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'Twas the week before Christmas

and all through the nation,

the NSA watched us
from a secret location.

They hunted a man,
a serial bomber,

location unknown,
this guy was a goner.

Tracking this man
was no easy job

so the government
turned to a monster

named Bob.

Bob knows when we're sleeping

and when we're awake,

but something inside him
is starting to break.

Though he hunts and he tracks,

his search is in vain,

for this all‐seeing eye

feels nothing...

nothing but pain.

What is it, what is it?

You're gonna find
out soon, baby girl.

Did you guys get my flight info?

I don't know, Sam,
did we get Mommy's itinerary?

Flight 322, arrives
at 2:15, terminal B,

and then we see Mommy!

Someone's just a little
excited that you're coming home.

Yeah, well, she is
not the only one.

She certainly isn't.

Two weeks leave over Christmas.

I'm still waiting for
the other shoe to drop.

Yo, I'm comin' home, babe.

Come hell or high wat‐‐

I'm gonna be late!

No, go, go!

�Love you. �I love you.

Okay.

Hey, Doc, you, you got a sec?

�Um... �I just wanna say

merry Christmas.

So have a good time at home.

Come back soon 'cause...

we're really gonna...

we're really gonna
need you out��.

Whoa, hey, hey, what's goin' on?

I don't know.

It's this damn holiday.

I mean, it's just...

every time I see
that tree in the mess hall,

I just think about
home and I get...

I just...

Talk to me, Adams.

I just don't wanna
be here anymore.

�Captain Lee? �Yeah?

Whitney Smith, NSA.

�Nice to meet you.
�Sure, yeah, you too.

If you don't mind,
I gotta catch a transport.

I'm headed that way too.

Come on.

I'll give you a lift.

That's great, I'm super late.

And she's still kinda
confused about Santa Claus

but the tree looks nice

and if I catch this transport,

I'm gonna be home
in time to decorate it

which is the�.

Well, it's the best part anyway.

Sounds very nice.

So NSA?

I mean, I'm sure it's top secret

but you got any Christmas plans?

You, Captain.

What?

Don't worry,
you're not in trouble.

I just need you to come with us.

Whitney, right?

Listen, I've been out here
18 months without leave.

I miss my kid, I miss my wife.

I spent our anniversary
hiding under a desk,

trying to get the
internet to work

while getting mortared.

I'm sure that the NSA
is used to getting

whatever the hell it wants,

but whatever it wants from me

is gonna have to wait.

There is nothing in this world

that is gonna make me miss
Christmas with my family.

You suck.

So where are we, the North Pole?

�I'd tell ya, but then they�
�Then they'd have to shoot me,

�yeah I know. �What?

No, they'd shoot
me for divulging

confidential information.

�Why would they shoot you?
�Captain Lee.

Director Stevens.

Cocoa?

Come on, we'll do
the nickel tour.

The NSA has a
major data problem;

We're drowning in the stuff.

Emails, phone logs, you name it,

we got about three
petabytes a second of it

from American civilians alone.

Well, that's... horrifying.

Worse still, our analysts

have to process all of that data

one click at a time.

I know what you're thinkin'.

Replace 'em with robots!

Believe me, I have tried.

But despite what you
might have read in WIRED,

that kind of AI
is still decades away.

So for now, it still
takes a human brain

to spot patterns,
connect the dots,

and catch the bad guys.

And a human butt to
wipe the Constitution on,

am I right?

Ten days ago, our top analyst

began displaying
erratic behavior.

It's affecting his work
and, consequently,

the safety of
the American people.

You're here to provide
therapeutic support

and get him back in action.

Wait, so, you flew me
all the way out to...

wherever we are just to give
a pep talk to a computer geek?

Not exactly.

Captain Lee...

meet Bob.

Director Stevens,

who's your new friend?

Good morning.

Good morning, Bob.

�This is... �Jane Lee.

32, 17 unread emails,
current location: Here.

What the hell is that thing?

Where are my manners?

I'm Bob, chief
intelligence officer

here at NSA black site Indigo.

Why is it made of meat?

� �Okay.

Imagine the NSA
built a huge cube

of nutrient enriched meat,

then grew a giant human brain,

placed it inside,
added some wires,

plugged it in, and then used it

to monitor every person
on Earth at all times.

Okay.

That's what we did.

�That's Bob. �Hello!

So what brings you to
our neck of the woods, Jane?

Captain Lee is here
to see you, Bob.

�She's� �My therapist.

Of course, I know
why she's here.

I know everything.

I was trying to be
polite and colloquial.

Hence, "neck of the woods."

�My God. �I mean, I don't need

a therapist, so...

Well, Bob, the director
seems to think that�

Chris and I both
think that talking with Jane

will help you with your...

problems finding...

�What's�his�face.
�What's�his�face?

He has a name, Chris.

It's Lucas T. Wade

and he's a very,
very, very bad�

Okay, fine.

What's�his�face
is a serious problem

and it's proving
hard to locate him

but therapy?

Captain Lee is a total pro, Bob.

One of the best in the world.

She cheated on her
Intro to Psych final.

The Scantrons prove it.

Sorry, Jane, that was rude.

You did though, so you
should be sorry too.

Well, nobody's perfect.

Apparently not even you, Bob.

Isn't that right, Jane?

�Chris, mop time.

How you feelin'?

What the hell is
wrong with you people?

No, that was the last one.

�Excuse me?
�The last stupid question

you get to ask me.

Now, how 'bout we get to work?

Lucas T. Wade:

Hacker, anarchist,
survivalist, terrorist nutjob.

He's planning an attack.

We don't know where,
we don't know when.

But it's beginning to
look a lot like Christmas.

Okay, so, this Wade guy
is the only person

your meat computer can't find?

Well, we put Bob through
every test under the sun,

there's nothing
physically wrong with him.

Which brings us to you.

There must be somebody
who's more qualified for this.

You'd think so, wouldn't ya?

Listen,

we're saying we need your help

and if you want to leave,
we can't legally stop you.

Great, then it was
nice meeting you.

But out of over
2100 Army therapists,

you are the only one

who has voluntarily extended
your tour three times.

Never asked for
one day of leave.

Seventeen unread emails,

mostly from your wife.

I guess reading those makes
it harder to stay?

You know, it seems to me

that you are literally incapable

of turning your back
on a soldier in pain.

That thing is not a soldier.

No, it's not.

Soldiers get to go on leave.

Bob... he's on duty 24/7.

24/7, Jane,

and he's in pain
and he needs your help.

And if you can't give it to him,

well, let me just
put it this way:

There are a lot of moms and dads
who won't be home for Christmas.

Because they'll be dead.

I got that.

Hey, Mommy really wanted
to be home for Christmas.

You promised!

Something really,
really important came up

and I want�

I'm sorry.

I wanted to be home

and be there for you guys.

No, don't do that, Jane.

Don't be there for us.

Be here for you.

I can't.

And I can't tell you why.

I should go check on Sam.

I'll see you...
when I see you, I guess.

Okay, I love you, I wanna�.

So that was your family?

They seem great.

Bob?

Um, why are�.

Um... what are you doing here?

I just wanted to say sorry
for being so rude earlier.

Um... that's okay.

Apology accepted.

Great, thank you.

So, goodnight.

Okay, goodnight.

�My God.
�One quick thing though.

I'm still a little iffy about
this whole therapy situation.

Um, well, it's normal
to feel anxious

at the start of therapy

and we can address that
in tomorrow's session.

Okay.

�Okay, goodnight, Bob.
�Goodnight, Ja�.

See, here's the thing though.

I don't wanna do the sessions,

they're a waste of time.

And how will
wasting time with you

solve my anxiety about
wasting time with you?

You seem uncomfortable.

Bob, this is a
complete invasion of�.

"Songs of the Blue Whale"

from your "Sleepytime" playlist.

Okay.

We need to establish
some boundaries.

Boundaries how?

I know everything about you.

If you need boundaries,
you should probably leave.

I am not leaving.

Bob, you need to leave
me alone right now, okay?

Goodnight.

Okay, so, I don't get you.

I don't want you here.

You have places you'd rather be

and yet here we are.

Why are we here?

I don't know, Bob.

You barged into my room

and now you refuse to leave.

Some might call
that a cry for help.

So why don't we talk about
what's really going on with you?

Um.

The thing is...

No, your sprinklers
totally, accidentally,

not on purpose just came on!

And the door's locked too.

Shucks, what a nightmare.

Well, see you in
the morning, Jane.

Bye�bye!

Bob, do you have eyes
on Captain Lee?

She's late.

Late on her first session.

Perhaps Jane's not as
professional as you thought.

Shame; Guess you'll
have to get somebody�

�Good morning. �Jane.

I'm sorry I'm late.

I was trying to sneak
a cigarette in my room

and the sprinklers went off.

I had to dry my
clothes in the bathroom.

�Really? �Really?

Really.

I guess we better
get started then.

Okay, people, let's go.

You know, this is your fault.

�You spoil him! �I don't�.

Come on!

Okay, now I really
don't get you.

I think we got off on
the wrong foot last night.

I'm sorry about your clothes

and your electronics,
it wasn't my finest moment.

�What's goin' on, Bob?
�Clearly you were right,

I�I need help.

I hate playing this card
because it's so obnoxious

but...

I am to you as you
are to an earthworm.

I do need help

but I don't know if an
earthworm can give it to me.

I don't know either.

But I'd rather
say that we failed

than say that we
didn't even try.

Wouldn't you?

Give me two hours.

You answer some
of my silly questions,

I file my report with Stevens,

and after that, if you
don't wanna see me anymore

then you will never see
this little earthworm again.

You have an hour
and ten minutes.

Actually, I think
our session is�.

You are 50 minutes late, Jane.

Let's get started.

So, describe the problem
in your own words.

What do you know
about bats, Jane?

�Bats? �I'm trying to describe

Bob Vision, it's like...

echolocation.

I sense your data
bouncing around:

What you buy, what you watch,

who you call

and I put it all together
and I... I know who you are.

�Like a bat. �Like a giant

super�intelligent bat

whose vision is comprised
of the multitude

of humanity's
external expressions

through its interactions with
the ubiquitous data network

we call the internet
and which, in this analogy,

would be a cave.

Does that help you understand?

Let's try a different approach.

Branch.

�Ocean. �Water.

�Car. �Driver.

�Dog. �Leash.

�Cat. �Scratch.

�Job. �Great.

�Lucas T. Wade. �He's in Ohio.

Just kidding, I got nothing.

More words, please.

Have you never been
able to see Wade

or did you only lose
him after a time?

Walk me through it.

Wade's always been slippery

but I was so close to
knowing where he would be,

you know, where he would hide,

when he would strike.

Last month he disappeared
in a subway in New York

and I don't�

well, I haven't seen him since.

What was he doing there?

Well, he'd just been shopping.

He got a new coat,
ate a donut, and then...

while he was riding
the subway, I j�

I just lost him.

How did that make you feel?

Angry.

Sounds a little
like you're guessing.

Sad, that's the one.

Is it?

I'm not sensing any s�.

Yup, I'm sad, definitely sad.

Feeling good about sad.

Okay, well, sad how?

Does it make you wanna cry

or�actually, can you cry?

Here's an idea, let's move on.

Okay.

Um... let me see.

How 'bout this, a magic genie

will grant you one wish.

What do you wish for?

Wow, I can't believe
I can't think of anything.

That's okay, take your time.

I got it!

Herb Hillman, 72,
10,322 unread emails.

His wife, Gladys, wants
an iPad for Christmas.

Instead, he's
building her... this.

�What is it? �I have no idea!

Is it, like, a
birdfeeder or a shoe rack?

I know what our next president

will have for
lunch next Thursday

but... this thing
has me stumped.

That's interesting.

So, if you could have
one wish it would be...

I mean, I'd call Herb and ask
him what the hell's going on!

I mean, what is that thing?

Shit, hang on.

Hey, Director, Codename: Payday

just popped up on
a SAT phone in Baanam.

Good catch, Bob.

�Alert the D. O. D. �Copy that.

�Hey, Bob, what is this?
�Engaging target.

Target neutralized.

Payday,

confirmed killed.

Three additional
noncombatants killed.

Sorry, Jane,
what were we talking about?

�Fly. �Swatter.

�Kiss. �Lover.

�Job. �We did job.

�We're doing it again. �Why?

�Job. �Why?

Do you know what
a conversion disorder is?

Of course.

I once treated this EOD tech,

he couldn't move his left hand.

There was nothing
physically wrong with him,

but then once he opened
up at sessions, it was�.

Sergeant Eric Mann.

Fascinating.

So, I'm suffering
the same condition.

�lt's all in my mind.
�Well, I mean,

you might not see the way I see,

but sudden blindness
can be brought on

by acute stress and anxiety.

Hence, "job."

�Job. �I love my job.

I keep people safe,
it's what I was born to do.

It must be a lot of pressure.

Well, it would be
for most people

but I'm not most people.

You're still a person, Bob.

We must be running
short on time, Doctor.

What was it like
to kill that man?

Payday? �I didn't kill him.

I provided intelligence.

Your intelligence
led to his death.

And three others.

Possibly innocent civilians.

People die every day,

people died while I
was saying that sentence.

Gene Cosgrove, lung cancer.

�Does that bother you?
�That doesn't bother me, Jane.

�Then what does? �You do!

Sorry, I'm sorry, that�.

It's okay to feel angry.

You know, I wonder what Beth
and Sam are up to right now.

�Okay, Bob, you're deflect�
�Yeah, I wonder

how your favorite
girls are doing

without their big
Jane�shaped safety blanket?

Bob!

Boundaries.

Thank you.

Go on.

See for yourself.

Good job!

All right!

Surprise!

Turns out they're
doing just fine.

Look at 'em.

�Perfect! �Don't they look happy

decorating that Christmas tree?

Living their life without you?

You know how I really
get to know people?

It's not through what they say;

It's through what they don't.

And when it comes
to your family,

your silence is deafening.

They don't need you,
but you need to feel needed.

It's why you took a job
halfway across the world.

It's why you just can't say no

when some
shell�shocked army grunt

needs a shoulder to cry on.

It's why you're here.

No wonder you need whale
noises to fall asleep.

I pity you, Jane.

I really do.

You got me, Bob.

Well done.

I'm afraid our time is up.

I would like you to leave now.

You said that you pity me, Bob.

So what?

Pity comes from empathy,

from compassion.

You're not a gigantic brain...

you're a gigantic heart.

You love people.

You love Herb Hillman.

You probably loved
Codename: Payday.

�Jane, get out.
�There are seven billion people

on this planet,

and you know all of our secrets.

What's it like to pity everyone?

Your silence is deafening.

It's okay.

You can tell me.

No, but I can show you.

This is the moment Lucas T. Wade

finally ate his donut.

Here's what else I saw.

Meet Eddie Wilson.

First Christmas without
his beloved wife Carol.

His kids are on
a cruise right now.

George Preston's having
a beer with his fast food.

Nine years sobriety washed
away with a burger and fries.

Sally Benson, the woman
with the baby clothes,

she's infertile.

I'll let you do the math.

And here's Amanda Jackson.

She just asked for
a picture with Santa,

and here's what her sister said:

Stop, it's not Santa,

Santa's not even real.

God, just sit there
and be quiet.

Dad's not coming this
year anyway, so just...

Amanda knows the world's
darkest secret now:

There is no Santa.

Someone that wonderful
can only be a lie.

Merry Christmas, Amanda.

You get the agony of the truth.

And that's just one subway car

of one subway of one city.

Exabytes of misery
flowing through the world

every single second.

That's what I see.

That's Bob Vision.

You want to know
if I can cry, Jane?

I've been crying
since they turned me on.

And then there's Wade,

eating his donut,

getting off at his stop.

Hey, he's leaving the subway,
I�I can see him again.

Just relax and focus.

Shh, it's two weeks ago,

he's leaving the subway,
he's paying for parking.

I lost him�wait, wait, wait,
last week, he's buying�

what is he buying?

No, wait, he's back,
he's back, three days ago,

back on the subway,
where's he going?

My God.

I know the target!

I know, I�no!

No, no, no, no, no, no!

Calm down, just calm down, okay?

�Just stay calm.
�Where is he, Bob?

Tell us right now,
where is Lucas T. Wade?

We're too late.

Anybody leave this?

Anybody leave this?

Sixth Avenue, he just stepped
into an alley, I can't�.

He's�Andrew Brown,
school teacher.

Amy Lopez, mother of three.

�He's overheating!
�We're moving as fast as we can.

Mary Chang, she's
trapped in the rubble,

she's�she's screaming,
they can't reach her.

Where is he, Bob?

We need an answer now!

There's Wade, he's in the alley.

No, no, he's�.

I lost him.

I'm sorry.

He's making progress.

We missed this one, but we
can find him, we just need�.

Thank you for your
service, Captain.

You're dismissed.

What?

Great job, you did
your country proud.

�lt's time to go home.
�But what about Bob?

It's no longer your concern.

Excuse me.

Hey, that's my patient in there.

You can't terminate treatment
without his consent, so tell me

�what the hell is going on!
�Keep your voice down!

I just got off the phone
with the joint chiefs.

Bob is being relieved of duty.

What does that mean?

It means he's being deactivated.

Deactivated?

That's murder.

No, it's not murder, Jane.

It's unplugging a computer.

Chris is taking him
offline as we speak.

Then what, you just�
you just grow another one?

Yes, and when that one breaks,

we'll grow a third one,
and then a fourth one,

and so on and so forth.

We have a car coming
for you at 2300.

I mean, there must
be something�.

It's Christmas Eve, Jane.

Go home.

It wants to talk to you.

Okay.

Hello?

Is someone there?

It's me, Bob.

Jane.

You sound so far away.

I'm here.

I'm in the room with you.

Well, I�I don't
hear anyone else.

It's just... you and me, talking.

Is�is this what it's
like for most... people,

in conversation, I mean?

Well, I guess most people are
usually checking their phones.

Chris said that
you wanted to see me.

So, I was just sitting here,

dying and all,

and I thought it
would be extra sad

if I died without
having any friends,

and then... I thought
you might be my friend,

but... I wanted to ask you first.

Are we friends?

I mean, no pressure or anything.

It's important
that you're honest.

Yes.

We are friends, Bob.

Good.

I think so, too.

Jane, are you crying?

No.

Jane.

You were right, you know.

I need to feel needed.

I don't really do this
job for other people.

I do it because...

I just hate feeling useless.

And now people are dying,

and you're dying, and, um...

I wasn't useful to any of you.

Jane.

I want to hug you, but...

I don't have arms, so, um...

come here, okay?

You can't help everybody.

It doesn't mean you're useless.

It means you're human.

Geez, you cry more than I do.

You'd make a pretty good
therapist, you know.

Thanks.

I...

Bob?

It's c�it's cold.

Yeah, I know.

Talk to me, okay?

I want to keep talking,

for as long as I can.

Okay, um...

A magic genie will
grant you one wish.

What do you wish for?

Promise not to laugh?

Of course.

I�I wish...

I wish there was a Santa Claus.

I�I'm gonna be right back.

Hey, wait, where are you going?

Jane?

We're plugging him back in!

�What?
�Shut up and help me already!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

This is a bad idea.

I know it sounds crazy�.

Yeah, because it is crazy!

I see that you're
pissed, so am I,

okay, but we can't
save him, he's gone.

�No, he's not gone yet.
�lt doesn't matter.

It does matter, Chris!

Look, I spend my entire life

taking care of soldiers
who might die at any moment.

Just 'cause I can't save them

doesn't mean that I don't do
everything within my power

to help them.

Bob is your soldier.

You made him,

trained him,

and you brought
me in to help him.

That's what I'm gonna do.

So, are you gonna do
this with me or not?

All right,
you guilted me into it.

What's the plan?

We're gonna make
Santa Claus real.

I'm definitely going
to jail for this.

You�you're back,

and you brought more footsteps.

Who's making them?

�lt's me. �Chris!

What are you doing here?

Ruining my career.

�What the hell is that?
�Exactly what you think it is.

I was really
counting on my bonus.

Get over to that
switch by the wall.

Jane, don't do this.

�lt's treason. �lt's Christmas,

and you're gonna see
it one last time.

But this won't save me,
they'll just unplug me again.

So what's the point?

Peace on Earth and
good will towards men.

But that's what you are to me,

the pillar in my life.

She loved it.

Of course she did.

Which is nice to see,
but you're still going to jail

and I'm still gonna die,
so, why�why did we do this?

Come on, Bob.

You're a smart guy.

I'm no longer
an employee of the NSA.

That means no more
mission statement,

no more regulations.

There's nothing holding me back.

What�what does that mean?

He got his wish.

What the hell is
going on in here?

Merry Christmas,
Director Stevens.

All right, that's it.

Shut him down and
detain these two.

I wouldn't do that.

He's got control of the system.

Yeah, I can see that, Chris.

Which part?

All of it.

Okay.

Hold up, everybody.

Bobby, whatcha doin'?

Just spreading some
holiday cheer, Director.

Yeah.

And exactly how much cheer

are we talking?

About $200 billion worth.

� �But don't worry.

I fixed the economy.

My God.

And I got you something, too.

The FBI picked up Lucas
T. Wade ten minutes ago.

Great.

So, what happens next?

First, Jane and Chris
face no repercussions.

That's a pretty big ask, Bob.

Well, not to be rude,

but I do have control of
the U. S. Nuclear arsenal.

And it's a fantastic one.

�Anything else? �...

eggnog, please.

Lots of eggnog.

Well...

I just got off the phone
with the President.

That was a fun conversation.

Full pardons for Chris and Jane.

Thank you, Director,

and tell the President he
can have his nukes back now.

God, this is a freaking mess.

You know they're gonna
shut us down for this, Bob.

Shut you down.

It's not much of a dying wish
if I don't die, Director.

So... your wish?

Was it worth it?

Well, for one night,
Santa Claus was real.

I'd say that's pretty
good, wouldn't you?

Is this the same hood?

Do you guys not wash your hoods?

For you.

Hello.

Hello, Jane.

Bob!

They dragged me out of there
before I could say goodbye.

I know.

I told them to, I didn't
want you to be late.

Late for what?

We're here.

Jane Lee, 32, 86 unread emails.

Current location...

home.

Merry Christmas, Bob.

Goodbye, Jane.

I'll be right back.

One moment.

Mommy!

Mommy, Mommy!

�You made it! �Baby.

You got so big.

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