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1
00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:04,535
YASMINE:
You're wrong.
2
00:00:04,713 --> 00:00:07,252
RICHARD:
No, you're wrong.
3
00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:10,085
Look, I'm not gonna argue
with a little girl.
4
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:11,803
Why? Afraid you're wrong?
5
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:15,138
And by the way,
I'm a young woman, not a little girl.
6
00:00:15,307 --> 00:00:17,597
I beg your pardon, a young woman.
7
00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:20,971
- But I'm still not wrong.
YASMINE: Well, I think you are.
8
00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:23,638
We've been around aeons
longer than your team.
9
00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:26,189
Yet we have more spirit
than you do.
10
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,934
When we play, we play to win,
but we play bigtime.
11
00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:32,447
You may play to win,
but we actually do win, a lot.
12
00:00:32,616 --> 00:00:35,238
Face it, most of the time
we are the champions.
13
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:36,574
All right, look, number one:
14
00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:42,251
You're a little too young for me
to talk to you about 1969 or 1986,
15
00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:44,874
so I'm not gonna bore you
with the facts.
16
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,457
And number two:
17
00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:48,209
We might have been
the loveable losers,
18
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,874
but now, we are formidable foes.
19
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,879
Hey, stop.
20
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,545
Who's the better team,
the Yankees or the Mets?
21
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:57,846
- The Mets.
- Yankees.
22
00:00:58,016 --> 00:01:01,766
That's what you're arguing about?
Baseball?
23
00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:03,847
What'd you think
we were arguing about?
24
00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,399
I don't know.
25
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:06,847
Yankees or Mets?
26
00:01:07,860 --> 00:01:10,067
I have to go now.
27
00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:11,269
Now, so where were we?
28
00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:13,239
I believe you were boring me.
29
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,068
Oh, really?
I'll tell you something else.
30
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,911
Anything about the Mets versus
the Yankees is the Mets.
31
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,242
Even the bobbleheads.
32
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:22,865
Ever see Derek Jeter's bobblehead
versus like...
33
00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:51,461
[SIGHS]
34
00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:05,386
I'm sorry, Eric.
35
00:03:05,561 --> 00:03:07,139
If you don't wanna eat,
you don't eat.
36
00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:09,686
No, no, no. I'm sorry
that I haven't taken the time
37
00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:13,476
to get over here sooner
and see how you were doing.
38
00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:15,112
- It's okay.
- Hey, it really isn't.
39
00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:17,605
I really should have made the time
to come over here.
40
00:03:17,781 --> 00:03:18,813
Not that it was easy.
41
00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:22,111
I mean, you know,
conducting services at your church.
42
00:03:22,286 --> 00:03:26,154
And not to mention, you know,
taking care of my own flock.
43
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:29,661
Flock. Now that's a word
I picked up at church, huh?
44
00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:31,710
Flock.
45
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,872
A cool word: flock.
46
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:37,133
Seriously, I'm sorry. I really am.
47
00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:41,127
I mean, let's face it, you're sick.
Look at you.
48
00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:44,260
I mean-- And I don't mean it that way.
I mean you-- You--
49
00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:48,478
What I really meant was that
you were sick and now you're all well.
50
00:03:49,188 --> 00:03:51,893
I mean, you're not all well,
but you look incredible.
51
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,609
I mean, you really do.
52
00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:56,065
For a guy
who had a double bypass?
53
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:59,072
You know what it looks like? Looks
like you only had a single bypass.
54
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,782
Thank you.
55
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:02,575
- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.
56
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,571
Did it hurt?
57
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:05,860
Oh, a little.
58
00:04:06,038 --> 00:04:07,153
Wow. Yeah.
59
00:04:07,331 --> 00:04:10,783
But, you know, you're gonna--
You're gonna be okay now, right?
60
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:12,834
- Yeah.
- Oh, good. Good. That's great.
61
00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:15,044
So I don't have to cover for you
this Sunday?
62
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:17,713
The church hired a replacement.
63
00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:19,666
Really?
64
00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:22,800
You know, I really wish
if they didn't like what I was doing
65
00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:25,261
that you could have at least,
you know, told me.
66
00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:26,506
Can I tell you something?
67
00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:29,436
I really thought
I was really doing a good job
68
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,929
and that the people
really liked my work.
69
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:38,026
Boy, it's unbelievable how that flock
can just turn on their shepherd, huh?
70
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:44,200
Well, fine. Phooey on the flock. Pbbt!
You know, I'll tell you something else.
71
00:04:44,368 --> 00:04:47,286
You know, I think I'm gonna stick
with my own flock from now on.
72
00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:49,620
You've been replaced
as my replacement
73
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,582
because I've been replaced.
74
00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,660
Only, they--
They don't call it "replaced."
75
00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:56,286
They call it "help."
76
00:04:56,672 --> 00:05:02,047
The church has hired
an associate pastor to "help" me
77
00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:05,174
and he'll be speaking on Sundays
until I return.
78
00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:07,341
That's what they're telling me
anyway.
79
00:05:07,558 --> 00:05:10,180
- Did you know about this?
- No, I did not.
80
00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:12,393
I surely didn't notice anyone new.
81
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:15,351
Of course, you know,
everyone's new to me.
82
00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:17,773
He had the audacity
to sit with my family.
83
00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:21,942
You didn't notice anyone new
in my family?
84
00:05:22,114 --> 00:05:24,736
You have a very large family.
85
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:27,068
And I was really very busy.
86
00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:30,578
And I was trying very hard,
you know, to, you know--
87
00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:31,993
To come through for you.
88
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:37,626
And yet, you know, it's hard for me
to shake the notion
89
00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:41,795
that this really has
everything to do with me.
90
00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:45,467
You know, if I hadn't tried to get
everybody out ten minutes early
91
00:05:45,637 --> 00:05:49,007
so they can be first in line
at that cafeteria down the block.
92
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:50,976
That was a mistake. You know why?
93
00:05:51,143 --> 00:05:53,635
If I had that ten minutes back,
you know what I could've done?
94
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:57,645
I could have made sure
that every one of those people
95
00:05:57,816 --> 00:06:01,067
were drenched in the blood
from the lamb.
96
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:06,947
You know just-- I just--
What exactly is the blood from a lamb?
97
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:12,076
I mean, it just sounds so gory to me.
I just say it and I feel queasy.
98
00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:13,446
It's Jesus.
99
00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:16,080
Oh, I'm sorry. He's wonderful.
100
00:06:16,251 --> 00:06:18,957
And it's a metaphor.
It has nothing to do with you.
101
00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:22,464
Not that Jesus doesn't have
something to do with you
102
00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:28,090
but my getting "helped"
has nothing to do with you.
103
00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:30,340
You know something?
I'd like to meet this guy.
104
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,432
Maybe you should meet this guy.
105
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:38,565
Or even better, maybe you should
not meet this guy. Maybe, uh...
106
00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:40,765
[ERIC LAUGHS]
107
00:06:40,943 --> 00:06:42,189
This is good.
108
00:06:42,361 --> 00:06:47,273
Maybe, uh, we go down to the church
and just check on him.
109
00:06:47,491 --> 00:06:49,734
What do you mean, like spy on him?
110
00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:53,033
Yes. Spy on him, you and me.
111
00:06:53,205 --> 00:06:54,486
Like Starsky and Hutch.
112
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:56,912
Well, let me tell you something.
113
00:06:57,084 --> 00:07:00,002
First of all, uh,
Hutch never had a double bypass.
114
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:03,208
And trust me,
Starsky never had heartburn
115
00:07:03,382 --> 00:07:05,672
like I have right now, believe me.
116
00:07:05,843 --> 00:07:08,169
I don't think it's a good idea
for either one of us to go,
117
00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:10,671
you know, anywhere in the condition
we're in, by the way.
118
00:07:10,848 --> 00:07:14,348
- You have to drive.
- Oh, no, no, no. What, me?
119
00:07:14,518 --> 00:07:17,057
- Well...
- I understand, but I don't wanna drive.
120
00:07:17,229 --> 00:07:18,724
I mean,
it's always the guy who drives
121
00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:20,974
who gets arrested
in situations like this.
122
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:24,270
It's not a situation. It's just...
123
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,604
Even if we do,
I have connections at the police force.
124
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,359
"Even if we do"?
125
00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:32,570
So you're going on a ride-along
with Kevin and Roxanne?
126
00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:34,573
Why does that make you so happy?
127
00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:37,998
It took me months to talk Kevin into it,
so I know why I'm happy.
128
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:40,493
- Why are you happy? You're not going.
- I don't wanna go.
129
00:07:40,669 --> 00:07:41,868
I have to go to the library.
130
00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:44,253
I think it's great for you
to spend time with Kevin.
131
00:07:44,423 --> 00:07:46,749
It's good for you
to have a positive male figure.
132
00:07:47,176 --> 00:07:49,881
- You want information on Roxanne.
- I'll pay you.
133
00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:52,177
I wanna know if she gets
any personal calls on duty,
134
00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:54,804
who she's dating, who she was dating,
who she wants to date,
135
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:57,467
if she's been engaged,
where she lives, what she likes to eat,
136
00:07:57,644 --> 00:08:00,053
- and if she likes board games.
- Board games?
137
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:02,140
People who play board games
are family people.
138
00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:04,772
People who don't play board games
aren't family people.
139
00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:05,976
Family people?
140
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:07,731
You're either family or single people.
141
00:08:07,905 --> 00:08:10,776
Family people wanna live in families,
single people wanna live alone.
142
00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:12,528
So there are only two kinds
of people?
143
00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:14,529
I don't know.
I haven't thought that through.
144
00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,862
Just find out stuff.
Whatever you can.
145
00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:22,415
Maybe you're having problems
146
00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:25,754
because you're too young
to have a boyfriend.
147
00:08:25,923 --> 00:08:29,791
Maybe, but I really want a boyfriend.
It makes me feel grown-up.
148
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:32,128
But you're not grown-up.
149
00:08:32,596 --> 00:08:34,755
Yes, but I am growing up.
150
00:08:34,932 --> 00:08:36,510
Maybe my boyfriend knows
a boy for you.
151
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,392
No, no, no. I'm too young.
152
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,186
I'm not interested in boys.
153
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:41,813
Even if it's a Muslim guy?
154
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:46,145
When I get older, they are plenty of
social functions at the mosque I go to.
155
00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:49,439
I can meet a guy there. A guy
who I have something in common with.
156
00:08:49,613 --> 00:08:53,778
A guy whose parents will know
my parents. A safe guy. A good guy.
157
00:08:53,951 --> 00:08:56,028
And by then,
I'll know more about who I am
158
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,113
and what I want in a husband.
159
00:08:58,288 --> 00:08:59,321
A husband?
160
00:08:59,498 --> 00:09:02,784
Well, isn't that why you date,
to find a husband?
161
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,368
Well, I'm not really looking
for a husband.
162
00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:06,922
I just want a boyfriend.
163
00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:10,007
To have a boyfriend.
To be like everyone else.
164
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,299
I don't know any other 12-year-olds
with boyfriends.
165
00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:14,712
Are you sure
everyone has a boyfriend?
166
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,345
No, but I still want one.
167
00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,809
Okay, forget boys.
168
00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:25,182
Lucy is going to the library,
so maybe we could do makeovers.
169
00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:28,312
- Makeover?
- You can wear makeup, can't you?
170
00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:30,652
I'm not really allowed
to wear makeup.
171
00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:33,906
Not that that's the issue.
I don't feel the need to wear it.
172
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:37,526
Hello? I'm 12.
I actually like my face.
173
00:09:37,703 --> 00:09:39,780
Okay. Do you have to wear
the hijab?
174
00:09:39,955 --> 00:09:41,996
Maybe we could do something
with your hair.
175
00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:43,577
Ruthie, my beauty is my privacy.
176
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,459
I don't want everyone
to see my beauty.
177
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:47,751
I want to save that for my husband.
178
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:50,294
I'm sorry. I hope I didn't offend you.
179
00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:52,874
Not at all.
We're just getting to know each other.
180
00:09:53,051 --> 00:09:55,128
[PHONE RINGING]
181
00:09:57,848 --> 00:09:59,640
- Hello?
- Hi, Ruthie, it's Jake.
182
00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:00,840
Can I come over?
183
00:10:01,476 --> 00:10:03,766
- It's Jake. He wants to come over.
- It's okay.
184
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,183
I'll just go home.
185
00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:08,939
Sorry, Jake,
but I already have Yasmine over.
186
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,435
It's okay.
I have to go home soon anyway.
187
00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:14,778
I would really like to see you, Ruthie.
188
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:15,981
Maybe later.
189
00:10:16,158 --> 00:10:17,783
Right now,
I'm hanging out with Yasmine.
190
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,159
[OVER PHONE] I have to watch
David and Sam for my mom
191
00:10:20,329 --> 00:10:21,409
when she leaves for PTA.
192
00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:24,161
Sorry, busy. Bye.
193
00:10:27,044 --> 00:10:29,037
Look who's here.
194
00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:32,831
- I'm Sam.
- I'm David.
195
00:10:33,008 --> 00:10:35,547
We knew that. Has Mom left?
196
00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:39,466
You need a plan.
197
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:40,921
- We have a plan.
- No, no.
198
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:44,552
We're driving down to the church
to spy on this new guy.
199
00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:45,892
That's not a plan.
200
00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:48,851
[STAMMERING]
That's more like a caper.
201
00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:50,436
It's high jinks.
202
00:10:50,609 --> 00:10:52,484
It's, uh-- It's an escapade.
203
00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:54,029
What's an escapade?
204
00:10:55,364 --> 00:10:56,396
An Escalade.
205
00:10:56,907 --> 00:10:59,066
I want one of those Escalades.
Oh, those cars.
206
00:10:59,243 --> 00:11:01,485
Did you ever see those beauties?
A black one. Ooh.
207
00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:03,655
Well, I'm off to my PTA meeting.
208
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,073
Oh, uh, just so you know,
so you don't think
209
00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:08,160
I'm getting well behind your back
or anything.
210
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:11,835
Richard has offered
to take me out for a drive.
211
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,248
- Where?
- To the park.
212
00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:16,999
- What park?
- The one with the ducks. Where else?
213
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:20,428
I figured we'd go down, we'd talk,
be one with nature, feed--
214
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:23,267
We could feed the ducks
and if we get a little lucky,
215
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:24,633
maybe a swan or two.
216
00:11:24,810 --> 00:11:27,563
Although they-- Ever see them--?
They peck when they get anxious.
217
00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:30,304
Ruthie and a friend
are watching the boys.
218
00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:31,859
But Yasmine is leaving soon,
219
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,185
so I was sort counting on Eric
as a backup.
220
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,853
Well, Ruthie's watched them
on her own before
221
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,691
and it'll just be for a few minutes.
222
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:42,152
- All right, I suppose it's okay.
- Yeah.
223
00:11:43,245 --> 00:11:45,120
You two aren't up to something?
Ha, ha.
224
00:11:45,289 --> 00:11:46,950
Well, I know
you're not up to something
225
00:11:47,124 --> 00:11:49,960
because Eric is recovering
from heart surgery.
226
00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:56,215
- Bye, Richard.
RICHARD: Bye-bye.
227
00:11:56,717 --> 00:11:58,426
[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]
228
00:11:58,594 --> 00:12:02,295
Now that's what you call
a veiled threat.
229
00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,098
- Yes.
- Really, because I'm not used to
230
00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:06,260
getting threats like that.
My wife comes right out
231
00:12:06,435 --> 00:12:10,350
and tells me
exactly what she's gonna do to me.
232
00:12:10,981 --> 00:12:14,814
Actually, she usually, uh, tells me
what she won't do to me
233
00:12:14,985 --> 00:12:18,236
is, you know, what the real threat is.
234
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:21,526
It's the deal. I'm just curious,
what do you think Annie will do
235
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:25,402
if she actually catches us,
you know, spying on this guy?
236
00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:29,578
Well, her options are more limited
than your wife's, uh--
237
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:32,123
I just had heart surgery, so...
238
00:12:32,294 --> 00:12:33,670
Silly Rabbi. I'm sorry.
239
00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:37,338
Because you have the-- You can't do
everything at once-- Yeah.
240
00:12:37,508 --> 00:12:40,759
So in other words, you guys can't--?
Like if you--?
241
00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:42,755
- No.
- Don't get caught, right?
242
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:44,129
Oh.
243
00:12:44,306 --> 00:12:46,430
Sorry, I'm just, uh--
So, what's the plan? Uh...
244
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:49,052
The plan is, I'm gonna get this guy
if it kills me.
245
00:12:49,228 --> 00:12:51,850
Sounds like Bush's plan
and that's not working very well.
246
00:12:52,022 --> 00:12:53,186
I-- I suggest that we maybe
247
00:12:53,357 --> 00:12:56,275
try to come up with something
a little better.
248
00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:57,809
Well...
249
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:01,277
Oh.
250
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,154
I have to run out for a few hours,
PTA meeting.
251
00:13:04,326 --> 00:13:08,241
Eric's up to something. I tried
to threaten him, but you threaten him.
252
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,116
And, uh, keep an eye
on Ruthie and Yasmine
253
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,580
who are keeping an eye on the twins.
Can you do that?
254
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:15,410
- I don't know if I can do that.
- Are you up to something?
255
00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:17,334
- Yeah.
- Threaten Eric anyway.
256
00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:21,374
You know, his life may depend upon it.
Oh, and behave yourself.
257
00:13:21,927 --> 00:13:24,336
I know what his life depends on.
258
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:26,504
[DOOR OPENS]
259
00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:29,428
[SIGHS]
260
00:13:30,561 --> 00:13:32,353
Reverend, uh, Rabbi.
261
00:13:32,938 --> 00:13:36,688
Mrs. Camden said that
I should threaten you, so here it is.
262
00:13:38,610 --> 00:13:40,355
I can't threaten you.
263
00:13:40,529 --> 00:13:43,317
And I can't watch Ruthie and Yasmine
watch the boys either.
264
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:46,278
I have something.
265
00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,112
Yeah, bye.
266
00:13:49,538 --> 00:13:52,493
This is a very hostile home.
267
00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:53,995
[SHUDDERS]
268
00:13:54,168 --> 00:13:57,169
No wonder
you have heart problems. Man.
269
00:13:57,588 --> 00:13:59,332
KEVIN:
Just throw out a couple of things.
270
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:02,212
Like you have a boyfriend
and the two of you love board games.
271
00:14:02,384 --> 00:14:04,508
- Why?
- Because if Lucy thinks
272
00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:06,719
you and your boyfriend
are playing board games,
273
00:14:06,889 --> 00:14:08,633
then the two of you
are both family people.
274
00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:11,595
And that means you'll be
getting married and leaving me alone.
275
00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:15,304
But I don't have a boyfriend,
so that would be telling a lie.
276
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:18,648
A lie that's not only fun,
but a lie that serves me.
277
00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:20,360
You know what'd be more fun?
278
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:24,229
If I say I have no boyfriend,
and I want you as a boyfriend
279
00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:26,863
and the two of us play board games
every night.
280
00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:30,201
No. That wouldn't be more fun,
that would be less fun.
281
00:14:30,913 --> 00:14:32,194
You asked me to lie.
282
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,405
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
283
00:14:33,582 --> 00:14:35,540
- Forget it.
- Too late.
284
00:14:36,418 --> 00:14:38,875
Hey, Luce,
I was just about to come inside
285
00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:41,336
and see if you have
any kind of games we can borrow.
286
00:14:41,507 --> 00:14:44,343
In case we're stuck in the car
for lots of hours with nothing to do.
287
00:14:44,510 --> 00:14:46,384
I don't want Simon to get bored.
288
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:50,255
And since I love board games
and Kevin hates board games
289
00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:52,260
it'll give me someone to play with.
290
00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:54,143
Since when
do you hate board games?
291
00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:57,930
I don't. I just hate playing them
with anyone but you.
292
00:14:58,148 --> 00:14:59,180
[CHUCKLES]
293
00:15:04,530 --> 00:15:06,025
What are you gonna do
this afternoon?
294
00:15:06,198 --> 00:15:09,200
I have to go to the library
and do some research.
295
00:15:10,244 --> 00:15:12,237
- Call me when you get home.
- Okay.
296
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,956
Bye.
297
00:15:14,331 --> 00:15:15,791
Bye.
298
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:22,078
Okay, Cagney and Lacey,
let's move this cruiser.
299
00:15:22,256 --> 00:15:24,380
Are you calling me
Cagney or Lacey?
300
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:25,963
Sorry.
301
00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:29,923
Behave yourself.
302
00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:31,806
Behave myself?
303
00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:34,929
You are gonna pay for that, Kinkirk.
304
00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:42,603
ERIC:
Hey, girls.
305
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:46,360
Ruthie, uh, I know Yasmine is leaving,
but I need to go out.
306
00:15:46,530 --> 00:15:48,773
- Are you okay with the boys?
- It's not the first time
307
00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:50,859
- I've been alone with Sam and David.
- I know.
308
00:15:51,034 --> 00:15:52,993
And you've always been
very responsible.
309
00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:55,321
- Bye.
- Bye.
310
00:15:55,497 --> 00:15:56,613
Okay. Goodbye.
311
00:16:02,045 --> 00:16:03,161
[ROBBIE SIGHS]
312
00:16:04,673 --> 00:16:06,382
Hey, where you going?
313
00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:07,874
Nowhere, really.
314
00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:09,844
Uh, where are you going?
315
00:16:11,305 --> 00:16:12,420
Nowhere, really.
316
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:44,667
There appears to be no one home.
317
00:16:45,589 --> 00:16:46,621
CHANDLER:
Reverend Camden?
318
00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:47,998
[RICHARD GASPS THEN SIGHS]
319
00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:51,426
I didn't see you there, here,
in my office.
320
00:16:51,595 --> 00:16:54,965
I just came in here
to find a Strunk and White.
321
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:56,968
Evidently, there aren't enough
years in school
322
00:16:57,142 --> 00:17:00,228
to cover the difference between
"further" and "farther." Ha, ha.
323
00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:02,354
We really enjoyed
your sermon last week.
324
00:17:02,523 --> 00:17:05,394
So few Protestants get the opportunity
to learn about kosher laws.
325
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:07,225
Thanks.
326
00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:09,728
We should be going, huh?
327
00:17:09,905 --> 00:17:12,314
How's your sermon coming along?
328
00:17:12,491 --> 00:17:13,737
CHANDLER:
I could use some help,
329
00:17:13,909 --> 00:17:16,448
but I was trying to let you enjoy
your time off.
330
00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:18,910
ERIC: I don't wanna pressure you,
but just so you know,
331
00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:21,537
they always remember the first one.
332
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:24,165
The first one is everything.
333
00:17:24,336 --> 00:17:28,251
I mean, come Sunday,
it's judgement day.
334
00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:33,178
And that's one tough flock
you're speaking to.
335
00:17:34,346 --> 00:17:37,182
Would either of you
care to read my sermon?
336
00:17:37,349 --> 00:17:40,185
Maybe give me some notes?
I'd really appreciate it.
337
00:17:40,352 --> 00:17:42,262
- Oh, sure.
- Yeah, we'd love to read it.
338
00:17:42,437 --> 00:17:45,356
Great. I'll be right back.
I'm just using Lou's office.
339
00:17:49,862 --> 00:17:51,571
[ERIC CLEARS THROAT]
340
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:52,771
Kosher laws?
341
00:17:52,948 --> 00:17:54,858
Hey, go easy on me.
They're very interesting.
342
00:17:55,033 --> 00:17:56,742
You'd be very shocked, by the way.
343
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:58,703
And listen, with all due respect,
344
00:17:58,912 --> 00:18:01,285
you could put all I know
about, say, Mary Magdalene
345
00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:03,000
on the head of the pope's hatpin.
346
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:05,041
And it's not that I don't love her.
347
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:07,500
She's fab, you know.
348
00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:09,708
What?
349
00:18:09,882 --> 00:18:11,211
Look at how you're looking at me.
350
00:18:11,383 --> 00:18:14,302
You're blaming me for them,
you know, bringing in a new minister.
351
00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:16,843
No. And let's not get distracted,
okay?
352
00:18:17,014 --> 00:18:18,842
Remember, it's you and me
against him.
353
00:18:19,016 --> 00:18:20,641
United we stand, divided we fall.
354
00:18:20,809 --> 00:18:22,684
No, no, no. No, my friend.
355
00:18:22,853 --> 00:18:24,763
This is you against him.
356
00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:26,481
I just came along for the ride.
357
00:18:26,648 --> 00:18:28,144
- You drove.
- Yeah, I drove.
358
00:18:28,317 --> 00:18:30,524
- I told you I didn't want to drive.
- But you did.
359
00:18:30,694 --> 00:18:32,818
You were hawking me.
360
00:18:32,988 --> 00:18:35,527
It's on money
and the meaning of life.
361
00:18:35,699 --> 00:18:39,745
I reworked this op-ed piece
I wrote for The New York Times.
362
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,662
Well, we'll just take it with us
and I'll give you a call later.
363
00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:47,958
Great. But only if you feel like it.
364
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:49,208
Only if you have the time.
365
00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:51,338
I don't wanna get myself into trouble
with Annie
366
00:18:51,507 --> 00:18:53,002
for getting you back to work
too soon.
367
00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:54,919
Don't worry about Annie.
I think, you know,
368
00:18:55,093 --> 00:18:57,171
she's ready for me
to get out and get back to work.
369
00:18:57,346 --> 00:18:58,509
She is?
370
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:02,382
I mean, of course she is. Yeah.
371
00:19:12,194 --> 00:19:13,689
So, what if the car didn't slow down?
372
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:15,986
Then the guy would never
have pulled over.
373
00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:17,651
That's not true.
374
00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:21,526
It's not likely a guy in a stolen car
is going to pull over.
375
00:19:21,703 --> 00:19:23,697
Well, I wish we'd find a guy
driving a stolen car.
376
00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:26,281
- I don't.
ROXANNE: I'm with you.
377
00:19:26,458 --> 00:19:29,246
I'm getting bored.
I'm ready to see some action.
378
00:19:32,047 --> 00:19:35,915
It's just that ever since
I broke up with my boyfriend
379
00:19:36,093 --> 00:19:41,052
whenever it's quiet like this
and there's nothing much going on
380
00:19:41,223 --> 00:19:45,174
I can't help thinking,
I'd really like a boyfriend.
381
00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:47,180
Someone I have something
in common with.
382
00:19:47,604 --> 00:19:50,690
Someone with whom
I can start a lasting relationship.
383
00:19:50,858 --> 00:19:53,895
Someone to marry,
to have children with.
384
00:19:54,069 --> 00:19:56,193
I wish I knew someone like that.
385
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:57,989
Well, you don't.
386
00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:02,118
So why did you and your boyfriend
break up?
387
00:20:02,286 --> 00:20:04,742
ROXANNE:
Jealousy. Plain and simple jealousy.
388
00:20:04,913 --> 00:20:06,990
I thought if I got myself partnered
with someone
389
00:20:07,165 --> 00:20:08,744
who was in a committed relationship
390
00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:11,326
then that would help
ease Stanley's mind.
391
00:20:11,503 --> 00:20:14,458
But Stanley told me that
when a guy is considering marriage
392
00:20:14,631 --> 00:20:17,550
that's when he's most likely
to put himself through the test.
393
00:20:17,718 --> 00:20:20,387
He thought Kevin would test himself
with me.
394
00:20:22,097 --> 00:20:24,850
You know,
he became insanely jealous.
395
00:20:25,017 --> 00:20:28,268
Did Stanley have any problems
with your going out with Robbie?
396
00:20:28,729 --> 00:20:30,105
He never knew about that.
397
00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:32,431
Don't tell me you lied to Stanley?
398
00:20:32,608 --> 00:20:34,400
I couldn't help myself.
399
00:20:34,568 --> 00:20:38,020
Stanley and I were already
having problems. Then I saw Robbie.
400
00:20:38,197 --> 00:20:40,736
I hadn't seen him since
seventh grade
401
00:20:40,908 --> 00:20:42,866
and I just needed
to have a little bit of fun.
402
00:20:43,035 --> 00:20:46,736
I shouldn't have gone out with him
without telling Stanley, but I did.
403
00:20:46,914 --> 00:20:50,864
And after that,
the lies just got easier and easier.
404
00:20:51,293 --> 00:20:52,753
No kidding.
405
00:20:53,629 --> 00:20:56,334
If you're just making this stuff up
so I'll tell Lucy--
406
00:20:56,507 --> 00:20:59,674
Please. Simon, I assume
that anything said in this squad car
407
00:20:59,843 --> 00:21:01,504
goes no further than the squad car.
408
00:21:02,471 --> 00:21:05,389
I hope you won't tell Lucy anything.
409
00:21:06,350 --> 00:21:08,557
You're starting to scare me.
410
00:21:12,898 --> 00:21:13,930
I'm impressed.
411
00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:17,809
I never met anyone who's developed
such skills with makeup at this age.
412
00:21:19,196 --> 00:21:20,988
I've watched Mary and Lucy
for years.
413
00:21:21,156 --> 00:21:23,731
And has it paid off?
All that makeup, I mean?
414
00:21:23,909 --> 00:21:27,112
Have you seen Kevin?
It's totally paid off.
415
00:21:27,287 --> 00:21:30,123
But he doesn't love Lucy just because
she looks good with makeup.
416
00:21:30,290 --> 00:21:33,625
- Heh. It helps. Believe me.
- We want a snack.
417
00:21:33,794 --> 00:21:34,957
We're hungry.
418
00:21:35,128 --> 00:21:37,917
I'll get it, just hang on a second.
419
00:21:40,008 --> 00:21:41,967
Should I add some sparkly stuff?
420
00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:44,972
Is the sparkly stuff yours
or is it Lucy's too?
421
00:21:45,138 --> 00:21:49,303
It's Lucy's. But it goes with
all the other stuff I've used. So...
422
00:21:49,476 --> 00:21:52,478
- Can we have a snack?
- Please?
423
00:21:52,646 --> 00:21:54,687
I can get them a snack
if you want me to.
424
00:21:54,857 --> 00:21:58,642
- Yes.
- Yasmine will give us a snack.
425
00:21:58,819 --> 00:22:02,319
Hold on, I'm almost done.
426
00:22:06,618 --> 00:22:09,656
- Pretty.
- You're pretty.
427
00:22:09,830 --> 00:22:10,862
Thanks.
428
00:22:11,039 --> 00:22:14,789
My mom should be here any minute,
so I'm gonna go wait for her out front.
429
00:22:15,627 --> 00:22:16,708
I'll walk you down.
430
00:22:16,879 --> 00:22:18,338
And then I'll get the boys a snack.
431
00:22:18,505 --> 00:22:20,298
- Yay.
- Yay.
432
00:22:20,465 --> 00:22:24,132
- Are those yours?
- No.
433
00:22:24,303 --> 00:22:26,380
What's gonna happen
if your dad suddenly comes home
434
00:22:26,555 --> 00:22:28,845
and you're all made up like that?
435
00:22:29,016 --> 00:22:30,215
Nothing's going to happen.
436
00:22:30,392 --> 00:22:32,184
I'll just tell my dad the truth.
437
00:22:32,352 --> 00:22:34,013
I'll tell him I'm just playing dress up.
438
00:22:34,188 --> 00:22:36,810
- Is that the truth?
RUTHIE: Yes, that's the truth.
439
00:22:36,982 --> 00:22:39,604
But if it'll make you feel better,
I'll get the boys a snack
440
00:22:39,776 --> 00:22:41,188
and then we can come back
upstairs
441
00:22:41,361 --> 00:22:43,735
and I'll wash all the makeup off
before anyone sees it.
442
00:22:43,906 --> 00:22:45,864
That would make me feel better.
443
00:22:46,033 --> 00:22:48,322
Sometimes I think you don't
understand me and my culture
444
00:22:48,493 --> 00:22:50,617
any better than I understand
you and your culture.
445
00:22:50,787 --> 00:22:52,865
I understand that
there isn't a culture
446
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,366
that children are allowed to do
whatever they want.
447
00:22:55,542 --> 00:22:58,248
I don't want you
to get in any trouble, that's all.
448
00:22:58,420 --> 00:23:00,544
You worry too much.
449
00:23:03,717 --> 00:23:05,675
DAVID:
Come on, Happy.
450
00:23:07,679 --> 00:23:09,009
[KNOCKS]
451
00:23:13,060 --> 00:23:14,888
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
452
00:23:16,396 --> 00:23:18,057
Ask who it is
before you answer the door?
453
00:23:18,232 --> 00:23:20,272
Why am I answering the door
and not you?
454
00:23:20,442 --> 00:23:21,772
Because you're not wearing
makeup.
455
00:23:24,154 --> 00:23:26,527
- Who is it?
JAKE: It's Jake.
456
00:23:34,414 --> 00:23:36,242
Wow.
457
00:23:36,416 --> 00:23:38,540
You look like you're 18
or something.
458
00:23:38,710 --> 00:23:40,503
Thanks.
459
00:23:40,712 --> 00:23:41,745
I have to go.
460
00:23:41,922 --> 00:23:43,548
I would suggest that Jake go too
461
00:23:43,715 --> 00:23:45,756
and that you go upstairs
and wash your face,
462
00:23:45,926 --> 00:23:48,679
but then I would seem like
I'm the Muslim prude.
463
00:23:48,846 --> 00:23:50,471
So let me just say, good luck.
464
00:23:53,308 --> 00:23:54,554
RUTHIE:
You probably should go.
465
00:23:54,726 --> 00:23:57,265
No one's home and
I have to watch the boys for my mom.
466
00:23:57,437 --> 00:24:00,854
My sister dropped me off.
She should be back in half an hour.
467
00:24:01,024 --> 00:24:04,774
I just needed to tell you something
and I wanted to tell you in person.
468
00:24:04,945 --> 00:24:06,274
Okay.
469
00:24:06,446 --> 00:24:08,689
I think we should
make this relationship exclusive.
470
00:24:09,616 --> 00:24:12,369
- What does that mean?
- That we should only see each other.
471
00:24:13,078 --> 00:24:14,823
I'm not really seeing any other guys.
472
00:24:14,997 --> 00:24:17,868
My point is,
I don't want to see other girls.
473
00:24:18,041 --> 00:24:20,664
You know, like Linda,
the girl who called you "monkey lover,"
474
00:24:20,836 --> 00:24:22,117
got you in trouble at school.
475
00:24:22,296 --> 00:24:24,254
She wants me to go to a party
with her.
476
00:24:24,423 --> 00:24:26,547
But I don't have an excuse not to go
477
00:24:26,717 --> 00:24:28,876
unless you and I
aren't seeing other people.
478
00:24:31,346 --> 00:24:32,723
[CHUCKLES]
479
00:24:50,449 --> 00:24:51,481
ERIC:
Pfft.
480
00:24:51,658 --> 00:24:53,284
Hey, don't worry.
481
00:24:53,452 --> 00:24:54,781
Doesn't mean anything.
482
00:24:54,953 --> 00:24:57,410
Maybe he can't speak in public.
483
00:24:57,581 --> 00:25:01,165
Yeah, maybe
he can't speak in public.
484
00:25:01,335 --> 00:25:05,464
[STAMMERS] That's his Achilles heel:
can't speak in public.
485
00:25:05,631 --> 00:25:08,751
Maybe he freaks out in front of anyone
other than his own mirror.
486
00:25:09,384 --> 00:25:12,137
You know,
he starts to sweat uncontrollably.
487
00:25:12,304 --> 00:25:16,967
And maybe even, God forbid, he
has to, you know, mutter obscenities.
488
00:25:17,893 --> 00:25:20,562
What do you think
the chances are of that?
489
00:25:20,729 --> 00:25:22,687
Well, you never know.
490
00:25:22,856 --> 00:25:25,609
I mean, really, he can be one
of those guys who has it all on paper
491
00:25:25,776 --> 00:25:29,146
and he just can't deliver.
You know, it happens.
492
00:25:29,321 --> 00:25:32,406
Especially with these young guys who
have no experience in public speaking.
493
00:25:34,368 --> 00:25:35,483
Let's see what he's got.
494
00:25:37,246 --> 00:25:40,366
In the Pastoral Epistle, First Timothy,
495
00:25:40,541 --> 00:25:43,246
the author, allegedly Paul,
496
00:25:43,418 --> 00:25:46,373
was trying to give guidance
to his young church community
497
00:25:46,547 --> 00:25:51,210
in the ways of purity, godliness
and contentment.
498
00:25:52,094 --> 00:25:56,472
Throughout this little Epistle, he calls
for such things such as prayer, study,
499
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,384
and attentiveness to the needy.
500
00:25:59,059 --> 00:26:02,511
In the last chapter he also speaks
of piety and contentment.
501
00:26:02,688 --> 00:26:04,516
And he makes the case
that contentment
502
00:26:04,690 --> 00:26:07,893
is not a matter of material gain.
503
00:26:08,569 --> 00:26:13,944
He then warns that
the love of money is the root of all evil.
504
00:26:14,116 --> 00:26:18,280
By which, he means that there is
nothing inherently wrong with money.
505
00:26:18,871 --> 00:26:21,908
Notice that he doesn't say,
as is often misquoted:
506
00:26:22,082 --> 00:26:25,701
that "money is the root of all evil."
507
00:26:27,296 --> 00:26:29,918
We are the problem.
508
00:26:30,507 --> 00:26:31,837
Not the money.
509
00:26:32,676 --> 00:26:36,342
I'm reminded of a story
told by a Rabbi Abraham Twerski.
510
00:26:36,513 --> 00:26:38,423
A man that he was walking with...
511
00:26:38,599 --> 00:26:39,631
ERIC:
You were saying?
512
00:26:39,808 --> 00:26:42,477
On top of everything else,
the kid's got a nice head of hair.
513
00:26:42,644 --> 00:26:43,890
So?
514
00:26:44,062 --> 00:26:46,305
CHANDLER: That man is worth
$6 million. What is worth?
515
00:26:46,481 --> 00:26:48,771
- So can you drive me to the hospital?
- Huh?
516
00:26:48,942 --> 00:26:50,817
CHANDLER:
He's not a function of his money,
517
00:26:51,820 --> 00:26:54,395
but what he does with that money.
518
00:26:54,573 --> 00:26:56,033
[SIREN WAILS]
519
00:27:01,163 --> 00:27:03,489
ROXANNE:
Another speeding ticket?
520
00:27:03,665 --> 00:27:04,829
You have a problem with that?
521
00:27:06,460 --> 00:27:08,833
You're giving those out
so I'll have something to write?
522
00:27:09,004 --> 00:27:11,840
Three kids in three separate incidents
have been hit on their bikes
523
00:27:12,007 --> 00:27:14,297
in this neighbourhood
because it's used as a shortcut.
524
00:27:14,468 --> 00:27:16,924
A few tickets will make people
slow down and save lives.
525
00:27:18,639 --> 00:27:19,968
Call it in.
526
00:27:31,151 --> 00:27:32,777
[SIGHS]
527
00:27:33,862 --> 00:27:36,070
Licence and registration.
528
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:37,439
Kevin Kinkirk?
529
00:27:37,616 --> 00:27:39,823
Ha, ha. Mindy Kinkirk?
530
00:27:42,621 --> 00:27:44,947
[CHUCKLING]
531
00:27:57,511 --> 00:27:59,718
Are--? Are you sure
it's not just an anxiety attack?
532
00:27:59,888 --> 00:28:01,218
Look, I'm not sure. I'm not--
533
00:28:01,390 --> 00:28:04,475
It could be one of those anxiety attacks
that cause a heart attack.
534
00:28:04,643 --> 00:28:06,352
- I don't know.
- Wait, wait. No, no, no.
535
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:08,514
If-- If you're having a heart attack,
I'm driving.
536
00:28:08,689 --> 00:28:10,563
No. You can't drive.
537
00:28:10,732 --> 00:28:12,358
Well, I have to.
Get in the other side.
538
00:28:12,526 --> 00:28:13,986
Nothing doing. Look, wait a minute.
539
00:28:14,152 --> 00:28:17,190
Look, if I don't have a heart attack
and I make you drive
540
00:28:17,364 --> 00:28:20,070
and then you have a heart attack,
I'm responsible.
541
00:28:20,742 --> 00:28:22,403
I don't need that.
I have enough problems.
542
00:28:22,578 --> 00:28:23,610
ERIC:
That's right.
543
00:28:23,787 --> 00:28:25,496
RICHARD:
Trust me. You know what I mean?
544
00:28:25,664 --> 00:28:27,243
[RICHARD GROANS]
545
00:28:35,716 --> 00:28:37,840
[ENGINE REVS]
546
00:28:45,225 --> 00:28:47,848
- Goodbye.
- Bye.
547
00:28:54,735 --> 00:28:56,894
Tourist, lost. It's nothing.
548
00:28:57,070 --> 00:29:01,283
You think that a magic cone
protected you from our line of vision?
549
00:29:01,450 --> 00:29:04,238
- Who was that?
- None of your business. Let's go.
550
00:29:06,079 --> 00:29:07,954
What are you guys
just standing around for?
551
00:29:08,123 --> 00:29:09,749
Get in the car.
552
00:29:21,929 --> 00:29:23,044
[SIGHS]
553
00:29:24,598 --> 00:29:26,805
I'm not going to tell you.
Either of you.
554
00:29:26,975 --> 00:29:29,349
Okay by me.
I don't want that kind of information.
555
00:29:32,564 --> 00:29:34,891
And I'm not telling you
after he goes home either.
556
00:29:36,276 --> 00:29:37,688
[ENGINE REVS]
557
00:29:41,156 --> 00:29:42,188
It's freezing in here.
558
00:29:42,366 --> 00:29:44,490
Okay, take it easy.
I'll, uh, go find you a blanket.
559
00:29:44,660 --> 00:29:48,030
[STAMMERING] No, no, no. I really--
Please, just stay.
560
00:29:48,205 --> 00:29:50,448
I'd rather be cold than alone.
561
00:29:50,624 --> 00:29:51,953
I'm sure everything is fine.
562
00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:54,419
Oh, you believe that guy?
563
00:29:54,586 --> 00:29:56,414
Well, that guy
is head of the emergency room.
564
00:29:56,588 --> 00:29:58,961
He worked with
the Emergency Cardiac Unit for years.
565
00:29:59,132 --> 00:30:02,752
- He's 12.
- He's 37. I asked him.
566
00:30:02,928 --> 00:30:06,131
Thirty-seven does not
a physician make, believe me.
567
00:30:06,306 --> 00:30:08,929
Oh, look,
don't pay attention to me, really.
568
00:30:09,101 --> 00:30:12,387
- No, really.
- How I wish you said that an hour ago.
569
00:30:13,438 --> 00:30:16,061
RICHARD: Oh, boy.
- Hi. How we, uh, doing in here, Rabbi?
570
00:30:16,233 --> 00:30:18,772
- Why don't you tell me?
- Well, actually, you know what?
571
00:30:18,944 --> 00:30:21,518
Before I tell you,
I need to run a couple of tests.
572
00:30:22,072 --> 00:30:23,484
The T word? Tests?
573
00:30:24,283 --> 00:30:26,360
Everything with your heart
looks pretty good, but--
574
00:30:26,535 --> 00:30:28,114
"Pretty good but"?
575
00:30:28,287 --> 00:30:29,568
"Pretty good but"?
576
00:30:29,746 --> 00:30:31,989
Don't say "pretty good but."
He said "pretty good but."
577
00:30:32,165 --> 00:30:35,701
Eric, my whole life is flashing.
It's flashing before my eyes.
578
00:30:35,878 --> 00:30:40,256
Particularly those days when I had,
like, the red meat and the butterfat.
579
00:30:40,424 --> 00:30:42,963
But never, you know,
in the same meal, of course.
580
00:30:43,135 --> 00:30:45,128
What we wanna do is
we wanna keep you overnight.
581
00:30:45,304 --> 00:30:46,550
- What?
DOCTOR: Run some tests.
582
00:30:46,722 --> 00:30:48,799
I'll get a technician,
he'll lead you down the hall
583
00:30:48,974 --> 00:30:51,181
as soon as we get the room
available for you. Okay?
584
00:30:51,351 --> 00:30:54,638
ERIC: Thank you.
- Oh, boy, it's over.
585
00:30:54,813 --> 00:30:56,012
[RICHARD GROANS]
586
00:30:57,816 --> 00:31:01,067
- I'm sure it's nothing.
- Oh, yeah.
587
00:31:01,236 --> 00:31:03,111
That's easy for you to say.
588
00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:05,357
Let me stand up for the last time.
589
00:31:06,158 --> 00:31:08,827
I bet--
I bet ten minutes ago you thought
590
00:31:08,994 --> 00:31:12,779
I was just being, you know,
very neurotic, right?
591
00:31:12,956 --> 00:31:13,989
- Heh, yeah.
- Well...
592
00:31:14,166 --> 00:31:21,498
Why did I let my daughter talk me
into speaking inside of a church? Oh.
593
00:31:21,673 --> 00:31:22,754
Wait, what are you saying?
594
00:31:22,925 --> 00:31:24,254
What, God is punishing you
595
00:31:24,426 --> 00:31:27,001
for taking over for me in the pulpit
for a few weeks?
596
00:31:28,055 --> 00:31:30,428
You spoke on kosher laws.
597
00:31:30,599 --> 00:31:31,715
It's true.
598
00:31:33,268 --> 00:31:35,511
Then you know what it was?
I'll tell you what it was.
599
00:31:35,687 --> 00:31:37,681
I never should have driven you
to the church.
600
00:31:37,898 --> 00:31:40,057
Never. Because
when I was at your house,
601
00:31:40,234 --> 00:31:42,358
and I had those pains,
it was a warning.
602
00:31:42,528 --> 00:31:44,936
Thank you. It was a warning.
But what did I do?
603
00:31:45,113 --> 00:31:48,317
I had to succumb to peer pressure.
And where did it get me?
604
00:31:48,492 --> 00:31:51,114
Into a hospital room
with a heart attack.
605
00:31:51,286 --> 00:31:55,581
I've had a heart attack
and this is not a heart attack, my peer.
606
00:31:56,583 --> 00:31:58,209
That's-- Shame on you.
607
00:31:58,377 --> 00:32:02,755
You know, I would think being washed
in the blood of the lamb, you know,
608
00:32:02,923 --> 00:32:06,625
would make you a little more
understanding, Reverend.
609
00:32:06,802 --> 00:32:07,834
ERIC:
Hmm.
610
00:32:08,011 --> 00:32:10,883
Just tuck me in and just--
You know what?
611
00:32:11,056 --> 00:32:12,717
You have things to do.
I'll just sit here.
612
00:32:12,891 --> 00:32:14,137
What do they have tonight?
613
00:32:14,309 --> 00:32:19,019
What, the cottage-cheese meatloaf
with the dancing Jell-O?
614
00:32:19,189 --> 00:32:20,221
I'll go check.
615
00:32:22,943 --> 00:32:24,604
Chocolate.
616
00:32:30,868 --> 00:32:34,238
- And what are we doing?
- We got a snack.
617
00:32:37,165 --> 00:32:38,910
We make it.
618
00:32:39,543 --> 00:32:43,411
- Where's your sister?
- She's dancing.
619
00:32:43,589 --> 00:32:45,416
Dancing.
620
00:32:47,676 --> 00:32:50,797
[EASY-LISTENING MUSIC
PLAYING ON TAPE RECORDER]
621
00:33:05,277 --> 00:33:06,309
[MUSIC STOPS]
622
00:33:06,486 --> 00:33:07,567
ANNIE:
What's going on?
623
00:33:07,738 --> 00:33:10,740
Uh, we were just sealing the deal
on our exclusivity with a dance?
624
00:33:10,908 --> 00:33:11,940
Then I was going home.
625
00:33:13,493 --> 00:33:15,783
But I'll be going home now.
626
00:33:24,379 --> 00:33:26,456
[RINGING]
627
00:33:32,012 --> 00:33:33,176
Reverend Camden's office.
628
00:33:34,348 --> 00:33:36,092
ERIC [IN WOMAN'S VOICE]:
Who is this?
629
00:33:36,266 --> 00:33:37,548
This is Chandler.
630
00:33:38,227 --> 00:33:39,805
Oh, and what do you do
at the church?
631
00:33:41,980 --> 00:33:44,733
I'm the associate pastor.
632
00:33:45,025 --> 00:33:48,062
I do whatever
anyone wants me to do.
633
00:33:48,237 --> 00:33:50,029
Except for go back
to where I came from.
634
00:33:52,032 --> 00:33:53,361
How nice.
635
00:33:53,534 --> 00:33:56,370
Is there something I can help you with,
Reverend Camden?
636
00:33:56,745 --> 00:33:58,537
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
I need a ride home.
637
00:34:04,628 --> 00:34:05,874
But-- But I do need you.
638
00:34:06,046 --> 00:34:08,004
Uh, that's why I asked you
to look at my sermon.
639
00:34:08,173 --> 00:34:09,752
Right, because you needed me.
640
00:34:09,925 --> 00:34:12,843
You were just showing off. If you'd
needed me you would have called me.
641
00:34:13,011 --> 00:34:14,388
Oh, I didn't wanna bother you.
642
00:34:14,555 --> 00:34:17,177
But that's what we're gonna say.
643
00:34:17,349 --> 00:34:19,888
We're gonna say
you called me and asked me
644
00:34:20,060 --> 00:34:22,682
to come down to the church
and help you with your sermon.
645
00:34:22,855 --> 00:34:25,691
Because my wife is gonna
wanna know why I was there.
646
00:34:25,858 --> 00:34:30,567
- Wouldn't I come here to you?
- Let's not get logic into this, okay?
647
00:34:30,737 --> 00:34:33,739
Why can't we just say that the Rabbi
thought he was having a heart attack
648
00:34:33,907 --> 00:34:35,652
and that you two
were at the emergency room
649
00:34:35,826 --> 00:34:37,950
and you needed a ride home
from the emergency room?
650
00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:40,113
Because the two of us
were supposed to be spending
651
00:34:40,289 --> 00:34:41,748
a very calm afternoon in the park.
652
00:34:41,915 --> 00:34:44,870
The Rabbi could have a heart attack
anywhere, even in the park.
653
00:34:45,043 --> 00:34:47,251
I'm not gonna tell Annie
that he's in the hospital.
654
00:34:47,838 --> 00:34:50,674
Because the Rabbi doesn't want
his wife to know he's in the hospital.
655
00:34:51,550 --> 00:34:55,216
- Don't judge me.
- I'm-- I'm not judging.
656
00:34:55,429 --> 00:34:57,339
Until a few short weeks ago
I was an honest man
657
00:34:57,514 --> 00:34:58,926
who enjoyed an honest day's work.
658
00:34:59,099 --> 00:35:01,342
And then you came along
and complicated my life.
659
00:35:01,518 --> 00:35:02,717
[DOOR OPENS]
660
00:35:03,437 --> 00:35:06,439
Where have you been?
And where is Rabbi Glass?
661
00:35:06,899 --> 00:35:08,394
And why are you here?
662
00:35:08,567 --> 00:35:12,103
Uh, Reverend Camden
just, uh, needed a ride.
663
00:35:12,529 --> 00:35:14,689
- From?
- From hell.
664
00:35:17,451 --> 00:35:20,120
Well, good night, Chandler,
and thank you for helping my husband.
665
00:35:20,287 --> 00:35:22,993
Helping?
Is this your idea of helping?
666
00:35:23,832 --> 00:35:26,620
- Well, kind of.
- You weren't helping.
667
00:35:26,793 --> 00:35:28,871
You know why?
Because I don't want your help.
668
00:35:29,046 --> 00:35:31,715
And don't think just because I needed
a ride and you gave it to me
669
00:35:31,882 --> 00:35:34,172
we've had some sort of
a bonding experience.
670
00:35:36,428 --> 00:35:37,460
Okay.
671
00:35:39,014 --> 00:35:41,553
Well, then... Good night.
672
00:35:43,685 --> 00:35:45,975
Rosina called.
Is Richard on his way home?
673
00:35:46,146 --> 00:35:49,433
Possibly.
He stopped off at the hospital.
674
00:35:49,608 --> 00:35:51,602
- For?
- Tests.
675
00:35:51,777 --> 00:35:55,361
- It's nothing. He had an anxiety attack.
- Why doesn't Rosina know about it?
676
00:35:55,531 --> 00:35:56,942
Because he wants to tell Rosina
677
00:35:57,115 --> 00:35:59,026
after the tests are over
and everything's okay.
678
00:35:59,201 --> 00:36:01,278
- And when will that be?
- Tomorrow.
679
00:36:01,453 --> 00:36:02,485
And tonight?
680
00:36:02,663 --> 00:36:05,237
He's telling her that
he's sleeping over at our house.
681
00:36:05,415 --> 00:36:07,872
He's telling Rosina
that he's sleeping over at our house
682
00:36:08,043 --> 00:36:10,001
when, actually, he's in the hospital?
683
00:36:10,462 --> 00:36:13,381
- I owe him.
- What do you owe him for?
684
00:36:13,549 --> 00:36:15,092
Just for driving me around.
685
00:36:15,634 --> 00:36:18,387
Around where? I-- I thought you two
were going to the park.
686
00:36:18,554 --> 00:36:21,223
Yeah. Well, we stopped off
at the church.
687
00:36:21,390 --> 00:36:22,422
[SIGHS]
688
00:36:23,559 --> 00:36:27,889
- To spy on Chandler?
- To check on Chandler.
689
00:36:28,897 --> 00:36:30,274
Who are you?
690
00:36:37,197 --> 00:36:38,692
[SIGHS]
691
00:36:40,951 --> 00:36:42,695
In a minute.
692
00:36:44,246 --> 00:36:46,453
SIMON: I can outrun you, you know.
- No, you can't.
693
00:36:46,623 --> 00:36:50,159
- I'm not gonna say anything.
- I know her, she's relentless.
694
00:36:50,335 --> 00:36:53,041
I know her better. That's why
I'm not gonna tell her anything.
695
00:36:53,213 --> 00:36:57,342
You know, there's a reason why Lucy
gets left out and told about stuff last.
696
00:36:57,509 --> 00:37:00,048
She's crazy.
697
00:37:00,220 --> 00:37:01,466
[CHUCKLES]
698
00:37:02,890 --> 00:37:04,349
[SIGHS]
699
00:37:05,350 --> 00:37:06,846
Good night.
700
00:37:08,854 --> 00:37:09,886
What's up, Kevin?
701
00:37:10,063 --> 00:37:11,345
[SIGHS]
702
00:37:11,523 --> 00:37:12,639
[DOOR CLOSES]
703
00:37:12,816 --> 00:37:15,308
Let me try this out on you
and see what you think.
704
00:37:17,029 --> 00:37:18,061
Okay.
705
00:37:18,238 --> 00:37:20,066
Ruthie, I'm sorry.
706
00:37:20,240 --> 00:37:24,239
I should've stayed or I should've
insisted Jake leave when I did.
707
00:37:24,411 --> 00:37:26,903
Hey, you warned me
something bad would happen.
708
00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:28,873
I'm on restriction for two weeks.
709
00:37:29,041 --> 00:37:31,367
[OVER PHONE]
He can't call or come near the house.
710
00:37:31,543 --> 00:37:34,960
And I can't call him or anyone else,
or have any visitors.
711
00:37:35,130 --> 00:37:37,005
You sound kind of happy about it.
712
00:37:37,674 --> 00:37:39,751
It's my first official restriction.
713
00:37:39,927 --> 00:37:43,344
I've had stuff taken away before,
but I've never been restricted.
714
00:37:43,514 --> 00:37:45,887
I feel like a grown-up
or at least like a teenager.
715
00:37:46,058 --> 00:37:47,090
But you--
716
00:37:47,267 --> 00:37:48,300
[SIGHS]
717
00:37:48,477 --> 00:37:49,509
Congratulations.
718
00:37:49,686 --> 00:37:52,225
Goodbye. I'll see you at school.
719
00:38:01,490 --> 00:38:03,982
I called Yasmine and let her know
that I won't be able to call
720
00:38:04,159 --> 00:38:06,698
or entertain her or anyone else
for a couple weeks.
721
00:38:06,870 --> 00:38:09,279
I can see by your attitude
that you don't quite get
722
00:38:09,456 --> 00:38:11,533
that your actions
have consequences.
723
00:38:12,042 --> 00:38:16,255
Sure, I do. Restriction is definitely
a consequence of my actions.
724
00:38:17,089 --> 00:38:19,497
Why don't you say good night
to the boys?
725
00:38:21,593 --> 00:38:24,085
Good night, Sam. Night, David.
726
00:38:28,183 --> 00:38:29,928
What's going on?
727
00:38:30,394 --> 00:38:32,601
My tummy hurts.
728
00:38:32,771 --> 00:38:35,144
We ate too many snacks.
729
00:38:35,315 --> 00:38:37,309
We don't feel good.
730
00:38:37,484 --> 00:38:39,976
I'm sorry. It's my fault, isn't it?
731
00:38:40,153 --> 00:38:42,361
[IN UNISON]
Yes. No.
732
00:38:42,865 --> 00:38:45,783
[IN UNISON]
It's his fault.
733
00:38:45,993 --> 00:38:47,404
How about I stay in here tonight.
734
00:38:47,578 --> 00:38:50,117
And if you need anything
I'll be right by your side.
735
00:38:50,289 --> 00:38:52,615
[IN UNISON]
Okay.
736
00:38:55,294 --> 00:38:57,536
- Thank you and good night.
- Good night.
737
00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:02,166
Oh, and if you need anything,
738
00:39:02,593 --> 00:39:04,302
I'll be asleep.
739
00:39:11,226 --> 00:39:12,971
[HAPPY WHIMPERS]
740
00:39:19,234 --> 00:39:20,813
Come in.
741
00:39:21,445 --> 00:39:23,984
- Hi.
- Hi.
742
00:39:27,284 --> 00:39:29,693
You wanna tell me why you were
meeting with Chandler today?
743
00:39:29,870 --> 00:39:31,698
He let your little secret slip.
744
00:39:31,872 --> 00:39:33,284
You went to see him?
745
00:39:33,457 --> 00:39:34,952
I told him I thought it would be best
746
00:39:35,125 --> 00:39:37,997
if he packed up
and, you know, left town.
747
00:39:40,297 --> 00:39:41,329
Thank you.
748
00:39:41,507 --> 00:39:43,631
I know he won't but I...
749
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:45,379
Thank you.
750
00:39:46,261 --> 00:39:48,219
It means a lot to me
751
00:39:48,388 --> 00:39:50,715
that you would do something
stupid like that on my behalf.
752
00:39:51,934 --> 00:39:53,429
I can't take all the credit.
753
00:39:53,602 --> 00:39:55,145
Mary asked me to do it.
754
00:39:56,563 --> 00:39:57,845
They're good kids.
755
00:39:58,398 --> 00:39:59,479
Yeah.
756
00:39:59,650 --> 00:40:00,931
Good night.
757
00:40:01,109 --> 00:40:02,605
ROBBIE:
Good night.
758
00:40:25,342 --> 00:40:27,051
Something go wrong
on the ride-along?
759
00:40:27,511 --> 00:40:28,543
Yes.
760
00:40:28,971 --> 00:40:31,260
- I was kidding.
- I know.
761
00:40:31,431 --> 00:40:33,924
- Were you kidding?
- No.
762
00:40:34,685 --> 00:40:35,765
Roxanne?
763
00:40:35,936 --> 00:40:37,597
You know how you've been
wanting to know
764
00:40:37,771 --> 00:40:39,350
if I've ever been
with someone before?
765
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:41,936
Please don't tell me it's Roxanne.
766
00:40:42,359 --> 00:40:43,854
It's not Roxanne.
767
00:40:44,069 --> 00:40:45,612
[SIGHS]
768
00:40:45,779 --> 00:40:47,654
Lucy, when I graduated
from high school
769
00:40:47,823 --> 00:40:50,694
my girlfriend thought she was pregnant
and we got married.
770
00:40:51,618 --> 00:40:53,778
In the church, small family wedding.
771
00:40:53,954 --> 00:40:55,663
Only she wasn't pregnant
772
00:40:55,831 --> 00:40:58,074
and neither one of us
wanted to get married at 18.
773
00:40:58,250 --> 00:41:01,003
So six months later, we divorced.
774
00:41:10,846 --> 00:41:12,341
So the good news is,
775
00:41:12,514 --> 00:41:14,674
I can't get married
in the Catholic Church.
776
00:41:14,850 --> 00:41:18,386
So that won't be an issue for us
when we plan our wedding.
777
00:41:19,730 --> 00:41:21,190
Why didn't you tell me?
778
00:41:21,773 --> 00:41:23,648
I was afraid you wouldn't love me.
779
00:41:23,817 --> 00:41:26,903
I was afraid
this would be a deal breaker.
780
00:41:27,112 --> 00:41:28,572
But I do love you.
781
00:41:28,739 --> 00:41:30,946
And I've always been afraid
that you won't love me,
782
00:41:31,116 --> 00:41:33,406
so I guess I know just how you feel.
783
00:41:33,577 --> 00:41:34,823
Really?
784
00:41:35,996 --> 00:41:37,705
Really.
785
00:41:38,332 --> 00:41:39,791
I love you, Kevin.
786
00:41:40,959 --> 00:41:42,123
I love you.
787
00:41:44,046 --> 00:41:45,956
Why are you telling me this now?
788
00:41:47,090 --> 00:41:49,582
I pulled someone over today
and it was her.
789
00:41:50,260 --> 00:41:51,969
She had a long layover at LAX,
790
00:41:52,137 --> 00:41:54,427
so she rented a car
and drove to the beach.
791
00:41:55,224 --> 00:41:56,767
I stopped her for speeding.
792
00:41:56,934 --> 00:41:58,974
She's married,
she lives in New Zealand.
793
00:41:59,144 --> 00:42:02,146
They have two kids, a boy and a girl.
794
00:42:03,023 --> 00:42:04,933
So Roxanne met her first?
795
00:42:06,109 --> 00:42:07,486
Roxanne didn't meet her.
796
00:42:07,653 --> 00:42:09,112
Well, she had to have seen her.
797
00:42:09,905 --> 00:42:13,156
She saw her but neither
she nor Simon met her.
798
00:42:13,575 --> 00:42:14,608
Simon saw her too?
799
00:42:14,785 --> 00:42:16,695
Which is the only reason
why you're telling me.
800
00:42:16,870 --> 00:42:19,196
I was gonna tell you eventually.
801
00:42:19,373 --> 00:42:22,494
- Is she pretty?
- Luce, don't do this.
802
00:42:22,668 --> 00:42:27,046
- Is she?
- I don't know. You can ask Simon.
803
00:42:27,631 --> 00:42:29,541
I will. I'll ask him right now.
804
00:42:39,893 --> 00:42:41,057
[LUCY SIGHS]
805
00:42:41,228 --> 00:42:44,265
Let's just keep this between us
for now, okay?
806
00:42:45,691 --> 00:42:47,067
I told your dad.
807
00:42:47,117 --> 00:42:51,667
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