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Previously on "Another Period"...
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You ordered a white heiress, right?
3
00:00:04,742 --> 00:00:05,806
Hello, little girl.
4
00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:08,571
Your sister's in quite a bit of trouble.
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00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:12,360
That's right, show daddy
how pretty your dress is.
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00:00:12,944 --> 00:00:15,881
[Eerie Music]
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[Knocking]
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[Door Squeaks Open]
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00:00:19,366 --> 00:00:20,768
[Jarring Musical Sting]
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[Axe Thwacking]
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00:00:22,168 --> 00:00:27,942
?
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00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:31,392
I can't believe they
hacked Edison's server.
13
00:00:31,393 --> 00:00:33,432
What? Talbert, the butler?
14
00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:35,035
Yeah, hacked him to pieces with an axe.
15
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Step right up!
16
00:00:36,417 --> 00:00:38,420
A private film stolen
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00:00:38,487 --> 00:00:42,557
from Edison Studios
is now available for viewing!
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I can't wait to see it!
19
00:00:44,473 --> 00:00:46,999
I can't wait to ejaculate
next to you in public.
20
00:00:47,401 --> 00:00:50,399
? Uh, but I can't see the runway ?
21
00:00:50,465 --> 00:00:52,201
[Indistinct Conversation]
22
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[Squeals] You've come for me!
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[Giggling] I knew sending
daily press releases
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00:00:56,070 --> 00:00:58,072
to every newspaper in town
would eventually pay off.
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REPORTERS: Beatrice!
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00:00:59,308 --> 00:01:00,776
Beatrice, you're a slut. Smile.
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00:01:00,843 --> 00:01:02,010
- What?
- Beatrice, now,
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00:01:02,076 --> 00:01:03,811
are you a regular slut or a nasty slut?
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00:01:03,877 --> 00:01:05,281
Excuse me, my name's Lillian.
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00:01:05,346 --> 00:01:06,981
Yes, Beatrice, following up,
I have a question:
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you're a whore.
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I'll rephrase it as a question:
You're a whore?
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- I'm not a whore!
- Beatrice,
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then why did you record the eroti-scope?
35
00:01:14,522 --> 00:01:15,232
What?
36
00:01:15,233 --> 00:01:17,559
[Dramatic Fanfare]
37
00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,060
I feel scared and confused,
so I'm gonna yell!
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- No, Beatrice! Beatrice!
- Beatrice!
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My sister can't comment right now,
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but feel free to ask me anything.
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Uh...
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- pack it up.
- Nothing to see.
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Hello?
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I'm a whore too!
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? I want the money ?
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? I want the fame ?
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? I want the whole world
to know my name ?
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? This is mine ?
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? I gotta get it ?
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? I got to get it ?
51
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? Got-got to get it ?
52
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? Another period ?
53
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Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com
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[Blowing Nose Noisily]
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Beatrice, look on the bright side.
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This could be great for me.
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How is this great for anybody?
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Because, people are finally
interested in the Bellacourts,
59
00:02:01,602 --> 00:02:03,871
so they'll be writing
about the one with star quality.
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00:02:03,939 --> 00:02:05,180
[Giggles] That's moi.
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00:02:05,863 --> 00:02:08,767
Sisters. The gossip rags have arrived.
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Ooh! [Giggles]
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[Squeals] I made the cover!
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"Golden-haired Beatrice Bellacourt
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with... passerby."
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Passerby?
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Oh, no.
68
00:02:23,125 --> 00:02:24,850
They're not writing about me at all.
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00:02:24,927 --> 00:02:25,692
[Dramatic String Music]
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Oh, this is so stupid!
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00:02:28,030 --> 00:02:31,205
Why does everyone care about dumb,
boring Beatrice having sex?
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People care about Beatrice
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because she made a statement.
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But... she was also humiliated
and a victim.
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She did it on purpose,
but she was also tricked.
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[Sobbing] This is the worst thing
that's ever happened to me.
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No, this is the worst thing
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that's ever happened to me!
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Stop trying to make this all about you!
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But I'm the one in the film!
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- Don't rub it in!
- [Both Weeping]
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[Sobbing Pointedly]
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[Sobbing Louder]
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[Wailing]
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[Both Crying Dramatically]
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[Both Screaming, Sobbing]
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[Sobbing Maniacally]
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[Both Screaming, Sobbing]
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[Hip-Hop Music]
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?
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[Sneaky Music]
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What are you looking at?
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00:03:15,243 --> 00:03:17,279
Are those damn newspapermen
still out there?
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00:03:17,345 --> 00:03:18,845
No, we have new neighbors.
95
00:03:19,748 --> 00:03:22,517
Oh, God in heaven, they're Italian!
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00:03:22,583 --> 00:03:24,838
Don't tell me those little
Caesars are moving in next door.
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00:03:24,839 --> 00:03:25,903
We're gonna have to move to France.
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00:03:25,904 --> 00:03:29,353
Those olive gardeners are gonna
drive down the value of this house.
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The sunlight is coming down
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on their black hair. It's blinding me!
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- [Groaning]
- Oh, God.
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Gentlemen.
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A gift from your new neighbors.
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Olive oil? They might as well
105
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have sent us rat feces.
106
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They put it on their hair
to make it shimmer.
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It's how they hypnotize you at the fair.
108
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Peepers, pour that down
the toilet at once,
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and then set fire to the toilet.
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And then dump the ashes
on their yard to send a message.
111
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And then take a poop
on that pile of ashes.
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Close the door, please.
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Don't... not with your hands.
114
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You've touched the olive oil.
With your feet.
115
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?
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[Somber Piano Melody]
117
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?
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Beatrice, what are you
doing on the floor?
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That's what the servants eat off of.
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Mother, everyone's saying I'm a whore.
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That is because you are a whore, dear.
122
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It was not my fault.
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I was kidnapped and forced
to have sex on camera.
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Nobody told you to get kidnapped!
125
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The only thing you can do now
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is make a public apology
for your filthy behavior.
127
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No, please.
Mother, that's so embarrassing.
128
00:04:31,886 --> 00:04:34,422
[Whispering Fiercely]
What's embarrassing is you,
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and your golden mane of temptation.
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00:04:37,559 --> 00:04:39,094
Now, you go to your room
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and stop looking at me like that.
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Like what?
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Like you're just begging
to be kidnapped again.
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00:04:46,609 --> 00:04:48,926
[Gasps, Inhales Sharply]
135
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- Oh, work that head knot.
- Oh, that's it.
136
00:04:53,242 --> 00:04:54,176
- Ooh!
- Oh, my God.
137
00:04:54,242 --> 00:04:56,510
Ooh, top of the morning to ya,
138
00:04:56,578 --> 00:04:58,780
men and massage mavens.
Just so you know,
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we're looking into the hack
at Edison Studios.
140
00:05:01,083 --> 00:05:03,184
Right! Now, we think this is part
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00:05:03,251 --> 00:05:05,886
of a much larger crime wave
here in Newport.
142
00:05:05,953 --> 00:05:08,590
What... [Stammers] Stop that, right now.
143
00:05:08,657 --> 00:05:10,358
- A crime wave in Newport?
- Aye.
144
00:05:10,424 --> 00:05:14,095
Not sure if you're aware of it,
but you got some new neighbors.
145
00:05:14,162 --> 00:05:15,931
Not sure what
they want to call themselves,
146
00:05:15,932 --> 00:05:18,933
but we've been calling 'em
"dark-eyed sardine slingers."
147
00:05:19,001 --> 00:05:20,368
- [Groans]
- I thought a good one
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00:05:20,434 --> 00:05:21,975
was "Arabian whites."
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Cannoli fingerers!
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00:05:23,972 --> 00:05:24,720
Catholics!
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00:05:24,721 --> 00:05:26,340
- Hey, hey!
- Whoa, hey!
152
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You'll have to go
to confession for that!
153
00:05:28,509 --> 00:05:28,808
Sorry.
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00:05:28,810 --> 00:05:30,933
Nothing wrong with foldin'
in the Mother Mary!
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Oh, Lord in heaven...
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00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:33,753
now, how can we protect ourselves?
157
00:05:33,754 --> 00:05:35,760
Well, the police
are hiring people every day
158
00:05:35,761 --> 00:05:37,951
to deal with the crisis, so let me know
159
00:05:38,018 --> 00:05:39,187
if you know anyone interested.
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00:05:39,254 --> 00:05:40,655
[Dramatic Music]
161
00:05:40,722 --> 00:05:43,125
I have always dreamed
of putting on a uniform
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00:05:43,191 --> 00:05:46,595
- and then dominating strangers.
- Plus, I am so bored.
163
00:05:46,660 --> 00:05:48,530
I haven't left the house in six years.
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00:05:49,896 --> 00:05:51,498
- We'd like to join up.
- Yes.
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Oh. You look good enough.
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- I dub thee police!
- Oh!
167
00:05:56,970 --> 00:05:59,101
Wait, that's it? There's
no training or anything?
168
00:05:59,102 --> 00:06:03,177
Well, department had some cutbacks, so
training was the first thing to go.
169
00:06:03,244 --> 00:06:04,912
[Laughs] And training to be a cop's
170
00:06:04,980 --> 00:06:06,713
a bit like training for brain surgery:
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you don't need much of it.
172
00:06:08,109 --> 00:06:10,518
Just get in there
and start crackin' open skulls.
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[All Laughing Heartily]
174
00:06:11,619 --> 00:06:12,534
And hey!
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00:06:13,521 --> 00:06:14,734
Don't forget to have fun out there.
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Oh, let's get started, shall we?
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00:06:17,424 --> 00:06:18,660
[Grunts Dramatically]
178
00:06:18,727 --> 00:06:20,061
- [Laughing] Oh, no!
- How about you?
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00:06:20,128 --> 00:06:21,763
I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding!
180
00:06:21,830 --> 00:06:22,864
[All Shouting Comically]
181
00:06:22,931 --> 00:06:25,867
[Sweet Instrumental Music]
182
00:06:25,934 --> 00:06:27,701
?
183
00:06:27,768 --> 00:06:30,754
This is all. Your. Fault!
184
00:06:31,172 --> 00:06:33,388
First, you got us caught
in that riverboat propeller,
185
00:06:33,389 --> 00:06:34,696
and now this.
186
00:06:35,309 --> 00:06:38,045
Everyone says
you're so blonde and beautiful,
187
00:06:38,112 --> 00:06:39,522
but I know the truth.
188
00:06:40,148 --> 00:06:42,047
You're evil.
189
00:06:42,449 --> 00:06:46,266
And without you, it's gonna be so
much easier to hold up my head!
190
00:06:46,787 --> 00:06:50,792
?
191
00:06:50,859 --> 00:06:53,896
[Breathing Harshly]
192
00:06:57,465 --> 00:07:00,501
[Dramatic Tones]
193
00:07:03,887 --> 00:07:06,022
I don't care what the papers are saying.
194
00:07:06,090 --> 00:07:07,710
I'm supposed to be the famous one!
195
00:07:07,712 --> 00:07:09,989
I am not going to take this lying down.
196
00:07:10,829 --> 00:07:12,531
Oh. Or maybe I will.
197
00:07:13,084 --> 00:07:14,405
Deadline, deadline, deadline.
198
00:07:14,405 --> 00:07:15,806
- Deadline, deadline, deadline!
- Look at this.
199
00:07:15,874 --> 00:07:17,508
These serial numbers do not match.
200
00:07:17,576 --> 00:07:19,912
- Excuse me!
- Check your files, twice.
201
00:07:19,977 --> 00:07:21,458
[In A Southern Accent]
I read your article
202
00:07:21,459 --> 00:07:25,116
about Beatrice Bellacourt.
And I'll have you know,
203
00:07:25,184 --> 00:07:26,619
you're barking up the wrong tree.
204
00:07:26,686 --> 00:07:28,721
It's her sister you
wanna be writing about.
205
00:07:28,787 --> 00:07:31,157
- Thank you for your help.
- Hortense Bellacourt?
206
00:07:31,222 --> 00:07:32,758
We write about her often.
207
00:07:32,825 --> 00:07:35,160
No, no, her other sister.
Her name's Lillian Bellacourt.
208
00:07:35,227 --> 00:07:37,029
- Who?
- Lillian Bellacourt.
209
00:07:37,095 --> 00:07:38,463
Okay.
210
00:07:38,530 --> 00:07:40,465
She's the type of person
the public would love to hate,
211
00:07:40,532 --> 00:07:42,319
- and then just love.
- [Chuckles]
212
00:07:42,319 --> 00:07:44,738
I've never heard of her. Now, is
she a whore, like her sister?
213
00:07:44,739 --> 00:07:45,731
That's what people wanna read about.
214
00:07:45,731 --> 00:07:46,729
Oh, yes, definitely.
215
00:07:46,730 --> 00:07:48,740
She's a huge whore. Big, big whore.
216
00:07:48,807 --> 00:07:50,775
Much bigger whore
than Beatrice Bellacourt.
217
00:07:50,842 --> 00:07:52,811
In fact, I have on good word
218
00:07:52,878 --> 00:07:55,648
that Lillian Bellacourt
was recently put in the hospital
219
00:07:55,713 --> 00:08:00,851
because... her stomach
was so full of... you-know-what.
220
00:08:00,919 --> 00:08:02,434
[Reporters Laughing]
221
00:08:02,435 --> 00:08:04,590
- They had to pump it.
- Yes, I know, I'm sure.
222
00:08:04,657 --> 00:08:07,893
We've heard this before, madam.
It was Susan B. Anthony,
223
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:09,361
wasn't it? And who before?
224
00:08:09,427 --> 00:08:11,029
I believe it was Sojourner Truth?
225
00:08:11,095 --> 00:08:12,997
- Sojourner Truth!
- [Laughing] And then,
226
00:08:13,064 --> 00:08:14,848
before that, Martha Washington.
227
00:08:14,849 --> 00:08:16,167
- [Laughing] Martha Washington.
- Please,
228
00:08:16,234 --> 00:08:17,669
you have to listen to me.
229
00:08:17,736 --> 00:08:19,571
Ma'am, we are the media.
We deliver facts.
230
00:08:19,638 --> 00:08:22,241
Please be gone.
Your rumors are not needed here.
231
00:08:22,307 --> 00:08:23,853
Well, this time it's true!
232
00:08:23,855 --> 00:08:25,797
Unless you can do a surgery in public
233
00:08:25,798 --> 00:08:27,078
- that proves this is true...
- Oh!
234
00:08:27,145 --> 00:08:28,413
- We're not interested.
- There is!
235
00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:30,348
[Stammers] There's a public surgery.
236
00:08:30,415 --> 00:08:31,684
Live surgery!
237
00:08:31,750 --> 00:08:33,953
She's going to get her stomach pumped.
238
00:08:34,020 --> 00:08:37,415
- A live surgery?
- Yes, a live surgery.
239
00:08:37,477 --> 00:08:41,601
Bellacourt Manor, live surgery,
stomach-pumping male ejaculate.
240
00:08:41,602 --> 00:08:43,194
We're gonna measure those pints.
241
00:08:43,261 --> 00:08:46,372
Thank you so much. If there is a
live surgery, we will be there.
242
00:08:46,374 --> 00:08:47,467
All right, well, tata.
243
00:08:47,531 --> 00:08:48,800
Thank you for the tip, Lillian.
244
00:08:48,867 --> 00:08:50,001
- Thank you so much.
- Oh, I'm not Lillian.
245
00:08:50,068 --> 00:08:51,502
I'm just a concerned citizen.
246
00:08:51,569 --> 00:08:52,737
- Right, okay.
- Oh, yes, of course.
247
00:08:52,804 --> 00:08:53,838
- Concerned...
- I'm from Alabama.
248
00:08:53,905 --> 00:08:55,840
Concerned Southern citizen... whore.
249
00:08:55,906 --> 00:08:57,008
[Hip-Hop Music]
250
00:08:57,075 --> 00:08:59,311
? Make it drop down, Mary ?
251
00:09:01,512 --> 00:09:03,681
Mother? I did what you asked.
252
00:09:03,748 --> 00:09:07,146
Now nobody will kidnap me. Oh, sit down!
253
00:09:07,652 --> 00:09:09,253
What have you done?
254
00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:12,723
You can't go to your
interview looking like that!
255
00:09:12,790 --> 00:09:14,392
Her hair won't lay properly, madam.
256
00:09:14,459 --> 00:09:15,927
Maybe a kicky hat.
257
00:09:15,993 --> 00:09:17,461
Oh, don't be grotesque, Peepers.
258
00:09:17,529 --> 00:09:19,198
Women aren't wearing hats this year.
259
00:09:19,264 --> 00:09:21,099
I hesitate to even suggest it, madam.
260
00:09:21,165 --> 00:09:23,968
But... maybe we should try
the "Eye-talian" way.
261
00:09:24,035 --> 00:09:26,070
Forcing ourselves on our spouses?
262
00:09:26,137 --> 00:09:27,409
- No!
- [Cork Pops]
263
00:09:28,305 --> 00:09:29,275
Olive oil.
264
00:09:29,341 --> 00:09:31,643
[Traditional Italian Music]
265
00:09:31,709 --> 00:09:32,710
Oh...
266
00:09:32,777 --> 00:09:34,646
?
267
00:09:34,713 --> 00:09:36,881
[Percussive Remix]
268
00:09:36,948 --> 00:09:39,751
[Grunts]
269
00:09:39,818 --> 00:09:41,087
[Shouts Dramatically]
270
00:09:41,152 --> 00:09:42,287
[Panting]
271
00:09:42,887 --> 00:09:43,988
How do I look?
272
00:09:44,055 --> 00:09:45,790
[Electronic Dance Music]
273
00:09:45,857 --> 00:09:48,393
?
274
00:09:50,629 --> 00:09:51,878
Whoa there, tot.
275
00:09:52,496 --> 00:09:53,698
Why aren't you in school?
276
00:09:53,766 --> 00:09:55,835
I'm headed to work at the night factory.
277
00:09:56,602 --> 00:09:57,803
All right. Have a good day.
278
00:09:58,119 --> 00:09:58,878
Carry on.
279
00:10:00,238 --> 00:10:03,040
Excuse me, sir.
Are you sleeping on the street?
280
00:10:03,107 --> 00:10:06,111
No, I just took some heroin
and I'm nodding off.
281
00:10:06,178 --> 00:10:07,813
- It's not a crime.
- Well, that's true.
282
00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:08,814
[Both Struggling]
283
00:10:08,881 --> 00:10:11,217
Oh, oh! Say, excuse me, sir!
284
00:10:11,283 --> 00:10:13,351
Sir! Is this woman bothering you?
285
00:10:13,418 --> 00:10:15,450
[Sighs] It's okay, she's my wife.
286
00:10:15,853 --> 00:10:17,555
She smiled at a dog, and there's just
287
00:10:17,622 --> 00:10:19,455
something about that I don't like.
288
00:10:19,658 --> 00:10:21,159
Well, just don't kill her.
289
00:10:21,226 --> 00:10:22,995
[Men Laughing]
290
00:10:23,062 --> 00:10:23,995
[Grunting] Come on, you!
291
00:10:24,062 --> 00:10:25,196
I'm so frustrated.
292
00:10:25,262 --> 00:10:26,931
All we've seen is a truant orphan,
293
00:10:26,998 --> 00:10:29,066
and a junkie, and a man
disciplining his wife.
294
00:10:29,134 --> 00:10:31,460
- I mean, where are the crimes?
- You know why
295
00:10:31,460 --> 00:10:32,871
we haven't seen any actual crimes.
296
00:10:32,938 --> 00:10:34,640
Why, because everything's
basically legal?
297
00:10:34,707 --> 00:10:37,476
No, we need to go to the source.
298
00:10:37,543 --> 00:10:40,604
We need to investigate the people
who actually committed the hack.
299
00:10:40,604 --> 00:10:43,261
Well, but we don't know
for sure it was the Italians.
300
00:10:43,542 --> 00:10:46,565
Albert, police work is not
about evidence.
301
00:10:46,566 --> 00:10:48,082
It's about instincts.
302
00:10:48,441 --> 00:10:51,230
And my instincts tell me
that we need to go
303
00:10:51,231 --> 00:10:54,287
to Greece Town
and get us some "Eye-talians."
304
00:10:54,288 --> 00:10:57,329
?
305
00:10:57,330 --> 00:10:59,069
So, you want me to perform a surgery?
306
00:10:59,070 --> 00:11:01,239
Yes, doctor, I need your help.
307
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:02,857
The newspapers are going to be there.
308
00:11:02,858 --> 00:11:03,896
Everyone will be watching.
309
00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,053
The problem is, I'm...
310
00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:08,167
I'm not the kind of
doctor you think I am.
311
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,678
Oh, no, it's okay.
I know you're a bad doctor.
312
00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:10,911
No, I'm not...
313
00:11:11,326 --> 00:11:13,295
[Stirring Melody]
314
00:11:13,361 --> 00:11:15,008
[Quietly] I'm not a medical doctor.
315
00:11:15,009 --> 00:11:17,742
My masters is in medicine,
but my doctorate...
316
00:11:17,743 --> 00:11:19,245
is in the theater arts!
317
00:11:19,921 --> 00:11:20,902
- [Sighs]
- The long and short of it is,
318
00:11:20,903 --> 00:11:23,415
I'm not qualified to conduct surgeries.
319
00:11:23,540 --> 00:11:25,600
Well, I don't really have
two pints of ejaculatory fluid
320
00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:26,814
in my stomach, so...
321
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,170
all we have to do is stage the surgery!
322
00:11:29,426 --> 00:11:31,303
[Uplifting Melody]
323
00:11:31,304 --> 00:11:32,830
Did you say "stage"?
324
00:11:33,432 --> 00:11:36,686
?
325
00:11:36,687 --> 00:11:38,608
Phillip, extra phosphorous.
326
00:11:39,143 --> 00:11:41,621
We're competing with
that orphanage fire story.
327
00:11:41,959 --> 00:11:45,799
Beatrice, thank you so much
for granting me this interview.
328
00:11:46,397 --> 00:11:48,522
Now, how does it feel to be the star
329
00:11:48,523 --> 00:11:51,419
of the... the highest-grossing
film of all time?
330
00:11:51,420 --> 00:11:56,684
There are reports
that "The Wizard of Ahhs"
331
00:11:56,685 --> 00:12:01,283
has grossed up to 1.2 hundred dollars.
332
00:12:01,706 --> 00:12:05,244
[Stammers] People are making
money off of this?
333
00:12:06,009 --> 00:12:07,894
Beatrice, what do you have to say?
334
00:12:09,839 --> 00:12:10,773
Just that...
335
00:12:12,102 --> 00:12:13,136
I made a mistake.
336
00:12:13,756 --> 00:12:16,983
And sadly, that mistake was
something the whole world saw.
337
00:12:17,155 --> 00:12:20,041
But, I'm hoping that people
can find it in their hearts to...
338
00:12:21,323 --> 00:12:22,969
see me for who I am,
339
00:12:23,047 --> 00:12:25,406
and not the biggest mistake I ever made.
340
00:12:25,615 --> 00:12:27,348
[Exhales Emotionally]
341
00:12:27,349 --> 00:12:29,735
I wanna commend you on your honesty,
342
00:12:29,736 --> 00:12:33,229
and your brave new hairstyle.
343
00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:36,277
Now, is that a statement
on the duality of women
344
00:12:36,345 --> 00:12:37,801
in a patriarchal society?
345
00:12:38,372 --> 00:12:38,999
No.
346
00:12:39,299 --> 00:12:41,690
Well, get a tintype, boys,
'cause I predict, by the spring,
347
00:12:41,691 --> 00:12:43,915
every woman's gonna
have their hair styled
348
00:12:43,916 --> 00:12:45,521
in "the Beatrice"!
349
00:12:45,587 --> 00:12:47,643
[Glamorous Music]
350
00:12:47,644 --> 00:12:50,787
Hold it for three more minutes.
351
00:12:51,897 --> 00:12:53,507
180 Mississippi.
352
00:12:54,650 --> 00:12:56,528
179 Mississippi.
353
00:12:57,434 --> 00:12:59,424
178 Mississippi.
354
00:12:59,838 --> 00:13:02,173
? Gettin' money ? - ? Gettin' money ?
355
00:13:02,238 --> 00:13:05,342
Behold, the whore of Newport.
356
00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:08,511
The daughter of Babylon,
the harlot of the harbor,
357
00:13:08,578 --> 00:13:10,213
the Jezebel of the ball.
358
00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:11,175
The patient...
359
00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:15,095
shows all of the signs of the whore.
360
00:13:15,619 --> 00:13:19,757
Syphilis, genital slack, sarcasm,
361
00:13:19,823 --> 00:13:23,411
the anchovy odor
of a woman of the night.
362
00:13:24,328 --> 00:13:27,731
Today, I shall perform
a dangerous proto-zectomy,
363
00:13:27,798 --> 00:13:29,878
removing from the patient's gullet
364
00:13:30,134 --> 00:13:32,690
nearly a gallon of semenical fluid.
365
00:13:33,169 --> 00:13:36,039
Many of you have heard the urban legend
366
00:13:36,106 --> 00:13:38,360
of the woman in such a predicament.
367
00:13:38,742 --> 00:13:39,142
Ow.
368
00:13:39,651 --> 00:13:40,507
Behold.
369
00:13:41,312 --> 00:13:42,571
The whore is real.
370
00:13:43,414 --> 00:13:45,549
[Giggles]
371
00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:47,251
? And a two, and a three ?
372
00:13:47,318 --> 00:13:48,485
Wait, is that real ether?
373
00:13:48,552 --> 00:13:50,288
- It has to be...
- Look over there.
374
00:13:50,353 --> 00:13:51,688
What? [Screams]
375
00:13:51,755 --> 00:13:54,192
And in these moments
between life and death,
376
00:13:54,257 --> 00:13:57,628
fellows... let us begin.
377
00:13:57,696 --> 00:14:00,064
We're gonna get
the Pulitzer for this one.
378
00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:02,529
I'm salivating just thinking about it.
379
00:14:02,836 --> 00:14:04,840
And all the woods of Russia,
380
00:14:05,536 --> 00:14:10,407
are trembling under
the blows of the axe.
381
00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:12,310
[Somber Music]
382
00:14:12,376 --> 00:14:14,377
[Applause]
383
00:14:14,444 --> 00:14:15,445
Thank you.
384
00:14:15,512 --> 00:14:17,614
That was Doctor Astrov's monologue
385
00:14:17,682 --> 00:14:20,318
from Anton Chekhov's "Uncle Vanya."
386
00:14:20,385 --> 00:14:22,218
And now for a soliloquy from one of
387
00:14:22,285 --> 00:14:24,354
Shakespeare's least beloved plays,
388
00:14:24,422 --> 00:14:25,790
- "Coriolanus."
- [Struggling]
389
00:14:25,856 --> 00:14:27,025
- No...
- What's happening?
390
00:14:27,092 --> 00:14:28,292
- Wait just a moment, just...
- [Yelps]
391
00:14:28,358 --> 00:14:30,760
My name is Caius Martius, who hath...
392
00:14:30,827 --> 00:14:32,063
- What's going on?
- It looks like someone needs
393
00:14:32,129 --> 00:14:33,565
a bit more ether alcohol
before we continue.
394
00:14:33,630 --> 00:14:34,999
No! Not ether.
395
00:14:35,066 --> 00:14:36,133
- Just wait a moment...
- [Shouting]
396
00:14:36,199 --> 00:14:37,634
- [Grunts]
- [Shouting]
397
00:14:37,702 --> 00:14:40,638
[Valve Pops, Lillian Screams]
398
00:14:40,704 --> 00:14:43,440
[Men Shouting]
399
00:14:43,506 --> 00:14:45,575
[Dramatic Music]
400
00:14:45,643 --> 00:14:46,644
?
401
00:14:46,709 --> 00:14:47,978
Stop it! Stop it!
402
00:14:48,044 --> 00:14:49,646
[Coughing]
403
00:14:49,712 --> 00:14:50,948
Oh, bah!
404
00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:52,516
[Splutters] What's happening?
405
00:14:52,583 --> 00:14:55,585
This is not ejaculate! It's milk!
406
00:14:55,653 --> 00:14:57,910
Lillian Bellacourt is a liar,
407
00:14:57,911 --> 00:15:00,256
- not a whore.
- And that monologue
408
00:15:00,323 --> 00:15:03,993
was absolutely incredible!
I did love that monologue.
409
00:15:04,060 --> 00:15:06,029
- Yes. [Laughs]
- He's talented.
410
00:15:06,097 --> 00:15:07,030
He's good.
411
00:15:07,097 --> 00:15:08,433
[Laughing]
412
00:15:08,499 --> 00:15:10,935
[Hip-Hop Music]
413
00:15:11,001 --> 00:15:12,635
?
414
00:15:12,702 --> 00:15:15,305
First, they besmirch
the Bellacourt name,
415
00:15:15,371 --> 00:15:17,842
now they have the nerve
to profit off of it?
416
00:15:17,909 --> 00:15:19,809
Well, it doesn't seem
like that much money.
417
00:15:19,876 --> 00:15:21,811
You spent $100,000 on your own cloud
418
00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:23,045
and we couldn't even find it.
419
00:15:23,046 --> 00:15:25,882
It was $300,000,
but that's not the point.
420
00:15:25,949 --> 00:15:28,184
You are the one who was kidnapped.
421
00:15:28,251 --> 00:15:30,553
You're the one who fornicated.
422
00:15:30,621 --> 00:15:32,991
I'm the one who should
be making money off of it.
423
00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:35,292
What if I had sex
with someone else on camera,
424
00:15:35,358 --> 00:15:36,727
and that someone else was Frederick?
425
00:15:36,794 --> 00:15:38,295
I'm not asking for your opinion.
426
00:15:38,362 --> 00:15:41,064
You've no talent, no discernible skills.
427
00:15:41,131 --> 00:15:43,400
It's a miracle you're
even able to breathe!
428
00:15:43,467 --> 00:15:44,769
No, I can do it!
429
00:15:44,836 --> 00:15:46,537
[Inhales And Exhales Deeply]
430
00:15:46,602 --> 00:15:48,037
[Somber Melody]
431
00:15:48,105 --> 00:15:50,908
[Quietly] Two blocks away
from the abortionist
432
00:15:50,975 --> 00:15:53,244
when I went into labor.
433
00:15:53,310 --> 00:15:53,957
Hey!
434
00:15:55,078 --> 00:15:57,747
What if we sold a product
with my face on it?
435
00:15:57,814 --> 00:16:00,150
Products don't have celebrities on them.
436
00:16:00,217 --> 00:16:02,745
That's what caricatures
of black people are for.
437
00:16:02,746 --> 00:16:05,323
Well, it seems like we have two ideas:
438
00:16:05,389 --> 00:16:08,501
sell a product, or for me to
have sex with Frederick on film.
439
00:16:09,393 --> 00:16:10,496
Okay, I'll do it.
440
00:16:12,929 --> 00:16:14,832
You know something, Beatrice?
441
00:16:15,918 --> 00:16:17,352
Your hair...
442
00:16:18,202 --> 00:16:20,904
really does look magnificent.
443
00:16:22,807 --> 00:16:27,145
?
444
00:16:27,211 --> 00:16:29,913
[Indistinct Conversation]
445
00:16:29,980 --> 00:16:31,683
Can we just barge in there?
446
00:16:31,749 --> 00:16:33,739
We haven't seen anything illegal yet.
447
00:16:34,221 --> 00:16:36,365
We can tell them
to turn their music down.
448
00:16:36,366 --> 00:16:38,621
Ah, yes! If you can even call it music.
449
00:16:38,688 --> 00:16:40,256
Opera's supposed to be German.
450
00:16:40,323 --> 00:16:41,659
Can't argue with that. Let's go!
451
00:16:41,725 --> 00:16:42,693
[Shouts]
452
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:44,352
- Hello!
- Police!
453
00:16:44,809 --> 00:16:46,431
Hello, we're in your home!
454
00:16:46,496 --> 00:16:48,064
Not again-a.
455
00:16:48,131 --> 00:16:49,866
How can we help you, officers?
456
00:16:49,933 --> 00:16:52,432
All right, sir, I'm gonna
ask you to lower your voice.
457
00:16:52,433 --> 00:16:54,203
- Please.
- What is this, what is this?
458
00:16:54,270 --> 00:16:55,271
What's in here? What is in here?
459
00:16:55,338 --> 00:16:56,506
- Wine.
- Wine.
460
00:16:56,573 --> 00:16:57,542
- Vino.
- Oh, yeah, right.
461
00:16:57,608 --> 00:16:58,842
[Sniffs] I'm not sure about that.
462
00:16:58,909 --> 00:17:00,076
- What's this?
- A plate, a simple plate.
463
00:17:00,143 --> 00:17:01,210
- Yeah? What's going on?
- A napkin.
464
00:17:01,277 --> 00:17:02,579
- What do you got here?
- Salad.
465
00:17:02,646 --> 00:17:03,815
What's this... what about all of this?
466
00:17:03,881 --> 00:17:06,216
- It's a couch!
- It's an English thing.
467
00:17:06,283 --> 00:17:07,717
Hey, hey, she's got something
under her dress, there.
468
00:17:07,784 --> 00:17:09,253
Hold on, hold on, Albert.
469
00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:10,822
I think she's just a big fat woman.
470
00:17:10,888 --> 00:17:12,957
No, I'm not fat! I'm pregnant.
471
00:17:13,023 --> 00:17:14,292
It's a baby in here.
472
00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:16,127
Oh, great, the Italians are multiplying.
473
00:17:16,194 --> 00:17:17,124
They could take our jobs.
474
00:17:17,125 --> 00:17:18,264
It's a bambino!
475
00:17:18,265 --> 00:17:19,896
- Oh, she's got a bomb!
- She's got a bomb.
476
00:17:19,964 --> 00:17:21,398
- She's got a bomb!
- No, a child!
477
00:17:21,465 --> 00:17:22,566
A child!
478
00:17:22,632 --> 00:17:24,034
Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am! Calm down!
479
00:17:24,101 --> 00:17:26,569
Everyone, calm down!
Everyone, calm down!
480
00:17:26,982 --> 00:17:28,438
All right, hands up! That's it!
481
00:17:28,505 --> 00:17:30,507
Excuse me, sir, what
is that in your hand?
482
00:17:30,573 --> 00:17:31,842
- It's a spoon, I...
- That's what I thought.
483
00:17:31,909 --> 00:17:33,043
- All right.
- Not again.
484
00:17:33,110 --> 00:17:34,044
I'm gonna have to pat you down!
485
00:17:34,111 --> 00:17:35,312
No, no, please! No.
486
00:17:35,379 --> 00:17:37,113
Giuseppe, completely submit to him.
487
00:17:37,180 --> 00:17:38,748
He's got a condition.
488
00:17:38,815 --> 00:17:39,850
Oh, he's so ticklish.
489
00:17:39,917 --> 00:17:41,651
Please-a, he can't be tickled.
490
00:17:41,718 --> 00:17:43,153
- [Laughing Uncontrollably]
- Look at him!
491
00:17:43,220 --> 00:17:44,955
He's laughing and laughing and laughing.
492
00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:46,189
Albert!
493
00:17:46,256 --> 00:17:48,175
- I got something here.
- What's up?
494
00:17:48,758 --> 00:17:50,087
Let me see about that.
495
00:17:50,694 --> 00:17:52,629
[Dramatic Music]
496
00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:56,833
?
497
00:17:56,900 --> 00:17:58,201
This is delicious!
498
00:17:58,267 --> 00:18:00,203
[All Talking At Once]
499
00:18:00,271 --> 00:18:01,438
All things considered,
good food, good food.
500
00:18:01,505 --> 00:18:03,974
- [All Talking At Once]
- Yeah, sit, sit.
501
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:05,609
All right, well, cheers, everyone.
502
00:18:05,676 --> 00:18:06,810
It's really nice to meet you.
503
00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:08,779
- To America!
- To America!
504
00:18:08,845 --> 00:18:10,313
[All Toasting]
505
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:12,352
- [All Laughing]
- You silly-billy.
506
00:18:12,664 --> 00:18:14,785
This is my first opportunity
507
00:18:14,852 --> 00:18:16,652
to make money on my own:
508
00:18:16,719 --> 00:18:21,290
profiting off of the sexual
exploitation of my daughter.
509
00:18:21,358 --> 00:18:22,693
I thought you could only use sex
510
00:18:22,759 --> 00:18:24,827
to get attention from men.
I never realized
511
00:18:24,894 --> 00:18:27,163
you could use sex
to get rich and famous!
512
00:18:27,230 --> 00:18:28,665
All this time, I was worried about
513
00:18:28,732 --> 00:18:31,193
not being interesting
or talented or smart,
514
00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:34,271
but it turns out, I had
everything I needed
515
00:18:34,338 --> 00:18:36,741
all along... this!
516
00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:39,409
[Stately Music Playing]
517
00:18:39,476 --> 00:18:42,013
Hello, everyone. Welcome to the launch
518
00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:44,748
of the Beatrice Bellacourt
Feminine Hair Lubricant.
519
00:18:44,814 --> 00:18:47,751
[Polite Laughter And Applause]
520
00:18:47,819 --> 00:18:51,155
Look how ugly this servant was
before she used my product.
521
00:18:51,220 --> 00:18:53,110
And look how pretty she is now.
522
00:18:53,658 --> 00:18:56,127
[Crowd Murmurs Approvingly]
523
00:18:56,192 --> 00:18:57,694
Those are two different people.
524
00:18:57,761 --> 00:18:58,668
Exactly.
525
00:18:59,228 --> 00:19:00,197
Thank you.
526
00:19:00,263 --> 00:19:01,332
Since being a whore
527
00:19:01,398 --> 00:19:02,799
didn't get me any press coverage,
528
00:19:02,865 --> 00:19:04,301
the only way to get their attention
529
00:19:04,368 --> 00:19:07,116
will be to do something... illegal.
530
00:19:09,285 --> 00:19:12,205
Soon, everyone will be talking
about Lillian Bellacourt.
531
00:19:12,205 --> 00:19:14,344
[Electronic Dance Music]
532
00:19:14,410 --> 00:19:15,845
[In Slow Motion] Oh, my God.
533
00:19:15,912 --> 00:19:18,047
?
534
00:19:18,114 --> 00:19:20,851
Is that... is... is that...
535
00:19:20,918 --> 00:19:22,453
Oh, my God.
536
00:19:22,518 --> 00:19:25,955
I cannot bring myself to say what I see.
537
00:19:26,023 --> 00:19:27,323
It's... it's...
538
00:19:27,390 --> 00:19:29,293
It's a woman...
539
00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:31,795
[Screeching] Wearing pants!
540
00:19:31,861 --> 00:19:34,898
? Gimme that money,
gimme that mon-mon-money ?
541
00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:35,899
[Gasps In Horror]
542
00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:37,734
Mm, what a scandal, right?
543
00:19:37,801 --> 00:19:40,204
- What a perversion.
- Lillian!
544
00:19:40,271 --> 00:19:42,206
So, what are you gonna
write about me in the press?
545
00:19:42,272 --> 00:19:43,627
We have journalistic standards.
546
00:19:43,628 --> 00:19:45,305
We are not writing about this!
547
00:19:45,306 --> 00:19:46,893
We have to draw the line somewhere.
548
00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:48,643
What, so you'll... so you'll write about
549
00:19:48,644 --> 00:19:51,714
a woman having sex on film
or a woman having ejaculate
550
00:19:51,782 --> 00:19:52,916
pumped from her stomach,
551
00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:54,251
and this is where you draw the line?
552
00:19:54,317 --> 00:19:57,520
Yes, this is absolutely disgusting!
553
00:19:57,586 --> 00:19:59,455
- [Spits]
- [Yelps]
554
00:19:59,523 --> 00:20:02,326
What is wrong with me?
Why won't anyone write about me?
555
00:20:02,392 --> 00:20:03,994
Beatrice is a vacant, useless whore,
556
00:20:04,061 --> 00:20:05,389
and that's all she'll ever be!
557
00:20:05,390 --> 00:20:07,197
Actually, you're wrong, Lillian.
558
00:20:07,264 --> 00:20:09,734
Whores are over.
I'm a businesswoman now.
559
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:11,101
A businesswoman?!
560
00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:12,837
Oh, that's worse than being a whore!
561
00:20:12,902 --> 00:20:15,605
You're just jealous because I'm a star
562
00:20:15,671 --> 00:20:16,739
and you're not.
563
00:20:16,806 --> 00:20:17,741
[Huffs, Shouts]
564
00:20:17,809 --> 00:20:19,304
[Giggles]
565
00:20:20,410 --> 00:20:21,327
[Huffs Loudly]
566
00:20:21,524 --> 00:20:23,713
As I was saying, if you want your wife
567
00:20:23,781 --> 00:20:25,849
to look like me, there's
only one way to do it.
568
00:20:25,916 --> 00:20:27,499
It's with the hair lubricant.
569
00:20:27,764 --> 00:20:31,988
?
570
00:20:32,055 --> 00:20:34,858
[Sobbing] Beatrice!
How could you do this to me?
571
00:20:35,290 --> 00:20:37,483
I'm the one who's supposed
to have a product!
572
00:20:37,484 --> 00:20:40,663
I'm the one who's supposed
to have a lifestyle brand!
573
00:20:40,730 --> 00:20:41,664
[Sobbing]
574
00:20:41,732 --> 00:20:42,799
[Albert And Victor Laughing]
575
00:20:42,865 --> 00:20:44,067
When they brought out the cannoli?
576
00:20:44,134 --> 00:20:45,468
- Oh, that was so good!
- Oh, my God.
577
00:20:45,535 --> 00:20:46,603
- It tasted...
- And the tomato sauce...
578
00:20:46,669 --> 00:20:47,970
- Shh.
- What?
579
00:20:48,037 --> 00:20:50,039
- It's Lillian.
- What... she's wearing pants!
580
00:20:50,107 --> 00:20:53,029
[Gasps] We get to make an arrest.
581
00:20:53,505 --> 00:20:54,473
[Belches]
582
00:20:54,710 --> 00:20:55,778
[Laughs Gleefully]
583
00:20:55,845 --> 00:20:57,582
- Let's do it!
- [Shouts]
584
00:20:57,648 --> 00:20:59,984
- This is so rewarding!
- I feel so alive.
585
00:21:00,383 --> 00:21:04,487
[Both Crying]
586
00:21:05,554 --> 00:21:09,526
- [Coughing]
- [Cries Louder]
587
00:21:09,592 --> 00:21:14,197
[Both Heaving, Crying]
588
00:21:14,264 --> 00:21:15,299
[Whimpering]
589
00:21:15,349 --> 00:21:19,899
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