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1
00:00:07,044 --> 00:00:09,899
It's weird. When I first
saw this uniform, I wept.
2
00:00:09,899 --> 00:00:11,928
Hashtag, too blessed to
be badly dressed.
3
00:00:11,928 --> 00:00:13,092
Do you know what?
I'm actually going to miss it.
4
00:00:13,092 --> 00:00:15,060
Where did you get a shredder?
5
00:00:15,060 --> 00:00:16,072
Fraser's office.
6
00:00:16,072 --> 00:00:18,068
What did you do on your last
day of school, sir?
7
00:00:18,068 --> 00:00:20,036
You know, I don't actually remember.
8
00:00:20,036 --> 00:00:21,080
You don't remember Boris Johnson
9
00:00:21,080 --> 00:00:24,008
bumming you with the handle
of your Quidditch broom?
10
00:00:25,012 --> 00:00:28,028
Ah, Cleopatra. Who am I going to have
next year to make wisecracks
11
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,084
about me getting sodomised
at a fictional boarding school?
12
00:00:30,084 --> 00:00:33,016
Oh, don't be down, sir.
I'm not, Chantelle.
13
00:00:33,016 --> 00:00:35,088
We've got plenty of things to look
forward to until the term ends
14
00:00:35,088 --> 00:00:38,072
and you all leave me forever.
Like the last-ever class wars.
15
00:00:38,072 --> 00:00:41,068
Exactly, Joe! It's going to be
the best one yet -
16
00:00:41,068 --> 00:00:43,032
Zombie Apocalypse.
17
00:00:43,032 --> 00:00:44,040
Ooh!
18
00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:47,096
I've even sorted out an actual
zombie to attack the class. How?
19
00:00:47,096 --> 00:00:51,084
Told the librarian that we had
a few overdue books in here.
20
00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:54,012
Then I stole her insulin.
21
00:00:54,012 --> 00:00:56,012
Urgh!
22
00:00:56,012 --> 00:00:58,088
And we're not all leaving, sir.
Jing'll be here next year.
23
00:00:58,088 --> 00:01:00,024
Yeah, me and Jing.
24
00:01:00,024 --> 00:01:01,064
Whoo!
25
00:01:01,064 --> 00:01:03,048
We can still see each other, sir.
26
00:01:03,048 --> 00:01:05,064
I mean, YOU still see YOUR teachers.
27
00:01:05,064 --> 00:01:07,032
Yeah, course I do.
This isn't the end.
28
00:01:07,032 --> 00:01:09,044
No-one splits up this gang.
29
00:01:09,044 --> 00:01:11,012
Who wants to be blood brothers?
30
00:01:11,012 --> 00:01:12,040
A bit much, sir.
31
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:16,040
Sorry. It's just that we're
all such good friends.
32
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:18,036
Alfie! Frank!
33
00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:20,020
Get off him!
34
00:01:20,020 --> 00:01:21,024
Argh!
35
00:01:24,068 --> 00:01:26,032
Oh, look. There you are.
36
00:01:27,036 --> 00:01:30,040
Alfie, why have your class
destroyed their uniforms?
37
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:31,092
There's, like, a week left of term.
38
00:01:31,092 --> 00:01:33,060
I couldn't say no to them.
39
00:01:33,060 --> 00:01:35,096
Well, you know they're
late for their career seminar?
40
00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:37,068
Just saying our goodbyes.
41
00:01:37,068 --> 00:01:39,032
Quick hug from teach.
42
00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:40,088
Everyone gets a spoon.
43
00:01:40,088 --> 00:01:42,068
Me next! Not you!
44
00:02:14,032 --> 00:02:16,028
Last week, you sat
a state-of-the-art,
45
00:02:16,028 --> 00:02:18,016
three-dimensional aptitude test,
46
00:02:18,016 --> 00:02:21,016
to ascertain what career
suited your unique skill set.
47
00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:25,048
Your answers were fed into a revolutionary
new data-mining computer programme,
48
00:02:25,048 --> 00:02:29,032
the most advanced careers-predicting
technology on the planet.
49
00:02:29,032 --> 00:02:30,060
Let's see the results.
50
00:02:30,060 --> 00:02:33,056
Stephen, you are destined
to become...
51
00:02:33,056 --> 00:02:36,008
An archaeologist.
52
00:02:36,008 --> 00:02:38,032
An archaeologist.
53
00:02:38,032 --> 00:02:39,040
An archaeologist.
54
00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:41,008
Computers don't lie, Chantelle.
55
00:02:41,008 --> 00:02:44,024
The emotionally-crippled spinsters
I'm automatically paired with
56
00:02:44,024 --> 00:02:47,032
on Guardian Soulmates
redefine harsh but fair.
57
00:02:47,032 --> 00:02:48,036
An archaeologist.
58
00:02:48,036 --> 00:02:49,040
An archaeologist.
59
00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:50,044
An archaeologist.
60
00:02:50,044 --> 00:02:51,068
An archaeologist.
61
00:02:51,068 --> 00:02:52,088
A stuntman.
62
00:02:54,024 --> 00:02:56,016
Right, well, he's not going
to be a stuntman.
63
00:02:57,008 --> 00:02:58,024
A stuntman. A stuntman.
64
00:02:58,024 --> 00:03:00,004
A stuntman. A stuntman.
Er, it's a glitch.
65
00:03:00,004 --> 00:03:02,012
I'm sure you're going
to turn out to be...
66
00:03:02,012 --> 00:03:03,032
A male escort.
67
00:03:09,092 --> 00:03:13,032
Guys, guys, class selfie!
Everyone in.
68
00:03:18,028 --> 00:03:19,080
Give it!
69
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,076
Delete. Delete.
70
00:03:21,076 --> 00:03:23,024
Delete.
71
00:03:23,024 --> 00:03:25,056
Ooh, work.
I look cute in that one.
72
00:03:25,056 --> 00:03:28,020
OK, I'll send it to you all
if you just give me your numbers.
73
00:03:28,020 --> 00:03:30,084
Do you want my Snapchat deets?
100% definitely not.
74
00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:32,052
Don't worry, I'll make a slide show.
75
00:03:32,052 --> 00:03:34,028
Sir, do you want to
be my date to the prom?
76
00:03:34,028 --> 00:03:35,084
Or are you back with her?
77
00:03:35,084 --> 00:03:37,056
Er, we're taking things slowly.
78
00:03:37,056 --> 00:03:40,048
Office romances never work.
It's a Cosmo no-no.
79
00:03:40,048 --> 00:03:41,052
Maybe you're right.
80
00:03:41,052 --> 00:03:44,096
I know we're meant for each other,
but working together at school...
81
00:03:44,096 --> 00:03:48,008
Sometimes it feels like she's
just embarrassed by me.
82
00:03:48,008 --> 00:03:50,084
Never let anyone make you hide
who you really are, sir.
83
00:03:50,084 --> 00:03:53,044
That's why Stephen Carmichael
is not going to the prom. What?
84
00:03:53,044 --> 00:03:55,012
Hashtag, sorry not sorry.
85
00:03:55,012 --> 00:04:00,000
Howevs, he gave his wristband
to Stephanie Fierce! Yes!
86
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,060
It's his female alter ego.
87
00:04:01,060 --> 00:04:03,064
Ain't you worried people
are going to pick on ya?
88
00:04:03,064 --> 00:04:04,072
Haters gonna hate.
89
00:04:04,072 --> 00:04:08,068
Haters gonna be drunk, lairy,
and technically no longer at school.
90
00:04:08,068 --> 00:04:11,036
They could be real dicks
about it, Stephen.
91
00:04:11,036 --> 00:04:15,048
Sir, um, I've applied for a creative
writing course in Paris.
92
00:04:15,048 --> 00:04:16,052
What?
93
00:04:16,052 --> 00:04:20,012
I want to be a writer and Tring
isn't the most inspiring place.
94
00:04:20,012 --> 00:04:22,092
But you can't all leave.
Then I'll be on my own.
95
00:04:22,092 --> 00:04:24,032
Grow a pair, yeah?
96
00:04:24,032 --> 00:04:25,084
I know, Cleo, I'm sorry.
97
00:04:25,084 --> 00:04:28,056
I just can't deal with this
emotional shit.
98
00:04:28,056 --> 00:04:29,080
I'm posh.
99
00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:32,000
Where I come from, feelings are
meant to be buried.
100
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,060
Or taken out years later
on a horsey, secret-drinker wife
101
00:04:34,060 --> 00:04:37,016
that my mother made me marry
for her child-bearing hips.
102
00:04:37,016 --> 00:04:39,040
But you'll have a whole new class
next year, Alfie.
103
00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:40,064
I don't want a new class.
104
00:04:41,068 --> 00:04:44,024
I want you guys.
You're my kids.
105
00:04:51,342 --> 00:04:53,420
Right, who's next in
the careers hot seat?
106
00:04:54,709 --> 00:04:59,048
Dad, I need a new job.
I can't cope without my kids.
107
00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:03,012
Right, how are you with ruins?
Handy with a trowel?
108
00:05:03,012 --> 00:05:05,040
Happy smuggling monuments
out of Greece?
109
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:07,036
Dad, I'm not being an archaeologist.
110
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:12,020
Listen, losing your first
class can be devastating,
111
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:15,016
but each new year brings
a fresh start.
112
00:05:15,016 --> 00:05:17,040
Thanks, Dad. That's good advice.
113
00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:18,076
And look on the bright side,
114
00:05:18,076 --> 00:05:21,080
I mean, parents get stuck
with their kids for life.
115
00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:22,096
Less strong.
116
00:05:22,096 --> 00:05:24,012
Is this about Rosie?
117
00:05:26,072 --> 00:05:28,060
Let me tell you a pertinent yarn.
118
00:05:30,052 --> 00:05:35,028
In the '70s, two students met on
summer jobs in the London Dungeons.
119
00:05:35,028 --> 00:05:38,036
They fell in love,
but the dream turned to a nightmare
120
00:05:38,036 --> 00:05:40,092
when I found that
I couldn't work under the spell
121
00:05:40,092 --> 00:05:44,052
of your mother's
voracious sexual appetite. Oh, God!
122
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:46,024
Fortunately we were fired
123
00:05:46,024 --> 00:05:49,024
when a visiting headmaster
reported sightings
124
00:05:49,024 --> 00:05:52,008
of a partially disrobed
Mary, Queen of Scots
125
00:05:52,008 --> 00:05:54,008
fellating Jack the Ripper
126
00:05:54,008 --> 00:05:56,024
through the letter box of
10 Rillington Place.
127
00:05:58,036 --> 00:05:59,040
Right.
128
00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:04,036
Well, that is the single most
harrowing 30 seconds of my life.
129
00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:11,052
Fraser...
130
00:06:16,048 --> 00:06:18,012
Why?
131
00:06:18,012 --> 00:06:20,024
I hid in the leavers' photos!
132
00:06:20,024 --> 00:06:23,008
But they're individual portraits.
133
00:06:30,048 --> 00:06:34,000
Look, Fraser, if you promise
not to go crazy,
134
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:37,012
then we can have a grown-up
discussion...
135
00:06:37,012 --> 00:06:38,567
about my P45.
136
00:06:41,052 --> 00:06:43,843
But WHY?!
137
00:06:46,036 --> 00:06:49,020
Alfie, I've just spoken to Martin.
138
00:06:49,020 --> 00:06:51,016
You can't leave Abbey Grove.
139
00:06:51,016 --> 00:06:52,048
You're a great teacher.
140
00:06:52,048 --> 00:06:55,024
But I want to be
a great boyfriend, Rosie.
141
00:06:55,024 --> 00:06:58,742
You gave me a second chance,
I'm not going to throw that away.
142
00:07:01,028 --> 00:07:04,068
Hi, Rosie. I punched my reflection.
143
00:07:04,068 --> 00:07:07,096
Alfred, I've had a quiet think
about your moment of madness
144
00:07:07,096 --> 00:07:11,045
and I'm willing to forgive you if
you agree to stay on at Abbey Grove.
145
00:07:12,423 --> 00:07:13,879
Goodbye, guys.
146
00:07:15,064 --> 00:07:16,172
I see.
147
00:07:17,052 --> 00:07:18,829
Would you excuse me?
148
00:07:21,020 --> 00:07:23,020
Oh, God, you traitor!
149
00:07:25,008 --> 00:07:26,092
Alfie, what will you do?
150
00:07:26,092 --> 00:07:32,084
Rosie, I'm a young, self-motivated,
highly-qualified professional.
151
00:07:32,084 --> 00:07:37,819
Trust me. I'm going to be beating off
the job offers with a shitty stick.
152
00:07:44,076 --> 00:07:46,012
She says, "I think it's MDF."
153
00:07:46,012 --> 00:07:48,004
And I'm like, "What are you
going on about?"
154
00:07:48,004 --> 00:07:49,060
"You're going to need some primer."
155
00:07:49,060 --> 00:07:52,048
And she says, "I think I need some
paint." I'm like, "No, you don't.
156
00:07:52,048 --> 00:07:55,052
"You need primer, you stupid tart."
157
00:07:55,052 --> 00:07:57,024
Silly bint!
158
00:07:57,024 --> 00:07:58,820
Yeah, what a dumb bitch.
159
00:08:02,860 --> 00:08:07,044
Here's one you lads'll like.
This geezer asks me
160
00:08:07,044 --> 00:08:09,012
for the strength of a torch...
161
00:08:09,012 --> 00:08:10,615
in candles!
162
00:08:14,084 --> 00:08:17,617
Really thought that would illicit
more of a titter.
163
00:08:18,048 --> 00:08:21,152
Staff call,
spillage in the bathroom section.
164
00:08:23,008 --> 00:08:27,040
Oh, that poor old dear thought
one of the display toilets was real!
165
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,120
Who's the unlucky bastard
that gets to clean that up?
166
00:08:31,012 --> 00:08:34,008
Yeah, it's me, isn't it?
167
00:08:34,008 --> 00:08:35,793
I'm the unlucky bastard.
168
00:08:37,020 --> 00:08:40,056
By the way, let me know if you're
up for a few jars after work.
169
00:08:42,048 --> 00:08:44,108
Pencil you in as maybes.
170
00:08:56,092 --> 00:08:58,028
Oh, my God,
171
00:08:58,028 --> 00:09:01,020
the lads I work with are amazing.
172
00:09:01,020 --> 00:09:03,068
Already planning a boys'
weekend in Marbs.
173
00:09:03,068 --> 00:09:05,000
And to think I became a teacher
174
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:08,016
because I struggle to form lasting
friendships with people my own age.
175
00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:13,008
Sorry, let me just go back a few
steps. You're working in a...?
176
00:09:13,008 --> 00:09:14,072
PlayStation game testing factory.
177
00:09:14,072 --> 00:09:16,044
What kind of stuff do you do?
178
00:09:16,044 --> 00:09:18,088
Well, I shouldn't really
be telling you this
179
00:09:18,088 --> 00:09:22,072
but we are developing a new button -
180
00:09:22,072 --> 00:09:24,048
the hexagon!
181
00:09:24,048 --> 00:09:26,024
Wow!
182
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:28,064
Wait... But enough about me,
what about you guys?
183
00:09:28,064 --> 00:09:30,088
Stephen, you got a date yet?
184
00:09:30,088 --> 00:09:33,000
None of the boys here
can handle a real woman.
185
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,076
You've got to come to the prom, sir.
186
00:09:34,076 --> 00:09:36,084
I can't. I don't work here anymore.
187
00:09:36,084 --> 00:09:38,004
You're damn right!
188
00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:44,068
Hello, Judas! I thought you'd
be hanging from a tree by now.
189
00:09:44,068 --> 00:09:47,679
What's it like at the PlayStation
factory? No, Fraser. Stay strong.
190
00:09:48,072 --> 00:09:51,000
I blocked you on Facebook.
I think it's for the best.
191
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,032
Fraser, we weren't lovers.
192
00:09:52,032 --> 00:09:54,048
Didn't want you getting
Facebook envy of me
193
00:09:54,048 --> 00:09:56,068
and my new best friend, Mr Heather.
194
00:09:56,068 --> 00:09:58,044
This guy's banter is off the chain.
195
00:09:58,044 --> 00:10:00,068
Do I have to wear this shirt?
I'm getting a rash.
196
00:10:00,068 --> 00:10:03,028
Me and my homeslice going to
smoke bare sticky icky hand bongs
197
00:10:03,028 --> 00:10:04,064
in these bad boys.
198
00:10:04,064 --> 00:10:06,012
I can't smoke, I'm asthmatic.
199
00:10:06,012 --> 00:10:10,012
Ooh, Kareem Abdul-Banter! Just
slam dunked another basket, lol.
200
00:10:10,012 --> 00:10:12,008
I miss you every day.
201
00:10:12,008 --> 00:10:13,012
Damn it, Fraser.
202
00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:16,048
Well, as you're no longer
a member of staff
203
00:10:16,048 --> 00:10:19,040
I must ask you to ALF Wiedersehen.
204
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:20,068
Bothered?
205
00:10:20,068 --> 00:10:23,068
We have Subway for lunch
every day at PlayStation HQ.
206
00:10:23,068 --> 00:10:24,088
The land of milk and honey.
207
00:10:24,088 --> 00:10:27,072
Will you think about
coming to prom, Alfie?
208
00:10:27,072 --> 00:10:30,020
Look, Joe, maybe it's best
if we all move on.
209
00:10:33,020 --> 00:10:35,012
Are you crying?
Hold your tongue, Phil.
210
00:10:39,024 --> 00:10:42,028
Hey, guys! Did anyone order
a maverick teacher
211
00:10:42,028 --> 00:10:44,012
that's more like your best mate?
212
00:10:44,012 --> 00:10:45,060
Coming right up.
213
00:10:45,060 --> 00:10:50,040
Ooh, ooh, Christmas
crackers... in June! Come on!
214
00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:52,000
It'll be a laugh.
215
00:10:55,076 --> 00:10:59,032
Hey! Hey, Frank. Did I ever tell
you about my embarrassing tattoo?
216
00:10:59,032 --> 00:11:02,016
Bit of ammunition there.
Go on, have a swing.
217
00:11:02,016 --> 00:11:03,456
Sorry, Miss, it's just not the same.
218
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,084
You got too much self esteem.
219
00:11:07,084 --> 00:11:10,092
Turns out I need that bumbling,
toffee-nosed wank stain
220
00:11:10,092 --> 00:11:12,016
like day needs night.
221
00:11:12,016 --> 00:11:14,012
Frank, that's so poetic.
222
00:11:14,012 --> 00:11:15,076
I miss Mr Wickers too.
223
00:11:15,076 --> 00:11:17,036
He's literally my Yang.
224
00:11:17,036 --> 00:11:20,048
Guys, come on! Cheer up!
225
00:11:20,048 --> 00:11:24,435
Oi, Sound Of Music, just put
on a DVD and leave it, yeah?
226
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:27,088
What about class wars?
227
00:11:27,088 --> 00:11:29,080
Keep talking.
228
00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:33,032
Yeah, like one big, end-of-term,
final battle extravaganza.
229
00:11:33,032 --> 00:11:35,020
Would Alfie mind us
doing it without him?
230
00:11:35,020 --> 00:11:37,040
Babes, it's what
he would have wanted.
231
00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:40,012
Yeah, yeah!
Now we're cooking with gas!
232
00:11:40,012 --> 00:11:43,044
Yeah! How about the battle
for women's rights in the workplace?
233
00:11:43,044 --> 00:11:46,000
Yeah!
234
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:49,012
OK, everyone on the left,
you can be, like...
235
00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:54,020
young, independent women, and on the
right you can be the establishment.
236
00:11:54,020 --> 00:11:56,024
Boo!
237
00:11:58,088 --> 00:12:01,068
I don't think I'm very good at this
irresponsible teacher thing.
238
00:12:01,068 --> 00:12:03,076
Yo, Miss G!
Here's the shopping list.
239
00:12:03,076 --> 00:12:06,036
So much for equality
in the workplace.
240
00:12:06,036 --> 00:12:09,068
We're going to need BBQs,
fairy lights and Chinese lanterns.
241
00:12:09,068 --> 00:12:11,060
What are you wearing? My DJ clobber.
242
00:12:11,060 --> 00:12:13,008
Swedish House of Fraser.
243
00:12:13,008 --> 00:12:15,088
I'm spinning tunes at the prom
tonight. Any requests?
244
00:12:17,016 --> 00:12:20,052
Any requests except the request
that I don't DJ this evening?
245
00:12:28,020 --> 00:12:29,024
Decking.
246
00:12:30,036 --> 00:12:33,004
Claw hammer.
247
00:12:33,004 --> 00:12:34,076
Cable ties.
248
00:12:36,044 --> 00:12:38,020
Lime.
249
00:12:38,020 --> 00:12:39,060
Oh, God!
250
00:12:39,060 --> 00:12:42,028
Why don't these tills come
with a panic button?
251
00:12:46,076 --> 00:12:49,040
Oh, sorry, do you mind if
I get this? It's my girlfriend.
252
00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:51,989
Women! Can't live with 'em.
253
00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:58,435
OK. Bye!
254
00:12:59,048 --> 00:13:01,012
How's the PlayStation factory?
255
00:13:01,012 --> 00:13:02,068
Great!
256
00:13:02,068 --> 00:13:04,092
The PS4 gang will be the death of me.
257
00:13:04,092 --> 00:13:09,088
Old Billy, Joel, Ringo and...
258
00:13:10,088 --> 00:13:12,088
...Sink.
259
00:13:12,088 --> 00:13:14,096
Well, glad you're happy.
260
00:13:14,096 --> 00:13:18,008
How are my kids? Have they
forgotten about me already?
261
00:13:18,008 --> 00:13:20,008
You're all they talk about.
262
00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:22,084
Oh, you've got to come
to the prom, Alf.
263
00:13:22,084 --> 00:13:26,048
I'm in DIY Home Stores getting
decorations now.
264
00:13:26,048 --> 00:13:28,076
You're in DIY Home Stores? Mm-hmm.
265
00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:32,048
Um, you should leave, er, right now.
266
00:13:32,048 --> 00:13:33,060
Why?
267
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:38,088
Because, erm, I heard that, er,
268
00:13:38,088 --> 00:13:40,060
they use sweatshops. Yeah.
269
00:13:40,060 --> 00:13:42,076
All their garden furniture
is made by children.
270
00:13:42,076 --> 00:13:44,000
So you should get out of there
271
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:45,640
before you have kids' blood
on your hands.
272
00:13:47,088 --> 00:13:49,040
Alfie?
273
00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:50,052
Hey!
274
00:13:51,056 --> 00:13:53,020
Surprise!
275
00:13:53,020 --> 00:13:54,084
What are you doing?
276
00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:59,016
Er, just, er... Just trying out
this bath. Very spacious.
277
00:13:59,016 --> 00:14:00,256
Why are you wearing that apron?
278
00:14:01,076 --> 00:14:04,096
You mean, er, this old friend?
279
00:14:04,096 --> 00:14:07,012
I've always had this.
280
00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:09,414
All right. Busted!
281
00:14:10,036 --> 00:14:13,048
I'm actually trying to blag
a staff discount, so ssh!
282
00:14:13,048 --> 00:14:14,084
Oh! Hence...
283
00:14:14,084 --> 00:14:19,052
Right, it just... It looks like you
could, sort of, maybe, work here.
284
00:14:19,052 --> 00:14:22,044
What, me? Work here?
Don't be ridiculous.
285
00:14:22,044 --> 00:14:24,004
Oi, Dickers.
286
00:14:24,004 --> 00:14:26,644
Fella over there said you just
walked away and stopped serving him.
287
00:14:28,012 --> 00:14:30,092
Sorry, mate. I think you might
have me mistaken for somebody else.
288
00:14:30,092 --> 00:14:33,052
Nah, definitely you who served him.
He said it was a posh twat
289
00:14:33,052 --> 00:14:36,016
who looked like a chubby ostrich
with a plum stuck up his arse.
290
00:14:37,032 --> 00:14:39,000
Wow!
291
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,088
You all right, Miss? Mm.
292
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:42,024
Still would.
293
00:14:42,024 --> 00:14:44,068
Thank you, Dean. Charming as ever.
294
00:14:44,068 --> 00:14:46,076
And nice to see that DIY Home Stores
295
00:14:46,076 --> 00:14:50,016
stock a wide variety
of massive spanners.
296
00:14:50,016 --> 00:14:52,020
Yeah, you love it!
297
00:14:52,020 --> 00:14:54,040
Sorry, you know Dean?
298
00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:57,044
Dean Grayson. He's Grayson's
brother. I taught him years ago.
299
00:14:57,044 --> 00:15:00,008
And suddenly everything makes sense.
300
00:15:00,008 --> 00:15:01,088
Why didn't you tell me the truth?
301
00:15:01,088 --> 00:15:03,064
I was going to apply
to other schools,
302
00:15:03,064 --> 00:15:07,024
but I knew it would just be the same
heartbreak at the end of it.
303
00:15:07,024 --> 00:15:09,064
Whatever you do,
whatever your job is,
304
00:15:09,064 --> 00:15:11,084
I don't care.
305
00:15:12,068 --> 00:15:14,028
And I don't care because...
306
00:15:16,524 --> 00:15:18,443
Please, just come back
to Abbey Grove.
307
00:15:19,068 --> 00:15:21,068
I can't.
308
00:15:21,068 --> 00:15:24,048
Anyway, I love my job here.
309
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:29,020
Alfie Wickers, Alfie Wickers,
Code Brown in bathroomware.
310
00:15:29,020 --> 00:15:31,000
Doris!
311
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,078
I've got to go. Why?
312
00:15:34,096 --> 00:15:38,843
A geriatric lady thinks she's
about to soil a display toilet.
313
00:15:40,012 --> 00:15:41,573
Not on my watch!
314
00:15:48,068 --> 00:15:50,068
Hello, is that the manager?
315
00:15:50,068 --> 00:15:54,044
Yes, I'd like to report an employee
of yours. An Alfie Wickers.
316
00:15:55,072 --> 00:15:58,515
What did he do?
What did he do, indeed!
317
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,044
He fingered me in a summerhouse.
318
00:16:03,044 --> 00:16:05,770
Hello? Oh, for fu...
319
00:16:07,036 --> 00:16:08,060
Hi, Fraser.
320
00:16:08,060 --> 00:16:11,068
Can I have your permission to take
Form K on a fieldtrip?
321
00:16:11,068 --> 00:16:13,012
Do what you want!
322
00:16:13,012 --> 00:16:15,068
God, I am drinking these Kalibers
like there's no tomorrow.
323
00:16:15,068 --> 00:16:18,056
I'm the world's first
no-alcohol alcoholic.
324
00:16:18,056 --> 00:16:20,421
I'm basically just addicted
to yeast.
325
00:16:21,056 --> 00:16:23,044
Right, I'll leave you
with that thought.
326
00:16:33,048 --> 00:16:34,697
Your move, Brown Baron.
327
00:16:37,008 --> 00:16:41,072
Dean, if you're going to show me your
balls in a paint tray again...
328
00:16:41,072 --> 00:16:43,092
Guys! Rosie? What are you...?
329
00:16:43,092 --> 00:16:46,032
We came for you, sir,
and we're not leaving without you.
330
00:16:46,032 --> 00:16:48,016
I didn't want you to see me
like this.
331
00:16:48,016 --> 00:16:50,068
Sir, we know you don't want to
teach at Abbey Grove anymore,
332
00:16:50,068 --> 00:16:52,032
but you've got to come to the prom.
333
00:16:52,032 --> 00:16:54,088
I just dunno if I can handle it,
Chantelle.
334
00:16:54,088 --> 00:16:57,040
But, Alfie, listen to what
your class are telling you.
335
00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,024
Look, I appreciate you
coming down here.
336
00:16:59,024 --> 00:17:01,956
Seeing you is the first time
I've smiled in, like, a week.
337
00:17:03,020 --> 00:17:05,044
But you've got to let me
move on with my life.
338
00:17:07,661 --> 00:17:08,406
I'm sorry.
339
00:17:13,044 --> 00:17:16,048
But, sir, you won't even get
to meet Stephanie Fierce.
340
00:17:16,048 --> 00:17:18,032
Still going in drag?
341
00:17:18,032 --> 00:17:19,084
Good on ya.
342
00:17:19,084 --> 00:17:21,008
Who needs a date, right?
343
00:17:21,008 --> 00:17:22,032
Oh, I've got a date.
344
00:17:22,032 --> 00:17:24,313
I'm taking the only man strong
enough to handle Stephanie.
345
00:17:52,092 --> 00:17:55,032
You look amazing! Thank you, Frank.
346
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:21,024
Um, why you come dressed as Odd Job?
347
00:18:21,024 --> 00:18:23,036
Chantelle made me get a spray tan.
348
00:18:23,036 --> 00:18:25,056
He's an Oompa Loompa!
349
00:18:25,056 --> 00:18:27,012
Throw your hat at him, Joe.
350
00:18:27,012 --> 00:18:30,080
Oh, come on, gang.
Let's raise a glass
351
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:32,064
to absent friends.
352
00:18:32,064 --> 00:18:33,895
To absent friends.
353
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:41,008
What are we thinking for the
post-work session, then?
354
00:18:41,008 --> 00:18:43,016
Head round my crib for a few tinnies?
355
00:18:43,016 --> 00:18:45,008
Don't tell the missus.
356
00:18:45,008 --> 00:18:47,995
Not that I give a shit,
cos she's a bloody woman.
357
00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:52,048
Ugh. Right, why is this not stopping?
358
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:54,088
Oh, you've cut the brake wires,
haven't you? Very funny.
359
00:18:54,088 --> 00:18:56,000
Guys, seriously!
360
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,020
Argh!
361
00:19:07,024 --> 00:19:12,096
Come on, guys, huh! Hey, who
wants to spike Fraser's Kaliber?
362
00:19:12,096 --> 00:19:15,088
Or we could have a dance off
and really lose our dignity.
363
00:19:15,088 --> 00:19:21,016
Come on, everyone make
a circle around me. Whoo! Yeah!
364
00:19:21,016 --> 00:19:22,044
Yeah!
365
00:19:25,052 --> 00:19:27,068
Yeah, we can still have fun. Yeah!
366
00:19:27,068 --> 00:19:30,036
We can have a good time, yeah!
367
00:19:30,036 --> 00:19:31,068
Er, Miss?
368
00:19:33,076 --> 00:19:35,096
Alfie. You came!
369
00:19:35,096 --> 00:19:38,048
So, did you quit
DIY Home Stores, sir?
370
00:19:38,048 --> 00:19:43,131
Yes, I did, Frank. But don't worry,
I did it with dignity.
371
00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:48,012
Doris, this has been
the battle of a lifetime
372
00:19:48,012 --> 00:19:50,008
and you a worthy adversary.
373
00:19:51,008 --> 00:19:55,032
But now we must unite
to destroy our common enemy.
374
00:19:55,032 --> 00:19:58,092
This is Dean's motorcycle helmet.
375
00:19:58,092 --> 00:20:00,036
Take it, Doris,
376
00:20:00,036 --> 00:20:01,096
and do what you do best.
377
00:20:01,096 --> 00:20:04,020
Drop it like it's hot, girl.
378
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:08,000
Let's get up and dance.
379
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,092
Oh, what do we have here?
380
00:20:10,092 --> 00:20:14,008
Some total stranger's
crashed the prom.
381
00:20:14,008 --> 00:20:16,064
Go on, Heather. Destroy him
with one of your quips.
382
00:20:16,064 --> 00:20:17,068
Nice to see you, Alfie.
383
00:20:17,068 --> 00:20:21,016
Boom! What time do you
stop serving, Heather?
384
00:20:21,016 --> 00:20:23,032
Fraser, I quit my job
at DIY Home Stores.
385
00:20:23,032 --> 00:20:25,064
Heather, you're fired!
I knew you'd come back to me.
386
00:20:25,064 --> 00:20:26,092
Things got out of control.
387
00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:29,032
I got drunk on yeast and signed us
up to the Baccalaureate
388
00:20:29,032 --> 00:20:31,000
and I don't even know what that is.
389
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,024
Look, mate, you don't need
to fire anyone.
390
00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:34,096
I'm just here for the prom.
391
00:20:34,096 --> 00:20:36,076
Alfie, they're playing Buble!
392
00:20:36,076 --> 00:20:38,012
Tune!
393
00:20:38,012 --> 00:20:40,080
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
394
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:43,064
It's a new life...
395
00:20:43,064 --> 00:20:45,020
It's a new dawn
396
00:20:45,020 --> 00:20:46,060
It's a new day
397
00:20:46,060 --> 00:20:48,068
It's a new life
398
00:20:48,068 --> 00:20:52,016
It's a new life for me
399
00:20:52,016 --> 00:20:56,092
And I'm feeling...
400
00:20:56,979 --> 00:20:58,629
Good.
401
00:20:58,672 --> 00:21:00,644
It gives me great please-ure
402
00:21:00,644 --> 00:21:03,680
to announce the prom king
and queen of Abbey Grove 2014.
403
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:04,775
Ooh!
404
00:21:04,775 --> 00:21:07,616
The votes are in and the
prom king and queen are...
405
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:10,620
Grayson and Stephanie.
406
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:19,632
I would like to thank Scherzi
for teaching me
407
00:21:19,632 --> 00:21:21,640
that to be scher-mazing
on the inside...
408
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:23,696
You know, we could make this work.
409
00:21:25,612 --> 00:21:28,668
Us being a couple at Abbey Grove.
410
00:21:28,668 --> 00:21:31,166
But I don't want to risk it
not working.
411
00:21:31,166 --> 00:21:33,118
I love you Rosie
412
00:21:33,118 --> 00:21:35,656
and I love teaching,
413
00:21:35,656 --> 00:21:37,680
but if I had to choose one,
414
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:38,684
I'd choose you.
415
00:21:40,660 --> 00:21:42,577
But what if you don't
have to choose?
416
00:21:48,644 --> 00:21:50,644
Sir, it's the last song.
417
00:21:50,644 --> 00:21:52,656
Can we go say goodbye
to our classroom?
418
00:21:52,656 --> 00:21:55,000
Go on! They need you.
419
00:21:59,676 --> 00:22:01,652
Another beer, sir?
420
00:22:01,652 --> 00:22:03,676
I better not.
Don't want to set a bad example.
421
00:22:03,676 --> 00:22:06,644
I think it's a little bit
too late for that.
422
00:22:06,644 --> 00:22:07,652
Go on, then.
423
00:22:09,672 --> 00:22:11,636
Sir, we wanted to give you
something.
424
00:22:11,636 --> 00:22:13,612
I know I've been dropping
hints all term,
425
00:22:13,612 --> 00:22:15,604
but you haven't bought me
a hot tub, have you?
426
00:22:15,604 --> 00:22:17,656
The best gifts aren't bought
in a shop. They're home-made.
427
00:22:17,656 --> 00:22:20,680
Eh... We made you
a slide show of photos.
428
00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:23,620
Oh, God! It's not like the last
slide show you made for me?
429
00:22:23,620 --> 00:22:25,656
If it is, I will probably
have to destroy it.
430
00:22:25,656 --> 00:22:28,676
No. It's of all of us,
here at school.
431
00:22:28,676 --> 00:22:30,680
Thanks, guys. That means a lot.
432
00:22:32,827 --> 00:22:34,672
Oi, what you doing?
433
00:22:34,672 --> 00:22:36,616
Carving my initials, innit?
434
00:22:36,616 --> 00:22:38,640
This isn't prison, babe. I know!
435
00:22:39,664 --> 00:22:43,680
But I used to think school was
like prison. I've been to 12 now...
436
00:22:45,050 --> 00:22:47,652
...and this is the first one
I actually kinda like.
437
00:22:47,752 --> 00:22:49,508
If you like it, you could stay.
438
00:22:49,608 --> 00:22:50,656
Nice try, bruv!
439
00:22:50,656 --> 00:22:52,620
Sir, you know if you
stayed a teacher,
440
00:22:52,620 --> 00:22:54,636
it would make it easier for us
to come and visit you?
441
00:22:54,636 --> 00:22:55,692
I just don't think I can, Stephen.
442
00:22:55,692 --> 00:22:57,454
But you're the best
teacher in the world, sir.
443
00:22:57,454 --> 00:23:02,091
If I'm so good, then how come my
entire class are leaving after GCSEs?
444
00:23:02,664 --> 00:23:05,656
I think on paper that constitutes
a pretty crap teacher.
445
00:23:05,656 --> 00:23:09,557
But school's not just about the
tests and the exams and the grades.
446
00:23:09,557 --> 00:23:13,118
Yeah, on paper, we've probably
had a terrible education.
447
00:23:13,118 --> 00:23:15,632
Our GCSE results are going
to be rubbish.
448
00:23:15,632 --> 00:23:16,680
Hey, we don't know that.
449
00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:20,919
Yeah, I mean they're probably
not going to be great.
450
00:23:20,919 --> 00:23:23,088
But none of that makes
you a bad teacher.
451
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:27,612
When I first came to this school,
I sort of knew who I was,
452
00:23:27,612 --> 00:23:29,676
deep down, but I was scared
of being that person.
453
00:23:29,676 --> 00:23:30,692
Stephanie?
454
00:23:30,692 --> 00:23:35,616
No, Stephen! The boy who does
the splits in the canteen!
455
00:23:35,616 --> 00:23:36,636
The one-man Glee!
456
00:23:36,636 --> 00:23:39,642
I'll sing it from the rooftops.
I am Stephen Carmichael.
457
00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:42,648
You made me not give
a shit about this,
458
00:23:42,648 --> 00:23:44,620
even though my mum bollocked you
459
00:23:44,620 --> 00:23:46,565
when you made me play a tank
in class wars.
460
00:23:47,064 --> 00:23:49,620
It was the first time that
I actually thought
461
00:23:49,620 --> 00:23:51,027
having a chair was boss.
462
00:23:51,027 --> 00:23:52,868
Why do you think
I flirted with you, sir?
463
00:23:53,499 --> 00:23:55,888
You're the first guy who actually
liked me for who I was.
464
00:23:55,888 --> 00:23:57,680
The flirting was just because
465
00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,663
I didn't know how to handle
being appreciated.
466
00:23:59,663 --> 00:24:03,063
You don't realise it, Alfie,
but you're that teacher.
467
00:24:04,112 --> 00:24:06,140
The one who talks to us
like we're adults.
468
00:24:06,140 --> 00:24:08,180
The one who always helps us,
no matter what.
469
00:24:08,180 --> 00:24:11,144
You're the teacher that makes us
feel good about ourselves
470
00:24:11,144 --> 00:24:13,196
for things that other people
don't even notice.
471
00:24:13,949 --> 00:24:16,772
And... that's why you're the teacher
we'll remember
472
00:24:16,772 --> 00:24:18,172
for the rest of our lives.
473
00:24:18,172 --> 00:24:21,128
And if you stopped being
a teacher, then...
474
00:24:21,128 --> 00:24:22,168
I'd feel guilty for all the kids
475
00:24:22,168 --> 00:24:24,642
who never got to be
taught by Alfie Wickers.
476
00:24:26,104 --> 00:24:27,120
Thanks, Joe.
477
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:29,617
Thanks, all of you.
478
00:24:33,120 --> 00:24:34,983
Got to go. Mum's here.
479
00:24:36,469 --> 00:24:37,649
Bye, sir.
480
00:24:52,136 --> 00:24:55,104
I never realised just how horrible
that shade of yellow was.
481
00:25:02,654 --> 00:25:03,679
Thanks, sir.
482
00:25:09,128 --> 00:25:10,196
Safe, yeah?
483
00:25:11,110 --> 00:25:12,136
Done now.
484
00:25:33,100 --> 00:25:34,104
See ya later, sir.
485
00:26:23,100 --> 00:26:27,148
Oh, won't you stay with me?
486
00:26:29,112 --> 00:26:33,104
Cos you're all I need
487
00:26:34,168 --> 00:26:36,168
This ain't love
488
00:26:36,168 --> 00:26:39,108
It's clear to see
489
00:26:40,128 --> 00:26:44,144
But, darling, stay with me.
490
00:27:42,132 --> 00:27:43,140
Bye.
491
00:27:48,148 --> 00:27:51,196
Yo, Alfredo! New term, new threads.
492
00:27:51,196 --> 00:27:55,100
Don't worry, this thing turns on a
sixpence. I'm coming back for ya.
493
00:27:55,100 --> 00:27:56,104
Shit!
494
00:27:56,154 --> 00:28:00,704
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