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1
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:10,953
♪ You must remember this
2
00:00:11,040 --> 00:00:13,508
♪ A kiss is still a kiss
3
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:16,751
♪ A sigh is just a sigh
4
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,556
♪ The fundamental things apply
5
00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:26,428
♪ As time goes by ♪
6
00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:33,073
(Jean) Don't switch on the light.
You'll wake the girls.
7
00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:35,754
(Lionel) All right, but don't turn that...
8
00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:39,799
- I can't see a thing now!
- Feel for the top stair with your foot.
9
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,030
- You feel for it.
- You're in the way!
10
00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:46,477
All right, but don't push me,
for goodness' sake.
11
00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:49,791
- (Lionel screams, loud thump)
- Oh, Lionel!
12
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:53,077
- I'm all right. That was the case.
- You've woken Judy.
13
00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:56,072
That could've been me
with both legs broken!
14
00:00:56,160 --> 00:01:00,392
- What was that thump?
- Lionel threw a case down the stairs.
15
00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:02,630
You're dressed. Where are you going?
16
00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:05,553
- We're eloping.
- What's going on?
17
00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:09,428
We're going to the country.
We're leaving early to avoid the rush.
18
00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:11,829
It's three o'clock in the morning.
19
00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:14,992
Then we'll avoid the rush.
No need for you to get up.
20
00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:17,719
- Mum, we didn't get up.
- Sorry about that.
21
00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:19,756
- We'll be on our way.
- Just a minute.
22
00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:23,549
I don't believe this "avoiding the rush"
business for a moment.
23
00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:28,156
- You didn't mention it last night.
- We decided it after we'd gone to bed.
24
00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:32,870
Well, I agree with Judy. I cannot believe
that all the roads to Hampshire...
25
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,872
We're going early
to avoid that crowd down there.
26
00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:40,317
They're like limpets when they fasten
onto you. "Let's do this, let's do that."
27
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:43,836
If we arrive without them seeing us,
they won't think we're there.
28
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:48,550
There's a flaw in this. I'm too tired
to think of it. I'm going back to bed.
29
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:51,837
- I think I see that flaw.
- Oh, yes, what's that?
30
00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:56,596
It's all very well sneaking into the house
under the cover of darkness,
31
00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:59,990
but once it's light,
you won't be able to go out again.
32
00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:05,036
Go to bed!
33
00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:16,669
Don't wave the torch about.
It looks like a searchlight.
34
00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:19,320
I'm not, I'm trying to see where we are.
35
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,595
Well, where are we?
36
00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:24,396
On the wrong road.
37
00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:32,835
- How did you manage that?
- I listened to you.
38
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:36,276
- You were navigating.
- Everywhere looks different at night.
39
00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:38,351
Let's have a look at the map.
40
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:43,479
- No, no, no, don't use that!
- What are you so worried about?
41
00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:48,509
What would you do if you looked out and
saw a car and someone flashing a torch?
42
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,194
I wouldn't be looking out at 4am.
43
00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:54,033
Use your imagination. What if you were?
44
00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,554
- I'd go back to bed.
- Most people wouldn't.
45
00:02:56,640 --> 00:03:00,713
They'd want to know who was in the car,
which is the object of the exercise.
46
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:03,473
This is like a film
about the French Resistance.
47
00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:06,677
- If it is, you've turned into a collaborator.
- Why?
48
00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:10,878
You agreed it was a good idea.
"Anything to get away from that crowd."
49
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:13,713
That was before Sandy
saw the flaw in the plan.
50
00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:16,951
We can sneak in,
but what do we do in the daylight?
51
00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:20,077
- Creep about below window height?
- Of course not.
52
00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:22,037
I suppose we'll be in disguise!
53
00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:26,033
Let's get to where we were going.
We'll deal with problems as they arise.
54
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:28,998
You missed the turn-off
at the last roundabout.
55
00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:33,232
- Did we? Then we'll have to go back.
- That's right, I'll do a 10-point turn.
56
00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:35,709
- (Engine revving)
- Not so loud.
57
00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:41,880
- Would you prefer to get out and push?
- Just drive quietly.
58
00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,876
(Mock French accent)
Well, Jean-Pierre, we've made it.
59
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,109
Yes.
60
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:15,998
That was a little joke
about the French Resistance.
61
00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:17,229
Yes.
62
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:21,108
I didn't expect laughter
but I thought you might manage a smile.
63
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,156
I forgot the door key.
64
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:27,598
Mrs Bale will let us in.
She's expecting us.
65
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:30,194
- Good. You phoned her?
- No, you did.
66
00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:34,273
Yes, but that wasn't to say
we'd arrive at four in the morning.
67
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:38,319
Well, you know Mrs Bale.
She'll probably be up anyway.
68
00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:41,509
Does it look as though anyone's up?
69
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:45,718
State your intentions immediately
or I shall open fire.
70
00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:49,194
This is your last warning.
71
00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:52,477
State your intentions immediately,
or I shall...
72
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,632
- It's us!
- Who is "us"?
73
00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:58,280
- Us!
- Is that you, Mrs Hardcastle?
74
00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:01,033
Yes, we arrived a little early.
75
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:03,793
We'd feel better if you put the gun down.
76
00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:06,838
You don't have to worry, it isn't loa...
77
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:13,435
Good gracious, I am sorry.
How did that happen?
78
00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:15,954
Just let us in, would you, Mrs Bale?
79
00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:19,157
Of course. I'll be with you in a twinkling.
80
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:23,518
Hope that hasn't
woken up all our neighbours.
81
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:28,515
Nobody's going to take any notice of
a shotgun going off in the country.
82
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:34,674
Hearing the shots, I was out of bed and
into the 4x4 before you could say vandal.
83
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,149
- Why vandal?
- They're a fact of life.
84
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:41,358
That's what Dorcas said to me.
Practically kicked me out of bed.
85
00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:44,557
It was kind of you to turn up
but there's no need.
86
00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:49,475
We weren't to know. You could've been
fighting off a gang of drug-crazed yobs.
87
00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:51,596
It was only two shots.
88
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:55,958
You might only have got off two shots
before they stormed the place.
89
00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:58,998
You make it sound like a battlefield
down here.
90
00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:02,834
- It is. Tell them about the missile, Alan.
- Missile?
91
00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:07,072
Yeah, some lout lobbed an empty
beer can over our hedge the other day.
92
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:11,199
If Glenys and I hadn't been in bed,
we'd be talking fractured skull.
93
00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:13,430
From an empty beer can?
94
00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:16,273
It's possible.
They're an element, you see.
95
00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:18,590
- Who are?
- The element down here.
96
00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:21,478
Take our advice. Keep your eyes peeled.
97
00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:24,313
- (Phone)
- May I? That's probably for me.
98
00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:27,395
Help yourself.
99
00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:29,755
Red One. Oh, hello, Charles.
100
00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:35,591
No, false alarm. Everything's in order.
Tell the chaps they can stand down.
101
00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:39,229
Thanks all the same. Red One out.
102
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:44,835
- That was Charles.
- Not... er?
103
00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:50,433
- Charles Wiggins. You've met him.
- Oh, oh.
104
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:53,796
Big chap with an Airedale.
Tactical Reserve, you might say.
105
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:57,714
- The Airedale?
- No, not the Airedale, Charles.
106
00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:02,555
- Forgive Jean. We're both a bit tired.
- Yes. I get confused when I'm tired.
107
00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:07,077
- Thanks very much, but luckily...
- I thought a hot drink might be in order.
108
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,833
- How very thoughtful, Mrs Bale.
- Excellent.
109
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,673
I can only apologise
for disturbing everybody.
110
00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:16,275
- Not a bit of it. Keeps us on our toes.
- Nobody's blaming you.
111
00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:20,911
I should think not. If you'd told me you
were arriving at such a peculiar hour,
112
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:24,037
none of this would've happened.
113
00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:26,076
That's us put in our place.
114
00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:30,199
It is a thought. Why did you arrive
at such a peculiar hour?
115
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:35,716
Ah, yes.
Well, that must strike you as rather odd.
116
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:39,110
- Yes, it does.
- Yes, it would.
117
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,760
So... why did you?
118
00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:45,996
You tell them, Lionel.
119
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:50,748
Well, the fact is...
we did intend to set off early
120
00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:54,116
but I set the alarm clock wrongly
and it went off at three.
121
00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:58,277
Couldn't you have switched it off
and gone back to sleep?
122
00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:02,273
I could have, but once Jean's awake,
that's it, she's awake.
123
00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:05,352
Yes, wide. So we got up and here we are.
124
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:08,876
Well, that's the main thing.
All the gang will be delighted.
125
00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:13,954
- We haven't seen you for some time.
- Well, things crop up. All sorts of things.
126
00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:17,715
- Lionel's been getting over the measles.
- Right.
127
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,633
You told us about that last time.
How was it?
128
00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:23,393
The measles? Oh, spotty, you know.
129
00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:28,235
Couldn't have timed it better. Dorcas
and I are barbecuing this afternoon.
130
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,520
- Really?
- We are a bit tired.
131
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:35,752
Then tomorrow we're all meeting up
at the old watering hole.
132
00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:38,718
- We have to go to church.
- We'll meet you there.
133
00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:42,873
Then later in the afternoon,
old Charles is arranging a treasure hunt.
134
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:45,633
(Drum roll)
You'll come to that, of course.
135
00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:48,158
- Well...
- Of course!
136
00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:51,789
Never let it be said that the gang
lets you get bored.
137
00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:57,599
Wonderful flight, you know.
138
00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:00,194
You do like the hats, don't you?
139
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:02,669
- Oh, yes.
- Of course we do.
140
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:04,716
Well, try them on, then.
141
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:13,189
Oh, don't they look sweet, Rocky?
142
00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:18,559
Terrific! We got a job lot of them in
Mongolia from a trader called Chitchat.
143
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:20,915
- He means lkchat.
- That's the fella.
144
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:24,117
I'm sorry,
we don't have any yak's milk for the tea.
145
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,873
We didn't honestly expect you to, dear.
146
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:30,635
It's ghastly to start with
but one does get a taste for it.
147
00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:32,790
We'll look out for it in Sainsbury's.
148
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:36,873
Sorry we got you up, but we thought
we'd drop in on you from Heathrow
149
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:40,396
- and say hello to everyone.
- It's lovely to see you.
150
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,436
Sorry you missed Mum and Lionel.
151
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:46,832
Lionel's never been an early bird.
Jean must've got him gingered up.
152
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:50,674
- Yes! What time did they leave?
- Three o'clock.
153
00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:54,230
This morning?! Well, that's excessive.
154
00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:57,551
We did get up before dawn
in the Gobi Desert
155
00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:01,838
but that was only to get a few miles in
on the camels before the sun got hot.
156
00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:04,388
- You rode camels?
- Rather!
157
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:08,951
Not the most comfortable of beasts
but endearing in their own way.
158
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:12,999
Mm, and for some reason
best known to the Mongolians,
159
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:15,275
mine was called Cyril.
160
00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:20,595
If Jean and Lionel had been going
down to Hampshire by camel,
161
00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:23,240
I could've understood them
getting up so early!
162
00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:27,632
The truth is, they're trying to sneak in
under cover of darkness.
163
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:32,111
There's this crowd, you see.
They seem to take things over.
164
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:35,670
- That'll be the Squids.
- Sound like it.
165
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:39,036
- Did you say the Squids?
- Yes, tentacles everywhere.
166
00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:42,237
I can't believe they get you two
on their merry-go-round.
167
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:45,995
- Strangely enough, they never try.
- I think we're too lively for them.
168
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:50,835
The trouble is Mum and Lionel can't
find a way to say "leave us alone".
169
00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:54,879
Madge, I think we'd better
get down there.
170
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:57,349
- A sort of mercy dash?
- Exactly.
171
00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,116
I don't want to impose, dears.
172
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:03,875
Could we scrounge a little something
to eat before we set off?
173
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:07,111
- Of course. What do you want? Toast?
- Well...
174
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,351
- Cereal?
- We had thought of eggs and bacon.
175
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,714
Oh... right.
176
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:17,031
You haven't any black pudding,
I suppose?
177
00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:19,270
No, I'm afraid we haven't.
178
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:22,716
- Just a few mushrooms.
- Sausages wouldn't go amiss.
179
00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,640
- Fried bread?
- (Rocky) Just the job!
180
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,996
- Baked beans?
- Now you're getting the hang of it.
181
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:34,829
- Good morning again.
- Good morning again.
182
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:38,674
- You didn't sleep long.
- No, my body clock's out of sync.
183
00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:42,435
According to me, it's late afternoon,
not 10:30. Coffee?
184
00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:46,957
No, no, don't worry. I'll get it myself.
Where's Mrs Bale?
185
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:50,715
She went shopping
on a motorbike and sidecar.
186
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:54,639
Ideal for French bread, I suppose.
187
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:57,280
- What is?
- A sidecar.
188
00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:03,358
Looking forward to the barbecue?
189
00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:06,989
Derek will wear a chef's hat
and a silly apron.
190
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:09,958
- Inevitably.
- What do they see in us, I'd like to know.
191
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:13,715
- Novelty value, I suppose.
- Let's hope it wears off very quickly.
192
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:16,234
We wouldn't have to go if you'd said no.
193
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:19,869
I was too busy listening to you saying,
"We'd love to come."
194
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:24,238
- I didn't say it like that.
- Well, you said those words.
195
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:28,279
It's not having a really valid reason
for saying no that's the problem.
196
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:31,591
Mm. I don't think we can rely on diseases
as an excuse.
197
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:35,636
I had thought of telling them
that we were nudists.
198
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:38,951
- Nudists?!
- Wouldn't have worked anyway.
199
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:43,272
If you invited a nudist to a barbecue,
he wouldn't come in the nude.
200
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:46,750
Not with sausages spitting fat
all over the place, no.
201
00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:50,719
I never believed all that volleyball
that they played in that film.
202
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:56,511
- When did you see a nudist film?
- When I was young.
203
00:12:57,560 --> 00:13:00,154
You took me, as a matter of fact.
204
00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:02,959
- Did I? A bit daring, wasn't it?
- Oh, highly.
205
00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:07,670
When we got back to the nurses' home,
we didn't look each other in the eye!
206
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:11,676
- We're avoiding the subject.
- Not so as you'd notice.
207
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:15,114
The trouble is we're too honest.
208
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:18,272
If we were, we'd tell them
what to do with their barbecue.
209
00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:21,591
- Perhaps honest isn't the right word.
- I'm sure it isn't.
210
00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:27,437
Well, naive, then. After David died,
I wasn't showered with invitations.
211
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,876
Widows aren't.
So when they did come along, I said yes.
212
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:34,236
I hadn't learned the social skill
to saying no.
213
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:37,073
I expect the same applied to you
after your divorce.
214
00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:40,596
- I never got any invitations.
- You must have got some!
215
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:43,433
Well... a few, I suppose.
216
00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:46,592
- And what did you say?
- Yes.
217
00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:49,274
You see? We're not socially adept.
218
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:52,720
Well reasoned, but where does it get us?
219
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:55,075
I thought it'd make us feel better.
220
00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:59,199
In the army, this would be called
lack of moral fibre.
221
00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:00,952
Would we be shot?
222
00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:06,114
- No, but we'd be cut dead in the mess.
- I wish the gang would cut us dead.
223
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:09,237
Mr Hardcastle, I need your assistance.
224
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:14,030
- Can't you get your crash helmet off?
- This is no time for flippancy.
225
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:17,157
- Lol Ferris has had an accident.
- Who's Lol Ferris?
226
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:20,198
Your gardener. He comes in the week.
227
00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:22,953
I wondered why everything looked tidy.
Where is he?
228
00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:27,352
Outside. I managed to get him
into the sidecar but he's rather stout.
229
00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:29,396
Getting him out is proving difficult.
230
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:33,234
- We should call an ambulance.
- No, Lol doesn't believe in ambulances.
231
00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:35,515
- They do exist.
- You were a nurse.
232
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:39,275
- In the Dark Ages.
- I think we should render assistance.
233
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,316
- Yes.
- Should I bring anything?
234
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,755
By the sound of things, a crane.
235
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:55,152
(Lol groans)
236
00:14:58,160 --> 00:14:59,434
Mother?
237
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,594
I'm not your mother, Lol.
238
00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:06,832
Nothing appears to be broken,
but I think we should call an ambulance.
239
00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:10,595
- No, no, no. I don't believe in them.
- I told you.
240
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:13,153
- Lol?
- Yes?
241
00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:15,993
If we helped you,
do you think you could stand?
242
00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:19,038
Ooh aar, I think I can.
243
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,479
- Thank goodness for that.
- Lionel.
244
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,471
Help. Help.
245
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,798
(Lol groans)
246
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:42,029
Your wife is examining a man.
Shouldn't you be present?
247
00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:45,078
It's not a complete examination.
I'm making him tea.
248
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:47,515
- I should be doing that.
- You do it, then.
249
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:51,115
I can't. I have to telephone Lol's mother.
250
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,351
A few hours' peace and quiet
is all I came down for.
251
00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:59,116
- What are you muttering about?
- Oh, just life. How is he?
252
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:02,510
Nothing serious. A few cuts and bruises.
253
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:05,034
That's good. What happened?
254
00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:07,156
He says he fell over.
255
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:09,515
Oh... right.
256
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:13,434
- It isn't "oh, right" at all.
- I thought it wouldn't be. Why?
257
00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:16,273
Nobody falls over and just hits their face.
258
00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:19,750
If the fall was that heavy,
he'd have bruised his hands and knees.
259
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:23,071
- If you ask me, he's been in a fight.
- Oh, right.
260
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:26,516
- You're saying it again.
- There isn't much more to say.
261
00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:30,559
- Meaning it's none of our business?
- We're not CID. We don't know him.
262
00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:33,871
He is our gardener,
even though we haven't met him.
263
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,713
- I think you ought to talk to him.
- Thought you might.
264
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:40,270
I don't like to think of somebody
being tubby and bruised.
265
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,669
If only he'd been thin.
266
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:46,799
- You'll do the tea, will you?
- Yes. Oh, don't bully him, Lionel.
267
00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:54,595
Hello, Lol. How are you feeling?
268
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,389
Lol knew you.
269
00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:00,436
Yes. You're Lol and I'm Lionel.
270
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,875
- Old Lol.
- Pardon?
271
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:07,476
My dad, Old Lol, knew you when
you were a kiddie. He gardened here.
272
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,317
Oh, yes!
273
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:14,552
Yes, I remember him.
He had a beard, didn't he?
274
00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:17,598
- No.
- You sure?
275
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:21,036
- Your dad's got a beard.
- Yes, he has.
276
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:24,078
- He played the penny whistle.
- I never heard him.
277
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:27,118
- Not my dad, your dad.
- Mouth organ.
278
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:30,556
That's it. I do remember him, really.
How is he?
279
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:33,200
- Passed on.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
280
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:37,671
Well, anyway, the thing is, Lol...
How are you?
281
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:41,718
She's a tender woman, your wife.
282
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:45,235
Yes. This business of falling over.
283
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:47,959
- Silly thing.
- Not silly, unbelievable.
284
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:51,999
- He did learn the guitar.
- What, after the mouth organ?
285
00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:54,355
- No, not my dad, your dad.
- Oh, yes!
286
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:59,275
Here you are, Lol. It's hot and sweet
and it will do you good, so drink up.
287
00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:01,635
You're tender.
288
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:05,636
- What did you find out?
- Not a lot.
289
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:09,679
We got lost between
whose father played which instrument.
290
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:14,151
Look here, Lol, I don't believe
this business about you falling over.
291
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:18,028
- I fell over.
- So that only your head hit the ground?
292
00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:19,872
I bounced.
293
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:22,552
On my belly.
294
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:24,915
- Lionel...
- Possible, I suppose.
295
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:28,993
Of course it isn't. Look, Lol,
you've been in a fight, haven't you?
296
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:32,436
No, no, no. I don't fight.
I'm not built for fighting.
297
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:36,672
Your dad and my dad fought.
Put on gloves, sparred in the garden.
298
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:39,911
- Did they?
- At it hammer and tongs, they'd go!
299
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:45,309
- You must've seen 'em.
- You sure your dad didn't have a beard?
300
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:47,311
Positive. Yours has.
301
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:50,949
- I know that, but...
- Stop chuntering on about beards!
302
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:55,795
I don't believe you're telling us the truth
about what happened.
303
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:58,314
I fell over.
304
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,152
(Lol slurps loudly)
305
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:05,070
You take it easy now, Lol.
306
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:10,029
Arr, yeah.
I'll put the beans in Tuesday, all right?
307
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,954
- His brothers are big.
- Mrs Bale says there are three more.
308
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:27,999
- The Magnificent Seven.
- Certainly not the seven dwarfs.
309
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:31,231
Did you see Mrs Bale whispering to Lol?
310
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:34,073
- When?
- When they loaded him onto the trailer.
311
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,435
No. What did she whisper?
312
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:41,596
- Silly question.
- Lol whispered back.
313
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:46,037
- No point my asking what he whispered.
- The fact is they whispered something.
314
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:48,873
Obviously.
Why should you find it so significant?
315
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:51,520
Because Mrs Bale looked startled.
316
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:55,912
Perhaps he made her
an improper suggestion! Sorry.
317
00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,116
You're not taking this seriously.
318
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:02,988
You thought that this falling business
was suspicious.
319
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:06,472
- Oh, I see! Mrs Bale!
- What are you gonna do?
320
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:09,358
- Grill her.
- Yes, Mrs Hardcastle?
321
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:11,396
Lionel wants to ask you something.
322
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:15,352
Right.
323
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,955
Mrs Bale, I noticed that you and Lol
were whispering.
324
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:21,190
- Did you?
- Yes.
325
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,350
Very observant of you.
326
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:29,314
- Nothing wrong with having a whisper.
- I'm glad you think so.
327
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,472
One would respect the privacy
of the whisperer.
328
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:35,438
- And the whisperee.
- Naturally.
329
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:38,080
Quite.
330
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,869
- Will that be all?
- What were you whispering about?
331
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,474
I have the right to remain silent.
332
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:48,758
- This isn't a senate inquiry.
- And if something nasty is going on...
333
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:53,592
Well, actually there is. Lol was attacked.
334
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:59,198
- Why on earth didn't he tell us?
- Well, you're not local, are you?
335
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:03,432
- It's like the code of silence in Sicily.
- The point is, who attacked him?
336
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,830
He doesn't know.
They came from behind, apparently.
337
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:12,470
Perhaps Alan and Derek are right.
Perhaps there is an element down here.
338
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:15,028
There's one coming up the drive now.
339
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,833
(# Car horn plays Dixie)
340
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:25,073
(Car horn)
341
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:31,157
What a terrible thing to have happened.
Poor Little Lol.
342
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:33,754
- Little?
- Well, he is the youngest.
343
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:35,751
I think of him as Little Lol.
344
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:38,229
No chance of reporting it to the police?
345
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:43,269
No. The local bobby's a new chap.
He's only been down here seven years.
346
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,993
I assume the Witchfinder General
calls round.
347
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:51,198
We did have a witch, but she signed up
with the Open University,
348
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:53,840
then things went by the board.
349
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,593
- Could she make rain?
- I can't recall. Why?
350
00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:00,639
- I'm thinking of the barbecue.
- We came to talk to you about that.
351
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:04,110
- You're not coming?
- God, no! We're not their sort of people.
352
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:06,839
If you're suggesting we are,
I'll go off you.
353
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:10,356
Of course not, my dear,
but they'd like you to be.
354
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:14,797
Yes. Disentangle yourself from them
before they get their hooks onto you.
355
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:19,954
- We can't think of a graceful way to do it.
- Utter tosh. Grace doesn't come into it.
356
00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:24,033
Simply tell them to vacate your space.
357
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:28,193
- Take a long jump off a short pier.
- That's all very well, but...
358
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:32,432
- Come on, boy, where's your backbone?
- It isn't just Lionel's fault.
359
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:36,479
Tell you what, why don't we short-circuit
the whole process?
360
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:39,996
I'll come with you and put them straight.
How's that?
361
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,071
- Not on.
- Why not?
362
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:47,439
I turn up and say, "Now, look here, my
father's got something to say to you."
363
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:53,633
What should I do while you're saying it?
Play with my toy soldiers on the carpet?
364
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:55,551
The boy's quite right.
365
00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:58,279
- I must handle this myself.
- With me.
366
00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:00,316
- Ourselves.
- And we will.
367
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:03,358
Bravo! What will you say?
368
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:07,192
Um...
369
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:15,078
What about you, sir? Knives and forks
behind you. Well done or medium?
370
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:20,075
- Do you mean you can't come?
- I didn't say we definitely couldn't.
371
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,993
I said I don't think we probably can.
372
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:27,437
- But everyone comes. It's for charity.
- Oh, I didn't know it was for charity.
373
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,954
We like to do our bit for Polynesia.
374
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:36,160
Then after the bring-and-buy, we all
go back to our place for a huge party.
375
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:40,836
- That's not for charity, too, is it?
- Certainly not. That's for us.
376
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,753
So we can put you and Lionel down,
can we?
377
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,513
Well, yes, provisionally.
378
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,516
Will you excuse me?
379
00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:58,636
- I've got as far as saying "provisionally".
- To what?
380
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:02,474
- A bring-and-buy sale. I'm sorry.
- Don't apologise.
381
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:06,269
I've just said we might be able
to go to a vicars and tarts dance.
382
00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:08,794
Stick together
for the rest of the afternoon.
383
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:11,235
Yes, strength in numbers.
384
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:14,710
We might manage it.
You say "no" and I'll say "thank you".
385
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:17,519
- Then they say, "Why?"
- Well, we say...
386
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:19,716
Oh, Lionel, what do we say?
387
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:22,473
I should've swallowed my pride
and brought Father.
388
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:26,235
Might we have a powwwow
before I bash on with the bangers?
389
00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:30,074
- Of course. About the bring-and-buy...
- And the vicars and tarts...
390
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:32,151
Don't worry, they'll be great fun.
391
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,913
We've come along
to find out how your chap is.
392
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,560
- What chap?
- Your gardening chap.
393
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:40,871
Considering he was punched about,
surprisingly well.
394
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,110
- That's all right, then.
- Minor ripple.
395
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:47,955
- You're not exactly oozing compassion.
- How did you know about it, anyway?
396
00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:50,474
- Word gets round.
- You know.
397
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:54,433
No, I don't know. Not in this case.
398
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,710
Why are you looking so pleased?
399
00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:02,078
No real harm's been done
and your chap's been taught a lesson.
400
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:06,070
Would you like to tell us about it?
401
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:11,112
Well, the fact is that your chap
was damn rude to me yesterday.
402
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:14,351
OK, so I did nip across his garden
in the 4x4.
403
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:17,637
- We were off-roading.
- I did offer to pay for the plants.
404
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:20,075
All he did was to become abusive.
405
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,515
It's not much of a garden
in the first place.
406
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:24,556
- You beat him up.
- I wouldn't put it like that.
407
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:27,279
- How would you put it?
- As Red One,
408
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:29,715
I simply made a couple of phone calls.
409
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:33,509
Some of the younger chaps
took the law into their own hands.
410
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:36,876
- What a total pig of a man you are.
- What?
411
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:41,909
Lol has the temerity to be upset because
you drive through his garden in your car.
412
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:46,039
Red One makes a couple of phone calls.
Are you running a private army?
413
00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:48,588
- They're just chaps.
- Thugs.
414
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,671
With even less brains than you.
415
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:53,718
Hold on! As Red Two,
I take exception to your attitude!
416
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:57,349
You hold on, Red Two,
I'd stay right out of this if I were you
417
00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:59,590
or you'll land up on the barbecue!
418
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:01,955
Lionel was in the army, the real army.
419
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:06,830
I'd better warn you, he served in Korea,
where he was awarded the KBM.
420
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:09,878
I don't think
you understand the situation.
421
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,758
Somebody has to do something
about the element down here.
422
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:14,796
You are the element down here.
423
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:19,158
I'm surprised that any decent people
will have anything to do with you.
424
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:22,789
You realise, socially speaking,
you've burned your bridges?
425
00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:26,236
I've never enjoyed a fire more.
We're going now.
426
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:33,638
One more thing. If either of you set foot
on the garden, I'll set the dogs on you.
427
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:37,679
- I didn't know you had any dogs.
- For you, we'll get some.
428
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:41,559
The manners of some people.
429
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:45,394
I do wish I'd been there!
I'd have done a Mexican wave!
430
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:49,758
- You need a crowd for that.
- Do you? I'd have done it anyway.
431
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:53,674
- They're yahoos!
- So much for getting on with the locals.
432
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,911
They're not the locals.
They're newies and townies.
433
00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:02,120
If you want to meet the real locals,
decent folk, you drop in at the pub.
434
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:08,230
Yes. Not that tarted-up gin palace they
use. The real thing. Spit and sawdust.
435
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:12,677
There's an idea. Why don't we go there
and have a few drinks tonight?
436
00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:16,516
- No, thank you.
- Why not?
437
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:20,957
- Because we don't really want to.
- That's the spirit!
438
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:25,514
Oh, it's a pity, though.
It's a country-and-western night.
439
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:29,354
Tea will be served in 11 minutes.
I apologise for the delay.
440
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:31,556
I was telephoning Lol's mother.
441
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:33,153
Mrs Bale!
442
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:36,150
Just local gossip.
443
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:38,712
The word is out.
444
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:42,509
I don't think "the gang" will be popular
with Lol's big brothers.
445
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:46,957
We'd better stay in London for a bit.
We might've started a range war.
446
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:51,158
By the way, why did you say
I was decorated in Korea?
447
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:54,915
And what exactly is a KBM?
448
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:57,639
- Kicked By a Mule!
- Mule!
449
00:27:57,720 --> 00:27:59,676
Well, you were!
450
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:07,673
♪ You must remember this
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00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,194
♪ A kiss is still a kiss
452
00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:13,829
♪ A sigh is just a sigh
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00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:19,270
♪ The fundamental things apply
454
00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:22,909
♪ As time goes by
455
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:29,240
♪ And when two lovers woo
456
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:31,914
♪ They still say I love you
457
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:34,992
♪ On that you can rely
458
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:42,112
♪ The world will always welcome lovers
459
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:50,755
♪ As time goes by ♪
460
00:28:50,805 --> 00:28:55,355
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