All language subtitles for Another Period s03e06 Shady Acres.eng

Previously on "Another Period"...

All I want in this world
is for my little baby Murray

to have a good life. I will do anything,

so I switched my baby with
one of the Bellacourt babies.

I love you.

[PLEASANT STRING MUSIC]

What a productive day
of porcelain shopping.

From now on, I'm only eating out
of soup bowls... or cake stands.

All food must be high up or low down.

My dolls are gonna shit when
they see this new tea set I got.

[BOTH GIGGLE]

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

[QUIETLY] Beatrice, look.

This is the third driver this week

who's been glued to his kaleidoscope.

It's very unsafe.

[BICYCLE BELL RINGS]

Look! There's another one!

? ?

[HORSE NEIGHING]

[BELL RINGING, HORSE NEIGHING]

[CRASHING, GIRLS SCREAMING]

? I want the money, I want the fame ?

? I want the whole world ?
? to know my name ?

? This is mine, I got to get it ?

? I got to get it, got, got to get it ?

? "Another Period" ?

- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 -
- www.addic7ed.com -

- Oh, Mother, it was
a real brush with death.

My finger got scraped. I'm disfigured.

Now I know why war veterans
are always whining.

It's just a scratch, dear.

Don't listen to her, Beatrice.

We will beat this.

[SCOFFS] What's the point in being rich

when bad things can still happen to you?

You should be thankful, girls.

At least I'm not visiting
you at Shady Acres.

[LAUGHS] Shady Acres.

I wouldn't be caught dead
being dead there.

Well, dear, didn't you know?

All the Bellacourts
are buried at Shady Acres.

Shady Acres?
They might as well

feed my dead body to a bulldog

and have him shit in a grave.

Mother, I will never
be buried at Shady Acres.

I'm going to be buried at Chevrolet...

like all the other
important people I hate.

Why are you talking about burying us?

Wait a minute.

We're not going to the beach, are we?

Beatrice, we could've died today.

What? [CHUCKLES] Well,
I'm not going to die.

[LAUGHS]

Why is everyone looking at me
like I'm going to die?

[STIRRING ACOUSTIC MUSIC]

? ?

[QUIETLY] What?

That's a conversation I
probably should've had with her.

Stop making that face!
It's unattractive.

[SCOFFS]

I hate when things are ugly. [SOBS]

If I'm not here, who's
going to see things?

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[STIRRING MUSIC]

? ?

[WHINING LOUDLY]

[INHALES DEEPLY]

[HIP-HOP MUSIC]

Huh, look at that...
apparently both the driver

and the cyclists
were on their kaleidoscopes.

I swear, it's like
everyone's become a damn zombie

since those magical tubes
of light came out, huh?

- Uh-huh.
- Put that infernal thing down!

- Are you even listening to me?
- I can do two things at once.

I'm going to look out
the window real fast... oh, my...

Victor!

This is not good.
I am not happy with this.

We are on opposite pages!

What do you suggest we should do?

I don't know.
Something.

Something that'll
bring us together, you know?

- You know?
- No, I am not having

the baby discussion again.

Listen to me!

If you think that I'm going
to procreate with a woman,

then you're crazier than
being a homosexual makes you.

Come on, Vickie.

Everyone knows the best way
to save a doomed relationship

is to have a child.

Let's just try it one day.

[GASPS] And I know where there's a place

where we can borrow a child. [CHUCKLING]

Blue, yellow, green, blue...

- [GLASS SHATTERS]
- Ow! Oh, my God!

? Credit cards and shirts ?

? Credit cards and shirts ?

Okay, Freddy,
here's your speech about jobs

for the Dodo Bird Hunters Union.

Don't worry.
It's in pictures, not words.

I don't want to make a speech...

although that is a very nice
drawing of a horse.

You don't want to?
I'm so sorry.

Do you think it's easy to get elected?

It's not. It takes years of experience,

lawmaking, and giving speeches.

Idiots don't get to be president.

Now, you're gonna go out there,

read them these pictures,

and prove that you can run
the free world.

Sorry, Mom. [CHUCKLES]

[YELPS]

Jobs. [SCOFFS]

Have you ever met anyone
with one of those?

Um, yes.

You have?

What is it exactly? A job?

Well, it's how people get money.

But why would they need money?

Well, if one were to buy something,

they would need money to do so.

For example, the Bellacourts
pay me for my services.

This is a job?
I thought this was your dream.

D-dreams don't buy gruel.

? ?

Only the finest silks
for you, Baby Murray.

[LAUGHS] I mean Kermit.

Kermit. Your name is Kermit.

And you are a wealthy boy now.

Ooh, would you like a bottle... [GASPS]

Of, I don't know,
how about some (BLEEP) caviar?

[LAUGHING] Yes.

Ah, there he is.

Oh, wonderful.

Now, let's snatch the little bugger.

No, this is Baby Kermit.
So...

- it's just baby Kermit.
- I don't have time

for one of your hysterical blatherings.

I need a child, apparently, in my life.

- So let me grab him.
- No!

- What are you...
- No!

Blanche, don't tell me what
I cannot grab, all right?

I'm going to grab that child
and take it for our own.

Do you grab it by the ears
like it's a rabbit or...

- I don't know.
- Oh, no, you really can't.

I'm going to take it. Thank you.
Give it. Let go.

Let go of it.

- You know...
- [BABY CRYING]

You can't because he has
an equestrian lesson at 3:00.

Blanche, he's our former
half-brother-in-law.

We can take him if we want to.

- [STAMMERS]
- Victor! Come on.

Oh, oh! Oh, gosh. I probably
shouldn't be scoping, right?

These are the kind of mistakes
we're gonna make.

So many mistakes.

- Yes.
- That's the good thing.

- [BABY WAILING]
- All right, let's...

You're upsetting the child,
so let's get out of here.

- Yeah, you're a bad nurse.
- Oh, he's crying!

[BABY CRYING]

[CHORAL MUSIC]

? ?

Now, do I want a classic grave

or one of those tiny marble houses?

Ooh, I could see myself

in a little Taj Mahal but less ethnic.

I can't predict if Indians
are still going to be trendy

in 100 years.

[GASPS] Beatrice, look!

I can get pink satin in my casket.

Ooh, and a monogrammed pillow.

Beatrice, help me pick my death pose.

Do you think this is too old-fashioned?

Ooh, maybe arms by my side.
That's more modern.

Ooh, or maybe something like...

What does it matter?

Worms are gonna eat you either way.

May I help you?

Oh.

Uh... hi. [GIGGLES]

Yes, we'll take two
of your finest plots...

preferably in an area
that can accommodate a crowd.

Wonderful. Well, that should save me

the time of going through

this extremely extensive waiting list.

[THUD]

[STAMMERS] Well, please.

I'm sure there's something we can do.

It's very important
that I'm buried here.

Oh, it's very important?
Well, why didn't you say so?

In that case, all you need to do
is travel backwards in time

and get your
great-great-great-grandparents

to have better families
and improve their bloodlines...

that is, if they can even speak English.

We don't know how
to travel backwards in time.

You should tell that to your dresses.

That might hurt our feelings
if anything you said mattered,

but we're all just animals
on a cold, unfeeling rock,

hurtling our way toward
the inevitable godless abyss.

So...

it doesn't.

Fine.
They're still old dresses.

Please, you don't understand.

Oh, no, child.
I do.

I do. I simply don't care.

Anyway, there's nothing to be done.

The cemetery is completely booked.

We're only accepting legacies now.

Oh, uh, so legacies
are guaranteed admission?

Yes. How else do you think
we ended up

with a mulatto district?

- [SCOFFS]
- Now, if you'll excuse me,

my 4:00 is here.

[LAUGHING CORDIALLY]
Mr. Needham, welcome.

I see you've brought your parents.

Come, let's go pick out some plots

for your grandchildren.

[GRUNTS ANGRILY]

[HEAVENLY CHORAL MUSIC]

Hmm...

"Spooky cemetery tours."
Legacies only, huh?

I've got the perfect plan
to fool that Cole Bottums

into believing
we're legacies after all...

a good old-fashioned tomb-swapping.

Would you like some Beaujolais?
Should we give him some Beaujolais?

I mean, how... Albert, how do you
work one of these things?

He's not giving me any kind of feedback.

- Just take it.
- Victor, you're thinking too much.

Parenting is like human nature.

If he's thirsty, he'll pour himself
a glass of Beaujolais.

Well, look at you.

Regular Mr. Midwife.

[LAUGHING] You think? I mean, right?
I could get used to this.

I know you could.

Well...

Oh, Victor. Can you not go
five stinking minutes...

Calm down, my love.

This is actually for you...
your own kaleidoscope.

- My own?
- Mm-hmm.

But you know I'm afraid of technology.

Don't be.
You just take the shaft...

and I'll work the wheel.

[GASPS] Oh, my God.

That's wonderful.

You know, I'm very glad
we came out here with Kermit.

It's really bringing
our family together.

[KERMIT COOS]

Oh, now I see
what all the fuss is about.

Looking through a kaleidoscope

is a great substitute
for human connection.

You don't know the meaning of
life until you've been a parent.

[STAMMERS] Shut up for a second.

- Yeah, no, actually, shh.
- Can you just...

I know, but I said it first,
so you shush.

- Wait, let me go. Ok, one, two, three.
- One second.

- Shh. Shut up.
- I'm just doing this thing.

- I'll be with you in a second.
- All right.

Albert, are you still here?

- Shh.
- Okay, sorry.

I bet Kermit would really enjoy this
if he was looking through this.

[WATER SPLASHES]
Uhhuh.

? ?

I've asked Hamish
to help me with my plan.

It's actually perfect for him.

He's good with a shovel,

smells like death,
and claims to be an expert

in dirty holes.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

Over here.

? ?

[WHIMPERING]

Hurry up. The tour
starts in five minutes.

Hold on.

? ?

Hurry up.

[GASPS]

[PANTING]

- [LAUGHS]
- What the hell is that?

It's your
Great-Aunt Beatrice,

just like you asked for.

You're welcome.

You just had to bring the headstone.

You didn't need to bring
a rotting cadaver.

Excuse me for taking a little pride

in my work and being thorough.

You ever think that maybe
it's not just all about

switching the graves for the missus?

That maybe I might be trying

to prove my own value for myself?

Go to plot A7 and switch the headstones.

Got it?

What am I supposed to do with her?

I don't know. (BLEEP)
her, for all I care.

Is that something that you'd be into?

? ?

Kermit, are you out here?

Pretend son, where art thou?

How could you let this happen?

Oh, Albie, everyone loses
a baby at some point.

[GROANS] Maybe this just
wasn't a good idea.

I mean, maybe having a baby

wasn't the right plan
to save our relationship.

Listen to me. Everything
we need is right here.

If you take out that
goddamn kaleidoscope...

No, no, you idiot.
I'm talking about us.

As long as we have each other,

we could lose
all the babies in the world,

and it wouldn't matter.

Well, it wouldn't matter to us,

but people are gonna
start missing that Baby Kermit.

- I'll make it better, I promise.
- Oh, yeah? How?

[BABY CRYING]

So we lost the baby.

But babies are like women.
They all look the same.

So we found a replacement
on the servant's coal pile.

? ?

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[VOCALIZING GHOULISHLY]

Welcome, boys and ghouls,

to the monthly midnight tour
of the Chevrolet Cemetery,

part of our "Tours for Poors" program,

which we do for love of the community.

It's our way of giving back.

My name is Cole Bottums,

and I'll be your tour "died."

[GROANS] Opening with puns.

This is going to be a long night.

- Oh, it's you two again.
- [SCOFFS]

Follow me,
as we walk amongst the graves

of Newport's most famous families,

following a path
that will eventually lead us

to an eternal flame...

a flame that has burned longer
than the American Republic.

[SIGHS, CLICKS TONGUE]

Damn it, Hamish that's the wrong spot.

But stay close, for it is said

that when the moon is shining,

the dead may come alive.

The dead don't come alive.

The dead stay dead,
and no one remembers them,

and nothing matters.

Don't you think?

Oh, thank God.
Oh, hello.

Hi, sweetheart, hello.

[SIGHS HAPPILY]

Oh, no, this isn't...
this isn't my baby.

No, no, that is Kermit.

[STAMMERS] Different outfit,
but that's him.

He still says "goo-goo"
and he smells like a tea cake.

No, this is the wrong baby!

No, it's definitely Kermit.
Tell her yourself, Kermit.

Oh, and look!
There, he nodded.

That's Kermit for you... always nodding.
Big nodder, so it's Kermit...

- [GROWLS] Who has my baby?
- Get your hands off of me!

- Blanche!
- [PANTING]

- Control yourself.
- They're lying!

They're lying. This is the wrong baby.

This is the wrong baby!

Blanche, are you suggesting some
sort of farcical baby switcheroo?

I hardly think so. Excuse me, gentlemen.

- I apologize.
- [BABY CRYING]

Blanche, get this baby out of these rags

and put him in his proper suit.

And don't forget the suspenders.

They make the entire outfit.

Oh, and, Blanche,
clean this out, would you?

We didn't feel like
walking back into the house,

- and so we used it as our bathroom.
- Yes, we shit in it.

Thank you.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

? ?

[CHUCKLES] Done and done.

Hamish, what are you doing here?

This is 7A. I said A7.

Okay, before you get mad,

I have to admit something to you.

I'm kind of a new reader.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

Shit!

Okay, here's what you need to do.

You need to take all
of these things over to A7.

It's right next to
an eternal flame, okay?

That's a fire, not a word,
so hopefully you can figure it out.

No. Absolutely not.

There's this gravestone, Aunt Bea.

So, if you want all of this moved,

you're going to have to help.

[GRUNTS]

[WHIMPERING]

- [LAUGHING]
- [WHIMPERING AND SOBBING]

[GRAND CLASSICAL MUSIC]

? ?

Hello, my fellow Americans.

- I...
- We want jobs!

Bring back our jobs!

I have a speech.

We don't want a speech.
We want to feed our families.

[SIGHS HAPPILY] Oh, thank God.

I don't like to do speeches either.

What are you doing?

- They didn't want a speech.
- Get back up there and speak.

- [STUTTERS]
- Just do it.

Okay, I'm going to speak...

from my mouth.

You see, I don't...
I don't know anything

about jobs

or money or birdies, really.

But I do know that you can
have whatever you want...

if you believe in it.

- [INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC]
- You see, I wanted to be rich.

Does anyone else want to be rich?
We all want to be rich, right?

So I believed that I wanted to be rich,

and so I was born that way.

I believed I wanted
to be gorgeous, and...

"viola," look at that face.

So, if you dodo bird hunters want jobs,

then you just have to believe
that you have them already.

- But there ain't no more birds.
- Yeah!

Scientists say they're extinct.

Well, what do scientists know?

Scientists don't have
to feed their families.

Some of this
we'll have to figure out later,

after I'm able to make
all the laws that we want

for each and every person individually
or separate or together.

- Nothing matters. [LAUGHING]
- [MEN CHEERING]

[ALL CHANTING] Frederick for president!

Frederick for president!

Mr. Frederick,
Mr. Frederick!

What you said up there was so inspiring
and so true!

I want you to know I don't work
for you just for money.

To prove it, I want you to have this.

It's... it's my life savings!

Ooh, I love shiny metal.
[CHUCKLES]

Yes, yes.

Frederick for president!

[ALL CHANTING] Frederick for president!

Frederick for president!
Frederick for president!

[HIP-HOP MUSIC]

? ?

Follow me, if you dare.

Mommy, I'm gonna be rich

like these dead people when I grow up.

- If you grow up.
- What do you mean?

You might not get another day...

another breath.

When your rotting body decides
that your pointless life

is over, that's it.

[WHISPERING] You're gone.

Mommy, she's scaring me.

She can't help you.
She's gonna die, too.

Hey, lady?

Listen, I don't know
if you're after my job or what,

but I'm over here doing spooky,

and you're doling out
existential horror.

It's a cemetery. Read the room.

The tour continues, ladies and ghouls!

[SOFT PIANO MUSIC]

[SOBBING] Aah!

He's gone. I don't know...

[SOBBING] Murray!

Blanche, what are you
doing on the ground?

I don't barely pay you
to lie about all day.

He's not... not...
he's not...

Oh, I see.

There's the Blanche I know and love.

Like the swallows returning home

to San Juan Capistrano,

crazy Blanche has returned.

Come.

Let me escort you
to the asylum, Blanche.

There it is.

Tut-tut-tut. Here we go.

They miss you, Blanche. They miss you.

They have your room waiting for you.

[CREEPY MUSIC]

And now we come

to the pride and joy
of Chevrolet Cemetery...

the eternal flame at plot A7.

? ?

[SCREAMS]

I'm already dead!

I'm an illusion.

I'm not even here.

How come nobody told me
I wasn't even here?

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[SOBBING] Oh, Beatrice.

I'm gonna miss being you.

Oh! [LAUGHING]

Look at that!

[LAUGHING, STUTTERING]
My Auntie Bea was buried here

all along.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Looks like I am a legacy.

This is my family plot.

[DRAMATIC TONES]

You think you're the first person
to smuggle a headstone in here?

You have desecrated my family...

The eternal flame!

[URINE SPLASHING]

- No.
- Nothing is eternal.

[HIP-HOP MUSIC]

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

- Hi.
- You've ruined everything.

Now they won't even let me
be buried in Shady Acres.

I might as well be buried
in Little Italy.

Now, here's the plan...
I'm going to need

your Jew connections at Mount Mordechai.

Uh...

now's not a good time, huh?

[SCREAMS, SOBS]

Now... [CHUCKLES]

Where were we?

[SIGHS HEAVILY] Oh, my mother.

Oh, Beatrice!
There are you.

- Oh, hi, Frederick.
- You should've been there.

- The workers loved me.
- What does it matter anyway?

- We're all going to die.
- Oh, but I'm not going to die.

Yes, you are.

We all are.

But if I'm not here,
who's going to see things?

- I don't know.
- I don't like this.

I want to escape into my...
my rainbow world.

No, no, Frederick.
Frederick, there is no escape.

There's no escape.

It's all meaningless.

[GENTLE MUSIC]

But for some reason...
I want to do it forever.

Me too!

Wait.

I have this shiny thing.
It's called a "life savings."

It saves lives?
How does it work?

Well, there's a wishing well.
I've seen poor people do this.

They take their life savings,
and they throw it into some empty abyss

in the hopes of something
impossible happening, so...

maybe if we wish to never die...

I wish to never die.

- [WHISPERING] I wish to never die.
- And then one...

two...

[COIN CLATTERS, WATER SPLASHES]

- [BABY CRYING]
- Oh.

- Ew.
- Mm.

- Ugh.
- [GASPS] Beatrice.

- What?
- That baby has my coin!

- Aw.
- Hey!

Excuse me, sir.
[BABY CRYING]

- Get out of there!
- Sir.

Who do you think you are?
Me?

- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 -
- www.addic7ed.com -

- Excuse me, sir.
- Give that back right now!

Please, sir.

I didn't know you were down there.

I was making a wish about a new life.

Sir, why are you ignoring us?

This is very hard. We just found
out we're going to die!

By the way, you're going to
die, too, if you don't know!

- You're going to die!
- You'll die maybe today!

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