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1
00:00:03,227 --> 00:00:05,026
- LAVERNE...
2
00:00:05,062 --> 00:00:06,795
GUESS WHAT I'VE GOT.
3
00:00:06,830 --> 00:00:08,510
- LIVER SPOTS.
4
00:00:14,238 --> 00:00:15,292
- NO.
5
00:00:15,405 --> 00:00:16,804
- BIRD LEGS!
6
00:00:19,546 --> 00:00:21,309
- LAVERNE,
YOU'LL NEVER GET IT.
7
00:00:21,345 --> 00:00:23,376
- OPERA TICKETS.
- OP--
8
00:00:26,917 --> 00:00:28,049
HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?
9
00:00:28,085 --> 00:00:29,514
- IT'S A GIFT.
10
00:00:31,088 --> 00:00:32,758
- SO, LAVERNE, YOU GONNA BUY
THOSE OPERA TICKETS
11
00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:34,061
FROM ME OR WHAT?
12
00:00:38,262 --> 00:00:40,829
- COME ON, MAXINE, WE SHOULDN'T
BE COMPETING WITH EACH OTHER
13
00:00:40,864 --> 00:00:42,197
TO TRY TO SELL THESE TICKETS.
14
00:00:42,232 --> 00:00:43,322
- YEAH.
15
00:00:43,355 --> 00:00:44,443
I LIKED IT BETTER LAST YEAR
16
00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:46,146
WHEN WE HAD
THAT CELEBRITY AUCTION.
17
00:00:46,545 --> 00:00:48,674
ONLY PROBLEM WAS NOBODY KNEW
A CELEBRITY.
18
00:00:51,041 --> 00:00:53,141
SO DR. OGILVY
DONATED A BIC PEN
19
00:00:53,177 --> 00:00:55,050
AND SAID IT BELONGED
TO PATSY CLINE.
20
00:00:56,713 --> 00:00:59,198
SOME NUT BOUGHT IT
FOR 26 BUCKS.
21
00:01:11,995 --> 00:01:13,695
-
LIFE GOES ON
22
00:02:12,593 --> 00:02:14,226
- COME ON, LAVERNE,
HOW MANY OPERA TICKETS
23
00:02:14,262 --> 00:02:15,461
CAN I PUT YOU DOWN FOR?
24
00:02:15,496 --> 00:02:18,531
- I TOLD DR. DOUGLAS
I HAVE PLANS FOR THAT NIGHT.
25
00:02:18,566 --> 00:02:20,533
- WELL, CANCEL THEM.
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.
26
00:02:20,568 --> 00:02:22,368
LOOK, THE PROCEEDS
FROM THIS PERFORMANCE
27
00:02:22,403 --> 00:02:24,070
GO TO CLINICS
ALL OVER THE CITY.
28
00:02:24,105 --> 00:02:26,672
NOW, IF WE DON'T SUPPORT IT,
HOW CAN WE ASK OTHER PEOPLE TO?
29
00:02:26,708 --> 00:02:28,518
- YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
30
00:02:29,744 --> 00:02:32,233
DR. DOUGLAS,
PUT ME DOWN FOR ONE TICKET.
31
00:02:33,881 --> 00:02:35,081
- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
32
00:02:36,784 --> 00:02:38,005
WHAT?
33
00:02:38,319 --> 00:02:40,446
- THAT'S ONE MORE
FOR THE GOOD GUYS.
34
00:02:43,224 --> 00:02:45,024
- SHE ASKED ME FIRST.
35
00:02:45,059 --> 00:02:47,793
- BUT, LAVERNE, WE'VE KNOWN
EACH OTHER FOR 8 YEARS.
36
00:02:47,829 --> 00:02:50,508
- THEN WHY DID YOU WAIT
TILL THE LAST MINUTE TO ASK ME?
37
00:02:53,787 --> 00:02:55,797
- SO HOW MANY TICKETS
HAVE YOU SOLD?
38
00:02:56,289 --> 00:02:58,998
- OH, SO FAR, I DON'T KNOW.
I REALLY HAVEN'T KEPT TRACK.
39
00:02:59,036 --> 00:03:00,564
COULD BE ANYWHERES UP TO...
40
00:03:01,328 --> 00:03:02,379
30.
41
00:03:03,263 --> 00:03:04,664
- UP TO 30?
42
00:03:04,717 --> 00:03:07,397
- WELL, I SAID I'M GUESSING.
COULD BE 30, COULD BE 20.
43
00:03:08,770 --> 00:03:09,888
- COULD BE ONE.
44
00:03:09,935 --> 00:03:12,468
- [chuckling]
COULD BE ONE.
45
00:03:13,685 --> 00:03:16,650
THAT IS, I MEAN,
ONE THAT I'M ABSOLUTELY SURE OF.
46
00:03:17,522 --> 00:03:19,121
- YOU'RE NOT REAL GOOD
AT THIS, ARE YOU?
47
00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:21,624
- UH, DON'T YOU WORRY
WHAT I'M GOOD AT.
48
00:03:21,659 --> 00:03:24,857
I'LL BET BY NEXT FRIDAY,
I SELL MORE TICKETS THAT YOU DO.
49
00:03:24,897 --> 00:03:26,163
- YOU'RE ON!
50
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:29,087
LOSER HAS TO WORK THE LATE SHIFT
FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS.
51
00:03:29,190 --> 00:03:31,848
- TWO WEEKS?
WHY NOT FOUR WEEKS?
52
00:03:32,593 --> 00:03:34,724
- WHY NOT EIGHT WEEKS?
53
00:03:36,898 --> 00:03:39,098
- WHY NOT SIX MONTHS?
54
00:03:41,169 --> 00:03:44,476
- YOU'RE ON.
- YEAH, TWO WEEKS IS GOOD.
55
00:03:48,609 --> 00:03:50,409
- LET'S GO, LET'S GO, LET'S GO!
COME ON, COME ON!
56
00:03:50,445 --> 00:03:52,745
- COME ON, WHAT? WHAT, WHAT?
- CAROL'S HAVING HER BABY!
57
00:03:52,780 --> 00:03:54,580
- [stammering]
CAROL'S HAVING THE BABY WHERE?
58
00:03:54,615 --> 00:03:56,048
- ON THE PHONE!
I'LL GET YOUR JACKET!
59
00:03:56,083 --> 00:03:57,616
- NO, I HAVE MY JACKET!
60
00:03:57,652 --> 00:03:59,051
- I'LL GET YOUR CAR!
- NO!
61
00:03:59,086 --> 00:04:00,515
GET MY CAR!
62
00:04:01,656 --> 00:04:04,015
UH, H-HI, SWEETHEART.
63
00:04:04,789 --> 00:04:07,022
UH-HUH, OKAY.
YOU'RE RIGHT? GOOD.
64
00:04:07,328 --> 00:04:09,295
NO.
NO, NO, DON'T WORRY.
65
00:04:09,330 --> 00:04:12,344
NO, I'LL--I'LL MEET YOU
AT THE HOSPITAL.
66
00:04:12,645 --> 00:04:14,200
RIGHT. BYE!
67
00:04:14,235 --> 00:04:16,569
OH, MY GOD.
CAROL'S IN LABOR.
68
00:04:16,604 --> 00:04:18,103
- WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
69
00:04:18,139 --> 00:04:20,782
- UH, CALL THE HOSPITAL AND--
AND TELL THEM I'M ON MY WAY.
70
00:04:20,814 --> 00:04:22,314
- HOW'S CAROL GETTING
TO THE HOSPITAL?
71
00:04:22,349 --> 00:04:24,276
- SHE SAYS
SHE'S GOT THAT HANDLED.
72
00:04:24,312 --> 00:04:27,016
- OH, GOD!
I CAN'T FIND MY CAR KEYS!
73
00:04:27,448 --> 00:04:28,981
DADDY!
74
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:37,430
- OH, THANK YOU.
75
00:04:38,526 --> 00:04:41,226
AND THANK YOU.
AND THANK YOU.
76
00:04:44,432 --> 00:04:46,098
SHE CALLED ALL THOSE PEOPLE?
77
00:04:46,133 --> 00:04:48,056
- PLUS THE CABLE GUY.
78
00:04:50,614 --> 00:04:53,836
ANYWAY, SHE'S NOT DILATED.
THERE'S NO CONTRACTIONS AT ALL.
79
00:04:53,876 --> 00:04:55,547
I THINK THIS LABOR'S
ALL IN HER HEAD.
80
00:04:55,585 --> 00:04:56,982
- [Carol]
OKAY!
81
00:04:57,025 --> 00:04:58,667
LET'S HAVE THIS BABY!
82
00:05:00,490 --> 00:05:02,156
OH, DOCTORS...
83
00:05:02,192 --> 00:05:05,120
I'M READY
FOR MY FETAL MONITOR!
84
00:05:05,615 --> 00:05:06,748
- NO, HEY, HEY, HEY...
85
00:05:06,787 --> 00:05:08,630
WHY DON'T YOU LET ME
HANDLE THIS?
86
00:05:08,665 --> 00:05:10,863
- OH, MY PLEASURE.
- THANK YOU.
87
00:05:13,656 --> 00:05:14,956
HEY!
- HI, DADDY!
88
00:05:14,991 --> 00:05:17,091
YOU KNOW, DADDY,
THIS IS NOT HALF AS BAD
89
00:05:17,126 --> 00:05:18,326
AS I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE.
90
00:05:18,361 --> 00:05:20,428
I MEAN, YES,
I'M A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE,
91
00:05:20,463 --> 00:05:23,764
BUT WHAT IS THAT COMPARED
TO THE JOY OF GIVING LIFE?
92
00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:27,034
WHY DO WOMEN COMPLAIN SO
ABOUT LABOR?
93
00:05:30,273 --> 00:05:33,475
- WELL, THEY--THEY COMPLAIN,
DEAR, BECAUSE THEY'RE ACTUALLY...
94
00:05:33,507 --> 00:05:34,831
IN LABOR.
95
00:05:37,180 --> 00:05:38,512
- I'M IN LABOR.
96
00:05:38,767 --> 00:05:41,094
- NO.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
97
00:05:41,838 --> 00:05:43,220
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
98
00:05:43,786 --> 00:05:46,356
- SWEETHEART, I MEAN, A LOT
OF THINGS CAN INDICATE LABOR--
99
00:05:46,395 --> 00:05:48,852
SHORTNESS OF BREATH,
A RISE IN TEMPERATURE, BUT...
100
00:05:48,981 --> 00:05:52,059
THE ONE COMMON DENOMINATOR
THAT MOST WOMEN LOOK FOR,
101
00:05:52,095 --> 00:05:55,935
THE ONE--THE ONE THING THAT
WILL CONFIRM THEIR SUSPICIONS
102
00:05:56,566 --> 00:05:59,365
VIRTUALLY ALL THE TIME
IS, UH...
103
00:06:00,370 --> 00:06:01,702
PAIN.
104
00:06:07,019 --> 00:06:08,142
- PAIN?
105
00:06:08,177 --> 00:06:10,344
- NOW, DID YOU FEEL PAIN?
106
00:06:10,380 --> 00:06:11,989
- TWINGES...
107
00:06:13,216 --> 00:06:15,247
PAINFUL TWINGES.
108
00:06:16,119 --> 00:06:18,719
- I SEE, AND THIS LED YOU TO
BELIEVE THAT YOU WERE IN LABOR?
109
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,028
- YES.
110
00:06:21,318 --> 00:06:23,099
- LET ME PUT IT TO YOU
ANOTHER WAY.
111
00:06:24,060 --> 00:06:25,873
COULD YOU RIGHT NOW
112
00:06:26,410 --> 00:06:29,430
KILL ME, YOUR FATHER,
FOR A SHOT OF MORPHINE?
113
00:06:30,019 --> 00:06:31,032
- NO.
114
00:06:31,067 --> 00:06:34,143
- WELL, WHEN YOU CAN,
WE'LL TALK LABOR.
115
00:06:44,781 --> 00:06:47,684
- I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
DON'T START WITHOUT ME.
116
00:06:48,184 --> 00:06:50,014
SOPHIA, YOU HAVE TO COME.
117
00:06:50,045 --> 00:06:52,457
LAMAZE CLASS IS STARTING,
AND YOU'RE MY COACH.
118
00:06:53,656 --> 00:06:56,457
YOU'RE AT A FUNERAL--
I'M SORRY.
119
00:07:01,847 --> 00:07:03,066
SOPHIA...
120
00:07:03,648 --> 00:07:04,765
SOPHIA!
121
00:07:06,140 --> 00:07:09,050
SOPHIA, WHY ARE ALL THOSE PEOPLE
YELLING "BINGO"?
122
00:07:18,677 --> 00:07:20,748
- I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT THIS, CAROL.
123
00:07:24,058 --> 00:07:26,492
- CHARLEY, I HAVE CALLED
EVERYONE I KNOW,
124
00:07:26,527 --> 00:07:27,993
AND YOU ARE ELECTED.
125
00:07:28,029 --> 00:07:31,733
BELIEVE ME, I WOULD RATHER HAVE
ANDREW DICE CLAY AS MY COACH.
126
00:07:36,971 --> 00:07:38,737
- CAROL, I DON'T BELONG HERE.
127
00:07:38,773 --> 00:07:41,579
I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO SAY
TO A PREGNANT WOMAN...
128
00:07:43,344 --> 00:07:46,335
I MEAN, BESIDES,
YOU KNOW, "SORRY."
129
00:07:54,622 --> 00:07:58,057
- JUST KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT
AND TRY NOT TO EMBARRASS ME.
130
00:08:01,495 --> 00:08:03,830
- HEY, I THINK I SLEPT
WITH THAT GIRL.
131
00:08:07,201 --> 00:08:08,634
- IS EVERYBODY READY?
132
00:08:08,669 --> 00:08:10,703
OKAY, WE'D LIKE TO THANK
CAROL WESTON
133
00:08:10,738 --> 00:08:11,971
FOR THE USE OF HER HOME TONIGHT.
134
00:08:12,006 --> 00:08:13,512
THANK YOU, CAROL.
135
00:08:13,841 --> 00:08:15,374
AND, CAROL,
WOULD YOU LIKE TO INTRODUCE
136
00:08:15,409 --> 00:08:16,742
YOUR ALTERNATE COACH
TO THE CLASS?
137
00:08:16,777 --> 00:08:19,504
- NO, NO, NOPE, NOPE.
NO, THANKS. I'M FINE.
138
00:08:21,248 --> 00:08:22,450
- HEY, BABE.
139
00:08:24,062 --> 00:08:25,820
- OH, MY GOD.
140
00:08:34,261 --> 00:08:35,894
- THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.
141
00:08:35,930 --> 00:08:38,097
- RELAX, CAROL,
IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.
142
00:08:38,132 --> 00:08:40,232
I BARELY REMEMBER IT.
I'M SURE SHE DOESN'T EITHER.
143
00:08:40,267 --> 00:08:43,000
- SEPTEMBER 12, 1986...
144
00:08:44,605 --> 00:08:47,606
I WAS OUT OF MY MIND
ON MEDICATION.
145
00:08:47,642 --> 00:08:50,168
I HAD A FEVER OF 104.
146
00:08:50,845 --> 00:08:53,212
- ALL I REMEMBER IS...
147
00:08:53,247 --> 00:08:55,348
THAT WAS ONE HOT BABE.
148
00:08:58,552 --> 00:09:01,212
- WELL, THEN, LET'S REVIEW
SOME OF OUR EXERCISES,
149
00:09:01,253 --> 00:09:02,788
STARTING WITH THE PUSH.
150
00:09:02,823 --> 00:09:05,591
WE'RE ON OUR BACKS,
OUR KNEES ARE APART,
151
00:09:05,626 --> 00:09:09,094
PELVIS CONTRACTED FORWARD...
AND RELEASE.
152
00:09:09,130 --> 00:09:10,183
GOOD!
153
00:09:10,222 --> 00:09:12,789
FORWARD...
AND RELEASE.
154
00:09:13,265 --> 00:09:15,698
- ISN'T THAT WHAT GOT YOU GALS
INTO THIS MESS?
155
00:09:22,426 --> 00:09:25,327
- NOW, DID EVERYONE READ THEIR
CHAPTER ON SHALLOW BREATHING?
156
00:09:25,559 --> 00:09:27,393
OKAY, WELL,
LET'S GIVE IT A TRY, SHALL WE?
157
00:09:27,438 --> 00:09:30,191
[all breathing quickly]
158
00:09:30,231 --> 00:09:32,379
NO, YOU'RE OVERBREATHING--
SHORTER BREATHS.
159
00:09:32,411 --> 00:09:34,053
[breathing quickly]
GOOD.
160
00:09:34,088 --> 00:09:35,454
NO, CAROL, THAT'S TOO DEEP.
161
00:09:35,489 --> 00:09:36,989
[breathing quickly]
GOOD!
162
00:09:37,024 --> 00:09:39,448
UH, RACHELLE,
YOU'RE GASPING.
163
00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:42,263
OH, NOW HE'S GOT IT
PERFECTLY!
164
00:09:50,404 --> 00:09:52,738
NO, RACHELLE,
YOU'RE GASPING!
165
00:09:52,773 --> 00:09:54,306
[gasping]
- THAT'S NOT GASPING!
166
00:09:54,341 --> 00:09:56,273
I THINK SHE'S GOING
INTO LABOR!
167
00:09:57,178 --> 00:10:00,254
- WHAT'S GOIN' ON?
- IT'S RACHELLE. SHE'S IN LABOR!
168
00:10:00,514 --> 00:10:03,148
- OH, MY GOD!
THIS IS A NIGHTMARE!
169
00:10:03,184 --> 00:10:05,214
GET AWAY FROM ME!
DON'T TOUCH ME!
170
00:10:06,942 --> 00:10:08,921
- YOU KNOW, WHEN I HEAR HER SAY
THOSE THINGS AGAIN,
171
00:10:08,956 --> 00:10:10,228
I ALMOST MISS HER.
172
00:10:11,392 --> 00:10:14,693
- [groaning]
173
00:10:18,064 --> 00:10:19,490
- OH, MY GOD.
174
00:10:20,317 --> 00:10:22,774
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE
IN LABOR BEFORE.
175
00:10:23,269 --> 00:10:25,066
I MEAN, IT'S OVERWHELMING.
176
00:10:25,356 --> 00:10:26,702
- HEY, CHECK IT OUT--
177
00:10:26,857 --> 00:10:29,247
THIS LAMAZE PAMPHLET
HAS PICTURES.
178
00:10:35,388 --> 00:10:37,416
THESE ARE REALLY GROSS.
179
00:10:39,716 --> 00:10:41,182
I LIKE 'EM.
180
00:10:43,029 --> 00:10:47,025
- IT STARTED LOW, YOU KNOW,
KIND OF A-A TIGHTENING THING.
181
00:10:47,163 --> 00:10:51,179
AND THEN IT BEGAN TO SPREAD
LIKE A WAVE, A WAVE, A WAVE,
182
00:10:51,215 --> 00:10:53,482
WASHING THE CONTRACTION
OVER HER BODY
183
00:10:53,517 --> 00:10:56,292
AND THEN
THROBBING PALPITATIONS
184
00:10:56,444 --> 00:10:58,844
SWEEPING DOWN HER LEGS.
185
00:11:00,788 --> 00:11:02,057
OH, MY GOD.
186
00:11:02,092 --> 00:11:04,226
I THINK I'M HAVING A LABOR PAIN.
187
00:11:04,561 --> 00:11:06,381
- WELP, I GOT TO GO!
188
00:11:06,592 --> 00:11:07,929
- CHARLEY!
189
00:11:07,965 --> 00:11:10,632
I'M SERIOUS,
I'M FEELING REAL PAIN.
190
00:11:10,668 --> 00:11:13,669
YES! YES! I'M SURE THIS IS IT!
I'M IN LABOR!
191
00:11:13,704 --> 00:11:16,189
- YOU ARE? OH, MY GOD!
WHERE'S YOUR FATHER?
192
00:11:16,220 --> 00:11:18,473
- AT THE CLINIC.
TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL.
193
00:11:18,509 --> 00:11:21,166
- OKAY, WHAT DO I GET?
- TYPICAL--
194
00:11:21,186 --> 00:11:22,566
I SHOULD'VE KNOWN
YOU'D WANT SOMETHING!
195
00:11:22,592 --> 00:11:24,413
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
THEY GIVE A FREE CD PLAYER
196
00:11:24,452 --> 00:11:26,151
TO EVERYONE WHO BRINGS IN
A PREGNANT WOMAN.
197
00:11:26,187 --> 00:11:28,338
NOW TAKE ME!
TAKE ME!
198
00:11:29,123 --> 00:11:30,990
- CAROL,
MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL 911.
199
00:11:31,025 --> 00:11:32,830
- I CAN'T,
THEY KNOW MY VOICE.
200
00:11:37,679 --> 00:11:40,810
[Carol]
PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!
201
00:11:42,124 --> 00:11:43,241
- HARRY.
202
00:11:43,488 --> 00:11:44,573
- ED.
203
00:11:44,725 --> 00:11:46,411
- SHE'S OUT OF HER MIND.
204
00:11:52,265 --> 00:11:54,125
- YES, I KNOW THAT.
205
00:11:54,568 --> 00:11:56,958
- I CHECKED HER.
SHE'S NOT IN LABOR.
206
00:11:57,337 --> 00:11:59,738
IT'S A FIRST BABY.
IT'S NOT GONNA BE EARLY.
207
00:11:59,773 --> 00:12:01,206
AND WHO THE HELL
IS THIS YAHOO
208
00:12:01,241 --> 00:12:03,806
RUNNING AROUND
DEMANDING A CD PLAYER?
209
00:12:07,581 --> 00:12:09,648
- THAT WOULD BE,
UH, MY, UH--
210
00:12:09,683 --> 00:12:12,450
GOODNESS, BEATS ME.
I DON'T KNOW.
211
00:12:12,947 --> 00:12:14,126
- [Carol]
THE HEAD!
212
00:12:14,166 --> 00:12:16,098
I FEEL THE HEAD!
213
00:12:17,357 --> 00:12:19,450
- I'LL GO TELL HER.
- NO, ED, ED, ED, LOOK...
214
00:12:19,847 --> 00:12:21,204
IF IT'S ALL THE SAME TO YOU,
215
00:12:21,237 --> 00:12:23,504
WHY DON'T WE JUST LET HER
WEAR HERSELF OUT
216
00:12:23,547 --> 00:12:24,761
FOR A LITTLE WHILE?
217
00:12:26,271 --> 00:12:27,704
[sighing]
OH, MY!
218
00:12:28,544 --> 00:12:30,802
SOPHIA!
- HI, HARRY.
219
00:12:30,837 --> 00:12:32,170
- DID YOU HAVE AN ACCIDENT?
220
00:12:32,205 --> 00:12:33,283
- NO.
221
00:12:33,330 --> 00:12:35,891
I WAS PLAYING TOUCH FOOTBALL
WITH ROSE KENNEDY.
222
00:12:37,711 --> 00:12:40,945
WHAT, ARE YOU SOME KIND OF YUTZ?
I SLIPPED AT THE SUPERMARKET.
223
00:12:40,981 --> 00:12:44,282
SO I HEARD, UH, CAROL'S HERE.
HOW IS SHE?
224
00:12:44,870 --> 00:12:47,218
- IT'S ANOTHER FALSE ALARM.
SHE'S NOT IN LABOR.
225
00:12:47,254 --> 00:12:50,721
- [Carol] DADDY, COME QUICK!
I THINK IT'S COMING OUT SIDEWAYS!
226
00:12:52,527 --> 00:12:54,452
- YOU, NUTCASE, ENOUGH!
227
00:12:55,929 --> 00:12:57,327
- UH, LISTEN, SOPHIA,
228
00:12:57,374 --> 00:13:00,788
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE MY
GUEST AT THE OPERA NEXT FRIDAY?
229
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,458
- I CAN'T.
- OKAY.
230
00:13:03,514 --> 00:13:05,533
- HEY, HEY, DON'T GIVE UP
SO EASY.
231
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:07,928
I'M PLAYIN' HARD TO GET HERE.
232
00:13:09,261 --> 00:13:11,246
- [Carol]
DADDY!
233
00:13:11,425 --> 00:13:13,529
- EXCUSE ME.
- NO PROBLEM.
234
00:13:21,060 --> 00:13:22,893
HEY! TALL, DARK,
AND BENT OVER, WAIT UP!
235
00:13:22,929 --> 00:13:26,110
HEY, WAIT UP!
HEY! HEY, WAIT UP!
236
00:13:27,134 --> 00:13:29,876
- DADDY. OH, DADDY.
IS THAT YOU, DADDY?
237
00:13:29,923 --> 00:13:31,857
- YES, DEAR.
YES, YES, YES, DEAR.
238
00:13:31,892 --> 00:13:33,543
IT'S ME, YES, DEAR.
239
00:13:33,650 --> 00:13:36,199
LISTEN, UM, UM, I WAS JUST
TALKING TO YOUR DOCTOR
240
00:13:36,236 --> 00:13:37,759
AND I HAVE SOME--
I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS.
241
00:13:37,798 --> 00:13:39,064
- OH!
242
00:13:39,099 --> 00:13:40,577
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING
TO SAY, DADDY?
243
00:13:41,702 --> 00:13:44,805
- CAROL, YOU'RE--YOU'RE--
YOU'RE NOT HAVING A BABY.
244
00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:47,875
- I SEE.
245
00:13:48,132 --> 00:13:50,340
SO THEN I'M JUST
INCREDIBLY FAT.
246
00:13:51,481 --> 00:13:52,710
- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
247
00:13:52,753 --> 00:13:54,813
I JUST MEANT THAT YOU'RE
NOT HAVING A BABY RIGHT NOW.
248
00:13:54,856 --> 00:13:56,915
YOU'RE HAVING
BRAXTON HICKS CONTRACTIONS,
249
00:13:56,950 --> 00:13:58,085
IT'S KIND OF A...
250
00:13:58,267 --> 00:13:59,588
FALSE LABOR.
251
00:14:00,223 --> 00:14:01,488
- FALSE?
252
00:14:02,125 --> 00:14:04,123
THIS LABOR IS FALSE?
253
00:14:05,255 --> 00:14:08,297
MOTHER OF GOD! THEN WHAT ARE
REAL CONTRACTIONS LIKE?
254
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:10,031
TELL ME.
255
00:14:10,066 --> 00:14:11,732
TELL ME NOW.
I'VE GOT TO KNOW.
256
00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:14,202
- WELL, SWEETHEART, I--
YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO SAY THEY--
257
00:14:14,237 --> 00:14:18,005
[stammering] THEY'RE KIND OF--
THEY'RE KIND OF STRONGER.
258
00:14:18,041 --> 00:14:19,540
- STRONGER?
259
00:14:19,576 --> 00:14:21,143
STRONGER THAN THIS?
260
00:14:21,444 --> 00:14:25,241
- AND--AND--
AND THEY LAST L-LONGER.
261
00:14:27,550 --> 00:14:29,044
- AND THEY LAST...?
262
00:14:29,722 --> 00:14:32,453
OKAY, THAT'S IT.
I'M NOT DOING THIS.
263
00:14:32,489 --> 00:14:34,088
I'M NOT HAVING THIS BABY.
- CAROL--
264
00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:35,389
- CALL SOMEONE RIGHT NOW.
265
00:14:35,425 --> 00:14:37,291
I AM NOT GOING
THROUGH WITH THIS.
266
00:14:37,327 --> 00:14:38,793
THIS SHOULD BE
AGAINST THE LAW!
267
00:14:38,828 --> 00:14:40,461
I WANT A LAWYER.
- CAROL, PLEASE--
268
00:14:40,497 --> 00:14:43,879
- AND GOD!
I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO GOD!
269
00:14:45,401 --> 00:14:46,767
NOW I KNOW YOU'RE A MAN,
270
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:49,854
BECAUSE A WOMAN WOULD NEVER DO
THIS TO ONE OF HER OWN.
271
00:14:50,573 --> 00:14:52,103
- SWEETHEART...
272
00:14:55,389 --> 00:14:58,247
- OH, YEAH,
I'LL BE FREE THAT EVENING.
273
00:14:58,515 --> 00:15:01,748
IN FACT, I'LL BE FREE EVERY
EVENING FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS.
274
00:15:03,753 --> 00:15:05,253
NO, NO, SOME LOSER
275
00:15:05,288 --> 00:15:07,448
WILL BE TAKING OVER
THE NIGHT SHIFT.
276
00:15:09,092 --> 00:15:10,615
- SO, UH...
277
00:15:11,127 --> 00:15:12,876
HOW MANY TICKETS
HAVE YOU SOLD?
278
00:15:13,696 --> 00:15:16,097
- LOOK, HARRY, IF YOU'RE
UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THIS,
279
00:15:16,132 --> 00:15:18,466
I SAY WE JUST CALL OFF
THIS WHOLE BET THING.
280
00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:20,167
- WELL, YOU KNOW, I MEAN,
THIS KIND OF COMPETITION
281
00:15:20,203 --> 00:15:22,470
REALLY ISN'T IN THE SPIRIT OF
CHARITY, SO MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
282
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:23,804
WE SHOULD--
WE SHOULD CALL IT OFF.
283
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,239
- HA!
NOT A CHANCE.
284
00:15:25,275 --> 00:15:27,481
- OH.
ALL RIGHT.
285
00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:31,379
- SURPRISE, DOCTOR!
286
00:15:31,414 --> 00:15:32,647
- WHAT IS THIS?
287
00:15:32,682 --> 00:15:34,148
- WELL, IT'S JUST
SOMETHIN' WE ORDERED
288
00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:35,616
TO HELP CELEBRATE
CAROL'S BIG EVENT.
289
00:15:35,652 --> 00:15:36,784
IT JUST ARRIVED.
OPEN IT.
290
00:15:36,819 --> 00:15:39,385
- GEE, YOU GUYS.
COME ON.
291
00:15:41,824 --> 00:15:43,096
I DON'T GET IT.
292
00:15:44,093 --> 00:15:46,294
- IT'S PERSONALIZED
LICENSE PLATES.
293
00:15:46,329 --> 00:15:47,899
- IT SAYS "GRAMPS."
294
00:15:53,836 --> 00:15:55,803
- IT SAYS "CRAMPS"!
295
00:16:04,373 --> 00:16:05,546
- LAVERNE!
296
00:16:05,582 --> 00:16:07,148
- IT WAS THE CLOSEST THING
I COULD GET!
297
00:16:07,183 --> 00:16:08,655
"GRAMPS" WAS TAKEN!
298
00:16:17,827 --> 00:16:19,416
- [grunts]
299
00:16:22,665 --> 00:16:27,401
- WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE THREE
FOR ME, ONLY TWO FOR YOU.
300
00:16:27,437 --> 00:16:29,370
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
301
00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:32,006
- YOU KNOW HOW YOU SAY
TO YOURSELF SOMETIMES,
302
00:16:32,041 --> 00:16:35,749
"HEY, WHERE DO ALL
THE RICH BABES GO AT NIGHT?"
303
00:16:38,014 --> 00:16:39,912
WELL, JACKPOT.
304
00:16:41,985 --> 00:16:43,682
- CHARLEY, SIT DOWN.
305
00:16:45,544 --> 00:16:47,155
- THREE FOR ME.
306
00:16:47,521 --> 00:16:48,987
LOOKS LIKE A TIE.
307
00:16:52,829 --> 00:16:56,396
- BETTER START RESTIN' UP
FOR THAT LATE SHIFT, GRAMPS.
308
00:16:57,700 --> 00:17:00,735
[orchestra tuning]
309
00:17:11,014 --> 00:17:13,077
- MAN, THOSE GUYS STINK.
310
00:17:20,356 --> 00:17:23,958
- IT'S A ZOO OUT THERE--
45 WOMEN, 2 STALLS.
311
00:17:23,993 --> 00:17:26,201
I HAD TO YELL "FIRE"
IN THE MEN'S ROOM.
312
00:17:29,632 --> 00:17:31,031
- WE'RE EVEN.
313
00:17:32,433 --> 00:17:33,933
- HEY, PAL, UP HERE!
314
00:17:33,972 --> 00:17:37,258
A BURRITO AND TWO BREWSKIES!
- CHARLEY, SIT DOWN!
315
00:17:38,176 --> 00:17:40,209
THE MAN IS RENTING
OPERA GLASSES.
316
00:17:40,245 --> 00:17:42,045
- WELL, THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE
TO SEE ME.
317
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:43,846
[whistling]
YO! FOUR EYES!
318
00:17:43,882 --> 00:17:46,082
HEY, BEER! BEER HERE!
319
00:17:46,117 --> 00:17:47,234
- CHARLEY.
320
00:17:48,286 --> 00:17:50,339
- I DON'T FEEL VERY GOOD.
321
00:17:50,375 --> 00:17:52,589
- OF COURSE NOT.
YOU MUST BE EXHAUSTED.
322
00:17:52,624 --> 00:17:54,855
YOU'VE BEEN FAKING LABOR PAINS
FOR A WEEK.
323
00:17:58,679 --> 00:18:01,798
[opera music playing]
324
00:18:12,881 --> 00:18:14,011
- DADDY...
325
00:18:15,647 --> 00:18:17,947
DADDY, I'M HAVING MY BABY.
326
00:18:17,983 --> 00:18:20,944
- OKEYDOKEY, JUST TRY
TO KEEP IT QUIET, DEAR.
327
00:18:27,225 --> 00:18:30,226
- YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE
THEY'RE SINGING EVERYTHING!
328
00:18:30,261 --> 00:18:31,961
- [whispering] CHARLEY, COME ON,
JUST SHUSH--QUIET!
329
00:18:31,997 --> 00:18:33,863
- [whispering]
WELL, I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT.
330
00:18:33,898 --> 00:18:35,231
- IT'S ITALIAN!
331
00:18:35,266 --> 00:18:37,946
- OH, GREAT!
WHOSE BRILLIANT IDEA WAS THAT?
332
00:18:38,970 --> 00:18:40,159
- DADDY...
333
00:18:40,189 --> 00:18:42,003
- HEY, SHAMU, PIPE DOWN!
334
00:18:45,510 --> 00:18:48,244
- I WILL KILL
THE NEXT PERSON WHO TALKS.
335
00:18:48,279 --> 00:18:49,952
- OH!
336
00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:53,282
- NOT TO GET KILLED
OR ANYTHING,
337
00:18:53,318 --> 00:18:55,813
BUT CAROL'S COMPLAINTS
ARE COMIN' EVERY TWO MINUTE.
338
00:18:56,513 --> 00:18:57,513
- WHAT?
339
00:18:57,560 --> 00:18:59,021
- ARE YOU SURE?
- I'M POSITIVE.
340
00:18:59,257 --> 00:19:00,618
- BETTER GET MY BAG.
341
00:19:00,792 --> 00:19:02,759
- OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
SWEETIE, LET ME SEE.
342
00:19:02,794 --> 00:19:03,993
LET ME LOOK AT YOU.
343
00:19:04,029 --> 00:19:05,395
ALL RIGHT,
YOU'RE A BIT--YEAH...
344
00:19:05,430 --> 00:19:07,430
CHARLEY, WOULD YOU GET UP,
PLEASE, AND MOVE THOSE CHAIRS?
345
00:19:07,465 --> 00:19:08,731
COME HERE, BABY,
COME ON, COME HERE.
346
00:19:08,767 --> 00:19:09,966
COME ON,
COME OVER HERE.
347
00:19:10,001 --> 00:19:11,901
COME TO ME, SWEETHEART.
GOOD GIRL, GOOD GIRL.
348
00:19:11,936 --> 00:19:13,396
CHARLEY, GET BEHIND HER.
349
00:19:13,436 --> 00:19:15,004
NOW JUST LIE DOWN, BABY.
350
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:16,172
- WHAT? HERE?
351
00:19:16,207 --> 00:19:18,408
OH, NO! WHY CAN'T WE GO
TO THE HOSPITAL?
352
00:19:18,443 --> 00:19:20,510
- JUST--JUST DO
WHAT I'M TELLING YOU, DEAR, NOW,
353
00:19:20,545 --> 00:19:23,246
BECAUSE YOU'RE HAVING A BABY,
AND IT'S NOW.
354
00:19:23,281 --> 00:19:24,881
- OH!
[panting]
355
00:19:24,916 --> 00:19:27,116
- WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN' ON
UP THERE?
356
00:19:27,152 --> 00:19:28,915
- SOMETHIN' A WHOLE LOT
MORE INTERESTIN'
357
00:19:28,962 --> 00:19:30,751
THAN WHAT'S GOIN' ON
DOWN THERE!
358
00:19:34,659 --> 00:19:38,461
[Carol panting]
359
00:19:38,496 --> 00:19:40,292
- YOU KNOW, CAROL, WHEN
YOU LIE ON YOUR BACK LIKE THAT,
360
00:19:40,324 --> 00:19:42,228
YOUR FACE LOOKS
A LOT YOUNGER.
361
00:19:43,435 --> 00:19:47,437
- DADDY, IT'S COMING.
I CAN FEEL IT. IT'S COMING.
362
00:19:47,472 --> 00:19:48,905
- OKAY, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
363
00:19:48,940 --> 00:19:50,339
SHE'S READY.
UM...
364
00:19:50,375 --> 00:19:52,775
GO GET ME SOME NEWSPAPERS
OR SOME TOWELS.
365
00:19:52,811 --> 00:19:54,377
TRY TO FIND ME SOME SCISSORS.
366
00:19:54,412 --> 00:19:57,146
TELL THE MANAGEMENT WHAT'S GOING
ON HERE AND CALL AN AMBULANCE.
367
00:19:57,182 --> 00:19:59,549
- THAT'S TOO MANY THINGS.
- I'LL DO IT!
368
00:19:59,584 --> 00:20:01,652
- WELL, I GET TO CALL
THE AMBULANCE!
369
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:05,221
- I WISH MAXINE WERE HERE
TO DO IT. YOU'RE MY FATHER.
370
00:20:05,256 --> 00:20:07,090
AH! AH! I DON'T CARE
WHO DOES IT!
371
00:20:07,125 --> 00:20:09,106
JUST GET THAT BABY
OUT OF THERE!
372
00:20:09,427 --> 00:20:11,894
- ALL RIGHT, OKAY, NOW,
REMEMBER YOUR BREATHING!
373
00:20:11,930 --> 00:20:14,063
BREATHE, BABY.
YEAH, GOOD.
374
00:20:14,099 --> 00:20:17,300
- OH, GOD! OH, GOD!
THE PAIN! THE PAIN!
375
00:20:17,335 --> 00:20:19,216
- NOW COMES THE GOOD PART.
376
00:20:20,638 --> 00:20:24,015
LUCIA HAS GONE MAD, AND EDGAR'S
ABOUT TO KILL HIMSELF.
377
00:20:24,409 --> 00:20:26,075
- OH!
- HEY, I CAN'T HEAR!
378
00:20:26,111 --> 00:20:27,215
KNOCK IT OFF!
379
00:20:29,013 --> 00:20:30,747
- BABY, YOU'RE OKAY.
- AMBULANCE IS ON IT'S WAY.
380
00:20:30,782 --> 00:20:32,081
HERE YOU GO.
- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
381
00:20:32,117 --> 00:20:33,349
OKAY, BABY.
- I NEED TO PUSH.
382
00:20:33,384 --> 00:20:34,584
- IT'S OKAY.
- I NEED TO PUSH.
383
00:20:34,619 --> 00:20:36,285
- ALL RIGHT...
- COME ON! SHUT UP UP THERE!
384
00:20:36,321 --> 00:20:37,587
- OH!
385
00:20:37,622 --> 00:20:40,323
[groaning]
- HERE IT COMES NOW.
386
00:20:40,358 --> 00:20:41,691
- BREATHE.
- THERE YOU GO, DEAR.
387
00:20:41,726 --> 00:20:42,792
COME ON, IT'S COMING!
388
00:20:42,827 --> 00:20:45,563
- OKAY, I CALLED THE--
EE-AH!
389
00:20:46,030 --> 00:20:47,296
- ALL RIGHT...
390
00:20:47,332 --> 00:20:48,865
HERE WE GO!
391
00:20:48,900 --> 00:20:52,769
[Carol screaming,
singers hitting highnote]
392
00:20:54,032 --> 00:20:58,092
[baby crying]
- AW! LOOK HOW PURTY!
393
00:20:59,043 --> 00:21:00,573
- IT'S A BOY!
394
00:21:01,113 --> 00:21:03,379
YOU HAD A BOY!
- [laughing]
395
00:21:03,414 --> 00:21:06,242
- AND BABY MAKES FIVE!
I WIN!
396
00:21:08,253 --> 00:21:10,920
[opera music playing]
397
00:21:14,795 --> 00:21:17,789
- BOY, YOU'LL DO ANYTHING
TO WIN THAT BET!
398
00:21:18,029 --> 00:21:21,633
[opera music ends]
399
00:21:21,899 --> 00:21:26,453
[applause]
400
00:21:26,501 --> 00:21:28,024
- THANK YOU.
401
00:21:35,179 --> 00:21:36,649
- LIBBY, DEAR...
402
00:21:37,181 --> 00:21:39,047
WE'RE GRANDPARENTS.
403
00:21:40,117 --> 00:21:42,678
AND HE'S PERFECT.
I CHECKED HIM OUT MYSELF.
404
00:21:44,088 --> 00:21:46,555
YOU KNOW, I WASN'T SURE I WAS
READY TO BE A GRANDPA,
405
00:21:46,590 --> 00:21:47,722
BUT, UH...
406
00:21:48,066 --> 00:21:51,361
[chuckling]
IT JUST--IT FEELS SO GOOD.
407
00:21:52,018 --> 00:21:53,705
WISH YOU WERE HERE.
408
00:21:54,705 --> 00:21:56,692
HEY, YOU.
HEY, PAY ATTENTION!
409
00:21:57,681 --> 00:21:59,660
HEY, YOUR GRANDFATHER'S
SPEAKING.
410
00:22:00,171 --> 00:22:02,137
I DON'T KNOW WHAT PATH
YOU'LL CHOOSE IN LIFE,
411
00:22:02,173 --> 00:22:04,616
BUT WHATEVER IT IS,
I WISH YOU...
412
00:22:05,114 --> 00:22:06,522
HEALTH...
413
00:22:07,517 --> 00:22:10,469
LOVE, AND PROSPERITY.
414
00:22:13,890 --> 00:22:16,543
AND MAYBE SOMEDAY
YOU CAN GET YOUR MOTHER...
415
00:22:16,926 --> 00:22:18,471
HER OWN HOUSE.
416
00:22:27,361 --> 00:22:29,028
- CAROL, IT WAS
A MIRACLE.
417
00:22:29,063 --> 00:22:30,229
I NEVER EXPERIENCED
418
00:22:30,264 --> 00:22:33,198
ANYTHING SO BEAUTIFUL
AND MOVING IN MY LIFE.
419
00:22:33,234 --> 00:22:35,128
IT BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES.
420
00:22:35,366 --> 00:22:38,437
- CHARLEY,
THIS IS A WONDROUS THING.
421
00:22:38,472 --> 00:22:40,673
WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT
THAT SOMEONE LIKE YOU
422
00:22:40,708 --> 00:22:43,916
COULD BE SO AFFECTED
BY THE BIRTH OF A CHILD?
423
00:22:43,958 --> 00:22:45,043
- WHAT BIRTH?
424
00:22:45,083 --> 00:22:48,420
I JUST NAILED A NURSE
IN THE UTILITY CLOSET.
425
00:22:48,470 --> 00:22:53,020
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