Original subtitles

[Fanfare]

[Music playing]

Good afternoon.

Mr. Wright?

Who's calling?

Just a moment, please.

Mr. Wright, Flumier Printing printing on the line.

Towers Model Agency.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

I'm sorry, Mr. Fitzgerald isn't in yet.

You're welcome.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

What do you want, please?

I'd like to have a job.

Are you registered here?

Well, no I'm not.

I've never been...

We're not registering any new girls.

Towers Model Agency.

Good afternoon.

You have the wrong number.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, too.

Good afternoon.

Towers Model Agency.

Just a moment.

Good afternoon, Towers Model Agency.

Towers Model...

Will you, uh, have a seat, please?

How can I have a job here tomorrow?

Are you registered?

Oh, yes, yes, I'm registered.

Did you get a call from Mr. Wright's office?

Well, no. Mr. Wright?

Guess there's nothing for you, then.

Sorry.

I'm sorry, too.

This is Mr. Wright's office?

I came to see about being a model.

Did Mr. Wright call you?

Oh, yes, yes.

I got a call from Mr. Wright.

Go right in.

Thank you.

MR. WRIGHT: I want him to put his OK on it

Before we print one of them.

He's putting up all the money for this deal,

And he has a right to know what's going on.

Now, don't argue with me.

Send the proofs in right away.

I'll be with you in a minute.

Get me Mr. Trevor's address.

Yes, sir.

Did I call you?

Oh, yes, yes, you called me.

Uh, what was it for?

Well, I don't know.

To be a model?

And you're French, huh?

Yes, I'm French.

But the accent won't show on the pictures.

No, of course not.

Let me see.

Must have been this, uh... yes, that's it.

Now, this is where you go.

Mr. Trevor's address... thank you.

This man is a first class photographer.

You'll pose with drapes.

Pardon?

With drapes.

With... oh.

Drapes.

And what else?

Nothing else.

Oh?

Oh, you mean you... you want me to pose with... just with...

Yes.

What do you think I am?

I've never... You don't want to do it?

Me? No.

I'll never do it.

All right.

You.

Come in, please.

Yes, Mr. Wright?

I have a job for you to pose with drapes.

For how much?

$2.75 an hour.

He'll want you three hours a day for about 10 weeks.

That's no job.

That's a career.

Oh, there's one thing I want to warn you about.

He's a very impatient man.

Don't keep him waiting, because he's

Likely to throw things at you.

I'll be there on time.

Well, make you are.

Go right into his studio and get ready.

Here's the address.

His name is Candecker.

Thank you, Mr. Wright.

Here are the proofs for Mr. Trevor.

Oh, yes.

We'll send them right down to, uh... to... Hi.

I asked you for Mr. Trevor's address a half hour ago.

Where is it?

Yes, Mr. Wright.

I put it right here...

Now, don't argue with me.

But I remembered to...

Everyone in this place wants to argue with me.

Well, I'm so sorry, but I...

Get me that address.

Yes, sir.

But Mr. Wright, I distinctly...

Get it.

Right over there.

Thank you very much.

Going up.

Mr. Trevor's office, please.

See his secretary, please.

This one?

Yes, that one.

OK.

Oh, wait a minute.

I am to see Mr. James Trevor.

Take this to the mail room right away.

Mr. Trevor wants it to get the 3:00 plane,

And to have it registered.

What do you want to see him about, please?

- I am from Towers, and... - Oh, from Towers?

He's expecting you. Go right in.

Ah, yes. In here?

Yes, right in that door.

He'll be there in just a minute.

Make yourself comfortable.

Yes.

Yes, of course.

Right away.

I want about 800,000 copies, and I don't

Want any argument about it.

Jim, that'll stand us over a quarter of a million dollars

Before we even start.

Listen, this isn't your money, and so will you be good boys

And do as I tell you, please?

Who is it?

Well, it's... it's, uh... huh?

You are Mr. James Trevor, no?

I'm Mr. James Trevor, yes.

How do you do?

I'm sorry I'm not ready.

I know you are very impatient.

No, I'm just curious.

Would you mind telling me what this is all about,

Or is that asking too much?

Pardon?

What is this all for?

$2.75 an hour.

Oh.

For $2.75, eh?

Is it too much?

Oh, no, no, no.

As a matter of fact, it's quite reasonable.

I was just thinking that it's worth that to find

Out what happens next.

Cannot get this... [speaking french].

May I help you?

Oh, no, no, no.

Please, I... I think I can do it myself.

Here's your plane ticket, sir.

Mr. Eddie will meet you in Chicago at 10:00,

And he wants you to bring... oh, pardon me.

I beg your pardon.

Pardon me.

You are the certain Mr. James Trevor, no?

I am Mr. James Trevor, but not very certain.

But don't let that stop you.

Go right ahead.

No thought about me.

Where are the "draps?"

The what?

You have the "draps?"

I don't know.

I had the measles.

What are the "draps" like?

Where is your camera?

My camera?

Oh, my camera.

Oh, well that's a long, sad story.

I lost it.

- You lost it? - Mm-hm.

Lost it last winter in Florida.

Put it in the back of my car and somebody stole it,

And it's the only camera I've ever been

Able to make pictures with.

You're a photographer, no?

That's where you've got me.

I'm a photographer, no.

And what are you?

I'm a model.

From Towers.

You're a model from Towers?

Well, what are you doing here?

INTERCOM: Yes, sir?

Get me Towers on the phone.

Please! Please don't!

Don't, don't, don't call them up.

It's all right.

I... you know, I'm not supposed to be here.

They didn't send me.

They told me about the "draps," and I came here.

Please don't do that.

I... I thought you were the photographer,

But you have no camera, so...

Now, don't mind about Towers. INTERCOM: Yes, sir.

There seems to be something wrong.

Oh, no, no.

Nothing is wrong, I promise you.

I just wanted to make a little money.

That's what I was afraid of.

Yes, Mr. Trevor?

Yes, Mr. Trevor?

Yes, Mr. Trevor?

Gentlemen, don't you think this looks a little haywire?

What do you mean by haywire?

I'm a model, I tell you, for $2.75 an hour.

Well, that's undoubtedly a bargain, but you see,

We have no possible use unless any of you gentlemen

Happen to be photographers or painters.

Oh, [speaking french]!

Well, gentlemen, there must be a model in there somewhere,

So will you all go back to your offices

And try and find out what it is?

That'll be all.

Thank you.

Don't bother to go upstairs, Frenchie.

There's a lock on your door.

You're not going to let me in my room?

I'm not going to let you in, and I'm

Not going to let your clothes out till you've paid your rent.

I don't owe you so much.

I can take a few things.

You can't take a thing.

That's the law.

Now out you get.

Go on. Out.

No, I won't!

- You won't? - It's not fair.

I'll get a job tomorrow.

On your way.

But you can't do this.

You must help me.

If you want help, get it from Washington.

Washington's dead.

Haven't you heard?

Oh, Gloria, please, talk to her.

You keep out of this, Miss Patterson.

I pay $7.00 a week in this fire trap,

And if there's any fun going on, I want to be in on it.

Stop this clatter.

I'm trying to think.

It's all right.

The queen is trying to slip Snow White the apple again.

She's four days behind on her rent!

And you're two weeks behind with your hot water.

I have to live too, you know?

Why?

Don't you talk to me like that.

I'll do better than that.

I won't even talk to you at all.

And I'll pay her rent.

These people. They just...

Shut up!

Why are you always so good to me?

Oh, I suppose you have to be good to something,

And my dog died a week before you moved in here.

I must get a job tomorrow.

I've been telling you for months that the only job

For a woman is marriage.

Who would marry me?

There's nothing wrong with you that a nice, rich husband

Couldn't cure.

Did you marry a rich husband?

I married a hooker.

All he had was a time step, and a shuffle off to Buffalo.

Late in life he became ambitious.

And got rich?

And got 20 years.

Please don't feel sorry about him.

But when I married this heel beater,

I turned down a man who went millions.

Every time I think of it, I want to cut my throat.

Oh, I could have married anyone then.

But you loved the hoofer?

My luck.

We used to go to Reisenweber's every night after the show.

I could have had anyone there, from the millionaire johns

Down to the busboy.

What a funny kid, that busboy.

He... say, he's at the Savoy Grand right now.

He'll give you a job.

Oh, you think so?

I know so.

He'll do anything I ask him.

And I'll ask him tonight.

Where are you going?

But this is the Savoy Grand, no?

Yes, I know.

But let's go around the back and surprise them.

In here?

Sure.

Where do you expect to find the head

Waiter, in the bridal suite?

Come on.

I beg your pardon.

Thanks.

Mediterranean.

$4.25.

I beg your pardon, sir.

Thanks, take these a la cremes, $5.95.

That's an outrage.

I beg your pardon?

Oh, I'm looking for Mike Levetavich.

He's a captain here.

I'm sorry.

Levetavich is, uh... [inaudible], $2.80.

He's in the dining room.

You'll have to wait.

Chicken a la king, salad no hearts, $4.89.

It's very important, sir.

Would you mind sitting down a moment, please?

Salad [inaudible], $3.40.

- Hammond. - Yes, sir?

What's the idea?

In a salad [inaudible] for Mrs. Britton,

The garlic must be just... Gloria.

I don't believe it.

Oh, it's not you.

Oh, but it is you.

And you look so good, I thought we were back at Reisenweber's I

Was the busboy then, but when glorious Gloria used

To come in after the Follies.

Who, who, I ask you, cooked her eggs and bacon?

At I'll tell you who it was.

It was me, Mike the busboy.

This your daughter?

Oh, no.

This is my friend, Miss de Cortillon.

Oh, all right, all right.

How do you do?

How do you do?

It was Gloria Patterson in lights then.

Mike, I'd like to talk to you when you're not so busy.

Oh, I'm never too busy to talk to a pal.

Thanks.

Uh, this kid wants a job.

Job?

Yeah, she's one of those rare people who really

Want to work for a living.

Well, I can't put anybody on right now.

This is the bad season, you know?

Oh, yeah?

What do you do in the good season?

Hang 'em on the chandelier?

Well, when it gets better I can't put her on because I

Won't be here myself.

I'm going to open my own restaurant.

Oh, really? When?

Soon.

I found a place.

But not the money, eh?

I've got the $3,000 to put on the line.

All I need is a little money to renovate.

Well, I'm sure you'll get it.

Oh, soon as I open and put her on, probably.

Hey, Mike.

You're wanted upstairs.

Mr. Duncan just checked in.

Room 1452.

OK.

Excuse me, please.

It's my best customer.

He always wants my personal service.

I'll be right back.

Sit and wait for me, huh?

Excuse me.

That's too bad.

It would be so nice to work here.

Uh-huh.

Look at those girls in there.

That's where you belong, not in the kitchen.

The way to a man's heart is through his eyes, baby.

That's the modern version.

He believes what he sees, and takes

Bicarbonate of soda for his indigestion,

Instead of a wife that can cook.

Those women spend $3 billion a year in beauty parlors,

And none for cookbooks.

You're very hard to understand sometimes.

70% of all the money in America is in the hands of women.

You understand that, don't you?

Yes, but...

And if the boys don't look out, the girls

Will get the other 30%.

Gee, kid, if I looked like you and knew what I know now,

I'd be in there brushing caviar off a mink coat [inaudible].

But you were very beautiful once.

I saw the pictures.

Oh, sure.

I was a lulu, but with the brains of a butterfly.

And by the time I had sense, I looked like somebody's aunt.

Oh.

Well, maybe I'd better do this very soon, no?

Now you're talking, honey.

All we need is some clothes, a decent place

To live where you'll meet the right kind of people,

And some money.

Not very much.

$3,000.

I'm so sorry, but Mr. Duncan is such an important man.

Mike...

Please, about the cards.

Mike, you need more money for your restaurant, don't you?

Well, with another $2,000, I could

Have the most beautiful... You wouldn't want

To go in on a deal, would you?

I'd like to talk to you a little about it.

You want to talk to me?

Well, come right in. Come.

Can you imagine you and I being partners?

I have a little place where you can...

We could rent the clothes.

We'll give her a great, big build up.

We'll move right here in the hotel, where you can keep

Your eyes on your investment.

It's crazy, it's insane.

It's my $3,000.

What are you talking about, $3,000?

When she's a rich Mrs. Who'sus, she'll back you with

The biggest restaurant in town.

Look at her.

Can you imagine what she'll look like when she's all dressed up?

Oh, come on, take a chance.

I'm no gambler.

I saved this money dime by dime.

I'm not going to do it, even if it

Does mean a hole in the wall, instead

Of a great, big restaurant.

No.

My answer is no.

Definitely no.

Do you think it would work?

Right this way, please.

I know you're going to like this apartment.

It's the finest one at the house, really.

Well, then that's the one we want.

I understand there was a brilliant season

In Paris this year.

Oh, yes, a brilliant season.

Ah, wonderful gay Paris.

The queen of all the cities of the world.

Entrez, Madame.

Mademoiselle?

Southern exposure.

All newly decorated.

Oh, it... it's lovely.

She means it'll do.

And now this way, please.

This, madame, is the sleeping chamber.

Nicole?

The bedroom.

Oh, this is very...

Hm... it's all right.

You'd better start unpacking the few things we brought along.

Over there, madame, is the other bedroom.

Now, if there is anything the madame requires in the way

Of special service, we shall be only too

Happy to arrange it for you.

We want your stay with us to be a memorable and enjoyable one,

Because we feel that there isn't a hotel in America

So well equipped as ours to make you was comfortable as you

Were in the home you just left.

What a sweet thought.

Well, well, well, well... Uh, well, does madame wish

To order some, uh, luncheon?

Isn't it a little early for luncheon, captain?

Oh, no, no.

We always like to order it early.

Madame, you need me to help you unpack your wallet to telephone

The clerk at the desk?

I think my niece and I can manage, thank you.

And remember, we're all ready to serve

You at any time, all of us.

No service too great, no service too small, thank you.

I thought he was going to stay for the weekend.

I'm going to get settled.

Gloria, Mike, look, look!

It's beautiful!

Oh!

Oh, it's like a dream.

It costs $30 a day to rent this coat.

It's no dream, it's a nightmare.

Do you think it's better with the collar up?

Well, what do I know?

Not very much.

Why did you engage this suite?

Because Bill Duncan lives across the hall.

And who is Bill Duncan?

He has $10 million and owns half of Canada.

Oh.

In that case, we're going to dedicate

This little number to him.

Try it on, darling.

Watch out for the cigarette!

Oh!

I'm sorry.

I didn't see it. She didn't see it.

But if she burn the coat, we have to buy the coat.

And if we have to buy the coat, we have to go to jail.

And if we go to jail, you'll get a pardon

Because you're so cute.

Right.

Try it on, darling.

She's such a child.

And while she's growing up, it's costing

Me $60 a day for this suite.

And that's, uh, a little over $0.04 a minute.

If you lose one penny on this deal,

I'll give you my right eye.

And I'll take it.

Oh, if I only had $10 left, I'd go to a doctor

And have my head examined.

Come on, tell me more about this Duncan man.

Well, he owns half of Canada.

Isn't that enough?

Maybe we could do better than that.

[Buzzer]

Ah, Mrs. Patterson, I have your credit card for...

I... I don't know.

It feels all right to me.

May I ask the meaning of this?

The lady complain about the chairs.

They feel a bit hard.

I was just trying them out, sir.

Yes, I think it must be stuck with feathers

From a... stool pigeon.

- Personally, for me it's... - Never mind.

Never mind.

Yes, sir.

Oh, it's all right once you're in it.

It's the first meeting that's a problem.

Yes, I understand.

Captain, you're wrong.

There is a decided shock.

How are the others?

Try that one.

Yes, sir.

It's just like being a test pilot.

How's that one, madame?

Oh, this is divine.

See?

Oh, if I just had my boots and saddle.

Gloria?

Gloria?

What's the matter, dear?

I'd like to have breakfast.

I thought you were frightened.

No.

I want my breakfast right here.

- In bed? - Mm-hm.

Ah.

I want some honeydew melon, and some toast,

With lots of butter.

And then I'm gonna... Then, and then,

And then I want some bacon.

[Squeals] Some bacon with eggs.

Two eggs.

Two eggs.

And then... then I want some sausage.

Some sausage, and a jelly donut.

Yes.

Is that all?

Oh, no, no, no.

No, I want some coffee, and a shower.

All right, lovely.

I'll order it.

That will be all.

Room service, please.

[Humming]

This is 1460.

One toast and one coffee, please.

Well, do we do that Bill Duncan business this morning,

Or have you lost your nerve?

No, no, no.

I'll do it.

But you're positive he'll believe it?

When he gets a look at you in that new outfit,

He'll want to believe it.

You think so?

Sure.

Then it'll be the same old story in the same old setting.

Lunch one day, dinner the next, hockey games,

Races, night clubs.

Oh, I like that.

That doesn't mean a thing.

But if he invites you to the opera

And sits you in the family box, then, my dear, that's love.

Charlie!

Charlie!

Charlie, [speaking french].

I beg your pardon, but I... I don't know what you're saying.

Oh, but Charlie, [speaking french]?

I'm sorry, but I don't understand French.

But have you been in a war?

No.

You are well?

Quite well, thank you.

How are you?

You... you're not Charlie Dumurray,

Who was so big and played with me in Cannes

When we lived next door?

Well, I was so big, but I didn't live next door to you,

And I was never in Cannes.

Oh, you're not Charlie.

No, I'm Bill.

Oh.

Well, I'm sorry, I...

Don't be.

Please.

I thought you... oh... excuse me.

I didn't...

Good morning, Mr. Duncan.

Hey!

Jim!

It's a pal of mine.

Haven't see him since last new year's.

Hey!

Jim!

Hey, Jim!

Shh!

Bill!

When did you get in?

Shh!

Didn't you get my letter?

Shh!

I just missed you in Chicago.

- Shh! - I know.

I found your office.

Shh!

Why don't you move into my place?

Shh!

I can't hear a word you're saying.

These people are making too much noise.

Shh!

I'll see you outside.

Shh!

Excuse me.

I'll be right back.

What's the matter?

Well, I know this man.

I met him.

Bill, you old Canuck.

How's everything in Winnipeg? Fine.

When did you get the mustache?

Well, that's something I picked up when I had the flu.

Remember the go around we had New Year's Eve?

Do I? I didn't sober up till Easter.

[Laughter]

Gentlemen, gentlemen.

Who's he talking to?

It can't be us.

Well, curtain is about to go up.

Look, will you go out and buy yourself

A nice pair of long pants, now?

You're getting to be a big boy, now.

Please go away.

Who are you with?

An advertiser.

Get rid of him and join us.

Oh, wish I could, but he's got a big contract in his pocket.

Oh, forget the contracts. Come on.

God, it's been... Who are you with?

A girl.

Local entry?

- No, she's from Paris. - Kentucky?

France.

Oh, Jim, she's really something.

Two diplomats tried to blow their brains out

Last year because she wouldn't marry them.

- Sounds interesting. - Interesting?

She's marvelous.

The rage of Parisian society.

Daughter of a French baron, or something.

Her aunt told me so.

- Oh, she has an aunt? - All French girls have aunts.

Well, never mind the aunt.

When do I meet the girl?

- Do you still like brunettes? - Sure.

You know me. That's fine.

She's a blonde.

Oh, I can't wait.

Well, but suppose he... He brings him in here?

Oh, he won't till after intermission.

Mrs. Hudson, may I present my best friend, Jim Trevor?

How do you do?

Nicole, this is Jim Trevor.

I wanted him to join us later, but he couldn't make it,

So I... I brought him in to say hello.

Charmed.

And don't believe a word he says.

I wouldn't miss going to your party for the world.

Really?

What comes next?

A little salad, perhaps?

Where is that on the menu?

That'll be here, monsieur.

For the entree I would suggest [french]?

You hear that, Mama?

I want ham and eggs.

Two ham and eggs, then.

I think I'll have a little roast duck.

Excuse me.

Mrs. Patterson with mademoiselle, Monsieur Duncan.

Can I have a beautiful table for three?

I wish you were right.

Make it for four, Mike.

Right this way, please.

Why four?

We're having company for supper.

Who?

Trouble.

On my money, having trouble for supper?

Sit down, Jim.

Thanks.

And does the young lady stay in the hotel, too?

Oh, yes.

Right across the hall from me, with her aunt.

How cozy.

A little supper, perhaps?

May I suggest some Russian specialties?

[Russian]

Why is he trouble?

He knows all about Nicole.

Why did you tell him?

The lobster is very nice tonight.

No, I don't care for lobster.

Besides, I didn't tell him, you dope.

Dope is right.

My money's all gone.

Ah, poulet de vinaigrette?

What are you ordering, Mrs. Patterson?

Oh, a little poulet vinaigrette for madame.

And for monsieur, perhaps a little fish?

I'll have the same as madame.

Very well, sir.

Your party, Mr. Duncan?

Yes, it's a sort of celebration.

Oh, in that case, a little champagne

With [inaudible], lobster cold with a sauce supreme.

For you, mademoiselle?

That'll be fine.

Very well, sir.

Two very nice, cold lobsters, and two tough chickens.

Why tough?

Never mind.

Never mind bout it.

How long have you been in New York, mademoiselle?

Oh.

Well, uh...

Just a week.

She arrived the same day I did.

A week?

I should've said you've been here much longer.

Oh, uh, she fools everyone.

I'm sure she does.

That reminds me, I don't know why,

But the funniest thing happened to me about three weeks ago.

A young lady came and said...

Uh, wouldn't you young people like to dance?

Oh, yes.

Oh, it'd be a great pleasure, if I may.

Yes, but it's my pleasure first.

I'm sorry to interrupt your story.

I'll tell it to you later.

You know, Bill's a very old friend of mine.

We've known each other...

So I gathered when two boys nearly

Broke up the opera tonight.

Well, ever since we were about...

[Inaudible].

Keep your head.

Next time I'll keep my money, too.

You know, I'm very much interested in your niece.

Now, there's a girl that...

You know, I don't know how that dear child does it,

But every man she meets is...

I'm sorry, but my interest is not romantic.

Oh.

Oh, I'm so glad.

Oh, that'll be such a relief to her to know that no one is

Interested in her.

Now, wait.

There's one thing I want to ask you before Bill

Comes back to the table.

Ah, [inaudible], sir?

Yes, but serve it later, please.

But a glass for madame?

- Oh, yes. - All right.

But make it quick.

With lightning, sir.

Now, your niece came into my office.

Would you like some bitters in your wine, sir?

- No. - Well, some people like it.

I do.

I don't.

Yes, sir.

One does, one doesn't.

Now, you will probably want to shoot

Me for... [pop] There's one thing about Bill I want to tell you...

Would you like to try some first, sir?

Will you please serve it and get out here?

But the glass for madame.

One thing about Bill I want you to know...

That a boy.

Keep it up.

In a moment, I'll pour it down his neck.

A glass for you, sir?

Wouldn't you like to pull up a chair and join the party?

Oh, thank you very much sir, but the help is not

Allowed to sit with the guests.

Thank you just the same.

Now, about your neice...

Oh, here they come.

Come on, let's drink with them.

Oh, they make such a lovely couple.

You're just in time.

The waiter insisted upon pouring the wine.

I wish he'd insist on pouring some for me.

Immediately, sir.

Well, I've had the most wonderful chat with your aunt

While you were dancing.

- Did you tell your funny story? - No, I didn't.

I wanted to wait till you got back to the table.

I thought perhaps mademoiselle would like to...

To dance?

But certainly, if you like.

Oh, a grand idea.

It comes just at the right time, too.

And remember, don't believe a word he says to you.

Jim and I are great friends.

Yes, so he told me, Mr. Duncan.

Why don't you call me Bill?

If I were 15 years younger, I'd do better than that.

Why, Mrs. Patterson...

Call me Gloria.

Well?

Come on, come on, come on.

Tell me the whole story.

Just pretend I'm your uncle, like you're pretending she's

Your aunt.

Pardon?

Now listen, I know there's a lot

Of monkey business going on.

All I want to be sure of is that my friend Bill

Isn't going to be the monkey.

No.

No.

Now, come on.

Too many people about?

We'll go to the bar. No, no.

I don't go to the bar.

Well, you have to drink.

I don't drink anything with you.

Very well, then.

Back we go to the table, and I tell Bill the whole story.

I'll drink a champagne cocktail.

Fine.

Two champagne cocktails, please.

Yes, sir.

Well, I'm all ears.

So you won't talk, huh?

All right, you don't have to.

I'll do the talking.

Now, this whole act is to impress Bill that you're

A nice girl from a nice family.

You want to marry him, and then in a few months

You'll divorce him, and then live happily ever

After on the alimony, right?

It's a very cheap and dishonest idea,

And I think that... Shall I go on?

Go ahead.

I can take it.

Good.

I can dish it out, too.

I want you to lay off Bill.

I want you to tell him the truth.

Because if you don't, I will.

You don't know anything about me.

I know enough about you.

You were in my office three weeks ago

With another kind of a racket.

And once Bill hears about that, mademoiselle, you're finis.

And then I...

Mademoiselle, your dinners are ready, sir.

- Are you here again? - Here?

Why yes, sir.

I've been in this hotel for 11 years.

Well, will you get out of here for five minutes?

Ah, yes, sir. Right away, sir.

Thank you.

Well, have you decided you'll tell him?

I'll tell him.

Good.

Tomorrow.

Oh, no, no.

You're going to tell him right now, while I'm here.

I started this thing, and I want to be in on the finish.

All right.

You'll see the finish.

Sorry to have been rough on you, but war is war.

You said it, Mr. Trevor.

That's strange.

They're not dancing. Hm?

Oh, they must be.

I just saw them a... Oh, there they are.

Where?

- At the bar. - Oh, yes.

What are they doing over there?

Well, I know one way to find out.

Let's join them.

Nice friend I have.

I've heard that man's best friend is always the dog.

Here they come.

All right.

I'll try to do a good job.

Remember us?

I just thought you'd be here for a dance,

But this is going too far.

Oh, Bill, I'm sorry, but we have been talking,

And... shall I tell him now?

Certainly.

Go ahead.

Tell me what?

Sorry.

Mr. Trevor wants me to tell you a story.

Oh, uh, don't you think you'd better tell me first?

No, no.

I can tell it to everything.

He wants me to tell you that I once went to his office,

And... that's right?

Mm-hm.

Uh-huh.

And... well, he was taking photographs,

And I was supposed to be a model to pose with "draps."

And... and he says it will be a big joke.

Do you think it's funny?

Very funny.

Excruciating.

Don't you see why it's so funny?

Because I've never posed for one picture,

And he's not a photographer.

Everybody knows this.

And... and he says... do you know what he says?

He says if I tell you this, he's going to take me

Out for dinner tomorrow night.

You little double crosser.

I beg your pardon, Mr. Trevor?

We'd better leave, Mr. Duncan.

I'll see you to your rooms.

Mr. Trevor seems to be a very peculiar man.

I'm sorry.

I could have sworn he was sober.

That'll be $2.50, sir.

Take out for the glass too, please.

The glass is on me, sir.

I can't understand it.

He's changed so completely.

Inside a year, too.

I knew a man once whose hair turned white overnight.

Well, I wouldn't believe it about Jim unless I'd seen it.

You know, this man wouldn't believe it about his hair

Until he became bald the following night.

But that convinced him.

Please, Gloria.

I was just telling him.

Well, don't forget we have a breakfast out

On the terrace in the morning. Good night, Mrs. Patterson.

Good night, Bill.

I promised to find you jelly doughnuts,

And if I have to turn the whole of New York inside out,

I'll get them.

Thank you, Bill.

Good night, Nicole.

Good night.

If little orphan Annie gets out of this jam,

She'll be a miracle woman.

Nice trick you pulled in the bar.

Yeah.

That's why I'm here.

Now, there's something very funny about that girl.

She's not what you think she is at all.

Oh, find a new line, Jim.

Oh, but really, Bill, I'm serious.

Oh, sure you are.

Remember Bermuda?

Sonia wasn't worthy of me, and you finished up

With her in Honolulu.

Ah, but this is different.

And I did the same to you at Miami.

What was her name? Eloise.

But now, let's be sensible about this.

I intend to be.

I don't blame you for trying, but it won't work.

All right. Be smart.

But I tell you, she's a phony, and I'm going to prove

It to you if it takes a month.

Aw, Jim.

Nicole's the wrong girl for your brand of humor.

Ah, the young lady in your party forgot her wrap.

It wasn't my party, and she's not a lady.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir, but I'm sure you know

Your friends better than I do.

GLORIA: Who is it?

It's her fur coat with me.

What kind of a business is leaving fur coats around?

What do you think, they grow on trees?

Now, now, now, be quiet and calm yourself.

But you can't just leave around...

We can be very proud of our little girl tonight.

She certainly saved us all.

Oh, yes.

Yes, of course.

The way you got rid of him, that was great.

Allow me to be the first one to congratulate you.

You turned the tide of battle.

What's the matter?

It's the first time anyone has ever said anything like that

To me before.

Said what?

He said I'm cheap.

Well, you certainly paid him back for that.

In spades.

He's got some nerve... cheap.

I figured out just now how much it costs.

$87.50 in rental.

Cheap?

What does he want you to wear?

Radium?

He meant I was dishonest.

Darling, all women are dishonest.

If they weren't, the world would be

Divided into two classes of people... old

Maids and bachelors.

Look, that's dishonest.

Plucking your eyebrows is dishonest.

The rouge on your cheeks is dishonest.

And a fat woman in a girdle... Oh, that's highway robbery.

If marrying a nice boy like Bill is the wrong idea,

Don't tell me that starving and waiting for a Prince Charming

To ride up on a white horse is the right one.

Of course, it's so simple.

When I put paste on a steak, does anybody eat the paste?

No, it's just for show.

Now, what you are doing is just putting paste...

Please stop talking about that.

Aw, Nicole.

Don't let that Trevor influence...

Leave me alone.

Now look, I'm a partner...

Now leave her alone!

You're just the silent partner.

Leave her alone?

Somebody calls her cheap, then right away

She gets unreasonable.

But can I get unreasonable? No.

Oh, now, Mike, everything is going to be all right.

Sure. It's going to be great.

I started out to get a restaurant,

And I'll be lucky if I wind up with a ham sandwich.

Miss de Cortillon, please.

I'm calling for Mr. James Trevor.

The line's still busy, sir.

Just hold on.

She'll run out of breath sooner or later.

Yes, sir. We all do, sir, sooner or later.

I'm still waiting, operator.

It's a dangerous business, interfering

Between a man and a maid.

Yes, Rigley.

I know when I'm in trouble without you telling me.

Similar situation in my own family, sir.

As a matter of fact, that's how my second cousin

Lost his right eye.

I'm still waiting, operator.

Mr. Duncan's my best friend.

That's the only reason I'm doing it.

It was my second cousin's brother, sir, who knocked

Out my second cousin's eye.

Hello?

Is this the rage to Paris, or the pride of Hoboken,

Or whatever you're calling yourself today?

This is Jim Trevor.

Where's Bill?

Well, you can get Mr. Duncan at his club.

He's at a meeting.

Oh, he's at a meeting?

Well, that's grand, because you're going

To have dinner with me tonight.

What?

Oh, no.

No, I don't like you.

I'm sorry.

Well, I'm not sorry at all, but you're still going to have

Dinner with me at 7:30 sharp.

No?

Remember those four men in my office?

Well, they remember you.

And if you don't come, I'm going to have the whole quartet down

There singing "Mammy" right in front of your door

Until Bill comes home.

Eat.

It's not poison.

Anything else, miss?

No.

Well, I'm sorry you didn't enjoy your dinner.

Well, I... I'd rather like to know why I'm here.

Well, I thought there might be a chance

For us to find a nice, friendly way of calling off hostilities.

Pardon?

Ending our little war.

Oh

Uh, you can serve the coffee now.

Yes, sir.

Isn't there any way I can stop you from marrying Bill?

You're not going to tell me you're madly in love with him?

Is that French wine?

Do you love him?

I... I would like to leave now, please.

You're a very smart girl.

No, I don't think so.

Oh, yes, you are.

Because if you told me you were in love with him,

I wouldn't believe you.

But by refusing to answer, you get

The credit for being honest.

Bill is very lucky.

To get you?

No.

To have a friend like you, who fights so hard for him.

Come on, now.

Why don't you be regular, and just drop the whole thing?

I would need money.

That's what I thought.

$3,000.

Ah. $3,000... Did you hear that, Rigley?

- You me to, sir? - I do.

I did.

Good.

And remember it until I bring Mr. Duncan back here.

No.

No.

No, you can't do that!

I didn't want you to give it to me.

It's a trick.

It's terrible!

I know it's terrible, but it's my turn.

Now, you just sit down and relax.

No, I go now.

Please let me go! Rigley.

Yes, sir?

If this young lady's not here when I get back, you're fired.

Thank you, sir.

But this is not fair.

You can't do...

- All's fair in love and war. - Allow me, sir.

And this is a little bit of both.

You can't do that!

I'm sorry, mademoiselle, but the age of chivalry is dead.

And when I come back, I'll take you to the funeral.

You big fool!

You let me go!

This is a free country!

I... You have no right to do that to me.

Let me go!

How old are you?

Huh?

How old are you?

Why?

Well, I would just like to know.

Never mind how old I am.

Now, don't be nasty.

You have to watch me, but we might as well be good friends

Until they come back.

46.

No?

Really?

But you look 10 years younger than that.

Nonsense.

No nonsense.

You're a very attractive young man.

You know what you ought to do?

You ought to go to France.

All the women would be crazy about you,

If you know what I mean.

You're wasting your breath, miss, talking to me like that.

All right.

I'll shut up.

How did you ever do that?

What?

Oh, that's easy.

Why, it's marvelous!

No, that's nothing.

I can do much better than that.

Really?

Sure.

You have a watch?

Yes.

Now, watch the watch.

Why, that's wonder... Where's my watch?

Right here.

My sincere appreciation.

Oh, that's nothing yet.

But you should see what I could do

With, uh... with those flowers.

What could you do with them?

Well, I could... I could make each one light up like a lamp.

No.

Mm-hm.

How could you possible do that?

Well, that's a professional secret.

You go in this corner, turn your face to the wall,

And count slowly to 25.

And then you turn around, and you will see it.

All right.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8...

Yes, Mr. Smythe?

Did you find out about that train?

Yes, sir. I did, sir.

There's a train that leaves Grand Central Station

And connects with the B&H.

I beg your pardon, but...

But, uh, just a minute, sir, please.

It leaves New York at 8:00 PM, and you get to Montreal

Next morning about...

Can I stop over at Albany?

I'm terribly sorry, but this is very important.

Are you a member of this club, sir?

No, I'm not. But I...

Well, will you kindly wait till I get through?

What was that?

On the noon train you'll have a four

Hour layover in Albany, sir.

Four hours?

That's the best connection we can make, sir.

Very well, then.

I won't go.

Four hours in Albany.

Imagine that.

Is Mr. Duncan here?

Who, sir?

William Jerome Duncan.

William Jerome Duncan.

Senior or junior?

Junior.

He's at a meeting.

Oh, he's left.

It was a very short meeting tonight.

He said he'd be at his hotel, sir.

All right.

Oh, Bill, I want you to come up to my apartment.

I've got...

Oh.

Good evening.

Well, this is a surprise.

Well, I think I have to leave now.

I'm in a hurry.

Good night.

How do you do?

How do you do?

This is my cousin Theresa, and my Uncle Edward.

How do you do?

How do you do?

So happy.

Captain and Mrs. McMasters.

This is Nicole and her aunt, Mrs. Patterson.

How do you do?

How do you do?

My cousin, George Morgan, and my Aunt Amelia.

How do you do?

Mother.

This is Nicole.

My dear child.

I'm so happy to see you.

Thank you.

It's very nice to meet you.

Come on.

I want you to meet Father.

And you are Mrs. Patterson?

Yes, I am.

Bill has told me about you, too.

I've been to Paris several times.

My brother Eric has a branch of his business over there.

On the Champs-Elysees.

You know, I think your niece resembles you quite a lot.

Perhaps I should say you resemble your niece?

Oh, it doesn't matter.

We all look alike in our family.

I'm glad we don't in ours.

Mrs. Duncan and I want you and your aunt

To come up and spend a few weeks with us at Winnipeg.

Oh, that's very nice.

It'd give us a chance to get better acquainted.

And, uh, I'm sure you'd like it there.

Do you like her?

Caviar, pheasant, champagne.

This is a celebration.

Boy, have I got a restaurant, have I got a restaurant.

I don't know.

- You don't know? - Well, have you?

I have. I have the best.

I have the most marvelous.

I have the...

Now, you sit over there till I need you.

Yes, sir.

I can't do this, sir.

Now, you do as you're told.

You're working on borrowed time, anyway.

I should have fired you last Tuesday.

Well, why don't you fire me now, sir?

Well, if you do a good job tonight, perhaps I will.

Oh, thank you very much, sir.

And my policy has always been never

To see the family except at weddings and funerals.

There's Jim.

Well, we must be off.

But you've only just arrived, Mrs. Patterson.

Well, you see, you're uh... we're

Going to... we're going to ride to the hounds in the morning.

It's tally ho at dawn.

Yes, you've got to be up very early in the morning

To catch a fox, wot?

Yes, and stay up very late at night to catch a mink.

This is a surprise.

It's always a surprise when someone uninvited shows up,

Isn't it?

I'm sorry, Jim.

I didn't know you wanted to come.

- Oh, forget it. - Hello.

Uh, we've met before.

I just can't place you.

Oh, you remember good old Rigley?

Oh, yes. Uh, how do you do, Mr. Rigley?

How do you do, sir?

My man.

Oh.

That's a very funny idea.

Make yourself comfortable, Rigley.

Now speak your little piece, Rigley,

And we'll get out of here.

Well, I, uh...

Go on.

Speak up.

Speak up.

I can't do this, Mr. Trevor.

All right, then.

I will.

Last Tuesday night your fiance was in my apartment

Trying to get $3,000.

Sorry, but you asked for it.

Mr. Dunan.

You big chump, you...

We must go now, sir.

Remember my second cousin.

Am I fired now, sir? No.

Aw.

I saw the whole thing, Mr. Duncan.

He pulled a knife on you.

What's happened?

What did they do?

Nicole?

Where's Nicole?

Now, don't worry, my dear.

We'll find her.

Oh, that child's always running to fights and fires.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I didn't know that would happen.

Please come back, and I will make clear what you meant.

Oh... something is broken?

Oh, we must call a doctor.

But... where are we going?

Oh!

Oh, take me back!

Stop this car!

Take me back, you hear me?

You can go back when Duncan knows all about you.

But I'll tell him everything.

I...

You told him everything once before.

No, you can come back with me.

I'll fix it up.

You'll probably fix it so they'll call the police.

I'm sorry, young lady, but you're too tricky.

But I don't do anymore tricks. I promise.

From now on you can do all the tricks you know,

But they won't do you any good.

What are you going to do with me?

I haven't made up my mind yet.

Well, I don't go with you.

I... I'll jump out. Go ahead.

It's your neck.

Break it if you want to.

Oh, you are a... a... a...

Beast is the word.

Yes, beast. That's what you are.

Right.

Now, you turn right back!

Look out!

Now, will you please tell me where you are going to take me?

Be quiet and keep still, and you'll soon find out.

Well, I don't care, because when I get there, I get back.

Sure.

How?

What's that?

I catch hitch.

You what?

I catch hitch.

[Whistle]

You mean hitch hike?

That's what I said.

Splendid.

Place where we're not going, the only thing that goes by

Is a milk truck.

And that's at 4:00 in the morning.

You'll have a lot of practice doing this all... ow!

Oh, that's nothing.

Just wait.

I'll make a lot of trouble for you.

Go ahead.

I can take it.

[Horn]

Well, here's where we get out.

I don't get out.

Oh, that's too bad, because I'm going in there, and where I go,

My coat goes.

So sorry, please.

I stay right here.

Well then, I'd turn up the window if I were you.

It's safer.

- Safer? - Yes.

Well, not that I think anything will happen,

But I think it's wiser not to take any chances with so

Many wild animals about.

Oh, I'm not afraid.

Oh, you're not?

Well, that's fine.

[Shouting]

Hey!

Watch your step. It's rough here.

I don't want you to break your neck.

I'm sorry I can't wish you the same.

[Shouting]

Oh!

What's that?

That's the old caretaker.

Used to be a hog calling champion.

What's a hog?

Hog's a very big pig.

Now I could say something.

But I don't.

Hello?

Hello, pops.

It's me, Jimmy!

Jimmy?

Oh, it can't be true.

See.

Here, let me have a look at you.

Why, it is Jimmy.

Gosh, it's good to see ya.

And you're looking fine, too.

I feel grand.

It is so long since you've been up

Here that I was beginning to commence

To forget what you look like.

How are you, miss?

Say, son, what are you doing up in this neck of the woods?

Oh, that's a long story, pops.

Well, it ought to be worth hearing.

- Well, I'll tell you later. - Yeah.

Right.

I'll open the house and light the fire.

Grand.

So it'll be nice and warm for you.

OK.

Come on.

Now I'll go on a sit down strike.

Then I'd better get you a coat.

No, I don't want any coat.

I'm going to get pneumonia and die.

Then what will you do with the body?

I'll show you.

You're going inside, and like it.

No, please don't!

Are you ticklish?

Yes, I'm ticklish!

[Laughter]

No!

Well, here you are.

Make yourself at home.

By golly.

It's about time.

Got to feed this lady.

She's pretty wild.

I'm not.

Well, the best to both of ya.

So you got him in double harness, eh?

I always said when he got spiced he'd pick

Out a lollapolooza like you.

What did he call me?

Lalala...

I hope you'll be as happy as two jaybirds in a cherry tree.

And I'm mighty glad that somebody as pretty as you

Is in the family at last.

Pardon?

He thinks we're married.

Pops, now, you've got this all wrong.

Now, let me explain.

I met this...

Why don't we tell him the truth?

I have every intention of telling him the truth.

Well I think we should tell him.

Didn't need to be told.

I knowed it the minute I seen him

Carry you over the doorstep.

It's a customer in these parts.

Pops, it may be the custom to do that, but there's also

A custom that...

Don't be mad, Jimmy.

You know, it's a secret, but if you have to know,

You have to know, hm?

Oh.

Secret, eh?

Well, I won't tell a soul.

I'll have something for you to eat

In two shakes of a lamb's tail.

Why did you tell him we were married?

Oh, I didn't tell him.

He told me.

I said yes, Jimmy.

Stop calling me Jimmy!

Well, if you like, I'll call you Mr. Trevor,

But I think it sounds funny from a bride.

You're not a bride, and you're not going to be.

That's why you're here.

And you're going to stay here until you

Make Bill Duncan understand what you are and what you did.

But if I stay here and don't say we are married,

I get a bad reputation.

And I get a bad reputation if you do.

Well.

Well, what?

Then take me back.

Not until you learn to agree with me.

OK, Jimmy.

Just some country ham and some country cheese,

And some homemade bread.

If I'd known you was coming, I'd have cooked a goose

And baked a cake for ya.

Oh, this will do nicely, pops.

Well, when you get through eating, just ring the bell,

And I'll come clear up.

And where is the bell?

Now, son, you know darn well we ain't got no bell.

Just give off the old holler.

You know?

[Hollering] You remember?

Yes.

Say, ain't you eating nothing?

No, thank you.

Girls nowadays don't eat no more than a hummingbird.

Ain't feeling poorly, are ya?

Oh, no.

I'm just nervous, I think.

Well.

Well, I kind of thought that'd be the case.

- Mr. Pops? - Yeah?

Where is telephone?

Right over there.

But it ain't connected.

Not connected?

No.

Well, can't... can't you make it connected?

Oh, sure.

I'll notify the company the first thing in the morning.

In the morning?

They'll send a man up to fix it...

In about a week, or 10 days.

That's what they call service, or something.

But I've got another name for it.

[Laughter]

I always thought the French liked to eat?

Yes, but they are particular.

About their food?

No.

About who they eat with.

Who is this man?

He's my great uncle.

He's a bachelor, and rich, and he's dead,

And so you can't with him, either.

Why do they all have guns?

They were hunting.

Hunters?

I come from a long line of hunters.

Oh, no.

No, I think you come from a long line of sour pusses.

And you are a sour puss, too, that... natural.

Oh, is that so?

Is that so?

Well, I'm so sorry you won't eat with me.

But of course, I understand... what's so funny?

Nothing.

Well, you might as well let me in on the joke.

I'm not gonna... oh, it's not a joke for you.

It's a bit for me.

I'm just thinking what happens when Bill Duncan comes here.

Oh, is Bill Duncan coming here?

Sure.

He comes right in here, and he says, asked for it, Jim.

And... right in the nose!

Then you'll fall over there in this direction.

Oh.

Oh, pardon me.

I'd better remove this so you don't cut your head.

Because if you cut your head, we will

Have to put a bandage on it, and we don't

Want to be bothered with that.

Naturally not.

You think that's the way it'll happen, do you?

Why not?

It happened that way before, and it'll happen that way again.

And you like the idea?

Oh, I think it will be a lot of fun.

Yeah.

Well, I'm going to bed.

What?

I'm going to bed.

I've had a very tiring day.

But I can't stay here.

I have nothing...

You can find everything you'll need in that room there.

Pajamas in the dresser, and slippers under the bed.

But I want to go back to New York!

Oh.

Oh, that's very simple.

You just take this road down here, turn to your left.

It's 86 miles, and you ought to be able to make it in about,

Uh... four days on foot.

If you don't take me back, I'll scream.

Go ahead.

[Screaming]

Pretty good.

Try it again.

[Screaming]

Good.

Good night.

Coming.

Coming.

I heard you the first time.

Didn't eat much, did ya?

More of that hummingbird stuff.

[Knocking]

What is it?

[Knocking]

[Groan]

Oh.

Oh, you was asleep?

No, I was doing a fan dance.

I'm very sorry.

I suppose you're afraid of that great, big room?

Now you'll go back and get scared to death.

No, no. I'm not afraid.

I...

Well, I am, so go away.

But I... I can't get the window open.

Well, it's very simple.

All you do is just lift it up.

Yes, but I have lift up, and nothing happens.

Well, then, just lift up again.

And if nothing happens again?

Then go to sleep.

But I can't go to sleep if the window is not up.

I... I need the fresh air.

You know, it's a terrible house.

All the fresh air is outside, and inside is nothing.

All right.

I'll get you your fresh air.

See?

It's not so easy.

Well, it must be stuck down there.

The rest of it seems to be all right.

I'll get it.

There you are.

Thank you very much.

Now get to sleep.

No, no.

Not until I lock my door.

You don't have to lock your door.

I'm locking mine.

Well, I'm going to lock my door too, just the same.

I really don't care what you lock, but get to bed.

[Knocking]

What is it now?

NICOLE: Same thing.

The window.

What's the matter with the window?

Oh, nothing's the matter with the window.

It's you.

You shut the door so hard that you bring the window down,

And I cannot put the window up.

So it's not up.

I'll fix your window.

Thank you.

I hope that's all.

How can I get a glass of water?

It's practically impossible to get up here in the mountains,

Because you have to go all the way from here.

Take the carafe between the thumb and the forefinger,

Carefully removing the top and laying it gently to the side,

Then lifting the glass... This is the glass... and...

And?

And then I go out and get you a glass of water.

No, no, I... I don't want some.

I... I think it's too complicated.

Well, if there's anything else you want,

Will you please tell me now, or forever after give me peace?

No, thank you.

I think I'm going to look out of the window, if you don't mind.

No, no.

It all comes with the dinner.

- Pardon? - Nothing.

Nothing. Go ahead, look out the window.

Do anything you... Anything you please.

The country's nice.

Everything is so quiet.

And the little animals talk to one another, because people are

Asleep and cannot harm them.

Well, I think I'm going to like it here

While we are waiting for Bill Duncan

To come and knock you down.

Oh, it is so lovely.

[Screaming]

Will you stop kicking?

Don't do that!

Don't do that!

Oh!

Now, how in the world did you do that?

[Speaking french]

What did you say?

You pig!

You did it with the door!

Get out!

Aw, now wait, here.

It's all right.

Now come on, sit down.

- Oh, it's my back. - There, there.

Right there.

You killed my back.

No.

[Groaning]

Look.

Is it bleeding?

No, but it's sort of red.

But blood is red.

No, no, no.

The back.

I'll get something to rub on it.

Yes.

Alcohol would be good.

Oh, yes.

Alcohol.

Don't make such a fuss.

You're not gonna die.

But I'm going to be a cripple.

No.

It's just a cramp where the window came down on a muscle.

Oh!

What's that?

Brandy.

French brandy?

Yes, of course.

Good.

Does it sting?

Does it what?

Sting.

You know, like a bee.

Bzz.

Oh, yes.

Yes, it does.

Is that good?

Yes.

Means you're practically all better.

Once the blood gets circulated, you'll

Forget you ever had a pain.

Now try and straighten up.

There we are.

You don't think it's broken?

No, it's not even bent.

How's that?

Well, I think me and my back feel much better now.

Good.

I'll get to bed.

Yes, please.

Now, remember in the future that bad girls who

Do bad things always get hurt.

You want this light anymore?

Well, good night.

And I hope it'll be the last time.

Mr. Trevor?

Yes?

I... I have something to tell you.

What is it?

You think I'm very terrible, no?

No.

I think that some of the things you do aren't very nice.

Mr. Trevor, I think that's something

You don't know about women.

Lots.

But I'm eager to learn.

You know, when a girl gets engaged,

Her mother doesn't say, I'm happy because Alphonse is so

Handsome, but she says, I'm happy because Alphonse

Has such a wonderful job with the gas company.

That's true.

I never thought of that.

And this is very sensible, because when the children come,

It's nice for them to have everything.

I know because I had to get a job in the chorus,

And I came all the way to America to work

In the Casino de France.

And when they closed up I had nothing.

Except one good friend, Gloria, and Mike, the head waiter.

He puts up the money so I can have nice clothes,

And maybe meet a nice man, and...

Don't you think it's better to love

The man you're going to marry?

Not always.

Gloria married an off to Buffalo.

I don't understand that.

Well, maybe you understand this.

I don't think I'll marry Bill Duncan.

Why not, if that's what you believe in?

Yes.

Every woman believes this, but every woman has a big danger.

She meets a boy, she likes the way he

Talks, the way his hands look.

The way he looks when he gets angry.

And then she falls in love with him,

And she doesn't care whether he has money or not.

I see.

You've met such a man?

I think so.

Wouldn't be me, by any chance?

Hm?

Well, tell me one thing more, then.

When did you find out I had more money than Bill Duncan?

Please go now.

Go.

[Crying]

Morning, son.

Morning.

How are you this fine morning?

A little tired.

I had a rather hectic night last night.

Yeah?

Well, I slept like a log all night.

Didn't hear anything.

But I'm kind of deaf, and that sort of helps.

Bring lots of coffee, will ya, pop?

Sure.

Lots of coffee, and ham and eggs, and biscuits.

[Knocking] Ham and eggs all right for you, too?

Who are you yelling at?

The misses.

Well, she's not in there.

She's in here.

[Knocking] Come on.

Time to get started.

She mad at ya?

Nicole?

Maybe she's playin' possum?

[Knocking]

Nicole!

I guess she's gone.

Well, what are you so glum about?

She can't have gone far.

Your car's outside.

You ain't thinkin' she's lost, are ya, son?

Yeah, I think she is.

Now get my coat, pops.

Sure.

Gee whiz, if she'd stayed another day,

I'd have had the telephone turned on.

Hitch hikers are getting better dressed every day.

Can't you go any faster?

Sure.

But I ain't allowed to leave the truck.

Where do you want me to drop you?

At the Savoy Grand hotel.

OK.

Savoy Grand?

Yes.

Gee.

Can you imagine the face on that doorman

When he sees you climb down off this load of cow juice?

Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

I'm sorry, Gloria.

Where in heaven's name have you been, child?

Well, I... Mr. Trevor took me away.

You ruined me.

Why did you do it?

Mike, I don't know.

I just ran out, and...

You ran out on me.

You ran out on $3,000.

You ran me out of a restaurant, and then

You... you just ran out.

Now listen, Mike.

I did listen.

I listened to you, I listened to her.

I listened to everybody.

Now, you listen to me, both of you.

I've got something to say to you.

Something to say to Duncan.

Something to say to everybody.

I...

Yes, yes, Uncle Eric.

I know you called Paris.

Yes, I know all about it.

Come in.

Why do I have to see your lawyer?

For the [inaudible] breach of promise suit?

All right, you make the appointment.

I'll be down in an hour.

Of course, I know it's bad.

No, I won't talk to anybody.

Why are you so upset, Mike?

You should have my trouble.

I have.

We're in the same boat.

I saved $3,000, and those women took every bit of it.

They did?

Well, they're going to take much more than that away from me.

Oh, no.

I wouldn't let them take anything from you.

If I had my money back, I could get that girl

Out of the country today.

You could?

Yes, sir.

Well, we can fix the money easily.

Then I can have my restaurant.

Cashier, please.

How much was it you said they took from you?

Oh, just $5,000 even.

Tell me, Mike, how on earth did you let them blackmail you?

Well, you see, once I was married to a midget.

Where are you going now, dear?

I don't know.

Just any place.

Why do that, darling?

I don't know.

Feel bad?

It was all my idea.

Everything is my fault. Yes it is.

No.

I couldn't do what I promised to do.

You are in love with Jim Trevor, hm?

I thought so.

He's a beast.

Child, forget him.

It's gonna hurt an awful lot for an awful

Long time if you don't.

I feel sorry for Mike, too.

Oh, I... I'll give every penny back to him.

I'll get a job.

I'll do any kind of work.

Sure.

We'll make a deal with him to pay him back so much a week,

To keep him from going crazy.

So it's all over but the shouting.

Well, that's life.

You take a chance and draw a blank.

It's finally got him.

Who, me?

No, I am a gambler.

So I lose.

So what?

Do I lose my life, do I lose my health?

Do I lose my good looks?

No, I just lose my money.

And after all, what's money?

Oh, nothing, nothing, nothing.

A good thing they don't have pockets in straight-jackets.

Now look, I...

I think I'd better go to see Bill Duncan and tell him.

Why see Bill Duncan?

That's finished.

Buried.

Forget all about this Duncan.

I just saw him.

He understands everything.

Oh, yes.

He's a very understanding man.

Very.

Now, you go back to France and marry somebody you love.

But I can't.

Well, why not?

She can't swim that far.

Oh, well, we spent so much money already,

We might as well spend a little bit more.

Here is $100, the boat sails at noon, and you keep the change.

Oh... oh, Mike...

You know, something tells me I'm going in the restaurant

Business myself.

Rigley?

Jim?

Now Bill, wait a minute.

Before we do anything rash, let's just count 10, shall we?

Jim, you're the greatest pal I could have ever had.

Listen, I can explain everything.

Uncle Eric called Paris last night,

And everything you suspected's true.

The girl is a phony.

If I'd married her, my family would

Have cut me off without a dime.

Then you don't want to marry her?

Marry her?

I had to give that waiter $5,000.

He put the money for the whole thing.

You're not going to marry her, then?

And it'll cost you more than that.

You kidnapped her.

Oh, she's got you good.

They'll probably take you for $100,000.

Are you sure you don't want to marry her?

Oh, forget the marriage business.

And don't worry about the money. I'll pay it.

- You don't have to. - Rigley?

- Yes, sir? - Another suit.

Quick!

Where are you going?

I'm going to marry her, myself.

Do you think that'll be cheaper?

I'll let you know in about 10 years.

Yes, but... what?

Wait a minute! I must stop him.

He's my best friend. He doesn't know what I know.

Before you do this, sir, let me tell you

Of an incident in which my second cousin, One Eye Rigley,

Was involved.

[Horn]

Let us know if you get married!

We'll send you a present!

I'm gonna name a dish after her.

Yeah?

What?

On the regular dollar dinner in our new restaurant,

The frog's legs will always be called a la Cortillon.

Don't forget to name the mashed potatoes after me.

Miss de Cortillon?

Yes?

Will you please follow me?

But why?

Is that your bag?

Yes.

- I'll take it along. - Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

I don't think you'll come back here.

But I haven't done anything.

In there.

But I tell you, I've done nothing.

You'll have to tell that to the captain, miss.

I'm only carrying out orders.

But now what happens?

I don't know about that, miss.

You have to speak to the captain.

You have the "draps," no?

You are the certain Mademoiselle de Cortillon, no?

Oh, please don't.

Pardon?

Don't make fun of me now.

I wouldn't make fun of you.

But why do you do all this?

Well, you wouldn't want me to get married without changing

My shirt, now, would you?

- Married? - Certainly.

Rigley's up there fixing it with the captain right now,

And in a few minutes you're going to be the uncertain Mrs.

James Trevor.

But don't you think I'm very bad?

I'll tell you a little secret.

I'm pretty bad myself.

[Knocking]

The captain says he'll marry you in 15 minute... oh.

I'll try and hurry him up, sir.

[Music playing]