHS FREE RENT.

- THAT'S NOT ALL.

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