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1
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♪ You must remember this
2
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♪ A kiss is still a kiss
3
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♪ A sigh is just a sigh
4
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♪ The fundamental things apply
5
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♪ As time goes by ♪
6
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(Jean) Are there any hedgehogs here?
7
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Not unless they have
oxygen masks. Why?
8
00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:38,108
I can hear a sort of snuffling noise.
9
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That's me breathing.
Shall we have a little rest?
10
00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,036
It's not far to the top now.
11
00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:47,351
- I know but shall we have a little rest?
- Oh, yes.
12
00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:52,432
Why do we have to have
a picnic on a mountain?
13
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:55,876
It's Madge and Rocky's idea.
It's only a hill.
14
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:58,030
Of the mountainous variety.
15
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:03,279
Come on, Tenzing,
one last thrust to the top.
16
00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:08,078
We can plant a Union Jack
when we get there.
17
00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,276
If - that's an if.
18
00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:14,116
There you are.
19
00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:21,389
- Ah, there you are!
- Ah! (Chuckles)
20
00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:23,755
You know, we'd almost given you up.
21
00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:26,274
- Oh!
- Come and have some champagne.
22
00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:27,839
Oh!
23
00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:31,434
The top of Everest was never like this.
24
00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:34,432
- When did you set out?
- Several days ago.
25
00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:37,592
Two hours ago.
When did you two set out?
26
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:42,071
- Oh, about 20 minutes ago.
- You're not telling us you climbed up?
27
00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:46,870
I'm tempted to but no, Mrs Bale
ran us up in the motorbike and sidecar.
28
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:51,192
She's just nipped back for the hamper.
Ah, there she is now.
29
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:58,671
I think she could have been
Calamity Jane in a previous existence.
30
00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:01,593
But a word of warning -
treat her with care.
31
00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:04,672
She's been looking after us
at the cottage
32
00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:07,194
and she's been distinctly peculiar.
33
00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:10,272
- She's always peculiar.
- Yes, we know that
34
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,920
but, er, this is distinctly.
35
00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:23,436
(Sighs) I'm sorry I took so long,
I had an altercation.
36
00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:27,195
- Indians?
- Some fool on a mountain bike.
37
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,840
- He's not injured, is he?
- Just winded.
38
00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:35,278
- Let me give you a hand, Mrs Bale.
- I can manage, thank you.
39
00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:39,950
After I've taken
Mr and Mrs Hardcastle Senior home
40
00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:42,395
I shall prepare your supper.
41
00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:44,789
You don't have to - we can manage.
42
00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:47,997
I shall be along
to prepare your supper later.
43
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:54,155
I am not, as some people would have it,
a spent force.
44
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(Mouths)
45
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:08,593
- You all right?
- Five of us on a motorbike and sidecar.
46
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:11,114
- I thought it was fun.
- Downhill.
47
00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:15,318
- That was the best bit.
- There's something in the water here.
48
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,755
We could become a display team.
49
00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:20,673
- Oh...
- Are you sure you're all right?
50
00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:25,595
A bit heady, that's all.
Probably drinking champagne at altitude.
51
00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:29,753
- Wasn't that fun!
- That's just what I've been saying.
52
00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:31,796
How about you, young fella?
53
00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:35,634
I should never have allowed myself
to get talked into it.
54
00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:38,280
I despair of you sometimes.
55
00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:40,590
I'm going to fetch the furniture.
56
00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:44,958
- Would you like a hand?
- No, thank you. I am not in my dotage.
57
00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:48,032
- I didn't mention dotage.
- Just as well.
58
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:50,633
Distinctly.
59
00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:53,917
- Rocky, what have you said to her?
- Why pick on me?
60
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:59,154
- Well, you're the most likely candidate.
- Condemned without a hearing.
61
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:04,314
- You called her a silly old bat earlier.
- I've been calling her that for years.
62
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,470
It's a form of endearment.
63
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:11,953
Yes, it is. If Rocky didn't call her that
at least once a day she'd feel neglected.
64
00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:14,713
Well, somebody's said something to her.
65
00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,553
It wasn't when I said
the pork pie was hard?
66
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:21,428
- She was fractious long before that.
- Perhaps it's a man.
67
00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:23,590
A man?
68
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:27,639
Yes, you know -
trousers, low voice, that sort of thing.
69
00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:31,030
- Mrs Bale?!
- Don't say it like that, it is Mrs Bale.
70
00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:34,874
There must have been a Mr Bale,
and one assumes he was a man.
71
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:37,520
He was an unmitigated swine, I'm afraid.
72
00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:40,910
- Really?
- He was assistant manager at the Co-op.
73
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:45,357
- He ran off with a dolly bird.
- Good gracious.
74
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:49,592
- When was this?
- Oh, way back in the mists of time.
75
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,557
She never talks about him.
76
00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:55,713
Yes but I'm not talking about
someone from the "mists of time,"
77
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:59,509
- I'm talking about a man now.
- A man now?!
78
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,556
Don't start that again.
79
00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:04,871
Well, it doesn't sound terribly likely,
does it?
80
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:08,270
- What's the name of the grocer? Mr?
- Harris.
81
00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,635
- No, Wells.
- Wells. Wells.
82
00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:13,951
- What about him?
- He's always very attentive.
83
00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:18,556
I know for a fact he invited her
to the pictures the other week.
84
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:21,029
- Did she go?
- Well, no.
85
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:24,157
Of course. It's not a man at all.
86
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,196
A woman?!
87
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:29,756
Oh, don't be silly.
88
00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:33,389
No, I've just remembered
two things that she said.
89
00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:39,157
"I am not in my dotage,"
and "I am not a spent force."
90
00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:44,155
It's hardly likely that a suitor
would accuse her of being those, is it?
91
00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:47,312
- You're right.
- Don't all look so surprised!
92
00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:49,436
I'm not just a pretty face.
93
00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:52,470
She's a first-rate drummer, too.
94
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,597
- So it's not a man.
- I never believed it was.
95
00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:59,639
- Then you say something constructive.
- Ask Mrs Bale.
96
00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:03,679
- Frontal attack?
- Over the top with fixed bayonets?
97
00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:07,196
- She'll never tell us.
- We won't know if we don't ask.
98
00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:09,919
Don't go at it like a bull in a china shop.
99
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,433
What?
100
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,829
- When you ask her.
- (Knock at door)
101
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,070
- Come in.
- Afternoon, all.
102
00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:19,869
- Oh, come in Lol.
- I better not, I've been composting
103
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:24,670
so I probably pong a bit.
I just came to say I'll be off now.
104
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:28,389
- Oh, right. See you next week then.
- Oh, er, right, er...
105
00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:31,597
- I'll be off then.
- Bye, Lol. Have a nice weekend.
106
00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:33,636
Oh, er, right then.
107
00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:39,153
- Er, I'll be off then!
- Ahem. The boy needs paying.
108
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:42,118
Oh! Oh, I'm sorry, Lol.
Why didn't you say?
109
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:45,431
I didn't like to.
Mrs Bale usually handles that.
110
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:48,159
Oh, er... Oh, my handbag's in the kitchen.
111
00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:51,596
- I'll wait there. Afternoon, all.
- (Rocky) Bye, Lol.
112
00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:54,956
- Now there's a source.
- He only wanted his wages.
113
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:58,635
No, the other sort of source -
local knowledge.
114
00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:03,157
I wonder if he has any idea
what ails Mrs Bale.
115
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:06,232
- Worth a crack.
- Well... l'll ask.
116
00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:09,630
Don't go at it like
a bull in a china shop, will you?
117
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:15,313
Lol!
118
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,356
- Yes?
- Oh.
119
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:20,591
I didn't mean to startle you.
You had a hook loose.
120
00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:24,070
Fine. Now, where did I?
Oh, there. There we are.
121
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,752
(Sighs)
122
00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:33,069
- Thanks, Lol.
- Thank you very much. I'll be off then.
123
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:37,392
- Would you like a cup of tea?
- No, I've got to wash Mother's hair.
124
00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,391
Perhaps something stronger?
125
00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:41,436
Whoa! (Laughs heartily)
126
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:46,196
No, she smells drink on my breath
before sunset there'll be hell to pay!
127
00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:48,874
- I'll be off then.
- Lol, just a minute.
128
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,269
Erm, I want to ask you something.
129
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:54,158
Oh, er, is it of a horticultural nature?
130
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,276
Well... not exactly.
131
00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:59,796
Only, I'm...
I'm not a lot of good outside that.
132
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:03,316
No, it's... it's about Mrs Bale.
133
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,630
- Oh, dear.
- Why "oh, dear"?
134
00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:08,188
Well, she-she-she-she's a woman.
135
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,753
- Yes, I know. So am I.
- That makes it worse.
136
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,796
I'm out of my depth with women.
137
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:18,077
- No, this isn't a personal question.
- What then?
138
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:21,835
Do you know anything
that could have upset her recently?
139
00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,673
- That is personal.
- Yes, I suppose it is
140
00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:27,228
but this is not a prurient enquiry.
141
00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:29,993
Pr... r... Isn't it?
142
00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:33,231
I'm not just being nosy,
I'm very fond of Mrs Bale
143
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:35,788
and if she is upset I'd like to know why.
144
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:37,996
Well, that's very tender of you.
145
00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:41,629
Thank you.
So would you have any idea what it is?
146
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:43,073
No.
147
00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:48,189
- Oh! Mind you, there was one thing.
- Yes?
148
00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:50,350
There was talk of a balloonist.
149
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:54,551
- A balloonist?!
- As I say, it were just gossip.
150
00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:57,677
- Quite. What happened?
- I'd have to ask Mother.
151
00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:02,072
- 'Tis 15 years ago.
- Oh. It can hardly be that then, can it?
152
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:04,116
Probably not.
153
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,714
Er, erm... Is it all right if I go now?
154
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:09,997
- Oh, yes, of course.
- See you next weekend then.
155
00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:11,433
Right.
156
00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:13,829
- I've just had a thought!
- Yes?
157
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:17,674
There is one way of finding out
what's bothering Mrs Bale.
158
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:19,796
- How?
- Ask her.
159
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:29,438
- I'm not very hungry.
- You're not angling for a custard tart?
160
00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:32,592
No. To tell the truth,
I don't feel 100% at all.
161
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:36,269
You don't want to talk to Mrs Bale.
162
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:38,316
- No.
- Oh, no?
163
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:41,756
I mentioned it over soup -
which you ate heartily.
164
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:43,796
- Drank.
- Drank, drank.
165
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:47,839
Over the main course
we decided to talk to her after pudding.
166
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:50,115
So you start picking at your lamb.
167
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:55,149
Now you're pushing the crumble around
and saying you're at death's door.
168
00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:58,471
- If you...
- Winds are strong in Shetland and...
169
00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:02,519
Why do you both stop talking
every time I come in to the room?
170
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:05,068
- Coincidence.
- The end of a sentence.
171
00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:08,914
I refuse to believe that "if you"
is the end of a sentence.
172
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,394
"If you did," that was a whole sentence.
173
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,357
Did what?
174
00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:17,193
Hop. We're talking about hopping.
175
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:20,989
- Really?
- Yes. Our conversations are far-ranging.
176
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:25,999
Your rhubarb crumble is not digested,
it's merely disturbed.
177
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,640
- I don't feel very well.
- Nonsense.
178
00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:31,393
A large brandy will do the trick.
179
00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:34,916
- No, I don't think...
- Shall I serve the coffee now?
180
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,514
- Now, please, Mrs Bale.
- As you will.
181
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:41,070
You can continue
your conversation about hopping.
182
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,474
You see? She said nonsense.
183
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:47,154
She's always said that about illness.
184
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:50,676
If I walked in here with
a spear in my chest she'd say,
185
00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:53,672
"Do pull that out, it's ruining your shirt."
186
00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:57,548
It's illness now?
Not just not feeling well, it's illness?
187
00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:01,110
- Call it what you like.
- It was your idea to talk to her.
188
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:05,034
Yes. But not for me to do the talking.
You volunteered me.
189
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:08,908
- You've known her longer than I have.
- But you're a woman.
190
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,833
Why do men always say it like that?
191
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:15,151
- Well...
- I'll tell you why, cos it's a cop-out.
192
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:18,232
"You're a woman"
is meant to sound flattering.
193
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:22,029
What it really is, is "this is a dirty job
and will you do it?"
194
00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:26,238
- I thought you weren't a feminist?
- I'm not but I am a woman.
195
00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:30,950
I'm not faking, I really don't feel
up to a heart-to-heart with Mrs Bale.
196
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:32,598
Oh!
197
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:36,592
- Oh! Oh, you are rather hot.
- I know.
198
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:39,319
Perhaps you'd better have an early night.
199
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:43,279
Yes, perhaps I'd better.
Why don't we both have an early night?
200
00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:47,399
- I thought you weren't well?
- Not that sort of early night.
201
00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,948
I meant, let's talk to her tomorrow.
202
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:51,917
No, something's bothering her,
and I really...
203
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,716
Mid-sentence again.
204
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:59,588
- I'm going to bed.
- I really do think you should go to bed.
205
00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:04,674
- It's no good buckling under.
- I'm not, I'm just going to bed.
206
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:07,593
- Open all the windows.
- Yes, Mrs Bale.
207
00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:10,353
- I shan't be up late myself.
- All right.
208
00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:12,954
- Er, a liqueur?
- No, thanks, Mrs Bale.
209
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:15,634
Why don't you sit down
and have Lionel's coffee?
210
00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,917
- Sit down?
- I feel like Queen Victoria.
211
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,389
Well, if you insist.
212
00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:24,790
I don't insist, I was just inviting you.
Shall I pour?
213
00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:26,836
- Certainly not!
- Oh! Sorry.
214
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:30,710
- Well, let's chat.
- Chat?
215
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:34,349
Yes, that thing that men imagine
we do all the time.
216
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:37,637
He was a slender man
with piercing blue eyes.
217
00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:42,190
- Who?
- The balloonist that Lol mentioned.
218
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:47,715
- How did you know about that?
- Lol's mother told Mrs Tring
219
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:51,998
who told Mr Wells the grocer, who
told me when I went in for some eggs.
220
00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:54,036
It makes e-mail look obsolete.
221
00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:58,036
And in answer to your question,
222
00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:02,193
yes, we did have a brief
but very passionate affair.
223
00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:06,000
- Are you shocked?
- No.
224
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:11,074
I mean, a slender balloonist
with piercing blue eyes...
225
00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:15,438
Well, any woman could...
No, that wasn't my question, Mrs Bale.
226
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:20,116
- I wasn't delving into your private life.
- Then what were you doing?
227
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,395
- We're friends, aren't we?
- No.
228
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,635
I have a great deal of respect for you
229
00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:30,157
and you're the best thing that ever
happened to Mr Lionel - but friends?
230
00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:32,196
- Could we begin?
- Where?
231
00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:37,035
- You could call me Jean.
- I most certainly could not!
232
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,588
- And I could call you...
- Mrs Bale.
233
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:41,636
Yes, all right, Mrs Bale.
234
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,836
I'll come straight to the point.
235
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:46,718
We all know that
something's troubling you
236
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:50,793
and is there anything that we can do
to help? Anything I can do?
237
00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:53,394
- I apologise.
- What for?
238
00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:56,199
For allowing
any small problem I may have
239
00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:58,999
to affect my efficiency as a housekeeper.
240
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:00,991
It doesn't.
241
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:02,991
It hasn't.
242
00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:05,150
- What small problem?
- Mine.
243
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:10,430
Lol Ferris always describes you
as a tender woman.
244
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:15,469
- It makes me sound like a steak.
- No, it doesn't. And he's right.
245
00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:17,915
- Mrs Bale.
- Yes?
246
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:22,312
One day will you tell me more
about the slender balloonist?
247
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,834
Perhaps. One day.
248
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:32,637
- (Door creaking open)
- (Jean) Shh!
249
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,756
(Door creaking shut)
250
00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:38,071
(Jean) Shh!
(Lionel) Who are you talking to?
251
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:40,116
(Jean) The door.
252
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:42,998
- Did I wake you?
- No, I was just dozing.
253
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:46,959
Oh, sorry. Oh! You didn't have to do that.
254
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:51,352
Yes, I did. The suspense of waiting
for you to bump into something
255
00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:53,396
would've kept me awake.
256
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:56,916
- How are you feeling?
- Still putting it on.
257
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,230
You're not going to go all noble on me?
258
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:03,313
- I don't feel at all noble.
- Mrs Bale said open the window.
259
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:07,234
- Mrs Bale is a Spartan.
- Let some fresh air in.
260
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:10,676
- Why?!
- Because I used to be a nurse.
261
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:14,070
- Did you freeze patients to death?
- All the time.
262
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,310
- Have you had a drink?
- Yes.
263
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,914
I've got a case of Scotch under the bed.
264
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:23,073
- You're gonna be difficult, aren't you?
- You can't come in here!
265
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:25,628
Why? Are you expecting someone else?
266
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:28,949
You might catch whatever I've got.
267
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:31,395
I'm gonna catch it anyway, aren't I?
268
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,595
Terrible draught from that window.
269
00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:41,674
Think of it as fresh air. If you're no better
in the morning I'll call the doctor.
270
00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:44,320
- I don't want a doctor.
- I'll call him anyway.
271
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:47,517
- Damn.
- You'll have to swear harder than that.
272
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,556
No, I need a pee.
273
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:52,078
Ohh.
274
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:55,118
- Do you want a bottle?
- Certainly not.
275
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:01,313
- I can manage!
- Let's just see, shall we?
276
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,550
Get the dressing gown on.
277
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:06,154
Are you trying to dislocate my shoulder?
278
00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:09,073
- There's a knack to this.
- You've lost it.
279
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,116
Let me do it. There!
280
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,036
Did you have a chat with Mrs Bale?
281
00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:19,033
More of a fencing match.
I didn't get past her guard once.
282
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:23,716
- You don't have to come with me!
- Just as far as the bathroom door.
283
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:25,756
You look a bit wobbly to me.
284
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:29,718
You nurses
and your professional jargon.
285
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:34,635
- And don't lock the door.
- I shan't pitch headfirst down the loo.
286
00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:37,951
I sincerely hope not.
Just don't lock the door.
287
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:41,749
- What's going on?
- I'm being taken for a wee-wee.
288
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:43,796
Come along then.
289
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:49,911
(Lionel) I can do it by myself!
290
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,116
Well, don't lock it!
291
00:16:55,520 --> 00:17:00,355
I'll do a deal - I won't lock it
if you'll both move away or sing.
292
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:04,078
- What shall we sing?
- Let's just move away.
293
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:07,675
I know men can be awful babies
but how is he?
294
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:10,194
A bit babyish but he's not at all well.
295
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,919
Shall I whip up an egg custard?
296
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,195
On the whole I think not, Mrs Bale.
297
00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:17,953
A good night may help.
If not I'll call the doctor.
298
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:21,919
- The local doctor?
- Yes. Why?
299
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:25,197
- Why not see your own doctor?
- It's a long drive.
300
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,953
I meant go back to London
in the morning.
301
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:32,477
Not if Lionel's not better.
Why, what's wrong with the local chap?
302
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:35,950
- I didn't say anything was wrong.
- You made a face.
303
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:39,510
I expect Mr Lionel
will be quite well in the morning.
304
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,512
Call me if you need me. Good night.
305
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,431
Good night.
306
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:49,636
Are you all right in there?
307
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,756
I asked you to move away or sing.
308
00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:55,835
♪ Raindrops keep falling on my head
309
00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:58,592
♪ But that doesn't mean to say... ♪
310
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,589
Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
311
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:10,069
No, it's Mrs Bale!
312
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,674
That's a very silly hat you're wearing.
313
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:14,955
People who live in greenhouses...
314
00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:20,672
Mine is functional. Yours, I assume,
is some sort of fashion statement.
315
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:24,036
It isn't. Just something I... threw on.
316
00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:26,759
I should throw it off again if I were you.
317
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,991
- Now, if you'll excuse me.
- Going scrambling?
318
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:34,119
I'm going to get something for Mr Lionel.
He's not very well.
319
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,953
- What's the trouble?
- The trouble is...
320
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:41,238
that Mrs Hardcastle the younger
has sent for the doctor.
321
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:44,392
The front door's open. Let yourself in.
322
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,677
What's wrong
with sending for the doctor?
323
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,428
(American accent) Hi, honey, I'm home!
324
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:05,796
Alistair? Where did you spring from?
325
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:09,350
Jean, you were a nurse, you should
know. How's my main man?
326
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:12,238
Not well.
He's hardly touched his breakfast.
327
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,390
Shall I get him a custard tart?
328
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:18,439
- I think not. Come and have some tea.
- Right. Incidentally...
329
00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:20,078
do you like the hat?
330
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,310
It looks a bit silly.
331
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,436
- (Bell tinkles)
- Oh!
332
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:26,476
I'll go. You have a sit-down.
333
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,516
No, no, no. I'll go.
334
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:30,909
I'll go. Oh...
335
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:36,949
I'm not used to Lionel being ill.
336
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:40,396
He'll be fine.
The guy's an old bull elephant.
337
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:44,917
- Mrs Bale said you'd sent for the doctor.
- He's coming after surgery.
338
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:47,514
She didn't sound that keen on the idea.
339
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:51,149
She's more faith in
some old girl with a cauldron.
340
00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:53,515
Where does she keep this cauldron?
341
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,556
Ask her, if you have the nerve.
342
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,995
No thanks, I don't see meself as a frog.
343
00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:02,039
It is good to see you
but you haven't told me why you're here.
344
00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:06,272
Oh, erm... Li and I
were going to the races this afternoon.
345
00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:08,316
He hates horse racing.
346
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:11,073
Ah, no, this is, er, point-to-point.
347
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,116
Still horses, isn't it?
348
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,634
- Well, yes, but...
- (Bell tinkles)
349
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,676
Ah, do I hear that bell again?
350
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:19,796
I wish I'd never given it to him.
351
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:23,509
Those stairs lose their novelty value
after the 15th time.
352
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:27,718
Let me do it.
This could be a... a guy-to-guy thing.
353
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,997
Yes, like his new-found interest
in horse racing.
354
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,036
- Right!
- (Bell tinkles)
355
00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:35,873
He's coming! He's coming!
356
00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:49,396
(As "lgor") You rang, master?
357
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:59,790
- Just trying to raise a smile, Li.
- What are you doing here?
358
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:02,713
Not basking in
the warmth of your welcome!
359
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,234
We had a date, remember?
360
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:08,312
Oh, yes. Well, that's off. Where's Jean?
361
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:12,439
Having a sit-down. I get the impression
you've been over-tinkling.
362
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:16,513
As a matter of fact
I've been a model of restraint.
363
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,717
(Colonel Bogey horn outside)
364
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,678
- Rocky and Madge.
- Oh, they're all I need.
365
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:26,275
Leave this to me, mate,
I'll stop 'em in their tracks.
366
00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:29,796
Might as well try to
stop a tank with a popgun.
367
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,678
Well, yes, he is rather.
How did you know?
368
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:36,150
Mrs Tring's daughter in the surgery
told her mother.
369
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,708
She told Molly Kindred at the garage.
370
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,633
Who mentioned it to Mrs Williams,
who told us.
371
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:44,792
Remind me
to start a rumour down here one day.
372
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,952
- We'd better go and see the boy.
- Ginger him up.
373
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:51,237
- I don't think...
- No point in disturbing him,
374
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:54,551
- he's sleeping like a baby.
- (Bell tinkles)
375
00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:59,638
Must've been a catnap. Come on, Madge.
376
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:01,950
Gingering up, that's what he needs.
377
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:05,350
- What did he want that time?
- I never found out.
378
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,796
- This will do the trick.
- What's in the bowl?
379
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,632
Goose fat.
380
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:14,679
- Did you say goose fat?
- And brown paper on the chest.
381
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:16,716
It never fails.
382
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,756
- (Doorbell)
- Oh!
383
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:21,592
Yes?!
384
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:24,956
- Dr Stoker.
- I'm so sorry. Do come in.
385
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,395
It's not, er, Bram Stoker, is it?
386
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:38,150
I'm not being smothered in goose fat
and that's final!
387
00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:40,276
Nobody mentioned smothering!
388
00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:43,636
They work wonders,
these old-fashioned remedies.
389
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:46,188
- A bread poultice?
- They're for cuts.
390
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:48,430
Who cares? Slap one on anyway.
391
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:50,954
- Will you undo these...
- Go away!
392
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,271
- (Madge) Be a brave boy.
- I will not be a brave boy!
393
00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:56,316
The doctor's here!
394
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:59,153
- Good morning.
- (All) Morning.
395
00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:02,550
- (Jean) All of you, out.
- Take your goose fat with you.
396
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:05,750
I shall be outside.
397
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:08,274
All right, let's have a look at you.
398
00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:10,112
(Sighs)
399
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:20,316
- You don't look well.
- That's encouraging.
400
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,675
- Hot and cold?
- Yes.
401
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:24,716
- Achey joints?
- Yes.
402
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:27,951
- You're not well.
- I realised that.
403
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,600
It's going round, this, erm...
404
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:33,035
- What is?
- Whatever it is.
405
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,031
Well, don't you know what it is?
406
00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:36,473
No.
407
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,798
- What are you writing?
- A prescription.
408
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,599
But you don't know
what's wrong with me.
409
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:46,069
Well, it's worth a try, isn't it?
410
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:52,073
Or we could go for those. Might work.
411
00:23:57,000 --> 00:24:00,276
You're not still sulking
over your goose fat, Mrs Bale?
412
00:24:00,360 --> 00:24:05,480
I'm not sulking at all. I'm concerned
about Mr Hardcastle the younger.
413
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:10,156
- He'll be OK, the doc's with him.
- That's what I'm concerned about.
414
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,959
- He was a fat lot of good.
- What did he say?
415
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:17,033
- It's something going around.
- Wonderful, modern medicine.
416
00:24:17,120 --> 00:24:20,317
- He's a charlatan.
- I wouldn't put it like that.
417
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:24,837
With a bedside manner like that
he should be a mortuary attendant.
418
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:29,156
- Now what are you doing up?
- Having a moan.
419
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:32,915
- What was his name again?
- Stoker. He's the local man.
420
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:36,515
- We never go to the doctor's.
- What do you do when you're ill?
421
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:40,309
- Get better, of course.
- Yes. Which is what you must do.
422
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,356
I'm not having that goose fat.
423
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:46,194
Speaking as someone who trained
with Florence Nightingale,
424
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:48,475
it's a virus and you'll be fine soon.
425
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:53,873
- We don't need that prescription then.
- He wouldn't prescribe anything bad.
426
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:56,838
- Hmm...
- I could whizz down the chemist now.
427
00:24:56,920 --> 00:25:00,469
- Oh, would you?
- We've got to get down to Brighton.
428
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:02,676
- What for?
- Stock-car racing.
429
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:05,593
- You're not?
- We're watching! We're watching!
430
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:08,672
Don't let him be a nuisance,
Jean Pargetter.
431
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:11,433
- I shan't. Bye.
- Bye.
432
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:15,229
I'll be back before you can say,
"are you back already?"
433
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:20,192
- I think I'm going back to bed.
- I should.
434
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:22,714
And I don't want to see Dr Death again.
435
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,189
"Spent force" indeed!
436
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:27,236
It was him!
437
00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:31,795
- He upset you.
- Very well, it was him.
438
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:36,032
I went to see him a few days ago,
against my better judgment.
439
00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:38,315
I've been feeling a little tired.
440
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:41,995
"A spent force" wasn't
his actual diagnosis, was it?
441
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:46,676
He may not have used those actual
words but the implication was clear.
442
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:50,389
He kept saying, "at your time of life".
443
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:54,189
- He said that to me.
- "Everything's bound to slow down."
444
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:58,273
- And that!
- Did he prescribe anything?
445
00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:01,158
Oh, I poured that straight down the sink.
446
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:05,279
- Oh, Mrs Bale!
- Lol's mother made me up a potion
447
00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:07,555
and I feel as right as rain again.
448
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:09,790
- What was in it?
- Who's to say?
449
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:14,032
We know who to call next time
somebody's unwell - Lol's mother.
450
00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:17,669
Not if she ever finds out
you refused the goose fat.
451
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:19,955
I am going back to bed now.
452
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:21,996
Yes, come on, soldier.
453
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:23,957
Shall I carry you up?
454
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:27,032
Not at our time of life, Mrs Bale.
455
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:31,876
There. Comfy?
456
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:35,953
- Yes, thank you, Nurse.
- Would you like the curtains closed?
457
00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:39,828
No, I might miss Lol's mum
flying past on her broomstick.
458
00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:43,312
(Sighs)
459
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:47,234
- I've been overusing the bell, haven't I?
- Marginally.
460
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:49,276
- Lionel.
- Mm.
461
00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:51,555
You did know Alistair was coming?
462
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:53,596
Of course.
463
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:56,592
- You didn't say anything.
- I thought I did.
464
00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:59,752
He said you're going racing.
You don't like racing.
465
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:02,115
Oh, this isn't horses, this is cars.
466
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:05,397
- Alistair said it was horses.
- Oh.
467
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:07,948
Unless it was horses racing cars.
468
00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:12,195
- It's not fair to interrogate a sick man.
- I know.
469
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:14,510
So what have you planned?
470
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:16,511
All right, if you must know.
471
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,797
No, no, no, no. I don't have to know.
472
00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:23,556
Well?
473
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:28,111
We were going into Winchester.
Alistair knows an antique jeweller.
474
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:31,556
I wanted to find something special
for your birthday.
475
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:34,438
Oh, that's sweet!
476
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,751
I shouldn't do that,
you might catch what I've got.
477
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:39,796
I think I've got it anyway.
478
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:42,758
Oh, dear. You hopping in?
479
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,229
No, I'm just gonna lie down for a bit.
480
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:50,631
Two things - no Dr Death
and no goose fat and brown paper.
481
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:52,278
Right.
482
00:27:53,360 --> 00:27:55,316
You'd better have this.
483
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:09,233
♪ You must remember this
484
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:11,629
♪ A kiss is still a kiss
485
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:14,996
♪ A sigh is just a sigh
486
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:20,636
♪ The fundamental things apply
487
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:24,474
♪ As time goes by
488
00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:30,793
♪ And when two lovers woo
489
00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:33,394
♪ They still say I love you
490
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:36,597
♪ On that you can rely
491
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:43,711
♪ The world will always welcome lovers
492
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:51,751
♪ As time goes by ♪
493
00:28:51,801 --> 00:28:56,351
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