All language subtitles for American Housewife s03e09 Highs And Lows.eng

[ Table creaks ]

Ugh,
stupid wobbly leg.

I asked your dad
to fix this.

Why can't you fix it,
Mama?

You're right.

I'll get my toolbox.

Fixed.

Hey, buddy.

I made you
your favorite breakfast.

You made me
poached eggs with salmon?

I made you
my favorite breakfast.

I can't eat.

Gina leaves
for Deervale today,

so we're
officially over.

Forever.

[ Cellphone dinging ]

Damn, girl,
you're blowing up.

Ever since
I broke up with Trip,

all these guys
keep texting.

Ryan, Damian, Justin...

Justin?

Isn't he your teacher?
-And friend.

Well, your alarm
woke me up again.

We are not
holding you hostage.

You're free
to move out any time --

this morning, this afternoon,
this evening...

now.

Now's fine.

All right, I-I would
love to leave, trust me,

but my renters found
the black mold

that I was trying to hide
with that couch,

and now I have a lawsuit
on my hands,

so guess I'm stuck
with all of you.

And that stupid dog,
sitting in his water dish.

[ Cellphone dings ]

Now Ryan Ricci
wants to hang out Saturday,

but Damian already asked me
to go to the movies.

Katie:
Ah, to be young again --

the thrill
of potential new love...

I can't stop thinking
about Gina.

Little things like
when we'd watch horror movies

and she'd hold me
when I got scared.

...and the heartache of old.

I remember those days.

I miss the excitement of
the ups and downs of romance.

Guess I'll just have
to live vicariously through my kids.

I am so sorry,
Oliver.

You must be devastated.

Does it hurt
like a stabbing pain,

or is it more of
a kick to the nads?

Nads.

Now stabbing.

Yeah, that's the stuff.

You guys don't appreciate it
because you're young,

but these highs and lows
are really exciting.

You and dad don't have
any excitement in your lives?

What? Anna-Kat,
why would you think that?

Of course Dad and I
have excitement in our lives.

Okay, don't freak out.
Mm-hmm.

The delivery guy
made a mistake.

We didn't get one newspaper
this morning.

We got two.

[ Laughing ]
Can you believe?

I mean,
it's like...aaaah!

No need to
go to Six Flags, Mama,

'cause your life's
a real roller coaster.

She's right.

She's a little [bleep]
but she's right.

♪♪

♪♪

I overheard that
you have an abundance

of gentleman suitors
lined up.

Well, I have to say,
I am very impressed.

Tell me everything.

Well, Damian and Ryan
both asked me out,

and there's this kid
from shop class

who keeps winking at me,

but I think that's because

he has light sensitivity.

He had eyelid surgery
in middle school, but --

I may have misspoke when
I said tell me "everything".

Just tell me which boy
you like the best.

They're all nice, but...

I don't know.

Trip and I
just broke up.

Shouldn't I
take some time off?

No! No, no, no.
You're young.

Uh, but don't
get tied down...

unless that's something
you're into.

Yeah, but even if
my mind wasn't on Trip,

I'm not really
into any of these guys.

[ Scoffs ] Well,
there's got to be someone

you've got a crush on.

I mean, otherwise,

why even
show up at school?

I don't know.

Well,
there is this one guy.

Pierce.

He's in the musical
with me,

he's super nice,

and he was there for me
when Trip and I broke up,

but I'm pretty sure
he just sees me as a friend.

Ah, well,
lucky for you,

I know how to
get a guy's attention.

Hi, Greg.

Kathryn,
you look refreshed.

Hm.

Creepy, Grandma.

But I'm in.
[ Chuckles ]

Okay.

The first step is

to put yourself out there
on social media.

You need to publicly flaunt
your best life.

You're very lucky
that you've got Instagram.

Oh, in my day,

you had to depend on
loose morals

and good, old-fashioned
word of mouth.

[ Chuckles ]

Pierce follows me
on Instagram,

but he never really likes
or comments on my stuff.

No, you -- you've got to
stand out in your photos.

Hmm.
You need to flaunt your best assets.

Now, as a stewardess,
I was on my feet a lot,

so my best assets
are my toned legs and my abs.

Oh, and
my prominent clavicles.

Well, I did get voted
best smile.

Well,
there you go!

So, no more pouty face.

You just flash
that beautiful smile

and Pierce
will come running.

Let's do it!

[ Both chuckle ]

♪♪

Don't do that.
That's my thing.

♪♪

I've never seen my kids
like this.

Their emotions
are all over the place.

Of course they are.

Everything's so meaningful
and intense in youth.

At any moment, you can be
blindsided by adoration

or crushed by rejection.

I was the exact same way
when I was young.

Except the rejection part.

Homecoming Queen
as a Sophomore.

I was the perfect combination
of hot and mean.

I was unstoppable.

My kids
are so emotional, too.

When is science gonna learn
to breed that crap out?

I remember when just holding
Greg's hand was electric,

like it meant
the entire world.

I miss that excitement.

I make sure my marriage
never gets stale

by blindsiding Richard
every couple weeks.

Last night, I looked up
gay porn on his computer

and pretended to be shocked
to discover it

in his search history.

I was all... [Scoffs]

"Is this
what you're doing

when you say
you're paying bills?!

Who are you?!"

Epic blowout fight,
epic makeup sex.

-[ Laughs ]
-Your couples' therapy bills

must be insane.

Ah! They were!

Until I accused him
of having sex

with our marriage counselor.

Epic blowout fight,
epic makeup sex.

The crazy one is right.

Sometimes,
you got to shake things up.

All right, I'm gonna
pick a fight with Greg,

but I'm gonna do it
my way --

by blowing something small
way out of proportion.

Stick to what you're good at,
you know?

♪♪

14 blueberries,
eight walnuts,

and a pile of muffin

separated
and fit for consumption.

Ravioli guts,
ravioli skin.

Now,
which to eat first?

Why did you dissect
your food?

You don't have OCD.

No, but I do have FOMO.

Everything okay,
Franklin?

You're itching
more than usual today.

Oh, it's probably nothing.

See, it's nothing.

Adult!

I need an adult!

Ooh, now that
is a great smile.

Hmm.
See?

-[ Chuckles ]
-What are you guys doing?

Grandma's helping me flaunt
my best life on social media.

She's full of great advice.
[ Chuckles ]

Maybe she can help you out
with Gina.

I'm listening.

[ Clicks tongue ] I know
that it's hard to see,

but there will be
other girls.

Not like Gina.

That's because
she was your first love.

Oh, I remember
my first love.

Dan Linker.

Oh, Dan the Man
with the shag-carpet van.

[ Chuckles ]

Did he
break your heart?

No. [ Scoffs ]

[ Chuckling ]
No, I dumped him. Hard.

No, I've never actually
been broken up with.

Well, obviously.

Found him.

Oh.
Dan's on Instagram?

Wow.
He looks good.

He looks great!

Oh, and here he is
running a marathon,

and here he is
on a boat.

You see, Oliver?

Obviously,
he's moved on from me

just like you're going to
move on from Gina.

It says
he lives in Greenwich,

so at least
he's not poor.

Greenwich?

That's just
a few towns away.

Hm.

Wonder if he's single.

[ Gasps ]
Maybe we should visit.

You know,
just to prove that

I wasn't even
a blip on his radar.

That would cheer you up,
I think.

Grandma, is this you pretending
to teach me a life lesson

so you can meet
a rich guy?

I don't think so,
but maybe.

You know, I'm not always
honest with myself.

Well,
I want to come, too.

It'll give me a chance to
take some road-trip selfies.

We should go
tomorrow.

It's Teacher Goof-Off Day,

so Taylor and I
don't have school.

Perfect.
We'll all go.

I could use a break
from this dump.

What?
It's not like you own it.

Mama,
where's the glitter?

I'm making a "get well" card
for Franklin.

He has
the chickenpox.

They have vaccines
for that now,

but sounds like
Franklin.

If Franklin's out,

who am I going to
have lunch with this week?

He's my best...

He's your only.

...friend.

You'll be fine.

There are plenty
of people at school

that love you.

Well, hey, sweetie.
Hi, Daddy.

Anna-Kat, the glitter's
in the upstairs closet.

Got paper towels
before we ran out.

It wasn't even
on the list.

Just a little spontaneity.

Time to shake things up

and pick a fight, Doris-style.

Notice my hair,
Greg?

Oh, you got it done?

No,
I didn't "get it done"!

Are we
at that part of our marriage

where you just stop
looking at me?!

Not at all.
I love looking at you.

[ Gasps ]
Like an object.

Like a trinket
on the shelf. What?

Is this because
I went off-list

and got those
paper towels?

You should
go to a motel tonight

and think about
what you just said.

What the -- I'm confused.
You're confused?!

Now you're the victim?!

Oh, it's all about you!

Katie,
I'm truly sorry

if I've done anything
to make you feel bad.

[ Sighs ]
I don't feel bad.

That's the problem.
I feel fine.

So...what do you want?

I texted Gina four times
and nothing.

She even
left the last text unread.

I want to die!

I want to feel like that!

♪♪

♪♪

What is going on
with you?

I was just picking a fight
to generate passion between us.

We've got passion.
Remember the other night

when we accidentally
touched butts

and you said,
"Ooh, la la?"

That's passion, baby.

When we
first started dating,

everything was
so up in the air.

I didn't know whether
you were going to call

or not call
or ever ask me out again.

I always waited three days
'cause I'm so money.

It was terrifying,
but I loved it.

Really?

All that uncertainty
drove me insane.

I know
it might sound silly,

but I miss
the highs and lows.

The spontaneity,
the unpredictability.

Say no more.

You didn't predict
this happening, did you?

[ Laughing ] No.

No, I did not.

♪♪

I messaged Dan
to let him know we were coming.

Whoa-ho-ho.

A Porsche
with a yellow brake system?

That adds 7 grand
to the total.

So unnecessary
and expensive.

I love it.
[ Chuckles ] I told you, Oliver.

I broke that man's heart
into a trillion pieces,

and he still did
fantastically well for himself.

Isn't it weird
to show up

at your
high-school boyfriend's house

after 100 years?

I mean,
look at that oak.

I love a mature tree.
[ Cellphone dings ]

We just reached 60 likes
on the pic of my feet

outside the window
on the highway.

Oh, see,
I told you toes would sell.

Still nothing from Pierce,
though.

Okay, I have an idea.

Now, you two --
stand in front of the house,

and, Oliver,
put your arm around Taylor.

Ooh, Oliver.

This will be the furthest

you've ever gone
with a girl.

We'll crop his face out
so it looks like

some random dude
has his arm around you.

But his arms
are so scrawny.

Pierce will just think
it's a baby's arm.

What do you want,
woman?

I'm in crisis.
I haven't eaten in days.

And done.
[ Camera shutter clicks ]

Well, this will certainly
get Pierce's attention.

Mm.
Hashtag blessed,

hashtag so much fun...
[ Doorbell rings ]

...hashtag road trip,
and posted!

[ Gasps ] Dan.
[ Chuckles ]

Dan the Man!

Wow.

It's really great
to see you.

Kathryn,
it's been such a long time.

I didn't realize
"Benjamin Button"

was based on
a true story.

You look amazing.

Thank you.

Uh, this is my nephew Oliver
a-and my niece Taylor.

Niece? What are you
talking about, Grand--

♪ Old flag,
you're a high flying flag ♪

[ Chuckles ]
Taylor's very patriotic.

-Come on in.
-Okay.

Don't you
blow this for me.

Nice to meet you guys.

And always great
to see an old friend.

Oh, look at how well
Dan has rebounded.

See? I told you.

You're gonna be fine.

And hopefully
he's single.

Don't touch that.
It's my future vase.

Let's sit down.

Wow.

You look so good, Dan.
[ Chuckles ]

You must be doing
quite well for yourself.

Well, I play quite a bit
of tether ball. [ Chuckles ]

[ Cat meows ]

Hey.

Sweet pad.

Actually,
it's, uh, not my house.

It's my parents' place.

What, so you're just
staying here

while your mansion
down the street gets fumigated,

or -- or --
No, I live with them.

I've been living here
for years.

I get the whole attic
to myself

in exchange for
scooping the cats' litter boxes.

-Attic?
-Litter boxes?

Yep, that's the deal.

[ Cat meows ]
Oh, shoot --

I forgot Mittens's box.
Be right back.

Boy, I did a number on him.

[ Sighs ]

You might
be in trouble, kid.

♪♪

We got robbed? Damn.

I should've left out
that ugly necklace your mother gave me.

There was no robbery.
What?

See? You just went
from a low to a high.

Oh, Greg,
I went from a low to a sweaty.

Now that
I got your heart rate up

and the kids aren't home,

it's just you and me, baby,
like the old days.

Okay, okay.

I like it.

Let's do this.

Upstairs?

Upstairs
is so pedestrian.

You're right.

Plus, the sheets
are in the wash

because the dog
threw up on the bed.

[ Wood creaking ]

Ah.

This stupid,
wobbly table.

Hold on, I'll fix it.

[ Snap, clattering ]

Oh.
Whoopsie-daisie.

Whoopsie-daisie?

Now we're definitely
not doing it.

I got to
get to a meeting anyhow.

We'll do this
some other time.

Wha--
But I wanted to do it now

and some other time.

Mnh-mnh.

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Did you see Anna-Kat?
She had no one to sit with.

I wasn't about to
invite her to our table.

Totally.

She's just so...

Weird.

♪♪

Sorry about that.

Mittens has been transitioning
from dry food to wet food,

so her urine
is a bit, uh, crystallized.

I should probably
wash my hands.

Eh, I'll --
I'll do it later.

So, what brings you here,
Kathryn?

Well, uh, Oliver here

is going through
a bad break-up,

and I -- I just
wanted to show him

that there is life
after a heartbreak.

I mean...
[ Chuckles ]

...when I dumped you,
I was afraid you --

What? Uh, Kathryn,
I hate to correct you

in front of
your niece and nephew,

but...I dumped you.

No, you didn't.
I dumped you.

You're not
remembering correctly.

Well, uh, sure I am.

It was the summer
after our freshman year --

We were out walking...
...by the train tracks.

And I told you that I wanted
to be single for a while,

that I was too young
to be tied down.

You didn't want
to hear it,

so you just
plugged your ears and --

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

That. You did that.

[ Cat meows ]

[ Whispers ]
Oh, my God.

[ Normal voice ]
You did dump me.

Wha--

I locked myself in my room
for that entire summer.

My only rebound
was a crow I befriended

by feeding him berries
through the window.

[ Cats meowing ]

This is going
so much more terribly

than I could have
imagined.

You should ask Dan
if he'll lend you a starter cat.

[ Meowing continues ]

[ Door opens ]

Wine?

It's only 4:00.

It's happy hour.

So, do you come here
often?

Ooh, pretending we're meeting
for the first time, got it.

Going for a high.

[ British accent ]
Hello, hello,

I'm Greg, I am.
Oh...

[ Normal voice ]
You're right. That was dumb.

Hi. I'm Greg.

Hi, Greg.
Nice to meet you.

What do you do?

I'm a history professor.

Ooh. I love history.

Oh. So, what's
your favorite era?

Mm.

Why don't we

say our favorite eras
at the same time?

1, 2, 3...

-Classical antiquity.
-Classical antiquity.

I knew
it'd be the same one. [ Chuckles ]

Anna-Kat,
is something wrong?

No.

There's definitely
something wrong.

We need to
speed this up.

We meet,
go out a bunch of times...

Fall in love, have our first
couple's costume...

Ketchup and relish,

because you refused
to wear yellow.

It washes me out.
We get married,

you knock me up on our
honeymoon,

three kids
and an untrainable dog later,

here we are.

You seem
a little down, sweetie.

Do you want to
talk about it?

The kids at school
think I'm weird.

♪♪

[ Crashing ]

I thought you said
he wasn't gonna do that anymore.

[ Luthor barks ]

What happened?
What did they say to you?

They didn't say anything
to my face.

That's not how it works.

Today, kids
aren't allowed to bully,

so they just make fun of you
behind your back.

So, you overheard them
talking about you?

Yeah.
They said I was weird.

Am I weird?

Anna-Kat,
you are unique.

There is nobody else like you,
and that is a good thing.

You have to say that
because you're my mom.

I am weird.
They were right.

So what?
It's okay to be weird.

Everyone's
a little weird.

Look at your mom.

She wakes up screaming
once a month

and punches me
in my sleep.

[ Chuckles ]

It's not funny.

It's so funny.

I told you
to sleep with a helmet.

Besides, who cares
what those kids say?

They don't
get to you know you,

and that sucks for them

because they
are missing out

on the most
fun kid around.

Thanks for trying.

What kind of monsters

would hurt
that precious girl's feelings?

Tomorrow I'm gonna
go down to that school,

and I am going --

You're not gonna
yell at kids.

I don't need to yell.

I'm just
gonna go down there

and point
a few things out,

shine a spotlight
on some of their weirdnesses.

"Hey, Grayson,
you sweatshirt chewer.

Nice wet sleeve."

"Hey, Jessica.

Those sideburns
are coming in real thick."

To be safe, I'm gonna
move some things around

and tag along.

You don't trust me?

Not even a little bit.

Looks like somebody's

gonna get
sleep-punched tonight.

♪♪

Today was supposed to
make me feel better,

but it just confirmed

that I'll end up
pathetic and lonely.

Like you, Grandma.

Hey, I'm not --

Oh,
who am I kidding?

I sleep on a pull-out couch in
my son-in-law's home office,

and my closest friends
are you two.

Complete radio silence
from Pierce.

This is awful.

I guess only time
will heal us.

Well, time for you two.

Time and a muscle relaxer
for me.

[ Cellphone chimes ]
Oh, my God.

Pierce finally
liked my photo,

and he commented
with a heart emoji.

If you're gonna be happy,
go do it in another room.

Hey.

My old camp boyfriend
just lost his wife to diabetes.

Who wants to go
to Virginia Beach?

Road trip!

♪♪

Everyone is just
walking right by her.

A bunch of goons.

Give it some time.
[ Groans ]

We've been standing here
forever.

I'm going in hot.
Those kids better run.

You don't win homecoming queen
sophomore year

because you're liked.

You win
because you're feared.

Katie,
I can't let you --

Wait, wait, wait.

Hi, Kendra.

Where's Randall?

He's getting
his back brace adjusted.

Where's Franklin?

He's quarantined.

[ Sighs ]

What's wrong?

Those other girls
said I'm weird.

Well, that just means
you're unique.

-Really?
-Yeah.

And it's their loss.

♪♪

Want to hang out?

Sure.

So, are we just...

Did you see that?

I sure did.

I am so proud of her.

She is our strong,
one-of-a-kind,

weird little girl.

See that?
You went from a low to a high.

He's right.

I still have
highs and lows in my life,

but now
they're because of my kids.

And I will always have Greg
by my side through it all.

♪♪

[ Spanish accent ]
The kitchen table is arreglado.

What?

I have fixed the kitchen table
for mi amor.

Why are you
talking weird?

[ Normal voice ] I'm doing
a sexy Spanish accent.

Mnh-mnh. I think it's just
a Spanish accent.

[ French accent ]
Is the French better,

oh, oh, oh.

No.

[ Normal voice ]
Well, what would work for you?

Do you have anything

in the Hemsworth
variety?

[ Australian accent ]
G'day, mate.

Wait.

This could work.

Turn off the lights
and say it again.

♪♪

G'day, mate.
Get over here.

[ Chuckling ]

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