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1
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# You must remember this
2
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# A kiss is still a kiss
3
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# A sigh is just a sigh
4
00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:23,035
# The fundamental things apply
5
00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:26,709
# As time goes by #
6
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Agh!
7
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- What are you doing?
- Looking at you.
8
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- What for?
- I just was.
9
00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:56,909
I don't like people
looking at me when I'm asleep.
10
00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:00,555
If you're asleep, how do you
know people are looking at you?
11
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I'm not ready for this sort of discussion.
What time is it?
12
00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:08,508
- Six o'clock.
- What are you doing up and dressed?
13
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- I got up at five.
- What on earth for?
14
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- We're getting married today.
- Yes, at 3:00 this afternoon.
15
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I thought I'd give myself plenty of time.
16
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You've certainly done that.
17
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:24,354
- Why were you looking at me?
- Well...
18
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I suppose I just wondered
if you were all right.
19
00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:31,519
- I was, I was fine.
- Now you're awake, are you still fine?
20
00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:35,872
- Well, reasonably, yes.
- That's good.
21
00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:39,037
- You don't have to get up just cos I'm up.
- I don't intend to.
22
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,997
- You'll be going back to sleep, then?
- That's the general idea, yes.
23
00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:44,837
- Strange.
- It's not strange at all.
24
00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:48,836
Well, I'll leave you to it, then.
25
00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:51,314
- Mmm, that would be nice.
- Oh.
26
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:55,071
I'll see you later, then.
27
00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:04,272
- Do you want calling?
- No, thank you.
28
00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,437
Right. I'll see you later.
29
00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:12,640
- Are you looking at me again?
- I'm going, I'm going.
30
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:19,670
Amazing.
She just went back to sleep again.
31
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:22,439
I'd say that was a very sensible thing
to do.
32
00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:26,632
- You sure you wouldn't like some toast?
- No, I had some bread and jam at 5:30.
33
00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:30,114
- Half past five?
- Yeah, I fancied bread and jam.
34
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- Right.
- Lionel...
35
00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:34,918
What have you been doing since half past five?
36
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:41,115
Well, I cleaned a lot of shoes, swept
the garden path, general things like that.
37
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:44,277
- Changed the lightbulb in the hall.
- Oh, worth getting up for.
38
00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:47,995
- Shouldn't Jean be up by now?
- It's only 8:00.
39
00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:51,749
I just hope she doesn't leave everything
till the last minute.
40
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:57,032
I think I'll just stroll down
to the newsagent's and get a paper.
41
00:02:57,080 --> 00:03:00,550
- We've got a paper.
- I've read that one.
42
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:06,755
- He is a bundle of nerves.
- It's very sweet, really.
43
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:10,429
What about your mum? What was she
like when she married your dad?
44
00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:13,790
- I wasn't there.
- Right!
45
00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:17,276
- What do you think she'll be like today?
- It's hard to say, really.
46
00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:19,754
She usually comes up trumps
on the big occasions.
47
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:23,110
It's the little ones she turns
into an international incident.
48
00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:26,474
Well, I'm glad that night's over.
49
00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:30,069
- Lionel never gave me a moment's peace.
- Ooh!
50
00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:33,954
Oh, not that. He kept twitching and fidgeting.
51
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:36,275
He even talked in his sleep.
52
00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:39,392
- I've never known him do that before.
- What did he say?
53
00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,749
Sturgeon.
54
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:45,713
Just the one word. He kept repeating
it over and over again. Sturgeon.
55
00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:48,638
- Are you sure it wasn't surgeon?
- No, definitely sturgeon.
56
00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:50,910
Why would he talk
about fish in his sleep?
57
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:53,190
Thanks, Sandy. You tell me.
58
00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:57,119
- He was up at 5:00 this morning.
- He's cleaned a lot of shoes.
59
00:03:57,160 --> 00:04:00,072
It's a pity we don't still have
gas lamps in the street.
60
00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:04,352
- He could've gone round putting them out.
- We think he's a bundle of nerves.
61
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:09,997
Well, he is, but I don't see why. We're
hardly a couple of young things, are we?
62
00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:12,031
No, that's true.
63
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:17,589
- So, you're all right, then, Mum?
- I'm fine. I'm looking forward to it.
64
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:20,359
- I'm happy and I'm calm.
- Not too calm?
65
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:21,879
- Judy.
- No, I'm sorry.
66
00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:24,559
So what would you like for breakfast?
Just some toast?
67
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:28,070
Oh, no, thanks.
No, I think I'll have the full works.
68
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:37,039
Hi, Judy. Listen, are all
you beautiful women decent?
69
00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:39,958
Isn't it a bit early in the morning
for questions of morality?
70
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:44,677
- No, I mean decent as in covered up.
- Yes. Why?
71
00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:48,793
Because I have people to let loose
and some of them are guys.
72
00:04:48,840 --> 00:04:51,308
- OK, team, let's go to it.
- Who are they?
73
00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:55,148
I'm organising everything, remember?
First step, clean the house.
74
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:56,713
Oh, right.
75
00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:03,394
Only could you leave the kitchen till last?
Mum's halfway through a fry-up.
76
00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:05,510
Phew! Cool lady.
77
00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:10,953
Hear that team? Kitchen last. Meanwhile,
disperse, disperse and clean, clean, clean.
78
00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:17,592
- How's big Li? Is he cool?
- No, he's overheating at the moment.
79
00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:20,359
- Do you want a cup of coffee?
- Oh, please.
80
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,870
I wonder where I'll be on the old
thermometer if I ever get married.
81
00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:26,388
Oh, I shouldn't worry
about your old thermometer.
82
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:27,873
If you ever get married,
83
00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:31,310
you'll be concentrating
on steering your walking frame.
84
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:41,838
Mr Lionel! Mr Lionel!
85
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:48,113
Hello, Mrs Bale. You're early.
Where are my father and Madge?
86
00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:51,596
That's just it. I've lost them.
87
00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:54,677
Lost them? What did they do, for
heaven's sake, jump out of the car?
88
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:58,998
They were never in the car. The car
was just a sort of support vehicle.
89
00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:04,433
- They're on a tandem.
- The old fool is cycling to my wedding?
90
00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:07,472
Oh, not in one go. In easy stages.
91
00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:10,080
We've been on the road for three days.
92
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:14,352
But they shot a red light in Chiswick
and I've lost them.
93
00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:24,231
What a wonderful start to the day.
94
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:29,394
I mean, let's face it.
They're loonies, the pair of them.
95
00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:32,876
An hour and something in a car and they
choose to take three days on a tandem.
96
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:36,151
They shot the lights, you see.
I daren't follow.
97
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,634
They just missed an articulated lorry.
98
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,240
By the time the lights changed,
they'd disappeared.
99
00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:44,238
Perhaps they went into warp speed
like they do on Star Trek.
100
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:48,834
Nothing to laugh about.
They've set a precedent, you see.
101
00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:52,634
Your barmy sister-in-law
will probably turn up in a hot-air balloon.
102
00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:55,353
- It'll be different.
- I don't want it to be different.
103
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:59,552
I want it to be normal. Why don't we know
any normal people? That's what I'd like to know.
104
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:04,833
- I hope the last remark doesn't include me.
- Of course not, Mrs Bale.
105
00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:07,633
How's the weather in the Channel?
106
00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:12,549
- The sea is moderate to rough in Dover Strait...
- Mrs Bale, that's all very fascinating.
107
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:16,798
The subject in question is two old lunatics
wandering about Chiswick on a tandem!
108
00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:20,958
I don't know what the panic's about.
It's Chiswick not the Brazilian rainforest.
109
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,434
On the whole, I think I agree
with Miss Pargetter.
110
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:26,438
- Thank you, Mrs Bale.
- It's worsening, by the way.
111
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,233
- What?
- Visibility in Dover Strait.
112
00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:34,070
Mad, you see. The whole day will be mad.
113
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:37,271
Lionel, your vocabulary
is becoming very limited.
114
00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:39,550
Everyone is either barmy
or loony or mad.
115
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:44,071
- That's the way it seems to be going.
- People do have their little peculiarities.
116
00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:47,271
Would you call someone who shouted out
"sturgeon" in his sleep mad?
117
00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:49,231
(Laughs) Yes, I would.
118
00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:51,271
Totally.
119
00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:56,756
- Wouldn't you?
- I'll have to think about it.
120
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,991
- (Laughter)
- Ah!
121
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:09,230
OK, Kong, you know who you're
looking for, so go get them.
122
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:13,956
Al, leave it to us. We'll tear Chiswick apart
brick by brick if we have to, won't we, lads?
123
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:17,037
- (All) Aye!
- I'd sooner you didn't do that, Kong.
124
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:21,039
- Aye-aye, just a joke, Al. Ready, lads?
- (Several) Yep. Let's go.
125
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,079
Let's go!
126
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,991
Did you just call him Kong?
127
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:51,270
Yes. Nice guy.
128
00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:54,710
I'm sure he is. Where did you find him?
In a cave?
129
00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:57,115
Professionally. I'm his publisher.
130
00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:01,357
- What on earth does he write?
- Poetry.
131
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:05,391
Ah, the caterers.
132
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,711
This way, men.
133
00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:20,715
- Men?
- Well...
134
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,751
I'm sure I asked for men.
135
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:31,517
Oh, there you are. What are you doing?
136
00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:33,869
I'm sorting out my ties.
137
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:36,559
- Why?
- I've run out of things to do.
138
00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:39,319
Well, you would get up
at the crack of dawn.
139
00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:41,635
I couldn't sleep. I was nervous, all right?
140
00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:43,591
I'm still nervous.
141
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:48,111
- Oh, Lionel, this isn't like you...
- Now look what you've done!
142
00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:51,516
That's not like you either.
I'm the one that should be panicking.
143
00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:55,109
- Why aren't you?
- Well, because... I don't know.
144
00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:59,039
- I just feel calm.
- I just wish it was all over.
145
00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:02,709
Yes, I know.
Well, I'm going to have a nice, long bath.
146
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:06,514
- Long?
- I'll be ready in plenty of time.
147
00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:10,394
- Well, don't fall asleep in there.
- I'm hardly likely to.
148
00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:15,275
Everything will be fine. Alistair's organised
everything so it's bound to go smoothly.
149
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:18,517
Kong and his lads will find
Madge and Rocky.
150
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:20,949
- It's a big place, Chiswick.
- No, they'll find them.
151
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,594
Then all we have to do is turn up,
say the words and it's over.
152
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,957
I was best man for a friend of mine
who got married in Kenya, you know?
153
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,399
Were you?
154
00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:32,113
During the ceremony,
his left leg went completely numb.
155
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,791
I'm gonna have that bath.
156
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:38,229
- (Knocking)
- Yes?
157
00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:41,670
- Your sister-in-law's here.
- Oh, Lord! Can't you get rid of?
158
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:43,358
May I come in?
159
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:46,198
I thought you were going
straight to the register office.
160
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:50,392
I thought, I should be looking after Jean.
I know what a state she'll be in.
161
00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,396
- Hello, Lionel!
- Hello, Penny!
162
00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:54,237
I'm not in a state.
163
00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:59,755
Why don't you just pop downstairs and
have a nice, clubby chat with Stephen?
164
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:03,955
- What about?
- Whatever men's clubby chats are about.
165
00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:06,357
Yes, that's just what I need, really.
166
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:09,949
Off you go, then. There we are.
167
00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:14,799
- I'm here, dear.
- Yes, I can see that.
168
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:19,311
- There's no need at all to be nervous.
- I'm not.
169
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,271
- You are.
- I'm not!
170
00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:24,835
It's perfectly natural.
I mean, all those years alone,
171
00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:29,476
thinking that the world had passed you by,
and then, at the eleventh hour,
172
00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:32,398
the sheer magnitude of what you're doing!
173
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:35,989
- I resent eleventh hour.
- Well, let's say 10:45, then.
174
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:38,875
I'm not very keen on
"sheer magnitude", either.
175
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:42,117
- It hasn't hit you yet.
- I know I was married to your brother
176
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,754
- but I happen to love Lionel.
- Of course you do.
177
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:47,314
- And he loves me.
- Of course he does.
178
00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:50,158
- So everything's fine.
- Of course it is.
179
00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:52,714
Well, I don't see the need
for this conversation, then.
180
00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:56,309
- I'm trying to calm you down.
- I don't need calming down!
181
00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:17,279
- I played netball once, you know?
- Did you?
182
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,834
- Did you say netball?
- Yes.
183
00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:22,838
- That's a girls' game.
- Oh, I know.
184
00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:24,916
We had a forward-looking headmistress
185
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,554
who insisted on having
one boy in the team each week.
186
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:28,953
I see.
187
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:32,231
- How did you get on?
- Oh, not very well.
188
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:36,273
I was marked out of the game
by a big ginger girl with hairy legs.
189
00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,638
- Bad luck.
- But the funny thing was,
190
00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:43,672
I was very nervous before the game.
191
00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:46,632
Probably the thought
of having to wear a skirt.
192
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:50,757
No, I didn't have... Oh, I see.
193
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:54,238
No, I just got very nervous.
194
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:56,999
- Stephen, why are you telling me this?
- Well...
195
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:59,838
to be honest, I am getting round
to something.
196
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:03,190
- Like pre-wedding jitters?
- That's right!
197
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,834
I appreciate your concern
but I'm getting married,
198
00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:08,792
not playing netball
against a ginger girl with hairy legs.
199
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,792
But the principle's the same, isn't it?
200
00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:16,958
- What principle?
- The nerves go the minute the game is on.
201
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,991
Thank you for that.
202
00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:26,036
- I'm glad we've had this little chat.
- Yes, so am I.
203
00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:29,480
Mrs Bale's making tea for everyone
in the kitchen.
204
00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:31,511
Good-oh!
205
00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:36,309
I'll probably go and have a cup, then.
206
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:41,799
Well, this all looks very nice.
207
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,751
Yes, it does.
208
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:47,554
It certainly takes the strain off
with Alistair organising everything.
209
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:51,115
- Sandy, don't start, please.
- Start what?
210
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:54,072
Getting round to telling me
I have no reason to be nervous.
211
00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:56,839
- Oh...
- Must be something else to talk about.
212
00:13:56,880 --> 00:14:00,589
I didn't want to be the centre of attention
or set out to be the centre of attention.
213
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:04,474
- This isn't like you.
- It must be. I'm not somebody else.
214
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:08,399
- At the moment you wish you were?
- It's the time, you see.
215
00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:11,273
Well, you shouldn't have got up so early.
216
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:15,074
No, not that time. You see...
217
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:19,398
when Jean and I lost touch,
I didn't think I'd ever see her again.
218
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:23,638
But I never stopped wondering what it
would have been like if we'd got married.
219
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:28,276
Now we're going to be, it's as if I've got
all those years' worth of nerves saved up.
220
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:31,392
Well, I think that's rather like
having a lovely, long dream
221
00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:34,000
and not waking up
when you get to the best bit.
222
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,270
You should just be glad
that it all came true.
223
00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:40,953
- Well, that beats playing netball.
- Playing netball?
224
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,878
Something Stephen said.
I won't bother you with the details.
225
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:48,275
- Do you know, I think I feel better?
- Good!
226
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:51,790
- There aren't any custard tarts over there?
- Not for a wedding, no.
227
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:54,798
- Never mind.
- OK, Li.
228
00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:59,311
Slip these on and in five minutes
you'll be cool enough to chill champagne.
229
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:01,430
No, thank you.
230
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:05,155
It's a relaxation tape.
I popped home especially to get it.
231
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:08,875
It's very kind of you, but I'm fine now,
I really am.
232
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:12,913
Why don't you give Mrs Bale a whirl?
She's still in a state about Madge and Rocky.
233
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:17,033
Kong will find them.
Are you sure you're OK now, Li?
234
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,799
Very OK indeed, thank you.
235
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:23,276
Then we have liftoff.
We have a cool bridegroom and a cool bride.
236
00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:26,869
Oh! I can't find anything
I'm supposed to wear. Nothing!
237
00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:30,952
A shambles! It's all going to be
a complete shambles.
238
00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:38,833
And, sir, just a bit to your right there.
Hold it. Lovely. Smile.
239
00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:40,438
Beautiful.
240
00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:42,630
And you, sir, at the back...
241
00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:49,712
I can't move my mouth properly.
242
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:53,033
- Of course you can move your mouth.
- No, I can't.
243
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:56,277
- I've got lockjaw.
- It's just tension.
244
00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,959
Look, it's moving perfectly naturally.
245
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:01,710
Oh, stop! That hurts.
246
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,672
I'm sorry, but you see, you're quite all right.
247
00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:07,553
- I feel sick.
- But you were fine.
248
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,670
- What went wrong?
- Penny.
249
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,473
- That's what went wrong.
- That woman.
250
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:17,196
- Couldn't we just go for a drive?
- No, we couldn't.
251
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:24,157
- Hey, hey, look at you two.
- I'd sooner nobody did.
252
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:28,671
You'll be fine. Listen, Kong has found
Rocky and Madge and they're on their way.
253
00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:32,713
- On the back of a motorbike presumably?
- He didn't say.
254
00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:35,513
Look, why don't you two go on ahead
and I'll wait for them here?
255
00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:43,720
We don't want to wait
another 38 years, do we?
256
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:59,312
I'm warning you, Aunt Penny,
if you say one more word to Mum
257
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:02,557
till after the ceremony,
I won't be responsible for my actions.
258
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:03,874
Stephen.
259
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:07,833
She's quite right, old thing,
you are a bit of a downer sometimes.
260
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:11,270
I shall be talking to you later
about that remark.
261
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:12,548
Oh, Lord.
262
00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:15,876
Ladies and gentlemen,
le Tour de Chiswick est arrivé.
263
00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:20,789
- Oh, thank heavens!
- I'm sorry we cut it so fine.
264
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:23,832
Yes, we punctured outside a pizza parlour,
you see.
265
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:26,269
I should've been there
with the spare wheels.
266
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:30,677
Don't fuss, Mrs Bale. It wasn't your fault
you lost us. We... (Chuckles)
267
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:35,077
We got into a wobble and had to turn left
whether we wanted to or not.
268
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:38,954
Then dear Kong found us
and everything was tickety-boo!
269
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,468
Let's hear it for Kong.
270
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:44,478
Hello, my boy. Hello, Jean Pargetter.
271
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,239
In the starting stalls at last, eh?
272
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,514
- So glad you both made it.
- How are you, dear?
273
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:53,438
- Oh, the hat.
- It's fake. It's fake.
274
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:58,279
- All excited?
- Oh, yes, very... excited. And...
275
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:01,073
- Controlled.
- And controlled, yes. (Hiccups)
276
00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:04,749
- Oh, sorry.
- I don't know what to say about you two.
277
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,836
I mean, look at you.
278
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,758
We didn't have time to change.
It was all such a rush.
279
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:13,509
In any case, I think Madge
looks rather snazzy.
280
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,391
You'll be taking off those silly hats.
281
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:18,432
Oh, do credit us with some sense of occasion.
282
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,072
(Hiccups) I've got hiccups.
283
00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:22,395
- (Rocky) Oh, dear.
- I'll get you some water.
284
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:24,431
Take some deep breaths.
285
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:28,918
Stephen, you're a dentist.
Do something.
286
00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:32,239
- Put these down her neck.
- That's for nosebleed.
287
00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:34,271
Boo...
288
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:38,229
- What?
- I was trying to scare you.
289
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:42,319
- Oh, Stephen!
- Well, hiccups aren't my field.
290
00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:45,113
Here we are, water. Here, sip this.
291
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,196
Oh, yes, yes.
292
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:51,358
Oh, that's better.
293
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:56,308
Oh, yes, that's better.
294
00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:58,032
(Hiccups)
295
00:18:58,080 --> 00:18:59,672
I don't want hiccups.
296
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:01,950
Try drinking
out of the wrong side of the glass.
297
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:05,470
- Good afternoon, everybody.
- Good afternoon.
298
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:08,751
I'm the superintendent registrar.
My name is Mary Wells.
299
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:10,392
My Guy!
300
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:16,270
- I beg your pardon.
- Girl with the same name sang that song.
301
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,151
- My Guy.
- Yes, you know.
302
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:22,318
♪ Nothing you can do
could make me untrue to my guy ♪
303
00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:26,433
- Father! Madge!
- Oh, yes! So she did.
304
00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:30,075
- Lionel, Jean, we've met before, of course.
- Nice to see you again.
305
00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:32,429
- (Hiccups)
- Oh, dear.
306
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:36,951
Well, if you'd like to come through
to my office, we'll complete a few preliminaries.
307
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:40,709
Er, the guests might like
to make their way to the wedding room.
308
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:42,751
First on the left as you leave this room.
309
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:44,552
OK, folks, on to the main event.
310
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:49,708
All ready? I should bring
the water with you.
311
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:51,079
(Hiccups)
312
00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:54,237
Have you tried drinking
from the wrong side of the glass?
313
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,154
- Have you got your tissues?
- Oh, yes.
314
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:01,670
- Miss!
- Yes?
315
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:06,111
I don't wish to interfere
in any way, like, but...
316
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:08,754
do you think it would be all right
if I came in, to watch?
317
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:12,190
- I love weddings.
- I don't think anybody would mind.
318
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:16,233
- You did find the bridegroom's father.
- Hey, I was happy to be of service.
319
00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:18,839
Erm...
320
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:20,871
Kong isn't your real name, is it?
321
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,956
No!
322
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,991
It's Digby.
323
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:30,039
(Chatter)
324
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,075
Sit yourselves down.
325
00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:42,476
Groom on the right.
To keep your sword arm free.
326
00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:57,318
- I should breathe out now.
- Ah...
327
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:01,276
Did it work?
328
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:04,073
(Hiccups) Oh, what shall we do?
329
00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:06,111
What shall we do?
330
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:10,675
- Press on.
- Press on, yes.
331
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:15,919
Now, before we begin, I'm going to ask you
to state your names in full.
332
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,269
Jean Mary Parg... (Hiccups)... etter.
333
00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:23,509
Archibald Hetherington Nastyface.
334
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:29,152
- Oh, he's not.
- I know he's not. Why did you say that?
335
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:32,590
- I don't know, really.
- You must. Why say a thing like that?
336
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:35,552
That's the silliest thing
I've ever heard you say.
337
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,989
Got rid of your hiccups, though, didn't it?
338
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:42,160
Oh! Thanks, Archie.
339
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,275
Well, I think we can begin again.
340
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:47,877
This place in which you are now met
341
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:52,436
has been duly sanctioned according
to law for the celebration of marriages...
342
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:55,119
...declare that you do not know
of any lawful reason
343
00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:57,355
why you may not be married
to each other.
344
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:01,031
Will you please stand?
345
00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:08,151
Lionel, will you please repeat after me?
346
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:11,351
- I do solemnly declare...
- I do solemnly declare...
347
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:16,599
...that I know not of any lawful impediment...
...that I know not of any lawful impediment...
348
00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:21,270
...why I, Lionel, may not be joined
in matrimony to Jean.
349
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:27,236
...why I, Lionel, may not be joined
in matrimony to Jean.
350
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,589
Now the bride.
351
00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:32,791
- I do solemnly declare...
- I do solemnly declare...
352
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:37,118
...that I know of no lawful impediment...
...that I know of no lawful impediment...
353
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:40,038
...why I, Jean, should not be joined
in matrimony to Lionel.
354
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:42,592
Sorry.
355
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:46,314
Now that these two people,
Lionel and Jean,
356
00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:50,148
are going to contract their marriage
in front of you, their witnesses,
357
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:51,952
will you all please stand?
358
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:10,070
I give you this ring as a symbol of our marriage
and token of my love...
359
00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:14,796
I give you this ring as a symbol
of our marriage and as a token of my love...
360
00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:17,752
...and I call upon these persons here present...
361
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,997
...and I call upon these persons
here present...
362
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:25,272
...to witness that I, Lionel, do take you, Jean,
to be my lawful wedded wife.
363
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:30,269
...to witness that I, Lionel,
do take you, Jean, to be my lawful wedded wife.
364
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:36,510
I accept this ring as a symbol of our marriage
and token of your love.
365
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:40,792
I accept this ring as a symbol
of our marriage and token of your love.
366
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:45,231
- I call upon these persons here present...
- I call upon these persons here present...
367
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:50,559
...to witness that I, Jean, do take you, Lionel,
to be my lawful wedded husband.
368
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:55,116
...to witness that I do take you, Richard,
to be my lawful wedded husband.
369
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:58,470
Lionel and Jean, you have made the declarations
required by law
370
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:02,069
and you have made a solemn and binding
contract with each other
371
00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:05,078
in the presence of your witnesses
here assembled.
372
00:24:05,120 --> 00:24:08,829
I am pleased to tell you
that you are now husband and wife.
373
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:13,559
Rock on!
374
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,600
Now you just look after her, my boy,
or you'll have me and Madge to answer to.
375
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:23,633
- Well, of course I'll look after her.
- Pity you're not more active.
376
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:29,915
- I'm active enough, thank you.
- Nerves all right now, Lionel?
377
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,520
What do you mean, now? I was fine.
378
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:35,996
Then why did you say you were
Archibald Hetherington Nastyface?
379
00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:39,749
- Get him a drink, Dad.
- Yes, come on.
380
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:43,076
Get some bubbles up your nose
and I'll explain everything.
381
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:53,356
- Trying to get a drink, mate?
- No, I just wanted to talk to Jean.
382
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,960
There'll be plenty of time for that,
but not today!
383
00:24:56,000 --> 00:25:00,073
- Today you and Jean belong to the world.
- Not all of it, surely?
384
00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:04,352
You'll get to sit next to her at the restaurant
tonight. That'll be a bash and a half.
385
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:06,630
I assume Madge will get on the drums.
386
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:08,557
She's bound to. (Laughs)
387
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:11,160
Oh, now don't look so down.
388
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:14,670
You should get Jean all to yourself
by... midnight at the latest. Woof!
389
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:18,397
It's not that.
390
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:22,115
I want you to know how grateful we are
for the way you've arranged everything.
391
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:26,278
Oh! Glad to do it. Wait till you see what
we've got planned for the big send-off.
392
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:29,517
Mr Deacon, would you come
and have a word with Kong?
393
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:31,551
He's crying in the kitchen.
394
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:36,952
Yes, of course...
I'm glad you're not a poet, Li.
395
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:38,991
They're temperamental souls.
396
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:44,799
So what time do you and Lionel
intend getting away from this mob?
397
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:46,831
Oh, about midnight or so, I expect.
398
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:51,871
Will you just excuse me?
399
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,594
I don't think I like
being described as a mob.
400
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:59,553
If that's the worst you're ever described as,
you're a very lucky woman.
401
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:07,909
- (Lionel) In here.
- What?
402
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:10,076
- In here.
- Oh!
403
00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:15,279
- Lionel...
- It's the only free space I could find.
404
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:17,595
- Free space, for what?
- To tell you something.
405
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:20,393
Alistair has done a wonderful job
organising everything
406
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:23,034
but I've done
one little bit of organising of my own.
407
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:25,150
- Oh, what?
- An escape.
408
00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:27,191
I don't want to go to that restaurant tonight
409
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:29,993
or spend the rest of the day
talking to all these people.
410
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:33,669
I want to just make a run for it
and have you to myself.
411
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:36,473
Do cupboards
always have this effect on you?
412
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:38,511
I'm serious. What do you think?
413
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:40,312
- It's a bit rude, isn't it?
- Yes.
414
00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:42,112
- Without saying goodbye?
- Yes.
415
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:45,152
- Some people will be offended.
- Well, that won't last.
416
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:49,398
If I know Alistair, he'll have them
all blind drunk by 8:30 this evening.
417
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:51,431
Look, this is our day, not theirs.
418
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:54,709
- You're on.
- Good.
419
00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:58,070
- What do we do now? Start tunnelling?
- No.
420
00:26:58,120 --> 00:27:01,829
- Look at our watches?
- No, I'm counting down to zero hour.
421
00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:16,350
- They all out there? No stragglers?
- Not unless they're hiding under the table.
422
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:25,638
Taxi's around the corner
and your cases are in it.
423
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:27,671
- Oh!
- Well done!
424
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:31,915
- Where is everybody?
- In the garden for a group photograph.
425
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:34,599
Come on! You can be across the border
in a few hours.
426
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,154
- What border?
- Scottish. We're booked on the sleeper.
427
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,430
Oh! You clever old thing.
428
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:41,550
I've never just been a pretty face.
429
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:43,670
(Alistair)
Come on! Where are the dream team?
430
00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:45,711
- Running.
- Running.
431
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:56,394
# You must remember this
432
00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:59,193
# A kiss is still a kiss
433
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:02,312
# A sigh is just a sigh
434
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:08,110
# The fundamental things apply
435
00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:12,073
# As time goes by
436
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:18,153
# And when two lovers woo
437
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:20,919
# They still say I love you
438
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:23,679
# On that you can rely
439
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:30,957
# The world will always welcome lovers
440
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:39,789
# As time goes by #
441
00:28:39,839 --> 00:28:44,389
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