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1
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♪ You must remember this
2
00:00:11,220 --> 00:00:13,893
♪ A kiss is still a kiss
3
00:00:13,980 --> 00:00:16,778
♪ A sigh is just a sigh
4
00:00:19,340 --> 00:00:23,094
♪ The fundamental things apply
5
00:00:23,180 --> 00:00:26,775
♪ As time goes by ♪
6
00:00:36,900 --> 00:00:40,210
- You look very academic.
- I'm looking up a word.
7
00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:42,336
- A rude word?
- No, not a rude word.
8
00:00:42,420 --> 00:00:44,695
- A word for the crossword.
- What's the clue?
9
00:00:44,780 --> 00:00:46,611
Erm...
10
00:00:46,700 --> 00:00:50,579
"Lose two from lollipop to flop about."
11
00:00:51,180 --> 00:00:53,694
- Lose two what?
- I don't know.
12
00:00:53,780 --> 00:00:55,657
Erm, it could be letters.
13
00:00:55,740 --> 00:00:59,494
I was thinking, if you'd lost
the two 'i's from lollipop
14
00:00:59,580 --> 00:01:03,129
but that leaves you with lollpop
and there's no such word.
15
00:01:03,220 --> 00:01:05,654
There aren't two 'i's in lollipop anyway.
16
00:01:06,460 --> 00:01:08,576
Oh, no.
17
00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:11,011
- Lollop.
- What?
18
00:01:11,100 --> 00:01:14,376
Lollop. That's flopping about.
You know, lollop.
19
00:01:16,020 --> 00:01:19,296
- Are you sure there is such a word?
- Yes, of course.
20
00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:23,293
You don't take the two 'i's from lollipop,
not that there are two to begin with.
21
00:01:23,380 --> 00:01:26,019
You take an 'i' and a 'p'
and you're left with lollop.
22
00:01:26,100 --> 00:01:29,297
- There is such a word.
- Yes, I told you there was.
23
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:32,770
- Thank you. What are you doing?
- Thought I'd try another.
24
00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:34,737
- No, thank you.
- Oh.
25
00:01:34,820 --> 00:01:36,970
Don't like sharing your crosswords?
26
00:01:37,060 --> 00:01:39,096
Not until I admit defeat, no.
27
00:01:39,180 --> 00:01:44,049
That must be pretty often if you think
that lollipop's spelt with two 'i's.
28
00:01:44,140 --> 00:01:46,415
- What's 5 down, beginning V-E-R?
- Will you...
29
00:01:46,500 --> 00:01:48,172
Oh.
30
00:01:48,260 --> 00:01:51,093
- All right, I'll just lollop about.
- (Doorbell)
31
00:01:51,180 --> 00:01:54,252
No, I won't. I'll lollop off
and answer the front door.
32
00:01:54,340 --> 00:01:56,535
V-E-R.
33
00:01:56,620 --> 00:01:58,850
No, the E's wrong. That should be G.
34
00:01:59,740 --> 00:02:03,619
- Nothing starts V-G-R.
- No, you're not interrupting anything.
35
00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:06,168
- We were just lolloping around.
- Oh, right.
36
00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:07,852
- Hi, Li.
- Hello, Alistair.
37
00:02:07,940 --> 00:02:11,455
What is lolloping, exactly?
You know. Uh, flopping about.
38
00:02:11,540 --> 00:02:13,974
- Not, erm...
- No, no, just flopping about.
39
00:02:14,060 --> 00:02:15,812
Can we get you a drink? A cup of tea?
40
00:02:15,900 --> 00:02:19,415
No, thanks. Thing is, I've got some news
41
00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:22,253
and I wanted you two
to be the first to know.
42
00:02:22,340 --> 00:02:24,376
Does it concern you and Judy?
43
00:02:24,460 --> 00:02:27,452
- No.
- Oh, what then?
44
00:02:27,540 --> 00:02:31,169
Well, the bottom line is
I've sold the house next door.
45
00:02:31,260 --> 00:02:33,615
Oh, blimey, the V's wrong as well.
46
00:02:33,700 --> 00:02:36,498
- Did you hear what he said?
- He sold the house next door.
47
00:02:36,580 --> 00:02:38,616
You're still looking at the crossword.
48
00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:41,419
- What do you want me to do?
- Show some interest.
49
00:02:42,380 --> 00:02:46,373
No, that's not funny.
We've got to live with these people.
50
00:02:46,460 --> 00:02:48,894
They're moving next door, not in with us.
51
00:02:48,980 --> 00:02:51,096
Alistair, tell me.
52
00:02:51,180 --> 00:02:54,490
- They're a Mr and Mrs Duncan.
- Yes?
53
00:02:54,580 --> 00:02:56,491
- Well, that's it really.
- That's it?
54
00:02:56,580 --> 00:02:59,014
- Yes.
- You haven't met them?
55
00:02:59,100 --> 00:03:02,490
- My property guy handled all the biz.
- Did he form any impressions?
56
00:03:02,580 --> 00:03:05,572
Yes, they met the asking price
and they were cash buyers.
57
00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:09,612
Well, I must say,
I'm disappointed in you, Alistair.
58
00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:11,930
- Li?
- In case you've forgotten,
59
00:03:12,020 --> 00:03:15,774
Alistair did us a favour by buying
that house, a house he didn't want,
60
00:03:15,860 --> 00:03:19,136
just to stop your soppy sister-in-law
from moving in there.
61
00:03:19,220 --> 00:03:20,972
Not that I'm looking for plaudits,
62
00:03:21,060 --> 00:03:24,177
but having you disappointed
in me, now that hurts.
63
00:03:24,780 --> 00:03:27,578
I'm sorry, Alistair, but you sell
the house next door
64
00:03:27,660 --> 00:03:30,413
and all you bother to do
is find out the buyers' names.
65
00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:34,618
I was selling them a house,
not setting them up for This Is Your Life.
66
00:03:37,060 --> 00:03:38,812
Duncan.
67
00:03:38,900 --> 00:03:41,460
- That sounds Scottish, doesn't it?
- Yes, it does.
68
00:03:41,540 --> 00:03:44,657
And cash buyers. That means Scottish
with a bob or two.
69
00:03:44,740 --> 00:03:47,732
- They could be Scottish bank robbers.
- Not funny.
70
00:03:47,820 --> 00:03:50,380
Yeah, it's not very likely either, is it?
71
00:03:50,460 --> 00:03:52,610
Mum. Is it?
72
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,452
(Sighs)
73
00:03:54,540 --> 00:03:58,135
I don't know, it's just that if Penny
and Stephen did get the place,
74
00:03:58,220 --> 00:04:00,370
at least we'd know what we were getting.
75
00:04:00,460 --> 00:04:02,576
Yeah, bored to death.
76
00:04:02,660 --> 00:04:05,697
The Duncans won't be tossing
the caber over the garden wall
77
00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:08,010
or playing bagpipes all night, will they?
78
00:04:08,100 --> 00:04:11,854
We don't know. I mean,
those are extremes, but we don't know.
79
00:04:11,940 --> 00:04:14,090
- When are they moving in?
- We don't know.
80
00:04:14,180 --> 00:04:16,455
We'll have to wait and see
what they're like.
81
00:04:16,540 --> 00:04:20,294
- You sounded just like Lionel then.
- Oh, dear.
82
00:04:20,380 --> 00:04:23,770
- This was for three, wasn't it?
- Yeah. I'm going out with Alistair.
83
00:04:23,860 --> 00:04:27,455
- Harry's on duty.
- Probably practising baton twirling.
84
00:04:27,540 --> 00:04:30,293
- Lionel.
- I'd better get changed.
85
00:04:30,380 --> 00:04:33,577
- You going anywhere nice?
- Some club.
86
00:04:33,660 --> 00:04:36,572
The only club I ever go to
is the rugby club.
87
00:04:36,660 --> 00:04:38,491
Oh, did that sound envious?
88
00:04:38,580 --> 00:04:40,855
(Blows) No, just human.
89
00:04:40,940 --> 00:04:43,534
Never mind, wait till Harry's
Chief Constable.
90
00:04:43,620 --> 00:04:45,497
Whose is the madras?
91
00:04:45,580 --> 00:04:47,377
Mine. They do a screaming hot one.
92
00:04:47,460 --> 00:04:49,769
I'm surprised you have
any vocal cords left.
93
00:04:49,860 --> 00:04:53,569
Incidentally, did Alistair
say anything about children?
94
00:04:54,940 --> 00:04:56,692
Children?
95
00:04:56,780 --> 00:05:00,455
- The Duncans.
- Oh no, no, he didn't.
96
00:05:00,540 --> 00:05:03,054
By the way, I've rigged it up
in the bedroom.
97
00:05:03,140 --> 00:05:05,210
- Rigged what up?
- The telescope.
98
00:05:07,060 --> 00:05:09,938
- Do you want to eat in the other room?
- We always eat here.
99
00:05:10,020 --> 00:05:11,851
- No, alone, I meant.
- No, I'm fine.
100
00:05:11,940 --> 00:05:15,933
Oh, and it's got an infrared lens, in case
they arrive in the middle of the night.
101
00:05:16,020 --> 00:05:19,854
- We could throw his curry over him.
- I'm just trying to change the subject.
102
00:05:19,940 --> 00:05:21,851
You're talking about the subject.
103
00:05:21,940 --> 00:05:24,613
Lighten the mood, then.
We're getting new neighbours
104
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:28,170
but you're treating it like an invasion
of the Mongol hordes.
105
00:05:28,260 --> 00:05:31,218
- Nobody mentioned the Mongol hordes.
- "Like," I said.
106
00:05:31,300 --> 00:05:34,019
I think you're being
deliberately casual about it.
107
00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:38,332
- Oh, I just hope they move in soon.
- See? You're as curious as us.
108
00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:41,537
No, I'm not. I was thinking
that until they do move in,
109
00:05:41,620 --> 00:05:45,135
I'm gonna be the lone voice
in the wilderness in this house.
110
00:06:03,620 --> 00:06:07,135
- What do you think you're doing?
- Oh! Don't sneak up like that.
111
00:06:07,220 --> 00:06:10,530
I walked, I walked up.
I asked what you were doing.
112
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:13,498
- I'm cleaning the stonework.
- With a J Cloth?
113
00:06:13,580 --> 00:06:16,777
- Well, what would you use?
- I don't know, but not a J Cloth.
114
00:06:17,940 --> 00:06:19,817
You're just being nosy, aren't you?
115
00:06:19,900 --> 00:06:23,779
- I admit to curious.
- It's just furniture.
116
00:06:23,860 --> 00:06:26,738
You can tell a lot about people
by their furniture.
117
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,856
Such as?
118
00:06:30,900 --> 00:06:33,016
A lot.
119
00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:37,412
I should offer to clean the removal van.
You'll get a much closer look that way.
120
00:06:48,740 --> 00:06:50,856
Just the furniture and no people?
121
00:06:50,940 --> 00:06:54,091
Well, it does seem a little odd
but I wouldn't say weird.
122
00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:56,216
No, nor peculiar.
123
00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:58,814
Perhaps they'll come later on in the day.
124
00:06:58,900 --> 00:07:00,811
Lionel says what?
125
00:07:00,900 --> 00:07:03,130
Well, tell him he's in a silly mood.
126
00:07:03,220 --> 00:07:05,017
Yes, I'll tell Judy.
127
00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:07,056
See you this evening. Bye.
128
00:07:07,140 --> 00:07:09,973
- (Knock on door)
- Come in.
129
00:07:10,060 --> 00:07:12,130
- Sandy, there's a Mr...
- Hi, Sandy.
130
00:07:12,780 --> 00:07:16,773
...Deacon to see you.
- Hey, we are here, this is now.
131
00:07:16,860 --> 00:07:19,533
- Call me Alistair.
- Thank you, but, erm,
132
00:07:19,620 --> 00:07:21,770
I always call older men mister.
133
00:07:26,260 --> 00:07:29,411
- Older men? Me?
- She's only 22.
134
00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:32,458
- Nevertheless, pretty girl.
- Yes, she is.
135
00:07:32,540 --> 00:07:35,373
Not that you don't look
drop-dead gorgeous yourself.
136
00:07:35,460 --> 00:07:37,098
You never stop, do you?
137
00:07:37,180 --> 00:07:40,775
It's like being a bee in a garden
of beautiful flowers.
138
00:07:40,860 --> 00:07:45,092
- So what are you doing this evening?
- Taking a long, hot bath.
139
00:07:45,180 --> 00:07:47,740
Tempting, but no, thanks.
I thought we might go out.
140
00:07:47,820 --> 00:07:49,970
- Alistair.
- Hello, Alistair.
141
00:07:50,060 --> 00:07:52,574
- What are you doing here?
- (Sandy) Asking me out.
142
00:07:52,660 --> 00:07:56,369
Isn't that funny? I thought that Sandy
just said you were asking her out.
143
00:07:56,460 --> 00:07:59,452
I am, with us and Harry.
144
00:07:59,540 --> 00:08:01,371
- Harry?
- The guy you're seeing.
145
00:08:01,460 --> 00:08:04,418
Yes, I know who he is
but why ask us out?
146
00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:08,618
Because h-h-h-h-hot tickets.
147
00:08:08,700 --> 00:08:10,770
And I mean hot.
148
00:08:11,300 --> 00:08:14,975
Wow. This show's sold out
for the next 10 years.
149
00:08:15,060 --> 00:08:18,211
- So I hear.
- Well, I'd like to, but...
150
00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:20,609
Understood. Consult Harry first.
151
00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:24,215
Well, I must be going.
I've got an appointment at the palace.
152
00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:26,860
- Not?
- No, Lambeth Palace.
153
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:30,410
I'm meeting a bishop
who's written an anti-bullfighting book
154
00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:32,456
called Locking Horns With The Devil.
155
00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:35,131
Not the niftiest of titles, I agree,
156
00:08:35,220 --> 00:08:38,974
but with a bishop and a bullfighter
on the cover, who knows? Ciao, Sandy.
157
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,528
- Ring Harry then get me on the mobile.
- Right.
158
00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:44,976
Erm, you haven't actually asked me
if I want to go yet.
159
00:08:47,740 --> 00:08:49,810
Do you want to go?
160
00:08:50,420 --> 00:08:52,615
- What a silly question.
- Great.
161
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:58,935
Tell Harry I'm looking forward to meeting
him. We shall get on like a house on fire.
162
00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:03,214
- Jean phoned.
- Oh, let me guess what about.
163
00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:07,009
That's right. The furniture's arrived
but the Duncans haven't.
164
00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:09,091
And what does Mum read into that?
165
00:09:09,180 --> 00:09:12,536
She's probably compiling a list
at this very moment.
166
00:09:16,060 --> 00:09:18,335
- I thought you were in the bath.
- I was.
167
00:09:18,420 --> 00:09:20,251
I was waiting for you in bed.
168
00:09:20,340 --> 00:09:24,697
There's no law that says I've got to
go to bed after the bath, is there?
169
00:09:24,780 --> 00:09:26,452
Do you want a drink?
170
00:09:26,540 --> 00:09:30,658
Look, it's gone midnight. They're hardly
likely to arrive this late, are they?
171
00:09:31,820 --> 00:09:34,288
I'm not waiting up. I just fancied a drink.
172
00:09:34,380 --> 00:09:36,848
- What was that?
- What?
173
00:09:36,940 --> 00:09:39,932
Oh, I thought I saw a pig
fly past the window.
174
00:09:42,940 --> 00:09:46,410
You know, Penny and Stephen
aren't that bad, are they?
175
00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:50,209
- He drones and she twitters.
- Yes, but they're decent people.
176
00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:52,450
Whereas this new lot, oh.
177
00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:57,055
- I'm taking this to bed. Are you coming?
- I'll be up in a minute.
178
00:09:57,140 --> 00:10:00,849
It's not unknown for the furniture
to arrive before the people, you know.
179
00:10:00,940 --> 00:10:03,579
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Hm.
180
00:10:03,660 --> 00:10:06,970
- Good night, Sandy.
- (Sandy) Good night, Jean.
181
00:10:08,300 --> 00:10:11,656
- Hello, Sandy. Have a good evening?
- Yes, thank you.
182
00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:16,969
- What?
- I always think you look very cuddly
183
00:10:17,060 --> 00:10:18,812
- in a dressing gown.
- Cuddly?
184
00:10:18,900 --> 00:10:21,130
- Mm.
- Thank you.
185
00:10:23,740 --> 00:10:26,015
Oh.
186
00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:28,853
- Sandy?
- I didn't have a nice time at all.
187
00:10:29,580 --> 00:10:32,856
- Harry didn't take to Alistair.
- How did you know that?
188
00:10:32,940 --> 00:10:36,535
It takes a bit of time to take to Alistair
and I speak from experience.
189
00:10:36,620 --> 00:10:39,214
He would keep calling Harry "Har".
190
00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:42,656
Oh, dear, I've only just got used
to him calling me Li.
191
00:10:43,460 --> 00:10:46,338
- Harry thinks Alistair's flash.
- Let's face it, he is.
192
00:10:46,420 --> 00:10:50,618
Yes, I know, but it isn't
ill-intentioned. It's just Alistair.
193
00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:53,689
And chucking money around like confetti
194
00:10:53,780 --> 00:10:57,614
doesn't endear him to someone
struggling on a police constable's pay.
195
00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:00,612
I suppose he only earns coppers. Sorry.
196
00:11:01,660 --> 00:11:03,776
But d'you know the worst bit?
197
00:11:03,860 --> 00:11:07,091
- Judy doesn't like Harry?
- No, no, they get on fine.
198
00:11:07,180 --> 00:11:10,092
Alistair's planning a programme
of future events.
199
00:11:10,180 --> 00:11:12,853
He's already started calling us
The A Team.
200
00:11:13,460 --> 00:11:15,769
Sandy, I don't really know what I can do.
201
00:11:15,860 --> 00:11:20,695
Oh, it's all right. I just wanted
a shoulder to cry on. A cuddly one.
202
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:22,771
(Jean) They're here, they're here!
203
00:11:24,260 --> 00:11:26,296
- They're here.
- Who, the Martians?
204
00:11:26,380 --> 00:11:29,019
No, the Duncans. They've arrived.
205
00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:31,375
You've been standing
by the bedroom window.
206
00:11:31,460 --> 00:11:36,215
No, I have not. I was in bed and I heard
a car and I got out to see who it was.
207
00:11:37,100 --> 00:11:39,375
- Well, you do, don't you?
- You do.
208
00:11:39,460 --> 00:11:42,770
- Anyway, they've arrived.
- What did they do?
209
00:11:42,860 --> 00:11:46,933
They got out of the car
and they walked into the house.
210
00:11:48,180 --> 00:11:50,535
That's pretty outlandish behaviour.
211
00:11:50,620 --> 00:11:53,180
- Lionel, please.
- You mean there's more?
212
00:11:53,260 --> 00:11:56,013
No, no. But they have arrived.
213
00:11:56,700 --> 00:11:59,498
On that thunderous anticlimax
I think I'll go to bed.
214
00:11:59,580 --> 00:12:01,411
Yes, me too. Good night.
215
00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:03,855
- Good night, Sandy.
- Good night, Sandy.
216
00:12:05,300 --> 00:12:08,576
Do you think I look cuddly
in a dressing gown?
217
00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:11,970
- Not particularly, no. Why?
- Oh, nothing.
218
00:12:12,060 --> 00:12:15,496
- Are you coming up to bed or not?
- Yes, I suppose so.
219
00:12:15,580 --> 00:12:18,890
I still think it's a peculiar time to arrive.
220
00:12:18,980 --> 00:12:22,256
Perhaps they're vampires.
They can only go out at night.
221
00:12:26,140 --> 00:12:27,971
- Ready, Sandy?
- Yep, I'm nearly ready.
222
00:12:28,060 --> 00:12:30,051
Why didn't somebody call me?
223
00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:33,576
Mum, we're big girls now. You don't
need to see us across the road.
224
00:12:33,660 --> 00:12:36,936
- I just thought I'd see you off.
- Why?
225
00:12:37,020 --> 00:12:39,375
Because I just thought I'd see you off.
226
00:12:51,780 --> 00:12:54,055
- They're probably not up yet.
- Who?
227
00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:56,017
- Mum.
- I'll ring you at work
228
00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:58,056
if there are any developments.
229
00:12:58,140 --> 00:13:01,098
- What sort of developments?
- You know, developments.
230
00:13:01,180 --> 00:13:04,809
I'd better go in or Lionel will make jokes
about me washing the stonework.
231
00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:06,936
No, you're all right. He's out.
232
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:09,329
What's he doing
at this time of the morning?
233
00:13:09,420 --> 00:13:11,775
He said he wanted a bottle
of brown sauce.
234
00:13:11,860 --> 00:13:14,294
He does do the oddest things
sometimes.
235
00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:20,973
- (Both) Yes.
- Well, go on.
236
00:13:21,540 --> 00:13:23,576
- (Both) Bye.
- (Jean) Bye.
237
00:13:36,660 --> 00:13:38,616
(Sighs)
238
00:13:43,860 --> 00:13:45,816
(Sighs)
239
00:13:53,140 --> 00:13:55,096
(Gasps)
240
00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:12,574
- D'you have a good sleep?
- Yes, thank you.
241
00:14:12,660 --> 00:14:16,619
- Where have you been?
- Down to the corner shop to get this.
242
00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:19,097
Oh, I see.
243
00:14:19,180 --> 00:14:22,650
Yeah, I thought I'd have some of those
good sausages for breakfast
244
00:14:22,740 --> 00:14:24,856
and brown sauce
goes very well with them.
245
00:14:24,940 --> 00:14:28,330
I see. I'm just going to have toast.
246
00:14:28,420 --> 00:14:31,776
- Yes, I think I will as well.
- You said you fancied sausages.
247
00:14:31,860 --> 00:14:35,899
Yes, I did when I got up. I could see them
on the plate, all brown and sizzling.
248
00:14:35,980 --> 00:14:38,938
On my way back from the shop,
I went off the idea.
249
00:14:39,580 --> 00:14:42,856
- Would you mind laying the table?
- Yes, course.
250
00:14:55,940 --> 00:14:58,659
- Er, jam or marmalade?
- Honey, please.
251
00:14:58,740 --> 00:15:00,696
Honey.
252
00:15:05,460 --> 00:15:08,611
- Anything in the papers?
- Oh, the usual claptrap.
253
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:11,055
You've forgotten the sugar.
254
00:15:11,140 --> 00:15:13,096
(Chuckles) Oh.
255
00:15:17,780 --> 00:15:20,692
That's funny, I could've sworn
I put that in the cupboard.
256
00:15:24,860 --> 00:15:26,816
Ha ha.
257
00:15:26,900 --> 00:15:29,095
- What?
- Ha ha!
258
00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:32,819
Stop doing that.
You sound like a pantomime villain.
259
00:15:32,900 --> 00:15:36,859
You didn't need brown sauce at all.
There was a bottle in the cupboard.
260
00:15:36,940 --> 00:15:38,453
- I didn't see it.
- Really?
261
00:15:38,540 --> 00:15:41,737
- Yes, really.
- And you didn't fancy sausages.
262
00:15:41,820 --> 00:15:43,856
I told you, when I woke up
I fancied them.
263
00:15:43,940 --> 00:15:46,215
Having gone to get the sauce
we already had,
264
00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:48,973
you conveniently changed your mind
when you got back.
265
00:15:50,260 --> 00:15:52,455
- May I have some coffee?
- Yes.
266
00:15:57,580 --> 00:15:59,571
Thank you.
267
00:16:00,620 --> 00:16:02,611
- Well?
- What is convenient
268
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:04,850
about having toast instead of sausages?
269
00:16:04,940 --> 00:16:09,456
It's women who are meant to be curious
and nosy. But men, oh no, not them.
270
00:16:09,540 --> 00:16:11,576
They don't know
the meaning of the word.
271
00:16:11,660 --> 00:16:14,811
Is that little diatribe
an answer to my question?
272
00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:17,892
Come on, own up.
Sausages you never intended to eat,
273
00:16:17,980 --> 00:16:19,493
sauce that we already had.
274
00:16:19,580 --> 00:16:22,697
Wasn't it really an excuse to get out
and have a snoop around?
275
00:16:22,780 --> 00:16:25,010
Oh. Don't be silly.
276
00:16:25,580 --> 00:16:29,573
Me? You didn't even have the sense
to hide the bottle we already had.
277
00:16:29,660 --> 00:16:32,015
I didn't see the bottle we already had.
278
00:16:32,100 --> 00:16:36,218
- Ha.
- It's like an engineered infection, this is.
279
00:16:36,300 --> 00:16:39,497
It's like sneezing all over someone
when you've got a cold.
280
00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:42,333
- I don't know what you mean.
- The curiosity bug,
281
00:16:42,420 --> 00:16:44,809
that's what I mean. And you've got it.
282
00:16:44,900 --> 00:16:48,449
Not one but millions and now
you're trying to spread it around to me.
283
00:16:49,060 --> 00:16:50,812
Now for the last time,
284
00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:53,334
I did not see the bottle
of sauce in the cupboard,
285
00:16:53,420 --> 00:16:55,456
I did fancy sausages for breakfast
286
00:16:55,540 --> 00:16:59,328
and what's the point of snooping around
a house whose front door is closed?
287
00:16:59,940 --> 00:17:02,977
And finally, I didn't even pass the house
288
00:17:03,060 --> 00:17:07,338
because, if you remember,
the corner shop is in the other direction.
289
00:17:08,180 --> 00:17:11,172
Well, I suppose I would like you
to be a little bit curious.
290
00:17:11,260 --> 00:17:14,013
- Thank you.
- But of course, if you're not.
291
00:17:16,460 --> 00:17:18,894
- Just a minute.
- Now what?
292
00:17:18,980 --> 00:17:21,494
You said the shop
was in the other direction.
293
00:17:21,580 --> 00:17:24,014
- You know it is.
- So if you didn't pass the house,
294
00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:27,137
how did you know whether
the front door was open or closed?
295
00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:29,609
- I may just have glanced.
- Ha ha!
296
00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:31,292
- Glanced.
- Ha ha!
297
00:17:31,380 --> 00:17:33,894
Will you stop doing that?
298
00:17:33,980 --> 00:17:35,936
(Quietly) Ha ha.
299
00:17:37,340 --> 00:17:39,092
You can rely on us, Mr Willet.
300
00:17:39,180 --> 00:17:42,889
Two temps, two weeks,
top class, top rates.
301
00:17:43,460 --> 00:17:46,338
Thank you for choosing
Type For You. Bye.
302
00:17:47,540 --> 00:17:49,337
- (Knock on door)
- Come in.
303
00:17:49,420 --> 00:17:51,570
- Judy, there's a Mrs...
- Hello, love.
304
00:17:51,660 --> 00:17:54,015
- Hello, Mum.
...Hardcastle to see you.
305
00:17:54,100 --> 00:17:57,649
- Polly, this is my mother Jean.
- Oh, hello, Jean.
306
00:17:58,740 --> 00:18:01,891
- How do you do?
- You were a bit of a legend, you know.
307
00:18:01,980 --> 00:18:05,939
- Oh, were?
- Are, I meant are.
308
00:18:06,020 --> 00:18:07,976
May I get you a tea or coffee?
309
00:18:08,060 --> 00:18:10,528
- No, thank you.
- I'll get on then.
310
00:18:14,340 --> 00:18:16,774
- She's a child.
- She's 22.
311
00:18:16,860 --> 00:18:20,216
- She called me Jean.
- We're a bit less formal these days.
312
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,609
Oh, these days. (Laughs)
313
00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:25,931
Well, you made some changes.
314
00:18:26,020 --> 00:18:28,659
- Yes.
- Moved things round a bit.
315
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:31,208
- Not really.
- Do you like it?
316
00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:33,370
Yes, it's very nice.
317
00:18:34,340 --> 00:18:37,298
Mum, is this some kind
of snap inspection?
318
00:18:37,380 --> 00:18:40,258
No, of course not.
Look, I'm going to do something
319
00:18:40,340 --> 00:18:42,092
and I want you both to back me up.
320
00:18:42,180 --> 00:18:45,889
- It's not a heist, is it?
- No, it's the Duncans.
321
00:18:45,980 --> 00:18:48,130
- (Girls groan)
- (Jean) Don't do that.
322
00:18:48,220 --> 00:18:50,814
I thought we'd invite them
on Saturday for a drink,
323
00:18:50,900 --> 00:18:53,289
a sort of hello and welcome.
That sort of thing.
324
00:18:53,380 --> 00:18:55,894
- What does Lionel say?
- That's why I need backup.
325
00:18:55,980 --> 00:18:57,891
I haven't told him. Well?
326
00:18:57,980 --> 00:19:00,016
- How much?
- Well?
327
00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:02,978
Look, we don't have to
actually be there, do we?
328
00:19:03,060 --> 00:19:05,415
How are you going to
back me up otherwise?
329
00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:08,776
- On Saturday, I mean.
- You won't need us for that?
330
00:19:08,860 --> 00:19:12,694
Wonderful, isn't it? Lionel accuses me
of spreading the curiosity bug
331
00:19:12,780 --> 00:19:15,578
and all the time he's spreading
the antisocial bug.
332
00:19:15,660 --> 00:19:17,378
So it's an order then?
333
00:19:17,460 --> 00:19:22,534
Do you know I sometimes think about
coming back to work, taking over again.
334
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:26,135
- Yes, of course, we'll be there.
- We wouldn't miss it for the world.
335
00:19:26,220 --> 00:19:28,688
(Phone)
336
00:19:28,780 --> 00:19:31,340
Hello, Jean Pargetter.
337
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:33,695
Oh, yes, just a minute.
338
00:19:33,780 --> 00:19:35,975
No, no, I'm not the new secretary.
339
00:19:36,060 --> 00:19:39,052
I'm just a temp. Yes, she's right here.
340
00:19:39,860 --> 00:19:42,135
Sorry, old habits. It's a Miss Castle.
341
00:19:42,740 --> 00:19:46,016
Hello, Linda. She has.
342
00:19:46,100 --> 00:19:49,172
Yeah, well, I told you
we only supply the best.
343
00:19:49,260 --> 00:19:51,330
Yes, yes, we must do that.
344
00:19:51,980 --> 00:19:54,448
OK. Thanks for phoning. Bye-bye.
345
00:19:55,540 --> 00:19:58,816
- Another satisfied customer.
- I don't remember a Linda Castle.
346
00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:01,255
No, she's new.
347
00:20:01,340 --> 00:20:03,570
Can we get back
to this backup you need?
348
00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:05,651
Persuasion. You know what I mean.
349
00:20:05,740 --> 00:20:08,573
Yes, I do, but so does Lionel, too.
350
00:20:09,180 --> 00:20:10,977
Lots of fluttering eyelashes,
351
00:20:11,060 --> 00:20:15,338
little girlie voices, a bit of leg.
He's not a fool.
352
00:20:15,420 --> 00:20:17,695
I know he's not but it often works.
353
00:20:17,780 --> 00:20:19,532
- (Knock on door)
- Come in.
354
00:20:19,620 --> 00:20:21,372
- Sorry.
- There's a Mr...
355
00:20:21,460 --> 00:20:25,055
- Thank you.
...Hardcastle to see you.
356
00:20:25,140 --> 00:20:27,415
- May I get you a tea or coffee?
- No, thank you.
357
00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:29,570
I'll get on then.
358
00:20:31,460 --> 00:20:34,213
- She's very young, isn't she?
- That's what I said.
359
00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:36,689
It's nice to see you
but what are you doing here?
360
00:20:36,780 --> 00:20:39,977
You said you might pop in,
so I thought I'd pop in.
361
00:20:40,060 --> 00:20:42,494
- You don't work here.
- Neither do you.
362
00:20:43,620 --> 00:20:46,339
- No, true.
- I thought I'd save you all the trouble
363
00:20:46,420 --> 00:20:49,093
- of a performance this evening.
- What performance?
364
00:20:49,180 --> 00:20:51,819
The All Closing In On Me
On The Settee performance.
365
00:20:51,900 --> 00:20:55,893
You know, "Ooh, Lionel, aren't you
a weal old tweetie," performance.
366
00:20:55,980 --> 00:20:57,777
We do not talk like that.
367
00:20:57,860 --> 00:21:01,648
No, you don't snuggle up on the settee
so there's a lot of knee about either.
368
00:21:01,740 --> 00:21:05,289
- But I don't mind that bit.
- I've no idea what you're talking about.
369
00:21:05,380 --> 00:21:07,655
You're all dying to meet
the new neighbours
370
00:21:07,740 --> 00:21:11,210
but the old curmudgeon has to be
persuaded to meet them. Am I right?
371
00:21:11,300 --> 00:21:14,258
So I've invited them
for drinks on Saturday.
372
00:21:15,460 --> 00:21:17,530
But that's actually sociable.
373
00:21:17,620 --> 00:21:20,578
No, it's not. I just thought
I'd get it over with.
374
00:21:24,020 --> 00:21:26,454
Jean says are you bringing in
the fresh nibbles?
375
00:21:26,540 --> 00:21:29,054
Oh, I was just trying to buy
some time, that's all.
376
00:21:29,140 --> 00:21:32,416
- Do you think they'll go home soon?
- Oh, I do hope so.
377
00:21:32,980 --> 00:21:35,096
I'd rather be at the dentist.
378
00:21:35,180 --> 00:21:38,490
Make a quick appointment
and I'll come with you.
379
00:21:40,380 --> 00:21:43,497
So, Alex, did you say your son
had emigrated?
380
00:21:43,580 --> 00:21:45,855
- Yes. Queensland.
- Oh.
381
00:21:45,940 --> 00:21:48,170
Not Queensland, Alex, Australia.
382
00:21:48,260 --> 00:21:52,253
I'm sure that Lionel and Jean
know that Queensland is in Australia.
383
00:21:52,340 --> 00:21:55,889
Of course. But you wouldn't say
someone had emigrated to Birmingham.
384
00:21:55,980 --> 00:21:57,732
You'd say England.
385
00:21:57,820 --> 00:22:03,133
- I've never been to Birmingham.
- Oh, I have, but only once.
386
00:22:03,220 --> 00:22:06,496
If you just said Birmingham,
it could be Birmingham, Tennessee.
387
00:22:06,580 --> 00:22:08,616
It's Birmingham, Alabama, actually.
388
00:22:08,700 --> 00:22:12,295
Oh, we are in a geographic
mood today, aren't we?
389
00:22:12,380 --> 00:22:15,178
- Oh, more nibbles.
- Yes. Look at that. More nibbles.
390
00:22:15,260 --> 00:22:17,455
- Who wants some? Ruth?
- No, thank you.
391
00:22:17,540 --> 00:22:19,656
- Alex?
- No, thank you.
392
00:22:21,500 --> 00:22:25,129
So, erm, did anyone see the rugby
international the other week?
393
00:22:25,220 --> 00:22:27,575
- He did.
- I told you in the morning
394
00:22:27,660 --> 00:22:30,652
- that I'd be watching it.
- Afternoon, actually,
395
00:22:30,740 --> 00:22:33,413
which left it far too late
to alter the arrangements,
396
00:22:33,500 --> 00:22:36,060
which is why I had to cope
with Brenda on my own.
397
00:22:36,140 --> 00:22:39,212
- It didn't need two of us.
- It would have been nice.
398
00:22:39,300 --> 00:22:42,178
- Lionel loves rugby.
- Yes, I do.
399
00:22:42,260 --> 00:22:45,775
I'm not that bothered about it, really,
but it was something to watch.
400
00:22:45,860 --> 00:22:49,455
Not how it was put to me. It was
put to me as a matter of life or death.
401
00:22:49,540 --> 00:22:51,895
Sandy's going out with a policeman.
402
00:22:51,980 --> 00:22:54,016
Who also likes rugby.
403
00:22:54,100 --> 00:22:55,977
Do you know any policemen?
404
00:22:56,060 --> 00:22:59,211
We knew somebody
who was a coastguard.
405
00:23:00,260 --> 00:23:02,979
- Really?
- Alex knew him before we were married.
406
00:23:03,060 --> 00:23:05,369
- I only met him once.
- So, you knew him.
407
00:23:05,460 --> 00:23:08,258
- No, I met him.
- Does it really matter?
408
00:23:08,340 --> 00:23:10,934
Does it really matter?
409
00:23:11,780 --> 00:23:15,375
Whether we adopt a common
European currency or not?
410
00:23:16,900 --> 00:23:20,131
Well, you must ask Alex.
He's the economic wizard.
411
00:23:20,220 --> 00:23:23,815
I take the Financial Times.
I don't claim to be a wizard.
412
00:23:24,380 --> 00:23:26,132
- More nibbles?
- Another drink?
413
00:23:26,220 --> 00:23:29,735
- No, thank you.
- We should go. We're still unpacking.
414
00:23:29,820 --> 00:23:33,449
I told Lionel he shouldn't have bothered
you so soon after you'd moved in.
415
00:23:33,540 --> 00:23:37,249
No, it was very kind of you. You must
come and see us when we're settled.
416
00:23:37,340 --> 00:23:39,570
- We'd love to.
- Well, then, we'll be off.
417
00:23:39,660 --> 00:23:41,855
- Thanks again.
- We'll see you out.
418
00:23:42,780 --> 00:23:44,099
- Goodbye, Judith.
- Bye.
419
00:23:44,180 --> 00:23:46,535
- Goodbye, Cindy.
- Sandy.
420
00:23:46,620 --> 00:23:48,929
- Sandy.
- Nice to have met you both.
421
00:23:49,020 --> 00:23:51,056
(Alex) Bye.
(Jean) Goodbye.
422
00:23:54,660 --> 00:23:57,254
I try not to make too many
snap judgments but...
423
00:23:57,340 --> 00:24:01,174
If I have to meet them again,
I really will insist on being paid.
424
00:24:02,660 --> 00:24:04,810
- Budge up.
- Thanks for the one
425
00:24:04,900 --> 00:24:07,653
about me bothering them
so soon after they'd moved in.
426
00:24:07,740 --> 00:24:10,857
I'm sorry but I was desperate
for something to say.
427
00:24:10,940 --> 00:24:14,171
It didn't matter what anybody said,
they still argued about it.
428
00:24:14,260 --> 00:24:17,058
The only thing they didn't
argue about was their names.
429
00:24:17,140 --> 00:24:19,700
I bet that was a close-run thing though.
430
00:24:19,780 --> 00:24:22,658
- (Doorbell)
- They wouldn't come back, would they?
431
00:24:23,340 --> 00:24:26,059
Perhaps they have decided to argue
about their names.
432
00:24:26,140 --> 00:24:28,096
- Sandy?
- All right, I'll go.
433
00:24:28,180 --> 00:24:32,651
But if it's them, I shall faint dead away
and leave the rest up to you.
434
00:24:32,740 --> 00:24:34,935
No wonder their son emigrated.
435
00:24:35,020 --> 00:24:39,138
Suddenly Penny and Stephen seem the
most desirable neighbours in the world.
436
00:24:39,220 --> 00:24:42,053
Hey, hey, hey. How's my favourite
happy family?
437
00:24:46,180 --> 00:24:48,250
Was it something I said?
438
00:24:49,980 --> 00:24:52,619
- I'm sorry, Li, really I am.
- It's not your fault, Alistair.
439
00:24:52,700 --> 00:24:55,373
We couldn't expect you
to vet prospective buyers.
440
00:24:55,460 --> 00:24:57,690
Perhaps they can be persuaded
to move out.
441
00:24:57,780 --> 00:25:01,978
- They've only just moved in.
- I know a few, er, faces, you see.
442
00:25:02,060 --> 00:25:06,417
Oh, forget it. After all, we do live
in an approximation of a democracy.
443
00:25:06,500 --> 00:25:09,333
I can't think we'll have much
to do with them anyway.
444
00:25:09,420 --> 00:25:11,456
You're the big man in all this.
445
00:25:11,540 --> 00:25:14,896
Slight change of tack. Is Har on duty
this weekend, do you know?
446
00:25:14,980 --> 00:25:17,858
I thought I'd arrange something
for The A Team tomorrow.
447
00:25:17,940 --> 00:25:21,694
I think he is on duty and take a tip,
don't call him Har.
448
00:25:21,780 --> 00:25:24,852
- Why, Li?
- He doesn't like it. Sandy told me.
449
00:25:25,620 --> 00:25:29,090
- That has gone in... there.
- Good.
450
00:25:29,180 --> 00:25:32,490
While we're in a guy-levelling-
with-another-guy mood,
451
00:25:32,580 --> 00:25:35,140
is there anything else I should know?
452
00:25:35,220 --> 00:25:38,895
All right, yes. I know it's difficult for you
but try not to be so...
453
00:25:38,980 --> 00:25:41,016
- (Mobile)
- Excuse me.
454
00:25:43,420 --> 00:25:44,978
Alistair Deacon.
455
00:25:45,060 --> 00:25:47,494
Emil. Jak se mas?
456
00:25:48,580 --> 00:25:50,457
Yeah. He is?
457
00:25:50,540 --> 00:25:52,770
He will? Fantastic.
458
00:25:53,540 --> 00:25:55,531
Well, what's another five grand?
459
00:25:55,620 --> 00:25:59,169
Yeah, see you in Prague
on Tuesday. Ahoj.
460
00:26:05,220 --> 00:26:07,290
Try not to be so what, Li?
461
00:26:07,780 --> 00:26:09,896
No, forget that one.
462
00:26:11,260 --> 00:26:13,728
- Oh, dear.
- What is it?
463
00:26:14,580 --> 00:26:17,538
(Lionel) One of the Glums
has just walked in.
464
00:26:18,340 --> 00:26:20,934
That's one of our new neighbours.
465
00:26:21,020 --> 00:26:25,298
- Did he have that black eye earlier?
- No, I felt like punching him but I didn't.
466
00:26:27,700 --> 00:26:30,168
Battered guy. That's sad.
467
00:26:32,900 --> 00:26:35,175
- There you are.
- It's where we said we'd be.
468
00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:38,969
Yes, I know. I've got something
to tell you about Alex Duncan.
469
00:26:39,060 --> 00:26:41,290
- Well, keep it down, he's at the bar.
- Oh.
470
00:26:41,380 --> 00:26:44,770
- How about a champagne cocktail?
- Not now, Alistair.
471
00:26:44,860 --> 00:26:47,055
Well, come on, what about Alex Duncan?
472
00:26:47,140 --> 00:26:48,812
He's a wife beater.
473
00:26:49,540 --> 00:26:51,576
- What?
- Ruth left her scarf.
474
00:26:51,660 --> 00:26:55,812
The girls wouldn't take it, they said
they'd made enough sacrifices. So I did.
475
00:26:55,900 --> 00:26:59,529
- Lionel, she's got a black eye.
- (Both sniggering)
476
00:26:59,620 --> 00:27:02,692
Well, it's not funny.
The man is obviously a brute.
477
00:27:02,780 --> 00:27:05,499
I think it evens out.
He's got a black eye, too.
478
00:27:06,060 --> 00:27:08,369
- He hasn't?
- I wonder if the feminine of brute
479
00:27:08,460 --> 00:27:10,690
- is brutess?
- Nice one, Li.
480
00:27:10,780 --> 00:27:13,897
- Look, it's not funny.
- No, you're right.
481
00:27:13,980 --> 00:27:16,574
I wonder who punched who first?
482
00:27:16,660 --> 00:27:19,697
- Perhaps it was simultaneous.
- Stop it.
483
00:27:19,780 --> 00:27:21,816
We've got to live next to those people.
484
00:27:21,900 --> 00:27:24,733
Well, so long as they don't start on us.
485
00:27:24,820 --> 00:27:26,651
I think I will have that drink now.
486
00:27:26,740 --> 00:27:31,495
- Your wish, as you know, is my... my, my.
- (Jean) What?
487
00:27:31,580 --> 00:27:35,095
(Alistair) A woman with a black eye's
just walked in.
488
00:27:36,940 --> 00:27:40,410
- (Alistair) It's like a Western.
- Lionel, what should we do?
489
00:27:40,500 --> 00:27:41,774
We stay right out of it.
490
00:27:42,700 --> 00:27:44,656
(Jean gasps)
491
00:27:56,220 --> 00:27:58,734
Well, they're not dull, are they?
492
00:28:08,180 --> 00:28:10,171
♪ You must remember this
493
00:28:10,980 --> 00:28:13,414
♪ A kiss is still a kiss
494
00:28:13,500 --> 00:28:16,776
♪ A sigh is just a sigh
495
00:28:19,060 --> 00:28:22,530
♪ The fundamental things apply
496
00:28:22,620 --> 00:28:25,930
♪ As time goes by
497
00:28:29,860 --> 00:28:32,010
♪ And when two lovers woo
498
00:28:32,620 --> 00:28:35,214
♪ They still say I love you
499
00:28:35,300 --> 00:28:38,098
♪ On that you can rely
500
00:28:40,900 --> 00:28:44,939
♪ The world will always welcome lovers
501
00:28:46,580 --> 00:28:54,339
♪ As time goes by ♪
502
00:28:54,389 --> 00:28:58,939
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