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1
00:00:01,594 --> 00:00:04,662
- [whining]
2
00:00:04,697 --> 00:00:06,380
- IS THAT THE BABY?
3
00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:10,801
- MOMMY, I HAVE DIAPER RASH.
4
00:00:15,308 --> 00:00:17,975
[laughs]
GOTCHA!
5
00:00:18,011 --> 00:00:21,750
- DADDY, WILL YOU STOP FOOLING
AROUND WITH THE BABY MONITOR?
6
00:00:21,881 --> 00:00:24,498
HE THINKS HE'S FUNNY.
HE IS NOT FUNNY.
7
00:00:24,545 --> 00:00:26,022
- PRETTY FUNNY, HUH?
8
00:00:26,225 --> 00:00:28,861
- SO FUNNY I'M GETTING
LAUGH LINES.
9
00:00:29,822 --> 00:00:31,322
- WHAT IS--WHAT IS THIS?
10
00:00:31,357 --> 00:00:33,949
- I'M CHARTING THE BEST ROUTE
FOR OUR TRIP THIS WEEKEND.
11
00:00:34,416 --> 00:00:35,682
- HONEY,
YOU'RE ALL OVER THE MAP.
12
00:00:35,717 --> 00:00:37,117
YOUR AUNT SHIRLEY
LIVES IN ORLANDO.
13
00:00:37,159 --> 00:00:38,392
IT'S STRAIGHT UP
THE TURNPIKE.
14
00:00:38,447 --> 00:00:41,976
- OH, NO! I WILL NOT HAVE MY
SON BREATHING HIGHWAY FUMES.
15
00:00:44,048 --> 00:00:45,757
- OKAY, WE'LL TAKE
THE OCEAN ROUTE.
16
00:00:45,792 --> 00:00:47,625
- AND DRIVE BY
THAT NUCLEAR REACTOR?
17
00:00:47,665 --> 00:00:48,737
NO.
18
00:00:50,096 --> 00:00:52,296
- FINE,
THEN WE'LL TAKE ROUTE 27.
19
00:00:52,327 --> 00:00:54,566
- ORANGE GROVES. I WILL NOT
HAVE SCOTTY WITNESSING
20
00:00:54,601 --> 00:00:56,668
THE PLIGHT
OF THE MIGRANT WORKER.
21
00:01:00,129 --> 00:01:01,647
- CAROL, I HAVE AN IDEA.
22
00:01:02,027 --> 00:01:05,701
LET'S JUST PACK HIM IN STYROFOAM
AND SHIP HIM PARCEL POST.
23
00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:14,341
-
LIFE GOES ON, AND SO DO WE
24
00:02:09,615 --> 00:02:11,615
- MAXINE, MAXINE...
25
00:02:11,650 --> 00:02:14,519
THIS IS AN HISTORIC
OCCASION.
26
00:02:15,287 --> 00:02:17,420
WRITE DOWN THE DATE,
THE TIME, THE PLACE,
27
00:02:17,456 --> 00:02:19,489
SEAL IT, PUT IT IN A SAFE.
28
00:02:19,525 --> 00:02:20,991
LAVERNE TODD...
29
00:02:21,026 --> 00:02:22,515
IS LATE.
30
00:02:24,327 --> 00:02:26,108
- NO, SHE ISN'T.
31
00:02:26,147 --> 00:02:27,579
I TOLD HER
SHE COULD SLEEP IN.
32
00:02:31,993 --> 00:02:33,409
- SO CLOSE.
33
00:02:33,659 --> 00:02:35,359
- SHE HASN'T BEEN
GETTIN' MUCH SHUT-EYE
34
00:02:35,394 --> 00:02:37,294
SINCE SHE STARTED FILLIN' IN
FOR HER FRIEND
35
00:02:37,337 --> 00:02:38,636
AT SOPHIA'S RETIREMENT HOME.
36
00:02:38,946 --> 00:02:41,595
- OY VEY! THE TRAFFIC
I HAD TO SCHLEP THROUGH!
37
00:02:41,635 --> 00:02:43,518
WHAT A PAIN IN MY TOKUS!
38
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,271
I WAS SPEAKIN' THAT YIDDISH
AGAIN, WASN'T I?
39
00:02:49,063 --> 00:02:50,359
- LIKE A MAVEN.
40
00:02:51,177 --> 00:02:52,817
- THAT'S WHAT I GET
FOR STAYIN' UP ALL NIGHT
41
00:02:52,849 --> 00:02:55,164
A-KIBITZIN'
WITH MRS. GOLDFARB.
42
00:02:56,193 --> 00:02:58,049
- SO, UH, HOW'S SOPHIA DOING?
43
00:02:58,084 --> 00:03:00,073
- OH, DOCTOR,
AIN'T YOU HEARD?
44
00:03:00,207 --> 00:03:02,033
SOPHIA'S A-GOIN' STEADY.
45
00:03:02,073 --> 00:03:04,009
- [gasping]
A-GOIN' STEADY?
46
00:03:04,228 --> 00:03:06,028
YOU MEAN, LIKE "PINNED"?
47
00:03:07,166 --> 00:03:08,322
- KINDA.
48
00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:11,350
MR. PLOTKIN GAVE HER HIS
MEDIC ALERT BRACELET.
49
00:03:15,610 --> 00:03:17,498
- HOW--HOW SWEET.
50
00:03:17,547 --> 00:03:19,967
IT'S MEDICALLY UNWISE,
BUT SWEET.
51
00:03:20,717 --> 00:03:22,951
- SWEET?
IT'S DOWNRIGHT ROMANTIC.
52
00:03:22,984 --> 00:03:25,220
I MEAN, YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN
THOSE TWO LITTLE LOVEBIRDS
53
00:03:25,259 --> 00:03:27,235
A-CURLED UP
ON THEIR HEATIN' PAD.
54
00:03:32,727 --> 00:03:35,728
[swing music playing]
55
00:03:40,618 --> 00:03:43,951
-
YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO YOUNG
56
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:53,333
- CARE TO DANCE?
57
00:03:53,368 --> 00:03:55,367
- I'D LOVE TO.
58
00:03:55,503 --> 00:03:56,936
-
BELLS TO BE RUNG
59
00:04:05,146 --> 00:04:06,479
- I TELL YA...
60
00:04:06,514 --> 00:04:09,712
FOR A MAN WITH AN ARTIFICIAL
HIP, YOU CAN REALLY SWING.
61
00:04:11,020 --> 00:04:14,387
-
'CAUSE YOU MAKE ME FEEL
62
00:04:17,971 --> 00:04:21,539
[applauding]
63
00:04:25,675 --> 00:04:26,975
- HEY, VIVIAN,
YOU TAKE REQUESTS?
64
00:04:27,018 --> 00:04:28,084
- SURE, SOPHIA.
65
00:04:28,127 --> 00:04:29,602
- GO TO BED.
66
00:04:31,406 --> 00:04:34,257
- WELL, UH,
I BETTER GET BACK UPSTAIRS,
67
00:04:34,304 --> 00:04:37,443
I--I LIKE TO WATCH
THE 11:00 NEWS.
68
00:04:37,479 --> 00:04:39,479
- BUT IT'S ONLY 8:30.
69
00:04:39,514 --> 00:04:41,981
- IF I HURRY,
I CAN JUST MAKE IT.
70
00:04:45,687 --> 00:04:46,919
- NATHAN, THAT'S SOME JACKET.
71
00:04:46,963 --> 00:04:48,863
DID ANYONE EVER TELL YOU
YOU'RE A SNAPPY DRESSER?
72
00:04:48,898 --> 00:04:50,264
- MANY TIMES.
73
00:04:50,299 --> 00:04:51,819
- THEY WERE LYING.
74
00:04:53,812 --> 00:04:56,348
- I'M GONNA TICKLE YOU.
75
00:04:56,387 --> 00:04:58,646
- I'M GONNA LET YOU.
76
00:04:59,509 --> 00:05:02,787
- YOU ALL GO TOGETHER
LIKE SPAGHETTI AND MATZAH BALLS.
77
00:05:02,829 --> 00:05:06,505
- SO, FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE,
HOW'S THE BEDPAN BUSINESS?
78
00:05:06,941 --> 00:05:08,107
- I GOT MY HANDS FULL.
79
00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:10,710
- [chuckles]
80
00:05:11,058 --> 00:05:14,046
- HEY, MATZAH BALLS,
HOW 'BOUT GETTING US SOME PUNCH?
81
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:16,248
- OKAY, AND, UH...
82
00:05:16,284 --> 00:05:18,817
FEEL FREE
TO TALK ABOUT ME WHEN I'M GONE.
83
00:05:19,153 --> 00:05:20,973
- DREAM ON, FABIO.
84
00:05:23,858 --> 00:05:25,010
SO...
85
00:05:25,051 --> 00:05:26,632
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
QUITE A CATCH, HUH?
86
00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:28,427
- OH, HE'S A KEEPER FOR SURE.
87
00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:30,078
DO Y'ALL THINK
YOU'LL GET MARRIED?
88
00:05:30,114 --> 00:05:33,673
- NAH, I DON'T THINK SO.
I'M CATHOLIC, HE'S JEWISH.
89
00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:34,986
- SO? WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
90
00:05:35,022 --> 00:05:37,363
- IT WOULD KILL HIS MOTHER.
91
00:05:45,561 --> 00:05:47,945
- CAROL, WHAT IS--
WHAT'S ALL THIS?
92
00:05:47,974 --> 00:05:50,889
- JUST A FEW PROVISIONS
FOR SCOTTY'S FIRST ROAD TRIP.
93
00:05:53,767 --> 00:05:55,633
- HONEY, WE'LL NEVER FIT
ALL THIS IN THE CAR.
94
00:05:55,669 --> 00:05:57,567
- WELL, I THOUGHT
WE'D TAKE TWO CARS.
95
00:06:00,163 --> 00:06:01,296
- TWO CARS?
96
00:06:01,347 --> 00:06:02,940
- YOU WILL DRIVE
THE ESCORT VEHICLE,
97
00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:05,162
CREATING A ZONE OF SAFETY,
98
00:06:05,879 --> 00:06:07,946
AND I WILL FOLLOW--
- NO, CAROL. NO.
99
00:06:07,981 --> 00:06:10,148
ONE CAR, AND ONE CAR ONLY.
100
00:06:10,395 --> 00:06:12,417
- FINE, BUT I WANNA LEAVE
FOR ORLANDO AT 4:00 AM.
101
00:06:12,452 --> 00:06:14,557
FRIDAY'S A VERY BIG TRAVEL DAY.
102
00:06:16,123 --> 00:06:18,469
- SO, GUYS GOING
OUT OF TOWN, HUH?
103
00:06:18,943 --> 00:06:20,151
- NO.
104
00:06:22,209 --> 00:06:24,402
- BUT YOU JUST SAID
YOU'RE GOING ON A TRIP.
105
00:06:24,931 --> 00:06:26,454
- I DON'T RECALL THAT.
106
00:06:27,465 --> 00:06:29,334
- JUST NOW. TO YOUR DAD.
107
00:06:29,369 --> 00:06:31,147
- MY DADDY'S NOT HERE.
108
00:06:32,201 --> 00:06:33,717
- SO WHAT? AM I DREAMING?
109
00:06:34,145 --> 00:06:35,363
- OKAY.
110
00:06:36,949 --> 00:06:38,320
- COOL.
111
00:06:41,297 --> 00:06:42,772
- HI, CHARLES.
112
00:06:50,790 --> 00:06:52,357
- HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
113
00:06:52,392 --> 00:06:53,741
THIS CAN'T BE A DREAM.
114
00:06:53,787 --> 00:06:56,261
OTHERWISE YOU'D BE NAKED.
115
00:07:00,066 --> 00:07:02,104
YOU LIED TO ME.
116
00:07:02,302 --> 00:07:03,401
WHY?
117
00:07:03,436 --> 00:07:04,614
- IF YOU MUST KNOW,
118
00:07:04,654 --> 00:07:06,538
I WAS AFRAID YOU WOULD OFFER
TO HOUSE SIT.
119
00:07:06,573 --> 00:07:08,039
- SO YOU'RE SAYING
YOU DON'T TRUST ME?
120
00:07:08,074 --> 00:07:09,585
- BASICALLY, YES.
121
00:07:10,310 --> 00:07:11,876
- AREN'T I YOUR BEST FRIEND?
122
00:07:11,912 --> 00:07:13,466
- BASICALLY, NO.
123
00:07:14,688 --> 00:07:15,899
- HARRY?
124
00:07:21,445 --> 00:07:22,869
- "BEST" IS...
125
00:07:23,414 --> 00:07:25,890
SUCH AN AMBIGUOUS WORD,
YOU KNOW?
126
00:07:25,926 --> 00:07:28,359
- FINE, IF YOU THINK
THAT LITTLE OF ME,
127
00:07:28,395 --> 00:07:30,495
IF YOU THINK
I'M SO IRRESPONSIBLE,
128
00:07:30,530 --> 00:07:32,263
I'LL GIVE YOU
YOUR HOUSE KEY BACK.
129
00:07:32,299 --> 00:07:35,633
- FINE.
- I CAN'T. I LOST IT.
130
00:07:39,890 --> 00:07:42,689
- MR. PLOTKIN,
YOU FORGOT YOUR VITAMINS.
131
00:07:42,937 --> 00:07:44,890
- COME IN, LAVERNE.
132
00:07:46,787 --> 00:07:48,780
JUST, UH, PUT THEM
ON THE DRESSER.
133
00:07:48,815 --> 00:07:49,981
- OH.
134
00:07:51,935 --> 00:07:54,352
- I, UH, KNEW YOU'D COME.
135
00:07:54,387 --> 00:07:55,661
[spray]
136
00:07:57,543 --> 00:07:59,791
- WELL, YOU FORGOT THESE,
MR. PLOTKIN.
137
00:07:59,826 --> 00:08:02,671
- ON PURPOSE.
THAT'S HOW I KNEW YOU'D COME.
138
00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:05,129
AND, UH, CALL ME NATHAN.
139
00:08:05,262 --> 00:08:06,380
[clap]
140
00:08:11,071 --> 00:08:14,003
- MR. PLOTKIN, WHAT DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE DOIN'?
141
00:08:14,043 --> 00:08:15,108
[clap]
142
00:08:16,610 --> 00:08:18,017
- DON'T BE COY.
143
00:08:18,047 --> 00:08:19,978
I SAW THE WAY YOU LOOKED
AT ME AT DINNER.
144
00:08:20,013 --> 00:08:21,625
- EVERYBODY LOOKED AT YOU
AT DINNER.
145
00:08:21,657 --> 00:08:23,191
YOUR TEETH FELL OUT.
146
00:08:26,117 --> 00:08:28,620
- I WAS, UH--
I WAS JUST SHOWBOATING.
147
00:08:28,655 --> 00:08:29,733
[clap]
148
00:08:29,780 --> 00:08:30,842
[clap]
149
00:08:30,882 --> 00:08:33,711
AH, YOU LIKE IT
WITH THE LIGHTS ON.
150
00:08:34,784 --> 00:08:36,928
- NOW, YOU STOP
THIS FOOLISHNESS.
151
00:08:37,510 --> 00:08:40,173
- HEY!
ENOUGH WITH THIS CLAPPING.
152
00:08:40,221 --> 00:08:42,632
YOU JUST SHUT OFF
MY RESPIRATOR.
153
00:08:47,245 --> 00:08:48,860
- I HAVE WORK TO DO.
154
00:08:48,900 --> 00:08:51,075
HOW DARE YOU
DO THIS TO SOPHIA?
155
00:08:51,111 --> 00:08:53,144
- AH, SOPHIA'S A FUN OLD GAL,
156
00:08:53,179 --> 00:08:56,403
BUT GOD, I LOVE A WOMAN
IN LIGHT STOCKINGS.
157
00:08:56,881 --> 00:08:58,194
COME ON, LET'S DANCE.
158
00:08:58,226 --> 00:08:59,784
- I AIN'T A-GONNA DANCE
WITH YOU.
159
00:08:59,819 --> 00:09:02,072
- UH, WOULD YOU DANCE FOR ME?
160
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:07,988
- NOW, MR. PLOTKIN, YOU ARE
BEHAVIN' LIKE A HORSE'S ASS.
161
00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:11,763
I'M A-LEAVIN' THIS ROOM AND WE
WILL NOT SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN.
162
00:09:11,798 --> 00:09:14,078
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
I--I'M SORRY.
163
00:09:15,083 --> 00:09:17,543
UH, LAVERNE...MY PILLS.
164
00:09:18,935 --> 00:09:21,230
TAKE MY TEMPERATURE,
I'M ON FIRE.
165
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:22,607
- MR. PLOTKIN, MY WORD.
166
00:09:22,642 --> 00:09:23,775
NOW WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?
167
00:09:23,810 --> 00:09:24,976
- OH, NATHAN...
168
00:09:25,379 --> 00:09:26,644
NATHAN?
169
00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:27,812
LAVERNE?
170
00:09:27,847 --> 00:09:30,129
- SOPHIA, I CAN EXPLAIN--
- DON'T BOTHER.
171
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:32,433
I KNOW FOREPLAY WHEN I SEE IT.
172
00:09:33,629 --> 00:09:34,934
- BUT SOPHIA--
173
00:09:34,988 --> 00:09:36,080
[slap]
174
00:09:47,907 --> 00:09:49,923
- OH, MY NERVES.
MY NERVES.
175
00:09:49,962 --> 00:09:51,128
OH, MY NERVES.
MY NERVES.
176
00:09:51,163 --> 00:09:52,555
- LAVERNE, WHAT'S THE MATTER?
177
00:09:52,595 --> 00:09:54,317
- ARE YOU DEAF?
IT'S MY NERVES.
178
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:56,905
- WOULD YOU LIKE SOME
QUIET TIME ALONE?
179
00:09:56,949 --> 00:09:58,063
PLEASE GOD?
180
00:09:58,617 --> 00:10:01,466
- SOPHIA'S BOYFRIEND
HIT ON ME LAST NIGHT.
181
00:10:02,154 --> 00:10:03,353
- YOU'RE KIDDING.
182
00:10:03,389 --> 00:10:05,137
- IF I'M LYIN',
I'M DYIN'.
183
00:10:06,545 --> 00:10:08,025
- WHAT--DOES SOPHIA KNOW?
184
00:10:08,060 --> 00:10:10,265
- SHE OUGHT TO,
SHE WALKED IN MID-HIT.
185
00:10:10,763 --> 00:10:12,296
- WELL, DID YOU EXPLAIN IT
TO HER?
186
00:10:12,331 --> 00:10:14,434
- WELL, I COULDN'T.
SHE RAN OFF TO HER ROOM
187
00:10:14,474 --> 00:10:17,048
AND CRANKED UP THE SOUNDTRACK
FROM THAT COCOON.
188
00:10:19,004 --> 00:10:21,547
I FIGURE SHE'LL TALK TO ME
WHEN SHE'S READY.
189
00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:26,963
- THERE YOU ARE, YOU TWO-BIT,
LOW-RENT FLOOZY.
190
00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:30,916
- SHE'S READY.
191
00:10:36,422 --> 00:10:37,654
SOPHIA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
192
00:10:37,690 --> 00:10:40,724
- THE EVIL EYE.
IT DOESN'T WORK WITH GLASSES.
193
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,329
- ALL RIGHT THAT'S--COME ON,
COME ON, PLEASE.
194
00:10:45,364 --> 00:10:46,707
THAT'S ENOUGH.
195
00:10:46,932 --> 00:10:49,069
- FINE.
I'M GETTING A HEADACHE ANYWAY.
196
00:10:49,535 --> 00:10:52,436
- SOPHIA, ABOUT LAST NIGHT--
- OH, SAVE YOUR BREATH.
197
00:10:52,471 --> 00:10:53,804
NATHAN EXPLAINED EVERYTHING.
198
00:10:53,839 --> 00:10:55,172
YOU TRIED
TO HAVE YOUR WAY WITH HIM,
199
00:10:55,207 --> 00:10:56,573
BUT THANK GOD HE WAS STRONG.
200
00:10:56,609 --> 00:10:57,724
YOU...
201
00:10:57,894 --> 00:11:00,547
YOU...YOU AMY FISHER, YOU!
202
00:11:09,888 --> 00:11:11,655
- SO DREYFUSS
GETS FED TWICE A DAY,
203
00:11:11,690 --> 00:11:14,252
THE SPRINKLERS GO ON AT 5:00
AND THE TRASH GOES OUT AT 7:00.
204
00:11:14,292 --> 00:11:15,877
OKAY? ANY QUESTIONS?
205
00:11:17,265 --> 00:11:18,484
- YES.
206
00:11:18,977 --> 00:11:20,806
WHY IS CHARLEY AT THE WINDOW?
207
00:11:26,815 --> 00:11:28,108
- CHARLEY.
208
00:11:28,516 --> 00:11:30,351
YES, YOU. GET IN HERE.
209
00:11:31,298 --> 00:11:32,855
- WHY IS HE OUT THERE
IN THE FIRST PLACE?
210
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,567
- I DON'T KNOW, BUT HE SEEMS
TO KEEP THE CROWS AWAY.
211
00:11:36,591 --> 00:11:38,513
CHARLEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
OUT THERE?
212
00:11:38,941 --> 00:11:41,060
- OH, JUST STANDING
ON THE OUTSIDE,
213
00:11:41,096 --> 00:11:42,522
LOOKING IN.
214
00:11:43,406 --> 00:11:45,026
I THINK THE REAL QUESTION,
HARRY, IS:
215
00:11:45,069 --> 00:11:46,202
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
216
00:11:46,253 --> 00:11:48,134
- I WAS SHOWING MAXINE
THE ROPES.
217
00:11:48,398 --> 00:11:51,270
- WELL, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO
SHOW ME THE ROPES.
218
00:11:51,306 --> 00:11:53,506
I HAPPEN TO KNOW THEY'RE
IN THE GARAGE.
219
00:11:54,542 --> 00:11:56,362
- LOOK, CHARLEY, I DON'T MEAN
TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS,
220
00:11:56,394 --> 00:11:57,844
BUT MAXINE
IS WATCHING THE HOUSE.
221
00:11:57,879 --> 00:11:59,078
THAT'S THE END OF IT.
222
00:11:59,207 --> 00:12:00,885
- OKAY, FINE, HARRY.
NO PROBLEM.
223
00:12:01,090 --> 00:12:03,905
MAXINE, IF YOU NEED ANYTHING,
AND YOU WILL,
224
00:12:04,222 --> 00:12:06,022
DON'T HESITATE TO CALL ME.
225
00:12:06,121 --> 00:12:08,874
555-1685.
226
00:12:09,621 --> 00:12:11,157
- 1684.
227
00:12:12,861 --> 00:12:15,100
- WELL, THANK YOU,
MR. MEMORY.
228
00:12:24,753 --> 00:12:26,215
- OH, CHARLEY!
229
00:12:27,742 --> 00:12:30,070
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE,
GET IN HERE.
230
00:12:31,288 --> 00:12:33,044
DIDN'T ANYBODY EVER
TEACH YOU HOW TO BARK?
231
00:12:33,095 --> 00:12:34,795
[barking]
232
00:12:38,750 --> 00:12:40,813
NOW WHO WERE YOU DOING
OUT THERE THIS TIME?
233
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:43,062
- THAT'S HOW MUCH YOU KNOW
ABOUT HOUSE SITTING.
234
00:12:43,094 --> 00:12:45,014
I WAS PATROLLING
THE PERIMETER.
235
00:12:46,127 --> 00:12:48,091
- CHARLEY, DO YOU MIND?
236
00:12:48,269 --> 00:12:50,530
I'D LIKE TO HAVE
A LITTLE PRIVACY.
237
00:12:50,565 --> 00:12:53,433
I WANNA TAKE A NICE HOT BATH,
CURL UP WITH A GOOD BOOK,
238
00:12:53,468 --> 00:12:55,002
AND ENJOY MYSELF.
239
00:12:55,172 --> 00:12:56,388
SO GO HOME!
240
00:12:56,882 --> 00:12:58,773
[phone ringing]
241
00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:03,180
HELLO.
242
00:13:04,019 --> 00:13:05,529
YES, THIS IS DR. DOUGLAS.
243
00:13:06,362 --> 00:13:07,499
UH-HUH.
244
00:13:07,951 --> 00:13:09,457
WELL, GET HIM
TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM.
245
00:13:09,505 --> 00:13:10,994
I'LL BE THERE AS SOON
AS I CAN.
246
00:13:11,505 --> 00:13:13,710
CHARLEY, I'VE GOT
A RUPTURED APPENDIX.
247
00:13:13,841 --> 00:13:16,029
- NO WONDER YOU'RE SO CRANKY.
248
00:13:17,466 --> 00:13:19,892
- NOT ME. MY PATIENT.
249
00:13:19,928 --> 00:13:21,928
I HAVE TO
GET TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM.
250
00:13:23,587 --> 00:13:25,433
I'LL BE BACK AS SOON AS I CAN,
CHARLEY.
251
00:13:25,459 --> 00:13:28,157
OH, MY GOD. I FORGOT
TO TURN OFF THE BATH.
252
00:13:28,196 --> 00:13:29,802
- NO, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT,
I GOT IT.
253
00:13:29,838 --> 00:13:32,371
- OH, THANKS. AND DON'T FORGET
TO LOCK THE DOOR.
254
00:13:32,407 --> 00:13:33,743
- WAY AHEAD 'A YA.
255
00:13:34,843 --> 00:13:36,866
- WHEN I LEAVE, YOU IDIOT.
256
00:13:39,956 --> 00:13:42,050
- JUST FOR THAT,
I'M NOT GONNA LOCK IT.
257
00:13:43,222 --> 00:13:44,912
HEY, IT'S TIME FOR BAYWATCH.
258
00:13:45,684 --> 00:13:46,817
[dripping]
259
00:13:46,851 --> 00:13:48,117
[barking]
260
00:13:48,184 --> 00:13:50,350
DREYFUSS. BE QUIET.
261
00:13:50,386 --> 00:13:53,554
THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART, WHERE
THEY RECITE THE LIFEGUARD OATH.
262
00:13:53,589 --> 00:13:55,189
[dripping]
263
00:13:55,224 --> 00:13:57,191
YOU CAN ALMOST FEEL
THE OCEAN SPRAY.
264
00:13:57,226 --> 00:14:01,912
[dripping]
265
00:14:01,951 --> 00:14:03,463
TIME FOR ANOTHER BOWL
OF POPCORN,
266
00:14:03,499 --> 00:14:05,044
THIS ONE'S FULL OF WATER.
267
00:14:07,536 --> 00:14:08,870
UH-OH.
268
00:14:09,205 --> 00:14:10,534
BATHTUB.
269
00:14:18,113 --> 00:14:21,615
- [spitting]
270
00:14:21,650 --> 00:14:23,011
NOTHING.
271
00:14:24,620 --> 00:14:26,717
NURSE, I NEED FLUIDS.
272
00:14:27,268 --> 00:14:28,922
[knocking on the door]
273
00:14:28,958 --> 00:14:30,550
HEY, THAT'S FAST.
274
00:14:30,793 --> 00:14:32,627
MUST BE GETTING
NEAR CHRISTMAS.
275
00:14:34,697 --> 00:14:36,563
LAVERNE, COME IN.
276
00:14:36,599 --> 00:14:38,801
- HELLO, MR. PLOTKIN.
277
00:14:41,237 --> 00:14:42,854
I THINK YOU KNOW WHY I'M HERE.
278
00:14:42,898 --> 00:14:46,138
- ABSOLUTELY. YOU CAME BACK
FOR A LITTLE ACTION.
279
00:14:46,995 --> 00:14:48,693
- I DID NO SUCH THING.
280
00:14:48,744 --> 00:14:50,577
- COME ON, DOLL FACE,
281
00:14:50,613 --> 00:14:53,422
ONCE YOU'VE HAD GREY,
THERE'S NO OTHER WAY.
282
00:14:55,501 --> 00:14:57,165
- NOW, YOU LISTEN UP.
283
00:14:57,206 --> 00:14:59,119
I HAVE HAD ENOUGH
OF YOUR SHENANIGANS,
284
00:14:59,154 --> 00:15:01,054
AND YOU'RE RUININ'
MY FRIENDSHIP WITH SOPHIA.
285
00:15:01,090 --> 00:15:03,390
NOW, I WANT YOU TO MARCH
YOURSELF RIGHT DOWN TO HER ROOM
286
00:15:03,425 --> 00:15:05,361
AND TELL HER EXACTLY
WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.
287
00:15:05,392 --> 00:15:06,578
- FORGET IT.
288
00:15:07,541 --> 00:15:10,709
- WELL, I CAN SEE
I'M WASTIN' MY TIME HERE.
289
00:15:11,338 --> 00:15:14,108
AND TO THINK I SNUCK YOU
EXTRA TAPIOCA.
290
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:20,151
- AND WHEN YOU DECIDE
YOU WANT ME, DON'T COME BEGGING.
291
00:15:20,187 --> 00:15:22,220
I FIND IT A TURN-OFF.
292
00:15:25,226 --> 00:15:27,692
- BOY, THAT'S A PERFECT MATCH.
293
00:15:27,978 --> 00:15:30,562
- THAT'S WHY THEY CALL US
"THE PLASTER MASTERS".
294
00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:32,697
- WELL, WHATEVER IT COSTS,
IT'S WORTH IT.
295
00:15:32,733 --> 00:15:34,016
SO HOW MUCH?
296
00:15:34,119 --> 00:15:35,293
- HERE YOU GO.
297
00:15:35,567 --> 00:15:37,224
- WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY?
298
00:15:37,502 --> 00:15:41,358
- HEY, I HAD TO BRING 3 GUYS,
IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
299
00:15:41,393 --> 00:15:43,367
WE MISSED THE END OF BAYWATCH.
300
00:15:44,514 --> 00:15:46,205
- OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
301
00:15:46,810 --> 00:15:49,539
THIS IS REALLY GONNA CLEAN OUT
THE OLD CHECKING ACCOUNT.
302
00:15:50,114 --> 00:15:51,351
AND THEN SOME.
303
00:15:53,017 --> 00:15:55,317
OH, MY GOD. IT'S MAXINE.
QUICK. OUT THE BACK.
304
00:15:55,352 --> 00:15:57,486
- BUT, LOOK, IF IT STARTS TO
BUBBLE OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT--
305
00:15:57,521 --> 00:15:59,955
- YEAH, RIGHT BYE--
GOOD. MOVE. MOVE. MOVE.
306
00:15:59,990 --> 00:16:01,290
OH.
307
00:16:08,565 --> 00:16:10,899
HEY. UH, WHAT ARE
YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
308
00:16:10,935 --> 00:16:12,935
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
SUPPOSED TO BE IN ORLANDO.
309
00:16:13,079 --> 00:16:14,269
- WE HAD TO COME BACK,
310
00:16:14,305 --> 00:16:16,738
BECAUSE DADDY FORGOT
SCOTTY'S FAVORITE BLANKET.
311
00:16:16,774 --> 00:16:19,809
- YOU SAID YOU HAD IT.
- I SAID I HAD HIS PACIFIER.
312
00:16:19,857 --> 00:16:21,573
- WHO KNOWS WHAT YOU SAY?
313
00:16:22,012 --> 00:16:24,305
THE BLANKET IS "BIGGIE."
THE PACI IS "POOKIE."
314
00:16:27,084 --> 00:16:28,250
WHERE'S--WHERE'S MAXINE?
315
00:16:28,449 --> 00:16:29,787
- AT THE HOSPIE.
316
00:16:30,487 --> 00:16:33,622
YOUR PRECIOUS MAXINE
ABANDONED YOUR HOUSE
317
00:16:33,657 --> 00:16:36,391
JUST BECAUSE
SOME GUY'S APPENDIX BURST.
318
00:16:36,716 --> 00:16:38,860
- CHARLEY,
OBVIOUSLY IT WAS AN EMERGENCY.
319
00:16:39,130 --> 00:16:40,661
- FACE IT, HARRY,
MAXINE DROPPED THE BALL,
320
00:16:40,692 --> 00:16:41,880
AND WHO WAS THERE
TO FALL ON IT?
321
00:16:41,911 --> 00:16:45,089
OL' UNRELIABLE,
IRRESPONSIBLE CHARLEY DIETZ.
322
00:16:45,869 --> 00:16:48,491
- LOOK, CHARLEY, I'M SORRY
IF WE HURT YOUR FEELINGS, BUT...
323
00:16:48,973 --> 00:16:51,653
I MEAN, WITH YOUR TRACK RECORD,
WE SOMETIMES GET THE FEELING
324
00:16:51,693 --> 00:16:53,976
IF WE LEFT YOU ALONE
IN THE HOUSE FOR FIVE MINUTES
325
00:16:54,011 --> 00:16:55,720
YOU'D DESTROY THE PLACE.
326
00:16:56,780 --> 00:16:59,250
- WELL, I GUESS
I PROVED YOU WRONG.
327
00:16:59,694 --> 00:17:01,506
- WELL, I GUESS--
I GUESS YOU DID.
328
00:17:01,553 --> 00:17:03,379
COME ON, PAL, GIVE ME A HAND
WITH THE BAGS, WILL YOU?
329
00:17:03,418 --> 00:17:04,465
- OKAY, BUDDY.
330
00:17:04,497 --> 00:17:07,120
AND I GUESS YOU KNOW NOW
WHO YOU CAN TRUST.
331
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:10,594
[creaking]
332
00:17:20,072 --> 00:17:22,139
- I'M TELLIN' YOU,
HE WAS AFTER ME.
333
00:17:22,174 --> 00:17:24,674
- OH, COME ON, LAVERNE.
THE MAN'S 80 YEARS OLD.
334
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,572
YOU TRYING TO TELL ME
YOU COULDN'T OUTRUN HIM?
335
00:17:26,945 --> 00:17:28,645
- THAT IS NOT THE POINT.
336
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:31,381
THE POINT IS HOW DO I
MAKE IT RIGHT WITH SOPHIA?
337
00:17:31,416 --> 00:17:33,583
- WELL, THE TWO OF YOU
WILL WORK IT OUT.
338
00:17:33,619 --> 00:17:36,415
TIME HAS A WAY OF TAKING CARE
OF THESE THINGS.
339
00:17:37,302 --> 00:17:40,157
- WELL...NATHAN IS DEAD
AND YOU KILLED HIM.
340
00:17:42,161 --> 00:17:43,979
- WHAT?
- HIS TICKER GAVE OUT.
341
00:17:44,014 --> 00:17:45,280
THEY FOUND HIM THIS MORNING.
342
00:17:45,361 --> 00:17:46,541
- SOPHIA, THAT'S TERRIBLE.
343
00:17:46,577 --> 00:17:48,398
BUT HOW'S THAT LAVERNE'S FAULT?
344
00:17:48,433 --> 00:17:49,847
- SHE WENT TO HIS ROOM
LAST NIGHT.
345
00:17:49,871 --> 00:17:52,202
THEY HAD A QUARREL.
THERE WERE WITNESSES.
346
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:53,904
- BUT WHEN I LEFT,
HE WAS FINE.
347
00:17:53,939 --> 00:17:55,993
MAYBE A LITTLE RED IN THE FACE,
BUT HE WAS FINE.
348
00:17:56,022 --> 00:17:57,126
- THEN YOU ADMIT IT.
349
00:17:57,166 --> 00:18:00,000
I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW
THIS WOMAN IS A BLACK WIDOW.
350
00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:04,171
- EXCUSE ME,
MY MOTHER'S A BLACK WIDOW.
351
00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:08,826
- SOPHIA...
352
00:18:09,082 --> 00:18:13,151
I ONLY WENT TO TELL MR. PLOTKIN
TO DO THE RIGHT THING.
353
00:18:13,184 --> 00:18:15,985
- I'M NOT FALLING FOR ANY
OF YOUR HILLBILLY TRICKS.
354
00:18:16,668 --> 00:18:19,958
- SOPHIA, I HATE TO BE THE ONE
TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT...
355
00:18:20,465 --> 00:18:22,599
MR. PLOTKIN MADE A PASS AT ME.
356
00:18:22,634 --> 00:18:24,267
- HE MADE A PASS AT YOU?
357
00:18:24,303 --> 00:18:26,002
- TWO.
TWO PASSES.
358
00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:28,503
- MY NATHAN?
I--
359
00:18:29,564 --> 00:18:31,341
I...CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
360
00:18:35,874 --> 00:18:37,238
- OH, LORDY.
361
00:18:38,288 --> 00:18:40,857
- WELL, LAVERNE, THIS IS JUST
SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED.
362
00:18:40,947 --> 00:18:43,386
YOU CAN'T BLAME YOURSELF
FOR THE MAN'S HEART ATTACK.
363
00:18:43,422 --> 00:18:44,539
- NO.
364
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:47,653
BUT I CAN BLAME MYSELF
FOR HURTIN' SOPHIA.
365
00:18:48,432 --> 00:18:50,479
DID YOU SEE
THE LOOK ON HER FACE?
366
00:18:51,017 --> 00:18:53,758
SHE BELIEVED THAT MAN CARED
FOR HER AND I TOOK THAT AWAY.
367
00:18:53,790 --> 00:18:55,867
I HAD TO GO AND TELL HER
THE TRUTH.
368
00:18:56,641 --> 00:18:58,368
- TELLING THE TRUTH
IS ALL YOU CAN DO.
369
00:18:58,529 --> 00:19:00,504
- YOU'RE WRONG, DOCTOR.
I CAN DO A LOT BETTER.
370
00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:02,545
I CAN LIE MY TOKUS OFF.
371
00:19:09,026 --> 00:19:11,712
- UH, FOLKS,
AS YOU ARE AWARE, UH...
372
00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:14,918
NATHAN PLOTKIN PASSED ON
LAST NIGHT.
373
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:16,486
NOW, I'M GONNA LEAVE
THE MIC OPEN
374
00:19:16,522 --> 00:19:19,222
TO THOSE OF YOU WHO WANNA SAY
A FEW WORDS IN HIS MEMORY.
375
00:19:19,258 --> 00:19:21,655
JUST DON'T MENTION
HOW CHEAP HE WAS.
376
00:19:22,249 --> 00:19:23,424
VIVIAN?
377
00:19:29,935 --> 00:19:32,469
-
YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO YOUNG - OH, MY--
378
00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:34,037
-
YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE-- - VIV, VIV...
379
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:35,172
PLEASE.
380
00:19:35,207 --> 00:19:36,569
- OH, WELL.
381
00:19:39,945 --> 00:19:41,884
- IS--IS THIS THING ON?
382
00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:44,743
[knocking]
383
00:19:45,090 --> 00:19:46,344
COME IN.
384
00:19:46,434 --> 00:19:48,110
WHO--WHO'S THERE?
385
00:19:48,215 --> 00:19:50,807
OH, EXCUSE ME,
I GOT TO GET TO THE DOOR.
386
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,426
- WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE,
IN OUR EXCITEMENT,
387
00:19:56,462 --> 00:19:59,055
SOME OF US FORGOT
OUR MEDICATION.
388
00:20:04,303 --> 00:20:06,333
- LET ME TELL YOU
ABOUT NATHAN.
389
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:08,138
HE WAS A GOOD MAN
390
00:20:08,173 --> 00:20:09,974
AND A SO-SO DANCER.
391
00:20:10,676 --> 00:20:12,906
HE WAS A MAN WHO KNEW
WHAT HE WANTED.
392
00:20:13,856 --> 00:20:16,436
BOILED CHICKEN FOR LUNCH,
BRISKET FOR DINNER.
393
00:20:17,416 --> 00:20:18,702
WE'LL ALL MISS HIM.
394
00:20:19,195 --> 00:20:20,498
- SOPHIA...
395
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:23,219
COULD I SAY SOMETHIN'?
396
00:20:23,604 --> 00:20:26,375
- AND NOW, A FEW WORDS
FROM THE ASSASSIN.
397
00:20:29,406 --> 00:20:31,159
- UM...
[clearing throat]
398
00:20:32,362 --> 00:20:34,564
FIRST OFF, I WOU--
I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY
399
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:37,524
I'M JUST TERRIBLY SORRY
ABOUT MR. PLOTKIN.
400
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:40,505
UM, IT IS TRUE WE ARGUED.
401
00:20:40,873 --> 00:20:43,673
AND I SHOULDA HELD MY TONGUE,
BUT HOW MUCH CAN A WOMAN TAKE?
402
00:20:45,188 --> 00:20:48,488
NATHAN SPURNED ME,
AND I LOST MY TEMPER.
403
00:20:50,055 --> 00:20:53,649
YES, I WANTED HIM
AND I THREW MYSELF AT HIM.
404
00:20:55,752 --> 00:20:57,710
BUT HE WOULDN'T HAVE ME.
405
00:20:58,590 --> 00:20:59,687
AND WHY?
406
00:21:00,490 --> 00:21:04,263
BECAUSE HIS ONE TRUE LOVE
WAS THAT WOMAN.
407
00:21:04,894 --> 00:21:06,263
SOPHIA PETRILLO.
408
00:21:06,298 --> 00:21:07,994
- OH, EXCUSE ME.
409
00:21:08,367 --> 00:21:11,157
IT SO HAPPENS
THAT NATHAN LOVED ME.
410
00:21:11,415 --> 00:21:13,400
- OH, THE HELL YOU SAY.
411
00:21:14,383 --> 00:21:17,607
HE GAVE ME
HIS MEDIC ALERT BRACELET.
412
00:21:17,643 --> 00:21:18,738
- [gasping]
413
00:21:20,057 --> 00:21:22,179
- OH, YEAH?
WELL, FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
414
00:21:22,214 --> 00:21:24,381
THE MAN DIED IN MY ARMS.
415
00:21:24,416 --> 00:21:26,049
- [gasping]
416
00:21:26,085 --> 00:21:28,252
- SHE MUST'VE BEEN SINGING
TO HIM.
417
00:21:29,513 --> 00:21:30,754
- VIVIAN?
418
00:21:30,789 --> 00:21:33,715
- WELL, IT WAS LATE,
LAVERNE HAD LEFT.
419
00:21:33,826 --> 00:21:36,626
AFTER IT HAPPENED,
I SNUCK OUT OF HIS ROOM.
420
00:21:36,662 --> 00:21:39,291
I MEAN, I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T
WANNA GET A REPUTATION.
421
00:21:40,514 --> 00:21:42,496
- PLAY SOMETHING, ESTHER,
PLEASE.
422
00:21:42,959 --> 00:21:46,436
[piano playing,
women arguing]
423
00:21:49,123 --> 00:21:51,875
- SO THAT WHOLE SPEECH ABOUT
YOUR THROWING YOURSELF AT HIM...
424
00:21:51,910 --> 00:21:53,379
THAT WAS A BUNCH OF BALONEY?
425
00:21:53,482 --> 00:21:54,746
- PRETTY MUCH.
426
00:21:55,914 --> 00:21:59,360
WELL, EXCEPT FOR THE PART
ABOUT YOU BEING SPECIAL TO HIM.
427
00:21:59,812 --> 00:22:02,686
EVERY TIME HE LOOKED AT YOU,
HE HAD THAT LITTLE TWINKLE.
428
00:22:02,721 --> 00:22:05,818
- NATHAN TWINKLED AT EVERYONE.
HE HAD A GLASS EYE.
429
00:22:06,859 --> 00:22:11,060
- NOW, SOPHIA, YOU KNOW
IN YOUR HEART YOU WERE THE ONE.
430
00:22:15,528 --> 00:22:17,039
- THANKS, KID.
431
00:22:17,369 --> 00:22:19,434
[women arguing]
432
00:22:25,174 --> 00:22:27,424
- YES, IT WAS.
- NO, IT WASN'T.
433
00:22:27,463 --> 00:22:29,963
- YES, IT WAS.
- IT WAS NOT.
434
00:22:29,999 --> 00:22:31,531
- WILL YOU SETTLE A PROBLEM,
LAVERNE?
435
00:22:31,567 --> 00:22:32,651
- SHOOT.
436
00:22:33,091 --> 00:22:34,911
- IS SEX FUN?
437
00:22:36,802 --> 00:22:37,984
- NOW, IF YOU DON'T REMEMBER,
438
00:22:38,020 --> 00:22:39,596
YOU WEREN'T A-DOIN' IT RIGHT.
439
00:22:40,643 --> 00:22:41,886
- I TOLD YOU.
440
00:22:41,936 --> 00:22:46,486
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