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1
00:00:07,790 --> 00:00:09,096
AH, AH, AH, AH!
2
00:00:09,226 --> 00:00:11,228
I SAID YOU COULD HAVE
A COOKIE {\an8}AFTER DINNER.
3
00:00:11,359 --> 00:00:13,274
IT ALL GOES
TO THE SAME PLACE, DADDY.
4
00:00:13,404 --> 00:00:14,536
I KNOW IT DOES.
5
00:00:14,666 --> 00:00:17,191
BUT I WANT THE GOOD STUFF
TO GO IN FIRST.
6
00:00:17,321 --> 00:00:18,540
I'M WITH YA.
7
00:00:21,151 --> 00:00:22,761
I SAID THE GOOD STUFF.
8
00:00:22,892 --> 00:00:25,808
THIS IS THE GOOD STUFF!
9
00:00:25,938 --> 00:00:26,983
I WALKED RIGHT INTO THAT ONE,
DIDN'T I?
10
00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:28,071
- HEY.
- HEY.
11
00:00:28,202 --> 00:00:29,464
GUESS WHAT.
12
00:00:29,594 --> 00:00:32,510
I FINALLY GET TO DO
SOME REAL ACTING ON THE SOAP.
13
00:00:32,641 --> 00:00:35,426
DR. SARAH DESARIO
GETS TO BE AN ACTUAL DOCTOR!
14
00:00:35,557 --> 00:00:37,341
I DON'T JUST GET A DRINK
THROWN IN MY FACE.
15
00:00:37,472 --> 00:00:39,517
I GET TO SAY THINGS LIKE
"MYOCARDIAL INFARCTION"!
16
00:00:41,824 --> 00:00:43,347
MOMMY SAID "FARCTION."
17
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:47,917
MOM, I'M GONNA NEED
TO VIDEOTAPE YOU AT WORK
18
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,527
FOR MY CAREER DAY PROJECT.
19
00:00:49,658 --> 00:00:50,876
WILL YOU SIGN
THIS PERMISSION SLIP
20
00:00:51,007 --> 00:00:52,443
SO I CAN MISS SCHOOL
TOMORROW?
21
00:00:52,574 --> 00:00:54,706
I DON'T KNOW IF TOMORROW'S
GONNA WORK, SWEETIE.
22
00:00:54,837 --> 00:00:57,796
OH, BIG DAY.
GOT A LOT OF LINES TO LEARN.
23
00:00:57,927 --> 00:00:59,494
WELL, THEN WHAT AM I
GONNA DO FOR CAREER DAY?
24
00:00:59,624 --> 00:01:01,496
HELLO?
25
00:01:01,626 --> 00:01:02,975
DAD, PLEASE, NOT NOW.
26
00:01:03,106 --> 00:01:04,716
I'M TRYING TO THINK
OF SOMEONE WHO HAS A JOB.
27
00:01:04,847 --> 00:01:06,718
EXCUSE ME? I HAVE A JOB.
I WORK RIGHT HERE.
28
00:01:06,849 --> 00:01:08,155
I'LL TELL YOU,
I'VE WORKED HARDER
29
00:01:08,285 --> 00:01:10,244
BEING A STAY-AT-HOME DAD
THAN I EVER DID AS A TV DAD.
30
00:01:10,374 --> 00:01:12,898
- MM-HMM.
- AND I HAVE TO DO MY OWN HAIR.
31
00:01:13,029 --> 00:01:14,248
HE'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
32
00:01:14,378 --> 00:01:15,205
NOW, BEING
A STAY-AT-HOME PARENT
33
00:01:15,336 --> 00:01:17,468
IS A VERY,
VERY IMPORTANT JOB.
34
00:01:17,599 --> 00:01:19,644
GREAT!
I'LL STAY HOME WITH YOU, DAD.
35
00:01:19,775 --> 00:01:21,559
AND I GET TO DO
36
00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:23,561
HANGING WITH MY POPS
AND NOT WEARING PANTS.
37
00:01:25,041 --> 00:01:27,261
DADDY, PLEASE MAKE HIM
WEAR PANTS.
38
00:01:27,391 --> 00:01:28,305
OKAY.
39
00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:30,046
I'M INSISTING ON IT.
40
00:01:30,177 --> 00:01:31,526
THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO, MISTER.
41
00:01:31,656 --> 00:01:32,744
MM-HMM.
MM.
42
00:01:56,899 --> 00:01:59,858
A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK
OF THIS ROOM AS THE KITCHEN,
43
00:01:59,989 --> 00:02:02,034
BUT I LIKE TO THINK OF IT
AS THE BASE OF OPERATIONS,
44
00:02:02,165 --> 00:02:04,254
THE BRIDGE OF THE {\an8}USS HOBBS.
45
00:02:04,385 --> 00:02:06,648
JOE, YOU'RE GETTING
MY GOOD SIDE, RIGHT?
46
00:02:06,778 --> 00:02:09,216
DAD, MY CAREER DAY PROJECT
IS A DOCUMENTARY.
47
00:02:09,346 --> 00:02:10,869
JUST ACT NATURAL.
48
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,568
HELLO, FATHER.
49
00:02:13,698 --> 00:02:15,004
OH!
50
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:19,051
JOSEPH,
I DID NOT SEE YOU THERE.
51
00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:23,012
JOEY, YOU MIGHT WANT TO INFORM
THE OTHER ON-AIR TALENT.
52
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,144
JANIE, YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO ACT NATURAL.
53
00:02:24,274 --> 00:02:25,145
TELL HER, DAD.
54
00:02:28,887 --> 00:02:29,584
DAD!
- YEAH, SORRY!
55
00:02:29,714 --> 00:02:31,020
OKAY, NOW.
56
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,413
EVERY MORNING
IN THE HOBBS HOUSE
57
00:02:32,543 --> 00:02:34,458
BRINGS A NEW SET OF DEMANDS.
58
00:02:34,589 --> 00:02:36,199
FOR EXAMPLE, BREAKFAST.
59
00:02:36,330 --> 00:02:38,723
I KNOW THAT EMILY,
SHE LIKES TO HAVE EGG WHITES,
60
00:02:38,854 --> 00:02:39,898
UH, WHEAT TOAST.
61
00:02:40,029 --> 00:02:41,073
UH, CAN'T, DAD.
REMEMBER?
62
00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:42,162
I HAVE AN EARLY
PRODUCTION MEETING
63
00:02:42,292 --> 00:02:44,251
FOR MY HIGH SCHOOL
NEWS PROGRAM.
64
00:02:44,381 --> 00:02:46,253
I AM TRYING TO DOUBLE
MY VIEWERSHIP,
65
00:02:46,383 --> 00:02:48,907
WHICH MEANS IT WOULD GO
FROM ME TO...
66
00:02:49,038 --> 00:02:51,345
ANYONE ELSE.
67
00:02:51,475 --> 00:02:53,303
WHICH IS WHY
OUR BIG-TIME PRODUCER
68
00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:56,306
GETS HER BREAKFAST TO GO.
69
00:02:59,483 --> 00:03:01,659
NOW REMEMBER THAT YOUR BAG
OF BREAKFAST
70
00:03:01,790 --> 00:03:04,749
IS THE MOST IMPORTANT BAG
OF THE DAY.
71
00:03:06,142 --> 00:03:07,448
HAVE A NICE DAY.
72
00:03:07,578 --> 00:03:09,450
DAD...
73
00:03:11,147 --> 00:03:13,018
Y- I'M AWARE OF THAT.L.
74
00:03:13,149 --> 00:03:15,369
I'M JUST TIMING
THE TRAFFIC.
75
00:03:15,499 --> 00:03:18,328
AND WE GO!
76
00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:22,463
AND THAT'S THE KEY
TO QUICK CARPOOL DROP-OFF.
77
00:03:22,593 --> 00:03:24,116
JUST SMILE AND WAVE,
78
00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:25,727
AND FLY DOWN
THAT "BUSES ONLY" LANE
79
00:03:25,857 --> 00:03:27,772
LIKE YOU'RE MEANT
TO BE THERE.
80
00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:34,344
NOW DOING LAUNDRY
CAN BE FRAUGHT WITH DANGER.
81
00:03:34,475 --> 00:03:36,041
IF YOU DON'T INSPECT
THE POCKETS THOROUGHLY,
82
00:03:36,172 --> 00:03:37,521
THERE'S A VER--
- PA-PA!
83
00:03:37,652 --> 00:03:40,394
I FOUND A RED PEN.
- AH, YES.
84
00:03:40,524 --> 00:03:43,571
THE DREADED RED PEN,
THE ENEMY OF LAUNDRY.
85
00:03:43,701 --> 00:03:47,749
OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT, {\an8}
EL DIABLO ROJO.
86
00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:49,664
GOOD WORK.
87
00:03:49,794 --> 00:03:52,493
SORTING MAIL TAKES FOCUS
AND CONCENTRATION.
88
00:03:52,623 --> 00:03:53,885
JUNK MAIL IS ALWAYS
TRYING TO SELL YOU STUFF
89
00:03:54,016 --> 00:03:55,757
THAT YOU DON'T NEED.
90
00:03:55,887 --> 00:03:57,324
THEY PREY ON THE WEAK-MINDED.
91
00:03:57,454 --> 00:03:58,760
NOW--
92
00:03:58,890 --> 00:04:01,066
OOH.
I {\an8}SHOULD ACT FAST.
93
00:04:01,197 --> 00:04:02,981
THIS OFFER FOR COLLECTIBLE
RARE BIRD PLATES
94
00:04:03,112 --> 00:04:05,070
IS NOT GONNA LAST FOREVER.
95
00:04:05,201 --> 00:04:06,420
PUT IT IN MY POCKET.
96
00:04:08,987 --> 00:04:10,815
AND IN OTHER NEWS,
97
00:04:10,946 --> 00:04:14,428
JEFF NOUGAT-ASTRONAUT
WILL BE PRESIDING OVER--
98
00:04:14,558 --> 00:04:18,562
UH, TAYLOR,
IT'S JEFF TZOUGANATOS.
99
00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:20,869
THAT'S TOO HARD TO SAY, EM.
100
00:04:20,999 --> 00:04:22,392
CAN WE CHANGE IT?
101
00:04:23,785 --> 00:04:26,222
NO, WE'RE A NEWS SOURCE.
102
00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:28,964
AND IT'S HIS NAME.
103
00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:31,009
CAN'T I PLEASE
JUST DO THE WEATHER?
104
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:33,055
THAT'S MY REAL PASSION.
105
00:04:33,185 --> 00:04:35,666
PLUS,
THERE ARE NO NAMES THERE.
106
00:04:35,797 --> 00:04:38,016
TAYLOR, I REALLY NEED YOU
TO JUST READ THE NEWS.
107
00:04:38,147 --> 00:04:40,715
I'M SORRY, EM,
BUT I'VE GOTTA FOLLOW MY DREAMS.
108
00:04:40,845 --> 00:04:42,325
I'M OUT.
109
00:04:42,456 --> 00:04:45,372
NO, BUT--BUT TAYLOR,
IT'S TWO MINUTES TO AIR!
110
00:04:46,677 --> 00:04:49,767
WAYNE.
111
00:04:49,898 --> 00:04:53,771
CAN YOU SAY "TZOUGANATOS"?
112
00:04:53,902 --> 00:04:55,686
HEY. LUNCH.
113
00:04:55,817 --> 00:04:56,992
ONE SEC, BEA.
114
00:04:57,122 --> 00:04:58,341
PLEASE!
115
00:04:59,821 --> 00:05:01,344
NEXT MONDAY,
116
00:05:01,475 --> 00:05:03,912
THERE WILL BE A WIDER SELECTION
OF LUNCH PRODUCTS
117
00:05:04,042 --> 00:05:05,609
ON THE CAFETERIA MENU.
118
00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:08,264
HOPEFULLY, ONE OF THOSE PRODUCTS
WILL BE ACTUAL FOOD.
119
00:05:09,831 --> 00:05:10,745
ROLL CAMERA.
120
00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:12,921
THE WIZARDS
AND WARRIORS CLUB
121
00:05:13,051 --> 00:05:15,184
WILL BE TAKING PLACE IN
THE BASEMENT TOMORROW AFTERNOON.
122
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:16,577
TAKE THE TRAP DOOR
THROUGH THE DUNGEON,
123
00:05:16,707 --> 00:05:18,448
HANG A LEFT AT THE SKULL,
124
00:05:18,579 --> 00:05:21,364
AND DON'T FORGET
YOUR CLOAK OF SHAME.
125
00:05:21,495 --> 00:05:23,105
AND FINALLY,
THE PHOTOGRAPHY CLASS
126
00:05:23,235 --> 00:05:25,368
IS OFFERING TO RETAKE
YOUR SCHOOL I.D. PHOTO.
127
00:05:25,499 --> 00:05:28,066
IN CASE IT LOOKS
LIKE THIS.
128
00:05:28,197 --> 00:05:32,419
OR IN MY CASE,
LIKE THIS.
129
00:05:33,985 --> 00:05:35,465
AND WE'RE OUT.
130
00:05:35,596 --> 00:05:37,206
OUT OF WHAT?
131
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,034
OH, I WAS
JUST BROADCASTING LIVE.
132
00:05:39,164 --> 00:05:40,557
YOU JUST DID THE NEWS.
133
00:05:40,688 --> 00:05:42,951
YOU MEAN,
I WAS JUST ON THE AIR LIVE?
134
00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:44,561
YEAH!
AND YOU WERE HILARIOUS.
135
00:05:44,692 --> 00:05:48,130
RIGHT, WAYNE?
136
00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:49,305
YOU SHOULD BE MY NEW ANCHOR.
137
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:51,133
PEOPLE WOULD LOVE YOU.
138
00:05:51,263 --> 00:05:52,395
I DON'T KNOW, EM.
139
00:05:52,526 --> 00:05:53,918
I MEAN, IT WAS FUN,
140
00:05:54,049 --> 00:05:56,225
BUT I'M NOT REALLY
A LIVE PERSON.
141
00:05:56,356 --> 00:06:00,011
I MEAN, I'M A-LIVE, BUT NOT
SO MUCH IN FRONT OF A CAMERA.
142
00:06:01,404 --> 00:06:02,840
I KINDA LIKE
BEING INVISIBLE.
143
00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:05,930
IN FACT, I AM PERFECTLY HAPPY
BEING INVISI-BEA.
144
00:06:06,061 --> 00:06:07,671
OH, MY GOSH,
145
00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:10,674
YOU'RE BEA MARONEY
FROM THE HIGH SCHOOL NEWS.
146
00:06:10,805 --> 00:06:13,111
YOU CRACKED ME UP,
AND I NEVER LAUGH AT ANYTHING,
147
00:06:13,242 --> 00:06:17,638
'CAUSE, LET'S BE HONEST,
WHAT'S FUNNY ANYMORE?
148
00:06:19,117 --> 00:06:20,684
GOOD JOB.
THAT WAS SO GOOD.
149
00:06:20,815 --> 00:06:21,511
- THAT WAS SO GREAT.
- YOU WERE SO FUNNY.
150
00:06:21,642 --> 00:06:25,254
YOU'RE SO COOL.
151
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,474
WELL?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
152
00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:29,476
MAYBE I COULD GET USED
TO "HIGH SCHOOL NEWS,"
153
00:06:29,606 --> 00:06:31,521
WITH YOUR HOST,
BEA MARONEY.
154
00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:37,919
SANTIAGO, I HAVE RULED OUT
A MYOCARDIAL INFARCTION,
155
00:06:38,049 --> 00:06:40,225
BUT I MUST PERFORM
AN EMERGENCY APPENDECTOMY.
156
00:06:40,356 --> 00:06:42,706
I KNOW THIS
BECAUSE I'M A DOCTOR.
157
00:06:42,837 --> 00:06:47,494
DR. SARAH DESARIO,
MEDICAL DOCTOR.
158
00:06:47,624 --> 00:06:49,060
SINCE WE ARE LOCKED
IN THIS CLOSET,
159
00:06:49,191 --> 00:06:50,888
I MUST SANITIZE THE AREA.
160
00:06:51,019 --> 00:06:52,368
WITH WHAT?
161
00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:54,457
THIS TRAVEL-SIZE
HAND SANITIZER...
162
00:06:54,588 --> 00:06:55,893
AND A LITTLE MOXIE.
163
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:01,377
LIE DOWN.
164
00:07:01,508 --> 00:07:03,858
FOR A SCALPEL,
I WILL USE THE SHARP END
165
00:07:03,988 --> 00:07:06,469
OF THE ROTHSCHILD
TIGER EYE BROACH.
166
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,166
CUT!
167
00:07:08,297 --> 00:07:09,429
LOOK, WE'RE RUNNING LONG,
168
00:07:09,559 --> 00:07:11,039
SO WE'RE GONNA CUT
THE WHOLE OPERATION.
169
00:07:11,169 --> 00:07:12,910
WHA--WHAT?
170
00:07:13,041 --> 00:07:16,436
BUT I HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN
TO THE REAL DOCTOR ACTING THING.
171
00:07:16,566 --> 00:07:18,525
YEAH, WELL, WE JUST NEEDED
TO GET HIS SHIRT OFF.
172
00:07:18,655 --> 00:07:21,310
SO, UH, LET'S GO
TO LINE 37.
173
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,530
AND...ACTION!
174
00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:26,663
HOW DARE YOU TRY TO STEAL
THE ROTHSCHILD TIGER EYE BROACH
175
00:07:26,794 --> 00:07:28,535
BY HIDING IT INSIDE ME?
176
00:07:28,665 --> 00:07:30,319
BUT I DIDN'T DO ANY--
177
00:07:32,147 --> 00:07:35,237
YOU ARE AN EVIL
LITTLE WOMAN.
178
00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:46,640
both: WHOA!
179
00:07:46,770 --> 00:07:48,337
DAD, YOU GOTTA SEE THIS.
180
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,948
FITZY DID A RIDE-ALONG
WITH HIS DAD FOR CAREER DAY.
181
00:07:51,079 --> 00:07:53,647
THIS IS WHERE MY DAD JUMPS OUT
AND CHASES THE PERP ON FOOT,
182
00:07:53,777 --> 00:07:57,215
ALL PARKOUR-STYLE.
183
00:07:57,346 --> 00:07:59,043
I'VE RIDDEN ALONG
WITH THE COPS BEFORE.
184
00:07:59,174 --> 00:08:02,786
REMEMBER OUR SPECIAL EPISODE,
"SEE DAD BOOK 'EM, DADDO"?
185
00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:04,788
both: WHOA!
186
00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:07,356
BUSTED!
187
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,706
IS, UH,
IS THAT MARTIAL ARTS?
188
00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:11,055
YEAH, HIS DAD'S HANDS
ARE REGISTERED
189
00:08:11,186 --> 00:08:13,362
AS LETHAL WEAPONS.
190
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:16,147
THAT'S PRETTY COOL.
CHECK THIS OUT.
191
00:08:17,714 --> 00:08:18,628
ELLIOT'S MOM
IS A HEART SURGEON.
192
00:08:18,759 --> 00:08:20,325
THIS IS WHERE
SHE RECONNECTS THE HEART
193
00:08:20,456 --> 00:08:22,023
FROM THE HEART-LUNG
MACHINE.
194
00:08:22,153 --> 00:08:23,764
WHOA!
195
00:08:23,894 --> 00:08:25,113
SHE'S MASSAGING THAT HEART
BACK INTO BEATING
196
00:08:25,243 --> 00:08:27,158
WITH HER OWN HANDS!
197
00:08:27,289 --> 00:08:30,814
I GAVE A MONKEY
MOUTH TO MOUTH ONCE.
198
00:08:33,121 --> 00:08:34,818
IT LIVED.
199
00:08:38,866 --> 00:08:41,564
- YOU READY TO GO?
- I'M FIRED UP.
200
00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:43,392
AND BY THAT,
I MEAN ON THE VERGE
201
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:47,222
OF A PANIC ATTACK.
202
00:08:47,352 --> 00:08:48,658
HEY, HERE'S A CRAZY IDEA.
203
00:08:48,789 --> 00:08:50,051
WHY DON'T YOU BE ON CAMERA
204
00:08:50,181 --> 00:08:52,009
AND I'LL STAND OVER THERE
WITH THE HEADSET?
205
00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:55,970
TRUST ME, NOBODY WANTS
TO SEE ME DO THE NEWS AGAIN.
206
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:58,015
WHY NOT? I DO.
I'M SURE EVERYONE ELSE DOES.
207
00:08:58,146 --> 00:09:00,409
RIGHT, WAYNE?
208
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,281
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING,
209
00:09:03,412 --> 00:09:05,283
I'M HERE FOR YOU, OKAY?
210
00:09:05,414 --> 00:09:06,981
AND WE'RE LIVE IN FIVE...
211
00:09:07,111 --> 00:09:08,156
FOUR...
212
00:09:08,286 --> 00:09:10,201
BEA, MY HAND!
213
00:09:10,332 --> 00:09:11,289
HELLO!
WELCOME TO "HIGH SCHOOL NEWS."
214
00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:12,552
MY NAME IS MEA BALONEY.
215
00:09:12,682 --> 00:09:14,554
BEA MARONEY!
216
00:09:14,684 --> 00:09:15,859
PRESENT!
217
00:09:15,990 --> 00:09:19,863
NO, JUST--JUST RELAX
AND SLOW DOWN.
218
00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:22,387
UH...
219
00:09:22,518 --> 00:09:25,521
BUS RIDERS, BE AWARE...
220
00:09:25,652 --> 00:09:27,828
THAT, UH...
- NOT THAT SLOW!
221
00:09:27,958 --> 00:09:30,526
BUS NUMBER FOUR
IS IN SPACE NUMBER SIX,
222
00:09:30,657 --> 00:09:33,311
AND, UH, BUS NUMBER SIX
IS IN SPACE NUMBER FOUR...
223
00:09:33,442 --> 00:09:35,879
AND FOUR IS IN...
224
00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:39,100
IS IT RAINING IN HERE?
225
00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:41,450
SO, UH, DON'T
GET ON THE WRONG...
226
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,801
MAN, IT'S--
IT'S HOT IN HERE!
227
00:09:44,932 --> 00:09:46,020
IS IT ME?
228
00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:47,021
IS IT HOT?
229
00:09:47,151 --> 00:09:48,588
YES!
IT'S HER.
230
00:09:48,718 --> 00:09:49,893
WAYNE, PULL BACK!
PULL BACK!
231
00:09:51,721 --> 00:09:55,638
NO, WAYNE, PUSH IN!
PUSH IN!
232
00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:58,423
THAT'S THE NEWS,
AND I'M...
233
00:09:58,554 --> 00:10:01,426
VERY SORRY.
234
00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:02,906
HURRY UP, KEVIN,
COME ON.
235
00:10:03,037 --> 00:10:05,126
JOE WILL BE BACK
FROM FITZY'S ANY MINUTE.
236
00:10:05,256 --> 00:10:06,910
I DON'T WANT HIM TO CATCH US
LOOKING AT HIS FOOTAGE.
237
00:10:07,041 --> 00:10:08,433
DON'T WORRY, DAVID,
WATCHING JOE'S FOOTAGE
238
00:10:08,564 --> 00:10:09,913
IS GONNA MAKE YOU
FEEL BETTER.
239
00:10:10,044 --> 00:10:11,915
YOU KNOW WHY?
'CAUSE YOU'RE DAVID HOBBS.
240
00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:14,352
THOSE OTHER PARENTS
CAN'T HOLD A CANDLE TO YOU.
241
00:10:14,483 --> 00:10:16,616
I DON'T KNOW.
242
00:10:16,746 --> 00:10:19,183
ONE'S A COP,
ONE'S A HEART SURGEON.
243
00:10:19,314 --> 00:10:20,794
YEAH, AND ONE
WORKS ON THE SPACE STATION.
244
00:10:20,924 --> 00:10:22,491
SO WHAT?
245
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:23,753
"LOOK AT ME!
246
00:10:23,884 --> 00:10:26,234
I'M FLOATING IN SPACE
FOR SIX MONTHS."
247
00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:28,236
WHOOP-DEE-DO!
248
00:10:28,366 --> 00:10:31,543
CAN THEY DO THIS?
249
00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:33,154
NOW MY SECRET
TO CLEANING THE SINK STRAINER
250
00:10:33,284 --> 00:10:35,156
IS TO TURN IT OVER
251
00:10:35,286 --> 00:10:37,985
AND SPRAY WATER
THROUGH THE BOTTOM.
252
00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:41,771
OKAY, MAYBE
NOT THE BEST EXAMPLE.
253
00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:46,602
NOW, FOR THE MORE ADVANCED,
254
00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:48,909
IF YOU SLIDE THE BAG
FULL OF AIR INTO THE CAN,
255
00:10:49,039 --> 00:10:52,739
YOU GET A TIGHTER FIT
AND MAXIMUM BAG USAGE.
256
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,656
I THINK THE GOOD STUFF'S
COMING UP IN THE--
257
00:10:56,786 --> 00:10:59,180
THE NEXT SCENE.
258
00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:01,965
MAKE SURE THAT YOU
HAVE A SPOTTER FOR THE LADDER
259
00:11:02,096 --> 00:11:04,968
WHEN THREADING
A LIGHT BULB.
260
00:11:05,099 --> 00:11:08,711
AND THEN, MOST IMPORTANTLY,
TURN AWAY...
261
00:11:08,842 --> 00:11:11,801
SO THAT WHEN THE LIGHT COMES ON,
YOU DON'T GO BLIND.
262
00:11:11,932 --> 00:11:15,370
SEE?
I'M OKAY.
263
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:17,241
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
264
00:11:17,372 --> 00:11:20,462
HOW DID MY LIFE
BECOME THIS, KEVIN?
265
00:11:20,592 --> 00:11:23,247
KEVIN?
266
00:11:26,816 --> 00:11:30,211
WELL, DAD, I SUPPOSE
BUILDING A TREE HOUS..
267
00:11:36,173 --> 00:11:38,262
HONEY, YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING
OLD CLIPS OF YOUR SHOW
268
00:11:38,393 --> 00:11:39,916
FOR THE PAST TWO HOURS.
269
00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:41,091
IS THERE SOMETHING
YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT?
270
00:11:44,181 --> 00:11:48,533
A YEAR AGO, I WAS AMERICA'S
NUMBER-ONE DAD.
271
00:11:48,664 --> 00:11:51,798
I IMPACTED MILLIONS
OF PEOPLE'S LIVES.
272
00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:54,278
AND NOW, I DON'T EVEN KNOW
IF I'M MAKING AN IMPACT
273
00:11:54,409 --> 00:11:57,281
ON MY OWN KIDS!
274
00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:01,895
HONEY, SIT DOWN.
275
00:12:03,070 --> 00:12:04,245
I'M GONNA TELL YOU SOMETHING,
276
00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:06,813
AND I DON'T WANT IT
TO FRIGHTEN YOU, OKAY?
277
00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:10,642
BUT I DON'T THINK
I HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS.
278
00:12:10,773 --> 00:12:12,644
- WHAT?
- I KNOW, I KNOW.
279
00:12:12,775 --> 00:12:15,343
IT'S SHOCKING.
280
00:12:15,473 --> 00:12:16,866
AFTER ALL THIS TIME
AS A STAY-AT-HOME DAD,
281
00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:20,652
OUR KIDS ARE STILL
A MYSTERY TO ME.
282
00:12:20,783 --> 00:12:22,437
I JUST DON'T WANNA GO TO BED
EVERY NIGHT THINKING,
283
00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:24,569
"OH, I HOPE I DIDN'T
SCREW UP MY KIDS TODAY."
284
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:26,180
SWEETIE, THE FACT THAT
YOU'RE ASKING THAT QUESTION
285
00:12:26,310 --> 00:12:27,790
IS WHAT MAKES YOU
SUCH A GOOD FATHER.
286
00:12:27,921 --> 00:12:29,313
THE KIDS LOVE YOU.
287
00:12:29,444 --> 00:12:30,793
I DON'T SEE JOE
RACING TO SHOW HIS VIDEO
288
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:33,317
TO FITZY AND ELLIOT.
289
00:12:33,448 --> 00:12:35,189
IF THIS WERE MY TV SHOW,
290
00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:38,235
I'D GET A CREW IN HERE
AND RESHOOT THIS SNOOZE-FEST.
291
00:12:39,584 --> 00:12:40,760
AT LEAST THAT WOULD KEEP JOE
292
00:12:40,890 --> 00:12:42,544
FROM BEING EMBARRASSED BY ME
AT CAREER DAY.
293
00:12:42,674 --> 00:12:44,807
OH.
294
00:12:44,938 --> 00:12:46,853
WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
295
00:12:46,983 --> 00:12:48,115
- OH, NO. OH, NO.
- THAT'S IT.
296
00:12:48,245 --> 00:12:49,725
NO, NO, HONEY? HONEY.
- OH, NO.
297
00:12:49,856 --> 00:12:50,726
I NEED YOU TO LOOK AWAY.
298
00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:51,640
THIS LIGHT BULB
IS ABOUT TO TURN ON.
299
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,773
SWEETIE, PLEASE TELL ME
300
00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:55,687
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
RESHOOT JOE'S VIDEO.
301
00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:58,952
AMY, WHAT KIND OF FATHER
WOULD I BE
302
00:12:59,082 --> 00:13:00,257
IF I DIDN'T TRY
TO TRICK PEOPLE
303
00:13:00,388 --> 00:13:02,303
INTO THINKING
I WAS A BETTER FATHER?
304
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,176
I TOLD YOU TO LOOK AWAY.
305
00:13:06,307 --> 00:13:09,310
IN A WORLD WHERE FRONT LAWNS
CAN DIE IN A DAY,
306
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:12,661
AND LUNCHES CAN DISAPPEAR
WITHOUT A TRACE,
307
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:16,534
THERE'S ONE MAN
WHO BRINGS SANITY TO THE CHAOS.
308
00:13:20,103 --> 00:13:21,975
DADDY!
I NEED YOU!
309
00:13:23,933 --> 00:13:28,459
ONE MAN WHO SERVES VARIED
AND NUTRITIOUS MEALS WITH EASE.
310
00:13:31,288 --> 00:13:34,770
ONE MAN WHO CAN SAVE HIS CHILD
FROM EXPIRED DAIRY PRODUCTS
311
00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:36,772
WITH HIS OWN TONGUE.
312
00:13:47,652 --> 00:13:50,351
ONE MAN WHOSE HANDS
SHOULD BE REGISTERED
313
00:13:50,481 --> 00:13:52,353
AS LETHAL WEAPONS.
314
00:13:56,183 --> 00:13:59,926
THAT MAN IS...DAVID HOBBS,
STAY-AT-HOME DAD.
315
00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:06,758
{\an8}SNOT ON MY WATCH.
316
00:14:06,889 --> 00:14:08,717
WOW!
THAT WAS SUPER COOL, DAD.
317
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,066
"SNOT ON MY WATCH."
318
00:14:10,197 --> 00:14:12,329
- GENIUS.
- THANK YOU.
319
00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:14,157
SO YOU WANNA BURN IT
ONTO A DVD
320
00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:15,855
AND SHOW IT
ON YOUR LAPTOP?
321
00:14:15,985 --> 00:14:18,335
WHAT?
I CAN'T USE THAT.
322
00:14:18,466 --> 00:14:19,859
WHY NOT?
323
00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:21,556
'CAUSE THAT'S NOT
HOW IT REALLY IS.
324
00:14:21,686 --> 00:14:22,992
WHA--YEAH, IT IS.
325
00:14:23,123 --> 00:14:24,385
JOE, YOU--YOU HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT GOES ON IN THIS HOUSE
326
00:14:24,515 --> 00:14:25,952
WHEN YOU'RE IN SCHOOL
ALL DAY.
327
00:14:26,082 --> 00:14:28,302
DAD, I'VE ALREADY
MADE MY VIDEO.
328
00:14:28,432 --> 00:14:29,564
WELL, ALL RIGHT, JOE.
329
00:14:29,694 --> 00:14:32,262
LISTEN, IF, YOU KNOW,
YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND,
330
00:14:32,393 --> 00:14:33,785
MY VIDEO'S RIGHT HERE.
331
00:14:33,916 --> 00:14:35,048
DAD, I LOVE YOU, BUT...
332
00:14:35,178 --> 00:14:39,139
{\an8}SNOT GONNA HAPPEN.
333
00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:47,625
SO, DID YOU FIND ANYONE
TO ANCHOR THE SHOW?
334
00:14:47,756 --> 00:14:49,671
YOU'RE LOOKING AT HER.
335
00:14:49,801 --> 00:14:51,978
REALLY?
I FEEL BAD.
336
00:14:52,108 --> 00:14:53,457
NO, DON'T FEEL BAD, BEA.
337
00:14:53,588 --> 00:14:54,806
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE MY FRIEND,
338
00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:55,982
AND IF YOU
DON'T WANNA DO IT,
339
00:14:56,112 --> 00:14:58,071
THEN I'M NOT
GONNA ASK YOU.
340
00:14:58,201 --> 00:15:00,464
BUT YOU MIGHT
WANT TO LOOK AWAY.
341
00:15:00,595 --> 00:15:01,683
PERFORMING IN FRONT OF PEOPLE
342
00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:03,903
DOESN'T EXACTLY
BRING OUT THE BEST IN ME.
343
00:15:05,034 --> 00:15:07,515
ALL RIGHT, WAYNE.
344
00:15:07,645 --> 00:15:10,344
WE'RE LIVE IN THREE...
345
00:15:10,474 --> 00:15:13,173
TWO...
346
00:15:13,303 --> 00:15:17,481
GOOD AFTERNOON,
FELLOW STUDENTS!
347
00:15:17,612 --> 00:15:19,309
HERE IS THE NEWS!
348
00:15:20,789 --> 00:15:24,097
SHE KNOWS
SHE HAS A MICROPHONE, RIGHT?
349
00:15:24,227 --> 00:15:28,318
OUR SOCCER TEAM WON THEIR
VERY FIRST GAME OF THE SEASON!
350
00:15:28,449 --> 00:15:32,148
GO, BADGERS!
351
00:15:32,279 --> 00:15:36,326
IF SHE'S GOING DOWN,
I'M GOING DOWN WITH HER.
352
00:15:36,457 --> 00:15:39,155
A REMINDER--WHEN YOU CHECK OUT
A BOOK FROM THE LIBRARY,
353
00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:41,201
PLEASE MAKE SURE
TO RETURN IT!
354
00:15:41,331 --> 00:15:44,030
ALONG WITH MY DIGNITY.
355
00:15:47,772 --> 00:15:51,298
HERE'S A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
FROM CARPOOL MONITORS.
356
00:15:51,428 --> 00:15:54,562
THE BUS LANE
IS NOT A DROP-OFF LANE.
357
00:15:54,692 --> 00:15:56,694
NO CARS ALLOWED.
358
00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:02,526
WHY ARE MY EYES BURNING?
359
00:16:02,657 --> 00:16:06,487
MAYBE FROM THE SOUND
OF MY VOICE?
360
00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:14,364
IT DOESN'T NEED
TO BE PERFECT, STACEY.
361
00:16:14,495 --> 00:16:17,019
N-NOBODY CARES.
362
00:16:17,150 --> 00:16:20,457
ON THIS SHOW, I'M A...
I'M A HUMAN SPONGE.
363
00:16:22,633 --> 00:16:25,375
YOU HAVE A GREAT LUNCH, SWEETIE.
364
00:16:25,506 --> 00:16:26,420
OH, BOY.
365
00:16:26,550 --> 00:16:27,987
AMY...
366
00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:29,423
MY {\an8}ABUELA CAME TO VISIT,
367
00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:31,077
AND SHE INSISTS
ON MEETING YOU.
368
00:16:31,207 --> 00:16:33,731
IT IS SO NICE TO MEET YOU.
369
00:16:43,785 --> 00:16:47,615
SHE SAYS SHE LOVES YOU.
370
00:16:47,745 --> 00:16:49,878
YOU DO REALIZE
I SPEAK SPANISH.
371
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,141
THEN THIS IS UNFORTUNATE.
372
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:53,969
I'M PRETTY SURE SHE SAID, UH...
373
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:56,450
"HOW DARE YOU TREAT MY GRANDSON
LIKE A BACK-ALLEY CAT,
374
00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:57,581
YOU WICKED WITCH"?
375
00:16:57,712 --> 00:17:00,193
YOUR SPANISH IS EXCELLENT.
376
00:17:00,323 --> 00:17:02,064
THEN YOU ALSO KNOW
SHE ONLY WATCHES THE SHOW
377
00:17:02,195 --> 00:17:03,674
HOPING THAT ONE DAY
YOU WILL DROWN
378
00:17:03,805 --> 00:17:04,980
FROM A DRINK IN YOUR FACE.
379
00:17:07,113 --> 00:17:09,202
{\an8}ABUELA.
380
00:17:09,332 --> 00:17:12,770
WAIT A SECOND.
381
00:17:12,901 --> 00:17:14,468
YOU WATCH THE SHOW
BECAUSE OF ME?
382
00:17:16,731 --> 00:17:18,428
I'M THE ONE
YOU LOVE TO HATE! AAH!
383
00:17:18,559 --> 00:17:19,995
I MATTER!
OH, COME HERE!
384
00:17:20,126 --> 00:17:21,214
MWAH!
385
00:17:21,344 --> 00:17:23,129
SHE HATES ME!
386
00:17:23,259 --> 00:17:26,436
YOU HATE ME!
YOU REALLY, REALLY HATE ME!
387
00:17:31,528 --> 00:17:33,269
I DON'T WANT
TO HEAR IT, AMY.
388
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,271
I DON'T WANT TO GO
TO CAREER DAY,
389
00:17:35,402 --> 00:17:36,925
AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME.
390
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:39,971
OH, BUTTON UP.
YOU'RE GOING.
391
00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:43,845
I CAN'T COMPETE WITH A COP
AND A HEART SURGEON...
392
00:17:43,975 --> 00:17:47,588
AND THE PHILHARMONIC'S
THIRD CHAIR FLAUTIST.
393
00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:51,418
SANDY TANUKI'S DAD
PLAYS THE FLAUT.
394
00:17:51,548 --> 00:17:52,680
I'LL BE READY
IN TWO MINUTES.
395
00:17:52,810 --> 00:17:56,162
I JUST WANNA CHECK MY PROJECT
ONE LAST TIME.
396
00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:58,033
I HAVE TO SIT THROUGH
THIS VIDEO AGAIN?
397
00:17:58,164 --> 00:17:59,469
I THINK I'M GONNA NEED
SOME MORE PEANUT BUTTER.
398
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,602
SIT!
399
00:18:04,344 --> 00:18:07,347
MY DAD PLAYED AMERICA'S
NUMBER-ONE DAD ON TV.
400
00:18:07,477 --> 00:18:09,392
SO AN OLD MAN'S
DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD...
401
00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:12,482
BUT NOW, HE'S PLAYING
HIS MOST IMPORTANT ROLE YET.
402
00:18:12,613 --> 00:18:15,485
GETS PULLED OVER--
HE GETS PULLED OVER BY A COP.
403
00:18:15,616 --> 00:18:16,660
HE'S NOT A DOCTOR...
404
00:18:16,791 --> 00:18:19,533
- MY TUMMY HURTS.
- OH.
405
00:18:19,663 --> 00:18:21,100
I'M SORRY, HONEY.
LET'S...
406
00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:22,362
LET'S SEE.
407
00:18:22,492 --> 00:18:23,798
MAYBE DR. MONKEY CHUNKS
CAN HELP.
408
00:18:23,928 --> 00:18:27,889
WHAT SHOULD WE DO, DOCTOR?
409
00:18:28,019 --> 00:18:30,239
HE SAID IF YOU SNUGGLE
WITH YOUR DAD,
410
00:18:30,370 --> 00:18:32,459
YOUR TUMMY WILL BE FINE.
411
00:18:32,589 --> 00:18:34,069
COME HERE.
412
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:35,288
THERE YOU GO.
413
00:18:35,418 --> 00:18:36,941
WAIT, LET'S GET
THE DOCTOR RIGHT.
414
00:18:37,072 --> 00:18:38,291
OKAY.
415
00:18:38,421 --> 00:18:39,814
- DAD, HURRY!
- WHAT IS IT?
416
00:18:39,944 --> 00:18:41,207
IT'S POPCORN.
I THINK IT'S ON FIRE!
417
00:18:41,337 --> 00:18:43,383
HE'S NOT A FIREMAN...
418
00:18:43,513 --> 00:18:46,560
- NO, NO! HURRY!
- HANG ON, TAKE IT EASY.
419
00:18:47,909 --> 00:18:49,258
GET IT OUT, DAD.
420
00:18:52,087 --> 00:18:54,481
THANK YOU.
421
00:18:54,611 --> 00:18:56,135
OKAY, YOU WANT POPCORN?
422
00:18:56,265 --> 00:18:58,267
HE'S NOT A FAMOUS DIRECTOR.
423
00:18:58,398 --> 00:19:00,269
JANIE DOCUMENTARY,
TAKE ONE.
424
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:03,794
AND...ACTION.
425
00:19:03,925 --> 00:19:06,188
OH, FATHER!
426
00:19:06,319 --> 00:19:08,408
I DID NOT SEE YOU THERE.
427
00:19:08,538 --> 00:19:10,671
OH, YOUR HIGHNESS,
WHAT LAND ARE YOU FROM?
428
00:19:10,801 --> 00:19:12,847
MONK-CHUNKIA.
429
00:19:12,977 --> 00:19:14,414
MONK-CHUNKIA?
430
00:19:14,544 --> 00:19:17,025
I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THAT.
WHAT'S IT LIKE?
431
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:19,506
HE'S NOT ONE OF THOSE THINGS,
HE'S ALL OF THOSE THINGS
432
00:19:19,636 --> 00:19:20,898
AND MORE.
433
00:19:21,029 --> 00:19:22,944
WELL, IT SOUNDS TO ME
LIKE YOUR FRIEND BEA
434
00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:24,902
DOESN'T WANNA BE ON CAMERA.
435
00:19:25,033 --> 00:19:26,121
BUT SHE'S SO FUNNY,
436
00:19:26,252 --> 00:19:28,297
AND IT COULD BE
SO GOOD FOR HER...
437
00:19:28,428 --> 00:19:31,082
AND MY SHOW.
438
00:19:31,213 --> 00:19:34,129
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
439
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:37,306
I THINK YOU DO.
440
00:19:37,437 --> 00:19:40,179
HE WANTED THIS VIDEO
TO BE MORE LIKE HIS TV SHOW.
441
00:19:40,309 --> 00:19:42,006
LUCKY FOR ME AND MY SISTERS,
442
00:19:42,137 --> 00:19:45,053
HE'S PLAYING THE ROLE
OUR DAD.
443
00:19:51,973 --> 00:19:55,324
WHAT DO YOU THINK, DAD?
444
00:19:55,455 --> 00:19:57,108
WELL, I...
445
00:19:57,239 --> 00:19:59,981
I THINK THAT VIDEO
WAS BETTER THAN MY VIDEO.
446
00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:02,331
- REALLY?
- YEAH, REALLY.
447
00:20:02,462 --> 00:20:04,115
YOU GUYS READY TO GO?
I'LL WAIT FOR YOU IN THE CAR.
448
00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:06,292
YEP. YEP.
449
00:20:06,422 --> 00:20:08,424
WE DON'T WANNA BE LATE.
450
00:20:08,555 --> 00:20:11,427
WELL, I GUESS
I'M PRETTY GOOD AT MY JOB.
451
00:20:11,558 --> 00:20:14,256
YOU TURNED OUT OKAY.
452
00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:20,436
I GUESS I'M A GOOD DAD.
453
00:20:23,570 --> 00:20:27,226
HEY, WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO?
454
00:20:27,356 --> 00:20:28,836
OH!
455
00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:31,795
HOLD ON. I...
456
00:20:31,926 --> 00:20:34,929
I WAS JUST TIMING
THE TRAFFIC.
457
00:20:35,059 --> 00:20:37,366
AND NOW, WE GO.
31857
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