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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,834 --> 00:00:04,165 Alpa Chino! 2 00:00:04,269 --> 00:00:05,964 We're loaded 3 00:00:06,071 --> 00:00:07,402 I love the pussy, hell, yeah 4 00:00:07,506 --> 00:00:08,905 I love the pussy, hell, yeah 5 00:00:09,007 --> 00:00:11,669 I love that pussy dripping down to the floor, oh, no 6 00:00:11,777 --> 00:00:14,268 The wettest pussy, hell, yeah I love the pussy, hell, yeah 7 00:00:14,379 --> 00:00:17,473 I'm drinking up your Booty Sweat and busting a nut 8 00:00:17,583 --> 00:00:19,346 Alpa Chino got that pussy control 9 00:00:19,451 --> 00:00:21,351 Alpa Chino's Booty Sweat. 10 00:00:21,453 --> 00:00:22,886 Pop an ass open! 11 00:00:22,988 --> 00:00:26,480 Booty Sweat and Bust-A-Nut bars available at concessions now. 12 00:00:30,596 --> 00:00:34,726 In 2013, when the Earth's rotation came to a halt... 13 00:00:34,833 --> 00:00:38,394 The President has declared all of North America a disaster area. 14 00:00:38,503 --> 00:00:41,199 I call on my fellow Americans to come together... 15 00:00:41,306 --> 00:00:45,333 ... the world called on the one man who could make a difference. 16 00:00:49,381 --> 00:00:53,613 When it happened again, the world called on him once more. 17 00:00:54,820 --> 00:01:00,622 And no one saw it coming three more times! 18 00:01:03,228 --> 00:01:04,889 Now, 19 00:01:04,997 --> 00:01:08,933 the one man who made a difference five times before, 20 00:01:11,370 --> 00:01:15,739 is about to make a difference again. 21 00:01:16,475 --> 00:01:20,571 Only this time, it's different. 22 00:01:22,414 --> 00:01:24,041 Who left the fridge open? 23 00:01:25,484 --> 00:01:27,418 Tugg Speedman. 24 00:01:27,519 --> 00:01:32,286 Scorcher Vl: Global Meltdown. 25 00:01:32,391 --> 00:01:34,154 Here we go again. 26 00:01:35,694 --> 00:01:36,752 Again. 27 00:01:45,304 --> 00:01:48,171 Will there be anything else? 28 00:01:48,273 --> 00:01:51,470 Yes, my dear man. More beans. 29 00:01:53,278 --> 00:01:55,439 Granny! 30 00:01:57,382 --> 00:01:58,542 Please! 31 00:01:58,650 --> 00:02:03,610 This summer, America's favorite obese family is back. 32 00:02:06,491 --> 00:02:08,049 Gross! 33 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:10,185 - You're just mad 'cause I'm skinny. - Am not! 34 00:02:10,762 --> 00:02:12,252 Jeff Portnoy. 35 00:02:12,931 --> 00:02:14,398 Jeff Portnoy. 36 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,490 Jeff Portnoy. 37 00:02:16,601 --> 00:02:22,699 And Jeff Portnoy are The Fatties: Fart Two. 38 00:02:22,808 --> 00:02:24,639 In some countries, 39 00:02:25,844 --> 00:02:27,471 it's considered a compliment. 40 00:02:27,579 --> 00:02:30,776 Letting loose this summer. 41 00:02:40,058 --> 00:02:45,792 In a time where to be different was to be condemned, 42 00:02:59,544 --> 00:03:04,243 and to be condemned was to die, 43 00:03:08,487 --> 00:03:12,548 one man chose to question his God. 44 00:03:16,528 --> 00:03:18,223 From Fox Searchlight, 45 00:03:27,072 --> 00:03:30,303 five-time Academy Award winner Kirk Lazarus 46 00:03:31,410 --> 00:03:35,744 and MTV Movie Award Best Kiss winner Tobey Maguire. 47 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:46,648 Winner of the Beijing Film Festival's coveted Crying Monkey Award, 48 00:03:47,859 --> 00:03:49,850 Satan's Alley. 49 00:03:54,232 --> 00:03:56,962 I've been a bad, bad boy, Father. 50 00:04:32,404 --> 00:04:35,202 In the winter of 1969, 51 00:04:35,307 --> 00:04:37,332 an elite force of the U.S. Army 52 00:04:37,442 --> 00:04:42,311 was sent on a top-secret assignment in southeast Vietnam. 53 00:04:42,414 --> 00:04:45,178 The objective, rescue Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback 54 00:04:45,283 --> 00:04:48,343 from a heavily guarded NVA Prison Camp. 55 00:04:48,453 --> 00:04:51,547 The mission was considered to be near suicide. 56 00:04:52,858 --> 00:04:56,157 Of the 10 men sent, four returned. 57 00:04:56,261 --> 00:04:59,697 Of those four, three wrote books about what happened. 58 00:04:59,798 --> 00:05:02,767 Of those three, two were published. 59 00:05:02,868 --> 00:05:07,032 Of those two, just one got a movie deal. 60 00:05:08,540 --> 00:05:13,773 This is the story of the men who attempted to make that movie. 61 00:05:24,589 --> 00:05:27,183 Whiskey Fire Old Snake requests an LZ prep 62 00:05:27,292 --> 00:05:29,852 at Alpha-Delta-two-four-eight-niner, over. 63 00:05:35,166 --> 00:05:39,432 Floyd, this is lead. Right echelon approach from RP to LZ, acknowledge. 64 00:05:40,572 --> 00:05:42,699 Floyd, Wall-Eye airborne. Welcome aboard. 65 00:05:46,144 --> 00:05:47,873 All right, lead's going in. Give her some cover. 66 00:05:47,979 --> 00:05:50,812 Delivery on five. I repeat, delivery on five. 67 00:05:56,888 --> 00:05:59,186 This is Zero-Three. I'm on your six, don't worry. 68 00:05:59,524 --> 00:06:02,152 Chalk-Three's taking fire. Guns right, guns right. 69 00:06:08,934 --> 00:06:11,061 Lay that shit down! 70 00:06:11,169 --> 00:06:12,466 Come on! 71 00:06:14,306 --> 00:06:16,604 Come on, you damn dirty heathens! 72 00:06:16,708 --> 00:06:20,041 Wall-Eye, Wall-Eye, this is Boomer One-Seven in the Zee! 73 00:06:20,145 --> 00:06:23,546 I need fast movers on my Yankee Smoke, copy? 74 00:06:23,648 --> 00:06:25,582 Boomer, this is Wall-Eye. I got two-Alpha-four 75 00:06:25,684 --> 00:06:27,914 - snake and nape on the ready! - Oh, Jesus! Holy shit! 76 00:06:28,019 --> 00:06:29,179 Holy shit! 77 00:06:29,287 --> 00:06:31,084 Get on that horn and get some firepower, boy! 78 00:06:31,189 --> 00:06:32,349 Jesus Christ! 79 00:06:32,457 --> 00:06:33,754 Listen, you cherry fuck, 80 00:06:33,858 --> 00:06:37,385 you call in that snake and nape and get us some boom-boom now! 81 00:06:37,495 --> 00:06:39,986 I'd do it myself but I'm kind of goddamn busy! 82 00:06:40,098 --> 00:06:41,463 I need an answer, Boomer! 83 00:06:41,566 --> 00:06:43,261 Wall-Eye, Wall-Eye! 84 00:06:43,368 --> 00:06:44,733 I copy! 85 00:06:46,605 --> 00:06:48,095 What the fuck? 86 00:06:56,281 --> 00:06:58,715 That's for Brooklyn, motherfucker! 87 00:06:58,817 --> 00:07:00,614 I think I can put it back in! 88 00:07:00,719 --> 00:07:03,654 This is the last Christmas I spend with Victor Charlie up my ass! 89 00:07:03,755 --> 00:07:06,491 Want some? Get some! 90 00:07:06,558 --> 00:07:09,584 Hey, yo, Fats! I ain't seen Four Leaf! 91 00:07:09,694 --> 00:07:12,891 Don't count him out! That bastard's got luck tattooed to his ass! 92 00:07:12,998 --> 00:07:15,990 Motown, get your Detroit jukebox Jheri curl ass 93 00:07:16,101 --> 00:07:18,331 in this chickenshit chop-chop! ASAFP! 94 00:07:18,436 --> 00:07:20,267 Four Leaf is still outside the perimeter, Sarge! 95 00:07:20,372 --> 00:07:24,866 Miss me with that cracker chump jive! We di di mau! We di di mau! 96 00:07:24,976 --> 00:07:26,375 Come on, get down, get down! 97 00:07:26,478 --> 00:07:28,503 What am I looking at? What is this? 98 00:07:29,414 --> 00:07:33,373 Come on, let's get, let's go! Come on, elevator up, up! 99 00:07:33,485 --> 00:07:36,010 Sarge. It's Four Leaf. 100 00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:50,358 No! 101 00:07:56,775 --> 00:07:58,037 Survive! 102 00:08:11,222 --> 00:08:13,713 Cover me, you limp dick fuckups! 103 00:08:19,364 --> 00:08:22,595 Peek-a-boo! I see you! 104 00:08:24,636 --> 00:08:26,365 Hold on, Four Leaf! 105 00:08:29,007 --> 00:08:30,338 Oh, shit! 106 00:08:32,610 --> 00:08:34,100 Watch my right! 107 00:08:35,780 --> 00:08:38,044 Come on, Leaf, let's boogie! 108 00:08:45,390 --> 00:08:47,051 No! 109 00:08:47,158 --> 00:08:48,250 No! 110 00:08:51,429 --> 00:08:53,522 - Fats! - Holy fuck! 111 00:08:54,799 --> 00:08:57,359 Take us over to those men! Shit! 112 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:04,809 Look at you, man. Playing with grenades. 113 00:09:08,313 --> 00:09:09,575 I'm cold, Linc. 114 00:09:11,616 --> 00:09:13,447 I can't feel my legs. 115 00:09:14,586 --> 00:09:16,577 Ain't nothing but a thang. 116 00:09:18,056 --> 00:09:20,286 Hold my hands, 117 00:09:20,391 --> 00:09:22,222 'cause I got something to... 118 00:09:22,327 --> 00:09:24,192 I got something to say. 119 00:09:25,597 --> 00:09:27,258 Oh, boy. 120 00:09:31,269 --> 00:09:34,170 When we get back to the world, 121 00:09:34,272 --> 00:09:37,002 I'm gonna finally teach you how to juggle. 122 00:09:38,977 --> 00:09:42,242 I ain't never been worth a nothing in this life, 123 00:09:42,347 --> 00:09:45,111 but I want you to know something. 124 00:09:46,184 --> 00:09:47,481 What, man? 125 00:09:49,387 --> 00:09:50,684 You are my... 126 00:09:52,190 --> 00:09:53,885 You are my brother. 127 00:10:06,871 --> 00:10:11,899 You are my brother. You are my... You are my... 128 00:10:12,076 --> 00:10:13,703 I am your brother. 129 00:10:17,215 --> 00:10:18,944 I'm sorry. Could we cut? 130 00:10:19,050 --> 00:10:20,540 - What's he saying? - Damien, can we cut? 131 00:10:20,652 --> 00:10:22,313 - No. No, no, no, no, no... - All right, you know what? 132 00:10:22,420 --> 00:10:25,412 We got the jets coming in, big explosion, two minutes. 133 00:10:25,523 --> 00:10:26,615 Still rolling. 134 00:10:26,724 --> 00:10:28,351 You know what? No, not still rolling. Can we cut? 135 00:10:28,459 --> 00:10:30,120 - We're cutting. - No, we're not. Get out! 136 00:10:30,228 --> 00:10:32,196 Hey, what's going on? For real, my butt is hurting! 137 00:10:32,297 --> 00:10:34,231 This harness is riding up my crack! 138 00:10:34,332 --> 00:10:36,994 - Damien, are we cutting? - No! No! Still rolling! 139 00:10:37,101 --> 00:10:39,228 Mr. Cockburn! Are we cutting, sir? 140 00:10:39,337 --> 00:10:42,500 No! No. I'm not cutting! We're still rolling! 141 00:10:42,607 --> 00:10:43,665 Damien, what's the dealy, dude? 142 00:10:43,775 --> 00:10:45,572 Are we gonna blow this tree line or what? 143 00:10:45,677 --> 00:10:47,235 Tuk Tuk and Kim got the blue balls here. 144 00:10:47,345 --> 00:10:48,573 I'm gonna let them squirt if we're a go! 145 00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:50,910 - Play it through. Still rolling! - Dieter, can he hear me? 146 00:10:51,015 --> 00:10:53,575 That's C-4, dipshit. Put that back. I said a detonator. 147 00:10:53,685 --> 00:10:56,051 I need some dudes up here who speak American, God damn it! 148 00:10:56,154 --> 00:10:57,621 He's making a fucking sweater back here. 149 00:10:57,722 --> 00:11:00,054 I'm trying to put Tiger Balm on this jungle's nuts. 150 00:11:00,158 --> 00:11:01,284 Oh, shit! 151 00:11:01,392 --> 00:11:03,019 Alpa Chino hotline. What's up? What's up, baby? 152 00:11:03,127 --> 00:11:05,322 What the fuck is going on here? 153 00:11:05,430 --> 00:11:06,590 Everyone, please shut up. 154 00:11:06,698 --> 00:11:09,189 The jets are coming in. We only have one chance at this! 155 00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:11,461 On three, baby. One, two, breathe. 156 00:11:11,569 --> 00:11:14,094 Look, do me a favor. I don't want to do a countdown before I do the scene. 157 00:11:14,205 --> 00:11:15,263 - No countdown? - No countdown. 158 00:11:15,373 --> 00:11:16,567 - Okay. - Can we just do it off of "Action"? 159 00:11:16,674 --> 00:11:18,232 Just... In your own time. 160 00:11:18,343 --> 00:11:20,140 - Good... - I'm not a rocket ship, okay? 161 00:11:20,245 --> 00:11:21,872 - All right, dude. - And action! 162 00:11:21,980 --> 00:11:24,915 Whatever floats your boat, baby. Fuck! Don't die! 163 00:11:25,016 --> 00:11:27,450 Erika, get me a VitaminWater! 164 00:11:27,552 --> 00:11:29,019 You know what it is, Damien? I'm sorry. 165 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:33,523 Not to get into his thing, but if I'm crying, should Osiris be crying, too? 166 00:11:33,625 --> 00:11:35,525 - No, it's everyone cry... - We cutting or we crying? 167 00:11:35,627 --> 00:11:36,958 - No, no, no, we're crying! - Just call it, man! 168 00:11:37,061 --> 00:11:39,188 - Kirk, you can cry. Tugg, you can cry. - Thanks! 169 00:11:39,297 --> 00:11:41,026 - Everybody cry... - You know what? 170 00:11:41,132 --> 00:11:43,100 - You see how agitated he is now? - I know. 171 00:11:43,201 --> 00:11:45,635 - Let's make lemonade. Let's go to work. - Okay. Still rolling! 172 00:11:46,037 --> 00:11:48,699 This is Falcon One. We have the ridge in sight, approximately two miles out. 173 00:11:48,806 --> 00:11:51,070 Dieter, these jets are about to crest this ridge line. 174 00:11:51,175 --> 00:11:53,109 They got about 200 pounds of shit your pants. 175 00:11:53,211 --> 00:11:54,371 I need to know if we're ready to go. 176 00:11:57,015 --> 00:11:59,313 - You're my... You're my... - I am your... 177 00:11:59,417 --> 00:12:02,875 See, that's what I think it is, Damien. I think it's the line. 178 00:12:02,987 --> 00:12:04,011 Yeah? 179 00:12:04,122 --> 00:12:05,987 I don't know if Four Leaf would say that... Four Leaf? 180 00:12:06,090 --> 00:12:08,422 Were you crying when your hands blew up? 181 00:12:08,526 --> 00:12:10,153 No. See, he didn't. Yeah, I mean, just that's what... 182 00:12:10,261 --> 00:12:11,819 So now we in re-writes, right? 183 00:12:11,930 --> 00:12:13,056 - Where you going? - Let's re-write it! 184 00:12:13,164 --> 00:12:15,325 Action Jackson can't cry. That's what's going down. 185 00:12:15,433 --> 00:12:17,401 You know what, Kirk? I'm ready to do the scene! 186 00:12:17,502 --> 00:12:21,063 What scene? The scene is about emotionality. Where is it? 187 00:12:21,172 --> 00:12:22,764 - Now it's time to flip the script! - Kirk... 188 00:12:22,874 --> 00:12:25,035 Be here till Chinese New Year waiting for my man to cry. 189 00:12:25,143 --> 00:12:26,576 Here they come! 190 00:12:26,678 --> 00:12:29,875 - Kirk, no! - Stop tailgating me, you pasty teabag! 191 00:12:29,981 --> 00:12:30,970 Can I make pee-pee? 192 00:12:31,082 --> 00:12:33,482 - The planes are inbound! - I know! Oh, shit! 193 00:12:33,584 --> 00:12:36,781 Get the fruit... Jesus! Fuck! Shit! Cocksucking! 194 00:12:36,888 --> 00:12:40,585 - That's the signal! Go, go, go, go, go! - Tropic tits! 195 00:12:40,692 --> 00:12:42,751 Goddamn shit-picking cock! 196 00:12:44,529 --> 00:12:46,258 It's beautiful! 197 00:12:52,303 --> 00:12:55,238 Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit! 198 00:12:55,540 --> 00:12:58,407 Hot! Hot, hot, hot, hot! Fuck! 199 00:13:03,014 --> 00:13:04,572 - Sweet. - Oh, mama! 200 00:13:04,716 --> 00:13:06,081 Let me down! 201 00:13:07,185 --> 00:13:09,449 Bungle in the jungle. 202 00:13:09,554 --> 00:13:12,648 More bad news from the Vietnamese set of Tropic Thunder, 203 00:13:12,757 --> 00:13:16,488 where a $4 million explosion charred the Asian location 204 00:13:16,594 --> 00:13:18,562 and the camera wasn't even rolling. 205 00:13:18,663 --> 00:13:21,325 Financed by hotheaded mega-mogul Les Grossman, 206 00:13:21,432 --> 00:13:24,526 the film is already rumored to be one month behind schedule 207 00:13:24,635 --> 00:13:27,502 just five days into shooting. The reason? 208 00:13:27,605 --> 00:13:30,540 Fingers are pointed at rookie director Damien Cockburn, 209 00:13:30,641 --> 00:13:33,735 who, insiders say, can't control a star-studded cast, 210 00:13:33,845 --> 00:13:38,544 including flatulent star of the popular Fatties franchise, Jeff Portnoy. 211 00:13:38,649 --> 00:13:41,174 Let me tell you something. A lot of people are disrespecting me. 212 00:13:41,285 --> 00:13:45,016 They say that the movie's just about farts. It's about family, 213 00:13:45,123 --> 00:13:48,217 and... you! You can't do what I do. 214 00:13:48,326 --> 00:13:52,558 Fresh from his most recent arrest for heroin, glue and crack possession, 215 00:13:52,663 --> 00:13:55,029 Portnoy was almost uninsurable. 216 00:13:55,133 --> 00:13:59,467 Also in the mix is Booty Sweat-hocking hip-hop hyphenate Alpa Chino. 217 00:13:59,570 --> 00:14:02,061 I'm so excited, you know what I'm saying, about doing Tropic Thunder. 218 00:14:02,173 --> 00:14:04,334 Hey, drink Booty Sweat, baby. Drink Booty Sweat. 219 00:14:04,442 --> 00:14:06,103 But the real heavyweight on the set 220 00:14:06,210 --> 00:14:08,906 is five-time Academy Award winner Kirk Lazarus. 221 00:14:09,013 --> 00:14:12,744 The brilliant Australian known for his bad boy antics off-screen 222 00:14:12,850 --> 00:14:16,445 is famous for his total immersion into any role he portrays. 223 00:14:16,554 --> 00:14:17,388 Well, being an actor is no different 224 00:14:17,388 --> 00:14:17,854 Well, being an actor is no different 225 00:14:17,955 --> 00:14:20,150 than being a rugby player or a construction worker, 226 00:14:20,258 --> 00:14:21,384 save for the fact that my tools 227 00:14:21,492 --> 00:14:23,551 are the mechanisms that trigger human emotion. 228 00:14:23,661 --> 00:14:25,720 Lazarus underwent a controversial 229 00:14:25,830 --> 00:14:28,822 pigmentation alteration procedure in order to play 230 00:14:28,933 --> 00:14:32,027 the platoon's African-American sergeant, Lincoln Osiris. 231 00:14:32,136 --> 00:14:33,569 Yeah! 232 00:14:33,671 --> 00:14:35,536 Trying to hold his own onscreen with Kirk 233 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:37,767 is action juggernaut Tugg Speedman. 234 00:14:37,875 --> 00:14:40,673 Once the highest grossing star in the world, 235 00:14:40,778 --> 00:14:43,838 lately his Scorcher films have lost their heat. 236 00:14:43,948 --> 00:14:46,542 Recently, Speedman opened up to Tyra. 237 00:14:46,651 --> 00:14:48,585 You have no real family. 238 00:14:48,686 --> 00:14:53,123 You're on the wrong side of 40. You're childless and alone. 239 00:14:53,224 --> 00:14:54,919 Somebody close to you said, 240 00:14:55,026 --> 00:14:57,824 "One more flop and it's over." 241 00:14:59,931 --> 00:15:02,024 Somebody said they were close to me? 242 00:15:02,967 --> 00:15:04,093 It's been a tough year for Tugg. 243 00:15:04,202 --> 00:15:06,966 The disappointing buddy comedy Chitlin' & the Dude 244 00:15:07,071 --> 00:15:11,735 was followed by an ill-advised venture into serious dramatic territory. 245 00:15:11,843 --> 00:15:12,935 Simple Jack, 246 00:15:13,044 --> 00:15:16,775 the story of a mentally impaired farmhand who can talk to animals, 247 00:15:16,881 --> 00:15:18,746 was a box office disaster 248 00:15:18,850 --> 00:15:23,446 that many critics called, "One of the worst movies of all time." 249 00:15:23,554 --> 00:15:27,183 I ain't got a good brain. 250 00:15:28,226 --> 00:15:31,127 I think you've got a fine brain, Jack. 251 00:15:31,229 --> 00:15:36,394 You make me happy. 252 00:15:37,935 --> 00:15:42,372 But now the question is, can Speedman make audiences happy 253 00:15:42,473 --> 00:15:44,236 in what's being called the most expensive 254 00:15:44,342 --> 00:15:46,606 - war movie never made? - Rick Peck. 255 00:15:46,711 --> 00:15:48,201 Wishing Tugg all the best on that one. 256 00:15:48,312 --> 00:15:52,646 Rum-Tum-Tuggernauts, it's the Pecker. You got time for your agent? 257 00:15:52,750 --> 00:15:54,012 - Rick? - Hey, buddy, 258 00:15:54,118 --> 00:15:55,676 guess who I'm staring at right now. 259 00:15:55,786 --> 00:15:57,447 - What? - I'm looking at your ugly mug 260 00:15:57,555 --> 00:15:59,853 on the back cover of Vanity Fair magazine, 261 00:15:59,957 --> 00:16:02,391 holding a cute, cuddly panda from Cutesville. 262 00:16:02,493 --> 00:16:05,087 It is insane, bro. You are a rock star. 263 00:16:05,196 --> 00:16:07,790 Hey, did you get the gift basket I sent? 264 00:16:07,899 --> 00:16:08,923 From Rick. 265 00:16:09,033 --> 00:16:11,126 Yeah. Yeah. It's cool, man. Thanks. 266 00:16:11,235 --> 00:16:13,795 All right, that is a real satellite phone, bro. 267 00:16:13,905 --> 00:16:15,497 Do not re-gift. 268 00:16:15,606 --> 00:16:18,097 Hey. You see that Access Hollywood piece? 269 00:16:18,209 --> 00:16:21,144 Yeah, I did. It was like pistol-whipping a blind kid. 270 00:16:21,245 --> 00:16:25,682 I mean, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, Tugg. You are a huge star, all right? 271 00:16:25,783 --> 00:16:27,250 But right now, 272 00:16:27,351 --> 00:16:28,909 you're like that kid on the playground, you know, 273 00:16:29,020 --> 00:16:31,989 the one who has lice that none of the other kids want to play with? 274 00:16:32,089 --> 00:16:34,080 - What do you mean? - I mean we gotta shave your head 275 00:16:34,192 --> 00:16:36,660 and get you back on the monkey bars, right? 276 00:16:36,761 --> 00:16:38,092 What? 277 00:16:38,196 --> 00:16:40,061 How did the crying scene go? 278 00:16:40,164 --> 00:16:41,927 Horrible. Lazarus started crying. 279 00:16:42,033 --> 00:16:45,196 Then he starts drooling and dribbling, and it wasn't even in the script... 280 00:16:45,303 --> 00:16:46,395 Stop right there! 281 00:16:46,504 --> 00:16:48,233 You gotta buck up here, Tuggboat. 282 00:16:48,339 --> 00:16:51,035 Who cares how much more talented he may be than you? 283 00:16:51,142 --> 00:16:54,509 If he cries, you cry harder, man. 284 00:16:54,612 --> 00:16:56,773 Didn't your dog have, like, leukemia or something 285 00:16:56,881 --> 00:16:58,246 when you were a kid? I mean, think of that. 286 00:16:58,349 --> 00:17:01,284 Boom! End of story. They hook up the TiVo yet? 287 00:17:01,385 --> 00:17:02,875 - No. - What? 288 00:17:02,987 --> 00:17:04,887 They have digital cable, but, I mean, it's okay. 289 00:17:04,989 --> 00:17:07,219 No, no, no. Come on, man. It's not okay. 290 00:17:07,325 --> 00:17:09,452 It is not okay, Tugg! 291 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:12,688 And you don't need to explain to me why you need TiVo 292 00:17:12,797 --> 00:17:16,733 or clean water, clean sheets, food, shelter. 293 00:17:16,834 --> 00:17:19,928 I mean, I fought for that in your contract. 294 00:17:20,037 --> 00:17:22,096 How's the adoption thing coming, buddy? 295 00:17:22,206 --> 00:17:24,231 Not too great. 296 00:17:25,610 --> 00:17:27,908 Well, at least you get to choose yours. 297 00:17:28,012 --> 00:17:29,843 I'm stuck with mine. 298 00:17:31,749 --> 00:17:34,274 Tell you what, get back to work, genius soldier. 299 00:17:34,385 --> 00:17:37,252 The Pecker's on a TiVo mission for the Y-O-U. 300 00:17:37,355 --> 00:17:39,118 Work on those tears, my man. 301 00:17:39,223 --> 00:17:40,315 All right. Yeah. 302 00:17:40,424 --> 00:17:41,982 Say it for me one time. 303 00:17:42,093 --> 00:17:46,359 - You make me happy. - Make me happy. 304 00:17:46,464 --> 00:17:48,056 - I love you, buddy. - All right, bye. 305 00:17:48,966 --> 00:17:50,957 Crisis meeting? What does that mean, exactly? 306 00:17:51,068 --> 00:17:52,729 I mean, are we in a crisis? 307 00:17:52,837 --> 00:17:54,361 He's the head of the studio. 308 00:17:54,472 --> 00:17:56,838 He's reaching out. We're 10,000 miles away. 309 00:17:56,941 --> 00:17:58,033 He just wants a little face-time. 310 00:17:58,142 --> 00:18:00,736 I know, it's just you said that he called it a crisis meeting. So... 311 00:18:00,845 --> 00:18:03,245 It's Les Grossman. He throws these words around. 312 00:18:03,347 --> 00:18:07,750 "Crisis," "explosion," "not rolling," "fired." 313 00:18:07,852 --> 00:18:09,183 These are just words. 314 00:18:09,287 --> 00:18:11,380 Yeah! Yeah! 315 00:18:11,489 --> 00:18:14,788 Keep a secret? A camera truck in London just plowed into Judi Dench. 316 00:18:14,892 --> 00:18:16,018 Trust me, he's got bigger problems. 317 00:18:16,127 --> 00:18:18,595 Look, he may be able to see me, but I can't see him. 318 00:18:18,696 --> 00:18:23,224 - Move! Move! Hello, Les! Hello! - Get your ass out of my... 319 00:18:23,334 --> 00:18:24,767 - Your feet were on my desk. - Can he see us? 320 00:18:24,869 --> 00:18:26,200 I don't know why we don't have... 321 00:18:26,304 --> 00:18:28,465 Get him a Diet Coke. Les! It's working! 322 00:18:28,572 --> 00:18:31,063 Yeah, whatever you're doing right there. Hello, Les! 323 00:18:31,175 --> 00:18:32,574 - Hello, Les! - Okay. 324 00:18:32,677 --> 00:18:34,736 We got you loud and clear here, Les. 325 00:18:34,845 --> 00:18:38,542 I see you. I see you. I see you. 326 00:18:38,649 --> 00:18:41,777 Which one of you fuckfaces is Damien Cockburn? 327 00:18:42,787 --> 00:18:44,311 That's me, sir. 328 00:18:44,422 --> 00:18:47,949 It's good to finally meet you at last, get some face-time. 329 00:18:48,059 --> 00:18:52,018 And who here is the key grip? You? You. 330 00:18:54,031 --> 00:18:57,489 Hit that director in the face, really fucking hard. 331 00:19:04,342 --> 00:19:05,673 Sorry, man. 332 00:19:12,183 --> 00:19:15,584 This is your fault, you limey fuck! 333 00:19:15,686 --> 00:19:17,711 You shit the money-bed, my friend. 334 00:19:17,822 --> 00:19:20,552 Hey, Les, I understand if you're angry, 335 00:19:20,658 --> 00:19:22,649 but I am dealing with a bunch of prima donnas! 336 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:26,252 Clowns! Tugg Speedman, he can't cry! He can't cry! 337 00:19:26,364 --> 00:19:28,764 You know how you handle an actor? They whine about anything, 338 00:19:28,866 --> 00:19:32,165 you pull down their pants and you spank their ass. 339 00:19:32,269 --> 00:19:34,464 - You spank that ass, Les. - What? 340 00:19:34,572 --> 00:19:38,338 Spanking a child turns him into a little snot. 341 00:19:39,210 --> 00:19:42,111 Fear makes him a man. 342 00:19:43,147 --> 00:19:47,743 I know a place where a man's worth is measured 343 00:19:47,852 --> 00:19:51,652 in the ears hanging from his dog tags. 344 00:19:51,756 --> 00:19:54,486 The real deep shit. 345 00:19:54,592 --> 00:19:57,186 You wanna make this movie right? 346 00:19:57,294 --> 00:20:00,786 That's where you take your pansy-ass actors. 347 00:20:02,366 --> 00:20:04,231 Who is this guy? 348 00:20:04,335 --> 00:20:06,235 Les, that's Four Leaf. 349 00:20:06,337 --> 00:20:09,636 Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback. I wrote the book. 350 00:20:11,842 --> 00:20:15,903 You're a great American. This nation owes you a huge debt. 351 00:20:16,013 --> 00:20:18,982 Now shut the fuck up and let me do my job! 352 00:20:19,850 --> 00:20:21,317 - Look, Cockburn. - Yes. 353 00:20:21,419 --> 00:20:25,446 From now on, my fist is gonna be so far up your shithole 354 00:20:25,556 --> 00:20:26,921 that every time you have a thought, 355 00:20:27,024 --> 00:20:30,050 it's gonna have to tiptoe past my wedding ring. 356 00:20:30,161 --> 00:20:33,688 Take control of your actors, or I will shut you down. 357 00:20:33,798 --> 00:20:34,890 Diet Coke! 358 00:20:47,478 --> 00:20:50,174 When the herd loses its way, 359 00:20:50,281 --> 00:20:54,718 the shepherd must kill the bull that leads them astray. 360 00:20:56,554 --> 00:20:59,819 - Four Leaf? - Come on over. It's okay. 361 00:21:01,492 --> 00:21:02,982 - Sit down. - Yes. 362 00:21:04,395 --> 00:21:09,492 - So, you don't like the hotel? - Beds give me nightmares. 363 00:21:14,538 --> 00:21:19,737 I'm guessing right about now you couldn't find a Dixie coonskin 364 00:21:19,844 --> 00:21:24,178 with an Ohio hooker holding your prick and showing you the way. 365 00:21:30,988 --> 00:21:32,319 What? 366 00:21:32,423 --> 00:21:36,359 I put my story in your limp Brit hands, 367 00:21:36,460 --> 00:21:39,896 and you are not going to fail me. 368 00:21:39,997 --> 00:21:43,592 You think I was just blowing my own bagpipe in that meeting? 369 00:21:43,701 --> 00:21:47,535 You must put those boys in the shit. 370 00:21:47,638 --> 00:21:49,196 What? I don't understand. 371 00:21:49,306 --> 00:21:52,571 - You wanna make your movie or not? - Yes, I do. 372 00:21:52,676 --> 00:21:56,168 All right, you get some of those little video type cameras. 373 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:59,909 We take them out there, and we put them in the trees in different angles. 374 00:22:00,017 --> 00:22:03,316 Then you give me and that pyromaniac Cody 375 00:22:03,420 --> 00:22:08,289 all the smoke bombs, charges, explosives, detonators you got. 376 00:22:08,392 --> 00:22:10,826 Then we take those boys up there, 377 00:22:10,928 --> 00:22:14,022 me and Cody, we could light up that fucking jungle, 378 00:22:14,131 --> 00:22:17,066 so those lily-dick actors would be shitting their pants 379 00:22:17,167 --> 00:22:19,158 and screaming for their mammies. 380 00:22:19,270 --> 00:22:22,728 They'd be begging for a body bag if it means a ride home. 381 00:22:25,576 --> 00:22:27,100 I could do it. 382 00:22:27,878 --> 00:22:31,314 I could shoot the whole thing guerrilla style. Gritty, dirty. 383 00:22:31,415 --> 00:22:34,748 Get them away from their helpers and ass-licking assistants. 384 00:22:34,852 --> 00:22:35,944 Put them in the real shit. 385 00:22:36,053 --> 00:22:37,247 - Real shit. - With real fear in their eyes! 386 00:22:37,354 --> 00:22:40,414 Real fear, real emotion! Yes, Four Leaf, yes! 387 00:22:40,524 --> 00:22:42,617 - Yes! Yes! - Yes! Yes! 388 00:22:42,726 --> 00:22:44,489 Take them off the fucking grid! 389 00:23:01,946 --> 00:23:04,710 You are no longer actors in a movie! 390 00:23:05,816 --> 00:23:08,546 You are five men in a helicopter! 391 00:23:10,321 --> 00:23:12,084 With three other men! 392 00:23:17,728 --> 00:23:19,252 How long are we gonna be gone, anyways? 393 00:23:19,363 --> 00:23:23,424 'Cause I left most of my vitamins back at the hotel. 394 00:23:23,534 --> 00:23:26,094 - Save your breath, maggots! - That's right, maggots! 395 00:23:49,259 --> 00:23:51,921 Go, go, go! Get out of the chopper! 396 00:23:53,230 --> 00:23:56,393 Move it, maggots, move! Move, grunts, move your ass! 397 00:23:56,500 --> 00:23:58,798 Get out, you wriggly worms! 398 00:23:58,902 --> 00:24:01,370 - It's up too high! - Move, move, move! 399 00:24:04,842 --> 00:24:06,571 See you in hell! 400 00:24:18,088 --> 00:24:22,286 This is bullshit! I gotta at least call my fucking assistant. 401 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:26,290 Fucking! Jesus! Dude! 402 00:24:27,765 --> 00:24:29,995 You're sitting on a nest of hostile enemy V.C. 403 00:24:30,100 --> 00:24:33,536 Congratulations, Fats. You just got us all killed. 404 00:24:34,538 --> 00:24:38,133 Anybody else care to give away our position to Charlie? 405 00:24:38,242 --> 00:24:40,005 Cell phones! 406 00:24:40,110 --> 00:24:41,577 What the hell, Damien? 407 00:24:41,679 --> 00:24:45,376 Weren't no cell phones in '69, man. I'm head-to-toe legitimate. 408 00:24:45,482 --> 00:24:48,883 Gentlemen, I've got good news and bad news. 409 00:24:48,986 --> 00:24:52,478 The studio wants to shut us down. That's the bad news. 410 00:24:52,623 --> 00:24:54,921 And the good news. 411 00:24:55,025 --> 00:24:57,926 If you wanna save this movie, you will become a unit. 412 00:24:58,028 --> 00:25:01,794 Your objective is to head north to the D'ang Kwook River 413 00:25:01,899 --> 00:25:03,389 and liberate the POW camp, 414 00:25:03,500 --> 00:25:06,765 at which point Four Leaf will get himself captured, 415 00:25:06,870 --> 00:25:08,667 at which point you will rescue him, 416 00:25:08,772 --> 00:25:12,139 at which point we will chopper you home! 417 00:25:13,343 --> 00:25:14,435 Damn. 418 00:25:14,545 --> 00:25:16,342 Four Leaf, since you're the staff sergeant, 419 00:25:16,447 --> 00:25:18,847 there's the map, this is the scene list. 420 00:25:18,949 --> 00:25:21,076 Think you can handle it? 421 00:25:21,185 --> 00:25:25,383 We have rigged this entire valley of death with hidden cameras. 422 00:25:26,857 --> 00:25:30,486 And I will be shooting as well, from unseen vantage points, 423 00:25:30,594 --> 00:25:34,189 so that every glorious moment is captured on film. 424 00:25:35,466 --> 00:25:38,629 And believe me, gentlemen, it will be glorious. 425 00:25:38,736 --> 00:25:41,261 If it looks real, chances are it probably is. 426 00:25:41,371 --> 00:25:42,963 You wanted to be actors. 427 00:25:43,073 --> 00:25:45,667 You wanted to occupy the skin of another human being. 428 00:25:45,776 --> 00:25:48,768 Well, get ready to occupy the skin of a terrified U.S. Infantry grunt, 429 00:25:48,879 --> 00:25:52,645 surrounded by death, crawling up Satan's bottom. 430 00:25:53,684 --> 00:25:58,383 There'll be ambushes, enemy fire, your own little personal slice of 'Nam. 431 00:25:58,489 --> 00:26:03,085 This radio goes to the chopper and the chopper only. 432 00:26:03,193 --> 00:26:07,596 The chopper is God, and I am Jesus Christ, his son. 433 00:26:07,731 --> 00:26:10,427 You are my chosen disciples. 434 00:26:10,534 --> 00:26:13,560 And no one gets to go home till we get the shots. 435 00:26:13,670 --> 00:26:16,696 Put on your war faces, gentlemen. 436 00:26:16,807 --> 00:26:21,506 Now, let's go and make the greatest war movie ever! 437 00:26:21,612 --> 00:26:23,944 - Yeah! - All right! 438 00:26:42,699 --> 00:26:43,757 Yeah! 439 00:26:49,206 --> 00:26:50,264 Yeah! 440 00:27:02,820 --> 00:27:04,720 Not bad, Cockburn! 441 00:27:06,557 --> 00:27:07,751 Not bad. 442 00:27:09,459 --> 00:27:11,051 Wherever you are! 443 00:27:13,063 --> 00:27:16,123 Wherever he is? Looks like he's all over the place. 444 00:27:17,935 --> 00:27:19,835 Here we go. 445 00:27:19,937 --> 00:27:21,962 Must be an old French mine. 446 00:27:22,072 --> 00:27:25,530 It's a remnant from colonial Indo-China. This jungle must be full of them. 447 00:27:27,611 --> 00:27:31,069 Don't you get it? He's messing with our heads. 448 00:27:31,181 --> 00:27:33,206 That's what all that playing God stuff was about. 449 00:27:33,317 --> 00:27:35,877 He's trying to get us to act good, save the movie. 450 00:27:35,986 --> 00:27:39,012 He ain't playing God. He's being judged by him. 451 00:27:43,026 --> 00:27:45,722 That's our objective. Complete the mission. 452 00:27:51,935 --> 00:27:54,836 No offense, Kirk, I know you're the big fancy actor here, 453 00:27:54,938 --> 00:27:58,840 but I've done a lot more effects-driven event films than you. Okay? 454 00:27:58,942 --> 00:28:00,341 And I think I can spot 455 00:28:02,446 --> 00:28:03,970 a prop head when I see one. 456 00:28:04,081 --> 00:28:05,571 Oh, Jesus. 457 00:28:06,783 --> 00:28:10,275 It's corn syrup, guys. Corn syrup and latex. 458 00:28:13,490 --> 00:28:16,618 Warm, blood-flavored corn syrup. 459 00:28:16,727 --> 00:28:17,853 Oh, God. 460 00:28:18,495 --> 00:28:21,431 Smoke and mirrors, guys. Welcome to the movie factory. 461 00:28:21,732 --> 00:28:22,926 Oldest trick in the book. 462 00:28:24,935 --> 00:28:26,232 He getting down now. 463 00:28:26,336 --> 00:28:27,701 Oh, my God! 464 00:28:30,507 --> 00:28:32,566 Whoa, look at me! 465 00:28:32,676 --> 00:28:34,143 You're going to get the shots, 466 00:28:34,244 --> 00:28:37,236 and I'm going to make sure because I'm the director. 467 00:28:37,347 --> 00:28:39,474 I'm from London. I direct plays. 468 00:28:39,583 --> 00:28:42,609 Hey, Damien! We got our war faces on! 469 00:28:52,496 --> 00:28:54,191 Look, I'm Dave Beckham. 470 00:29:03,974 --> 00:29:06,374 So, we gotta light these boys up today, huh? 471 00:29:06,476 --> 00:29:08,671 Blow some sense into these young men. 472 00:29:09,646 --> 00:29:12,547 Hey, I don't want to come off as weird or anything, 473 00:29:12,649 --> 00:29:16,585 but I might be your biggest fan. Yeah. 474 00:29:17,955 --> 00:29:21,447 Tropic Thunder. Kind of like my Catcher in the Rye. 475 00:29:22,693 --> 00:29:24,923 Yeah, I've never been in the military, per se, 476 00:29:25,028 --> 00:29:27,462 but I have lost an appendage in the line of duty. 477 00:29:29,266 --> 00:29:31,496 Driving Miss Daisy, first studio gig. 478 00:29:32,269 --> 00:29:33,327 Yeah. 479 00:29:33,837 --> 00:29:36,635 It's a pretty cool sidearm you got there. What is it? 480 00:29:36,740 --> 00:29:38,401 I don't know what it's called. 481 00:29:39,543 --> 00:29:44,276 I just know the sound it makes when it takes a man's life. 482 00:29:47,417 --> 00:29:48,475 Okay. 483 00:29:49,052 --> 00:29:50,280 Damien, we're go for explosion. 484 00:29:50,387 --> 00:29:53,185 Ready to kick the tires and light the fires on your say-so. 485 00:29:53,290 --> 00:29:55,019 Damien, we're go for explosion. 486 00:29:56,159 --> 00:29:57,183 Do you copy? 487 00:29:57,294 --> 00:30:00,161 I got an itchy trigger finger here, and I'm ready to blow some shit up. 488 00:30:00,263 --> 00:30:03,892 All right, you happy now? Can we do the scene? 489 00:30:04,001 --> 00:30:06,629 Or do you need a formal invitation? Come on, let's go! 490 00:30:08,438 --> 00:30:09,530 Here. Okay. 491 00:30:09,639 --> 00:30:11,834 "Scene 12, exterior, jungle clearing, day, ambush. 492 00:30:17,381 --> 00:30:19,315 "Four Leaf notices movement in the brush. 493 00:30:19,416 --> 00:30:22,442 "A dozen guerrilla fighters can be seen moving in the tree line. 494 00:30:22,552 --> 00:30:25,112 "Somewhere a mine explodes." And you. 495 00:30:26,456 --> 00:30:28,481 "I got a bad feeling on this one." 496 00:30:28,592 --> 00:30:30,082 - Yeah. - No, that's your line. 497 00:30:30,193 --> 00:30:33,060 - I got... Now? - Yeah, but scared. Like, scared. 498 00:30:33,163 --> 00:30:35,893 - "I got a bad feeling on this one." - Dude, wait, like how? 499 00:30:35,999 --> 00:30:37,830 "I got a bad feeling on this one." 500 00:30:37,934 --> 00:30:40,027 - Okay. - Action. Go, come on. 501 00:30:49,046 --> 00:30:51,913 I got a bad feeling on this one there, Fats. 502 00:30:53,250 --> 00:30:56,651 Our asses don't get fragged in this bullshit valley, 503 00:30:56,753 --> 00:30:58,584 first thing I'm doing is paying my 2 bucks 504 00:30:58,688 --> 00:31:00,315 so I can watch Brooklyn bust his cherry 505 00:31:00,424 --> 00:31:03,120 on a sweet little mama-san's dinky dau poontang. 506 00:31:03,226 --> 00:31:06,127 Shit, Brooklyn be bagged and tagged before he get any cooch. 507 00:31:06,229 --> 00:31:09,460 He die, he probably die a coochless motherfucker. 508 00:31:09,566 --> 00:31:11,295 Zip it, Motown. 509 00:31:11,401 --> 00:31:12,993 Man, I'm thirsty. 510 00:31:14,104 --> 00:31:19,064 Might as well have some of this Booty Sweat I got back in Danang. 511 00:31:19,943 --> 00:31:23,435 Yo, asshole! This motherfucker's dead! 512 00:31:23,547 --> 00:31:25,344 Ain't no Criss Angel Mindfreak, 513 00:31:25,449 --> 00:31:28,782 David Blaine trapdoor horseshit jumping off here! 514 00:31:28,885 --> 00:31:32,651 Hey! You wanna get on the train here, or do you wanna ruin another take? 515 00:31:32,756 --> 00:31:36,089 There ain't no goddamn takes, ain't no goddamn motion picture! 516 00:31:37,060 --> 00:31:38,823 - You sure? - Yeah. 517 00:31:38,929 --> 00:31:40,726 - Yeah? - For certain, man. 518 00:31:40,831 --> 00:31:42,731 Then why are you still in character? 519 00:31:44,301 --> 00:31:46,269 I know, but I don't have to tell you. 520 00:31:47,404 --> 00:31:48,462 You don't know. 521 00:31:48,572 --> 00:31:51,507 Man, I don't drop character till I done a DVD commentary. 522 00:31:54,277 --> 00:31:56,438 You happy now? We're out of position for the effects! 523 00:31:56,546 --> 00:31:58,275 Get down, fool! 524 00:31:59,983 --> 00:32:02,884 Didn't anyone read the script? This is the ambush! 525 00:32:04,287 --> 00:32:07,950 - This feels pretty real! - Exactly! Let's use it. 526 00:32:18,568 --> 00:32:19,728 Yeah! 527 00:32:21,004 --> 00:32:22,369 Yeah! 528 00:32:24,975 --> 00:32:26,237 Eat lead! 529 00:32:28,211 --> 00:32:30,577 They're busting caps like a motherfucker down there. 530 00:32:33,850 --> 00:32:35,943 This is FUBAR. I say we juice them. 531 00:32:36,052 --> 00:32:37,542 - What do you think? - Juice them. 532 00:32:39,956 --> 00:32:42,447 Fuck you, Charlie! 533 00:32:44,528 --> 00:32:45,995 Big-ass titties! 534 00:32:51,968 --> 00:32:53,595 Look at that, huh? 535 00:32:58,875 --> 00:33:00,069 And cut! 536 00:33:02,345 --> 00:33:04,176 That's the trailer right there. 537 00:33:04,281 --> 00:33:05,578 Yeah! 538 00:33:05,682 --> 00:33:07,946 - What do we do now? - Yeah. 539 00:33:08,051 --> 00:33:09,575 North. Man said to head north. 540 00:33:09,686 --> 00:33:13,019 - Did you see me shooting? - That's how we do. Good work, baby. 541 00:33:13,123 --> 00:33:14,181 I believed it. 542 00:33:14,291 --> 00:33:15,451 D'ang Kwook River. 543 00:33:16,092 --> 00:33:17,491 I'm betting he's got more of these battles 544 00:33:17,594 --> 00:33:20,324 and Viet Congs rigged for us along the way. 545 00:33:20,430 --> 00:33:24,196 Sergeant Osiris, get your men. Load and lock. 546 00:33:24,868 --> 00:33:26,631 Real, baby, I'm real. 547 00:33:27,704 --> 00:33:30,502 Let's go! We got a lot of klicks to cover! 548 00:33:31,641 --> 00:33:34,667 Hump it up, gentlemen! Single formation. 549 00:33:34,778 --> 00:33:36,609 Don't dawdle now! 550 00:34:00,737 --> 00:34:05,003 D-Rod, D-Rod, this is Puddingface. How are we coming on that hotplate? 551 00:34:07,644 --> 00:34:10,943 Something's up. I think we better drag ass back there. 552 00:34:11,047 --> 00:34:13,743 Make sure Damien ain't forgot how to use his talkbox again. 553 00:34:21,491 --> 00:34:24,460 Yeah, baby, come on. Just a little taste. 554 00:34:26,062 --> 00:34:28,189 - What are you doing, Jeff? - Fucking... Nothing, man! 555 00:34:28,298 --> 00:34:31,631 - I'm eating jellybeans. - Wow, I love jellybeans. Can I please... 556 00:34:31,735 --> 00:34:34,465 No, you can't have any fucking jellybeans. 557 00:34:34,571 --> 00:34:35,663 They're mine. 558 00:34:35,772 --> 00:34:36,932 You think you're the only one who gets sick 559 00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:38,735 when he doesn't have his jellybeans? 560 00:34:38,842 --> 00:34:40,241 Boundaries, man. Fuck. 561 00:35:00,163 --> 00:35:02,859 Hey. I didn't mean to show you up back there. 562 00:35:02,966 --> 00:35:07,096 It's just, I feel like we really need to set the example for the other guys. 563 00:35:07,203 --> 00:35:09,103 It's gonna be tough, 564 00:35:09,205 --> 00:35:12,231 but I think Damien's gonna get some great shit out of us. 565 00:35:13,777 --> 00:35:15,506 Just wish I had a director like this on Jack. 566 00:35:15,612 --> 00:35:18,103 On Jack. What? Jack? What you talking about? 567 00:35:19,316 --> 00:35:21,284 - Simple Jack. - Oh, yeah. 568 00:35:22,786 --> 00:35:26,017 Simple Jack, yeah. You went all out on that one, huh? 569 00:35:26,122 --> 00:35:28,386 You did. Really swung for the fences, huh? 570 00:35:28,491 --> 00:35:30,891 Thank you. Thanks. Yeah. 571 00:35:30,994 --> 00:35:33,895 Yeah, it was an intense experience, you know. 572 00:35:34,597 --> 00:35:36,690 I just did the work. 573 00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:40,600 Watched a lot of retarded people. Spent time with them. Observed them. 574 00:35:41,905 --> 00:35:44,066 Watched all the retarded stuff they did. 575 00:35:44,174 --> 00:35:45,937 Then again, I always found mere observation 576 00:35:46,042 --> 00:35:48,340 in and of itself is a tad rudimentary. 577 00:35:48,445 --> 00:35:51,505 Sometimes, we gotta dig deeper to mine the true emotional pay dirt. 578 00:35:51,614 --> 00:35:55,948 Thus, we can diagram the source of the pain and then live it, you know. 579 00:35:56,052 --> 00:35:58,111 Yeah, yeah, live it. Yeah, exactly. 580 00:35:58,221 --> 00:36:00,951 You know, there were times when I was doing Jack 581 00:36:01,057 --> 00:36:03,525 that I actually felt retarded, 582 00:36:03,626 --> 00:36:04,894 - like really retarded. - Damn. 583 00:36:04,894 --> 00:36:05,519 - Like really retarded. - Damn. 584 00:36:05,628 --> 00:36:08,859 In a weird way, I had to sort of just free myself up 585 00:36:08,965 --> 00:36:11,934 to believe that it was okay to be stupid or dumb. 586 00:36:12,035 --> 00:36:13,593 - To be a moron. - Yeah. 587 00:36:13,703 --> 00:36:16,433 - To be moronical. - Exactly, to be a moron. 588 00:36:16,539 --> 00:36:17,904 - An imbecile. - Yeah. 589 00:36:18,007 --> 00:36:20,874 Like the dumbest motherfucker that ever lived. 590 00:36:20,977 --> 00:36:22,137 When I was playing the character. 591 00:36:22,245 --> 00:36:24,839 - When you was the character. - Yeah, as Jack, definitely. 592 00:36:24,948 --> 00:36:27,178 Jack, stupid ass Jack. 593 00:36:27,283 --> 00:36:29,012 By the end of the whole thing, I was like, 594 00:36:29,119 --> 00:36:33,647 "Wait a minute, I flushed so much out, how am I gonna jumpstart it up again?" 595 00:36:33,757 --> 00:36:35,816 - It's just like... Right? - Yeah. 596 00:36:35,925 --> 00:36:38,689 You was farting in bathtubs and laughing your ass off. 597 00:36:38,795 --> 00:36:41,263 Yeah. I mean, it was really quite a... It was crazy. 598 00:36:41,364 --> 00:36:44,856 It's like working with mercury. It's high science, man. It's an art form. 599 00:36:44,968 --> 00:36:46,993 - Yeah. - You an artist. 600 00:36:47,103 --> 00:36:48,900 - That's what we do, right? Yeah. - Yeah. 601 00:36:49,005 --> 00:36:50,267 Hats off for going there, 602 00:36:50,373 --> 00:36:53,103 especially knowing how the Academy is about that shit. 603 00:36:56,813 --> 00:37:00,340 - About what? - You're serious? You don't know? 604 00:37:02,552 --> 00:37:04,577 Everybody knows you never go full retard. 605 00:37:06,122 --> 00:37:08,215 - What do you mean? - Check it out. 606 00:37:08,358 --> 00:37:12,454 Dustin Hoffman, Rain Man, looked retarded, act retarded, not retarded. 607 00:37:12,562 --> 00:37:16,658 Count toothpicks, cheat at cards. Autistic, sure. Not retarded. 608 00:37:17,534 --> 00:37:19,399 Then you got Tom Hanks, Forrest Gump. 609 00:37:19,502 --> 00:37:21,800 Slow, yes, retarded, maybe, braces on his legs. 610 00:37:21,905 --> 00:37:24,806 But he charmed the pants off Nixon, and he won a Ping-Pong competition. 611 00:37:24,908 --> 00:37:26,102 That ain't retarded. 612 00:37:27,210 --> 00:37:30,202 Peter Sellers, Being There. Infantile, yes. Retarded, no. 613 00:37:31,948 --> 00:37:33,939 You went full retard, man. 614 00:37:35,285 --> 00:37:36,650 Never go full retard. 615 00:37:37,654 --> 00:37:41,215 You don't buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, I Am Sam. 616 00:37:41,324 --> 00:37:44,623 Remember? Went full retard? Went home empty-handed. 617 00:37:54,471 --> 00:37:57,668 Oh, my God! Holy shit! 618 00:37:58,341 --> 00:38:01,037 Good job, turd. You killed the director. 619 00:38:01,144 --> 00:38:02,406 No, that's impossible, man. 620 00:38:02,512 --> 00:38:05,379 I rigged the whole tree line, and this is here. 621 00:38:05,515 --> 00:38:07,039 - He must have missed his mark. - Missed his mark? 622 00:38:07,150 --> 00:38:08,378 Yeah, this isn't me. 623 00:38:08,485 --> 00:38:11,283 Come on, let's bag and tag the bastard and get back to the hotel. 624 00:38:11,387 --> 00:38:14,083 - You're in a world of hurt, dumbo! - We're in a world of hurt! 625 00:38:14,190 --> 00:38:16,385 - You're in trouble. - This isn't just on me! 626 00:38:16,493 --> 00:38:18,723 - We're in a... We're together on this. - Bullshit. 627 00:38:18,828 --> 00:38:20,295 You're just gonna run away. You're gonna leave. 628 00:38:20,396 --> 00:38:22,057 What happened to, "No man left behind," okay? 629 00:38:22,165 --> 00:38:24,429 Just wait, just wait! Listen! Listen, okay? 630 00:38:24,534 --> 00:38:27,264 - I don't wanna hear it. - Let me just be real with you, all right? 631 00:38:27,370 --> 00:38:30,669 I almost blinded Jamie Lee Curtis on Freaky Friday, okay? 632 00:38:30,773 --> 00:38:32,104 This shit will fucking ruin me! 633 00:38:32,208 --> 00:38:34,108 - Just get off me! You're pathetic. - No, I'm not. 634 00:38:34,210 --> 00:38:36,678 - Get off me! - You are not going back! 635 00:38:40,049 --> 00:38:41,983 - What the fuck? - Now wait a minute. 636 00:38:59,769 --> 00:39:01,327 I fucking hate movies. 637 00:39:03,673 --> 00:39:06,506 This is bullshit. I don't wanna be in this shitty movie. 638 00:39:16,352 --> 00:39:19,116 No! That's my jellybeans! No! 639 00:39:19,222 --> 00:39:23,886 Kid, grab the bat! Please! Shit! 640 00:39:23,993 --> 00:39:27,258 - Yo, man, I got a Bust-A-Nut. - You go to hell! There he is. 641 00:39:30,700 --> 00:39:33,635 God damn it! Okay. Where'd he go? 642 00:39:34,604 --> 00:39:36,902 You little piece of shit! I'm gonna fucking rip your wings off! 643 00:39:39,008 --> 00:39:42,034 Sanducci. Hold up, man, keep it on the down-low. 644 00:39:43,446 --> 00:39:45,676 I don't really gotta piss. I'm trying to talk at you, man. 645 00:39:45,782 --> 00:39:47,409 Bait, I need bait. 646 00:39:48,551 --> 00:39:52,248 You went to boot camp, right? You can read a map? 647 00:39:52,355 --> 00:39:53,583 Yeah, I think so. 648 00:39:53,690 --> 00:39:56,386 I know Speedman got everyone convinced we out here 649 00:39:56,492 --> 00:40:00,292 making Planet of the Apes on YouTube or some shit, but I don't buy it. 650 00:40:00,396 --> 00:40:02,864 You wanna step on a real landmine? You wanna die? 651 00:40:03,666 --> 00:40:05,361 You wanna get shot by a real motherfucker? 652 00:40:05,468 --> 00:40:08,631 - Keep looking ahead, man. - No, of course not. 653 00:40:08,738 --> 00:40:12,299 If I can put that map in your hands, can I count you in? 654 00:40:12,408 --> 00:40:15,935 - Well, yeah, I guess you can. - Dynamite. I'm out. 655 00:40:19,616 --> 00:40:22,050 That smelled just like bologna for some reason. 656 00:40:22,151 --> 00:40:24,676 Is anyone gonna fucking help me get this fucking thing? 657 00:40:25,388 --> 00:40:27,948 Why are they even out in the daytime? 658 00:40:30,159 --> 00:40:34,596 I'm gonna level with you, bro. I don't need to pee. I need to talk to you. 659 00:40:40,837 --> 00:40:44,603 Lazarus is gonna torpedo the movie. 660 00:40:46,809 --> 00:40:48,538 He's way out on a limb with this character, 661 00:40:48,645 --> 00:40:50,476 and I think he's getting cold feet. 662 00:40:51,914 --> 00:40:55,372 - I need you on my side, Kyle. - It's Kevin. 663 00:40:55,485 --> 00:40:57,646 Good. Can I count on you? 664 00:40:58,821 --> 00:41:02,692 Yeah. If you want I could give the map a look-see. 665 00:41:02,759 --> 00:41:04,920 - I'll handle the map. - Okay. 666 00:41:05,028 --> 00:41:08,259 You stick with the program, we get this movie in the can, 667 00:41:08,364 --> 00:41:12,061 I'm thinking there could be a Teen Choice Award in it for you. 668 00:41:12,168 --> 00:41:16,366 You have that potential. They'll slime you, the whole deal. 669 00:41:16,472 --> 00:41:20,101 - Yeah, that's wicked. - Good. 670 00:41:26,015 --> 00:41:28,108 There it is! Yeah, now you're dead! 671 00:41:29,285 --> 00:41:30,513 You O.D.'d! 672 00:41:32,088 --> 00:41:33,419 Hold up now, Jeff. 673 00:41:35,825 --> 00:41:37,224 Fucking hell! 674 00:41:38,861 --> 00:41:41,921 What the hell, Jeff? That's a bat, man! 675 00:41:42,031 --> 00:41:44,499 I don't have any more jellybeans. 676 00:41:51,107 --> 00:41:52,904 You land there! 677 00:42:07,824 --> 00:42:10,224 Wow. Look at these ruins. 678 00:42:12,395 --> 00:42:16,832 - Where the hell are we? - D'ang Kwook River. 679 00:42:16,933 --> 00:42:19,299 That so? How do you know that? How you sure? 680 00:42:19,402 --> 00:42:21,597 Only one way to find out, dude. Let's go. 681 00:42:21,704 --> 00:42:26,801 Yeah. I'm not feeling so good right now. Seriously, my skin hurts! 682 00:42:26,909 --> 00:42:29,343 Enough from the peanut gallery! Into the water, ladies! 683 00:42:29,445 --> 00:42:31,572 No, man. Let me take a look at that map right quick. 684 00:42:31,681 --> 00:42:33,273 Why is everybody all obsessed with the map? 685 00:42:33,382 --> 00:42:35,407 'Cause we're tired of being your trail donkeys! 686 00:42:35,518 --> 00:42:37,918 Acting like you some one-man GPS! 687 00:42:38,020 --> 00:42:41,888 God damn it! We lost! We fucking super lost, man! 688 00:42:41,991 --> 00:42:44,118 Tell him, McClusky. Tell him what time it is. 689 00:42:44,227 --> 00:42:45,785 I don't believe you people. 690 00:42:47,530 --> 00:42:49,225 What do you mean "you people"? 691 00:42:51,901 --> 00:42:54,495 What do you mean, "you people"? 692 00:42:54,604 --> 00:42:56,595 I think what Tugg means is... 693 00:42:56,706 --> 00:42:58,071 No, look at his eyes, man. 694 00:42:58,174 --> 00:43:00,870 ...you people, you actors. You people... - Look at them beady, white devil eyes. 695 00:43:00,977 --> 00:43:02,535 I gotta get back to the hotel, for real! 696 00:43:02,645 --> 00:43:04,613 - Hell, no! - Silence! 697 00:43:05,648 --> 00:43:08,310 Chill! All right? Just chill it. 698 00:43:09,819 --> 00:43:13,016 Now, let's go get those Viet Congs. 699 00:43:13,856 --> 00:43:15,414 - "Viet Cong"! - What? 700 00:43:15,925 --> 00:43:18,951 It's "Viet Cong." There's no "S." It's already plural. 701 00:43:19,061 --> 00:43:20,653 You wouldn't say "Chineses." 702 00:43:22,031 --> 00:43:24,465 All right, that's enough of this insubordination! 703 00:43:24,567 --> 00:43:27,365 If the machine breaks down, we break down. 704 00:43:27,470 --> 00:43:29,995 Hey, man, you know how in Rambo I, he was big but a little puffy 705 00:43:30,106 --> 00:43:31,698 and then Rambo II, he got all shredded up? 706 00:43:31,808 --> 00:43:34,675 - Yeah. - That's kind of how you look right now. 707 00:43:34,777 --> 00:43:36,335 - Yeah? - Not Rambo I but II. 708 00:43:36,445 --> 00:43:38,174 - Really? - Yeah, when he was cut up. 709 00:43:38,281 --> 00:43:40,647 I'm not that... I mean, that's what I'm going for, but you know... 710 00:43:40,750 --> 00:43:43,446 Come on, dude. You more shredded than a julienne salad, man. 711 00:43:43,553 --> 00:43:45,043 - Thanks. - What's the secret, dude? 712 00:43:45,154 --> 00:43:46,519 - It's a diet. I'm just dieting. - Really? 713 00:43:46,622 --> 00:43:49,614 'Cause I'm trying to come up a little, but it's just... It's tough. 714 00:43:49,725 --> 00:43:51,215 - You look good. - Any tips? 715 00:43:51,327 --> 00:43:53,022 - What? - Any tips, you got? 716 00:43:53,129 --> 00:43:54,255 There's, like, the pineapple... 717 00:43:54,363 --> 00:43:56,661 - Give me that goddamn map! Fuck you! - Hey! 718 00:43:56,766 --> 00:43:58,358 - Hey! - All right, now! 719 00:43:58,467 --> 00:44:00,901 What it is, Sikorski? Tell us where we really at. 720 00:44:01,003 --> 00:44:02,994 That's fucking bullshit! It's a chump move. 721 00:44:03,105 --> 00:44:05,039 We just getting a second opinion, doc. 722 00:44:06,876 --> 00:44:08,138 We're going the wrong way! 723 00:44:08,244 --> 00:44:09,336 - Damn! - Son of a bitch. 724 00:44:09,445 --> 00:44:13,905 God! I think we were supposed to be doing this, 725 00:44:14,016 --> 00:44:16,917 and instead we did this. 726 00:44:17,019 --> 00:44:20,648 Shit, shit, shit, shitty shit, shit! 727 00:44:20,756 --> 00:44:23,281 Think you can get us back to that drop zone, boy? 728 00:44:24,227 --> 00:44:25,626 This is not cool! 729 00:44:28,331 --> 00:44:29,457 Maybe. 730 00:44:30,900 --> 00:44:32,390 This is insane! 731 00:44:33,669 --> 00:44:36,001 Are you really going to abandon this movie? 732 00:44:36,806 --> 00:44:39,001 We're supposed to be a unit! 733 00:44:39,108 --> 00:44:40,632 Suck my unit! 734 00:44:41,510 --> 00:44:43,307 All right, fine. 735 00:44:43,412 --> 00:44:48,315 - I'll finish it by myself. - You go be all you can be, man. 736 00:44:48,417 --> 00:44:50,408 Tugg, you have no idea where you're going! 737 00:44:50,519 --> 00:44:52,316 Yes, I do! 738 00:44:52,421 --> 00:44:56,949 I'm going to, "Exterior, rain forest, dusk. 739 00:44:57,059 --> 00:45:01,519 "Smash cut to Four Leaf, who treks alone through a frightening jungle." 740 00:45:01,631 --> 00:45:03,565 Suck on that unit, Kirk! 741 00:45:17,146 --> 00:45:20,138 Come on, men. Let's get home. 742 00:45:58,321 --> 00:46:02,985 Hello, Mr. Mantis. You're beautiful. 743 00:46:05,261 --> 00:46:07,195 Now, if you recall that whole hullabaloo 744 00:46:07,296 --> 00:46:09,025 where Hollywood was split into schisms, 745 00:46:09,131 --> 00:46:12,532 some studios backing Blu-ray Disc, others backing HD DVD. 746 00:46:12,635 --> 00:46:13,727 People thought it would come down to 747 00:46:13,836 --> 00:46:16,100 pixel rate or refresh rate, and they're pretty much the same. 748 00:46:16,205 --> 00:46:20,005 What it came down to was a combination of gamers and porn. 749 00:46:20,109 --> 00:46:21,838 Now, whichever format porno backs 750 00:46:21,944 --> 00:46:25,778 is usually the one that becomes the most successful. 751 00:46:25,881 --> 00:46:28,873 But, you know, Sony, every PlayStation 3 has a Blu-ray in it. 752 00:46:28,985 --> 00:46:30,714 You talking to me this whole time? 753 00:46:31,454 --> 00:46:32,751 I was talking to whoever was listening to me. 754 00:46:32,855 --> 00:46:34,322 Jesus Christ, man! 755 00:46:52,742 --> 00:46:54,801 Booty Sweat. 756 00:47:00,850 --> 00:47:02,249 Oh, God! 757 00:47:04,487 --> 00:47:09,049 It's cold! It's freezing. I'm fucking cold. 758 00:47:09,158 --> 00:47:10,693 You want my flak jacket? 759 00:47:10,693 --> 00:47:11,352 You want my flak jacket? 760 00:47:11,460 --> 00:47:15,328 What, are you insane? It's boiling! It's like a sweat lodge out here! 761 00:47:15,431 --> 00:47:18,264 Keep the volume down on that bitching, Flatch Adams. 762 00:47:18,367 --> 00:47:20,267 I gotta take a fucking 12-pound shit! 763 00:47:20,369 --> 00:47:22,337 - How we doing? We making good time? - We're making good time, 764 00:47:22,438 --> 00:47:25,566 but there's no way we make it over that ridge before sundown. 765 00:47:25,674 --> 00:47:28,165 All right, fellas, we're gonna make camp, rest up! 766 00:47:28,277 --> 00:47:30,575 - Oh, God. - Y'all might be in for a treat. 767 00:47:30,679 --> 00:47:32,078 You know, back before the war broked out, 768 00:47:32,181 --> 00:47:34,911 I was a saucier in San Antone. 769 00:47:35,017 --> 00:47:37,645 I bet I could collar up some of them greens. 770 00:47:37,753 --> 00:47:42,053 Yeah, noodle some crawfish out the paddy, yo. 771 00:47:42,158 --> 00:47:46,185 And maybe some crab apples for dessert, now, you hear? Hell, yeah! 772 00:47:47,530 --> 00:47:48,792 Hell, yeah! 773 00:47:48,898 --> 00:47:53,096 That's how we all talk. We all talk like this, suh! Yes, suh. 774 00:47:53,202 --> 00:47:58,435 Yeah, get some crawfish and some ribs. 775 00:47:58,541 --> 00:48:03,410 You're Australian! Be Australian! Excuse me, Kangaroo Jack. 776 00:48:07,650 --> 00:48:10,050 I get excited about my foods, man. 777 00:49:36,005 --> 00:49:38,269 Die! 778 00:49:52,021 --> 00:49:54,114 No! 779 00:50:00,663 --> 00:50:04,963 Dude, dude, what the hell is going on here? Where are we? 780 00:50:05,067 --> 00:50:07,467 I have no idea. 781 00:50:07,570 --> 00:50:10,130 I've never been outside the States. 782 00:50:10,239 --> 00:50:12,400 Wait, what? Are you fucking kidding me? 783 00:50:12,508 --> 00:50:14,499 Did you make this whole goddamn thing up? 784 00:50:14,610 --> 00:50:15,975 Dude, were you even in the fucking service? 785 00:50:16,078 --> 00:50:18,740 Yes. Of course. Coast Guard. 786 00:50:18,847 --> 00:50:20,747 - Coast Guard. - Sanitation Department. 787 00:50:20,849 --> 00:50:23,545 Oh, my God! You're a fucking garbage man! 788 00:50:23,652 --> 00:50:27,383 Damn it. F.L. Tayback lies to me and the whole goddamn U.S. Of A. 789 00:50:27,489 --> 00:50:30,151 I wrote the book as a tribute! I'm a patriot! 790 00:50:30,259 --> 00:50:32,318 Yeah, you're the Milli Vanilli of patriots, okay? 791 00:50:32,428 --> 00:50:34,123 You lied about fighting the Vietnam War. 792 00:50:34,230 --> 00:50:37,495 It's like punching the American flag in the face, God damn it. 793 00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:39,033 God, and to think I believed in you! 794 00:50:39,134 --> 00:50:41,500 - I don't wanna be next to you. - Writers lie all the time. 795 00:50:41,604 --> 00:50:43,731 Can I be tied to another post? Okay. 796 00:51:05,361 --> 00:51:07,192 - Rick? - Tugg. 797 00:51:07,296 --> 00:51:09,355 I killed one, Rick. 798 00:51:10,499 --> 00:51:12,899 The thing I love most in the world. 799 00:51:13,002 --> 00:51:14,833 Vivica, get off the line now! 800 00:51:17,139 --> 00:51:19,539 A hooker. All right, you killed a hooker. 801 00:51:19,642 --> 00:51:21,701 Calm down. Here's what you're gonna do. 802 00:51:21,810 --> 00:51:22,970 Get your hands on some bleach, 803 00:51:23,078 --> 00:51:25,444 some hydrogen peroxide and a shitload of lime. 804 00:51:25,547 --> 00:51:27,037 No, a panda. 805 00:51:27,149 --> 00:51:28,912 I killed a panda. 806 00:51:29,018 --> 00:51:30,815 Amanda? Come on, dude. 807 00:51:30,919 --> 00:51:32,944 I mean, that's probably not even her real name. 808 00:51:33,055 --> 00:51:34,716 No, a panda! 809 00:51:34,823 --> 00:51:36,188 A panda? 810 00:51:36,292 --> 00:51:38,886 A sweet, cuddly, 811 00:51:38,994 --> 00:51:40,928 vicious little panda. 812 00:51:41,063 --> 00:51:43,998 Jesus Christ, Tugg! Man, don't scare me like that! 813 00:51:44,099 --> 00:51:45,259 It's beautiful here. 814 00:51:45,367 --> 00:51:46,857 You on the set? 815 00:51:46,969 --> 00:51:48,231 I am the set. 816 00:51:48,337 --> 00:51:51,306 All right, man. Hey, how's the TiVo working out? 817 00:51:51,407 --> 00:51:52,635 Screw TiVo. 818 00:51:52,741 --> 00:51:55,209 I'm way beyond TiVo. 819 00:51:55,311 --> 00:51:57,404 Last I checked, they hadn't hooked it up, though. 820 00:51:57,513 --> 00:52:00,812 Hadn't hooked it up? No TiVo? 821 00:52:00,916 --> 00:52:02,747 It doesn't matter anymore. 822 00:52:05,587 --> 00:52:07,054 I've moved on. 823 00:52:07,790 --> 00:52:09,519 Where have you moved on to? 824 00:52:09,625 --> 00:52:10,785 Another agency? 825 00:52:12,561 --> 00:52:13,789 Hey, who is with you? 826 00:52:13,896 --> 00:52:17,992 You are still my client, Tugg Speedman! I am getting the TiVo! 827 00:52:18,100 --> 00:52:20,295 Jacket's on, I'm out the door! 828 00:52:20,402 --> 00:52:21,460 Tugg? 829 00:52:24,073 --> 00:52:25,062 Please don't fire me. 830 00:52:28,608 --> 00:52:31,509 Oh, mama. Thirsty. 831 00:52:31,644 --> 00:52:33,703 He doesn't look too good. 832 00:52:33,813 --> 00:52:38,841 Must drink, so I can throw something up! 833 00:52:38,951 --> 00:52:41,078 No, no. Don't drink that water! That water's like a petri dish! 834 00:52:41,187 --> 00:52:42,279 No, don't! 835 00:52:42,388 --> 00:52:44,913 Alpa, do you have any Booty Sweat? 836 00:52:45,024 --> 00:52:47,390 Yeah, get him chugging on some of Alpa's ass water. 837 00:52:47,493 --> 00:52:49,427 That'll bring him around. It's a cure-all. 838 00:52:49,529 --> 00:52:51,429 Man, what you coming out in movies for anyway? 839 00:52:51,531 --> 00:52:53,192 Did you need another revenue stream? 840 00:52:53,299 --> 00:52:56,097 For your information, my revenue stream 841 00:52:56,202 --> 00:52:58,534 currently generates $2 million a year 842 00:52:58,638 --> 00:53:00,572 in charitable contributions for my community. 843 00:53:00,673 --> 00:53:03,005 - Hot damn. - And why am I in this movie? 844 00:53:03,109 --> 00:53:05,441 Maybe I just knew I had to represent, 845 00:53:05,545 --> 00:53:07,342 because they had one good part in it for a black man 846 00:53:07,446 --> 00:53:09,505 and they gave it to Crocodile Dundee. 847 00:53:11,117 --> 00:53:14,678 Pump your brakes, kid. That man is a national treasure. 848 00:53:14,787 --> 00:53:16,914 I just wanted to throw another shrimp on your barbie. 849 00:53:17,023 --> 00:53:18,149 That shit ain't funny. 850 00:53:18,257 --> 00:53:20,953 Hey, fellas! It's hot! We're tired! It stinks! 851 00:53:21,060 --> 00:53:22,618 I'm just fucking with you, Kangaroo Jack! 852 00:53:22,728 --> 00:53:24,457 I'm sorry a dingo ate your baby. 853 00:53:24,564 --> 00:53:27,032 You know that's a true story? Lady lost her kid. 854 00:53:27,133 --> 00:53:29,795 - You about to cross some fucking lines. - Guys, relax and stuff. 855 00:53:29,902 --> 00:53:30,960 You know what? Fuck that, man! 856 00:53:31,070 --> 00:53:33,732 I'm sick of this koala-hugging nigger telling me... 857 00:53:38,477 --> 00:53:40,035 For 400 years, 858 00:53:41,080 --> 00:53:43,981 that word has kept us down. 859 00:53:45,051 --> 00:53:46,678 What the fuck? 860 00:53:46,786 --> 00:53:50,552 It took a whole lot of trying just to get up that hill. 861 00:53:50,656 --> 00:53:53,557 Now we up in the big leagues, 862 00:53:53,659 --> 00:53:55,422 getting our turn at bat. 863 00:53:55,528 --> 00:53:58,190 Long as we live, it's you and me, baby. 864 00:53:58,865 --> 00:54:02,198 That's the theme song for The Jeffersons. You really need help. 865 00:54:02,301 --> 00:54:05,429 Yeah. Just 'cause it's the theme song, don't make it not true. 866 00:54:05,538 --> 00:54:07,472 You know what? I'm gonna tell you what's true. 867 00:54:07,573 --> 00:54:11,009 I'm gonna tag you back. You better believe that, baby. 868 00:54:11,110 --> 00:54:13,704 Guys! Hey, guys! 869 00:54:14,313 --> 00:54:16,781 Jeff, stay away from that animal. 870 00:54:19,151 --> 00:54:21,984 I'm gonna bite his hide. I need... 871 00:54:23,022 --> 00:54:26,287 I need to wear his stomach skin like a unitard. 872 00:54:27,260 --> 00:54:30,559 Ain't nobody doing nothing to no one or body! 873 00:54:30,663 --> 00:54:35,532 Now, if Mr. Portnoy is feeling a little flu-ish, don't wanna walk, 874 00:54:35,635 --> 00:54:37,694 put him up on that cloven-hoof animal! 875 00:54:39,071 --> 00:54:40,368 We got ground to cover! 876 00:55:09,368 --> 00:55:12,633 All right, POW camp, scene 67. 877 00:55:13,539 --> 00:55:15,268 Bring it on, Cockburn! 878 00:55:22,381 --> 00:55:26,181 My body may be shackled, but my mind wanders free. 879 00:55:30,957 --> 00:55:32,117 Wait, wait, wait, let me do the line again. 880 00:55:32,224 --> 00:55:33,316 Let me do the line again. 881 00:55:33,426 --> 00:55:37,522 My body may be shackled, but my mind wanders free. 882 00:55:44,737 --> 00:55:46,068 Good, again. Again. 883 00:55:51,877 --> 00:55:54,437 Good, good. Now let's do the torture scene. 884 00:55:54,547 --> 00:55:56,344 I see moss on both sides of that tree. 885 00:55:56,449 --> 00:55:59,577 Well, you know, maybe if I wasn't the only one at boot camp... 886 00:55:59,685 --> 00:56:01,585 My belly really hurts, you guys! 887 00:56:01,687 --> 00:56:03,882 I'm not joking around, I'm nauseous. 888 00:56:03,990 --> 00:56:06,220 Let me off, I gotta puke! I don't wanna die like Hendrix! 889 00:56:06,325 --> 00:56:07,986 All right. All right. 890 00:56:12,565 --> 00:56:14,556 Are you okay, Jeff? 891 00:56:14,667 --> 00:56:16,032 I'm awesome. 892 00:56:18,437 --> 00:56:19,904 Holy shit! 893 00:56:24,443 --> 00:56:26,604 Okay. Everyone, down, down, down. 894 00:56:31,317 --> 00:56:32,807 Man. Now I'm tripping. 895 00:56:32,918 --> 00:56:35,546 That looks like the POW camp from out the script, yo. 896 00:56:36,422 --> 00:56:38,117 Speedman was right? 897 00:56:38,224 --> 00:56:39,589 I don't think so. 898 00:56:39,692 --> 00:56:41,922 Look at the cooking vats, the armed guards. 899 00:56:43,496 --> 00:56:45,589 Looks like a heroin processing plant. 900 00:56:46,699 --> 00:56:47,825 We were in that chopper for hours. 901 00:56:47,933 --> 00:56:50,197 I don't even think we're in Vietnam anymore. 902 00:56:50,302 --> 00:56:52,736 - Fuck. - Shit. We ain't even in 'Nam? 903 00:56:52,838 --> 00:56:55,602 No, most likely Myanmar or Laos. 904 00:56:55,708 --> 00:56:57,266 What the fuck is Laos? 905 00:56:57,376 --> 00:56:59,173 It's the Golden Triangle. 906 00:56:59,278 --> 00:57:00,836 The world's hard drug superhighway. 907 00:57:00,946 --> 00:57:02,243 And how do you know about that? 908 00:57:02,348 --> 00:57:05,078 It was a really long trip. I read the in-flight magazine. 909 00:57:06,886 --> 00:57:08,183 Cut! 910 00:57:08,287 --> 00:57:09,754 Oh, Jesus! 911 00:57:09,855 --> 00:57:12,346 What do you see, man? I'm blocked. 912 00:57:12,458 --> 00:57:13,823 Damien, cut! 913 00:57:15,594 --> 00:57:17,186 Hey, Damien, cut! 914 00:57:18,030 --> 00:57:19,691 They got Speedman. 915 00:57:20,266 --> 00:57:21,699 And it doesn't look good. 916 00:57:54,366 --> 00:57:55,663 I am Tran. 917 00:57:56,635 --> 00:57:58,796 You are a trespasser in my poppy fields. 918 00:58:00,206 --> 00:58:02,834 You are D.E.A. Scum! 919 00:58:04,777 --> 00:58:08,213 Were there some re-writes that I missed? 920 00:58:14,520 --> 00:58:16,010 Do you want to die? 921 00:58:16,789 --> 00:58:18,256 - Do you? - No! 922 00:58:18,357 --> 00:58:22,487 Please, don't hurt me! 923 00:58:30,369 --> 00:58:31,563 Say that again. 924 00:58:32,571 --> 00:58:34,368 Please, don't hurt me. 925 00:58:34,473 --> 00:58:37,567 No! Like you did before! Say it! 926 00:58:38,544 --> 00:58:39,533 Say it! 927 00:58:39,645 --> 00:58:43,638 Please, don't hurt me! 928 00:58:59,265 --> 00:59:01,859 - What? - You are Simple Jack. 929 00:59:04,837 --> 00:59:06,702 You saw Simple Jack? 930 00:59:06,805 --> 00:59:09,137 We love the tale of this man, Simple Jack. 931 00:59:10,843 --> 00:59:12,674 We do not have many luxury here. 932 00:59:12,778 --> 00:59:15,212 And Simple Jack is the only movie we possess. 933 00:59:15,314 --> 00:59:19,148 You got the VHS. 934 00:59:19,251 --> 00:59:21,310 We've watched it many, many times. 935 00:59:21,420 --> 00:59:23,888 You should've got Oscar. 936 00:59:26,926 --> 00:59:28,689 Well, you know. It's... 937 00:59:29,962 --> 00:59:31,224 Just to be nominated... 938 00:59:31,330 --> 00:59:32,558 You were nominated? 939 00:59:32,665 --> 00:59:34,189 No, no, no. I wasn't nominated. 940 00:59:34,300 --> 00:59:37,463 I'm just saying that to have been nominated would have been nice. 941 00:59:37,570 --> 00:59:39,936 It's just... It's very political. You have to take out ads... 942 00:59:40,039 --> 00:59:42,530 - Shut up now! - Okay. Okay. 943 00:59:43,375 --> 00:59:45,104 So, are you going to 944 00:59:46,745 --> 00:59:48,372 let me go, or... 945 00:59:48,480 --> 00:59:50,607 No. We'll hold you for ransom. 946 00:59:50,716 --> 00:59:52,513 Much more money now! 947 01:00:04,096 --> 01:00:05,085 He's in a meeting. 948 01:00:05,197 --> 01:00:07,961 Yeah, I know. In about two seconds with the Pecker. 949 01:00:09,001 --> 01:00:10,866 I'm gonna rip your fucking tits off. 950 01:00:10,970 --> 01:00:13,632 You wanna talk about trouble? That's trouble. 951 01:00:13,739 --> 01:00:15,297 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 952 01:00:17,209 --> 01:00:19,109 What do you need, Peck? 953 01:00:19,211 --> 01:00:21,839 No, more like what do you need, Les? 954 01:00:21,947 --> 01:00:23,141 Glasses? 955 01:00:24,216 --> 01:00:25,274 What? 956 01:00:25,384 --> 01:00:27,875 So you can read the Tropic Thunder contract 957 01:00:27,987 --> 01:00:30,387 that guarantees my client, Tugg Speedman, 958 01:00:30,489 --> 01:00:34,220 some form of digital video recorder on location. 959 01:00:34,994 --> 01:00:37,121 - Huh? - I can't believe you let him in. 960 01:00:38,764 --> 01:00:41,597 Look, fuckstick, I'm incredibly busy, so why don't you get the hell out of here 961 01:00:41,700 --> 01:00:44,760 before I snap your dick off and jam it into your ass? 962 01:00:44,870 --> 01:00:46,895 No, not you, Helen. 963 01:00:47,006 --> 01:00:50,703 But I will rip your tits off if you don't get me those theaters. 964 01:00:50,809 --> 01:00:52,333 Perfect. 965 01:00:52,444 --> 01:00:54,878 Hey, Tuggernuts, I've got you on speakerphone. 966 01:00:54,980 --> 01:00:56,845 I'm standing here with Les Grossman, 967 01:00:56,949 --> 01:01:00,112 and he is dying to tell you why he's apparently wiped his ass 968 01:01:00,219 --> 01:01:02,517 with the TiVo clause from your contract. 969 01:01:03,722 --> 01:01:05,713 We are Flaming Dragon. 970 01:01:05,824 --> 01:01:08,190 Speedman is with us now. 971 01:01:08,294 --> 01:01:11,855 For 50 million, you will get him back. 972 01:01:11,964 --> 01:01:14,125 - Are you gonna get those... - Who is this? 973 01:01:14,233 --> 01:01:16,929 - And how did you get this phone? - We are Flaming Dragon! 974 01:01:17,036 --> 01:01:18,936 Simple Jack belong to us now. 975 01:01:21,674 --> 01:01:23,699 He does, does he? 976 01:01:23,809 --> 01:01:26,277 Let me tell you something, shitbird. 977 01:01:26,378 --> 01:01:28,812 I've never even heard of your little agency. 978 01:01:28,914 --> 01:01:30,882 But if you think you can poach my client... 979 01:01:30,983 --> 01:01:35,511 Send $50 million, or you no see Simple Jack again because we kill him. 980 01:01:35,621 --> 01:01:37,111 This is Les Grossman. Who is this? 981 01:01:37,222 --> 01:01:39,520 This is Flaming Dragon! 982 01:01:39,625 --> 01:01:42,389 Okay. Flaming Dragon. Fuckface. 983 01:01:42,494 --> 01:01:47,329 First, take a big step back and literally fuck your own face! 984 01:01:48,701 --> 01:01:51,431 Now, I don't know what kind of pan-Pacific bullshit power play 985 01:01:51,537 --> 01:01:54,005 you're trying to pull here, but Asia, Jack, is my territory. 986 01:01:54,106 --> 01:01:55,403 So whatever you're thinking, you better think again. 987 01:01:55,507 --> 01:01:56,872 Otherwise, I'm gonna have to head down there, 988 01:01:56,975 --> 01:02:00,342 and I will rain down an ungodly fucking firestorm upon you. 989 01:02:00,446 --> 01:02:02,073 You're gonna have to call the fucking United Nations 990 01:02:02,181 --> 01:02:06,208 and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. 991 01:02:06,318 --> 01:02:08,912 I am talking scorched earth, motherfucker! 992 01:02:09,021 --> 01:02:10,784 I will massacre you! 993 01:02:10,889 --> 01:02:12,823 I will fuck you up! 994 01:02:20,632 --> 01:02:22,361 - Could you find out who that was? Go. - Yeah. Yeah. 995 01:02:57,803 --> 01:03:00,795 You wear these. More like Simple Jack teeth. 996 01:03:00,906 --> 01:03:02,635 Okay. 997 01:03:02,741 --> 01:03:05,403 Hey. Look, I know you're a big fan, and that's great... 998 01:03:08,480 --> 01:03:10,107 Put teeth in! 999 01:03:17,222 --> 01:03:19,087 Now do movie. 1000 01:03:19,191 --> 01:03:20,852 The whole movie? 1001 01:03:20,959 --> 01:03:22,620 I can't. I don't know the whole... 1002 01:03:22,728 --> 01:03:25,219 You perform! You perform or die! 1003 01:03:25,964 --> 01:03:27,454 Monkey swine! 1004 01:03:30,369 --> 01:03:31,768 Pa. 1005 01:03:33,739 --> 01:03:35,104 More stupid! 1006 01:03:36,875 --> 01:03:41,938 Pa, why you gotta make me feel bad? 1007 01:03:44,383 --> 01:03:45,714 You saw what I saw. 1008 01:03:45,818 --> 01:03:48,412 Tugg Speedman is dead meat if we don't do something soon. 1009 01:03:48,520 --> 01:03:50,886 Yeah. We could do something by getting our asses back to the hotel, 1010 01:03:50,989 --> 01:03:52,320 which is in the other direction! 1011 01:03:52,424 --> 01:03:54,016 Ain't right. 1012 01:03:54,126 --> 01:03:56,151 What would've happened in The Great Escape 1013 01:03:56,261 --> 01:04:00,095 if Steve McQueen and them dudes had turned tail and ran? 1014 01:04:00,199 --> 01:04:04,192 Well, that's what that movie was about. They were escaping. They ran away. 1015 01:04:04,303 --> 01:04:06,931 I'm trying to agree with you. The point is they did something. 1016 01:04:07,039 --> 01:04:08,233 Then what are we supposed to do, huh? 1017 01:04:08,340 --> 01:04:12,242 'Cause he's cleaning a gun with no bullets. Yeah, that's a plan. 1018 01:04:12,344 --> 01:04:16,144 I'm just like a little boy, playing with his dick when he's nervous. 1019 01:04:19,685 --> 01:04:22,176 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 1020 01:04:22,287 --> 01:04:25,347 I got an idea. This might be a little crazy. 1021 01:04:25,457 --> 01:04:27,425 Crazy's better than nothing. 1022 01:04:27,526 --> 01:04:31,485 Back in '98, I did a low-budget titty comedy for Skinemax. 1023 01:04:31,597 --> 01:04:34,930 - Sex Camp. Remember it? - Yeah. 1024 01:04:35,033 --> 01:04:38,992 Anyway, me and the campers from the uncool camp 1025 01:04:39,104 --> 01:04:41,629 had to break into the rich girl camp. 1026 01:04:41,740 --> 01:04:43,435 So, what we did, 1027 01:04:43,542 --> 01:04:46,534 we built a catapult out of logs and underwear, 1028 01:04:46,645 --> 01:04:50,206 and they shot us over the wall, and we parachuted down. 1029 01:04:55,821 --> 01:04:57,186 Look, 1030 01:04:57,289 --> 01:05:00,588 - you guys, we already know the plan. - Fine. 1031 01:05:00,692 --> 01:05:05,061 We do it just like in the book, Chapter 26, the Wet Offensive. 1032 01:05:05,163 --> 01:05:07,563 The book of Tropic Thunder. 1033 01:05:07,666 --> 01:05:09,896 Yeah, did you guys read the book? 1034 01:05:11,203 --> 01:05:13,831 The flap, I read the back flap and saw the pictures. 1035 01:05:14,606 --> 01:05:17,734 Well, it's okay. It's exactly the same as in the script. 1036 01:05:17,843 --> 01:05:18,901 Cool. 1037 01:05:20,879 --> 01:05:23,439 You guys all read the script, right? 1038 01:05:23,549 --> 01:05:25,642 I don't read the script, script reads me. 1039 01:05:26,818 --> 01:05:28,285 What the hell does that even mean? 1040 01:05:28,387 --> 01:05:31,754 What you getting at with the books, scripts? Spit that shit out, man! 1041 01:05:35,093 --> 01:05:36,924 All right. The Wet Offensive. 1042 01:05:37,963 --> 01:05:40,864 Osiris and Fats go undercover as a diversion. 1043 01:05:40,966 --> 01:05:43,298 Motown and Brooklyn sneak in via the river. 1044 01:05:43,402 --> 01:05:45,802 Yeah. But those dudes was trained soldiers. 1045 01:05:47,673 --> 01:05:48,731 Yeah! 1046 01:05:49,808 --> 01:05:52,800 And we trained actors, motherfucker. 1047 01:05:52,911 --> 01:05:57,245 Time to man up. And I ain't gonna sugarcoat. 1048 01:05:57,349 --> 01:06:00,113 Some of us might not even make it back. 1049 01:06:00,218 --> 01:06:03,312 What do you mean? Like not on the same flight? 1050 01:06:06,024 --> 01:06:08,788 Alpa and I's already wearing earth mama's natural night camo. 1051 01:06:08,894 --> 01:06:10,725 - Cool it, Benson. - Sorry. 1052 01:06:11,797 --> 01:06:16,325 We gonna scout, get a plan together. We ain't back in 20, come looking. 1053 01:06:17,836 --> 01:06:19,701 We are Flaming Dragon. 1054 01:06:23,442 --> 01:06:24,636 Okay. 1055 01:06:25,944 --> 01:06:29,038 Flaming Dragon's a heroin manufacturer. 1056 01:06:29,147 --> 01:06:32,241 They're responsible for an eighth of the drug trade in Asia. 1057 01:06:32,351 --> 01:06:35,582 - Huge profit margin. - Guys! 1058 01:06:35,687 --> 01:06:38,622 Would somebody please let me know what the game plan is? 1059 01:06:38,724 --> 01:06:40,453 Peck! We have it handled. 1060 01:06:40,559 --> 01:06:43,050 Please, don't interrupt. Everything's under control. 1061 01:06:43,161 --> 01:06:45,152 I got it. Got it. 1062 01:06:57,275 --> 01:06:59,505 - Les Grossman. - We not get money yet. 1063 01:07:00,045 --> 01:07:02,172 Price now 100 million! 1064 01:07:02,280 --> 01:07:05,113 You pay now, or tomorrow Simple Jack die. 1065 01:07:05,217 --> 01:07:08,277 Great. Let me get this down. 1066 01:07:08,387 --> 01:07:09,820 100 million. 1067 01:07:09,921 --> 01:07:12,389 Wait! I got a better idea. 1068 01:07:13,191 --> 01:07:15,022 Instead of 100 million, 1069 01:07:15,127 --> 01:07:17,863 how about I send you a hobo's dick cheese? 1070 01:07:18,096 --> 01:07:20,394 Then you kill him! Do your thing! Skin the fucking bastard! 1071 01:07:20,499 --> 01:07:22,694 Go to town, man! Go to town! 1072 01:07:22,801 --> 01:07:24,962 - No... - In the meantime, and as usual, 1073 01:07:25,070 --> 01:07:26,731 go fuck yourself! 1074 01:07:27,839 --> 01:07:30,399 - No. - We don't negotiate with terrorists. 1075 01:07:32,511 --> 01:07:35,241 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, are you insane? 1076 01:07:35,347 --> 01:07:37,178 - I think I could've done that better. - I thought it was good. 1077 01:07:37,282 --> 01:07:38,579 They're gonna kill him! 1078 01:07:44,456 --> 01:07:47,653 And we'll weep for him, in the press. 1079 01:07:48,560 --> 01:07:51,222 Set up a scholarship in his name. 1080 01:07:51,329 --> 01:07:55,265 Eventually, and I'm talking way, way down the road, 1081 01:07:55,367 --> 01:07:56,857 we file an insurance claim. 1082 01:07:56,968 --> 01:07:59,766 Preferably before the end of the fiscal year. 1083 01:07:59,871 --> 01:08:03,602 Actually, the claim alone would net us more than the movie would lose. 1084 01:08:05,711 --> 01:08:07,474 You can't be serious. 1085 01:08:09,414 --> 01:08:11,109 Let's face it. 1086 01:08:11,216 --> 01:08:15,243 The kids aren't dressing up as Scorcher for Purim anymore. 1087 01:08:16,655 --> 01:08:19,647 Speedman is a dying star, 1088 01:08:19,758 --> 01:08:22,989 a white dwarf heading for a black hole. 1089 01:08:23,095 --> 01:08:25,825 That's physics. It's inevitable. 1090 01:08:25,931 --> 01:08:29,264 We've been handed an incredible opportunity here, Peck. 1091 01:08:29,367 --> 01:08:33,201 The universe is talking to us right now. 1092 01:08:33,305 --> 01:08:34,863 You just gotta listen. 1093 01:08:47,986 --> 01:08:51,581 See, this is the good part, Pecker. This is when the job gets fun. 1094 01:08:51,690 --> 01:08:52,782 Yeah. 1095 01:08:52,891 --> 01:08:56,054 Ask and you shall receive. 1096 01:08:57,095 --> 01:09:01,225 - All right. - You play ball, we play ball. 1097 01:09:01,333 --> 01:09:04,700 I know you want the goodies. 1098 01:09:04,803 --> 01:09:06,794 Welcome to the goody room. 1099 01:09:06,905 --> 01:09:11,535 You paying attention? 'Cause I'm talking G5 for the Pecker. 1100 01:09:11,643 --> 01:09:12,905 That's how you're gonna roll. 1101 01:09:13,011 --> 01:09:16,970 No more frequent flier bitch miles for my boy. 1102 01:09:17,082 --> 01:09:18,379 Yeah! 1103 01:09:18,884 --> 01:09:20,146 Playa. 1104 01:09:21,019 --> 01:09:22,350 Playa! 1105 01:09:23,388 --> 01:09:24,685 Big dick playa. 1106 01:09:24,790 --> 01:09:26,781 Swinging past your knees! 1107 01:09:26,892 --> 01:09:27,916 Big dick, baby. 1108 01:09:28,026 --> 01:09:29,220 Yep. 1109 01:09:32,564 --> 01:09:35,158 Or you can grow a conscience 1110 01:09:35,267 --> 01:09:37,633 in the next five minutes and see where that takes you. 1111 01:09:42,607 --> 01:09:44,700 Let me get this straight. 1112 01:09:44,810 --> 01:09:48,439 You want me to let my client of 15 years, 1113 01:09:48,547 --> 01:09:49,912 one of my best friends, 1114 01:09:50,015 --> 01:09:54,645 die in the jungle, alone, for some money and a G5? 1115 01:09:55,787 --> 01:09:56,913 Yes. 1116 01:10:01,993 --> 01:10:04,257 A G5 airplane? 1117 01:10:06,364 --> 01:10:07,422 Yes. 1118 01:10:08,500 --> 01:10:11,196 And lots of money. 1119 01:10:12,571 --> 01:10:14,732 Playa. 1120 01:10:17,642 --> 01:10:18,836 Yeah! 1121 01:10:20,078 --> 01:10:22,672 Smack it up, flip it, rub it down! 1122 01:10:25,250 --> 01:10:27,912 But Mama take care of Jack a lot. 1123 01:10:28,753 --> 01:10:32,484 How many more sleeps before she wakes up again? 1124 01:10:32,591 --> 01:10:34,115 Sorry, Jack. 1125 01:10:34,226 --> 01:10:36,490 She in heaven now. 1126 01:10:37,262 --> 01:10:40,527 Damn! I thought the movie was bad. 1127 01:10:40,632 --> 01:10:43,760 She sleep forever. 1128 01:10:43,869 --> 01:10:46,997 To the man's credit, he's actually eased up on the retard throttle. 1129 01:10:47,105 --> 01:10:50,700 And now that's added a balance, and the audience can connect. 1130 01:10:50,809 --> 01:10:54,609 I mean, this is Theater 101, but, you know, he's had a tough road. 1131 01:10:54,713 --> 01:10:55,839 He'll become a naturalist. 1132 01:10:55,947 --> 01:10:57,642 - Yeah. - Break down the aesthetic distance, 1133 01:10:57,749 --> 01:10:59,478 then the... 1134 01:11:02,153 --> 01:11:03,780 Told you I'd tag you back. 1135 01:11:06,458 --> 01:11:08,722 Can I tell you that I'm sorry 1136 01:11:08,827 --> 01:11:11,125 for any offense I might've caused, man? 1137 01:11:11,229 --> 01:11:13,595 - I just got caught up in... - In being a dumbass? 1138 01:11:13,698 --> 01:11:15,097 I guess so. 1139 01:11:15,200 --> 01:11:17,896 Why you still doing this Chicken George shit, I have no idea. 1140 01:11:18,003 --> 01:11:19,300 - Neither do I. - It's beyond me. 1141 01:11:19,404 --> 01:11:21,599 - It's beyond me. - You confused. 1142 01:11:21,706 --> 01:11:23,640 - I am a little confused. - I know. 1143 01:11:25,243 --> 01:11:27,040 But are we cool? 1144 01:11:27,145 --> 01:11:28,476 Not really. 1145 01:11:32,284 --> 01:11:33,876 Hey, man. 1146 01:11:33,985 --> 01:11:35,680 - How's it going? - Good. Yourself? 1147 01:11:35,787 --> 01:11:37,812 Hey, so, if it's no big deal, 1148 01:11:37,923 --> 01:11:40,790 I think I'm just gonna hang back here for the mission. 1149 01:11:40,892 --> 01:11:42,519 Watch the stuff. 1150 01:11:42,627 --> 01:11:44,652 - Is that cool? - What? No! 1151 01:11:44,763 --> 01:11:46,663 We need you, Jeff. 1152 01:11:46,765 --> 01:11:48,357 What are you talking about? 1153 01:11:48,466 --> 01:11:50,024 Okay, look, man. 1154 01:11:51,269 --> 01:11:53,567 - I got something to tell you. - Okay. 1155 01:11:55,807 --> 01:11:58,537 You know those jellybeans I was eating? 1156 01:11:58,643 --> 01:12:01,737 Well, they weren't jellybeans, okay? 1157 01:12:02,647 --> 01:12:05,445 - They were drugs. - Really? 1158 01:12:05,550 --> 01:12:09,919 I get down there near the mother lode, I am done. I'm jonesing bad, man. 1159 01:12:10,021 --> 01:12:12,956 I'm gonna fucking do all the heroin in the fucking world. 1160 01:12:16,261 --> 01:12:20,425 If you guys wanna make it through this thing, you gotta strap me to a tree. 1161 01:12:21,800 --> 01:12:25,566 - Are you serious? - Yeah, I'm serious. Literally, a tree. 1162 01:12:25,670 --> 01:12:28,537 And you can, no matter what, you can't fucking untie me until it is done, 1163 01:12:28,640 --> 01:12:30,198 until it is out of my system. 1164 01:12:30,308 --> 01:12:31,935 I'm gonna say, "Hey, man, I'm cool. It's cool. 1165 01:12:32,043 --> 01:12:33,601 "I'm finally better. I'm finally better. Untie me." 1166 01:12:33,712 --> 01:12:36,909 Don't listen to me! Anything I fucking say is a lie! 1167 01:12:37,015 --> 01:12:38,346 You got it! 1168 01:12:39,017 --> 01:12:41,076 Goodbye, Mama! 1169 01:12:41,186 --> 01:12:44,314 Now you can have ice cream in heaven. 1170 01:12:44,422 --> 01:12:49,382 I'll see you tonight, when I go to bed, in my head movies. 1171 01:12:50,328 --> 01:12:54,924 But this head movie makes my eyes rain. 1172 01:13:03,975 --> 01:13:07,206 Dang. Gilligan catching a kidney shot. 1173 01:13:09,080 --> 01:13:11,878 - They got him on the move! - That's torture, man. 1174 01:13:12,017 --> 01:13:14,884 Okay. That's where they keeping him. 1175 01:13:14,986 --> 01:13:17,181 I gotta get cracking on my costume. 1176 01:13:17,288 --> 01:13:18,687 Say, are you good with a needle and thread? 1177 01:13:18,790 --> 01:13:19,814 Hell, yeah. 1178 01:13:19,924 --> 01:13:23,257 Alpa Chino chinos sold more than five million pairs last spring at the Gap. 1179 01:13:23,361 --> 01:13:26,057 - I sewed them patterns myself, baby. - Let's roll out. 1180 01:13:58,063 --> 01:14:00,293 It's a little twig man Oscar. 1181 01:14:06,905 --> 01:14:09,305 I'm going to call you Half Squat. 1182 01:14:11,009 --> 01:14:12,977 And you can call me 1183 01:14:14,045 --> 01:14:15,342 Papa. 1184 01:14:38,837 --> 01:14:40,566 Wow, look at all those stars. 1185 01:14:42,540 --> 01:14:44,508 Really makes a guy feel pretty small. 1186 01:14:46,044 --> 01:14:48,446 This could be the last time we look at these stars. 1187 01:14:49,581 --> 01:14:51,048 Man, that's beauty. 1188 01:14:52,984 --> 01:14:56,044 Nights like tonight make a man wonder what it's all about. 1189 01:14:56,154 --> 01:14:58,452 Hey, you guys. Anybody got some bug spray? 1190 01:15:00,291 --> 01:15:01,417 Don't ignore me! 1191 01:15:01,526 --> 01:15:04,393 Stick it out, man. We're gonna get through this. 1192 01:15:05,530 --> 01:15:07,589 - Hey, Kirk? - Yeah? 1193 01:15:07,699 --> 01:15:10,532 Are you still dating Jennifer Love Hewitt? 1194 01:15:10,635 --> 01:15:12,034 'Cause I think she's hot. 1195 01:15:12,137 --> 01:15:15,504 No, that was just some tabloid conjecture. 1196 01:15:15,607 --> 01:15:19,600 Hey, guys, I'm good. I made it through. You can untie me now. 1197 01:15:20,678 --> 01:15:22,009 Funny, huh? 1198 01:15:22,113 --> 01:15:25,014 The circus life 280 days a year on location. 1199 01:15:26,251 --> 01:15:29,152 It's hard to find a girl that can hang with that, you know? 1200 01:15:30,955 --> 01:15:33,014 Not one worth keeping, nohow. 1201 01:15:33,124 --> 01:15:35,422 Hey, Radar? Evans? 1202 01:15:35,527 --> 01:15:36,585 No, it's Kevin. 1203 01:15:36,694 --> 01:15:38,423 Kev, whatever the fuck. Come over here. 1204 01:15:38,530 --> 01:15:40,760 I didn't tell you, but Fatties: Fart Three is coming down the pike, 1205 01:15:40,865 --> 01:15:44,357 and there's a role in there for you if you come over and untie me. 1206 01:15:44,469 --> 01:15:47,029 Jeff, you're just going to have to tough it out. 1207 01:15:47,138 --> 01:15:49,106 Your mother's a cankerous whore! 1208 01:15:49,207 --> 01:15:50,538 Jesus, man. 1209 01:15:51,576 --> 01:15:53,043 Hey, man. 1210 01:15:53,144 --> 01:15:56,045 Remember way back when I said your mother was a cankerous whore? 1211 01:15:56,147 --> 01:15:59,548 I'm sorry, man. I did not mean that. She's not. 1212 01:15:59,651 --> 01:16:01,346 How about you, man? 1213 01:16:01,486 --> 01:16:03,920 You got some little minx waiting for you on the other side of tomorrow? 1214 01:16:04,022 --> 01:16:05,489 Me? 1215 01:16:05,590 --> 01:16:08,354 I've barely even had a girlfriend, and... 1216 01:16:09,194 --> 01:16:12,857 I was really hoping I'd get laid when this movie came out, 1217 01:16:12,964 --> 01:16:15,364 but that's not gonna happen. 1218 01:16:16,234 --> 01:16:17,701 What about you, Masterblaster? 1219 01:16:17,802 --> 01:16:20,430 You got a certain someone you trying to get with back in the States? 1220 01:16:20,538 --> 01:16:25,271 What, Alpa Chino? He's like 10 girls deep, 24/7. 1221 01:16:25,376 --> 01:16:26,604 No. You missing me, man. 1222 01:16:26,711 --> 01:16:28,508 I'm talking about something special. Big difference. 1223 01:16:28,613 --> 01:16:29,807 How about it? 1224 01:16:30,582 --> 01:16:31,708 Yeah. 1225 01:16:33,117 --> 01:16:35,085 Yeah, there is. 1226 01:16:35,186 --> 01:16:38,519 Well? What's the skinny? Y'all been on a date or what? 1227 01:16:38,623 --> 01:16:40,523 No. I mean... 1228 01:16:40,625 --> 01:16:45,460 I always wanted to, but I guess I just never had the courage to ask. 1229 01:16:45,563 --> 01:16:47,258 It's... It's complicated. 1230 01:16:47,365 --> 01:16:49,799 No! It's simple as pie, man. 1231 01:16:49,901 --> 01:16:52,495 You plant your feet in the ground, you look her square in the eyes, you say, 1232 01:16:52,604 --> 01:16:56,233 "Hey, baby, you and me's going on a date." That's the end of story. 1233 01:16:56,341 --> 01:16:59,037 - What's her name? - Lance. 1234 01:16:59,143 --> 01:17:00,906 "Listen here, Lance..." 1235 01:17:01,779 --> 01:17:05,579 Lance? What the fuck did I just hear? Lance? 1236 01:17:05,683 --> 01:17:07,412 - Did you say "Lance"? - No! 1237 01:17:07,518 --> 01:17:09,452 - That sounded like "Lance." - No, I said "Nance." 1238 01:17:09,554 --> 01:17:11,715 - That's what I said, "Nance." - It sounded like "Lance." 1239 01:17:11,823 --> 01:17:13,347 Look, I'm Alpa Chino, okay? 1240 01:17:13,458 --> 01:17:15,119 I love the pussy! All right? 1241 01:17:15,226 --> 01:17:17,126 Lay your ass back down and look at the stars. 1242 01:17:17,262 --> 01:17:18,593 When you wrote I Love Tha Pussy 1243 01:17:18,696 --> 01:17:22,063 was you thinking of dangling your dice on Lance's forehead? 1244 01:17:22,166 --> 01:17:24,532 Oh, hell, no! What? Come on. Look. 1245 01:17:24,636 --> 01:17:27,571 - Man, everyone's gay once in a while. - I'm not gay! 1246 01:17:27,672 --> 01:17:28,696 This Hollywood. 1247 01:17:28,806 --> 01:17:29,864 How about we all get back to work? 1248 01:17:29,974 --> 01:17:31,635 - Okay. Cool. - This is ridiculous! 1249 01:17:31,743 --> 01:17:34,644 We got a big day tomorrow. Let's get focused. 1250 01:17:37,215 --> 01:17:42,050 Alpa, if you untie me, I will literally suck your dick right now. 1251 01:17:42,153 --> 01:17:45,384 I told you, for the last time, I love the pussy! 1252 01:17:46,758 --> 01:17:49,591 I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, 1253 01:17:49,694 --> 01:17:52,788 work the pipe and swallow the gravy. 1254 01:17:52,897 --> 01:17:54,956 Get it over here, buddy. Let's do this. 1255 01:18:01,539 --> 01:18:02,597 Okay, so, what's the plan? 1256 01:18:02,707 --> 01:18:04,106 Are you gonna talk Vietnamese to those dudes? 1257 01:18:04,208 --> 01:18:05,971 No. No. Mandarin Chinese. 1258 01:18:06,077 --> 01:18:07,772 Which, from what I can tell, is what they speaking down there. 1259 01:18:07,879 --> 01:18:09,437 How the hell do you know Chinese? 1260 01:18:09,547 --> 01:18:13,005 Land of Silk and Money with Gong Li. Second Globe, third Oscar. 1261 01:18:13,117 --> 01:18:17,076 Prepped for that one by working in a Beijing textile factory for eight months. 1262 01:18:17,188 --> 01:18:19,122 That might be our ride. 1263 01:18:28,933 --> 01:18:30,161 The straps are too tight! 1264 01:18:30,268 --> 01:18:32,634 Shut your mouth and follow my lead. 1265 01:19:25,490 --> 01:19:26,684 Okay. 1266 01:19:28,893 --> 01:19:30,451 All right. 1267 01:19:30,561 --> 01:19:32,961 That looks like it could be the munitions hut right there. 1268 01:19:33,064 --> 01:19:35,123 I'm gonna try to find Speedman in the main building. 1269 01:19:54,619 --> 01:19:56,211 Get over here! 1270 01:19:57,588 --> 01:19:59,146 - What are you guys doing here? - He has hands. 1271 01:19:59,257 --> 01:20:01,657 - He killed Damien. - Bullshit! 1272 01:20:01,759 --> 01:20:04,250 - He blinded Jamie Lee Curtis. - Almost! 1273 01:20:04,362 --> 01:20:07,559 What are you talking about? Damien stepped on a old landmine. 1274 01:20:07,665 --> 01:20:09,223 Sweet. Thank God. 1275 01:20:09,333 --> 01:20:11,528 - We busting Speedman out. - Speedman's here? 1276 01:20:21,012 --> 01:20:22,536 They got my boom boom up here. 1277 01:20:22,647 --> 01:20:25,241 I take it y'all are doing the Wet Offensive from the book. 1278 01:20:25,349 --> 01:20:26,611 I can give y'all a diversion. 1279 01:20:26,717 --> 01:20:30,653 I got enough shit here to light this place up like it's the Fourth of fucking July. 1280 01:21:12,129 --> 01:21:14,597 Yes, your farm. 1281 01:21:18,970 --> 01:21:21,370 Where is your farm, 1282 01:21:22,940 --> 01:21:24,407 American? 1283 01:21:27,245 --> 01:21:28,507 My farm? 1284 01:21:30,448 --> 01:21:31,710 Oh, shit. 1285 01:21:32,483 --> 01:21:35,680 Here's my motherfucking farm! 1286 01:21:35,786 --> 01:21:37,276 Yeah! 1287 01:21:42,226 --> 01:21:45,218 Yeah! Chicka-chickaw, baby! 1288 01:21:46,230 --> 01:21:47,424 Kwan-Lo! 1289 01:21:48,933 --> 01:21:50,833 I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker! 1290 01:21:51,335 --> 01:21:52,495 Yeah! 1291 01:21:54,071 --> 01:21:57,268 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, keep your head down! 1292 01:21:57,375 --> 01:21:59,639 Keep your head down on the ground! 1293 01:21:59,744 --> 01:22:01,905 Nobody move or I do the little big guy! 1294 01:22:02,013 --> 01:22:05,449 That's right, we running this program now, J.P. 1295 01:22:05,550 --> 01:22:08,178 Now show me where the drugs are. 1296 01:22:08,286 --> 01:22:10,083 What the fuck? 1297 01:22:10,187 --> 01:22:11,882 That ain't the plan! 1298 01:22:11,989 --> 01:22:13,684 Don't judge me! 1299 01:22:17,361 --> 01:22:19,124 He's got a real serious problem. 1300 01:22:19,931 --> 01:22:22,195 Hey! Hey, you! 1301 01:22:22,300 --> 01:22:24,495 Take off your clothes! 1302 01:22:24,602 --> 01:22:26,263 Take off your clothes! 1303 01:22:26,370 --> 01:22:27,667 What do we do now? 1304 01:22:27,772 --> 01:22:29,603 Stick with the plan. Find Speedman. 1305 01:22:29,707 --> 01:22:32,107 Alpa, keep this clown posse down. Come on now. 1306 01:22:32,209 --> 01:22:35,576 Y'all heard the man. Be suede, don't move! 1307 01:22:35,680 --> 01:22:37,580 Fuck your do-rag. Fuck your do-rag. 1308 01:22:37,682 --> 01:22:40,173 - Door! - One, two, three! 1309 01:22:53,464 --> 01:22:55,295 I go high, you go low. 1310 01:22:59,670 --> 01:23:03,538 Get down. Get down! Get down! Chow Yun-Fat, get the hell down! 1311 01:23:03,641 --> 01:23:06,940 If I see one more head pop up, it's gonna be bullet Whac-A-Mole. 1312 01:23:08,512 --> 01:23:09,945 Come on, come on! 1313 01:23:10,047 --> 01:23:12,038 - Smoke grenade. - Don't drop it now. 1314 01:23:12,717 --> 01:23:14,275 Here. 1315 01:23:14,385 --> 01:23:16,785 - What's this? - I don't know what it's called. 1316 01:23:16,887 --> 01:23:19,481 I just know the sound it makes when it lies. 1317 01:23:19,590 --> 01:23:23,117 Don't move, Matchbox, or I will shoot you. 1318 01:23:23,227 --> 01:23:26,094 I'm gonna put on this thing. Don't move. 1319 01:23:26,197 --> 01:23:27,926 I can still see you. 1320 01:23:34,071 --> 01:23:35,163 Tugg! 1321 01:23:37,708 --> 01:23:38,868 Tugg? 1322 01:23:40,945 --> 01:23:42,139 Gotcha. 1323 01:23:43,314 --> 01:23:46,215 Roll your shit up, man. We going home. 1324 01:23:46,317 --> 01:23:47,443 Home? 1325 01:23:49,587 --> 01:23:53,421 But I'm doing five shows a day for a standing-room-only crowd. 1326 01:23:53,524 --> 01:23:56,084 Don't you get it? I already am home. 1327 01:23:58,396 --> 01:24:01,524 All right, now, dude, you gotta get it... 1328 01:24:01,632 --> 01:24:03,827 My son gave this to me. 1329 01:24:03,934 --> 01:24:07,426 - That's your stick buddy? - His name is Twigman. 1330 01:24:07,538 --> 01:24:09,369 Does he wanna come with us? 1331 01:24:29,627 --> 01:24:31,390 Get the hell down! 1332 01:24:31,495 --> 01:24:34,555 What you doing? What you doing? Don't touch that gun. 1333 01:24:34,665 --> 01:24:36,064 Don't do it! Don't touch that gun! 1334 01:24:36,167 --> 01:24:38,465 On my momma, if you touch that gun... 1335 01:24:43,107 --> 01:24:45,507 - Oh, shit, it's on! - Over here! 1336 01:25:16,841 --> 01:25:18,900 Shadow me, Pinocchio! 1337 01:25:19,009 --> 01:25:20,237 Smoke! 1338 01:25:26,083 --> 01:25:27,778 Oh, shit! 1339 01:25:32,623 --> 01:25:34,147 Jeff, don't! 1340 01:25:34,992 --> 01:25:36,983 It doesn't matter what I do. 1341 01:25:37,094 --> 01:25:40,063 I'll always be a screw-up. No one'll ever respect me. 1342 01:25:40,164 --> 01:25:44,157 That is not true, you are not a screw-up! You make so many people laugh. 1343 01:25:44,268 --> 01:25:46,498 They only laugh at my farts. 1344 01:25:46,604 --> 01:25:48,595 Jeff, we really need to go now! 1345 01:25:48,706 --> 01:25:50,298 This is all I deserve! 1346 01:26:10,461 --> 01:26:12,691 Laugh at that, you bastards! 1347 01:26:12,797 --> 01:26:16,198 Hilarious! Hilarious! 1348 01:26:17,735 --> 01:26:20,568 Let's move. We only have 16 hours before they wake up. 1349 01:26:28,179 --> 01:26:29,771 Sounds like the dinner bell's ringing. 1350 01:26:29,880 --> 01:26:32,815 These assholes are gonna be crawling in here ready to fucking eat us. 1351 01:26:35,753 --> 01:26:38,620 There. All right, you keep six right here. 1352 01:26:40,558 --> 01:26:42,719 Come on, let's go. 1353 01:26:42,827 --> 01:26:44,761 Come on, what are you guys doing? Let's get out of here! 1354 01:26:44,862 --> 01:26:46,523 He's on tilt status. 1355 01:26:46,630 --> 01:26:50,589 Same thing happened to me when I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot. 1356 01:26:50,701 --> 01:26:52,794 They found me in an alley in Burbank 1357 01:26:52,903 --> 01:26:56,134 trying to re-enter the Earth's atmosphere in an old refrigerator box. 1358 01:27:01,645 --> 01:27:03,875 Give me the flame thrower. You gotta start the chopper. 1359 01:27:03,981 --> 01:27:07,417 - No, fuck that! Just give me this. - No time! I'll take care of this! 1360 01:27:08,652 --> 01:27:10,552 All right. Give me your hooks. 1361 01:27:10,654 --> 01:27:12,281 Don't worry, I'm not gonna put them on again. 1362 01:27:12,389 --> 01:27:15,222 - Just give me your goddamn hooks. - All right. Here. 1363 01:27:15,326 --> 01:27:17,487 Get those boys back to the bird, pronto! 1364 01:27:22,433 --> 01:27:24,594 Shit! Enough! 1365 01:27:24,702 --> 01:27:26,602 Fake shit! 1366 01:27:29,707 --> 01:27:30,833 Fuck! 1367 01:27:38,549 --> 01:27:41,712 Go get your guys! Get them to the chopper! 1368 01:27:41,819 --> 01:27:43,912 I'll take care of these yahoos! 1369 01:27:45,956 --> 01:27:48,220 You're gonna focus up now, motherfucker, and say it. 1370 01:27:48,325 --> 01:27:50,452 - "It's me, Tugg!" - It's me, Tugg. 1371 01:27:50,561 --> 01:27:52,028 That's right! Now, Tugg who? 1372 01:27:52,129 --> 01:27:54,927 - Tugg who? I don't know. Who are you? - Me? 1373 01:27:55,032 --> 01:27:56,727 I know who I am! 1374 01:27:56,834 --> 01:28:00,565 I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude. 1375 01:28:00,671 --> 01:28:01,729 What? 1376 01:28:01,839 --> 01:28:03,932 You a dude that don't know what dude he is! 1377 01:28:04,041 --> 01:28:06,737 Or are you a dude who has no idea what dude he is 1378 01:28:06,844 --> 01:28:08,106 and claims to know what dude he is... 1379 01:28:08,212 --> 01:28:09,947 What the fuck are you guys talking about? 1380 01:28:10,080 --> 01:28:11,172 ...by playing other dudes? 1381 01:28:11,282 --> 01:28:12,476 I know what dude I am! 1382 01:28:12,583 --> 01:28:15,381 - You're scared. - I ain't scared. Scared of what? 1383 01:28:15,486 --> 01:28:16,748 Or scared of who? 1384 01:28:16,854 --> 01:28:19,448 - Scared of who? - Come on, guys. We really need to go! 1385 01:28:19,556 --> 01:28:20,818 Scared of you. 1386 01:28:25,729 --> 01:28:28,061 - Jesus. - What's going on? 1387 01:28:28,165 --> 01:28:29,689 The dudes are emerging. 1388 01:28:29,800 --> 01:28:31,131 He's right, you know. 1389 01:28:32,903 --> 01:28:34,302 I am not 1390 01:28:35,873 --> 01:28:37,568 Sergeant Lincoln Osiris. 1391 01:28:41,979 --> 01:28:43,446 We gotta roll out. 1392 01:28:43,547 --> 01:28:46,778 Nor am I Father O'Malley. 1393 01:28:49,019 --> 01:28:51,954 Or Neil Armstrong. 1394 01:28:59,530 --> 01:29:01,691 I think I might be nobody. 1395 01:29:03,100 --> 01:29:04,260 Wow! 1396 01:29:04,368 --> 01:29:07,030 The insecurity level with you guys is ridiculous! 1397 01:29:08,305 --> 01:29:11,274 - Everybody's got issues! - Yeah, man, everybody got issues. 1398 01:29:11,375 --> 01:29:13,935 Come on! You're Kirk Lazarus. 1399 01:29:14,044 --> 01:29:16,205 You're the whole reason I got into acting. 1400 01:29:16,313 --> 01:29:18,144 I memorized every single monologue 1401 01:29:18,248 --> 01:29:20,842 you ever did when I was in theater school. 1402 01:29:20,951 --> 01:29:22,976 - Really? - Yeah. And look, Tugg! 1403 01:29:23,087 --> 01:29:25,521 I saw Scorcher I 24 times when I was in eighth grade. 1404 01:29:25,622 --> 01:29:28,591 That shit blew me away! I got high to that shit! You the man! 1405 01:29:28,692 --> 01:29:31,820 Yeah, man, Scorcher I was great. Let's get the fuck out of here! 1406 01:29:31,929 --> 01:29:36,059 Tugg, Tugger, you're the last piece of the puzzle, buddy. 1407 01:29:36,166 --> 01:29:39,158 We need you! Your men need you! Are you with us? 1408 01:29:43,507 --> 01:29:45,498 I'm a rooster illusion. 1409 01:29:45,609 --> 01:29:46,803 Fuck it. We'll deal with him later. 1410 01:29:46,910 --> 01:29:50,073 Let's move. Come on. Come on. Double time. Gotta go! 1411 01:29:52,616 --> 01:29:54,413 Come on, come on, come on. 1412 01:29:58,188 --> 01:30:00,122 Bingo! Move out. 1413 01:30:02,059 --> 01:30:03,424 Oh, God. 1414 01:30:05,396 --> 01:30:08,263 Just say no to this, you drug-making midget. 1415 01:30:12,836 --> 01:30:14,303 Gotta hold on! 1416 01:30:20,477 --> 01:30:21,842 Four Leaf! 1417 01:30:26,583 --> 01:30:27,914 You grew hands? 1418 01:30:37,161 --> 01:30:38,685 RPG, gentlemen! 1419 01:30:41,465 --> 01:30:42,989 Where are you going? 1420 01:30:48,505 --> 01:30:51,030 Oh, my God. I am moving to catering after this. 1421 01:31:13,063 --> 01:31:14,394 My ass! 1422 01:31:17,634 --> 01:31:18,965 My ass! 1423 01:31:20,571 --> 01:31:23,836 Hey, yo! We gotta get our shit together, Tugg! 1424 01:31:23,941 --> 01:31:26,171 We gotta get his cracker ass to the chopper! 1425 01:31:26,276 --> 01:31:30,576 Are you still crazy? We gotta get Candisky to the chopper! 1426 01:31:30,681 --> 01:31:32,148 It's Sandusky. 1427 01:31:34,017 --> 01:31:37,316 - Kevin Sandusky. - That's my name. 1428 01:31:37,421 --> 01:31:39,013 You remembered my name. 1429 01:31:39,123 --> 01:31:41,148 Alpa, go help Cody. 1430 01:31:41,258 --> 01:31:43,249 Portnoy, get Sandusky back to the chopper. Go! 1431 01:31:43,360 --> 01:31:45,191 - I got him! - Let's go! 1432 01:31:46,630 --> 01:31:48,154 Let's get out of here! 1433 01:32:00,043 --> 01:32:01,533 Hey, Leaf! 1434 01:32:01,645 --> 01:32:02,873 - Leaf! - Yeah. 1435 01:32:02,980 --> 01:32:03,969 Hit the plunger 1436 01:32:04,081 --> 01:32:05,275 - as soon as they clear the bridge! - Got it! 1437 01:32:06,950 --> 01:32:09,384 Come on! Get in the chopper! 1438 01:32:10,220 --> 01:32:13,018 - Come on! Move! - Kirk! Wait! 1439 01:32:15,726 --> 01:32:18,820 - What the hell is he doing? - Laz, I'm gonna blow the bridge! 1440 01:32:18,929 --> 01:32:20,123 Leaf's about to blow the bridge. Come on! 1441 01:32:20,230 --> 01:32:22,824 You don't have to! You don't have to! I'm staying. 1442 01:32:22,933 --> 01:32:24,423 No, I can't let you do that, mate. We gotta go. 1443 01:32:24,535 --> 01:32:27,060 No, I'm telling you, I'm not being crazy. They'll listen to me. 1444 01:32:27,171 --> 01:32:30,004 I know it sounds weird, but I have a connection with them. 1445 01:32:30,107 --> 01:32:33,941 - Get over here! - I have a son now. Little Half Squat. 1446 01:32:34,044 --> 01:32:35,602 Who in crikey fuck is Half Squat? 1447 01:32:35,712 --> 01:32:37,942 He's my son. He's my boy! 1448 01:32:38,048 --> 01:32:40,482 He needs me. I have to go back to him. 1449 01:32:43,620 --> 01:32:45,281 You tell the world what happened here. 1450 01:32:45,389 --> 01:32:47,220 What happened here? 1451 01:32:47,324 --> 01:32:49,554 I don't know, but you need to tell them. 1452 01:32:51,929 --> 01:32:53,760 I got this. 1453 01:32:53,864 --> 01:32:55,024 Tugg! 1454 01:32:55,732 --> 01:32:59,293 You take care of the boys! I'll deal with these guys. 1455 01:33:00,704 --> 01:33:04,299 Where is he going? We're gonna fucking die! 1456 01:33:04,408 --> 01:33:07,036 Laz, come on. He joined the circus. Let's go. 1457 01:33:07,144 --> 01:33:08,338 - You've got hands. - Yeah. 1458 01:33:08,445 --> 01:33:10,572 - Fuck! You've got hands? - Come on! 1459 01:33:11,648 --> 01:33:12,774 - Come on! - Get in! 1460 01:33:12,883 --> 01:33:14,510 - Come on! - He's staying? 1461 01:33:14,618 --> 01:33:16,882 Go! He's a lost cause, mate! Get out of here! 1462 01:33:21,458 --> 01:33:25,952 I was wrong! Blow the bridge! Blow the fucking bridge! 1463 01:33:31,802 --> 01:33:33,201 I got this. 1464 01:33:33,870 --> 01:33:35,303 Leaf, no! 1465 01:34:19,449 --> 01:34:22,077 It's over! He's gone! 1466 01:34:22,185 --> 01:34:24,244 Cody! We gotta go! 1467 01:34:26,256 --> 01:34:27,450 Look. 1468 01:34:50,080 --> 01:34:51,411 Think he's done. 1469 01:34:51,515 --> 01:34:52,743 Cover me! 1470 01:34:53,817 --> 01:34:56,752 - Come on! - Wait, come back! 1471 01:34:56,853 --> 01:34:58,582 How do we cover him? 1472 01:35:02,826 --> 01:35:06,163 All right, game over. Come on, mate. Come on. 1473 01:35:06,330 --> 01:35:08,924 - You all right, man? - I'm cold. 1474 01:35:09,032 --> 01:35:11,023 I can't feel my legs. 1475 01:35:11,134 --> 01:35:14,069 No, no, they're in a puddle, mate. See? There's a puddle right there. 1476 01:35:14,171 --> 01:35:15,365 - No worries. - Good. 1477 01:35:15,472 --> 01:35:16,769 Come on, we gotta split, man. 1478 01:35:16,873 --> 01:35:19,171 - You guys came back for me. - Course. 1479 01:35:19,276 --> 01:35:21,608 Hey! I want you to know something. 1480 01:35:21,712 --> 01:35:22,906 What? 1481 01:35:24,081 --> 01:35:25,878 I know who you are. 1482 01:35:27,984 --> 01:35:29,747 You're my friend. 1483 01:35:32,022 --> 01:35:33,649 You're my brother. 1484 01:35:34,524 --> 01:35:37,357 But like a really cool brother, you know? 1485 01:35:37,461 --> 01:35:38,826 Like a brother where there was no animosity or... 1486 01:35:38,929 --> 01:35:41,762 Don't look now, you got some real tears going. 1487 01:35:41,865 --> 01:35:42,854 Really? 1488 01:35:42,966 --> 01:35:44,456 That's the stuff that accolades are made of. 1489 01:35:44,568 --> 01:35:46,035 Jesus, let's go, man! 1490 01:35:46,136 --> 01:35:47,603 All right? 1491 01:35:49,172 --> 01:35:50,605 Upsy-daisy. 1492 01:35:52,376 --> 01:35:55,368 Come on! Come on! Come on! Let's go! Let's go! 1493 01:35:57,514 --> 01:35:58,811 Get in! Get in! 1494 01:35:58,915 --> 01:36:00,940 Come on! Here we go! 1495 01:36:03,487 --> 01:36:06,285 Tuggernuts! I got it! 1496 01:36:08,658 --> 01:36:10,956 - Tugger! - Rick! 1497 01:36:13,563 --> 01:36:14,791 What the fuck? 1498 01:36:14,898 --> 01:36:16,525 I got the TiVo! 1499 01:36:17,434 --> 01:36:21,837 My friend wants a TiVo, my friend gets a TiVo! 1500 01:36:27,010 --> 01:36:28,272 Oh, shit! 1501 01:37:05,115 --> 01:37:07,140 And the Oscar goes to... 1502 01:37:09,886 --> 01:37:12,184 Yes! Tugg Speedman. 1503 01:37:13,824 --> 01:37:16,520 "Tropic Blunder, The True Story Behind the Making 1504 01:37:16,626 --> 01:37:19,151 "of the Most Expensive Fake True War Story Ever." 1505 01:37:20,730 --> 01:37:21,856 Yeah! 1506 01:37:26,570 --> 01:37:28,470 Yeah, you son of a bitch! 1507 01:37:47,791 --> 01:37:52,160 Eight Oscars, $400 million 1508 01:37:52,262 --> 01:37:55,493 and you saved Tugg Speedman's career. 1509 01:37:55,599 --> 01:37:58,466 I couldn't have done it without you, Slolom. 1510 01:38:00,504 --> 01:38:01,596 Really? 1511 01:38:01,705 --> 01:38:03,696 No, dickhead, of course I could. 1512 01:38:03,807 --> 01:38:06,469 - A nutless monkey could do your job. - Well, I... 1513 01:38:06,576 --> 01:38:09,477 Now, go get drunk and take credit at all the parties. 1514 01:38:09,579 --> 01:38:12,275 - I would never do that to... - Joking. 1515 01:38:12,382 --> 01:38:13,747 - Yeah? - Yeah. 1516 01:38:13,850 --> 01:38:16,045 Very... Okay, there he is. 1517 01:38:16,152 --> 01:38:17,642 - There he is. Okay. - Go have fun. 1518 01:38:17,754 --> 01:38:19,278 All right. We're having a... 1519 01:38:19,389 --> 01:38:21,789 Fuck, okay. Thank you, Les. Thank you. You have a good night... 1520 01:38:21,892 --> 01:38:24,292 But seriously, a nutless monkey could do your job. 1521 01:38:24,394 --> 01:38:26,123 Good. Thank you, sir. 119012