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1
00:00:02,967 --> 00:00:04,634
Hello, everyone.
2
00:00:04,636 --> 00:00:05,969
Guys...
3
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Hello?
4
00:00:06,872 --> 00:00:08,171
Um...
5
00:00:08,173 --> 00:00:09,606
Everyone...
6
00:00:09,608 --> 00:00:11,141
Uh, Kim, how long have you been
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trying to get everyone's attention?
8
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I guess my whole life.
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JOEL: No, in here. Like, right now.
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Oh. Like ten minutes.
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Okay. Hold this.
12
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(toots whistle)
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Um, you guys, my parents were so excited
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that I passed the teacher's exam
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00:00:30,028 --> 00:00:31,628
that they gave me their
credit card to celebrate.
16
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And I was like, "What?"�
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00:00:33,932 --> 00:00:35,098
And they were like, "Yeah".
18
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And I was like, "Really?"�
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00:00:36,268 --> 00:00:38,134
And they were like, "Yes, Kim,
20
00:00:38,136 --> 00:00:40,270
we're scientists. We don't make jokes."�
21
00:00:40,272 --> 00:00:42,639
Well, you should just take your
friends out to dinner or something.
22
00:00:42,641 --> 00:00:44,440
Yes. Could we all do Friday?
23
00:00:44,442 --> 00:00:45,875
- Ooh...
- MEREDITH: Wait, us?
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00:00:45,877 --> 00:00:47,477
No, no, no, no. I meant real friends.
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- Like people you see at night.
- Oh, I don't see anyone at night.
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I got to get my 16 hours of sleep.
27
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I heard that.
28
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So who is in?
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I'm in!
30
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I can go.
31
00:00:58,022 --> 00:00:59,889
I'm in!
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Okay, Mr. Pilaf, you can come.
33
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I just have to make sure
it's okay with my wives.
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Wives?
35
00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:10,366
Hmm. What about you, Meredith?
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Oh. Um, Friday's actually my 30th birthday.
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Oh! Oh, my gosh. Happy birthday! Whoa!
38
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- Dirty 30!
- (groans)
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Don't ever say that.
Yuck. Yeah, I'm gonna be
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spending it with a 30-year-old bottle
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of champagne my ex-husband gave me.
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And my best friend from college,
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Alex, is flying in from
Dallas. She's amazing.
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She's, like, a total
queen bee of our group.
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I basically hate everybody except for her.
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Why don't you bring her to Kim's dinner?
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MEREDITH: I can't do that for
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so many reasons. Mainly because
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I'm planning a little intimate
birthday, about 100 old friends
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on a yacht. Everybody thought
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I was so down and out
after Ray divorced me,
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but they're about to
see that Meredith Davis
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00:01:47,238 --> 00:01:48,737
cannot be held down for long.
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00:01:48,739 --> 00:01:51,907
Unless I want to be.
And there's a safe word.
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00:01:51,909 --> 00:01:53,409
- What?
- CARL: Oh, hey, can you change
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00:01:53,411 --> 00:01:55,044
your party to another night?
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I'm available Saturday,
Sunday, the rest of the week
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00:01:57,381 --> 00:01:59,748
and the whole month. And, uh,
Thanksgiving and Christmas.
59
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Oh, no. I can't move it. So bummed.
60
00:02:03,788 --> 00:02:05,487
Then, Kim, could you move your
party? That way we could...
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MEREDITH: No. Don't move it.
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I mean, I would feel terrible.
63
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This is Kim's night!
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00:02:10,961 --> 00:02:12,861
Oh. I wish we could do both.
65
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It feels weird not
celebrating with Mer... Edith.
66
00:02:16,901 --> 00:02:20,102
- Meredith.
- JOEL: Well, we could just swing by after.
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00:02:20,104 --> 00:02:21,036
We will be dressed up.
68
00:02:21,038 --> 00:02:22,304
Now we have to dress up?
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00:02:22,306 --> 00:02:23,639
No, no, no, no, no, no.
70
00:02:23,641 --> 00:02:25,907
You guys go celebrate with Kim,
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such an accomplishment,
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that thing that... she did,
that she was, uh, talking about
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- earlier.
- (Phone rings)
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Oh. Hi.
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00:02:36,687 --> 00:02:38,687
Jerry, how's my yacht looking?
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Covered in streamers yet?
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We have to cancel the party.
78
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- Wait, what?
- My boss didn't know
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00:02:43,193 --> 00:02:44,459
you and Ray got divorced.
80
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Now, when he approved the free rental,
81
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he thought he was doing it for the wife
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00:02:47,531 --> 00:02:49,531
of So Cal's biggest yacht dealer.
83
00:02:49,533 --> 00:02:51,600
Now, if you could get
Ray's new girlfriend Mitzi
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to put in a good word for you,
then we'd be cooking with gas.
85
00:02:54,689 --> 00:02:57,872
I invited 100 people, Jerry. Is
there anything you can give me?
86
00:02:57,874 --> 00:03:00,275
How do you feel about spending
your birthday on a Sea-Doo?
87
00:03:00,277 --> 00:03:02,277
- Jerry!
- I'm sorry. At least you got
88
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that 30-year-old bottle of
champagne Ray got for you.
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(sighs)
90
00:03:05,949 --> 00:03:08,850
(phone rings)
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00:03:08,852 --> 00:03:12,387
- Hello?
- BRIE: Hey, Mere-bear,
92
00:03:12,389 --> 00:03:14,622
so Ray refuses to give back the champagne.
93
00:03:14,624 --> 00:03:17,992
I'm sorry. At least you have the yacht.
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Nah, nah-nah, nah, nah, nah, nah
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Nah-nah, nah-nah
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I am a fascination
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I'm here to blow your mind
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I'll give 'em education
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Give me the wine and dine
100
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Hey!
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Nah, nah, nah, nah-nah
102
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Nah-nah, nah, nah-nah!
103
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- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Hi. Is this the Eastmore Hotel? Yes, hi.
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I was groped there earlier today,
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and I'm willing to not press charges
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if you let me use the ballroom
for free on Friday night.
108
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Hello? Hel...
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(clicks tongue)
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JOEL: Hey.
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00:04:01,404 --> 00:04:02,837
What's wrong?
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Well, I lost the yacht
for my birthday party.
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So much for showing
everybody I'm still somebody.
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And Ray's refusing to give me the champagne
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that he bought me. It was a gift.
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(groans) Classic public
school teacher problems.
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Yeah. You know, you should just
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come out with us Friday night.
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- Kim's taking us all to Winston's.
- Winston's?
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- Yeah.
- That's one of the best steak houses in the country.
121
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I know. They serve Kobe beef from
cows that were only fed Kobe beef.
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- Oh.
- Apparently Kim's family is pretty loaded.
123
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They are?
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Kimmy. (Chuckles) Hi, you.
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00:04:36,472 --> 00:04:37,182
Hi.
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00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:38,766
I've been thinking a lot about your dinner.
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Uh, weird. I've been thinking
a lot about your breakfast.
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00:04:42,710 --> 00:04:44,745
How many Tic Tacs do you usually eat?
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It may be my birthday,
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00:04:46,716 --> 00:04:49,950
but you only pass that
important teaching test once.
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And I just hate thinking about
you guys celebrating without me.
132
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Awesome. I'll let Winston's know.
133
00:04:55,591 --> 00:04:57,524
We're having special cows flown in.
134
00:04:57,526 --> 00:05:00,027
No, I think we need to do
something bigger to celebrate you,
135
00:05:00,029 --> 00:05:01,795
not just some steak dinner with the gang.
136
00:05:01,797 --> 00:05:04,565
Something huge that you pay for. Okay...
137
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(clears throat) Describe to me
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00:05:06,669 --> 00:05:10,103
- your ideal party.
- Well, I'm wearing this exact fit,
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but my side pony is braided and teased.
140
00:05:12,474 --> 00:05:14,775
Celine Dion is there, but
she doesn't have to sing
141
00:05:14,777 --> 00:05:17,411
unless she wants to, which I
hope she does, but no pressure.
142
00:05:17,413 --> 00:05:20,347
There is a dance floor, but I won't
dance on account of my vertigo.
143
00:05:20,349 --> 00:05:22,249
But I will limbo.
144
00:05:22,251 --> 00:05:24,418
Great! Okay, so everything
you're saying to me
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points directly to a yacht party.
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I'll take care of all
the details... you just
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give me your credit card
info. Whenever you're ready.
148
00:05:30,159 --> 00:05:32,359
But I just said I get vertigo.
149
00:05:32,361 --> 00:05:35,996
What about having a party at Juanita's?
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That's got a casual-
yet-festive atmosphere,
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and I could invite a bunch more teachers.
152
00:05:40,535 --> 00:05:42,168
Um... sure.
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00:05:42,170 --> 00:05:44,704
It's just that somebody
suggested yacht partying,
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and I feel like...
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Oh, my doctor would never allow it.
156
00:05:48,043 --> 00:05:49,976
Okay. How about a dance club?
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00:05:49,978 --> 00:05:51,845
Strobe lights affect
my seasonal depression.
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00:05:51,847 --> 00:05:53,680
- Rooftop bar.
- Oh, I'm scared of heights.
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- Underground wine cellar.
- Oh, I'm scared of depths.
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Juanita's it is!
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(forced laugh) Oh, um...
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You wouldn't mind if I invite
a few friends, would you?
163
00:06:03,024 --> 00:06:05,658
- To celebrate me passing the test?
- Yeah.
164
00:06:05,660 --> 00:06:08,928
I have some friends that are
super interested in education.
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You are gonna love them.
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Peas in a pod!
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168
00:06:15,537 --> 00:06:16,636
Hello?
169
00:06:16,638 --> 00:06:19,005
- Hey!
- (Laughter)
170
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- Wow, you guys sure are prompt.
- KIM: A balloon bouquet?
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00:06:22,310 --> 00:06:23,609
For me?
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00:06:23,611 --> 00:06:27,513
Oh, thank you so much! I'm
gonna go put these in water.
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Man, look at these decorations.
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Why? What's wrong with it?
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It's fantastic.
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It's ridiculous!
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I mean, a dinner with friends is one thing,
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but this is just too much.
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00:06:37,926 --> 00:06:39,659
Pride cometh before the fall.
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00:06:39,661 --> 00:06:41,994
That's why my parents burned
all my graduation gifts
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00:06:41,996 --> 00:06:43,696
in the backyard barbecue pit.
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00:06:43,698 --> 00:06:46,566
Okay. Uh, this is an
open bar, though, right?
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00:06:46,568 --> 00:06:48,701
Yep, I already checked.
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00:06:48,703 --> 00:06:50,670
Oh, Meredith. We got you a present.
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Did not want your birthday
to go unrecognized.
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00:06:53,641 --> 00:06:55,875
Oh, God, it is my birthday, isn't it?
187
00:06:55,877 --> 00:06:57,176
I just keep forgetting.
188
00:06:57,178 --> 00:06:59,378
PILAF (chuckles): We all pitched in.
189
00:06:59,380 --> 00:07:02,048
Except for Irene, who's still
in Reno at the Ferret Nationals,
190
00:07:02,050 --> 00:07:03,315
whatever that is.
191
00:07:03,317 --> 00:07:04,650
I hope everyone realizes how important
192
00:07:04,652 --> 00:07:06,385
this party is to Kim, and shows up,
193
00:07:06,387 --> 00:07:08,287
and aren't disappointed
that it's not on a boat.
194
00:07:08,289 --> 00:07:09,555
Michael and I showed up for
195
00:07:09,557 --> 00:07:10,856
my Semester at Sea, and it was moved
196
00:07:10,858 --> 00:07:12,591
to a double-wide trailer in a parking lot
197
00:07:12,593 --> 00:07:13,692
next to the football stadium
198
00:07:13,694 --> 00:07:14,760
because of budget reasons.
199
00:07:14,762 --> 00:07:16,495
It was a wonderful four months.
200
00:07:16,497 --> 00:07:20,332
KIM: Check it out, guys! A pi?ata!
201
00:07:20,334 --> 00:07:21,734
I know what you're thinking.
202
00:07:21,736 --> 00:07:24,470
Yes, I made it by hand, and yes,
203
00:07:24,472 --> 00:07:26,572
the eyes are inspired by Ginny.
204
00:07:26,574 --> 00:07:27,639
PILAF (chuckles): Gorgeous.
205
00:07:27,641 --> 00:07:29,508
Just gorgeous.
206
00:07:29,510 --> 00:07:32,077
KIM: Ginny, do you like the pi?ata?
207
00:07:32,079 --> 00:07:34,046
If I'm gonna hit a donkey with a stick,
208
00:07:34,048 --> 00:07:36,215
I want it to go faster, not give me candy.
209
00:07:36,217 --> 00:07:37,483
MEREDITH: You know what, I think I found
210
00:07:37,485 --> 00:07:38,750
the perfect place for that pi?ata...
211
00:07:38,752 --> 00:07:39,751
in the kitchen!
212
00:07:39,753 --> 00:07:41,086
(laughing)
213
00:07:41,088 --> 00:07:42,721
Are you ready?
214
00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:44,323
- WOMAN: Hey.
- MEREDITH: Oh, excuse me,
215
00:07:44,325 --> 00:07:48,360
but they don't serve
skanky-ass sluts here.
216
00:07:48,362 --> 00:07:50,762
Then why are you holding a drink?
217
00:07:50,764 --> 00:07:52,231
(happy screams, laughing)
218
00:07:52,233 --> 00:07:54,600
Hot bitch sandwich!
219
00:07:54,602 --> 00:07:57,869
Alex, you look amazing.
220
00:07:57,871 --> 00:08:00,272
Oh, thank you. You, too.
221
00:08:00,274 --> 00:08:02,641
That's Meredith's old best friend!
222
00:08:02,643 --> 00:08:04,776
The queen bee of her group...
I cannot wait to meet her.
223
00:08:04,778 --> 00:08:07,312
Hi!
224
00:08:07,314 --> 00:08:09,114
You guys...
225
00:08:09,116 --> 00:08:12,350
Look at how hysterical
this place is, right?
226
00:08:12,352 --> 00:08:15,287
Just silly and fun. Purely intentional.
227
00:08:15,289 --> 00:08:17,255
All irony, all the time.
228
00:08:17,257 --> 00:08:19,124
I guess they're going to get
drinks before the introductions.
229
00:08:19,126 --> 00:08:20,725
You kitschy little bitch.
230
00:08:20,727 --> 00:08:23,562
- I love theme parties.
- Yeah,
231
00:08:23,564 --> 00:08:25,030
- it's a theme.
- It's like when
232
00:08:25,032 --> 00:08:27,866
we were poor in college and
we could barely afford food.
233
00:08:27,868 --> 00:08:32,103
(laughs): Yeah! Yeah,
that's why we didn't eat.
234
00:08:32,105 --> 00:08:35,173
(laughter) Hey, who were those
people you were talking to
235
00:08:35,175 --> 00:08:37,008
when we walked in? Are they other friends?
236
00:08:37,010 --> 00:08:39,944
Those are just coworkers who
crashed. What are you gonna do?
237
00:08:39,946 --> 00:08:41,846
I'm so happy you're here.
238
00:08:41,848 --> 00:08:44,282
Oh, this is great, Meredith.
Honestly, when I heard
239
00:08:44,284 --> 00:08:47,786
your party was moving from a
yacht to a Mexican restaurant,
240
00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:50,528
I was afraid I was gonna have
to fake another ruptured implant.
241
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,963
(laughs): Oh, no. Hey, that's
242
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:53,231
what you said when you had
243
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:54,365
to miss Lily's Bat Mitzvah.
244
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,433
Oh, no, no, no, no.
245
00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:56,467
- Honey, that was real.
- Oh.
246
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:57,535
(gasps)
247
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,237
MEREDITH: Karen, Lisa,
248
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:00,438
Denise, Paul.
249
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:01,573
Paul's new boyfriend.
250
00:09:01,575 --> 00:09:02,941
Paul's ex-wife. You made up!
251
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,208
Oh, my God!
252
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:07,211
I'm so happy you're at
my super fun campy party!
253
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,479
Yay! Mwa!
254
00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:09,914
Oh, who's Kim?
255
00:09:09,916 --> 00:09:11,516
Typo.
256
00:09:14,153 --> 00:09:15,653
- Perfect!
- (Laughing)
257
00:09:15,655 --> 00:09:17,255
Who are all these people with Meredith?
258
00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:18,790
And isn't that Lily's stepmom, Brie?
259
00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:20,425
Does anybody else think this is weird?
260
00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:22,894
Meredith asked if she
could bring a few friends.
261
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:25,296
- Really?
- ALL: Happy birthday, Meredith!
262
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:26,364
(yells)
263
00:09:27,699 --> 00:09:30,935
(people cheering)
264
00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:33,804
265
00:09:33,806 --> 00:09:36,941
Hey-hey, hi. Hi.
266
00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:38,643
Kim said you invited a few friends.
267
00:09:38,645 --> 00:09:40,278
These are a few friends?
268
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,846
Yep. And they're all here to celebrate Kim.
269
00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:43,514
I mean, they're
giving her her space...
270
00:09:43,516 --> 00:09:45,116
you know, 'cause she's
just so busy hosting...
271
00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:46,917
but yeah, I mean, they're all here for her.
272
00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:48,719
Okay, and what about the... the cake?
273
00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:50,488
Oh, that's for me and Kim.
274
00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:52,022
JOEL: Really.
275
00:09:53,291 --> 00:09:55,459
Hey, uh, you're here
to celebrate Kim, right?
276
00:09:55,461 --> 00:09:56,660
Who's Kim?
277
00:09:56,662 --> 00:09:57,995
Exactly.
278
00:09:57,997 --> 00:09:59,830
Enjoy your drinks, ladies.
279
00:09:59,832 --> 00:10:00,898
Thank you.
280
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:02,433
Oh, my God.
281
00:10:05,173 --> 00:10:07,942
Hey, Ginny, where do you
think I should put the pi?ata?
282
00:10:07,944 --> 00:10:10,010
I don't care. This is over the top.
283
00:10:10,012 --> 00:10:12,179
But pi?atas are fun.
284
00:10:12,181 --> 00:10:13,747
No, they aren't.
285
00:10:13,749 --> 00:10:16,417
You put a lot of work into a pi?ata.
286
00:10:16,419 --> 00:10:18,352
You let it into your life.
287
00:10:18,354 --> 00:10:19,787
You fill it with candy.
288
00:10:19,789 --> 00:10:21,021
You grow attached to it.
289
00:10:21,023 --> 00:10:23,157
And then one day it just leaves.
290
00:10:23,159 --> 00:10:25,826
Wait, I see what's going on here.
291
00:10:25,828 --> 00:10:29,396
You don't understand pi?atas at all.
292
00:10:32,534 --> 00:10:34,601
You're sad about losing Kim.
293
00:10:34,603 --> 00:10:35,636
What?!
294
00:10:35,638 --> 00:10:37,170
No, I'm not.
295
00:10:37,172 --> 00:10:38,939
Student teachers like
her are a dime a dozen.
296
00:10:38,941 --> 00:10:41,208
I'm happy Kim is becoming a teacher.
297
00:10:41,210 --> 00:10:42,609
I just don't think you have to throw
298
00:10:42,611 --> 00:10:43,777
her a parade to celebrate it.
299
00:10:43,779 --> 00:10:45,846
I'm just a humble math teacher,
300
00:10:45,848 --> 00:10:48,715
but you should tell her how you feel.
301
00:10:48,717 --> 00:10:50,651
I'm not a hippie.
302
00:10:50,653 --> 00:10:53,086
Who asked you?
303
00:10:55,289 --> 00:10:56,523
Hey, hey, hey. Alex?
304
00:10:56,525 --> 00:10:57,624
That's right.
305
00:10:57,626 --> 00:10:59,459
Carl.
306
00:10:59,461 --> 00:11:00,494
I'm sorry?
307
00:11:00,496 --> 00:11:02,562
I'm Meredith's new best friend Carl.
308
00:11:02,564 --> 00:11:03,897
I'm sure you heard about me.
309
00:11:03,899 --> 00:11:05,098
Principal Carl?
310
00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:07,367
Carl Gaines.
311
00:11:07,369 --> 00:11:08,702
Carl Maurice Gaines?
312
00:11:08,704 --> 00:11:11,638
- Sorry.
- Divorced buddy, chocolate thunder.
313
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:12,973
No, nothing.
314
00:11:12,975 --> 00:11:14,307
You do look familiar.
315
00:11:14,309 --> 00:11:15,875
- I do?
- Yeah.
316
00:11:15,877 --> 00:11:18,311
- Do you vacation in the Hamptons?
- Oh, always.
317
00:11:18,313 --> 00:11:21,214
Love Hampton Inns, but I do not
know how they're making money,
318
00:11:21,216 --> 00:11:23,817
handing out those free
waffles every morning.
319
00:11:26,287 --> 00:11:28,455
That was Alex.
320
00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:32,659
Hey, do you mind moving down?
321
00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:37,063
I... I'm sorry. A few more down.
322
00:11:37,065 --> 00:11:40,834
Sorry, we're gonna need to
squeeze a couple more in.
323
00:11:45,506 --> 00:11:47,273
There are no seats left.
324
00:11:47,275 --> 00:11:49,609
There's a table against the wall.
325
00:11:49,611 --> 00:11:51,611
Oh.
326
00:11:51,613 --> 00:11:53,746
Excuse me. Can you move these coats?
327
00:11:53,748 --> 00:11:55,181
We need the space.
328
00:11:55,183 --> 00:11:58,084
Oh. Our coats are using this table.
329
00:11:58,086 --> 00:11:59,719
Can't you just put 'em
somewhere else, like on the backs
330
00:11:59,721 --> 00:12:01,254
- of your chairs?
- Look, I hate
331
00:12:01,256 --> 00:12:03,322
that Meredith saved seats for her besties
332
00:12:03,324 --> 00:12:05,458
and forgot about her random coworkers.
333
00:12:05,460 --> 00:12:08,294
Thanks for understanding.
334
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:12,965
Meredith, this party is so campy and fun.
335
00:12:12,967 --> 00:12:14,333
Right?
336
00:12:14,335 --> 00:12:15,968
Yeah. Everyone's talking about you.
337
00:12:15,970 --> 00:12:18,070
And not in the usual mean,
catty, behind-your-back way.
338
00:12:18,072 --> 00:12:19,805
- In, like, an awesome way.
- Yeah.
339
00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:22,908
- Everybody's here.
- And everybody is having a blast.
340
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:28,147
We miss you so much.
341
00:12:28,149 --> 00:12:30,616
Thank you. I really needed to hear that.
342
00:12:30,618 --> 00:12:33,152
This is ridiculous! Here. You know what?
343
00:12:33,154 --> 00:12:35,321
Grab the rest. We'll
put 'em in the coat room.
344
00:12:35,323 --> 00:12:36,922
Good idea, Kotsky.
345
00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:39,325
I am too old to eat
Mexican food standing up.
346
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:44,530
Um, Brie told me you stole their coats.
347
00:12:44,532 --> 00:12:45,865
No, we put 'em in the entryway.
348
00:12:45,867 --> 00:12:47,333
They're right over there.
349
00:12:47,335 --> 00:12:50,402
You cannot move people's stuff.
350
00:12:50,404 --> 00:12:54,006
For me, it was a classic
peer pressure situation.
351
00:12:54,008 --> 00:12:57,376
(Pilaf laughs)
352
00:12:57,378 --> 00:12:59,578
Why are you blowing this for me?
353
00:12:59,580 --> 00:13:01,080
It's not your party.
354
00:13:01,082 --> 00:13:02,381
It's Kim's party.
355
00:13:02,383 --> 00:13:03,782
I need this.
356
00:13:03,784 --> 00:13:05,851
I'm 30, and I hate where my life is at.
357
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,286
Everyone at the country club has been
358
00:13:07,288 --> 00:13:08,654
referring to me as "you-know-who."�
359
00:13:08,656 --> 00:13:10,089
The last "you-know-who"�
360
00:13:10,091 --> 00:13:12,191
was a dentist who knocked out his patients
361
00:13:12,193 --> 00:13:14,560
and used their hands to fondle himself.
362
00:13:14,562 --> 00:13:15,627
But tonight,
363
00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:17,930
I'm back in a big way.
364
00:13:17,932 --> 00:13:20,432
And besides, Kim's having fun.
365
00:13:20,434 --> 00:13:23,001
This is probably the
best party she ever had.
366
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:25,904
This is probably the
best party I've ever had!
367
00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:28,273
If you're really one of these people...
368
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:31,209
- I am one of these people.
- Then why are you working so hard to prove it?
369
00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:33,745
We are the ones who
like you for who you are.
370
00:13:33,747 --> 00:13:35,247
They like me for who I am.
371
00:13:35,249 --> 00:13:36,882
All I know is that we would've come
372
00:13:36,884 --> 00:13:40,085
to your party even if that
meant buying our own drinks.
373
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,996
Hey, I finally remembered
where I know you from.
374
00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:52,898
- Facebook.
- I'm pretty sure
375
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:55,267
you and I aren't friends unless...
376
00:13:55,269 --> 00:13:57,302
You aren't the San Diego Chicken, are you?
377
00:13:57,304 --> 00:13:59,271
I saw you on Meredith's page.
378
00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:02,540
She posted this video
of you a few months ago.
379
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:04,976
(laughs) "Hilarious Crying Dude" �?
380
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:07,012
(crying)
381
00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:08,647
(low sigh) (laughing): You're so funny.
382
00:14:08,649 --> 00:14:10,815
(coughs twice)
383
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,584
Just like we talked about, Toby.
384
00:14:12,586 --> 00:14:14,719
I'll make it quick.
385
00:14:14,721 --> 00:14:17,389
Guys, I'm gonna try out the pi?ata.
386
00:14:17,391 --> 00:14:19,991
Hey, hey. Watch this.
387
00:14:20,993 --> 00:14:22,861
What is she gonna do?
388
00:14:24,063 --> 00:14:25,597
KIM: Hey, guys, look!
389
00:14:29,835 --> 00:14:30,869
(gasps)
390
00:14:34,006 --> 00:14:35,974
Oh!
391
00:14:43,649 --> 00:14:45,249
Kim!
392
00:14:45,251 --> 00:14:46,284
Are you okay?
393
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:47,385
I think so.
394
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,187
Oh, I'm sorry
395
00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:51,789
I wasn't celebrating you, but
I'm just so sad about losing you.
396
00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:54,158
You're the best student
teacher I've ever had.
397
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:55,626
And I love pi?atas.
398
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:57,061
Oh, Ginny!
399
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,052
Okay! Ooh... da!
400
00:14:58,054 --> 00:15:00,588
She's fine. She's fine.
401
00:15:00,590 --> 00:15:02,323
Nothing made it into her eyes.
402
00:15:02,325 --> 00:15:05,893
Seriously, what is wrong with you guys?
403
00:15:05,895 --> 00:15:07,528
You move the pi?ata up and down.
404
00:15:07,530 --> 00:15:08,763
That's the game.
405
00:15:08,765 --> 00:15:09,931
That's the game, Joel.
406
00:15:09,933 --> 00:15:12,100
Gosh, Meredith, your coworkers
407
00:15:12,102 --> 00:15:14,102
- take themselves way too seriously.
- (Laughs): Yeah.
408
00:15:14,104 --> 00:15:16,737
I'm ready to go. I'm so cold.
409
00:15:16,739 --> 00:15:19,340
Let's go.
410
00:15:19,342 --> 00:15:20,675
Guys?
411
00:15:20,677 --> 00:15:23,844
I'd rather be Ron's plus one at home
412
00:15:23,846 --> 00:15:25,513
than a Facebook joke here.
413
00:15:25,515 --> 00:15:26,747
Yeah, that's right, Meredith.
414
00:15:26,749 --> 00:15:28,583
I saw "Hilarious Crying Dude".
415
00:15:28,585 --> 00:15:29,984
And personally, I would've called it
416
00:15:29,986 --> 00:15:31,352
"The Strong Black Man Shows His Emotions"�.
417
00:15:31,354 --> 00:15:32,720
But nobody cares what I think.
418
00:15:32,722 --> 00:15:35,256
And I did put that in the comment section.
419
00:15:35,258 --> 00:15:38,492
Well, I guess you got the party you wanted.
420
00:15:38,494 --> 00:15:40,461
Congrats.
421
00:15:40,463 --> 00:15:42,229
Don't worry.
422
00:15:42,231 --> 00:15:44,498
I'm leaving the tab open
for you and your friends.
423
00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:46,133
It seems important to you.
424
00:15:46,135 --> 00:15:48,002
Happy birthday.
425
00:16:00,241 --> 00:16:02,275
BRIE: I'm so glad all your coworkers left.
426
00:16:02,277 --> 00:16:03,876
Yeah, they were really
bringing the party down.
427
00:16:03,878 --> 00:16:05,311
Yeah, like, who brings a pi?ata
428
00:16:05,313 --> 00:16:06,879
to someone else's party? It's so rude.
429
00:16:06,881 --> 00:16:08,281
It's, like, she took over your whole thing.
430
00:16:08,283 --> 00:16:09,682
Yeah, on a night like tonight.
431
00:16:09,684 --> 00:16:11,017
Mere, this is your night.
432
00:16:11,019 --> 00:16:12,485
Yeah, it's my night.
433
00:16:12,487 --> 00:16:14,287
Mere, we should open presents!
434
00:16:14,289 --> 00:16:16,389
BOTH: Yay!
435
00:16:16,391 --> 00:16:18,691
Yay.
436
00:16:19,927 --> 00:16:22,328
(gasps)
437
00:16:22,330 --> 00:16:26,232
You got Ray to give me
back my bottle of champagne?
438
00:16:26,234 --> 00:16:28,434
- You knew how much this meant to me.
- No.
439
00:16:28,436 --> 00:16:30,636
Your jerk of an ex-husband
still won't give it back.
440
00:16:30,638 --> 00:16:32,104
Then who bought this?
441
00:16:38,645 --> 00:16:41,113
Those teachers got you this?
442
00:16:41,115 --> 00:16:42,715
"Cash for Gold" had a busy day.
443
00:16:42,717 --> 00:16:44,350
(both laugh)
444
00:16:44,352 --> 00:16:46,519
What is your guys' problem with them?
445
00:16:46,521 --> 00:16:48,020
We don't have a problem with them.
446
00:16:48,022 --> 00:16:49,188
They're just... different.
447
00:16:49,190 --> 00:16:50,990
Yeah. Different.
448
00:16:50,992 --> 00:16:53,092
You know what? I really don't
feel like celebrating anymore.
449
00:16:53,094 --> 00:16:54,960
Well, we were gonna hit another party.
450
00:16:54,962 --> 00:16:56,429
Do you not want to come?
451
00:16:56,431 --> 00:17:00,099
Yeah, I think I better
just call it a night.
452
00:17:00,101 --> 00:17:01,700
Hey, everybody!
453
00:17:01,702 --> 00:17:04,670
Follow Brie and Alex to the next party.
454
00:17:04,672 --> 00:17:06,238
This tab is closed.
455
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:07,439
Thanks for coming.
456
00:17:07,441 --> 00:17:08,908
It's fine.
457
00:17:08,910 --> 00:17:10,209
What?
458
00:17:10,211 --> 00:17:11,377
Is she serious?
459
00:17:11,379 --> 00:17:13,212
Ugh.
460
00:17:15,949 --> 00:17:17,516
You're turning 30.
461
00:17:17,518 --> 00:17:19,618
So, we brought out our Birthday Bombo.
462
00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:21,020
(playing drum)
463
00:17:21,022 --> 00:17:23,122
Happy birthday from
Juanita's to you
464
00:17:23,124 --> 00:17:25,491
- * Ol?! *
- Okay.
465
00:17:29,662 --> 00:17:31,830
(teachers yelling and cheering)
466
00:17:34,367 --> 00:17:35,467
More taffy?!
467
00:17:35,469 --> 00:17:37,369
Pi?atas are so awesome!
468
00:17:37,371 --> 00:17:38,837
You know, when you think about Mexico,
469
00:17:38,839 --> 00:17:39,938
you think about the cartels,
470
00:17:39,940 --> 00:17:41,573
but this is the other side of it.
471
00:17:41,575 --> 00:17:43,141
Can I have another turn?
472
00:17:43,143 --> 00:17:44,610
Of course, Kim, it's your party.
473
00:17:44,612 --> 00:17:45,577
Come on, Kim!
474
00:17:45,579 --> 00:17:46,545
- Go, Kim!
- (Whoops)
475
00:17:46,547 --> 00:17:47,879
MAN: Hi, excuse me?
476
00:17:47,881 --> 00:17:49,181
Somebody order from Winston's?
477
00:17:49,183 --> 00:17:51,149
We got a bunch of Kobe steaks here.
478
00:17:51,151 --> 00:17:54,319
Sweet miracle, Kim, you're
like an angel from heaven.
479
00:17:54,321 --> 00:17:55,854
If it wouldn't cost me my job,
480
00:17:55,856 --> 00:17:57,823
I would kiss you all over your face.
481
00:17:57,825 --> 00:18:00,459
Uh, it wasn't me.
482
00:18:00,461 --> 00:18:01,860
They're from me.
483
00:18:03,229 --> 00:18:05,797
We should've just done what
Kim wanted to do all along.
484
00:18:05,799 --> 00:18:07,432
I made tonight about myself,
485
00:18:07,434 --> 00:18:10,836
and it really should've been about Kim.
486
00:18:10,838 --> 00:18:13,338
Thank you, Meredith. I
don't know how I can...
487
00:18:13,340 --> 00:18:14,439
(shushes)
488
00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:16,441
Not yet. I'm still talking.
489
00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:19,377
I've been trying so hard to get back
490
00:18:19,379 --> 00:18:22,314
to who I was that I forgot that
491
00:18:22,316 --> 00:18:24,783
where I am isn't so terrible.
492
00:18:24,785 --> 00:18:27,552
I'm glad you're here. I know Alex
was the queen bee of your group,
493
00:18:27,554 --> 00:18:29,287
but you're the queen bee of ours.
494
00:18:29,289 --> 00:18:30,955
JOEL: Somehow you've brought us
495
00:18:30,957 --> 00:18:31,990
all closer together,
496
00:18:31,992 --> 00:18:33,391
you skanky-ass slut.
497
00:18:33,393 --> 00:18:35,593
- Aw, so sweet.
- Aw!
498
00:18:35,625 --> 00:18:37,993
And I know Kim didn't
mean to invite me...
499
00:18:37,995 --> 00:18:40,195
that I just happened to be
in the teachers' lounge...
500
00:18:40,197 --> 00:18:41,730
but I'm glad she did.
501
00:18:41,732 --> 00:18:44,766
This has truly been the
greatest night of my life.
502
00:18:44,768 --> 00:18:45,867
Okay!
503
00:18:45,869 --> 00:18:47,202
- I'll drink to that.
- (Whoops)
504
00:18:47,204 --> 00:18:49,003
(all cheering)
505
00:18:50,272 --> 00:18:52,974
You got the cups? Okay.
506
00:18:52,976 --> 00:18:55,643
I'm sorry about the
Facebook stuff, seriously.
507
00:18:55,645 --> 00:18:57,979
I mean, it was the first week of school.
508
00:18:57,981 --> 00:18:59,147
We weren't close yet.
509
00:18:59,149 --> 00:19:00,615
Yeah, I saw the date.
510
00:19:00,617 --> 00:19:01,983
I know you'd never do something like that.
511
00:19:01,985 --> 00:19:03,184
Not now that we're best friends.
512
00:19:03,186 --> 00:19:05,286
Did you see how many likes it got?
513
00:19:05,288 --> 00:19:07,422
500!
514
00:19:07,424 --> 00:19:08,990
Five hundy?
515
00:19:08,992 --> 00:19:10,725
You mean I've gone viral?
516
00:19:10,727 --> 00:19:12,760
Carl Maurice Gaines has gone viral.
517
00:19:12,762 --> 00:19:14,495
(laughs)
518
00:19:14,497 --> 00:19:15,897
Thank you.
519
00:19:15,899 --> 00:19:17,698
Thank you.
520
00:19:20,068 --> 00:19:21,335
Happy birthday, Meredith!
521
00:19:21,337 --> 00:19:22,904
- Yeah, happy birthday!
- (All whooping)
522
00:19:22,906 --> 00:19:25,406
MAN: Seems like you're
having a private moment,
523
00:19:25,408 --> 00:19:27,642
so I really just need a signature.
524
00:19:30,846 --> 00:19:32,680
Mm-hmm.
525
00:19:34,718 --> 00:19:37,019
I literally never thought I would end up
526
00:19:37,021 --> 00:19:39,422
in a middle school teachers' lounge
527
00:19:39,424 --> 00:19:40,823
on my 30th birthday.
528
00:19:40,825 --> 00:19:42,658
Oh, were you picturing the cafetorium?
529
00:19:42,660 --> 00:19:44,360
Because, you know, it's
probably still unlocked.
530
00:19:44,362 --> 00:19:47,029
- (cell phone ringing)
- You want me to go check?
531
00:19:47,330 --> 00:19:48,331
_
532
00:19:48,332 --> 00:19:52,034
Is that the, uh... the bitch sandwich?
533
00:19:52,036 --> 00:19:53,402
Uh, yeah.
534
00:19:53,404 --> 00:19:56,038
What do they want?
535
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:58,274
- Another chance.
- Oh.
536
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,701
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
537
00:20:02,751 --> 00:20:07,301
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