All language subtitles for American Housewife s02e23 .eng

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- Morning!
- Morning.

ANNA-KAT: Mama, what happened?

How come you're not wearing

a wrinkled flannel shirt
covered in food?

That's little kid
for "You look beautiful."

Hey, Google Translator,
I know what I said.

KATIE: Anna-Kat, do you
have anything better to do

besides abuse your parents?

Better? No.

That's it. You're joining
a team sport this spring.

Why?

Team sports build character

and, more importantly, makes you
somebody else's problem

for five hours a week.

I laminated the pages for your
Spring Gala presentation today.

- Thank you.
- I told you the laminator

I bought six years ago on Cyber Monday

would come in handy someday.

Oops, I spilled my coffee.

Oh, wait. Laminated.

Pays for itself.

[Gasps] Look at you!

Don't "look at you" me.

Is this how we're gonna save money?

Me wearing your old prom dress
to my junior prom?

It's completely out of date,

and the zipper is totally broken.

KATIE: Yes, it is.

Remember the dress I like?

Taylor, we can't afford that.

The only expensive item
we buy in this house

and use just once
is your dad's laminator.

Oh, I thought this was my toast.

Good thing it's laminated.

We're makin' money off
this thing right now.

Well, I found it half-price
at a sample sale

at Bee Bee's Basement in New York.

Their doors open at 10:30,

and I need to be the first one in line.

How are you gonna get there?

I was hoping a certain someone
could take me there

and we can make an adventure out of it?

Oh, honey, that is so sweet.

Oh, no, not you.
I was talking about Trip!

How clueless could you get?

[Both laugh]

Our kids are so mean to us.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

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[Sighs]

- Katie.
- Tara.

I got a front-row seat
to watch you crash and burn.

[Chuckles]

I'm not going to crash and burn.

In fact, I'm going to
do just the opposite.

I'm going to arrive safely...

and at the... perfect temperature.

Oh, my God, it's happening.
You're already imploding.

Tara, I'm gonna tell you
something that's gonna sting.

I was the one who put
the "I Suck" Post-it

on your back at Derrick Slosher's party.

[Clears throat]

Ladies of the Gala Board,

I come to you with an update on the Gala

that I have planned
without help from anyone.

Especially Tara Summers,
because she sucks...

we've all seen the Post-it.

[Light laughter]

I have secured the Carson House
for the venue

and nailed down the caterer...
Taj Ma-Challah,

the best Kosher Indian
restaurant in Fairfield County.

I got you, Rachael!

I've also hired some unemployed
Bollywood dancers from Juilliard

who are desperate
to pay off their student loans.

Well, Mrs. Otto,
we're impressed with your ideas

and the fact that they're laminated,

but what about...

The auction items? All taken care of.

Big and better than last year.

Actually, what I was going to say was,

what about Nathan Fillion?

[Women murmuring]

Nathan Fillion?

At your initial presentation,

you promised us you would
have TV's Richard Castle

riding in on an elephant.

Oh, crap, she remembered that.

[Dramatic music plays]

Nathan Fillion from ABC's "Castle"!

Uh-oh. Think quick.

Of course I have Nathan Fillion.
Didn't I mention that?

No? He's all in. Plus the elephant.

Totally have that, too.

Well, in that case,

I approve your plan,
and we look forward to the Gala.

And by "looking forward to the Gala,"

I mean, "I'm looking forward
to meeting Nathan Fillion."

I want to storm his castle,
if you know what I mean.

?

Stupid, stupid Katie.

When Nathan Fillion's a no-show,

you're gonna be
the laughingstock of Westport.

[Chuckles] You're so screwed.

Oh, he'll be there.

We were camp counselors together,

- and he promised to never let me down.
- [Scoffs]

Stop lying. You're only
making things worse.

I actually saved his life
in a boating accident.

- Mm.
- Walk away, Katie!

Walk. Away. Now.

Mouth to mouth. The whole deal.

You'll see.

Aaaaaah!

?

What am I supposed to do?

Fly to Los Angeles,
track down Nathan Fillion,

and say, "You don't know me,
but will you come to Westport

and ride an elephant for
a bunch of rich white women...

and you two"?

Yeah. Tracking him down isn't a problem.

All these celebrities have
Instagram or Twitter.

I'll find him in 90 seconds.

Well, on the bright side,
you haven't complained once

about your kids, so you
must be killing it at home.

No. Things at home are equally sucky.

Taylor is buying her prom dress
in New York City

with Trip and not me.

Oh, Katie, you are my best friend,

and I can't think of a single thing

I wouldn't rather do with Trip than you.

But prom-dress-buying

is an unforgettable
mother-daughter milestone.

It's like the first time
she told me she hated me.

She was so angry.

Boom. I got it.

Nathan Fillion is in New York tomorrow,

signing autographs
at a sci-fi convention

for his old show, "Firefly."

Big whoop. He could
be sitting on your lap

and it wouldn't matter.

He's still not gonna agree
to some desperate mom

with cornflakes in her hair

begging him to come to some
school fundraiser.

You show up at school with
cornflakes in your hair six times

and all of a sudden it's a thing.

I'm telling you, this is a sign.

Ugh! Buckle up. Here comes
some hippy-dippy nonsense.

Nathan is in New York,
Katie needs Nathan,

and she's also looking for an excuse

to go to New York with Taylor.

It's a DS.

A double sign!

Here's a double sign.

Usually I side with Doris on this.

But the sign crap works in my
favor, so I'm not going to argue.

Last time you listened
to Angela over me,

you took a candle-making class
instead of wine-tasting

and missed out on drinking Pinot
with Beyonc�.

- But those candles were...
- Shut up, Angela.

I'm still angry.

?

So, you're all set to take Taylor
to get her dress tomorrow?

Totally. Very excited.

My two favorite places in the world...

New York City and the Big Apple.

You filled up the tank?
You checked the tires?

- You have AAA?
- Sir, not a triple A.

I have two C's and an incomplete.

Dad, everything's going to be fine.

How'd the presentation go?
How were the laminated pages?

I painted myself into a corner
that I can never get out of.

I will be mocked by Tara for eternity.

But the pages were okay?

Yes, Greg.

New plan... I am driving you
to New York tomorrow.

No, Trip's taking me.

Turns out Nathan Fillion

is going to be at a sci-fi
convention in the city.

I got to go talk him
into doing the Gala.

But what about my dress?

The convention starts at 9:00.

We'll be there for like
half an hour, talk to Nathan,

and then get to Bee Bee's
Basement before it opens.

But if you take me,

you're going to be momming me
the whole time,

telling me how to act, how to sit,

how to crack my knuckles
all at the same time.

- [Knuckles crack]
- So gross.

But I'm not going to do it this trip.

- What?
- Not you, Trip.

- I'm talking about the trip with Taylor.
- I'm with Taylor.

- She's talking about going to New York.
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, that and the Big Apple
are my two favorite cities.

We're on a loop.

I promise I'm not going to "mom"
you while we're on this trip.

Right here.

I'll keep it fun.

I won't be a drag.
We'll be best buddies.

We'll have light banter
like the Gilmore Girls.

Babe, I think it's a good idea
you two go together.

It means a lot to your mom.

Fine.

I thought Trip was a dumb jerk
at the beginning.

Turns out he's a dumb sweetheart.

Yeah, that's the problem for me.

I'm supposed to hate
my daughter's boyfriend,

but how can I do that
when he's so likeable?

Maybe you can hate him for that.

That's why we work.

[Chuckles]

?

All right, Anna-Kat, time's up.
What sport is it gonna be?

I'm gonna do flag football
with Franklin.

I need someone to teach me how
to throw a spiral tomorrow.

I can do it.

You're adorable.

So mean.

I'm curious, how are you going to
teach Anna-Kat to throw a football?

You use "touchdown"
and "baskets" interchangeably.

I'm curious how you're
gonna convince Nathan Fillion

to ride an elephant
through the Spring Gala.

Luckily, I am going with
a "Firefly" superfan

who will totally win over Nathan,

then all I'll have to do
is swoop in and make the ask.

Who's the superfan?

You.

You are gonna binge-watch

all 14 episodes plus the movie tonight.

Why am I doing that?

Because we're family,

and when you're a part of a family,

people who pay for your food
force you to do things.

Okay, I better get some sleep.

And you need to stay up all night.

Binge or starve.

I've been around other families.
This isn't normal.

I'm on episode 14, and I still
have the movie to go.

It's awesome.
It's the Wild West in space.

- He's an enterprising smuggler...
- Mm-hmm.

...who will do anything
for money, so it's got heart.

Well, I am glad you're on board.

If you get tired in the car,
I bought some caffeine pills.

Again, not a normal thing
a mother says to her child.

Taylor, come on!

Is that what you're wearing?
To New York?

I like it. Don't you?

She's testing you, Katie.
Use a word the kids use.

It's... jiggy.

- Bye, Mama!
- [Engine starts]

Good luck! You're gonna need it!

Not as much as you!

Not to worry, Anna-Kat.
I did some research.

Throwing the perfect spiral
is all about form. See?

That doesn't look right, Dad.

It feels right.

Back in high school,
I watched a lot of football...

from the stands holding a tuba.

?

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

[Cellphone beeps]

Hey, Trip. Mr. A here.
How close are you to my house?

?

Look at us...
mother-daughter/best friends.

You got your feet up on the dash
and I'm not saying anything

about how the airbag
could go off and paralyze you.

I'm cool with it.

I said it super-quick,
"Gilmore Girls" style.

Yeah, it's the [bleep] dream, Mom.

Yes, it is.

How did "Firefly"
not get a second season?

"Bones" ran for 12!

- So, Trip's really cute.
- Uh-huh.

Junior prom. Big deal, right?

Pretty much.

This is fun.

You're losing her. Get her attention.

The guy I went to prom with,
Mitch Murphy,

"Murph"... he was crazy.

Taught me how to do donuts
in his Trans Am.

Really, Mom? And did you have
your hands at 10 and 2?

[As Katie] 10 and 2, Taylor!

Always keep your hands at 10 and 2!

Greg!

Don't believe me, huh?

[All screaming]

Mom, you're the coolest!

[Laughter]

?

So, what do I do first?

So put your fingers
on the laces like that.

Exactly. That's what I was gonna say.

- Just square up.
- Square.

- Drop the ball back.
- Way back.

- Then flick your wrist.
- Flick your wrist.

- And spin it.
- And spinach.

I actually said "spin it."

Yeah, yeah. I said spinach

because the key to any sport
is nutrients.

So I'm gonna whip up some smoothies.

Anna-Kat, remember, elbow down.

- Up.
- Way up.

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Trip and I have so much in common.

- We both get confused in movies.
- Mm-hmm.

And we both can't remember
whether or not we like olives.

And sometimes we spend hours
on the trampoline

just jumping and staring
into each other's eyes.

Sounds like you met the right guy.

Let me ask, now that we're gal pals,

do you guys do anything...

in the crotchals?

No. He never pressures me.

He's the perfect gentleman.

Good. Good.

You know "the crotchals"
means sex, right?

Yes!

Good. Good.

?

- Ball up and spin.
- Okay.

There you go. That was perfect.

What a great guy.

[Grunts]

Oh, God, Trip's backpack.

If these were laminated...

[Dramatic music plays]

I'll kill him!

?

[Indistinct conversations]

Oh, my God.

Every dork in the tri-state area
is in line ahead of us.

We'll never get to Nathan Fillion

before the dress shop opens.

Honey, we'll be fine.

[Sighs]

Oliver, go around the corner

and see how long this line really is.

Not now, Mom. These two posers
are saying it was Shepherd

who was the leaf in the wind,
when we all know it was Wash.

You did this to me!

Mom! It's 10:17. 10:17!

[Cellphone rings, beeps]

Hello?

I need to talk to you
where Taylor can't hear.

What's going on?

Okay, so Trip is outside

teaching Anna-Kat to play football.

I'm inside making smoothies.

That all tracks.

And in his backpack, I find
a reservation for a motel.

For prom night.

Trip is planning to take
our daughter to a motel

on prom night!

What?!

He's been conning us the whole time!

Sweet Trip is a snake!

I knew he was too good to be true.

It's like when that website
said a sleeve of Mint Milanos

is only 80 calories.

Katie, this is bigger than that!

I know!

Hold on, he's coming in.
I'll call you right back.

[Cellphone beeps]

- [Door closes]
- You.

Me!

What are we doing?

I want you out of my house right now!

Whoa, Mr. A. What's going on?

You're moving too fast with my daughter.

You're right.

Her hands are way too small
to throw a spiral.

I should've started with some
routes, maybe some blocking.

My other daughter.

Oh.

I made this smoothie for you.

And this is how you repay me?

By planning to take advantage of Taylor?

Thank God I didn't let you
take her on that trip!

That's me.

I meant to New York.

That and the Big Apple are my two fav...

Get out!

?

In "Firefly," I guess
my favorite character is River,

but that might just be because
she looks like my girlfriend.

Hold up. You're a sci-fi fanatic
and you have a girlfriend?

Yeah, her name's Gina.

I knew my mom was wrong. It is possible.

Show him the picture of your girlfriend.

Great Scott!

If Trip had driven me,
we'd be standing in front

of Bee Bee's Basement,
waiting to go in right now.

We have bigger problems
than your prom dress.

You're gonna need a new prom date.

What is that supposed to mean?

Sweetie, your boyfriend
is not the perfect gentleman

that you think he is.

Your dad found a motel reservation

in his backpack for prom night.

Trip wouldn't make a motel reservation.
That's not who he is.

Yes, he would. Your dad saw it.

Wake up. Trip's only after one thing.

Mom, I made the motel reservation.

What?

I'm only after one thing.

Great Scott!

?

Wait, you got the motel room?
You're pressuring him?

I really like him, Mom.

I'd like to live long
and prosper with her.

First of all, that's Spock.

Second of all, shut the hell up.

[Sighs] Maybe you two
should take this conversation

to a more private location.

I hear you have a girlfriend.

?

I don't think we're
supposed to be in here.

Look who's suddenly concerned
with what shouldn't go in where.

You were all cool with me in the car

and then now, all of a sudden,
you're full-on momming me again!

Listen, I've got to be a parent

if I don't want to be a grandparent.

[Groans]

Getting a motel room after prom

doesn't mean that's gonna happen.

And besides, who are you to talk?

You are the biggest hypocrite,

Ms. Prom Dress with the Broken Zipper.

Hoo-hoo!

Excuse me, nerd.

We're trying to have
a private conversation.

That's cool, I'm trying to have

a private peanut-butter
and jelly sandwich.

[Gasps]

Oh, my God. Nathan Fillion!

What are you doing in here?

Well, I'm the captain of Serenity.

And my tummy was getting rumbly,
so I grabbed a sammie.

I'm Katie. Don't go anywhere.

I have to yell at my daughter,

but then I need to ask you
something when I'm done.

Oh, you know, that's
super sweet and everything,

but in today's day and age, I really...
I don't sign boobs anymore.

I'm going with Trip to the prom
and you can't stop me.

Well, technically she can,
because she's your mom.

- Don't listen to him.
- I'm agreeing with you.

He knows what he's talking about.

He agrees because he doesn't
know what's going on.

My mom couldn't get out
of her prom dress fast enough,

yet when I want to get
a motel room with my boyfriend,

she's all...

[Imitates a high society lady]
Ooh! Oh, my!

[Scoffs] Is this true, Katie?

Because if it is, it's going
to affect my decision.

What decision? Who says
you get to make a decision?

[Chuckles] Katie, I'm an actor.

Acting is all about decisions,
all right?

- I decide how to say a line.
- Mm-hmm.

I decide when I'm going
to furrow my brow...

now.

I think that answers your question.

- Don't you have someplace to be?
- You told me to stick around.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't go anywhere.

Taylor, I wish my mom had mommed me.

I wish she had sat me down and said,

"You are only 16. There's no rush.

There's plenty of time."

- Mm.
- See?

Nathan Fillion agrees.

No, just... nothing better than a PB&J.

But I have firsthand experience
with this sort of thing.

- You have a daughter?
- No.

- Sister?
- No.

But on "Castle," Beckett and I waited

till the end of season four
before we finally hooked up.

It was all about the wait.

Very satisfying. Big ratings.

But I didn't even say
I was gonna do anything.

I don't even know if Trip is ready.

Well, how do you know that you're ready?

Nathan, please.

How do you know that you're ready?

I don't.

Then you wait.

And before you decide to do anything,

I want you to come to me.

And I don't know
if I'm going to act like a mom

or a buddy or both,

but I will be here.

Okay, Mom.

So that's it.
We'll let you go to prom...

- Mm-hmm.
- ...but no motel room.

And you have to check in
every two hours.

Come on, really?

Hey, your mother and I have decided.

Yeah.

[Sighs] Deal.

Okay.

I'm proud of you.

Katie, get in here.

Mm! I love these moments.

Okay, I've got to change
into my regular clothes

and get back out there.

Wait, isn't that what you
wear to sign autographs?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I don't wear this for the fans.

This is just a little something
I do for me.

Wait, one more small thing...

in two weeks,

will you come to Westport, Connecticut,

and ride an elephant

into my school fundraiser?

Did you say elephant?

I know it's ridiculous.

No, I'll... I'll... I'll do it.

Really? Why?

I just opened this box
of animal crackers...

...and it was all elephants.

It's a sign. Don't you believe in signs?

Yes.

Of course I do.

So you'll do my Gala?

I'll be there with bells on.

You will be there with bells on,

because you have to dress
like you're in Bollywood.

- It's a DS.
- [Gasps]

- Double sign.
- Double sign.

Ha!

I'm glad everything worked out for you,

but I'm still not gonna get my dress.

The door's open now,

and someone definitely grabbed it.

Uh, ring them up on your phone for me.

[Dialing]

Hi, there. This is TV's Nathan Fillion.

Yeah, that one. I need you
to hold a dress for me.

WOMAN: Annaleise, it's Castle!

- [Women screaming]
- We're good.

?

Tara, I really need to talk to you

about the Nathan Fillion thing.

Oh, you're finally going to
admit what a big liar you are?

I'm gonna roll on this.

Okay.

Continue.

Actually, it might be better
for you to hear it

from someone else.

Hi, Tara. I'm Nathan Fillion.

You may know me from such shows

as "Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place"

or "Castle" or "Firefly."

But probably "Castle."

I'm coming to your Spring Gala!

How did you ge...

KATIE: Now say that thing
we talked about.

Oh, it's an inside joke?
She'll think it's funny?

Absolutely.

[Chuckling] Okay.

I'll see you there, stupid, stupid Tara.

- Wow. That was good.
- [Horn honks]

[Engine shuts off]

Thanks for coming by, Trip.

I'm really sorry for
yelling at you the other day.

It's okay, Mr. A.

You could've said it was
Taylor that got the motel room,

but you didn't.

I didn't want to get her in trouble.

You really are a gentleman. We good?

Definitely.

You two hens done cluckin'?

It's time to play some football.

All right.

Good throw.

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