Original subtitles

- LAVERNE, WHY IS IT SO COLD IN HERE?

- BECAUSE I TURNED DOWN THE THERMOSTAT.

- WELL, TURN IT BACK UP.

- NO, I'M HOT.

- THEN, TAKE OFF YOUR SWEATER.

- OH, YOU'D LIKE THAT.

I'LL SEE YOU IN COURT, SENATOR PACKWOOD.

- LAVERNE, PLEASE, KNOCK IT OFF. I'M NOT FEELING WELL.

I THINK I'M COMING DOWN WITH SOMETHING.

- OH, POOR BABY.

COME HERE. LET'S TAKE YOUR TEMPERATURE.

- DON'T... - HOLD STILL.

IF THIS THING FALLS IN THAT EMPTY HEAD OF YOURN,

WE'LL NEVER GET IT OUT.

- YOU'RE A REGULAR MINNIE PEARL, LAVERNE.

- THANK YOU, DOCTOR.

OH, BOY. 101.7.

- OH, DAMN! I HATE GETTING SICK.

WELL, I'D BETTER GO HOME.

IF PATRICK OR EMILY CALL FROM NEW YORK,

TELL THEM THEY CAN REACH ME THERE.

- WHAT ARE PATRICK AND EMILY DOIN' IN NEW YORK?

- EMILY'S UP THERE VISITING HER BOYFRIEND,

AND PATRICK HAD A MEETING

WITH SOME ART GALLERY OR SOMETHING.

THEY'RE DRIVING BACK TOGETHER.

- WELL, DON'T WORRY.

I'LL GET DOCTOR LOMAX

TO COVER YOUR AFTERNOON APPOINTMENTS.

YOU GO HOME AND LIE DOWN.

I'LL START PICKING OUT COFFINS.

- LIFE GOES ON, AND SO DO WE

JUST HOW WE DO IT IS NO MYSTERY

ONE BY ONE WE FILL THE DAYS

WE FIND A THOUSAND DIFFERENT WAYS

SOMETIMES THE ANSWER CAN BE HARD TO FIND

THAT'S SOMETHING I WILL NEVER BE

I'M ALWAYS HERE

FOR ANYTHING YOU NEED

RAIN OR SHINE, I'LL BE THE ONE

TO SHARE IT ALL AS LIFE GOES ON

WE SHARE IT ALL, AS LIFE GOES ON

- YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT EASY BEING A WOMAN.

AS A DOG, YOU JUST HAVE TO WAG YOUR TAIL AND ROLL OVER

AND PEOPLE THINK YOU'RE CUTE.

NOT THAT I COULDN'T DO THAT, TOO.

- [sighing]

AAH-- [mumbling]

C-CAROL?

- YES, DADDY?

- OH, THANK GOD.

I THOUGHT THE FEVER HAD GONE TO MY BRAIN.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - I NEED TO PAMPER MYSELF.

I'VE HAD A TERRIBLE WEEK.

PATRICK AND I HAD A BIG FIGHT BEFORE HE LEFT.

- DOES THAT MEAN HE'S NOT COMING BACK?

- NO, THEY'VE ALREADY STARTED BACK.

I TALKED TO EMILY.

SHE DOESN'T SOUND SO GREAT.

HER BOYFRIEND, JIMMY, DUMPED HER.

- POOR BABY. SHE MUST FEEL AWFUL.

- POOR EMILY.

IT'S THE FIRST TIME SHE'S EVER BEEN DUMPED.

WELCOME TO MY WORLD, PRINCESS.

- [sneezing, coughing]

- DADDY, ARE YOU ILL?

- IT'S THE FLU. I'M GOING TO BED.

- OH, DADDY, I'M SORRY, YOU CAN'T.

I HAD THE PAINTERS START TODAY.

THEY'RE WORKING UPSTAIRS UNTIL MONDAY.

I'M SLEEPING IN THE GARAGE.

- GREAT. I GET SICK ONCE EVERY TEN YEARS

AND WHEN I DO, I CAN'T EVEN GO TO BED.

JEEZ, WHAT ELSE COULD GO WRONG?

- DON'T WORRY, DADDY.

I'LL BE HERE FOR YOU 24 HOURS A DAY.

- AH, THAT.

- [laughing]

CAROL, CAROL, CAROL.

YOU'RE LIKE A MAGIC GOLF BALL THAT JUST JUMPS UP ON THE TEE

BEGGING TO GET WHACKED.

- CHARLEY. - NOT TO WORRY.

I, CHARLES DIETZ, AM A DIFFERENT GUY.

NO LONGER AM I MASTER OF THE CHEAP SHOT.

NO, I'VE SEEN THE LIGHT, AND I'VE CHANGED.

- WHAT DO YOU WANT, CHARLEY?

- YOUR CAR AND A FULL TANK OF GAS.

I'VE GOT A DATE WITH A WILD WOMAN

AND THE TRANS-AM'S IN JOE'S GARAGE.

- CHARLEY, I WOULDN'T LOAN YOU MY CAR

IF THE FATE OF MAN DEPENDED ON IT.

- WHAT ABOUT THE FATE OF A WOMAN

WHO'S GOT A TATTOO ON HER BELLY

THAT SAYS "THIS SIDE UP"?

- SHE SOUNDS LOVELY.

- SHE'S OKAY.

THE KEY IS TO DRINK ENOUGH TEQUILA

SO THAT THE GAPS IN HER TEETH KINDA BLUR TOGETHER.

YOU KNOW, THAT MASK IS A BIG WASTE OF TIME.

IT COULDN'T MAKE YOU ANY MORE BEAUTIFUL

THAN YOU ARE ALREADY. - OH, PLEASE, CHARLEY.

YOU DON'T HAVE A SINCERE BONE IN YOUR BODY.

- WELL, ONE.

- CHARLEY, YOU CANNOT BORROW MY CAR.

- WELL, THEN WHERE'S PATRICK? I'LL BORROW HIS VAN.

- HA, HA. EMILY AND PATRICK

ARE DRIVING BACK FROM NEW YORK IN IT.

- PATRICK AND EMILY ARE TOGETHER ON THE ROAD?

ALONE?

[laughing] BEAUTIFUL.

- WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

- NOTHING.

- LOOK, MORON.

PATRICK AND I ARE VERY MUCH IN LOVE.

EMILY IS MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD.

THEY WOULD NEVER BETRAY ME.

- [laughing hysterically]

[tuning radio] - WHERE ARE WE?

- I THINK WE JUST LEFT NEW JERSEY.

- YEAH, I DON'T SMELL ANYTHING.

SO, DO YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS JIMMY THING?

- NO. NO, I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT.

HE'S SUCH A JERK.

WHEN I TELL HIM I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ATTITUDE,

DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAYS?

"MUST BE THAT TIME OF THE MONTH, HUH, BABY?"

- YOU WANNA HEAR UNREASONABLE?

THE OTHER NIGHT, I'M WORKING ON MY POTTER'S WHEEL,

CAROL COMES IN, AND SHE WANTS TO PLAY

THAT FAMOUS SCENE FROM GHOST.

SHE WANTS TO BE ROMANTIC.

I JUST WANNA FINISH MY WORK.

- SO WHAT'D YOU DO? - LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY.

I'M STILL PICKING CLAY OUT OF MY UNDERWEAR.

THEN SHE ACCUSES ME OF NOT BEING ROMANTIC.

SO, TO MAKE IT UP TO HER, I GET HER SOME FLOWERS, RIGHT?

OH, THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

NO, SHE SAYS I'M TRYING TO BUY MY WAY OUT OF IT.

BOY, SOMETIMES I JUST DON'T GET WOMEN.

- YEAH, WELL, AT LEAST YOU TRIED.

JIMMY WOULD HAVE SAID, "HEY, THAT'S JUST THE WAY I AM."

I MEAN, MEN HAVE TO BE SO COOL.

WHY CAN'T THEY JUST BE MORE LIKE YOU?

- COME ON NOW.

OPEN THE HANGAR,

HERE COMES THE AIRPLANE.

ZOOM!

AH!

NOW, WASN'T THAT NUMMY-NUMMY, YUMMY-YUMMY?

- CAROL, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU?

- WELL, OF COURSE I DO, DADDY.

- AND DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE

YOU TAKING CARE OF ME? - WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?

- I WANT YOU TO MOVE OUT TONIGHT.

WE'LL SEND YOUR THINGS. MOVE WOULD YOU?

- OH, MY POOR DELIRIOUS DADDY.

- OH. WHAT'S... WHAT IS--WHAT IS THAT?

AH. - THAT'S PATRICK'S BRACELET.

I GAVE IT TO HIM ON OUR SIX-WEEK ANNIVERSARY.

WHAT'S IT DOING HERE? HE TOLD HE'D NEVER TAKE IT OFF.

- IT LOOKS LIKE THE CLASP WAS BROKEN.

IT PROBABLY JUST SLIPPED OFF.

- YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

NOW, WHERE WAS I?

HERE COMES THE AIRPLANE.

ZOOM--

- CAROL, YOUR SPOON'S ABOUT TO BE HIJACKED.

- OKAY, OKAY.

YOU KNOW, IT'S IRONIC THAT YOU MENTION MOVING OUT,

BECAUSE THIS AFTERNOON I FOUND OUT

THAT I WAS PREGNANT WITH PATRICK'S CHILD.

- OH MY GOD. - MMM!

[laughing]

GOT YOU, DADDY.

[thud]

- WHOA, WHOA. - WHAT?

- RIDING A LITTLE CLOSE TO THE SHOULDER, AREN'T YOU?

- RELAX.

- HOW FAST ARE YOU GOING?

- I DON'T KNOW. THE SPEEDOMETER'S BROKEN.

- SLOW DOWN. IT FEELS LIKE YOU'RE DOING 80.

- 80? IN THIS OLD CLUNKER? NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

- [siren blaring]

- OH, GREAT.

WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF SOME PODUNK TOWN.

THEY'LL PROBABLY THROW US IN JAIL

UNTIL THE CIRCUIT JUDGE RIDES IN

FROM THE OKLAHOMA TERRITORY.

- YES, OFFICER?

- DO YOU KNOW HOW FAST YOU WERE GOING?

- NO, I THINK THE SPEEDOMETER'S BROKEN.

- I CLOCKED YOU AT 80. - HA!

- AND YOU WERE RIDING A LITTLE CLOSE TO THE SHOULDER.

- HA!

- IS THERE SOMETHING FUNNY, SON?

- NO, OFFICER. I--UH,

I HAVE A VERY RARE FORM OF TOURETTE'S SYNDROME...

WHERE I...I JUST SHOUT "HA" UNCONTROLLABLY.

HA. THERE IT GOES AGAIN.

- IS YOUR HUSBAND MAKING FUN OF ME?

- PLEASE. HE'S NOT MY HUSBAND.

HE'S MY SISTER'S BOYFRIEND.

SHE'S NUTS, TOO.

- SO YOU'RE NOT MARRIED? - NO. NO, NO, NO.

THERE'S NO ONE IN MY LIFE, OFFICER.

GUESS I JUST HAVEN'T FOUND THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE.

YET.

- NO? - NO.

- OH, JEEZ.

HA. SORRY.

- I SEE YOU'RE AN ORGAN DONOR.

- THAT'S RIGHT.

- CAN'T BELIEVE THOSE BEAUTIFUL EYES

ARE GONNA END UP IN THE SOCKETS

OF SOME LUCKY BLIND PERSON.

- YOU'RE SO SWEET. - WELL.

OKAY. I'M GONNA LET YOU GO WITH A WARNING THIS TIME.

JUST TRY TO KEEP THE SPEED DOWN.

- OH, THAT'S REALLY NICE OF YOU.

- HAPPY MOTORING, MA'AM.

- BYE. [giggling]

- THAT IS SICK. - WHAT?

- YOU PURPOSELY MANIPULATED HIM INTO NOT GIVING YOU A TICKET.

BOY, WOMEN HAVE GOT IT MADE.

NO WONDER YOUR INSURANCE RATES ARE LOWER.

- WOMEN'S INSURANCE RATES ARE LOWER

BECAUSE WE'RE BETTER DRIVERS. - OH, YEAH?

THEN HOW COME EVERY TIME YOU SEE A COUPLE IN A CAR

IT'S ALWAYS THE MAN WHO'S DRIVING?

- BECAUSE MEN ARE SUCH CONTROL FREAKS.

- MEN ARE BETTER DRIVERS.

- OH, PLEASE. YOU'RE A CLICHE.

YOU'RE NO DIFFERENT... - COME ON, DON'T TELL ME...

- IS EVERYTHING OKAY HERE, MA'AM?

- NOTHING I CAN'T CONTROL.

- HA!

- HOW'S DADDY? - HE'S FINE.

- ANY CALLS? - NO, JUST PATRICK.

YOU GOT ANY OF THAT HAM LEFT?

- PATRICK CALLED?

- HOW THE HELL DO YOU HIDE AN ENTIRE HAM?

- NEVER MIND THAT. WHAT DID PATRICK SAY?

- HE JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU KNEW HE CALLED.

- THAT'S ODD. HE KNOWS I GO TO THERAPY

EVERY TUESDAY, THURSDAY AND SATURDAY AT THIS TIME.

- WELL MAYBE THAT'S WHY HE CALLED.

HELLO, PORKY.

WHO'S GONNA LICK THE JELLY OFF YOUR BELLY?

- DID HE SAY ANYTHING ELSE?

- NO. HE AND EMILY ARE FINE.

- NOTHING ELSE?

- NOT A WORD.

[laughing]

- NICE DUMP YOU PICKED OUT, EMILY.

- WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS COMPLAINING?

- WELL, THAT SIGN IN THE LOBBY KIND OF THREW ME.

"NO BESTIALITY ALLOWED."

"AFTER MIDNIGHT."

- LOOK, LET'S JUST MAKE THE BEST OF IT, OKAY?

- WE MAY AS WELL. YOU THREW OFF OUR WHOLE SCHEDULE.

IT'S GONNA TAKE THEM FIVE HOURS TO FIX THE VAN.

AND BY THE WAY, YOU OWE ME $4 FOR YOUR HALF OF THE ROOM.

- OH. SO IT'S MY FAULT THE RUT BROKE?

- [laughing]

IT'S NOT A RUT, IT'S A STRUT.

- AH, AH, THAT'S MY BED. - WHY?

- 'CAUSE I DIDN'T BREAK THE STRUT.

- FINE. - FINE.

- YOU KNOW, I'M SICK OF YOU!

I'M JUST GONNA GO TAKE A SHOWER.

- WELL, DON'T USE ALL THE HOT WATER.

I THINK IT'S A LA CARTE.

- PATRICK? THERE'S A BIG COCKROACH IN HERE.

- I SUPPOSE YOU WANT ME TO COME IN THERE

AND KILL IT FOR YOU.

- NO, I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU COULD TAKE IT FOR A DRIVE,

AND, AFTER HALF AN HOUR OF LISTENING TO YOU,

IT'LL KILL ITSELF.

- I'M F--I'M FINE.

[muttering]

CAROL. WHAT'S THE MATTER?

- NOTHING.

- YOU'RE NOT STILL WORRIED ABOUT PATRICK, ARE YOU?

- WHY WOULD HE CALL WHEN HE KNEW I WOULDN'T BE HERE?

I BET HE'S STILL MAD AT ME.

I KNOW, HE DIDN'T WANNA TALK,

BUT HE WANTED TO LET ME KNOW THAT HE'S OKAY.

[telephone rings]

HELLO? OH, HI. EMILY, I'M SO GLAD YOU CALLED.

I NEED TO TALK TO PATRICK.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "I CAN'T"?

IN THE SHOWER? WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?

IN A MOTEL ROOM IN MARYLAND?

COULD YOU HOLD ON ONE SEC? HERE, TALK TO DADDY.

- [clearing throat]

HI, BABY, HOW ARE YOU?

[door slams] [Carol screaming]

[squeaking]

- CAROL, CAROL.

- YES, DADDY?

- IT'S 2:00 IN THE MORNING.

- OH. THANK YOU, DADDY.

- HONEY, I THINK YOU GOT THAT FINGERPRINT OFF.

- OH, YOU'RE RIGHT, DADDY.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

LOOK HOW DIRTY THIS PICTURE OF EMILY IS.

[squeaking]

- WHY DO I HAVE THE FEELING

YOU'RE TRYING TO RUB OUT YOUR SISTER'S FACE?

- BECAUSE IT'S DIRTY, DADDY.

DIRTY, DIRTY, DIRTY.

- CAROL, CAROL, CAROL.

COME HERE, DEAR, COME HERE. COME, COME.

COME ON, COME ON. YES. COME--COME--COME--

COME, GET UP--

NOW, YOU ARE STILL WORRIED

ABOUT PATRICK AND EMILY, AREN'T YOU?

- OF COURSE NOT, DADDY.

PLEASE, GIVE ME A LITTLE CREDIT.

- WELL, I'M SORRY, IT'S JUST THAT YOUR BEHAVIOR

SEEMS A LITTLE COMPULSIVE.

- AND WHAT, PRAY TELL,

MAKES YOU THINK MY BEHAVIOR IS COMPULSIVE?

- IF YOU'RE TIRED, I CAN DRIVE.

- THAT'S OPEN TO DEBATE.

- IT'D BE SAFER IF I DROVE.

- I'D FEEL SAFER DRIVING THROUGH HARLEM WITH MARGE SCHOTT.

WHY DON'T YOU PUT ON SOME MUSIC?

I THINK CAROL LEFT SOME TAPES ON THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT.

- [tape] NOW REPEAT AFTER ME-- "I LOVE ME."

I AM THE BEST ME THAT I CAN BE.

- OH, GOD, IT'S ONE OF CAROL'S STUPID AFFIRMATION TAPES.

- EVERY DAY, IN EVERY WAY,

I'M GETTING BETTER AND BETTER.

- NO OFFENSE,

BUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS A BIG NUT.

- I AM NOT A BIG NUT.

- [thumping]

- MY FEARS WERE NOT UNFOUNDED.

I FOUND THE SMOKING GUN.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- I FOUND THIS IN THE ORANGE CRATE NEXT TO PATRICK'S BED.

IT'S A PICTURE OF PATRICK AND EMILY.

- HONEY, YOU TOOK THIS PICTURE.

- BUT WHY IS HE KEEPING IT?

IT ALL ADDS UP NOW.

THE LOST OR LEFT-BEHIND BRACELET,

THE PHONE CALL WHEN I CONVENIENTLY WASN'T HERE,

THE MOTEL IN MARYLAND--

SEX CAPITAL OF THE UNITED STATES.

- MARYLAND IS THE SEX CAPITAL OF THE UNITED STATES?

- DON'T YOU SEE? THE ENTIRE TRIP WAS A RUSE.

THAT IMAGINARY BOYFRIEND DUMPING EMILY.

NOBODY EVER DUMPS EMILY.

- CAROL, PLEASE. THIS IS...

- EVEN AS WE SPEAK, THEY'RE PROBABLY COUPLING

IN THAT VAN IN WHICH I USED TO COUPLE.

- AY, CAROL, I DON'T WANNA HEAR THIS.

- NOW I'LL BE AN AUNT

TO THE CHILD THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MINE.

MY DAUGHTER, MY NIECE, MY DAUGHTER, MY NIECE...

- CAROL, CAROL!

STOP IT.

PATRICK IS NOT SLEEPING WITH EMILY.

I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS.

- OH, I UNDERSTAND.

I DRIVE EVERYONE AWAY.

- HONEY, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS TO YOURSELF?

- DO WHAT?

- LET YOUR IMAGINATION TORTURE YOU AND DRIVE YOU CRAZY.

I REMEMBER WHEN YOUR MOTHER WENT INTO LABOR WITH BARBARA,

YOU WERE HYSTERICAL 'CAUSE YOU WERE CONVINCED

THAT WHEN BARBARA CAME OUT,

WE WERE GOING TO PUT YOU BACK IN.

- SO WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

- HONEY, YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD THIS WONDERFUL, CREATIVE MIND.

IT'S YOUR GIFT.

BUT SOMETIMES YOU LET THAT IMAGINATION

GET THE BEST OF YOU, LIKE NOW.

PATRICK LOVES YOU.

AND ONLY YOU.

- OH, DADDY.

I FEEL SO FOOLISH.

GIFTED, BUT FOOLISH.

- OH, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

- YOU ARE THE BEST DADDY IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

- OKAY, BABY.

YOU FEEL BETTER? - A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER.

IN FACT,

I LOVE ME.

[Harry mouthing only] I AM THE BEST ME I CAN BE.

EVERY DAY, IN EVERY WAY,

I'M GETTING BETTER AND BETTER...

- WELL, I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE OF YOU, EITHER.

CAN'T YOU GO ANY FASTER?

- WITH PLEASURE.

[engine revving]

- "MIAMI, 37 MILES." ALMOST HOME.

- THANK GOD.

[siren blaring]

OH, GREAT. ANY OTHER BRILLIANT SUGGESTIONS?

- YEAH. STOP.

- EVENING, OFFICER - UH-HUH.

SPEED LIMIT'S 65, BOY.

- HOW FAST WAS I GOING?

- 67.

WHAT'S THE HURRY? - NO HURRY, OFFICER.

- SO YOU'RE SPEEDING THROUGH MY NECK OF THE WOODS

JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT? - NO, I DIDN'T REALIZE--

- IF I WANT ANY CRAP OUT OF YOU, I'LL SQUEEZE YOUR HEAD.

- RIGHT. SQUEEZE MY HEAD. RIGHT.

- WHO'S THAT, YOUR GIRLFRIEND?

- HIS GIRLFRIEND'S SISTER.

- SO YOU TWO AREN'T TOGETHER?

- OH, GOLLY, NO, OFFICER.

NO, AS A MATTER OF FACT, EMILY IS STILL SEARCHING

FOR THAT SOMEONE SPECIAL. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, EMILY?

- NO, I'M NOT.

- YOU KNOW? I GET DOWN IN MIAMI NOW AND THEN.

HOW'D YOU LIKE IT IF I TOOK YOU OUT

FOR A 16-OUNCE STEAK?

- SHE'D LOVE IT. - NO, I WOULDN'T.

- SHE'S VERY SHY.

EMILY, BE NICE.

- PATRICK.

ARE YOU ASKING ME TO USE MY FEMININE WILES

TO INFLUENCE THIS OFFICER?

- UH-HUH.

- FINE WITH ME.

- OH. HMM.

I DON'T DATE COPS.

- OH.

- HEY, I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU COULD JUST LET ME OFF

WITH A STERN WARNING?

- I DON'T KNOW.

DO YOU DATE COPS?

- IT'S SO FUNNY, DADDY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW RIDICULOUS I'VE BEEN ACTING.

- NEITHER CAN I, DEAR.

- I GUESS THAT'S THE PRICE YOU PAY FOR BEING--

HOW DID YOU PUT IT?

GIFTED, CREATIVE, ADORABLE.

- YOU'RE EMBELLISHING A LITTLE, BUT THAT'S THE IDEA.

- THERE GOES THAT DARN IMAGINATION AGAIN.

- EMILY. YOU FORGOT YOUR SCARF.

- THANKS.

- HEY, LISTEN, BEFORE WE GO INSIDE...

IT'S BEEN A REALLY LONG TRIP,

AND I'M SORRY IF I ACTED LIKE A JERK.

- YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE.

LOOK, WE'VE ALWAYS GOTTEN ALONG GREAT.

THESE PAST TWO DAYS HAVE JUST BEEN AN ABERRATION, OKAY?

LET'S JUST FORGET ABOUT IT.

- SO WE'RE FRIENDS? - FRIENDS.

[door slams]

[Carol screaming]

[knocking]

- I'M OFFICER BOB.

IS EMILY HERE?

- NO.

- HMM.

IS PATRICK HERE?

- NO.

- OH.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO HAVE A 16-OUNCE STEAK?

- SURE.

[siren blaring]

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