All language subtitles for Cresus-Fernandel-Film-Completo-by-FilmClips

CROESUS

Won't deny myself a treat!

All set.

The "bleeding" butcher's knife.

Its sharp blade
is solidly mounted

with rosette rivets

on a top quality
beech handle.

The "slaughter"
master knife-chopper.

Serves as a cleaver and a knife.

What a thing!

"Joan of Arc."

"Broken Eggs."

Made of white porcelain.

"Three Graces."

"Crouching Venus."

And naked.

"Love...

"and Psyche."
Exactly. I read it right.

"By Canova at the Louvre."

"Old Sevres style."

What could that mean?

Gosh, I have used
the lamp signal for 3 days.

Old Sevres style.

Sweet love.

She won't be long.

One km in 15 minutes.
It won't take more.

She'll be here
in 15 minutes...

Old Sevres style.

What is it?

Already?

You used our signal, didn't you?

One km in 1 minute.
How can you walk at 60 km/h?

I wasn't at home.
I was on the crest.

- What were you doing there?
- My feet were cold.

- And you warmed them up there?
- No.

I was waiting for the signal.
Now, my feet are frozen.

With my husband,
I didn't need to stand outside.

Always the same old song.

Right! If he weren't dead...

- So what?
- I'd be in bed with him.

- I'm cold. Take me in your arms.
- Easy! I hate the cold.

- Go by the stove
- The fire's dead.

Your husband, the fire...
Everyone's dead but me.

- Be patient.
- It ain't easy with cold feet.

My feet are cold too.

I don't rush to people's home
for all that.

I grant you extra 5 min.
See! I'm not selfish.

Have you heard of

- Old Sevres style?
- No, never.

- I'll show you.
- You expect me to take the bait?

There's no bait to take.
It's in the book.

My husband never lured me
with any bait.

- He was smart as one, though.
- What do you mean?

Let's not get philosophical.

Gilles.

Gilles?

- Gilles?
- What?

- What are you doing?
- Nothing.

- How's the weather?
- I can't say.

- What are you looking at?
- Nothing.

It's cold.

Your chimney isn't smoking.

- How could it, since I'm here?
- It should, though.

- Do you want me to leave?
- Chimneys ought to smoke.

If we were married, it would.

Marriage doesn't make the world
go round, but we do.

- Who? You?
- Yes, me.

Look!

For you, dear goats.

I'm not a chimney
but I matter too.

Can you belch out smoke
every morning?

Neither mornings nor evenings.

But I'll make
the world go round too.

I can't wait to see it.
It'll be nice.

I can't say the same.

What do you mean?
I'm working, that's all.

I go about my business.

Yeah right.
And for a little luxury,

you use the lamp signal...
and I come.

Silly me!

If that's luxury,
you aren't hard to please.

It might change, though.

Do you want to get married?

Let's get this straight.
You said you did at first.

You know how it is.
I didn't mean it.

And what do you mean now?

We're fine.
Why would we change it?

How convenient!

I'm a slave.

Don't be ridiculous.
You come and stay for a while.

You spend the evening with me.
It's very common.

Many books talk about women
spending evenings at a friend's.

It's no slavery.

It's over.

Until you'll see our signal.

I wouldn't be so sure.

- You'll eventually get married.
- Definitely.

I'll see then.

Tonight, I'll let the lamp
by the window.

Look!

Paul!

What a bastard!

He's mean

lazy, stupid

and proud.
How nice to see him!

Congrats, Paul.

You badmouthed me so often,

that you got me expelled
from the valley.

Now, I'm stuck up there,
freezing my ass up.

Look! There's Edouard.

What a crook!

Still the same

big belly.

Don't you dare come near.

Stay away!
Look where I am.

Look where you sent me.

Don't deny it.

You made sure
that I was driven away.

Yet, I sat up with your dad!

I was also in love
with your sister 10 years ago.

But luckily, she turned me down.

It saved me from marrying
a crook family.

Who's this one?

Who is he?

Now, they let foreigners...

It might be this murderer
of some sort

who rented the Rock Barn.

I won't miss any opportunity
to bug you. Trust me!

Where did my sheep go?

A bomb?

Good God!

They're leaking the bomb!
They're crazy!

My sheep are lost.
And I'm not any better.

Bloody Paul and Edouard!

Expelling me wasn't enough.

You had to get me killed.

You knew about the bomb.

Or maybe not.

No, they didn't know.
They never came up here.

They're too lazy? You didn't
know about the bomb, did you?

Well, I'll let you know.

I told you I wouldn't miss
any chance to bug you.

This time has come.

Let's go.

MANUFRANCE
MAIL ORDER CATALOGUE

Frozen bomb.

"Pan for."
What does that mean?

"Stewpot for fat."
I'm not fat!

"Pan for"! "Pan for"...

See page 575.

There it is.

"Pan for pies
and little pastries"...

Canalization,
cutting knife, canon."

Canon!

That could be handy.
I have already a rifle, though.

"Party canon, party popper."
Irrelevant!

Mortars and canons
for public celebrations.

Absolutely safe
mortars and canons.

"Absolutely safe"...
I like that.

Unhindered recoil.

That's exactly it.
I want to recoil unhindered.

"We do it well
and you know it."

I might not do it well,
but I'll let them know.

Silly me!
Small shot ain't enough.

It should be
3 times that size.

I don't have any.

Or I should fire
at point blank range.

But then, no more Jules.

Let's have a look.

What a big bomb!
It could destroy a house.

Two houses!

Three houses even.

Let's try the groundhog trap.

It'll make a bloody racket.

Who's the idiot who fired at me?

Typical!
There's always a knot

when you want
to pull the string.

Goddamnit!

There.

Bloody hole!

That's a big one.

Well.
That scared the shit out of me!

Dynamite.

It's cold.

It could explode.

I'm afraid it might.

Don't be afraid, Jules.
If only I could control it.

Be brave.

It didn't explode.

Of course.
Dynamite's common now.

If it were dangerous...

What is it?
Five thousand...

Five thousand what?

Five thousand francs.
Holy Jesus!

Oh my!

There must be 2m? of them.
It's full of dough!

They're safe now.

Is it the signal or a star?

It's a star.

Where is this bloody lamp?

Crap!

What a mess!

Milk and bread.
Bloody damn food!

Of course.

What are you doing here?

Are you going to war?

Crap!

What about the signal, then?

The signal! Shit!

God, you're polite tonight!
Didn't you want me to come?

Well... I have a toothache.

I'll help you get rid of it.

I don't think it'll do.

That's actually
what caused my toothache.

- You're acting oddly.
- I always do when my teeth ache.

Who's in your bed?

In my bed? No one.

What kind of question is that?
Someone, in my bed!

- My bed's sacred!
- Well, not for me.

Sure, but you're the only one.

Please say it again.

- I do.
- Do you hear, Rose?

It's not Rose.
I don't care about her.

- Say it again.
- I don't care about Rose.

Put your arm around my waist.

Repeat everything I say.

Rose, you're a dirty wench!

Rose, you're a dirty wench.

Should I make it worse?

No need.
I only say the truth.

- So do I.
- I'll pull her hair out.

Don't.

You're scared, aren't you?

- Of course.
- It must be Marguerite, then.

I told you there's no one.

And I don't trust you.

She's not from here.
You put a helmet to impress her.

- Open, or I'll wreck havoc.
- Go on.

There are little pots
on the shelves

- You can break them.
- I don't care about your pots.

I found something better...

The cupboard!

Not these ones.
They belonged to my mom.

What can I do, Dad?
War is war.

- I heard you.
- It's not for me,

but if my mom heard you,
she'd say

the plates belonged to her aunt.

- Tell me who that is.
- Who?

The woman in your bed.

It's not Rose,
it's not Marguerite,

- it's nobody.
- Careful, I'll get your brandy.

Go. It'll do you good.

Get a large bottle
with the wheelbarrow.

Take your time.

You wished I'd leave.

No, I like your company.

I'll spend the night here.

What are you doing, Jules?

I'm going to bed,
since you stay overnight.

- With her?
- Who else?

- She's here anyway.
- Not in front of me.

There's a door between us.

What are you doing?

Well...
Nobody can tell really.

How dare you laugh?

I'm not laughing.
She's tickling me.

- Jules!
- What?

Jules,
I'll dig this hole for you,

'cause I need cash
and I have to work.

But if I were rich,
I'd bet you my bottom dollar...

If you were rich,
you wouldn't bet your dollar,

you would hide it.

Dig on this side.

If I were rich,
I wouldn't dig on this side.

- No?
- No. I would on that side.

I wouldn't dig at all even...

unless you tell me
what this hole is for.

- I told you!
- I don't believe you.

You're exactly like
your mom said you were:

"Battistin isn't suspicious,
he's stupid."

I told you 50 times
I want an American tank

- to filter my water.
- Oh my!

What are you all doing here?
And you?

- I'm curious.
- Mind your own business.

Easy. I don't care about it.
I'm busy reading and sewing.

What are you doing, Battistin?

A water tank.

It's a small tank, isn't it?

He's right, Jules.

And he already has one.

He's right, Jules.

Ask him why he wants
a second one.

He's right, Jules. Why?

Paul, when you kicked
your sister out, because...

I didn't bother you
with figures!

- Oh my!
- I was sure you'd come.

- You did come too.
- I'm working.

- Is it a silo?
- It's a water tank.

If it's a silo,
the bottom has to slope.

- It's a tank.
- That's what I'm saying.

A slope.
Or, your beets will be crushed.

Old Man Burle!

You better mind
your own business.

If you don't watch
your daughter,

she might leave
with 4 Italian lumberjacks.

I see what you mean,
but it ain't enough.

Make the slope a little steeper.

You should dig on this side.

Battistin, I'm the one who pays.
I give orders.

Don't dig on this side,
but on that one.

Tell him that his tank
will be crooked.

Tell him
his face is already crooked.

- Whose face is crooked?
- Get lost.

Easy. I was wounded in the war.

Yeah right, brain damaged.

Your aunt was already climbing
trees like a monkey

when having fits.
Wounded in the war. No kidding!

You should be paying
a pension to the state

for letting you live for 4 years
among normal people.

- Oh my!
- You're no better!

Isn't it time for you to die
with your life annuity?

- You're old enough!
- What a fuss!

Should I remind you
what happened last year?

At the fair on August 6?

- Wow!
- Go to hell!

You made a real fuss then.
So give me a break!

Battistin,
I want the hole for today.

Today.

Today?

Don't be so sure.

The future
belongs to no one

but God.
Do you know who said that?

- Victor Hugo.
- I don't give a damn.

You can't say that.

Still, I don't give a damn.

Look...

I came to you 'cause you're good
at building modern things.

You built a toilet flush
for Mr. Cassagne.

Well, this water tank
needs a flush too.

- It's an invention.
- An invention?

Soon enough,
I'll tell you the secret.

You'll be able to build
such tanks everywhere.

But I don't want anyone else
to know about it.

You can count on me.
I'll finish it quickly.

A water tank with a flush.
Awesome.

This cover ain't junk.

It weighs 5 kg at least.

And 4 to carry...

Back to zero.

There are lots of zeros
on 5,000 f notes.

Fool! You can multiply
zeros too.

There...

Sorry, Dad.

Fine... But how
do you multiply them?

I got it wrong.

It can't be that much.
I must have made a mistake.

That's a lot, though.

She killed one.

She killed one again.

Come in.

Hello, sorry to disturb you.

Hello, Jules. Come in.

- What did you do to this kid?
- I punished him.

When I said Louis XVI had
his head cut, he didn't care.

Now I shot a sparrow
and he yelled his head off.

He must learn
to make allowances.

It's a thrush.

- No, it's a fieldfare.
- You're right, Jules.

- Look at the black feathers.
- Yes, Miss.

Copy 3 times "I mixed
a fieldfare with a thrush."

Who confuses
fieldfares with thrushes

ends in the poorhouse.
A fieldfare is worth 12 f.

A thrush is worth 7.

- My dad sells them 10 f.
- I'm not surprised.

Stand up.

- Ten francs?
- Yes, to Mr. Cassagne.

Forget your punishment.
Two francs aren't worth it.

What do you want?

I need to talk to you
about the number zero.

What about it?

- How do you multiply it?
- I taught you that.

Between what you taught me
and what I learnt,

I don't remember anything.

- You can't multiply zeros.
- Really?

You can only add them.
Is that clear?

Not really.

To the blackboard.

- Write a number.
- Whichever I want?

Whichever you want.

What are you doing, you idiot?

- I'm writing my number.
- That's not a number.

- There are only zeros.
- That's when I'm out of the fire

- into the frying pan.
- Shut up, will you?

The expression is,
"Out of the frying pan,

into the fire."
You didn't know that, did you?

If there are only zeros,
it's not a number,

but a succession of zeros,
which means zero.

- It's one of the first lessons.
- Maybe, but since then...

Since then?

You didn't go further, idiot.
You would have known otherwise.

Arithmetic is an exact science.

I agree with you.
I don't question exactitude,

I'm actually fond of it.
But how do you get to 1,000?

Put a 1 at the front.

- Ever seen a banknote?
- Of course.

Well... A few ones.

Write 1. Write it.

Add a zero, you have 10.

Add 2 zeros,

it's 100. With 3 zeros,

it's 1,000.
Now, count your zeros.

Six zeros.

One million.

Add 3 more.

Nine zeros make 1 billion.

Three more.

And 3 more...

That's 1 million billion.
And so on.

Your zeros count, see?

I'm afraid you got me wrong.

Ten, 100, 1,000, 1 million...
So far, I manage.

- Even up to 1 billion.
- Wrong. You can't go that far.

To count 1 million
in 20 cents coins,

you'd need to count 1 coin/sec
24 hours a day,

for 2,000 years.

And for 1 million billion,
you'd need 1 million times more.

That's 1 million coin/sec
for 2,000 years.

No lunch break, no nap...

Not even a night
with your lover.

Come on.

What are you talking about?
Not in front of the kids.

They're here to learn
and that's no secret for anyone.

See?
Millions, billions and so on...

That's where things
get complicated.

I came to talk to you
about a number with 30 zeros.

Thirty zeros?
What planet were you on

What?

There's no such number
on the earth.

It only exists in space.

Whoever has 1,000 f says
I have 10,000 f.

Whoever has 100,000 says
I have 100,000 f.

Whoever has 1 million says
I have 1 million.

Whoever has billions...
What does he say?

He doesn't say. He bursts.

Burst?

What else could he do?
Everything costs 3 cents here.

A fieldfare costs only
2 francs more that a thrush,

though they taste differently.

What would you want to do
with billions?

There's nothing to do but burst.

What if I don't want to burst?

In that case, I don't know.

Go to banks.
Banks are safety valves.

Like pressure cookers.
They whistle when they need to.

There's a bank over there

- and one down the road.
- Thank you very much.

- No problem.
- Watch the door.

FARMERS' BANK OF THE ALPS

It might be 2 m wide maximum.
It's not much.

Good God!
You're impressive!

What's going on?

Tell me if I'm wrong.
You seem gigantic.

Forget about my size.
Only my skills matter.

Can I help you?

- Maybe.
- Follow me, then.

What can I do for you?

Well, given the circumstances...

What circumstances?
Please come in.

Well, the size matters.

Sorry.

- How could I help you?
- First, let me free my arm.

I'm sorry.

Once the money is deposited,
everything'll be like clockwork.

Excuse me.

Some are reluctant
but it's worth it.

You might be easily overwhelmed,
though.

You'd need many 1,000 f notes
to fill my bank up.

Indeed, I have 5,000 f notes
to fill it up

and it's rather small to me.

I don't want you
to lack oxygen.

Are you kidding me?
I have enough space to breathe,

- and to kick you out.
- Don't bother.

Jules?

He took the key with him!

Jules?

What is this?

What's in there?

Bloody hell!

Hey! What are you up?

- You're ruining my work.
- What's inside?

It's not for you.
It's a secret.

- Jules has no secret for me.
- Yeah right.

Why not? Step aside
and let me finish my work.

How odd that some people
aren't curious at all.

They would do anything
for money.

- Are you talking about me?
- Of course not!

Fine. First,
Jules hasn't paid me yet

and second,
I know what's inside. Nothing.

It's a water tank.

And I'm about to set
the fall pipes for the rain.

So the tank
will be filled with rainwater.

BANK OF MARSEILLES

Excuse me, officers.

Could you tell me
if it's a large bank?

Is there enough space inside
to take your hands out?

Yes, if you have enough time.

- Usually, you don't.
- People should take the time...

I'm not in a rush.

Is there anyone?

Me, sir.

- Are you the clerk?
- Yes sir.

- How can I help you?
- I'd like to takes measurements.

- You don't mind?
- I don't.

- What for?
- To know how large your bank is.

Of course.

That's 2 m...

and 10 cm.

Excuse me...
could you measure yourself?

- The width of your shoulders?
- My...

43 cm.

You don't take much space.
You must feel at ease.

Sure. I'm fine.

I guess you have money
to deposit.

It's already well deposited.
It surely is.

Fine.

What kind of stocks did you buy?
Industrial?

Industrial stocks? What is that?

- What about them?
- They're falling.

- It's always the same.
- It's time to buy.

- Buy what?
- You're choilt for spoice.

I mean spoilt for choice,
depending on the quotes.

All the quotes are here.

Ten pages full of quotes.

Nothing but quotes.

They're all good to buy.

If I had money,
I would buy them all.

Take electricity for instance.

It's fantastic. It's the future.

Everything will be electric,
eclectric, etrectic...

Trains, trams, tranny...

Even toil, soil, I mean oil.

Oil!

Really! And metallurgy.

What would I do with it?

- Nothing.
- I bought some.

Well, don't.

- What are you doing with it?
- I ask if they fall.

And they say they fall.

- Are you happy with it?
- No.

I'd like to buy things
that please me.

Sure. How much do you have?
Millions?

Worse than that.

Don't tell me you have billions.

Well, something of the sort,
but much bigger.

No way. You don't know
what you're talking about.

Billions, that's beyond
human understanding!

Don't you want a bicycle?

Yes. I'd love one.

With 1 billion,
you can buy 10,000 bicycles.

Not per year or day,
but per second.

Did you hear me?

- Ten thousand biclycles...
- What did you say?

Ten thousand cyclibi...

Again?

You know what I mean.

Ten thousand more.
And again, every second...

For 5,000 years.

And that's not it.

You'll see.
Let's assume that...

What did they do? Bastards.

A fall pipe.

Crap!

Twenty bicycles less...
It's no big deal.

Father!

I'm glad I met you.
I thought about visiting you.

I'd be delighted, Jules.

I attended your mass once
and I heard you say

that if we had worries,
you were the Big Boss.

That's not what
I exactly said.

I said that I knew
where the Big Boss was.

Are you worried, Jules?

More than worried.

It might sound stupid...
but I must confess, I'm scared.

Sometimes, it's legitimate.

Actually, I'm not exactly
the one who's scared.

- A friend of mine is.
- It's even kinder of you.

This friend has a lot of money.
He's not from here.

- He comes from Auvergne.
- What is he scared of?

He's scared of his money.

It's marvelous to hear

that still today, a man's soul
can be pure enough to be scared

of money.
It proves God exists.

if proof was needed.

I don't know what it proves,
but let me explain.

When I say that my friend
has a lot of money,

I really mean a lot.
An astronomical amount.

When he knew he had so much,
he wondered what to do with it.

He was told to go to the bank,
where money should go,

like a security valve.

But it didn't work at all.

On the contrary, the banker
told him what were billions.

And he got scared.

Do you know, Father,
what billions are?

Billions?
Are you sure about that?

- As sure as I am standing here.
- Don't take God as witness.

It's forbidden.
Billions, but that's huge.

Huge and impossible to say.
That's why he's scared.

Who has 1,000 f buys a bicycle
and keeps it for life.

Who has 1 million buys 1 bicycle
every year for 20 years

if he sleeps at night.

It's already very impressive.
But whoever can buy

10,000 bicycles every second
during 10,000 years

is scared, trust me.

It's not exactly
what I had imagined.

It doesn't matter, though.

This fear
comes from a good place.

You know what?
Your pal should see himself

as a guardian of earthly goods.

God will take everything back.

I'm afraid it won't soothe him.

You speak of the beyond.
I don't want to go that far.

I don't want to... I mean
my friend doesn't want to die.

It's not that serious.
He's scared.

He can't buy 10,000 bicycles
every second.

He has only one set of buttocks.

Sorry, father.

Don't be. I too have
only one set of buttocks.

- But you don't have billions.
- Nor a bicycle.

I tried to understand.

I know what to do with 1 mule.
I'm not scared.

But with 100 million mules,
you lose your bearings

and you get scared.

You start to worry
when you no longer know

what to do with what you have.

It's time to call the Big Boss.

The Big Boss is always here
for sincere calls.

Instead of 10,000 bicycles,
your friend should buy

10,000 orphans.

Every second.

He can buy new bicycles
every second,

and during 5,000 years.
Where should I go then?

I mean where can my friend
find so many orphans?

He can't go from door to door.

There'll never be enough.
That's a problem.

Are you familiar
with generosity?

No.

I'm not surprised.
Neither am I.

Except mine, which I understand.

But it's not a proper example.

I'm afraid there's no solution
to this situation.

Are you sure?
It'd be terrible.

I'm afraid so.

The Big Boss might even be
behind it.

How could it be?

I'm not sure, though.
He usually prefers the poor.

But he's full of surprises,
that's for sure.

Take a closer look
at your friend and you'll see

that he's poor.

Are you coming?

I'm thinking.

- What brings you here?
- I need your advice.

- You ridiculed me.
- It was only the 2 of us.

Ridicule starts
with a third person.

I don't care.

- What did you do with your hair?
- I put water.

- To smell like a wet dog.
- To look clean.

- We need to talk seriously.
- Well...

- Let's talk seriously.
- Do you know what a billion is?

- I know.
- Really?

I told you I knew.

I don't know what to say.

- Aren't you scared of it?
- No, not even of 100 billion.

- What would you do with them?
- Share them with my husband.

- What would your husband do?
- Well...

- Anything he wants.
- What if he has no idea?

Then we would just love
each other.

- Nothing else matters.
- It's not about me.

- I came for a friend of mine.
- Why would I help your friend?

Because my friend has a lot
of money, many billions.

Why should I care?

My dad used to call my mom
his Finance Minister.

She used to keep the books.
She was good at it.

Not like my friend.
He copes with little money,

but with million...

Imagine that he could buy
10,000 bicycles every second.

- What would he do with them?
- You got the point.

- I'm smarter than you think.
- I came especially 'cause I knew

you would be like my mom.
I asked many people around.

I heard funny things
about generosity and bicycles,

but I knew you'd be
like a Finance Minister.

That's not what you used to say.

Don't get me wrong.

Never mix
finances with feelings.

They don't belong together.

I'm worried about my friend.

Do you know what he's up to
with his billions?

He's scared.

What about me?
Don't you wonder if I'm scared?

I know you're not!

What is it? It smells good.
Is it a casserole?

- Made with despair.
- Really?

- My mom made them with beef.
- So do I, silly you.

And with the boar
I bought in town.

But deep down in my casserole,
there is despair.

When I'm unhappy, I cook.

And when I'm scared,

I eat.

Your invitation
was a pleasant surprise.

It's my friend's treat.
I'm sure he'd be glad...

- It's generosity.
- I'm not sure, Father.

Sit next to me.
I'll feel better.

- So you came, Joseph?
- I never miss a meal.

Bring me the plate.

It's good to see you,
Miss Delphine.

Bring me the knives.

Where are the olives?

Thank you.

Serve me some olives.

Put the big lumps in the dish.

- Where's the bread?
- There.

The big lumps in the dish.

It must be terribly expensive.

Today,
leave the arithmetic behind.

Arithmetic is prohibited
at the table.

Save it for later.

Never save arithmetic for later,
or you'll pay for it.

Except when it is
for a good cause.

It won't take you anywhere.

Who cares?
We don't want to go anywhere.

We just enjoy where we are.

You won't enjoy it long,
if you keep spending money.

There's a Big Boss for everyone,
even for the little birds.

I kill 15 little birds
every day, Father.

And believe me,
they have no fat to spare.

They aren't well cared for,
if anyone does. I weigh them

on my scales
and none of them exceeds 75 g.

We'll all be weighed
on celestial scale.

Hopefully,
our bad deeds won't exceed 75g.

What does he have in mind?

Nothing. I'm hungry. I eat.
I don't care about the rest.

Give me some cheese.

Pour me some wine.

What are you doing, Henri?

He wants to enjoy the food too.

They're all full of themselves
in this family.

He has something
at the back of his mind.

In 1913, the county councilor
invited all the villagers

to a dinner at the post office.

But then he vanished.

I don't like underhand methods.

You would see things underhand

even if you were armless.

You have never offered us
anything before.

It's suspicious.

He used to eat raw onions.

Now, he orders stews.
Who cook them?

The inn downtown.

Such a meal must be expensive.

- 1,000 f per head.
- More than that.

- The cake is worth a fortune.
- Oh My!

I knew it.
The stew tastes bitter.

- What's inside?
- 1,000 f banknotes.

What? Oil!
It's pretty spicy.

How dare you,
now that you've all eaten?

Do you know what was bitter?
The wild boar bought in town.

With a little,
a tiny bit of despair.

You can say what you want.
I don't believe you.

How could you buy the boar?

- They didn't want to sell it.
- They wouldn't give it away

but they would sell it.

Money can buy everything.

Come on. Remember
what you told me last time.

- Where did you get this money?
- It's none of your business.

I don't want to owe
the innkeeper for the meal.

- Neither do I.
- I was invited.

You won't owe him anything.
I paid him already.

- With what?
- This.

Let me see.

Excuse me.

Don't forget
it's got my name on it.

Saint Thomas
is always punished.

- I don't like that.
- You're jealous.

I'm an honest man.

It couldn't be stolen money.

Stop your innuendos! Should I
remind you of your uncle

who stole cod at the grocery.

I'll sue you for slander.

- It's not slander. It's history.
- Forget Albert's uncle.

I didn't ask you anything.
I only drank milk,

which I brought up here.
I'm even with anyone.

Why are you so mysterious?

Mysterious?

She said mysterious, Father!

Where there's money,
there's always mystery.

In "Happiness Thief",

Rodolphe has the money,
but he stabs himself to death.

It's all very mysterious.

Who talked about a dagger?
Don't get carried away...

- It's a friend.
- What friend?

You don't know him.
He's not from here.

He lives far, very far away,
in Auvergne.

A friend from Auvergne.

He's tall, very tall.

A tall friend from Auvergne.

He is...

He's big. Not big like fat...

He's not big.

Big or not? What does he do?

He governs. He's a governor.

What does he govern?

- A government.
- What kind of government?

- A government of Auvergne.
- There's no such thing.

There's a French government
and that's it.

I didn't mean
that kind of government.

- It's a governors' government.
- I know what he means.

It's like in
"The Mysteries of Paris."

It's a mysterious government
full of princes.

Exactly.
That's not a French government,

but a government of governors
with princes.

One of those secret societies.

Who said that?

In my time, people were rude,
but we watched our words

- while having a meal.
- I didn't say anything wrong.

- I said society, good God!
- If God says so!

- That's a great friend.
- Sure. That's just too bad

- he's Jules' friend.
- Even worse, he could be yours.

- My friends aren't governors.
- He doesn't need to be one.

- Who?
- Me.

- Would you do that?
- Yes.

One for me!

Don't forget me, Jules.

I can't believe it.

One for you.

Incredible!
They must be fake.

No, look.

- Want one, Paul?
- Since you give them away.

I'm off.

- What about you?
- That's the least you owe me.

- Get 2.
- No.

One, like everyone else.

Two would be crass.

I won't forgive you
for hiding it from me.

- What did he hide?
- That's none of our business.

Hand me the dish.

- I don't want any trouble.
- He's just giving money.

I'm off. It's dubious.

- May God pay you back!
- Please tell him not to,

I wouldn't know how to spend it.

- For you, Miss Delphine.
- For me too?

- He's Croesus!
- He doesn't know...

- ...how to spend it.
- I would know,

if a cretin dropped by my house
10,000 f every day.

You could ask for 50,000 f.
I'd go up to 100,000.

I'm sure I'd have lots of ideas
to spend them.

We're living a Golden Age.

I thought you priests
were into spiritual matters.

I was wrong.

Do you believe that a golden age
is about getting money?

Look what's going on.

We are stripped bare
by the curse of plenty.

Look closer and you'll find
demons in there.

I know demons well.

I live around one.
His name is misery.

What do you really know
about misery?

Misery is lust.

Come to us if you want
to know more about misery.

Shut up, Albert.
You know nothing about it.

And neither do I.
When we're cold, we burn wood.

When we're hot, we go out.
When we're hungry, we eat.

When we're thirsty, we drink.
When we're tired, we sleep.

- You call that misery?
- Yes, I do!

That's not fair.

He had us come here
because it pleases him.

If we had money, we would have
been pleased not to come.

That's misery.

See?
There are all kinds of misery.

I respect you
and don't want to be rude

But he has to know
what I think of him.

Look at him...

Misery is not
what is eating away at him.

He has money
like dogs have fleas.

What does he do
with his money?

Let me tell you.

He hides it in his closet,
under piles of sheets.

What will happen
if he has more cash than sheets?

- That's misery!
- Either you're drunk

or it's me, but I didn't
understand a word.

- Are you threatening me?
- Exactly.

- How are you threatening us?
- With being rich.

You complain about misery,
you'll complain about wealth.

- Did he come again?
- Yes.

- Did he give some more?
- Yes.

A lot?

- And the others?
- Don't know.

- Rose? Albert?
- I saw no one.

He gave everyone money again.

- Morning, Albert.
- Morning, Paul.

- Morning, Emile,
- Morning, Paul.

- Morning, Marie.
- Morning, Paul.

Morning, Old Man Burle.

What? Morning, Paul.

- Morning, Rose.
- Morning, Paul.

- Morning, Old Man Martin.
- Morning, Paul

Won't you store your potatoes?

No.

- You don't intend to?
- No.

- What are you waiting for?
- The same as you.

You haven't stored your rye,
have you?

He came back, didn't he?

What does he want?

- Nothing.
- He didn't say.

He probably wants
something in return.

- Maybe he wants power.
- Do you think so?

Or something else.

He wouldn't need to pay
to have you.

Or something else.

What?

No one can tell.

He must want a lot!

But we don't have anything.

We must have something
that he wants.

Gishlaine, bring Grandpa home.

- She doesn't trust us.
- Everyone has secrets.

- They're all suspicious.
- They have reasons to.

- What did I do to you?
- Nothing.

- You speak too much.
- What?

- Stay at home.
- I can come out if I want.

- What for?
- Who cares?

- I do.
- Who will stop me?

- Me.
- How?

- Does it hurt?
- No.

- Is your tooth still loose?
- It was already the case.

- What's wrong?
- I'm listening.

It's the wind.

- And that?
- Must be a rat.

- Are the banknotes safe?
- From what?

- The rats.
- No.

- Where are they?
- The closet.

We should put them in a tin box.
Don't you have any cake tin?

In the closet.

- It's humid.
- Let's put them in a container.

- What?
- Something solid.

- An iron casserole!
- Let me see it.

- Does it hurt?
- He kicked me in the back.

Why the hell did you fight?

Listen.

- It's the wind.
- No, it's not.

Burle has his light on.

Don't let Grandpa out.

Paul?

Paul? Your cash is here.

If you don't want it,
I'll give it to the others.

Albert!

What?

It has to stop.

We're not puppets.

Emile!

- What?
- It has to stop. We're going.

I'm coming.

- Mr. Jules?
- Yes.

That's right.

We are 2.
We love to play this trick.

I thought my head was spinning.

Normally, heads spin

after we have left.

Sometimes, heads fall.

- Do they?
- In serious cases.

How can you tell
a case is serious?

It's our decision.

- The weather's nice today.
- We wished it were warmer.

- You don't live in the open?
- We do.

- Any friends in the region?
- No.

- It ain't easy to chat with you.
- It is...

- I'll help you out.
- Don't bother.

It's no big deal.
We came here on purpose.

- For me?
- For you.

- From far?
- Pretty much.

- Did you walk?
- No.

- How can I help you?
- I have a question.

Where does the money you gave
to the innkeeper come from?

- The innkeeper?
- Yes.

A week ago, you had a feast.
The innkeeper delivered it.

You paid him
with new banknotes.

Every banknote
has to be new before it's old.

We don't have any problem
with that.

We just want to know
where you took them.

I said "took".

- It's a friend of mine.
- We don't believe it, do we?

- Even from Auvergne?
- From Auvergne or anywhere else,

friends are against
our religion.

I thought so.

Let's not beat around the bush.
You're an intelligence agent,

and you'd better stay one.
Where did you take the money?

It's the third time I ask.

Next, you'll deal
with my brother.

It's too bad. He's a stutterer.
He uses his hands.

I found the cash
in a bomb in the mountain.

- An aluminum container.
- How could I know?

My paper says
it's an aluminum container.

Around here, we don't care
about such details.

But I have to. We've been
on this case for 2 years.

"An aluminum container
dropped by a plane."

We're lucky it's deserted
around here.

Didn't you wonder
at all about that money?

Did you think
it was the Holy Spirit?

I didn't think anything.
I found it and I took it.

Why should I wonder at it?
I'm a shepherd.

- Know what this money was?
- No.

It's the arrow of Parthe.

Also called the Jarnac Stroke
around here

or as you would say,
"some deep shit".

Do you remember the Normandy
landings 2 years ago?

The army of occupation left,
but they weren't happy.

They wanted the rot to set in.

So, they made billion
of forged banknotes.

But as good as true.

To ruin the national economy...

- It doesn't ring any bell.
- Right. What about the money?

In my house, in potato sacks.

- Did you spend much?
- I gave some in the village.

- Get in the car.
- And my sheep?

Later.

Hurry up! I don't want
to spend the night here.

- You didn't spend anything?
- No.

- That was a lot of cash, though.
- We didn't know how to.

It befell us
like misery befalls the poor.

- I got scared.
- It's harmless, though.

We wondered what he wanted.

What could I want?

Look around you.

Is there anything you want?

If you want it,
you can have it.

And for free.

I'd have never believed that
people could be so complicated.

Well, buddy,

Money is best used for buying.
If you have other plans,

- it's at your own risk.
- But I was buying.

Not what they had,
but what they didn't.

I was buying misery.
Misery is on sale.

You should have spent it
for the common good.

The common good? Like what?

We could have built a bridge?

- Over what?
- Nothing. Just a bridge.

- What would we use it for?
- Nothing. It'd be just a bridge.

- And where would you want it?
- There.

Where there's nothing.

Sir?

- For you.
- Thank you, my dear. Thanks.

Eat the last one.

It's good.

60 km/h.

One minute.

Thirty seconds.

She went over 500m,

600, 700...

950...

10...3,2...0.

Shit, she didn't come.

- Who's there?
- It's me.

Why are you here?

I told you that only my husband
would pass through this door.

- Come on. Open.
- Only my husband!

Open the door.
It's... your husband.

- What did you say?
- It's your husband.

Where is he?

Right here, before you. It's me.

You?

- Do you know what happened?
- I know.

Come in.

- I'll set a place for you.
- Thank you.

THE END