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1
00:00:03,406 --> 00:00:04,706
- Hi!
- Hey!
2
00:00:04,741 --> 00:00:06,106
How's my favorite party planner?
3
00:00:06,142 --> 00:00:07,241
Party planner?
4
00:00:07,276 --> 00:00:09,711
I'm an event coordinator, Greg.
5
00:00:09,746 --> 00:00:12,046
The people in my industry
have worked tirelessly
6
00:00:12,081 --> 00:00:13,948
to shed that label that diminishes us.
7
00:00:13,983 --> 00:00:15,416
You called yourself
a party planner at work
8
00:00:15,452 --> 00:00:16,531
and someone yelled at you?
9
00:00:16,556 --> 00:00:19,056
Oh, yeah. Big-time. What's all this?
10
00:00:19,091 --> 00:00:20,858
Well, now that we're both working,
11
00:00:20,893 --> 00:00:23,928
no one's here during the day
to take Luthor out.
12
00:00:23,963 --> 00:00:25,728
I tried teaching him to use the toilet.
13
00:00:25,764 --> 00:00:26,830
That didn't go great.
14
00:00:26,865 --> 00:00:27,897
Okay.
15
00:00:27,933 --> 00:00:29,566
Just relax.
16
00:00:29,601 --> 00:00:30,567
[Water running]
17
00:00:30,602 --> 00:00:33,770
Think about pee-pee.
18
00:00:33,805 --> 00:00:34,771
[Groans]
19
00:00:34,806 --> 00:00:36,606
Now he can take himself outside
20
00:00:36,641 --> 00:00:37,707
and you can focus on work.
21
00:00:37,742 --> 00:00:38,908
Speaking of work,
22
00:00:38,944 --> 00:00:41,578
I have to go to my boss'
apartment in New York tomorrow.
23
00:00:41,613 --> 00:00:44,213
- She summoned me.
- Summoned?
24
00:00:44,248 --> 00:00:46,015
Whitney needs to talk to you
in her office right away!
25
00:00:46,050 --> 00:00:48,485
Oh, my God!
I'm finally going to meet her!
26
00:00:49,588 --> 00:00:50,787
- Let's go.
- Yeah.
27
00:00:50,822 --> 00:00:51,888
Let's go.
28
00:00:51,923 --> 00:00:53,456
Let's go. Come on.
29
00:00:53,492 --> 00:00:55,558
Come on.
30
00:00:55,594 --> 00:00:57,392
Come on, come on, come on.
31
00:00:57,427 --> 00:00:59,595
- [Breathes sharply]
- Have a seat.
32
00:00:59,630 --> 00:01:00,796
She'll be in in just a moment.
33
00:01:00,831 --> 00:01:01,797
Okay.
34
00:01:01,832 --> 00:01:06,768
35
00:01:06,804 --> 00:01:08,770
[Beeps]
36
00:01:08,806 --> 00:01:10,138
WHITNEY: Hi, Katie.
37
00:01:10,173 --> 00:01:11,540
Hi, Whitney.
38
00:01:11,575 --> 00:01:13,308
I want you to
come to my place in New York
39
00:01:13,343 --> 00:01:16,144
for a fun little mandatory
meet-and-greet tomorrow night.
40
00:01:16,179 --> 00:01:18,113
I'll tell you where to go.
41
00:01:18,148 --> 00:01:20,215
Kevin! I want you to leave the room
42
00:01:20,250 --> 00:01:21,383
while I give Katie the address
43
00:01:21,418 --> 00:01:23,585
because you'll never be invited!
44
00:01:23,621 --> 00:01:27,923
[Laughing]
45
00:01:27,958 --> 00:01:30,425
Evidently, all new hires
are required to go there
46
00:01:30,460 --> 00:01:31,893
and kiss the ring.
47
00:01:31,928 --> 00:01:32,960
Or else.
48
00:01:32,996 --> 00:01:35,130
- Or else what?
- I don't know.
49
00:01:35,165 --> 00:01:37,432
But it's never
"or else ice cream cake," Greg.
50
00:01:37,467 --> 00:01:39,401
Up until now, I've been there
on a trial basis.
51
00:01:39,436 --> 00:01:42,003
But when you go to New York
and kiss the ring,
52
00:01:42,039 --> 00:01:43,671
you're all in.
53
00:01:43,706 --> 00:01:45,773
It's like I'm being made by the Mafia.
54
00:01:45,808 --> 00:01:47,242
Don't worry about the kids.
I got them. You go.
55
00:01:47,277 --> 00:01:49,810
Thank you. You're a lifesaver.
56
00:01:49,846 --> 00:01:51,112
You've earned yourself two mistakes
57
00:01:51,148 --> 00:01:52,480
without me throwing it back in your face
58
00:01:52,516 --> 00:01:53,515
and doing this.
59
00:01:53,550 --> 00:01:54,516
[Imitates buzzer]
60
00:01:54,551 --> 00:01:55,283
[Chuckles]
61
00:01:55,318 --> 00:01:57,952
Okay, Luthor. Big moment, buddy.
62
00:01:57,987 --> 00:01:59,521
[Claps hands]
63
00:01:59,556 --> 00:02:00,588
Go on out!
64
00:02:00,623 --> 00:02:01,789
[Whines]
65
00:02:04,220 --> 00:02:05,853
He's saving it for later.
66
00:02:05,881 --> 00:02:07,380
Doesn't want to
live his life all at once.
67
00:02:07,415 --> 00:02:09,315
You got to respect that.
68
00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:12,318
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
69
00:02:12,354 --> 00:02:19,191
70
00:02:19,227 --> 00:02:21,127
- Hey, Mrs. and Mrs. A.
- Hey, Trip.
71
00:02:21,162 --> 00:02:22,462
Taylor, I think you're shrinking.
72
00:02:22,497 --> 00:02:23,863
Dad, this is Trip's jacket.
73
00:02:23,898 --> 00:02:26,366
Yeah, I know.
I was making a joke, but it...
74
00:02:26,401 --> 00:02:27,673
Nobody got it, so I guess
75
00:02:27,698 --> 00:02:29,048
I was just making a confusing sentence.
76
00:02:29,072 --> 00:02:30,604
How was play rehearsal?
77
00:02:30,631 --> 00:02:31,797
Oh, I didn't go today.
78
00:02:31,832 --> 00:02:32,932
It conflicted with Trip's schedule.
79
00:02:32,967 --> 00:02:36,469
Us football girlfriends
love to watch our guys practice.
80
00:02:36,504 --> 00:02:38,804
Babe, she's charging.
Make yourself look big.
81
00:02:38,839 --> 00:02:39,837
Taylor, you can't Li...
82
00:02:39,873 --> 00:02:42,640
Agh! Why am I always
stepping in the dog water?!
83
00:02:42,676 --> 00:02:45,043
- Run!
- [Sighs]
84
00:02:45,079 --> 00:02:47,345
Taylor cannot live her life
for her boyfriend.
85
00:02:47,381 --> 00:02:48,713
That is the road to becoming
86
00:02:48,748 --> 00:02:50,682
one of these spoiled housewives
in this town
87
00:02:50,717 --> 00:02:53,285
where all these women do
is rely on their rich husbands.
88
00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:55,053
Better than the road she's currently on,
89
00:02:55,089 --> 00:02:56,888
which is straight to
Fleer Beauty College
90
00:02:56,923 --> 00:02:59,791
and a steady diet of Hot Pockets.
91
00:02:59,826 --> 00:03:01,025
How was school today, baby?
92
00:03:01,061 --> 00:03:03,228
Mm. School be school.
93
00:03:03,263 --> 00:03:05,530
Buenas tardes, Mrs. and Mrs. Otto!
94
00:03:05,566 --> 00:03:06,798
Hey, Cooper. How's it going?
95
00:03:08,235 --> 00:03:11,035
Ooh. Mrs. Otto, you smell good!
96
00:03:11,071 --> 00:03:12,571
What's the scent you're wearing?
97
00:03:12,606 --> 00:03:14,838
- 409.
- You should try mine.
98
00:03:14,873 --> 00:03:16,873
Clive Christian Imperial Cologne.
99
00:03:16,909 --> 00:03:17,908
Picked it up in Zermatt.
100
00:03:17,943 --> 00:03:20,711
It's for men, but I think
you can pull it off.
101
00:03:20,746 --> 00:03:21,912
You know what I want to pull off?
102
00:03:21,947 --> 00:03:23,947
- Your arms.
- You know, over the summer,
103
00:03:23,983 --> 00:03:26,484
- I really missed our little repartees.
- Mm.
104
00:03:26,519 --> 00:03:28,885
But I bet you really missed Oliver.
105
00:03:30,723 --> 00:03:32,923
Yeah, yeah, they super missed me.
106
00:03:32,958 --> 00:03:34,325
Come on, Coop, let's go to my room.
107
00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:37,928
Super missed him because he was...
108
00:03:37,963 --> 00:03:40,030
Away all summer
yachting around the world
109
00:03:40,065 --> 00:03:40,831
with his great-aunt.
110
00:03:40,866 --> 00:03:43,200
- Right, with his great-aunt.
- Mm.
111
00:03:43,236 --> 00:03:44,602
The Duchess of Cadbury.
112
00:03:44,637 --> 00:03:48,038
Uh, which one of you is related to her?
113
00:03:48,073 --> 00:03:49,072
I am.
114
00:03:49,108 --> 00:03:50,874
I love those creamed eggs.
115
00:03:50,909 --> 00:03:51,775
[Laughs] That makes sense.
116
00:03:51,810 --> 00:03:53,744
Cooper, go take a walk around the block.
117
00:03:53,779 --> 00:03:55,612
Good idea, Mrs. Otto!
118
00:03:55,648 --> 00:03:57,247
That'll give my new Patek Philippe watch
119
00:03:57,282 --> 00:03:59,116
a chance to wind naturally.
120
00:04:02,154 --> 00:04:03,854
- [Door opens]
- Here is Oliver
121
00:04:03,889 --> 00:04:05,288
- sailing with the Duchess.
- [Door closes]
122
00:04:05,323 --> 00:04:07,057
Where is this? Italy?
123
00:04:07,092 --> 00:04:08,992
Santorini.
124
00:04:10,095 --> 00:04:11,695
So is that Italy?
125
00:04:11,730 --> 00:04:13,596
- Greece.
- Ohh.
126
00:04:13,632 --> 00:04:14,898
You Photoshopped all these?
127
00:04:14,933 --> 00:04:16,066
I had to!
128
00:04:16,101 --> 00:04:17,233
This is Westport.
129
00:04:17,269 --> 00:04:18,769
At school, everyone gives a report
130
00:04:18,804 --> 00:04:20,436
on where they went for vacation.
131
00:04:20,472 --> 00:04:22,738
Where am I supposed to say
I went... no place?
132
00:04:22,774 --> 00:04:24,540
We went to Amish Country
and made candles.
133
00:04:24,575 --> 00:04:26,108
That's worse than no vacation!
134
00:04:26,144 --> 00:04:28,077
It was a 19th-century adventure.
135
00:04:28,112 --> 00:04:29,545
You are getting
more superficial by the...
136
00:04:29,580 --> 00:04:30,946
Anna-Kat is doing something weird.
137
00:04:33,017 --> 00:04:34,917
She's using a small bottle of Purell
138
00:04:34,952 --> 00:04:37,486
to Purell a larger bottle of Purell.
139
00:04:37,521 --> 00:04:40,656
Anything happen at school today
that we should know about?
140
00:04:40,692 --> 00:04:43,159
Well, Dr. Ellie is still not back.
141
00:04:43,194 --> 00:04:45,661
Principal Ablin
said she has a medical issue,
142
00:04:45,697 --> 00:04:47,163
and he's been filling in.
143
00:04:47,198 --> 00:04:51,233
Oh, and I am never using
the bathroom at school again.
144
00:04:51,268 --> 00:04:52,334
Ever.
145
00:04:52,369 --> 00:04:53,268
We've been through this.
146
00:04:53,304 --> 00:04:55,004
The bathrooms at school
are totally clean.
147
00:04:55,039 --> 00:04:56,771
Are they?
148
00:04:56,807 --> 00:04:58,173
Are they, Greg?
149
00:04:58,208 --> 00:05:01,275
Apparently, you didn't know hand dryers
150
00:05:01,311 --> 00:05:02,977
just blow particles of poop
151
00:05:03,013 --> 00:05:04,579
back into your face!
152
00:05:05,615 --> 00:05:08,116
What? That doesn't sound right.
153
00:05:08,151 --> 00:05:10,151
That's what Principal Ablin said.
154
00:05:10,187 --> 00:05:13,988
And he's the principal,
the king of all teachers.
155
00:05:15,658 --> 00:05:16,925
If I go kiss the ring,
156
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,527
then I am committing to this job.
157
00:05:19,562 --> 00:05:21,196
But how can I do that?
158
00:05:21,231 --> 00:05:23,131
How am I supposed to
work a full-time job
159
00:05:23,166 --> 00:05:25,133
when I already have a full-time job
160
00:05:25,168 --> 00:05:27,268
making sure that our kids
aren't jerks and weirdos?
161
00:05:27,303 --> 00:05:29,803
Don't you worry.
This is just a rough patch.
162
00:05:29,839 --> 00:05:30,771
I promise you, we'll fix it,
163
00:05:30,796 --> 00:05:32,282
and you'll feel good
about kissing that ring.
164
00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:34,208
Let me get this straight...
we are going to find a way
165
00:05:34,243 --> 00:05:36,376
to fix our kids by tomorrow night?
166
00:05:36,411 --> 00:05:38,145
Hey, I installed a doggie door,
167
00:05:38,180 --> 00:05:39,546
and I still have all my fingers.
168
00:05:39,581 --> 00:05:40,981
Anything's possible.
169
00:05:41,016 --> 00:05:43,383
So, I promise you,
by tomorrow afternoon,
170
00:05:43,418 --> 00:05:46,253
these children will, in fact, be fixed.
171
00:05:48,257 --> 00:05:49,890
[Whines]
172
00:05:49,925 --> 00:05:51,291
And that dog.
173
00:05:51,326 --> 00:05:53,526
All right, then. To the hat!
174
00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:59,800
175
00:05:59,958 --> 00:06:01,358
We have three kids and a dog,
176
00:06:01,393 --> 00:06:02,592
which equals four problems.
177
00:06:02,627 --> 00:06:04,427
We each pick two, divide and conquer.
178
00:06:07,231 --> 00:06:08,598
Taylor.
179
00:06:09,967 --> 00:06:11,133
Luthor.
180
00:06:13,337 --> 00:06:14,871
Foul. Dropped it.
181
00:06:14,906 --> 00:06:17,172
Goes back in.
182
00:06:17,208 --> 00:06:19,041
- You got Oliver.
- Yes, I know.
183
00:06:19,076 --> 00:06:21,343
Shame. But rules are rules.
184
00:06:25,249 --> 00:06:26,649
Hup! Do-over.
185
00:06:26,684 --> 00:06:28,551
Fine, I'll just take Oliver.
186
00:06:28,586 --> 00:06:29,685
Okay.
187
00:06:29,721 --> 00:06:30,887
If I always get Oliver,
188
00:06:30,922 --> 00:06:32,822
I don't even know why we do the hat.
189
00:06:34,208 --> 00:06:36,332
190
00:06:36,357 --> 00:06:37,598
You've got Taylor and Anna-Kat.
191
00:06:37,623 --> 00:06:38,706
- I've got Oliver and Luthor.
- Yeah.
192
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:39,683
All right, you ready?
193
00:06:39,708 --> 00:06:42,374
I wasn't ready when we had them,
and I'm not ready now.
194
00:06:45,910 --> 00:06:48,010
You take off that jacket
and give it back to Trip.
195
00:06:48,045 --> 00:06:50,345
But all the girlfriends
wear their boyfriends' jackets.
196
00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:51,180
Not you.
197
00:06:51,215 --> 00:06:54,016
You are your own person. Take it off.
198
00:06:54,051 --> 00:06:55,617
God, Mom, what's your major problem?
199
00:06:55,652 --> 00:06:58,187
Your whole life
cannot be about some boy.
200
00:06:58,222 --> 00:06:59,722
What happens when he goes to college?
201
00:06:59,757 --> 00:07:01,389
Whoa, what boy?
202
00:07:01,425 --> 00:07:03,291
- Are you seeing someone else?
- No, she's talking about you.
203
00:07:03,327 --> 00:07:04,659
No, she said that guy
was going to college.
204
00:07:04,695 --> 00:07:05,693
I'm just saying,
205
00:07:05,729 --> 00:07:07,729
you can't put all your eggs
in Trip's basket.
206
00:07:07,764 --> 00:07:09,530
Mrs. A, I understand your concerns,
207
00:07:09,565 --> 00:07:11,966
but my cousin broke my
Easter basket when I was 6,
208
00:07:12,001 --> 00:07:13,034
so we're good.
209
00:07:13,069 --> 00:07:16,037
Trip, you have to go
to the bathroom really bad.
210
00:07:16,072 --> 00:07:17,105
I do?
211
00:07:18,074 --> 00:07:19,005
I do!
212
00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:20,987
[Bed creaks]
213
00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:23,289
You need a life outside of Trip.
214
00:07:23,324 --> 00:07:27,127
So, from now on, you are gonna
put your interests first.
215
00:07:27,162 --> 00:07:29,629
Maybe you should focus
on someone other than me
216
00:07:29,665 --> 00:07:30,730
and get your own life!
217
00:07:30,766 --> 00:07:32,498
I am trying to!
218
00:07:32,534 --> 00:07:33,933
I finally get a job
219
00:07:33,969 --> 00:07:36,302
and take my eye
off of you for one second,
220
00:07:36,337 --> 00:07:38,304
and you are making
all the wrong decisions.
221
00:07:38,339 --> 00:07:39,572
I will ban Trip if I need to.
222
00:07:39,607 --> 00:07:42,107
All right, all right. You can't
just ban my boyfriend like that.
223
00:07:42,143 --> 00:07:43,608
He's not turkey hot dogs.
224
00:07:43,644 --> 00:07:46,478
Hot dogs are all beef or nothing.
225
00:07:46,513 --> 00:07:47,813
And you'd better get your act together.
226
00:07:47,848 --> 00:07:48,947
Fine!
227
00:07:48,983 --> 00:07:50,515
Hey, Mrs. A., next time,
228
00:07:50,551 --> 00:07:51,784
can you give me more
of a heads-up when I have to go?
229
00:07:51,819 --> 00:07:53,152
I almost didn't make it.
230
00:07:53,187 --> 00:07:56,488
231
00:07:56,523 --> 00:07:59,124
You obviously have forgotten
how fortunate you are.
232
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:00,492
You admire Oprah.
233
00:08:00,527 --> 00:08:01,459
Well, she writes down
234
00:08:01,495 --> 00:08:03,662
three things she's grateful for
every night.
235
00:08:03,698 --> 00:08:05,798
I took the liberty of writing
three things down for you.
236
00:08:05,833 --> 00:08:07,499
In lieu of hearing that list,
237
00:08:07,534 --> 00:08:09,702
I prefer to be tied to a stake
and left for the crows.
238
00:08:09,737 --> 00:08:10,535
Number one,
239
00:08:10,571 --> 00:08:12,204
you have a family that loves you.
240
00:08:12,239 --> 00:08:14,707
Two, you live in a beautiful beach town.
241
00:08:14,742 --> 00:08:17,209
And, three, you have plenty of friends.
242
00:08:17,244 --> 00:08:19,211
When all you do
is look for what you don't have,
243
00:08:19,246 --> 00:08:21,012
you don't see what you do have.
244
00:08:21,047 --> 00:08:22,380
Oh, I see it.
245
00:08:22,416 --> 00:08:23,948
A sink that backs up three times a week
246
00:08:23,983 --> 00:08:25,983
and a front yard
without a single mature tree.
247
00:08:26,019 --> 00:08:27,785
Here's what you're gonna do.
You're gonna go into school
248
00:08:27,821 --> 00:08:30,488
and tell people about
the vacation you actually had.
249
00:08:30,524 --> 00:08:31,690
No one's gonna think any less of you
250
00:08:31,725 --> 00:08:33,225
because you went to Amish Country.
251
00:08:33,260 --> 00:08:34,693
Did Cooper Bradford go back in time
252
00:08:34,728 --> 00:08:36,695
and shake hands with history?
253
00:08:37,564 --> 00:08:40,565
Let's just let that sit there.
254
00:08:40,601 --> 00:08:43,235
So, the heat from the hand dryers
255
00:08:43,270 --> 00:08:46,204
purifies the particles
in the air and cleans them.
256
00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:48,540
KATIE: I make this face so she
thinks I'm telling the truth.
257
00:08:48,575 --> 00:08:51,008
Okay, Mama, I hear you,
258
00:08:51,044 --> 00:08:53,712
and I have a solution
that will make everyone happy.
259
00:08:53,747 --> 00:08:54,812
Yeah?
260
00:08:54,848 --> 00:08:56,714
I'll just pee in a mayonnaise jar.
261
00:08:59,953 --> 00:09:01,853
Greg?
262
00:09:01,888 --> 00:09:02,787
This is how you do it, buddy.
263
00:09:02,822 --> 00:09:06,257
You just... you push your nose through.
264
00:09:06,292 --> 00:09:07,058
Yeah.
265
00:09:07,093 --> 00:09:08,592
Hey, good job, Luthor.
266
00:09:08,628 --> 00:09:10,327
You trained Greg to use the doggie door.
267
00:09:10,363 --> 00:09:12,529
Can you also train him to stop talking
268
00:09:12,565 --> 00:09:14,065
through "Bachelor in Paradise"?
269
00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:16,768
Yes, Greg, they all
have nice bathing suits.
270
00:09:16,803 --> 00:09:18,535
- How'd it go with Taylor?
- I think I got through to her.
271
00:09:18,571 --> 00:09:19,603
- Oliver?
- We made some progress.
272
00:09:19,639 --> 00:09:21,906
- Anna-Kat?
- She's gonna pee in a mayonnaise jar.
273
00:09:21,941 --> 00:09:23,174
All right, we're getting closer
274
00:09:23,209 --> 00:09:24,708
to you feeling good
about going to New York
275
00:09:24,744 --> 00:09:26,410
so you can kiss the ring
and keep your job.
276
00:09:26,445 --> 00:09:27,711
Tomorrow morning, you'll talk with Ablin
277
00:09:27,747 --> 00:09:29,946
and figure out
where Dr. Ellie is, and... Ahh!
278
00:09:29,982 --> 00:09:32,082
- What?
- The sprinklers just went off.
279
00:09:32,117 --> 00:09:34,751
I've never used a bidet,
but I finally get the appeal.
280
00:09:34,787 --> 00:09:37,954
281
00:09:37,990 --> 00:09:38,889
We need to talk.
282
00:09:38,924 --> 00:09:40,690
Was my assistant
not out there to stop you?
283
00:09:40,725 --> 00:09:41,858
Donna's no hero.
284
00:09:41,894 --> 00:09:44,961
Why wasn't I informed
Dr. Ellie was going to be away?
285
00:09:44,997 --> 00:09:46,729
I sent you maybe 10 e-mails.
286
00:09:46,765 --> 00:09:48,398
I blocked you after the millionth e-mail
287
00:09:48,433 --> 00:09:49,699
about Waffle Wednesday.
288
00:09:49,734 --> 00:09:51,968
It's Wednesday.
There's waffles. I get it.
289
00:09:52,004 --> 00:09:54,304
- Who has time for this nonsense?
- Don't you?
290
00:09:54,339 --> 00:09:57,540
I will have you know that
I recently started working.
291
00:09:57,575 --> 00:09:58,809
You don't think that I can be a mom
292
00:09:58,844 --> 00:09:59,810
and have a life of my own?
293
00:09:59,845 --> 00:10:02,779
Can we wait a moment
for my Ativan to kick in?
294
00:10:02,815 --> 00:10:04,213
Won't be long.
295
00:10:11,322 --> 00:10:13,655
[Sighs] There we are.
296
00:10:13,691 --> 00:10:14,890
Dr. Ellie is on medical leave,
297
00:10:14,926 --> 00:10:15,691
but she'll be back next week.
298
00:10:15,726 --> 00:10:17,326
In the meantime, I will continue
299
00:10:17,361 --> 00:10:19,161
to fill in as teacher
for the wacky kids.
300
00:10:19,197 --> 00:10:21,130
Because of you telling her
about the hand dryers,
301
00:10:21,165 --> 00:10:23,799
my daughter is scared
to use the school bathroom.
302
00:10:23,835 --> 00:10:25,935
Well, would you look at me.
Making a difference.
303
00:10:25,970 --> 00:10:28,437
You need to fix it or else!
304
00:10:28,472 --> 00:10:29,604
And before you get your hopes up,
305
00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:31,640
it's not "or else ice cream cake"!
306
00:10:35,346 --> 00:10:37,746
Sir, would you be interested
in a magazine subscription?
307
00:10:37,781 --> 00:10:38,947
Donna!
308
00:10:38,982 --> 00:10:43,651
309
00:10:43,686 --> 00:10:44,986
- Taylor?
- Mom?
310
00:10:45,021 --> 00:10:47,021
You are decorating Trip's locker?
311
00:10:47,057 --> 00:10:49,290
Didn't you hear a word
I said to you last night?
312
00:10:49,326 --> 00:10:51,926
I did. That's why I'm doing
things behind your back.
313
00:10:54,130 --> 00:10:55,763
- [School bell rings]
- [Groans]
314
00:10:56,632 --> 00:10:59,000
OLIVER: There's nothing wrong
with living simply.
315
00:11:01,671 --> 00:11:03,637
That's why we gave our below-deck crew
316
00:11:03,673 --> 00:11:05,773
Sunday mornings off to just have fun.
317
00:11:05,808 --> 00:11:12,546
318
00:11:12,582 --> 00:11:14,181
You know who I am?
319
00:11:14,216 --> 00:11:15,883
I'm The Giving Tree.
320
00:11:15,918 --> 00:11:18,118
I never understood that book until now.
321
00:11:18,153 --> 00:11:21,822
After they've eaten all my
apples and cut off my branches,
322
00:11:21,858 --> 00:11:23,357
I'll just be a stump.
323
00:11:23,393 --> 00:11:24,792
And then they're just gonna sit on me.
324
00:11:24,827 --> 00:11:26,660
Do you ever come here in a good mood?
325
00:11:26,696 --> 00:11:28,863
I want to keep my job, but how can I
326
00:11:28,898 --> 00:11:31,632
when it's just one problem
after another with these kids?
327
00:11:31,667 --> 00:11:33,901
Well, just hire nannies
to take over for you.
328
00:11:33,936 --> 00:11:34,869
Sure, the kids will hate you for it,
329
00:11:34,904 --> 00:11:35,903
but on the flip side,
330
00:11:35,938 --> 00:11:37,170
when they have to go to therapy
in a few years,
331
00:11:37,206 --> 00:11:40,573
they'll complain about how
the nanny messed them up.
332
00:11:40,609 --> 00:11:42,375
Have you tried sage-ing their bedrooms?
333
00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:43,510
You mean that ridiculous thing you do
334
00:11:43,545 --> 00:11:45,978
where you burn dead leaves
and it smells like garbage?
335
00:11:46,014 --> 00:11:47,747
A simple "no" would've been fine.
336
00:11:47,783 --> 00:11:49,982
Last month, I was filling out
one of those doctor's forms,
337
00:11:50,018 --> 00:11:51,918
and in that space
where they ask your profession,
338
00:11:51,953 --> 00:11:54,353
I wrote "mom."
And then I was like, really?
339
00:11:54,389 --> 00:11:56,322
That's all that I am? Mom?
340
00:11:56,357 --> 00:11:59,025
But now I'm on the verge
of having a career again.
341
00:11:59,060 --> 00:12:02,829
I am appreciated for my ideas.
I earn money.
342
00:12:02,864 --> 00:12:04,864
There's four different kinds
of creamer in the break room.
343
00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:06,032
Had hazelnut coffee the other day.
344
00:12:06,067 --> 00:12:07,567
Didn't care for it.
345
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,669
You need to get your butt
to New York this evening.
346
00:12:09,704 --> 00:12:10,870
For nine years, you've shown your kids
347
00:12:10,906 --> 00:12:12,003
a strong woman at home,
348
00:12:12,039 --> 00:12:15,006
and now you're showing them
a strong woman at work.
349
00:12:15,042 --> 00:12:15,874
Hey, how about for now,
350
00:12:15,910 --> 00:12:17,876
you just be a strong woman at breakfast?
351
00:12:17,912 --> 00:12:19,077
Open this ketchup for me!
352
00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:20,646
[Pops]
353
00:12:20,681 --> 00:12:22,514
Those big hands really pay off.
354
00:12:22,550 --> 00:12:24,349
[Laughter]
355
00:12:26,386 --> 00:12:27,953
Okay, buddy, here's the deal.
356
00:12:27,988 --> 00:12:29,822
You need to go outside.
357
00:12:31,892 --> 00:12:33,024
Who is a good boy?
358
00:12:33,060 --> 00:12:34,893
You're a good boy. Yes, you are.
359
00:12:34,929 --> 00:12:36,695
Yes, you are. You're my good boy.
360
00:12:36,730 --> 00:12:38,196
And you need to go out that door.
361
00:12:38,231 --> 00:12:39,364
You do.
362
00:12:39,399 --> 00:12:42,901
[Groaning]
363
00:12:42,937 --> 00:12:43,801
[As Scooby-Doo] Who ruvs you?
364
00:12:43,837 --> 00:12:46,571
I ruv you. Res, I do.
365
00:12:46,606 --> 00:12:48,305
[Grunting]
366
00:12:48,341 --> 00:12:50,942
This old outfit is terrible.
367
00:12:50,977 --> 00:12:51,843
Ruh-roh.
368
00:12:51,878 --> 00:12:53,377
It's like I'm wearing Spanx
as outerwear.
369
00:12:53,412 --> 00:12:55,813
- [Normal voice] I think you look great.
- Of course you have to say that
370
00:12:55,849 --> 00:12:57,782
because I'm your only source of action.
371
00:12:57,817 --> 00:12:59,249
Gotta pee.
372
00:12:59,285 --> 00:13:00,417
Gotta pee!
373
00:13:00,453 --> 00:13:01,751
- Gotta pee.
- Where are you going?
374
00:13:01,776 --> 00:13:02,720
Use the bathroom.
375
00:13:02,755 --> 00:13:04,589
Still won't go
to the bathroom at school,
376
00:13:04,624 --> 00:13:05,990
and I won't go here, either.
377
00:13:06,025 --> 00:13:07,792
It's disgusting!
378
00:13:07,827 --> 00:13:09,923
Principal Ablin
was supposed to talk to you.
379
00:13:09,948 --> 00:13:10,895
He did.
380
00:13:10,930 --> 00:13:12,597
Class, I might have misspoken yesterday
381
00:13:12,632 --> 00:13:13,898
concerning the school bathroom.
382
00:13:13,933 --> 00:13:15,432
I said it was filthy.
383
00:13:15,468 --> 00:13:16,968
The truth is, it's no filthier
384
00:13:17,003 --> 00:13:18,969
than any other room
in school or at home.
385
00:13:19,004 --> 00:13:21,972
They're all like
a port-o-potty at Bonnaroo.
386
00:13:22,007 --> 00:13:24,007
I got hella sunburned that weekend.
387
00:13:24,042 --> 00:13:26,910
Backyard's occupied!
388
00:13:26,945 --> 00:13:28,444
[Sighs] Anna-Kat is peeing outside.
389
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:31,080
The dog is peeing inside.
Things are not fixed.
390
00:13:31,116 --> 00:13:33,416
- Always makes me laugh.
- What, Cooper?
391
00:13:33,451 --> 00:13:35,018
Oh, it's just weird
walking into your house.
392
00:13:35,053 --> 00:13:37,286
[Chuckling] No one announces you.
393
00:13:37,322 --> 00:13:38,989
Oliver, I heard that, after our talk,
394
00:13:39,024 --> 00:13:41,357
you went and gave
a great presentation at school.
395
00:13:41,393 --> 00:13:42,458
You... You heard?
396
00:13:42,494 --> 00:13:44,093
I was at school for Anna-Kat.
397
00:13:44,129 --> 00:13:46,997
I peeked in on your class
and told your dad all about it.
398
00:13:47,032 --> 00:13:48,832
You're never gonna guess!
399
00:13:48,867 --> 00:13:49,933
You had a good time at rehearsal
400
00:13:49,968 --> 00:13:51,600
and appreciate my parenting?
401
00:13:51,636 --> 00:13:53,836
Hardly. No, Trip got a new car.
402
00:13:53,871 --> 00:13:56,271
To celebrate the start
of the first of my senior years.
403
00:13:57,542 --> 00:13:58,574
Come again?
404
00:13:58,609 --> 00:14:01,010
It took my brother
three senior years to graduate.
405
00:14:01,045 --> 00:14:02,377
I'm hoping to do it in two.
406
00:14:02,413 --> 00:14:04,046
You will, smartie.
407
00:14:04,081 --> 00:14:05,781
So, Trip's Porsche
is going to his sister,
408
00:14:05,816 --> 00:14:07,650
and his sister's old car is going to me.
409
00:14:07,685 --> 00:14:09,952
- Sweet!
- [Doorbell rings]
410
00:14:09,987 --> 00:14:10,986
I don't even know where to begin.
411
00:14:11,022 --> 00:14:13,321
I know! It's a Mini Cooper.
Isn't that great?
412
00:14:14,559 --> 00:14:16,391
Mom's expression is not that of someone
413
00:14:16,427 --> 00:14:18,126
- who thinks something is great.
- [Door opens]
414
00:14:18,162 --> 00:14:19,995
- Hey.
- Hi!
415
00:14:20,031 --> 00:14:21,030
Hi.
416
00:14:21,065 --> 00:14:22,397
Guys, what are you doing here?
417
00:14:22,433 --> 00:14:23,966
Oh, we got all of your emergency texts
418
00:14:24,001 --> 00:14:25,167
about not having anything to wear,
419
00:14:25,202 --> 00:14:26,868
so we brought you this.
420
00:14:26,903 --> 00:14:28,670
Oh, looks like
we weren't a moment too soon.
421
00:14:28,705 --> 00:14:30,872
I love you guys,
but I'm not gonna need it.
422
00:14:30,907 --> 00:14:34,208
Do you want to know why? Jerk. Jerk.
423
00:14:34,243 --> 00:14:36,243
And the other one is peeing in the yard.
424
00:14:36,279 --> 00:14:37,478
Let's not give up hope yet.
425
00:14:37,513 --> 00:14:38,913
Last-ditch effort. You with me?
426
00:14:38,949 --> 00:14:40,882
I'm with you.
427
00:14:40,917 --> 00:14:43,585
Hey, guys. I have
a presentation of my own.
428
00:14:43,620 --> 00:14:44,652
Come on.
429
00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:48,489
COOPER: What's this?
430
00:14:48,524 --> 00:14:50,892
Pictures of Oliver's
real summer vacation.
431
00:14:50,927 --> 00:14:55,096
[Banjo playing]
432
00:14:55,131 --> 00:14:57,765
This is making me sad.
433
00:14:57,801 --> 00:15:00,000
Turn it off.
434
00:15:00,035 --> 00:15:01,434
Turn it off!
435
00:15:01,470 --> 00:15:02,435
I don't see the problem.
436
00:15:02,471 --> 00:15:05,072
You can't just take a car
from your boyfriend.
437
00:15:05,107 --> 00:15:07,874
She didn't take it, Mrs. A.
I gave it to her.
438
00:15:07,910 --> 00:15:09,509
[Chuckles]
Your mom thought you stole it.
439
00:15:09,544 --> 00:15:12,045
Trip, you are very close
to needing to go
440
00:15:12,081 --> 00:15:13,914
to the bathroom again.
441
00:15:13,949 --> 00:15:16,182
And that, Cooper,
is the candle that Oliver made.
442
00:15:18,220 --> 00:15:19,886
Why are you doing this to me?
443
00:15:19,922 --> 00:15:21,421
Because your mother
always makes me take you
444
00:15:21,456 --> 00:15:23,256
when we go to the hat.
445
00:15:23,291 --> 00:15:27,761
Taylor, I want you to be
a strong, independent woman,
446
00:15:27,796 --> 00:15:30,296
not one of these
kept Westport housewives.
447
00:15:30,332 --> 00:15:32,398
[Sniffs] It's lost that new-purse smell.
448
00:15:32,434 --> 00:15:33,566
Anyone want this?
449
00:15:33,602 --> 00:15:34,734
Like Doris.
450
00:15:34,769 --> 00:15:37,103
Well, Doris seems to be doing
pretty well for herself.
451
00:15:37,139 --> 00:15:39,439
She sleeps late, brunches.
452
00:15:39,474 --> 00:15:41,040
She goes to the country club every day.
453
00:15:41,075 --> 00:15:43,209
Hey! I also have unlimited spending
454
00:15:43,245 --> 00:15:45,911
on Richard's credit cards. [Laughs]
455
00:15:45,947 --> 00:15:47,147
Doris may be doing well now,
456
00:15:47,182 --> 00:15:49,048
but look at the bigger picture.
457
00:15:49,083 --> 00:15:51,050
She's deep in her 30s,
has no profession,
458
00:15:51,085 --> 00:15:52,718
and signed a prenup.
459
00:15:52,754 --> 00:15:54,120
And she's going to
start getting wrinkles
460
00:15:54,156 --> 00:15:55,021
just around the same time
461
00:15:55,056 --> 00:15:57,923
Richard hires
a hot, new, young assistant.
462
00:15:57,959 --> 00:15:59,792
And we all know how the story ends.
463
00:15:59,827 --> 00:16:01,560
How? How does the story end?
464
00:16:01,595 --> 00:16:03,995
With the hot assistant
living in her house
465
00:16:04,031 --> 00:16:05,997
and Doris is perched on a stool
466
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:07,432
at the Cheesecake Factory bar
467
00:16:07,468 --> 00:16:09,067
desperate to catch someone's eye.
468
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:11,670
- Oh, my.
- Doris, you look pale.
469
00:16:11,705 --> 00:16:13,805
- Are you okay?
- I think I'm in trouble.
470
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,107
- Okay, I'll drive you home.
- I need to be nice to Richard.
471
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:17,643
Do you remember how?
472
00:16:18,349 --> 00:16:19,472
Thanks, Mom.
473
00:16:19,497 --> 00:16:20,979
- I get what you're trying to teach me.
- [Door opens, closes]
474
00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:23,482
- You do?
- Never sign a prenup.
475
00:16:23,517 --> 00:16:25,116
And you called me the smartie.
476
00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:28,687
So, you lied about
where you went this summer?
477
00:16:28,722 --> 00:16:31,523
Yeah. Thanks a lot, Dad.
478
00:16:31,559 --> 00:16:32,658
Dude!
479
00:16:32,693 --> 00:16:34,092
I'm your best friend.
480
00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:35,493
You don't lie to me.
481
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,628
You lie to customs officials.
482
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,998
So, from now on,
you're coming on vacation
483
00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,199
with ol' Cooper B.
484
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:42,801
Everything first class.
485
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,602
Thanks, man. You're the best.
486
00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:47,605
He's not the best. He's the worst.
487
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:51,009
I am trying to have my own life,
488
00:16:51,044 --> 00:16:52,210
but I can't,
489
00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:54,545
because I am constantly having to
490
00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:56,815
stop you and your sister
from being idiots!
491
00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:59,150
- Run.
- I give, and I give,
492
00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:01,252
and you just keep taking my apples!
493
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:03,554
Whoa!
494
00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:05,023
What is she talking about?
495
00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:08,025
[Laughs] This is so fun.
496
00:17:08,060 --> 00:17:10,861
And you two are part of the problem!
497
00:17:10,896 --> 00:17:13,063
Whoa! [Laughs]
498
00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:14,998
499
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,334
[Crunches] Thanks, Mrs. A.
500
00:17:19,571 --> 00:17:21,371
Sorry I took so long.
501
00:17:21,406 --> 00:17:23,841
A squirrel saw me,
and I got trigger-shy.
502
00:17:26,345 --> 00:17:29,847
Thanks for trying, Greg. But I give up.
503
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,116
I am not allowed to have a life.
504
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:35,219
Damn it, Luthor!
505
00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:36,486
[Whines]
506
00:17:37,522 --> 00:17:39,989
Of course. He's motivated by fear!
507
00:17:40,024 --> 00:17:41,991
Of all people,
I should've thought of that.
508
00:17:42,026 --> 00:17:43,525
[Chuckles]
509
00:17:45,334 --> 00:17:47,836
With these kids, I can't keep this job.
510
00:17:47,897 --> 00:17:49,546
I can't kiss the ring.
511
00:17:49,571 --> 00:17:51,736
I can't make that kind of commitment.
512
00:17:51,761 --> 00:17:53,661
I know other moms do it.
513
00:17:53,735 --> 00:17:57,037
But they just have smarter kids
with better friends.
514
00:17:57,072 --> 00:17:58,932
[Groans]
515
00:17:58,957 --> 00:18:00,289
ANNA-KAT: Mom, come downstairs!
516
00:18:00,325 --> 00:18:02,124
There's something we need to show you!
517
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,894
[Sighs] Why couldn't I just
lay eggs like a sea turtle
518
00:18:04,929 --> 00:18:06,295
and be done with it?
519
00:18:06,331 --> 00:18:07,630
[Whines softly]
520
00:18:10,201 --> 00:18:12,402
[Sighs]
521
00:18:12,437 --> 00:18:13,302
What?
522
00:18:13,338 --> 00:18:14,771
Watch this.
523
00:18:19,878 --> 00:18:23,112
You called me down here
to watch Cooper eat cheese?
524
00:18:23,147 --> 00:18:24,313
Not just any cheese.
525
00:18:24,349 --> 00:18:26,315
I'm eating a slice of Kraft Sing-lay.
526
00:18:26,351 --> 00:18:28,517
Singles. Kraft Singles.
527
00:18:28,552 --> 00:18:31,287
I'm gonna close my eyes and count to 10.
528
00:18:31,322 --> 00:18:33,356
Then I'm gonna start
swinging at everybody.
529
00:18:33,391 --> 00:18:35,925
I've never eaten
supermarket cheese before.
530
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,761
All our cheese is imported
from Boulette d'Avesnes.
531
00:18:38,796 --> 00:18:40,429
Cooper realized that
he's been part of the problem
532
00:18:40,464 --> 00:18:41,497
you've been having with Oliver.
533
00:18:41,532 --> 00:18:45,301
So, I'm going to try
and be a regular human boy.
534
00:18:45,336 --> 00:18:47,803
No chauffeurs
driving me and Oliver around,
535
00:18:47,838 --> 00:18:49,338
no more caviar facials,
536
00:18:49,374 --> 00:18:51,840
and no more rap battles
with Lin-Manuel Miranda.
537
00:18:51,876 --> 00:18:53,175
- Dude!
- No.
538
00:18:53,211 --> 00:18:55,544
- She needs this.
- Trip?
539
00:18:55,579 --> 00:18:57,446
And I think I understand
your issue with me and Taylor,
540
00:18:57,481 --> 00:19:00,115
so from now on,
she's gonna be her own person,
541
00:19:00,150 --> 00:19:01,550
and she'll have to get her own car.
542
00:19:01,585 --> 00:19:04,453
And I'm gonna wear one of her jackets.
543
00:19:13,063 --> 00:19:14,095
Wait a minute.
544
00:19:14,131 --> 00:19:16,498
So, the two people
that are making my kids jerks
545
00:19:16,534 --> 00:19:19,535
may just be the answer
to making them less jerky?
546
00:19:19,570 --> 00:19:21,303
Go figure.
547
00:19:21,338 --> 00:19:22,237
Anna-Kat, do you think
548
00:19:22,272 --> 00:19:25,240
- you can start peeing inside now?
- No.
549
00:19:25,275 --> 00:19:27,676
But Luthor has been peeing
in the spots where I pee.
550
00:19:27,711 --> 00:19:30,312
That's something.
Luthor's peeing outside.
551
00:19:30,347 --> 00:19:33,181
We fixed 3 out of 4. That's 75%.
552
00:19:33,216 --> 00:19:34,149
We took Taylor to Benihana's
553
00:19:34,184 --> 00:19:36,351
when she got that
on a math test last year.
554
00:19:36,386 --> 00:19:37,752
I'll take it.
555
00:19:37,787 --> 00:19:39,387
Get dressed and go kiss that ring.
556
00:19:39,423 --> 00:19:40,488
With traffic this time of day,
557
00:19:40,523 --> 00:19:42,723
there's no way I'm gonna make it
to New York in time.
558
00:19:42,759 --> 00:19:44,259
I'll be two hours late.
559
00:19:44,294 --> 00:19:46,361
I am so or-elsed.
560
00:19:46,396 --> 00:19:49,397
If only you had access to a helicopter.
561
00:19:51,034 --> 00:19:54,369
Permission to be rich again
for a second?
562
00:19:54,404 --> 00:19:56,237
[Helicopter rotors whirring]
563
00:19:56,273 --> 00:19:57,405
Here I go.
564
00:19:57,441 --> 00:19:58,473
Go get 'em!
565
00:20:01,211 --> 00:20:02,377
What's wrong?
566
00:20:02,412 --> 00:20:03,410
Nothing.
567
00:20:07,116 --> 00:20:09,183
I couldn't have done this without you.
568
00:20:09,218 --> 00:20:13,854
569
00:20:13,889 --> 00:20:16,290
I don't know if it's true,
but I feel like
570
00:20:16,325 --> 00:20:19,093
this helicopter wind
is making me look fantastic!
571
00:20:19,128 --> 00:20:20,727
[Laughs]
572
00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:23,930
573
00:20:25,665 --> 00:20:29,534
574
00:20:30,266 --> 00:20:32,813
WHITNEY: [Over speaker]
Katie, you're here!
575
00:20:33,985 --> 00:20:35,973
You look fantastic.
576
00:20:36,782 --> 00:20:38,375
Come sit.
577
00:20:39,330 --> 00:20:40,612
Oh.
578
00:20:40,699 --> 00:20:41,976
Uh, I thought
579
00:20:42,047 --> 00:20:44,390
you were going to be here in person.
580
00:20:44,415 --> 00:20:47,182
[Laughs] You are a quirky one, Katie.
581
00:20:47,218 --> 00:20:48,795
[Chuckles]
582
00:20:48,820 --> 00:20:51,221
So, you were wrong about
the ring being a metaphor.
583
00:20:51,256 --> 00:20:52,656
It was right there on the table.
584
00:20:52,691 --> 00:20:54,491
- Did you kiss it?
- Of course.
585
00:20:54,526 --> 00:20:57,327
Why not? I kissed you when
you had shingles. [Chuckles]
586
00:20:57,362 --> 00:20:58,828
- [Knocking on door]
- Hey.
587
00:20:58,863 --> 00:21:00,763
Hey! You bringing me more clothes?
588
00:21:00,799 --> 00:21:02,799
No. This is filled with money.
589
00:21:02,834 --> 00:21:05,268
I need to stash some away
just in case Richard leaves me.
590
00:21:05,304 --> 00:21:06,736
After some careful introspection,
591
00:21:06,771 --> 00:21:09,072
I've realized I'm insanely unlikable.
592
00:21:09,107 --> 00:21:10,507
Where's your basement?
593
00:21:10,532 --> 00:21:13,014
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
594
00:21:13,039 --> 00:21:16,779
595
00:21:16,829 --> 00:21:21,379
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