All language subtitles for Scrubs - 04x13 - My Ocardial Infarction

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It's been a long road,
but over the past two months,

Elliot and I have
totally rebuilt our friendship.

Incoming.

Good morning.

Co-chiefy, got you
a little somethin' somethin'.

Thank you.

And I actually got you
a little something.

A magnifying glass?

Yes... for these.

You got the tiny Post-lts!

Oh, awesome!

For our tiny bulletin board.

And I have a dentist appointment
that got moved to Tuesday at 4 pm.

"Don't floss before you come in.
It makes your gums bloody."

Bottom line, Elliot and I are the
greatest co-chief residents of all time.

You two are, without a doubt,

the worst co-chief residents of
all time. In case you haven't noticed,

we've got ourselves one hospital
chock-full of monkey interns,

and news flash, your job
is to catch whatever they're flinging.

Coffee talk, ladies,
is now officially... over!

Get your asses to work. Now.

- Cream?
- Please.

Yup, not even Dr Cox could faze us,

because we had
every facet of this job down.

We figured out a fair way
to schedule all the interns' shifts.

Whoever gets Dr Reid's top back to her
first doesn't have to work this weekend.

Commence the scuffle.

- Hope it doesn't rain today.
- Me too.

We knew how to protect
the interns from Dr Kelso.

Look, Brent, is it?

Son, please tell me you come
with a money-back guarantee,

because I'd like to get something useful
like a can of Brent remover.

- I mean, for God's...
- Sake, Brent!

When are you gonna
wake up and use that...

Rock that you've
been calling your skull?

We got this, sir.

I mean, even a blind squirrel
occasionally finds a nut...

He's gone. He's gone.

Look, Brent, you are doing fine.

Still, it's not like we didn't
keep the interns on their toes.

So, Lonnie, get in here and see
the effects of cirrhosis of the liver.

J.D., you knew I was gonna do that.

But it was still very startling.

Here's your shirt, Dr Reid.

Wow, Daisy. Enjoy
your weekend, you little scrapper.

Now, Daisy, I'm supposed to ask you,
can Lonnie have his lower lip back?

It's my trophy.

Hey, this guy's coding.

Don't get me wrong, I can handle a code,
but every so often,

everything that can conceivably
go wrong goes wrong at once.

- He's in VF.
- We've lost an airway.

- He's blown a pupil.
- OK, give me a second, all right?

I call these train wreck codes.
Not my forte.

Luckily, that's when
Elliot's at her best.

I've got your back.
Laverne, bolus with amiodarone.

Grab me central line kit.
I'll bag him. Run the fluids.

I honestly didn't understand how
she could do so many things at once.

Fourteen across. Four letters.

Band that sang Rosanna.

Toto!

T-o-t-o. Toto.

OK. He's stable.

My problem is that I've never
been much of a multi-tasker.

For instance,
I can't eat and watch TV

or drive my scooter
and answer my phone.

Hello? Whoa!

Throttle's stuck!

Look out! Look out!
Look out! Look out!

Look out! Look out...

Scared Lonnie again.

Whoa! Throttle! Throttle!

- Throttle's stuck! Tater tots. Whoa!
- Over here. You can get back outside.

Whoever this is, you're not
gonna believe what just happened.

I believe it. It was cool.

Janitor.

Ambrosia.

Thank you, Janitor.

- Classic Janitor.
- If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

That guy that crashed
this morning is doing great.

Oh, Barbie.

Maybe you can take a break
from congratulating yourself

and figure out what's wrong with
Ms Kasuba, seeing as you're her doctor

and she's been in the ICU
for three days.

We're running lots of tests.

Tests? Goodie!
What exactly will you be looking for?

If it's the slowest doctor
in the hospital, then,

ding ding ding ding,
I already found her. Figure it out.

This is why it doesn't bother me

Elliot is so much better
with the train wreck codes.

Her biggest weakness is
my biggest strength... Diagnosis.

Elliot, if you need help,
just ask Dr Diagnosis.

You could be my sidekick,
Bangs McCoy.

Lately it seemed like Turk was being
a little casual about his diabetes.

OK, you all know the rules.

I test my blood sugar, you bet high
or low, and 25% goes to diabetes.

Because if we all work hard, together,
I can get a big ass flat screen.

That's right, baby.

I want high.

Low and slow, that's his tempo.

This game is sick.

High.

One ninety-four.

Yes!

- Give me some.
- It's that high, baby?

You've been sneaking brownies,
haven't you?

Don't think that when you go blind
I'm gonna go get you no seeing-eye dog.

- Gonna name him Gizmo.
- That's what we're naming our robot.

When we get the robot,
we'll name him Tupac.

"Tupac, may I have some waffles?"
"Would you like some syrup?"

That'll be fine. It'll work.

Maybe Ms Kasuba has
a perinephric abscess.

Her pain is central, not near the back.
Come on, Bangs.

Know what helps me
when I'm diagnosing?

Mentally picturing everything...
Like those sugar packets there.

How do you think they got there?

Somebody probably knocked them over.

I don't think so.

You see, the packets are neatly stacked.

Plus, that coffee cup has a lipstick
of a certain very hot Nurse Tisdale.

If you're looking for sugar,
there's some on the floor.

Thong!

It's the classic Todd thong sugar trap.

Wow.

Let's apply the same thing
to Mrs Kasuba.

We know this isn't the first time
she's experienced abdominal pain.

- What else do we know about her?
- You know what, J. D? I've got to run.

- Are you OK here?
- Yeah. I got this.

Say, that was some real
Nancy Drew stuff there... Nancy.

I mean, absolutely irrelevant as far as
medicine goes, but damn amusing.

Don't feel weird because you're
threatened by my gift. Many are.

Did you feel that you weren't
quite annoying enough

without adding a delusional
sense of grandeur?

Because I promise you,
you are annoying enough.

In fact, you're the number one contender
for the middleweight annoyance crown.

Well, you're the number one jealous...

...weight for the jealous...
weight jealous champ.

He's done it!
He's done it!

Dorian's the most
annoying man in the world!

Who would have ever thought
a journeyman annoyer like Dorian?

- You were a close second.
- I have a couple announcements.

There's a serious problem
with not getting to know our patients.

Yes, the doctor told you to administer
Haldol, but why is he prescribing it?

Does the patient have a chance
of sundowning or psychotic breaks

and needs to be tied down?
You have to ask these questions, right?

Child, we are swamped.

When do you think we're
gonna get that kind of time?

Laverne, if you care, you'll go
the extra mile, like my husband. Turk?

You have patients on the floor.
What can you tell us about them?

I'm cutting out that guy's appendix,

I'm sewing up her lacerated spleen,
and I'm slicing off that dude's foot.

- Great. Why are you doing those things?
- Cos it says so on the charts.

What'd I do?

J.D., you up for some coffee?

Can't. I've almost got
Mrs Kasuba's condition figured out.

Hey, I'll join you for a cup of mud.

Great! Meet me downstairs
in five minutes.

I'll be there. Just let me
wash this glue off my hands.

What was he glueing?

Not again.

Can't believe you're on a date
with the janitor.

J.D., it's just coffee.
It's not a date.

Milady.

I have to go.

Baby, don't be mad.
You know about surgeons.

We're hammers and
our patients are nails,

and hammers don't get to know nails.

They hammer them. Why?
Because... hammers.

For the last time,
I'm not gonna call you "The Hammer."

I was trying to make a point to my
nurses and I needed you to back me up.

None of the other hammers
get to know patients.

None of them get to do
what you did to me last night, either.

Come on, papi.

Give it to me.

See? When I clap my hands
at the same time, it looks totally real.

I know! Let's go freak out J. D!

OK. Fine, I'll try.

One condition.

Give me some.

Oh, my God!

I think it, and she does it.

Acute intermittent porphyria!

I figured it out! All right,
who's got Dr Cox's pager number?

Who am I kidding?
I got my Perry's pager song.

Dr Cox at my door Pager 324...

There it is. Laverne,
I'm gonna need you to get

Mrs Kasuba started on IV.
Dextrose and haematin.

Dr Reid already ordered that.

She what?

You know what, J. D?
I've got to run.

Are you OK here?

She figured it out before me.

There are a lot of things that can
knock a guy on his ass...

All right, now, before we start,

just in case my wife asks,
and she probably will,

what'd this guy do
to get his foot cut off?

Whether it's catching a glimpse
of what the future might hold...

He has diabetes.

Or realising you've done the most
embarrassing thing in your life.

Stupid Janitor.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.

Even that's not as bad as it can get.

Why didn't you tell me?

I thought that after I bailed you out

of that train wreck code
you could use a win.

- Great diagnosis there, Barbie.
- Wasn't me. J.D. Figured it out.

Well, then, nice job, Nancy.

The worst thing is realising when
a friend is taking pity on you.

- I've never been a great liar.
- Lookin' straight, Bruce.

That's why I knew it'd be better for me
if I fessed up to Dr Cox.

Elliot diagnosed Mrs Kasuba, not me.

I know. And your
guilty anguish is... delicious.

It's like a little mini-meal
between lunch and dinner.

It's all I can do not to
grind pepper on your head.

I don't get it.
When'd she become a better doctor?

Probably during one of those times
you were goofing off.

Hey, as soon as I step foot
in this hospital, I'm all business.

Good morning, Dr Cox,
from the world's most giant doctor.

That was outside the hospital.
Plus, Elliot was the legs.

Sure, she's skinny,
but she's thick through the trunk.

If you could just help me
with these train wreck codes.

You're at that stage where you and your
equally undistinguished colleagues

have had enough training
to help each other.

So no matter
how humiliating it may seem,

if you know somebody
who's better than you,

and I'm bettin' that you do,

you had best tuck that
ridiculously feminine tail of yours

between your legs
and go ask her for help.

I'm thinking that's just about it.

Yup. I...
Gosh, I'm all out of speeches.

I don't think I have another one on me.

I... I don't.

The... These are my goodbye guns.

Those aren't real guns.

Why is my stapler on the floor?

Thong!

Face five. Oh, yeah!

- You taught Todd the slap thing?
- Nope. How was surgery?

- Oh, it was fine.
- Honey bear, you look blue.

- Have a cookie.
- Nah, Laverne.

No more jacking up my man's blood sugar
so you can buy yourself a camper.

So this is all a big joke to you guys?

Cos this is my life
and I don't think it's funny.

Now I gotta try to get back in
on that craps game in the basement.

I don't know. This whole blonde doctor
situation has me mortified.

I gathered the brain trust here
to help me figure out a way out of this.

Uh-oh, bro. There she is.

You want me to hobble her?

That's not hobbling, that's poking.
What's the matter with you?

Here's a chance to
learn a lesson as a group.

Sometimes you gotta face the music
and own up to what you've done.

Hi, blonde doctor.

Before when we almost had coffee,

I feel like I made you
feel uncomfortable.

No. I wasn't...

You know, the only reason
I was wearing a suit at all

was because our...
a capella band was practicing.

Oh, that's great!
What's your band's name?

It's Hibbleton.

Yeah, yeah. And I don't think
it's going too far to say

that we're the best
hospital employee band in town.

Oh, really?

I'll clear his airway.

His O2 stat's dropping.
His abdomen's distended.

We need you to do a lavage.
What're you gonna do?

- Damn!
- J.D., it's OK. It's good practice.

That's why we're down here.

You know, I don't like you guys
playing with my cadavers.

Really? How come that one there
has a soda in his hand?

He keeps it cold.

How come you were sitting with
three corpses playing Texas Hold 'Em?

Just call first from now on.

I don't know what to do
when everything goes wrong at once.

- It's overwhelming.
- Want to know what my big secret is?

Just take one deep breath.

Everything will slow down and
you can tackle each thing as it comes.

That's your big secret? Breathing?

Why do you have a problem
with me teaching you stuff?

It's just you're a little smug.

You called yourself Dr Diagnosis
and made me your sidekick.

You've been the golden boy
here for the past three years

while I've cried in closets,
hid from Dr Cox,

and relied on you
every day to get me through it.

Now that I'm doing well enough
to pay you back, you can tell me

- why you're being an unbelievable jerk.
- You're supposed to struggle, not me.

Baby, what's going on with you?

Ever since I got this thing,
I've been joking around about it,

sneaking cookies,
and hiding from it.

All because I'm scared
to ask myself the questions.

Is it gonna get worse?

Or are our kids gonna have it?

Or how old am I gonna be
when it finally gets me?

You don't understand.

I don't understand?

Turk, look at me. I'm a WOD.

I keep trying to tell you this, but
it's the mirror in the bathroom, baby.

You haven't gained
a pound since I met you.

No, I'm a WOD.
"Wife of diabetic."

That's what they call us
in all the diabetic chat rooms.

I spend a lot of time on the computer

talking about how proud I am of
my husband and how he's handling this.

How he's able to make
jokes about it and money.

It's OK to be afraid. I am.

But I have to tell you,
I don't know what I would do

if you suddenly became someone
who lets something own you.

Yeah. Well, you win.

Your band didn't even sing yet.

There's no need. You win.

Come on, Janitor.

For me.

One second.

Bring it in. Oh, God.

OK, I don't ask for much,
just a little help with a stain

every now and then.

I'd like to be able to
communicate with animals.

But right now, oh, boy,
we need a miracle.

Hibbleton,
whatever that means, on three.

One, two, three.

- Hibbleton.
- Hibbleton.

Hibbleton!

I found myself looking down
on Mr Kravitz,

Elliot's train wreck patient
from this morning.

Apparently, the irony
wasn't lost on him, either.

You've got to be kidding, Mr Kravitz.
Twice?

- BP's dropping.
- He's becoming bradycardic.

Doctor!

And things did slow down.

Dopamine. Run it wide open.
Get me an airway. I need a pacing wire.

No pulse.

I think the second you stop fighting it,
time really is on your side...

... and you can go on
being who you are...

... or keep enjoying
that little crush of yours.

To you.

Cheers.

What do you say we go for
the first ever triple giant doctor?

Oh, that's impossible.
I know you've got strong legs and...

I need you to place an IV
on the second floor. Room 208.

Greetings!

I'm the world's most, most giant doct...

Little help.

Little help. Yeah.

Sir. Not that kind of help.

If I let go, will you guys catch me?

No.

Well, I'm going for it anyway!

Lonnie? Lonnie?

I hate you, J.D.

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