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1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:02,147
Chip: Dale! You're
dislodging the toilet!
2
00:00:02,172 --> 00:00:03,972
[Clattering]
3
00:00:04,891 --> 00:00:05,968
- [Screaming]
- Shit water!
4
00:00:05,993 --> 00:00:07,539
Aah!
5
00:00:07,564 --> 00:00:10,148
- Chip you shut up.
- [Glass breaking]
6
00:00:10,173 --> 00:00:11,173
[Meowing]
7
00:00:14,236 --> 00:00:16,820
I'm home. Oh.
8
00:00:19,984 --> 00:00:21,751
[Squishing]
9
00:00:21,899 --> 00:00:23,565
Hey, we found the cat.
10
00:00:25,542 --> 00:00:27,976
Dale: He... He was on the bridge
that Daddy jumped from.
11
00:00:28,148 --> 00:00:30,915
Probably wantin' to smell
him or somethin'.
12
00:00:32,432 --> 00:00:34,265
Why do you hate me so much?
13
00:00:34,806 --> 00:00:37,173
- We don't hate you, Mom.
- We don't hate you, Mom.
14
00:00:37,557 --> 00:00:39,390
Get out.
15
00:00:39,492 --> 00:00:42,078
Mom, we're... we're sorry.
Ronnie, not now, please.
16
00:00:42,103 --> 00:00:43,960
You're not welcome here
in my home anymore.
17
00:00:43,985 --> 00:00:45,992
Can we at least help you
clean things up for you?
18
00:00:46,017 --> 00:00:47,094
No!
19
00:00:47,298 --> 00:00:49,998
What a bunch of crazy drama that was.
20
00:00:50,023 --> 00:00:51,398
She is really upset.
21
00:00:51,423 --> 00:00:53,189
Eh, she'll be fine.
22
00:00:53,446 --> 00:00:55,113
You wanna go to Hooters
and get some soup?
23
00:00:55,519 --> 00:00:58,812
Hooters? Uh, sure. I don't
have anyplace to be.
24
00:00:59,078 --> 00:01:01,195
- [Cell phone chimes]
- Oh. What's this?
25
00:01:01,220 --> 00:01:03,087
Oh, it's Trish.
26
00:01:03,112 --> 00:01:06,046
I leave work for a few days
and everything goes to hell.
27
00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:08,859
It's gonna have to be a rain
check on the Hooters soup.
28
00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:11,871
Oh. Okay, well.
29
00:01:12,128 --> 00:01:14,261
- [Car engine starts]
- Not sure what I'm supposed to do, but...
30
00:01:14,286 --> 00:01:15,719
Well, most people have a job, Chip.
31
00:01:15,744 --> 00:01:16,671
Maybe you'd consider that.
32
00:01:16,696 --> 00:01:17,728
[Tires squealing]
33
00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:21,805
Thanks, Dale.
34
00:01:22,298 --> 00:01:25,199
35
00:01:31,879 --> 00:01:35,828
Synced and corrected by Nest0r
www.addic7ed.com
36
00:01:57,710 --> 00:01:59,710
- [Grunting]
- [Wood cracking]
37
00:02:18,712 --> 00:02:21,781
[Crowd cheering]
38
00:02:24,663 --> 00:02:28,226
Man: Let's hear it for Baskets
the Clown, y'all.
39
00:02:30,436 --> 00:02:33,337
40
00:02:46,179 --> 00:02:47,303
[Knocking]
41
00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:52,359
- Oh, God. Chip.
- Martha.
42
00:02:52,384 --> 00:02:53,648
Hey, look, I know you said
43
00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:55,890
not to tell your mom about jail,
44
00:02:56,089 --> 00:02:58,257
but I don't have...
I didn't have the money,
45
00:02:58,282 --> 00:02:59,796
and I thought she would have the money.
46
00:02:59,821 --> 00:03:01,625
I... And I didn't even tell her...
47
00:03:01,650 --> 00:03:02,982
Martha, I need a job.
48
00:03:03,007 --> 00:03:04,339
I need a job.
49
00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:06,307
You're rambling on like a crazy person.
50
00:03:06,332 --> 00:03:07,992
- Nice to see you.
- Oh.
51
00:03:08,017 --> 00:03:10,884
- How are you?
- I'm good. Well, nice to see you.
52
00:03:10,909 --> 00:03:13,443
Uh... Okay.
53
00:03:15,249 --> 00:03:18,250
Okay, so what kind of clown
jobs are you looking for?
54
00:03:18,649 --> 00:03:21,101
Uh, at this point, anything, I mean,
55
00:03:21,126 --> 00:03:23,539
I'll do theaters, you know, galas,
56
00:03:23,564 --> 00:03:27,804
store openings, fiestas.
Birthdays, of course.
57
00:03:27,829 --> 00:03:30,156
Oh, hey, my birthday's coming
up in ten months.
58
00:03:30,181 --> 00:03:31,780
I could hire you for that.
59
00:03:32,004 --> 00:03:34,238
Okay, yeah, good. What's the budget?
60
00:03:34,308 --> 00:03:36,867
Well, right now it's in the early
planning stages,
61
00:03:36,892 --> 00:03:38,671
- but I can look into it.
- Okay.
62
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:40,647
How old are you gonna be?
63
00:03:40,672 --> 00:03:43,125
- Forty-nine.
- No what... Not what year you were born.
64
00:03:43,150 --> 00:03:44,382
How old are you gonna be?
65
00:03:44,621 --> 00:03:46,796
I'm gonna... I'm turning 49.
66
00:03:46,821 --> 00:03:48,554
I wasn't born in '49.
67
00:03:50,369 --> 00:03:52,796
Okay, yes, a birthday. Put me
on your birthday, uh, thing.
68
00:03:52,821 --> 00:03:54,554
That would be great. What else?
What else?
69
00:03:55,070 --> 00:03:57,695
Oh, have you read these
stories about these clowns
70
00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:00,721
coming to towns and,
like, spooking children?
71
00:04:01,170 --> 00:04:03,195
Yeah, like when there have been...
72
00:04:03,220 --> 00:04:06,000
People have been filling out police
reports and stuff.
73
00:04:06,025 --> 00:04:08,059
Yeah, can you see if that's a payed gig?
74
00:04:09,882 --> 00:04:11,570
- Um, yeah.
- I don't know how you do that.
75
00:04:11,595 --> 00:04:13,662
Maybe just go out in the woods?
76
00:04:13,846 --> 00:04:16,453
Like, go look for clowns
doing it in the woods,
77
00:04:16,478 --> 00:04:18,179
and ask them if they get paid?
78
00:04:18,204 --> 00:04:19,218
Yeah, but don't get
in the way of their work.
79
00:04:19,243 --> 00:04:21,273
Just ask them, you know,
is this a payed gig?
80
00:04:21,298 --> 00:04:23,198
If it doesn't pay,
81
00:04:23,223 --> 00:04:25,648
but it could get you
really great exposure,
82
00:04:25,673 --> 00:04:27,273
would you be interested?
83
00:04:27,547 --> 00:04:29,265
Now you're thinkin', Martha.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
84
00:04:29,290 --> 00:04:31,437
That sounds good. But only go
in the woods at night,
85
00:04:31,462 --> 00:04:33,507
because I think that's when
most of this stuff is happening.
86
00:04:33,532 --> 00:04:36,332
Don't go during the day. You're not
gonna find any clowns or children.
87
00:04:36,697 --> 00:04:39,015
You know what, Chip? I have
to say it's great to see you
88
00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,726
so enthusiastic about your career.
89
00:04:41,999 --> 00:04:43,968
Yeah, I don't know how much
of it is enthusiasm, Martha,
90
00:04:43,993 --> 00:04:46,789
versus just... desperation.
91
00:04:49,907 --> 00:04:54,143
I think I'd just like to function
as a normal person for once.
92
00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:57,187
Um, do you want to talk about
93
00:04:57,212 --> 00:04:59,875
what happened in jail,
or where you were?
94
00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:04,068
Well, I got mixed
up with some squatter types,
95
00:05:04,093 --> 00:05:09,093
and, uh, their leader
was a drug addled flautist.
96
00:05:09,118 --> 00:05:12,085
And, uh, I witnessed
his body get snapped in half
97
00:05:12,110 --> 00:05:13,175
on a choo choo train.
98
00:05:17,138 --> 00:05:18,204
Okay.
99
00:05:18,229 --> 00:05:19,812
Um...
100
00:05:20,247 --> 00:05:23,288
I'm gonna look
into some of the parties and...
101
00:05:23,313 --> 00:05:24,192
Yeah.
102
00:05:24,217 --> 00:05:25,161
- The openings and stuff.
- Yeah, that...
103
00:05:25,186 --> 00:05:26,570
This is off to a good start, Martha.
104
00:05:26,595 --> 00:05:27,660
Oh.
105
00:05:27,685 --> 00:05:30,437
- Baptisms.
- Okay. Got it.
106
00:05:30,462 --> 00:05:32,262
Yeah, but no religious ones.
107
00:05:32,788 --> 00:05:34,321
[Fan blowing]
108
00:05:34,939 --> 00:05:37,101
How much longer will this take?
109
00:05:37,126 --> 00:05:38,796
Uh, hard to say.
110
00:05:38,821 --> 00:05:40,888
Uh, the water damage went pretty deep.
111
00:05:40,937 --> 00:05:42,258
We need to tear the floor open,
112
00:05:42,283 --> 00:05:43,796
check for joist rot.
113
00:05:43,821 --> 00:05:46,945
That smell you're smelling
is a combination of mold and sewage,
114
00:05:46,970 --> 00:05:48,617
so we need to see what we can bleach,
115
00:05:48,642 --> 00:05:50,132
and what we need to toss.
116
00:05:50,157 --> 00:05:52,421
If I were you, I'd rip
up the sub floors...
117
00:05:52,651 --> 00:05:54,551
[Indistinct dialog]
118
00:05:55,107 --> 00:05:59,305
119
00:06:00,646 --> 00:06:03,180
[Indistinct dialog]
120
00:06:05,094 --> 00:06:06,094
Ma'am?
121
00:06:06,119 --> 00:06:07,429
[Knocking]
122
00:06:09,061 --> 00:06:11,261
Thanks, Mom, for doing this.
123
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:13,839
It's like you're home from college.
124
00:06:13,864 --> 00:06:16,431
Except you never went to college.
125
00:06:16,456 --> 00:06:18,056
You're still my baby.
126
00:06:18,297 --> 00:06:21,198
127
00:06:49,056 --> 00:06:51,714
[Cell phone chiming]
128
00:06:53,417 --> 00:06:54,581
What have we got?
129
00:06:54,606 --> 00:06:57,140
Hi, Chip, this is Martha.
130
00:06:57,165 --> 00:06:59,277
- Yeah, Martha. Hi.
- Hi.
131
00:06:59,302 --> 00:07:01,202
Are you available this Saturday?
132
00:07:01,514 --> 00:07:02,792
Yes, why?
133
00:07:02,817 --> 00:07:04,980
Well, I might have a job for you.
134
00:07:05,005 --> 00:07:06,206
Ooh.
135
00:07:06,366 --> 00:07:09,500
136
00:07:10,775 --> 00:07:11,933
Balloon?
137
00:07:11,958 --> 00:07:13,090
There you go.
138
00:07:13,852 --> 00:07:15,085
- Hey.
- Hi, Martha.
139
00:07:15,406 --> 00:07:17,120
I haven't gotten any complaints,
140
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,745
so I'm gonna go out on a limb
and say you're a hit.
141
00:07:19,770 --> 00:07:22,438
Oh. Okay, good. So, what's next?
142
00:07:22,607 --> 00:07:23,722
Well, how do you feel about
143
00:07:23,747 --> 00:07:26,582
taking a shift in the dunk tank?
144
00:07:26,683 --> 00:07:27,815
You said shift, right?
145
00:07:27,839 --> 00:07:29,305
- Yeah.
- Well, I mean...
146
00:07:29,330 --> 00:07:31,089
What's the next, you know, job?
147
00:07:31,114 --> 00:07:32,613
- What's the next gig?
- Oh, right.
148
00:07:32,638 --> 00:07:36,058
Well, um, we have this
picnic again next year,
149
00:07:36,177 --> 00:07:37,863
and then I'm still working on the budget
150
00:07:37,888 --> 00:07:40,441
for my birthday party in ten months.
151
00:07:40,852 --> 00:07:42,902
- That's it?
- Well, for right now.
152
00:07:43,031 --> 00:07:44,331
Martha, look, I don't mean to be greedy,
153
00:07:44,356 --> 00:07:46,519
but I can't survive
on two days of work a year.
154
00:07:46,544 --> 00:07:47,544
Trust me, I've tried.
155
00:07:47,714 --> 00:07:48,751
- Okay, well...
- Oh, hi.
156
00:07:48,776 --> 00:07:50,676
- I'll work my contacts and...
- Am I still on the clock here?
157
00:07:50,862 --> 00:07:52,962
- Yeah.
- I can turn one more trick?
158
00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:54,354
- Sure.
- Okay, thank you.
159
00:07:54,489 --> 00:07:56,422
- Oh. All right.
- Thanks, manager.
160
00:07:56,447 --> 00:07:57,477
Hi, little lady. How are you?
161
00:07:57,519 --> 00:07:59,219
There you go.
162
00:07:59,367 --> 00:08:00,696
Woman: Wh... What the hell?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
163
00:08:00,721 --> 00:08:02,446
Hey, hey. Hey. Excuse me.
164
00:08:02,471 --> 00:08:04,366
- Hey.
- Ma'am? Miss?
165
00:08:04,391 --> 00:08:06,274
- My scarves.
- Hey. Who are you?
166
00:08:06,299 --> 00:08:08,563
My name is Baskets, Baskets the Clown.
167
00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:10,989
- Ba... Bassets?
- Baskets.
168
00:08:11,014 --> 00:08:12,274
- With a K.
- Okay, Baskets.
169
00:08:12,546 --> 00:08:13,930
- Nope.
- Should be on there.
170
00:08:14,213 --> 00:08:15,415
Nope. You're not one of mine.
171
00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:18,696
Who sent you, Family
Attractions, Bakersfield Party?
172
00:08:18,721 --> 00:08:20,469
Martha Brooks sent me,
of the Martha Brooks Agency.
173
00:08:20,494 --> 00:08:22,540
Okay, listen.
174
00:08:22,565 --> 00:08:25,298
This is a Friendly Fun
Events, LLC, event. Okay?
175
00:08:25,323 --> 00:08:27,376
Dunk tank, churro cart,
176
00:08:27,401 --> 00:08:29,034
that's all Friendly Fun Events.
177
00:08:29,059 --> 00:08:31,493
All right? I can't have you
just waltzing in here, okay?
178
00:08:31,518 --> 00:08:32,657
I don't know who you are.
179
00:08:32,682 --> 00:08:35,141
It's just that, uh,
my manager, she's a...
180
00:08:35,166 --> 00:08:36,844
- Where is she?
- Okay, listen.
181
00:08:36,869 --> 00:08:38,769
[Sighs] Here's my card.
182
00:08:38,849 --> 00:08:41,782
All right? This is my company.
There's the address.
183
00:08:41,807 --> 00:08:45,680
Why don't you come by and we can talk
about some employment options, yeah?
184
00:08:45,705 --> 00:08:47,272
But I already have a manager.
185
00:08:47,350 --> 00:08:48,649
Doesn't sound like that to me.
186
00:08:48,674 --> 00:08:51,110
Shit, the bouncy castle's sagging.
Corky!
187
00:08:51,135 --> 00:08:52,868
- Martha!
- Corky!
188
00:08:52,893 --> 00:08:54,260
Martha?
189
00:08:56,204 --> 00:08:58,104
[Dog barking]
190
00:09:00,346 --> 00:09:02,430
I know. I know.
191
00:09:02,719 --> 00:09:05,186
[Barking, Growling]
192
00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:07,780
Tell her. Tell her.
193
00:09:07,882 --> 00:09:09,259
[Barking]
194
00:09:09,284 --> 00:09:11,140
What's with the barking, huh?
195
00:09:11,165 --> 00:09:13,109
Well, she's telling you. She's saying,
196
00:09:13,134 --> 00:09:15,570
"I'm unhappy I'm not
on the table with my mommy."
197
00:09:15,670 --> 00:09:18,133
- See?
- Oh, for goodness sakes.
198
00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:19,444
Now she's up on the table.
199
00:09:19,469 --> 00:09:20,502
Now she's quiet.
200
00:09:20,527 --> 00:09:23,547
- I wish Dad were here.
- [Laughs]
201
00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:25,173
Can you imagine what Dad would say?
202
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:27,632
[Laughing]
203
00:09:27,657 --> 00:09:30,055
Oh, my God, we'd never
hear the end of it.
204
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:32,213
- Oh, I shudder to think.
- Oh.
205
00:09:32,316 --> 00:09:34,459
That's why I like being old,
206
00:09:34,484 --> 00:09:37,596
'cause I don't have your father
around to ruin my good time.
207
00:09:37,621 --> 00:09:40,221
Right, little poochie poochie girl?
208
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,279
You're not that old, Mom.
209
00:09:42,304 --> 00:09:44,204
Thank you.
210
00:09:44,374 --> 00:09:46,898
Oh. Go... Uh-oh, she's gonna go.
211
00:09:46,923 --> 00:09:48,540
Go pee on the newspaper, honey.
212
00:09:48,565 --> 00:09:49,631
On the newspaper.
213
00:09:49,733 --> 00:09:51,800
Uh-oh. Too late.
214
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:53,825
Come here, you little pumpkin.
215
00:09:53,870 --> 00:09:55,203
What's the matter with you?
216
00:09:55,251 --> 00:09:57,518
She's not gonna want
to stay here with us.
217
00:09:57,808 --> 00:09:59,841
I like having her here.
218
00:09:59,943 --> 00:10:01,543
Come on. Be a good girl.
219
00:10:01,645 --> 00:10:04,713
Give Mommy a kiss. Give Mommy a kiss.
220
00:10:04,815 --> 00:10:06,314
Have a kiss.
221
00:10:13,290 --> 00:10:15,198
Okay, great. So can you read me
222
00:10:15,223 --> 00:10:17,171
that policy number
on the back of that card?
223
00:10:17,196 --> 00:10:18,742
[Phone rings]
224
00:10:18,767 --> 00:10:21,250
Um, actually, can you hold
on one second? Sorry.
225
00:10:21,344 --> 00:10:23,538
- [Beeping]
- Costco Home and Auto Insurance,
226
00:10:23,563 --> 00:10:25,073
this is Martha.
227
00:10:25,098 --> 00:10:26,631
Man: Hi, I'm calling for Baskets.
228
00:10:26,810 --> 00:10:28,310
Is this the right number?
229
00:10:28,335 --> 00:10:30,461
Oh, yes, um, you've reached
the right place
230
00:10:30,486 --> 00:10:32,486
for Baskets the Clown.
231
00:10:33,037 --> 00:10:35,438
Okay, but did you say you're
an auto insurance company?
232
00:10:35,463 --> 00:10:38,820
Um, I did say that, but, um, we are, um,
233
00:10:38,845 --> 00:10:41,844
totally legit talent booking agency.
234
00:10:41,869 --> 00:10:43,266
- [Phone ringing]
- What, uh...
235
00:10:43,291 --> 00:10:44,875
Can you hold on one second? Thank you.
236
00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:47,359
- [Beeping]
- Costco Home and Auto Insurance,
237
00:10:47,384 --> 00:10:49,508
can you hold please? Thanks.
238
00:10:49,653 --> 00:10:51,627
- [Beeping]
- Okay, sir...
239
00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:52,127
[Phone rings]
240
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:55,249
Um, is anyone else
answering phones today?
241
00:10:56,186 --> 00:10:59,087
242
00:11:03,006 --> 00:11:04,305
You the insurance guy?
243
00:11:04,485 --> 00:11:06,977
No. I'm here for a birthday party.
244
00:11:07,002 --> 00:11:08,352
Thank you, though.
245
00:11:08,377 --> 00:11:10,203
Martha: Hey, Chip, um, I'm sorry,
246
00:11:10,228 --> 00:11:12,395
but I think we got our wires crossed.
247
00:11:12,631 --> 00:11:14,231
Oh, really? What makes you think that?
248
00:11:14,256 --> 00:11:16,031
Shoot, here it is.
249
00:11:16,056 --> 00:11:18,977
Yeah, you're supposed to be
at a petting zoo in Oildale.
250
00:11:19,002 --> 00:11:20,584
I think I might have whiplash!
251
00:11:20,609 --> 00:11:21,969
Can I get money for that?
252
00:11:21,994 --> 00:11:25,462
Sir, I'm a clown. I told you I do
not work in the insurance trade.
253
00:11:25,487 --> 00:11:28,344
Actually, I think he can
get money for that.
254
00:11:28,369 --> 00:11:31,237
- Really?
- Yeah, if he has liability.
255
00:11:31,319 --> 00:11:32,852
Do you have liability insurance?
256
00:11:32,877 --> 00:11:34,777
Martha, I do not have time for this.
257
00:11:34,802 --> 00:11:37,109
Well, I'm really sorry this happened,
258
00:11:37,339 --> 00:11:39,359
and I want to say it's never
gonna happen again,
259
00:11:39,384 --> 00:11:41,406
but I don't have a crystal ball.
260
00:11:41,431 --> 00:11:43,131
- [Click]
- Hello?
261
00:11:46,448 --> 00:11:49,524
We've got the mayor's picnic on Sunday.
262
00:11:49,549 --> 00:11:52,195
Oh, we've got an opening
in the Almond Parade tomorrow.
263
00:11:52,220 --> 00:11:53,774
Hm? I don't know how this compares
264
00:11:53,799 --> 00:11:55,289
to work you've been getting, but...
265
00:11:55,314 --> 00:11:57,336
Well, my last gig was, uh...
my last gig was...
266
00:11:57,361 --> 00:11:59,027
Oh, my last gig was a car accident.
267
00:11:59,297 --> 00:12:02,532
Mm. I can get you two,
three days work a week.
268
00:12:02,557 --> 00:12:04,290
That's full time clown work.
269
00:12:04,336 --> 00:12:06,328
No, it's two, three days a week.
270
00:12:06,486 --> 00:12:07,602
Yeah, that's full time.
271
00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:09,953
Full time, part time, yeah.
Two or three days...
272
00:12:10,082 --> 00:12:11,172
Yeah. We're on the same page.
273
00:12:11,197 --> 00:12:13,530
Okay. Well, take a look at this.
274
00:12:13,555 --> 00:12:15,322
This is our standard
performer's contract.
275
00:12:15,347 --> 00:12:17,617
All right? We've added
a 60/40 manager's cut.
276
00:12:17,642 --> 00:12:19,413
- That sound good?
- Yeah, that'll...
277
00:12:19,438 --> 00:12:20,891
It's just, uh...
278
00:12:20,916 --> 00:12:22,816
You know, I'm kind of...
279
00:12:22,848 --> 00:12:25,758
under representation
right now with, uh...
280
00:12:25,783 --> 00:12:27,945
Mm. Martha Brooks.
281
00:12:27,970 --> 00:12:29,569
- Yes.
- Right.
282
00:12:29,602 --> 00:12:31,635
I Googled her.
283
00:12:31,815 --> 00:12:33,314
- Nothing came up.
- Yeah, that's her.
284
00:12:33,339 --> 00:12:37,250
Hm. Google me. And you get this.
285
00:12:37,393 --> 00:12:40,194
- [Whistles] Website.
- Uh-huh. Yeah.
286
00:12:40,219 --> 00:12:41,418
Plus, I'm on Yelp.
287
00:12:41,519 --> 00:12:44,053
- We just got two stars.
- Wow.
288
00:12:44,078 --> 00:12:46,545
So, you want me to...
289
00:12:46,841 --> 00:12:49,041
I'm gonna fire your, uh, friend today.
290
00:12:49,254 --> 00:12:51,087
Okay? And then tomorrow,
291
00:12:51,165 --> 00:12:53,799
you'll be strolling
in the Almond Parade.
292
00:12:53,824 --> 00:12:56,892
- Pays $300 gross.
- Jesus Christ!
293
00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:58,250
With that much money, I could get
294
00:12:58,275 --> 00:13:00,875
my own studio apartment by the airport.
295
00:13:03,315 --> 00:13:06,149
- So how'd it go?
- What's that?
296
00:13:06,358 --> 00:13:10,060
- [Cell phone rings]
- Oh. Hold on a sec.
297
00:13:10,085 --> 00:13:11,318
Hello.
298
00:13:11,343 --> 00:13:13,910
Yes, this is Martha.
299
00:13:13,935 --> 00:13:15,609
Really?
300
00:13:16,701 --> 00:13:18,267
Okay.
301
00:13:18,306 --> 00:13:20,240
Well, thanks for the call.
302
00:13:22,577 --> 00:13:26,279
That was your new manager, I guess.
303
00:13:26,444 --> 00:13:29,278
She said I'm not your manager anymore.
304
00:13:29,303 --> 00:13:30,703
She said that?
305
00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:34,344
What a bitch?
306
00:13:34,407 --> 00:13:35,407
God.
307
00:13:39,251 --> 00:13:44,421
Ah, David, I found him.
Hey, Luke, happy birthday.
308
00:13:44,446 --> 00:13:45,352
Thanks.
309
00:13:45,377 --> 00:13:47,243
What game are you playing?
310
00:13:47,268 --> 00:13:49,335
It's not, I'm watching "Legos".
311
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:52,194
Ahh. Cool.
312
00:13:52,259 --> 00:13:55,875
Hey, um, do you remember
that clown we saw
313
00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:57,680
at the rodeo that time?
314
00:13:57,858 --> 00:14:00,789
- Baskets the Clown?
- Yeah.
315
00:14:00,814 --> 00:14:02,664
Well, what would you think if I told you
316
00:14:02,689 --> 00:14:03,955
I could get him to perform
317
00:14:03,980 --> 00:14:06,359
at your birthday party this afternoon?
318
00:14:06,384 --> 00:14:07,950
Would you like that?
319
00:14:08,176 --> 00:14:11,210
Well, do we still get to do
the Super Soakers war?
320
00:14:11,304 --> 00:14:13,680
Yeah, sure, I don't see why not.
321
00:14:13,874 --> 00:14:15,107
Okay.
322
00:14:15,131 --> 00:14:16,964
[Sighs] Okay. Good.
323
00:14:17,144 --> 00:14:20,524
I'm just gonna draw
up some contracts for you to sign,
324
00:14:20,549 --> 00:14:23,450
and, um, don't worry about the deposit.
325
00:14:23,535 --> 00:14:25,500
I think that's it. Okay, great.
326
00:14:25,525 --> 00:14:29,493
We are in business. Officially.
Happy birthday.
327
00:14:29,688 --> 00:14:31,834
Woman's voice: Please leave
a message after the tone.
328
00:14:31,859 --> 00:14:32,843
[Beep]
329
00:14:32,912 --> 00:14:34,852
Hi, Chip, Martha Brooks here.
330
00:14:34,877 --> 00:14:38,024
Um, we have booked you
a gig for this afternoon,
331
00:14:38,049 --> 00:14:39,906
and it's a great chance
for you to break into
332
00:14:39,931 --> 00:14:42,453
the lucrative world of birthday parties,
333
00:14:42,478 --> 00:14:47,000
and personal appearance
based, fee based, um...
334
00:14:47,025 --> 00:14:50,352
Okay. Uh, just call me
back for the details,
335
00:14:50,377 --> 00:14:51,743
and, uh, bye.
336
00:14:53,380 --> 00:14:54,913
Esther: All right, honey, let's go.
337
00:14:55,015 --> 00:14:57,082
Christine: We just need
a couple more things, Mom.
338
00:14:57,107 --> 00:14:58,761
What? There's so much in there.
339
00:14:58,786 --> 00:15:00,986
We need this for the pee
smell in the house.
340
00:15:01,011 --> 00:15:03,365
- Pee smell.
- It smells like a pee house.
341
00:15:03,390 --> 00:15:05,180
There is no pee smell in my house.
342
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:06,586
I know you don't smell
it, but I can, Mother,
343
00:15:06,611 --> 00:15:08,711
and other people can, too.
344
00:15:09,096 --> 00:15:11,492
- Well, that's very...
- Let's get these Wee Wee pads.
345
00:15:11,517 --> 00:15:13,679
We don't need wee wee, she's got them.
346
00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:16,038
Honey, those Wee Wee pads
should be thrown out.
347
00:15:16,140 --> 00:15:18,574
No, those are the ones she knows to use.
348
00:15:18,676 --> 00:15:20,789
- Ugh. They smell...
- That's why she uses them.
349
00:15:20,814 --> 00:15:23,281
[Gasps] Oh. Look at that.
350
00:15:23,343 --> 00:15:25,076
Aren't these cards darling?
351
00:15:25,101 --> 00:15:27,001
Put that back, you don't need it.
352
00:15:27,039 --> 00:15:29,281
I have a friend,
I'd like to send him a card.
353
00:15:29,306 --> 00:15:30,789
What friend?
354
00:15:30,814 --> 00:15:34,182
Oh, a man I met in Camarillo.
355
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:37,586
A man you met? Why
didn't you tell me this?
356
00:15:37,650 --> 00:15:39,150
You met a nice man?
357
00:15:39,175 --> 00:15:41,775
Oh, Mother, you are unbelievable.
358
00:15:41,885 --> 00:15:43,899
Men don't like cards, Christine.
359
00:15:43,924 --> 00:15:46,525
They like hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
360
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:50,335
- That's what they like.
- Oh! Let's go.
361
00:15:50,508 --> 00:15:53,409
[Country]
362
00:16:00,740 --> 00:16:03,608
David. Can I ask you a favor?
363
00:16:09,911 --> 00:16:11,277
Okay.
364
00:16:11,302 --> 00:16:14,203
[Circus]
365
00:16:30,454 --> 00:16:32,803
Hey, uh, want to help me out?
366
00:16:36,504 --> 00:16:38,864
Oh. Guys, I'm sorry.
367
00:16:39,077 --> 00:16:41,084
I know you were expecting a clown,
368
00:16:41,109 --> 00:16:42,404
and I didn't want to let you down,
369
00:16:42,429 --> 00:16:45,842
but, um, it seems like I did anyway,
370
00:16:45,867 --> 00:16:49,569
and, uh, uh... I guess
that's just what I do.
371
00:16:49,594 --> 00:16:52,728
[Laughter]
372
00:16:52,753 --> 00:16:57,222
All right. Um, you guys can start
your Super Soaker war now.
373
00:16:57,247 --> 00:16:59,029
[Cheering]
374
00:16:59,054 --> 00:17:00,821
Boy: Yeah! Finally.
375
00:17:08,002 --> 00:17:10,903
376
00:17:15,955 --> 00:17:17,721
Hey, what's happening?
377
00:17:17,746 --> 00:17:19,979
This is part of the parade route, ma'am.
You gotta go around.
378
00:17:20,245 --> 00:17:22,979
What parade? I gotta go through here.
379
00:17:23,004 --> 00:17:25,738
Please, just go around, ma'am.
380
00:17:25,763 --> 00:17:27,563
Fine!
381
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:29,565
Oh, guys, I... I gotta...
382
00:17:30,646 --> 00:17:32,112
Uhh, damn it.
383
00:17:32,896 --> 00:17:36,731
Uh, ma'am. Ma'am, what...
Could you please not...
384
00:17:38,503 --> 00:17:41,404
385
00:17:53,926 --> 00:17:55,893
Look, Daddy, a clown.
386
00:17:55,918 --> 00:17:58,667
Uh, oh, uh, lady, I'm not a clown.
387
00:17:58,692 --> 00:18:02,292
Okay? Sorry, I'm just... I'm a woman.
388
00:18:02,317 --> 00:18:04,409
[Crying]
389
00:18:04,434 --> 00:18:06,434
Oh, God.
390
00:18:06,459 --> 00:18:08,359
[Crowd cheering]
391
00:18:10,945 --> 00:18:13,354
Oh, God. Give me a minute, Sheila,
392
00:18:13,379 --> 00:18:15,799
I gotta go talk to another nut.
393
00:18:15,824 --> 00:18:18,458
Martha. What the hell
are you doing here?
394
00:18:18,483 --> 00:18:22,237
Um, I was driving when I got
trapped by this parade,
395
00:18:22,262 --> 00:18:24,863
and then I made a little girl cry.
396
00:18:24,888 --> 00:18:27,049
Yeah, no kidding. Your
make up is a disaster.
397
00:18:27,074 --> 00:18:29,475
You look like a small child
with lipstick issues.
398
00:18:29,575 --> 00:18:30,893
Sheila, this is Martha.
399
00:18:30,933 --> 00:18:32,706
Hi, Sheila.
400
00:18:32,731 --> 00:18:34,635
You know what, Chip? You
never returned my calls
401
00:18:34,660 --> 00:18:36,979
about my nephew's birthday party,
402
00:18:37,004 --> 00:18:39,138
so I had to be your stand in.
403
00:18:39,163 --> 00:18:40,635
And it was really bad.
404
00:18:40,660 --> 00:18:42,393
- I bet.
- Look, Chip,
405
00:18:42,418 --> 00:18:45,089
are you mad at me
because Dale and I had sex?
406
00:18:45,377 --> 00:18:47,229
No, I'm not mad at you.
407
00:18:47,254 --> 00:18:48,454
- You can f...
- [Horn honks]
408
00:18:48,479 --> 00:18:50,178
Whoever you want.
409
00:18:50,347 --> 00:18:51,292
- You know? You can...
- [Horn honks]
410
00:18:51,317 --> 00:18:53,729
my mom if you want.
411
00:18:53,754 --> 00:18:57,729
Okay. Look, I know that I wasn't
the world's greatest manager,
412
00:18:57,754 --> 00:19:00,755
but I really did try my best for you.
413
00:19:00,982 --> 00:19:02,573
Look, Martha, you're not a manager,
414
00:19:02,598 --> 00:19:04,631
you're more of a...
415
00:19:04,656 --> 00:19:07,524
More of a...
416
00:19:07,549 --> 00:19:09,816
More of a... You're more of a friend.
417
00:19:10,193 --> 00:19:11,193
Really?
418
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:13,085
Yeah, I mean...
419
00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:16,444
- sometimes I think you're the...
- [Horn honks]
420
00:19:16,508 --> 00:19:18,948
- You know, sometimes I think your the...
- [Horn honks]
421
00:19:18,973 --> 00:19:20,917
- Sometimes I think you're the...
- [Horn honks]
422
00:19:20,942 --> 00:19:22,964
Can you hold
off on the gahoogas, please?
423
00:19:22,989 --> 00:19:24,689
We're trying to have a conversation.
424
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:27,003
Thanks, Chip. That's probably like
425
00:19:27,028 --> 00:19:29,863
the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
426
00:19:29,888 --> 00:19:31,120
Really?
427
00:19:31,145 --> 00:19:32,578
God, that's depressing.
428
00:19:32,887 --> 00:19:35,010
- Come on, Sheila.
- Well, listen, I was...
429
00:19:35,035 --> 00:19:36,568
[Horn honks]
430
00:19:38,143 --> 00:19:40,143
Okay, well, never mind.
431
00:19:42,495 --> 00:19:46,081
[TV playing in the background]
432
00:19:52,582 --> 00:19:54,615
Who is this great American inventor?
433
00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:57,767
- Ron Popiel!
- Let's give him a big round of applause.
434
00:19:57,792 --> 00:19:58,924
- He's here today.
- [Applause]
435
00:19:58,949 --> 00:20:01,667
America's inventor, and I'm
proud to call him my friend.
436
00:20:04,190 --> 00:20:06,724
- What are you doing?
- [Screams] Oh!
437
00:20:06,749 --> 00:20:09,526
- I thought you were dead.
- Oh, God, Christine.
438
00:20:09,551 --> 00:20:12,219
- You wish.
-[Gasps]
439
00:20:12,476 --> 00:20:15,268
Ooh. Oh, Mother.
440
00:20:15,293 --> 00:20:17,994
[Phone rings]
441
00:20:18,019 --> 00:20:20,953
Hello. Huh? What?
442
00:20:20,978 --> 00:20:23,346
Ooh. [Laughs]
443
00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:27,628
Enid won $200 at Keno.
444
00:20:27,775 --> 00:20:29,042
Oh. Tell her I said hi.
445
00:20:29,067 --> 00:20:30,366
I'm with my daughter.
446
00:20:30,391 --> 00:20:32,339
Here, you tell her hi.
447
00:20:32,364 --> 00:20:34,898
- Oh, hi, Enid.
- Hey, Christine.
448
00:20:34,923 --> 00:20:37,729
Esther tells me you got a suitor.
449
00:20:37,754 --> 00:20:38,964
- What?
- [Laughs]
450
00:20:38,989 --> 00:20:40,955
Mother, you're such a gossip.
451
00:20:41,266 --> 00:20:43,401
- That's why we love her.
- Yeah. [Chuckles]
452
00:20:43,426 --> 00:20:46,370
Uh, I met someone, he gave me his card.
453
00:20:46,531 --> 00:20:48,631
- Oh, yeah?
- I haven't used it.
454
00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:50,114
- Oh.
- Don't hold your breath.
455
00:20:50,216 --> 00:20:51,949
This one's still in mourning.
456
00:20:52,051 --> 00:20:54,350
Listen, I waited eight years
after my husband passed
457
00:20:54,375 --> 00:20:56,280
before I started going out again.
458
00:20:56,468 --> 00:20:58,608
Two would have been just fine.
459
00:20:58,633 --> 00:21:01,467
Christine's waited 25 years.
460
00:21:01,492 --> 00:21:04,046
- Holy shit.
- [Laughing]
461
00:21:04,071 --> 00:21:07,206
Well, my family needs me, my boys, I...
462
00:21:07,231 --> 00:21:09,965
I'm busy, I've got a lot
of things going on.
463
00:21:09,990 --> 00:21:11,499
Oh, honey, honey, honey,
464
00:21:11,524 --> 00:21:14,659
you know, you use
your family like a crutch.
465
00:21:14,684 --> 00:21:17,384
I just feel like I should
be there for 'em, and...
466
00:21:17,663 --> 00:21:21,061
what if the twins call? I like to be
available to my children.
467
00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:23,452
I want us all to be happy.
468
00:21:24,061 --> 00:21:26,729
I want you to be happy, Christine.
469
00:21:27,066 --> 00:21:28,936
I want you to go out there,
470
00:21:28,961 --> 00:21:32,363
and do something for yourself, honey.
471
00:21:32,388 --> 00:21:36,457
Those kids are... They're
grown men, come on.
472
00:21:36,482 --> 00:21:39,850
Look at me. Look at the life I led.
473
00:21:39,917 --> 00:21:42,264
I waited on that father of yours,
474
00:21:42,289 --> 00:21:46,475
that awful, awful man, that drunk.
475
00:21:46,891 --> 00:21:48,391
I should have left him.
476
00:21:48,416 --> 00:21:51,342
What did I do? I...
I made excuses for him,
477
00:21:51,367 --> 00:21:53,262
I... I let him do whatever he wanted,
478
00:21:53,287 --> 00:21:56,188
I let him say terrible
things to you kids.
479
00:21:56,469 --> 00:21:59,003
And then when he did die, I thought,
480
00:21:59,090 --> 00:22:01,506
"Oh, my God, why did I do that?"
481
00:22:01,531 --> 00:22:07,435
It was my fault, hangin'
around a poisonous well
482
00:22:07,584 --> 00:22:08,921
just 'cause I didn't want to walk
483
00:22:08,946 --> 00:22:10,712
a few miles to the next one.
484
00:22:12,877 --> 00:22:14,226
- Whoo.
- Well, I think you should
485
00:22:14,250 --> 00:22:16,150
go see this man, Christine.
486
00:22:16,504 --> 00:22:19,105
I got some condoms in the bureau.
487
00:22:19,381 --> 00:22:22,164
Well, he's...
He's all the way in Denver.
488
00:22:22,203 --> 00:22:25,514
Ooh. And you're telling me
that you, of all people,
489
00:22:25,539 --> 00:22:27,239
don't have free miles?
490
00:22:29,391 --> 00:22:31,788
Yeah, I have free miles.
491
00:22:36,711 --> 00:22:38,410
Hey, Martha, can we go to Home Depot?
492
00:22:38,435 --> 00:22:41,147
- Sure.
- Great.
493
00:22:41,917 --> 00:22:44,061
Hey, did you know
that if your index finger,
494
00:22:44,086 --> 00:22:46,186
and your ring finger
are the same length,
495
00:22:46,211 --> 00:22:48,244
it means you're charming?
496
00:22:48,380 --> 00:22:53,366
Or, wait, it's either charming
or schizophrenic.
497
00:22:53,391 --> 00:22:54,423
I can't remember.
498
00:22:54,458 --> 00:22:55,724
What are you doing?
499
00:22:55,997 --> 00:22:57,297
Just chatting.
500
00:22:57,322 --> 00:22:59,921
Isn't that what friends do?
501
00:23:00,852 --> 00:23:03,986
Okay, yeah. Sure. What was it again?
502
00:23:04,299 --> 00:23:06,435
I think it's if your index finger,
503
00:23:06,460 --> 00:23:08,201
- and your ring finger are the same...
- Oh, yeah, right.
504
00:23:08,226 --> 00:23:09,936
Got it. Yeah, I'm schizophrenic.
505
00:23:09,961 --> 00:23:12,264
Well, I guess me, too.
506
00:23:12,289 --> 00:23:13,646
You're schizophrenic. Trust me.
507
00:23:13,671 --> 00:23:15,413
Um... [Chuckles]
508
00:23:15,438 --> 00:23:18,788
- Well...
- I guess we were meant to be friends.
509
00:23:18,813 --> 00:23:21,147
Well, that's nice.
510
00:23:21,172 --> 00:23:22,471
Or sad.
511
00:23:22,496 --> 00:23:23,780
[Knocking]
512
00:23:26,946 --> 00:23:28,296
Hi, Meemaw, how are you?
513
00:23:28,389 --> 00:23:30,122
- Hi.
- Hi, Lamb Chop.
514
00:23:30,147 --> 00:23:33,506
Hey, um, I, uh, brought mom
a toilet, 'cause I broke hers.
515
00:23:33,531 --> 00:23:36,032
- Is she here?
- She ain't here, honey.
516
00:23:36,276 --> 00:23:38,443
- Sorry.
- Okay, I wanted her to give it a test.
517
00:23:38,468 --> 00:23:39,867
Where is she?
518
00:23:40,491 --> 00:23:42,286
Woman: [On PA] Ladies and gentlemen,
519
00:23:42,311 --> 00:23:44,812
flight 543 to Denver
will be boarding shortly.
520
00:23:44,836 --> 00:23:46,836
Synced and corrected by Nest0r
www.addic7ed.com
521
00:23:49,298 --> 00:23:52,800
522
00:23:52,850 --> 00:23:57,400
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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