Original subtitles

- SOPHIA, THESE--

THESE WAFFLES ARE INCREDIBLE.

- MY PLEASURE, HARRY.

BESIDES, I FIGURE

IF I SCRATCH YOUR BACK, YOU'LL SCRATCH MINE.

- OKAY. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

- WHAT ARE YOU, DEAF?

- SCRATCH MY BACK. - OH.

- MORNING, DADDY. SOPHIA.

- HEY, SWEETHEART. HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

- OH, WONDERFUL.

I ENJOYED THE MOST PEACEFUL AND IDYLLIC SLUMBER.

NOW IT'S TIME FOR BOTH OF US TO BEGIN THE DAY RENEWED.

RISE AND SHINE,

MY TEMPORARY UTERINE RESIDENT.

- WEIRD, SHE'S GIVING ME MORNING SICKNESS.

- DADDY, I'VE MADE A LIST OF POTENTIAL GODFATHERS,

BUT I HAVE TO ADMIT I'M COMPLETELY FLUMMOXED.

- DO WHAT I DO.

STEWED PRUNES AND A BUMPY CAR RIDE.

- WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

- I CAN'T MAKE UP MY MIND.

I'VE NARROWED IT DOWN TO THE FINEST MEN IN THE FAMILY.

- YEAH, BUT THE STATE DEPARTMENT

HAS TRANSFERRED UNCLE PAUL TO ZURICH,

AND... YOUR SECOND COUSIN JIM--

- I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SAY.

HE'S BUSY, HE'S IMPORTANT--

- HE'S-- HE'S DEAD.

- OH, POOR COUSIN JIM.

- HEY, HARRY.

CRYBABY.

CRYBABY'S BABY.

WHAT'S THIS?

"GODFATHER."

GEEZ, I LOVE THAT FLICK.

ALTHOUGH IT KINDA PUT ME OFF HORSE MEAT FOR A WHILE.

- NO, CHARLEY.

CAROL WAS TRYING TO DECIDE A GODFATHER FOR HER BABY.

- THEN WHY ISN'T MY NAME ON THERE?

- OH, CHARLEY.

- CAROL, I'M NOT JOKING.

YOU KNOW, WATCHING YOU GO THROUGH PREGNANCY

HAS STIRRED CERTAIN FEELINGS IN ME.

AND NOT JUST BECAUSE YOUR HOOTERS

HAVE INCREASED A CUP SIZE.

IT'S BECAUSE I'VE REALIZED

I MAY NEVER HAVE A CHILD OF MY OWN.

- NUMBER ONE, THAT'S A GOOD THING.

NUMBER TWO, YOU'RE THE MOST IRRESPONSIBLE,

IMMORAL, IMMATURE PERSON I KNOW.

AND NUMBER THREE...

THEY HAVE GOTTEN BIGGER, HAVEN'T THEY?

LIFE GOES ON

AND SO DO WE

JUST HOW WE DO IT IS NO MYSTERY

ONE BY ONE

WE FILL THE DAYS

WE FIND A THOUSAND DIFFERENT WAYS

SOMETIMES THE ANSWER CAN BE HARD TO FIND

THAT'S SOMETHING I WILL NEVER BE

I'M ALWAYS HERE

FOR ANYTHING YOU NEED

RAIN OR SHINE

I'LL BE THE ONE

TO SHARE IT ALL AS LIFE GOES ON

WE SHARE IT ALL

AS LIFE GOES ON

- [clearing her throat]

- SO, YOU SEE, JOE,

IT IS POSSIBLE TO ADMINISTER CPR

TO A PATIENT IN THE VERTICAL POSITION.

- ESPECIALLY ONCE YOU'VE OPENED HIS TRACHEA WITH YOUR TONGUE.

- TONIGHT WE'RE TRYING THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER.

I'LL CALL YOU LATER, LOVE.

- I'LL BE MISERABLE TILL YOU DO.

- MWAH. [blows]

- YUCK.

- OH, HUSH NOW. I'M ALLOWED.

AND AIN'T HE CUTE?

- HE'S CUTE AND A HALF.

WHERE'D YOU FIND HIM ANYWAY?

- MY LANDLORD HIRED HIM TO FIX MY KITCHEN SINK.

I GUESS YOU COULD SAY WE MET DOWN UNDER.

- SO, ARE YOU GUYS SERIOUS OR JUST HAVING FUN?

- WE ARE HAVIN' SERIOUS FUN.

HE'S JUST THE SWEETEST THING I'VE EVER MET.

- YEAH, HE REMINDS ME

OF A FELLOW I DATED IN MEDICAL SCHOOL.

ONLY ONE THING I COULDN'T GET PAST.

- WHAT WAS THAT? - THE WOMAN TRAPPED INSIDE HIM.

- HI THERE. HOW ARE YOU?

HERE YOU GO. LAVERNE, YOU GOT A CALL.

- UH?

OH, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

MY EX-MOTHER-IN-LAW

IS COMIN' TO TOWN TOMORROW.

WHO TOLD YOU TO TALK TO THIS WOMAN ANYWAY?

- THE PHONE RANG, I ANSWERED IT.

I'M FUNNY THAT WAY.

- NICK'S MAMA NEVER LIKED ME.

SO WHAT DOES SHE WANT FROM ME ANYWAY?

NICK'S STILL IN JAPAN.

- MAYBE SHE JUST WANTS TO TALK.

LAVERNE, YOU KNOW, DIVORCE

AFFECTS MORE PEOPLE THAN JUST THE COUPLE.

- NO KIDDIN'.

IT HELPED MY LAWYER

BUY A BRAND NEW CAPRICE COMPLETE WITH TOWIN' PACKAGE.

SO, YOU THINK I SHOULD HEAR MAMA TODD OUT?

- IT MIGHT BE AN OPPORTUNITY

FOR THE TWO OF YOU TO ACHIEVE CLOSURE.

- OH, PLEASE, DOCTOR.

IN HICKORY WE DON'T HAVE NO SUCH THING AS CLOSURE...

OR DECENT DELICATESSEN FOR THAT MATTER.

LORDY, I'M STARVIN'.

- WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.

I THOUGHT YOU AND JOE WENT TO THE BEACH FOR LUNCH.

OH.

I GET IT.

- YOU HAVE A FILTHY MIND.

- AND YOU HAVE SAND IN YOUR HAIR.

- OH!

- UNCLE SIDNEY, I CANNOT IMAGINE ANYONE

I WOULD RATHER HAVE AS GODFATHER.

NO, I'M NOT TOO YOUNG TO HAVE A BABY.

OH, YOU MUST BE THINKING OF MY SISTER EMILY.

NO, NO. THE COP IS BARBARA.

I'M CAROL,

THE BRAINY YET BEAUTIFUL REDHEAD.

HELLO?

- HEY, DREYFUSS.

SOURPUSS.

FETUS.

- CHARLEY, I'M HAVING A BAD DAY, DO YOU MIND?

- WELL, NORMALLY I WOULDN'T,

BUT AN UNHAPPY MOMMY, MAKES AN UNHAPPY BABY SO...

BEHOLD, SILVER CROSS PERAMBULATOR.

- OH, MY GOD. IT'S GORGEOUS.

- NOTHING'S TOO GOOD FOR MY GODKID.

THE GUY IN THE BABY STORE CALLED IT

THE BENTLEY OF BABY BUGGIES.

AND IT'S POOPOO-PROOF.

- CHARLEY, I'M SORRY YOU SPENT ALL THIS MONEY,

BUT I COULDN'T POSSIBLY ACCEPT SUCH AN EXTRAVAGANT GIFT.

OH, MY GOD. THIS LEATHER'S LIKE BUTTER.

- IT IS BUTTER. I WAS HAVING TOAST.

- NO, NO. I WILL NOT BE BRIBED

INTO APPOINTING SOME BOOB

TO BE THE SPIRITUAL GUARDIAN OF MY CHILD.

- YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M SORRY.

I SHOULD HAVE CONSIDERED YOUR FEELINGS INSTEAD OF MINE.

AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT REVEREND PRESCOTT

SAID IN HIS SERMON THIS MORNING.

- YOU WENT TO CHURCH?

- HELL YES.

YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE NEW RESPONSIBLE ME.

THIS MORNING I GOT UP, MADE MY BED,

BRUSHED MY TEETH AND PUT ON A CONDOM.

- AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE IMPRESSED BY THAT?

- WELL, GUESS YOU HAD TO BE THERE.

[knocking]

- OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR!

- LORD, GIVE ME STRENGTH.

[knocking]

HELLO, MAMA TODD.

SO NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

- YEAH? WHY?

- BECAUSE I MISSED YOU?

- OH, LORD, LAVERNE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DO WORSE:

LIE OR CLEAN HOUSE.

CLEAN HOUSE.

- LOOK, MAMA TODD.

IF YOU COULD JUST TRY TO BE SOMEWHAT CIVIL,

IT'D BE A HECK OF A LOT EASIER

FOR US TO ACHIEVE WHAT THEY CALL CLOSURE.

- ALL I WANT TO DO IS SOAK MY FEET IN A HOT TUB.

MY CORNS ARE KILLIN' ME.

NOW, WHERE'S MY NICK?

[yelling] NICKY BOY, I'M HERE!

- YOU GONNA HAVE TO YELL A LOT LOUDER THAN THAT.

NICK'S IN JAPAN.

- JAPAN?

HE'S PLAYIN' BASEBALL IN JAPAN?

WELL, WHY AREN'T YOU WITH HIM?

- OH, NO.

HE DIDN'T TELL YOU ABOUT US, DID HE?

- TELL ME WHAT?

- MAMA, THIS IS GONNA COME AS A BIT OF A SHOCK.

- OUT WITH IT, GIRL. WHAT IS IT?

- WELL, YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED

TO SHIRLEY AND GATOR MCCRAY?

- OH, MY GOD.

YOU GAVE EACH OTHER HEAD LICE?

- NO.

NICK AND I ARE DIVORCED.

- YOU ARE NOT.

- WE ARE TOO.

- YOU ARE NOT.

- MAMA, YOUR PRECIOUS BOY LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER WOMAN

EXACTLY A YEAR AGO.

- AND I WAS THE LAST TO KNOW?

OH, HOW COULD HE NOT TELL ME?

HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME?

OH. - MAMA, YOU GONNA BE ALL RIGHT?

- I'M FINE.

A LITTLE OLD HEART ATTACK

ISN'T GONNA PUT ME SIX FEET UNDER.

OH.

- YOU ARE HAVIN' A HEART ATTACK?

- WELL, IT AIN'T AN ORGASM.

- SO, AT THE EMERGENCY ROOM LAST NIGHT THEY SAID

THEY COULDN'T FIND ANYTHING WRONG WITH MAMA TODD,

EXCEPT FOR MAYBE HER ATTITUDE.

DO YOU THINK SHE'LL BE OKAY, DOCTOR?

- MY GUESS IS YOU HAD AN ANXIETY ATTACK.

- YOUR GUESS?

YEAH, I MIGHT AS WELL HAVE CALLED THE PSYCHIC HOTLINE.

- UH, MRS. TODD, YOUR HEART IS IN GREAT SHAPE.

- WELL, THAT'S SURPRISIN'

SINCE IT'S BEEN BROKE IN A MILLION PIECES.

AND YOU'RE THE ONE HOLDIN' THE SLEDGEHAMMER, LAVERNE.

- I SHOULD HAVE AIMED FOR HER HEAD.

- WELL, I SEE YOU TWO HAVE A LOT OF CATCHING UP TO DO.

EXCUSE ME.

- LAVERNE, GET YOUR BUTT IN GEAR AND FETCH ME MY SHOES.

- ALL RIGHT.

- HAVE YOU SEEN MY DRESS?

- YEAH, ON EVERY CLEARANCE RACK AT K-MART.

- SO, HOW'S YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW?

- OH, SHE'LL BE FINE.

NO THANKS TO THAT IRRESPONSIBLE EX-HUSBAND OF MINE.

- WELL, IT'S LIKE MY MOTHER ALWAYS SAID:

"IF YOU EXPECT A MAN TO BE RESPONSIBLE,

YOU JUST WIND UP WITH A WET BUTT."

YOU KNOW, THEY KEEP THE TOILET SEAT UP.

- OH.

- I HAVE SIX BROTHERS.

THEY USED TO CALL ME SPLASH.

- OKAY, LAVERNE. I'M READY.

BOY, MY CORNS REALLY HURT.

HEY, YOU IN THE WHITE COAT.

YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT FEET?

- I KNOW HOW TO AMPUTATE 'EM.

- QUACK.

- QUACKER.

- HI, SEXY.

- JOE. OH, JOE.

I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY...FRIEND

VELVA TODD, WHO'S ABOUT TO CATCH

THE 4:00 BUS BACK TO HICKORY.

- PLEASURE, MY DEAR.

- WELL, NICE TO SEE YOU'RE DATIN' AGAIN, LAVERNE.

ALTHOUGH THERE ARE THOSE WHO WOULD SAY

IT'S A BIT TOO SOON TO BE CATTIN' AROUND.

- ANYWAY, LAVERNE,

I THOUGHT WE MIGHT WANNA CHECK OUT

THAT NEW FRENCH BISTRO IN THE MALL.

IT'S RED ROSE NIGHT TONIGHT.

- OH! OH, THAT'S SO ROMANTIC.

- YOU KNOW, I JUST LOVE FRENCH FOOD.

- WE'LL HAVE TO GET YOU A CROISSANT FOR THE BUS.

- HELL, I NEARLY DIED LAST NIGHT.

THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS BUY ME A DINNER.

- OH, BUT OF COURSE, MRS. TODD,

YOU'RE MORE THAN WELCOME TO JOIN US.

- JOE, PLEASE.

UH, LOOK, MAMA,

YOU KNOW, IT'D BE ENTIRELY TOO PAINFUL

FOR YOU WALKIN' AROUND WITH THEM CORNS OF YOURN.

- HEY, YOU CAN, I CAN CARRY HER TO THE CAR.

HOW ARE YOUR CORNS, DEAR?

- FINE, BUT YOU BANGED MY HEAD TWICE, YOU BIG APE.

- OH, SORRY, DEAR.

THE FIRST TIME WAS AN ACCIDENT.

LAVERNE...

MAYBE ON THE WAY HOME YOU SHOULD DRIVE,

AND I'LL SIT IN THE BED OF THE TRUCK.

- WELL, IT DOES GET A MIGHT BREEZY BACK THERE.

I KNEW SO MANY PEOPLE DROVE WITH THEIR BRIGHTS ON.

- LAVERNE, YOU'RE SCARIN' THE OTHER PATRONS.

HERE, PUT THIS ON.

SO, NAPKIN HEAD,

DID YOU TELL HIM YOUR HUSBAND'S A BASEBALL STAR?

- EX-HUSBAND.

HE NEVER MADE IT OUT OF DOUBLE-A.

- OH, HE WAS A DRINKER.

- NOT A.A.,

DOUBLE-A, AS IN MINOR LEAGUE.

STAY WITH ME JOE, WILL YOU?

LAVERNE WAS CRAZY ABOUT HIM.

- MAMA, PLEASE.

- EVERY TIME THEY COME TO VISIT ME,

I'D STICK 'EM IN THE BACK BEDROOM

SO I DIDN'T HAVE TO HEAR 'EM CARRYIN' ON.

- MAMA TODD, THAT IS QUITE ENOUGH.

JOE, WOULD YOU PLEASE GO TO THE TRUCK

AND FETCH MY JACKET?

NOW, MAMA,

YOU ARE RUININ' EVERYTHING

WITH THE BEST DATE I'VE HAD POSSIBLY EVER.

I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY.

- DELIGHTED.

NOW YOU'RE FREE TO CONCENTRATE ON WINNING NICK BACK.

- I DON'T WANT NICK BACK.

I THOUGHT YOU UNDERSTOOD, MAMA.

NICK AND I ARE THROUGH.

- NO, YOU'RE NOT. - YES, WE ARE.

- NO, YOU'RE NOT.

- YOU TODDS JUST DON'T LISTEN.

I ALWAYS THOUGHT THEY CALLED YOU MULES

'CAUSE OF YA LONG SKINNY FACES

AND YOUR DUBIOUS HIGHBRED ORIGINS.

BUT NOW I CAN SEE IT'S CAUSE YOU JUST SO DAMN STUBBORN!

- JUST LIKE A HIGBY.

THEY'LL DO ANYTHING TO GET OUT OF PAYIN' FOR DINNER.

- OKAY, SOPHIA, LOOKS LIKE WE GOT

YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE UNDER CONTROL.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU NEED?

- YES. SIGN THIS WAIVER SO I CAN JOIN

THE SHADY PINES BASKETBALL TEAM.

- YOU PLAY BASKETBALL?

- CENTER.

YOU'RE LOOKING AT STRETCH PETRILLO.

- "STRETCH," AS IN YOU'RE THE TALLEST PLAYER?

- NO. STRETCH AS I'M THE ONLY ONE

WHO CAN STILL TOUCH HER KNEE.

- OH, OOH, OH.

OH.

- TRY STEWED PRUNES AND A BUMPY CAR RIDE.

- MISS MACAFEE, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

- I'M-- I'M FINE, REALLY.

I JUST HAD A LITTLE TIFF WITH YOUR PARKING ATTENDANT

AND I WASN'T WATCHING WHERE I WAS STEPPING.

- PARKING ATTENDANT?

WE DON'T HAVE A PARKING ATTENDANT.

- OH, DEAR.

YOU MEAN, THAT LITTLE MAN IN THE BLUE BERET

WHO I GAVE MY KEYS TO...

- THAT'S OL' FUNKY JEROME.

DON'T WORRY.

HE'LL JUST TAKE A NAP IN YOUR BACK SEAT.

- OH.

WHAT A RELIEF.

UH, ANYWAY, HARRY, HERE ARE THE FILES

ON THE PEDIATRIC, OH, SYMPOSIUM.

- LET ME TAKE A LOOK AT THAT ANKLE.

COME ON, COME ON. - THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.

- COME ON. LET'S GO.

- EMBARRASSING?

WAIT TILL YOU TRY TO WAKE UP JEROME.

HE SLEEPS IN THE RAW.

- THANK YOU. - OKAY.

- I FEEL SO SILLY.

OH, NOW, HARRY, JUST GIVE ME A SECOND HERE,

AND I'LL TRY AND MAKE IT A LITTLE EASIER FOR YOU.

YOU KNOW, I KNOW MOST WOMEN WEAR PANTYHOSE

BUT I LIKE STOCKINGS.

THERE'S JUST SOMETHING ABOUT THEM

THAT MAKES ME FEEL MORE FEMININE.

- WELL...

[mumbling]

LET ME LOOK SOMEWHERE.

OH, WE'LL LOOK HERE. DOWN HERE WE'LL LOOK.

OKAY, THAT'S IT, OKAY.

ALL RIGHT. HOW DOES THAT FEEL?

- WONDERFUL.

- YES, YES, YES.

- UH, THERE--THERE'S NOTHING BROKEN THERE.

YOU KNOW, I SUSPECT IT'S JUST KIND OF A SLIGHT SPRAIN

SO TRY PUTTING ICE ON IT AND KEEP IT ELEVATED.

- OH, HARRY, YOU'RE A DOLL.

I FEEL SO BADLY.

I JUST CAME OVER HERE TO DROP SOMETHING OFF

AND I'M WASTING YOUR VALUABLE TIME.

- WASTING MY TIME?

NO, NO. JUST--

REALLY, IT'S-- IT'S--IT'S MY PLEASURE.

[mumbling]

BECAUSE AS A MATTER OF FACT...

AS A MATTER OF FACT, MAYBE--MAYBE I COULD, UH...

THAT IS-- YOU KNOW--

- HARRY, NOW YOU'RE WASTING MY TIME.

SPIT IT OUT.

- CAN I CALL YOU SOME TIME?

- NO.

- OH, WELL--

- CALL ME ANY TIME.

- OH.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR COUSIN PETEY?

NOW, HE'D MAKE A GOOD GODFATHER.

- DADDY, PLEASE, I WILL NOT HAVE A GODFATHER NAMED PETEY.

- CAROL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD CONSIDER

LOWERING YOUR STANDARDS.

- HEY, WESTONS.

HERE, CAROL.

A LITTLE SOMETHING I MADE FOR THE TIKE.

- OH, CHARLEY, THAT'S ADORABLE.

IT LOOKS JUST LIKE THE ONE I GOT DADDY.

YOU MADE THIS?

- WELL, I MADE IT SMALLER.

SORRY, HARRY, I DROPPED IT IN THE WASH MACHINE BY MISTAKE,

BUT I DID GET OUT ALL THE KAHLUA STAINS.

- CHARLEY, THANK YOU, BUT FORGET IT.

YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO BE GODFATHER.

- OH, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.

- IT IS OUT OF THE QUESTION.

- AT LEAST PUT ME ON THE LIST.

I'LL STOP BORROWING YOUR CAR.

I WON'T DRINK YOUR BEER ANYMORE.

WELL, I'LL STOP BORROWING YOUR CAR.

- CHARLEY. - CAROL, CAROL, CAROL.

SAVE YOURSELF A LOT OF TROUBLE

AND JUST PUT CHARLEY ON THE LIST.

- OH, ALL RIGHT.

I'LL PUT YOU RIGHT AFTER COUSIN PETEY.

- [laughing] THIS IS SO COOL.

I'M ON LIST TO BE GODPAPA.

HEY, WAIT. WHAT IF I WIN?

I HAVE TO GET A SUIT FOR THE CHRISTENING.

AND SOCKS, I'LL NEED SOCKS.

GOD, THERE'S SO MUCH TO REMEMBER.

SO MUCH THAT COULD GO WRONG.

WHAT IF I'M UP THERE WITH THE KID

AND I DROP HIM IN THE LITTLE BIRDBATH THINGY?

- CHARLEY, SETTLE.

- WHAT IF YOU TWO CROAK AND I HAVE TO RAISE HIM BY MYSELF?

WHAT KIND OF A ROLE MODEL WILL I BE?

HOW WILL WE EAT?

OH, GOD, THE RESPONSIBILITY.

THIS IS A TREMENDOUS BURDEN.

THE PRESSURE'S OVERWHELMING.

I GOTTA TAKE A LEAK.

- DO YOU WANT TO CROSS HIM OFF OR SHALL I?

- I'LL DO IT. I GOT IT.

- HEY, MAMA.

WELL, I SEE YOU'RE ALL PACKED UP.

CAN I GET YOU AN EXTRA BAG OR ANYTHING?

LOOK, MAMA, I THINK THEY'S SOME THINGS

WE SHOULD SETTLE BEFORE YOU GO.

- FINE.

HERE'S YOUR PRECIOUS TOWELS BACK.

- LOOK, MAMA.

ABOUT LAST NIGHT--

- APOLOGY ACCEPTED.

NOW,

THE FIRST THING WE GOTTA DO

IS GET YOU BACK TOGETHER WITH NICK.

- ARE YOU STILL A-HARPIN' ON THAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK, MAMA?

I THINK YOU'RE TRYIN' TO GET YOUR SON BACK THROUGH ME.

- LAVERNE, I AM PERFECTLY HAPPY

IN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH NICK.

- WHAT RELATIONSHIP?

YOU CLEARLY HAVEN'T EVEN TALKED TO HIM IN A YEAR.

- WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK TO A PERSON EVERY YEAR

TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP.

JUST BECAUSE IT'S BEEN ONE YEAR,

TWO MONTHS AND...

TEN DAYS.

OH.

I MISS MY BOY SOMETHIN' AWFUL.

THE ONLY TIME I GOT TO SEE NICK

WAS WHEN YOU DRAGGED HIM DOWN FOR A VISIT.

- NOW, MAMA,

I'M SURE HE LOVES YOU.

I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE HE LEFT YOU FOR ANOTHER MOTHER.

- OH, LAVERNE,

I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SO HATEFUL TO YOU,

AND YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN SO NICE TO ME.

WHY?

- PARTLY TO DRIVE YOU NUTS.

BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE I SUSPECTED

UNDERNEATH ALL THAT ORNERINESS

WAS A LONELY LITTLE LADY

JUST LOOKIN' FOR SOME AFFECTION.

- I LOVE YOU, LAVERNE.

- BACK AT YOU.

- NICK DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE LOST.

- OH...

WELL, NEITHER DID I!

AIN'T THAT MY CURLIN' IRON?

- I CAN'T BELIEVE I LOST.

- AND THAT, MY MAN, IS HOW THE GAME IS PLAYED.

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