Original subtitles

[newspaper rustling] - WHERE IS THE, UH...?

ARE YOU FINISHED WITH THE SPORTS SECTION YET?

COME ON, DREYF. COME ON, DREYF.

OFF THE PAPER. OFF THE PAPER.

GEEZ, ALL THOSE YEARS USED TO BE,

"ON THE PAPER. ON THE PAPER."

COME ON. GO.

GOOD MORNING, SWEETHEART.

- IS IT MORNING?

I KNOW IT'S NOT NIGHT BECAUSE IF IT WERE NIGHT,

SCOTTY WOULD BE AWAKE.

- OH, BABY HAD A ROUGH NIGHT, HUH?

- NO, THE BABY HAD A PERFECTLY LOVELY NIGHT.

THREE MEALS, A FIVE-MILE WALK AROUND THE LIVING ROOM,

BRIEF NAP AT 4:00 AM.

IT'S GOOD TO BE THE BABY.

- AW.

- HI, WESTONS.

YOU KNOW, I'VE HAD A LOT OF SUCCESS WITH WOMEN

IN THIS POSITION.

LAST CALL.

- DADDY, MAKE HIM GO AWAY!

- OH, VERY NICE.

CONSIDERING I BROUGHT A GIFT FOR LITTLE SCOTTY.

- A PRESENT? OH, LOOK. A BLANKET.

WITH SYMBOLS OF WHITE IMPERIALISM ALL OVER IT.

- CAROL, IT'S COWBOYS AND INDIANS.

- IT'S LAND GRABBERS

AND EXPLOITATION OF NATIVE PEOPLES.

- SO, DO YOU LIKE IT?

- CHARLEY, THIS WAS VERY SWEET OF YOU,

BUT I DON'T WANT MY CHILD WAKING UP

TO SUCH HORRIFYING IMAGES.

- BUT THAT BLANKET IS A FAMILY HEIRLOOM.

AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT RUNNING EAGLE SAID

AT THE GARAGE SALE.

- SWEETHEART, DON'T YOU THINK MAYBE YOU'RE OVERREACTING?

COME ON, IT'S A VERY NICE BLANKET.

- I'M SORRY, DADDY, BUT I REFUSE TO INTRODUCE

SCENES OF VIOLENCE TO SCOTTY'S WORLD.

THESE ARE HIS FORMATIVE DAYS.

- WELL, I DOUBT THAT HE'S FORMING POLITICAL OPINIONS.

HE'S YET TO FIND HIS BIG TOE.

- OH, MY GOD. AT WHAT AGE IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?

- OH, MY--

- HARRY, IS THE BIG TOE THE ONE THAT STAYED HOME,

OR THE ONE THAT HAD ROAST BEEF?

- DADDY, I'M SERIOUS.

DO YOU THINK TH--TH--THAT LITTLE SCOTTY

HAS POOR EYE-TOE COORDINATION?

- CAROL. CAROL. COME ON, LISTEN.

YOU'RE GETTING ALL WORKED UP ABOUT NOTHING, YOU KNOW?

YOU KNOW, IT MIGHT HELP YOU TO TALK TO OTHER MOTHERS.

YOU SHOULD FIND ONE OF THOSE MOTHER-CHILD GROUPS.

I THINK YOU COULD GET A LOT OUT OF ONE OF THOSE.

- YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT, DADDY.

RAISING A CHILD IS FRAUGHT WITH PITFALLS.

YOU SEE WHAT CAN HAPPEN.

- LIFE GOES ON AND SO DO WE

JUST HOW WE DO IT IS NO MYSTERY

ONE BY ONE WE FILL THE DAYS

WE FIND A THOUSAND DIFFERENT WAYS

SOMETIMES THE ANSWER CAN BE HARD TO FIND

THAT'S SOMETHING I WILL NEVER BE

I'M ALWAYS HERE

FOR ANYTHING YOU NEED

RAIN OR SHINE I'LL BE THE ONE

TO SHARE IT ALL AS LIFE GOES ON

WE SHARE IT ALL

AS LIFE GOES ON

- WHOA. IS THAT A HAMBURGER?

- NOPE. IT'S A BACON CHEESEBURGER.

- OHH, THAT LOOKS YUMMY.

- IF YOU'RE GOOD, I'LL LET YOU LICK THE WRAPPER.

- BOY, I WISH I COULD.

- WELL, MAYBE MAXINE DOESN'T HAVE

THE CHOLESTEROL PROBLEM YOU DO.

- WHAT IS YOUR CHOLESTEROL?

- LAVERNE, PLEASE, I BARELY KNOW YOU.

- WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY,

"IF YOU WANT YOUR ARTERIES CLEAN AS A WHISTLE,

LAY OFF THE BACON, LARD N' GRISTLE".

- LAVERNE, DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.

LAST TIME I HAD A PHYSICAL, MY CHOLESTEROL WAS JUST FINE.

- YEAH, WHEN WAS THAT?

- LOOK, YOU'RE BOTH FAIRLY NEW HERE.

SO, LET ME FILL YOU IN.

THIS IS A PUBLIC CLINIC.

IT IS A RUDE AND IMPERSONAL PLACE.

LET'S KEEP IT THAT WAY.

- I'LL TELL YOU WHAT? I'LL DO YOUR PHYSICAL.

- OH, NO, YOU WON'T.

IF I WERE GONNA HAVE A PHYSICAL,

I'D GO TO SOMEBODY LIKE TED OSBORNE.

- WHAT'S WRONG WITH DR. WESTON?

- LAVERNE, I HAVE A RULE.

I NEVER GET NAKED AT WORK.

- MAXINE, I'M A DOCTOR.

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

- OKAY, HARRY.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE FOR ME TO GIVE YOU YOUR PHYSICAL?

- PFFT. TED OSBORNE'S YOUR MAN.

- HI, SOPHIA.

- HERE.

I'M RETURNING HARRY'S CHAINSAW.

IT'S OUTTA GAS, AND A COUPLE OF TEETH ARE MISSING.

JUST LIKE ME.

- SOPHIA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH A CHAINSAW?

- IT WAS LUMBERJACK NIGHT AT SHADY PINES.

- LUMBERJACK NIGHT?

- YEAH, BUT THINGS GOT A LITTLE OUT OF HAND.

SHADY PINES ISN'T QUITE AS SHADY AS IT USED TO BE.

- AHH, SOPHIA, HOW ARE THINGS AT THE RETIREMENT HOME?

- VERY SUNNY.

AND IT'S NOT A RETIREMENT HOME. IT'S A RETIREMENT HOTEL.

- WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

- WELL, FOR ONE THING.

IT GIVES A WHOLE NEW MEANING TO CHECK-OUT TIME.

- HI, DADDY, HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

- IT WAS INSANE. YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE THIS.

I'M AT THE BANK,

AND THIS MANIAC WITH DYNAMITE STRAPPED TO HIS BODY

COMES SCREAMING IN, AND THEN--

- THAT'S NICE.

I'VE CALLED 12 MOTHER-AND-CHILD GROUPS,

AND I CAN'T DECIDE WHICH ONE TO JOIN.

- I'M SURE ANY ONE OF THEM WOULD BE FINE.

- NO, DADDY, IT HAS TO BE THE RIGHT ONE.

I MEAN, THERE'S--THERE'S VEGETARIAN MOTHER AND CHILD,

C-SECTION MOTHER AND CHILD,

MOTHER AND MOTHER AND CHILD.

LESBIAN COUPLES.

THEN THERE'S-- - SWEE--SWEETHEART,

WHY DON'T YOU JUST CALL THE REC CENTER DOWN THE STREET?

YOU NEED TO FIND A NICE NEIGHBORHOOD GROUP,

OF OTHER MOTHERS EXACTLY LIKE YOURSELF.

OR BETTER YET, TOTALLY DIFFERENT.

all: RING AROUND THE ROSIE

A POCKETFUL OF POSIES

ASHES, ASHES

WE ALL FALL DOWN

[all laughing]

- FUN FACT TO KNOW AND TELL.

- OH, GOOD. ANOTHER ONE.

- THIS SONG IS ACTUALLY A 17TH CENTURY SONG

ABOUT THE BUBONIC PLAGUE,

WHICH WAS TRANSMITTED TO PEOPLE BY RAT FLEAS.

- SHALL WE MOVE ON?

WHY DON'T YOU ALL PUT YOUR BABIES DOWN--

- UH, STOP.

DO YOU KNOW THE CHEMICAL COMPOSITION OF THE RUG?

BECAUSE TH--THERE COULD BE TOXIC FUMES

EMANATING FROM THE FIBERS.

- YOU KNOW, CAROL, I DON'T.

- ALSO, HAS THIS BUILDING BEEN CHECKED FOR ASBESTOS DUST?

- I'M NOT SURE. - AND RADON GAS?

I HAVE A PAMPHLET YOU MIGHT WANNA TAKE A LOOK AT.

- HA HA, ANY OTHER QUESTIONS TODAY?

- UH, LAURIE, THERE'S SOMETHING THAT'S REALLY BEEN BUGGING ME.

- OH, I'LL TALK TO CAROL LATER.

- UH, NO, I MEANT, IS IT OKAY TO TALK BABY TALK TO YOUR BABY?

- SURE, YEAH. WHATEVER YOU'RE COMFORTABLE WITH.

- NO, NO, NO. NO BABY TALK.

OH, HERE.

THEY'RE LIKE LITTLE SPONGES.

SEE, I'VE READ THAT YOU SHOULD SPEAK

THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO SPEAK IN PROPER ENGLISH.

ALTHOUGH I DO SOMETIMES SPEAK TO SCOTTY IN FRENCH.

"JUSTE UN PEU".

- UH, CAROL, THESE ARE INFANTS.

IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER IF YOU TALK POT ROAST OR POLITICS.

- WELL, MY THINKING--

- NO, SEE, THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

YOU'RE THINKING TOO MUCH.

IT'S A RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU'RE ESTABLISHING,

AND IF YOU'RE GOOD AT RELATIONSHIPS,

THEN YOU'LL BE GOOD AT PARENTING.

- IS THAT A HARD-AND-FAST RULE?

- WELL, THE IMPORTANT THING IS JUST BEING THERE FOR YOUR BABY.

- OH, WELL, THAT'S ME.

I MEAN, I SIT UP ALL NIGHT BY HIS CRIB,

SO THAT IF HE NEEDS ANYTHING HE WON'T HAVE TO CRY.

- HMM, BIG MISTAKE.

- WHY? WHAT'S WRONG?

- WELL, IT'S NATURAL FOR A BABY TO CRY.

THE BABY IS SUPPOSED TO CRY.

THAT'S HOW THEY LEARN HOW TO COMMUNICATE.

- NOW, MAYBE I'M BEING SILLY, BUT...

YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE I'M DOING EVERYTHING WRONG.

- I'M SORRY, CAROL. UM.

GROUP, WHY DON'T WE TALK ABOUT THE THINGS

THAT CAROL'S DOING RIGHT?

- DOCTOR, YOU'RE EATING A DONUT.

- YOU SURE KNOW YOUR PASTRIES.

- DIDN'T YOU SEE DR. OSBORNE? - YEAH.

- AND HE SAID YOU COULD HAVE THAT?

- IT'S A PRESCRIPTION DONUT.

[telephone ringing]

- CANAL STREET CLINIC.

UM, JUST A MINUTE.

IT'S DR. OSBORNE'S OFFICE FOR YOU.

- YES, THIS IS DR. DOUGLAS.

HI, TED, HOW ARE YOU?

MORE IMPORTANTLY, HOW AM I?

UH-HUH.

UH-HUH.

- UH-HUH.

- OH, REALLY?

WELL, CAN'T IT WAIT TILL NEXT WEEK?

I SEE.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.

- SO, WHAT'D HE SAY?

WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

- LAVERNE, ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE CONCEPT

OF DOCTOR-PATIENT CONFIDENTIALITY?

- OF COURSE I AM.

SO, WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

- ALL RIGHT, DEAR. BYE-BYE. SEE YOU.

- HARRY, CAN YOU COVER FOR ME FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS?

I NEED SOME TIME OFF.

- IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

- EVERYTHING'S FINE.

COME ON. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

I WOULDN'T ASK IF IT WASN'T IMPORTANT.

- SURE, THERE'S NO PROBLEM. GO AHEAD.

- THANKS. - YOU'RE WELCOME.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T ASK HER WHY SHE NEEDS TIME OFF.

- IT'S NONE OF OUR BUSINESS.

- WELL, SOMETHIN' IS GOIN' ON,

AND I HAPPEN TO KNOW WHAT IT IS.

- WHAT? - NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

SEE? NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS.

- OH, LAVERNE.

- SHE JUST GOT HER TEST RESULTS FROM DR. OSBORNE.

AND THE NEXT THING SHE DOES IS ASK FOR TIME OFF?

NEED I SAY MORE?

- YES, A LOT MORE. WHAT WERE THE RESULTS?

- I DON'T KNOW.

- THEN HOW DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING'S WRONG?

- SHE THREW AWAY HER DONUT.

- OH, MY GOD. NOT HER DONUT.

CHARLEY?

- OH, THANK GOD YOU'RE HOME.

- WH-WHAT'S WRONG? - I DON'T KNOW

WHAT I'M GONNA DO. - WHAT IS IT?

- CAROL SAID NO TO ANOTHER BABY GIFT.

LOOK AT THIS FACE.

WHO COULD RESIST THIS FACE?

I'M KEEPING BITSY BEAR FOR MY VERY OWN.

- WELL, SHE LOOKS A LOT SMARTER

THAN MOST OF THE GIRLS YOU GO OUT WITH.

- MORE RESPONSIVE TOO.

- ALL RIGHT, WHAT DIDN'T SHE LIKE ABOUT BITSY?

- OH, IT'S THE EYES. THEY COULD POP OUT,

AND THE BABY COULD CHOKE ON 'EM.

- WELL, ACTUALLY, THAT'S A LEGITIMATE CONCERN.

- HEY, YOU KNOW, IN THE HEAT OF A SERIOUS FACE SUCKING,

I'VE DOWNED A CONTACT LENS OR TWO AND IT NEVER HURT ME.

- WHAT ABOUT A BOOK?

- CAN'T SAY. NEVER SWALLOWED ONE.

- I MEANT AS A GIFT FOR THE BABY.

- [chuckles] OH, NO.

BOOKS ARE A SWAMP I'M NOT GONNA ENTER.

I CAN HEAR CAROL NOW.

"BOOKS HAVE SHARP CORNERS.

"DEATH OF CUDDLY ANIMALS.

FEMALE CHARACTERS WITHOUT MEANINGFUL ROLES."

- YEAH, WELL, CAROL IS A STICKLER.

- HARRY, I CAN'T GO ON WITH THIS GIFT BUSINESS FOREVER.

I MEAN, I HAVE A JOB AND A LIFE.

- HMM.

- WELL, I HAVE A JOB.

- WELL, CHARLEY,

MAYBE CAROL WILL RELAX HER REQUIREMENTS A LITTLE.

I MEAN, SHE WENT TO HER FIRST MOTHER-CHILD GROUP TODAY.

I THINK BEING WITH OTHER MOTHERS

WILL PUT THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE.

- DADDY, WOULD YOU HOLD SCOTTY?

- YES, COME OVER HERE. OOH, YEAH.

- GOOD. NOW, CAN YOU RAISE HIM?

I AM THE WORST MOTHER IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

- BOY, I BET MY MOM'LL BE GLAD TO LOSE THAT TITLE.

- SWEETHEART, EVERY PARENT MAKES MISTAKES.

I MEAN, YOU ACCIDENTALLY STICK THE BABY WITH A SAFETY PIN,

OR Y--YOU TAKE YOUR EYES OFF HIM FOR A MOMENT,

AND THEY ROLL OFF THE BED AND BUMP THEIR HEAD.

- WHAT KIND OF A HORRIBLE PARENT WOULD DO THAT?

- UH, ME.

NO, COME ON.

I WAS A LITTLE AWKWARD AT FIRST.

I MEAN, THE FIRST TIME I GAVE YOU YOUR BOTTLE,

I--I DIDN'T NOTICE THAT THE HOLE IN THE NIPPLE

WASN'T BIG ENOUGH. [laughs]

YOU ALMOST SUCKED YOURSELF INSIDE OUT.

YOU WERE-- [imitates sucking]

- YOU DID THOSE THINGS TO ME...

AND NOBODY CALLED THE AUTHORITIES?

- WELL, HONEY, I--

- DADDY, HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?

- LOOK, I MEAN, ALL PARENTS DO.

- WHAT OTHER KINDS OF TERRIBLE MISTAKES DID YOU MAKE?

- HAVING THIS LITTLE TALK COMES TO MIND.

LOOK, CA--CA--CAROL,

Y--YOU WILL GO TO YOUR NEXT MOTHER-CHILD GROUP

AND I PROMISE YOU, YOU WILL BE FINE.

- NO, DADDY, I CAN'T GO BACK.

THEY SAID I MISSED THE WHOLE POINT OF PARENTHOOD.

- THERE IS NO POINT TO PARENTHOOD.

I MEAN--WHAT I MEAN-- WHAT I MEAN IS

THAT THERE'S NO ONE RIGHT WAY TO BE A PARENT.

YOU'RE AS GOOD A PARENT AS ANY OTHER MOTHER IN THAT GROUP.

- YOU THINK? - I KNOW.

YOU GO BACK THERE AND SHOW THEM WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF.

- YOU'RE RIGHT, DADDY.

AT THE VERY LEAST, I'M A WAY BETTER PARENT THAN YOU WERE.

- OH, WELCOME BACK, DR. DOUGLAS.

HOW WAS YOUR TIME OFF?

- OKAY.

- DID YOU DO ANYTHING SPECIAL?

- HAD TO GO TO SARASOTA.

WHERE THERE ANY CALLS FOR ME?

- SARASOTA.

ODD PLACE TO GO THIS TIME OF YEAR.

OF COURSE, IT IS HOME OF TIPPY, WORLD'S FRIENDLIEST ALLIGATOR.

- DAMN. MISSED THAT ONE.

LOOK, IF DR. OSBORNE CALLS, PLEASE INTERRUPT ME.

- DR. WESTON.

DR. DOUGLAS IS BACK FROM HER TRIP

AND GUESS WHERE SHE WAS?

SARASOTA.

- SO?

- DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S IN SARASOTA?

- YEAH, TIPPY, THE WORLD'S FRIENDLIEST ALLIGATOR.

- MY FIRST THOUGHT AS WELL,

BUT IF YOU'LL ALSO REMEMBER,

IT'S HOME OF THE SULLIVAN CARDIAC CENTER.

- OH, LAVERNE, COME ON. YOU'RE JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS.

- SHE IS WAITING FOR A CALL FROM DR. OSBORNE

AND SHE TOLD ME I CAN INTERRUPT HER,

SO IT MUST BE SOMETHIN' SERIOUS

'CAUSE SHE NEVER LIKES TO BE INTERRUPTED.

[telephone ringing]

CANAL STREET CLINIC?

UH, JUST A MINUTE.

IT'S DR. OSBORNE, WHAT SHOULD I DO?

- I DON'T KNOW.

YOUR JOB?

- UM, DR. DOUGLAS, IT'S DR. OSBORNE ON LINE ONE.

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW, WE'RE HERE FOR YOU.

- HI, BABY.

OF COURSE I CAN MEET YOU FOR LUNCH.

YES, IT WAS A WONDERFUL TWO DAYS IN SARASOTA.

EVEN BETTER TWO NIGHTS.

WELL, LET'S DO IT AGAIN

AS SOON AS YOU GET YOUR STRENGTH BACK.

- I AM TELLIN' YOU,

SHE TAKES TWO DAYS OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WEEK

TO RUN OFF TO A WORLD FAMOUS HEART CLINIC.

- LAVERNE, I THINK YOU'RE WAY OFF BASE.

- LEMME ASK YOU THIS.

WHO EVER HEARD OF A PERSON GOIN' ALL THE WAY TO SARASOTA,

AND NOT TAKIN' A RIDE ON TIPPY?

- I AM A GOOD MOTHER. I AM A GOOD MOTHER.

I HAVE MY DIAPER BAG, MY STROLLER, MY PURSE.

OKAY, I HAVE EVERYTHING.

EXCEPT MY BABY.

AND MY CAR KEYS.

OH, MY GOD! MY KEYS!

I DON'T BELIEVE IT! HELP!

HELP! - WHAT'S THE MATTER?

- THE BABY'S LOCKED IN THE CAR!

- YOU LOCKED YOUR BABY IN THE CAR?!

- ME? OH, HEAVENS, NO, NOT ME.

I--I--I WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A STUPID THING TO MY CHILD.

- THE SUN ROOF IS OPEN A CRACK. THANKS GOD.

- OH, THANK GOD, THE BABY'S SAFE.

OBVIOUSLY HIS MOTHER IS NOT A COMPLETE FOOL.

- IT'S OKAY, LITTLE GUY, WE'RE GONNA GET YOU OUTTA THERE.

- IT'S OKAY. IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

[Scotty crying]

- YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM THE WINDOW.

YOU'RE SCARING HIM.

- YOU KNOW, I COULD REACH THE LOCK IF I HAD A COAT HANGER.

- WHAT KIND OF MOTHER WOULD DO SUCH A THING?

- YES. THAT WOMAN SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF HERSELF.

WHERE IS THAT WOMAN?

- CAROL, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LOCKED YOUR BABY IN THE CAR.

- IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

- DON'T WORRY, I'LL GO GET THE CHAINSAW.

- SCOTTY.

- CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, LOUISE?

AFTER TWO INCREDIBLE DAYS IN SARASOTA,

HE INVITES ME TO LUNCH TODAY AND TELLS ME IT'S OVER.

TO HEAR THIS OUT OF THE BLUE?

I MEAN, YOU NEVER EXPECT THAT SOMETHING LIKE THIS

IS GONNA HAPPEN TO YOU.

ALL I WAS ASKING FOR WAS A COUPLE OF MONTHS.

HAVE A FEW DINNERS, MAYBE HAVE SEX ONCE MORE BEFORE I DIE.

- OH, DR. DOUGLAS, YOU POOR THING.

I AM SO SORRY.

[crying]

- I'LL HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK, LOUISE.

I'M BEING HUGGED BY A WHITE WOMAN.

- [crying] - LAVERNE, WHY ARE YOU CRYING?

- WHAT'S GOING ON?

- I KNEW IT. SHE ONLY HAS A COUPLE OF MONTHS LEFT.

- A COUPLE OF MONTHS?

- I KNOW DR. OSBORNE'S THE BEST,

BUT MAYBE YOU COULD GET A SECOND OPINION.

- WHY? I KNOW WHEN I'VE BEEN DUMPED.

- WHAT?

- WELL, NOT THAT IT'S ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS,

BUT I'VE BEEN DATING TED OSBORNE.

- SINCE WHEN?

- EVER SINCE MY PHYSICAL.

- SO, WHAT WAS SARASOTA?

- YOUR BASIC SEX FEST.

- YOU LET ME WORRY ALL THIS TIME

AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN DYIN'?

DOCTOR, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHIN'?

- WELL, TED WANTED TO KEEP IT QUIET

UNTIL HIS DIVORCE WAS FINAL.

- TED'S GETTING A DIVORCE? I'LL BE DAMNED.

I WONDER WHO'LL GET THE JAG?

- I HOPE HIS WIFE GETS EVERYTHING

AFTER WHAT HE DID TO ME.

I'M NOT USED TO BEING TREATED LIKE THIS.

- WELL, THAT RAT.

- IS HE EVER.

ALL THAT MAN HAD ON HIS MIND WAS SEX, SEX, SEX.

GOD, AM I GONNA MISS HIM.

- DO YOU WANNA HAVE A CUP A TEA AND TALK ABOUT IT?

- NO. I WANT A HOT FUDGE SUNDAE.

BUT THANKS TO THE TWO OF YOU, I CAN'T.

ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE,

HE TOLD ME MY CHOLESTEROL IS THROUGH THE ROOF.

- DON'T WORRY, SCOTTY.

MOMMY WILL NEVER LOCK YOU IN THE CAR AGAIN.

I'VE GOT A HIDE-A-KEY, COAT HANGER,

AND IF THAT DOESN'T WORK...

MISTER BRICK.

- OH, HEY, SWEETIE.

OH, THERE'S MY LITTLE SCOTTY.

YES. YEAH, LOOK AT YOU.

SO, HOW YOU DOING?

- FINE, I'M FINE A--AND THE BABY'S FINE.

THAT'S THE IMPORTANT THING.

- OF COURSE, THAT'S THE IMPORTANT THING.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?

- NOTHING. I MEAN WHAT YOU MEAN.

- OKAY, I'M FINE.

- FINE.

[doorbell ringing]

- HI, CAROL. - LAURIE, HI, COME IN.

DADDY, THIS IS LAURIE FROM THE MOTHER-AND-CHILD GROUP.

- OH, NICE TO MEET YOU.

- WE MISSED YOU AT THE MEETING TODAY.

- OH, WELL, I--I--I HAD SOME CAR TROUBLE.

- OH REALLY? WHAT HAPPENED? - OH, NOTHING MUCH.

IT'S WITH THE--THE GEARS AND THE THINGS AND THE CABLE.

I'M FINE. CAR'S FINE. EVERYONE'S FINE.

- CAROL, UH, I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.

YOU WERE RIGHT.

WE HAD THE CARPETING AT THE REC CENTER ANALYZED,

AND IT'S JUST WREAKING OF TOXIC CHEMICALS.

- OH, WELL, THAT IS GOOD NEWS.

- SEE, HONEY,

AND YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT BEING A BAD MOTHER?

- A BAD MOTHER? YOU KNOW WHAT?

I WISH ALL MOTHERS WERE AS TOGETHER AS YOU.

JUST TODAY, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE REC CENTER,

I HEARD SOME AIRHEAD LOCKED HER BABY IN THE CAR.

I MEAN, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

- GET OUT OF HERE.

- YES, SHE REALLY DID.

- NO, I MEAN GET OUT OF HERE.

- CAROL, I FINALLY GOT A FOOL PROOF BABY GIFT, FOR YOU.

- OH.

CHARLEY, THIS IS THE SAME BLANKET AS BEFORE.

- NOT QUITE. I CUT OUT ALL THE COWBOYS AND INDIANS.

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