Original subtitles

# You must remember this

#A kiss is still a kiss

#A sigh is just a sigh

# The fundamental things apply

#As time goes by #

- You're bound to miss her at first - Miss who?

Your daughter, the one who just got married

I was just seeing what she'd left behind, that's all

Yes, and I was thinking of taking up kickboxing

(JEAN SCOFFS)

- Well, don't you miss her? - Well, yes, I suppose I do

- But when all's said and done - When all's said and done, what?

- Nothing Just when all's said and done - Oh, can I quote you on that?

- I know what I mean - Yes, I know what you mean Life goes on

Well, anyway, about the room Do you think you'll like it in here?

- Are you talking about separate bedrooms? - No, of course not I mean, when it's your study

- My study? - Yes

- Why should I want a study? - A lot of men dream of having a study

Well, perhaps I've led a secluded existence, but I've never met a man who said to me,

"Do you know, I've always dreamt of having a study"

- Well, a den, then - Or a den? Makes me sound like a wild animal

Oh, well, suit yourself

We just don't need a spare room, that's all Oh, I know!

- What, a den for you? - No, a sitting room for Sandy

- Now, she'd love that She could spread out - Yes Always assuming she stays

What do you mean? Of course she's staying She's part of the family now Why should she go?

- Well, you never know with women - Oh, don't you?

And there's always the outside chance that Harry will whisk her off to Canada

- Oh, no, even I've given up on that one - Hmm A thought does occur

Everyone assumes that he's crazy about Sandy,

but just can't pluck up the courage to ask her to go to Canada with him

- Now, what if he's not crazy about Sandy? - Oh, he must be

- There's no must about it - Wouldn't you be if you were Harry?

I'm not responding to that

The last time I answered that question, I was accused of answering too enthusiastically

Well, I suppose it could be possible

By the way, have you really given up on your matchmaking?

Yes

Almost

- I've made a pot of tea if anyone fancies a cup - Oh, thanks, Sandy

(WHISPERING) Is she all right?

Come on, then

Oh, look! Oh, Judy's left a note for me under her pillow

- She used to do that when she was a little girl - But now she's not

No, now she's not

- Would you like a sitting room? - That's a funny way to start a conversation

Judy's room It's Jean's idea

Sandy, how would you like a sitting room?

(LAUGHING)

- Lionel's just asked me that - And?

Well, it's a nice thought It's a very nice thought

- But if I don't stay, then - What do you mean?

- Of course you're staying Isn't she, Lionel? - Tea?

- You haven't answered the question - I rather thought that was up to Sandy

- Sandy? - Well, I don't know

It might be the time to move on

- Harry's asked you to go to Canada with him - No

The last conversation I had with Harry, Canada was not mentioned

He just said, "You look lovely," about 20 times, then passed out

- Oh, yes Twenty times? - I exaggerate

No, by "move on" I mean Oh, well, I don't know

- Perhaps it's time to - No, it isn't, is it, Lionel?

- You're doing it again - Well, this is your home

- You're happy here - Yes, I am

And it's up to you to run the agency now that Judy's gone

- Is it? - Well, yes, of course You're the boss

- So what do you say? - There'd be a massive pay rise

SANDY: Massive?

Well, considerable

- And don't say the money is not important - Oh, I wasn't going to

Oh, so that's settled, is it? Well, it is settled, isn't it?

Cheers

- See you later! - Where are you going?

I do wish you wouldn't jump out on me like that

I didn't jump out on you I just asked you where you were going

I'm taking my wedding suit back to the hire people

You know, you'd have saved quite a bit if you had hired your outfit

- Oh! Would I, really? - Hmm

- Still, being a woman - Oh, yes, being a woman

We all know how silly we are about money

We also offer massive pay rises at the drop of a hat

- I was just trying to tilt the balance - Well, you tilted it, all right

- Anyway, Sandy's staying and not for the money - No

- That's a good thing - I'll be off, then

You know, it's funny Only seems like yesterday that Sandy was my secretary

Where does it go?

- Where do what go? - Time

Only seems like yesterday that Judy was a little girl

This can't be the same yesterday when Sandy was your secretary

No You know what I mean

- You're getting maudlin - I wonder how Judy is

I'll definitely be off then

- What was that for? - Yesterday

Sorry?

- It's a nice day, isn't it? - Yeah, right

- Is that you agreeing? - It's me saying it's a nice day, not

Yes, I see Are you calling about anything?

Calling? No I don't do calling

Oh, I just wondered, you being there

Well, everyone's somewhere, aren't they?

- I'll be off, then - Whatever

Yes, of course, it's my civic duty Yes, I see that 12:00? Yes, that'll be fine

(DOOR CLOSING)

Right Goodbye

LIONEL: There was a girl on the step, but she's gone now

What?

I said there was a girl on the step but she's gone now

- What girl? - I don't know Young, rude

- On the streets, from the look of her - On the streets?

Not that kind of "on the streets" Roughing it, whatever they call it

- Where are you going? - Well, I'm just going to have a look

(DOOR CLOSING)

- There's nobody there - There wouldn't be I said she was gone

Oh, yes

- You all right? - Not really

- I've just had the police on the phone - Police?

Yes They want me to be in an identity parade

- What? - No, no No, no, not in, no To attend one

Why?

Well, because they pulled in someone who was acting suspiciously

A prowler, I suppose And they want me to see if I can identify him

Because you reported a prowler a few weeks back?

- Yes - A prowler who was a total work of fiction

Because all you were really trying to do was get Harry round here

- Yes - Yes Well, you can't do it

Well, I have to It's my civic duty

Your civic duty?

To attend an identity parade to pick out someone who never existed in the first place?

Well, just don't go looking for someone you think looks like a prowler

and pick him out, that's all

Lionel, I'm not a complete idiot

I know you're not But you will get into messes

(JEAN SIGHING)

- I suppose you want me to come with you? - Well, yes, please

I better go and change, hadn't I?

Why do you have to change to go to an identity parade?

I can't go looking like this, can I?

- Oh, I didn't think - No

Sorry I took my morning suit back now

Lionel!

- You're absolutely sure? - For the umpteenth time, yes

I did not make an official identification

I just said I thought the one in the middle had shifty eyes

- I hope the police weren't swayed by that - Well, they said thank you in a neutral sort of way

Good

- No sign of Harry at the station - There wouldn't be

- He leaves for Canada tomorrow - Still

There's no "still"

Hello, she's back Ignore her

You can't just ignore people How would you like to be ignored?

Quite a lot, sometimes

- Hello - Hello

- Nice day - Yeah, I did that with him

- Oh Is that The Times? - Yes

I do struggle with my multi-syllabic words, but I do my best

- What's your name? - Dave

- Look, if you think that's funny - I don't think it's funny Dave, short for Davina

And what sort of twisted sense of humour do you have to have to call your child "Davina"?

- Well, I think that's a pretty name - Well, good

(JEAN SIGHS)

Yeah, a vote of thanks to the chef, I think

Oh, yes, Sandy You're cooking has improved out of all recognition

Suppose it had to, really

Are you thinking about Harry?

- You get right to it, don't you? - Well, sometimes

All right, I suppose I am

After tomorrow

- I will miss him - Oh

So, tell me about the identity parade

- Did you grass anybody up? - Well, I shall ignore that question

- Is there anything on the telly? - Nothing

- Oh, there must be something - No

8:00, people shouting at each other

8:30, people ruining other people's houses

9:00, car crashes

9:30, people falling over

10:00, more people shouting at each other, getting drunk and falling over

- Those are just the worst bits - They're the best bits

I don't know why people bother to go out at all

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

Oh, listen to that

- She's back - Who? Little Miss Sunshine?

She must be soaked

- She should be under cover - Yes, she should

- Are you thinking what I'm thinking? - I'm afraid I am

Suddenly watching people shouting at each other and falling over sounds very attractive

I brought Dave in

- Hi - Hello

- SANDY: Hello - Look at you

- You need a hot bath and a hot meal - Aren't there hostels?

- They're full - Oh

Well, you must stay here for the night You can't go out in that again

You have a hot bath and I'll look for something to eat for you

Now, come on up and take off those wet things

Oh, yeah?

There's not an ounce of grace in you, is there?

JEAN: Come on, come on, I'll show you the way, come on

Look, I'm grateful, all right?

- I don't know - Don't look at me

Lol Ferris always did say that Jean was a tender woman

Well, he's right She took me in as well

Yes, I know But you weren't sleeping on the step, were you?

Satisfied?

- Well, there's nothing missing, as far as I can tell - She's fast asleep

What do you think she did? Get up in the night, took the family silver, put it in her bag

- and stashed it under the bed? - We haven't any family silver

No, but you know what I mean Look, she's just a young girl living

- Well, living - By her wits?

- Yes, if you like - Which generally equates to thieving

No, she probably wants a fresh start in life

Decent place to live and a job

She tries to hide it, but she's obviously bright

Oh, I wonder, could the agency?

Is she still asleep?

Look, I've just been saying to Lionel, perhaps you could fit her in at the agency?

What as? A bouncer?

What is the matter with you two?

Realism, that's all And this decent place to live

- Here? - Look, I didn't mention here I didn't

(DOORBELL RINGING)

I'll go

- I didn't - Why not go the whole hog?

Why not turn the place into a home for wayward girls and have done with it?

Look, that's turning exaggeration into an art form

In case you've forgotten, we've only got one spare room

Which was Judy's

Which is what this is all about, isn't it?

You'd better come There's a surprise

Ooh

- Oh, Judy! - Hello, Mum

♪ Hey, hey, it's the Deacons ♪

Hi, lovely lady Hi, Li-onel

Hello, Alistair

Hello, you two I thought you were on honeymoon

We are We've just spent a few days in the big city, next stop, Barbados

But we just popped in to say hello Now, look, Alistair, you can put me down now

Not until we've crossed the threshold

From now on, I carry you across every threshold we cross

(JEAN AND LIONEL LAUGHING)

- Oh! - There

- Hello, Mum - Hello

Hey, Sandy, don't you look a million Very nice

- Hi, Alistair Hello, Judy - Hi, Sandy

Now, what are we all doing, milling around out here? Come on in

- Come on - Yes, come in

- Everything all right? - Very all right How's everything here?

- Any news? - No, no, no, it's all been very quiet

Come on Alistair's buying us all champagne across the road

- I think I'll miss out on that one - Oh, don't be such a misery

In case you've forgotten, Shirley Temple's still asleep up there

You don't seriously suggest we leave her alone in the house?

Whatever happened to your faith in human nature?

I find it diminishes by the week

- What's that? - There

I've left her a note in case she wakes up and wonders where we all are

- Have you taken leave of your senses? - Now what?

"Help yourself to anything you want"?

Food Food

Why not just put all our valuables in a big bag marked "Swag" and leave it on the table?

Well, let's just see, shall we? Now, look Now, look

Here There's 40 pounds Now

Where shall we put it? Let me think Here, now, look

There She can't help but see that if she comes down, can she?

You could make a big arrow pointing to it just to make sure

I bet you if she does go, she doesn't take it

- You really believe that, don't you? - Yes, I do

Lol's right, you really are a tender woman Or a crackpot

Oh, come on, Jonah

Hello?

Hello?

(DOORBELL RINGING)

- Oh Hello - Hello

- Is Sandy in? - Who's asking?

- I'm a friend of hers - Oh, right

- So is she in? - No

- Well, is anybody in? - Yes

- Who? - Me

- Now, look - All right, all right

She's in the pub down the road, they all are

Thank you

You didn't say who you were

Oh, so I didn't

- Thank you - Don't be a stranger

- Right, here's to Sandy - Yeah

Why me?

Well, because you're the big white chief now You're a woman of power

Not to say a woman of Well, yeah, power

To Sandy

- Sandy - Sandy

I wonder if the girls will end up calling me Iron Drawers

(LIONEL CHUCKLING)

(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)

- LIONEL: Oh, dear me - Not now Honeymoon

- Ooh, Alistair - It's the new me

I've even started calling Li, Lionel

I call him my little ray of sunshine

Of course, sometimes it It's Harry

JEAN: Well, don't all stare at him

Harry! Good to see you Come and say hello

- Hello - Hi, Harry

- Hi, Harry - Hello, Harry, hello

Champagne Would you like some champagne, Harry?

Oh, no thanks I don't do too well on champagne

(LIONEL CLEARS THROAT)

(JEAN CLEARS THROAT)

- Wasn't it rainy last night? - Yes, it was It was very rainy

ALISTAIR: Really heavy rain LIONEL: Yes

JUDITH: Didn't think it was ever gonna stop JEAN: No, but it did

So when are you off to the land of the moose and the maple leaf, Harry?

This afternoon I just came to say goodbye, really

LIONEL: Ah JUDITH: Right

- No, I didn't - Oh, Harry

Well, well, well

Woof, woof, woof

Old Harry, eh? I wonder what got into the guy

- A bit of backbone, I hope - Well, not before time

Do you suppose? No, perhaps we ought to leave them alone

Well, let's just talk about something else

Will you stop frogmarching me about?

Oh

Sandy, I love you

And I want you to marry me and come to Canada with me

Oh

I don't say enough, you see I mean to, but I don't,

because when I do, it generally comes out all wrong, anyway

When I found out about the attachment to Canada,

you were the first person I told And do you know what I wanted?

I wanted you to say something I mean, how pathetic is that?

Sandy, I'm just a copper

It's not enough to offer someone like you,

but I've finally realised that's all I can offer

The thought of being that far away without you,

the thought of you not being in my life at all, it's not on

It's not on

Sandy, you've got to marry me and you've got to come to Canada with me, and

Well, that's it, really

For somebody who doesn't say enough, you did rather well

- So - Harry, we can't get married

- What? - Here, I mean

If we're going to Canada this afternoon, then we don't have time, do we?

Oh

That is a yes, by the way

- We'll get married in Calgary - Oh, I've always wanted to get married in Calgary

- I think I need a sit-down - (SIGHING) Yes, so do I

So, what time do we have to be at Heathrow?

- 4:00 - 4:00?

- Oh! - What are you doing?

I'm phoning the pub for reinforcements

Right

SANDY: It's not there! It's not in the wardrobe

JEAN: Oh, it must be Let me have a look

(FOOTSTEPS POUNDING)

JEAN: Did you say green or cream?

- Green - I remember, it's in the wash

In the wash?

No, not in the wash It's been washed It just needs a run-over with an iron

Judy, get out the ironing board

JUDITH: There's no green folder in the drawer

SANDY: It must be upstairs!

JEAN: No, Judy, don't you come Get out the ironing board

JUDITH: Oh, right

I thought I'd get out of the way before I got trampled to death

"That's a yes," she said

In her voice

"That's a yes," she said

Did she, Harry?

- Now, what is it that you want ironed? - Nothing

No, not you

Sandy, what is it that you want ironed?

- The blue top - Oh, right

(DOORBELL RINGING)

ALISTAIR: Hey, hey JUDITH: No, no, not now, Alistair

(ALISTAIR GROANS)

- Aren't women awesome? - Not the word I'd have used

Always a joker, eh, Li? So, who's that, happy as Larry-Harry, then?

It's the way that she said it

"That's a yes," she said

It's all right He's in shock

(FOOTSTEPS POUNDING)

Oh, God, they're on the move again

- Awesome - Have you seen a green folder?

I suppose I must have at some time in my life

Oh, that's no help to me at all

- Right, look, is this the one? - Yes

JUDITH: Right

Ah, got it Yes

One passport

You're all set A couple more things and you're all set

Right, now, this won't take a minute

- Harry - I hadn't thought I've only got one ticket

- Harry! - Lionel, what do we do?

Well, there's always standby, I suppose

- Perhaps - Hello

- Gary Pearson, please - MAN: I'm afraid he's busy...

Well, yes, I'm sure he is Just say the word "Xanadu" to him

Gary, hi Alistair Deacon here

Yeah, look I'm in warp drive

- Your 6:00 flight to Calgary, fully booked? - GARY: Sorry...

Hmm Do I have to say the word Xanadu again?

- Yeah, two, first class, of course - First class?

Yeah, well, one's an upgrade and the other, well

She's always been first class

- So you want two first class... - Great You're a mate

- They'll be at the desk. - At the desk

Okay, so long, cowboy

No probs

No, no, no, no, really, no probs

Alistair, I never thought I'd say this, but you're a mate

That means one thing to me, Harry It's hug time

- Have a great time - Bye

- We will We will - Bye, Judy

- Bye - Write to me

- LIONEL: All the best Well done at last - Yes

- Goodbye, Harry - Bye-bye See you soon

No, call me Jean

- Bye-bye! - Have a wonderful

- Bye-bye! - Don't forget to let us know Bye

They've all gone

Just as well we didn't say goodbye to them at the airport, they'd never have got on their planes

And all of a sudden, it's just us

No! Dave!

- I wonder if she's still asleep - Nobody could've slept through that lot

Well, she was very tired, you never know

(GRUNTS CYNICALLY)

Lionel!

- She's gone - Moved on, I suppose

She didn't even say goodbye

Probably left when we were all in the pub

- She leave a note? - No, no note

Lionel, she didn't take the money

Good Lord, didn't she?

You were so sure she was going to, weren't you?

Well, we all get it wrong sometimes

Lionel, there's 40 pounds here

What's going on?

I've got it, I know what's going on

- Do you? - Yes, it's Dave

Not only did she not take the 40 pounds we left her,

but she's left 40 pounds of her own as a thank you

Yes

- Isn't it quiet? - Yes, isn't it?

Perhaps we should move

What, because it's too quiet?

No, but now that Judy and Sandy have gone it's just us rattling round

- I can't hear any rattling - You know what I mean

When the girls were here there was someone in every room

You're missing the girls, of course you are, but it's hardly a reason to move house, is it?

- Well, we've got to do something - What about going to sleep?

What, just lie here and wither away?

I don't think it happens overnight

Madge and Rocky went trekking in the Andes for a year

Well, they would They're both crackers

- I've never seen the Andes - Funnily enough, neither have I

So, it's just the two of us

You make that sound like some kind of curse

I think "just the two of us" has a very nice ring to it

Just the two of us

Loving each other, having a nice time together What's wrong with that?

- Well, put like that, nothing at all - Well, there you are then I'm going to sleep

And there'll be grandchildren I hope there's lots of grandchildren

They won't all be coming to live here, will they?

- Well, only in the holidays - Oh, God

Well, some of the holidays

Well, in the meantime,

I'm going to enjoy some of this peace and quiet Good night

Good night I think I'll read for a little

Oh, and if I start to wither away during the night, give me a shake

(CHUCKLING)

- What? - Nothing

Just thinking about the two of us blundering about in the Andes The Andes!

Yes Silly

# You must remember this

#A kiss is still a kiss

#A sigh is just a sigh

# The fundamental things apply

#As time goes by

#And when two lovers woo

# They still say, "I love you"

# On that you can rely

# The world will always welcome lovers

#As time goes by #

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