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1
00:00:01,398 --> 00:00:03,665
- OH, FROM THE MINUTE
I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT,
2
00:00:03,700 --> 00:00:05,266
IT'S JUST BEEN HELL.
I MEAN...
3
00:00:05,302 --> 00:00:08,336
MORNING SICKNESS,
MY BREASTS ARE KILLING ME,
4
00:00:08,371 --> 00:00:10,731
I'M PEEING ALL THE TIME.
5
00:00:13,977 --> 00:00:17,045
SO SOON?
AW, WELL THANKS FOR CALLING.
6
00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:19,848
AND IF I DO EVER DECIDE TO
CHANGE MY LONG-DISTANCE SERVICE,
7
00:00:19,883 --> 00:00:21,416
I'LL LET YOU KNOW.
8
00:00:26,690 --> 00:00:29,224
HI, DADDY.
UH, DADDY...
9
00:00:29,259 --> 00:00:32,048
I'M HAVING A LITTLE PROBLEM
WITH THE HOUSE.
10
00:00:32,095 --> 00:00:33,228
- WHAT IS IT, DEAR?
11
00:00:33,263 --> 00:00:34,919
- IT'S A TOXIC PIT.
12
00:00:35,699 --> 00:00:36,865
- CAROL--
- DADDY...
13
00:00:36,900 --> 00:00:39,834
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS TABLE
IS MADE OUT OF?
14
00:00:39,870 --> 00:00:42,570
- IT'S WOOD, FROM TREES.
TREES ARE GOOD.
15
00:00:42,606 --> 00:00:45,874
- UNLESS THEY'RE COMPRESSED
INTO MEDIUM-DENSITY FIBERBOARD,
16
00:00:45,909 --> 00:00:48,710
WHICH IS RIDDLED
WITH UREA-FORMALDEHYDE.
17
00:00:49,446 --> 00:00:50,778
- I'LL TELL YOU WHAT--
I'LL BRING HOME
18
00:00:50,814 --> 00:00:52,447
ONE OF THOSE LEAD BIBS
FROM X-RAY.
19
00:00:52,482 --> 00:00:54,244
WE USE IT AS A TABLECLOTH.
20
00:00:56,453 --> 00:00:57,986
- DADDY, I'M VERY SERIOUS
ABOUT THIS.
21
00:00:58,021 --> 00:00:59,254
- I KNOW YOU ARE, DEAR,
22
00:00:59,289 --> 00:01:00,955
BUT DON'T YOU THINK
YOU'RE OVERREACTING?
23
00:01:00,991 --> 00:01:02,624
- I AM BEHAVING NO DIFFERENTLY
24
00:01:02,659 --> 00:01:05,059
THAN ANY OTHER NORMAL,
EXPECTANT MOTHER.
25
00:01:05,095 --> 00:01:06,194
[toaster rings]
OH, MY GOD!
26
00:01:06,229 --> 00:01:07,794
GET THAT THING
OUT OF THE HOUSE!
27
00:01:08,865 --> 00:01:10,331
- BUT IT'S A--IT'S A TOASTER!
28
00:01:10,367 --> 00:01:12,700
- DADDY, THAT LITTLE "DING"
29
00:01:12,736 --> 00:01:16,004
PROBABLY SET OFF A MINI-TIDAL
WAVE IN MY AMNIOTIC FLUID.
30
00:01:17,407 --> 00:01:21,309
I'LL BET MY POOR LITTLE
PRENATE IS SWIRLING AROUND
31
00:01:21,344 --> 00:01:23,111
IN THE VICIOUS UNDERTOW.
32
00:01:23,146 --> 00:01:25,079
YOU KNOW, SOMETHING LIKE THAT
CAN CAUSE A FETUS
33
00:01:25,115 --> 00:01:27,819
TO GROW INTO A NEUROTIC,
OBSESSIVE ADULT.
34
00:01:30,654 --> 00:01:33,981
- FUNNY. I DON'T REMEMBER HER
MOTHER MAKING THAT MUCH TOAST.
35
00:01:37,861 --> 00:01:41,162
-
LIFE GOES ON,
AND SO DO WE
36
00:01:41,197 --> 00:01:45,066
JUST HOW WE DO IT
IS NO MYSTERY
37
00:01:45,101 --> 00:01:48,903
ONE BY ONE
WE FILL THE DAYS
38
00:01:48,939 --> 00:01:53,541
WE FIND
A THOUSAND DIFFERENT WAYS
39
00:01:53,577 --> 00:01:57,378
SOMETIMES THE ANSWER
CAN BE HARD TO FIND
40
00:01:57,414 --> 00:01:59,948
THAT'S SOMETHING
I WILL NEVER BE
41
00:01:59,983 --> 00:02:03,251
I'M ALWAYS HERE
42
00:02:03,286 --> 00:02:09,023
FOR ANYTHING YOU NEED
43
00:02:09,059 --> 00:02:10,558
RAIN OR SHINE
44
00:02:10,594 --> 00:02:13,027
I'LL BE THE ONE
45
00:02:13,063 --> 00:02:17,031
TO SHARE IT ALL
AS LIFE GOES ON
46
00:02:17,067 --> 00:02:20,468
WE SHARE IT ALL
47
00:02:20,503 --> 00:02:24,606
AS LIFE GOES ON
48
00:02:51,195 --> 00:02:52,394
- [sighing]
49
00:02:52,429 --> 00:02:54,729
[humming]
- DADDY...
50
00:02:57,834 --> 00:03:01,643
DO YOU THINK MY RADON DETECTOR
IS GIVING OFF...RADON?
51
00:03:04,041 --> 00:03:05,105
- CAROL SWEETHEART,
52
00:03:05,141 --> 00:03:06,707
EVER SINCE YOU FOUND OUT
YOU WERE PREGNANT,
53
00:03:06,742 --> 00:03:08,586
YOU'VE DONE NOTHING
BUT HANG AROUND THIS HOUSE
54
00:03:08,633 --> 00:03:10,766
WORRYING ABOUT THE CARPET,
ABOUT THE TOASTER,
55
00:03:10,802 --> 00:03:12,724
ABOUT THE RADIATION
FROM THE TELEVISION--
56
00:03:12,780 --> 00:03:14,644
[mumbling]
57
00:03:19,410 --> 00:03:20,676
COME HERE.
58
00:03:20,712 --> 00:03:22,311
WHERE IS THE TELEVISION?
59
00:03:22,347 --> 00:03:23,813
- HEY, HARRY!
60
00:03:23,848 --> 00:03:25,741
THANKS FOR THE TV!
61
00:03:29,587 --> 00:03:30,720
- ALL RIGHT...
62
00:03:30,755 --> 00:03:31,887
WHAT?
63
00:03:31,923 --> 00:03:34,290
- I HAD CHARLEY TAKE IT
OVER TO HIS HOUSE.
64
00:03:34,325 --> 00:03:36,493
- I ALWAYS WANTED A TV
IN MY BATHROOM.
65
00:03:37,562 --> 00:03:39,510
NOW I DON'T HAVE TO READ
IN THERE.
66
00:03:40,298 --> 00:03:42,098
[telephone rings]
67
00:03:42,133 --> 00:03:44,082
- DON'T GET TOO ATTACHED
TO THAT TV.
68
00:03:44,203 --> 00:03:45,241
HELLO.
69
00:03:45,281 --> 00:03:47,249
OH, HI, MIKE!
YEAH, SHE'S RIGHT HERE.
70
00:03:47,538 --> 00:03:49,219
WHOOPS, SHE'S GONE!
71
00:03:51,009 --> 00:03:52,862
BOY, CAN THAT GIRL MOVE!
72
00:03:53,544 --> 00:03:56,407
ALL--YEAH, YEAH,
I--I'LL TELL HER YOU CALLED.
73
00:03:56,981 --> 00:03:59,882
WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DO THAT?
YOU SAID MIKE IS A NICE MAN!
74
00:03:59,917 --> 00:04:01,984
- HE WANTS TO GO OUT WITH ME!
75
00:04:04,188 --> 00:04:05,321
- WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT?
76
00:04:05,356 --> 00:04:06,845
- I'M PREGNANT!
77
00:04:07,725 --> 00:04:09,091
THE MINUTE HE FINDS OUT,
78
00:04:09,127 --> 00:04:11,738
IT'LL BE
"SEE YOU LATER, PROCREATOR."
79
00:04:14,399 --> 00:04:16,810
- I BELIEVE
THAT'S "ALLIGATOR."
80
00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:24,106
- HONEY,
IT'S--IT'S ONLY ONE DATE.
81
00:04:24,142 --> 00:04:26,880
TRUST ME,
I NEED YOU TO GET OUT!
82
00:04:30,414 --> 00:04:32,548
I MEAN,
YOU NEED TO GET OUT.
83
00:04:32,583 --> 00:04:34,083
YOU NEED TO...INTERACT.
84
00:04:34,118 --> 00:04:35,885
YOU NEED TO...INTERFACE
85
00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:38,754
WITH SOMEBODY'S FACE
THAT'S NOT MY FACE.
86
00:04:41,192 --> 00:04:43,125
- YOU'RE RIGHT, DADDY.
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
87
00:04:43,161 --> 00:04:45,695
I'M GOING TO GO UPSTAIRS
RIGHT NOW AND CALL HIM BACK.
88
00:04:45,730 --> 00:04:47,062
- THAT A GIRL!
89
00:04:47,786 --> 00:04:49,570
- SO...HARRY...
90
00:04:49,967 --> 00:04:51,382
WHAT DO YOU FEEL
LIKE DOING NOW?
91
00:04:52,987 --> 00:04:55,055
- I FEEL LIKE WATCHING MY TV.
92
00:04:56,724 --> 00:04:58,354
- ME TOO. SEE YA.
93
00:05:03,998 --> 00:05:07,299
- GOOD MORNING, LAVERNE.
- GOOD MORNING, SOPHIA!
94
00:05:07,335 --> 00:05:09,326
- I BROUGHT SOME MAGAZINES
FOR YOUR WAITING ROOM.
95
00:05:09,373 --> 00:05:12,037
- OH, WELL THANK YOU.
WHERE'D YOU GET ALL THESE?
96
00:05:12,073 --> 00:05:14,277
- I STOLE 'EM
FROM MY DENTIST'S OFFICE.
97
00:05:17,046 --> 00:05:18,841
WAIT A MINUTE...
GIVE ME THIS ONE.
98
00:05:19,054 --> 00:05:22,189
IT'S GOT AN ARTICLE ON
"HOW TO MEET A HANDSOME SENIOR."
99
00:05:23,918 --> 00:05:25,351
- WELL, SOPHIA,
THAT'S TEEN WORLD,
100
00:05:25,386 --> 00:05:27,519
THEY'RE TALKIN' 'BOUT
A HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR.
101
00:05:29,757 --> 00:05:31,389
- WHAT'S YOUR POINT?
102
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:35,127
- SOPHIA!
WHAT A NICE SURPRISE!
103
00:05:35,162 --> 00:05:38,170
- HI HARRY, MAXINE.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU DOING, SOPHIA?
104
00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:41,567
- SO HOW ARE YOU HOLDING UP?
WHEN'S THE BABY SHOWER?
105
00:05:41,602 --> 00:05:43,869
- I DON'T KNOW, DEAR,
THAT'S NOT MY DEPARTMENT.
106
00:05:43,904 --> 00:05:45,871
- DARN TOOTIN'.
THAT'S MY DEPARTMENT.
107
00:05:45,906 --> 00:05:48,240
I KNOW ALL THEY IS TO KNOW
ABOUT BABY SHOWERS.
108
00:05:48,275 --> 00:05:51,300
- I REMEMBER MY BABY SHOWER
LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY.
109
00:05:51,679 --> 00:05:55,481
PICTURE IT.
SICILY, 1933.
110
00:05:55,516 --> 00:05:58,250
THE PIAZZA'S DECORATED
BLUE AND PINK.
111
00:05:58,285 --> 00:05:59,652
THE WHOLE TOWN IS THERE.
112
00:05:59,687 --> 00:06:00,919
- SOUNDS WONDERFUL.
113
00:06:00,955 --> 00:06:02,087
- IT WAS...
114
00:06:02,123 --> 00:06:04,226
TILL UNCLE TONY
TOOK A BULLET IN THE GUT.
115
00:06:06,460 --> 00:06:09,574
HE ENDED UP FACE-DOWN
IN THE EGGPLANT PARMESAN.
116
00:06:10,698 --> 00:06:12,798
- OH, MY GOD,
THAT'S AWFUL.
117
00:06:12,833 --> 00:06:14,099
- YEAH.
118
00:06:14,135 --> 00:06:15,846
WE HAD TO EAT AROUND HIM.
119
00:06:20,841 --> 00:06:22,808
- NOW, DOCTOR,
YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION
120
00:06:22,843 --> 00:06:24,973
A-PUTTIN' ME IN CHARGE
OF THIS BABY SHOWER.
121
00:06:25,529 --> 00:06:28,655
- WHEN DID I DO THAT
AND WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
122
00:06:28,883 --> 00:06:30,883
- YOU KNOW, LAVERNE,
I'D BE GLAD TO GIVE YOU A HAND.
123
00:06:30,918 --> 00:06:34,186
- [stuttering]
124
00:06:34,221 --> 00:06:36,422
- WHAT'S THE MATTER,
FLIPPER?
125
00:06:42,338 --> 00:06:43,729
- LOOK, MAXINE,
I'M NOT SO SURE
126
00:06:43,764 --> 00:06:45,230
THIS IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA.
127
00:06:45,266 --> 00:06:47,566
I MEAN, THE TWO OF YOU,
YOU'RE BOTH STRONG WOMEN
128
00:06:47,601 --> 00:06:49,558
WITH STRONG OPINIONS
AND YOU--
129
00:06:52,073 --> 00:06:53,505
AND THAT'S GOOD.
THAT'S VERY GOOD.
130
00:06:53,541 --> 00:06:55,307
BOY, I LIKE THIS IDEA!
131
00:06:57,712 --> 00:07:01,213
- NOW, I THINK IT HAS TO BE
A SURPRISE. WHAT DO YOU THINK?
132
00:07:01,248 --> 00:07:03,749
- LAVERNE, THE WOMAN IS PREGNANT
WITHOUT A HUSBAND.
133
00:07:03,784 --> 00:07:05,852
DON'T YOU THINK
SHE'S HAD ENOUGH SURPRISES?
134
00:07:08,505 --> 00:07:10,522
- WELL, I SAY IT HAS TO BE
A SURPRISE.
135
00:07:10,558 --> 00:07:13,125
NOW HOW 'BOUT YOU HANDLE
THE DECORATIONS AND THE CAKE?
136
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:14,326
- FINE.
137
00:07:14,361 --> 00:07:16,995
- AND WE'RE GONNA NEED YELLOW
AND WHITE STREAMERS,
138
00:07:17,031 --> 00:07:20,032
WHITE TABLECLOTH, YELLOW
NAPKINS, WHITE UTENSILS
139
00:07:20,067 --> 00:07:22,042
YELLOW CUPS AND WHITE PLATES.
140
00:07:23,417 --> 00:07:25,011
- OKAY, FINE.
141
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:27,406
- EXCUSE ME, DOCTOR,
I'S WONDERIN' ON
142
00:07:27,441 --> 00:07:28,774
WHERE YOU PLAN
TO GET THIS STUFF.
143
00:07:28,809 --> 00:07:31,013
- I DON'T KNOW...
"PARTY SHACK"?
144
00:07:31,686 --> 00:07:32,914
- I SEE.
145
00:07:35,084 --> 00:07:37,651
- LAVERNE, IS THERE SOMEPLACE
ELSE YOU'D LIKE ME TO GO?
146
00:07:37,687 --> 00:07:39,808
SOMEPLACE THAT GIVES YOU
A KICKBACK?
147
00:07:40,623 --> 00:07:43,290
- WELL, IT'S JUST THAT
THE STREAMERS AT "PARTY SHACK"
148
00:07:43,326 --> 00:07:46,260
ARE A SICKLY YELLOW COLOR,
SO YOU NEED TO GO TO ED'S.
149
00:07:46,295 --> 00:07:48,725
- FINE. I'LL GO TO ED'S.
150
00:07:49,121 --> 00:07:50,987
- ONLY ED'S DON'T HAVE
YELLOW CUPS,
151
00:07:51,021 --> 00:07:52,757
SO YOU GOTTA GO
TO PICK N' PACK.
152
00:07:53,436 --> 00:07:56,670
- LAVERNE, WHY DON'T YOU JUST
BUY THE DECORATIONS YOURSELF?
153
00:07:56,706 --> 00:07:59,302
- WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
YOU SIGNED UP FOR 'EM.
154
00:08:00,176 --> 00:08:03,177
- THEN IF I'M GONNA HANDLE IT,
LET ME HANDLE IT.
155
00:08:03,212 --> 00:08:05,579
- WITH ALL DUE RESPECT,
DOCTOR,
156
00:08:05,615 --> 00:08:08,082
I KNOW HOW TO THROW A PARTY.
157
00:08:08,117 --> 00:08:10,584
- AND WITH ALL DUE RESPECT,
LAVERNE...
158
00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:12,886
I KNOW HOW TO THROW A NURSE.
159
00:08:21,859 --> 00:08:24,431
- SO THE NEXT THING I KNOW,
I RUN INTO MY THERAPIST...
160
00:08:24,467 --> 00:08:26,767
- WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU SEE A THERAPIST?
161
00:08:27,169 --> 00:08:29,427
- YES.
IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG?
162
00:08:29,839 --> 00:08:31,505
- GOD, NO!
163
00:08:33,042 --> 00:08:34,560
PLEASE, GO ON!
164
00:08:35,376 --> 00:08:38,946
- SO I RUN INTO MY THERAPIST,
AND HE'S OUT ON A DATE
165
00:08:38,981 --> 00:08:41,307
WITH MY GIRLFRIEND.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
166
00:08:41,340 --> 00:08:42,750
THE EXACT SAME THING
HAPPENED TO ME!
167
00:08:42,785 --> 00:08:43,952
WHAT DID YOU DO?
168
00:08:43,981 --> 00:08:45,681
- THE ONLY THING I COULD DO.
I DUMPED 'EM BOTH.
169
00:08:45,715 --> 00:08:48,342
- WELL, OF COURSE!
THAT'S WHAT I SHOULD'VE DONE!
170
00:08:49,458 --> 00:08:51,225
- WELL, YOU KNOW,
IT WASN'T EASY, BUT...
171
00:08:51,260 --> 00:08:53,681
HEY, IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANY
SELF-RESPECT, THEN WHO ARE YOU?
172
00:08:53,815 --> 00:08:57,865
- ME.
[laughter]
173
00:08:57,900 --> 00:08:59,933
- YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL
SENSE OF HUMOR.
174
00:08:59,969 --> 00:09:01,422
- AND YOU HAVE...
175
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,703
WONDERFUL DIMPLES.
176
00:09:04,874 --> 00:09:08,042
- CAN I BRING YOU FOLKS A DRINK?
- OH, NO, I CAN'T DRINK.
177
00:09:08,077 --> 00:09:10,778
I--I--I MEAN, I CAN DRINK.
178
00:09:11,099 --> 00:09:12,914
I'M JUST NOT GOING TO DRINK.
179
00:09:13,847 --> 00:09:15,146
NO REASON.
180
00:09:15,482 --> 00:09:18,471
SOMETIMES YOU FEEL LIKE A DRINK,
SOMETIMES YOU DON'T.
181
00:09:19,453 --> 00:09:22,782
- AND DO YOU
FEEL LIKE A DRINK, SIR?
182
00:09:23,490 --> 00:09:25,513
- I'LL JUST HAVE SOME WINE
WITH DINNER.
183
00:09:26,493 --> 00:09:28,026
- YOU KNOW, MIKE, UH...
184
00:09:28,062 --> 00:09:30,829
A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE AFRAID TO
ADMIT THAT THEY'RE IN THERAPY.
185
00:09:30,864 --> 00:09:32,150
- NOT ME.
186
00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:35,398
'COURSE I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE
LOONIES WHO GOES 3 TIMES A WEEK.
187
00:09:39,631 --> 00:09:41,381
- WHEN YOU SAY "LOONY..."
188
00:09:42,142 --> 00:09:44,416
DO YOU MEAN THAT
IN A NEGATIVE WAY?
189
00:09:45,595 --> 00:09:48,016
- HEY, CAROL!
- OH, GOD.
190
00:09:48,949 --> 00:09:51,984
- CAROL, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL TO ME.
191
00:09:52,019 --> 00:09:53,285
THIS IS STACY.
192
00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:55,151
- TRACY!
193
00:09:55,835 --> 00:09:56,967
- WHATEVER.
194
00:09:57,015 --> 00:09:58,957
WHY DON'T YOU
GO GET US A ROOM--
195
00:09:58,993 --> 00:10:00,827
I MEAN, A TABLE.
196
00:10:02,463 --> 00:10:05,697
- CHARLEY, THIS IS MY DATE,
MIKE, REMEMBER?
197
00:10:05,733 --> 00:10:07,833
THIS IS MY NEIGHBOR,
CHARLEY DIETZ.
198
00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:10,029
- HEY, MIKEY,
WATCH YOUR WALLET.
199
00:10:10,062 --> 00:10:11,942
YOU KNOW,
SHE'S EATING FOR TWO.
200
00:10:14,274 --> 00:10:15,674
TUBERCULOSIS...
201
00:10:15,709 --> 00:10:17,042
IT'S, UH...
202
00:10:17,077 --> 00:10:18,276
AN EAT-A-THON.
203
00:10:18,312 --> 00:10:20,979
AND BOY CAN OUR LITTLE CAROL
PACK IT AWAY.
204
00:10:21,015 --> 00:10:24,087
- CHARLEY, UH, I THINK
YOU'RE DATE'S GETTING COLD.
205
00:10:25,285 --> 00:10:26,952
- SHE'LL KEEP.
- UH, CAROL...
206
00:10:26,987 --> 00:10:28,120
MAYBE WE SHOULD ORDER.
207
00:10:28,155 --> 00:10:29,655
I THOUGHT WE'D CATCH A MOVIE.
208
00:10:29,690 --> 00:10:31,490
UNLESS...YOU THINK
THAT'D BE TOO LATE FOR YOU.
209
00:10:31,525 --> 00:10:33,792
- LATE?
THIS WOMAN'S A NIGHT OWL!
210
00:10:33,827 --> 00:10:35,227
SHE NEVER GETS TIRED.
211
00:10:35,262 --> 00:10:37,562
IT'S NOT LIKE
SHE'S PREGNANT OR ANYTHING.
212
00:10:48,871 --> 00:10:52,066
[objects clattering]
213
00:10:52,105 --> 00:10:53,804
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
214
00:10:55,008 --> 00:10:57,618
- I NEED NEW BATTERIES
FOR YOUR TV REMOTE.
215
00:10:59,212 --> 00:11:01,026
THESE GOT...WET.
216
00:11:02,181 --> 00:11:03,347
- HOW DID THEY GET WET?
217
00:11:03,383 --> 00:11:05,824
- I WAS IN THE SHOWER
WATCHING DR. QUINN,
218
00:11:07,938 --> 00:11:10,200
SUDDENLY I REALIZE
IT'S TIME FOR URKEL.
219
00:11:11,558 --> 00:11:13,791
THAT'S WHEN I GOT
THE BRAINSTORM.
220
00:11:13,826 --> 00:11:15,808
"REMOTE ON A ROPE."
221
00:11:19,108 --> 00:11:21,788
- MORNING.
- HEY, PREGSTER.
222
00:11:22,001 --> 00:11:23,301
DID YOU TELL MIKE
223
00:11:23,336 --> 00:11:25,476
ABOUT THE PITTER-PATTER
OF LITTLE FETUS?
224
00:11:27,407 --> 00:11:30,308
- NO. I COULDN'T FACE IT.
225
00:11:30,343 --> 00:11:32,777
MEN ARE SO PREJUDICED
AGAINST PREGNANT WOMEN.
226
00:11:32,812 --> 00:11:34,445
- MAYBE SOME MEN.
227
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,847
PERSONALLY, I CONSIDER
A WOMAN CARRYING NEW LIFE
228
00:11:36,883 --> 00:11:40,436
TO BE THE ULTIMATE EXPRESSION
OF FEMININE BEAUTY.
229
00:11:40,644 --> 00:11:42,954
- CHARLEY, THAT'S
VERY ENLIGHTENED OF YOU.
230
00:11:42,989 --> 00:11:44,322
SO WOULD YOU DATE ONE?
231
00:11:44,357 --> 00:11:46,157
- EWW!
232
00:11:47,255 --> 00:11:49,527
- YOU SEE, DADDY?
MEN JUST CAN'T HANDLE IT.
233
00:11:49,562 --> 00:11:52,028
I MEAN, HOW AM I SUPPOSED
TO TELL MIKE I'M PREGNANT?
234
00:11:52,208 --> 00:11:53,831
- JUST COME RIGHT OUT
AND TELL HIM.
235
00:11:53,866 --> 00:11:56,434
- OH, YOU MEAN LIKE:
"HEY, MIKE, YOU LIKE KIDS?
236
00:11:56,469 --> 00:11:59,612
GREAT! NOW, HOW IMPORTANT IS IT
THAT THEY LOOK LIKE YOU?"
237
00:12:00,673 --> 00:12:03,407
- CAROL, IF MIKE HAS A PROBLEM
WITH YOUR BEING PREGNANT,
238
00:12:03,443 --> 00:12:05,042
THEN YOU DON'T
WANT HIM ANYWAY.
239
00:12:05,078 --> 00:12:06,481
- THAT'S TRUE.
240
00:12:06,575 --> 00:12:08,045
- HE'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.
241
00:12:08,081 --> 00:12:09,352
- YOU'RE RIGHT, DADDY.
242
00:12:09,386 --> 00:12:10,957
I'LL JUST FORGET ALL ABOUT HIM.
243
00:12:10,988 --> 00:12:12,717
EVEN IF HE IS AN ORTHODONTIST.
244
00:12:12,752 --> 00:12:15,620
- [stuttering]
245
00:12:15,655 --> 00:12:18,020
HE'S AN--HE--
HE'S AN ORTHODONTIST?
246
00:12:25,455 --> 00:12:26,733
- DOCTOR...
247
00:12:26,782 --> 00:12:28,799
HAVE YOU FIGURED OUT
HOW YOU'RE GONNA GET CAROL
248
00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:30,201
TO MY HOUSE
FOR THE BABY SHOWER?
249
00:12:30,236 --> 00:12:32,103
- YEAH, I TOLD HER WE'RE GONNA
PICK YOU UP FOR A MOVIE.
250
00:12:32,138 --> 00:12:35,773
- NO GOOD.
- WHY NOT?
251
00:12:35,808 --> 00:12:37,541
- 'CAUSE SHE'LL ASK WHAT MOVIE.
252
00:12:37,577 --> 00:12:40,244
- SHE ALREADY DID. I TOLD HER
SHE COULD PICK THE MOVIE.
253
00:12:40,279 --> 00:12:42,480
- SUPPOSIN' SHE DON'T PICK ONE
PLAYIN' IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD.
254
00:12:42,515 --> 00:12:44,181
- THEN YOU CAN
PICK THE MOVIE.
255
00:12:44,217 --> 00:12:47,206
- SUPPOSIN' I DON'T PICK ONE
PLAYIN' IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD.
256
00:12:51,391 --> 00:12:53,238
- WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?
257
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,961
- BECAUSE I HAVE A BETTER PLAN.
258
00:12:56,996 --> 00:12:59,230
NOW, YOU TWO WILL BE DRIVIN'
THROUGH MY NEIGHBORHOOD
259
00:12:59,265 --> 00:13:00,531
ON THE WAY TO THE MALL
260
00:13:00,566 --> 00:13:03,100
TO PICK UP YOUR TUXEDO
FOR THE HOSPITAL FUNDRAISER.
261
00:13:03,136 --> 00:13:05,236
- WHAT HOSPITAL FUNDRAISER?
262
00:13:05,271 --> 00:13:07,538
- OH, FOR PETE'S SAKE,
THEY AIN'T NO FUNDRAISER,
263
00:13:07,573 --> 00:13:09,442
WE'RE SPINNIN' A YARN.
264
00:13:11,577 --> 00:13:13,444
- I SEE...GO ON.
265
00:13:13,479 --> 00:13:15,813
- SO THEN, YOU'LL GET
A COUPLE BLOCKS FROM MY HOUSE
266
00:13:15,848 --> 00:13:17,581
AND YOU'LL PRETEND
YOUR CAR BREAKS DOWN.
267
00:13:17,617 --> 00:13:19,183
BUT LUCKILY,
YOU'RE NEAR MY HOUSE,
268
00:13:19,218 --> 00:13:21,557
SO YOU CAN COME ON IN AND USE
MY PHONE TO CALL FOR HELP.
269
00:13:22,053 --> 00:13:23,803
- I HAVE A CAR PHONE.
270
00:13:24,490 --> 00:13:26,357
- SAY IT'S BROKEN.
271
00:13:26,392 --> 00:13:27,825
- SAY WE'RE NEAR A PAY PHONE.
272
00:13:27,860 --> 00:13:29,340
- SAY IT'S OUT OF ORDER.
273
00:13:29,662 --> 00:13:31,762
- SAY A COP DRIVES BY.
274
00:13:31,798 --> 00:13:33,606
- SAY HE'S OFF DUTY.
275
00:13:36,764 --> 00:13:38,983
- SAY I FIRE YOUR ASS.
276
00:13:47,146 --> 00:13:49,193
- OKAY, WE'LL DO THAT
FOOL MOVIE THING.
277
00:13:51,620 --> 00:13:53,317
- MAXINE, WHAT IS ALL THIS?
278
00:13:53,352 --> 00:13:54,719
- DECORATIONS.
279
00:13:54,754 --> 00:13:56,620
SOME FROM "PICK 'N PACK,"
280
00:13:56,656 --> 00:13:59,023
CONVENIENTLY LOCATED ON I-95,
281
00:13:59,058 --> 00:14:00,923
JUST NORTH OF CUBA!
282
00:14:02,786 --> 00:14:04,686
THE REST ARE FROM ED'S.
283
00:14:04,722 --> 00:14:06,588
HE HASN'T REOPENED
SINCE THE HURRICANE,
284
00:14:06,624 --> 00:14:10,268
BUT HE WAS KIND ENOUGH TO LET ME
RUMMAGE THROUGH THE DEBRIS!
285
00:14:16,431 --> 00:14:18,867
- LAVERNE, YOU HAVE AN AWFUL,
AWFUL LOT OF DECORATIONS.
286
00:14:18,902 --> 00:14:20,035
- NO, I DON'T.
287
00:14:20,070 --> 00:14:21,637
- WHAT ABOUT ALL THAT STUFF
IN THE LOCKER?
288
00:14:21,672 --> 00:14:23,005
- THEY AIN'T NOTHIN'
IN THE LOCK--
289
00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:25,147
- SURE, SURE THERE IS...
HERE.
290
00:14:26,544 --> 00:14:28,110
- LAVERNE, WHAT IS ALL THIS?
291
00:14:28,145 --> 00:14:31,145
- FUNNY THING. YOU CAN GET
EVERYTHING AT "PARTY SHACK" NOW.
292
00:14:32,380 --> 00:14:34,113
- THAT'S IT! IT'S OVER!
293
00:14:34,148 --> 00:14:35,714
DONE! FINISHED! KAPUT!
294
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,950
I QUIT!
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN!
295
00:14:40,488 --> 00:14:42,655
- I KNEW THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN.
296
00:14:42,690 --> 00:14:44,220
- SO DID I.
297
00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:47,666
THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T MAKE HER
A PARTY HAT.
298
00:14:56,370 --> 00:14:58,767
[telephone rings]
299
00:15:03,010 --> 00:15:04,533
- YES, LAVERNE.
300
00:15:05,463 --> 00:15:08,766
WELL, SEE, I WOULDN'T STILL BE
HERE IF YOU WOULD STOP CALLING.
301
00:15:10,318 --> 00:15:13,316
LAVERNE, I WILL HAVE HER
THERE AT 7:30!
302
00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:17,244
NO, WE DO NOT NEED
TO SYNCHRONIZE OUR WATCHES!
303
00:15:17,859 --> 00:15:19,558
LISTEN, PLEASE, DO A--
304
00:15:19,594 --> 00:15:21,460
LAVERNE, DON'T WORRY,
CHARLEY IS WITH HER.
305
00:15:21,496 --> 00:15:24,096
CHARLEY HAS PROMISED NOT TO
LET HER OUT OF THE HOUSE.
306
00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:25,564
- UH, CHARLEY,
307
00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:27,600
TELL DADDY I HAVE TO TAKE
A RAIN CHECK ON THAT MOVIE,
308
00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:29,401
I'M HAVING DINNER WITH MIKE.
309
00:15:29,437 --> 00:15:31,261
- GOD BLESS!
310
00:15:34,408 --> 00:15:35,426
WAIT...
311
00:15:36,544 --> 00:15:38,554
THERE'S SOMETHING
I'M FORGETTING.
312
00:15:41,463 --> 00:15:43,374
[telephone rings]
313
00:15:43,865 --> 00:15:45,676
- I KNOW! 7:30.
314
00:15:47,169 --> 00:15:49,504
CAROL, HONEY,
ARE YOU READY?
315
00:15:50,739 --> 00:15:52,017
CAROL!
316
00:15:53,842 --> 00:15:55,241
CHARLEY, WHERE'S CAROL?
317
00:15:55,277 --> 00:15:57,210
- OH, SHE'S OUT ON A DATE
WITH MIKE.
318
00:15:59,481 --> 00:16:01,514
- DO YOU REMEMBER
THE CONVERSATION
319
00:16:01,550 --> 00:16:03,321
WE HAD TWO HOURS AGO?
320
00:16:03,550 --> 00:16:06,783
- YOU MEAN ABOUT NOT FLUSHING
NEWSPAPER DOWN THE TOILET?
321
00:16:08,750 --> 00:16:10,657
- NO, ABOUT CAROL!
322
00:16:10,692 --> 00:16:12,890
- OH, YEAH! I WASN'T
SUPPOSED TO LET HER LEA--
323
00:16:14,463 --> 00:16:16,029
HARRY, I BEGGED HER,
I PLEADED WITH HER,
324
00:16:16,064 --> 00:16:18,271
I EVEN THREW MYSELF
IN FRONT OF HER CAR.
325
00:16:19,681 --> 00:16:21,000
- YOU FORGOT, DIDN'T YOU?
326
00:16:21,036 --> 00:16:23,868
- YEAH.
BOTH CONVERSATIONS.
327
00:16:25,467 --> 00:16:26,971
I'LL GO GET THE PLUNGER.
328
00:16:35,817 --> 00:16:36,950
- PLEASE, LAVERNE,
329
00:16:36,985 --> 00:16:38,117
NO MORE BALLOONS.
330
00:16:38,153 --> 00:16:39,621
YOU SEE THAT PINK ONE
OVER THERE?
331
00:16:39,660 --> 00:16:40,753
- YEAH.
332
00:16:40,789 --> 00:16:42,356
- IT'S ONE OF MY LUNGS.
333
00:16:45,460 --> 00:16:46,693
- WELL, ALL RIGHT THEN,
334
00:16:46,728 --> 00:16:48,628
WHY DON'T YOU GO GET
THE HORS D'OEUVRES?
335
00:16:48,663 --> 00:16:50,864
AND DON'T PUT THE DEVILED EGGS
NEXT TO THE CANAPES,
336
00:16:50,899 --> 00:16:51,931
THE COLORS CLASH.
337
00:16:51,967 --> 00:16:53,333
AND WHEN YOU'RE DONE
WITH THAT,
338
00:16:53,368 --> 00:16:54,901
YOU CAN HELP ME SET UP
A COUPLE OF GAMES.
339
00:16:54,936 --> 00:16:56,636
I THINK WE'LL PLAY
"MUSICAL HIGH CHAIRS"
340
00:16:56,671 --> 00:16:58,448
AND "PIN THE DIAPER
ON THE BABY."
341
00:16:59,774 --> 00:17:01,565
- COULDN'T WE JUST
GET A STRIPPER?
342
00:17:02,143 --> 00:17:05,615
[knocking on the door]
343
00:17:07,001 --> 00:17:08,253
- OH...
344
00:17:08,571 --> 00:17:10,513
DR. DOUGLAS, WHAT A SURPRISE.
345
00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:13,388
- HELLO, LAVERNE.
I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT NEED THIS.
346
00:17:14,676 --> 00:17:16,129
- WELL, THANK YOU, DOCTOR.
347
00:17:17,073 --> 00:17:19,445
BUT YOU MADE IT PERFECTLY CLEAR
THAT YOU WERE NO LONGER
348
00:17:19,481 --> 00:17:21,280
INTERESTED IN HELPING
WITH THIS SHOWER.
349
00:17:21,316 --> 00:17:23,516
- NO, LAVERNE,
WHAT I WASN'T INTERESTED IN
350
00:17:23,551 --> 00:17:25,151
WAS BEING TREATED
LIKE A CHILD.
351
00:17:25,186 --> 00:17:28,254
- WHATEVER YOU SAY, DOCTOR.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
352
00:17:28,289 --> 00:17:31,045
I HAVE NAPKINS
TO FOLD INTO STORKS.
353
00:17:31,893 --> 00:17:33,993
- LAVERNE, I'M TRYING
TO BE NICE.
354
00:17:34,028 --> 00:17:35,461
BUT I'M WARNING YOU...
355
00:17:35,497 --> 00:17:37,392
IT DOESN'T COME NATURALLY.
356
00:17:39,167 --> 00:17:41,367
- WELL, I AIN'T GOT TIME
TO GIVE YOU LESSONS,
357
00:17:41,402 --> 00:17:43,045
I'M EXPECTIN' GUESTS.
358
00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:46,985
YOU KNOW,
THEY SHOULD'VE BEEN HERE BY NOW.
359
00:17:47,809 --> 00:17:51,465
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T EVEN COUNT
ON PEOPLE TO READ AN INVITATION.
360
00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:53,811
- WELL,
THEY MIGHT HAVE READ THEM...
361
00:17:54,219 --> 00:17:55,819
IF YOU HAD SENT THEM.
362
00:17:59,020 --> 00:18:01,271
- OKAY...
THIS AIN'T MY FAULT!
363
00:18:03,027 --> 00:18:04,977
- WELL, WHOSE FAULT IS IT?
MINE?
364
00:18:05,027 --> 00:18:07,026
[knocking on the door]
- WHO COULD THAT BE?
365
00:18:07,061 --> 00:18:09,607
- WELL, WE KNOW
IT'S NONE OF THESE PEOPLE.
366
00:18:11,699 --> 00:18:13,463
- [Harry]
LAVERNE, IT'S ME!
367
00:18:14,335 --> 00:18:17,036
- DR. WESTON, YOU'RE EARLY.
I TOLD YOU, YOU CAN'T BE EARLY.
368
00:18:17,071 --> 00:18:20,159
- WELL, WE HAVE
A LITTLE PROBLEM, I, UH...
369
00:18:20,441 --> 00:18:22,890
I--I COULDN'T GET CAROL HERE.
370
00:18:25,580 --> 00:18:28,247
I'M SORRY, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY, LAVERNE,
371
00:18:28,283 --> 00:18:30,149
I KNOW I--I LET YOU DOWN.
372
00:18:30,667 --> 00:18:32,802
- YEAH, YOU DID,
DIDN'T YOU?
373
00:18:34,102 --> 00:18:36,072
I KNEW YOU'D MAKE
A MESS OF THIS.
374
00:18:37,258 --> 00:18:39,180
AND I GOT A HOUSE
FULL OF GUESTS!
375
00:18:41,581 --> 00:18:42,828
- WHERE?
376
00:18:42,864 --> 00:18:45,218
- WHERE?
THEY'RE HIDIN'!
377
00:18:45,967 --> 00:18:47,750
HIDIN' IN MY BEDROOM!
378
00:18:48,503 --> 00:18:50,760
- WELL, I'M--
I'M REALLY SORRY
379
00:18:50,798 --> 00:18:53,219
AND I'LL APOLOGIZE
TO EVERYBODY.
380
00:18:54,127 --> 00:18:56,754
- HARRY, THERE'S NOT
A SINGLE PERSON IN THERE...
381
00:18:58,854 --> 00:19:01,102
WHO...WILL...FORGIVE YOU.
382
00:19:01,614 --> 00:19:04,407
THEY'VE BEEN BUSTIN' A GUT
WAITING TO YELL "SURPRISE."
383
00:19:05,618 --> 00:19:08,018
- OH, I FEEL TERRIBLE
ABOUT THIS.
384
00:19:08,054 --> 00:19:10,815
- LOOKS LIKE ONCE AGAIN
I'VE GOTTA SAVE YOUR SORRY HIDE.
385
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:13,324
- OH, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO?
386
00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:14,787
- YEAH, GO. JUST GO.
387
00:19:14,828 --> 00:19:16,408
- I'M SO SORRY.
388
00:19:17,230 --> 00:19:19,273
I'M SO SORRY, EVERYBODY!
389
00:19:24,557 --> 00:19:26,837
- WHEW! I REALLY HAD MY RUMP
IN A ROASTIN' PAN.
390
00:19:26,873 --> 00:19:28,572
WHY DIDN'T YOU TURN UP
THE FIRE?
391
00:19:28,608 --> 00:19:31,709
- BECAUSE...
NOW YOU OWE ME ONE.
392
00:19:32,378 --> 00:19:34,564
AND I LIKE THAT
IN A PERSON.
393
00:19:38,684 --> 00:19:40,306
- YOU'RE RIGHT CLEVER.
394
00:19:40,419 --> 00:19:42,152
I LIKE THAT IN A PERSON.
395
00:19:42,188 --> 00:19:46,390
- BESIDES, WATCHING HARRY
SQUIRM IS KIND OF FUN.
396
00:19:46,425 --> 00:19:48,440
- AIN'T IT, THOUGH?
397
00:19:48,794 --> 00:19:50,694
- SURPRISE!
398
00:19:50,787 --> 00:19:53,964
- OH, CAROL DIDN'T SHOW.
THEY AIN'T NO SURPRISE.
399
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:57,452
- MAYBE NOT FOR YOU, BUT
I JUST PASSED A KIDNEY STONE!
400
00:20:01,407 --> 00:20:02,907
- MEN!
401
00:20:02,942 --> 00:20:06,110
NO MATTER WHAT YOU EXPECT,
THEY ALWAYS LET YOU DOWN.
402
00:20:06,145 --> 00:20:08,913
- TOLD HIM YOU WERE PREGNANT?
- YOU BET I DID!
403
00:20:08,948 --> 00:20:10,748
- NOT GONNA SEE HIM AGAIN?
- YOU BET I'M NOT!
404
00:20:10,783 --> 00:20:12,249
- HE'S NOT
GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!
405
00:20:12,285 --> 00:20:14,645
- OH, YES, HE IS.
HE'S TOO GOOD FOR ME.
406
00:20:15,066 --> 00:20:16,733
DADDY, I TOLD HIM
I WAS PREGNANT,
407
00:20:16,772 --> 00:20:19,390
HE HANDLED IT LIKE
AN ABSOLUTE DOLL!
408
00:20:19,425 --> 00:20:21,425
HE WAS UNDERSTANDING,
SUPPORTIVE,
409
00:20:21,460 --> 00:20:23,904
HE EVEN OFFERED
TO BE MY LAMAZE COACH.
410
00:20:32,271 --> 00:20:34,772
- AND--AND--
AND THIS IS BAD?
411
00:20:34,807 --> 00:20:37,207
- NO, IT'S GOOD!
412
00:20:37,243 --> 00:20:39,043
- BUT YOU'RE NOT GONNA
SEE HIM AGAIN.
413
00:20:39,078 --> 00:20:41,291
- YOU FINALLY UNDERSTAND.
414
00:20:45,777 --> 00:20:48,244
- NO, I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
- DADDY...
415
00:20:48,277 --> 00:20:51,555
I HAVE BEEN APPROACHING THIS
WHOLE THING VERY NEUROTICALLY.
416
00:20:51,591 --> 00:20:53,416
- THAT I UNDERSTAND!
417
00:20:54,260 --> 00:20:57,094
- I WAS SO WORRIED THAT HE
WOULDN'T WANNA GO OUT WITH ME
418
00:20:57,129 --> 00:20:58,529
BECAUSE I WAS PREGNANT.
419
00:20:58,564 --> 00:21:00,364
THEN THE MINUTE
HE SAID HE WAS OKAY WITH IT,
420
00:21:00,399 --> 00:21:03,500
I REALIZED IT WASN'T IMPORTANT
WHAT HE THOUGHT.
421
00:21:03,536 --> 00:21:06,231
WHAT WAS IMPORTANT
WAS MY BABY.
422
00:21:06,447 --> 00:21:09,381
WHAT WAS IMPORTANT WAS
THIS GUY SMOKING AT THE BAR.
423
00:21:09,418 --> 00:21:12,176
HOW LATE IT WAS GETTING.
WAS I EATING THE RIGHT FOODS?
424
00:21:12,211 --> 00:21:13,788
- HA HA HA...
425
00:21:13,876 --> 00:21:16,213
YOU'RE STARTING TO DISCOVER
THAT THINGS CHANGE
426
00:21:16,248 --> 00:21:17,414
WHEN YOU BECOME A PARENT.
427
00:21:17,450 --> 00:21:19,070
- BOY, THEY SURE DO.
428
00:21:19,430 --> 00:21:22,273
THE ONLY RELATIONSHIP
I'M INTERESTED IN...
429
00:21:22,888 --> 00:21:24,340
IS THIS ONE.
430
00:21:25,358 --> 00:21:26,793
- YEAH.
431
00:21:27,360 --> 00:21:28,859
SWEETHEART,
WHEN YOU HAVE A CHILD,
432
00:21:28,894 --> 00:21:31,161
IT BECOMES THE CENTER
OF YOUR WORLD.
433
00:21:31,197 --> 00:21:35,077
- SO MY BABY WILL BE
THE CENTER OF MY WORLD.
434
00:21:35,901 --> 00:21:38,500
AS I AM THE CENTER OF YOURS.
435
00:21:46,275 --> 00:21:47,427
- YES, DEAR.
436
00:21:49,791 --> 00:21:51,772
- THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL.
437
00:21:52,661 --> 00:21:54,399
YOU'RE A DADDY...
438
00:21:54,997 --> 00:21:56,673
AND I'M A MOMMY.
439
00:21:59,268 --> 00:22:00,846
- YES, DEAR.
440
00:22:02,497 --> 00:22:04,560
- WHAT ARE YOU THINKING,
DADDY?
441
00:22:05,788 --> 00:22:08,352
- HOW MUCH I MISS MY TV.
442
00:22:09,244 --> 00:22:10,644
GEE.
443
00:22:17,139 --> 00:22:20,005
- [humming]
444
00:22:26,455 --> 00:22:28,756
[beeping]
445
00:22:33,996 --> 00:22:37,998
[faster beeping]
446
00:22:38,034 --> 00:22:41,068
DADDY! DADDY!
447
00:22:44,306 --> 00:22:45,606
[beeping]
448
00:22:48,978 --> 00:22:51,345
- COME TO PAPA!
449
00:22:51,395 --> 00:22:55,945
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