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Previously on "The Magicians"...

The High King and I
hereby declare war

on the Kingdom of Loria.

One cannot simply take back
a declaration of war.

My hands can't
cast spells anymore.

Help me, I do what I can.

I'm a member of the Order,

the keepers of The Libraries
of the Neitherlands,

the greatest repository
of knowledge.

You're a niffin.

Q, I'm not blood-thirsty,
I just want to be free.

Penny!

We're getting you out!

I guess I could help,
for a price.

I want to drive.

For an hour a day,
I get control of your body.

Fine, it's a deal.

We're gonna make another you.

You sleep here, your mind
goes into the golem.

Eliot!

In the center of your being,

there's a tiny beating heart.

It's called "a Shade."

It's what makes you feel.

The pain will burn you
till there's nothing.

It's Reynard, he's back.

He hurt you too, didn't he?

My child is safe.

He'll never know
who he really is.

The test was positive.

You will need to find a Mudang.

But you can abort it, right?

This is exorcism.

That thing is not human.

Did it work?
Is it gone?

But, Julia,
there was a complication.

What do you mean,
lost her Shade?

When the Mudang
cut the demigod's soul out,

they--they nicked hers
by accident.

Her Shade,

it's gone.

Is she gonna be, like...

Honestly, I--

I don't know.

Good morning.

Hey, Jesus,

what day is it?

It's Friday.

Are you...

Listen, I just want to thank you

for everything you did
to help me.

You're looking at me
like I'm crazy.

I mean, are you?

How do you feel?

How do I feel?

I feel light.

Like a million pound weight's
off my chest.

Come.

So what'd you get?

Anything that skins foxes?

Well--

so back in the day,

Zeus and his little frat bros,

they ran around
kidnapping and raping

with total impunity,
so the Magicians,

they read these spells
to protect their communities,

God-killing spells.

The one thing that
they all have in common is

they all failed.

Maybe it just can't be done.

You know what?
We need to write our own.

We can use these, there's
some pretty big holes, but--

I mean, a little ambitious.

We need to be ambitious,

like Martin Chatwin facing
Ember and Umber ambitious.

It can be done.

But, you know, say
we get the perfect spell,

think about the energy
it'd take to work it.

- Right.
- See, Dana knew that.

She had her power source.

We--I--got rid of mine.

Well, what about
Ember in Fillory,

didn't he help Alice?

He's completely AWOL.

Oh, my God.

Dana's baby, Reynard's son.

And there is a ton
of lore on demigods.

They're powerful
in their own right.

Dana was talking
like he's still out there.

We need to find him.

Hurry up.

I checked your work, it's fine.

Nothing can break
a Word As Bond.

I must've overlooked something.

No hurting anyone.
No casting magic.

No sex.

Trust me, you locked down
any possible fun.

I held up my end of the deal, Q.

Now it's your turn.

Or box me now

'cause I'll drive you insane.

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Midnight, my turn.
Got it?

Quentin!
Where the hell are you?

I'm just glad we managed
to sneak the golem out.

Is it me or is morgue security
ridiculously lax?

Well, I think stealing corpses
isn't generally a thing.

Should be.
Kind of fun.

Anyway, according the Healer,

the Bridge should take
a few days to enchant.

Then his consciousness
can travel it

from the clay back to his body.

And there's that.

Magic brownout.
Wellspring.

Not helping.

How often does that happen?

Lately?
Sometimes twice a week.

Sometimes twice an hour.

Affects anything
that draws current.

Completely jacks all spellwork.

We're still trying to fix it.

Shall we go see the patient?

How's it going?

Every time the magic stutters,

they have to start
the enchantment over.

Enchant faster.

Yes, Your Majesty.

Is there anything else
that we can be doing?

Hold off the war till he's back.

I had a pigeon
drop a confusion spell

on the Lorian castle so
they're moving slow about now.

How can I help?

Honestly?

You can go back to Brakebills
and check on Julia.

You know you want to.

If anything changes--

I'll enchant a two-way mirror
to Brakebills,

like when Rupert yelled at Jane

through the vanity table
in the books.

Hey,

don't worry.

My takeaway lately
is that anything can happen

at any time.

So just be there
for your friend while you can.

Here.

Hey.

Hey.

How is she?

Oh, well, she's...

Holy shit.

That infomatrixing spell

worked like a motherfucker.

- Oh, hey, Q.
- Hey.

So I found a hospital
outside of Hoboken

that took in
a surrendered newborn

August 20, 1976.

Holy shit.

- Jules, what are you--
- I have to go.

No, you need to
stay behind the wards.

Reynard is--

Reynard could give a shit
about us.

Think.

If he was gonna finish me,

he'd have done it by now.

So let's take advantage of that.

Uh, Jules, no, look,
she's right.

You're safer here.

No offense, Q,

I didn't actually
ask your opinion.

Thanks, though.

Julia, wait.

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

Hi, Julia.

You thought I'd
forgotten about you?

You seem like the type

to move on quick

when you're finished
with a girl.

Eh, generally.

Unless they're
carrying my child.

I was protecting you.

And what did you go and do,

you little bitch?

Now, Dana

wouldn't tell me
what I wanted to know.

And it got
very, very painful for her.

But you have more

common sense than she does.

Tell me where her son is.

Hm.

I don't know.

Mm.

You're different.

Someone's had a little, uh,

Shade amputation.

I like it.

I know you're there.

Boy.

Quentin.

All right, run.

Go on, run.

I'll give you a head start.

I get it.
You want to keep me safe.

Thank you.

I'm saying, I just can't

sit on my thumbs in Fillory.

Look, you had the thing
before, the Haxenpaxen,

that--that was
making you invisible, right?

So we're in Fillory.

There's a lot
of crazy shit here.

So find something else.
Then you can go back.

You don't get it.

There isn't time.

Hm.
She's right, Q, there isn't.

It's my turn soon.

Tick tock.

Uh, okay, look,

I am going to go back.
I'll help Kady.

We're--we're gonna
keep working.

Margo.

Uh, Julia needs
to stay here for a while.

It's an emergency.

- Fine.
- Thank you.

It's a nice place.

Tick tock.

Oh, shit.

Dude, are you okay?

I'm fine.
Nothing to see here.

Using the gold you procured,

we have been able
to amply fund the infantry.

Now, as for Loria...

Some 8,000 troops
are headed to the border.

So we're totally outnumbered.

Perhaps not.

Our spies have spotted
the Master Magician Illario

at the edge of the woods.

That bald illusionist dick

who disappeared
the entire castle?

We suspect he has enhanced
the number of troops

with trickery.

We believe the actual numbers
are under 3,000.

I like those odds.

There is also less good news.

Said troops
appear to be amassing

at the edge of
the One-Way-Forest.

A forest of intelligent trees.

Yeah, I've read about it.

Jane Chatwin
tried to pass once and--

Uhh, the trees have a

long allegiance with Loria

and, begging pardon,
an excessive dislike of Fillory.

Can you move the trees?

They are rooted, Your Highness.

Yeah.
I mean with an ax.

That would be ill advised.
They are the last of their kind.

Her Languidness suggests

violence against
the One-Way-Forest

could cause civil war
here in Fillory.

Well, in the books,
the trees had

some sort of ambassador,
a dryad.

You need to negotiate with her.

Your Highness,
we would not advise--

That worked for Jane?

- Sold.
- Great.

I'll come with you.

Uhh,
custom strongly dictates that--

Yeah, I don't care.

Look, I know the books
almost as well as Quentin does.

I'm bored.

Let me be a little useful, okay?

Fine.

But I do the talking.

You just stand there
and look vaguely indignant

or whatever.

Let's go.

It wasn't enough.

I need more time.

To do what?

None of your business.

Relax, it's nothing.

What?

I like to read.
Is that a crime?

You can't be serious.

I have the right to know
what I've been doing.

Illuminated manuscripts.

I remember this
from Art History.

Yeah.
A-plus for you.

I was just bored.

The monks got tired
of writing the same thing

over and over again so they--

they embellished in the margins.

Well, a lot of priests
dabbled in magic.

Some exploded.

Yeah.

Those monks were drama queens.

Okay.
"There must be another way

to bring back our brother"?

Are you looking
for a way to reverse it?

No.
No, Q, I'm not.

Then why are you reading about
all these holy men

trying to fix niffins?

What does it matter, Q?

They always fail.

Alice.

Oh, my God.

Welcome back, Penny.

I need a book.

"Future Movements in Magic."

All right.
Follow me.

Don't they have a copy
at Brakebills?

It got destroyed.

I figure you guys
have every book here, so.

Unfortunately, you won't be able

to take this off the premises

since you don't
have a library card.

Oh, no-no, I got one, um.

I'm just the errand boy.

Mayakovsky.

I'm surprised
the two of you get along.

No, we don't.
Believe me.

My hands won't cast.

He's the only one
that can help me,

if I finish fetching
his goddamn grocery list

so we can get started, so.

Ah.

I can put a rush on this book.

Thank you.

If you're sure
that's what you really want.

Well, I really want magic,
so, yeah.

But to pay for it with
servitude to a lying drunkard--

What's the alternative?

Us.

You?

Librarians?

The Order of the Library
of the Neitherlands

are Master Magicians.

We can help you, Penny.

'Kay.

What's the catch?

This contract
initiates our services

in exchange for--

Unlimited manual
and magical labor?

Bound in service to the library

up to and after my death,
are you kidding?

All very standard.

For a period of no less
than one million years?

Okay, lady, are you joking?

No.

Okay.

Okay, here's what Julia found.

August 20, 1976.

Baby surrendered at hospital.

Uh, a nurse, Michelle Walker

transferred it to
a state social worker, uh.

And after that

nothing, there's
no record of adoption or...

Okay, so,

where's Michelle Walker now?

Merciful Sisters Cemetery.

Oh, shit.

Sh.

Shit what?

Just--dead ended again.

How's Mayakovsky?

Oh, still a jerk-off,
you know.

What's wrong with you?

Hm?

Your mind is

- doing something.
- Uh, no, it's not.

He's talking about me, Q.

- Stop that.
- Stop what?

Stop singing Imagine Dragons
to get me off the track.

Lock it up, Q.
Seriously.

Look, why are you always
poking around in me anyway?

Can you just leave me alone?

Oh, I'd love to.

You leak, asshole.

Okay.
I have got to, uh...

The hell was that?

Something's wronger than usual.

And he's a grown man.

Moving on.

Have you eaten lately?

You should eat.

Penny, we still haven't--

you know,

talked.

Uh, I thought we weren't gonna.

Yeah, well, that was
when this was some quick fun,

not hanging out 24/7

fucking our brains out,
robbing banks.

That is fun.

It's all I need.

Okay, here's the deal.

I can't exactly study magic

unless I sign an insane contract

or Mayakovsky stops
dicking around.

What I can do
is help stop the evil freak

that tried to rip your heart
out of your chest.

I'll sleep better with him dead.
Simple.

You want to
keep things professional?

Fine.

It's no big deal.

Good.

Greetings!

I am Margo,
High Queen of Fillory.

Habla Ingles or what?

Hi.

So you the nymph?

Dryad.

I thought you were all girls.

Listen, I know your
tree buddies don't like us.

The rulers of Fillory
have a long and tragic

history of arboreal disrespect.

Yeah, okay.

Look, it's a new day.

We're a kinder, gentler Fillory.

So we need to settle some unrest
with our Lorian neighbors.

Settle unrest.

You mean wage war.

No, we mean

button some messy shit up.

Help us here.

We want to make this work.

Respectfully.

That's rich.

Considering your king
apparently wouldn't deign

to come here himself,

sending two females.

Hey, this is Julia.

Royal Ambassador.

And I am Fillory's
one and only High Queen.

Yes.
The insult's been noted.

Passage is denied.

Good day.

Damn it.

Let's go.

Before you ask, no.

No luck with
the adoption records.

No luck with the hospital.
And no luck with the nurse.

What's wrong with you?

Your wards are airtight.

You complained, so I fixed them.

Since when are you
that good at fixing anything?

Can we agree that I lose
no matter what I say,

and just stop talking?

So Reynard's kid.

Yeah, so,

the trail stops
when the nurse dies.

Shit.

If only there was a way
to literally see into the past.

You know, I think
I just remembered

there might be a way.

Yeah, time bridge.
We thought of that.

There's nothing close enough.

No, uh,

time sight, literally.

We never studied that.

Uh, no, but I think Alice did.

Hmm, uh, can't remember.

Did she or didn't she?

She did, uh.

I think it was

uh, uh, extra reading

in Metageology?

- Nope.
- Nope.

Um, oh, I think,
or, it was an elective

in, uh, Basics in
Vedic Prognostication.

- Nope.
- Nope. Um.

Give me an extra hour tonight
and I'll tell you.

Hm.

Was it, uh, something we learned

in Sunderland's class, I mean,
'cause we never studied--

Are you, like,

having an ADD moment
right now, or?

No--it--um--

Okay, so here's the thing.

Um, there's this one time,

Alice and I, right?

We were studying;

we were sharing lab materials.

And people didn't
know this about Alice,

but she was really greedy

with her lab materials.

Um, and

so she would offer to help me
for extra time with them--

None of this
is interesting to any of us.

The point is

I would say 20 extra minutes,

one time offer,

take it or leave it.

30.

Fine. Deal.

Is how that would go.

In a nutshell.

Phosphoromancy.

My discipline, idiot.

McKellan's got a scope that
can bend light into the past.

Phosphoromancy.

Ugh.
I'm an idiot.

Correct.

Shut up, I--remembered.

Uh, okay, so

the viewing device, it's
in Professor McKellan's office.

Ooh, Penny.

See, even he can't wait
to get away from you.

Is this thing gonna work or not?

Eliot has shit to do.

He has to do the work
of crossing back.

Not everyone chooses to do so.

Okay.
Can you step out for a minute?

Fen, you too, sweetie.

Eliot,

you need to come back.

I know that you have
a constant low-key death wish,

but you can't leave.

They don't want me.

They want the High King.

I'm faking it, El.

So if you could just

please,

please, wake up.

I set it to August 20, 1976.

Holy shit.

What, what do you see?

Uh, just

people waiting.

Oh, here we go.

What?

A nurse with a baby.

Uh.

What?

You got to be kidding me.

What?

What's wrong?

Ah, shit.

Dana did this.

To protect the baby's identity,

even from spells
40 years in the future.

She thought of everything.

And back to square nothing.

Hi.

I'm Julia.

God, been waiting hours

for you to get
close enough to grab.

I think my foot fell asleep.

I will never help Fillory.

I'd sooner be skinned.

All right, boys, let him go.

Give us some air,
but stay close-ish.

Hate Fillory all you want.

I'm here for one thing,

and then I'm off this planet.

An invisibility spell

strong enough
to hide from a god.

And why should I give it to you?

Because I may not
give a shit about Fillory.

But I do,
as its Royal Ambassador,

have access to
its guards and its dungeons.

And I'll use A
to throw you in B,

but help me,
and I'll let you go free.

I don't believe you.

Your loyalty will always
lie with--

With me.

My loyalty will
always lie with me.

Drill a hole in it.
Wear it.

No god can sense you.

Thank you.

You're free to go.

Hey, dryad boy!

Come on out.
I saw you in there, sweetheart.

Negotiations are over.

Go home.

I brought you something.

A small token of peace.

It won't change anything.

Just give it to your bosses.

I'm trying to fix this.

Thank you.

I've been looking for you.

You've lived here since
the Bush administration,

but you're
thousands of years old.

You're an AnglerBeast.

That's stupid.

You play too much
Dungeons and Dragons.

You knew a man, a long time ago.

He was special and
he lived in a monastery,

a Master Magician.

Friar Joseph.

Ring a bell?

I want to know
everything about him.

Well, in the parlance
of your time,

fuck you, pay me.

Fresh meat.

Newborns are the sweetest.

You know, I thought
about doing that,

but my time is very limited.

So I researched
your weak spots instead.

And you believe what you read?

That was stupid of you.

Oh, my God.

Alice, what did you do?

Relax.

Can't hurt anybody, remember?

But she's--

A monster.

Technically, I did good here.

I mean, there's a ton of
kid bones in this sandbox.

It wasn't cooperating
so I had to use

enhanced
interrogation techniques.

To find out what?

We might want to go before
the rest of it lumbers up here.

It's pretty mad at me.

What the hell
were you thinking, huh?

You burned down
the One-Way-Forest

while I'm trying to
wiggle us out of full-on war?

Those trees were dicks.

They were endangered.

Now trees all over Fillory
are enraged

and calling for action.

Do you have any idea
what you did, Julia?

Yeah.

I helped you.

Now you can cross into Loria

and kick their fucking asses
like you wanted to.

This is not how
I wanted to go about that.

Yeah, I know.

So the really good news is

you didn't do anything.

Go back and tell
the angry tree lobby

it was all crazy Julia.

You're welcome.

Look, I got what I wanted.

The rest was all a favor to you.

So banish me forever.

Send me home.

You know, in a sick way,

I sort of admire you.

That being said,
here's what we do

to loose cannons
in Fillory, ready?

Guards!

Take this bitch to the dungeon.

You gotta be kidding me.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have some
damage control to do.

How to break a Word As Bond.

Reversing a Word As Bond.

Amending a Word As Bond.

It's not there.

That's the whole point.
You can't break it.

Why don't you
do something useful

and catch up on all the classes
you missed in Fillory?

This isn't working.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Keeping you a secret
and trying to help you

while you do God knows what.

I have to ask for help.
I need to tell someone.

Great idea.

You think you know
locked up for crazy?

They'll put you someplace
you can't even imagine.

And they'll box me up so
quick...

all your efforts for nothing.
Is that what you want?

I want Alice back.
I want the real you.

I want--I--

I can't help Fillory.

And I can't help Eliot.

And I can't help Julia.

And I just want to do--

God, one thing for the person
that deserves it the most.

That's what I want.

God.

I understand.

Do you want to know the truth?

You are a failure.

So stop using me
to try to fix that.

Uh-oh, look at the time.

Uh--wait--no.

Word As Bond, kid.

♪ I love you, I hate you,
I'm on the fence... ♪

What are we drinking to?

♪ I'm up, I'm down,
I'm on the mend... ♪

Dead ends.

♪ I like you, despise you,
admire you ♪

♪ What are we gonna do when
everything all falls through? ♪

What?

I'm adjusting.

You used to
hold your liquor better.

Yeah, well,
I used to drink for fun.

Now I drink to get too fucked up

to go out and do anything worse.

God, I hope
this works as a mixer.

♪ I'll only disappoint you ♪

Oh...

did I forget to mention
that I have to take this now?

'Cause I'm a junkie.

Ah.

Just trying to
stay straight long enough

to find Reynard without
falling the fuck apart.

Kady, we're--

we're gonna find the son.

You think?

I think

you and me,

put our minds together?

Shit gets done.

Oh, God.

That is so stupid it's sad.

And I don't think
you were listening

when I said I'm not
your fucking girlfriend--

Good.
I don't want one.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I get it.

Yeah, you're very tough, right?

Oh, God--yeah, you're real cool.

You're not hearing me.

I am not your problem.

This isn't your chance to prove

that you're some kind of hero.

You want your dick sucked?
Great, I can do that.

Then I'd love it
if you'd fuck off.

♪ Tell me I'm exceptional,
I promise to exploit you ♪

♪ Give me all your money and
I'll make some origami, honey ♪

♪ I think you're a joke
but I don't find you very ♪

BBC World News...

I had him stop
for fish and chips.

Best shop in Dublin, he said.

Are you kidding me?

Wait, uh, no, no, just, uh,

just wait here for a second.

You portaled us to Ireland?

To do what?

- Where are we going?
- Home.

It's done.
We already did it.

Did what?

Alice, what did you do?

Uh,

oh, uh, sir,
where did we just come from?

About three streets that way.

Great.
Can we go back there now?

Right.

Wait, Quentin, no.
I'm serious, don't.

Q, stop.
Hold on.

Q, please, wait.

Please, Quentin, don't.

You...

Tricked you
with reverse psychology?

It was shockingly easy.

"No, don't go.
Please."

- Alice, what did you do?
- Nothing.

I can't do magic, remember?
I'm stuck inside you.

So you did it.

I believe you called to me

with something personal,

at the place of
my transformation.

The music you got wrong.

Ponderous.

Ah, but the birds.

I did love those.

All my life,

I thought them God's
most perfect

works of art.

Just look at them.

Bit annoying, though.

All that cooing.

Now,

why did you summon me?

Or didn't you mean to do that?

Maybe it was you.

You can see me.

Of course I can.

What on earth are you doing
inside this boy?

Friar Joseph, I--
I've been searching for you.

I need your help.
With him.

This crushable
little field mouse?

Seni baglamak.
I bind you.

Seni baglamak.
I bind you!

Silly boy.

I can't be boxed.

I read about you.

Priests studying magic
till they've gone too far

that their brothers
have to box them.

Except sometimes
the boxing doesn't go right.

Yes, the occasional
niffin did slip through.

That's what I thought.

Until I figured out that

it wasn't a handful
who escaped, it was just you.

You slipped away
over and over again

because you figured out
how to do it.

You can't be boxed.

I need you to teach me.

- Al--
- Will you make him shut up?

- I can do anything in here.
- No, I won't--

I'll do anything.

I'm serious.

Shit.

Let him go, if he passes out

I won't be able
to talk to you anymore.

Please show me how you do it.

I've been like this
for six centuries.

The things that I know now

you cannot imagine.

That's what I want.

Please, can I go with you?

You?
With me?

You can't even get out of
this shoddy little Magician.

How smart, how able
could you be?

How could you help me
with anything worthwhile?

Listen to me,
it's not that simple.

But it is.

Free yourself.

But I can't.
The--the trap is--

Find a way.

Then find me.

Then I will show you
a secret or two.

Because then you'll have proven

that you deserve to know them.

Please.

Thanks for the birds.

- Alice--
- No-no-no-no-no-no-no!

Alice, we can
talk about this--

Just shut up!
Shut up!

Shut up!

The sound of your voice,

your breath, your body,
your mind, your weakness,

I can't stand it.

Stop it.

Did you do that on purpose?

No.

Then wha...

You know what this is.

This is your body trying
to hold a niffin inside it.

You can't.

Not for much longer.

Or it's gonna kill us both.

Well?
Did it work?

No. But--

Well, then, get out.

Okay, look.

It's gonna be okay.

I'm pregnant.

We're about to go into war.
We need the king.

I need my husband.

Well, you got me.

I'm gonna take care of you
and the kid.

I will untangle
this war shit somehow.

I know the High King
has the power,

but I will hunt Ember
to the ends of the world

to have that
stupid rule rewritten.

Everything El promised,

I'm gonna deliver.

You hear me?

Yes.

Listen to High King Bambi.

You're alive.

Nice of you to join us, asshole.

Really does sound like
you got it all handled.

I do.

But it's more fun with you.

From "The Book of
Dana Wallens."

"His adoptive mother
christened him

John Spencer Gaines."

Oh, my God.

You found his name.

Stole, technically.

But I think The Librarian
might let it slide

since now I'm an employee.

Wait--you--

you signed that insane contract?

Yeah, it's okay.

How the hell is that okay?

Because I get magic back.

Least the Order's upfront
about what shit costs.

Plus, the way I see it,
I should already be dead by now.

You know?
So this is all bonus.

Who gives a shit
about all that future.

Did you do this for me?

Well, not just, but--

yeah.
You know, yeah, I did.

Were you not listening
to a word I said?

Yeah, I was listening.

But guess what,
it's not up to you

to decide if
you're worth my time.

I get to do whatever the fuck
I want with it,

even if it is spend it on a girl

that threatens to bail
all the goddamn time.

'Cause guess what, Kady?

I didn't think I was ever
gonna fucking see you again.

And that puts shit
into perspective.

I love you.

Okay?
Deal.

Shit.

Okay, enough.

What the fuck?

- Can we do this another time?
- No.

First your mind was weird,

then it got locked up,
and now you're bleeding.

Are you high?
Are you possessed?

- What's--
- Why do you care?

Because

like it or not,

we're the closest thing
you have to friends.

Yeah, glass jaw.
Not a surprise.

Don't look at me.
Incept him.

I'll give it to you,
you're practical.

Get out of here!
Right now!

Alice is in there!

What?
I don't understand.

Neither do I, but she's in there

and she just tried to kill me!

Okay, well,
what the hell should we do?

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

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