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1
00:00:00,281 --> 00:00:03,229
- [sniffing]
MMM-MMM-MMM.
2
00:00:03,422 --> 00:00:05,064
WHAT DO YOU THINK, DREYF?
3
00:00:10,589 --> 00:00:12,577
NOT BAD, HUH?
4
00:00:19,762 --> 00:00:21,598
- CHARLEY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
5
00:00:21,634 --> 00:00:23,434
- MAKING A MARINARA SAUCE.
6
00:00:23,469 --> 00:00:26,915
- HERE? WHY CAN'T YOU DO IT
IN YOUR OWN KITCHEN?
7
00:00:27,306 --> 00:00:29,336
UGH!
OH, MY GOD.
8
00:00:29,375 --> 00:00:31,075
HOW MUCH WINE
DID YOU PUT IN THERE?
9
00:00:31,110 --> 00:00:32,592
- WHOLE BOX.
10
00:00:35,646 --> 00:00:36,912
- [sneezes]
11
00:00:36,956 --> 00:00:38,196
- GESUNDHEIT.
12
00:00:39,334 --> 00:00:40,967
OH, MY GOD.
HE SNEEZED.
13
00:00:41,002 --> 00:00:42,238
- [sneezes]
14
00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,037
- TWICE.
15
00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:46,536
AND HIS LITTLE NOSE
IS RUNNING.
16
00:00:46,842 --> 00:00:49,442
OH, MY GOD.
SCOTTY HAS A COLD.
17
00:00:49,478 --> 00:00:51,611
IT'S MY BABY'S
FIRST COLD.
18
00:00:51,841 --> 00:00:54,044
- WANT TO GIVE HIM
A LITTLE MARINARA SAUCE?
19
00:00:56,256 --> 00:00:58,985
- I HAVE TO CALL DADDY
AT THE CONVENTION IN WASHINGTON.
20
00:00:59,020 --> 00:01:01,054
OOH, HOW OPPORTUNE.
21
00:01:01,089 --> 00:01:03,281
HE CAN CONSULT
WITH THE SURGEON GENERAL.
22
00:01:04,569 --> 00:01:08,700
-
MMM, MY SAUCE, I LIKE TO PUT IT ON LASAGNA
23
00:01:18,478 --> 00:01:20,078
-
LIFE GOES ON
24
00:02:24,722 --> 00:02:27,246
- CAROL, WHATEVER IT IS,
IT'S NOT THAT BAD.
25
00:02:34,131 --> 00:02:35,504
- YES, IT IS.
26
00:02:35,662 --> 00:02:37,818
CHARLEY'S LASAGNA EXPLODED.
27
00:02:39,787 --> 00:02:41,904
THERE'S BOLOGNA EVERYWHERE.
28
00:02:42,837 --> 00:02:44,907
OH, GOD,
I'M EXHAUSTED.
29
00:02:44,946 --> 00:02:46,344
I HAVE BEEN CLEANING
ALL MORNING.
30
00:02:46,376 --> 00:02:48,579
I'VE BEEN SWEEPING,
DUSTING, VACUUMING.
31
00:02:48,618 --> 00:02:50,339
I'VE ALMOST GOT
THE HOUSE CLEAN ENOUGH
32
00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:51,837
FOR THE CLEANING SERVICE.
33
00:02:53,551 --> 00:02:55,618
- YOU'RE CLEANING
FOR A CLEANING SERVICE?
34
00:02:55,653 --> 00:02:58,192
- WELL, I DON'T WANT THEM
TO THINK ME SLOVENLY.
35
00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:01,323
- YOU REMIND ME
OF MY UNCLE VITO.
36
00:03:01,359 --> 00:03:03,058
- OH, WAS HE FASTIDIOUS TOO?
37
00:03:03,094 --> 00:03:04,734
- NO, BUT HE ALWAYS
HAD A LITTLE PIECE OF BOLOGNA
38
00:03:04,765 --> 00:03:06,214
HANGING OFF HIS CHIN.
39
00:03:08,933 --> 00:03:10,966
SO WHAT'S
WITH ALL THIS CLEANING?
40
00:03:11,002 --> 00:03:13,802
- THE DOCTOR THINKS SCOTTY'S
SNEEZING MIGHT BE AN ALLERGY.
41
00:03:13,838 --> 00:03:15,170
WE'VE GOT TO CLEAN
THE ENTIRE HOUSE
42
00:03:15,206 --> 00:03:16,438
TO FIND OUT
WHAT'S CAUSING IT.
43
00:03:16,474 --> 00:03:17,620
- YOU'RE RIGHT TO BE CAREFUL.
44
00:03:17,651 --> 00:03:19,761
BACK IN SICILY,
JIMMY "THE SNITCH" FAZIO
45
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,618
HAD AN ALLERGY
THAT KILLED HIM.
46
00:03:22,747 --> 00:03:24,630
- THE POOR MAN.
47
00:03:24,922 --> 00:03:26,348
WHAT WAS HE ALLERGIC TO?
48
00:03:26,384 --> 00:03:27,659
- CEMENT.
49
00:03:29,674 --> 00:03:30,986
[knock on door]
50
00:03:31,022 --> 00:03:32,639
- THAT MUST BE
THE CLEANING SERVICE.
51
00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:34,234
MY GIRLFRIENDS
JUST LOVE THEM.
52
00:03:34,265 --> 00:03:36,311
- WHAT'S TO LOVE
ABOUT A CLEANING SERVICE?
53
00:03:42,938 --> 00:03:44,230
HELLO.
54
00:03:46,336 --> 00:03:47,507
- HI.
55
00:03:47,555 --> 00:03:49,348
WE'RE THE STUDS WITH SUDS.
56
00:03:52,204 --> 00:03:54,765
- AND I'M THE ITALIAN
IN NEED OF A STALLION.
57
00:03:57,782 --> 00:03:59,846
- BACK OFF, OLD WOMAN.
THEY'RE MINE.
58
00:04:19,770 --> 00:04:21,168
- I TOLD YOU
THEY WERE CUTE.
59
00:04:21,207 --> 00:04:22,556
THAT'S A DOLLAR A PIECE.
60
00:04:46,977 --> 00:04:49,778
- SOPHIA,
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
61
00:04:49,813 --> 00:04:52,648
- UH, YOUR COUCH
BECAME WEIGHTLESS.
62
00:04:52,696 --> 00:04:54,266
WE'RE TRYING
TO HOLD IT DOWN.
63
00:04:57,154 --> 00:04:58,176
- THANKS, SOPHIA.
64
00:04:58,208 --> 00:05:00,491
CAROL, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
65
00:05:02,270 --> 00:05:05,125
- OH, HI, DADDY.
HOW WAS WASHINGTON?
66
00:05:05,838 --> 00:05:08,625
- WHAT'S WITH THE STEROID
FESTIVAL IN THE LIVING ROOM?
67
00:05:10,534 --> 00:05:13,812
- DADDY, THOSE MEN
ARE DEDICATED PROFESSIONALS.
68
00:05:13,846 --> 00:05:15,299
NO GERM, NO MICROBE,
69
00:05:15,339 --> 00:05:17,840
NO FUNGUS
WILL ESCAPE THEIR SCRUTINY.
70
00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:20,869
- CAROL,
SCOTTY IS MY GRANDSON.
71
00:05:20,900 --> 00:05:23,743
I LOVE HIM,
I ADORE HIM, BUT THIS IS--
72
00:05:23,775 --> 00:05:25,064
COME ON,
IT'S JUST AN ALLERGY.
73
00:05:25,103 --> 00:05:26,993
IT'S NOT
A LIFE-THREATENING SITUATION.
74
00:05:27,309 --> 00:05:29,383
THERE'S NO NEED TO PANIC.
75
00:05:30,340 --> 00:05:32,120
NOW, WHERE'S MY DREYFUSS?
76
00:05:32,156 --> 00:05:34,272
- AT THE VET.
- OH, MY GOD, THE VET?
77
00:05:34,311 --> 00:05:35,475
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
78
00:05:35,506 --> 00:05:37,295
WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME?
WHY DIDN'T YOU PAGE ME?
79
00:05:37,335 --> 00:05:38,428
WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?
80
00:05:38,467 --> 00:05:39,795
- DADDY,
HE STEPPED ON A THORN.
81
00:05:39,835 --> 00:05:41,217
HE GOT
A LITTLE INFECTION.
82
00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:42,928
I THOUGHT IT BEST
TO LET HIM STAY OVERNIGHT.
83
00:05:42,968 --> 00:05:44,768
YOU CAN PICK HIM UP
TOMORROW MORNING.
84
00:05:44,804 --> 00:05:47,104
- ALL RIGHT. THANK GOD.
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
85
00:05:47,139 --> 00:05:48,705
NOW, LISTEN, LISTEN,
I'M A LITTLE TIRED.
86
00:05:48,741 --> 00:05:49,873
I JUST WANT TO TAKE A NAP.
87
00:05:49,909 --> 00:05:51,434
ARE--ARE THEY
ALMOST THROUGH?
88
00:05:51,499 --> 00:05:54,102
- WELL, THEY SHOULD BE.
THEY'VE BEEN HERE NINE HOURS.
89
00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:57,353
- NINE HOURS?
90
00:05:57,577 --> 00:05:59,650
WHAT'S TAKING THEM SO LONG?
91
00:06:00,029 --> 00:06:02,519
- WELL, I'VE CLEANED IT
THREE TIMES.
92
00:06:02,555 --> 00:06:03,852
HOW DOES IT LOOK NOW?
93
00:06:04,146 --> 00:06:05,597
- PERFECT.
94
00:06:07,443 --> 00:06:09,029
DO IT AGAIN.
95
00:06:10,396 --> 00:06:11,938
- THAT'LL BE ANOTHER BUCK.
96
00:06:19,242 --> 00:06:21,040
- WASHINGTON MONUMENT,
97
00:06:21,305 --> 00:06:23,132
WASHINGTON MONUMENT AGAIN,
98
00:06:23,477 --> 00:06:25,016
LINCOLN MEMORIAL,
99
00:06:25,055 --> 00:06:27,181
LINCOLN MEMORIAL AGAIN,
100
00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:30,947
WHITE HOUSE,
WHITE HOUSE AGAIN.
101
00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:32,683
- SO? COME ON,
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
102
00:06:32,718 --> 00:06:35,285
- I THINK I HATE
TWO-FOR-ONE DEVELOPING.
103
00:06:35,321 --> 00:06:36,487
- OH.
104
00:06:37,790 --> 00:06:40,090
- HELLO.
ANYBODY HERE?
105
00:06:40,126 --> 00:06:41,725
- HEY, JEROME.
- HI.
106
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:43,927
- JEROME, WE'RE NOT, UH, READY
FOR PATIENTS JUST YET.
107
00:06:43,963 --> 00:06:45,293
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A SEAT?
108
00:06:45,498 --> 00:06:47,622
- OH, WASHINGTON, HUH?
109
00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:49,366
YOU KNOW,
DURING THE WAR,
110
00:06:49,401 --> 00:06:52,673
I SPENT QUITE A BIT OF TIME
IN OUR NATION'S CAPITAL.
111
00:06:53,139 --> 00:06:54,963
CAN'T SAY WHY.
112
00:06:56,408 --> 00:06:58,661
BUT YOU'D BE SURPRISED
THE THINGS I KNOW
113
00:06:58,700 --> 00:07:01,178
ABOUT THE INNER WORKINGS
OF THAT CITY.
114
00:07:01,497 --> 00:07:03,334
CAN'T SAY WHAT.
115
00:07:03,849 --> 00:07:05,241
- AH, JEROME,
YOU'RE A TAD EARLY.
116
00:07:05,272 --> 00:07:06,452
NOW, YOU WAIT
IN THE WAITIN' ROOM.
117
00:07:06,484 --> 00:07:09,252
WE'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.
- WELL, TAKE WATERGATE.
118
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:11,690
I WAS INVOLVED
WITH WATERGATE.
119
00:07:11,938 --> 00:07:13,689
CAN'T SAY HOW.
120
00:07:14,860 --> 00:07:16,899
I WAS SWORN TO SECRECY.
121
00:07:18,664 --> 00:07:20,130
UNLESS YOU WANT TO HEAR.
122
00:07:20,166 --> 00:07:22,275
- NO. IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
123
00:07:24,270 --> 00:07:26,590
- DR. WESTON?
DR. DOUGLAS?
124
00:07:26,823 --> 00:07:29,473
YOU'UNS BEST PREPARE
YOURSELVES FOR A BIG SHOCK.
125
00:07:29,891 --> 00:07:32,263
- YOU HAVE
A PhD IN ENGLISH?
126
00:07:43,951 --> 00:07:47,191
- AT APPROXIMATELY
9:45 LAST NIGHT,
127
00:07:47,226 --> 00:07:49,493
WHILE I'S CATCHIN' UP
ON THOSE MEDICAID FORMS,
128
00:07:49,528 --> 00:07:53,430
I HEARD AN EERIE,
UNEARTHLY NOISE FROM UPSTAIRS.
129
00:07:53,979 --> 00:07:57,027
- LAVERNE, IT'S PROBABLY
MICE YOU WERE LISTENING TO.
130
00:07:57,136 --> 00:07:58,866
- IT WAS NOT MICE.
131
00:07:58,985 --> 00:08:00,398
AND YOU JUST ENDED
YOUR SENTENCE
132
00:08:00,430 --> 00:08:02,299
WITH A PREPOSITION,
CAPTAIN GRAMMAR.
133
00:08:10,349 --> 00:08:11,481
- WELL, LAVERNE,
I DON'T KNOW
134
00:08:11,517 --> 00:08:12,916
WHAT YOU THINK
YOU HEARD LAST NIGHT,
135
00:08:12,952 --> 00:08:14,551
BUT THE SECOND FLOOR
OF THIS BUILDING
136
00:08:14,587 --> 00:08:16,587
HAS BEEN VACANT
AND SEALED OFF FOR YEARS.
137
00:08:16,622 --> 00:08:18,023
EVER SINCE--
138
00:08:19,558 --> 00:08:21,016
NEVER MIND.
139
00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:23,736
- EVER SINCE WHAT?
140
00:08:23,839 --> 00:08:25,768
- WELL,
A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO,
141
00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:28,434
THERE WAS
A MINOR DISTURBANCE UPSTAIRS.
142
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:30,133
- WHAT KIND
OF MINOR DISTURBANCE?
143
00:08:30,378 --> 00:08:32,676
- SIX GANGSTERS
WERE BLUDGEONED TO DEATH.
144
00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:37,597
- WELL,
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
145
00:08:39,579 --> 00:08:41,249
- THERE WE HAVE WHAT?
146
00:08:42,348 --> 00:08:43,789
- GHOSTS!
147
00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:46,149
- GHOSTS?
OH, LAVERNE, COME ON.
148
00:08:46,183 --> 00:08:47,481
- DOCTOR,
EVERYBODY KNOWS
149
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,415
THAT WHEN PEOPLE DIE
BEFORE THEIR TIME,
150
00:08:49,449 --> 00:08:51,449
THEIR SPIRITS REMAIN BEHIND
AND WANDER THE EARTH.
151
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,152
WELL, MY GRANDMA
TOLD ME THAT.
152
00:08:55,371 --> 00:08:56,702
- HOW WOULD SHE KNOW?
153
00:08:56,737 --> 00:08:58,800
- SHE WAS DEAD AT THE TIME.
154
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:05,777
- OKAY, AUNT LUCIA,
155
00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,923
GIVE MY BEST
TO ALL THE FAMILY IN SICILY.
156
00:09:08,698 --> 00:09:11,816
NO, NO. THESE CALLS
DON'T COST THAT MUCH.
157
00:09:12,854 --> 00:09:15,323
I HAVE ONE OF THOSE
FRIENDS-AND-FAMILY DEALS.
158
00:09:16,346 --> 00:09:18,754
I GO TO MY FRIEND'S
AND CALL MY FAMILY.
159
00:09:20,424 --> 00:09:22,768
CIAO.
[doorbell rings]
160
00:09:22,792 --> 00:09:25,169
- SOPHIA, COULD YOU GET
THE DOOR, PLEASE?
161
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:27,714
- WHO'S THERE?
162
00:09:27,753 --> 00:09:30,294
- IT'S ME, HARRY.
I FORGOT MY HOUSE KEY.
163
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,261
- HOW DO I KNOW IT'S YOU?
164
00:09:33,390 --> 00:09:34,537
- WELL, SOPHIA, JUST--
165
00:09:34,577 --> 00:09:36,634
WHY DON'T YOU
JUST LOOK OUT THE WINDOW?
166
00:09:37,294 --> 00:09:39,276
- HOW DO I KNOW
YOU WON'T FLASH ME?
167
00:09:40,597 --> 00:09:43,129
- SOPHIA,
OPEN THE DOOR.
168
00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:45,341
- I DON'T OPEN
THE DOOR FOR STRANGERS.
169
00:09:47,157 --> 00:09:48,684
- SOPHIA,
WHO'S AT THE DOOR?
170
00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:49,727
- YOUR FATHER.
171
00:09:49,767 --> 00:09:52,342
I'M TAKING HIM
ON A TRIP TO WACKY LAND.
172
00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:58,447
- HERE WE GO.
- DREYFIE, WELCOME HOME.
173
00:09:58,482 --> 00:10:00,045
- THERE'S MY DREYFIE.
- HI, DADDY.
174
00:10:00,084 --> 00:10:03,336
- LOOK, EVERYBODY'S HERE.
DREYFIE, COME OVER HERE.
175
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,520
LOOK WHO'S HERE.
SCOTTY, DREYF IS HOME.
176
00:10:05,556 --> 00:10:07,267
LOOK AT THAT.
HOW'S MY LITTLE BOY TODAY?
177
00:10:07,305 --> 00:10:09,571
- HE'S TERRIFIC, DADDY.
NOT A SNEEZE IN TWO DAYS.
178
00:10:09,593 --> 00:10:10,992
THAT CLEANING REALLY WORKED.
179
00:10:11,132 --> 00:10:14,210
FROM NOW ON, STUDS WITH SUDS
WILL BE COMING TWICE A MONTH.
180
00:10:16,046 --> 00:10:18,147
- HONEY, DO WE REALLY NEED THEM
THAT OFTEN?
181
00:10:18,183 --> 00:10:20,283
- WELL, THE HOUSE GETS
KIND OF DUSTY.
182
00:10:20,318 --> 00:10:21,718
- YEAH, BUT, I MEAN,
THEY'RE KIND OF EXPENSIVE.
183
00:10:21,753 --> 00:10:22,989
- DADDY, I WANT THEM.
184
00:10:24,948 --> 00:10:26,831
- OKAY,
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
185
00:10:26,870 --> 00:10:29,025
- OH, THIS IS SO NICE.
186
00:10:29,060 --> 00:10:31,060
ALL IS RIGHT
WITH THE WORLD.
187
00:10:31,096 --> 00:10:33,129
SCOTTY'S ALLERGIES ARE GONE,
188
00:10:33,164 --> 00:10:34,364
DREYFUSS IS HOME...
189
00:10:34,399 --> 00:10:35,874
- [sneezes]
190
00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:39,622
- OH, NO.
191
00:10:40,438 --> 00:10:41,870
DREYF, NOT YOU.
192
00:10:45,086 --> 00:10:46,786
COME, COME, COME.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT. LET'S SEE.
193
00:10:47,766 --> 00:10:49,784
- OH, BOY! OH, BOY!
194
00:10:50,242 --> 00:10:52,909
I NEVER HAD A DOG BEFORE
IN MY LIFE.
195
00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:54,978
OH, YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT HERE,
DREYFUSS.
196
00:10:55,013 --> 00:10:56,579
WELCOME
TO YOUR NEW HOME.
197
00:10:56,967 --> 00:10:58,872
- THIS IS NOT
HIS NEW HOME, CHARLEY.
198
00:10:58,912 --> 00:11:01,693
IT'S TEMPORARY
UNLESS WE ABSOLUTELY PROVE
199
00:11:01,732 --> 00:11:03,761
THAT DREYFUSS
IS CAUSING SCOTTY'S ALLERGIES.
200
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,253
- [scoffs]
HOW MUCH PROOF DO YOU NEED?
201
00:11:05,277 --> 00:11:06,753
THE KID'S FINE,
THE DOG SHOWS UP,
202
00:11:06,785 --> 00:11:08,365
THE KID'S SICK--
CASE CLOSED.
203
00:11:09,321 --> 00:11:11,790
- CASE IS NOT CLOSED.
WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
204
00:11:12,108 --> 00:11:15,203
- I UNDERSTAND, HARRY.
MY DOG IS YOUR DOG.
205
00:11:18,632 --> 00:11:20,969
- NO.
YOUR DOG IS MY DOG.
206
00:11:25,673 --> 00:11:28,144
I MEAN, MY DOG IS MY DOG.
207
00:11:28,181 --> 00:11:29,833
YOU DON'T HAVE A DOG.
208
00:11:30,860 --> 00:11:32,837
I MEAN DREYFUSS BEEN WITH US
EVER SINCE HE WAS A PUP.
209
00:11:32,868 --> 00:11:34,707
SEVEN YEARS
HE'S PART OF MY LIFE.
210
00:11:34,774 --> 00:11:36,260
- I UNDERSTAND, HARRY.
211
00:11:36,299 --> 00:11:37,466
HE'S YOUR DOG.
212
00:11:38,729 --> 00:11:40,632
I THINK
I'LL CALL HIM SPIKE.
213
00:11:42,015 --> 00:11:43,921
- WATCH OUT.
TAKE IT EASY.
214
00:11:44,677 --> 00:11:46,067
TAKE GOOD CARE OF HIM.
215
00:11:47,131 --> 00:11:48,431
NO, DREYF.
STAY. YOU HAVE TO STAY.
216
00:11:48,466 --> 00:11:51,032
STAY. STAY. STAY.
JUST STAY.
217
00:11:51,869 --> 00:11:53,106
STAY.
218
00:11:54,906 --> 00:11:56,906
- [barking]
219
00:12:03,392 --> 00:12:05,047
- A DOZEN EGG ROLLS,
220
00:12:05,083 --> 00:12:06,983
AND DON'T FORGET
THE PORK FRIED RICE.
221
00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:08,150
THANK YOU.
222
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:10,174
- ALL RIGHT,
CHINESE FOR LUNCH.
223
00:12:10,206 --> 00:12:11,988
- WRONG, I'M HAVIN'
A LITTLE GET-TOGETHER
224
00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:13,089
AFTER CLINIC HOURS.
225
00:12:13,124 --> 00:12:14,256
AND DON'T ASK ME WHAT FOR,
226
00:12:14,292 --> 00:12:15,891
BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER
NOT SUBJECT MYSELF
227
00:12:15,927 --> 00:12:17,795
TO YOUR RIDICULE
AND SKEPTICISM.
228
00:12:19,644 --> 00:12:21,764
- LAVERNE,
I WON'T MAKE FUN OF YOU.
229
00:12:21,799 --> 00:12:22,875
I PROMISE.
230
00:12:23,191 --> 00:12:25,240
NOW, WHAT'S GOING ON?
231
00:12:26,019 --> 00:12:28,178
- I'M HAVIN'
SIX GHOSTS FOR DINNER.
232
00:12:33,845 --> 00:12:36,264
I DID NOT EXPECT
YOU TO UNDERSTAND.
233
00:12:36,681 --> 00:12:38,180
BUT IF YOU CARE
TO EDUCATE YOURSELF
234
00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:40,116
IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE
IN THIS BOOK ON THE AFTERLIFE,
235
00:12:40,151 --> 00:12:42,018
I'M OKAY, YOU'RE DEAD.
236
00:12:44,401 --> 00:12:45,988
- OKAY, SO WHY
DON'T YOU JUST GIVE ME
237
00:12:46,024 --> 00:12:47,329
THE CAPSULE VERSION?
238
00:12:47,351 --> 00:12:48,523
- OKAY.
239
00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:51,494
IF THESE SPIRITS
CAN BE CONVINCED
240
00:12:51,529 --> 00:12:52,937
THAT THEY ARE TRULY DEAD,
241
00:12:52,976 --> 00:12:54,663
THEN THEY WILL VACATE
THESE PREMISES
242
00:12:54,699 --> 00:12:56,849
AND PROCEED
TO THE GREAT BEYOND.
243
00:12:58,102 --> 00:12:59,576
- SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA SAY--
244
00:12:59,743 --> 00:13:02,062
"HERE'S AN EGG ROLL.
GO TOWARD THE LIGHT"?
245
00:13:05,314 --> 00:13:06,535
- YES.
246
00:13:08,548 --> 00:13:10,880
BUT THE BOOK SAYS
I MUST RE-CREATE
247
00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:12,214
AS CLOSELY AS POSSIBLE
248
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:14,183
THE CIRCUMSTANCES
OF THEIR DEMISE.
249
00:13:14,312 --> 00:13:15,384
- UH-HUH.
250
00:13:15,710 --> 00:13:17,465
- ACCORDING TO MY RESEARCH,
251
00:13:17,507 --> 00:13:19,562
AT PRECISELY 9:45,
252
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,557
THEY WAS ENJOYIN'
A BIG CHINESE DINNER
253
00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:22,725
WHEN THEY WAS HERDED UP
254
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:25,376
AND SLAUGHTERED
LIKE SO MUCH LIVESTOCK.
255
00:13:27,198 --> 00:13:29,365
OH, LORD.
I FORGOT TO TELL 'EM NO MSG.
256
00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:33,002
- [laughing]
257
00:13:33,185 --> 00:13:35,545
- HERE YOU GO, DREYF.
WANT A PIECE OF BACON?
258
00:13:36,574 --> 00:13:37,787
DREYFIE.
259
00:13:41,759 --> 00:13:43,205
- DADDY...
260
00:13:43,452 --> 00:13:45,905
YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO BOND
WITH YOUR NEW PET
261
00:13:45,952 --> 00:13:48,077
UNLESS YOU SPEND
MORE TIME WITH HIM.
262
00:13:48,413 --> 00:13:51,027
- CAROL, IT WAS VERY
THOUGHTFUL OF YOU, BUT THAT
263
00:13:51,177 --> 00:13:52,443
BUT THAT IS NOT A PET.
264
00:13:56,279 --> 00:13:58,682
- JUST GIVE HIM
A CHANCE, DADDY.
265
00:13:58,724 --> 00:14:00,390
HE'S VERY ENTERTAINING.
266
00:14:00,425 --> 00:14:02,692
JUST NOW,
HE SWAM IN THE CASTLE
267
00:14:02,728 --> 00:14:04,160
AND OUT OF THE CASTLE.
268
00:14:04,196 --> 00:14:07,944
AND LOOK, DADDY, HE'S NOT
AFRAID OF THE BUBBLEMAN ANYMORE.
269
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,266
- VERY IMPRESSIVE, DEAR.
270
00:14:11,779 --> 00:14:12,969
- OH, COME ON, DADDY.
271
00:14:13,005 --> 00:14:14,591
I MISS DREYFUSS TOO.
272
00:14:15,273 --> 00:14:17,186
I KEEP FORGETTING
HE'S NOT HERE.
273
00:14:17,409 --> 00:14:19,709
LAST NIGHT I DROPPED A PIECE
OF MEATLOAF ON THE FLOOR,
274
00:14:19,745 --> 00:14:21,659
AND THIS MORNING
IT WAS STILL THERE.
275
00:14:23,046 --> 00:14:24,783
- I GUESS
CHARLEY MISSED IT.
276
00:14:34,159 --> 00:14:36,192
- I FEEL LIKE
THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.
277
00:14:36,228 --> 00:14:38,028
IF IT WEREN'T
FOR SCOTTY AND ME,
278
00:14:38,063 --> 00:14:39,804
DREYFUSS
WOULD STILL BE HERE.
279
00:14:40,265 --> 00:14:42,546
MAYBE IT'S TIME
FOR ME TO MOVE OUT.
280
00:14:56,314 --> 00:14:58,191
DID YOU HEAR
WHAT I SAID, DADDY?
281
00:15:00,603 --> 00:15:03,002
- YEAH, I THOUGHT
I WAS DREAMING, YOU KNOW?
282
00:15:04,572 --> 00:15:06,102
YES, DEAR.
283
00:15:08,460 --> 00:15:09,713
I DON'T BLAME YOU.
284
00:15:09,753 --> 00:15:12,294
IT'S JUST
ONE OF THOSE THINGS.
285
00:15:12,397 --> 00:15:13,863
- THANK YOU
FOR SAYING THAT.
286
00:15:13,899 --> 00:15:15,298
NOW, COME ON,
MAKE AN EFFORT.
287
00:15:15,333 --> 00:15:16,579
GIVE HIM A CHANCE.
288
00:15:18,180 --> 00:15:19,410
- OKAY.
289
00:15:21,196 --> 00:15:22,962
HELLO, LITTLE GUY.
290
00:15:24,606 --> 00:15:26,219
HELLO, YOU.
291
00:15:28,278 --> 00:15:29,827
WANT A PIECE OF BACON?
292
00:15:32,617 --> 00:15:35,118
- DADDY,
CALL HIM BY HIS NAME.
293
00:15:35,153 --> 00:15:37,687
- NO. THAT'S IT. NO.
THAT'S WHERE I DRAW THE LINE.
294
00:15:37,722 --> 00:15:38,767
- DADDY.
295
00:15:39,524 --> 00:15:42,541
- I'M NOT CALLING
THAT THING "DREYFISH."
296
00:15:44,196 --> 00:15:45,595
COME ON.
NO.
297
00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:54,624
DREYFIE, DREYFIE...
COME HERE.
298
00:15:54,657 --> 00:15:56,100
OH, COME HERE, MY BUD.
299
00:15:56,140 --> 00:15:57,407
COME OVER HERE.
LET ME SEE YOU.
300
00:15:57,442 --> 00:15:59,397
OH, MY GOSH,
I MISS YOU SO MUCH.
301
00:15:59,437 --> 00:16:00,643
I COULDN'T SLEEP.
302
00:16:01,132 --> 00:16:03,189
CHARLEY TREATING
YOU ALL RIGHT? YEAH?
303
00:16:03,710 --> 00:16:05,619
BASICALLY
HE'S A GOOD GUY.
304
00:16:06,272 --> 00:16:07,443
- HEY!
305
00:16:07,491 --> 00:16:10,422
IF THAT'S A BURGLAR OUT THERE,
YOU'RE IN THE WRONG HOUSE!
306
00:16:12,290 --> 00:16:13,957
THE GUY
NEXT DOOR IS A DOCTOR,
307
00:16:13,992 --> 00:16:16,081
AND I HAPPEN TO KNOW
HE DOESN'T HAVE A WATCHDOG.
308
00:16:17,992 --> 00:16:20,763
- CHARLEY, IT'S ME,
THE DOCTOR WITHOUT THE WATCHDOG.
309
00:16:23,201 --> 00:16:24,601
- HARRY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
310
00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:26,803
- CAME OVER TO SEE DREYF.
311
00:16:26,838 --> 00:16:28,738
- HOW'D YOU LIKE IT
IF I BARGED INTO YOUR HOUSE
312
00:16:28,773 --> 00:16:30,147
WHENEVER I FELT LIKE IT?
313
00:16:31,601 --> 00:16:32,610
- WHAT?
314
00:16:32,648 --> 00:16:34,257
- YOU DON'T CALL.
YOU DON'T KNOCK.
315
00:16:34,289 --> 00:16:35,706
NEXT THING YOU KNOW,
YOU'LL BE EATING MY FOOD
316
00:16:35,746 --> 00:16:36,911
AND DRINKING MY BEER.
317
00:16:39,238 --> 00:16:42,218
- FRANKIE "THE TONGUE" CONROY,
COME ON DOWN.
318
00:16:44,905 --> 00:16:47,420
FAT LOUIE KAPLAN,
COME ON DOWN.
319
00:16:48,881 --> 00:16:50,694
CHOW TIME, DEAD BOYS.
320
00:16:52,244 --> 00:16:53,525
- BETTER SET ANOTHER PLACE.
321
00:16:53,564 --> 00:16:55,272
I HEAR CASPER'S COMING.
322
00:16:58,011 --> 00:16:59,730
- DID YOU COME HERE
JUST TO MOCK ME?
323
00:17:02,282 --> 00:17:04,754
- I'M SORRY, LAVERNE.
I'M A WOMAN OF SCIENCE.
324
00:17:04,805 --> 00:17:06,758
I JUST CAN'T BUY
INTO THIS GHOST STUFF.
325
00:17:06,973 --> 00:17:08,353
- I BELIEVE YOU WILL ALLOW
326
00:17:08,388 --> 00:17:10,588
THEY IS SOME THINGS THAT
EVEN SCIENCE CANNOT EXPLAIN.
327
00:17:10,710 --> 00:17:13,166
- YES.
YOU, FOR EXAMPLE.
328
00:17:14,181 --> 00:17:18,158
[person snoring]
329
00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:21,633
[wheezing]
330
00:17:23,470 --> 00:17:26,057
- I TOLD YOU.
I TOLD YOU, DOCTOR. SEE?
331
00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:27,686
THAT'S THE SOUND
I HEARD THE OTHER NIGHT.
332
00:17:27,735 --> 00:17:29,240
AND NOW THE SPIRITS
ARE ALL RILED UP.
333
00:17:29,713 --> 00:17:31,376
- LAVERNE,
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
334
00:17:31,411 --> 00:17:34,650
[person snoring]
335
00:17:34,698 --> 00:17:36,976
[wheezing]
336
00:17:38,177 --> 00:17:39,777
I'M GONNA GO
SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.
337
00:17:39,820 --> 00:17:41,193
- I WOULDN'T GO UP THERE
IF I WAS YOU.
338
00:17:41,232 --> 00:17:44,523
- I KNOW YOU WOULDN'T,
BUT I AIN'T 'FRAID OF NO GHOST.
339
00:17:46,326 --> 00:17:48,493
- THEN WHY ARE YOU
TAKIN' A BASEBALL BAT?
340
00:17:48,528 --> 00:17:51,455
- 'CAUSE I'D HAVE TO WAIT
FIVE DAYS FOR A HANDGUN.
341
00:17:56,823 --> 00:17:58,606
- YOU BE CAREFUL, DOCTOR.
342
00:17:59,089 --> 00:18:00,425
OH, AND
DON'T FORGET TO TELL 'EM
343
00:18:00,460 --> 00:18:02,695
I GOT FORKS
AND CHOPSTICKS.
344
00:18:03,363 --> 00:18:04,944
- JEROME!
345
00:18:05,699 --> 00:18:08,099
- I'M COMIN'.
I'M COMIN'.
346
00:18:08,135 --> 00:18:09,267
I'M COMIN', DOCTOR.
347
00:18:09,303 --> 00:18:10,769
AS SOON AS I FIND
A GOOD WHOPPIN' STICK.
348
00:18:10,804 --> 00:18:13,053
AND DAMN, YOU TOOK
THE GOOD WHOPPIN' STICK.
349
00:18:13,407 --> 00:18:14,773
OKAY!
350
00:18:15,609 --> 00:18:17,251
- [sighs]
351
00:18:19,212 --> 00:18:20,412
- WHAT IS THIS?
352
00:18:20,447 --> 00:18:23,250
- NOT A GHOST,
BUT AN INCREDIBLE SIMULATION.
353
00:18:24,551 --> 00:18:26,051
- JEROME,
WHAT WERE YOU DOIN' UPSTAIRS?
354
00:18:26,086 --> 00:18:27,519
- HE WAS SLEEPING.
355
00:18:27,554 --> 00:18:30,577
AND SNORING THE GOD-AWFULEST
SNORE YOU EVER HEARD.
356
00:18:31,458 --> 00:18:33,705
- THAT WAS THAT NOISE--
YOU SNORIN'?
357
00:18:33,818 --> 00:18:35,593
- AIN'T MY FAULT.
358
00:18:35,629 --> 00:18:38,211
TOOK A PIECE
OF SHRAPNEL DURING THE WAR.
359
00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:41,502
CAN'T SAY WHERE.
360
00:18:45,164 --> 00:18:46,923
- WHAT WAS YOU DOIN'
SLEEPIN' UPSTAIRS?
361
00:18:47,257 --> 00:18:50,542
- WELL, THE SHELTER'S
BEEN KIND OF CROWDED,
362
00:18:50,577 --> 00:18:52,777
AND IT'S NICE
AND QUIET UP THERE...
363
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,259
EXCEPT WHEN YOU TWO
ARE AROUND.
364
00:18:56,383 --> 00:18:58,765
- WELL, JEROME, I'M SORRY.
365
00:18:58,810 --> 00:19:00,352
WE COULD LOSE OUR INSURANCE.
366
00:19:00,387 --> 00:19:01,943
THERE'S NOBODY ALLOWED
ON THE PREMISES
367
00:19:01,982 --> 00:19:03,788
AFTER HOURS
EXCEPT EMPLOYEES.
368
00:19:04,884 --> 00:19:06,675
I'M SORRY,
BUT YOU CAN'T SLEEP HERE.
369
00:19:07,064 --> 00:19:09,327
- SO I GUESS IT'S BACK
OUT ON THE STREET.
370
00:19:09,363 --> 00:19:11,114
- JEROME, WAIT A MINUTE.
371
00:19:12,232 --> 00:19:13,677
NOW, DOCTOR,
I'VE BEEN THINKIN'.
372
00:19:13,900 --> 00:19:15,100
COULDN'T WE USE
A NIGHT WATCHMAN
373
00:19:15,135 --> 00:19:17,052
SORTA KEEP AN EYE
ON THAT SECOND FLOOR?
374
00:19:17,838 --> 00:19:20,472
- IT'S NOT A BAD IDEA.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, JEROME?
375
00:19:20,507 --> 00:19:21,840
- I DON'T KNOW.
376
00:19:21,875 --> 00:19:23,794
WHAT DOES THE JOB PAY?
377
00:19:25,351 --> 00:19:27,438
- NOTHING.
- I'LL TAKE IT.
378
00:19:29,188 --> 00:19:31,036
- ALL RIGHT, WELL...
379
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:33,170
DREYFISH...
380
00:19:34,376 --> 00:19:36,376
LOOKS LIKE
IT'S JUST YOU AND ME.
381
00:19:38,796 --> 00:19:39,944
DREYFISH?
382
00:19:43,405 --> 00:19:45,807
DREYFISH?
EEH.
383
00:19:47,567 --> 00:19:48,847
- DADDY?
384
00:19:49,323 --> 00:19:50,474
- GOD.
385
00:19:55,907 --> 00:19:57,674
- DADDY,
I'M TOTALLY WIPED OUT.
386
00:19:57,709 --> 00:19:59,309
WOULD YOU MIND HOLDING THE BABY
FOR ME FOR A WHILE?
387
00:19:59,344 --> 00:20:00,643
- YEAH, GIVE ME
THAT LITTLE SWEETHEART.
388
00:20:00,679 --> 00:20:03,921
OH, YEAH, COME OVER HERE.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
389
00:20:03,978 --> 00:20:05,444
- DADDY, WHAT'S ALL OVER
YOUR ROBE?
390
00:20:05,490 --> 00:20:07,737
- I WAS OVER AT CHARLEY'S
PLAYING WITH DREYFUSS.
391
00:20:07,763 --> 00:20:09,292
IT'S JUST
A LITTLE DOG HAIR.
392
00:20:09,327 --> 00:20:10,411
- A LITTLE DOG HAIR?
393
00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:11,872
YOU'RE COVERED IN IT.
394
00:20:12,998 --> 00:20:14,844
AND LOOK AT SCOTTY, DADDY.
395
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:16,388
NOTHING'S HAPPENING.
396
00:20:18,456 --> 00:20:20,746
- NO, HE'S NOT--
HE'S NOT SNEEZING.
397
00:20:21,132 --> 00:20:23,065
HE'S NOT ALLERGIC
TO DREYFUSS.
398
00:20:23,111 --> 00:20:25,812
- DADDY, THIS IS WONDERFUL.
THEN DREYFUSS CAN COME HOME.
399
00:20:25,847 --> 00:20:27,013
- LISTEN, I'M GONNA GET HIM
RIGHT AWAY.
400
00:20:27,049 --> 00:20:28,682
- GREAT.
- HERE, HOLD HIM. THERE YOU GO.
401
00:20:28,717 --> 00:20:30,820
- DADDY?
YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE NICE?
402
00:20:30,852 --> 00:20:32,931
NOW THAT WE'RE
GETTING DREYFUSS BACK,
403
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:35,895
WHY DON'T WE GIVE CHARLEY
DREYFISH?
404
00:20:43,131 --> 00:20:46,035
- [chuckles]
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
405
00:20:48,829 --> 00:20:50,940
CHARLEY, CHARLEY!
406
00:20:50,979 --> 00:20:53,260
DREYFIE, I HAVE GREAT NEWS.
407
00:20:53,307 --> 00:20:54,484
[laughs]
408
00:20:55,542 --> 00:20:56,850
- YOU AGAIN.
409
00:20:58,380 --> 00:21:01,989
- THIS IS GREAT. THE BABY
IS NOT ALLERGIC TO DREYFUSS.
410
00:21:02,021 --> 00:21:03,114
IT'S GOT TO BE
SOMETHING ELSE.
411
00:21:03,154 --> 00:21:04,586
MY ONLY HUNCH
IS THAT IT'S EITHER
412
00:21:04,623 --> 00:21:06,453
THE WOOL BLANKET
THAT AUNT SUSAN SENT HIM
413
00:21:06,488 --> 00:21:09,066
OR THAT RACCOON PELT
THAT HE GOT FROM LAVERNE.
414
00:21:10,532 --> 00:21:13,949
- I HAD A FEELING YOU MIGHT TRY
TO PULL A STUNT LIKE THIS.
415
00:21:14,029 --> 00:21:16,832
- STUNT? CHARLEY,
DREYFUSS CAN COME HOME.
416
00:21:16,868 --> 00:21:18,568
- [scoffs]
DON'T BE SO SURE.
417
00:21:18,603 --> 00:21:20,403
YOU MAY BE THE BIRTH FATHER,
418
00:21:20,438 --> 00:21:22,671
BUT I'M THE ADOPTIVE FATHER.
419
00:21:23,608 --> 00:21:24,740
I GOT RIGHTS.
420
00:21:24,776 --> 00:21:27,208
IN FACT, I GOT
A SOLID CUSTODY CASE.
421
00:21:29,546 --> 00:21:30,880
- CHARLEY,
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
422
00:21:30,915 --> 00:21:32,415
- OH, WELL,
423
00:21:32,450 --> 00:21:35,024
JACOBY & MYERS DIDN'T THINK
IT WAS RIDICULOUS.
424
00:21:35,787 --> 00:21:37,880
WELL, JACOBY DID.
425
00:21:38,256 --> 00:21:40,990
- LOOK, CHARLEY, I REALLY
APPRECIATE EVERYTHING YOU DID.
426
00:21:41,031 --> 00:21:42,322
YOU REALLY CAME THROUGH
FOR ME.
427
00:21:42,353 --> 00:21:44,272
HEY. THANKS.
428
00:21:44,862 --> 00:21:46,627
- [sighs] YEAH.
429
00:21:47,157 --> 00:21:49,095
CAN I AT LEAST HAVE A MOMENT
WITH THE BIG GUY?
430
00:21:51,367 --> 00:21:54,932
HEY, DREYFUSS,
I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU, PAL.
431
00:21:55,313 --> 00:21:56,772
YOU CAME INTO MY LIFE,
432
00:21:56,808 --> 00:21:59,075
PUT A SMILE ON MY FACE,
A TWINKLE IN MY EYE...
433
00:21:59,230 --> 00:22:00,762
A STAIN ON MY RUG.
434
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:03,853
ADIOS, AMIGO.
435
00:22:03,886 --> 00:22:06,792
I'M GONNA WALK OUT THAT DOOR,
AND I'M NOT GONNA LOOK BACK.
436
00:22:14,492 --> 00:22:16,938
- IF I LIVED HERE,
I WOULDN'T LOOK BACK EITHER.
437
00:22:17,258 --> 00:22:18,867
COME ON, DREYFUSS,
WE'RE GONNA GO HOME.
438
00:22:18,906 --> 00:22:21,485
LET'S GO HOME.
COME ON, WE'RE GONNA GO HOME.
439
00:22:25,323 --> 00:22:28,624
- [radio] AND A HIGH OF 78?
IN THE GREATER MIAMI AREA.
440
00:22:28,659 --> 00:22:31,460
AND NOW
FOR THE ITALIAN MUSIC HOUR.
441
00:22:31,496 --> 00:22:34,566
- AH, PERFECT PASTA WEATHER.
442
00:22:53,916 --> 00:22:58,466
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