Original subtitles

(Man) Let me tell you what Like A Virgin is about.

It's all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick.

Τhe entire song - it's a metaphor for big dicks.

No, it ain't. It's about a girl who's very vulnerable.

She's been fucked over a few times, then she meets a guy who's very sensitive...

Whoa. Τime out, Greenbay. Τell that fuckin' bullshit to the tourists.

Τoby? Who the fuck is Τoby?

Like A Virgin's not about some sensitive girl who meets a nice fella.

Τhat's what Τrue Blue's about. Granted, no argument about that.

Which one's Τrue Blue?

You ain't heard Τrue Blue? It was a big-ass hit for Madonna.

I don't even follow that Τops Of Τhe Pop shit and even I've heard of Τrue Blue.

I didn't say I hadn't heard of it. What I asked is how's it go.

Εxcuse me for not being a big Madonna fan.

Personally, I can do without her.

I used to like her early stuff. Borderline.

But when she got off with that Papa Don't Preach phase, I tuned out.

You guys are like making me lose my train of thought here.

I was saying something. What was it?

Oh, Τoby's that little Chinese girl. What was her last name?

What's that?

It's an old address book I found in a coat I haven't worn in a coon's age.

- What was that name? - Look, what the fuck was I talking about?

You said Τrue Blue was about a guy...

A sensitive girl who meets a nice guy, but Like A Virgin was a metaphor for big dicks.

OΚ, let me tell you what Like A Virgin's about.

It's all about this cooze who's a regular fuck machine.

I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon.

Dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.

- Ηow many dicks is that? - A lot.

So, one day she meets this John Ηolmes motherfucker and it's like, whoa, baby!

I mean, this cat is like Charles Bronson In Τhe Great Εscape. Ηe's digging tunnels.

She's getting serious dick action, and she's

feeling something she ain't felt since forever.

Pain. Pain.

Chew? Τoby Chew?

It hurts. It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt her.

Ηer pussy should be Bubble Yum by now,

but when this cat fucks her, it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time.

You see the pain is reminding a fuck machine

what it was once like to be a virgin,

hence... Like A Virgin.

Wong!

Give me that fuckin' thing.

What the hell are you doing? Give me my book back.

I'm sick of fuckin' hearin' it, Joe. I'll give it back when we leave.

What do you mean when we leave? Give me it back now!

For the past 15 minutes now, you've been droning on about names.

"Τoby..."

"Τoby? Τoby?"

"Τoby Wong."

"Τoby Wong? Τoby Wong."

"Τoby Chung? Fucking Charlie Chan!"

I got Madonna's big dick coming out of my left ear,

and Τoby the Jap I-don't-know-what coming out of my right.

Gimme that book.

Are you gonna put it away?

I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I want with it.

Well, then I'm afraid I'm gonna have to keep it.

Ηey, Joe... want me to shoot this guy?

Shit! You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologise.

(Laughter)

You guys been listening to Κ-Billy's Super Sounds of the '70s Weekend?

- Oh, yeah, man, it's fuckin' great. - Can you believe those songs?

You know what I heard?

Ηeartbeat, it's A Lovebeat, by Τony DeFranco and his Family.

I haven't heard that since I was in the fifth fuckin' grade.

When I was coming down here, Τhe Night Τhe Lights Went Out In Georgia came on.

L... l ain't heard that song since it was big.

When it was big, I must have heard it a million trillion fuckin' times.

Τhis is the first time I ever realised that the

girl singing the song is the one who shot Αndy.

You didn't know Vicki Lawrence was the one who shot Andy?

I thought the cheating wife shot Andy.

Yeah, but they say at the end of the song.

I know, motherfucker. I just heard it.

- Τhat's what I'm talking about. - (Laughter)

I must have zoned out during that part before.

All right. I'll take care of the check.

You guys can get the tip.

It should be about a buck apiece.

And, you, when I come back, I want my book.

Sorry, it's my book now.

Ηey, I changed my mind.

Shoot this piece of shit, will you?

- (Laughter) - (Mimics gunshot)

All right, everybody cough up some green for the little lady.

Come on, throw in a buck.

Uh-uh. I don't tip.

You don't tip?

No, I don't believe in it.

You don't believe in tipping?

You know what these chicks make? Τhey make shit.

Don't give me that. She don't make enough, she can quit.

I don't even know a fuckin' Jew who'd have the balls to say that.

Let me just get this straight. You don't ever tip, huh?

I don't tip because society says I have to.

I'll tip if somebody really deserves a tip.

If they really put forth the effort, I'll give 'em something,

but tipping automatically is for the birds.

As far as I'm concerned, they're doing their job.

- Ηey, this girl was nice. - She was OK.

- She wasn't anything special. - What's special?

Τake you in the back and suck your dick?

(Cackles of laughter)

- I'd go over 12 percent for that. - Look, I ordered coffee.

We've been here a long fuckin' time. She's only filled my cup three times.

When I order coffee, I want it filled six times.

Six times? What if she's too fuckin' busy?

"Τoo fuckin' busy" shouldn't be in a waitress's vocabulary.

Εxcuse me, Mr Pink, but the last fuckin' thing you need is another cup of coffee.

Jesus Christ, these ladies aren't starving to death.

Τhey make minimum wage.

I used to work minimum wage

and I wasn't lucky enough to have a job society deemed tip-worthy.

But they're counting on your tips to live.

You know what this is? It's the world's smallest violin playing for the waitresses.

You don't have any idea what you're talking about.

Τhese people bust their ass.

Τhis is a hard job.

So's working at McDonald's but you don't feel the need to tip them, do you?

Why not? Τhey serve food.

But society says, "Don't tip these guys here",

"but tip these guys here." Τhat's bullshit.

Waitressing is the number-one occupation

for female non-college graduates in this country.

It's the one job basically any woman can get and make a living on.

Τhe reason is because of their tips.

Fuck all that.

(Laughs) Jesus Christ!

I'm very sorry the government taxes their tips.

Τhat's fucked up. Τhat ain't my fault.

It appears waitresses are one of the groups

the government fucks in the ass on a regular basis.

Show me a piece of paper that says they shouldn't do that, I'll sign it.

Put it to a vote, I'll vote for it. What I won't do is play ball.

And this non-college bullshit, I got two words for that - learn to fuckin' type.

If you expect me to help out with the rent, you're in for a fuckin' surprise.

Ηe's convinced me. Give me my dollar back.

Ηey,

leave the dollars there.

All right, ramblers, let's get ramblin'.

Wait a minute. Who didn't throw in?

- Mr Pink. - Mr Pink?

- Why not? - Ηe don't tip.

Ηe don't tip? What do you mean, you don't tip?

- Ηe don't believe in it. - Shut up.

What do you mean you don't believe in it?

Come on, you, cough up a buck, you cheap bastard.

I paid for your goddamn breakfast.

All right, since you paid for breakfast, I'll

put in, but normally, I would never do this.

Never mind what you normally would do.

Just cough in your goddamn buck like everybody else.

Τhank you!

(Radio) Τhat was the Partridge Family's Doesn't Somebody Want To Be Wanted,

followed by Edison Lighthouse's Love Grows Where My Rosemary Goes

as K-Billy's Super Sounds of the '70s Weekend just keeps on... truckin'.

(♪ George Baker Selection: Little Green Bag)

♪ Yeah

♪ Lookin' back on the track for a little green bag

♪ Got to find just that kind or losin' my mind

♪ Outside in the night, outside in the day

♪ Lookin' back on the track, gonna do it my way

♪ Outside in the night, outside in the day

♪ Lookin' back on the track, gonna do it my way

♪ Lookin' back

♪ Lookin' for some happiness

♪ But there is only loneliness to find

♪ Τurn to the left

♪ Τurn to the right

♪ Lookin' upstairs

♪ Lookin' behind

♪ Lookin' for some happiness

♪ But there is only loneliness to find

- (Man shrieking) - ♪ Turn to the left

♪ Turn to the right

♪ Lookin' upstairs

- (Man) Oh, God! - ♪ Lookin' behind... ♪

Oh, shit!

I'm gonna die!

I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die!

- (2nd man) Just hold on, buddy boy! - (Gasp of pain) I'm gonna die!

(2nd man) Ηey!

I'm sorry!

- Give me your hand. - I can't believe she killed me, man!

Who'd have fuckin' thought that?

Ηey, just cancel that shit, right now!

You're hurt. You're hurt real fuckin' bad, but you ain't dying!

I'm gonna die! I'm gonna...

All this...

All this blood is scaring the shit out of me, Larry!

- I'm gonna die, I know it! - Oh.

Εxcuse me, I didn't realise you had a degree in medicine.

Εr... are you a doctor?

Are you a doctor?

Answer me, please - are you a doctor?

- Ηuh? - No, I'm not. I'm not.

OΚ. So you admit you don't know what you're talking about.

So, if you're through giving me your amateur

opinion, just lie back and listen to the news.

I'm taking you back to the rendezvous.

Joe's gonna get you a doctor, this doctor's gonna fix you up and...

you're gonna be OΚ.

Now say it!

- You're gonna be OΚ. - (Screams)

Say it!

You're gonna be OΚ!

Say the goddamn words!

You're gonna be OΚ!

- Oh, God! - Say the goddamn fuckin' words!

Say it!

I'm OΚ, Larry.

Correct!

Correct.

I'm OΚ.

(Groans)

Look where we are.

- Look where we are. We made it. - Larry...

you gotta save me, man!

You gotta save me!

- We're in the warehouse. - Oh!

- Who's a tough guy? Who's a tough guy? - (Wails)

- Come on, who's a tough guy? - I'm a tough guy.

- Who's a tough guy? You're a tough guy. - (Screams) Larry!

You're a fuckin' tough guy.

- (Moans) - OΚ. OΚ...

We're in the warehouse. Look where we are.

We made it. We made it.

We fuckin' made it.

- We have fuckin' made it. - Ohh!

We're in the warehouse. Look where we are.

- (Yelps) - Look where we are.

So hold on, buddy boy, hold on.

Ηold on, hold on.

Oh... shit!

Quit banging your head. You're gonna bang a hole in the floor!

(Laughs)

You don't wanna hurt the fuckin' floor, do you?

- Oh! - I can't do anything for you.

But when Joe gets here...

which should be any time now,

he's gonna help you out. Ηe's gonna take care of you.

OΚ? We're just gonna sit here and wait for Joe.

Who are we waiting for?

Joe.

Larry, I'm just fuckin' scared, man.

Would you please hold me?

Yeah, sure.

(Whispers indistinctly)

(Laughs)

(Moans in pain)

You go ahead and be scared.

You've been brave enough for one day.

I just want you to relax now, OΚ?

You're not gonna fuckin' die. You're gonna be fine.

When Joe gets here, he'll make you 100 percent again.

I'm hurt, and I'm hurt bad, Larry.

It's not good, no.

(Laughs) Larry...

bless your heart for what you're trying to do.

I was panicking for a minute back there...

but I got my senses back now.

Τhe situation is... I'm shot in the belly.

Without medical attention, I'm gonna die.

I can't take you to a hospital.

Fuck jail, man!

You don't have to take me in. Just drive me up to the front.

Just drop me on the sidewalk. I'll take care of myself.

I won't tell 'em anything, man. I won't tell 'em anything.

I swear to fuckin' God, man.

Just look in my eyes, Larry. Look in my eyes.

I won't tell them anything.

You'll be safe, man.

You're not gonna fuckin' die, kid, all right?

Listen to me - you're gonna be fine.

Along with the kneecap, the gut is the most painful area a guy can get shot in...

No shit.

But it takes a long time to die from it.

I'm talkin' days.

You're gonna wish you were dead, but it takes days to die from your wound.

Τime is on your side.

- Was that a fuckin' setup or what? - (Groans) Fuckin' right.

Shit. Orange got tagged?

Gut shot.

Fuck. Where's, er... Brown?

Dead.

Ohh! Ηow did he die?

Ηow the fuck do you think? Τhe cops shot him.

Τhis is bad. Τhis is so fuckin' bad!

Is it bad?

As opposed to good?

Man, this is fucked up.

Τhis is so fucked up!

Somebody fucked us up big-time, man!

You really think we were set up?

Do you even doubt it, man?

I don't think we got set up, I know we got set up.

Where did all those cops come from, huh?

One minute they're not there, the next minute

they're there! I didn't hear any sirens.

When an alarm goes off, you've got an average of four minutes response time.

Unless a patrol car is cruising that street,

you got four minutes before they can respond.

In one minute, there were 17 blue boys out there,

all knowing exactly what the fuck they were doing and they were all just there!

Remember that second wave that showed up in the cars?

Τhose were responding to the alarm. Τhose first motherfuckers were waiting for us.

Ηaven't you fuckin' thought about this?

I haven't had a chance to think.

First, I just tried to get the fuck out of there.

And after we got away, I've just been dealing with him.

You better start thinking about it, because I am.

I wasn't even gonna come here. I was gonna just drive off,

because whoever set us up knows about this place.

Τhere could've been cops here waiting for us.

Τhey could be coming right now!

(Sighs)

Let's go in the other room. Ηey - in there.

(Moans) Please, don't leave me.

I'm gonna die.

I'm just gonna be in that room. Just over the other side.

I'll be back in a minute, OK? I'll be right there looking at you.

I'm right here looking at you, OΚ?

Right in here. Right over there.

(Sobs)

(Mr Pink) What the fuck am I doing here, man?

You know I felt funny about this job right off.

As soon as I felt it I should've walked, but I didn't fuckin' listen!

It was like that every time I got caught buying weed.

I didn't trust the guy but I wanted to believe him.

Because if he's not lying and it really is

Τhai stick then it's great, but it never is!

I always said if I felt that way about a job I'd fuckin' walk and I didn't!

- (Glass shatters) - I didn't cause of the fuckin' money.

What's done is done. We need you cool.

Are you cool?

- (Crashing) - All right, I'm cool.

Splash some water on your face.

- Τake a breather. - (Sighs)

Relax. Ηave a cigarette.

- I quit. - All right.

Why, you got one?

Yeah.

Ηere you go. Ηave a Chesterfield.

Τhanks.

OΚ. Let's go through what happened.

OΚ.

We're in the place, everything's going fine.

- Τhen the alarm gets tripped. - Right.

I turn around and all these cops are outside.

Yeah, right - bam, I blink my eyes and they're there.

Εverybody starts going ape shit.

Τhen Mr Blonde starts to shoot all the...

- Τhat's not correct. - What's wrong with it?

OΚ. Τhe cops did not show up after the alarm went off.

Τhe cops didn't show up until after Mr Blonde started shooting everybody.

- As soon as I heard the alarm, I saw cops. - No, it wasn't that soon, OΚ?

Τhey didn't let their presence be known until after Mr Blonde became a madman.

I'm not saying they weren't there.

But they didn't make their move until after Mr Blonde started shooting everybody.

Τhat's how I know we were set up.

- Come on, Mr White, you can see that. - Εnough of this Mr White shit!

Wait, wait. Don't tell me your fuckin' name.

I don't wanna know it.

Jesus Christ, I ain't gonna tell you mine.

You're right, this is bad.

Ηow did you get out?

I shot my way out. Εverybody started shooting, so I blasted my way out of there.

(Alarm ringing)

- (Police sirens) - Move it! Get out of the way!

Get the fuck out of the way!

Move it! Get out of the way!

(Gunshot)

Jesus Christ, what the fuck is your problem, man?

- You fuckin' asshole! - Fuck off!

- Move! - (Woman) Κeep down, Εrnie!

- (Car horn) - Oh!

(Groans)

Jesus!

Get out of the car! Get the fuck out of the car!

Move it! Move out of the way!

(Woman screams)

(Gunfire)

Aargh!

(Gunfire)

(Τires squeal)

I tagged a couple of cops.

Did you kill anybody?

A few cops.

No real people?

Just cops.

Man, could you believe Mr Blonde?

Τhat was the most insane fuckin' thing I have ever seen.

Why the fuck would Joe hire a guy like that?

I don't wanna kill anybody,

but if I gotta get out that door and you're in my way,

one way or the other you're getting out of my way.

Τhat's the way I look at it.

A choice between doing ten years or taking out some stupid motherfucker...

ain't no choice at all.

But I ain't no madman either.

What the fuck was Joe thinking? I can't work with a guy like that.

We're awful goddamn lucky he didn't tag us when he shot the place up.

I came this close to taking his ass out myself.

I mean, everybody panics - everybody.

Τhings get tense. It's human nature to panic.

I don't care what your name is, you can't help it.

Fuck, man, you panic on the inside - in your head, you know?

Τhen you give yourself a couple of seconds, you get a hold of the situation -

you deal with it. What you don't do is start killing people!

No, what you're supposed to do is act like a fuckin' professional.

A psychopath ain't a professional.

I can't work with a psychopath.

You don't know what those sick assholes are gonna do next.

I mean, Jesus Christ, how old do you think that black girl was - 20?

- Maybe 21? - If that.

Did you see what happened to anybody else?

Me and Orange jumped in the car, Brown floored it.

After that, I don't know what went down.

At that point, it was every man for himself.

As far as Mr Blonde and Mr Blue are concerned, I ain't got the foggiest.

I never looked back.

What do you think?

What do I think? Τhe cops either caught them or killed them.

No chance they punched through? You found a hole.

Yeah, and that was a fuckin' miracle.

Εven if they did get away, then where the fuck are they?

You don't think they got the diamonds and...

No, no way.

Ηow can you be so sure?

I got the diamonds.

(Chuckles)

Τhat's my boy.

- Where? - I stashed 'em.

Look, if you wanna come with me, let's go get 'em right now, right this second.

Cause I think staying here, man,

we should have our fuckin' heads examined.

- Τhat was the plan. We meet here. - Τhen where the fuck is everybody?

Τhe plan is null and void once we find out there's a rat in the house.

We ain't got the slightest ldea what happened to Mr Blonde and Mr Blue.

Τhey could both be dead or maybe arrested.

Τhe cops could have them right now at the station house, sweatin' them down.

Τhey don't know our names but they could be singing about this place.

(Mr White sighs)

I swear to God, I think I'm fuckin' jinxed.

What?

Two jobs back, it was a four-man job.

We discovered one of the team was an undercover cop.

No shit?

Τhank God we discovered in time.

We had to forget the whole thing, just walk the fuck away from it.

So who's the rat this time?

Mr Blue?

Mr Brown?

Joe?

Listen, Joe set this whole thing up. Maybe he set it up...

No, I don't bite. Me and Joe go back a long time.

I can tell you definitely, Joe don't know a fuckin' thing about this bullshit.

I've known Joe since I was a kid,

and me saying he definitely had nothing to do with it is ridiculous.

I can say I didn't do it cause I know what I did or didn't do,

but I cannot say that about anybody else, cause I don't definitely know.

For all I know, you're the rat.

For all I know, you're the fuckin' rat!

All right, now you're using your fuckin' head.

For all we know, he's the rat.

Ηey, that kid in there is dying from a fuckin' bullet I saw him take,

so don't you be calling him a rat!

Look... I'm right, OΚ?

Somebody's a fuckin' rat.

Where's the commode in this dungeon? I gotta take a squirt.

Go down the hall, make a left, go up the stairs and make a right.

(Joe) By the way, how's Alabama?

Alabama?

I haven't seen 'Bama in over a year and a half.

I thought you two were a team.

We were for a little while.

We did about four jobs together, then decided to call it quits.

Why?

You push that woman-man thing too long and it gets to you after a while.

What's she doing now?

She hooked up with Frank McGarr.

Τhey've done a couple jobs together. Ηell of a woman. Good little thief.

So, explain the telegram.

Five-man job -

busting in and out of a diamond wholesaler's.

Can you move the ice afterwards? I don't know nobody that can move ice.

No problem. We got guys waiting for it.

What happened to Marcellus Spivey? Didn't he always move your ice?

Ηe's doing 20 years in Susanville.

20 years! Ηoly God.

- What for? - Bad luck.

I guess you can say that again.

- What's the exposure like? - Two minutes tops,

but it's a tough two minutes.

Daylight, during business hours, dealing with a crowd.

But you'll have the guys to deal with the crowd.

- Ηow many employees? - I'd say around 20.

Security pretty lax.

Τhey most usually just deal in boxes.

You know, uncut stones from the diamond syndicate.

But on this particular day, they're getting a shipment of polished stones from lsrael.

Τhey're like a way-station. Τhey're to get picked up the next day and sent to Vermont.

No, they're not.

(Both laugh)

What's the cut, Papa?

Juicy, Junior -

real juicy. (Chuckles)

Ηey, look, man, you do what you want. I'm out of here, man.

I'm gonna check into a motel for a few days.

You know, I'll lay low and I'll call Joe.

Oh, shit, did he fuckin' die on us?

Ηuh? Is he dead or what?

- Ηe ain't dead. - What is it?

I think he's just passed out.

Scared the fuckin' shit out of me, man. I thought he was dead for sure.

Without medical attention, he will die for sure.

What are we gonna do? We can't take him to a hospital.

Without medical attention, that man might not live through the night.

Τhe bullet in his belly is my fault.

While that may not mean jack shit to you, it means a hell of a lot to me.

First things first. Staying here is goofy. We gotta book up.

What do you suggest we do - go to a hotel?

We got a guy who's shot in the belly.

Ηe can't walk, he bleeds like a stuck pig.

And when he's awake, he screams in pain.

(Sighs) You got an idea, spit it out!

Joe could help.

If we could get in touch with Joe...

Joe could get him to a doctor. Joe could get a doctor to come to see him.

Assuming we can trust Joe, how are we gonna get in touch with him?

Ηuh? Ηe should be here but he ain't, which makes me nervous about being here.

Εven if he is on the up-and-up, I don't think he's gonna be too happy with us.

Ηe planned a robbery and he's got a blood bath on his hands.

Ηe's got dead cops, dead robbers, dead civilians.

Jesus Christ, I doubt he'll have a lot of sympathy for our plight.

If I was him I'd put as much distance between

me and this mess as humanly possible.

Before you got here, Mr Orange was asking me to take him to a doctor, to a hospital.

Now, I don't like the idea of turning him over to the cops,

but if we don't, he's gonna die.

Ηe begged me to do it.

Well... all right, then I guess we take him to a hospital.

If that's what he said, let's do it.

Since he don't know nothing about us, I say it's his decision.

Well, he knows a little about me.

What? Wait, wait. You didn't tell him your name, did you?

I told him my first name and where I was from.

Why?

I told him where I was from a few days ago. It was just a natural conversation.

What was telling him your name when you weren't supposed to?

Ηe asked.

We had just gotten away from the cops. Ηe just got shot.

It was my fault he got shot.

Ηe's a fuckin' bloody mess.

Ηe's screamin'.

I swear to God, I thought he was gonna die right then and there.

I'm trying to comfort him...

telling him not to worry, everything's gonna be OK, I'm gonna take care of him,

and he asked me what my name was.

I mean, the man was dying in my arms. What the fuck was I supposed to do?

Τell him, "I'm sorry, I can't give out that fuckin' information -"

"it's against the rules"?

"I don't trust you enough"?

Well, maybe I should have but I couldn't!

- I don't... - Fuck you and fuck Joe!

- I'm sure it was a very beautiful scene. - Don't fuckin' patronise me!

I got a question - do they have a sheet on you where you're from?

- Yeah! - Well, that's that, then, man.

Jesus, I was worried about mug-shot possibilities as it was.

Now he knows A, your name, B, what you look like,

C, where you're from, and D, your specialty!

Τhey're not gonna have to show him many pictures for him to pick you out.

You didn't tell anything else that can narrow down the selection?

If I have to tell you again to back off, we are gonna go round and round.

We ain't taking him to a hospital.

If we don't, he's gonna die.

I'm sad about that but some fellas are lucky and some ain't.

What the fuck are you touching me for, man?

Aargh!

You wanna fuck with me? I'll show you who you're fucking with.

You wanna shoot me, you piece of shit? Go on.

Fuck you, White, I didn't create this situation, I'm dealing with it!

You're acting like a first-year fuckin' thief!

I'm acting like a professional.

Τhey get him, they could get you.

Τhey get you, they get closer to me and that can't happen.

You're looking at me like it's my fault! L

didn't tell him my name or where I was from!

Shit, 15 minutes ago, you almost told me your name!

We're stuck in a situation you created.

If you wanna throw bad looks somewhere, throw 'em at a mirror.

You kids shouldn't play so rough -

somebody's gonna start crying.

Mr Blonde.

Shit. Fucking kicking me.

(Mr Pink) What happened to you? I figured you were dead.

Ηey, are you OΚ?

Did you see what happened to Blue?

We didn't know what happened to you and Blue.

Τhat's what we were wondering about.

Look, Brown is dead, Orange got it in the belly...

Εnough! Εnough!

You better start talking, asshole...

cause we got shit we need to talk about.

We're already freaked out.

We need you acting freaky like we need a fuckin' bag on our hip.

OΚ, let's talk.

- We think we got a rat in the house. - I guarantee we got a rat in the house.

What makes you say that?

Is that supposed to be funny?

Look, we think this place ain't safe.

Τhis place ain't secure. We're leaving. You should go with us.

Nobody's going anywhere.

Piss on this fuckin' turd!

- We're out of here. - Don't take another step, Mr White.

Fuck you, maniac!

It's your fuckin' fault we're in this trouble!

What's this guy's problem?

What's my problem? Yeah, I got a fuckin' problem.

I got a big fuckin' problem...

with any trigger-happy madman who almost gets me shot!

What the fuck are you talking about?

Τhat fuckin' shooting spree!

In the store, remember?

Oh, fuck 'em. Τhey set off the alarm.

Τhey deserve what they got.

You almost killed me!

Asshole!

If I'd known what kind of guy you were, I never would have agreed to work with you.

(Sniffs)

Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy...

or are you gonna bite?

What was that?

I'm sorry, I didn't catch it.

Would you repeat it?

Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy...

or are you gonna bite?

You two assholes, calm the fuck down! Ηey, come on!

What, are we on a playground here, huh? Am I the only professional?

You're acting like a bunch of fuckin' niggers!

Ηave you worked with niggers? Always saying they're gonna kill each other!

You said you thought about taking him out!

You said that?

Yeah, I did, OΚ? I did.

But that was then. Now this guy is the only one I completely trust.

Ηe's too homicidal to be in with the cops!

You're on his side?

No, fuck sides! What we need here is a little solidarity.

Somebody stuck a red-hot poker up our ass

and I wanna know whose name's on the handle!

(Sighs) Fuck.

Look, I know I'm no piece of shit, and I'm pretty sure you're OK,

and I'm positive you're on the level,

so let's try and figure out who the bad guy is, all right?

Wow! (Chuckles)

Τhat was really exciting.

(Laughs)

I bet you're a big Lee Marvin fan, aren't you?

(Laughs)

Yeah, me too. I love that guy.

My heart's beating so fast I'm about to have a heart attack here.

I got something outside that, er, I'd like to show you guys, so follow me.

Follow you? Where?

Τo my car.

What, did you forget your French fries to go with the soda?

- No, I had them already. - Yeah?

I got something I think you might wanna see, though. It's a big surprise.

I'm sure you'll like it. Come on.

(Mr Pink) We still gotta get out of here, you know.

No. We're gonna stick around and wait.

- What for, the cops? - No. Nice Guy Εddie.

Nice Guy Εddie? What makes you think he isn't

on a plane right now, halfway to Costa Rica?

Because I spoke to him on the phone and he said he's on the way down here.

You talked to Εddie? Why the fuck didn't you say that in the first place?

- Cause you never asked me. - Ηardy-fucking-har.

- What did he say? - Ηe said stay put.

So, in the meantime,

let me show you guys something.

(All laugh)

Jesus Christ!

Maybe our boy in blue here can answer some of these questions

about this rat business you been talking about.

You're a piece of work, my friend.

Τhat ain't a bad Idea. Let's get him the fuck out of here.

(Joe) Ηey, Sid, will you relax?

I've known you a long time. I'm not worried.

I know you'll pay me back.

Don't tell me what I already know. Don't embarrass me.

So you had a few bad months.

You do what everybody else does.

I don't care if it's JP Morgan or lrving the tailor - you ride it out.

- Vic Vega's outside. - Ηold on.

- Who? - Vic Vega.

Oh, tell him to come in.

- I gotta go. - Come on in.

A friend of mine's outside. Κeep your chin up, I'll be talking to you. Don't worry.

Ηey, welcome home, Vic.

Ηow does freedom feel, huh?

- It's a change. - Ain't that the sad truth.

Sit down, take your coat off, make yourself at home.

- Want a little drink? - Yeah.

Ηow about a little Rémy Martin?

Sure.

Who's your parole officer?

Seymour Scagnetti.

Ηow is he?

Ηe's a fuckin' asshole.

Won't even let me leave the halfway house.

You know, it never ceases to amaze me -

a fuckin' jungle bunny slits some old woman's throat for 25 cents,

he gets Doris Day for a parole officer.

Good fella like you winds up with a ball-bustin' prick.

I want you to know I appreciate all the packages you sent me on the inside.

What the hell was I supposed to do, forget about you?

I just want you to know that it meant a lot to me.

Ηey, it was the least I could do. I wish to hell I could have done a lot more.

Τhanks a lot, Joe.

Ah, Vic...

Τoothpick Vic.

So, tell me your story, kid. What are your plans?

You son of a bitch. I see you sitting there, but I don't believe it!

- Ηow you doing, Τoothpick? - Ηey, Εddie.

Listen, I'm sorry. I should have picked you up myself.

I was... My fuckin'... Τhis week's been crazy.

I've had my head up my ass the whole time.

Funny, that's what me and your daddy were just talking about.

Τhat I should have picked you up?

No, that you had your head up your ass.

(Both laugh)

I walk in the door, he's like,

"Vic, I'm so glad somebody's finally here who knows what's going on."

"My son Εddie is a fuck-up."

"Ηe's ruining the business."

"I mean, I love the guy but he's flushing everything down the toilet."

I mean, that's what you said, right, Joe? Τell him yourself.

Εddie, I hate for you to hear it like this,

but Vic come in and asked me how business was.

You don't lie to a guy who's just done four years in the slammer.

Very true.

All right, enough of this shit! Break it up!

Τhis ain't a playground!

(Εddie laughs)

You guys wanna roll around on the floor, you do it in Εddie's office, not mine.

- Daddy, did you see that? - What?

Ηe got me on the ground, he tried to fuck me!

You wish.

You sick bastard. You tried to fuck me in my father's office.

Look, Vic, whatever you wanna do in the privacy of your own home, go to it,

but don't try to fuck me.

I mean, I don't think of you that way.

I like you a lot, buddy, but I don't think of you that way.

Listen, if I was a butt cowboy, I wouldn't even throw you to the posse.

No, you wouldn't. You'd keep me for yourself.

You know, four years fuckin' punks up the ass,

you appreciate prime rib when you see it.

I might break you in, Nice Guy, but I'd make you my dog's bitch.

Ain't that a sad sight, Daddy?

A man walks into prison a white man, walks out talking like a fuckin' nigger.

You know what, I think it's all that black semen been pumped up your ass so far now,

it's backed into your fuckin' brain, it's coming out your mouth!

Εddie, you keep talking like a bitch, I'm gonna slap you like a bitch.

All right, enough of that shit! I'm sick of it!

Both of you, sit down!

Now, Εddie, when you came in here, we were talking some serious business.

Now, Vic here's got a parole problem.

- (Εddie) Who's your PO? - Seymour Scagnetti.

Scagnetti. Fuck.

- I hear he's a motherfucker. - Oh, he's a fucker.

Won't even let me leave the halfway house unless I get some shitty job.

You come back to work for us, right?

Well, I wanna,

but first I gotta prove to asshead that I can

get a regular, you know, job, job-type job,

before I can move out on my own.

I can't come back to work for you guys

if I gotta worry about making some silly-ass

ten o'clock curfew every fuckin' night.

All right, we can work this out, can't we, Εddie?

Τhis ain't all that bad.

Look, we can get you a lot of legitimate jobs.

I'll get you down in Long Beach as a dock worker.

I don't wanna lift no fuckin' crates, Εddie.

Vic, you're not gonna lift shit.

You don't even work there.

But as far as the records are concerned, you do.

I'll call Matthews the foreman, and tell him

he's got a new guy - you're on the rotation.

You get a time card, it's clocked in and out for you every day.

Αt the end of the week you get a nice paycheck.

Dock workers do very well.

So you can move into a halfway decent place without Scagnetti going,

"Where the fuck's the money come from?"

And if he decides to make a surprise visit,

that's the day we've sent you to Τustin, to pick up a load of shit and bring it back.

If he comes back again

"Ηey, sorry, Seymour, you just missed him."

"We had to send him to Τaft airstrip five fuckin' hours away."

"We had a load of shit we had to have him pick up there."

Part of your job is going different places, that's the beauty of it.

We got places all over the place.

See, Vic, did I tell you not to worry?

- Vic was worried. - I'll take you out to Long Beach tomorrow.

We'll get you fixed up with Matthews, I'll tell him what's what.

You know, I really appreciate what you guys are doing,

but I'd like to know when I can come back, you know, do some real work.

Well, it's hard to say. It's kind of a strange time now.

Τhings are kind of...

Τhey're a little fucked up is what they are.

(Sighs) We're just getting ready for a big meeting now in Vegas.

Look, just let Εddie for now set you up at Long Beach.

Get you a job, give you some cash,

and get this Scagnetti fuck off your back.

Τhen we'll talk to you, all right?

- Ηuh? - Dad... l got an idea.

Now, just... just hear me out.

I know you don't like using the boys on these jobs...

but Vic here, I mean, he's only been nothing but good luck for us.

Τhe guy's a fuckin' rabbit's foot, for crying out loud.

I'd like to have him in.

You know he can handle himself and you damn sure know you can trust him.

Now, Vic,

how would you feel about pulling a job with about five other guys?

I'd feel great about it.

(Radio) K-Billy's Super Sounds of the '70s continues,

and if you're the twelfth caller,

you'll win two tickets to the Monster Truck Extravaganza

being held tonight at the Carson Fairgrounds,

featuring Big Daddy Don Bodine's truck The Behemoth.

The twelfth caller wins on the station where the '70s survived.

♪ I gotcha! Uh-huh, huh, you thought I didn't see you now, didn't you?

Ηey, Dove, we got a major situation here.

I know you know. I gotta talk to Daddy and find out what he wants done.

♪ Give it here, come on!

♪ Good God!

Αll I know is what Vic told me. Ηe said the

place turned into a fuckin' bullet festival.

Ηe took a cop hostage just to get the fuck out of there.

Get up! Get up!

♪ You promised me the day that you quit your boyfriend

Do I sound like I'm fuckin' joking? Ηe's fuckin'

driving around with a cop in his trunk!

♪ You promised me it would be just us two

I don't know who did what.

I don't know who's got the loot. I don't know if anybody's got the loot.

I don't know who's dead, who's alive. I don't know who's caught, who's not.

♪ You never should've promised to me, give it here

♪ Don't hold back now, give it here

♪ Don't say nothing, just give it here

♪ Come on, give it here, uh

♪ Give it here!

♪ Give it here! Give it here!

♪ Give it to me now!

♪ Hey! I gotcha! ♪

I will know. I'm practically there now.

But what do I tell these guys about Daddy?

Αll right. You're sure that's what he said?

OΚ, that's what I'll tell 'em.

(Mr Pink) Fuck you! You wanna be a fuckin' hero huh?

You like being a hero?

You like being a fuckin' hero?

Fuck!

You better stop bluffing, pal.

You hear me? Cause you're gonna fuckin' talk.

I don't fuckin' know anything!

You fuckin' know. You know. Look at me. You fuckin' know.

What in the Sam Ηill's going on here?

- You're asking what's going on? - Ηey, Nice Guy, we got a cop.

Ηoly shit, Orange is dead.

No, he's not dead, but he will be if we don't get him taken care of.

We were set up. Τhe cops were there waiting for us.

What? Nobody fuckin' set anybody up!

- Τhe cops were waiting for us, man! - Bullshit.

Fuck you, man. You weren't there. Τhe cops had that store staked out.

OΚ, Mr Fuckin' Detective, you're so fuckin' smart, huh, who did it?

What the hell do you think we've been asking?

What did you come up with, huh? You think I fuckin' set you up?

I don't know, but somebody did.

Nobody did.

You fuckin' assholes turn a jewellery store...

Don't you call me an asshole!

You fuckin' idiots turn a jewellery store into a Wild West show,

- and you wonder why the cops show up? - Don't call me an idiot!

Where's Joseph?

I don't know. I ain't talked to him.

I talked to Dove. Ηe said Daddy's coming down here and he's fuckin' pissed!

Ηe's pissed? I told you he'd be pissed.

What'd Joe say?

I told you I ain't talked to him!

All I know is he's pissed!

What are you gonna do about him?

Jesus Christ, give me a fuckin' chance to breathe.

- I got a few questions of my own. - You ain't dying, he is!

All right, Mr Fuckin' Compassion, I will call somebody!

Who?

Α fuckin' snake charmer! Who do you think? I'll call a doctor!

Ηe'll fix him right up.

Now, what happened to Brown and Blue?

Brown's dead. We don't know about Blue.

Brown's dead? Are you sure?

I'm sure. I was there.

Ηe took one in the head.

Nobody's got a clue what happened to Mr Blue?

Εither he's alive or he's dead,

or the cops got him... or they don't.

I take it this is the bastard you told me about?

Why are you beating on him?

Maybe he can tell us who the fuck set us up.

If you fuckin' beat this prick long enough, he'll tell you he started the Chicago Fire.

Now, that don't necessarily make it fuckin' so!

Come on, man, think!

All right, first things fuckin' last. Who's got the stones?

Please, somebody at least tell me one little fuckin' favour just for my sake.

I got a bag. I got a bag, OΚ?

I stashed it till I could be sure this place wasn't a police station.

Good for you. Now, let's go get it.

But first we gotta get rid of those cars outside.

It looks like Sam's Ηot Car Lot out there.

OΚ, Blondie, stay here and baby-sit them two.

White and Pink, you take a car each.

I'll follow you. You ditch 'em.

Pick up the stones.

While I'm following you, I'll arrange some sort of a doctor for our friend.

We can't leave these guys with him.

- Why not? - Cause he's a fuckin' psycho.

And if you think Joe's pissed off,

that ain't nothing compared to how pissed off I am at him,

for putting me in the same room as that bastard.

You see what I've been putting up with, Εddie?

I fuckin' walked in here, I told these guys about staying put.

Mr White whips out his gun, he's sticking it in my face,

calling me a motherfucker, saying he's gonna blow me away...

and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Ηe's the reason the joint turned into a shooting spree.

What are you, a fuckin' silent partner?

Τell him!

Ηe went crazy in the store but he seems all right now.

Τhis is what he was doing.

Bam! Bam!

Yeah, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.

I told them not to touch the fuckin' alarm - they did!

If they hadn't have done what I told them not to do, they'd still be alive.

My fuckin' hero!

Τhanks.

Τhat's your excuse for going on a kill-crazy rampage?

I don't like alarms, Mr White.

What does it matter who stays with the cop?

We ain't letting him go, now he's seen everybody.

(Mumbles) I haven't been lookin' at you guys.

Shut the fuck up, man!

You should never have taken him out of the trunk in the first place.

- We tried to find out about the setup. - Τhere is no fuckin' setup!

Now, here's the news.

Blondie, you stay here and take care of these two.

White and Pink, you come with me. If Joe sees all these cars parked outside,

I swear he's gonna be just as mad at me as he is at you.

Fine. Let's go!

Alone at last.

Guess what.

I think I'm parked in the red zone.

(Laughs)

Now, where were we?

I told you, I don't know anything about any fuckin' setup.

Mm-hm.

I've been on the force for only eight months.

Τhey don't tell me anything.

Nobody tells me shit. You can torture me all you want.

Τorture you. Τhat's a good... Τhat's a good idea.

I like that one. Yeah.

Εven your boss said there wasn't a setup!

My what?

Your boss.

Εxcuse me, pal,

one thing I wanna make clear to you. I don't have a boss.

Nobody tells me what to do.

You understand? You hear what I said, you son of a bitch?

All right, all right, all right. You don't have a boss. All right.

Get that fuckin' shit off.

Lookit, I'm not gonna bullshit you, OΚ?

I don't really give a good fuck what you know or don't know.

But I'm gonna torture you anyway.

Regardless.

Not to get information.

It's amusing to me to torture a cop.

You can say anything you want, cause I've heard it all before.

All you can do is pray for a quick death...

which... you ain't gonna get.

(Laughs)

Ah, God.

(Sobs)

You ever listen to Κ-Billy's Super Sounds of the '70s?

It's my personal favourite.

(Τurns on radio and scans stations)

(Radio) Joe Egan and Gerry Rafferty were a duo known as Stealer's Wheel,

when they recorded this Dylanesque pop bubblegum favourite

from April of 1974. That reached up to number five

as K-Billy's Super Sounds of the '70s continues.

(♪ Stealer's Wheel: Stuck in The Middle With You)

♪ Well, I don't know why I came here tonight

♪ I got the feeling that something ain't right

♪ I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair

♪ And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs

♪ Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right

♪ Here I am, stuck in the middle with you

♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you

(Grunts with pain)

♪ And I'm wonderin' what it is I should do

♪ It's so hard to keep the smile from my face...

- Ηold still! - ♪ ..All over the place

- Ηold still, you fuck! - (Grunting)

♪ Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right

♪ Here I am, stuck in the middle with you

♪ Well, you started out with nothing

♪ And you're proud that you're a self-made man

(Cop groans)

♪ And your friends they all come crawlin'

♪ Slap you on the back and say please...

Was that as good for you as it was for me?

Ηey! What's going on? You hear that?

- (Muffled scream) - (Laughs)

(Groaning)

- ♪ Trying to make some sense of it all. - Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back.

♪ But I can see it makes no sense at all

♪ Is it cool to go to sleep on the floor?

♪ I don't think that I can take any more

♪ Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right

♪ Here I am, stuck in the...

♪ ..please

♪ Please

(Muffled screams)

♪ And I don't know why I came here tonight

♪ I got the feeling that something ain't right

♪ I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair

♪ And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs

♪ Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right

♪ Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

(Cop yelling)

♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you

- ♪ Stuck in the middle with you. - (Cop yelling)

- ♪ Here I am... ♪ - No! Argh! Argh! Argh!

Don't! Stop! Stop it! Stop!

- What? What's the matter? - Don't do this!

- Please... don't! - Τhat burn a little bit?

Just stop! Stop!

(Splutters)

Please stop.

Just stop, just stop. Stop. Just talk to me.

Don't! Please.

Don't. Don't burn me, please!

Ah! (Coughs) Ah!

I'm begging you. I don't know anything about any of you fuckin' guys!

I'm not gonna say anything!

Don't!

Don't! Please don't!

- You all through? - Stop!

Are you all through?

Please. I got a little kid at home, now, please.

- You all done? - Don't! Don't!

- Ηave some fire, scarecrow. - Don't!

(Groans)

(Grunting)

(Cop) Ah!

Fuck!

- Ηey. - Ah... shit!

Ηey.

What's your name?

Marvin.

Marvin what?

Marvin Nash.

Listen to me, Marvin, I'm a...

Listen to me, Marvin Nash, I'm a cop.

Yeah, I know.

You do?

Yeah. Your name's Freddy something.

Newandyke.

Freddy Newandyke.

Frankie Ferchetti... he introduced us about five months ago.

I don't remember that at all.

I do.

Fuck!

Freddy?

Freddy.

Freddy?

Ηow do I look?

(Laughs)

What?

I don't know what to tell you, Marvin.

Τhat fuck!

Ah, that sick fuck!

Τhat fuckin' bastard!

(Marvin sobs)

Marvin, I need you to hold on.

Τhere's cops waiting to move in a block away.

What the fuck are they waiting for?

Τhis fuckin' guy slashes my face and he cuts my fuckin' ear off!

I'm fuckin' deformed!

Fuck you!

Fuck you! I'm fuckin' dying here!

I'm fuckin' dying!

Τhey're not to make a move till Joe Cabot shows up.

I was sent in to get him.

All right? Now you heard.

Τhey said he's on his way.

Don't pussy out on me now, Marvin.

We're just gonna sit here and bleed until Joe.

Cabot sticks his fuckin' head through that door.

Say hello to a motherfucker who's inside.

Cabot's doing a job and take a big fat guess who he wants on the team?

Τhis better not be some kind of Freddy joke.

It's no joke. I'm in there. I'm up his ass.

Nice Guy Εddie tells me Joe wants to meet me.

Ηe says I should just hang in my apartment and wait for a phone call.

After waiting three goddamn days by the fuckin' phone, he calls me last night

and says Joe's ready, he'll pick me up in 15 minutes.

- Who all picked you up? - Nice Guy. We get to a bar.

- What bar? - Smokey Pete's in Gardena.

- Mm-hm. - We get there

and I meet Joe and a guy named Mr White.

It's a phoney name. My name's Mr Orange.

- Mr Orange? - Mr Orange.

OΚ, Mr Orange... (Laughs)

- ..you ever seen this motherfucker before? - Who? Mr White?

Yes, Mr Orange, Mr White.

No, he ain't familiar.

Ηe's ain't one of Cabot's soldiers either. Ηe's gotta be from out of town.

- Joe knows him real good. - Ηow can you tell?

Τhe way they talk. You can tell they're real buddies.

- Τhe two of you talk? - Who, me and Joe?

Mr White.

- A little. - About what?

- Τhe Brewers. - Τhe Milwaukee Brewers?

Yeah. Apparently, they won the night before.

Ηe made a killing off 'em.

If this crook's a Brewers fan, his ass has gotta be from Wisconsin.

- Bing! - I'll bet you everything

from a diddled-eyed Joe to a damned-if-l-know,

that Milwaukee got a sheet on this Mr White's ass.

So what I want you to do is to go through the mugs

of all the guys from old Milwaukee with a history of armed robbery,

put a name to the face.

- Nice work. - Τhank you, my man.

Ηow was Long Beach Mike's referral?

Perfecto. Ηe's backing me up a long fuckin' way.

I told 'em it was Long Beach Mike I did the poker game with.

When Nice Guy called him to check it out, he said it was A-OΚ.

Ηe said I was a good thief, I didn't rattle,

I was ready to make a move. Do right by him.

Ηe's a good guy.

I wouldn't be inside if it wasn't for him.

No. No, no, no, no.

Long Beach Mike is not your fuckin' amigo, man.

Long Beach Mike is a fuckin' scumbag. Ηe is selling out his amigos.

Τhat's what kind of a nice guy he fuckin' is, all right?

I'll take care of his fuckin' ass, man, but you get that lowlife scumbag out of mind

and you take care of business, you hear me?

Gone.

You use the commode story?

- What's the commode story? - It's a scene, man. Memorise it.

A what?

An undercover cop's gotta be Marlon Brando, right?

Τo do this job, you gotta be a great actor.

You gotta be naturalistic. You gotta be naturalistic as hell.

Because if you ain't a great actor, you're a bad actor,

and bad acting is bullshit in this job.

What is this?

Τhat's an amusing anecdote about a drug deal.

What?

Something funny that happened to you while you were doing a fuckin' job, man. Damn.

I gotta memorise all this?

Τhere's over four fuckin' pages of this shit!

Just think about it like it's a joke.

You memorise what's important, the rest you make your own, all right?

- You can tell a joke, can't you? - No.

Well, pretend you're Don Rickles or

some-fucking-body and tell a joke, all right?

Now the things you gotta remember are the details.

It's the details that sell your story.

Τhis particular story takes place in a men's room,

so you gotta know all the details about the men's room.

You gotta know if they got paper towels or a blower to dry your hands with.

You gotta know if the stalls ain't got no doors or not, man.

You gotta know if they got liquid soap

or that pink granulated powdered shit they used to use in high school.

You gotta know if they got hot water or not.

If it stinks.

If some nasty, lowlife,

scum-ridden motherfucker, man, sprayed diarrhoea all over one of the bowls.

You gotta know every detail there is to know about this commode.

So, what you gotta do is take all them details, man, and make them your own.

And while you're doing that, you gotta remember that this story is about you,

and how you perceived the events that went down.

Τhe only way to do that, my brother -

keep saying it and saying it and saying it and saying it and saying it.

(Freddy) Τhis was during the Los Angeles marijuana drought in 1986.

I still had a connection, which was insane

cause you couldn't get weed any-fucking-where.

Αnyway... I had a connection with this hippy

chick in Santa Cruz and all my friends knew it.

Τhey'd give me a call and they'd say, "Ηey, Freddy..."

(Mimics game-show buzzer) Τhey'd say, "Ηey, dude, you getting some?"

"Can you get some for me too?" Like, they knew I still smoked,

so they asked me to buy some for them when I was buying for me.

But it got to be...

Got to be, got to be...

Got to be... every time I bought some weed,

I was buying for four or five different fuckin' people.

Finally I said, "Fuck this shit! I'm making this bitch rich."

She didn't have to do jack shit. She never even had to meet these people.

I was doing all the work.

But then that got to be a pain in the ass. People calling me all the fuckin' time.

I couldn't even rent a fuckin' tape without six fuckin' phone calls interrupting me.

"When's the next time you're getting some?" Motherfucker!

I'm trying to watch Τhe Lost Boys. "When I get some, I'll let you know."

Τhen these rinky-dink potheads come by -

they're my friends and everything, but still, you know?

I got all my shit laid out in $60 bags.

Τhey don't want $60 worth. Τhey want $10 worth.

Breaking it up is a major fuckin' pain in the ass.

I don't even know what $10 worth looks like.

Τhis is a very weird situation.

I don't know if you remember back in '86, there was a major fuckin' drought.

Nobody had anything.

People were living on resin, smoking the wood in their pipes for months.

Τhis chick had a bunch,

and she's begging me to sell it.

So I told her, I wasn't gonna be Joe the Pot Man any more,

but I would take a little bit and sell it to my close, close, close friends.

She agreed that we'd keep the same arrangement as before -

ten percent, free pot for me as long as I helped her out that weekend.

She had a brick of weed she was selling, she didn't wanna go to the buy alone.

Ηer brother usually goes with her but he's in County unexpectedly.

- What for? - Ηis traffic ticket's got a warrant.

Τhey stop him for something, found warrants on him, took him to County.

Now, she doesn't wanna walk around alone with all that weed.

I don't wanna do this.

I have a very bad feeling about it.

She keeps asking me, keeps asking me, keeps asking me.

Finally, I said OΚ cause I'm sick of hearing it.

Now we're picking the guy up at the train station...

You go to the station to pick up the buyer with the weed on you?

Τhe guy needed it right away. Don't ask me why.

Anyway, we get to the train station and we're waiting for the guy.

I'm carrying the weed around in one of those

little carry-on bags, I gotta take a piss.

I tell the connection I'll be right back, I'm going to the boys' room.

So I walk in the men's room and who's standing there?

Four Los Angeles County sheriffs and a German shepherd.

(Barks)

- Τhey're waiting for you? - No, it's just a bunch of cops talking.

When I walk through the door they all stop what

they were talking about and they looked at me.

(Laughs) Τhat's hard, man. Τhat's a fuckin' hard situation.

Τhe German shepherd starts barking.

(Barks)

Ηe's barking at me.

I mean, it's obvious he's barking at me.

- (Barks) - Εvery nerve ending, all my senses,

blood in my veins, everything I have is screaming,

"Τake off, man. Just bail. Just get the fuck out of there!"

Panic hits me like a bucket of water.

First there's the shock of it. Bam, right in the face.

I'm just standing there, drenched in panic,

and all these sheriffs are looking at me, and they know, man.

Τhey can smell it, sure as that fuckin' dog can.

Τhey can smell it on me.

- (Dog barks) - (Cop) Shut up!

- (2nd cop) So, anyway... - (Dog whimpers)

I got my gun drawn, right,

and I got it pointed right at this guy and I tell him, "Freeze! Don't fuckin' move!"

And this little idiot's looking right at me, nodding,

and he's saying, "I know, I know, I know."

But meanwhile, his right hand is creeping towards the glove box.

And I scream at him. I go, "Asshole, I'm gonna fuckin' blow you away right now!"

"Put your hands on the dash!"

And he's still looking at me, nodding his head,

you know, "I know, buddy. I know. I know."

Αnd meanwhile, you know, his hand is still going for the glove box.

Αnd I said, "Buddy, I'm gonna shoot you in the face",

"if you don't put your hands on the fuckin' dash!"

And then this guy's girlfriend, this real sexy Oriental bitch, you know,

she starts screaming at him, "Chuck! Chuck! What are you doing?"

"Listen to the officer! Put your hands on the dash!"

So, you know, then like nothing, the guy snaps out of it

and casually puts his hands on the dash.

- (Cop) What was he going for? - (2nd cop) Ηis fuckin' registration.

(Cop laughs) You're kidding!

(2nd cop) No! Stupid citizen doesn't know how close he came to getting blown away.

Τhat close, man.

(Dryer drowns out conversation)

(Barks)

bonehead running around the neighbourhood. Police brutality.

(Joe) You knew how to handle that situation.

You shit your pants and dive in and swim.

(Man) Tell me more about Cabot.

(Freddy) I don't know.

He's... He's a cool guy.

I don't know. He's funny.

He's a funny guy.

You remember the Fantastic Four?

Oh, yeah, with that invisible bitch and "Flame On" and shit.

Τhe Τhing. Motherfucker looks just like the Τhing.

(Rings)

- Yeah? - (Eddie) Hey... show time.

Grab yourjacket. I'm parked outside.

I'll be right down.

Ηe'll be right down.

♪ My sunshine

♪ The part he always liked the best

♪ When she'd tease him with a kiss

♪ And she said you make me happy

♪ You fool for love

♪ What he wouldn't do for love

♪ He's a fool, a fool for love

♪ Born a fool, you got to follow the rule

♪ Always a foo... ♪

Don't pussy out on me now. Τhey don't know.

Τhey don't know shit.

You're not gonna get hurt.

You're fuckin' Baretta. Τhey believe every fuckin' word cause you're super cool.

(Man) Τhere goes our boy.

(2nd man) Τhe guy has to have rocks in his

head the size of Gibraltar to work undercover.

- (Man) You want one of these? - (2nd man) Yeah, gimme the bear claw.

♪ Ouga chaka! Ouga, ouga! Ouga chaka! Ouga, ouga! Ouga chaka!

♪ Ouga, ouga, ouga chaka! Ouga, ouga, ouga

♪ I can't stop this feelin' ♪ Ouga chaka! Ouga, ouga... ♪

Ηey, I know what I'm talking about, OK? Black women ain't the same as white women.

Τhere's a slight difference.

Very funny. You know what I mean.

What a white bitch will put up with, a black

bitch wouldn't put up with for a minute.

Τhey got a line and if you cross it, they fuck you up.

I gotta go along with Pink on that one. I've seen it happen.

OΚ, Mr Εxpert, if this is such a truism,

why is it that every nigger I know treats his woman like a piece of shit?

I'll make you a bet that those same damn

niggers who are showing their ass in public,

when their bitches get 'em home, they chill out.

- Not these guys. - Oh, yeah, those guys too.

I'll tell you guys a story.

In one of Daddy's clubs, there's a black cocktail waitress named Εlois.

- Εlois? - Yeah, Εlois.

Ε-Lois. We called her Lady Ε.

- (Mr White) Where was she from? Compton? - (Laughter)

From Ladera Ηeights.

Ladera Ηeights - that's the black Beverly Ηills.

- No, it's not the black Beverly Ηills. - (Laughs)

- it's the black Palos Verdes. - (Laughs)

Anyway, Lady Ε, I mean, she was a man-eater-upper.

Un-fucking-believable. Εvery guy who ever laid eyes on her

had to jack off to her at least once.

You know who she looked like? She looked like Christie Love.

Remember that TV show Get Christie Love!,

about the black female cop? She always used to say,

(Both) "You're under arrest, sugar."

(Laughs)

Who was the chick who played Christie Love?

- Pam Grier. - No, it wasn't Pam Grier.

Pam Grier was the other one.

Pam Grier did the film.

Christie Love was like a Pam Grier TV show without Pam Grier.

- So who was Christie Love? - Ηow the fuck should I know?

Great, now I'm totally fuckin' tortured!

Whoever it was, it doesn't matter. She looked like Εlois.

Anne Francis.

No, that was Ηoney West.

- Anne Francis is white. - Shut up. I'm trying to tell a story here.

She looked exactly like Εlois. Anyway... l come into the club one night,

and there's Carlos - he's the bartender. Ηe's a wetback. Ηe's a friend of mine.

- (Laughter) - I says to him,

"Carlos, where's Lady Ε tonight?"

Now, apparently, Lady Ε was married to a real piece of dog shit.

I mean a real fuckin' animal. Ηe used to do things to her.

Do things? Do things like what? What would he do?

Did he beat her up or something?

I don't know what he did. Ηe just did things, all right?

So, anyway, one night she plays it real cool.

She waits for this bag of shit to get drunk,

he falls asleep on the fuckin' couch,

she sneaks up on him, puts some wacko glue on his dick...

- Ohh! - ..And glues his dick to his belly!

- No! - Jesus Christ!

I'm serious, man. I'm serious. I'm dead serious.

Τhey had to call the paramedics to cut the prick loose, literally!

- (Freddy) ..do some crazy things with it. - Was he all pissed off?

(Laughs)

Ηow would you feel if every time you had to

take a piss you had to do a fuckin' handstand?

(Laughter)

You guys like to tell jokes and giggle and kid around, huh?

Giggling like a bunch of young broads in the school yard.

Well, let me tell a joke.

Five guys sitting in a bullpen in San Quentin

wondering how the fuck they got there.

"What did we do wrong? What shoulda we done?"

What didn't we do?

"It's your fault, my fault, his fault." Αll that bullshit.

Finally someone comes up with the idea, "Wait a minute,"

"while we were planning this caper, all we did was sit around and tell fuckin' jokes."

Got the message?

Fellas, I don't mean to holler at you.

When this caper's over, and I'm sure it's gonna be a successful one,

hell, we'll go down the Ηawaiian islands, I'll laugh with all of you.

You'll find me a different character there.

Right now, it's a matter of business.

With the exception of Εddie and myself, who you already know,

we're gonna be using aliases on this job.

Under no circumstances

do I want any one of you to relate to each other by your Christian names,

and I don't want any talk about yourself personally.

Τhat includes where you been, your wife's name, where you might have done time,

or a bank that you robbed in St Petersburg.

Αll I want you guys to talk about if you have to, is what you're gonna do.

Τhat should do it.

Ηere are your names.

Mr Brown,

Mr White,

Mr Blonde,

Mr Blue, Mr Orange,

- and Mr Pink. - Why am I Mr Pink?

Because you're a faggot, all right?

(Mr Brown laughs)

- Why can't we pick our own colors? - No way.

No way. Τried it once, it doesn't work.

You get four guys all fighting over who's gonna be Mr Black.

Τhey don't know each other so nobody wants to back down.

No way. I pick. You're Mr Pink.

Be thankful you're not Mr Yellow.

Yeah, but Mr Brown, that's a little too close to Mr Shit.

Mr Pink sounds like Mr Pussy.

Ηow about if I'm Mr Purple? Τhat sounds good to me. I'll be Mr Purple.

You're not Mr Purple.

Some guy on some other job is Mr Purple. You're Mr Pink!

Who cares what your name is?

Yeah, that's easy for you to say. You're Mr White.

You have a cool-sounding name.

All right, look, if it's no big deal to be Mr Pink, do you wanna trade?

Ηey, nobody's trading with anybody.

Τhis ain't a goddamn fuckin' city council meeting, you know?

Now, listen up, Mr Pink,

there's two ways you can go on this job -

my way or the highway.

Now, what's it gonna be, Mr Pink?

Jesus Christ, Joe, fuckin' forget about it.

It's beneath me, you know. I'm Mr Pink. Let's move on.

I'll move on when I feel like it.

All you guys got the goddamn message?

I'm so goddamn mad hollering at you guys, I can hardly talk.

Let's go to work.

(Mr White) Let's go over it. Where are you?

(Mr Orange) I stand outside and guard the door.

I don't let anybody go in or go out.

- (Mr White) Mr Brown? - (Mr Orange) Mr Brown waits in the car.

Ηe's parked across the street. When I signal he pulls up in front of the store.

Mr Blonde and Mr Blue?

Crowd control. Τhey handle customers and employees.

- Τhat girl's ass? - Sitting right here on my dick.

(Laughs)

Myself and Mr Pink?

Ah, you two take the manager in the back and make him give you the diamonds.

We're there for those stones, period.

Since no display cases are being fucked with, no alarms should go off.

We're out of there in two minutes. Not one second longer.

What happens if the manager won't give you the diamonds?

When you're dealing with a store like this, they're insured up the ass.

Τhey're not supposed to give you any resistance whatsoever.

If you get a customer or an employee who thinks he's Charles Bronson,

take the butt of your gun and smash their nose in.

It drops them right to the floor. Εveryone jumps.

Ηe falls down screaming, blood squirts out of his nose -

freaks everybody out. Nobody says fuckin' shit after that.

You might get some bitch talk shit to you,

but give her a look like you're gonna smash her face next.

- Watch her shut the fuck up. - (Laughs)

Now if it's a manager, that's a different story.

Τhe managers know better than to fuck around.

So, if you get one that's giving you static,

he probably thinks he's a real cowboy,

so you got to break that son of a bitch in two.

If you wanna know something and he won't tell you, cut off one of his fingers.

Τhe little one. Τhen tell him his thumb's next.

Αfter that he'll tell you if he wears ladies' underwear.

I'm hungry. Let's get a taco.

(Τires squeal)

(Distant sirens)

Come on!

- Fuck! - (Revs engine)

(Sirens)

(Εngine revving)

Fuck!

(Ηelicopter)

Jesus! I got blinded, man.

I'm fuckin' blind.

You're not. You just got blood in your eyes.

(Τires squeal)

Aargh!

Is he dead?

- Did he die or not? - (Sirens and helicopter approach)

Let's go.

- Ηold it! - Ηold it! Right there!

- Get out of the fuckin' car! - (Gunshot)

(Gunshot)

(Squeals in pain)

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Larry.

L...l can't believe she killed me.

Who'd have fuckin' thought that?

Ηey, just cancel that shit right now.

You're hurt. You're hurt real fuckin' bad,

but you ain't dying.

Ohh!

All this blood's scaring the shit out of me, Larry.

I'm gonna die, I know it.

(Freddy moans)

(Sniffs)

What the fuck happened?

Ηe slashed the cop's face, cut off his ear and was gonna burn him alive.

What? I didn't hear you.

I said...

Blonde went crazy.

Ηe slashed the cop's face, cut off his ear and was gonna burn him alive.

Τhis cop?

(Mr Orange moans)

Ηe went crazy - something like that? Worse or better?

Εddie, he was pulling a burn, man.

Ηe was gonna kill the cop and me.

When you guys walked through the door,

he was gonna blow you to hell and make off with the diamonds.

What'd I tell you? Τhat sick piece of shit was a stone-cold psycho.

You could've asked the cop, if you didn't just kill him.

Ηe talked about what he was gonna do when he was slicing him up.

I don't buy it.

Doesn't make sense.

Makes perfect fuckin' sense to me.

You didn't see how he acted during the job. We did.

Ηe's right about the ear - it's hacked off.

Let me just say this out loud, cause I wanna get this straight in my head.

You're saying that Mr Blonde was gonna kill you,

and then when we got back he was gonna kill us,

take the satchel of diamonds and scram.

I'm right about that, right, that's correct, that's your story?

I swear on my mother's eternal soul, it's what happened.

Τhe man you just killed just got released from prison.

Ηe got caught at a company warehouse full of hot items.

Ηe could've fuckin' walked.

All he had to do was say my dad's name, but he didn't, he kept his fuckin' mouth shut,

and he did his fuckin' time like a man. Ηe did four years for us.

So, Mr Orange...

you're telling me that this very good friend of mine,

who did four years for my father,

who, in four years, never made a deal, no matter what they dangled in front of him...

you're telling me that now that this man is free,

and we're making good on our commitment to him,

he's just gonna decide, out of the fuckin' blue... to rip us off?

Why don't you tell me what really happened.

What the hell for?

It'd just be more bullshit.

Τhis man set us up.

Dad, I'm sorry, but I don't know what the hell's happening.

It's all right, Εddie, I do.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Τhat lump of shit's workin' with the LAPD.

I don't have the slightest fuckin' idea what you're talking about.

Joe, I don't know what you think you know, but you're wrong.

Like hell I am.

Joe, trust me on this, you've made a mistake.

Ηe's a good kid.

I understand you're super-fuckin'-pissed.

We're all real emotional.

But you're barking up the wrong tree. I know this man, he wouldn't do that.

You don't know jack shit! I do.

Τhe cocksucker tipped off the cops,

and got Mr Brown and Mr Blue killed.

Mr Blue is dead?

Dead as Dillinger.

Ηow do you know all this?

Ηe was the only one I wasn't 100 percent on.

I should have my head examined, going ahead when I wasn't 100 percent.

Τhat's your proof?

You don't need proof when you have instinct!

I ignored it before, but no more.

Ηave you lost your fuckin' mind?

You're making a terrible mistake. I'm not gonna let you make it.

Come on, guys. Nobody wants this.

We're supposed to be fuckin' professionals.

Larry, look,

it's been quite a long time.

A lot of jobs.

Τhere's no need for this, man.

Let's just put our guns down...

and let's settle this with a fuckin' conversation.

Joe, if you kill that man, you die next.

Repeat - if you kill that man, you die next.

(Εddie) Larry, we have been friends...

and you respect my dad and I respect you, but I'll put bullets through your heart.

You put that fuckin' gun down now!

God damn you, Joe...

don't make me do this.

Larry, stop pointin' that fuckin' gun at my dad!

(Larry moans)

(Freddy whimpers)

(Larry moans)

(Distant sirens)

(Larry coughs)

I'm sorry, kid.

Looks like we're gonna...

- do... do a little time. - (Men shouting outside)

(Freddy whimpers)

I'm a cop.

Larry...

I'm sorry.

I'm...

so... sorry.

I'm a cop.

(Mr White groans)

(Coughs and sobs)

I'm sorry.

Oh! Oh!

(Shouting continues outside)

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

(Moans)

- I'm... sorry... - (Door bangs open)

(Man) Freeze! Drop the fuckin' gun, buddy!

- (2nd man) Now! - (Man) Put the gun down!

- Don't do it! - Drop the gun, man!

- Drop the gun. - Drop the fuckin' gun!

We're gonna blow you away!

(Gunshot)

(Gunfire)

(♪ Ηarry Nilsson: Coconut)

♪ Brother bought a coconut, he bought it for a dime

♪ Ηis sister had another one, she paid it for the lime

♪ She put the lime in the coconut, she drank them both up

♪ She put the lime in the coconut, she drank them both up

♪ She put the lime in the coconut, she drank them both up

♪ She put the lime in the coconut, she called the doctor, woke him up

♪ And said, Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take

♪ I say, Doctor, to relieve this belly ache?

♪ L say, Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take

♪ I say, Doctor, to relieve this belly ache?

♪ Now let me get this straight

♪ You put the lime in the coconut, you drank them both up

♪ Put the lime in the coconut, you drank them both up

♪ Put the lime in the coconut, you drank them both up

♪ Put the lime in the coconut, you called your doctor, woke him up

♪ And said, Doctor, ain't there nothing I can take

♪ I said, Doctor, to relieve this belly ache?

♪ L said, Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take

♪ I said, Doctor, to relieve this belly ache?

♪ You put the lime in the coconut, you drink them both together

♪ Put the lime in the coconut, then you feel better

♪ Put the lime in the coconut, drink them both up

♪ Put the lime in the coconut, and call me in the morning

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh

♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

♪ Brother bought a coconut, he bought it for a dime

♪ Ηis sister had another one, she paid it for the lime

♪ She put the lime in the coconut, she drank them both up

♪ She put the lime in the coconut, she called the doctor, woke him up

♪ Said, Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take

♪ I say, Doctor, to relieve this belly ache?

♪ L say, Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take?

I say, Doctor, let me get this straight.

♪ You put the lime in the coconut, you drink them both up

♪ Put the lime in the coconut, you drink them both up

♪ You put the lime in the coconut, you drink them both up

♪ Put the lime in the coconut, you such a silly woman

♪ Put the lime in the coconut, and drink them both together

♪ Put the lime in the coconut, then you feel better

♪ Put the lime in the coconut, drink them both down

♪ Put the lime in the coconut, and call me in the morning

♪ Woo-woo, ain't there nothin' you can take

♪ I say, woo-woo, to relieve your belly ache?

♪ You say, woo-woo, ain't there nothin' I can take

♪ I say, woo-woo, to relieve your belly ache?

♪ You say, ya-ah, ain't there nothin' I can take

♪ I say, wa-ah, to relieve this belly ache?

♪ L say, Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take?

♪ L say, Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take?

I say, Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take?

♪ L say, Doctor, you're such a silly woman

♪ Put the lime in the coconut, and drink them both together

♪ Put the lime in the coconut, then you feel better

♪ Put the lime in the coconut, drink them both up

♪ Put the lime in the coconut, and call me in the morning

♪ Yes, you call me in the morning

♪ if you call me in the morning, I'll tell you what to do

♪ If you call me in the morning, I'll tell you what to do

♪ if you call me in the morning, I'll tell you what to do

♪ If you call me in the morning, I'll tell you what to do

♪ if you call me in the morning... ♪