Original subtitles

- GOOD MORNING. - GOOD MORNING, DOCTOR.

OH, THIS COME IN FOR YOU OVERNIGHT.

IT'S, UH, ONE OF YOUR DAUGHTERS.

SHE FAXED HER FACE.

- WHICH DAUGHTER? IT'S BLURRY.

- WELL, SHE LOOKS HAPPY, SO THAT RULES OUT CAROL.

AND IF IT WERE BARBARA, KNOWIN' HER SENSE OF HUMOR,

YOU'D BE STARIN' AT THE OTHER END OF THE HORSE.

SO THE SMART MONEY'S ON EMILY.

- EMILY, EMILY-- I HAVEN'T HEARD A WORD

FROM HER IN OVER TWO MONTHS,

AND ALL SHE SENDS ME IS A FUZZY FAX FROM GOD KNOWS WHERE.

WHEN I GET A HOLD OF HER, I'M GONNA STRAIGHTEN HER RIGHT OUT.

- SHE'S REMINDS ME OF EMMABELLE SWEENEY.

- LET ME GUESS. RABBI FRIEND OF YOURS?

- ANYWAY, EMMABELLE COULD DRINK AN ENTIRE MARTINI

THROUGH HER NOSE.

- WILL YOU STOP IT? THAT'S--THAT'S NONSENSE.

- I'VE SEEN IT MYSELF.

COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, SHE INHALED THE OLIVE, TOO,

SO NOW WHENEVER SHE SNEEZES,

SHE PASSES OUT FOR A MINUTE OR TWO.

SHE LIKED TO SHOW OUT AT PARTIES TOO.

DRINK, SNEEZE, PASS OUT, DRINK, SNEEZE, PASS OUT--

YOU KNOW, LIKE THEM LITTLE FAINTIN' GOATS.

- FAINTING GOATS?

- YEAH, YOU KNOW THEM CUTE LITTLE GOATS

THAT FAINT IF YOU SCARE 'EM.

BUDDY HICKSON HAD ONE, NAMED IT SCARE-ME-BOB.

NOW YOU GET EMMABELLE AND THAT GOAT AT A PARTY,

EMMA'D SNEEZE, SCARE BOB,

THEY'D BOTH BE ON A FLOOR WITH THEIR FEET IN THE AIR.

OH, I WISH I WAS AT HOME.

- ME TOO.

- LIFE GOES ON

AND SO DO WE

JUST HOW WE DO IT IS NO MYSTERY

ONE BY ONE

WE FILL THE DAYS

WE FIND A THOUSAND DIFFERENT WAYS

SOMETIMES THE ANSWER CAN BE HARD TO FIND

THAT'S SOMETHING I WILL NEVER BE

I'M ALWAYS HERE

FOR ANYTHING YOU NEED

RAIN OR SHINE

I'LL BE THE ONE

TO SHARE IT ALL AS LIFE GOES ON

WE SHARE IT ALL

AS LIFE GOES ON

- DADDY?

- HMM?

- WITH BARBARA AND EMILY AWAY,

DOES IT REMIND YOU OF THE TIME WHEN I WAS YOUR ONLY CHILD?

JUST YOUR ONE HELPLESS LITTLE MEWLING BABY GIRL

TO TAKE CARE OF DAY AND NIGHT?

- IT DOES HAVE ITS SIMILARITIES, DEAR.

- WELL, PARDON ME FOR BEING A DADDY HOG,

BUT HAVING YOU TO MYSELF

IS THE ONE THING THAT MAKES ME TRULY HAPPY.

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

- HEY, YOU GUYS, I'M HOME.

- EMILY?

- DAD!

- OH, EMILY!

[both laughing]

- EMILY?

- AUNT SUSAN?

OH, I'M JUST KIDDING, CAROL.

YOU LOOK GREAT. OH.

- EMILY, I WAS JUST SAYING HOW MUCH I'VE MISSED YOU.

- OH.

IT IS SO GOOD TO BE BACK HOME AGAIN.

- EMILY, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED? HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME?

- I DIDN'T MEAN TO.

- WELL...

OKAY.

- AND THERE AREN'T MANY WORKING PHONES IN VIETNAM.

- NO. WELL, I UNDERSTAAA--

VIETNAM?

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO MOUNT HOLYOKE?

- DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO SPEND

FOUR YEARS AT AN ALL-GIRLS SCHOOL?

I MEAN, IF I SEE HONE MORE K.D. LANG CONCERT,

I'M GONNA BARF.

- CAN WE GET BACK TO SOUTHEAST ASIA, PLEASE?

- RIGHT. WELL, WHEN THEY TOLD ME ABOUT THIS PROGRAM

TO WORK IN A CLINIC THERE,

I COULD NOT WAIT TO PUT COLLEGE ON HOLD AND GO TO VIETNAM.

- SOMEHOW THAT SENTENCE SOUNDED DIFFERENT IN MY DAY.

- ANYWAY, AFTER THAT, I TOOK AN OLD MOPED OVER THE HIMALAYAS

UNTIL IT CAUGHT FIRE.

THEN FLEW TO ITALY,

WHERE I WORKED AS A HAND MODEL FOR TWO WEEKS.

THEN I MET THIS OPERA SINGER

WHO WAS PERFORMING IN DON JUAN IN HELL,

BUT THEN HE CAUGHT ON FIRE, BUT JUST BRIEFLY.

GOD, WOULD YOU LISTEN TO ME RATTLE ON?

SO, CAROL, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO?

- WELL, I'VE LEARNED HOW TO CRACK AN EGG WITH ONE HAND.

- OH, IT'S GREAT TO HAVE YOU HOME.

AND--AND I'M SO PROUD OF YOU

FOR THE GOOD WORK YOU'RE DOING AT THAT CLINIC,

AND I JUST--I JUST HAVE ONE LITTLE QUESTION FOR YOU.

- OKAY.

- ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?

- DADDY, SHE'S TOO YOUNG TO KNOW BETTER.

SHE'S THE BABY, REMEMBER?

MAY I SAY SOMETHING? - NO.

I MEAN, IT'S ONE THING TO HAVE SOME FUN IN COLLEGE, YOUNG LADY.

I MEAN, I WASN'T ABOVE A LITTLE TOMFOOLERY MYSELF,

INVOLVING THE STATUE OF THE FOUNDER

AND SOME BRIGHT-RED LIPSTICK.

BUT RISKING LIFE AND LIMB?

- BUT I'M HERE SAFE AND SOUND.

THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS, ISN'T IT?

- WELL...

I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

OOH, HOPE YOU CAN STAY FOR A WHILE.

- YEAH, WELL, I FIGURED I'D STAY FOR A WEEK OR SO.

I'VE BEEN WORKING THROUGH SOME PROBLEMS--

YOU KNOW, BOYFRIEND STUFF.

- OOH! BOYFRIEND PROBLEMS?

BOYFRIEND PROBLEMS?

OH, EMILY, THERE'S SO MUCH I CAN TEACH YOU

ABOUT SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS.

I'VE HAD 37 OF THEM.

- ANYWAY, I THOUGHT IT'D BE NICE TO COME HOME FOR A LITTLE BIT.

- I AM SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

- OH, ME TOO, HARRY. [laughs]

- HARRY... [laughing]

I FORGOT HOW CUTE THAT SOUNDS FROM YOU.

- OH.

- AND IT'S-- IT'S WONDERFUL

HAVING MY BABY SISTER BACK AGAIN.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, HARRY?

- STICK WITH "DADDY," HONEY.

MWAH! [both laughing]

- I WISH EMILY WOULD WAKE UP ALREADY.

I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET HER.

- DADDY, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT OUR POOR LITTLE EMILY

AND THIS BOYFRIEND PROBLEM SHE'S HAVING.

- YEAH, YEAH, HONE I-I WAS HOPING

THAT YOU WOULD TAKE HER ASIDE AND FIND OUT WHAT'S GOING ON.

- WELL, IT'S OBVIOUS SHE'S BEEN DUMPED,

BY SOME WORTHLESS LOUT.

BUT LUCKILY, SHE HAS ME

TO TAKE HER HAND AND PULL HER THROUGH THIS.

YOU SEE, I HAVE ONE OF MY PATENTED PLANS.

- ON SECOND THOUGHT, LEAVE HER ALONE.

- NO, NO.

I'M GOING TO GET HER DATING LIFE GOING AGAIN,

STARTING WITH STABLE,

TRUSTWORTHY, HIGHLY SENSITIVE MEN.

- GEEKS.

- I WAS THINKING OF YOUR CHILDHOOD FRIEND GEORGE.

- THE ONE THAT WAS OVER HERE LAST WEEK?

- YEAH.

- THE MAN'S A GEEK.

- DADDY, TRUST ME. I KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR EMILY.

I MEAN, WE TEND TO FORGET THAT SHE'S HARDLY MORE THAN A CHILD.

- [mutters]

- MORNING. - HI.

- GOOD MORNING. - EMILY, PLEASE.

THIS ISN'T BREAKFAST AT THE FOLLIES BERGERE.

- HI, I'M EMILY.

- PATRICK, I LIVE IN THE GARAGE.

- OH, YOU POOR THING.

- PATRICK'S MY BOYFRIEND, EMILY.

- YOU POOR THING.

HE'S CUTE.

- NO, HE'S NOT. HE'S OLD AND BROKE.

- THANK YOU.

- SAY, I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING.

WHAT IF JUST US KIDS WENT OUT TONIGHT

TO A FUN, EXCITING, NEW PLACE I KNOW, HMM?

- OH, NO. THE LAST TIME YOU SAID THAT,

I WAS DRAGGED TO A COFFEE HOUSE

TO HEAR THIS BALD LADY RECITE A POEM CALLED INVERTED NIPPLE.

- I'M DONE. - CHECK, PLEASE.

- NO, NO, NO.

THIS WILL BE GREAT-- JUST THE THREE OF US.

[gasps] HOLD THE PHONE.

I JUST HAD ANOTHER NUTSY, FUN IDEA.

- SHE'S GONNA FIX ME UP WITH SOME GEEK, ISN'T SHE?

- YEAH, BUT HE'S ACTUALLY A REALLY NICE GUY.

- WELL, SINCE PATRICK LIKES HIM, OKAY, I'LL DO IT.

- MORNING, WESTONS.

I--

EMILY! [laughing]

EMILY, YOU'VE COME HOME.

OH, GOD, I MISSED YOU.

- WHO ARE YOU?

- EMILY, THIS IS OUR NEIGHBOR, CHARLEY DIETZ.

- HAVE WE MET?

- I MET YOUR PICTURE IN HARRY'S BEDROOM.

- WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO THAT PICTURE?

- ANYWAY...

EMILY, I WANT YOU TO KNOW YOU CAN ALWAYS COME OVER

TO BORROW A CUP OF SUGAR A WARM GLASS OF MILK,

OR A RECIPE FOR ECSTASY ECLAIRS FROM THE LOVE CHEF HIMSELF.

- CHARLEY, IT'S...

THAT TIME AGAIN.

- I HEAR YOU, PAPA DOC.

- WELL, IT WAS REALLY NICE MEETING YOU, CHARLEY.

- HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER.

- I MEAN, I DIDN'T KNOW GUYS LIKE YOU STILL EXIST.

YOU'RE LIKE A SKETCH FROM LOVE, AMERICAN STYLE.

- STAY TUNED, BABY.

LA CUCARACHA, LA CUCARACHA

YA NO...CAMINAR

- SEE? NOW, ISN'T THIS FUN?

THIS IS CALLED A KARAOKE BAR, EMILY.

I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD EXPERIENCE THE LATEST RAGE FROM JAPAN.

- I'LL HAVE A LIGHT BEER, PLEASE.

- OH, I'LL HAVE A DIET COKE.

- [speaking Japanese]

I WAS A KARAOKE WAITRESS IN KYOTO.

- EMILY, DEAR...

DON'T MAKE THE MISTAKE OF THINKING YOU KNOW THE WORLD

JUST BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN ALL OVER IT.

- HEY, THERE'S GEORGE. - SIT UP STRAIGHT.

- HI, PATRICK. CAROL. WHAT A WACKY PLACE.

- HOW YOU DOING, GEORGE?

- GEORGE, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY BABY SISTER, EMILY.

- HEY, GEORGE. - THE PLEASURE'S MINE.

- GEORGE IS AN ACTUARY.

- WELL, THAT SOUNDS LIKE STEADY WORK.

- OH, YES, I'LL BE PROJECTING WHEN PEOPLE ARE GONNA DIE

UNTIL THE DAY I DIE--

OCTOBER 7, 2042.

IT'S NOT MINE.

- I'M SENSING A CHEMISTRY HERE.

- THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID AT THREE MILE ISLAND.

- GEORGE, ARE YOU PAINTER?

- EMILY, PUT YOUR LISTENING CAP ON.

HE JUST SAID HE'S AN ACTUARY.

- YEAH, BUT HE'S GOT PAINT UNDERNEATH HIS FINGERNAILS.

I THINK THERE'S A HIDDEN SIDE TO GEORGE.

- CAUGHT. MY HOBBY IS PAINTING WESTERN SCENES.

- YOU'RE KIDDING. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

- SOMETHING IN GEORGE'S EYES TELLS ME IT'S MORE THAN A HOBBY.

WHY DO YOU PAINT THE WEST?

- I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE BECAUSE I'M 1/8 CHEROKEE.

- REALLY? - YEAH.

- GEORGE, I THINK YOUR INDIAN BLOOD

IS TELLING YOU TO BE A PAINTER.

- OH. - YOU DON'T BELONG IN AN OFFICE.

- NOW, EMILY, DON'T GET CARRIED AWAY.

- YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I DO FEEL

LIKE JUMPING IN MY TAURUS WAGON,

TAKING OFF WITH THE DOORS UNLOCKED,

AND SETTING THE CRUISE CONTROL AT 57 MILES PER HOUR.

- JUST THINK OF ALL THE NATIVE AMERICANS

YOU COULD TOUCH IF YOU COULD DEVOTE

ALL OF YOUR TIME TO YOUR ART. - EMILY.

- BOY, WOULDN'T THAT BE NICE?

- HE'S AN INDIAN. I LOVE THIS.

- SHUT UP, PATRICK.

- JUST IMAGINE HOW TERRIBLE IT WOULD BE

IF ON OCTOBER 6, 2042, YOU SAID TO YOURSELF,

"I NEVER EVEN GAVE IT A TRY."

- NEVER EVEN GAVE IT A TRY.

57 MILES PER HOUR.

EXCUSE ME.

- EMILY, YOU'VE UPSET HIM. - NAH, GEORGE CAN HANDLE IT.

- I'VE KNOWN HIM FOR 20 YEARS. I NEVER KNEW THAT HE PAINTED.

- WELL, WHO KNOWS? MAYBE NOW HE'LL DEVOTE

THE REST OF HIS LIFE TO HIS ART.

GEE, I HOPE HE DOESN'T SUCK.

- OH, THIS IS NONSENSE.

GEORGE STRINGER IS A STABLE SOLID FELLOW

WHO DOESN'T GET HIS HEAD TURNED BY FLIGHTS OF FANCY.

- I'D LIKE TO DEDICATE THIS TO EMILY WESTON,

WHO JUST GAVE ME THE COURAGE TO QUIT MY JOB.

[rock music plays]

WILD THING

YOU MAKE MY HEART SING

YOU MAKE EVERYTHING...

- IT IS 4:00 IN THE MORNING. YOU'RE JUST GETTING HOME NOW?

WHERE'S EMILY? - WE'RE NOT SURE.

- WE LOST HER AT THE GAY BAR.

- GAY BAR?

- EMILY HEARD ABOUT SOME PARTY THERE.

WE DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS A GAY BAR

UNTIL PATRICK REALIZED THE HAND IN HIS REAR POCKET WASN'T MINE.

- IT WAS SO GENTLE.

- YOU LOST YOUR SISTER AT A GAY BAR

AT 4:00 IN THE MORNING.

- DADDY, IT'S EMILY'S FAULT.

WE WERE TIRED AND WANTED TO COME HOME.

- HEY! GREAT! EVERYBODY'S UP.

- HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.

IT IS 4:00 IN THE MORNING.

I'VE BEEN WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU.

- WELL, I WAS CAREFUL, HARRY. I TOOK A CAB HOME.

- WELL, I GUESS IT'S OKAY THIS TIME.

- DADDY, YOU'RE JUST GONNA LET HER GET AWAY WITH THAT?

- I THINK SHE'S LEARNED HER LESSON.

- WHAT HAPPENED TO GEORGE?

- OH, WELL HE MET A GALLERY OWNER NAMED ELLIOT,

AND THE TWO OF THEM WENT OFF TOGETHER

AND WATCHED THE SUN RISE.

- GEORGE IS GAY?

- INCREDIBLE--

A GAY CHEROKEE ACTUARY ARTIST.

WHAT ARE THE ODDS?

- ALL RIGHT, COME ON, THAT'S IT. LET'S GO.

IT'S TIME FOR CAROL AND PATRICK TO GO TO BED.

I NEED TO TALK TO EMILY. - WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME.

- FINE. YOU. COME, YOU.

- GOOD NIGHT. - SIT.

- GOOD NIGHT.

- [sighs]

- YOU'RE STILL ANGRY.

- NO.

IT'S...

IT'S JUST I FEEL THAT WE HAVEN'T REALLY TALKED

IN SUCH A LONG TIME.

HONEY, WHEN THE DAY COMES AND YOU HAVE YOUR OWN CHILD...

THAT DAY HAS NOT ARRIVED YET, RIGHT?

- DAD!

- THE DAY YOU HAVE THAT CHILD, YOU'LL BE FILLED WITH LOVE--

A LOVE YOU NEVER KNEW YOU WERE CAPABLE OF.

THAT'S WHY IT HURTS SO MUCH. I FEEL CUT OFF.

- DAD, YOU'VE ALWAYS ENCOURAGED ME TO BE INDEPENDENT.

THERE'S NO WAY I COULD EVER CUT YOU OFF.

COME ON, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

- OKAY, I HOPE THAT MEANS YOU'RE GONNA INCLUDE ME.

IN YOUR LIFE A LITTLE MORE.

- OF COURSE.

- ALRIGHT. NOW...

LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS BOYFRIEND TROUBLE YOU'RE HAVING

- SURE.

HIS NAME IS GIANNI, AND I MET HIM IN ITALY.

'NIGHT.

- COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!

IT'S YOUR BIG-SISTER ALARM CLOCK.

- GO AWAY.

- EMILY...

LAST NIGHT I SENSED THAT YOU HAD

THIS DEEP-SEATED NEED TO UNBURDEN YOURSELF

ABOUT THE PROBLEM WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND.

- YOU GOT ALL THAT FROM "SHUT UP, CAROL"?

- EMILY...

YOU'RE SQUANDERING AN INCREDIBLE RESOURCE HERE.

I'M LIKE A FEDERAL RESERVE BANK OF DISAPPOINTMENT.

MAKE A WITHDRAWAL.

- CAROL...

- EMILY, YOU CAN TALK TO ME.

I MEAN, IT WASN'T THAT LONG AGO

THAT I WAS CHANGING YOUR DIAPERS, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

- WELL, IT ALL EVENS OUT.

IT WON'T BE LONG BEFORE I'LL BE CHANGING YOURS.

- HE SLEPT WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND, DIDN'T HE?'

- JUST LET IT GO, CAROL. - OKAY, OKAY.

BUT WHEN YOU FEEL IT'S TIME TO TALK,

I'LL BE HERE, AND I WON'T BOTHER YOU UNTIL THEN.

- OKAY I APPRECIATE IT.

- HE KNOCKED YOU UP, DIDN'T HE? - CAROL!

- I'LL RAISE THE CHILD. - OUT!

- DADDY...

DON'T YOU THINK IT SELFISH OF EMILY

TO KEEP HER BOYFRIEND PROBLEM TO HERSELF?

I MEAN, WHENEVER I HAVE A PROBLEM,

I BRING IT TO YOU, DON'T I?

- FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER, DEAR.

AH, GREAT. EMILY, PLEASE, COME, SIT DOWN.

- YES. LET'S HAVE A TALK. JUST THE THREE OF US.

- EMILY!

- GIANNI?

- [speaking Italian]

- [speaking Italian]

- EMILY, NO! YOU CRUSH-A MY HEART.

FOR THE LAST TIME,

PLEASE, MARRY ME.

BECOME A QUEEN OF MY VILLA IN THE AMALFI COAST.

- THIS IS HER PROBLEM?

- GIANNI, YOU'RE A WONDERFUL MAN AND AN EXCELLENT SHIP BUILDER,

BUT I'M JUST TOO YOUNG TO TIE MYSELF DOWN.

- BUT I LOVE YOU AS NEVER A MAN HAS LOVED A WOMAN.

I MEAN, ONE CALL,

AND I WILL MAKE YOU THE MOST FAMOUS MODEL IN EUROPE.

OH--CLICK-- THOSE EYES, I TUMBLE

INTO--CLICK-- OF THAT GORGEOUS MANE OF HAIR.

CLICK-- THOSE SUMPTUOUS--

- THAT'S-- THAT'S ENOUGH CLICKING.

EMILY, WOULD YOU CARE TO INTRODUCE US?

- OH, SORRY. GIANNI, THIS IS MY FATHER, HARRY,

AND MY SISTER CAROL.

- HARRY, PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU.

IF EVER THE FIRE OF LOVE HAS BURNED IN YOU AS HOT AS THE...

HOW DO YOU CALL IT?

THE BIG BALL IN THE SKY.

- SUN.

- PAPA!

I KNEW YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND.

HARRY, I HAVE MILLIONS.

I HAVE DEGREE IN PHILOSOPHY, PHYSICS, AND HOTEL MANAGEMENT.

AND, HARRY...

BECAUSE I KNEW THAT ONE DAY I WAS GOING TO MEET MY EMILY,

I PRESERVED MY CHASTITY FOR HER.

- THIS IS HER PROBLEM?

- GIANNI, I'M SORRY.

LOOK, I'M SURE SOMEDAY YOU'LL FIND THE RIGHT PERSON,

BUT IT'S NOT ME.

- NO, NO!

I WILL NEVER LEAVE-A THIS HOUSE.

- WELL, YOU'D FIT RIGHT INTO THE FAMILY.

BUT, GIANNI...

CIAO.

- THEN I LEAVE-A TO JOIN THE CHURCH.

ONLY LOVE FOR THE HOLY SPIRIT

CAN POSSIBLY REPLACE-A MY LOVE FOR YOU.

[sighing]

- THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM?

- YES. I'VE BEEN TRYING

TO DECIDE IF I SHOULD KEEP SEEING HIM,

BUT THEN FINALLY I REALIZED I COULDN'T,

BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE STRINGING HIM ALONG.

LOOK, I'VE BEEN HAVING A REALLY BAD TIME WITH THIS.

- BAD? BAD?

NO, EMILY, THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN SO BLESSED, YOU DON'T KNOW GOOD FROM BAD.

LET ME EXPLAIN.

I SPENT THE ENTIRE MORNING

ROLLING LITTLE FISH BALLS FOR THE FINKELSTEIN BAR MITZVAH,

WHILE YOU HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE OUT

HOW TO DUMP MARCELLO MASTROIANNI.

NOW, LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY.

FISH BALLS, BAD.

MASTROIANNI, GOOD.

STILL LIVING IN MY CHILDHOOD BEDROOM, BAD.

AMALFI COAST, GOOD.

BEING 30-SOMETHING AND DIVORCED, BAD.

BEING 23 AND THE PERSONAL PET PROJECT OF GOD, GOOD.

NOW EXCUSE ME, WHILE I GO UPSTAIRS

WHERE I WILL SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE

ADOPTING HUNDREDS OF STRAY CATS

WATCHING MY BREASTS DROP.

BAD.

- OKAY, SEE YOU LATER.

- WHOA, JUST WAIT A MINUTE, YOUNG LADY.

I THINK YOU TEED TO TALK TO YOUR SISTER.

- BUT, DAD, SHE'S SCARY.

OKAY.

BUT, LOOK, IT'S NOT LIKE MY PROBLEMS ARE NOT REAL, YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, EVEN THOUGH I WANTED GIANNI OUT OF MY LIFE,

I FEEL MORE CONFUSED NOW THAN EVER.

- HONEY...

MAYBE FAMILY IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED RIGHT NOW.

WHY DON'T YOU STAY HOME?

IT'D BE NICE FOR ME TO GET TO KNOW MY DAUGHTER AGAIN.

- CAROL STAYS?

- SHE KIND OF HAS SQUATTER'S RIGHTS.

- YOU REALLY WANT ME HERE?

- MORE THAN ANYTHING.

- OH.

[knocking on door]

HEY, CAROL.

- EMILY...

IT'S NICE OF YOU TO COME UP.

- WELL, DAD MADE ME.

LOOK, I'M SORRY IF I'VE BEEN A DRAG TO HAVE AROUND LATELY.

- NO, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

I THOUGHT YOU NEEDED ME TO FIX YOUR LIFE,

BUT THEN WHEN I SAW WHAT YOUR LIFE REALLY IS,

I FELT LIKE DUKAKIS TELLING CLINTON HOW TO RUN A CAMPAIGN.

- DON'T BE SILLY, CAROL.

LOOK, MY LIFE IS NOT THAT GREAT.

LOOK HOW MUCH YOU'VE GOT GOING FOR YOU.

YOU LOVE YOUR CATERING.

YOU'VE GOT A REALLY TERRIFIC BOYFRIEND--

- NO, I DON'T.

OH, WAIT. YOU'RE RIGHT. I DO.

SORRY. KNEE-JERK RESPONSE.

- CAROL, DAD ASKED ME TO STAY FOR A LITTLE WHILE,

BUT I KNOW IT MIGHT BE HARD FOR YOU--

- NO. EMILY, I WANT YOU HERE.

REALLY, I DO.

THE HARD PART IS GETTING IT THROUGH MY HEAD

THAT YOU'VE GROWN UP.

YOU DON'T NEED A BIG SISTER ANYMORE.

- HEY, COME ON, CAROL.

I'VE BEEN LIVING ALONE FOR SO LONG,

IT MIGHT BE NICE HAVING A BIG SISTER AROUND FOR A WHILE.

- REALLY?

- YEAH, YOU KNOW, SOMEONE TO LEAN MY HEAD ON

OR STEAL CLOTHES FROM,

TEACH ME HOW TO CRACK AN EGG WITH ONE HAND--

YOU KNOW, ALL THAT STUFF. - OH, EMILY.

AND I PROMISE, I WON'T TRY TO RUN YOUR LIFE.

- I MISSED YOU.

- OH.

POOR GIANNI.

THAT MAN LOST THE GREATEST CATCH OF HIS LIFE,

YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION ABOUT HIM.

YOU NEED A MAN WHO'S--

WHO'S GONNA ALLOW YOU TO BREATH FOR A WHILE,

A MAN WHO HAS A STRONG SENSE OF SELF

COMBINED WITH AN INSATIABLE APPETITE FOR ADVENTURE.

KIMMEL THE PIANO TUNER.

I'LL GO GET HIS NUMBER.

- [sighs]

HELP ME, DREYF. I'M HOME.

- EMILY.

OH, EMILY.

PLEASE...

PLEASE, BEFORE I LEAVE-A TO SERVE-A GOD,

I NEED A-ONE MORE LOOK AT YOUR PRICELESS-A FACE,

ONE LAST WHIFF OF THOSE GORGEOUS HAIR,

ONE FINAL LOOK AT THAT-- BEAUTIFUL...

OH, HELLO, PAPA.

[laughing] CIAO.

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