Original subtitles

YASMINE: You're wrong.

RICHARD: No, you're wrong.

Look, I'm not gonna argue with a little girl.

Why? Afraid you're wrong?

And by the way, I'm a young woman, not a little girl.

I beg your pardon, a young woman.

- But I'm still not wrong. YASMINE: Well, I think you are.

We've been around aeons longer than your team.

Yet we have more spirit than you do.

When we play, we play to win, but we play bigtime.

You may play to win, but we actually do win, a lot.

Face it, most of the time we are the champions.

All right, look, number one:

You're a little too young for me to talk to you about 1969 or 1986,

so I'm not gonna bore you with the facts.

And number two:

We might have been the loveable losers,

but now, we are formidable foes.

Hey, stop.

Who's the better team, the Yankees or the Mets?

- The Mets. - Yankees.

That's what you're arguing about? Baseball?

What'd you think we were arguing about?

I don't know.

Yankees or Mets?

I have to go now.

Now, so where were we?

I believe you were boring me.

Oh, really? I'll tell you something else.

Anything about the Mets versus the Yankees is the Mets.

Even the bobbleheads.

Ever see Derek Jeter's bobblehead versus like...

[SIGHS]

I'm sorry, Eric.

If you don't wanna eat, you don't eat.

No, no, no. I'm sorry that I haven't taken the time

to get over here sooner and see how you were doing.

- It's okay. - Hey, it really isn't.

I really should have made the time to come over here.

Not that it was easy.

I mean, you know, conducting services at your church.

And not to mention, you know, taking care of my own flock.

Flock. Now that's a word I picked up at church, huh?

Flock.

A cool word: flock.

Seriously, I'm sorry. I really am.

I mean, let's face it, you're sick. Look at you.

I mean-- And I don't mean it that way. I mean you-- You--

What I really meant was that you were sick and now you're all well.

I mean, you're not all well, but you look incredible.

I mean, you really do.

For a guy who had a double bypass?

You know what it looks like? Looks like you only had a single bypass.

Thank you.

- Can I ask you a question? - Yeah.

Did it hurt?

Oh, a little.

Wow. Yeah.

But, you know, you're gonna-- You're gonna be okay now, right?

- Yeah. - Oh, good. Good. That's great.

So I don't have to cover for you this Sunday?

The church hired a replacement.

Really?

You know, I really wish if they didn't like what I was doing

that you could have at least, you know, told me.

Can I tell you something?

I really thought I was really doing a good job

and that the people really liked my work.

Boy, it's unbelievable how that flock can just turn on their shepherd, huh?

Well, fine. Phooey on the flock. Pbbt! You know, I'll tell you something else.

You know, I think I'm gonna stick with my own flock from now on.

You've been replaced as my replacement

because I've been replaced.

Only, they-- They don't call it "replaced."

They call it "help."

The church has hired an associate pastor to "help" me

and he'll be speaking on Sundays until I return.

That's what they're telling me anyway.

- Did you know about this? - No, I did not.

I surely didn't notice anyone new.

Of course, you know, everyone's new to me.

He had the audacity to sit with my family.

You didn't notice anyone new in my family?

You have a very large family.

And I was really very busy.

And I was trying very hard, you know, to, you know--

To come through for you.

And yet, you know, it's hard for me to shake the notion

that this really has everything to do with me.

You know, if I hadn't tried to get everybody out ten minutes early

so they can be first in line at that cafeteria down the block.

That was a mistake. You know why?

If I had that ten minutes back, you know what I could've done?

I could have made sure that every one of those people

were drenched in the blood from the lamb.

You know just-- I just-- What exactly is the blood from a lamb?

I mean, it just sounds so gory to me. I just say it and I feel queasy.

It's Jesus.

Oh, I'm sorry. He's wonderful.

And it's a metaphor. It has nothing to do with you.

Not that Jesus doesn't have something to do with you

but my getting "helped" has nothing to do with you.

You know something? I'd like to meet this guy.

Maybe you should meet this guy.

Or even better, maybe you should not meet this guy. Maybe, uh...

[ERIC LAUGHS]

This is good.

Maybe, uh, we go down to the church and just check on him.

What do you mean, like spy on him?

Yes. Spy on him, you and me.

Like Starsky and Hutch.

Well, let me tell you something.

First of all, uh, Hutch never had a double bypass.

And trust me, Starsky never had heartburn

like I have right now, believe me.

I don't think it's a good idea for either one of us to go,

you know, anywhere in the condition we're in, by the way.

- You have to drive. - Oh, no, no, no. What, me?

- Well... - I understand, but I don't wanna drive.

I mean, it's always the guy who drives

who gets arrested in situations like this.

It's not a situation. It's just...

Even if we do, I have connections at the police force.

"Even if we do"?

So you're going on a ride-along with Kevin and Roxanne?

Why does that make you so happy?

It took me months to talk Kevin into it, so I know why I'm happy.

- Why are you happy? You're not going. - I don't wanna go.

I have to go to the library.

I think it's great for you to spend time with Kevin.

It's good for you to have a positive male figure.

- You want information on Roxanne. - I'll pay you.

I wanna know if she gets any personal calls on duty,

who she's dating, who she was dating, who she wants to date,

if she's been engaged, where she lives, what she likes to eat,

- and if she likes board games. - Board games?

People who play board games are family people.

People who don't play board games aren't family people.

Family people?

You're either family or single people.

Family people wanna live in families, single people wanna live alone.

So there are only two kinds of people?

I don't know. I haven't thought that through.

Just find out stuff. Whatever you can.

Maybe you're having problems

because you're too young to have a boyfriend.

Maybe, but I really want a boyfriend. It makes me feel grown-up.

But you're not grown-up.

Yes, but I am growing up.

Maybe my boyfriend knows a boy for you.

No, no, no. I'm too young.

I'm not interested in boys.

Even if it's a Muslim guy?

When I get older, they are plenty of social functions at the mosque I go to.

I can meet a guy there. A guy who I have something in common with.

A guy whose parents will know my parents. A safe guy. A good guy.

And by then, I'll know more about who I am

and what I want in a husband.

A husband?

Well, isn't that why you date, to find a husband?

Well, I'm not really looking for a husband.

I just want a boyfriend.

To have a boyfriend. To be like everyone else.

I don't know any other 12-year-olds with boyfriends.

Are you sure everyone has a boyfriend?

No, but I still want one.

Okay, forget boys.

Lucy is going to the library, so maybe we could do makeovers.

- Makeover? - You can wear makeup, can't you?

I'm not really allowed to wear makeup.

Not that that's the issue. I don't feel the need to wear it.

Hello? I'm 12. I actually like my face.

Okay. Do you have to wear the hijab?

Maybe we could do something with your hair.

Ruthie, my beauty is my privacy.

I don't want everyone to see my beauty.

I want to save that for my husband.

I'm sorry. I hope I didn't offend you.

Not at all. We're just getting to know each other.

[PHONE RINGING]

- Hello? - Hi, Ruthie, it's Jake.

Can I come over?

- It's Jake. He wants to come over. - It's okay.

I'll just go home.

Sorry, Jake, but I already have Yasmine over.

It's okay. I have to go home soon anyway.

I would really like to see you, Ruthie.

Maybe later.

Right now, I'm hanging out with Yasmine.

[OVER PHONE] I have to watch David and Sam for my mom

when she leaves for PTA.

Sorry, busy. Bye.

Look who's here.

- I'm Sam. - I'm David.

We knew that. Has Mom left?

You need a plan.

- We have a plan. - No, no.

We're driving down to the church to spy on this new guy.

That's not a plan.

[STAMMERING] That's more like a caper.

It's high jinks.

It's, uh-- It's an escapade.

What's an escapade?

An Escalade.

I want one of those Escalades. Oh, those cars.

Did you ever see those beauties? A black one. Ooh.

Well, I'm off to my PTA meeting.

Oh, uh, just so you know, so you don't think

I'm getting well behind your back or anything.

Richard has offered to take me out for a drive.

- Where? - To the park.

- What park? - The one with the ducks. Where else?

I figured we'd go down, we'd talk, be one with nature, feed--

We could feed the ducks and if we get a little lucky,

maybe a swan or two.

Although they-- Ever see them--? They peck when they get anxious.

Ruthie and a friend are watching the boys.

But Yasmine is leaving soon,

so I was sort counting on Eric as a backup.

Well, Ruthie's watched them on her own before

and it'll just be for a few minutes.

- All right, I suppose it's okay. - Yeah.

You two aren't up to something? Ha, ha.

Well, I know you're not up to something

because Eric is recovering from heart surgery.

- Bye, Richard. RICHARD: Bye-bye.

[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]

Now that's what you call a veiled threat.

- Yes. - Really, because I'm not used to

getting threats like that. My wife comes right out

and tells me exactly what she's gonna do to me.

Actually, she usually, uh, tells me what she won't do to me

is, you know, what the real threat is.

It's the deal. I'm just curious, what do you think Annie will do

if she actually catches us, you know, spying on this guy?

Well, her options are more limited than your wife's, uh--

I just had heart surgery, so...

Silly Rabbi. I'm sorry.

Because you have the-- You can't do everything at once-- Yeah.

So in other words, you guys can't--? Like if you--?

- No. - Don't get caught, right?

Oh.

Sorry, I'm just, uh-- So, what's the plan? Uh...

The plan is, I'm gonna get this guy if it kills me.

Sounds like Bush's plan and that's not working very well.

I-- I suggest that we maybe

try to come up with something a little better.

Well...

Oh.

I have to run out for a few hours, PTA meeting.

Eric's up to something. I tried to threaten him, but you threaten him.

And, uh, keep an eye on Ruthie and Yasmine

who are keeping an eye on the twins. Can you do that?

- I don't know if I can do that. - Are you up to something?

- Yeah. - Threaten Eric anyway.

You know, his life may depend upon it. Oh, and behave yourself.

I know what his life depends on.

[DOOR OPENS]

[SIGHS]

Reverend, uh, Rabbi.

Mrs. Camden said that I should threaten you, so here it is.

I can't threaten you.

And I can't watch Ruthie and Yasmine watch the boys either.

I have something.

Yeah, bye.

This is a very hostile home.

[SHUDDERS]

No wonder you have heart problems. Man.

KEVIN: Just throw out a couple of things.

Like you have a boyfriend and the two of you love board games.

- Why? - Because if Lucy thinks

you and your boyfriend are playing board games,

then the two of you are both family people.

And that means you'll be getting married and leaving me alone.

But I don't have a boyfriend, so that would be telling a lie.

A lie that's not only fun, but a lie that serves me.

You know what'd be more fun?

If I say I have no boyfriend, and I want you as a boyfriend

and the two of us play board games every night.

No. That wouldn't be more fun, that would be less fun.

You asked me to lie.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

- Forget it. - Too late.

Hey, Luce, I was just about to come inside

and see if you have any kind of games we can borrow.

In case we're stuck in the car for lots of hours with nothing to do.

I don't want Simon to get bored.

And since I love board games and Kevin hates board games

it'll give me someone to play with.

Since when do you hate board games?

I don't. I just hate playing them with anyone but you.

[CHUCKLES]

What are you gonna do this afternoon?

I have to go to the library and do some research.

- Call me when you get home. - Okay.

Bye.

Bye.

Okay, Cagney and Lacey, let's move this cruiser.

Are you calling me Cagney or Lacey?

Sorry.

Behave yourself.

Behave myself?

You are gonna pay for that, Kinkirk.

ERIC: Hey, girls.

Ruthie, uh, I know Yasmine is leaving, but I need to go out.

- Are you okay with the boys? - It's not the first time

- I've been alone with Sam and David. - I know.

And you've always been very responsible.

- Bye. - Bye.

Okay. Goodbye.

[ROBBIE SIGHS]

Hey, where you going?

Nowhere, really.

Uh, where are you going?

Nowhere, really.

There appears to be no one home.

CHANDLER: Reverend Camden?

[RICHARD GASPS THEN SIGHS]

I didn't see you there, here, in my office.

I just came in here to find a Strunk and White.

Evidently, there aren't enough years in school

to cover the difference between "further" and "farther." Ha, ha.

We really enjoyed your sermon last week.

So few Protestants get the opportunity to learn about kosher laws.

Thanks.

We should be going, huh?

How's your sermon coming along?

CHANDLER: I could use some help,

but I was trying to let you enjoy your time off.

ERIC: I don't wanna pressure you, but just so you know,

they always remember the first one.

The first one is everything.

I mean, come Sunday, it's judgement day.

And that's one tough flock you're speaking to.

Would either of you care to read my sermon?

Maybe give me some notes? I'd really appreciate it.

- Oh, sure. - Yeah, we'd love to read it.

Great. I'll be right back. I'm just using Lou's office.

[ERIC CLEARS THROAT]

Kosher laws?

Hey, go easy on me. They're very interesting.

You'd be very shocked, by the way.

And listen, with all due respect,

you could put all I know about, say, Mary Magdalene

on the head of the pope's hatpin.

And it's not that I don't love her.

She's fab, you know.

What?

Look at how you're looking at me.

You're blaming me for them, you know, bringing in a new minister.

No. And let's not get distracted, okay?

Remember, it's you and me against him.

United we stand, divided we fall.

No, no, no. No, my friend.

This is you against him.

I just came along for the ride.

- You drove. - Yeah, I drove.

- I told you I didn't want to drive. - But you did.

You were hawking me.

It's on money and the meaning of life.

I reworked this op-ed piece I wrote for The New York Times.

Well, we'll just take it with us and I'll give you a call later.

Great. But only if you feel like it.

Only if you have the time.

I don't wanna get myself into trouble with Annie

for getting you back to work too soon.

Don't worry about Annie. I think, you know,

she's ready for me to get out and get back to work.

She is?

I mean, of course she is. Yeah.

So, what if the car didn't slow down?

Then the guy would never have pulled over.

That's not true.

It's not likely a guy in a stolen car is going to pull over.

Well, I wish we'd find a guy driving a stolen car.

- I don't. ROXANNE: I'm with you.

I'm getting bored. I'm ready to see some action.

It's just that ever since I broke up with my boyfriend

whenever it's quiet like this and there's nothing much going on

I can't help thinking, I'd really like a boyfriend.

Someone I have something in common with.

Someone with whom I can start a lasting relationship.

Someone to marry, to have children with.

I wish I knew someone like that.

Well, you don't.

So why did you and your boyfriend break up?

ROXANNE: Jealousy. Plain and simple jealousy.

I thought if I got myself partnered with someone

who was in a committed relationship

then that would help ease Stanley's mind.

But Stanley told me that when a guy is considering marriage

that's when he's most likely to put himself through the test.

He thought Kevin would test himself with me.

You know, he became insanely jealous.

Did Stanley have any problems with your going out with Robbie?

He never knew about that.

Don't tell me you lied to Stanley?

I couldn't help myself.

Stanley and I were already having problems. Then I saw Robbie.

I hadn't seen him since seventh grade

and I just needed to have a little bit of fun.

I shouldn't have gone out with him without telling Stanley, but I did.

And after that, the lies just got easier and easier.

No kidding.

If you're just making this stuff up so I'll tell Lucy--

Please. Simon, I assume that anything said in this squad car

goes no further than the squad car.

I hope you won't tell Lucy anything.

You're starting to scare me.

I'm impressed.

I never met anyone who's developed such skills with makeup at this age.

I've watched Mary and Lucy for years.

And has it paid off? All that makeup, I mean?

Have you seen Kevin? It's totally paid off.

But he doesn't love Lucy just because she looks good with makeup.

- Heh. It helps. Believe me. - We want a snack.

We're hungry.

I'll get it, just hang on a second.

Should I add some sparkly stuff?

Is the sparkly stuff yours or is it Lucy's too?

It's Lucy's. But it goes with all the other stuff I've used. So...

- Can we have a snack? - Please?

I can get them a snack if you want me to.

- Yes. - Yasmine will give us a snack.

Hold on, I'm almost done.

- Pretty. - You're pretty.

Thanks.

My mom should be here any minute, so I'm gonna go wait for her out front.

I'll walk you down.

And then I'll get the boys a snack.

- Yay. - Yay.

- Are those yours? - No.

What's gonna happen if your dad suddenly comes home

and you're all made up like that?

Nothing's going to happen.

I'll just tell my dad the truth.

I'll tell him I'm just playing dress up.

- Is that the truth? RUTHIE: Yes, that's the truth.

But if it'll make you feel better, I'll get the boys a snack

and then we can come back upstairs

and I'll wash all the makeup off before anyone sees it.

That would make me feel better.

Sometimes I think you don't understand me and my culture

any better than I understand you and your culture.

I understand that there isn't a culture

that children are allowed to do whatever they want.

I don't want you to get in any trouble, that's all.

You worry too much.

DAVID: Come on, Happy.

[KNOCKS]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Ask who it is before you answer the door?

Why am I answering the door and not you?

Because you're not wearing makeup.

- Who is it? JAKE: It's Jake.

Wow.

You look like you're 18 or something.

Thanks.

I have to go.

I would suggest that Jake go too

and that you go upstairs and wash your face,

but then I would seem like I'm the Muslim prude.

So let me just say, good luck.

RUTHIE: You probably should go.

No one's home and I have to watch the boys for my mom.

My sister dropped me off. She should be back in half an hour.

I just needed to tell you something and I wanted to tell you in person.

Okay.

I think we should make this relationship exclusive.

- What does that mean? - That we should only see each other.

I'm not really seeing any other guys.

My point is, I don't want to see other girls.

You know, like Linda, the girl who called you "monkey lover,"

got you in trouble at school.

She wants me to go to a party with her.

But I don't have an excuse not to go

unless you and I aren't seeing other people.

[CHUCKLES]

ERIC: Pfft.

Hey, don't worry.

Doesn't mean anything.

Maybe he can't speak in public.

Yeah, maybe he can't speak in public.

[STAMMERS] That's his Achilles heel: can't speak in public.

Maybe he freaks out in front of anyone other than his own mirror.

You know, he starts to sweat uncontrollably.

And maybe even, God forbid, he has to, you know, mutter obscenities.

What do you think the chances are of that?

Well, you never know.

I mean, really, he can be one of those guys who has it all on paper

and he just can't deliver. You know, it happens.

Especially with these young guys who have no experience in public speaking.

Let's see what he's got.

In the Pastoral Epistle, First Timothy,

the author, allegedly Paul,

was trying to give guidance to his young church community

in the ways of purity, godliness and contentment.

Throughout this little Epistle, he calls for such things such as prayer, study,

and attentiveness to the needy.

In the last chapter he also speaks of piety and contentment.

And he makes the case that contentment

is not a matter of material gain.

He then warns that the love of money is the root of all evil.

By which, he means that there is nothing inherently wrong with money.

Notice that he doesn't say, as is often misquoted:

that "money is the root of all evil."

We are the problem.

Not the money.

I'm reminded of a story told by a Rabbi Abraham Twerski.

A man that he was walking with...

ERIC: You were saying?

On top of everything else, the kid's got a nice head of hair.

So?

CHANDLER: That man is worth $6 million. What is worth?

- So can you drive me to the hospital? - Huh?

CHANDLER: He's not a function of his money,

but what he does with that money.

[SIREN WAILS]

ROXANNE: Another speeding ticket?

You have a problem with that?

You're giving those out so I'll have something to write?

Three kids in three separate incidents have been hit on their bikes

in this neighbourhood because it's used as a shortcut.

A few tickets will make people slow down and save lives.

Call it in.

[SIGHS]

Licence and registration.

Kevin Kinkirk?

Ha, ha. Mindy Kinkirk?

[CHUCKLING]

Are--? Are you sure it's not just an anxiety attack?

Look, I'm not sure. I'm not--

It could be one of those anxiety attacks that cause a heart attack.

- I don't know. - Wait, wait. No, no, no.

If-- If you're having a heart attack, I'm driving.

No. You can't drive.

Well, I have to. Get in the other side.

Nothing doing. Look, wait a minute.

Look, if I don't have a heart attack and I make you drive

and then you have a heart attack, I'm responsible.

I don't need that. I have enough problems.

ERIC: That's right.

RICHARD: Trust me. You know what I mean?

[RICHARD GROANS]

[ENGINE REVS]

- Goodbye. - Bye.

Tourist, lost. It's nothing.

You think that a magic cone protected you from our line of vision?

- Who was that? - None of your business. Let's go.

What are you guys just standing around for?

Get in the car.

[SIGHS]

I'm not going to tell you. Either of you.

Okay by me. I don't want that kind of information.

And I'm not telling you after he goes home either.

[ENGINE REVS]

It's freezing in here.

Okay, take it easy. I'll, uh, go find you a blanket.

[STAMMERING] No, no, no. I really-- Please, just stay.

I'd rather be cold than alone.

I'm sure everything is fine.

Oh, you believe that guy?

Well, that guy is head of the emergency room.

He worked with the Emergency Cardiac Unit for years.

- He's 12. - He's 37. I asked him.

Thirty-seven does not a physician make, believe me.

Oh, look, don't pay attention to me, really.

- No, really. - How I wish you said that an hour ago.

RICHARD: Oh, boy. - Hi. How we, uh, doing in here, Rabbi?

- Why don't you tell me? - Well, actually, you know what?

Before I tell you, I need to run a couple of tests.

The T word? Tests?

Everything with your heart looks pretty good, but--

"Pretty good but"?

"Pretty good but"?

Don't say "pretty good but." He said "pretty good but."

Eric, my whole life is flashing. It's flashing before my eyes.

Particularly those days when I had, like, the red meat and the butterfat.

But never, you know, in the same meal, of course.

What we wanna do is we wanna keep you overnight.

- What? DOCTOR: Run some tests.

I'll get a technician, he'll lead you down the hall

as soon as we get the room available for you. Okay?

ERIC: Thank you. - Oh, boy, it's over.

[RICHARD GROANS]

- I'm sure it's nothing. - Oh, yeah.

That's easy for you to say.

Let me stand up for the last time.

I bet-- I bet ten minutes ago you thought

I was just being, you know, very neurotic, right?

- Heh, yeah. - Well...

Why did I let my daughter talk me into speaking inside of a church? Oh.

Wait, what are you saying?

What, God is punishing you

for taking over for me in the pulpit for a few weeks?

You spoke on kosher laws.

It's true.

Then you know what it was? I'll tell you what it was.

I never should have driven you to the church.

Never. Because when I was at your house,

and I had those pains, it was a warning.

Thank you. It was a warning. But what did I do?

I had to succumb to peer pressure. And where did it get me?

Into a hospital room with a heart attack.

I've had a heart attack and this is not a heart attack, my peer.

That's-- Shame on you.

You know, I would think being washed in the blood of the lamb, you know,

would make you a little more understanding, Reverend.

ERIC: Hmm.

Just tuck me in and just-- You know what?

You have things to do. I'll just sit here.

What do they have tonight?

What, the cottage-cheese meatloaf with the dancing Jell-O?

I'll go check.

Chocolate.

- And what are we doing? - We got a snack.

We make it.

- Where's your sister? - She's dancing.

Dancing.

[EASY-LISTENING MUSIC PLAYING ON TAPE RECORDER]

[MUSIC STOPS]

ANNIE: What's going on?

Uh, we were just sealing the deal on our exclusivity with a dance?

Then I was going home.

But I'll be going home now.

[RINGING]

Reverend Camden's office.

ERIC [IN WOMAN'S VOICE]: Who is this?

This is Chandler.

Oh, and what do you do at the church?

I'm the associate pastor.

I do whatever anyone wants me to do.

Except for go back to where I came from.

How nice.

Is there something I can help you with, Reverend Camden?

[IN NORMAL VOICE] I need a ride home.

But-- But I do need you.

Uh, that's why I asked you to look at my sermon.

Right, because you needed me.

You were just showing off. If you'd needed me you would have called me.

Oh, I didn't wanna bother you.

But that's what we're gonna say.

We're gonna say you called me and asked me

to come down to the church and help you with your sermon.

Because my wife is gonna wanna know why I was there.

- Wouldn't I come here to you? - Let's not get logic into this, okay?

Why can't we just say that the Rabbi thought he was having a heart attack

and that you two were at the emergency room

and you needed a ride home from the emergency room?

Because the two of us were supposed to be spending

a very calm afternoon in the park.

The Rabbi could have a heart attack anywhere, even in the park.

I'm not gonna tell Annie that he's in the hospital.

Because the Rabbi doesn't want his wife to know he's in the hospital.

- Don't judge me. - I'm-- I'm not judging.

Until a few short weeks ago I was an honest man

who enjoyed an honest day's work.

And then you came along and complicated my life.

[DOOR OPENS]

Where have you been? And where is Rabbi Glass?

And why are you here?

Uh, Reverend Camden just, uh, needed a ride.

- From? - From hell.

Well, good night, Chandler, and thank you for helping my husband.

Helping? Is this your idea of helping?

- Well, kind of. - You weren't helping.

You know why? Because I don't want your help.

And don't think just because I needed a ride and you gave it to me

we've had some sort of a bonding experience.

Okay.

Well, then... Good night.

Rosina called. Is Richard on his way home?

Possibly. He stopped off at the hospital.

- For? - Tests.

- It's nothing. He had an anxiety attack. - Why doesn't Rosina know about it?

Because he wants to tell Rosina

after the tests are over and everything's okay.

- And when will that be? - Tomorrow.

And tonight?

He's telling her that he's sleeping over at our house.

He's telling Rosina that he's sleeping over at our house

when, actually, he's in the hospital?

- I owe him. - What do you owe him for?

Just for driving me around.

Around where? I-- I thought you two were going to the park.

Yeah. Well, we stopped off at the church.

[SIGHS]

- To spy on Chandler? - To check on Chandler.

Who are you?

[SIGHS]

In a minute.

SIMON: I can outrun you, you know. - No, you can't.

- I'm not gonna say anything. - I know her, she's relentless.

I know her better. That's why I'm not gonna tell her anything.

You know, there's a reason why Lucy gets left out and told about stuff last.

She's crazy.

[CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS]

Good night.

What's up, Kevin?

[SIGHS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Let me try this out on you and see what you think.

Okay.

Ruthie, I'm sorry.

I should've stayed or I should've insisted Jake leave when I did.

Hey, you warned me something bad would happen.

I'm on restriction for two weeks.

[OVER PHONE] He can't call or come near the house.

And I can't call him or anyone else, or have any visitors.

You sound kind of happy about it.

It's my first official restriction.

I've had stuff taken away before, but I've never been restricted.

I feel like a grown-up or at least like a teenager.

But you--

[SIGHS]

Congratulations.

Goodbye. I'll see you at school.

I called Yasmine and let her know that I won't be able to call

or entertain her or anyone else for a couple weeks.

I can see by your attitude that you don't quite get

that your actions have consequences.

Sure, I do. Restriction is definitely a consequence of my actions.

Why don't you say good night to the boys?

Good night, Sam. Night, David.

What's going on?

My tummy hurts.

We ate too many snacks.

We don't feel good.

I'm sorry. It's my fault, isn't it?

[IN UNISON] Yes. No.

[IN UNISON] It's his fault.

How about I stay in here tonight.

And if you need anything I'll be right by your side.

[IN UNISON] Okay.

- Thank you and good night. - Good night.

Oh, and if you need anything,

I'll be asleep.

[HAPPY WHIMPERS]

Come in.

- Hi. - Hi.

You wanna tell me why you were meeting with Chandler today?

He let your little secret slip.

You went to see him?

I told him I thought it would be best

if he packed up and, you know, left town.

Thank you.

I know he won't but I...

Thank you.

It means a lot to me

that you would do something stupid like that on my behalf.

I can't take all the credit.

Mary asked me to do it.

They're good kids.

Yeah.

Good night.

ROBBIE: Good night.

Something go wrong on the ride-along?

Yes.

- I was kidding. - I know.

- Were you kidding? - No.

Roxanne?

You know how you've been wanting to know

if I've ever been with someone before?

Please don't tell me it's Roxanne.

It's not Roxanne.

[SIGHS]

Lucy, when I graduated from high school

my girlfriend thought she was pregnant and we got married.

In the church, small family wedding.

Only she wasn't pregnant

and neither one of us wanted to get married at 18.

So six months later, we divorced.

So the good news is,

I can't get married in the Catholic Church.

So that won't be an issue for us when we plan our wedding.

Why didn't you tell me?

I was afraid you wouldn't love me.

I was afraid this would be a deal breaker.

But I do love you.

And I've always been afraid that you won't love me,

so I guess I know just how you feel.

Really?

Really.

I love you, Kevin.

I love you.

Why are you telling me this now?

I pulled someone over today and it was her.

She had a long layover at LAX,

so she rented a car and drove to the beach.

I stopped her for speeding.

She's married, she lives in New Zealand.

They have two kids, a boy and a girl.

So Roxanne met her first?

Roxanne didn't meet her.

Well, she had to have seen her.

She saw her but neither she nor Simon met her.

Simon saw her too?

Which is the only reason why you're telling me.

I was gonna tell you eventually.

- Is she pretty? - Luce, don't do this.

- Is she? - I don't know. You can ask Simon.

I will. I'll ask him right now.

[LUCY SIGHS]

Let's just keep this between us for now, okay?

I told your dad.

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