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1
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# You must remember this
2
00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:13,834
# A kiss is still a kiss
3
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# A sigh is just a sigh
4
00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:23,035
# The fundamental things apply
5
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# As time goes by #
6
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- There's no need for you to hang about.
- I'm not hanging about.
7
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I'm just putting some papers in order.
8
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I'd have thought you'd do that at the office.
9
00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,595
I can put my papers in order where I like.
10
00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:46,475
I know what all this is about. It's because Daisy
starts this morning, isn't it?
11
00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:48,556
- Don't be absurd.
- Yes, it is.
12
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:53,151
- You want to see what she's wearing.
- I've noticed you're wearing a new shirt.
13
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:57,671
Men do wear new shirts,
or there'd be no such thing as old shirts.
14
00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:59,950
- What a feeble excuse.
- It's not an excuse.
15
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:04,357
- I'm breaking it in.
- You do that with horses, not shirts.
16
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,197
You are going to work, are you?
17
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:09,630
Or do you just intend to hang about
to see what Daisy and I get up to?
18
00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:14,037
- Lionel, don't be childish, please.
- I'm not the one who's hanging about.
19
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:18,278
I'm not hanging about.
In fact, I'm almost ready to go.
20
00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:20,117
- (Doorbell)
- That'll be Daisy.
21
00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:21,991
Yes, I am ready to go.
22
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:25,669
- Just remember you gave her to me.
- Yes.
23
00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:28,871
And I took your word
that she's a very efficient secretary.
24
00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:31,878
The fact that she's stunning
has nothing to do with anything.
25
00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:33,638
- Absolutely.
- Right, then.
26
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:35,955
I just look on that as a bonus.
27
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,789
- Daisy, good morning.
- Hello.
28
00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:45,593
- It's nice to be back.
- Good. Come in.
29
00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:53,239
- Lionel.
- Daisy, you're a sight for sore eyes.
30
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:56,477
- Thank you. I like the shirt.
- Yes, it's new.
31
00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:58,829
I'm breaking it in.
32
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:03,078
Well, I'll er... I'll leave you to it, then.
33
00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:05,031
- Bye.
- Bye.
34
00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:06,832
- I'll see you tonight.
- Right.
35
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,434
Yes, right. Bye.
36
00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:20,350
- I thought you might like a coffee.
- I could have done that.
37
00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:22,675
Yes, I know you could. But I did.
38
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:26,474
I'm glad to be back on this.
I was typing up accounts all last week.
39
00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:28,158
- Boring?
- Terminally.
40
00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:31,397
- I see you've finished the first episode.
- I thought I had
41
00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:36,195
but Los Angeles wants some of it rewritten
and being Los Angeles, they're in a hurry.
42
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,595
Right. Let's get to it. Which part is it?
43
00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:41,837
Erm... it's the scene which follows
the top sheet there.
44
00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:44,597
Oh, I see.
45
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:46,756
"Interior. Hotel bedroom."
46
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,189
- It's a bedroom scene.
- Yes.
47
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:52,198
Well, a love scene, really.
48
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:53,719
Fine.
49
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:57,309
They thought the original was a bit erm...
well, sparse.
50
00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:00,670
So this time it needs to be more, erm... more...
51
00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:02,676
Steamy?
52
00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:05,109
Steamy, yes.
53
00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:07,993
- So, if you're ready.
- I'm ready.
54
00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:10,235
Here we go, then.
55
00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,192
(Laughs)
56
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,391
- Good morning.
- Shh!
57
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:25,273
- What?
- I thought you'd like to compose yourself.
58
00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:27,959
- Why?
- Your sister-in-law's here.
59
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:31,197
- Oh, no!
- It gets worse.
60
00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:34,994
- Not Stephen as well.
- She's brought luggage with her.
61
00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:41,677
- Perhaps if I tiptoed out.
- She does know where you live.
62
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:44,837
True. Oh, well.
63
00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,440
- Morning, Sandy.
- What?
64
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,430
- Morning, Sandy.
- (Loudly) Morning, boss.
65
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,869
- Your sister-in-law's here.
- Oh, Penny?
66
00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:55,354
Oh, what a lovely surprise.
67
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,472
- Aunt Penny, you have to...
- Hello, Jean!
68
00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:00,748
Penny!
69
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:02,518
(Both) Mwah! Mwah!
70
00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:05,836
Aunt Penny, I am not a poor soul.
71
00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,348
I'm just not with anyone at the moment.
72
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:11,278
Darling, you're too old not to be with anybody.
73
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:15,154
- Still keeping everyone cheerful?
- I was only trying to help.
74
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,988
Oh, Jean, I bought you some flowers
but I left them on the train.
75
00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:23,795
- You look surprisingly well.
- Yes, I feel surprisingly well.
76
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:27,753
- And that Lionel of yours?
- That Lionel of mine is surprisingly well too.
77
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:29,313
Good.
78
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:32,113
You brought some luggage.
Where are you staying?
79
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,720
Oh. Well, with you, if you could bear it.
80
00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:39,908
- Oh.
- You see, I need to be with family.
81
00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:42,758
And you're the nearest thing I've got.
82
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:46,713
There is Anona, of course,
but she's very peculiar these days.
83
00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:52,517
Well, the things is, Penny, that we've got Sandy
staying with us so we're a bit full up.
84
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:57,156
Oh, you don't have to worry about me.
I can squeeze in anywhere.
85
00:04:57,200 --> 00:05:01,352
I'm sure you can
but why do you have to be with family?
86
00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:04,517
Ah. Pas devant, dear.
87
00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:07,711
Aunt Pen, I am not a servant.
88
00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:10,593
And as you just pointed out,
I'm certainly not a child.
89
00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:13,108
Very well, then.
90
00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:15,230
I've left Stephen.
91
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:19,068
Left Stephen? Why?
92
00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:23,671
Because he's been carrying on behind my back
with his dental nurse.
93
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:26,598
Miss Wind?
94
00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:29,598
Breeze.
95
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:35,557
- Miss Samantha so-called Breeze.
- Well, I don't believe it.
96
00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:39,513
- Uncle Stephen isn't like that.
- They're all like that.
97
00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:45,439
- Shall we have a coffee?
- We just had one.
98
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:47,357
Oh, yes.
99
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:52,240
I'm not doing anything to put you off, am I?
100
00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:56,637
No, you're just sitting there quietly,
that's all you're doing.
101
00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:01,878
Look, Mr Hardcastle, would you feel
more comfortable with an older woman?
102
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:08,314
Quite honestly I wouldn't feel comfortable with
anyone. It was all very personal, you see.
103
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:13,354
- Try not to think of it like that.
- It's difficult not to. I was there.
104
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:17,279
- Now who's that?
- (Penny) I could carry one of those cases.
105
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:19,788
I thought this was going to be such a nice day.
106
00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:23,355
- Hello, Lionel.
- Penny.
107
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:27,996
I always think stomachs bear watching,
don't you?
108
00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:29,632
- Are you well?
- I was.
109
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,830
I mean I was working.
110
00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:35,475
Don't let me stop you.
I can be as quiet as a mouse.
111
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:38,478
Penny's come to stay for a few days.
112
00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:42,957
Oh, just till I've got things sorted out.
Now who's this pretty young thing?
113
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:46,037
- Daisy. I'm Mr Hardcastle's secretary.
- Are you indeed?
114
00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:49,038
- Yes, I am indeed.
- Yes, and a very good one.
115
00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:51,719
- Excellent. As a matter of fact...
- That's nice.
116
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:54,877
Now where's my little corner?
I would like to unpack.
117
00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:57,992
- There aren't any little corners.
- Upstairs, Penny.
118
00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:00,270
You can have the spare room.
119
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:03,630
I won't get in anyone's way. I promise.
120
00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:05,033
Why? I mean, why?
121
00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:08,390
It was either us or Anona
and apparently she's very peculiar.
122
00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:11,910
- Why does she need to stay with anybody?
- Because she...
123
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:15,714
May I be a bore and ask
for some help with my cases?
124
00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:18,513
Yes, of course. Lionel, do you mind?
125
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:21,597
No, I've nothing else to do.
126
00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:24,234
- Because what?
- I'll tell you later.
127
00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:28,516
- "May I be a bore?"
- Shh!
128
00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:31,757
- Daisy, would you like a coffee?
- Er, no, thank you.
129
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,917
- I've had a lot of coffee this morning.
- I think I will.
130
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:37,349
It'll all settle down in a minute.
131
00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:42,799
- Because what?
- Would you like a cup of coffee?
132
00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:45,912
- No, I don't want coffee. Because what?
- Shh!
133
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:53,151
- She's left Stephen.
- Where?
134
00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:58,230
Left!
135
00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:00,236
- Good Lord!
- Yes!
136
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,555
He's having an affair with his dental nurse.
137
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:04,158
- Stephen?!
- Yes.
138
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:08,512
It's a bit like Sooty drinking large vodkas
but yes.
139
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:11,074
What's she doing here?
She should be talking to him.
140
00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:14,192
- I haven't got the whole story.
- We're gonna have to hear it?
141
00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,834
- If you want to know what's going on.
- (Doorbell)
142
00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:19,519
- Oh!
- I suppose that will be Stephen.
143
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:21,471
Where's he gonna sleep? With us?
144
00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:27,271
I'm gonna put them both out into the garden.
They can fight it out out there.
145
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:36,636
- Where are you going?
- I'm trying to work, remember?
146
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:42,315
Now, Ste... Oh, hello, Alistair. Come on.
147
00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:46,148
- You're talking to me!
- Would you prefer me to mime?
148
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:51,115
I meant since me and Judy, you know...
Mothers do tend to take sides.
149
00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:55,153
Not this one. You sort it out yourselves.
Lionel's in the living room.
150
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:56,713
- Working?
- Fuming.
151
00:08:56,760 --> 00:09:00,355
We could always work in the garden.
Assuming nobody followed us out.
152
00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:03,039
- Hi, Li.
- Oh. Hello, Alistair.
153
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:06,709
Have you come to move in as well?
I'm sure there's a cupboard free.
154
00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:10,514
- Probs?
- Nothing Solomon couldn't handle.
155
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:14,314
- Oh, sorry. Daisy, this is Alistair Deacon.
- Hello.
156
00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:18,751
Well, hello. So you're Daisy.
What are you doing for the rest of my life?
157
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,758
- He says things like that.
- How quaint.
158
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:23,153
Quaint?
159
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,760
The old man with a scythe, Alistair.
160
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:28,917
Have you come to add to the confusion
or for a special reason?
161
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:34,193
V special. I've got Sol from LA on my back
so I'm gonna have to get on yours.
162
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,674
We'll all topple over.
163
00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:41,668
Li, I think you know where I'm coming from.
We need those rewrites.
164
00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:45,110
I was trying to do them
before the day exploded in my face.
165
00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:49,676
- I'll tell Sol we'll fax them in the morning.
- That may not be realistic.
166
00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:51,631
It has to be. We have a shooting date.
167
00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:54,433
Who gets shot, you or me?
168
00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:57,153
- Li.
- I'll do my best, all right?
169
00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:59,316
As in super best.
170
00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:06,316
Let's not rush to the rest of my life.
What about this evening?
171
00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:08,874
You'll be a few hours older.
172
00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:15,799
- Right.
- So, can we get on?
173
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:18,917
Right.
174
00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:23,352
- Now I don't know you, do I?
- Alistair Deacon.
175
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,755
No, I still don't know you.
176
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:29,952
- Are you off, Alistair?
- Yes, I just came to pump up old Li.
177
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,878
Looks the same size to me.
178
00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:35,557
Oh! (Laughs)
179
00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:40,157
Everybody's doing jokes today. Everybody.
180
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,509
- I'm not doing jokes.
- No, Lionel.
181
00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:46,798
- Penny wants to talk.
- Does she?
182
00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:49,673
It's not a pretty story.
183
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:52,075
Excuse me but I should be somewhere else.
184
00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:54,190
Yes, could you give us a couple of hours?
185
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,879
- A couple of hours?
- A long lunch, perhaps.
186
00:10:56,920 --> 00:11:02,278
- Suits me. I'll see you later, Mr Hardcastle.
- I do hope so.
187
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:10,075
Now Penny. Now what is all this nonsense
about Stephen?
188
00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:13,669
It's not nonsense, it's depraved behaviour.
189
00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:16,154
Stephen is the least depraved person I know.
190
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,111
Never judge a book by its title.
191
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:21,436
- Shouldn't that be cover?
- Should it? Are you sure?
192
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,152
Look, it doesn't matter.
193
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:26,670
What on earth makes you think
he's having an affair?
194
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,871
I've known he was up to something
for weeks now.
195
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:33,390
Long absences, furtive telephone conversations.
196
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:34,839
How furtive?
197
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:39,590
Banging the receiver down as soon as I come
into the room. Is that furtive enough?
198
00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:41,551
Yes, that is fairly furtive.
199
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,478
Then last evening
a friend of mine phoned to say
200
00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:50,390
that she'd seen Stephen and
this Miss so-called Breeze in a local hotel.
201
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:54,479
- Perhaps they were just having a drink.
- Yes, after all they work together.
202
00:11:54,520 --> 00:12:00,038
I mean, if I discovered Lionel
having a drink with Daisy in a hotel...
203
00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:03,789
Poor Jean. You can't finish that sentence,
can you?
204
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:05,796
I can! I can!
205
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,070
Anyway, they were not having a drink.
206
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:11,954
They were at the reception desk
booking a room.
207
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,594
- Oh.
- No, it's not "Oh" at all.
208
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:18,394
The fact remains that all this evidence
is purely circumstantial.
209
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:21,432
Well, how do you account for the fact
that Stephen admits it?
210
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,318
Oh.
211
00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:29,951
- What are you going to do?
- I have no intention of divorcing the swine.
212
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:35,154
No, I'm going to stay here and wait
till he comes crawling back on his knees
213
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,475
begging for my forgiveness.
214
00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:42,719
- He does know you're here, then?
- No. Let him work it out for his silly self.
215
00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:51,830
- He's just coming.
- OK.
216
00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,792
- Hurry up!
- (Lionel) I'm coming, I'm coming.
217
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,828
I still think this is one of your batty ideas.
218
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:03,192
It's not batty. The only way to get Penny
out of here is to drag Stephen back here
219
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,151
and force an abject apology from him.
220
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,077
What if he doesn't feel abject?
221
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,556
Well, he's a dentist.
Threaten him with one of his own drills.
222
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:15,390
- Why don't you come?
- You know Stephen. He's old-fashioned.
223
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:18,989
- He's a halfwit.
- Well, he's an old-fashioned halfwit, then.
224
00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:22,999
He'll think this is the sort of thing that a chap
ought to talk to another chap about.
225
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:26,191
I'm supposed to be doing a love scene
with Daisy.
226
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,231
Writing a love scene with Daisy.
227
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,635
You can be there and back in two hours.
228
00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:34,355
I'm sure Daisy won't mind working late. Go on.
229
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:39,117
I bet Steve Spielberg doesn't carry on like this.
230
00:13:55,440 --> 00:14:00,070
Aw. How are you feeling, Penny?
231
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:03,749
Numbish. I think it's beginning to sink in.
232
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:08,920
- Stephen of all people.
- That's what's beginning to sink in.
233
00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:13,795
Has he ever, erm...
shown tendencies like this before?
234
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:18,789
He did go a bit gaga about a girl
in the chorus in Oklahoma! once.
235
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:22,628
But as she was on the stage
and we were in the rear stalls...
236
00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:27,070
that's as far as it went.
237
00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:30,237
Well, I have to ask... Oh, no, I don't.
238
00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:33,272
Yes, I do. What's Miss Breeze like?
239
00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:37,552
If I was to tell you that she didn't wear a slip
under her white tunic...
240
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:41,831
I think you'd reach your own conclusions.
241
00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:47,716
- They get to an age, don't they, men?
- We all get to an age, Penny.
242
00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:50,991
Yes, but we don't have yearnings
for young men, do we?
243
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,315
No. No, anyway, I've got Lionel.
244
00:14:56,360 --> 00:15:00,512
- I do admire your courage.
- Oh, I wish you'd put that a different way.
245
00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:02,471
No, I see, I didn't mean that.
246
00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:07,594
I admire your courage for allowing him to stay
here alone with that very pretty secretary.
247
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:11,679
Oh, it had never occurred to me
to worry about it.
248
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:15,110
- How trusting.
- No, Penny, I know Lionel.
249
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,515
I thought I knew Stephen.
250
00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:22,795
Hope you enjoy this, Lionel.
251
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:25,513
I rather pride myself on my Pimms.
252
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:29,118
I'm sure I shall.
253
00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:33,195
- Cheers.
- Cheer-ho.
254
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,556
I must say it's been an awfully good year
for apples.
255
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:44,153
Stephen, you are aware
that your wife has left you.
256
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,794
Oh, yes. She left a note. Very scathing.
257
00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:52,118
Look, aplomb is all very well in its own way,
but don't you care?
258
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,628
Oh, it'll be all right.
259
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:57,956
- Odd, isn't it?
- Extremely.
260
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,355
The Miss Breeze thing, I mean.
261
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,836
Here I am chatting to the chap
who made me feel right about it.
262
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:08,795
- I did no such thing.
- You did. In your professional capacity.
263
00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:13,709
We're not back to that again. Stephen,
for the last time, I am not a psychiatrist.
264
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:15,637
Is this a leg-pull?
265
00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:21,994
Stephen, I am not, nor ever have been,
a psychiatrist.
266
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,354
Well, I'm blown.
267
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:29,757
And I totally deny making you feel right
about the Miss Breeze thing.
268
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:33,679
But you did. I confessed to...
269
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:37,269
having the odd fantasy about her
and you said there was no harm in it.
270
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:41,518
As a fantasy, no, but I didn't suggest
you put it into practice.
271
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:43,039
But I haven't.
272
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,878
I think I'll sit down.
273
00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:50,356
Of course old Penny thinks I have.
274
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:54,279
- That's because you told her.
- Seemed the easiest way out.
275
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:57,232
Nobody but you could say a thing like that.
276
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:00,472
The easiest way out of what?
277
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:05,150
The surprise party I'm giving old Pen
for our anniversary.
278
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,634
She got onto all the phone calls.
279
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:11,036
Of course Miss Breeze has been
my right-hand man in all this.
280
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:14,868
Being old Pen,
she put two and two together and made five.
281
00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:20,956
And the room booked at the hotel
was for you and Penny after the party.
282
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,831
You got it.
283
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:26,555
Have you ever tried
to arrange a surprise party, Lionel?
284
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:30,479
No. And I don't think I ever shall.
May I use your phone?
285
00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:33,478
Of course. Help yourself.
286
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,431
- Lionel.
- Yes?
287
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:41,953
You are telling the truth
about not being a psychiatrist, aren't you?
288
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,639
Yes, I really am, Stephen.
289
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:49,557
Extraordinary.
290
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:52,630
I've never heard anything like it.
291
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:57,276
- It defies belief.
- I know but it is Stephen we're talking about.
292
00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:59,709
True. Are you leaving now?
293
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:05,039
Yes, we are. Let's get this mess cleared up.
So just keep Penny in the house.
294
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:09,631
- That's easy. She's lying down with a head.
- I better go before Stephen wanders off.
295
00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:11,750
Right. Bye.
296
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,275
Oh. Oh, you're up.
297
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:23,359
Yes, I'm feeling a little better.
I might even go for a walk.
298
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,595
Oh, no, you don't want to do that.
299
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:28,950
It's pouring with rain. Have a bath.
300
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:32,310
- But I was going for a walk.
- No, no.
301
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:35,511
You don't want to get soaking wet. Have a bath.
302
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:39,119
Why are you so keen on my having a bath?
303
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,151
I just thought it would be a good idea.
304
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:44,590
- But I'm perfectly clean.
- Yes, of course you are.
305
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:50,078
You've had a stressful day. A nice long soak
would be so relaxing. Much better than a walk.
306
00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:53,157
- You may be right.
- Good. I'll go and run it for you.
307
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,350
But I do prefer my bath in the evening.
308
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:58,073
- That's out of the question.
- Pardon?
309
00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:03,194
Not out of the question but difficult.
Dozens of people want their bath in the evening.
310
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,071
Well, not dozens but lots.
311
00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:07,873
Judy and Sandy like a bath in the evening
312
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:10,480
and Lionel and I like a bath in the evening.
313
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:13,239
How do you manage? Draw lots?
314
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:18,718
No, it's just a scramble and if you're not good
at scrambling you end up with lukewarm water.
315
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,149
- I think I will have it now.
- Oh.
316
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:25,398
Oh, where's Lionel, by the way?
I haven't driven him anywhere, have I?
317
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:28,352
No, he went for a nice long walk.
Well, writers do.
318
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:33,315
- He didn't take that Daisy with him, did he?
- No, I can assure you he didn't take Daisy.
319
00:19:33,360 --> 00:19:35,794
Well, I'll just have that tub then.
320
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,593
- She is a pretty girl.
- Yes, she is.
321
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:42,872
Now Jean, don't look so worried.
I'm sure she wears a slip.
322
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:47,437
Ooh!
323
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,198
(Door closes)
324
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,794
Hello, Jean. Sorry about all this.
325
00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,070
- Well, that makes two of us.
- Three.
326
00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:00,633
Three.
327
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:04,389
- I don't think I'll do a surprise party again.
- No, don't.
328
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:08,228
- Where's old Pen, then?
- I persuaded her to have a long bath.
329
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:12,791
- Why would you do that?
- To keep her in the house.
330
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:15,035
- I see.
- Haven't locked her in, have you?
331
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:17,799
No, that was my contingency plan.
332
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:21,230
This has all got rather a funny side to it,
hasn't it?
333
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:25,749
Sorry.
334
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:28,712
Now Stephen, just what did you intend to do?
335
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,593
Leave Penny here
thinking you were making whoopee?
336
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:35,315
Yes, actually. Seemed the only way
of keeping the party a surprise.
337
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:39,353
Well, you can forget that.
You can take her home with you now.
338
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,949
This place is bursting at the seams.
And Lionel has work to do.
339
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,230
Oh, somebody remembered.
340
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:48,909
- (Penny) Is that Stephen's voice?
- Hello, Penny.
341
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:53,112
- I'm going to lock myself in my room.
- Oh, no, she is not.
342
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:56,277
- Penny, just come down here.
- I won't just come down.
343
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:59,392
- Leave go of that banisters.
- No, I won't.
344
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:01,795
- Do you think we ought to...
- Definitely not.
345
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,593
You are going to talk to Stephen.
346
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:08,428
- I don't talk to monsters.
- I'm not a monster.
347
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:11,870
- He's a Stephen.
- There you are. Stick together.
348
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:15,196
Penny, just sit down
and listen to what Stephen has to say.
349
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:19,951
- Oh, that's very grown up.
- I think I'll go and have a cup of tea.
350
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:23,834
- No, you're not helping.
- I've wasted half my day helping.
351
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:25,916
Is somebody talking about me?
352
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:29,191
If you keep your hands over your ears,
you'll never know.
353
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,674
- I still shan't listen.
- I think you should.
354
00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:34,154
Stephen can explain everything, can't you?
355
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:37,829
- Yes, I can. You see, Penny...
- Liar!
356
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,235
Oh, let the man speak, do!
357
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,475
Do you allow him to speak to you like that?
358
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:45,398
Penny, for once in your life, just sit and listen.
359
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:48,352
No, of course I don't.
360
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:50,834
Go on, Stephen, there's a lull.
361
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,598
Thanks.
362
00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:55,438
You see, Penny, the truth is...
363
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,949
I've been having an affair with Miss Breeze.
364
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:01,195
- You swine.
- I suppose I am.
365
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:03,913
- But you told Lionel...
- The same thing. I know.
366
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:08,511
- I'm awfully sorry, Penny.
- Animal.
367
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:11,597
That's what it was, I suppose.
Sheer animal instinct.
368
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:16,760
I know it doesn't show but I've got
the same wild beast in me as the next man.
369
00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:22,588
- Wild beast?
- (Whispers) There's no wild beast...
370
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:25,837
And goodness knows, Penny,
I'm not blaming you,
371
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:30,396
but the old wild beast
has been caged for some time now.
372
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:33,830
- I've got a stomach.
- Everybody's got a stomach.
373
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:35,279
Shh!
374
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:39,074
But it was never love, Penny. And when I read
that note saying you'd left me
375
00:22:39,120 --> 00:22:41,509
the bottom fell out of my world.
376
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:44,996
Then why did you take so long
to look for me?
377
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:46,029
Ah.
378
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:51,359
I can only assume that Stephen didn't want you
to see him when he was in that state.
379
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:54,676
- What state?
- Well, crying. Near a breakdown.
380
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:57,792
- But you weren't there.
- No, Lionel told me.
381
00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:01,469
- I did.
- I've never seen you cry, Stephen.
382
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:04,273
Nor have I.
383
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:08,671
But when I realised what I'd done, I did.
Buckets.
384
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:10,039
I see.
385
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:14,039
Find it in your heart to forgive me, Penny,
please, and come back to me.
386
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:17,152
- (Whispers) Should I?
- Definitely.
387
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:20,351
I'm too soft-hearted, that's the trouble.
388
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:23,790
- Angel.
- And don't start calling me silly names
389
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:26,149
or I shall change my mind.
390
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:28,589
Well, I think I'll go upstairs and pack.
391
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:35,994
That all went rather well, didn't it?
392
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:38,156
I feel like punching you on the nose.
393
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:42,512
And unless you tell us what you're playing at
we'll both punch you on the nose.
394
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:44,357
Bit of a tall tale, that's all.
395
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:48,678
Yes, but which? I mean,
have you and Miss Breeze... or not?
396
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:54,829
Of course we haven't. As I admitted to Lionel,
I do have the odd thoughts about her.
397
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:59,829
Not odd in the odd sense, I hasten to add.
Pretty average, really.
398
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:02,394
But betray old Pen?
399
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:05,193
That would be like spitting
in the National Gallery.
400
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:10,109
- Why admit to it if it never happened?
- I didn't want to spoil the surprise party.
401
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:15,553
- I don't know. I'd call that skating on thin ice.
- With heated blades.
402
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:17,352
Pulled it off though, didn't I?
403
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:22,030
Give old Pen a week to forgive me and she'll
have the time of her life on our anniversary.
404
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:25,868
But you will tell her the truth after that,
won't you?
405
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:31,677
I don't think I will. You see now old Pen
believes I'm capable of going off the rails,
406
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:35,838
she might put a bit more effort
into making sure I don't do it again.
407
00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:40,593
I'll go and help her with her cases.
408
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:48,393
And this is the idiot
who believed I was a psychiatrist?
409
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:52,193
He's only half an idiot.
410
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:55,038
Cos the other half is very, very cunning.
411
00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:02,388
Mum, you're on Bow Street.
Do you want to buy it?
412
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:05,750
Oh, erm... Oh, I'd better have a house.
413
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,712
You can't.
You haven't bought Bow Street yet.
414
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:12,719
- Oh, no.
- So do you want to buy it or not?
415
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:14,796
I don't know. How much money have I got?
416
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:18,276
What you started out with plus... L600.
417
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:21,710
You've been round three times
and haven't bought anything.
418
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:25,275
- Oh. Where am I?
- Bow Street.
419
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:29,074
- Mum, they're only in the kitchen.
- Working.
420
00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:31,270
I know, I know.
421
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:36,474
I'll be my Get Out Of Jail Free card
that Aunt Penny has put her spoke in here.
422
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,114
- Oh, don't be ridiculous.
- What did she say?
423
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:44,598
"I do admire your courage, leaving Lionel
all alone with that nice young secretary."
424
00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:46,949
Well, they're hardly all alone, are they?
425
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,833
Look, I shouldn't say this to an employer,
426
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:53,190
let alone an employer
who's letting me live in her house,
427
00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:55,754
but you're not doing Lionel any justice.
428
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:59,554
- And you're not doing yourself justice, either.
- I couldn't agree more.
429
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:04,628
If only the scene was about us going to the fair
or choosing knitting patterns or...
430
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:07,433
- (Door closes)
- Have my go for me.
431
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:09,869
I'd better buy something.
432
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,589
- Has Daisy gone?
- Yes, I sent her home.
433
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:20,632
- Why?
- Because of something I said.
434
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:22,716
What? What did you say?
435
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:25,672
- I said, "Er."
- Her?
436
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:27,836
No "Er," as in hesitation.
437
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:30,997
Then I said, "Um", then I said, "Right",
then I said "Er" again.
438
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:34,350
- I was just wasting her time.
- She wasn't embarrassed, was she?
439
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:36,868
No, I was embarrassed.
440
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:41,948
I know it sounds silly,
but that scene, us at the hotel. It's ours.
441
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,753
You'll have to commit it to paper
sooner or later.
442
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:49,191
I know. But Daisy's not the one
to help me with it. You are.
443
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:52,038
You were the girl there.
444
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:57,200
You're the one who can probably remember
every stumbling, terrifying moment.
445
00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:00,391
Aw!
446
00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:02,715
Do you know, I think I can.
447
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:06,070
- Except for one part.
- Which part?
448
00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:09,192
Whatever happened to that sock?
449
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:14,549
- Perhaps it's still there somewhere.
- Yes, in a frame.
450
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:19,559
- When do you have to have it written by?
- Oh, there's no rush.
451
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:21,636
Tomorrow.
452
00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:25,793
(Whispers) One, two, three, four,
five, six...
453
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:29,992
- Mayfair.
- She would land on Mayfair, wouldn't she?
454
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:33,758
I don't expect she'd want to buy that, do you?
455
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:36,109
No, course she wouldn't.
456
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:39,038
- Good night.
- Night.
457
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,878
- It's only 8:30.
- Yes, we know.
458
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:45,390
But we're going to bed to write a love scene.
459
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:57,199
# You must remember this
460
00:27:57,240 --> 00:27:59,800
# A kiss is still a kiss
461
00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:03,230
# A sigh is just a sigh
462
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:08,954
# The fundamental things apply
463
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:12,754
# As time goes by
464
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:18,753
# And when two lovers woo
465
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:21,553
# They still say I love you
466
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:24,512
# On that you can rely
467
00:28:27,120 --> 00:28:31,477
# The world will always welcome lovers
468
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:40,553
# As time goes by #
469
00:28:40,603 --> 00:28:45,153
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