Original subtitles

- OKAY, LAVERNE! WHO'S NEXT?

- MR. GARRISON. - GOD!

AGAIN? - YEAH.

THAT MAN KEEPS REPEATIN' ON YOU LIKE A HOT LINK SAUSAGE.

- DOCTOR! SOMETHING'S FLARED UP.

I THINK--I THINK IT'S MY PANCREAS.

- Y--Y--YOUR PANCREAS?

- YEAH, I KEEP GETTING SHARP PAINS RIGHT THERE.

OHH! OHH!

- RIGHT HERE, YOU SAY?

- YEAH--YEAH--YEAH THAT'S IT, DOCTOR.

WHAT IT IS? RUPTURED PANCREAS?

PANCREATITIS?

- WHEN DID YOU FIRST NOTICE THIS?

- TWO HOURS AGO, DURING MY MORNING TUMOR SEARCH.

- AND UH...HOW OFTEN HAVE YOU BEEN CHECKING IT?

- EVERY FEW MINUTES. YEAH OH! OH!

- WELL, I'M--I'M AFRAID WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO REMOVE IT.

- MY PANCREAS?

- NO, YOUR FINGERS! JUST STOP POKING YOURSELF!

COME ON!

- WELL, THAT'S--THAT'S IT? - THAT'S IT, SIR.

- WELL, AREN'T YOU GONNA RUN ANY TESTS?

- NO. HERE--HERE--HERE.

NOW, MR. GARRISON, PLEASE.

NOW, LISTEN TO ME.

YOU'VE BEEN HERE EVERY DAY THIS WEEK.

THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.

THE ONLY PERSON I SEE MORE OF AROUND HERE IS YOUR NEPHEW.

- OH, DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION TO HIM!

HE'S A HYPOCHONDRIAC!

- LIFE GOES ON, AND SO DO WE

JUST HOW WE DO IT IS NO MYSTERY

ONE BY ONE, WE FILL THE DAYS

WE FIND A THOUSAND DIFFERENT WAYS

SOMETIMES THE ANSWER CAN BE HARD TO FIND

THAT'S SOMETHING I WILL NEVER BE

I'M ALWAYS HERE

FOR ANYTHING YOU NEED

RAIN OR SHINE

I'LL BE THE ONE

TO SHARE IT ALL AS LIFE GOES ON

WE SHARE IT ALL

AS LIFE GOES ON

- HERE YOU GO, DOCTOR.

- OHH, I JUST LOVE BROWNIES.

- YEAH, THIS IS AN OLD FAMILY RECIPE,

AND THEY'S A FASCINATIN' STORY THAT GOES ALONG WITH IT.

- CAN I JUST HAVE THE BROWNIE?

- SUIT YOURSELF.

- OW!

- YOU GOT THE LUCKY BRAZIL NUT!

- LUCKY BRAZIL NUT?

- YOU SHOULDA LISTENED TO MY STORY.

- WELL, THAT HURT.

- WELL, I'M SORRY 'BOUT THAT, DOCTOR,

BUT NOW BACK IN HICKORY,

WE DO SOMETHIN' FIX YOU RIGHT UP.

- LIKE WHAT?

GO DOWN TO THE SWAMP, AND LICK A BULLFROG?

- NO, GO TO A DENTIST.

WE QUIT USIN' THAT BULLFROG THING YEARS AGO.

- YEAH, LAVERNE! YOU'VE MADE BROWNIES!

- CAREFUL, I THINK I BROKE A TOOTH.

- AHHH, YOU GOT THE LUCKY BRAZIL NUT.

- I TOLD HER SHE SHOULD GO TO THE DENTIST.

- WELL--WELL, OF COURSE SHE SHOULD GO.

GO. I'LL--I'LL COVER THINGS HERE.

- I CAN'T. I'VE GOT THAT INTERVIEW TODAY

WITH THE MIAMI EXAMINER.

THE TOOTH CAN WAIT.

OW! TOOTH CAN'T WAIT.

- MAXINE, JUST GO TO THE DENTIST. GO!

I MEAN I--I'LL DO THE INTERVIEW.

- OKAY, BUT REMEMBER A GOOD STORY

CAN REALLY BRING IN THE DONATIONS.

- DON'T WORRY, MAXINE.

I'VE DONE A MILLION OF THESE THINGS.

- THANKS. GIVE 'EM HELL, HARRY.

- OKAY.

LAVERNE, LET ME KNOW WHEN THAT REPORTER GETS HERE.

- ALL RIGHT, BUT WHEN HE DOES, LET ME GIVE YOU A TIP.

DON'T MAKE THAT SUCKIN' SOUND.

- WHAT SUCKING SOUND?

- LATELY AFTER YOU EAT, ALL I HERE IS "TSK TSK."

- I DO NO SUCH THING!

- BELIEVE ME, DOCTOR! YOU SUCK!

- [baby crying] - SHH, SHH, SHH.

- HEY, I GOTTA LEASH AND COLLAR JUST LIKE THAT.

- CHARLEY, WHAT WOULD YOU NEED A LEASH AND COLLAR FOR?

- OHH, LIKE YOU'VE NEVER PLAYED BAD DOGGIE, BAD DOGGIE?

WOOF, WOOF, WOOF.

[telephone ringing]

- HELLO?

OH, HI, BRENDA.

YEAH, I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THE PARTY.

F. SCOTT AND I WILL BE THERE

AT 1:00 SHARP.

OF--OF--OF COURSE I'M BRINGING THE LASAGNA.

IT'S--IT'S IN THE OVEN NOW. SEE YOU.

OH, MY GOD. I FORGOT THE LASAGNA!

- LASAGNA, CAN I HAVE A PIECE?

- THERE IS NO LASAGNA! I'VE GOTTA MAKE IT,

AND I'VE GOTTA GET SCOTTY TO THE PEDIATRICIAN.

CHARLEY, DO ME A FAVOR

AND TAKE DREYFUSS TO THE VET FOR ME.

- WHY SHOULD I?

YOU WOULDN'T GIVE ME ANY LASAGNA.

- THERE IS NO LASAGNA, YOU IDIOT! COME ON!

JUST THIS ONE LITTLE FAVOR. THAT'S ALL I'M ASKING.

- NO WAY! THAT'S HOW IT STARTS.

SOON YOU'D BE ASKING FOR FAVORS ALL THE TIME.

- WHAT? - THAT'S HOW IT WAS WITH ME.

IT ALL STARTED WITH THAT FIRST BEER YOU GAVE ME.

NOW I'M OVER HERE EATIN' YOUR FOOD,

DOING MY LAUNDRY, MAKING HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS

OF 976 CALLS ON YOUR PHONE.

- YOU DID WHAT?

YOU'VE BEEN MAKING THOSE IMMORAL,

DISGUSTING CALLS FROM THIS HOUSE?

- AHH! NO TIME TO TALK! I GOTTA GET TO THE VET.

I GOTTA SICK DOG ON MY HANDS.

- THANK GOD.

I THOUGHT THOSE CALLS WERE DADDY'S.

SHHH, IT'S OKAY.

- FRANK MILLARD IS HERE FROM THE EXAMINER.

NOW REMEMBER-- - YEAH! I KNOW--I KNOW.

THE SUCKING NOISE. PLEASE.

- NO. DON'T CROSS YOUR LEGS.

- WHY NOT?

- BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A BIG GIRL!

RIGHT THIS WAY, MR. MILLARD.

- UH--UH HI, I'M DOCTOR WESTON.

- FRANK MILLARD. - OH, SIT DOWN. HERE WE GO.

OH, WAIT! FRANK MILLARD!

YOU'RE--YOU'RE ON SPORTS! YOU COVER THE DOLPHINS!

- USED TO COVER THE DOLPHINS.

- WELL, YOU WROTE SOME GREAT STUFF WHAT HAPPENED?

- IT'S A LIE!

I DID NOT SPIT IN DON SHULA'S FACE!

THAT'S THE WAY I SPEAK!

SO, THIS IS IT, HUH? - YEAH, THAT'S IT.

- IT REMINDS ME OF THE LOCKER ROOM AT EBBETS FIELD.

- OH REALLY? THANKS. - THEY OUGHTA TEAR

THIS JOINT DOWN, TOO. SO, COME ON.

GIVE ME YOUR SPIEL. - WELL,

LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE, THE BOTTOM LINE IS DOLLARS.

- YEAH, YEAH.

- AND WE'VE BEEN WORKING ON A SHOESTRING BUDGET.

SO STANDARDS ARE NOT QUITE UP--

- WHOA, WHOA. TIME OUT, DOC.

YOU'RE PUTTIN' ME TO SLEEP HERE.

LET'S COME UP WITH AN ANGLE. UHH...

SO, WHAT MADE YOU JOIN THE TEAM?

- WELL, IN CLINICS LIKE THIS,

ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR QUALIFIED DOCTORS.

- GOOD! GOOD! SO THEY BROUGHT YA IN FROM THE BULLPEN

TO GET THE SAVE, RIGHT?

- WELL...YEAH. I JUST WANNA DO MY PART.

- AND YOU REALLY CAME TO PLAY?

- I--I DO THE BEST I CAN.

- AND I SUPPOSE YOU ALWAYS GIVE 110%, HUH?

- YEAH, I GUESS.

- EVERYBODY'S A JOCK.

- IS THE DOCTOR IN?

I'M HAVING AN APPENDICITIS ATTACK.

- MR. GARRISON, YOU'RE APPENDIX

WAS TOOK OUT WHEN YOU WAS 12!

- MAYBE IT GREW BACK!

- THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE!

- ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE IF YOU BELIEVE.

- I'M SORRY, YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE.

THE DOCTOR'S IN THE MIDDLE OF AN INTERVIEW

WITH THE MIAMI EXAMINER! - OH, REALLY?

OH, I'VE GOT STORIES THAT'LL CURL HIS HAIR.

MEDICAL NIGHTMARES. - NO, NOW LISTEN.

YOU STAY AWAY FROM THAT DOOR, AND I'LL RUN YOU SOME TESTS.

- WHAT KIND OF TESTS?

- WE'LL STAR WITH A EKG.

- AND...? - AND MAYBE PPD.

- HOW ABOUT AN MRI?

- YOU'RE DREAMIN'...

BUT I GOT SOMETHIN' THAT'S JUST PERFECT FOR YOU.

A G-I-T. - WHAT'S THAT?

- GIT! - OHH!

- I THINK I GOT EVERYTHING I NEED HERE.

- THAT'S IT? WE'RE DONE?

- YEAH! I GOT THE ANGLE.

I GOT THE FINAL SCORE. ALL I NEED NOW IS THE FILLER.

- OH, R--REALLY?

I MEAN I FEEL THERE'S SO MUCH I-I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU.

- OH HEY, DOC, I'D LOVE TO STAY AND TALK, BUT I GOTTA GET OVER

TO THE PILLSBURY BAKE-OFF.

- GOD. THEY GOT YOU COVERING THAT TOO?

- NO, I'M STARVIN'.

- HI, I'M DR. HEATHER COOKE.

- WELL, WELL, WELL.

HELLO...

I'M CHARLEY DIETZ,

BUT YOU CAN CALL ME BUCK.

- BUCK?

- THAT'S MY PROFESSIONAL NAME.

I'M A...BRONCO BUSTER.

- UH WELL, IT SAYS HERE

THAT DREYFUSS IS OWNED BY THE WESTON FAMILY.

- OH, I'M DOING THIS FOR MY NEIGHBOR HARRY.

HE RELIES ON ME QUITE A BIT.

- WELL, THAT'S VERY THOUGHTFUL OF YOU.

I WISH I HAD A NEIGHBOR LIKE THAT.

- MAYBE YOU CAN. WHERE DO YA LIVE?

- SO, WE HAVE A MILD INFLAMMATION OF THE EAR.

- YES. ONLY IT'S NOT MILD, AND IT'S NOT MY EAR.

- HELLO, DREYFUSS.

DON'T WORRY BOY, I DON'T BITE.

- DO YOU NIBBLE?

- WELL, I HAVE SOME DROPS THAT'LL TAKE CARE OF THAT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

AS LONG AS I'M HERE, I'M GONNA CHECK HIM OUT.

- YOU LUCKY DOG.

- ANY OTHER PROBLEMS?

- YEAH, YOU KNOW MY DOCTOR SAYS

MY CHOLESTEROL'S A LITTLE HIGH,

HE WANTS ME TO LAY OFF MEAT. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- CHARLEY, I'M A VETERINARIAN.

- REALLY?

DON'T YOU MISS CHEESEBURGERS JUST A LITTLE?

- GOOD MORNIN', SLUGGER.

- SLUGGER?

- OH, YOU AIN'T SEEN THE PAPER TODAY?

HERE. - OHHH, THE ARTICLE!

"HOMETOWN HERO KNOCKS ONE OUT OF THE PARK FOR CLINIC."

OOH, THAT'S CUTE.

- GETS EVEN CUTER.

- "CAME IN FROM THE BULLPEN TO MAKE THE SAVE.

A ONE-MAN TEAM".

WHAT IS THIS?

THIS IS ALL ABOUT ME.

HE DOESN'T EVEN MENTION YOU OR MAXINE.

- OH, SURE HE DOES.

"DOCTOR WESTON REGULARLY MAKES THE BIG PLAY

"WITH AN OCCASIONAL ASSIST

FROM HIS ABLE NURSE...DARLENE"!

NOW THEY'S ONE FOR MAMA'S SCRAPBOOK.

- I-I DID NOT SAY THAT.

THIS--THIS LOOKS LIKE I'M TAKING ALL THE CREDIT.

- YOU NOTICED THAT, TOO?

- UH...DID MAXINE-- I MEAN...

DID MAXINE SEE THIS YET?

- SCARED?

- YEAH, THIS IS DR. HARRY WESTON

LET ME TALK TO FRANK MILLARD.

UH-HUH.

YOU--YOU HAVE HIM CALL ME AS SOON AS HE CAN!

NO, THIS IS NOT A SPITTING COMPLAINT!

AH!

HEY, MAXINE...HO HO HO. GOOD MORNING.

- GOOD MORNING, DOCTOR GOD.

HELLO, DARLENE.

- WOULD YOU TAKE A LOOK AT MY THROAT?

DOCTOR DOUGLAS SAYS IT ISN'T INFLAMED.

- WELL, THEN I'M SURE IT ISN'T.

- OH, I WANT AN OPINION FROM THE BEST.

- WELL, WHO SAYS I'M THE BEST?

- YOU DID. IT'S IN THE NEWSPAPER.

- I-I NEVER SAID ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

THAT REPORTER REALLY KINDA TWISTED EVERYTHING ALL AROUND.

- OH. TO THINK I USED TO COME HERE

WHEN SHE WAS THE ONLY DOCTOR.

I WAS RISKING MY LIFE!

- I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU.

YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN.

- MAXINE, MAXINE, MAXINE! I CAN EXPLAIN EVERYTHING.

MAXINE, BELIEVE ME!

THOSE QUOTES WERE TAKEN COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTEXT!

- OH, REALLY?

AND EXACTLY WHAT WAS THE CONTEXT OF THIS REMARK?

"AS TO WHY HE VOLUNTEERED, DOCTOR WESTON SAID,

"'THE CLINIC WAS DESPERATE FOR A GOOD DOCTOR'."

AS OPPOSED TO THE QUACK WHO WAS ALREADY HERE?

- I CAN'T, UH-- - HERE'S A BEAUTY.

"BEFORE WESTON'S ARRIVAL, THE CLINIC WAS STRICTLY

A BUSH LEAGUE OPERATION." WHAT IS THAT?

- IT'S--IT'S A MISTAKE!

IT'S A--A--A HUGE, UGLY MISTAKE!

I WISH, I WISH YOU WOULD'VE GIVEN THAT INTERVIEW.

- HOW COULD I?

WHEN YOU WERE PUSHING ME OUT THE DOOR TO THE DENTIST.

- PUSHING YOU OUT THE DOOR? YOU CRACKED YOUR TOOTH!

- AND I WOULDN'T BE A BIT SURPRISED IF YOU PLANTED

THAT BRAZIL NUT IN BLONDIE'S BROWNIES!

- MAXINE, COME ON! YOU'RE BEING UNREASONABLE!

- IF I WAS BEING UNREASONABLE,

I'D PART YOUR HAIR WITH THAT COAT RACK!

- WAIT A--

- WOOF! WOOF!

[coughs twice]

WOOF! WOOF!

[coughs twice]

- CHARLEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- YOU KNOW, I THINK DREYFUSS

HAS TAKEN A TURN FOR THE WORSE.

HE DEVELOPED THIS HACKING COUGH.

KEPT ME UP ALL NIGHT.

- I THOUGHT YOU SAID HE WAS THE NEIGHBOR'S DOG.

- THAT'S HOW LOUD HE WAS.

- SEEMS FINE TO ME.

- THANK YOU. THANK YOU, DOCTOR.

AND THANK YOU. I--I WON'T FORGET.

- EXCUSE ME?

- IT'S JUST A PROMISE I MADE

TO DONATE MY TIME TO UNDERPRIVILEGED ANIMALS

IF DREYFUSS WAS SPARED.

- REALLY?

THE ANIMAL SHELTER'S LOOKING FOR PEOPLE

TO CLEAN OUT KENNELS ON WEEKENDS.

I'LL CALL 'EM. - NO! NO--NO, UH...

YOU KNOW, THAT SOUNDS GREAT, BUT PLEASE DON'T CALL.

I--I'D RATHER GET IT ON MY OWN.

- I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU WERE SUCH AN ANIMAL LOVER.

- YES, I AM.

OF COURSE... I CAN BE GENTLE, TOO.

- HEH HEH!

YOU ARE DEFINITELY A CHARMER!

UH WELL, YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE ME.

WE'RE ALL JAMMED THIS MORNING.

YOU ARE JUST ADORABLE.

- ISN'T HE, THOUGH?

TRY THAT AGAIN, YOU'RE PUPPY CHOW.

- UH, EXCUSE ME. DOCTOR DOUGLAS?

- YES. - HELLO, I'M JANE WALSH.

I'M A REPORTER WITH THE BANNER.

UH, THAT'S MY-- - SAVE IT.

I'VE HAD MY FILL OF REPORTERS.

- YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. - LOOK, I DON'T HAVE TIME.

- NO, BUT MY EDITOR KNOWS ALL ABOUT HOW YOU FOUNDED

THIS CLINIC, AND THEN HE READ

THAT ONE-SIDED ARTICLE ON DOCTOR WESTON,

AND HE WANTED ME TO DO A PIECE ON YOU.

- HAVE A SEAT.

CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING? COFFEE? CANDY?

I COULD SEND OUT FOR CHINESE.

- UHH...NO. THANKS.

NOW, WE FELT THAT THE WAY DOCTOR WESTON

TOOK ALL THE CREDIT WAS NOT ONLY UNFAIR,

BUT TOTALLY INACCURATE.

- I COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER.

- TELL ME, DOCTOR.

AT WHAT POINT DID RACE BECOME AN ISSUE?

- WHAT?

- WELL, AS A WHITE DOCTOR

EDUCATED BY AN ELITIST MEDICAL SCHOOL SYSTEM.

DID HE SIMPLY COME IN AND TAKE OVER?

OR WAS THERE A POWER STRUGGLE?

- MISS WALSH, RACISM IS NOT AN ISSUE HERE.

- OH... IT'S SEXISM, ISN'T IT?

YES!

THE CAREER OF A FEMALE DOCTOR

BEING SUPPRESSED, BY A DOMINEERING

EGOCENTRIC MALE.

- WAIT A MINUTE!

YOU'VE ALREADY WRITTEN THIS ARTICLE!

WHY DON'T YOU TRY INTERVIEWING ME INSTEAD OF YOURSELF?

- EXCUSE ME, BUT I HAPPEN TO BE A PROFESSIONAL REPORTER.

- YES, BUT IN SPITE OF THAT.

LET'S TRY TO GET A FEW FACTS STRAIGHT!

NOW SIT DOWN! NOTEPAD OUT!

PENCIL UP! YOU WRITE. I'LL TALK.

- LIMP. LIMP.

LIMP.

GOT IT?

WORK WITH ME, DREYFUSS.

YOU'RE MY FURRY LITTLE TICKET TO PARADISE.

NOW, I GOTTA WHIMPER LIKE THIS.

MMM. MMM.

MMM.

COME ON, DREYFUSS!

PAY ATTENTION!

YOU'D THINK WITH A HEAD THAT SIZE YOU'D HAVE A BIGGER BRAIN.

[barking]

I'M KIDDING. I'M KIDDING.

ONE MORE TIME?

- AND WHEN I CALLED THE REPORTER TO CLEAR THINGS UP,

HE WOULDN'T EVEN TALK TO ME.

- YOU'VE DONE ALL YOU CAN, DADDY.

- I'M SORRY MAXINE'S FEELINGS ARE HURT, BUT SHE JUST...

I MEAN, WON'T LISTEN.

- THEN IT'S HER PROBLEM, NOT YOURS.

- YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT.

THEN WHY DO I FEEL GUILTY?

- BECAUSE WE FEEL, DADDY.

IT'S THE WESTON WAY.

- [howling sound]

- SEE? EVEN DREYFUSS FEELS YOUR PAIN.

- COME ON, DREYFUSS.

YOU GOTTA PUT MORE AGONY INTO IT.

REALLY SELL IT LIKE THIS...

- CHARLEY?

WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU AND DREYFUSS?

- WELL... IF YOU MUST KNOW,

MY PARENTS NEVER BOUGHT ME A PONY.

- ALL RIGHT, CHARLEY. THE TRUTH.

- ALL RIGHT!

I'M TEACHING DREYFUSS TO LIMP.

I GOTTA GET HIM BACK TO THE DOGGY DOCTOR.

YOU SHOULD SEE THAT NEW VET BABE.

- UGH! I SHOULD'VE KNOWN.

- CHARLEY, I BELIEVE THIS IS A NEW LOW FOR YOU.

- PLEASE, HARRY, LET ME GO A LITTLE LOWER.

I'M ALMOST THERE.

- LOOK, CHARLEY, YOU-- YOU GET YOUR OWN PET.

- MY OWN PET? YEAH, WHY NOT?

I WONDER WHAT KIND OF A PET SAYS CHARLEY DIETZ?

- HOW ABOUT A WEASEL?

- WHERE AM I GONNA FIND A WEASEL?

WAIT...WAIT.

THE CITY'S CRAWLING WITH STRAY CATS.

I BET I COULD FIND ONE WITH A LIMP!

- OH, MY GOD. WHAT HAVE I DONE?

- DON'T WORRY, DADDY, EVEN ALLY CATS HAVE STANDARDS.

COME ON.

- NOTHING PERSONAL, DREYFUSS, BUT HEY--EY!

YOU'RE TOO OLD TO LEARN A NEW TRICK.

DOCTOR, THIS TIME, IT'S--IT'S MY OWN PET...

PRINCESS.

- WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE TROUBLE?

- WELL, FOR STARTERS, SHE'S A LITTLE HIGH STRUNG.

- YES, I CAN SEE THAT.

I CAN ALSO SEE THAT "SHE" IS A HE, CHARLEY.

PRINCESS IS A BOY.

- SURE FIGHTS LIKE A GIRL.

- CHARLEY, THIS IS A SICK CAT.

- YOU'RE TELLING ME...

YOU SHOULD SEE WHERE HE LICKS HIMSELF.

- I THINK PRINCESS MAY HAVE AN INTESTINAL OBSTRUCTION.

HE MAY NEED SURGERY.

- PLEASE, DOCTOR, WHATEVER IT TAKES.

JUST DO IT. THANK GOD WE HAVE YOU.

YOU KNOW, I FEEL LIKE THIS HAS DRAWN US CLOSER TOGETHER.

HOW ABOUT DINNER TONIGHT?

- UH, GEE, CHARLEY, I WOULD'VE LOVED TO BEFORE,

BUT I'M TREATING PRINCESS NOW,

AND I HAVE A POLICY NEVER TO SOCIALIZE

WITH MY PATIENT'S OWNERS.

- WHAT?

- BUT, I REALLY RESPECT YOU.

IT'S NOT EVERYONE THAT WOULD SPEND THIS KIND OF MONEY

TO SAVE A CAT. - UHHH.

HOW MUCH MONEY WE TALKING HERE?

- ABOUT $500.

- IS THAT IN CAT DOLLARS?

- REMOVING AN INTESTINAL OBSTRUCTION

IS A DIFFICULT PROCEDURE.

- BUT... COULDN'T YOU JUST, LIKE,

SQUEEZE 'EM REAL HARD?

- WE HAVE GOT TO DO SOMETHIN' ABOUT DOCTOR WESTON.

THAT MAN'S HEAD IS A-SWELLIN' OUTTA CONTROL.

LOOK AT THIS ARTICLE IN THE BANNER.

"DOCTOR WESTON, MIRACLE MEDICAL WORKER."

WHEN DO YOU SUPPOSE HE HAD TIME FIT THAT INTERVIEW IN?

- HE DIDN'T GIVE THAT INTERVIEW.

I DID.

- NORMALLY THIS NEVER HAPPENS TO ME, BUT I'M CONFUSED.

- ALL RIGHT, MAXINE, THIS HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH.

NOW, IF YOU FEEL WE CANNOT RESOLVE OUR DIFFERENCES--

- DOCTOR, YOU BETTER READ THIS.

- WHAT IS THIS?

"DOCTOR WESTON IS ONE OF THE FINEST MEN

I'VE EVER KNOWN."

W--W--WHAT'S GOING ON?

MAXINE, DID YOU ACTUALLY SAY THAT?

- DON'T LET IT GO TO YOUR HEAD.

BELIEVE ME, IT MAKES ME SICK

TO READ ALL THE NICE THINGS I SAID ABOUT YOU.

- I DON'T UNDERSTAND. - ME NEITHER!

NOW MY NAME IS LAVENE?

- MAXINE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY...I...

WHY'D YOU DO IT?

- WELL, THAT REPORTER CAME HERE

READY TO DO A HATCHET JOB ON YOU.

SO, I HAD TO STRAIGHTEN HER OUT.

- LOOKS LIKE YOU DID. THANKS.

- WELL, I FIGURED I OWED IT TO YOU AFTER THE WAY

I BLEW MY TOP THE OTHER DAY.

I CAN SEE NOW HOW THESE INTERVIEWS GET OUTTA HAND.

- I WISH I'D OF HANDLED MY INTERVIEW THAT WELL.

- I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU DONE A MILLION OF THESE THINGS.

- I--I NEVER SAID I WAS GOOD AT THEM.

- WE HAVE A VISITOR!

- OH, HI, DEAR. WHAT CAN WE DO FOR YOU?

- HI, I'M FROM MY SCHOOL NEWSPAPER,

AND I'D LIKE TO DO A STORY ON YOUR CLINIC.

WHO CAN I TALK TO?

- NOT ME AGAIN! - NOT ME.

- LOOK, DOCTOR. YOU'RE GONNA LOVE TO STORY, THE LITTLE

KIDS WROTE ABOUT THE CLINIC.

- I'VE SEEN ENOUGH STORIES ABOUT THE CLINIC.

- NOT AS GOOD AS THIS ONE.

- "LAVERNE GIVES SHOTS THAT DON'T HURT.

"LAVERNE SAVED A LITTLE BOY'S LIFE ONCE.

LAVERNE...LAVERNE...LAVERNE... LAVERNE."

AHHH, HERE I AM!

"DOCTOR WESTON HAS A BIG DOG NAMED DREYFUSS,

WHO REALLY, REALLY LIKES LAVERNE."

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