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1
00:01:58,938 --> 00:02:01,593
What did I tell you about
air raids not killing people?
2
00:02:01,718 --> 00:02:03,903
My bed simply
went through the floor...
3
00:02:04,028 --> 00:02:05,893
and Plon-Plon and I went on it.
4
00:02:06,018 --> 00:02:08,218
Perfectly comfortable.
5
00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:13,628
Linda Radlett was not only
my favourite cousin...
6
00:02:14,138 --> 00:02:19,738
but then, and for many years,
my favourite human being.
7
00:02:27,448 --> 00:02:29,548
Don't pity me, Fanny.
8
00:02:33,208 --> 00:02:38,708
I've had five months of perfect
and unalloyed happiness.
9
00:02:39,418 --> 00:02:42,853
Very few people can say that in the
course of long lives, I imagine.
10
00:02:42,978 --> 00:02:44,378
Very few.
11
00:02:46,588 --> 00:02:49,143
As we turned down the drive
at Alconleigh...
12
00:02:49,268 --> 00:02:52,933
I asked myself if Linda's five
months of perfect happiness...
13
00:02:53,058 --> 00:02:58,173
were quite worth all the chaos and
confusion of the other 29 years.
14
00:02:58,298 --> 00:03:03,373
But I often thought about
things like that with Linda.
15
00:03:03,498 --> 00:03:07,798
It always feels like Christmas,
coming home.
16
00:03:08,348 --> 00:03:09,748
I know.
17
00:03:12,308 --> 00:03:14,363
Ever since I was a small child...
18
00:03:14,488 --> 00:03:17,183
I was sent to spend
the Christmas holidays with Linda...
19
00:03:17,308 --> 00:03:23,833
in a large, ugly, north-facing house
high on a hill in Oxfordshire.
20
00:03:23,958 --> 00:03:28,333
Most of these Christmases
were marked with violence.
21
00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:30,943
There was the time Linda's pony
lay on her in the brook...
22
00:03:31,068 --> 00:03:33,368
and nearly drowned her.
23
00:03:33,498 --> 00:03:36,503
The time she tried to kill herself
in an attempt to rejoin...
24
00:03:36,628 --> 00:03:40,983
a smelly old Border terrier
which Uncle Matthew had put down.
25
00:03:41,108 --> 00:03:42,973
The time she decided to tell...
26
00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:46,743
the daughters of some
neighbours the facts of life...
27
00:03:46,868 --> 00:03:51,863
resulting in dreadful
beatings from Uncle Matthew...
28
00:03:51,988 --> 00:03:55,988
and luncheon alone
for two whole weeks.
29
00:03:56,668 --> 00:03:59,068
Linda hated to be alone.
30
00:04:00,568 --> 00:04:02,773
She was a wild and nervous creature...
31
00:04:02,898 --> 00:04:05,698
full of passion and longing.
32
00:04:17,788 --> 00:04:19,773
But of all the Christmases...
33
00:04:19,898 --> 00:04:23,543
the Christmas I remember
the most was when we were 17...
34
00:04:23,668 --> 00:04:28,068
and Linda decided that her
life had to begin.
35
00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:14,173
No, you can't give the dog a cake
before you give me a piece.
36
00:05:14,298 --> 00:05:15,613
That's not fair.
37
00:05:15,738 --> 00:05:18,203
I stumbled into the hall
and found Linda's mother...
38
00:05:18,328 --> 00:05:21,463
my Aunt Sadie, and the children
having tea as they always did...
39
00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:24,543
in front of the fireplace, over
which hung, as it always had...
40
00:05:24,668 --> 00:05:26,413
the entrenching tool
Uncle Matthew had used...
41
00:05:26,538 --> 00:05:33,053
to whack to death eight Germans as
they crawled out of a dugout in 1915.
42
00:05:33,178 --> 00:05:35,173
Linda's father, my Uncle Matthew...
43
00:05:35,298 --> 00:05:36,253
knew no middle course.
44
00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:38,943
He either loved or he hated...
45
00:05:39,068 --> 00:05:41,943
and, generally,
it must be said, he hated.
46
00:05:42,068 --> 00:05:45,968
I hate Huns, Frogs,
Americans, Catholics...
47
00:05:46,168 --> 00:05:50,333
and all other foreigners,
but above all, I hate children.
48
00:05:50,458 --> 00:05:52,763
He had four beautiful bloodhounds...
49
00:05:52,888 --> 00:05:54,173
with which, every Christmas...
50
00:05:54,298 --> 00:05:56,923
he would hunt his children,
and a pair of stock whips...
51
00:05:57,048 --> 00:05:59,653
he cracked on the lawn
every morning at dawn.
52
00:05:59,778 --> 00:06:01,663
Had the Radletts been poor...
53
00:06:01,788 --> 00:06:04,343
he no doubt would have been
sent to prison for beating...
54
00:06:04,468 --> 00:06:07,368
and refusing to educate them.
55
00:06:07,548 --> 00:06:11,063
Uncle Matthew loathed
educated females...
56
00:06:11,188 --> 00:06:12,988
particularly me.
57
00:06:15,138 --> 00:06:16,818
Fanny.
58
00:06:17,658 --> 00:06:19,458
Fanny.
-You're here.
59
00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:23,173
Fanny, welcome.
You must be exhausted.
60
00:06:23,298 --> 00:06:25,343
Come and have a cup of tea.
How was your journey?
61
00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:27,133
Come and sit in Jassy's chair.
62
00:06:27,258 --> 00:06:29,773
As always, Linda was the most
pleased to see me...
63
00:06:29,898 --> 00:06:30,974
but determined not to show it.
64
00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:32,499
Linda?
65
00:06:32,698 --> 00:06:33,983
Fanny's here.
66
00:06:34,108 --> 00:06:35,773
Would you like a cup of tea?
67
00:06:35,898 --> 00:06:37,338
Yes, please.
68
00:06:41,848 --> 00:06:43,248
Hello.
69
00:06:45,178 --> 00:06:46,973
Where's your mouse?
70
00:06:47,098 --> 00:06:49,983
She got a sore back and died.
71
00:06:50,108 --> 00:06:51,853
Had you been riding it?
72
00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:54,973
Nobody cried so much
or so often as Linda.
73
00:06:55,098 --> 00:06:57,613
That's how they always die.
It's some sort of urinary disease.
74
00:06:57,738 --> 00:07:03,863
Anything, but especially anything
about animals, would set her off.
75
00:07:03,988 --> 00:07:06,683
Her emotions were
on no ordinary plane.
76
00:07:06,808 --> 00:07:08,733
She loved or she loathed.
77
00:07:08,858 --> 00:07:10,463
She laughed or she cried.
78
00:07:10,588 --> 00:07:14,188
She lived in
a world of superlatives.
79
00:07:19,938 --> 00:07:24,093
Linda was the chairman of a secret
club called the Hons Society.
80
00:07:24,218 --> 00:07:27,613
Its headquarters was a linen
cupboard at the top of the house.
81
00:07:27,738 --> 00:07:28,738
Six.
-OK.
82
00:07:29,178 --> 00:07:30,423
That's great.
83
00:07:30,548 --> 00:07:32,413
Three-quarters. Well done.
84
00:07:32,538 --> 00:07:34,523
The dead mouse was
quickly forgotten.
85
00:07:34,648 --> 00:07:36,253
Even smaller than last year.
86
00:07:36,378 --> 00:07:39,193
Your hair's got long.
-Neck, tummy.
87
00:07:39,318 --> 00:07:40,718
One...
88
00:07:41,748 --> 00:07:43,548
Seven and a third.
89
00:07:44,378 --> 00:07:47,963
So I win on arms, eyes,
waist, ankles...
90
00:07:48,088 --> 00:07:50,973
and you win on bust.
-I hate bust.
91
00:07:51,098 --> 00:07:52,998
Farmers love busts.
92
00:07:53,978 --> 00:07:56,893
Linda and I were both in love
with people we had never met...
93
00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:58,813
I with a fat, red-faced...
94
00:07:58,938 --> 00:08:00,503
middle-aged farmer I sometimes saw...
95
00:08:00,628 --> 00:08:02,363
riding through the village...
96
00:08:02,488 --> 00:08:05,183
and Linda with the Prince of Wales.
97
00:08:05,308 --> 00:08:07,613
Why can't your prince and my farmer...
98
00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,023
be invited to Louisa's ball?
99
00:08:09,148 --> 00:08:11,833
Because Matthew won't let
anyone fanciable...
100
00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:13,623
within 50 miles of the house.
101
00:08:13,748 --> 00:08:15,743
A coming-out ball was planned
that Christmas...
102
00:08:15,868 --> 00:08:17,343
for Linda's older sister, Louisa.
103
00:08:17,468 --> 00:08:18,623
We're trapped.
104
00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:22,013
Our only hope is the Prince
breaking down in his motor car.
105
00:08:22,138 --> 00:08:26,943
"Pray, who is
that beautiful young lady?
106
00:08:27,068 --> 00:08:28,153
"I wish to marry her."
107
00:08:28,278 --> 00:08:31,033
"Well, you can't.
She's here under lock and key.
108
00:08:31,158 --> 00:08:33,403
"I killed 15 Germans
with an entrenching tool.
109
00:08:33,528 --> 00:08:34,943
"I can certainly kill you."
110
00:08:35,068 --> 00:08:36,493
"He must have your daughter, sir.
111
00:08:36,618 --> 00:08:38,843
"His happiness depends on it,
and subsequently...
112
00:08:38,968 --> 00:08:42,468
"so does the happiness
of England."
113
00:08:43,098 --> 00:08:45,823
Even then, Linda's fantasies were
altogether more ambitious...
114
00:08:45,948 --> 00:08:48,063
and dangerous than mine.
115
00:08:48,188 --> 00:08:49,853
I want to sit next to Fanny.
116
00:08:49,978 --> 00:08:51,513
You took your time.
117
00:08:51,638 --> 00:08:53,433
This better be good, Linda.
-It is.
118
00:08:53,558 --> 00:08:55,933
It's so hot in here.
Talk about back to the womb.
119
00:08:56,058 --> 00:08:58,493
It's more welcoming than
my mother's womb, I imagine.
120
00:08:58,618 --> 00:09:00,863
Fanny, it is unfair that you
have wicked parents and not me.
121
00:09:00,988 --> 00:09:03,743
So you aspire to being wicked
and adulterous, do you, Linda?
122
00:09:03,868 --> 00:09:05,663
No. I aspire to true love.
123
00:09:05,788 --> 00:09:10,188
The kind of which only comes once
in a lifetime and lasts for ever.
124
00:09:11,348 --> 00:09:14,493
The news I have for the Hons today,
while of considerable Hon interest...
125
00:09:14,618 --> 00:09:17,693
generally particularly concerns...
126
00:09:17,818 --> 00:09:19,218
Fanny.
127
00:09:21,268 --> 00:09:23,468
Aunt Emily is engaged.
128
00:09:25,748 --> 00:09:27,543
No, Linda, you're making it up.
129
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:31,468
I found proof.
"My dear sister Sadie...
130
00:09:32,178 --> 00:09:35,103
"not to tell the children
we're engaged.
131
00:09:35,228 --> 00:09:38,173
"The captain and I will arrive
late on Christmas Eve...
132
00:09:38,298 --> 00:09:40,663
"and stay in time for Louisa's
party, of course.
133
00:09:40,788 --> 00:09:42,973
"All love from Emily."
134
00:09:43,098 --> 00:09:44,823
Why would she want
to get married, anyway?
135
00:09:44,948 --> 00:09:46,173
She can't love him.
136
00:09:46,298 --> 00:09:48,543
He's 40.
-He must be ancient.
137
00:09:48,668 --> 00:09:50,413
Maybe he'll fall in love with Fanny.
138
00:09:50,538 --> 00:09:53,783
Aunt Emily had brought me up
ever since I was a baby.
139
00:09:53,908 --> 00:09:56,923
It had always been just her and me.
140
00:09:57,048 --> 00:09:59,543
Aunt Sadie had two sisters...
141
00:09:59,668 --> 00:10:01,723
my mother and Aunt Emily.
142
00:10:01,848 --> 00:10:04,473
At the age of 19, my mother...
143
00:10:04,598 --> 00:10:07,103
feeling herself too
beautiful and gay to be...
144
00:10:07,228 --> 00:10:09,343
burdened with a baby,
left my father for another man...
145
00:10:09,468 --> 00:10:13,168
and gave me to Aunt Emily
to bring up.
146
00:10:15,738 --> 00:10:16,953
Goodbye, darling.
147
00:10:17,078 --> 00:10:19,263
My impetuous mother
subsequently ran away so often...
148
00:10:19,388 --> 00:10:21,133
and with so many different men...
149
00:10:21,258 --> 00:10:27,558
that she became known to her family
and friends as "The Bolter".
150
00:10:28,858 --> 00:10:30,393
There you are, darling...
151
00:10:30,518 --> 00:10:32,823
Occasionally she would reappear
like a meteor...
152
00:10:32,948 --> 00:10:35,133
showering me with her extravagance...
153
00:10:35,258 --> 00:10:37,883
and I would long to be caught
up in her fiery trails...
154
00:10:38,008 --> 00:10:40,208
and be carried away...
155
00:10:41,338 --> 00:10:46,638
but she would always vanish
off again to a new man.
156
00:10:54,268 --> 00:10:56,823
And in my heart,
I knew how lucky I was...
157
00:10:56,948 --> 00:11:00,848
to have safe, reliable,
kind Aunt Emily.
158
00:11:22,358 --> 00:11:23,453
Come on, Fanny.
159
00:11:23,578 --> 00:11:25,878
Get dressed, lazybones.
160
00:11:33,308 --> 00:11:35,423
The Radletts loved animals...
161
00:11:35,548 --> 00:11:37,693
but more than anything in the world...
162
00:11:37,818 --> 00:11:40,413
they loved to hunt foxes.
163
00:11:40,538 --> 00:11:41,938
All away.
164
00:12:21,948 --> 00:12:26,053
Where is her Ladyship, your
mother, hunting this Christmas?
165
00:12:26,178 --> 00:12:27,853
She's in Paris, Josh.
166
00:12:27,978 --> 00:12:31,103
No human being like her Ladyship
I ever saw on a horse.
167
00:12:31,228 --> 00:12:32,703
And look at you.
168
00:12:32,828 --> 00:12:34,743
Jostling about in that saddle.
169
00:12:34,868 --> 00:12:39,163
Miss Linda takes after her Ladyship,
your mother, something wonderful.
170
00:12:39,288 --> 00:12:40,703
Why is that good?
171
00:12:40,828 --> 00:12:45,128
Isn't my mother supposed to
be wicked, Josh?
172
00:12:46,458 --> 00:12:48,258
Here's Fanny.
173
00:12:49,938 --> 00:12:52,453
Darling, may I introduce you
to Captain Warbeck?
174
00:12:52,578 --> 00:12:55,678
Please only ever call me Davey.
175
00:12:56,058 --> 00:12:58,493
He looked different
with his clothes on.
176
00:12:58,618 --> 00:13:05,418
You must find it a terrible joke,
old people like us getting married.
177
00:13:06,548 --> 00:13:08,348
No, of course not.
178
00:13:14,428 --> 00:13:16,628
Captain David Warbeck.
179
00:13:19,028 --> 00:13:20,823
He doesn't look much like
a military man.
180
00:13:20,948 --> 00:13:23,293
Or a marrying one, for that matter.
181
00:13:23,418 --> 00:13:27,285
Can't see him killing any Germans
with an entrenching tool.
182
00:13:33,048 --> 00:13:34,848
Ooh.
183
00:13:36,058 --> 00:13:40,223
Matthew is frightening,
and I disapprove of him so...
184
00:13:40,348 --> 00:13:45,848
but in a way I feel he sets
the bar for English manhood.
185
00:13:46,168 --> 00:13:47,703
Don't be sad.
186
00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:50,203
Yeah, but it's always been
just me and Emily.
187
00:13:50,328 --> 00:13:53,628
You'll always have boring old me.
188
00:14:01,018 --> 00:14:06,373
Did you know that ducks can only
copulate in running water?
189
00:14:06,498 --> 00:14:07,498
No.
190
00:14:07,738 --> 00:14:09,403
Good luck to them.
191
00:14:09,528 --> 00:14:12,663
Aunt Emily copulated last night.
192
00:14:12,788 --> 00:14:15,133
They were all twisted around
each other...
193
00:14:15,258 --> 00:14:16,573
when I went in there this morning.
194
00:14:16,698 --> 00:14:18,098
Really?
195
00:14:19,338 --> 00:14:22,838
God. How?
Show me. Show me how.
196
00:14:23,348 --> 00:14:25,853
You're sex obsessed.
-I know, it's true.
197
00:14:25,978 --> 00:14:29,533
I masturbate every time I
think about Lady Jane Grey.
198
00:14:29,658 --> 00:14:31,543
And I think about her all the time.
199
00:14:31,668 --> 00:14:33,568
Fanny.
200
00:14:38,068 --> 00:14:40,968
Davey. You are a clever cove.
201
00:14:42,228 --> 00:14:44,733
He says these Charles II
salt-shakers...
202
00:14:44,858 --> 00:14:46,973
we thought we'd had
in the family for 300 years...
203
00:14:47,098 --> 00:14:50,498
are really Georgian imitations,
not valuable at all.
204
00:14:53,238 --> 00:14:55,813
Children, you are so lucky...
205
00:14:55,938 --> 00:14:58,743
to be related to this
extraordinary fellow.
206
00:14:58,868 --> 00:15:01,368
Yes, he's a terrific Hon.
207
00:15:01,948 --> 00:15:05,343
Um, well, we have a Hons Society.
208
00:15:05,468 --> 00:15:08,173
If you're a member,
you're honourable...
209
00:15:08,298 --> 00:15:10,013
and our enemies are Counter Hons.
210
00:15:10,138 --> 00:15:12,638
I'm honoured to be a Hon.
211
00:15:13,658 --> 00:15:18,783
Davey, maybe you can influence Emily
on the subject of female education.
212
00:15:18,908 --> 00:15:22,743
It's done Fanny absolutely no good
whatsoever, as far as I can tell.
213
00:15:22,868 --> 00:15:24,543
She's picked up some dreadful
expressions...
214
00:15:24,668 --> 00:15:25,883
from that school of hers.
215
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:27,293
Very likely she did.
216
00:15:27,418 --> 00:15:30,623
Awful words like "mantelpiece"
and "notepaper"...
217
00:15:30,748 --> 00:15:33,053
keep coming out of her mouth,
and her poor husband...
218
00:15:33,178 --> 00:15:34,973
if she ever gets one...
219
00:15:35,098 --> 00:15:36,763
A lot of men would find it
more irritating...
220
00:15:36,888 --> 00:15:39,263
to have a wife who'd never
heard of George III...
221
00:15:39,388 --> 00:15:41,943
or been allowed off their
family premises to pursue...
222
00:15:42,068 --> 00:15:43,863
any sort of normal life.
223
00:15:43,988 --> 00:15:46,943
They have absolutely everything
they will ever need here.
224
00:15:47,068 --> 00:15:48,983
Church, stables, tennis court.
225
00:15:49,108 --> 00:15:51,293
Why would they ever want to leave?
226
00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:54,043
You don't have to go to some awful
middle-class establishment...
227
00:15:54,168 --> 00:15:56,173
to learn who George III was.
228
00:15:56,298 --> 00:15:59,298
Anyway, who was he, Fanny?
229
00:16:03,578 --> 00:16:05,018
He was King.
230
00:16:06,518 --> 00:16:08,718
And he went mad and...
231
00:16:12,918 --> 00:16:14,718
Most illuminating.
232
00:16:15,028 --> 00:16:17,723
Well worth losing every ounce
of feminine charm...
233
00:16:17,848 --> 00:16:20,413
to learn that, I must say, Fanny.
234
00:16:20,538 --> 00:16:22,653
Thighs like gateposts from
playing hockey...
235
00:16:22,778 --> 00:16:25,343
and the worst seat on a horse
of any woman I've ever seen.
236
00:16:25,468 --> 00:16:28,933
Linda, you're uneducated, thank God.
237
00:16:29,058 --> 00:16:33,058
What do you have to say
about George III?
238
00:16:33,268 --> 00:16:37,093
Well, he was the son
of poor Fred and...
239
00:16:37,218 --> 00:16:39,613
he was the father
of Beau Brummell's fat friend.
240
00:16:39,738 --> 00:16:43,453
And he was one of those
vacillators, you know?
241
00:16:43,578 --> 00:16:46,263
I am his Highness's dog at Kew
242
00:16:46,388 --> 00:16:48,443
Pray tell me, sir, whose dog
are you?
243
00:16:48,568 --> 00:16:50,248
Ooh. How sweet.
244
00:16:52,468 --> 00:16:55,423
No, and Fanny doesn't
have thighs like gateposts.
245
00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:57,848
Her thighs are perfect.
246
00:17:01,948 --> 00:17:03,613
I'd like to go to school.
247
00:17:03,738 --> 00:17:05,418
Do shut up.
248
00:17:08,088 --> 00:17:10,843
Matthew's trapped
his daughters here.
249
00:17:10,968 --> 00:17:13,343
They manage to bridge
gulfs of ignorance...
250
00:17:13,468 --> 00:17:15,613
with charm and high spirits...
251
00:17:15,738 --> 00:17:18,903
and odds and ends of knowledge
they've picked up.
252
00:17:19,028 --> 00:17:21,783
You're better off
not being like Linda.
253
00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:24,223
She lacks all discipline.
254
00:17:24,348 --> 00:17:27,033
Could easily come to nothing.
255
00:17:27,158 --> 00:17:29,893
She does remind me of The Bolter.
256
00:17:30,018 --> 00:17:33,618
I don't want her to come to nothing.
257
00:17:33,978 --> 00:17:35,378
No.
258
00:18:34,338 --> 00:18:36,923
Please don't bolt.
Don't ever leave me.
259
00:18:37,048 --> 00:18:40,183
Why would I bolt when I'm going
to marry the Prince of Wales?
260
00:18:40,308 --> 00:18:43,308
And have a train 40 feet long.
261
00:18:43,708 --> 00:18:45,388
12 bridesmaids.
262
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:47,293
And you'll be the chief one.
263
00:18:47,418 --> 00:18:49,023
What happens then?
264
00:18:49,148 --> 00:18:51,383
You'll be happily ever after,
and what about me?
265
00:18:51,508 --> 00:18:53,308
You'll be with me.
266
00:18:55,028 --> 00:18:57,783
Chatting and having baths,
like always...
267
00:18:57,908 --> 00:19:01,503
and being wise and clever
and funny and kind...
268
00:19:01,628 --> 00:19:03,543
and the best thing there is...
269
00:19:03,668 --> 00:19:07,368
because you know I'm lost
without you.
270
00:19:07,828 --> 00:19:09,373
What if you die?
271
00:19:09,498 --> 00:19:10,938
I won't die.
272
00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:14,818
I'm not that sort of person.
273
00:19:18,778 --> 00:19:20,458
Darling Linda...
274
00:19:21,148 --> 00:19:23,833
I'm going to drag you
out of this place for ever...
275
00:19:23,958 --> 00:19:27,223
and copulate with you in running
water like a divine duck...
276
00:19:27,348 --> 00:19:29,913
and my goodness, how you'll live.
277
00:19:30,038 --> 00:19:33,623
We don't want strangers here,
anyway, stinking the place up.
278
00:19:33,748 --> 00:19:35,353
Well, you'll have to do something...
279
00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:38,493
or there'll be no men at all at your
oldest daughter's coming-out ball.
280
00:19:38,618 --> 00:19:40,733
Shut up.
There's Josh the groom.
281
00:19:40,858 --> 00:19:42,733
And I've plenty of friends
in the House of Lords...
282
00:19:42,858 --> 00:19:46,125
who'll be happy to come
if I promise them a shoot.
283
00:19:49,578 --> 00:19:51,743
Despite his suspicion of strangers...
284
00:19:51,868 --> 00:19:54,133
Uncle Matthew couldn't do
anything to stop...
285
00:19:54,258 --> 00:19:56,525
the day of Louisa's ball arriving.
286
00:20:09,658 --> 00:20:12,023
As promised, Louisa's dance partners...
287
00:20:12,148 --> 00:20:17,548
were Uncle Matthew's friends
from the House of Lords...
288
00:20:20,988 --> 00:20:23,088
and Josh the groom.
289
00:20:27,318 --> 00:20:29,918
So sorry.
-No, no, it's fine.
290
00:20:38,138 --> 00:20:39,493
You're very patient.
291
00:20:39,618 --> 00:20:41,018
Thank you.
292
00:20:50,548 --> 00:20:52,748
All so small and ugly.
293
00:20:53,948 --> 00:20:55,508
Old and ugly.
294
00:21:05,788 --> 00:21:12,588
The evening was saved from utter
disillusionment by a late arrival...
295
00:21:13,098 --> 00:21:15,613
Alconleigh's nearest neighbour.
296
00:21:24,258 --> 00:21:27,858
Lord Merlin was an artist,
a musician...
297
00:21:28,308 --> 00:21:30,308
and a patron of all the young.
298
00:21:43,548 --> 00:21:44,948
What a set.
299
00:21:47,388 --> 00:21:49,373
It was rumoured he had
two black whippets...
300
00:21:49,498 --> 00:21:52,703
who wore diamond necklaces,
and a playhouse in the garden...
301
00:21:52,828 --> 00:21:56,053
where he put on such extravagances
as Dada plays from Paris...
302
00:21:56,178 --> 00:21:58,978
and jazz poetry from Harlem.
303
00:22:00,698 --> 00:22:03,298
Uncle Matthew loathed him.
304
00:22:04,278 --> 00:22:07,278
There's a man carrying a comb.
305
00:22:08,418 --> 00:22:09,818
Davey.
306
00:22:28,858 --> 00:22:31,103
I can introduce you, if you like.
307
00:22:31,228 --> 00:22:32,628
No, Davey.
308
00:22:33,268 --> 00:22:35,668
Our dresses are too bad.
309
00:22:46,458 --> 00:22:48,383
I'm going to the cupboard.
310
00:22:48,508 --> 00:22:49,908
Yes, me too.
311
00:23:39,828 --> 00:23:42,733
I'm officially renouncing
His Royal Highness.
312
00:23:42,858 --> 00:23:44,413
From now on I will devote myself...
313
00:23:44,538 --> 00:23:48,343
to being one of those bright
young things of Merlin's.
314
00:23:48,468 --> 00:23:52,573
Merlin's friends are more
in my mother's... orbit.
315
00:23:52,698 --> 00:23:56,898
They're so beautiful
and sophisticated.
316
00:23:59,418 --> 00:24:01,723
Don't you just...
317
00:24:01,848 --> 00:24:05,053
ache for life
to be exciting, like this?
318
00:24:05,178 --> 00:24:08,777
I think I'd like to
observe exciting things.
319
00:24:09,978 --> 00:24:12,283
If only there were exciting things.
320
00:24:12,408 --> 00:24:13,303
You.
321
00:24:13,428 --> 00:24:15,928
You're an exciting thing.
322
00:24:16,058 --> 00:24:18,058
You are.
323
00:24:20,418 --> 00:24:21,818
We are.
324
00:24:27,448 --> 00:24:30,048
We do everything together.
325
00:24:32,058 --> 00:24:34,458
I'd be lost without you.
326
00:24:40,248 --> 00:24:43,063
But the brief appearance
of Lord Merlin's house party...
327
00:24:43,188 --> 00:24:47,053
only made the walls of Linda's
fortress appear higher than ever.
328
00:24:47,178 --> 00:24:50,493
She became paralysed in
her longing for life and love...
329
00:24:50,618 --> 00:24:54,067
and all she could do
was lie about waiting for it.
330
00:24:57,468 --> 00:24:59,583
What's the time, darling?
-Guess.
331
00:24:59,708 --> 00:25:02,293
Quarter to six.
-Better than that.
332
00:25:02,418 --> 00:25:04,183
Six.
-Not quite so good.
333
00:25:04,308 --> 00:25:05,748
Five to.
-Yes.
334
00:25:05,908 --> 00:25:09,008
It's forever until we come out.
335
00:25:09,498 --> 00:25:11,293
I can't live that long.
336
00:25:11,418 --> 00:25:13,663
"As long as she thinks of a man...
337
00:25:13,788 --> 00:25:15,493
"nobody objects to a woman
thinking."
338
00:25:15,618 --> 00:25:17,943
That's what Virginia Woolf
has to say.
339
00:25:18,068 --> 00:25:20,533
Well, then, no-one will object,
cos I only think about men.
340
00:25:20,658 --> 00:25:22,943
Maybe that's because you
haven't been educated properly.
341
00:25:23,068 --> 00:25:25,333
Or maybe it's because
everything else is boring.
342
00:25:25,458 --> 00:25:27,613
What is it you actually want?
343
00:25:27,738 --> 00:25:30,338
I want to escape.
344
00:25:32,058 --> 00:25:37,258
And have fun and wear high heels
and go to the cinema...
345
00:25:37,718 --> 00:25:42,463
and have sex and be adored
by a man and be in love.
346
00:25:42,588 --> 00:25:44,288
What do you want?
347
00:25:50,418 --> 00:25:52,818
Is life only about love?
348
00:25:53,078 --> 00:25:54,478
Yes.
349
00:26:01,468 --> 00:26:05,368
Louisa's dance had
an unexpected sequel.
350
00:26:15,098 --> 00:26:20,198
I don't know why you'd
want to marry someone so old.
351
00:26:21,178 --> 00:26:23,293
Louisa, half his hair
has slipped off his head...
352
00:26:23,418 --> 00:26:24,893
like an eiderdown off the bed.
353
00:26:25,018 --> 00:26:27,613
He's only 45.
-And you're 18.
354
00:26:27,738 --> 00:26:29,773
If he was a dog,
you'd have to put him down.
355
00:26:29,898 --> 00:26:32,653
I'm happy for
the first time in my life.
356
00:26:32,778 --> 00:26:34,333
I'm getting out... for ever.
357
00:26:34,458 --> 00:26:36,133
And you're going to be
stuck here, Linda...
358
00:26:36,258 --> 00:26:38,073
hunting and walking the
dogs with Fa.
359
00:26:38,198 --> 00:26:39,941
That's what comes
of being the favourite.
360
00:26:40,066 --> 00:26:40,657
Shut up.
361
00:26:40,782 --> 00:26:43,652
Don't you think you're a bit too old
to be sitting in a cupboard?
362
00:26:43,777 --> 00:26:45,177
No, not really.
363
00:26:47,228 --> 00:26:49,093
I'm not having any bridesmaids,
by the way...
364
00:26:49,218 --> 00:26:50,943
so don't worry about your dresses.
365
00:26:51,068 --> 00:26:52,068
What?
366
00:26:52,538 --> 00:26:55,223
I'm not going to be upstaged on my
wedding day, thank you very much.
367
00:26:55,348 --> 00:26:58,460
You're not having any bridesmaids?
368
00:26:58,585 --> 00:26:59,354
No.
369
00:26:59,479 --> 00:27:03,799
You can't think how stupid
you're going to look from behind.
370
00:27:07,828 --> 00:27:10,828
Linda was really very jealous.
371
00:27:16,668 --> 00:27:20,468
Shall we go, then, Papa?
-Yes, let's go.
372
00:27:22,548 --> 00:27:26,463
She looks like the eldest and
ugliest of the Bronte sisters.
373
00:27:26,588 --> 00:27:27,743
At that moment...
374
00:27:27,868 --> 00:27:30,493
I think Linda would have gladly
changed places with Louisa...
375
00:27:30,618 --> 00:27:32,093
even at the very heavy cost...
376
00:27:32,218 --> 00:27:34,973
of living happily ever after with
John Fort-William.
377
00:27:35,098 --> 00:27:36,383
I want to die.
378
00:27:36,508 --> 00:27:41,503
Unless life begins absolutely
right now, I want to die.
379
00:27:41,628 --> 00:27:42,903
Push me, will you?
380
00:27:43,028 --> 00:27:47,028
Can you please...? Can you get
down, Linda, it's really high.
381
00:27:51,378 --> 00:27:54,512
If only it weren't such
a difficult thing to do.
382
00:27:55,388 --> 00:27:58,855
It's hard enough to kill
a rabbit, let alone oneself.
383
00:27:59,228 --> 00:28:00,973
It's that hog Merlin.
384
00:28:01,098 --> 00:28:04,863
I won't have my home filled
with Merlin's dago friends.
385
00:28:04,988 --> 00:28:06,903
I hear he has Frogs there too.
386
00:28:07,028 --> 00:28:09,343
I won't have Frogs or dagos
under any circumstances.
387
00:28:09,468 --> 00:28:10,743
Hello, Merlin.
388
00:28:10,868 --> 00:28:13,468
Lunch would be lovely.
389
00:28:24,508 --> 00:28:26,423
What sort of birds are they?
390
00:28:26,548 --> 00:28:28,573
Just ordinary pigeons.
391
00:28:28,698 --> 00:28:31,863
Where do you get them that colour?
392
00:28:31,988 --> 00:28:34,103
I dye them. Every year.
393
00:28:34,228 --> 00:28:35,903
Dry them in the linen cupboard.
394
00:28:36,028 --> 00:28:38,333
Isn't that frightfully cruel?
-No, they love it.
395
00:28:38,458 --> 00:28:40,823
They love it. It makes them
so pretty for each other.
396
00:28:40,948 --> 00:28:45,733
What about their poor little eyes?
-They soon learn to shut them.
397
00:28:45,858 --> 00:28:50,893
I see you're taken with my silly
old Romantic Antoine Watteaus.
398
00:28:51,018 --> 00:28:52,573
Love isn't silly.
399
00:28:52,698 --> 00:28:54,587
Linda.
-It's my religion.
400
00:28:57,618 --> 00:28:59,133
Is it really?
401
00:28:59,258 --> 00:29:03,192
That's all she can think about.
It's really rather alarming.
402
00:29:03,738 --> 00:29:06,423
Gertie, leave her alone.
I'm so sorry.
403
00:29:06,548 --> 00:29:09,748
No, um...
I try to tell the girls...
404
00:29:10,218 --> 00:29:12,503
that they've got to consider
practicalities.
405
00:29:12,628 --> 00:29:16,983
They've got to write down how they'd
run a household on £200 a year.
406
00:29:17,108 --> 00:29:20,377
Linda always just puts
"£199 - flowers".
407
00:29:22,358 --> 00:29:25,058
What lessons are you doing?
408
00:29:27,028 --> 00:29:28,468
None at all.
409
00:29:29,588 --> 00:29:32,053
Pa thinks that girls get fat
thighs from playing hockey...
410
00:29:32,178 --> 00:29:34,463
if they go to school, but not that
Fanny has fat thighs.
411
00:29:34,588 --> 00:29:35,803
Hers are perfect.
412
00:29:35,928 --> 00:29:38,728
No, no, no, no, no. Linda...
413
00:29:39,828 --> 00:29:41,388
you need...
414
00:29:41,898 --> 00:29:43,338
educating.
415
00:29:43,548 --> 00:29:45,533
Yeah, that's what I said...
416
00:29:45,658 --> 00:29:48,558
but she doesn't listen to me.
417
00:30:45,948 --> 00:30:49,783
You have an intensely
romantic character.
418
00:30:50,938 --> 00:30:52,938
I see trouble ahead.
419
00:30:55,988 --> 00:30:57,983
I urge upon you the necessity...
420
00:30:58,108 --> 00:31:01,808
for an intellectual background,
Linda.
421
00:31:03,738 --> 00:31:05,538
Although I fear...
422
00:31:06,498 --> 00:31:09,398
it may already be too late.
423
00:31:19,868 --> 00:31:21,548
Come on, then.
424
00:31:27,988 --> 00:31:31,773
For a while, Linda followed his
advice, finding comfort in books...
425
00:31:31,898 --> 00:31:35,893
and things other than
the desperate pursuit of love...
426
00:31:36,018 --> 00:31:38,053
But finally, inevitably...
427
00:31:38,178 --> 00:31:40,733
the minutes turned to hours,
the hours to weeks...
428
00:31:40,858 --> 00:31:42,263
the weeks to months...
429
00:31:42,388 --> 00:31:45,188
and the impossible happened.
430
00:32:07,548 --> 00:32:12,863
We'd attained the great golden
goal of every childhood.
431
00:32:12,988 --> 00:32:14,668
We'd grown up.
432
00:33:00,148 --> 00:33:02,548
Would you like to dance?
433
00:33:03,798 --> 00:33:05,358
Yes, I would.
434
00:33:18,068 --> 00:33:22,493
Tony Kroesig - in his last year at
Oxford, a member of the Bullingdon.
435
00:33:22,618 --> 00:33:24,793
A splendid young man
with plenty of beautiful horses...
436
00:33:24,918 --> 00:33:26,583
and exquisite clothes...
437
00:33:26,708 --> 00:33:29,083
he had already
a strong air of pomposity...
438
00:33:29,208 --> 00:33:31,133
a thing which Linda had never
come across before...
439
00:33:31,258 --> 00:33:33,503
It's awfully muddy where you live.
440
00:33:33,628 --> 00:33:37,162
I hope your chauffeur knows
how to park a Rolls-Royce.
441
00:33:39,068 --> 00:33:40,468
Yes.
442
00:33:40,788 --> 00:33:44,588
...and which she found
not unattractive.
443
00:33:59,668 --> 00:34:02,468
Who's that sewer with Linda?
444
00:34:03,318 --> 00:34:07,223
Kroesig. Governor of
the Bank of England - his son.
445
00:34:07,348 --> 00:34:08,748
Kroesig?
446
00:34:09,398 --> 00:34:10,798
Good God.
447
00:34:12,258 --> 00:34:15,423
Never expected to be harbouring
a full-blooded Hun in the house.
448
00:34:15,548 --> 00:34:19,383
Matthew, dear, don't get excited.
The Kroesigs aren't Huns.
449
00:34:19,508 --> 00:34:21,693
They're a highly respected
family of bankers.
450
00:34:21,818 --> 00:34:23,653
They've been over here
for generations.
451
00:34:23,778 --> 00:34:25,143
Once a Hun, always a Hun.
452
00:34:25,268 --> 00:34:26,668
Good God.
453
00:34:28,698 --> 00:34:30,583
Does he know I still have
an entrenching tool
454
00:34:30,708 --> 00:34:32,533
I used to whack eight
of his countrymen to death?
455
00:34:32,658 --> 00:34:35,058
I don't suppose he does.
456
00:34:38,658 --> 00:34:42,043
I always said Merlin would bring
foreigners here eventually.
457
00:34:42,168 --> 00:34:47,168
I never thought he'd land us
with an actual German.
458
00:35:15,898 --> 00:35:18,898
No, look. The poor rabbit.
459
00:35:41,658 --> 00:35:44,858
This was the one romantic
gesture of Tony's life.
460
00:35:47,318 --> 00:35:48,863
Tony went back to Oxford...
461
00:35:48,988 --> 00:35:53,533
and Linda sat about waiting
for the telephone bell.
462
00:35:53,658 --> 00:35:55,658
If this comes out...
463
00:35:56,668 --> 00:35:58,868
he'll ring tomorrow.
464
00:36:02,748 --> 00:36:04,748
If this comes out...
465
00:36:06,138 --> 00:36:07,817
he'll be at the meet.
466
00:36:09,618 --> 00:36:10,943
If this comes out...
467
00:36:11,068 --> 00:36:13,869
he's thinking of me
at this very minute.
468
00:36:20,418 --> 00:36:21,818
Hello.
469
00:36:22,068 --> 00:36:24,168
Hello. Is that Linda?
470
00:36:25,018 --> 00:36:26,653
It's Tony Kroesig here.
471
00:36:26,778 --> 00:36:28,218
Hello, Tony.
472
00:36:28,668 --> 00:36:30,143
Listen, will you come to lunch?
473
00:36:30,268 --> 00:36:32,253
Christchurch, next Thursday,
one o'clock?
474
00:36:32,378 --> 00:36:35,903
But... Fa doesn't let us alone
with young men unchaperoned.
475
00:36:36,028 --> 00:36:38,013
He doesn't really let us out,
full stop.
476
00:36:38,138 --> 00:36:39,818
Really?
477
00:36:40,118 --> 00:36:41,853
You seem too old
for that sort of restriction.
478
00:36:41,978 --> 00:36:44,663
Um... Bring your cousin
if you like.
479
00:36:44,788 --> 00:36:46,188
All right.
480
00:36:46,588 --> 00:36:48,313
That'd be lovely.
481
00:36:48,438 --> 00:36:49,878
Bye.
-Goodbye.
482
00:36:50,298 --> 00:36:53,303
You can't go, because Matthew
will throttle you.
483
00:36:53,428 --> 00:36:55,453
I will actually die if I don't go...
484
00:36:55,578 --> 00:36:59,078
so, you see, I'd be dead either way.
485
00:36:59,508 --> 00:37:01,693
We have to escape
the fortress, Fanny.
486
00:37:01,818 --> 00:37:05,023
There was only one way
we could devise to escape...
487
00:37:05,148 --> 00:37:06,253
and it was full of risk.
488
00:37:06,378 --> 00:37:08,893
A very dull girl of exactly our age...
489
00:37:09,018 --> 00:37:10,583
called Lavender Davis...
490
00:37:10,708 --> 00:37:14,103
lived with her very dull parents
about five miles away.
491
00:37:14,228 --> 00:37:17,693
Once in a blue moon, Linda,
complaining vociferously...
492
00:37:17,818 --> 00:37:20,653
was sent over to luncheon with them...
493
00:37:20,778 --> 00:37:24,478
driving herself in
Sadie's little car.
494
00:37:25,628 --> 00:37:27,933
Why are you two dressed up
for breakfast?
495
00:37:28,058 --> 00:37:30,423
Lavender Davis wants us
to go over to lunch there.
496
00:37:30,548 --> 00:37:32,663
Duck, you can't have
the car, I'm afraid.
497
00:37:32,788 --> 00:37:34,133
Perkins is going to wash it.
498
00:37:34,258 --> 00:37:36,493
But, Mummy, you don't...
you don't understand.
499
00:37:36,618 --> 00:37:40,343
The whole point is that a man's
coming who brought up a baby badger.
500
00:37:40,468 --> 00:37:42,203
And I do so want to meet him.
501
00:37:42,328 --> 00:37:44,503
When we go to London for the season...
502
00:37:44,628 --> 00:37:46,943
you'll barely have
time for a badger.
503
00:37:47,068 --> 00:37:51,103
Badgers are nocturnal anyway,
so you wouldn't even see it.
504
00:37:51,228 --> 00:37:52,503
Good point...
505
00:37:52,628 --> 00:37:56,413
Darling Jassy, lend me
your running-away money.
506
00:37:56,538 --> 00:37:57,938
What? No.
507
00:37:58,518 --> 00:38:01,663
I've saved and scraped
ever since I was seven...
508
00:38:01,788 --> 00:38:03,703
for when I plan to run away myself.
509
00:38:03,828 --> 00:38:06,143
I've no education or training,
so I'll need every penny.
510
00:38:06,268 --> 00:38:09,213
Just enough for a couple of
train tickets to Oxford.
511
00:38:09,338 --> 00:38:11,383
Darling, I'll give it all back.
512
00:38:11,508 --> 00:38:12,663
Tony will.
513
00:38:12,788 --> 00:38:14,188
I know men.
514
00:38:15,228 --> 00:38:16,573
Who has a badger?
515
00:38:16,698 --> 00:38:18,303
Last time, you said you didn't mind...
516
00:38:18,428 --> 00:38:20,773
if you never saw the Davises
again in your whole life.
517
00:38:20,898 --> 00:38:22,298
Dear.
518
00:38:22,458 --> 00:38:25,023
You said you wanted to bash
Lavender Davis's face in...
519
00:38:25,148 --> 00:38:26,103
with a mallet.
520
00:38:26,228 --> 00:38:27,773
Yes, she did say that.
521
00:38:27,898 --> 00:38:29,653
Come on, Fanny. Let's go.
522
00:38:29,778 --> 00:38:32,845
It's barely nine o'clock
in the morning. Girls.
523
00:38:34,698 --> 00:38:37,598
Deceptacon by Le Tigre
524
00:39:24,858 --> 00:39:29,023
They're so serious.
It's like church.
525
00:39:29,148 --> 00:39:30,973
Do you think that we
would be as clever?
526
00:39:31,098 --> 00:39:33,883
If you evened it all out, I mean.
527
00:39:34,008 --> 00:39:36,187
Bath time.
528
00:39:45,148 --> 00:39:47,348
Last one in's a sissy.
529
00:39:49,628 --> 00:39:51,743
We must keep our ends up, Fanny.
530
00:39:51,868 --> 00:39:55,368
I think I'm happy with my end down.
531
00:40:11,388 --> 00:40:13,988
Come on, let's do it.
We'd look so chic.
532
00:40:17,788 --> 00:40:20,023
Davey says it's deadly
to talk about hunting.
533
00:40:20,148 --> 00:40:24,443
Of course I won't.
They're intellectuals.
534
00:40:24,568 --> 00:40:25,568
Hello.
535
00:40:25,718 --> 00:40:27,718
Been hunting at all?
536
00:40:29,058 --> 00:40:31,163
Yes, actually.
We were out yesterday.
537
00:40:31,288 --> 00:40:32,968
Good day?
-Great.
538
00:40:33,338 --> 00:40:35,003
Actually very.
539
00:40:35,128 --> 00:40:40,183
We found at once and we had a
five-mile point and then we...
540
00:40:40,308 --> 00:40:42,303
That's marvellous.
-Yes.
541
00:40:42,428 --> 00:40:44,413
Yeah. Well, we had a good
day yesterday too.
542
00:40:44,538 --> 00:40:46,583
Then my first horse went lame.
543
00:40:46,708 --> 00:40:48,853
Terrible shame.
-No.
544
00:40:48,978 --> 00:40:51,903
He'd been looking
awfully good all year.
545
00:40:52,028 --> 00:40:53,428
Come on.
546
00:40:54,068 --> 00:40:55,333
Here they are.
547
00:40:55,458 --> 00:40:58,458
About time. I said one o'clock,
not five past.
548
00:41:02,068 --> 00:41:05,468
Go and have some of that
cheese. Mummy sent this up.
549
00:41:08,468 --> 00:41:10,143
Talk to that man.
550
00:41:10,268 --> 00:41:12,057
Say something clever.
551
00:41:14,938 --> 00:41:16,378
Hello.
-Hello.
552
00:41:17,108 --> 00:41:19,933
I'm a big fan of Virginia Woolf.
553
00:41:20,058 --> 00:41:22,333
Have you read Orlando? You look
rather like The Bolter.
554
00:41:22,458 --> 00:41:24,793
A sort of Home Counties version.
555
00:41:24,918 --> 00:41:26,618
That's my mother.
556
00:41:27,548 --> 00:41:28,893
I shouldn't think so.
557
00:41:29,018 --> 00:41:31,263
You're much too old to be
a child of The Bolter.
558
00:41:31,388 --> 00:41:33,943
Is she still with her white hunter?
559
00:41:34,068 --> 00:41:37,368
What's all that hair on your nose?
560
00:41:40,218 --> 00:41:43,285
My goodness.
-Fanny, is there a hair...?
561
00:41:54,978 --> 00:41:55,978
Yes.
562
00:41:56,468 --> 00:41:58,517
You got away lightly.
563
00:42:00,438 --> 00:42:01,878
To the King.
564
00:42:04,538 --> 00:42:05,943
Drink it all.
565
00:42:06,068 --> 00:42:07,748
Two. Whoo.
566
00:42:08,698 --> 00:42:11,498
This isn't really enjoyable.
567
00:42:14,458 --> 00:42:16,383
A ghastly feeling of guilt is
beginning to give me...
568
00:42:16,508 --> 00:42:18,253
a pain rather like indigestion.
569
00:42:18,378 --> 00:42:20,663
Yes, me too. Every time
the door opens...
570
00:42:20,788 --> 00:42:23,293
I'm sure Uncle Matthew's going
to be there cracking his whip.
571
00:42:23,418 --> 00:42:24,818
OK...
572
00:42:26,898 --> 00:42:28,573
I think we'd better go.
573
00:42:28,698 --> 00:42:30,098
Yes.
574
00:42:33,658 --> 00:42:35,323
Shall... shall we?
-Yes, I know.
575
00:42:35,448 --> 00:42:37,348
Come on, baby.
576
00:42:37,878 --> 00:42:39,558
Going to go?
-Yes.
577
00:42:40,058 --> 00:42:42,303
Shush now.
578
00:42:42,428 --> 00:42:43,813
You poor darling.
579
00:42:43,938 --> 00:42:46,973
But you know that you have to
kiss a lot of frogs...
580
00:42:47,098 --> 00:42:48,893
before you find your prince...
581
00:42:49,018 --> 00:42:50,418
of Wales.
582
00:42:55,028 --> 00:42:56,468
Fanny...
583
00:42:56,658 --> 00:42:58,098
Fanny, help.
584
00:43:00,148 --> 00:43:04,648
Love has increased threefold
in one short day.
585
00:43:07,708 --> 00:43:09,108
But why?
586
00:43:09,378 --> 00:43:11,278
I love him.
587
00:43:11,668 --> 00:43:13,348
Linda, why?
588
00:43:15,388 --> 00:43:16,948
Linda. Linda.
589
00:43:19,868 --> 00:43:21,868
Linda.
590
00:43:23,898 --> 00:43:25,298
Linda.
591
00:43:43,698 --> 00:43:46,798
I have received a phone call...
592
00:43:52,218 --> 00:43:53,898
telling me...
593
00:43:54,998 --> 00:43:56,733
that someone has left a scarf...
594
00:43:56,858 --> 00:44:00,258
in Tony Kroesig's rooms at Oxford.
595
00:44:04,988 --> 00:44:08,788
Now we know -
you're not to be trusted.
596
00:44:09,268 --> 00:44:11,173
So we'll have to take certain steps.
597
00:44:11,298 --> 00:44:12,733
Fanny, you will go straight home.
598
00:44:12,858 --> 00:44:15,803
Emily can... try to control you
in the future, if she can.
599
00:44:15,928 --> 00:44:18,043
But you'll go the same way
as your mother The Bolter...
600
00:44:18,168 --> 00:44:19,416
as sure as eggs is eggs.
601
00:44:19,541 --> 00:44:21,220
Fa, you can't keep us
locked up forever...
602
00:44:21,345 --> 00:44:22,843
we're practically middle-aged women.
603
00:44:22,968 --> 00:44:25,164
Don't interrupt your father.
-Fanny is a scarlet woman...
604
00:44:25,289 --> 00:44:27,383
that's what we'd have
called her in the old days.
605
00:44:27,508 --> 00:44:29,823
I didn't even want to go.
-And as for you, miss.
606
00:44:29,948 --> 00:44:32,063
You're worse, worse than
The Bolter, imagine that.
607
00:44:32,188 --> 00:44:33,733
Please stop it about The Bolter.
608
00:44:33,858 --> 00:44:35,533
No-one here is like her.
-It's all unfair...
609
00:44:35,658 --> 00:44:37,583
because I always feel
like I'm the terrible person...
610
00:44:37,708 --> 00:44:39,223
and then Linda always
seems so innocent.
611
00:44:39,348 --> 00:44:41,663
I blame that depraved sewer Merlin.
612
00:44:41,788 --> 00:44:43,263
Merlin's not depraved.
613
00:44:43,388 --> 00:44:46,713
He travels abroad and reads books
and is sophisticated.
614
00:44:46,838 --> 00:44:49,143
Travels abroad?
-Yes, and his house...
615
00:44:49,268 --> 00:44:51,013
is beautiful and comfortable
and warm...
616
00:44:51,138 --> 00:44:53,623
a place to live in, and not
some freezing medieval fortress...
617
00:44:53,748 --> 00:44:55,453
to rush out from
and kill things all day.
618
00:44:55,578 --> 00:44:57,913
I can't sit in a cupboard with
Fanny for the rest of my life.
619
00:44:58,038 --> 00:45:00,863
Well, you won't have to, cos Fanny's
never coming back here again.
620
00:45:00,988 --> 00:45:02,905
And there can be no
question of a London season now.
621
00:45:03,030 --> 00:45:03,664
Fa, please.
-No.
622
00:45:03,789 --> 00:45:06,065
We shall have to watch you every
minute of the day in future.
623
00:45:06,190 --> 00:45:09,623
You're damn lucky
not to get a thrashing.
624
00:45:09,748 --> 00:45:11,543
Now go to your rooms, both of you.
625
00:45:11,668 --> 00:45:14,773
And you're not to speak
to each other before Fanny leaves.
626
00:45:14,898 --> 00:45:17,053
Luckily, no-one will give them
a second glance now...
627
00:45:17,178 --> 00:45:19,578
with that dreadful hair.
628
00:45:30,748 --> 00:45:33,148
Goodbye, Fanny. Goodbye.
629
00:45:33,308 --> 00:45:34,988
Goodbye, Linda.
630
00:45:36,188 --> 00:45:37,853
We are unlucky to be us.
631
00:45:37,978 --> 00:45:39,538
Bye, darling.
632
00:45:39,858 --> 00:45:44,758
Of course,
we were allowed a London season.
633
00:45:56,538 --> 00:45:59,293
The English upper-class
version of the puberty ritual...
634
00:45:59,418 --> 00:46:01,023
finally happened.
635
00:46:01,148 --> 00:46:03,263
Isn't it lovely to be lovely us?
636
00:46:03,388 --> 00:46:05,303
We came out into the world...
637
00:46:05,428 --> 00:46:08,773
18 years old
and ready for a husband.
638
00:46:08,898 --> 00:46:10,743
Do you get up to Scotland much?
639
00:46:10,868 --> 00:46:12,413
Care for nightclubs?
640
00:46:12,538 --> 00:46:15,038
I say, have you come far?
641
00:46:15,418 --> 00:46:17,663
We met last night
at William Stonor's.
642
00:46:17,788 --> 00:46:18,943
Don't you remember?
643
00:46:19,068 --> 00:46:20,468
No.
644
00:46:24,508 --> 00:46:27,773
But Linda was still
in her dream of love for Tony.
645
00:46:27,898 --> 00:46:31,098
And Tony was nowhere to be seen.
646
00:46:32,898 --> 00:46:34,998
What's the point?
647
00:46:35,898 --> 00:46:39,598
I missed my only chance
for happiness.
648
00:46:39,738 --> 00:46:41,413
I'm going to be a sour...
649
00:46:41,538 --> 00:46:44,538
wizened up, toothless old maid...
650
00:46:44,918 --> 00:46:46,718
and die in a hole.
651
00:46:48,308 --> 00:46:49,708
Me too.
652
00:46:50,358 --> 00:46:54,758
We'll have each other
to dribble on at least.
653
00:47:05,468 --> 00:47:07,003
Hello, Linda.
654
00:47:07,128 --> 00:47:08,893
I've been looking
everywhere for you.
655
00:47:09,018 --> 00:47:10,418
Really?
656
00:47:10,648 --> 00:47:12,573
Shall I show you the balcony?
657
00:47:12,698 --> 00:47:14,098
Yes.
658
00:47:31,218 --> 00:47:33,303
Hello, darling.
659
00:47:33,428 --> 00:47:35,328
You've got so tall.
660
00:47:35,868 --> 00:47:37,023
Hello, Bolter.
661
00:47:37,148 --> 00:47:38,548
Mummy.
662
00:47:38,808 --> 00:47:40,488
I'm your mummy.
663
00:47:42,618 --> 00:47:45,023
Was that Linda I just saw you with?
664
00:47:45,148 --> 00:47:46,148
Yes.
665
00:47:46,578 --> 00:47:48,863
No, it's such a mistake
to be friends with girls...
666
00:47:48,988 --> 00:47:50,713
who are more beautiful
than one is, darling.
667
00:47:50,838 --> 00:47:52,933
It's too dispiriting.
Who was she with?
668
00:47:53,058 --> 00:47:54,553
Tony Kroesig.
669
00:47:54,678 --> 00:47:56,078
Tony?
670
00:47:56,348 --> 00:47:58,028
That won't last.
671
00:48:01,218 --> 00:48:03,973
I want you to meet my friend, Colin.
672
00:48:04,098 --> 00:48:05,658
He's so nice.
673
00:48:05,818 --> 00:48:07,743
He's here somewhere.
674
00:48:07,868 --> 00:48:09,663
What happened to your white hunter?
675
00:48:09,788 --> 00:48:14,588
Dead. Shot in the head
during a safari - too sad.
676
00:48:15,418 --> 00:48:18,219
Well, at least
you didn't have to bolt.
677
00:48:19,128 --> 00:48:21,973
Yeah, no. Yes, for once.
678
00:48:22,098 --> 00:48:25,783
First one I lost respectably -
to death.
679
00:48:25,908 --> 00:48:29,408
Fanny, dear, you're very funny.
680
00:48:31,228 --> 00:48:36,628
I'm going to go and fetch
lovely Colin for you to meet.
681
00:48:51,578 --> 00:48:54,523
Darling Colin,
everything about you is heaven.
682
00:48:54,648 --> 00:48:56,443
I just want to spend
the whole night with you.
683
00:48:56,568 --> 00:48:57,968
Goodness, let's.
684
00:48:59,708 --> 00:49:01,575
Come, let's get out of here.
685
00:49:36,568 --> 00:49:40,068
"Darling, I'm your mummy."
686
00:49:46,428 --> 00:49:50,128
"Darling, I'm your mummy."
687
00:49:59,868 --> 00:50:03,383
That bloody Hun
Kroesig has just telephoned.
688
00:50:03,508 --> 00:50:05,943
He wanted to speak to you, Linda.
689
00:50:06,068 --> 00:50:07,743
I told him to get
the hell out of here...
690
00:50:07,868 --> 00:50:09,663
I don't want you mixed up
with any Germans...
691
00:50:09,788 --> 00:50:11,588
do you understand?
692
00:50:12,498 --> 00:50:14,698
Well, I am "mixed up".
693
00:50:16,698 --> 00:50:18,965
As it happens, I'm engaged to him.
694
00:50:25,848 --> 00:50:27,733
What did you...? Come here.
695
00:50:27,858 --> 00:50:29,653
What did you...?
Come here, you.
696
00:50:29,778 --> 00:50:31,178
Come here.
697
00:50:33,148 --> 00:50:34,453
What did you say?
698
00:50:34,578 --> 00:50:37,678
How dare you. What did you say?
699
00:50:39,258 --> 00:50:42,392
What are you doing?
She just said she's engaged.
700
00:51:00,988 --> 00:51:05,023
It wasn't just Uncle Matthew
who opposed the engagement.
701
00:51:05,148 --> 00:51:09,133
Tony is Bottom
to Linda's Titania, isn't he?
702
00:51:09,258 --> 00:51:10,843
He's ghastly.
703
00:51:10,968 --> 00:51:13,023
A frightful Counter Hon.
704
00:51:13,148 --> 00:51:15,263
Nothing will wake her up.
705
00:51:15,388 --> 00:51:18,143
No. Not before it's too late.
706
00:51:18,268 --> 00:51:19,668
Poor Linda.
707
00:51:21,018 --> 00:51:23,413
She has an intensely
romantic character...
708
00:51:23,538 --> 00:51:26,238
which is fatal for a woman.
709
00:51:26,588 --> 00:51:30,493
And also what makes her
so completely irresistible.
710
00:51:30,618 --> 00:51:33,373
Fortunately, most women
are madly matter-of-fact.
711
00:51:33,498 --> 00:51:37,463
Otherwise, the world
could hardly carry on.
712
00:51:37,588 --> 00:51:39,288
What am I, Davey?
713
00:51:41,748 --> 00:51:43,548
You're you, Fanny.
714
00:51:45,018 --> 00:51:47,018
You'll be all right.
715
00:51:50,538 --> 00:51:52,593
Lord Merlin was braver
than the rest of us.
716
00:51:52,718 --> 00:51:54,381
Are you pleased about my engagement?
717
00:51:54,506 --> 00:51:57,106
No, of course not.
Why are you doing it?
718
00:51:58,068 --> 00:51:59,543
We're in love.
719
00:51:59,668 --> 00:52:01,023
And what makes you think so?
720
00:52:01,148 --> 00:52:04,093
One doesn't think, one knows.
721
00:52:04,218 --> 00:52:05,918
Fiddlesticks.
722
00:52:10,868 --> 00:52:12,268
Well.
723
00:52:12,668 --> 00:52:16,383
You evidently don't
understand a thing about love.
724
00:52:16,508 --> 00:52:19,383
So what's the use in talking to you?
725
00:52:19,508 --> 00:52:23,103
Love is for grown-ups,
as you'll discover one day.
726
00:52:23,228 --> 00:52:24,253
You'll also discover...
727
00:52:24,378 --> 00:52:25,983
that it's got nothing to do
with marriage.
728
00:52:26,108 --> 00:52:28,693
I'm all in favour
of you marrying, if you so wish...
729
00:52:28,818 --> 00:52:33,493
but for God's sake, not to a bore
like Tony Kroesig.
730
00:52:33,618 --> 00:52:35,133
He's your friend.
731
00:52:35,258 --> 00:52:37,374
If he's such a bore, why would
you bring him to my party?
732
00:52:37,499 --> 00:52:39,543
I can't guess that you'll go
and marry every stopgap...
733
00:52:39,668 --> 00:52:42,547
that comes to stay at my house.
734
00:52:54,138 --> 00:52:57,373
Can't think why Merlin
says he's such a bore.
735
00:52:57,498 --> 00:52:59,698
Tony knows everything.
736
00:53:00,858 --> 00:53:03,743
Well, yes, that's exactly
it, he does.
737
00:53:03,868 --> 00:53:06,568
At least he thinks he does.
738
00:53:18,908 --> 00:53:20,063
Bother Merlin.
739
00:53:20,188 --> 00:53:21,613
You know, I'm starting to think...
740
00:53:21,738 --> 00:53:24,093
that Fa was right about
him all along.
741
00:53:24,218 --> 00:53:26,618
He is a little depraved.
742
00:53:29,658 --> 00:53:31,338
Don't you think?
743
00:53:44,418 --> 00:53:49,243
I'm afraid I have to make Lavender
Davis chief bridesmaid.
744
00:53:49,368 --> 00:53:51,468
But you'll be second.
745
00:53:52,248 --> 00:53:54,248
She's Tony's cousin.
746
00:53:54,868 --> 00:53:58,093
And she is responsible for us
getting together, after all.
747
00:53:58,218 --> 00:54:00,253
Well, only most unwittingly.
748
00:54:00,378 --> 00:54:04,878
Unwittingly or wittingly,
what does it matter?
749
00:54:27,708 --> 00:54:29,108
Um...
750
00:54:29,778 --> 00:54:31,333
Would you take my flowers for me?
751
00:54:31,458 --> 00:54:35,158
Take my flowers for me, would you?
752
00:54:36,918 --> 00:54:39,253
Hello, Fanny, darling.
-Come and have a champagne.
753
00:54:39,378 --> 00:54:40,453
I'm so sorry.
754
00:54:40,578 --> 00:54:44,778
Excuse me. Sorry.
-No, I'm sorry. Excuse me.
755
00:54:48,698 --> 00:54:49,813
This...
-There you are.
756
00:54:49,938 --> 00:54:53,538
Yes, thank you.
-That's all right.I...
757
00:54:53,778 --> 00:54:56,293
Are you one of those
bright young things?
758
00:54:56,418 --> 00:54:58,493
I don't know.
Would you like me to be?
759
00:54:58,618 --> 00:55:00,318
Not particularly.
760
00:55:02,708 --> 00:55:04,388
So...
-Fanny.
761
00:55:04,948 --> 00:55:06,493
Yes?
-Let's talk about...
762
00:55:06,618 --> 00:55:08,952
It's time, everyone's sitting down.
763
00:55:09,818 --> 00:55:12,013
Yes, can we just, um, chat, Fanny?
764
00:55:12,138 --> 00:55:15,805
Well, we will later - you have
to say hello to everyone.
765
00:55:18,268 --> 00:55:19,668
Come on.
766
00:55:21,788 --> 00:55:23,188
Get in.
767
00:55:27,318 --> 00:55:29,625
Well... What do you think?
768
00:55:29,750 --> 00:55:31,264
It's better than Louisa's, isn't it?
769
00:55:31,389 --> 00:55:32,495
There's that at least.
770
00:55:32,620 --> 00:55:34,115
I say, has anyone seen Linda?
771
00:55:34,240 --> 00:55:37,153
Shh, shh, shh.
-I need to start my speech.
772
00:55:37,278 --> 00:55:39,838
Darling, you'd better
get out and be the bride.
773
00:55:39,963 --> 00:55:40,983
I know, I know.
774
00:55:41,108 --> 00:55:42,973
Can we just stay for a second longer...
775
00:55:43,098 --> 00:55:45,463
and just... chat and catch up?
776
00:55:45,588 --> 00:55:47,063
Your train's poking out...
777
00:55:47,188 --> 00:55:49,418
it's going to be quite
obvious you're in here.
778
00:55:49,543 --> 00:55:50,203
Darling...
779
00:55:50,328 --> 00:55:54,228
in my bitter determination
to grow up...
780
00:55:54,868 --> 00:55:57,853
I'd forgotten we'd have
to stop being children.
781
00:55:57,978 --> 00:55:59,103
Yes, there is that.
782
00:55:59,228 --> 00:56:01,693
Can we still be toothless
old maids together?
783
00:56:01,818 --> 00:56:04,085
Not really - you just got married.
784
00:56:06,268 --> 00:56:09,213
Dear. I'm feeling a bit lost.
785
00:56:10,578 --> 00:56:12,863
Are there really
to be no more Christmases...
786
00:56:12,988 --> 00:56:14,263
at Alconleigh?
787
00:56:14,388 --> 00:56:16,088
Linda.
788
00:56:21,428 --> 00:56:23,928
Get out of there at once.
789
00:56:25,018 --> 00:56:28,218
Tony's about to make his speech.
790
00:57:06,868 --> 00:57:10,468
There she is.
Speak of the devil.
791
00:57:12,948 --> 00:57:14,882
Come on, girl, get over here.
792
00:57:27,348 --> 00:57:29,448
I love you.
793
00:57:30,428 --> 00:57:33,128
Er, when I first met Linda...
794
00:57:33,628 --> 00:57:36,613
she told me she was an Honourable...
795
00:57:36,738 --> 00:57:38,363
the daughter of a baron...
796
00:57:38,488 --> 00:57:40,688
spoke fluent French...
797
00:57:44,418 --> 00:57:48,218
and rode to hounds
with the Bicester.
798
00:57:52,828 --> 00:57:54,623
And I knew, right off the bat...
799
00:57:54,748 --> 00:57:56,882
she was hellbent on marrying me.
800
00:57:58,708 --> 00:58:01,975
Despite all that, I still
managed to fall for her.
801
00:58:02,938 --> 00:58:05,183
Erm, you see, I think what...
802
00:58:05,308 --> 00:58:09,017
what sealed the deal,
as we say in banking...
56130
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