Original subtitles

- EMILY...

HAVE YOU NOTICED ANYTHING FUNNY

ABOUT PATRICK LATELY?

- WELL, HE'S STILL DATING YOU.

BUT THAT'S NOT HA-HA FUNNY.

- SOMETHING'S CHANGED BETWEEN US.

- WHAT?

- LAST NIGHT I ASKED HIM IF HE LOVED ME,

AND INSTEAD OF HIS USUAL YES,

HE SAID UH-HUH.

- UH-OH.

- I DON'T KNOW.

I GET THE FEELING SOMETHING'S WRONG.

I JUST CAN'T PUT MY FINGER ON IT.

- GOOD MORNING, GIRLS.

HOW ARE YOU? IS PATRICK AWAKE YET?

- WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

- NOTHING. I WAS JUST GOING THROUGH MY FILES

AND I FOUND THIS COPY OF THE SPRINKLER WORK HE DID.

MAYBE HE COULD USE IT FOR HIS RECORDS.

- OH, DADDY. THIS IS WONDERFUL.

NOW I HAVE THE EXACT DATE

OF WHEN PATRICK AND I BECAME ONE.

- [grumbles]

- OH, MY GOD. THAT'S IT.

OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD.

DAMN YOU, CAROL WESTON. DAMN YOU, DAMN YOU, DAMN YOU.

- CAROL, IS THIS ONE OF YOUR OTHER PERSONALITIES

FIGHTING TO GET OUT?

- NO, EMILY.

NEXT WEEK IS PATRICK AND MY SIX-MONTH ANNIVERSARY.

- SO? - SO, WE'RE DOOMED.

I'VE NEVER HAD A RELATIONSHIP LAST LONGER THAN THAT,

SAVE FOR THE MOCKERY OF MY MARRIAGE.

- CAROL, HONEY, THAT'S NOT TRUE.

WHAT ABOUT THAT REAL CUTE LITTLE GUY?

UH...STEVE.

YOU WERE STEADY WITH HIM ALL THROUGH THE FIFTH GRADE.

- DADDY, STEVE WAS GOING STEADY WITH PHILIP SWENSON.

I WAS HIS BEARD.

- LIFE GOES ON, AND SO DO WE

JUST HOW WE DO IT IS NO MYSTERY

ONE BY ONE

WE FILL THE DAYS

WE FIND A THOUSAND DIFFERENT WAYS

SOMETIMES THE ANSWER CAN BE HARD TO FIND

THAT'S SOMETHING I WILL NEVER BE

I'M ALWAYS HERE

FOR ANYTHING YOU NEED

RAIN OR SHINE

I'LL BE THE ONE

TO SHARE IT ALL AS LIFE GOES ON

WE SHARE IT ALL

AS LIFE GOES ON

- AND, MR. HETZEL,

I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULD KEEP SPIKE

IN YOUR OWN YARD FROM NOW ON.

COME ON, DREYF.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

[door closes] YOU'RE A GOOD BOY.

YOU'RE A LOVER, NOT A FIGHTER.

BESIDES, HE'S A VERY BIG CAT.

[doorbell rings]

SURE, HE'S DECLAWED,

BUT THOSE LITTLE PADS, THEY CAN HURT.

- TELL ME I DIDN'T JUST SEE

YOUR DOG GET HIS BUTT KICKED BY THAT CAT.

- LAVERNE, COME ON. HOW'S THE LEG TODAY?

- OH, IT'S COMPLETELY HEALED.

I'M JUST WEARIN' THIS CAST FOR THE LOOK.

- COME ON. COME ON IN, COME ON IN.

WOW. SO...

YOU MUST BE LAVERNE'S NEPHEW.

- YES, SIR. WADE HIGBY DAVIS.

PLEASURE TO MEET YOU. - LIKEWISE, SON.

- CAN YOU SEE THE RESEMBLANCE?

HE'S GOT THE DISTINCTIVE HIGBY EYE-TEETH.

- CLEARLY, THAT'S UNCANNY.

SO, YOUR AUNT VERNE TELLS ME YOU'RE GONNA BE A FRESHMAN

AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI. - THAT'S RIGHT.

HE'S GOT A FULL WRESTLIN' SCHOLARSHIP.

- OH, I'M IMPRESSED. THAT'S A REAL TOUGH SPORT.

- NO KIDDIN'. YOU SHOULD SEE HIS TAKE-DOWN MOVE.

HE'S BROKE 17 NOSES TO DATE.

- 18, IF YOU COUNT MAMA'S.

- NOBODY LIKES A BRAGGER, BOY.

- SORRY, MA'AM.

- HEY, LAVERNE, THAT ROLL-AWAY BED YOU WANT IS IN THE GARAGE.

HI, I'M EMILY.

- WOW.

I'M WADE.

- ROLL THAT TONGUE BACK IN YOUR MOUTH

BEFORE IT DRIES UP.

WADE, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THAT BED

AND PUT IT INTO THE TRUCK?

- YES, MA'AM. IT WAS NICE MEETIN' EVERYONE.

EMILY...

- HMM, HE'S A CUTE KID.

YOU KNOW, IF HE WERE A COUPLE OF YEARS OLDER--

- YOU'D HAVE ME TO DEAL WITH.

[with southern twang] - YES, MA'AM.

- THANKS FOR THE BED, EMILY.

DOCTOR, I'LL GET IT BACK TO YOU

AS SOON AS I CAN BUY WADE ONE OF HIS OWN.

- OH, WON'T HE BE LIVING IN THE DORM?

- OH, NO, SIR.

WE MADE THAT MISTAKE WITH HIS OLDER BROTHER BILLY.

HE WENT OFF TO COLLEGE ON HIS OWN.

IT RUINED HIS WHOLE LIFE. - WHAT HAPPENED?

- WELL, HE FELL IN WITH THE WRONG CROWD.

STARTED DRINKIN', GOT BOOTED OUT OF VETERINARY SCHOOL.

NOW HE'S GIVIN' FLEA DIPS DOWN AT A POUNDS-OF-HOUNDS.

- ISN'T THAT ALWAYS THE CASE?

- BILLY HAD A REAL BRIGHT FUTURE,

BUT HE THREW IT ALL AWAY.

THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN TO WADE.

I PROMISED THE FAMILY

HE COULD STAY WITH ME SO I CAN KEEP AN EYE ON HIM.

- I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO.

BOYS AT THAT AGE CAN BE A REAL HANDFUL.

- YOU'RE TELLIN' ME HOW TO HANDLE MY KIN?

YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE.

YOU CAN'T EVEN TEACH YOUR DOG HOW TO STAND UP TO A CAT.

- LAVERNE, THAT'S NOT FAIR.

DREYFUSS CAN TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF.

- AUNTIE, THAT BED'S ALL LOADED UP.

- ALL RIGHT. - [meows]

- [laughing]

- OH, CAROL, YOU HAVE REALLY OUTDONE YOURSELF.

THIS RAVIOLI IS SQUISITO.

- AND IT'S FOR PATRICK. - OUCH.

- HI. AH, JUST WHAT I'VE BEEN CRAVIN' FOR.

- UH-UH, PATRICK. WE DON'T WANT TO DULL OUR PALATE.

DINNER'S GONNA BE READY IN A FEW MINUTES.

- I'M FINE. JUST SAVE ME A LITTLE SOMETHING.

AND I'LL NUKE IT LATER. - BUT MY SAUCE!

GREAT. THE BUTTER AND THE EGG YOLKS

ARE ALREADY STARTING TO SEPARATE.

JUST LIKE ME AND PATRICK.

WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

- CAROL, YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS NOT ON THE ROCKS.

- SMELLS LIKE THE OL' SAVE-THE-RELATIONSHIP DINNER.

GOD, HAS IT REALLY BEEN SIX MONTHS ALREADY?

- I HATE YOU, TOO, CHARLEY.

- CAROL, IF YOU REALLY THINK PATRICK IS LOSING INTEREST,

MAYBE IT JUST MEANS TRYING SOMETHING DIFFERENT,

EVEN SILLY.

BE SPONTANEOUS.

- EMILY, YOU'RE RIGHT.

PATRICK'S BORED BECAUSE OUR LIFE TOGETHER IS ROUTINE.

THAT'S IT.

I'VE GOTTA START PLANNING SOME SPONTANEITY.

I'LL SIMPLY REINVENT MYSELF.

- BOY, THIS IS TERRIFIC.

YOU KNOW, CAROL, IN ALL SINCERITY,

IT'S AMAZING THIS KIND OF THING HAPPENS TO YOU,

THAT WITHOUT FAIL AT THE SIX-MONTH MARK

THEY DUMP YOU.

I DON'T GET THOSE GUYS.

- THANK YOU, CHARLEY.

- WHAT TAKES THEM SO LONG?

- AUNTIE, THAT WAS ONE DELICIOUS MEAL.

BOY, HAVE I MISSED YOUR COOKIN'.

- OH, COME ON NOW. I CAN SEE YOUR MAMA FEED YOU WELL.

- SHE'S GOOD COOK AND ALL, BUT JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME,

YOUR PIGS' BRAINS ARE BETTER.

- THAT'S BECAUSE YOUR MAMA

NEVER LETS THE OIL GET HOT ENOUGH.

I'VE GOT BIG PLANS FOR TONIGHT.

I'LL PULL OUT THE SLIDES

FROM THE LAST HIGBY FAMILY REUNION

WE'LL SEE WHO HAS THE BIGGEST HAIR.

[doorbell rings]

COME ON IN.

- EVENING, MRS. TODD.

- OH, KERRY. WHAT A PLEASANT SURPRISE.

WADE, COME HERE A SEC.

I WANT YOU TO MEET A NEIGHBOR.

KERRY LIVES UPSTAIRS WITH HER MOMMA.

FINE CHURCH-GOIN' PEOPLE.

- OH, WADE AND I ALREADY MET.

BY THE POOL.

- YEAH. SEE, I FORGOT MY T-SHIRT

SO, UH, KERRY LENT ME HERS.

- WELL, WE'LL BE SURE TO GET THAT WASHED

AND SENT RIGHT BACK TO YOU, HON.

BYE-BYE NOW.

- WAIT, AUNTIE.

I SORTA ASKED KERRY TO GO TO THE MOVIES TONIGHT.

- WE'RE GOING TO SEE THE LOVER

DOWN AT THE CINEPLEX 25.

- THE LOVER.

KERRY, COULD YOU EXCUSE US FOR A SEC?

- SURE.

I'LL MEET YOU AT THE CAR.

- WADE, IN FUTURE, I WOULD APPRECIATE YOUR CONSULTING ME

BEFORE YOU GO MAKIN' DATES

WITH SOMEONE WHO DRESSES LIKE POOL TRASH.

- POOL TRASH? AUNTIE VERNE, YOU JUST SAID

SHE WAS A FINE CHURCH-GOER.

- IT TAKES ALL TYPES TO MAKE UP THE KINGDOM OF THE LORD.

- YES, MA'AM.

I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO GO BACK ON MY WORD.

- OKAY, YOU CAN GO.

- YES, MA'AM.

- NOW, I EXPECT THE MOVIE GETS OUT AT 10:00.

I EXPECT TO SEE YOU BACK HERE AT 10:30.

- YES, MA'AM.

- AND I DON'T WANNA SEE ANY OF HER SWEATER ON YOUR SWEATER.

- YES, MA'AM.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE? - NO.

AND WHEN YOU GET HER HOME, A HANDSHAKE WILL DO JUST FINE.

THEY'S NO NEED FOR LIP LOCK.

- GOOD MORNING, LAVERNE. - GOOD MORNING, DOCTOR.

LISTEN, I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND,

BUT I'VE GOT MY NEPHEW WADE IN EXAM ROOM ONE.

- REALLY? WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?

- I'M NOT SURE.

HE'S JUST BEEN REAL MOODY AND SULKY THESE LAST FEW DAYS,

AND I'M THINKIN' MAYBE IT'S A MAN THING.

YOU COULD TALK TO HIM.

YOU'RE THE CLOSEST THING I'VE GOT.

- MAYBE HE JUST NEEDS A LITTLE HUMAN CONTACT.

- OH, HOW COULD THAT BE? HE HAS ME.

- I REST MY CASE.

OH, WADE.

HOW'S IT GOING?

- I AM JUST AN INTERCOM BUZZ AWAY IF YOU NEED ME.

- THANK YOU, LAVERNE.

ONCE AGAIN, HOW'S IT GOING?

- ALL RIGHT, I GUESS.

- WADE, COME ON, COME ON.

HOW ARE YOU REALLY FEELING?

- THE TRUTH, DOCTOR?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE HAVING AUNT LAVERNE

BOSSING YOU AROUND EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY?

- OH.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.

- I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG.

I LOVE MY AUNT AND ALL, BUT SHE'S DRIVING ME NUTS.

IT'S LIKE SHE DOESN'T TRUST ME TO DO ANYTHING ON MY OWN.

- LIKE IT'S HER OFFICE.

- SHE TREATS ME LIKE I'M FIVE YEARS OLD.

SHE EVEN PICKS OUT MY CLOTHES FOR ME.

- SHE MAKES FUN OF MY SWEATERS.

- SHE WON'T LEAVE THE ROOM WHEN I'M ON THE PHONE.

- I HEAR HER VOICE IN MY SLEEP.

- I REALLY GOTTA GET AWAY FROM HER.

- TAKE ME WITH YOU.

WADE, WADE, WADE. COME ON. I MEAN, LISTEN.

YOUR AUNT LAVERNE IS ONE OF THE MOST CARING PEOPLE I KNOW.

THE ONLY REASON SHE'S BEEN SO HANDS-ON

IS THAT... SHE LOVES YOU SO MUCH.

- I KNOW. THAT'S WHY IT'S GONNA BE SO DIFFICULT TO TELL HER.

- TELL HER WHAT?

- THAT I'M MOVIN' OUT.

- [mumbling]

LAVERNE, I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING.

WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE,

THE BEST TIME I HAD WAS WHEN I WAS LIVING IN THE DORM.

IT'LL WORK THE SAME WAY FOR WADE.

HE--HE COULD LEARN A LOT LIVING IN THE DORM.

- WHAT ARE YOU SAYIN', THAT HE WANTS TO MOVE OUT?

HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME?

- HE'S NOT DOING IT TO YOU.

- WELL, OF COURSE HE'S DOIN' IT TO ME.

- LAVERNE, HE'S DOING IT FOR HIMSELF.

- WHO ASKED YOU TO STICK YOUR NOSE IN MY BEESWAX ANYWAY?

- YOU DID!

- WELL, IT'S JUST LIKE YOU LISTEN TO ME.

- LOOK AT THESE.

CAROL AND I CANNOT BE SISTERS.

RICHARD HARRIS CUT AN ALBUM?

- HI, EMILY.

WELL?

- OH, MY GOD.

- I'M REINVENTING MYSELF.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- WHY DOES NEW COKE COME TO MIND?

- EMILY, TELL YOUR DAD I FIXED THE LEAKY--

CAROL, DON'T PANIC,

BUT THERE'S AN ANIMAL ON YOUR HEAD.

- THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR TRYING.

[sobbing]

- OH, CAROL, COME ON. I WAS JUST KIDDING.

CA-- OH, COME ON, HONEY.

- [growling]

- SORRY I'M LATE.

- DON'T BOTHER ME NONE.

- AUNTIE VERNIE, HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKIN'?

- I AM CHANGIN' THE RULES.

YOU CAN COME AND GO AS YOU PLEASE.

- YOU SURE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN DRINKIN'?

HEY, ARE THOSE MY NEW JEANS?

- THEY CERTAINLY ARE.

- WHAT HAPPENED TO THE KNEES?

- I SEWED 'EM UP.

- BUT AUNTIE VERNE, I BOUGHT THEM WITH THE HOLES IN THE JEANS.

THAT'S THE STYLE, SEE? OH, JEEZ.

- THAT'S THE STYLE?

THEY LAW, THAT MEANS TATER NORTON'S

BEEN IN STYLE FOR THIRTY YEAR.

THERE YOU GO.

- ANYWAY, LOOK.

I STOPPED BY THE SCHOOL AND PICKED UP SOME BROCHURES.

CHECK OUT THESE DORMS.

- WADE, COULD WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER?

YOU DON'T WANNA MISS THE CONCERT TONIGHT, DO YOU?

- WHAT CONCERT? - DID I FORGET TO TELL YOU?

YOU'RE TAKING KERRY TO SEE GLORIA ESTEFAN.

- I AM?

- I PULLED SOME STRINGS, GOT YOU SOME GREAT SEATS.

- AUNTIE VERNE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

- WELL, THANK YOU WOULD BE A NICE START.

NOT THAT I'M TELLIN' YOU WHAT TO DO.

I AIN'T A-DOIN' THAT ANYMORE.

YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH TO MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS.

NOW GO AND PUT ON YOUR RED SHIRT

AND YOUR NEW BLACK SLACKS BEFORE YOUR DATE GETS HERE.

UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU'D RATHER GO LIKE YOU ARE.

- AUNTIE, THIS IS GREAT, BUT YOU REALLY DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS.

- I DID TOO.

I KNOW I HAVE BEEN A LITTLE TOUGH ON YOU LATELY.

AND THAT'S JUST MY WAY OF SAYIN'

I APPRECIATE YOU BEIN' SUCH A GOOD BOY AND ALL.

- TSK.

- THE TRUCK HAS A FULL TANK.

- I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

YOU'RE LENDIN' ME THE TORQUE MACHINE?

- JUST PROMISE YOU'LL PARK IT IN A WELL-LIT LOT,

NO EATING IN THE CAB,

AND CAREFUL KERRY DOESN'T SNAG HER SWEATER

ON THE GUN RACK.

- YES, MA'AM. [doorbell rings]

- OH, THAT'LL BE KERRY NOW.

NOW, LISTEN, I EXPECT TO SEE YOU HOME ABOUT--

WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE BEIN' HOME.

- ARE YOU READY, WADE?

- AM I?

AUNTIE VERNE, YOU'RE THE BEST.

- FORGET THE KNEES.

I'M GONNA SEW UP THE FLY ON THESE THINGS.

- CAROL, WE'VE BEEN GOING UP AND DOWN IN THIS ELEVATOR

FOR 20 MINUTES. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

- PATIENCE, MY LOVE. I TOLD YOU, IT'S A SURPRISE.

[ding]

I THOUGHT THEY'D NEVER LEAVE.

- CAROL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- I'M ABOUT TO MAKE

YOUR AND EVERY MAN'S ULTIMATE FANTASY COME TRUE.

- SENDING ME TO THE WORLD SERIES?

CAROL, CAROL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY?

- I'M GONNA LET YOU HAVE YOUR WAY WITH ME

IN THE ELEVATOR OF MIAMI'S TALLEST INSURANCE BUILDING.

- CAROL.

- SAY HELLO TO THE NEW CAROL WESTON.

SHE'S WILD, SHE'S UNPREDICTABLE.

- SHE'S NUTS.

CAROL, WAIT. THIS IS SCARING ME.

- DON'T BE COY.

I KNOW YOU'RE BORED AND YOU'RE GONNA LEAVE ME.

YOU ALL DO. - CAROL.

- NO MAN I'VE EVER CARED ABOUT

HAS STAYED WITH ME BEYOND THE SIX-MONTH MARK.

- CAROL, CAROL. - WHICH OF COURSE IS NEXT WEEK.

CAROL, CAROL, CAROL.

CAROL, FIRST OF THE ALL, THE LAST THING I AM IS BORED.

SECOND OF ALL, NEXT WEEK IS SEVEN MONTHS.

- IT IS? - YEAH.

- OH, MY GOD, IT IS.

OOPS.

WELL...

HAVE ALL YOUR INSURANCE NEEDS BEEN MET?

- CAROL, IT DOESN'T MATTER

HOW MANY MONTHS WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER.

I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

I LOVE YOU.

- REALLY? YOU LOVE ME?

- YES.

- HE LOVES ME.

SO, SEVEN MONTHS. NOT EVEN A CARD?

- WELL...

HOW ABOUT I MAKE IT UP TO YOU RIGHT NOW?

- ALL RIGHT, DON'T PANIC, FOLKS. I'LL HAVE YOU OUT IN A JIFFY.

OH, JEEZ.

LET ME GUESS.

ANOTHER STALE RELATIONSHIP.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO FLOWERS?

- I'VE HAD ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOU.

YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST POP IN ANY TIME OF THE DAY

OR NIGHT AND GET AWAY WITH IT?

DON'T LOOK AT ME WITH THOSE BIG WIDE EYES.

AND I'LL TELL YOU ANOTHER THING THAT BOTHERS ME AND--

[humming]

- LAVERNE, WHY ARE YOU SCOLDING JUMPY THE FROG?

- BECAUSE HE HAD IT COMIN'.

- I'M GONNA REGRET THIS BUT, WHAT DID JUMPY DO?

- I LENT HIM MY TRUCK LAST NIGHT,

AND WHEN I WENT OUT TO MY TRUCK THIS MORNING,

I FOUND SOMETHING DISGUSTING ON THE SEAT.

- OH. - THAT'S RIGHT.

CHEETOS ALL OVER MY BLUE VELOUR.

I TELL YOU, DOCTOR,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO WITH THAT BOY.

I JUST KNOW HE'S GONNA END UP

LIKE HIS BROTHER BILLY, THE FLEA FLOGGER.

- LAVERNE, PLEASE, COME ON.

WADE AND BILLY ARE NOT THE SAME PERSON.

JUST LIKE MY DAUGHTERS.

BARBARA IS DIFFERENT THAN EMILY, EMILY IS DIFFERENT THAN CAROL,

CAROL IS DIFFERENT THAN...

EVERYBODY.

I MEAN, THERE COMES A TIME WHEN YOU HAVE TO LET GO, DEAR.

AT SOME POINT EVERY BIRD MUST FLY FROM THE NEST

OR FALL FROM THE NEST.

- HI, AUNTIE. HI, DR. WESTON.

AUNTIE, MAY I TALK TO YOU?

- OH, YEAH, SURE, SURE. COME ON.

I'LL LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE.

- OH, THANK YOU, DOCTOR.

THESE ARE FOR YOU.

- OH, THANK YOU.

THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.

WHAT'S THE OCCASION?

- IT'S JUST A WAY OF SAYIN' I'M SORRY.

I KNOW THINGS HAVE BEEN SORT OF HECTIC HAVIN' ME AROUND,

BUT, AUNTIE, I'VE DECIDED THAT YOU WERE RIGHT.

- OF COURSE I'M RIGHT.

WHAT AM I RIGHT ABOUT?

- I'M GONNA FORGET ABOUT THAT WHOLE DORM IDEA.

MY PLACE IS WITH FAMILY.

- REALLY? OH, YOU FINALLY CAME TO YOUR SENSES.

NOW, LISTEN, WE'RE GONNA HAVE OUR FUN--

- AUNTIE, AUNTIE.

I MEAN, BACK-HOME FAMILY.

- YOU'RE GOIN' BACK TO YOUR MAMA.

- LET'S FACE IT.

THINGS JUST AIN'T WORKIN' OUT HERE.

AND I STOPPED BY THE DORM TODAY

AND I JUST DON'T FIT IN WITH THOSE BIG CITY KIDS.

THEY THINK I'M A CRACKER.

- WHY DO YOU THINK THAT? WHAT'D THEY SAY?

- THEY SAID...

"YOU DON'T FIT IN HERE, CRACKER."

- WELL, YOU LISTEN HERE. YOU ARE GONNA FIT IN.

I'M GONNA TELL YOU SOMETHIN'

YOU'LL NEVER HEAR ME SAY AGAIN, BOY.

I WAS WRONG.

- WHAT?

- I SAID IT. YOU'D NEVER HEAR IT AGAIN.

NOW I THINK IT WAS TIME YOU WERE DOWN AT THAT DORM ON YOUR OWN.

- I JUST DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE AROUND THOSE KIDS.

- WADE, LISTEN TO ME.

YOU ARE A HIGBY.

AND HIGBY'S ARE AS GOOD IF NOT BETTER THAN ANYBODY ELSE.

AND HIGBY'S DO NOT RUN FROM ADVERSITY.

YOU ARE A DESCENDANT

OF GENERAL SMOKEHOUSE HARRY HIGBY,

A BRAVE AND HONORABLE MAN.

DESPITE THE RUMORS THAT HE FLED SCREAMIN'

FROM THE BATTLE OF ANTIETAM IN A RED GINGHAM DRESS.

- WHAT ARE YOU SAYIN'?

- I AM SAYIN' THAT I WANT YOU DOWN AT THAT DORM TOMORROW

BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T LET THE BIRD FLY FROM THE NEST,

IT WILL FALL FROM THE NEST.

I WAS TOLD THAT BY A VERY, VERY OLD MAN.

NOW, I THINK IT'S TIME

YOU GOT DOWN TO THAT DORM AND FLEW.

- YOU REALLY THINK SO? - I KNOW SO.

- BUT, AUNTIE, I GOT ALL MY STUFF AT YOUR PLACE.

- I'LL HELP YOU PACK.

- YEAH, BUT I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO GET IT OVER THERE.

- I'LL LEND YOU THE TORQUE MACHINE.

NO EXCUSES NOW AND NO CHEETOS.

- BOY, I CAN'T WAIT TO CALL MAMA

AND TELL HER THE GOOD NEWS.

- DON'T YOU WORRY. I'LL CALL YOUR MAMA

AND MAKE SURE THIS DORM THING'S ALL RIGHT.

- OH, IT'S NOT THAT.

I'M GONNA TELL HER FOR ONCE YOU ADMITTED YOU WAS WRONG.

- HI, IS EVERYTHING WORKING OUT OKAY WITH YOU TWO?

- YEP, I'M MOVIN' INTO THE DORM.

- OH, GREAT. WHAT HAPPENED?

- AUNTIE CONVINCED ME IT WAS THE BEST THING TO DO.

SHE SAID IF I DIDN'T FLY FROM THE NEST,

I'D FALL OR SOMETHIN'.

SAYS SHE WAS TOLD THAT BY SOME OLD GEEZER.

SEE YOU.

- OLD GEEZER, HUH?

[mumbling] - WAIT. HEY.

HEY.

- HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

TO YOU

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

TO YOU

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

MR. SPRINKLER MAN

- I'M AN ARTIST, DAMN IT.

- HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

TO YOU

AND MANY MORE

- YES. YOU MAY HELP ME.

I ORDERED A PAIR

OF YOUR COMMEMORATIVE FLANNEL PAJAMAS,

THE ONES WITH THE LITTLE ELVIS HEADS.

EXACTLY.

NOW, IN YOUR CATALOGUE

ELVIS WAS SINGIN' INTO A MICROPHONE,

BUT ON MY PAJAMAS THEY'S NO MIC.

YOU KNOW, THE KING'S JUST THERE

WITH HIS MOUTH WIDE OPEN AND HIS EYES CLOSED.

LOOKS LIKE HE'S GONNA YAWN OR SNEEZE OR SOMETHIN'.

NO, I DON'T WANNA SEND THEM BACK.

I JUST WONDER WHY THERE'S NO MICROPHONE.

WELL, I KNOW--I KNOW YOU JUST ANSWER THE PHONES.

I KNOW IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

IT--IT--IT--

WELL, IT'S JUST DISHEARTENIN'.

WELL, THANKS FOR LISTENIN'.

WELL, YOU HAVE A HUNKA-HUNKA GOOD DAY TOO!

[chuckles] BYE-BYE.

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