Original subtitles

- STEVEN, YOUR APPOINTMENT IS OVER.

YOU CAN GO HOME NOW.

- YOU SURE I CAN'T HAVE A LOLLIPOP?

- HONEY, THE DOCTOR SAID NO MORE SWEETS.

HE THINKS SUGAR MIGHT BE WHAT'S A-CAUSIN' YOUR HYPERACTIVITY.

- THAT'S NO FAIR. WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS--

GOD?

- WELL...

YES.

BUT THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT.

- OKAY.

STEVEN, WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?

- AH, I HOPE THEY SOCIALIZE MEDICINE.

- HEY, HEY, HEY. YOU WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE.

- OH, DOCTOR, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR?

- I LOST IT WHEN I HIRED YOU.

- GRUMP. - I AM NOT A GRUMP.

I'M JUST A LITTLE BURNT OUT AFTER THESE PAST

THREE WEEKENDS COVERING FROM DOCTOR LOMAX.

- POOR BABY, ALL THAT,

AND YOU ONLY MAKE 300 GRAND A YEAR.

- I DO NOT MAKE 300 GRAND A YEAR.

- HOW MUCH YOU MAKE? - NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

- GRUMP.

- LAVERNE, WHY DO YOU FEEL COMPELLED TO ALWAYS

GIVE ME A HARD TIME?

- IT'S FUN.

BUT I'M ALL LAUGHED OUT, AND YOU CAN GO HOME NOW.

- IT'S ONLY 3:00.

- I REARRANGED YOUR SCHEDULE

SO YOU COULD GET A HEAD START ON THE WEEKEND.

I KNOW HOW EXHAUSTED YOU ARE.

- WELL, LAVERNE, THAT WAS REALLY...

VERY NICE OF YOU?

- I CAN BE NICE.

- REALLY?

- YEAH.

- THIS FEELS VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.

- WELL, THEN GET YOUR TIRED OLD BONES OUT OF MY OFFICE

AND HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND. - THAT'S A WHOLE LOT BETTER.

YEAH, LAVERNE,

YOU ARE A STUBBORN HICK.

- OHH, DOCTOR.

- LIFE GOES ON

AND SO DO WE

JUST HOW WE DO IT IS NO MYSTERY

ONE BY ONE, WE FILL THE DAYS

WE FIND A THOUSAND DIFFERENT WAYS

SOMETIMES THE ANSWER CAN BE HARD TO FIND

THAT'S SOMETHING I WILL NEVER BE

I'M ALWAYS HERE

FOR ANYTHING YOU NEED

RAIN OR SHINE

I'LL BE THE ONE

TO SHARE IT ALL

AS LIFE GOES ON

WE SHARE IT ALL

AS LIFE GOES ON

[both giggling]

- HI. - GOOD MORNING, GUYS.

- MORNING? EMILY, DEAR, IT'S AFTER 3:00.

DON'T YOU THINK IT'S A LITTLE IRRESPONSIBLE

TO BE STARTING YOUR DAY MID AFTERNOON?

AND DO YOU REALLY THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA

TO BE EATING THAT JUNK?

- HEY, GET OFF MY BACK. YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER.

IF YOU WANT A BABY, HAVE PATRICK GIVE YOU ONE.

- [chokes]

SEE YA.

- EMILY, I KNOW THAT THE TRANSITION FROM COLLEGE

TO THE REAL WORLD IS FRAUGHT WITH FRUSTRATION.

AND I'VE BEEN THERE.

I'M LIKE A COOL STREAM OF KNOWLEDGE

IN THE SAHARA OF YOUR LIFE.

DRINK ME!

- BITE ME.

- I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP.

- NO, YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE JUST A NAG.

- A NAG?

I'M TRYING TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH YOU

ABOUT RESPONSIBILITY, AND YOU CALL ME A NAG?

OF ALL THE IMMATURE, INFANTILE, CHILDISH THINGS TO SAY.

DADDY, EMILY CALLED ME A NAG.

- ALL RIGHT, NOW, EMILY, WHY DID YOU CALL HER A NAG?

- SHE WAS NAGGING ME. - WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT.

- HI, HARRY. HI, EMILY.

NAG.

- WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND, CHARLEY?

- THE THEME SONG FROM THE FACTS OF LIFE.

BUT THAT'S NOT WHY I'M HERE.

HARRY, I'VE BEEN GRUBBING OFF OF YOU FOR YEARS,

AND I'D LIKE TO REPAY YOU.

- FINE. YOU OWE ME $37,000.

- [chuckles] FUNNY.

NO, I WANT YOU TO BE MY GUEST THIS WEEKEND IN LAS VEGAS.

- I SMELL A RAT.

- YEAH, I JUST KILLED ONE IN MY KITCHEN.

ANYWAY, I WON THIS RADIO CONTEST.

ROUND-TRIP AIRFARE,

FIRST-CLASS HOTEL ACCOMMODATIONS,

AND RINGSIDE TICKETS TO THE FRACAS IN VEGAS.

- THE FRACAS IN VEGAS?

AND YOU--YOU--YOU WANT ME TO GO WITH YOU?

- YOU WERE MY FIRST CHOICE.

- I WAS? - WELL, NO.

BUT THE INVITATION STILL STANDS.

- I'D LOVE TO GO!

THIS IS HECTOR "EL TORO" MORO VERSUS BILLY "IRONHEAD" WADDELL.

THIS IS THE FIGHT OF THE YEAR!

- DADDY, FIGHTING IS A BARBARIC ACT.

TWO OPPRESSED MEN, MANIPULATED BY RUTHLESS PROMOTERS

INTO POUNDING EACH OTHER FOR PROFIT.

- BOXING IS A TIME-HONORED SPORT.

TWO MEN IN A RING--

THEIR ONLY WEAPONS THEIR FISTS AND THEIR WILLS.

YOU KNOW, I DID SOME BOXING WHEN I WAS IN THE NAVY.

- OH, I BET YOU LOOKED CUTE IN THOSE LITTLE SHORTS.

- THERE WAS THIS ONE PETTY OFFICER WHO THOUGHT SO.

I SET HIM STRAIGHT...

SO TO SPEAK.

SO, WHE--WHE-- WHEN DO WE LEAVE?

- TONIGHT, MIDNIGHT. - OH, I GOT TO GO PACK!

CHARLEY, THIS IS GREAT! I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH.

I CAN SLEEP ON THE PLANE! WHOO-HOO!

- OH, GOD, IT FEELS GOOD TO GIVE.

- RIGHT THIS WAY, COWPOKES.

- COOL!

- I WANT TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO WELCOME YOU

TO THE COWBOY COWBOY HOTEL AND CASINO.

MY NAME'S SLIM.

YOU BOYS IN TOWN FOR THE BIG FIGHT?

- YEAH.

- THE ROOM IS KIND OF SMALL.

- THAT THERE IS THE POOL.

HOURS ARE 8:00 TILL MIDNIGHT.

- THAT'S THE DESERT INN'S POOL.

- WELL, THE KEY IS ACTING LIKE YOU BELONG THERE.

NOW, IF THERE'S NOTHING ELSE...

- YEAH, YEAH. ANOTHER ROOM FOR ME. ALONE.

- OH, YOU MUST BE PULLING MY LEG, SAGEBRUSH.

TOWN'S DONE FILLED UP.

THERE'S NOT ANOTHER ROOM AVAILABLE WEST OF THE PECOS.

- OH, THANKS ANYWAY, SLIM.

- WHOA! FIVE DOLLARS!

CAN I GET YOU SOME ICE?

- THAT WOULD BE GREAT. GO AHEAD.

- OKAY, BUT YOU GOT TO GIVE ME ABOUT HALF AN HOUR.

I GOT TO RUN OVER TO THE DUNES TO GET IT.

- [groaning] OKAY.

I AM SO TIRED.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT TOOK 12 HOURS

TO FLY MIAMI TO LAS VEGAS NONSTOP.

- WELL, PROPELLER PLANES DON'T GO AS FAST AS JETS, HARRY.

BUT YOU GOT TO ADMIT IT WAS COOL WHEN THE PILOT SWOOPED DOWN

AND BUZZED THE GRAND CANYON, THOUGH.

- CHARLEY, HE LOST POWER ON ALL FOUR ENGINES.

WE ALMOST DIED!

- BITCH, BITCH, BITCH.

"THE ROOM IS SMALL. WE ALMOST DIED.

CHARLEY, YOU THREW UP ON MY PANTS."

GET A LIFE, HARRY!

COME ON, WE'RE IN LAS VEGAS,

AND IT'S A TODDLING TOWN.

CHICAGO--CHICAGO'S A TODDLING TOWN.

- I THOUGHT CHICAGO WAS A CITY WITH BIG SHOULDERS.

- IT IS. IT HAS BIG SHOULDERS, AND IT TODDLES.

- YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT.

LAS VEGAS IS THE CITY THAT NEVER SLEEPS.

- NEW YORK IS THE CITY THAT NEVER SLEEPS.

- I THOUGHT NEW YORK WAS THE BIG APPLE.

- IT IS--BIG APPLE! NEW YORK!

LEAVE ME ALONE!

I'M TIRED. I GOT TO GET SOME SLEEP!

- THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. YOU TAKE A QUICK, LITTLE NAP.

I'LL GO PICK UP A COUPLE OF GIRLS.

- I DON'T WANT A GIRL.

- WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT YOU?

- WHAT THE HELL?

- WHOA, HARRY! WHEN YOU GO AWAY, YOU GO FAR AWAY.

- NO, THEY MIXED UP MY LUGGAGE!

THIS IS TURNING INTO A NIGHTMARE.

- NO WAY. YOU LET THE DIETZTER TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING.

I'M GONNA GO DOWNSTAIRS TO THE MEN'S SHOP.

I'M GONNA BUY YOU A COMPLETE NEW OUTFIT.

- REALLY? YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR IT?

- IT'S A NIGHTMARE, HARRY, NOT A FANTASY.

- CAROL, I-I FEEL KIND OF STUPID.

- OH, COME ON PATRICK, IT'LL BE FUN!

IT'LL SPICE UP OUR RELATIONSHIP.

- OH, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. - GOOD, GOOD.

[knock at door]

[gasps] I WONDER WHO THAT COULD BE?

- HEY, BUONA SERA, MRS. PETERSON.

- WHY, IT'S GUIDO, THE MUSKY ITALIAN CARPENTER.

GUIDO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- HEY, I FIX-A THE LEAK IN YOUR ROOF.

NOW YOUR HUSBAND GOT TO PAY GUIDO $200.

- WELL, MY HUSBAND, THE FILTHY BASTARD,

LEFT TOWN WITHOUT LEAVING ME ANY MONEY.

- HEY, THAT'S A-NO GOOD. I GOT TO GET PAID.

- WELL, MAYBE WE CAN WORK SOMETHING OUT.

OH, GUIDO, GUIDO. I WATCHED YOU SHINGLE THE ROOF.

THE RHYTHM OF YOUR HAMMER,

THE WAY THE SEAT OF YOUR PANTS HUNG LOW

MADE ME FEEL A FLAME I'VE NEVER KNOWN.

OH, GUIDO, TELL ME, TELL ME--

AM I MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN YOUR WIFE?

- HEY, MY WIFE WEIGHS-A 300 POUNDS.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- OH, TAKE ME, GUIDO! TAKE ME! TAKE ME HERE!

HERE ON THE STAIRS--

THE STAIRS WHICH LEAD TO THE PASSIONLESS BEDROOM

OF MY MARRIAGE.

- HEY. HEY, WHAT IF EMILY COMES HOME?

- EMILY IS MEETING FRIENDS AT A BIKE RALLY.

WOULD YOU STAY IN CHARACTER?

- SORRY. HEY, YOUR GARAGE NEEDS A NEW ROOF TOO!

- OH, GOD! YES! TAKE ME, YOU DIRTY WORKER MAN!

TAKE ME! TAKE ME, GUIDO!

- YES. TAKE HER, GUIDO.

TAKE HER TO VENICE AND DUMP HER IN A CANAL.

[slot machines rattling]

- NOT YOUR LUCKY DAY, HON.

- UH... NO, NO, NOT REALLY.

ACTUALLY, I'M NOT MUCH OF A GAMBLER.

I'M--I'M IN TOWN FOR THE FIGHTS.

- I EVER TELL YOU I LIKE A MAN WHO LIKES THE FIGHTS?

- UH, NO. UH, WE JUST MET.

- RIGHT! I WENT THROUGH A WINDSHIELD IN MARCH,

LOST 22% OF MY BRAIN.

I LIKE YOUR OUTFIT.

YOUR, UH, WIFE PICK IT OUT FOR YOU?

- AH, NO, I'M A WIDOWER.

MY--MY FRIEND PICKED THIS OUT FOR ME.

- I EVER TELL YOU I LIKE A MAN WHO'S NOT AFRAID

TO WEAR PLAID PANTS?

[coughs, hacking]

THEY REALLY OUGHT TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO SPIT IN.

- YEAH, IT'S NOT--IT'S NOT THE BEST OF HOTELS.

- I EVER TELL YOU

IT'S GOOD LUCK TO KISS THE PERSON ON YOUR RIGHT?

[coughs, hacks]

- LISTEN, WILL YOU, UH...

COULD YOU EXCUSE ME?

I HAVE TO--I HAVE TO, UH-- I HAVE TO USE THE MEN'S ROOM.

- YOU SHOULD GET YOURSELF A DIAPER.

YOU CAN SIT HERE ALL DAY!

- WELL, THANKS-- THANKS A LOT FOR THE TIP.

- COULD I HAVE ANOTHER JIM BEAM ROCKS?

- SURE.

- AND SOMETHING TO SPIT IN!

[applause]

- AND TO THINK THIS IS FREE. BLOWS THE MIND.

- ALL RIGHT, CHARLEY. COME ON,

WHO'S GONNA WIN, MORO OR WADDELL?

- WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW, MORO'S GOT THE SPEED, BUT--

DON'T LOOK NOW... - WHAT?

- TWO BABES AT THE BAR ARE EYEING US.

I'M GONNA SCORE IN VEGAS.

[coins rattling]

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- YOU MAKE EYE CONTACT. YOU SMILE.

YOU LET 'EM KNOW YOU'RE A MAN OF MEANS.

- WITH NICKELS? THAT'S THE MOST RIDICULOUSLY STUP--

- HI, MONEYBAGS. MIND IF WE JOIN YOU?

- BUT, UH, I DIDN'T EVEN...

- THE DOCTOR'S A LITTLE UPSET. HIS WIFE JUST DIED

AND LEFT HIM $30 MILLION.

- OOH.

- SO YOU GUYS ARE BIKING ACROSS THE COUNTRY?

- WELL, FIRST WE'RE GOING UP TO ATLANTA,

AND THEN DOWN TO NEW ORLEANS.

I'M GONNA RIDE NAKED THROUGH THE MARDI GRAS.

- THE ONLY REASON I MADE THIS TRIP.

- EMILY, THERE IS NO HOT WATER.

- YEAH, IT RAN OUT ABOUT 40 MINUTES INTO MY SHOWER.

- EMILY, YOU KNOW IF I DON'T TAKE MY 11:00 BATH...

WHAT ARE ALL THESE SLEEPING BAGS SPREAD OUT FOR?

- OH, THEY'RE GONNA SPEND THE NIGHT.

- UH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. I DON'T THINK SO.

- CAROL! LOOK, THEY'RE MY FRIENDS.

I INVITED THEM TO STAY. - THEN UNINVITE THEM.

- THEY'RE MY FRIENDS FROM COLLEGE.

I WILL NOT DO THAT. - THEN I WILL.

ATTENTION! [clapping]

ATTENTION, ROAD ENTHUSIASTS.

I'M AFRAID THERE'S BEEN A SLIGHT MISUNDERSTANDING.

YOU SEE, EMILY MISTAKENLY INVITED YOU

TO CRASH ON OUR FLOOR,

BUT AS FATE WOULD HAVE IT,

I'M--I'M HAVING THE CARPET STEAM-CLEANED.

- AT MIDNIGHT?

- I HAVE A COUPON.

SORRY. YOU'LL HAVE TO LEAVE.

- [imitating classic detective] I WAS HIRED TO KEEP AN EYE

ON A DOCTOR AND HIS FAMILY.

IT WAS A NONDESCRIPT TRACT HOUSE

IN A MIDDLE-CLASS NEIGHBORHOOD.

- PLEASE, PATRICK.

- THAT'S WHEN I SAW HER.

HER HAIR WAS THE COLOR OF A BLOODY MARY...

EXCEPT WITHOUT THE CELERY.

I REACHED FOR HER... - NOT NOW, PATRICK.

- CAROL, WHAT--

- SUDDENLY, THE FRENCH MAID ENTERED.

- NOT NOW, PATRICK.

- I GOT TURNED DOWN MORE OFTEN

THAN THE SHEETS AT A THIRD-RATE MOTEL.

AHH! I SHOULD'VE GONE WITH THAT GLADIATOR THING.

- WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING OUT THERE?

- I DON'T THINK DADDY WOULD APPRECIATE KNOWING HIS HOME

WAS BEING TURNED INTO A HOSTEL FOR THE UNKEMPT.

- OH, THAT'S FUNNY. SEE, I DON'T THINK DADDY

WOULD APPRECIATE KNOWING THAT YOU WERE...

BOINKING PATRICK ON HIS STAIRS.

- ARE YOU BLACKMAILING ME?

- YES.

YOU KNOW, CAROL,

I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS ABOUT NINE OR TEN YEARS OLD.

YOU HAD JUST STARTED COLLEGE,

AND MOM AND DAD WOULDN'T LET YOU GO OUT ON WEEKNIGHTS.

BUT YOU USED TO SNEAK OUT YOUR WINDOW

AND MEET ALL YOUR FRIENDS AT SOME CLUB ANYWAY.

- WHAT DOES MY LOVE OF DISCO DANCING

HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

- I USED TO THINK YOU WERE SO COOL.

- YOU DID?

- YEAH! I MEAN ALL MY FRIENDS WERE SO ENVIOUS

THAT I HAD A BIG SISTER AS COOL AS YOU.

- YEAH. I GUESS I WAS PRETTY COOL.

- SO WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

- I GREW UP. - YOU GREW OLD.

- WATCH IT!

- NO, NO, NO, I DON'T MEAN OLD IN THE SENSE OF YEARS.

I MEAN OLD IN YOUR SENSE OF INTOLERANCE

FOR ANYONE YOUNGER THAN YOU.

- I AM NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO SOME 23-YEAR-OLD

CALL ME INTOLERANT.

- COME ON, CAROL. JUST ADMIT IT. MY FRIENDS--

HELL, MY WHOLE LIFESTYLE GRATES ON YOU

THE SAME WAY YOUR BLARING HIPPIE MUSIC

USED TO GRATE ON MR. HETZEL ACROSS THE STREET.

- THIS IS DIFFERENT, MUCH DIFFERENT.

- OH, HOW? - HOW?

- HOW? - I'LL TELL YOU HOW.

IT'S--IT'S--IT'S DIFFERENT IN THE SENSE...

IT'S--IT'S DIFFERENT IN THE SENSE

THAT--THAT TIMES HAVE CHANGED.

THAT'S IT-- TIMES HAVE CHANGED.

- TIMES HAVE CHANGED? - TIMES HAVE CHANGED!

- OH, THAT IS LAME, CAROL.

- IT REALLY IS, ISN'T IT?

- GOD, DON'T YOU SEE?

YOU'RE TURNING INTO WHAT YOU USED TO DESPISE MOST.

- OH, MY GOD.

I USED TO BE SO HIP.

WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?

- PROBABLY ABOUT THE SAME TIME

PEOPLE STOPPED USING THE WORD "HIP."

- OH, EMILY, I'M SORRY.

OH...

YOU GO BACK TO YOUR LITTLE PARTY.

- OH, WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH ME?

- NO! ME? NO. NO, I COULDN'T,

NOT AFTER WHAT I SAID OUT THERE.

NO, YOU KIDS GO AHEAD.

- COME ON, GRANDMA. - REALLY?

- YOU KNOW, I USED TO DREAM OF THE DAY

YOU AND I COULD PARTY TOGETHER.

- YOU KNOW WHAT, LITTLE SISTER?

YOU ARE PRETTY COOL YOURSELF.

- DUH!

- OKAY, WHO WANTS TO PARTY HEARTY

AND SHAKE THEIR BOOTY ALL NIGHT LONG?

- OH, JEEZ.

[groaning]

CHARLEY, CHARLEY, WAKE UP. WAKE UP, WAKE UP!

- OH, HI, HARRY.

YOU WANT TO TURN OFF THOSE PANTS?

- CHARLEY, COME ON, GET UP!

- OKAY, OKAY. OH, WHAT TIME IS IT?

- I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.

MY WATCH IS MISSING

AND SO IS MY WALLET AND-- AND THE LUGGAGE AND MY RING!

- HEY! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY NICKELS?

- CHARLEY, WE WERE ROBBED!

WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?

I REMEMBER BEING AT THE BAR--

- YOU HAD HALF A BEER AND PASSED OUT.

AND SMOKEY AND DESIREE AND I BROUGHT YOU UP HERE,

PUT YOU ON THE BED, MADE FUN OF YOUR PANTS.

THEN THE GIRLS AND I HAD A DRINK, AND THEN...

AND THEN...

- THEN WHAT?

- AND THEN...

- CHARLEY, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD,

THEY SLIPPED US A MICKEY!

AND AS SOON AS WE WERE KNOCKED OUT, THEY STOLE EVERYTHING!

THEY'RE PROBABLY OUT THERE RIGHT NOW

SCALPING THOSE FIGHT TICKETS FOR $1,000 A PIECE.

- OH, WELL, I NEVER HAD ANY TICKETS, HARRY.

- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- WELL, WE WERE SUPPOSED TO PICK THEM UP AT WILL CALL.

- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, NOW! NO, WAIT!

SO WE CAN--WE CAN STILL SEE THE FIGHT?

- WELL, YOU STILL WANT TO GO?

- CHARLEY...

I ALMOST DIED IN A PLANE CRASH.

YOU PUKED ON MY PANTS.

I'VE BEEN DRUGGED, ROBBED,

AND I'VE SPENT THE LAST 36 HOURS WITH YOU.

IT'S NO LONGER JUST ABOUT FUN.

I NEED TO SEE SOME BLOOD.

THERE WE GO.

WHOO-HOO! WE MADE IT! HERE WE GO!

LOOK AT THIS. HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO.

EXCUSE US. COMING THROUGH. SORRY, FOLKS.

COMING THROUGH. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!

CHARLEY! - [laughing]

- OH, THESE ARE GREAT SEATS! - YEAH!

- WELL, CHARLEY, I'M SORRY. I APOLOGIZE.

I OVERREACTED BACK AT THE HOTEL.

- HEY, NO PROBLEMO.

I'M JUST REALLY GLAD YOU HAD THOSE TRAVELER'S CHECKS.

- I NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT THEM.

- HA HA HA. YOU'RE A FUNNY GUY, HARRY.

- BACK AT YOU, CHARLES. BACK AT YOU.

GOD, I LOVE BOXING!

[bell ringing]

- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GOOD AFTERNOON AND WELCOME,

AS THE CITY OF LAS VEGAS, THE CITY THAT NEVER SLEEPS,

IS PLEASED TO BRING TO YOU TODAY'S MAIN EVENT!

THE N-C-B-A-R-B-E-I-E-I-O

UNIFIED HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE WORLD,

THE FRACAS IN VEGAS!

[cheers and applause] - GOD, THIS IS SO EXCITING!

CHARLEY, THANKS FOR INVITING ME!

- HEY, THANKS FOR BUYING ME A SNACK.

- INTRODUCING TO YOU IN THE CORNER ON MY RIGHT,

WEIGHING IN AT 212 POUNDS, IN THE RED TRUNKS,

BILLY "IRONHEAD" WADDELL!

[cheers and applause]

- HAVE YOU SEEN MY NACHOS? - WHAT? NO, I HAVEN'T.

- AND HIS OPPONENT IN THE CORNER TO MY LEFT,

WEIGHING IN AT 208 POUNDS,

IN THE MAUVE, HAND-STITCHED HOOP SKIRT,

INTRODUCING HECTOR "EL TORO" MORO!

[crowd booing]

THIS BOUT IS SCHEDULED FOR 12 ROUNDS OF BOXING.

- OH, CHARLEY,

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SEE A CHAMPIONSHIP FIGHT!

I WOULD NEVER--NEVER WOULD HAVE DONE THIS FOR MYSELF!

OH, THANK YOU!

[bell rings] HERE WE GO!

- HERE'S YOUR CHANGE HARRY.

[cheers and applause]

- WHAT HAPPENED?

- DID YOU SEE THAT? WADDELL KNOCKED MORO OUT!

HELL, HE KNOCKED HIM CLEAN OUT OF THE RING.

IT'S OVER!

- IT'S OVER? THE FIGHT'S OVER?

- IT WAS A ONE-PUNCH KNOCKOUT!

WE JUST SAW FIGHT HISTORY, HARRY!

- I DIDN'T SEE IT! I MISSED EVERYTHING!

- BITCH, BITCH, BITCH.

- OH!

I'M EXHAUSTED. [groans]

- HERE...

- MY LUGGAGE. THANK YOU.

OH, THANK GOD CHARLEY STAYED IN VEGAS.

I'LL FINALLY GET SOME SLEEP.

I'M NEVER LEAVING HOME AGAIN!

- IT'S ONE, TWO, SPIN, AND CLAP! DO THE HUSTLE!

ONE, TWO, SPIN, AND CLAP! DO THE HUSTLE!

ONE, TWO, SPIN, AND CLAP! DO THE HUSTLE!

- TAXI! NO! WAIT!

DON'T GO! TAXI!

- YES! YES! YES! [nickels dropping]

- HI, MONEYBAGS, MIND IF WE JOIN YOU?

- DON'T I KNOW YOU?

- I DON'T THINK SO.

YOU WANT A DRINK? - SURE!

HERE'S TO THE CITY THAT NEVER SLEEPS.

LOOKS LIKE I JUST HIT THE JACKPO--

[slot machine rattles, bell ringing]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0