All language subtitles for Back in Very Small Business s01e03 Bad Influence.eng

I'll pay for your...

For my double mastectomy?
Oh, you're the bomb, Dad.

- Did you get my present?
- I sure did.

And it is so fucking hot!

Who is this Coco you keep talking about?

She's very, very famous on Instagram.

To have built what you both
have built, from doing nothing.

We have just caught a marlin.

Introducing to you all the Ammo!

DON: What is this?

- It's the Brrr! Summer range.
- No. It's not.

- Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod -
www.addic7ed.com

So, we've got the Ammo, and Coco.

Hot product plus premium influencer,

multiplied by five pillars
of Instagram branding

equals jugger-fucking-naut.

Which of these pillars will best
launch the Ammo into the zeitgeist?

- Sam, sorry to interrupt...
- Oh, how's the Ammo, Celeste?

Ammozing. I thought of that myself.
Hashtag ammozing. Is that helpful?

- Love it.
- 'Cause it honestly is.

It's the Rolls Royce of bumbags.
Oh, the Bentley of bumbags.

- Hashtag...
- Did you want something, Celeste?

Oh yes, sorry. I've got
Yvonne on the phone.

My mother Yvonne?

I can't believe she's called the office.

Can you tell her I'm
not speaking to her?

- Actually, she wants to speak to Ray.
- Me?

She says she doesn't have your mobile.

It's about me. She's furious that
you're paying for my surgery.

I might have to call
her back on that one.

Guys, can we focus.

Yvonne, can Ray call you back,

and Leslie wanted me to pass
on he's not speaking to you.

We need ideas for all of these. Hit me.

OK. Well, I guess I'm instantly
seeing the kids pillar.

Maybe it's a picture of
Coco wearing the Ammo

and she's at the supermarket and
her child's having a tantrum,

so she's reaching for a
fruit bar from the Ammo.

Jesus Christ, Cody.

What are you trying
to sell? Painkillers?

Well, no, it's just the
Ammo is practical for mums.

Dude, you don't want to see
your shitty supermarket life

on Instagram.

But don't you want people to
be able to relate to Coco?

Fuck no! I want people
to aspire to be Coco.

OK. Kids on Insta aren't real.

They're like a sheepskin
rug, or a bangle,

a cute accessory that
completes your brand.

"What do you mean, there's
no snot or tears,

"and you're still beautiful,
rich, happy, in love?

"I want that fucking Ammo
belt you're wearing."

Well, I've got one for the love pillar.

So, Clay, topless, abs, stretched
out on the Egyptian cotton.

At the end of the bed, Coco,

back to the camera putting
on the Ammo belt.

- That's about Clay.
- Coco loves Clay.

You love Clay.

I'm thinking we need a major
travel vibe for this first post.

What about Coco goes bushwalking?

The Grampians are spectacular
at this time of year.

How many 80-year-old birdwatchers
are on Instagram, Ray?

Are we actually helping here?

Travel is Mediterranean blue
water and shitloads of it.

What are you doing here?

It's morning. Did someone die?

- Hey, Ray.
- Hey, Alex.

- Leslie.
- Hey.

We're in a meeting.

- Do you know where Dad is?
- No.

I need to see him soon.

Alex, fuck off and wait in his office.

(HORN BLARES)

Quick pitstop and I'll be
in your immediate vicinity

very promptly, Bridget.

I really, really will.

Standing by to shut shop.

Just quickly, what sign will you
be popping on the door today.

Same as usual. "Back in five." Really?

Because I'm actually very
confident of a "Back in ten".

Don, is everything alright?

I thought you had your weekly
meeting at the pop-up shop.

- I do, I just need to get something.
- Oh, good.

I know how much you look forward
to your business catch-ups

with Bridget.

You really need to get that
facial tic looked at, Celeste.

No, I'm winking because I'm not
sure how comfortable you are

with everyone knowing
about Bridget because...

What is that?

Oh, the first shipment
of Ammos have arrived.

Look, I've got notes for Ray
here, and yours are here.

No, wait, you're are here
no, that's receipts.

Take it off, please, Celeste.

You might actually get some work done.

But Sam wants me to road
test it for the whole day.

SAM: Deserted tropical, you feel?

I'm thinking Greek Islands,
Bahamas, ooh, Maldives.

- Turn my engine off, please, Celeste.
- Is that a metaphor, Don?

Just... turn my car off.

So, no kid, no Clay, just Coco.
Deserted tropical island vibe...

White sand, palm trees.

No. On a boat.

Oh, she'll get more likes
heading for the horizon.

Pure escape.

(SING-SONG) Just Coco and her Ammo.

You must have forgotten to ask me to
the strategy meeting, did you, Sammy?

Oh, no, you weren't invited.

That's a shame, because do you know
what I would have said if I was?

"Strategy's for MBA
fuckwits, just sell units"?

Yes.

But I would have added that the Ammo
is bullshit and off brand for Brrr!

What happened to slutty
women's clothing?

Celeste is wearing it, for God's sake.

It's not off brand.

Are you calling Celeste a slut?

Gen Y, Ray, absolutely no respect.
They think it's cool to be wrong.

I'm saying Brrr! Can
be bigger than slutty.

What, Samantha, is bigger than slutty?

Pornos, maybe, but we're not
going down that path, again.

Jesus, Donosaur, it's my job
to flog our shit on social.

And it's my job to provide
the shit not shit, sausage.

I provide the sausage,
you provide the...

- Bread.
- No.

- Onions?
- Don't be smart.

I provide the sausage,
you provide the...

- Sizzle.
- Thank you, Kim.

What the fuck are you doing here?

Sam, did I call a staff meeting?

I-I am looking at $200 an
hour sitting on its arse.

Everyone, up and back to actual work.

I only get $25 an hour.
How much are you getting?

$22.

- You look pretty today, Sam.
- Shut up, Kim.

OK. Can I say one thing not
related to how beautiful you are?

What?

I have Coco's contract.

Let's talk about that later.

No, let's talk about
that right now, Kim.

Oh, no, it can wait. It's just in
relation to the first payment.

What first payment?

Tell me this has nothing to
do with that fucktard belt.

Not just the belt.

It's Coco's retainer for promotion
of all of our companies.

Did he just say "retainer"?

Yes, I did, Don. 10K a
month for four months.

You-you wanna pay someone in advance?

Coco is platinum.

But we still pay her
like she's aluminium.

She gets paid the same as everyone else.

120 days, unless there's
legal action before that.

- Are we clear?
- You're missing an opportunity.

Don't tell your Daddy
how to have babies.

Oh, that reminds me.
Alex is in your office.

And you don't do any covers?

I have to do a couple,

because I've only got about 13
originals that I'm happy with.

How much do you want?

That's nice. Hi, Dad.

Hi, Alex. How much do you want?

- Why do you presume that I...
- Quickstix, I'm in a hurry.

OK, fine.

I need a little bit
of a financial boost.

Only a couple of grand.
And it's an investment.

Oh, yeah? In what?

In me. I want to record an album.

Oh, bloody hell. Is it international
day of dickhead children?

Comes around quickly, doesn't it, Ray?

You're calling me a dickhead

because I'm trying to
make a future for myself?

A future, Alex, is a real job.

Wailing your sad sack tunes in
between bucket bongs is a hobby.

Would you say that to John Farnham?

Oh, he's John Farnham now,
Ray. You're not the voice.

Try and understand it.

Whoa, whoa... a-whoa-a-whoa-a-whoa.

I'm saying that music is a real job.

No, a real job is getting your hands
dirty doing something you hate.

You want to record an album
which, by the way, waste of time,

everyone steals music now,

you work and earn money
to pay for it yourself.

I did work. I went fruit
picking for six months.

Jesus, what is this, a Judi Dench movie?

Oh, fruit picking is
surprisingly gruelling work.

Oh, you're right, Ray.
Yeah, I need a lie down.

- Look, fine.
- You think I'm lame, whatever.

- Can I have $5,000 or not?
- Not.

Ah, bingo.

You need to learn to stand
on your own two feet.

Are they what I think they are?

I don't know, Ray. Did
they have condoms in 1836?

That was the last time, wasn't it?

Why do you need them now?

Because I am not gonna
make this mistake twice.

Classy.

Worth a lot more than five grand
in the long run, let me tell you.

Back in 30, Celeste.

Right you are, Don.

Ray, I have Yvonne on the phone again.

(MOUTHS SILENTLY) No.

I think your dad means well.

I can't be certain, obviously.
Have you done your tax?

Ah, no, I've never done my tax.

Well, maybe it's worth looking into.

It always came in handy
when I was young.

In 1836.

No, before that, when
I was really young.

If you only worked for part of the
year, you may be due a refund.

You'd have to speak to an accountant.

Have we got one here?

Not one that's actually graduated.
I like Maree from H&R Block.

I'll get her number.

DON: Now, how much are my moo
moo knock offs going for?

BRIDGET: Online retailers
have them at $2,850.

- Ooh...
- But I'm gonna go under.

Are you? By how much?

Oh, a few hundred.

I've already got eight preorders,
including this one, so...

- Actually, move up a bit.
- Oh, here we go.

So you're making over $1,500 a chair?

Oh, now you're talking.

I don't know which one of us is
being taken for a bigger ride.

Yeah. When will they arrive from Bali?

- Ship...
- Mmm?

- ..will be docking...
- Mmm?

- ..very... very...
- Mmm?

- (DOOR OPENS)
- Oh. God.

Oh, not that shortly.

Hey, baby. What are you doing here?

Finished early.

Oh, was there a, ah, hold-up
with that steel delivery?

Nah, I just wasn't feeling it.

I still get paid, though.

I told the boss I was crook in the guts.

Oh, good boy.

Don Angel.

CEO of Doppelganger Designs, part
of the World Wide Business Group.

Is it, ah, David?

- Darren.
- My husband.

Darren, that's right. The fisherman.

How was the trip to Bateman's
Bay a couple of weeks ago?

Was he away for 10 days?

He was away for too long,
weren't you, babe?

Yeah. Ah, do you have any cash?

I really need to get some
beers on the way home.

Well, you're lucky I've
had a good morning.

Thanks to me. I'm
Bridget's main supplier.

One of.

Is anyone else giving you
what I'm giving you?

Tell him about the profit
margin on ah, these.

Enough to fit out shop number three.

Hey, could you stop by and finish
that shelving on your way home?

No worries.

Speaking of finishing,

we really should tie up some
ah, loose ends, Bridget.

I'm swamped, Don. Morning!

I know. These plates are
incredible, aren't they?

Just call me when the
chairs come in, Don.

SAM: Turn it up a bit, Vijay.

That's fully lit. Kim, snappety snap!

- Oh, that's awesome, Coco.
- Thank you.

Show me the horizon.

Give me not a fucking care in the world.

Guys, I want her eyes to pop more.

I thought she was on a boat.

The Funny Dunny boxes will be the
boat, and they use the green screen

so that Leslie can turn it
into blue sky and water.

Ooh, it's clever isn't it, Ray?

How you can make anyone
believe anything.

Oh, speaking of that,
Yvonne rang, again.

Leslie's mother.

I know who she is, Celeste.

She asked me to tell you that she

"doesn't see how anyone could be
at the dentist for 48 hours."

I lost track of my excuses.
I'm so sorry, Ray.

Oh no, I'm sorry for putting
you in that position.

- So, will you call her?
- Probably not.

Vijay?

Can you Skype the bejeesus
out of dirty Made in Bali

and find out where my cowhide...

Holy shitballs, Leslie.
Photoshop? More like PhotoPop!

- Can you make my thighs a little...
- On it.

Standing by to post, L-Dog.

I wish transitioning was this easy.

There, all yours, Sam.

_

- Sweet! And we are away, people.
- (ALL CHEER)

Excuse me, Ray.

Did I email everyone and say let's
not give a fuck about work anymore?

No, that was me.

Um, is he a part of this?

- Not really.
- Yes, really.

I-I am a really, really
big part of this.

In fact, I-I am this.

Do you want the kitchen background
for the baking shot next, Sammy?

Lemon curd and vanilla with an
injection of salted caramel.

You can get changed behind the forklift.

No, no, no, no changes at all
for the dub dub business group.

I want all of you back to work.

Now, please.

You know what? We've got enough
to get the campaign started.

Thanks, everyone.

Holding a leaf blower to your
face is a career highlight.

Vijay? I need Bali.

Don Angel. CEO of this.

Well, thank you. That was, like,
the sweetest 10K I've ever made.

Babe, you can go change in
the office and thanks again.

- That post is off the chain.
- No probs.

- Bye.
- Goodbye.

You are grounded.

Fuck off.

I can't believe you've
gone over my head.

Why not? Everything else does.

Samantha, this will not work.

Mark my words, this will
be just like Crocs.

Worse, at least cooks still wear them.

When this flops, that retainer
is coming off your pay.

(PHONE CHIMES)

- Fine, but if it works, I want a bonus.
- _

I want what Coco's getting.

I'm so sorry. You've caught
me with my mouth full.

Hello. Welcome to the World
Wide Business Group.

How can I help you today?

I think we may have spoken
on the phone. I'm Yvonne.

Is Ray here?

That's his office?

Oh, yes.

Ray was trying to call you, Yvonne,

but I think I wrote the
number down wrongly.

Honestly, my memory, Yvonne!

I don't think doing the Sudoku
every day makes any difference.

Oh! Ray's not here.

Maybe he's still at the dentist.

Is he ever here?

Oh, yes. He's here, often,
when you don't call.

Oh. Um...

Actually, Yvonne, now I remember.

'Course, that's right, now I remember.

Yes. Yes, now I remember.

Ray took out our Don's Dirty
Dog Wash trailer for a demo.

That trailer's still outside.

Yes. That's right.

Because he took it out and
then he brought it back.

He had to do that first

because then he had a meet with...

..franchisees to dash L about BM.

What?

I don't know, it's business jargon.

Are you just reading
anything off the whiteboard?

Yvonne, I'm so sorry but I've
got a mountain of work to do

and I'm afraid I'm just going
to have to ask you to leave.

Oh, I am so sorry, Celeste.

- Lucky for you I'm quick on my feet.
- Mmm.

Now, I'm not going to pry, because
it's none of my business.

Thank you.

But what did that woman do to you?

She lied to me about being Leslie's
biological father for 18 years.

Then she left me for
Leslie's biological father.

I know that. What else?

- Isn't that enough?
- No.

I'm sorry, Ray, it must have been
awful for you, but you were hiding.

I thought she must have
been like that woman in...

What's the film about the bunny?

Watership Down?

Fatal Attraction.

Were you scared she was
going to hurt you?

No, of course not.

I was scared she was
going to talk to me.

When it all happened,
I didn't cope well.

Don told me you had a
complete mental breakdown,

which is how you were able to work here.

Yeah, it was a good fit.

But then time passed on and now I'm...

- Happy.
- ..on permanent contract,

and the thought of seeing Yvonne
or even speaking with her is...

About Leslie's breasts?

..difficult.

Now finally I'm getting on with my
son, who used to be my daughter,

who is neither biologically,

and I can only manage

one complicated family
relationship at a time.

Would you like a cup of tea, Ray?

Thank you, Celeste.

- White with one.
- I know that, Ray.

Actually, I might just write that down.

WOMAN: (ON TV) Coming up,
you've seen him on YouTube,

now meet the cat that can
act out The Da Vinci Code.

Ooh, I could be late.

Dad, Coco's post has gone
viral, and check it!

- The Ammo's on Buzzfeed.
- What's Buzzfeed?

Don't be a dick! Buzzfeed's Buzzfeed.

Memes and lists and videos so
everyone knows what to think.

Look. "10 reasons why you need
to strap on Coco's Ammo belt."

We've made it!

No, we've made it when
we sell some belts.

A few clicks doesn't mean diddly.

Don't forget,

your generation cries like a baby
if it has to pay for anything.

Hey, do you want to stay and watch
the Da Vinci Code cat with me?

- It's free.
- Welcome back.

- (PHONE RINGS)
- Now, I've spent a lot of time...

- Yes, Dodge?
- Morning, Don.

- Are you at work?
- Yeah, got in early.

OK. Well, I'll just say from the outset

that you are not paid by the hour, yeah?

So, full credit for the enthusiasm

but your only remuneration is my praise.

I had to come in. Our server crashed.

Oh, they design them that way,
Sammy, so you have to replace them.

No Don, it fell over because we've
been smashed by online orders.

- What for?
- The Ammo.

Ah, can you pick up some more
of these postpacks for Cody?

How many does he need?

Yeah. Um... can you get me 8,420?

Ah, no, 30. Ah, 40.

Get me 9,000.

What a morning. (CHUCKLES)

Isn't she glorious?

This, right now, is the most
exciting times of your lives.

Ray, just stop what you're
doing for a second.

Everyone, I want you
to clock this moment.

Does anyone know what this feeling is?

This is the feeling of some
very serious coin being made.

And it's special.

Colonel Cody. Oh, outstanding, soldier.

Oh, no, no. I can't take credit, Don.

Olivia thought it up in the first place

and then what Sam did with Coco,
and this guy, he-he designed it.

He made it work.

Sing a song of sixpence, Ray.

Where was the king?

Was he in the parlour?

No, the king was in his counting
house, counting all his money.

Oh, that's right, the queen was in
the parlour, eating bread and honey.

Some sort of high carb diet.

More like trying to work out

how to get 50% of everything the
king earned, but not this lot.

No, siree!

- YVONNE: Hello, Ray.
- Fuck.

LESLIE: Are you kidding me?

Oh, you're talking to me now?

Only to say how dare
you come to my work.

I need to speak to Ray.

No. You don't. You just want
to poison him against me.

No. It's alright, Leslie.

No-one's poisoning anybody,

except for Ashley

who's doing her fair share
with faulty manufacturing.

I don't know why you're making jokes.

That wasn't a joke.

We have to talk.

- Oh, my God, can you just...
- It's alright, Leslie.

Your mother and I can talk.

Where?

We couldn't have gone to your office?

It's good to get out every couple
of days for a bit of advertising.

You can't be serious, Ray.

No, it's surprisingly effective.

I mean about Leslie.

You can't seriously be considering
paying for her surgeries.

His surgeries.

Do you even hear how
ridiculous that sounds?

You are being so indulgent.

- She's living with you.
- He's.

- She's working with you.
- He's.

Don't tell me what to call my child.

You have no right to be
involved in these decisions.

- She's not your daughter.
- No. He's my son.

That's not what I meant.

MAN: How much to do my dirty bulldog?

I meant, you're not actually her father.

How is the sperm donor?

- Jerome.
- Jerome.

I wouldn't know.

He couldn't cope with Leslie's
transitioning at all. He left.

We couldn't stop fighting.

Did he blame you?

No. He blamed you.

What a cockneck.

Well, he blamed you because while
we were trying to stop it,

you were enabling it.

My little girl.

Is a man, Yvonne.

Raymondo. Put your wetsuit on, Sammy.

It is time to ride the wave.

Alrighty, the tennis player
who went out with the chef.

Ooh, the gardener with the drug problem.

The lesbian sisters from the
reno show. Brilliant. Twofer.

- Sexy lesbians. Sign 'em all up.
- No.

Sammy, we need more of your
influencers influencing the Ammo.

You still don't think I
know what I'm doing.

Sam, I don't see success
like this every day.

I know, which is why
I want my 10K bonus.

Oh, good girl. Leverage. Very proud.

I mean it. Kim!

Is this about dinner? Because I'm free.

No, it's about my 10K bonus.

Absolutely. Payable today, Don?

Dad.

Ah, I'm gonna have to
deal with your brother.

You know what he's like.

So let's put a pin in this
very important issue.

Alex, let me buy you a cup of tea.

Do you need more condoms?

I've got a tax bill of $17,000.

- Who said?
- Maree at H&R Block.

Why would anyone go to an accountant
that sounds like part of a prison?

- Ray told me to.
- Ray!

How can you have a tax bill of $17,000?

You only worked for six
months picking fruit.

No, I've been earning for
much longer. Since I was 14.

That's how long I've been part of
the family trust, isn't it, Dad?

Did H&R Block google that?
Fucking disgusting.

That is my personal information.

Ray, now do you see why I use the
name Candice on any online forms?

I've earned $50,000 a
year for six years.

But I've never seen any of it.

'Course you've never seen any of
it, Alex. It's not your money.

It's in my name.

It's called tax minimisation, Alex.

It's one of the few benefits
of having a family,

and why family is the
cornerstone of society.

You're stealing from me.

No. I'm bloody not, am I, Ray?

Actually, you're stealing
from the government.

I'm not stealing from bloody anybody.

A family trust is a perfectly
legal form of tax avoidance.

I pay you on the books

and I pay your tax bill,
every year, by the way.

You're welcome.

Maree said my fruit picking
would have given me

a tax return of $6,500.

- This Maree's a real find.
- Thank you, Ray.

I want my money.

You want me to give you $6,500?

No, I want $50,000 times six
that you paid me "on the books".

(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)

How big are the balls on this kid, Ray?

Maree said I could contest it.

Elephantine.

She said people contest
family trusts all the time.

That kids can refuse to "gift
back" the money they've earned.

You don't know how to contest
a parking fine, Alex.

Maree said it's a straightforward
procedure with the ATO.

Did she?

I've got the forms.

Kim!

How disappointing that this
is the most I've seen you

use your bong-addled brain in a decade.

Yes, Don?

Put $6,500 into Alex's account.

- That's not what I asked for.
- Going...

..going. Fine.

- Thanks for your help, Ray.
- Oh, yes.

Beg your pardon. Thank you, Ray.

Did you want to give Alex anyone
else's number? Optometrist? Tailor?

Arse doctor?

I don't have a tailor.

Before you make that transfer, Kim.

Pay Sam her $10,000 bonus for
the work she's done today.

- Thanks, Daddy!
- No worries.

There he is!

It's my small businessman of the year.

Hello!

It's the first lady of
temporary retail premises.

Ooh, Bridget, what are we celebrating?

Well, Don, of course. Could you
grab us a couple of glasses?

So, how many of these have
you sold, my clever thing?

Let's just say it's been a very big day

at the World Wide
Business Group, Bridget.

- Has it?
- It has.

Well, it's about to get
a whole lot bigger.

Is it?

Could I see you in
your office, urgently?

You're gonna fuck me wearing
nothing but my Ammo.

Actually, Kimbo?

Give Sammy 15... thousand.

I love small business.

- Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod -
www.addic7ed.com

Ashley, remind me of where we are going?

Mediation.

So what are you wearing?

What are YOU wearing?

You sell toxic pineapple-scented rubbers

that have left children dangerously ill.

Did you hear that, Samantha?

That-that was the sound of an arse
dropping out of a golden goose.

The Ammo is fucked, and
its all Coco's fault.

She made you 600K and she will
again if you let me do my job.

The AFP handle complaints
from the public.

We've been accused of breaching
community standards.

I thought it'd be funny
to add some hydraulics

so the dog moves in and out, and we
see a couple of inches of his cock.

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0