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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,332 [ Crowd Cheering ] 2 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,343 [ Cheering Continues ] 3 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:52,153 [ Announcer ] It's been a long, hard climb to the top. 4 00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:55,789 30,000 spectators have jammed into the Las Vegas Arena... 5 00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:59,193 to see the champion, Harry Agensky, the Polish Prince, 6 00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:02,230 defend his title. 7 00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:05,366 He came to this country in 1927 at the age of 11, 8 00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:10,104 and he's been fighting ever since. [ Bell Dings ] 9 00:01:10,138 --> 00:01:14,475 But tonight, he's in for the fight of his life. 10 00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:16,877 Nobody has taken more punishment. 11 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:21,182 Nobody has overcome more adversity. 12 00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:24,852 From the depths of poverty to champion of the world. 13 00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:28,422 This really is the American dream. 14 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,827 [ Cheering Fades ] 15 00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:05,853 [ Boy ] I hope Grandpa's in good enough shape to go to Banff. 16 00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:07,955 [ Man ] Are you kidding ? He could be comatose. 17 00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:10,758 Even if he was in a coma, he'd figure out some way to come on this trip. 18 00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,793 [ Boy Chuckles ] 19 00:03:14,462 --> 00:03:18,499 You got a light or something ? Yeah, right there. 20 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:21,669 Hey ! Where'd you get that ? Cigarette fairy, man. 21 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,971 What the hell ? I hope you're proud of yourself ! 22 00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:25,939 I've never seen you with one of those ! 23 00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:28,509 Mom's boyfriend lets me smoke, Dad. Sam ? Sam's a pothead. 24 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,678 Ex-pothead. 25 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:33,013 His parole officer has him speaking at high schools now. 26 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,783 I'm sure he's a great role model. 27 00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:39,287 Mom says he's twice the man you ever were. [ Scoffs ] 28 00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:45,626 Now, if you've got something on your mind, come out with it and say it. 29 00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:49,730 Fine. Fine. I'm not moving in with you after Mom's wedding, okay ? 30 00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:51,665 There. 31 00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:54,635 It's up to you. 32 00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:59,340 You're right, it's up to me. 33 00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:00,874 It's up to you. 34 00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:24,965 Aunt Roseanne ! Uncle Moses ! 35 00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:27,368 [ Moses ] Hey, there he is ! Hey ! 36 00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:32,340 [ Chuckling ] Oh, man, this is phat ! 37 00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:33,907 Michael, you made it. Yeah. 38 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,976 Hey, man. Hey ! 39 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:38,379 Boy, look at this kid. How'd you get so big ? What ? 40 00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:41,515 I had nothin' better to do, man. I know who you wanna see. 41 00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:43,584 Hello, Lance. Nice to see ya ! 42 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,553 Huh-uh, no need to be sarcastic. 43 00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,788 Well, it's nice to see you too. Yeah. 44 00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,857 So, shithead. Hey ! 45 00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:52,926 Now it's time for some tongue stretching. ** [ Instrumental ] 46 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,729 Open your mouth as wide as you comfortably can... 47 00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:58,031 and stick your tongue straight out, 48 00:04:58,065 --> 00:05:02,736 keeping it very still, to the count of four. 49 00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:06,440 Then bring it back in and let it rest. 50 00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:08,742 We'll do eight of this exercise. 51 00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:11,445 ** [ Continues ] 52 00:05:16,784 --> 00:05:19,487 So far you're doing just fine. 53 00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,423 Grandpa ? 54 00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:26,093 Hey ! [ Chuckling ] 55 00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:29,363 [ Speaking Polish, Slurred ] [ Polish ] 56 00:05:29,397 --> 00:05:31,932 Ah ! 57 00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:33,867 Keep studying your Polish. Okay. 58 00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:36,404 Bev, this is Mikey. 59 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:43,577 She's cute. Mind if I have her number ? Hey. Lay off my gal. 60 00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:45,546 Yes, sir. 61 00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:47,515 Bev, I've got company. 62 00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:51,952 ** [ Ends ] See you later. 63 00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:57,391 Grandpa, are you okay ? 64 00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:02,996 You know, Mikey, a stroke is God's way... 65 00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:06,700 of trying to make me shut up. 66 00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:09,737 But it didn't work. [ Chuckling ] 67 00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:11,672 Does it hurt ? 68 00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:16,444 Frustrated. 69 00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:19,647 See, my thoughts are out there, 70 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,916 but my words are crawling behind. 71 00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:27,421 But Bev helps me. 72 00:06:27,455 --> 00:06:29,723 "A," "B," "C," "D," 73 00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:32,793 "E," "F," "G," "H," "I," "J"-- 74 00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:36,930 Grandpa, what is this ? "The skunk sat on a stump. 75 00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:40,968 The skunk thump the-- thunk the stump stunk" ? Tongue twisters. 76 00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:45,739 - Just exercises. - But you're gonna be okay, right ? 77 00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:50,143 You know, Mikey, the older I get, 78 00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:52,112 the better it was. 79 00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:54,915 Hmm. Hah ! [ Chuckling ] 80 00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:58,652 [ People Shouting ] 81 00:06:58,686 --> 00:07:01,589 I know why you're really here, Lance. 82 00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:05,693 It won't work. What are you talking about ? 83 00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:10,030 You wanna make peace with Pa and by some miracle get him to say he loves you. 84 00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:12,199 You talk like we're gonna elope or something. 85 00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:15,068 Pa showed it to me in your Father's Day column. 86 00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:18,939 Hey, I never sent that here. [ TV Continues ] 87 00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:22,142 [ Grunting ] 88 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:24,945 [ Slurring Continues ] I wore that robe for my title fight. 89 00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:27,748 Are you sure I can have it ? 90 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:30,217 - Well, on one condition. - Oh, yeah ? What's that ? 91 00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:34,688 Never become a boxer. 92 00:07:34,722 --> 00:07:37,758 [ Chuckles ] 93 00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:41,795 Grandpa, did you ever think that maybe you got your stroke from boxing ? 94 00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:44,197 [ Crowd Cheering ] 95 00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:47,100 After all these years ? 96 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,036 Maybe. Maybe. 97 00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:54,942 Oh ! 98 00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:57,911 What's the worst he's done ? There's a lot to choose from, I'll tell ya. 99 00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:02,049 Last week at the Cooper's he got drunk, started singing, yelling. 100 00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:04,985 He was babbling a whole bunch of nonsense. No one knew what the hell he was talking about. 101 00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:08,288 I had to drag our father out of the room, Lance. 102 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:11,024 That's because you let him mix alcohol with his medication. 103 00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:13,861 You never, never let him do that ! 104 00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:15,596 You're an asshole, you know that ? 105 00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:22,202 [ Harry ] Oh, that was a long time ago. 106 00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:26,073 A hundred years ago. 107 00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:28,542 He was tough. [ Laughing ] 108 00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:31,679 Oh, man. Yeah. 109 00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,914 Yes, I remember. 110 00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:36,684 [ Michael Chuckles ] Oh. 111 00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,652 Can you read English ? 112 00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:40,588 [ Together ] "World Champion." 113 00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,856 Yeah. Harry Agensky. 114 00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:48,729 Who's this guy ? 115 00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:52,299 Duff the Muff Coogan. 116 00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:55,068 Big time Reno gangster. 117 00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:59,807 He wanted me to drop a fight and pay me in diamonds. 118 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,975 Diamonds ? Yeah. 119 00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:05,679 Thirteen big ones that he stole. 120 00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:09,817 So what happened ? I dropped the fight. 121 00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:14,187 So you got the diamonds ? Well, [ Chuckles ] 122 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:17,958 Ellie wouldn't let me keep them. 123 00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:22,129 I always see her that way. 124 00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:27,768 So you just gave the diamonds back ? 125 00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:30,203 Well, not exactly. 126 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:34,274 We buried the diamonds in the kitchen wall of his house... 127 00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:37,244 so I could get them whenever I wanted. 128 00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:40,814 So why don't you go get 'em ? [ Sighs ] 129 00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:42,816 I forgot the address. 130 00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:44,818 Somewhere in Reno. 131 00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:46,987 But I will find the address, 132 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:50,357 and I will get these magic diamonds. 133 00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:55,128 Magic diamonds ? You'll see. 134 00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:58,932 I need the diamonds. 135 00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:02,970 I'm not going to end up in an old man's home, 136 00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:05,205 eating soft food. [ Scoffs ] 137 00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,941 Let's go. 138 00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:10,243 - [ Lance ] What's Pa wanna do ? - [ Scoffs ] 139 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:13,747 Pa wants to rent the Althorn Ranch and hire a companion to take care of him. 140 00:10:13,781 --> 00:10:16,917 - That sounds nice. - Yeah, well, the ranch is what ? 141 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:19,319 Four grand a month ? And a good companion costs another two. 142 00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:21,722 Where does he think he's gonna get the money to pay for it ? 143 00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:23,991 Magic diamonds. 144 00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:26,159 [ Groans ] I thought he was over that. 145 00:10:26,193 --> 00:10:28,929 No. See, he's never over anything, Lance. 146 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,699 He just keeps getting worse and worse and worse. 147 00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:36,103 Hi, Pop. 148 00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:43,711 [ Bird Calling ] 149 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:50,350 [ Michael ] Why are Moses and Roseanne so hard on Grandpa ? 150 00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,953 Oh, it's not that. They love him. 151 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,655 It's just that it's been hard for them. 152 00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:59,092 Dad, I was thinking. 153 00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:02,062 What do you say instead of going to Banff, the three of us go to Reno ? 154 00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:03,797 He told you the diamond story ? 155 00:11:03,831 --> 00:11:06,099 Yeah. 156 00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:08,301 Michael, when your grandma died, Pa was under a lot of stress. 157 00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,437 He started with this wild story of Duff the Muff... 158 00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:12,906 and stolen diamonds and a fixed fight. 159 00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:16,744 How many dreams could he possibly have left ? The least we could do is try. 160 00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:18,712 Michael, he's an old man ! 161 00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:22,983 Who I'll probably never see again. 162 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:26,954 You said we were gonna have an adventure. Well, I got news for you. 163 00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:30,357 Moses and Roseanne don't think he's well enough to go to Banff. 164 00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:32,893 All he wants him doing is going out for walks around the house. 165 00:11:32,926 --> 00:11:34,962 Wait. What are you saying ? 166 00:11:34,995 --> 00:11:39,066 I'm saying we could go to Banff ourselves or stay here and hang with Pa. 167 00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:41,201 Grandpa says they can go to hell. 168 00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:44,938 What do you wanna do ? Kidnap him ? Yeah, before sunrise. 169 00:11:44,972 --> 00:11:48,008 He says we could be up, over the border before they even wake up. 170 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,477 He even knows a crossing no one knows, man. Come on ! 171 00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:01,021 Look, I'm gonna go talk to Pa. 172 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:04,457 Let's get a couple hours sleep, then the three of us are out of here. 173 00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:07,227 What about Moses and Roseanne ? 174 00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,897 Screw 'em. 175 00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:22,075 [ Snoring ] 176 00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:29,316 So what do we do now ? Just wake him up ? 177 00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:32,986 [ Whispering ] See if he packed his bag. I'll get his medicine. 178 00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:41,962 [ Groaning ] 179 00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:47,100 - Moses ! - [ Continues Whispering ] Lance, Pa. 180 00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:49,102 It's Lance, your other son. Lance. 181 00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:53,206 Whatever your name is. Lance. 182 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:57,444 His mother gave him that name. [ Sighs ] 183 00:12:57,477 --> 00:13:01,081 I don't want to forget Bev. 184 00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:03,383 Hmm. 185 00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:06,353 Is he gonna be okay ? Christ, I hope so. 186 00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:10,357 What are you staring at ? Let's go. 187 00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:12,826 [ Whispering Continues ] Pa, be quiet ! 188 00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:35,182 - Pa, it's nice to have you with us. - Why ? 189 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:40,888 Well, because I want you and Mikey to... 190 00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:43,223 kinda get to know each other a little better. 191 00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:46,927 - Before I die ? - I didn't say that. 192 00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:54,467 Mikey, never get old. 193 00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:56,403 Just disappear. 194 00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:59,106 [ Changing Radio Stations ] 195 00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:03,110 ** [ Rock Beat ] * I'm looking for somebody like me * 196 00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:06,113 ** [ Continues, Indistinct ] 197 00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:17,624 ** [ Continues ] 198 00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:31,204 Hey, that biker just flipped me off. 199 00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:35,208 Pa, what's going on here ? Did you do that ? 200 00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:42,615 [ Lance ] All right, Pa. Here's the border. Just let me do the talking. 201 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:52,926 [ Officer ] Name, place of birth, citizenship, purpose of trip. 202 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:56,329 - Hi, how're you doin' ? - Please, just answer the questions. 203 00:14:56,363 --> 00:14:59,532 Sorry, I-I didn't mean-- I'm just being friendly. 204 00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:03,603 Uh, I'm Lance Agensky. I was born in Vancouver. I'm a naturalized American. 205 00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:07,941 I'm taking a short vacation with my son and my dad to Reno. 206 00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:15,415 Born in Poland. 207 00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:23,256 Polish. [ Polish ] 208 00:15:23,290 --> 00:15:27,127 - Huh ? - What did you say ? 209 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:31,664 There's a girl named Bev stuffed in the trunk. 210 00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:37,637 Mr. Agensky. [ Together ] Yeah ? 211 00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:40,040 Do you have any illegal narcotics... 212 00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:42,742 on your person or in your vehicle ? 213 00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:45,112 Yeah. Uh, no. No. No. 214 00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:49,316 This is not a joke. Do you have a criminal record of any kind ? And don't lie. 215 00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:52,652 I checked the computer. [ Together ] No. 216 00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:55,488 Okay. Your turn, old man. 217 00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:58,725 Are you now, or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party ? 218 00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:01,128 No, no. No. [ Chuckles ] No. 219 00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:07,400 All right. Good news, gentlemen. You're all clear. 220 00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:10,737 I don't think this man should be traveling if he's so sick. 221 00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:14,474 I'm just old. Is that a crime ? 222 00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:17,210 Do you want to arrest me because I'm old ? 223 00:16:17,244 --> 00:16:20,113 I mean, when my pappy lost it, we couldn't take him anywhere. 224 00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:22,649 If I were you-- You're not him ! 225 00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:25,652 You have something to say, say it to me ! 226 00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:29,222 Pa, calm down, now. He means no harm, all right ? 227 00:16:29,256 --> 00:16:31,191 What type of medication is he on ? 228 00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:35,228 I ought to smash your head. Lance, hit him ! 229 00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:37,564 Pa, I think we'd just better be going, all right ? 230 00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:41,434 I forgot. My son won't hit you. 231 00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:44,104 He's a writer. 232 00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:47,374 Jeez. [ Muttering ] 233 00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:50,410 Thank you for your understanding. 234 00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:53,546 [ Muttering Continues ] 235 00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:56,783 [ Car Door Closes, Engine Starts ] 236 00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:01,788 [ Lance ] Thank you. Bye-bye. 237 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:07,360 Nice, Pa. Very nice. You almost got us deported. 238 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:23,410 [ Crowd Cheering ] 239 00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:38,325 [ Cheering Intensifies ] 240 00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:41,428 [ Cheering Fades ] [ Lance ] I'm bringing him back ! 241 00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:44,364 First he tells the customs officer he's got Bev stuffed in the trunk. 242 00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:47,200 - [ Moses ] Sounds like you've got a problem. - Hey, Michael ! 243 00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:50,237 - Michael, no ! - Problems, Lance ? I wonder why. 244 00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:52,372 I'm glad I made your day. 245 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:55,642 Michael ! Hey ! Are you crazy ? 246 00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:58,211 Hey ! Excuse me. 247 00:17:58,245 --> 00:18:00,347 What are you doing ? It's my first cigarette in two days ! 248 00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:02,749 I'll tell you when you get a cigarette. When ? 249 00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:05,818 With the blindfold, just before I shoot you. 250 00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:08,321 [ Scoffs ] Guess what. 251 00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:10,490 What ? [ Sighs ] 252 00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:13,193 Moses and Roseanne are going to Seattle for a couple of days... 253 00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:16,529 while they have their house fumigated. 254 00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:19,666 [ Michael ] So you think it was a mistake bringing him with us ? 255 00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:24,237 God, I hate it when Moses is right. [ Sighs ] 256 00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:29,442 It'll take two days for their house to clear of pesticides. 257 00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:34,381 Remember, we only have ourselves to blame for this little scheme, 258 00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:38,218 so I guess we just have to keep sucking it up for his sake, huh ? 259 00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:42,789 Yeah, I'm game. 260 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:51,164 All right, now, Pa. 261 00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:54,267 One more ridiculous stunt, 262 00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:57,704 and I will turn this car around and head back across the border so fast... 263 00:18:57,737 --> 00:19:01,508 it will make your head spin. 264 00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:03,243 Lance. 265 00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:09,849 You look nervous. I'll drive. 266 00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:12,319 [ Laughs ] Right on, Grandpa ! 267 00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,589 You shouldn't have taken my cigarette. 268 00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:18,791 Just shut up and get your little ass in the car. 269 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,529 [ Engine Starts ] 270 00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:24,464 Hey ! What are you doing ? 271 00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:27,634 Whoo-hoo ! 272 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:30,237 Oh, yeah ! 273 00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:32,772 Okay, the road is to your left, Grandpa. 274 00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:41,981 Not so fast. 275 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:45,285 You wanna get there, don't you ? 276 00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:48,621 - Right on, Grandpa ! - [ Laughs ] 277 00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:50,623 [ Lance ] I don't think you should be driving. 278 00:19:50,657 --> 00:19:56,396 I've been driving for 65 years. Wanna see my license ? 279 00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:59,866 - [ Lance ] Watch out ! - [ All Screaming, Shouting ] - [ Truck Horn Blaring ] 280 00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:05,972 Oh, Jesus Christ. 281 00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:11,411 [ Coughing ] 282 00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:14,547 Goddamn road hogs. 283 00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:17,517 All right. You drive. 284 00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:20,253 [ Clattering ] 285 00:20:21,788 --> 00:20:24,491 [ Clattering Continues ] 286 00:20:37,304 --> 00:20:40,673 [ Harry ] I'm sorry, but I have to try it again. 287 00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:43,876 [ Lance ] We stop every half hour, wait 20 minutes, and nothing happens. 288 00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:47,514 But I have to try to go. Dad, he's got to go. 289 00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:57,590 [ Bell Dings ] [ Grunting ] 290 00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:01,361 Evening. Hello. 291 00:21:01,394 --> 00:21:03,796 I need a double room with a cot, please. And a VCR. 292 00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:07,434 No VCR. 293 00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:11,037 Uh, would you have a strong laxative ? 294 00:21:13,540 --> 00:21:17,910 The nearest drugstore is Dave's Drug and Gun Emporium down the street. 295 00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:20,513 If you hurry, it's still open. 296 00:21:20,547 --> 00:21:23,483 Dave's Drug and Gun ? Mm-hmm. 297 00:21:23,516 --> 00:21:26,052 Mikey, you take over. What ? 298 00:21:26,085 --> 00:21:28,488 You a reporter ? 299 00:21:29,889 --> 00:21:32,024 Oh ! Um-- 300 00:21:32,058 --> 00:21:36,529 Yeah, I'm a sports editor for The San Jose Mercury. 301 00:21:36,563 --> 00:21:40,567 - Really ? I used to be-- - An asshole. 302 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:44,371 Tarzan LeCompte. 303 00:21:44,404 --> 00:21:48,575 You tried to take my title away, but I whupped you. 304 00:21:48,608 --> 00:21:50,577 No ! [ Wheel Clattering ] 305 00:21:50,610 --> 00:21:52,745 You ? It can't be ! 306 00:21:52,779 --> 00:21:56,483 I heard you were dead. Made my day. 307 00:21:56,516 --> 00:21:59,719 I'm going to straighten that nose of yours. 308 00:21:59,752 --> 00:22:03,122 You stupid frog, what the hell are you doing here ? 309 00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:06,526 [ Shouts, Chuckles ] [ Mutters ] 310 00:22:06,559 --> 00:22:10,897 Tarzan, remember Duff the Muff ? Sure, who doesn't ? 311 00:22:10,930 --> 00:22:14,734 The Muff was a real guy ? That's a stupid question. 312 00:22:14,767 --> 00:22:17,904 Will you give me his address ? Sure. 313 00:22:17,937 --> 00:22:21,874 Thanks. But no rematch. 314 00:22:21,908 --> 00:22:24,076 I'd whip your behind. 315 00:22:24,110 --> 00:22:28,415 You weren't good enough to be bum of the month. What ? 316 00:22:28,448 --> 00:22:31,518 I was beating you bloody. If it wasn't for that lucky punch, 317 00:22:31,551 --> 00:22:33,486 you'd be begging me for a rematch. 318 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:38,691 I knocked you out. Elvis was there at ringside when you hit the deck. 319 00:22:38,725 --> 00:22:41,060 Guys. Guys, about the room, huh ? I-- 320 00:22:41,093 --> 00:22:43,129 Follow me, kid. 321 00:22:46,132 --> 00:22:48,835 ** [ "Are You Lonesome Tonight" On Speaker ] [ Gasps ] 322 00:22:48,868 --> 00:22:51,137 Music in every room. 323 00:22:51,170 --> 00:22:53,740 Oh, man. 324 00:22:53,773 --> 00:22:55,842 [ Chuckles ] 325 00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:58,511 Yo. Yo, Elvis was the King. 326 00:22:58,545 --> 00:23:00,480 I got all his tapes. 327 00:23:00,513 --> 00:23:02,114 Enjoy. 328 00:23:02,148 --> 00:23:06,653 And, Polack, forget the tip. 329 00:23:06,686 --> 00:23:12,124 - * Are you sorry we drifted apart * - Are you all right ? 330 00:23:12,158 --> 00:23:15,127 This was Ellie's favorite song. 331 00:23:17,096 --> 00:23:18,998 ** [ Turns Music Off ] 332 00:23:19,732 --> 00:23:23,436 Why ? Why ? 333 00:23:23,470 --> 00:23:27,907 - Grandpa-- - Why did she have to die ? 334 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,048 Why didn't you die ? 335 00:23:36,082 --> 00:23:38,518 You ! 336 00:23:46,626 --> 00:23:48,761 Grandpa. 337 00:23:48,795 --> 00:23:51,030 Grandpa, it's gonna be okay. [ Sobbing ] 338 00:23:51,063 --> 00:23:54,467 It's fine. It's just fine. 339 00:24:00,807 --> 00:24:03,510 Everything's gonna be okay. [ Sobbing Continues ] 340 00:24:05,912 --> 00:24:08,915 We're gonna be okay. [ Door Opens ] 341 00:24:10,783 --> 00:24:14,587 Oh, my God. What happened ? 342 00:24:14,621 --> 00:24:18,525 It's just a mirror and a vase. This is my Elvis room ! 343 00:24:18,558 --> 00:24:20,727 I'll-- I'll pay for the damage. 344 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:22,929 I don't want your money. I want blood. 345 00:24:22,962 --> 00:24:26,132 Want blood ? 346 00:24:26,165 --> 00:24:28,067 Oh, no. Pa, no. Pa ! 347 00:24:29,669 --> 00:24:32,271 I'll give you blood. You're getting old, Harry. 348 00:24:32,304 --> 00:24:34,240 You couldn't hit the side of a barn. 349 00:24:34,273 --> 00:24:36,809 [ Scoffs ] Look at you. 350 00:24:36,843 --> 00:24:41,113 Oh, look at you, Harry. You look like an old basset. You can't even talk. 351 00:24:41,147 --> 00:24:42,782 Oh ! [ Groaning ] 352 00:24:42,815 --> 00:24:45,885 - Now you got blood. - [ Groaning Continues ] 353 00:24:47,153 --> 00:24:49,288 I'll pay for the damages, sir. 354 00:24:49,321 --> 00:24:52,759 Just go on and get out of here. 355 00:24:52,792 --> 00:24:55,762 Go on ! And about that address-- 356 00:24:55,795 --> 00:24:59,566 No ! From that ape, I won't take it. 357 00:24:59,599 --> 00:25:03,235 Grandpa, it's kind of important. If it's from him, I won't go. 358 00:25:03,269 --> 00:25:06,272 432 Bear Cat Drive. 359 00:25:06,305 --> 00:25:09,876 [ Chuckling ] 360 00:25:09,909 --> 00:25:11,811 What a sucker. 361 00:25:14,180 --> 00:25:16,215 Let's get out of here. 362 00:25:16,248 --> 00:25:18,785 We're going to be rich ! 363 00:25:18,818 --> 00:25:21,621 [ Sighs ] [ Door Closes ] 364 00:25:54,954 --> 00:26:00,259 [ Michael ] Okay, okay. This is 431, 430, 432. 365 00:26:38,064 --> 00:26:41,133 [ Glass Clinking ] This is it. 366 00:26:46,072 --> 00:26:50,109 - [ Harry Snoring ] - [ Dog Barking ] 367 00:26:50,142 --> 00:26:52,044 Mmm. 368 00:26:54,781 --> 00:26:58,184 [ Groans ] 369 00:26:59,852 --> 00:27:01,788 Well, they aren't there. 370 00:27:03,055 --> 00:27:05,725 [ Sighs ] 371 00:27:10,429 --> 00:27:12,965 Grandpa, what's up with those shades ? 372 00:27:12,999 --> 00:27:16,235 I don't want people to recognize me. 373 00:27:16,268 --> 00:27:19,171 I had a big title fight in Vegas. 374 00:27:19,205 --> 00:27:21,941 A thousand years ago. And, Pa, this is Reno. 375 00:27:21,974 --> 00:27:26,679 Used to be all desert. Incredible. No, Grandpa, this is Reno. 376 00:27:26,713 --> 00:27:31,283 In my day, Vegas was a neon whorehouse. 377 00:27:31,317 --> 00:27:34,086 This here looks like a farm. 378 00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:39,025 Hey, read my lips. R-E-N-O. "Ree-no." 379 00:27:39,058 --> 00:27:41,193 I'm not an idiot. 380 00:27:41,227 --> 00:27:45,431 I know this is R-E-N-O. Reno ! 381 00:27:45,464 --> 00:27:49,468 Now, drive, or I'll take the wheel. 382 00:27:49,501 --> 00:27:53,039 Pa, I don't know how to tell you this, but the house-- 383 00:27:53,072 --> 00:27:55,407 I know. I know ! 384 00:27:55,441 --> 00:27:58,745 I was awake all the time. 385 00:27:58,778 --> 00:28:01,247 Now we have to track down the Muff. 386 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:04,450 Why ? He has the diamonds. 387 00:28:04,483 --> 00:28:06,919 Look, I've got a better idea. 388 00:28:06,953 --> 00:28:12,358 Why don't we go to one of these wonderful casinos and have some fun ? 389 00:28:12,391 --> 00:28:14,426 No. No. No. Yeah, we could play poker, the slots. 390 00:28:14,460 --> 00:28:17,063 Get something to eat. Get a room. We can kick it. 391 00:28:17,096 --> 00:28:20,332 Shower, shave. Think of it, Pa. No. No. 392 00:28:20,366 --> 00:28:23,335 Your own toilet. 393 00:28:23,369 --> 00:28:25,271 Okay. 394 00:28:28,540 --> 00:28:32,211 Pa, can we get going ? Come on ! Peter Piper picked... 395 00:28:32,244 --> 00:28:36,015 If we're gonna go, let's go. I'm hungry. a peck of pickled peppers. 396 00:28:36,048 --> 00:28:41,187 How many pecks of pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick ? 397 00:28:41,220 --> 00:28:44,256 Pa, the day's not getting any longer. It's already 4:30. 398 00:28:44,290 --> 00:28:48,194 The skunk sat on a stump. 399 00:28:48,227 --> 00:28:51,898 ** [ Jazz ] [ People Chattering ] 400 00:29:12,484 --> 00:29:14,486 [ Woman ] Whoo ! 401 00:29:30,002 --> 00:29:32,038 [ All Cheering ] 402 00:29:38,477 --> 00:29:40,312 I'm out. 403 00:29:42,114 --> 00:29:44,150 I'm out. 404 00:29:46,485 --> 00:29:50,489 How'd he get the name "The Muff" ? Was short for "muffins." 405 00:29:50,522 --> 00:29:53,192 Oh, yeah. Uh, Coogan. The Muff. Sure. Yes. 406 00:29:53,225 --> 00:29:55,161 It must have been 15 years ago. That's right. 407 00:29:55,194 --> 00:29:59,565 The guy tips me five bucks; ten minutes later he's dead. 408 00:29:59,598 --> 00:30:02,268 Dead ? They counted 32 bullet holes. 409 00:30:02,301 --> 00:30:05,938 Thirty-two holes ? Yeah. 410 00:30:05,972 --> 00:30:09,541 Who did it ? If I knew, do you think I'd tell you ? 411 00:30:09,575 --> 00:30:11,477 Ask his son. 412 00:30:14,413 --> 00:30:18,918 ** [ Continues ] I see your 50. I raise you 50. 413 00:30:22,621 --> 00:30:24,991 And I raise you 50, sir. 414 00:30:33,199 --> 00:30:35,367 Show me. 415 00:30:35,401 --> 00:30:37,336 Straight flush. 416 00:30:37,369 --> 00:30:39,171 Diamonds. 417 00:30:42,474 --> 00:30:44,410 I know it hurts. 418 00:30:44,443 --> 00:30:46,612 Thank you, sir. 419 00:30:46,645 --> 00:30:49,048 A pleasure, gentlemen. 420 00:30:53,152 --> 00:30:55,187 Thank you, thank you. 421 00:31:04,263 --> 00:31:07,566 Oh, Grandpa, Grandpa, you've got to let me just do one quarter, please. 422 00:31:07,599 --> 00:31:11,137 If the guard sees us, we'll both end up in jail. 423 00:31:11,170 --> 00:31:13,539 All right. [ Blows ] 424 00:31:22,281 --> 00:31:27,119 - ** [ Computerized ] - Oh, yeah ! [ Laughing ] 425 00:31:27,153 --> 00:31:29,388 Oh, Grandpa, look at all this money ! [ Chuckling ] 426 00:31:29,421 --> 00:31:32,224 Look at all this money. Thanks. [ Sparse Applause ] 427 00:31:32,258 --> 00:31:34,193 Whoo ! 428 00:31:34,226 --> 00:31:36,228 So let's go spend some moola ! 429 00:31:36,262 --> 00:31:38,630 I'm up for a two-pound lobster dinner. 430 00:31:38,664 --> 00:31:41,000 I'd like a CD player. And how about something for Pa ? 431 00:31:41,033 --> 00:31:43,702 The most expensive fedora we can find. Fedora ! 432 00:31:43,735 --> 00:31:47,940 You always looked good in a hat. Ellie never liked me in a hat. 433 00:31:47,974 --> 00:31:51,110 Oh, Pa. Pa, the room's this way. 434 00:31:51,143 --> 00:31:53,045 Pa ! 435 00:31:54,513 --> 00:31:57,616 Well, let's, uh, get some air. 436 00:31:57,649 --> 00:32:00,019 [ Woman ] Like, what is life all about ? 437 00:32:00,052 --> 00:32:01,988 [ Man ] I know. I know. 438 00:32:02,021 --> 00:32:04,356 [ Continues, Indistinct ] 439 00:32:25,177 --> 00:32:27,546 [ Harry ] Ellie ? 440 00:32:29,681 --> 00:32:32,351 * Are you lonesome tonight 441 00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:37,056 Remember ? 442 00:32:37,089 --> 00:32:40,559 * Do you miss me tonight 443 00:32:40,592 --> 00:32:43,295 Oh, how I miss you, Ellie. 444 00:32:45,064 --> 00:32:50,336 * Are you sorry we drifted apart * 445 00:32:51,670 --> 00:32:54,340 * Does your memory stray 446 00:32:54,373 --> 00:32:56,708 * To that bright summer's day 447 00:32:58,177 --> 00:33:01,480 Not bad, huh ? 448 00:33:01,513 --> 00:33:06,218 * When I kissed you and called you sweetheart ** 449 00:33:06,252 --> 00:33:08,754 - [ Man Grunting ] - Hey ! - Hey, what are you doing ? 450 00:33:08,787 --> 00:33:11,257 - No one move or he's dead ! - Okay ! 451 00:33:11,290 --> 00:33:13,559 - I want your money ! - Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 452 00:33:13,592 --> 00:33:15,794 - Let's go ! Now ! - There. Take it. 453 00:33:15,827 --> 00:33:19,131 - Now move back ! - Michael, no ! Forget it ! 454 00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:24,136 Michael, come back ! Come back ! It's not worth it ! 455 00:33:24,170 --> 00:33:26,272 [ Both Grunting ] 456 00:33:26,305 --> 00:33:29,375 Dad ! Dad ! Dad ! 457 00:33:29,408 --> 00:33:31,410 [ Shouts, Groans ] 458 00:33:31,443 --> 00:33:34,413 Oh, my hand ! My hand ! He sliced me, the son of a bitch ! 459 00:33:34,446 --> 00:33:36,782 - [ Groaning ] - [ Lance ] Pa ! Pa ! 460 00:33:39,718 --> 00:33:42,388 Don't fuck around with the Polish Prince ! 461 00:33:46,525 --> 00:33:48,760 - Give me that. - [ Harry ] Come on. 462 00:33:48,794 --> 00:33:51,197 He got his. [ Muttering ] He sliced my hand. 463 00:33:51,230 --> 00:33:54,433 That guy must be crazy. Did you see what I did to him ? It hurts. 464 00:33:54,466 --> 00:33:56,168 I could have killed him. Mikey, are you okay ? 465 00:33:59,105 --> 00:34:01,140 [ Woman ] Hotel operator. Can I help you ? 466 00:34:01,173 --> 00:34:06,612 Information. Do you have a listing for Damon Coogan ? 467 00:34:06,645 --> 00:34:10,316 Hey, guess what. They sell The Mercury News across the street. 468 00:34:10,349 --> 00:34:13,185 My lucky day. 469 00:34:13,219 --> 00:34:16,054 Pa, it's time to take your pills now, all right ? Yeah. 470 00:34:18,757 --> 00:34:22,394 Moses ? Lance. Remember ? I'm your other son. 471 00:34:22,428 --> 00:34:25,731 Whatever the hell your name is. 472 00:34:25,764 --> 00:34:29,401 I read your Father's Day column. 473 00:34:29,435 --> 00:34:33,172 Well, that was six months ago. I'm not made that way. 474 00:34:33,205 --> 00:34:37,843 Pa, I wasn't writing specifically about you. I was generalizing. 475 00:34:37,876 --> 00:34:42,414 I never beat you, and I was proud of that. 476 00:34:42,448 --> 00:34:44,216 Great. 477 00:34:46,185 --> 00:34:49,221 You know, you could never catch a ball. 478 00:34:49,255 --> 00:34:52,491 Moses understood me. [ Chuckles ] 479 00:34:52,524 --> 00:34:54,860 He even tried to learn Polish. 480 00:34:54,893 --> 00:34:57,196 And I got mislaid in the shuffle. I know. 481 00:34:57,229 --> 00:34:59,231 Why do you say that ? 482 00:34:59,265 --> 00:35:01,800 Your mother understood you. 483 00:35:01,833 --> 00:35:04,636 Did it ever occur to you that I might have needed you ? 484 00:35:04,670 --> 00:35:07,806 Listen, Moses-- uh, Lance. 485 00:35:07,839 --> 00:35:12,844 Why don't you spend ten grand on a shrink ? I'll give you the money. 486 00:35:12,878 --> 00:35:16,582 He'll tell you that it was all your father's fault. 487 00:35:16,615 --> 00:35:19,218 - I already did that. - And that's what he said, no ? 488 00:35:20,752 --> 00:35:22,721 And not to make the same mistake with my son. 489 00:35:22,754 --> 00:35:25,257 And you did, didn't you ? 490 00:35:25,291 --> 00:35:28,394 Look, all I ever wanted from you was just that you believe in me a little. 491 00:35:28,427 --> 00:35:30,729 My little projects or whatever. 492 00:35:30,762 --> 00:35:32,631 Just, you know, that you gave me a little respect. 493 00:35:32,664 --> 00:35:34,833 Respect ? Why ? 494 00:35:34,866 --> 00:35:38,237 Why ? Why ? I'm your son, goddamn it ! 495 00:35:38,270 --> 00:35:42,874 - You gave Moses everything ! - I never gave Moses any more respect. 496 00:35:42,908 --> 00:35:46,245 Look, at this point, I don't care. 497 00:35:46,278 --> 00:35:48,380 Well, I care ! 498 00:35:48,414 --> 00:35:51,917 My father beat the hell out of me. 499 00:35:51,950 --> 00:35:54,586 And he never gave me a pat on the back, 500 00:35:54,620 --> 00:35:57,656 even when I won the championship. 501 00:35:57,689 --> 00:35:59,691 Just because your father never gave you a pat on the back, 502 00:35:59,725 --> 00:36:02,394 that gives you the right to kick my ass ? 503 00:36:02,428 --> 00:36:05,431 I never kicked you in the ass ! Look at me. 504 00:36:05,464 --> 00:36:08,200 Am I a monster ? 505 00:36:08,234 --> 00:36:12,271 Maybe I can't talk, but I can read. 506 00:36:12,304 --> 00:36:13,805 I can read. Father's Day. 507 00:36:20,379 --> 00:36:23,782 [ Sighs ] Look, why don't you just admit you weren't there when I needed you ? 508 00:36:25,684 --> 00:36:30,289 Where was I ? In the saloon getting drunk ? 509 00:36:30,322 --> 00:36:34,260 No ! I was making a living ! 510 00:36:34,293 --> 00:36:37,763 I was training, running, hitting the bag, 511 00:36:37,796 --> 00:36:40,566 boxing, sparring, fighting, 512 00:36:40,599 --> 00:36:42,468 getting my brains knocked out ! 513 00:36:44,503 --> 00:36:47,373 And for what ? For you. 514 00:36:47,406 --> 00:36:49,908 For Moses. For Ellie ! 515 00:36:49,941 --> 00:36:53,245 For my family ! 516 00:36:53,279 --> 00:36:55,281 [ Lamp Breaks ] [ Lance ] Pa ! 517 00:36:56,748 --> 00:36:58,884 I tried. 518 00:36:58,917 --> 00:37:02,554 Goddamn it, I tried. I tried it the best I could. 519 00:37:02,588 --> 00:37:04,956 [ Sobbing ] I tried. I tried. 520 00:37:04,990 --> 00:37:07,726 I always tried my best. 521 00:37:07,759 --> 00:37:10,462 [ Mumbling Unintelligibly ] 522 00:37:23,475 --> 00:37:25,377 [ Lance ] Pa, I'm sorry. 523 00:37:26,612 --> 00:37:28,514 I love you, Pa. 524 00:37:33,485 --> 00:37:37,423 Are you proud of yourself ? It's between him and me. 525 00:37:37,456 --> 00:37:41,427 You know the difference between you and Sam is ? Sam's a man and you're a wuss. 526 00:37:41,460 --> 00:37:43,695 What ? I should never have come on this trip. 527 00:37:43,729 --> 00:37:45,664 Wait a minute. Y-You wanted to come. 528 00:37:45,697 --> 00:37:47,633 This was supposed to be our special time together. 529 00:37:47,666 --> 00:37:49,668 No, Mom wanted to be alone with Sam. 530 00:37:49,701 --> 00:37:51,870 She said I had a choice between you and Auntie Elba. 531 00:37:51,903 --> 00:37:55,574 Oh, great. I beat out a 90-year-old Nazi. 532 00:37:55,607 --> 00:37:58,544 Look, I need a smoke and a beer, all right ? What ? 533 00:37:58,577 --> 00:38:01,279 Hey, Michael, come back here. Hey ! 534 00:38:02,981 --> 00:38:06,685 - Where are you going ? - Just back off, all right ? 535 00:38:07,753 --> 00:38:09,655 Michael ! 536 00:38:14,493 --> 00:38:16,428 Mmm. 537 00:38:21,467 --> 00:38:23,369 [ Sighs ] 538 00:38:33,712 --> 00:38:35,781 Michael ! Where have you been ? 539 00:38:35,814 --> 00:38:38,917 I've been looking everywhere for you. 540 00:38:38,950 --> 00:38:42,020 I've been right here. "Right here." 541 00:38:42,053 --> 00:38:43,789 What's the legal drinking age in Nevada now ? 542 00:38:43,822 --> 00:38:47,426 Is it still 21 ? Or is it 18 or 12 ? 543 00:38:47,459 --> 00:38:49,795 Actually, in Nevada, you can drink soda at any age. 544 00:38:54,866 --> 00:38:56,768 I'm sorry. I-- 545 00:39:00,739 --> 00:39:02,774 Can I join ya ? 546 00:39:02,808 --> 00:39:05,611 It'll cost ya. 547 00:39:05,644 --> 00:39:07,679 All right, I-- 548 00:39:07,713 --> 00:39:09,615 I'm listening. 549 00:39:13,919 --> 00:39:16,655 You have to tell me what your biggest regret in life is. 550 00:39:18,790 --> 00:39:23,028 All right. I'll tell you my one big regret. 551 00:39:26,798 --> 00:39:29,468 I never had a relationship with my father. 552 00:39:29,501 --> 00:39:33,472 - Is that your fault ? - I don't know. 553 00:39:33,505 --> 00:39:36,775 Oh, come on. You know it's always the dad's fault, right ? 554 00:39:36,808 --> 00:39:40,612 And I think I'm creating the same dynamic with you. 555 00:39:43,549 --> 00:39:45,684 Is that your fault ? 556 00:39:45,717 --> 00:39:48,954 Well, I heard an expert once say it's always the dad's fault. 557 00:39:51,490 --> 00:39:54,125 Really ? Well, that expert must have been a pretty smart guy. 558 00:39:54,159 --> 00:39:57,095 His father was pretty smart. Really ? Cool. 559 00:39:57,128 --> 00:39:59,097 Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. 560 00:39:59,130 --> 00:40:01,967 That's pushing it. 561 00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:05,704 Do you speak English ? [ Woman ] I am. What Coogan ? 562 00:40:05,737 --> 00:40:08,474 I'll take a-any Coogan you got. 563 00:40:08,507 --> 00:40:11,710 We don't have any, sir. Oh. 564 00:40:11,743 --> 00:40:14,646 Well, how about unlisted ? Unlisted ? 565 00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:16,915 Yeah. The-- I can't do that. 566 00:40:16,948 --> 00:40:21,086 Oh. Give me a little hint. Sir. 567 00:40:21,119 --> 00:40:26,124 Hey, how about if I offer to pay you money ? 568 00:40:26,157 --> 00:40:29,194 Are you drunk ? I'm not drunk ! 569 00:40:29,227 --> 00:40:31,997 Good-bye. [ Dial Tone ] I-- Hello ? Hello ? 570 00:40:33,899 --> 00:40:37,002 So, when was the first time you got stoned ? 571 00:40:37,035 --> 00:40:40,105 What makes you think I ever got stoned ? [ Chuckles ] 572 00:40:40,138 --> 00:40:42,073 Because you're not a total loser. 573 00:40:42,107 --> 00:40:46,177 Oh, that's how it works, huh ? You're hip, so you get stoned. 574 00:40:46,211 --> 00:40:48,780 Look, you don't want to answer, fine. Forget it. 575 00:40:53,251 --> 00:40:55,587 Her name was Gissa. 576 00:40:55,621 --> 00:40:58,524 I was 21, dating a 39-year-old woman. 577 00:40:58,557 --> 00:41:01,192 [ Laughs ] Damn ! 578 00:41:01,226 --> 00:41:04,830 She was gorgeous. I mean-- 579 00:41:04,863 --> 00:41:08,800 She puts these headphones on me, rolls me up a jay. 580 00:41:08,834 --> 00:41:11,136 What music did she play ? 581 00:41:11,169 --> 00:41:13,872 Neil Diamond. 582 00:41:13,905 --> 00:41:15,907 I didn't think you had it in ya. 583 00:41:15,941 --> 00:41:19,144 Don't ever tell Grandpa, huh ? Aw. [ Chuckles ] 584 00:41:19,177 --> 00:41:21,813 ** [ Instrumental ] 585 00:41:21,847 --> 00:41:24,783 This time we'll make our lips smile and then pucker. 586 00:41:24,816 --> 00:41:28,219 Bring your lips up into a big smile with your teeth closed. 587 00:41:28,253 --> 00:41:31,690 The happy face pucker will look like this. 588 00:41:33,925 --> 00:41:37,563 Let's go, Bev. Five, six, seven, eight. 589 00:41:37,596 --> 00:41:40,599 ** [ Resumes ] [ Grunting ] 590 00:41:44,736 --> 00:41:46,838 ** [ Continues ] [ Door Unlocks ] 591 00:41:53,311 --> 00:41:55,013 [ Chuckles ] 592 00:41:58,349 --> 00:42:00,518 [ Both Grunting ] 593 00:42:02,654 --> 00:42:05,056 Now that our lips are getting limber, we'll do some lip smacks. 594 00:42:06,725 --> 00:42:10,829 I got you. And you pay for dinner. [ Chuckling ] 595 00:42:10,862 --> 00:42:13,965 And I'm hungry ! [ Muttering ] No, I-- Get up ! 596 00:42:18,970 --> 00:42:20,906 Harry, your fly's open. 597 00:42:20,939 --> 00:42:23,208 Nothing will fly out. 598 00:42:24,810 --> 00:42:27,813 Mmm. Another vodka. 599 00:42:27,846 --> 00:42:30,348 Uh, double. 600 00:42:30,381 --> 00:42:33,885 That should make you happy. Oh, you'd better believe it. 601 00:42:37,656 --> 00:42:40,926 Pa, if there was one thing that you could do, what would that one thing be ? 602 00:42:43,261 --> 00:42:45,597 Get laid. 603 00:42:45,631 --> 00:42:47,966 [ Chuckling ] Oh, yeah ! You the man ! 604 00:42:47,999 --> 00:42:51,369 What did you say ? Listen, I'm serious. 605 00:42:51,402 --> 00:42:54,740 I haven't had sex in eight years ! 606 00:42:54,773 --> 00:42:58,243 - Pa, please. - I'm a man, goddamn it ! 607 00:42:58,276 --> 00:43:02,180 Before I go, I wanna have a woman. 608 00:43:02,213 --> 00:43:04,683 He's not been well. He's had a stroke. 609 00:43:04,716 --> 00:43:08,219 Oh, who gives a damn about itsy-bitsy stroke ? [ Man ] Sit down, 610 00:43:08,253 --> 00:43:10,355 Just sit down, will you ? you old drunk ! 611 00:43:10,388 --> 00:43:13,191 You're a bunch of pussies. 612 00:43:13,224 --> 00:43:15,694 - [ People Gasping ] - Pussies ! 613 00:43:15,727 --> 00:43:19,330 P-U-S-S-- S-- How are my S's ? 614 00:43:19,364 --> 00:43:22,167 - Perfect. - Perfect ? Very good. 615 00:43:23,769 --> 00:43:26,004 I'm not buying a prostitute for you. 616 00:43:26,037 --> 00:43:29,307 I hear that college girls... 617 00:43:29,340 --> 00:43:34,279 are really into old men with slurred speech. 618 00:43:34,312 --> 00:43:37,182 - Kind of kinky. - Yeah. 619 00:43:37,215 --> 00:43:40,385 But who am I to complain ? 620 00:43:41,787 --> 00:43:44,255 [ Laughing Continues ] 621 00:43:44,289 --> 00:43:47,058 All right. I'll find a place and drop you off. 622 00:43:47,092 --> 00:43:51,797 When was the last time you had sex ? 623 00:43:51,830 --> 00:43:54,966 Pa, not in front of my son, all right ? Oh, come on ! 624 00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:57,168 He hasn't gotten any since him and Mom separated. 625 00:43:59,470 --> 00:44:03,141 And I bet you're a virgin. 626 00:44:03,174 --> 00:44:07,012 Oh, please ! I am not a virgin. 627 00:44:07,045 --> 00:44:09,715 - I'm not. - A toast. 628 00:44:09,748 --> 00:44:13,952 To my last love, 629 00:44:13,985 --> 00:44:15,987 to Mikey's first... 630 00:44:16,021 --> 00:44:19,891 and to Lance's... whatever. 631 00:44:19,925 --> 00:44:22,460 - I think not. - Why not ? 632 00:44:22,493 --> 00:44:26,297 I'm not gonna be a party to you learning about women being bought and sold as commodities. 633 00:44:26,331 --> 00:44:32,170 - They are not cattle. - You need sex more than I do. 634 00:44:32,203 --> 00:44:35,440 And Mikey has to start sometime. 635 00:44:35,473 --> 00:44:39,845 [ Sighs ] If your mother ever found out we were even talking about this, 636 00:44:39,878 --> 00:44:42,113 I would lose visitation rights for eternity. 637 00:44:42,147 --> 00:44:43,882 I'd-- I'd be willing to risk that. 638 00:44:45,516 --> 00:44:48,720 Gentlemen, two Cokes. 639 00:44:48,754 --> 00:44:52,958 There you go. And... a... double. 640 00:44:52,991 --> 00:44:55,894 Uh, 641 00:44:55,927 --> 00:45:00,431 "June," where is the best chicken ranch in town ? 642 00:45:00,465 --> 00:45:03,001 - Pa, come on ! - I beg your pardon ? 643 00:45:03,034 --> 00:45:05,904 Oh. Uh-- 644 00:45:07,105 --> 00:45:11,376 [ Chuckles ] I know just the place. 645 00:45:13,779 --> 00:45:17,783 The girls are the best. Thank you. 646 00:45:17,816 --> 00:45:19,785 My pleasure. 647 00:45:19,818 --> 00:45:22,453 [ Chuckles ] 648 00:45:22,487 --> 00:45:24,222 Read it. 649 00:45:29,194 --> 00:45:31,897 "State of Nirvana. Sister Sin-Dee and Girls Incorporated. 650 00:45:31,930 --> 00:45:34,099 "Five miles east on Logger's Road off High Point's Pass. 651 00:45:34,132 --> 00:45:37,735 - Ten percent off with this card." - I'm ready ! 652 00:45:39,237 --> 00:45:43,074 Ahh ! Like Red Hot Henry Brown. 653 00:45:43,108 --> 00:45:46,311 [ Michael ] Who's he ? The hottest man in town. 654 00:45:46,344 --> 00:45:49,447 All right. Okay, that's it on the alcohol. ** [ Singing ] 655 00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:51,416 He's cut off. That's it. 656 00:45:51,449 --> 00:45:53,351 Ooh ! ** [ Continues ] 657 00:46:04,395 --> 00:46:06,898 Dad, there's a lot of cultures in the world... Mm-hmm. 658 00:46:06,932 --> 00:46:10,268 where fathers take their sons to the local madam to lose their virginity. 659 00:46:10,301 --> 00:46:12,303 It can be a very powerful bonding experience. Fine. 660 00:46:12,337 --> 00:46:14,539 You know what I'm saying ? No. 661 00:46:14,572 --> 00:46:18,343 What made this country great ? Democracy. 662 00:46:18,376 --> 00:46:20,912 Uh, your point being ? Let's have a vote. 663 00:46:20,946 --> 00:46:22,948 Oh ! That sounds totally fair, yeah. 664 00:46:22,981 --> 00:46:26,384 You know I'm gonna be outvoted. You can't be sure. 665 00:46:26,417 --> 00:46:29,554 [ Scoffs ] What ? You're not gonna vote yes ? 666 00:46:29,587 --> 00:46:33,324 I wanna vote yes, but I'll vote no out of respect for you. 667 00:46:33,358 --> 00:46:35,460 Oh. I was born yesterday. 668 00:46:35,493 --> 00:46:38,529 Look, just give me the respect of a vote, okay ? 669 00:46:38,563 --> 00:46:43,534 I'll give you the respect of a no. I don't think women are cattle either. 670 00:46:43,568 --> 00:46:46,104 Just trust me, okay ? 671 00:46:46,137 --> 00:46:50,508 Lance, if you don't trust your own son-- 672 00:46:52,410 --> 00:46:55,246 Right. Okay. Good. I'll trust you. 673 00:46:55,280 --> 00:46:58,583 Because if you don't have trust, I mean, you have nothing, right ? 674 00:46:58,616 --> 00:47:01,519 Okay. Go, Congressman. It's your vote. 675 00:47:03,188 --> 00:47:07,125 I vote yes, I go. We have nothing. 676 00:47:07,158 --> 00:47:10,996 I wanted to vote no, okay ? My testosterone just took over. 677 00:47:11,029 --> 00:47:13,398 It's not my fault I was born a male, okay ? 678 00:47:13,431 --> 00:47:15,867 It's your turn, Grandpa. 679 00:47:15,901 --> 00:47:19,570 Mikey, I told him to trust you. 680 00:47:19,604 --> 00:47:23,141 I have to trust my son. 681 00:47:23,174 --> 00:47:26,878 I vote no. Thank you. 682 00:47:26,912 --> 00:47:29,080 Shit ! Take it like a man. 683 00:47:29,114 --> 00:47:31,316 No, I don't have to take it like anything, Grandpa. 684 00:47:31,349 --> 00:47:33,418 Now I see why you drove my dad nuts, huh ? 685 00:47:33,451 --> 00:47:36,054 Wait a minute. There's one more vote. 686 00:47:37,355 --> 00:47:39,290 Oh, right. Lance. Sorry we forgot you. 687 00:47:39,324 --> 00:47:42,527 Go ahead. Vote away. You already know my vote. 688 00:47:42,560 --> 00:47:45,463 That's not how a democracy works. Oh, right. Right. 689 00:47:45,496 --> 00:47:49,100 It works on lies ? Just vote, okay ? 690 00:47:49,134 --> 00:47:51,036 All right. 691 00:47:52,703 --> 00:47:56,074 Yes. I knew you-- What ? Yes, what ? 692 00:47:56,107 --> 00:47:58,944 Yes, I'm going to hell in a handcart. [ Chuckling ] 693 00:47:58,977 --> 00:48:01,612 Yes, I'm going to the penitentiary at the hand of your mother. 694 00:48:01,646 --> 00:48:04,082 And yes, you're about to have an experience... 695 00:48:04,115 --> 00:48:06,451 that I will probably lament for the rest of my life. 696 00:48:06,484 --> 00:48:09,620 Yes ? Yeah ! Whoo-hoo ! 697 00:48:09,654 --> 00:48:13,959 Yeah ! Whoo-hoo ! 698 00:48:13,992 --> 00:48:16,361 Whoo-hoo ! 699 00:48:16,394 --> 00:48:18,296 All right ! 700 00:48:22,533 --> 00:48:25,203 [ Animal Howling ] 701 00:48:34,212 --> 00:48:36,547 You look cool, Grandpa. Cool ? 702 00:48:36,581 --> 00:48:39,084 Hey, I'm cold. 703 00:48:39,117 --> 00:48:41,352 Don't you ever put the top up ? 704 00:48:41,386 --> 00:48:43,288 Pa, you know it's broken. 705 00:48:44,589 --> 00:48:47,258 You know, I hate to mention it at this point, 706 00:48:47,292 --> 00:48:49,394 but what if they say Michael's too young ? 707 00:48:49,427 --> 00:48:51,662 No prob. I got a California I.D. that says I'm 21. 708 00:48:51,696 --> 00:48:53,999 Does every 18-year old have a fake I.D. ? 709 00:48:54,032 --> 00:48:56,534 You did. Hey, come on. You were 18 once. 710 00:48:56,567 --> 00:48:58,503 Can't you remember that far back ? 711 00:48:58,536 --> 00:49:01,372 I was only 18 for about a year. 712 00:49:01,406 --> 00:49:05,376 I feel 15 or maybe 16. 713 00:49:08,079 --> 00:49:10,548 Well, ring the bell. 714 00:49:10,581 --> 00:49:12,483 Right. 715 00:49:13,551 --> 00:49:15,453 [ Bell Rings ] 716 00:49:22,693 --> 00:49:24,729 Hi. Hi. Hello. 717 00:49:24,762 --> 00:49:28,499 Hello. Come on in. 718 00:49:28,533 --> 00:49:30,668 Thank you. 719 00:49:33,438 --> 00:49:36,041 Oh, wow. This is a nice place. 720 00:49:36,074 --> 00:49:38,643 Thank you. My name is Sin-Dee. 721 00:49:38,676 --> 00:49:40,678 Miss Sin-Dee. Mm-hmm. 722 00:49:40,711 --> 00:49:43,148 What's yours ? 723 00:49:43,181 --> 00:49:45,216 I'm Michael. Lance. 724 00:49:47,152 --> 00:49:51,322 Does Harry the Polish Prince ring a bell ? 725 00:49:51,356 --> 00:49:54,659 Oh, now, let me think. You're the Prince of Poland. 726 00:49:54,692 --> 00:49:57,062 [ Chuckles ] Very funny. 727 00:49:57,095 --> 00:50:01,666 I was a welterweight boxing champion of the world. 728 00:50:01,699 --> 00:50:03,734 Ooh, very impressive. 729 00:50:03,768 --> 00:50:06,537 [ Michael ] He was the best. [ Chuckles ] 730 00:50:06,571 --> 00:50:08,639 How old are you ? 731 00:50:08,673 --> 00:50:11,342 I'm 24. Twenty-one. 732 00:50:14,112 --> 00:50:18,049 - Whose idea was it to bring you here ? - He has a California I.D. 733 00:50:19,750 --> 00:50:22,087 I don't really have an I.D. 734 00:50:22,120 --> 00:50:24,755 I was just saying that. You have an I.D. card. 735 00:50:24,789 --> 00:50:27,458 - Remember ? - Pa. - What ? 736 00:50:27,492 --> 00:50:29,294 In your pocket. 737 00:50:31,196 --> 00:50:34,199 The alley. Oh. 738 00:50:34,232 --> 00:50:36,401 Ohh ! Yeah. 739 00:50:43,241 --> 00:50:46,311 Oh. Your name is Benjamin Franklin ? 740 00:50:46,344 --> 00:50:49,447 Uh, his friends call him Benjie. 741 00:50:53,218 --> 00:50:57,255 Benjie, here's your hundred. 742 00:50:57,288 --> 00:51:02,493 I'm sure your father will take care of your bill very generously. 743 00:51:02,527 --> 00:51:04,662 Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's a big tipper. 744 00:51:04,695 --> 00:51:10,435 I'm glad to hear that. Ah, father, son. Father, son. 745 00:51:10,468 --> 00:51:15,240 - A family project. - One for all and all for one. 746 00:51:15,273 --> 00:51:18,176 Ah, lovely. 747 00:51:18,209 --> 00:51:21,512 Well, since you're here, I'll let it go this time. 748 00:51:21,546 --> 00:51:25,650 This really, really means a lot to me. Thank you, Miss Sin-Dee. 749 00:51:25,683 --> 00:51:29,254 Mm-hmm. Follow me. 750 00:51:31,422 --> 00:51:33,724 [ Mutters ] 751 00:51:33,758 --> 00:51:35,826 [ Clears Throat ] 752 00:51:41,932 --> 00:51:44,235 Girls ? 753 00:51:57,415 --> 00:52:01,619 - Guys, you all right ? - Couldn't be better. 754 00:52:01,652 --> 00:52:06,157 Uh, Mikey, you choose first. 755 00:52:06,191 --> 00:52:07,692 [ Sighs ] 756 00:52:13,531 --> 00:52:18,703 Um, well, first off, ladies, I-- 757 00:52:18,736 --> 00:52:23,174 I want you all to know that I have great respect... 758 00:52:23,208 --> 00:52:25,343 for you all as women. 759 00:52:25,376 --> 00:52:29,747 I-I do. And in no way do I think of you as objects, 760 00:52:29,780 --> 00:52:33,618 but more as pieces of art. 761 00:52:33,651 --> 00:52:38,189 Um, you know, you're beautiful and feminine and-- 762 00:52:38,223 --> 00:52:40,658 hi-- real flesh and bone. 763 00:52:40,691 --> 00:52:45,363 Um, I also support equal rights and equal pay for women-- 764 00:52:45,396 --> 00:52:49,334 Little boy, I don't care if you respect me or not. 765 00:52:49,367 --> 00:52:54,472 I just want you to caress every part of my body as I grind my hips into yours. 766 00:52:54,505 --> 00:52:57,908 I want to lick your ear and push my hands down your pants... 767 00:52:57,942 --> 00:53:01,746 and make you cry for mercy as I take you to places so good it hurts. 768 00:53:04,749 --> 00:53:07,652 - Um, I'm gonna take her. - Good. 769 00:53:09,387 --> 00:53:11,656 [ Michael ] See you later, Dad. 770 00:53:14,659 --> 00:53:16,561 Ahh. 771 00:53:21,499 --> 00:53:23,768 [ Chuckles ] 772 00:53:23,801 --> 00:53:27,738 I feel like a kid in a candy store. 773 00:53:27,772 --> 00:53:31,909 First, a bottle of champagne. 774 00:53:33,478 --> 00:53:35,813 Maybe two. Ooh. 775 00:53:38,416 --> 00:53:40,485 Let's see. 776 00:53:42,587 --> 00:53:45,790 Her, her, 777 00:53:47,024 --> 00:53:50,428 the one with the big tongue. 778 00:53:50,461 --> 00:53:53,731 [ Chuckles ] 779 00:53:53,764 --> 00:53:56,401 Ladies, lead the way. 780 00:54:00,638 --> 00:54:05,376 I live dangerously because I'm Red Hot Henry Brown, 781 00:54:05,410 --> 00:54:07,612 the hottest man in town. 782 00:54:07,645 --> 00:54:10,581 [ Sin-Dee Laughs ] * That red-hot mama you heard about * 783 00:54:10,615 --> 00:54:13,651 ** [ Continues, Indistinct ] 784 00:54:14,985 --> 00:54:17,488 ** [ Humming ] 785 00:54:17,522 --> 00:54:20,858 We're waiting. 786 00:54:20,891 --> 00:54:23,961 ** [ Stops Humming ] [ Women Giggle ] Come on. Come on. 787 00:54:23,994 --> 00:54:26,497 Holy shit. 788 00:54:26,531 --> 00:54:28,999 [ Giggles ] You can make it. 789 00:54:29,033 --> 00:54:31,769 [ Woman ] Come on. 790 00:54:31,802 --> 00:54:35,773 I'm coming. I'm coming. [ Woman Giggles ] 791 00:54:50,955 --> 00:54:55,626 Okay, smart boy, what's it gonna be ? 792 00:54:55,660 --> 00:54:58,796 'Cause I do it all. 793 00:54:58,829 --> 00:55:04,669 Uh, h-how about a... shoulder rub ? 794 00:55:04,702 --> 00:55:08,339 [ Stuttering ] Th-That'd be good. I've been driving. 795 00:55:08,373 --> 00:55:11,609 [ Sighs Pleasurably ] Oh. 796 00:55:11,642 --> 00:55:13,778 A shy one. 797 00:55:13,811 --> 00:55:16,847 Okay. We'll take it really slow. 798 00:55:18,616 --> 00:55:22,052 Let's go upstairs. 799 00:55:22,086 --> 00:55:25,723 [ Pops ] [ Women Whooping, Laughing ] 800 00:55:25,756 --> 00:55:28,793 One more drink before we start. 801 00:55:33,531 --> 00:55:36,066 Men, I salute you. 802 00:55:38,903 --> 00:55:41,105 Follow me. 803 00:55:41,138 --> 00:55:45,042 Follow me if you please. 804 00:55:45,075 --> 00:55:47,111 Uh, halt. 805 00:55:47,144 --> 00:55:51,015 What a beautiful platoon. 806 00:55:52,917 --> 00:55:58,022 Our mission: a trip to paradise. 807 00:55:58,055 --> 00:56:00,858 - Volunteers ? - [ All Giggling ] 808 00:56:02,493 --> 00:56:04,962 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ! 809 00:56:04,995 --> 00:56:08,098 Oh, ohh. [ Moans ] 810 00:56:08,132 --> 00:56:11,068 Look, I'm just not into paying for sex. 811 00:56:11,101 --> 00:56:13,971 So, what ? I get paid for nothing ? 812 00:56:14,004 --> 00:56:18,008 Have you ever heard of self-respect for a job well done ? 813 00:56:18,042 --> 00:56:21,946 Sure, sure, but-- Probably think I'm white trash, and you're not attracted to me. 814 00:56:21,979 --> 00:56:24,181 Oh, now, you know you're a beautiful young woman. 815 00:56:24,214 --> 00:56:27,785 I'm average. Whatever you think. That's not my point. 816 00:56:27,818 --> 00:56:30,521 [ Groans ] So then you're not attracted to me ? 817 00:56:30,555 --> 00:56:32,757 Look. You're being paid for it. 818 00:56:32,790 --> 00:56:37,428 You know, that's what's wrong with America. Everybody wants something for nothing. 819 00:56:37,462 --> 00:56:41,566 Well, not me. I won't sit at home and collect welfare. 820 00:56:41,599 --> 00:56:45,069 [ Groans ] I got a job. I pay taxes. 821 00:56:45,102 --> 00:56:48,673 And I have great job satisfaction. [ Moans ] 822 00:56:48,706 --> 00:56:52,743 And I will not let some bourgeoisie try and stop me. 823 00:56:52,777 --> 00:56:56,080 "Bourgeoisie" ? What kind of call girl are you, anyway ? 824 00:56:56,113 --> 00:56:58,949 You think I'm a victim ? Ooh. [ Crying Out ] 825 00:56:58,983 --> 00:57:01,886 That I got a heart of gold and that all I really want is a good man... 826 00:57:01,919 --> 00:57:04,822 who doesn't drink and won't beat me ? [ Groans ] 827 00:57:07,925 --> 00:57:10,795 Have you ever touched a breast as lovely as mine ? 828 00:57:12,162 --> 00:57:15,265 Does bumped into count ? 829 00:57:19,136 --> 00:57:21,672 Um-- Are you okay ? 830 00:57:21,706 --> 00:57:25,476 Y-Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Um, I'm fine. 831 00:57:25,510 --> 00:57:28,546 [ Gasping ] Have you ever experienced... 832 00:57:30,014 --> 00:57:33,684 sexual ecstasy ? [ Gasping ] 833 00:57:33,718 --> 00:57:36,621 Uh, yeah, yeah. Of course. 834 00:57:36,654 --> 00:57:39,557 I mean, by myself. 835 00:57:44,061 --> 00:57:47,264 Put your hand in here. 836 00:57:47,297 --> 00:57:50,134 Do it. 837 00:57:54,071 --> 00:57:56,941 [ Gasping ] 838 00:57:59,610 --> 00:58:02,680 - Do you like it ? - Yes, yes. 839 00:58:02,713 --> 00:58:06,050 It-It's nice. It's really nice. 840 00:58:06,083 --> 00:58:08,953 [ Moaning, Groaning ] Are you okay ? 841 00:58:08,986 --> 00:58:11,255 I-- 842 00:58:11,288 --> 00:58:16,627 [ Gasping ] Oh, um... I'm sorry. 843 00:58:16,661 --> 00:58:19,697 For what ? 844 00:58:19,730 --> 00:58:22,567 I-I, um-- 845 00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:27,004 I-I'm finished. I'm done. 846 00:58:27,037 --> 00:58:29,239 Thank you. 847 00:58:34,144 --> 00:58:37,782 You know, your problem is you don't know how to have sex. 848 00:58:41,318 --> 00:58:44,254 You only know how to make love. 849 00:58:45,790 --> 00:58:48,125 And there's a problem with that ? 850 00:58:48,158 --> 00:58:51,962 Only making love denies the animal in us, 851 00:58:51,996 --> 00:58:54,865 the bestial impulse that wraps two human beings... 852 00:58:54,899 --> 00:58:58,869 in a ball of flesh, tongues, and sweat. 853 00:58:58,903 --> 00:59:02,940 Ah. Bestial impulse. Yeah. Should've said so before. 854 00:59:04,675 --> 00:59:07,578 Look. I can't make love with a woman who won't kiss me, 855 00:59:07,612 --> 00:59:09,947 and call girls aren't supposed to kiss, right ? 856 00:59:09,980 --> 00:59:13,618 [ Restraint Tightening ] 857 00:59:13,651 --> 00:59:16,754 But warriors devour their enemies. 858 00:59:16,787 --> 00:59:20,290 Tongues and flesh. 859 00:59:22,927 --> 00:59:24,729 [ Sighs ] 860 00:59:26,130 --> 00:59:28,065 [ Groans ] 861 00:59:33,771 --> 00:59:38,042 - I don't know. - I think he got scared. 862 00:59:38,075 --> 00:59:40,711 Everybody out. 863 00:59:47,284 --> 00:59:49,987 I used to be a bull. 864 01:00:03,734 --> 01:00:06,170 What a fool. 865 01:00:06,203 --> 01:00:09,273 A ridiculous fool. 866 01:00:09,306 --> 01:00:12,076 Four women. Why not ? 867 01:00:12,109 --> 01:00:15,646 In my dreams, I've had dozens. 868 01:00:17,414 --> 01:00:20,084 Were you married long ? 869 01:00:24,154 --> 01:00:27,624 Forty-five wonderful years. 870 01:00:29,026 --> 01:00:31,962 Forty-five years with one special person ? 871 01:00:31,996 --> 01:00:34,331 You were lucky. 872 01:00:34,364 --> 01:00:37,702 She's still here. 873 01:00:37,735 --> 01:00:41,806 Well, after 45 years, I would hope so. 874 01:00:43,240 --> 01:00:46,677 Would she mind your being here ? 875 01:00:46,711 --> 01:00:51,415 Ellie just wanted me to be happy. 876 01:00:51,448 --> 01:00:55,920 Ooh. Strong hands. Yeah. 877 01:00:55,953 --> 01:00:59,089 That's how I made my living. 878 01:00:59,123 --> 01:01:02,259 The Polish Prince. 879 01:01:02,292 --> 01:01:05,295 Once, they were made of stone. 880 01:01:05,329 --> 01:01:08,966 But now they're made of flesh and blood, 881 01:01:08,999 --> 01:01:11,368 with stories that make up a full life. 882 01:01:11,401 --> 01:01:14,071 And the story's over. 883 01:01:14,104 --> 01:01:19,176 No. I see dreams unrealized. 884 01:01:19,209 --> 01:01:22,346 I see darkness and light, 885 01:01:22,379 --> 01:01:25,315 a lot of love and a little bit of fright. 886 01:01:28,285 --> 01:01:32,757 You know, I think these hands... 887 01:01:32,790 --> 01:01:35,960 would tell a better story. 888 01:01:35,993 --> 01:01:38,362 Tell me. 889 01:01:38,395 --> 01:01:41,165 Tell you what ? Your story. 890 01:01:41,198 --> 01:01:44,001 Please. I want to know. 891 01:01:47,104 --> 01:01:50,775 I've been asked my story a thousand times... 892 01:01:50,808 --> 01:01:54,745 and told a thousand lies, whatever they wanted to hear. 893 01:01:54,779 --> 01:01:56,914 Courtesan, Earth mother. 894 01:01:56,947 --> 01:01:59,183 But what is the truth ? 895 01:01:59,216 --> 01:02:02,519 Hmph. We each have our own. 896 01:02:02,552 --> 01:02:05,522 Well, you were once a little girl. 897 01:02:05,555 --> 01:02:08,525 Where did you live ? 898 01:02:08,558 --> 01:02:10,961 Small town near the railroad. 899 01:02:10,995 --> 01:02:14,231 Watching the trains whizzing by ? 900 01:02:16,133 --> 01:02:20,037 Yes. Especially the Express. 901 01:02:20,070 --> 01:02:24,942 Glimpses of waiters in white coats serving fine ladies and gentlemen. 902 01:02:24,975 --> 01:02:28,212 Wondering where they were going. 903 01:02:28,245 --> 01:02:33,417 I wanted to be on that train going anywhere to take me out of this town. 904 01:02:35,319 --> 01:02:39,289 And then what happened ? 905 01:02:41,826 --> 01:02:44,862 Along came this wonderful guy. 906 01:02:44,895 --> 01:02:47,865 Took me on that train... 907 01:02:47,898 --> 01:02:51,001 to all those places I'd always dreamed about. 908 01:02:51,035 --> 01:02:53,203 Ohh. I loved him. 909 01:02:58,475 --> 01:03:01,445 Then suddenly one day-- 910 01:03:01,478 --> 01:03:05,282 I never knew why-- he wasn't there. 911 01:03:05,315 --> 01:03:09,954 So, I, uh-- I was alone. I had to make my way, 912 01:03:09,987 --> 01:03:13,523 and finally I ended up where I am. 913 01:03:13,557 --> 01:03:18,829 Don't feel sorry for me. I made my choice... my life. 914 01:03:21,966 --> 01:03:23,901 Sin-Dee... 915 01:03:25,035 --> 01:03:28,272 you're a fine woman. 916 01:03:29,373 --> 01:03:31,876 Shall we dance ? 917 01:03:33,911 --> 01:03:37,948 Ellie loved to dance. She was quite a woman. 918 01:03:39,516 --> 01:03:43,053 She was. She is. 919 01:03:43,087 --> 01:03:45,455 [ Chuckles ] 920 01:04:00,304 --> 01:04:03,908 Look, um, I have-- I have a confession to make. 921 01:04:06,343 --> 01:04:09,279 I've never had intercourse before, and-- 922 01:04:11,015 --> 01:04:13,850 I've only been to second base with-- with Kelly Rush. 923 01:04:15,419 --> 01:04:19,089 Don't laugh. It's not funny. [ Clears Throat ] 924 01:04:19,123 --> 01:04:23,027 I just lost my best chance at, 925 01:04:23,060 --> 01:04:25,930 you know, losin' it. 926 01:04:29,366 --> 01:04:32,236 When I was your age, life was so confusing. 927 01:04:36,273 --> 01:04:40,244 My one regret is not saying "good-bye" to this boy down the street: 928 01:04:40,277 --> 01:04:43,180 Tony. 929 01:04:43,213 --> 01:04:45,349 I loved him. 930 01:04:47,117 --> 01:04:49,553 I know he loved me. 931 01:04:55,960 --> 01:04:58,528 So if you're anything like Tony, 932 01:05:00,364 --> 01:05:03,934 then you have it in you to do it again, easy. 933 01:05:05,369 --> 01:05:07,404 How easy ? 934 01:05:07,437 --> 01:05:09,974 As easy as you want, 935 01:05:10,007 --> 01:05:11,942 Tony. 936 01:05:15,279 --> 01:05:19,083 That's it, honey. Just relax while I take off your clothes. 937 01:05:31,261 --> 01:05:34,164 What's wrong with this thing ? 938 01:05:34,198 --> 01:05:37,367 [ Moaning, Gasping ] 939 01:05:42,239 --> 01:05:45,175 - Did-- Did, um-- - [ Gasps ] 940 01:05:46,543 --> 01:05:49,079 You did. 941 01:05:49,113 --> 01:05:51,381 Did you ? 942 01:05:51,415 --> 01:05:54,718 Look, um, I don't want to talk about it, okay ? 943 01:05:54,751 --> 01:05:57,754 [ Laughing ] But don't laugh, okay ? It's not funny. 944 01:05:57,787 --> 01:06:01,125 - [ Exhales ] - [ Continues Laughing ] 945 01:06:03,727 --> 01:06:06,196 Forget sex. 946 01:06:06,230 --> 01:06:10,134 Just keep your pants on and hold me tight. Mm. 947 01:06:11,335 --> 01:06:13,270 Mm. 948 01:06:14,571 --> 01:06:16,473 [ Sighs ] 949 01:06:18,075 --> 01:06:20,477 When did you have the stroke ? 950 01:06:22,312 --> 01:06:25,282 Just after my wife died. 951 01:06:25,315 --> 01:06:29,753 Ooh. Must've been hard. 952 01:06:29,786 --> 01:06:34,458 Well, at the beginning I couldn't talk. 953 01:06:34,491 --> 01:06:38,728 I started to say something, and I babbled like a baby, 954 01:06:38,762 --> 01:06:43,100 and my-my m-mouth was-- was drooping. 955 01:06:43,133 --> 01:06:47,537 Grotesque. I didn't want to see anybody. 956 01:06:47,571 --> 01:06:51,041 I didn't want anybody to see me. 957 01:06:51,075 --> 01:06:54,811 [ Sighs ] I just went into-- into my room, 958 01:06:54,844 --> 01:06:58,715 closed the blinds, crawled into bed... 959 01:06:58,748 --> 01:07:02,219 and cried and cried and cried. 960 01:07:05,322 --> 01:07:07,524 Do you still cry ? 961 01:07:08,758 --> 01:07:13,763 Sometimes, when the sun goes down. 962 01:07:13,797 --> 01:07:17,767 But... I'm here ! [ Chuckles ] 963 01:07:17,801 --> 01:07:21,838 You're a very, very brave man. 964 01:07:21,871 --> 01:07:26,810 Brave ? I'm a pussycat. 965 01:07:26,843 --> 01:07:31,648 [ Chuckles ] Ellie made me snap out of it. 966 01:07:31,681 --> 01:07:37,421 I remember her saying, "Things can always be worse." 967 01:07:37,454 --> 01:07:42,426 So I decided to work on speech therapy cassettes. 968 01:07:42,459 --> 01:07:45,129 "Oral aerobics." "Oral" ? 969 01:07:45,162 --> 01:07:48,232 Yes. Lip and tongue exercises, you know ? 970 01:07:49,633 --> 01:07:52,102 [ Making Nasal Sounds ] 971 01:07:52,136 --> 01:07:54,271 Hey, not bad. 972 01:07:55,805 --> 01:07:59,643 You know, there was a three-year-old girl... 973 01:07:59,676 --> 01:08:02,212 lived next door. 974 01:08:02,246 --> 01:08:05,249 Kelsey. Beautiful child. 975 01:08:05,282 --> 01:08:09,719 When I started to talk, I talked like her. 976 01:08:09,753 --> 01:08:14,424 But I kept working. And then one day I said, 977 01:08:14,458 --> 01:08:19,296 "Kelsey, say 'transcontinental.'" 978 01:08:19,329 --> 01:08:23,233 She couldn't say it. I left her in the dust. 979 01:08:23,267 --> 01:08:25,602 [ Both Chuckling ] 980 01:08:30,907 --> 01:08:33,810 [ Breathing Heavily ] 981 01:08:33,843 --> 01:08:36,513 Are you scared ? 982 01:08:38,948 --> 01:08:42,286 Yes. I'm scared. 983 01:08:44,754 --> 01:08:47,191 I am too. 984 01:08:47,224 --> 01:08:50,660 Mm. We hide it. 985 01:08:58,702 --> 01:09:01,671 [ Lance Inhaling ] 986 01:09:01,705 --> 01:09:04,841 You know, when I was in junior high, 987 01:09:04,874 --> 01:09:07,677 my body used to crave the touch of a woman's hand. 988 01:09:07,711 --> 01:09:11,315 It was, like-- [ Exhales ] you know, a thrill to it. 989 01:09:11,348 --> 01:09:14,484 It was fire. And here it is 30 years later. 990 01:09:14,518 --> 01:09:17,954 I feel like that fire has been completely reignited. 991 01:09:17,987 --> 01:09:22,926 Man. With you, Tiff, I feel reborn again. 992 01:09:22,959 --> 01:09:25,629 My nerves are back, you know ? 993 01:09:25,662 --> 01:09:28,665 [ Inhales, Exhales Deeply ] 994 01:09:28,698 --> 01:09:30,900 So let's do it. 995 01:09:30,934 --> 01:09:33,337 [ Chuckles ] 996 01:09:34,771 --> 01:09:37,941 My limit's twice in an evening. You know, I mean... 997 01:09:43,580 --> 01:09:46,850 I meant, take me with you. 998 01:09:46,883 --> 01:09:51,221 - [ Inhales ] You're joking. - No. 999 01:09:51,255 --> 01:09:53,357 No lie ? You'd roll with me ? 1000 01:09:54,724 --> 01:09:57,227 [ Slowly ] Yeah. 1001 01:09:57,261 --> 01:10:00,297 Ohh, man. 1002 01:10:00,330 --> 01:10:04,434 It'd be totally ultra-rock. [ Shrieking Laughter ] 1003 01:10:04,468 --> 01:10:07,571 [ Snorts ] I'm sorry. 1004 01:10:09,439 --> 01:10:11,841 [ Squealing ] 1005 01:10:21,285 --> 01:10:24,220 You want a smoke ? Uh, no. No, thanks. 1006 01:10:30,427 --> 01:10:33,597 Where'd you learn how to do that incredible thing with your tongue ? The what ? 1007 01:10:33,630 --> 01:10:35,732 You know, the-- 1008 01:10:35,765 --> 01:10:38,268 Oh, that ! Um, 1009 01:10:38,302 --> 01:10:42,005 it's just something I learned from my grandpa. 1010 01:10:42,038 --> 01:10:45,909 No, it's a video. We practice all the time. 1011 01:10:45,942 --> 01:10:48,378 - Very cool. - Yeah. 1012 01:10:52,349 --> 01:10:55,885 Sure you don't want a smoke ? Yeah, yeah, I'm sure. 1013 01:10:55,919 --> 01:11:00,290 I only smoke in front of my dad. It drives him nuts. 1014 01:11:00,324 --> 01:11:02,892 You would like Ellie. 1015 01:11:02,926 --> 01:11:07,030 The Muff met her first. He gave her a job modeling. 1016 01:11:07,063 --> 01:11:09,933 Duff the Muff ? 1017 01:11:09,966 --> 01:11:13,570 You knew him ? Well, I know his son. 1018 01:11:13,603 --> 01:11:17,507 - Yeah. Damon. - Yeah. He used to hire a lot of my girls. 1019 01:11:17,541 --> 01:11:19,609 - He owes me money. - Yeah. 1020 01:11:19,643 --> 01:11:23,513 I even considered putting a lien on his house. I saw the house. 1021 01:11:23,547 --> 01:11:25,915 It's now an empty lot. 1022 01:11:25,949 --> 01:11:31,555 I know that lot. Damon moved the whole house into town. 1023 01:11:31,588 --> 01:11:34,324 - Where ? - I have the address. 1024 01:11:36,025 --> 01:11:39,329 You have ? Yes. In my office. 1025 01:11:39,363 --> 01:11:41,365 Will you give it to me ? Of course. 1026 01:11:42,732 --> 01:11:44,434 Thanks. 1027 01:11:46,135 --> 01:11:49,439 I will meet you downstairs. 1028 01:11:50,907 --> 01:11:52,942 Michael ! Lance ! 1029 01:11:54,811 --> 01:11:58,448 - Lance ? Lance ? - Pa ? 1030 01:11:58,482 --> 01:12:01,585 What the hell are you doing ? Get downstairs. 1031 01:12:01,618 --> 01:12:04,688 I've found the diamonds. 1032 01:12:04,721 --> 01:12:07,657 Y-Yeah, the diamonds. Yeah, the diamonds ! Right ! 1033 01:12:07,691 --> 01:12:11,628 Diamonds ! Diamonds. Gotta blast. Oh. 1034 01:12:14,030 --> 01:12:16,933 Michael ? Yeah. Hang on a second, Grandpa. 1035 01:12:16,966 --> 01:12:20,904 Hurry downstairs. We're going diamond hunting. 1036 01:12:20,937 --> 01:12:23,840 [ Breathlessly ] All right. 1037 01:12:27,143 --> 01:12:30,447 I-I've gotta go. 1038 01:12:38,555 --> 01:12:42,058 Tony was a lucky guy. 1039 01:12:58,475 --> 01:13:01,611 You got it. Of course. 1040 01:13:01,645 --> 01:13:06,750 And the phone number too. How can I ever thank you ? 1041 01:13:06,783 --> 01:13:11,888 Turn the clock back 30 years. I'm going to do just that. 1042 01:13:14,691 --> 01:13:17,527 Thank you. Thank you. 1043 01:13:22,131 --> 01:13:24,033 [ Sighs ] 1044 01:13:33,677 --> 01:13:36,546 [ Lance ] And this guy's gonna let us put a hole in his kitchen wall ? 1045 01:13:36,580 --> 01:13:40,116 [ Harry ] He'll do anything for money. 1046 01:13:40,149 --> 01:13:42,552 [ Dog Barking ] 1047 01:13:55,164 --> 01:13:57,567 Damon. 1048 01:13:59,135 --> 01:14:01,638 Get in here. 1049 01:14:01,671 --> 01:14:04,040 [ Pounding ] 1050 01:14:19,856 --> 01:14:22,892 I don't see a damn thing. 1051 01:14:22,926 --> 01:14:24,828 Here. 1052 01:14:27,697 --> 01:14:30,734 I can't believe it, 1053 01:14:30,767 --> 01:14:33,837 after all these years. 1054 01:14:36,105 --> 01:14:39,609 My old man never told me there was a box in that wall. 1055 01:14:39,643 --> 01:14:43,647 Maybe your father didn't trust you too much. 1056 01:14:43,680 --> 01:14:45,882 [ Michael Laughs ] 1057 01:14:49,318 --> 01:14:53,056 I fell in love with these diamonds. 1058 01:14:54,624 --> 01:14:56,926 It's Mom, 1059 01:14:56,960 --> 01:15:00,163 Mikey, your grandma. 1060 01:15:04,834 --> 01:15:08,171 Her name was Ellie. 1061 01:15:08,204 --> 01:15:11,541 She stole my heart. 1062 01:15:11,575 --> 01:15:15,078 She's beautiful, Grandpa. 1063 01:15:15,111 --> 01:15:19,983 She made me promise never to show these cards to anyone. 1064 01:15:22,586 --> 01:15:25,188 But I was too proud. 1065 01:15:25,221 --> 01:15:28,725 I married a goddess. 1066 01:15:33,830 --> 01:15:39,235 Ellie, you understand everything... 1067 01:15:39,268 --> 01:15:41,971 that I'm trying to do. 1068 01:15:47,744 --> 01:15:50,647 You put a hole in my wall for a goddamn deck of cards ? 1069 01:15:57,253 --> 01:15:59,288 What the hell is this ? 1070 01:16:15,939 --> 01:16:18,642 Jesus Christ. 1071 01:16:21,244 --> 01:16:24,047 I'm rich. 1072 01:16:24,080 --> 01:16:27,583 [ Michael ] What do you mean, you're rich ? We're splittin' this. 1073 01:16:31,387 --> 01:16:34,858 What else is in there ? [ Grunts ] 1074 01:16:38,094 --> 01:16:42,799 That's all there is, except for the cards. 1075 01:16:42,832 --> 01:16:45,635 Okay, let's cut that necklace in half so we can get going. Yeah, that sounds fair. 1076 01:16:45,669 --> 01:16:48,672 Sounds fair, huh ? I'll tell you what's fair. 1077 01:16:48,705 --> 01:16:52,208 What if I keep the necklace, and you can take the cards ? Shit. 1078 01:16:52,241 --> 01:16:55,411 -You can get in a lot of trouble waving that thing around. -And you can get dead. 1079 01:16:55,444 --> 01:16:58,948 Damon, you win. 1080 01:16:58,982 --> 01:17:01,851 It's a deal. 1081 01:17:01,885 --> 01:17:03,787 Come on. 1082 01:17:04,854 --> 01:17:08,391 You're a smart man. 1083 01:17:18,401 --> 01:17:20,804 ** [ Harry Humming ] 1084 01:17:20,837 --> 01:17:24,040 So, Grandpa, how much do you think that Coogan guy'll get for the diamonds ? 1085 01:17:24,073 --> 01:17:26,275 Almost ten bucks. 1086 01:17:26,309 --> 01:17:29,278 Huh ? What ? No way ! 1087 01:17:29,312 --> 01:17:32,281 It was fake ? Lance, 1088 01:17:32,315 --> 01:17:35,985 most of everything Muff had was fake. 1089 01:17:36,019 --> 01:17:40,256 [ All Laughing ] So that jerkchain back there ends up with zilcho ? 1090 01:17:40,289 --> 01:17:43,392 That's right. Beautiful ! Right on, Grandpa ! 1091 01:17:43,426 --> 01:17:47,463 You the man ! I'm the man ! 1092 01:17:47,496 --> 01:17:50,867 I'm the man. [ Together ] You the man. 1093 01:17:53,236 --> 01:17:55,371 * Ooh 1094 01:17:55,404 --> 01:17:59,175 * Ooh, ooh 1095 01:17:59,208 --> 01:18:01,911 * Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh 1096 01:18:01,945 --> 01:18:06,850 [ Elvis Presley Singing ] * Are you lonesome tonight 1097 01:18:06,883 --> 01:18:11,220 * Do you miss me tonight 1098 01:18:11,254 --> 01:18:13,890 * Are you sorry 1099 01:18:13,923 --> 01:18:18,461 * We drifted apart 1100 01:18:20,329 --> 01:18:25,101 * Does your memory stray 1101 01:18:25,134 --> 01:18:29,773 * To a bright summer day 1102 01:18:29,806 --> 01:18:32,809 * When I kissed you 1103 01:18:32,842 --> 01:18:37,146 * And called you sweetheart 1104 01:18:39,215 --> 01:18:44,253 * Do the chairs in your parlor * 1105 01:18:44,287 --> 01:18:48,958 * Seem empty and bare 1106 01:18:48,992 --> 01:18:53,429 * Do you gaze at your doorstep * 1107 01:18:53,462 --> 01:18:58,101 * And picture me there 1108 01:18:58,134 --> 01:19:02,538 * Is your heart filled with pain * 1109 01:19:02,571 --> 01:19:07,210 * Shall I come back again 1110 01:19:07,243 --> 01:19:09,946 * Tell me, dear 1111 01:19:09,979 --> 01:19:12,515 * Are you lonesome 1112 01:19:12,548 --> 01:19:16,786 * Tonight * Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh * 1113 01:19:18,988 --> 01:19:22,291 I'm happy, very happy. 1114 01:19:22,325 --> 01:19:25,829 Ellie gave me her okay. 1115 01:19:25,862 --> 01:19:31,300 I will move to a farm and hire a companion. 1116 01:19:31,334 --> 01:19:34,270 I want you all to come and visit me. 1117 01:19:34,303 --> 01:19:38,241 Well, who's gonna be paying for all this ? Dad, we don't have the money to-- 1118 01:19:38,274 --> 01:19:43,079 - The magic diamonds. - Harry, what are you talking about ? 1119 01:19:43,112 --> 01:19:46,549 Don't you speak English ? 1120 01:19:46,582 --> 01:19:49,886 - Huh ? - [ Michael And Lance Continue Laughing ] 1121 01:19:49,919 --> 01:19:55,124 Your diamonds, Dad, are nothing but a deck of cards. 1122 01:19:55,158 --> 01:19:59,528 They're magic. Believe me. They're magic. 1123 01:20:02,065 --> 01:20:04,300 Yeah. 1124 01:20:04,333 --> 01:20:07,403 [ Insects Chirping, Animals Hooting ] 1125 01:20:07,436 --> 01:20:12,475 I promised you magic, and I deliver. 1126 01:20:12,508 --> 01:20:16,312 Nothing up my sleeves. Now, watch carefully. 1127 01:20:18,281 --> 01:20:21,250 You remember this ? Mm-hmm. Yeah. 1128 01:20:21,284 --> 01:20:24,120 Now, don't take your eyes off of it. 1129 01:20:25,621 --> 01:20:28,424 Here's the deck of cards. 1130 01:20:29,993 --> 01:20:34,363 - Magic. - Yeah. 1131 01:20:36,299 --> 01:20:39,903 Now, watch it. Watch it. 1132 01:20:39,936 --> 01:20:43,306 Don't take your eyes off of it. 1133 01:20:45,108 --> 01:20:47,443 Ohh. 1134 01:20:49,545 --> 01:20:52,015 Oh ! 1135 01:20:56,185 --> 01:21:00,156 - Jesus. - Magic. 1136 01:21:05,328 --> 01:21:09,465 Read it. Hmm ? 1137 01:21:09,498 --> 01:21:13,069 [ Michael Reading ] "All 13 diamonds are of the highest quality... 1138 01:21:13,102 --> 01:21:15,038 "of cut and fire. 1139 01:21:15,071 --> 01:21:17,941 "Ten have a pure white brilliance. 1140 01:21:17,974 --> 01:21:21,310 "Three are colored yellow, pink, and champagne. 1141 01:21:23,246 --> 01:21:26,182 "They average five carats. Total worth: 1142 01:21:27,316 --> 01:21:29,618 $345,000" ? 1143 01:21:29,652 --> 01:21:32,488 Sixty years ago. 1144 01:21:32,521 --> 01:21:36,092 Now, three million. 1145 01:21:36,125 --> 01:21:38,494 [ Sighs ] 1146 01:21:41,264 --> 01:21:45,268 Mikey, for you... 1147 01:21:45,301 --> 01:21:49,005 and for Lance. 1148 01:21:49,038 --> 01:21:51,207 For Moses... 1149 01:21:53,109 --> 01:21:56,145 and for Roseanne. 1150 01:21:56,179 --> 01:21:59,182 Oh, and for the baby. 1151 01:22:01,150 --> 01:22:03,586 The rest, 1152 01:22:03,619 --> 01:22:08,457 to keep me out of that goddamn old man's home. 1153 01:22:10,526 --> 01:22:14,463 You're giving us over a million dollars' worth of diamonds. 1154 01:22:14,497 --> 01:22:19,068 - Pa, are you sure about this ? - I'm sure. 1155 01:22:19,102 --> 01:22:24,040 Just take good care of the little Polish Prince. 1156 01:22:25,541 --> 01:22:28,311 Mikey, I'm proud of you. 1157 01:22:29,745 --> 01:22:32,982 But I want you to learn to live each day... 1158 01:22:33,016 --> 01:22:36,252 as if it were the last. 1159 01:22:36,285 --> 01:22:40,023 And remember, whatever happens to you in life-- 1160 01:22:40,056 --> 01:22:44,393 if you can't walk or you can't talk-- 1161 01:22:44,427 --> 01:22:47,130 never, never give up. 1162 01:22:50,233 --> 01:22:52,201 What about you, Grandpa ? 1163 01:23:10,753 --> 01:23:13,122 Lance... 1164 01:23:14,623 --> 01:23:17,393 Ellie loves you very much. 1165 01:23:23,232 --> 01:23:26,235 Well, I'm just delivering the message. 1166 01:23:33,176 --> 01:23:37,513 Lance, why don't you write a book about your life ? 1167 01:23:37,546 --> 01:23:42,185 About your wonderful mother and your awful father ? 1168 01:23:45,354 --> 01:23:48,591 Lance ? 1169 01:23:58,301 --> 01:24:01,570 I-- I do love you. 1170 01:24:03,706 --> 01:24:06,642 I know you do, Pa. 1171 01:24:16,752 --> 01:24:18,654 Thanks. 1172 01:24:19,722 --> 01:24:21,624 Come here. 1173 01:24:24,393 --> 01:24:27,496 Mikey ? Here. Enjoy. Yeah, Grandpa ? 1174 01:24:29,265 --> 01:24:31,500 Grandpa, I can't take this. Bev's your girl. 1175 01:24:31,534 --> 01:24:34,570 She's too young for me. 1176 01:24:34,603 --> 01:24:36,805 Man, this is gonna be so cool at parties. 1177 01:24:36,839 --> 01:24:41,477 And don't forget me. I want to hear from you. 1178 01:24:41,510 --> 01:24:44,247 [ Lance ] Don't worry. You will. 1179 01:24:44,280 --> 01:24:47,483 - I'll call you from Frisco, Pop. - Where are you gonna be ? 1180 01:24:47,516 --> 01:24:49,752 Oh, you can find me at Lance's. 1181 01:24:49,785 --> 01:24:55,324 I mean, uh, my dad's. 1182 01:24:55,358 --> 01:24:58,194 Take care of yourself. [ Engine Starts ] 1183 01:24:59,695 --> 01:25:01,397 See ya, Uncle Moses ! See ya, bud. 1184 01:25:02,731 --> 01:25:06,402 Good-bye. Drive carefully. 1185 01:25:09,638 --> 01:25:13,409 [ Lance ] Michael, did I ever tell you that I love you ? 1186 01:25:13,442 --> 01:25:17,280 [ Michael ] Yeah, Dad, every day. Every day. 1187 01:25:17,313 --> 01:25:20,383 [ Dog Barking ] 1188 01:25:26,555 --> 01:25:30,393 [ Harry Reciting ] I want a proper cup of coffee... 1189 01:25:30,426 --> 01:25:34,897 made in a proper copper-coated coffeepot. 1190 01:25:34,930 --> 01:25:39,368 I find a teapot of no use to me. 1191 01:25:39,402 --> 01:25:42,771 If I can't have a proper cup of coffee... 1192 01:25:42,805 --> 01:25:47,410 made in a proper copper-coated coffeepot, 1193 01:25:47,443 --> 01:25:50,179 I'll have a cup of tea. 1194 01:25:51,680 --> 01:25:55,551 Not bad, but I think you need a little more lip work. 1195 01:25:55,584 --> 01:25:57,720 Okay. 1196 01:25:57,753 --> 01:26:01,624 Let's start with the happy pucker, okay ? Okay. 1197 01:26:01,657 --> 01:26:03,959 Five, six, seven, eight-- 1198 01:26:03,992 --> 01:26:06,595 [ Man Singing ] * It's you and me 1199 01:26:06,629 --> 01:26:08,897 * The fish in the sea 1200 01:26:08,931 --> 01:26:13,202 * The stars up in the sky 1201 01:26:13,236 --> 01:26:16,439 * It's a bird in flight 1202 01:26:16,472 --> 01:26:18,941 * That makes it all right 1203 01:26:18,974 --> 01:26:21,410 * And keeps this world 1204 01:26:21,444 --> 01:26:25,414 * Keeps this world keeps this world * 1205 01:26:25,448 --> 01:26:29,818 * Alive 1206 01:26:32,788 --> 01:26:35,524 * Is it just coincidence 1207 01:26:36,792 --> 01:26:39,795 * I know it doesn't make no sense * 1208 01:26:41,564 --> 01:26:44,533 * Whistling a tune with glee * 1209 01:26:45,834 --> 01:26:48,437 * Me, myself, and I makes three * 1210 01:26:49,638 --> 01:26:51,774 * It doesn't take a scientist 1211 01:26:51,807 --> 01:26:54,243 * To prove to me that you're the best * 1212 01:26:54,277 --> 01:26:58,781 * It wouldn't change the twinkle in your eyes * 1213 01:26:58,814 --> 01:27:01,317 * My heart would find no melody * 1214 01:27:01,350 --> 01:27:03,586 * I'd find myself in jeopardy * 1215 01:27:03,619 --> 01:27:07,590 * If you weren't in my life * 1216 01:27:07,623 --> 01:27:10,359 * It's you and me 1217 01:27:10,393 --> 01:27:12,728 * The fish in the sea 1218 01:27:12,761 --> 01:27:16,832 * The stars up in the sky 1219 01:27:16,865 --> 01:27:19,368 * It's a bird in flight 1220 01:27:19,402 --> 01:27:21,770 * That makes it all right 1221 01:27:21,804 --> 01:27:24,407 * And keeps this world 1222 01:27:24,440 --> 01:27:28,477 * Keeps this world keeps this world * 1223 01:27:28,511 --> 01:27:32,415 * Alive 1224 01:27:35,851 --> 01:27:38,754 * If I only were a king 1225 01:27:41,023 --> 01:27:43,792 * All your fingers would have rings * 1226 01:27:45,328 --> 01:27:49,465 * The biggest one would spell your name * 1227 01:27:49,498 --> 01:27:52,568 * And a holiday would bear the same * 1228 01:27:54,470 --> 01:27:56,772 * I'm not a rocket scientist 1229 01:27:56,805 --> 01:27:58,841 * Don't fuss about with politics * 1230 01:27:58,874 --> 01:28:01,644 * Forever you're the apple of me eye * 1231 01:28:03,011 --> 01:28:05,414 * My heart beats like a timpani * 1232 01:28:05,448 --> 01:28:07,716 * Accompanying the symphony 1233 01:28:07,750 --> 01:28:12,020 * That spins our lives around * 1234 01:28:12,054 --> 01:28:15,424 * It's you and me 1235 01:28:15,458 --> 01:28:17,726 * The fish in the sea 1236 01:28:17,760 --> 01:28:22,531 * The stars up in the sky 1237 01:28:22,565 --> 01:28:25,100 * It's a bird in flight 1238 01:28:25,133 --> 01:28:27,470 * That makes it all right 1239 01:28:27,503 --> 01:28:31,974 * And keeps this world keeps this world * 1240 01:28:32,007 --> 01:28:36,111 * Keeps this world keeps this world * 1241 01:28:36,144 --> 01:28:40,449 * Alive 1242 01:28:40,483 --> 01:28:43,051 * Whoa-ho * 87780