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1
00:00:01,531 --> 00:00:02,664
Don't you see it?
2
00:00:02,766 --> 00:00:03,798
That little bump?
3
00:00:03,867 --> 00:00:05,166
Oh, I see it.
4
00:00:06,970 --> 00:00:09,337
There is no bump.
You do not have a bump.
5
00:00:09,439 --> 00:00:11,072
It's nothing you should obsess over.
6
00:00:11,174 --> 00:00:12,974
- You have a great nose.
- Mm-hmm.
7
00:00:13,043 --> 00:00:14,042
No, if you're gonna change something,
8
00:00:14,111 --> 00:00:16,077
- I would go with your lips.
- Mom!
9
00:00:16,146 --> 00:00:19,214
It's not her fault
that she got my thin lips.
10
00:00:19,282 --> 00:00:21,182
If I had started juicing at her age,
11
00:00:21,284 --> 00:00:22,617
mm, my whole life
would have been different.
12
00:00:22,686 --> 00:00:24,019
I could have been an MTV VJ.
13
00:00:24,087 --> 00:00:25,120
What's that?
14
00:00:25,188 --> 00:00:26,855
Oh, God, I've lived too long. [Sighs]
15
00:00:26,923 --> 00:00:29,090
It's Westport's plastic surgery season.
16
00:00:29,192 --> 00:00:30,658
People get their work done now
17
00:00:30,727 --> 00:00:32,927
so their scars heal
before their Christmas pictures.
18
00:00:32,996 --> 00:00:35,697
I want to punch this entire town
in the face.
19
00:00:35,766 --> 00:00:36,931
You don't need to,
20
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,834
nor should you,
change anything about yourself.
21
00:00:39,936 --> 00:00:40,969
She is perfect.
22
00:00:41,071 --> 00:00:43,004
You got braces when
you were Taylor's age.
23
00:00:43,073 --> 00:00:44,606
That's changing something.
24
00:00:44,674 --> 00:00:46,508
Mom, could I talk to you
over here for a second?
25
00:00:46,610 --> 00:00:48,309
- I'm good.
- Mnh-mnh.
26
00:00:50,747 --> 00:00:51,679
[Sighs]
27
00:00:51,748 --> 00:00:53,748
What the hell is wrong with you?
28
00:00:53,817 --> 00:00:55,517
I told you. I don't like my lips.
29
00:00:55,585 --> 00:00:58,153
Mom, you always put way too much
focus on outward appearance,
30
00:00:58,221 --> 00:00:59,921
especially when I was growing up.
31
00:00:59,990 --> 00:01:02,223
It took me a very long time
to unlearn it.
32
00:01:02,325 --> 00:01:03,124
Oh.
33
00:01:03,193 --> 00:01:04,692
But you did. [Chuckles]
34
00:01:04,761 --> 00:01:07,562
I am trying very hard
not to do that with my kids.
35
00:01:07,664 --> 00:01:08,930
And I don't need you coming in here
36
00:01:08,999 --> 00:01:11,466
and suggesting that
they have plastic surgery!
37
00:01:11,568 --> 00:01:12,834
Fine.
38
00:01:12,903 --> 00:01:16,071
Raise them to love themselves
no matter what they look like.
39
00:01:16,173 --> 00:01:18,006
I am not the bad parent here!
40
00:01:18,108 --> 00:01:21,910
KATIE: But I gotta hand it to her.
She has kept it high and tight.
41
00:01:22,012 --> 00:01:25,046
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
42
00:01:31,421 --> 00:01:33,388
- Dr. Ellie!
- You're back!
43
00:01:33,490 --> 00:01:35,557
- Hi!
- Principal Ablin said
44
00:01:35,659 --> 00:01:37,559
you were recovering from an operation.
45
00:01:37,661 --> 00:01:38,860
Is everything okay?
46
00:01:38,962 --> 00:01:41,029
Everything is just fine.
47
00:01:42,766 --> 00:01:44,265
[Chuckles lightly]
48
00:01:46,169 --> 00:01:48,403
Dr. Ellie got her boobs done.
49
00:01:48,505 --> 00:01:50,438
Permission to giggle?
50
00:01:50,540 --> 00:01:51,506
Permission granted.
51
00:01:51,608 --> 00:01:52,674
[Giggles]
52
00:02:00,550 --> 00:02:01,850
Who's the new kid?
53
00:02:01,952 --> 00:02:03,017
That's Andrew VandeVorde.
54
00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:04,385
He just transferred from Milwaukee
55
00:02:04,488 --> 00:02:06,855
after getting into a fist fight
with a choreographer.
56
00:02:06,957 --> 00:02:09,858
They call him "The Bad Boy
Ballerino of Brew Town."
57
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:13,294
- Oh! Did you see Andrew's calves?
- How could I miss them?
58
00:02:13,396 --> 00:02:15,597
They're like two coconuts
underneath a pair of Danskins.
59
00:02:15,699 --> 00:02:17,765
You know what's underrated?
60
00:02:17,868 --> 00:02:19,234
Being in proportion.
61
00:02:19,336 --> 00:02:21,569
Oliver, don't be jealous.
62
00:02:21,671 --> 00:02:24,439
There is nothing wrong
with being flat-calved.
63
00:02:24,541 --> 00:02:26,007
[Both laugh]
64
00:02:26,109 --> 00:02:31,980
65
00:02:32,082 --> 00:02:37,986
66
00:02:38,088 --> 00:02:39,621
What's my desk doing in the foyer?
67
00:02:39,723 --> 00:02:40,788
The real question is
68
00:02:40,891 --> 00:02:42,457
what's wrong with you
and your gene pool?
69
00:02:42,559 --> 00:02:44,025
You stuck me with flaccid calves!
70
00:02:44,127 --> 00:02:45,960
What are you talking about?
71
00:02:46,062 --> 00:02:48,730
I feel bad about taking
over your office, you know?
72
00:02:48,832 --> 00:02:50,665
This way we each have our own space.
73
00:02:54,437 --> 00:02:56,604
These aren't the legs
of a strong male dancer.
74
00:02:56,706 --> 00:02:58,907
These things belong
in a Lady Bic commercial.
75
00:03:07,083 --> 00:03:08,383
I don't know what's happening!
76
00:03:08,485 --> 00:03:14,756
77
00:03:14,858 --> 00:03:17,358
Seasons are winter, spring,
summer, and fall.
78
00:03:17,460 --> 00:03:20,028
What kind of town
has plastic surgery season?
79
00:03:20,130 --> 00:03:22,030
Oh, well, apparently
Katie-complaining season
80
00:03:22,132 --> 00:03:23,064
- lasts year-round.
- [Chuckles]
81
00:03:23,166 --> 00:03:24,332
Just to be clear,
82
00:03:24,434 --> 00:03:26,634
the point of Second Breakfast
is to complain.
83
00:03:26,736 --> 00:03:27,936
Stop calling me out.
84
00:03:28,038 --> 00:03:29,771
Also, Greg's nose is whistling again.
85
00:03:29,809 --> 00:03:30,849
Ew.
86
00:03:30,874 --> 00:03:32,540
Ooo, cake.
87
00:03:32,642 --> 00:03:34,709
Every day is cheat day
when you're Katie Otto.
88
00:03:34,811 --> 00:03:35,910
[Chuckles]
89
00:03:35,979 --> 00:03:37,979
Look who I have here.
90
00:03:38,081 --> 00:03:39,514
Hi, Katie.
91
00:03:39,616 --> 00:03:40,648
Hi.
92
00:03:41,818 --> 00:03:42,617
Do I know you?
93
00:03:42,719 --> 00:03:43,551
You sure do.
94
00:03:43,653 --> 00:03:45,620
- It's me. It's Evelyn.
- Ahhh!
95
00:03:45,722 --> 00:03:46,788
Evelyn...?
96
00:03:46,890 --> 00:03:48,556
The fattest housewife
in Westport Evelyn?
97
00:03:48,658 --> 00:03:49,857
Not anymore!
98
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:52,360
She got gastric bypass surgery.
99
00:03:52,429 --> 00:03:54,095
If she eats more than
a thimble-full of food,
100
00:03:54,164 --> 00:03:55,063
she craps her pants,
101
00:03:55,165 --> 00:03:57,131
but boy, does she look good.
102
00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:58,866
Why did you do this?
103
00:03:58,969 --> 00:04:00,301
Were there health issues?
104
00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:03,404
No, I just, uh, wanted
to be invited to parties.
105
00:04:03,506 --> 00:04:04,439
And it worked.
106
00:04:04,541 --> 00:04:05,807
[Both laugh]
107
00:04:05,909 --> 00:04:07,976
With Evelyn losing all this weight,
108
00:04:08,078 --> 00:04:09,277
you know what that makes you?
109
00:04:09,379 --> 00:04:10,511
I do.
110
00:04:10,614 --> 00:04:12,380
The person who's gonna
smash you over the head
111
00:04:12,482 --> 00:04:13,681
with this bottle of olive oil
112
00:04:13,783 --> 00:04:15,750
and then put flowers on your grave.
113
00:04:15,852 --> 00:04:16,718
Come on, Evelyn.
114
00:04:16,820 --> 00:04:18,219
There's a new restaurant I want to try
115
00:04:18,321 --> 00:04:20,488
- that only serves smells.
- Mmm.
116
00:04:21,524 --> 00:04:22,924
Oh, my God. Chloe's right.
117
00:04:23,026 --> 00:04:24,392
Thanks to plastic surgery season,
118
00:04:24,494 --> 00:04:27,495
I am now the fattest housewife
in Westport.
119
00:04:31,851 --> 00:04:34,572
I can't believe Evelyn
gave in to the peer pressure
120
00:04:34,619 --> 00:04:36,580
and had her stomach lassoed.
121
00:04:36,650 --> 00:04:38,950
They're definitely gonna get rid
of the Chico's at the mall now.
122
00:04:39,019 --> 00:04:40,986
I can't keep that place
in business on my own.
123
00:04:41,049 --> 00:04:42,715
You're not the one with the odd body.
124
00:04:42,817 --> 00:04:43,983
They are.
125
00:04:44,085 --> 00:04:45,685
Anyplace else, you're thin.
In Canada you're a waif.
126
00:04:45,754 --> 00:04:48,121
First of all, next trip, Canada.
127
00:04:48,223 --> 00:04:49,655
I don't know why I'm letting it
bother me so much.
128
00:04:49,758 --> 00:04:51,991
I am comfortable with who I am.
129
00:04:52,093 --> 00:04:53,092
It's my superpower.
130
00:04:53,161 --> 00:04:54,293
What's my superpower?
131
00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:55,895
You always pick
the slowest checkout line.
132
00:04:55,964 --> 00:04:57,485
- Take that, Superman!
- Ugh.
133
00:04:57,540 --> 00:05:00,007
Look who got inspired to slim down!
134
00:05:00,109 --> 00:05:01,309
That is not what this is.
135
00:05:01,377 --> 00:05:02,877
I'm just hiding from my family.
136
00:05:02,979 --> 00:05:04,211
Well, I'm proud of you.
137
00:05:04,314 --> 00:05:05,746
I don't want you to be proud of me!
138
00:05:05,848 --> 00:05:07,815
I am!
139
00:05:07,884 --> 00:05:09,684
[Sighs]
140
00:05:09,786 --> 00:05:11,185
I can't take walks with you anymore.
141
00:05:11,254 --> 00:05:14,422
People are going to think
that I'm trying to exercise,
142
00:05:14,490 --> 00:05:16,457
and I don't want
to give Chloe Brown Mueller
143
00:05:16,559 --> 00:05:18,959
or any of the rest of those
crazy bitches the satisfaction.
144
00:05:19,028 --> 00:05:21,295
It's absurd you would stop
taking walks, which you enjoy,
145
00:05:21,364 --> 00:05:23,597
just to spite someone who thinks
you're trying to get healthy.
146
00:05:23,700 --> 00:05:24,598
Isn't that also giving in
147
00:05:24,667 --> 00:05:26,901
to the Westport body image nonsense?
148
00:05:26,969 --> 00:05:28,102
I'm all over the place, Greg!
149
00:05:28,171 --> 00:05:29,904
You knew that when you married me.
150
00:05:30,006 --> 00:05:34,308
151
00:05:34,410 --> 00:05:35,476
[Sighs]
152
00:05:36,512 --> 00:05:37,745
She moved more of my stuff.
153
00:05:37,814 --> 00:05:38,813
This is ridiculous.
154
00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:40,715
So just go to your office on campus.
155
00:05:40,783 --> 00:05:42,683
[Sighs] I would, but my
assistant Grant is there...
156
00:05:44,354 --> 00:05:46,821
[Electronic whirring]
157
00:05:51,861 --> 00:05:54,261
Grant, wouldn't it be easier
just to hand me the coffee?
158
00:05:54,330 --> 00:05:56,197
Sure, but not as fun!
159
00:05:56,299 --> 00:05:57,298
[Laughs]
160
00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:58,699
[Chuckles awkwardly]
161
00:06:00,269 --> 00:06:01,268
You are the boss.
162
00:06:01,371 --> 00:06:03,437
Sit him down and tell him
to be less annoying.
163
00:06:03,539 --> 00:06:04,839
I'm concerned if I confront him,
164
00:06:04,941 --> 00:06:06,841
he'll get all defensive and...
165
00:06:06,909 --> 00:06:07,975
make things uncomfortable.
166
00:06:08,044 --> 00:06:09,810
Just tell your mom
to stop moving my stuff.
167
00:06:09,879 --> 00:06:12,279
Greg, it's time that you do it yourself.
168
00:06:12,348 --> 00:06:14,348
Confrontations can be fun.
169
00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:17,284
I can't go a week without four
or five good confrontations.
170
00:06:17,353 --> 00:06:18,252
I've noticed.
171
00:06:18,354 --> 00:06:19,387
I could have done without
172
00:06:19,489 --> 00:06:20,988
the one about me getting
butter in the jam jar.
173
00:06:21,090 --> 00:06:23,124
Two knives, Greg. That's all I ask.
174
00:06:23,226 --> 00:06:25,726
WOMAN: ...Now that
your lip liner is done,
175
00:06:25,795 --> 00:06:28,062
it's time to apply your liquid lipstick.
176
00:06:28,164 --> 00:06:28,963
Then...
177
00:06:29,031 --> 00:06:30,898
What are you guys doing?
178
00:06:32,702 --> 00:06:35,469
You two look absolutely ridiculous.
179
00:06:35,571 --> 00:06:37,538
What is that smell?
180
00:06:37,607 --> 00:06:39,039
It's called "Calf Blast."
181
00:06:39,108 --> 00:06:41,575
Guaranteed to blast your
calves in twenty-four hours.
182
00:06:41,644 --> 00:06:43,577
Why are you blasting your calves?
183
00:06:43,646 --> 00:06:45,045
There's this new hot ballerino
184
00:06:45,114 --> 00:06:46,680
who's been flaunting his bulging calves
185
00:06:46,749 --> 00:06:48,282
and Gina can't take her eyes off them.
186
00:06:48,351 --> 00:06:50,651
Your legs are fine...
your lips are fine.
187
00:06:50,753 --> 00:06:52,219
We are all fine.
188
00:06:52,288 --> 00:06:53,721
A few crunches
wouldn't kill your father.
189
00:06:53,823 --> 00:06:55,990
What are your feelings about boob jobs?
190
00:06:56,058 --> 00:06:57,958
A person who gets a boob job
needs a brain job,
191
00:06:58,027 --> 00:06:59,493
because it's stupid.
192
00:06:59,562 --> 00:07:01,829
The women on "The Bachelor"
who obviously have them
193
00:07:01,898 --> 00:07:03,497
I refuse to take seriously.
194
00:07:03,566 --> 00:07:04,698
I refuse to take seriously
195
00:07:04,767 --> 00:07:06,000
a mother who takes moral stances
196
00:07:06,102 --> 00:07:07,168
based on "The Bachelor."
197
00:07:07,270 --> 00:07:10,137
198
00:07:10,206 --> 00:07:12,006
What's so urgent Dr. Ellie
had to call us in?
199
00:07:12,108 --> 00:07:13,574
I had to cancel my
office hours to come here.
200
00:07:13,676 --> 00:07:15,443
Hey, I have a job now, too.
201
00:07:15,545 --> 00:07:16,944
And I already figured out the two words
202
00:07:17,013 --> 00:07:18,512
that get me out of everything:
203
00:07:18,614 --> 00:07:19,914
- "lady problem."
- [Chuckles]
204
00:07:21,083 --> 00:07:22,316
...As of late,
205
00:07:22,392 --> 00:07:26,812
Anna-Kat has been uncharacteristically
dismissive of me.
206
00:07:26,889 --> 00:07:28,488
[Dismissively] Yeah, yeah.
207
00:07:29,125 --> 00:07:30,921
Anna-Kat, you love Dr. Ellie.
Why would you do that?
208
00:07:30,945 --> 00:07:31,927
Mama told me to.
209
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:34,028
I thought that'd be the answer,
but I was hoping otherwise.
210
00:07:34,096 --> 00:07:36,831
Anna-Kat, I did not tell you
to be dismissive of Dr. Ellie.
211
00:07:36,899 --> 00:07:37,798
[Sighs]
212
00:07:38,734 --> 00:07:40,134
Ohhh.
213
00:07:40,203 --> 00:07:42,970
You said people with fake
boobs are not to be trusted.
214
00:07:43,072 --> 00:07:45,005
I never said that.
215
00:07:45,074 --> 00:07:47,575
I said they are not
to be taken seriously.
216
00:07:47,677 --> 00:07:48,609
Which is different.
217
00:07:48,711 --> 00:07:49,510
Not really.
218
00:07:49,612 --> 00:07:50,811
I wasn't talking about you.
219
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:52,680
I was talking about stupid women
220
00:07:52,748 --> 00:07:55,115
who do it just to feel
better about themselves.
221
00:07:55,218 --> 00:07:56,550
That's why I did it.
222
00:07:56,652 --> 00:07:58,252
Right, yes.
223
00:07:58,321 --> 00:07:59,954
- Greg?
- No.
224
00:08:00,056 --> 00:08:01,789
225
00:08:01,858 --> 00:08:03,924
How can I possibly
raise my kids in this town
226
00:08:04,026 --> 00:08:06,193
where everyone only values appearance?
227
00:08:06,295 --> 00:08:08,596
Taylor wants to change her lips,
228
00:08:08,664 --> 00:08:10,397
Oliver wants to change his calves,
229
00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:11,665
and Dr. Ellie...
230
00:08:11,734 --> 00:08:14,034
She had to say, "My eyes are
up here" to me three times.
231
00:08:14,136 --> 00:08:17,071
Well, maybe she was starting to
look like those women at my gym
232
00:08:17,173 --> 00:08:19,507
whose boobs are like tube
socks full of pocket change.
233
00:08:19,609 --> 00:08:21,876
Okay. I've seen Dr. Ellie.
234
00:08:21,978 --> 00:08:24,678
More like Ellie-vated. [Chuckles]
235
00:08:24,747 --> 00:08:26,480
You know, 'cause they've been...
236
00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:28,215
[Clears throat] Screw you guys.
237
00:08:28,284 --> 00:08:30,584
And how about a moment
of silence for poor Evelyn,
238
00:08:30,653 --> 00:08:32,553
who will never dump her
mini peanut butter cups
239
00:08:32,622 --> 00:08:34,755
into a tub of popcorn ever again.
240
00:08:34,857 --> 00:08:36,323
Hi, ladies.
241
00:08:36,392 --> 00:08:38,492
Oh, hold on just one second there.
242
00:08:38,594 --> 00:08:40,194
[Gasps] Ooh. Okay.
243
00:08:40,263 --> 00:08:42,663
Oh, and here's
a calorie-cutting tip for you:
244
00:08:42,732 --> 00:08:44,765
don't pour the salad dressing on.
245
00:08:44,867 --> 00:08:47,167
Just dip the tines of your fork in it.
246
00:08:47,270 --> 00:08:49,403
Oh, thank you, Chloe.
247
00:08:49,505 --> 00:08:52,606
Now here's a life-extending tip for you:
248
00:08:52,708 --> 00:08:56,510
run, before I dip the tines
of my fork into your eyeball.
249
00:08:56,612 --> 00:08:58,879
I understand you're angry with me
250
00:08:58,981 --> 00:09:01,682
because I was born with these
perfect girl-next-door looks,
251
00:09:01,751 --> 00:09:05,386
a dynamite metabolism,
and I'm aging like Tom Cruise.
252
00:09:05,488 --> 00:09:06,387
[Chuckles]
253
00:09:06,489 --> 00:09:07,888
If that's her original face,
254
00:09:07,990 --> 00:09:09,890
then this isn't a seventeen-hundred
dollar jean jacket.
255
00:09:09,992 --> 00:09:11,559
[Scoffs]
256
00:09:11,627 --> 00:09:14,461
This is a seventeen-hundred
dollar jean jacket.
257
00:09:14,564 --> 00:09:15,896
I can't take this, guys.
258
00:09:15,998 --> 00:09:18,399
Chloe Brown Mueller is looking
at everything that I do!
259
00:09:18,467 --> 00:09:21,101
If I order fruit, she's like,
"Ooo, good for you,"
260
00:09:21,203 --> 00:09:24,171
and if I order a waffle she's like,
"Look who's holding on to her title!"
261
00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:25,339
You can't let her get into your head.
262
00:09:25,441 --> 00:09:27,074
It's too late! She's stalking me.
263
00:09:27,143 --> 00:09:28,842
I might have to stop coming
to Stewart and Kingston's.
264
00:09:28,945 --> 00:09:30,344
Whoa whoa whoa whoa, slow down.
265
00:09:30,446 --> 00:09:31,712
You can't quit this.
266
00:09:31,781 --> 00:09:33,847
I can't go back to having lunch
with just my house manager.
267
00:09:33,950 --> 00:09:35,115
Ugh! It's always like
268
00:09:35,184 --> 00:09:37,017
[high-pitched] "blah blah blah
you don't pay me enough,
269
00:09:37,119 --> 00:09:39,019
I have rights blah blah blah."
270
00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:40,321
So what am I going to do?
271
00:09:40,423 --> 00:09:43,057
Well, you are clearly
not gonna improve yourself,
272
00:09:43,159 --> 00:09:45,459
so to get her off your back
you've got to find something
273
00:09:45,561 --> 00:09:47,061
that will tear her down to your level.
274
00:09:47,163 --> 00:09:48,295
Like what?
275
00:09:48,397 --> 00:09:50,464
Well, Doris is right.
Chloe is from Westport.
276
00:09:50,566 --> 00:09:52,266
There is no way she
hasn't had work done.
277
00:09:52,368 --> 00:09:53,467
There's got to be
278
00:09:53,569 --> 00:09:55,269
a janked-up before
picture of her somewhere.
279
00:09:55,371 --> 00:09:57,871
- Mm.
- We just have to find it.
280
00:09:57,974 --> 00:10:01,375
The doctor's hoping that my face
won't reject my own ass fat.
281
00:10:03,999 --> 00:10:08,702
282
00:10:08,773 --> 00:10:10,530
Remember, we're not looking
for Chloe Brown Mueller.
283
00:10:10,593 --> 00:10:13,093
We're looking for her
real name, Wanda Wiggly.
284
00:10:13,162 --> 00:10:14,328
How'd you find that out again?
285
00:10:14,397 --> 00:10:16,831
I got a bunch of private
information from her housekeeper
286
00:10:16,899 --> 00:10:18,199
and used it to blackmail Chloe
287
00:10:18,267 --> 00:10:19,467
so that she wouldn't tell everybody
288
00:10:19,502 --> 00:10:21,635
that Anna-Kat stole
a candlestick from her house.
289
00:10:21,737 --> 00:10:24,038
And, your legal name
isn't Chloe Brown Mueller.
290
00:10:24,106 --> 00:10:25,105
It's Wanda Wiggly.
291
00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:27,074
- Wig-lay!
- For God's sakes!
292
00:10:27,143 --> 00:10:29,376
The hate you two have
for each other is...
293
00:10:30,613 --> 00:10:31,745
...inspiring.
294
00:10:31,814 --> 00:10:32,913
[Chuckles]
295
00:10:32,982 --> 00:10:35,549
Oh, my God. The "W" 's
have been ripped out.
296
00:10:35,618 --> 00:10:37,952
Mm, suspicious. Check the index.
297
00:10:38,020 --> 00:10:40,087
Wanda Wiggly was on the softball team
298
00:10:40,156 --> 00:10:42,022
and the yearbook committee.
299
00:10:44,260 --> 00:10:45,392
[Gasps] Ugh!
300
00:10:45,461 --> 00:10:47,228
- Her face is X'ed out.
- Ugh!
301
00:10:47,330 --> 00:10:49,830
Ah! Her faced is X'ed out here, too!
302
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:51,632
Clearly Chloe did this.
303
00:10:51,701 --> 00:10:53,767
- [Scoffs]
- She must have had some punum.
304
00:10:54,784 --> 00:10:57,171
Oh, my nanny Chava
has been teaching me things.
305
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,607
Hmm. Okay. Oh, okay. Let's not give up.
306
00:10:59,709 --> 00:11:02,009
Look who's standing next to
Chloe on the yearbook staff.
307
00:11:02,111 --> 00:11:04,178
- Eloise Paulson!
- Who?
308
00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:05,579
Dr. Ellie. Dr. Ellie!
309
00:11:05,681 --> 00:11:06,981
She was in class with Wanda Wiggly.
310
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,148
- Oh!
- Oh!
311
00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:09,817
She might have a copy
of the yearbook in her office
312
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:11,018
that Chloe hasn't gotten to.
313
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:12,453
You have got to get your hands on it.
314
00:11:12,522 --> 00:11:16,223
Yeah, Dr. Ellie is not exactly
a fan of mine right now.
315
00:11:16,292 --> 00:11:17,691
I'm just saying, Anna-Kat,
316
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,660
I'm sure Dr. Ellie, as an educator,
317
00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:22,096
regrets how big her ta-tas turned out.
318
00:11:22,198 --> 00:11:23,197
I regret nothing.
319
00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:24,598
It's the best thing I ever did.
320
00:11:24,667 --> 00:11:27,368
Uh-huh, okay, okay.
321
00:11:27,470 --> 00:11:28,469
Greg?
322
00:11:28,571 --> 00:11:29,603
No.
323
00:11:29,672 --> 00:11:30,771
I guess this means
324
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,140
I'm going to have to apologize
to Dr. Ellie.
325
00:11:33,209 --> 00:11:34,975
I hate apologizing to people.
326
00:11:35,044 --> 00:11:37,244
It gives the impression that
I have done something wrong.
327
00:11:37,313 --> 00:11:39,280
So let's just sneak into her
office and grab the yearbook.
328
00:11:39,348 --> 00:11:40,347
Ah, I don't know.
329
00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:41,916
Sometimes a heartfelt apology
330
00:11:41,984 --> 00:11:43,984
really clears out your
whole energetic system.
331
00:11:44,053 --> 00:11:46,854
Ugh. Another reason you cannot
quit Second Breakfast.
332
00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:49,390
Then I'm stuck by myself listening
to this farkakte nonsense!
333
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:50,357
[Chuckles]
334
00:11:50,426 --> 00:11:52,059
- Shut up, Doris.
- You shut up.
335
00:11:52,104 --> 00:11:53,448
You're supposed to be
quiet in a library.
336
00:11:53,518 --> 00:11:55,930
337
00:11:55,998 --> 00:11:56,931
[Humming]
338
00:11:57,033 --> 00:11:58,299
Oh, hi.
339
00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:03,671
I'm just putting the finishing
touches on your office.
340
00:12:03,773 --> 00:12:05,472
You moved everything into the foyer?
341
00:12:05,541 --> 00:12:08,075
Well, not everything. I had to
put some stuff in the garage.
342
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:11,845
For a man you have a lot
of knickknacks. [Chuckles]
343
00:12:11,914 --> 00:12:13,347
What are you doing home so early?
344
00:12:13,416 --> 00:12:16,216
I sometimes find it hard to work
in my office at the university.
345
00:12:16,285 --> 00:12:17,785
Whenever I try to ignore my assistant,
346
00:12:17,887 --> 00:12:19,587
he thinks we're playing charades.
347
00:12:20,690 --> 00:12:22,389
Writing in a notebook.
348
00:12:22,458 --> 00:12:23,657
"The Notebook."
349
00:12:23,726 --> 00:12:24,558
Looking up.
350
00:12:24,627 --> 00:12:26,060
[Stammering] "Uptown Girl"!
351
00:12:26,128 --> 00:12:26,961
Angry. Angry.
352
00:12:27,063 --> 00:12:28,562
"12 Angry Men"!
353
00:12:28,631 --> 00:12:29,530
Okay. Walking away.
354
00:12:29,599 --> 00:12:30,564
"Walk..." "Walk the Line"!
355
00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:31,765
I'm leaving for the day.
356
00:12:31,867 --> 00:12:32,733
Going. Gone.
357
00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:34,368
"Gone with the Wind"!
358
00:12:34,437 --> 00:12:35,769
Yes, "Gone with the Wind."
359
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:38,639
We're quite the team!
360
00:12:38,741 --> 00:12:40,407
Greg, you really do need to learn
361
00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:42,676
how to stand up for yourself.
362
00:12:42,745 --> 00:12:44,078
Now come help me spackle the walls
363
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:45,946
where your diplomas used to be.
364
00:12:48,784 --> 00:12:50,451
So, what do you think?
365
00:12:52,822 --> 00:12:58,659
366
00:12:58,761 --> 00:12:59,793
[Sighs]
367
00:13:02,164 --> 00:13:03,097
Kathryn...
368
00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:04,665
You cannot move me out of my own office.
369
00:13:04,767 --> 00:13:06,900
You're a guest and you've
overstepped your bounds.
370
00:13:07,003 --> 00:13:08,235
You're welcome to stay in this room
371
00:13:08,337 --> 00:13:10,237
when I'm at the office, and overnight.
372
00:13:10,339 --> 00:13:12,006
But the rest of the time it's mine.
373
00:13:13,909 --> 00:13:15,075
Okay.
374
00:13:15,144 --> 00:13:16,243
That's it?
375
00:13:16,312 --> 00:13:17,978
Well, yeah. I had no idea
you felt that way.
376
00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:19,313
You don't hate me?
377
00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:21,582
I don't feel that strongly
about you either way, Greg.
378
00:13:21,684 --> 00:13:22,683
Huh.
379
00:13:22,785 --> 00:13:25,052
I worked myself up
in my head for no reason.
380
00:13:25,121 --> 00:13:27,755
If you'll pardon me,
I have something I need to do.
381
00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:31,058
So while I'm working,
I can't be distracted
382
00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:34,261
by coffee-delivering drones,
charades, or Colonel Tidbits.
383
00:13:34,330 --> 00:13:36,864
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- [Hamster squeaking]
384
00:13:36,932 --> 00:13:37,865
Yeah.
385
00:13:39,702 --> 00:13:42,036
I gave you the best years of my life!
386
00:13:42,104 --> 00:13:44,104
Grant, you've been
my assistant for six months.
387
00:13:44,206 --> 00:13:46,173
I broke up with my girlfriend
388
00:13:46,275 --> 00:13:47,941
to focus on us!
389
00:13:55,184 --> 00:13:56,617
[Objects clattering]
390
00:14:08,064 --> 00:14:11,131
391
00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:24,132
Gotcha, Wanda Wiggly!
392
00:14:24,157 --> 00:14:25,256
[Sighs]
393
00:14:31,821 --> 00:14:33,687
Angela, Doris!
394
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:38,525
[Door opens, closes]
395
00:14:38,594 --> 00:14:40,794
Mrs. Otto, what are you doing in here?
396
00:14:40,896 --> 00:14:43,864
Oh. I came here...
397
00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:45,666
to...
398
00:14:45,768 --> 00:14:47,134
apologize.
399
00:14:47,236 --> 00:14:48,736
But you're alone in my classroom
400
00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:50,537
in the middle of the day
with the lights out.
401
00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:54,231
[Chuckles] It is a surprise apology.
402
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:55,609
Surprise!
403
00:14:55,711 --> 00:14:56,777
Okay, then.
404
00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,613
Oh.
405
00:14:59,715 --> 00:15:01,148
Dr. Ellie...
406
00:15:01,250 --> 00:15:03,417
I was wrong...
407
00:15:03,519 --> 00:15:04,418
to judge you,
408
00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,420
and I was even more wrong
409
00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:08,922
to teach my daughter to judge you.
410
00:15:09,024 --> 00:15:11,225
That's right, you were very wrong.
411
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:12,826
[Sighs]
412
00:15:12,895 --> 00:15:16,330
You're the one who's always
telling others not to judge you,
413
00:15:16,398 --> 00:15:18,832
and you turn around and judge me?
414
00:15:18,901 --> 00:15:20,601
You don't know what these
looked like before.
415
00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:22,603
One was going this way,
one was going that way.
416
00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:24,471
They had totally different agendas.
417
00:15:24,573 --> 00:15:26,840
And if I feel better about myself
418
00:15:26,909 --> 00:15:28,675
when I wake up in the morning,
419
00:15:28,778 --> 00:15:30,644
how is that hurting you?
420
00:15:34,316 --> 00:15:35,749
It's not.
421
00:15:40,723 --> 00:15:42,990
I'm sorry...
422
00:15:43,092 --> 00:15:44,958
For real this time.
423
00:15:45,060 --> 00:15:46,493
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
424
00:15:46,595 --> 00:15:47,861
[Breathes deeply]
425
00:15:48,831 --> 00:15:50,597
- Oh!
- [Lamp clatters]
426
00:15:50,666 --> 00:15:53,100
I'm still getting used to these.
427
00:15:55,070 --> 00:15:56,036
[Sighs]
428
00:15:56,138 --> 00:15:57,604
[Objects clattering in distance]
429
00:15:57,673 --> 00:15:59,072
DR. ELLIE: Damn it!
430
00:15:59,141 --> 00:16:05,379
431
00:16:05,447 --> 00:16:07,080
How did you get her yearbook photo
432
00:16:07,183 --> 00:16:08,682
printed on a cake so fast?
433
00:16:08,784 --> 00:16:10,083
Well, I have an account at this place.
434
00:16:10,152 --> 00:16:11,585
I used to print up
dirty pictures of myself
435
00:16:11,687 --> 00:16:13,587
and then serve them up
to Richard for dessert.
436
00:16:13,656 --> 00:16:14,822
- It was a phase.
- Mm.
437
00:16:14,924 --> 00:16:16,056
Oh, okay. Here she comes.
438
00:16:16,158 --> 00:16:17,224
I can't wait for you
439
00:16:17,326 --> 00:16:19,026
to make that cake-hater
eat her old face.
440
00:16:19,128 --> 00:16:20,027
[Laughter]
441
00:16:20,095 --> 00:16:22,696
So I got your text.
442
00:16:22,765 --> 00:16:24,498
You want to talk about plastic surgery?
443
00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:25,666
I brought a Sharpie.
444
00:16:25,768 --> 00:16:27,801
We're gonna need to draw
dotted lines everywhere.
445
00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:28,869
It's not about me, Chloe.
446
00:16:28,938 --> 00:16:31,171
I know that you have had work done,
447
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,006
and I don't judge you for it.
448
00:16:33,108 --> 00:16:34,808
And I need you to be okay with me
449
00:16:34,877 --> 00:16:37,311
not wanting to change who I am.
450
00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:39,346
Okay, "Chicken Soup for the Soul,"
451
00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:40,581
I have to say one thing,
452
00:16:40,683 --> 00:16:43,050
and that's I have
never gotten work done.
453
00:16:43,152 --> 00:16:44,551
Chloe, I'm giving you a chance.
454
00:16:44,653 --> 00:16:46,486
To feel better about myself?
455
00:16:46,555 --> 00:16:49,790
Aww, Katie, you give me that
every time I see you.
456
00:16:49,859 --> 00:16:50,924
Now, Katie!
457
00:16:51,894 --> 00:16:54,061
Evelyn seems happy.
458
00:16:54,163 --> 00:16:56,296
And ass-face looks pretty good.
459
00:16:56,398 --> 00:16:58,098
Good for you, ass-face.
460
00:17:02,338 --> 00:17:03,937
Chloe.
461
00:17:04,039 --> 00:17:05,439
Whatever you say.
462
00:17:07,176 --> 00:17:10,744
Katie Otto pushing a cake box away?
463
00:17:10,846 --> 00:17:12,980
I'm gonna have to go home
and get my affairs in order
464
00:17:13,082 --> 00:17:14,648
before the apocalypse.
465
00:17:14,750 --> 00:17:16,350
[Laughs]
466
00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:17,784
Whew!
467
00:17:17,887 --> 00:17:19,319
Uh, why did you let her go?
468
00:17:19,421 --> 00:17:21,622
You had the perfect opportunity
to humiliate her!
469
00:17:21,724 --> 00:17:24,224
Yeah, but what kind of person
behaves like that?
470
00:17:24,326 --> 00:17:26,059
You do! All the time!
471
00:17:26,161 --> 00:17:27,794
Literally until this very moment!
472
00:17:27,863 --> 00:17:29,062
I'm not allowed to grow?
473
00:17:29,164 --> 00:17:31,965
Dr. Ellie made me realize
474
00:17:32,067 --> 00:17:33,166
that I have been acting
475
00:17:33,235 --> 00:17:35,335
just like one of these
Westport housewives
476
00:17:35,404 --> 00:17:38,872
that make women
feel bad about themselves.
477
00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:41,108
And if I open up that cake box,
478
00:17:41,210 --> 00:17:43,340
I am no better than Chloe Brown Mueller.
479
00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:47,114
Angela, don't be proud of me.
480
00:17:47,216 --> 00:17:48,348
Well, I'm disgusted with you
481
00:17:48,450 --> 00:17:49,883
if that makes you feel any better.
482
00:17:51,186 --> 00:17:52,486
What are we gonna do with this?
483
00:17:52,554 --> 00:17:55,522
I guess we are going
to have to destroy the evidence.
484
00:17:57,326 --> 00:17:59,192
ALL: Mmm!
485
00:17:59,261 --> 00:18:01,995
This cake is as good as she was ugly.
486
00:18:02,097 --> 00:18:04,598
[Groans] I am starving!
487
00:18:05,901 --> 00:18:07,434
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
488
00:18:07,536 --> 00:18:08,936
Looks like I'm going to be
489
00:18:09,038 --> 00:18:11,805
the second-fattest housewife
again in no time.
490
00:18:15,644 --> 00:18:16,977
Oh, you were right.
491
00:18:17,079 --> 00:18:19,246
- [Door closes]
- I talked to your mom. We're all good.
492
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:21,315
We're moving my stuff
back in my office now.
493
00:18:21,417 --> 00:18:22,449
Mom?
494
00:18:22,551 --> 00:18:24,117
How are you...
495
00:18:24,219 --> 00:18:25,819
Oh, it's an old stewardess trick.
496
00:18:25,921 --> 00:18:27,254
Oh, if I had a dime
497
00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:29,756
for every time I had to carry
Anthony Quinn off a plane...
498
00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:30,991
[Sighs]
499
00:18:33,429 --> 00:18:35,762
What the hell did you do?
500
00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:36,997
I sucked on this bottle.
501
00:18:37,099 --> 00:18:38,632
It's a way to puff up your lips.
502
00:18:38,734 --> 00:18:40,634
They already banned kids
from doing it in Australia,
503
00:18:40,736 --> 00:18:42,402
so you know it works.
504
00:18:45,007 --> 00:18:45,973
Are those socks?
505
00:18:46,075 --> 00:18:47,574
Did you stuff your calves?
506
00:18:47,676 --> 00:18:48,842
You don't know what it's like
507
00:18:48,944 --> 00:18:50,711
to be president of the
Itty-Bitty Calf Committee.
508
00:18:50,813 --> 00:18:52,579
All right, I have had enough.
509
00:18:52,681 --> 00:18:53,914
Family meeting!
510
00:18:58,862 --> 00:19:01,296
Everyone has something
about the way they look
511
00:19:01,398 --> 00:19:03,065
that they're not happy with,
512
00:19:03,167 --> 00:19:04,599
and you can spend all your time
513
00:19:04,702 --> 00:19:06,902
focused on that one thing,
514
00:19:07,004 --> 00:19:09,571
or you can accept it.
515
00:19:10,674 --> 00:19:12,140
But at the same time,
516
00:19:12,242 --> 00:19:14,009
people want to change their appearance
517
00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:16,812
to make themselves feel better,
like Dr. Ellie,
518
00:19:16,914 --> 00:19:18,347
they should.
519
00:19:19,750 --> 00:19:21,475
I might not always agree with it
520
00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:24,511
and I definitely
don't want you guys doing it,
521
00:19:24,613 --> 00:19:26,613
but we are not going to judge them...
522
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:28,782
...outside of this house.
523
00:19:28,884 --> 00:19:29,916
I fully agree.
524
00:19:30,019 --> 00:19:31,852
You should be comfortable
with who you are.
525
00:19:31,954 --> 00:19:33,854
So you're gonna stop
spraying that black stuff
526
00:19:33,956 --> 00:19:35,626
on your head to cover up your bald spot?
527
00:19:35,704 --> 00:19:37,724
- You know?
- Everyone knows.
528
00:19:37,826 --> 00:19:39,793
Even me, and I don't know anything.
529
00:19:39,895 --> 00:19:41,460
You want to know what your nickname is?
530
00:19:41,541 --> 00:19:42,740
I feel like it's gonna be hurtful.
531
00:19:42,812 --> 00:19:44,981
- Baldilocks.
- And it was.
532
00:19:49,025 --> 00:19:51,384
Greg, I am ready
533
00:19:51,447 --> 00:19:53,130
to start taking those walks again.
534
00:19:53,178 --> 00:19:55,529
Yes! Can I buy us
some urban walking poles?
535
00:19:55,631 --> 00:19:57,098
No, you cannot.
536
00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:01,869
Actually, we are all going to
go together and show this town
537
00:20:01,971 --> 00:20:04,772
the thin-lipped, calfless, balding,
538
00:20:04,874 --> 00:20:07,007
voluptuous monsters that we really are.
539
00:20:07,110 --> 00:20:08,275
Mm. What about me?
540
00:20:08,377 --> 00:20:09,310
You're staying home.
541
00:20:09,378 --> 00:20:10,878
You look way too good for your age.
542
00:20:10,980 --> 00:20:19,053
543
00:20:19,722 --> 00:20:27,795
544
00:20:28,464 --> 00:20:37,138
545
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:40,474
I take you seriously.
I will not dismiss you.
546
00:20:40,576 --> 00:20:45,880
547
00:20:45,942 --> 00:20:50,942
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
548
00:20:50,992 --> 00:20:55,542
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