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1
00:00:17,625 --> 00:00:19,946
Hey. You know
the 5th grade starts tomorrow again.
2
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What?! Does that mean
we have to get up at 8:00?
3
00:00:22,542 --> 00:00:23,458
Oh, calm down.
4
00:00:23,542 --> 00:00:26,417
- You slept 95% of the summer.
- Yeah.
5
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:25,208
- What about Summer?
- Yeah, she's nice.
6
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Uh, vomit.
7
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- Summer, where's Mommy?
- I'll put you to bed tonight, Kayla.
8
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We're getting older.
Mom'll be gone someday.
9
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It's 5th grade. Time to be a grown-up.
10
00:01:34,042 --> 00:01:36,792
- Where did she...
- I won't drink coffee or like boys.
11
00:01:36,875 --> 00:01:39,515
- I'll fill my own water bottle, get bangs.
- Is she still gonna...
12
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Everyone got bangs,
but my forehead's getting bigger.
13
00:01:41,833 --> 00:01:44,958
I don't wanna look like a parade float
or an alien and be the talk...
14
00:01:52,833 --> 00:01:55,875
Way to be strong, Dad.
15
00:02:30,375 --> 00:02:32,083
Going to Westlake next year?
16
00:02:32,167 --> 00:02:34,708
My cousin said
there's a kid who smokes there.
17
00:02:34,792 --> 00:02:37,875
- You see anything?
- No. A lot of yappin'. Come on.
18
00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:39,667
- Ah, there we go.
- All right.
19
00:02:39,750 --> 00:02:42,833
Another year, another batch
of 5th grade head cases.
20
00:02:42,917 --> 00:02:44,875
Kabir, Anthony, welcome.
21
00:02:44,958 --> 00:02:48,208
You from New York, new guy? Patriots suck!
22
00:02:48,292 --> 00:02:49,500
That's New England.
23
00:02:49,583 --> 00:02:52,333
- I think your shirt's on backwards.
- Come on!
24
00:02:52,417 --> 00:02:55,500
- Look at this. Bunch of motormouths.
- Yep. Same old, same old.
25
00:02:55,583 --> 00:02:57,625
I saw Cara in a sweater from Gymboree.
26
00:02:57,708 --> 00:02:59,750
- There's the snotty clique.
- Tween Queens.
27
00:02:59,833 --> 00:03:02,500
- The Facade Squad.
- Peaking at 11.
28
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:06,000
- The "sick and should've stayed home" kid.
- Always one.
29
00:03:06,083 --> 00:03:08,667
There's the class clown
who secretly despises himself.
30
00:03:08,750 --> 00:03:10,167
That's hysterical, Cole!
31
00:03:10,250 --> 00:03:12,958
- Thanks, Cole!
- Jeez, how many Coles this year?
32
00:03:13,042 --> 00:03:16,292
Reminds me
of the Justin avalanche of 1991.
33
00:03:16,375 --> 00:03:18,458
God forbid we ever see a Richie again.
34
00:03:18,542 --> 00:03:21,208
Bro, no way, are you taller than me now?
35
00:03:21,292 --> 00:03:23,333
The inevitable Cheez Doodle kid.
36
00:03:23,417 --> 00:03:25,458
No,
those look like Dorito fingers.
37
00:03:25,542 --> 00:03:27,542
- We just moved from the Bronx.
- You're new? Wow.
38
00:03:27,625 --> 00:03:31,417
That's hard. Never had to leave friends,
except when we went to Myrtle Beach.
39
00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:33,781
On the flight home,
the old lady next to me had arthritis.
40
00:03:33,833 --> 00:03:35,167
I opened her mustard packet.
41
00:03:35,250 --> 00:03:37,167
- First child.
- No filter.
42
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:39,583
Never heard the word "enough."
43
00:03:39,667 --> 00:03:41,875
Okay, guys. Are you excited?
44
00:03:41,958 --> 00:03:45,083
Most of you have been going
to this school for five years.
45
00:03:45,167 --> 00:03:47,708
Some of you, seven.
And now you're the big kids.
46
00:03:47,792 --> 00:03:51,750
I hope everyone's met our class pets,
Leonardo and Squirtle.
47
00:03:51,833 --> 00:03:53,042
I'm not touching those things.
48
00:03:53,125 --> 00:03:55,542
Don't they eat, sleep and poo
in the same place?
49
00:03:55,625 --> 00:03:57,792
Hey! I poo where he sleeps.
50
00:03:57,875 --> 00:03:59,083
Now what if I told you
51
00:03:59,167 --> 00:04:02,667
there's a big reward at the end
of this year if you do well in class?
52
00:04:02,750 --> 00:04:04,583
The Academicathalon thing?
53
00:04:04,667 --> 00:04:07,542
Look at her work these kids.
Salinas, what a pro.
54
00:04:07,625 --> 00:04:10,125
Best since Ms. Bielecky in the '60s.
55
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:13,375
And what if I told you
this year's winning class
56
00:04:13,458 --> 00:04:16,375
gets a field trip to somewhere special
for a whole day?
57
00:04:16,458 --> 00:04:18,708
Yeah!
58
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:19,625
Wow!
59
00:04:19,708 --> 00:04:21,893
- Salinas havin' a baby?
- The belly's poppin' a little.
60
00:04:21,917 --> 00:04:25,417
Oh, Zane, I'm afraid
you can't bring snacks into the class.
61
00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:26,917
I'll hold those, just for now.
62
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,958
Cheetos. Wow, didn't see that coming.
63
00:04:29,042 --> 00:04:32,542
At the end of the year,
our three 5th grade classes
64
00:04:32,625 --> 00:04:36,500
compete in art,
debating, science, and history.
65
00:04:36,583 --> 00:04:40,375
And if our class wins,
we get a trip to Magic Land Park!
66
00:04:41,375 --> 00:04:44,625
Don't they have the Dragon Coaster?
I heard it caught fire once!
67
00:04:44,708 --> 00:04:48,167
- Yeah, it was banned in Europe.
- Yes, but not in Florida.
68
00:04:48,250 --> 00:04:50,458
Yep, havin' a baby.
69
00:04:50,542 --> 00:04:53,583
Okay. Let's see
how much you guys already know.
70
00:04:53,667 --> 00:04:56,167
Who knows what you call it when a plant…
71
00:04:56,250 --> 00:04:58,250
…converts light to food?
72
00:04:58,333 --> 00:05:00,559
- The conversion's photosynthesis…
- Photosynthesis.
73
00:05:00,583 --> 00:05:03,417
- …turning H2O and CO2 into glucose.
- Into glucose.
74
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:06,333
- Ah.
- Excellent job, Mia.
75
00:05:07,167 --> 00:05:09,042
Oh. So…
76
00:05:09,125 --> 00:05:10,917
Oh, boy. Divorced parents.
77
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,792
Okay, honey. Thank you.
78
00:05:12,875 --> 00:05:14,958
You're okay. So sweet.
79
00:05:15,042 --> 00:05:16,083
Okay.
80
00:05:16,167 --> 00:05:19,208
Let's look at some of the books
we're gonna read in class this year.
81
00:05:19,292 --> 00:05:21,167
Who's heard of Charlotte's Web?
82
00:05:21,250 --> 00:05:23,833
Oh no. The kids always cry at the end.
83
00:05:23,917 --> 00:05:27,000
Like kids don't cry enough?
We gotta trigger the garden hoses?
84
00:05:27,083 --> 00:05:28,833
- Crying's for weaklings.
- Right.
85
00:05:28,917 --> 00:05:31,042
We'll meet Fern and her pig, Wilbur.
86
00:05:31,125 --> 00:05:32,792
It's a stupid book anyway.
87
00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:36,750
- Right. Animals never talk to people.
- Plus, no one gets to eat Charlotte.
88
00:05:36,833 --> 00:05:39,958
You just have to hear
about this delicious spider for days
89
00:05:40,042 --> 00:05:41,833
and get hungry thinkin' about it.
90
00:05:41,917 --> 00:05:44,000
…like you'll learn this year.
91
00:05:44,083 --> 00:05:47,375
Sorry, Cole?
Is there something you wanna share?
92
00:05:48,375 --> 00:05:50,458
That's so gross!
93
00:05:50,542 --> 00:05:54,000
I can't believe you did that!
94
00:05:54,875 --> 00:05:55,875
Sorry, guys.
95
00:05:55,917 --> 00:05:58,250
Man, that smells good.
96
00:05:58,333 --> 00:06:01,875
Send some of that our way next time.
Gettin' sick of the lettuce.
97
00:06:03,167 --> 00:06:04,708
Hi, Mrs. Salinas!
98
00:06:08,667 --> 00:06:11,083
- Hi, I'm Cole Wiseki's mom.
- Oh, hi.
99
00:06:11,167 --> 00:06:12,833
Can I... Real quick? For Facebook?
100
00:06:12,917 --> 00:06:14,625
Thanks.
101
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:17,750
- Cole is a very...
- That's gonna look great. Thank you.
102
00:06:17,833 --> 00:06:19,917
Since when do people
wanna look like ducks?
103
00:06:21,167 --> 00:06:23,208
Isn't that something,
how they've grown?
104
00:06:23,292 --> 00:06:26,750
And in 5th grade, you'll find your kids
wanting to make their own choices.
105
00:06:26,833 --> 00:06:29,417
Embrace it.
Let them make their own mistakes.
106
00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:30,917
How long does this go?
107
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,750
Not terribly long, Dr. Wenger.
108
00:06:32,833 --> 00:06:35,833
Now, some of you may have heard
about Mrs. Salinas', uh,
109
00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:37,292
incident in class.
110
00:06:37,375 --> 00:06:42,167
I want to confirm it has nothing to do
with anything she ate in the cafeteria.
111
00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:45,750
She's just gonna be taking some time off.
A leave, let's say.
112
00:06:45,833 --> 00:06:47,333
Wait. For how long?
113
00:06:47,417 --> 00:06:48,833
Here comes the bomb.
114
00:06:48,917 --> 00:06:52,083
For, uh… Till she has the baby, let's say.
115
00:06:52,167 --> 00:06:54,750
- What?!
- Having a baby?
116
00:06:54,833 --> 00:06:57,333
Are you sure?
Did she get a second opinion?
117
00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,833
Are you kidding me?
This is what happened in 3rd grade!
118
00:06:59,917 --> 00:07:01,083
The substitute was awful!
119
00:07:01,167 --> 00:07:04,333
I'm texting my daughter right now!
She'll be devastated!
120
00:07:42,083 --> 00:07:44,375
You can't just say that!
121
00:07:44,458 --> 00:07:47,333
Look at these lazy class pets.
Do they even move?
122
00:07:47,417 --> 00:07:50,042
- I'd like that job.
- That lizard looks pretty old.
123
00:07:50,125 --> 00:07:51,417
Do I look old?
124
00:07:52,375 --> 00:07:53,208
Mm-mm.
125
00:07:53,292 --> 00:07:54,292
Thank you.
126
00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:58,583
It's a Tuatara. They live a long time.
Till about 75.
127
00:07:58,667 --> 00:08:01,917
Hmm. Never knew that.
Suck on that, hamsters.
128
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,167
Wow. Looks like
he's gettin' close to that.
129
00:08:05,208 --> 00:08:07,042
Bye. Nice seeing you.
130
00:08:07,125 --> 00:08:08,417
Ah, he's nuts.
131
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:12,417
I mean, you're old, cranky, lazy,
but no way does that make you 75.
132
00:08:12,500 --> 00:08:15,292
Seventy-five.
Seventy-five. Seventy-five.
133
00:08:24,750 --> 00:08:26,667
Underneath it says,
134
00:08:26,750 --> 00:08:29,917
"Here men from the planet Earth
first set foot upon the Moon."
135
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:32,042
We came in peace...
136
00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:38,792
1949.
137
00:08:38,875 --> 00:08:41,000
- What about it?
- I was born around then.
138
00:08:41,083 --> 00:08:43,667
How many years has it been since 1949?
139
00:08:43,750 --> 00:08:45,250
No idea. That's addition.
140
00:08:45,333 --> 00:08:47,583
They learn that in 2nd grade.
We're all about fractions.
141
00:08:47,667 --> 00:08:51,333
Great. Why can't they move us
around a little, so we can know more?
142
00:08:57,958 --> 00:09:01,292
Okay, four sixteenths equals
how many fourths?
143
00:09:04,083 --> 00:09:06,958
- She's leaving. They don't hear a word.
- 1966, 1967…
144
00:09:07,042 --> 00:09:10,042
- What're you doin'?
- Trying to count how many years old I am.
145
00:09:10,125 --> 00:09:13,083
1968, 1969, 1970…
146
00:09:13,167 --> 00:09:16,208
I'm out of toes and fingers.
What else can I count with?
147
00:09:16,292 --> 00:09:19,542
I'd tell you, but there's kids around.
148
00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:21,708
I was talkin' about his tail.
149
00:09:21,792 --> 00:09:25,000
Addition… I…
I gotta talk to some 2nd grade pets.
150
00:09:25,083 --> 00:09:28,000
Forget it.
We only see those pets at fire drills.
151
00:09:28,083 --> 00:09:30,000
They don't happen until November.
152
00:09:30,083 --> 00:09:32,708
What the...
153
00:09:32,792 --> 00:09:35,000
- Huh? What?
- Is this a fire drill?
154
00:09:35,083 --> 00:09:38,750
It's probably nothing, but let's go.
Anthony, why don't you grab the pets?
155
00:09:41,208 --> 00:09:44,000
Everyone evacuate! Stop, drop and roll!
156
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:46,542
I think I'm on fire!
157
00:09:48,917 --> 00:09:50,917
Jeez, we just redecorated!
158
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:54,458
Someday, cops are gonna
carry that kid off a plane. Huh?
159
00:09:54,542 --> 00:09:56,958
I'll park ya right over here, fellas.
160
00:09:57,042 --> 00:09:58,958
All right, here we go.
161
00:09:59,042 --> 00:10:01,958
Hey, guys, how was your summer?
Do anything fun?
162
00:10:02,042 --> 00:10:03,667
- Sleep.
- Sleep.
163
00:10:03,750 --> 00:10:06,042
- Eat.
- Lot of poopin'.
164
00:10:06,125 --> 00:10:09,125
Terrific. Say, who's 2nd grade again?
165
00:10:09,208 --> 00:10:11,292
- That's me. How ya doin', Lizzy?
- Great.
166
00:10:11,375 --> 00:10:16,750
I'm actually Leonardo. Lizzy's the iguana
in Mr. Marculia's homeroom. You're…
167
00:10:16,833 --> 00:10:20,583
I'm Cinnabun. I know. So corny.
Just got renamed again.
168
00:10:20,667 --> 00:10:22,333
Oh. Well, beats "Thumper."
169
00:10:22,417 --> 00:10:27,417
I guess. What's bad are the Hare ones.
Hare Brain, Hare Piece, Hare-y Potter…
170
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:31,208
Right, right. Hey, the 2nd graders,
you guys do addition, right?
171
00:10:31,292 --> 00:10:33,292
…Hare Lip, Hare Club For Men.
172
00:10:33,375 --> 00:10:34,958
Yes, and subtraction. We do both.
173
00:10:35,042 --> 00:10:38,917
Great, okay, look. If I got here in 1949,
174
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:42,667
and it's 2023, what does that make me?
175
00:10:42,750 --> 00:10:45,333
Oh. Uh, I know this one. A reptile.
176
00:10:45,417 --> 00:10:46,750
Shmuck.
177
00:10:46,833 --> 00:10:49,500
Okay, it was a false alarm.
178
00:10:49,583 --> 00:10:51,750
The school is not on fire.
179
00:10:55,250 --> 00:10:56,833
No, how old would I be?
180
00:10:56,917 --> 00:11:01,375
No. Right, subtraction.
Okay, um, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, 74.
181
00:11:01,458 --> 00:11:04,583
- Seventy-four. Isn't that right before...
- Upsy-daisies.
182
00:11:04,667 --> 00:11:06,500
Wait, wait! Hold on!
183
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:09,583
That's the number before 75, isn't it?
184
00:11:09,667 --> 00:11:13,708
What's the matter? You look upset.
185
00:11:14,958 --> 00:11:17,542
Cinnabun!
186
00:11:17,625 --> 00:11:19,708
Settle down.
187
00:11:19,792 --> 00:11:22,417
I'm a lizard. Ooh.
188
00:11:22,500 --> 00:11:24,583
That's good. Don't dignify it.
189
00:11:24,667 --> 00:11:26,958
Doesn't matter. I'm doomed.
190
00:11:27,042 --> 00:11:30,250
I'm 74 seventy-fifths dead.
191
00:11:30,333 --> 00:11:32,458
What? That's not for class pets.
192
00:11:32,542 --> 00:11:35,167
When you're in captivity,
75 is the new 70.
193
00:11:35,250 --> 00:11:38,625
And, hey, you wanna live so bad,
a little exercise wouldn't kill ya.
194
00:11:38,708 --> 00:11:41,083
- Like what?
- Blinking's good. That'd be a start.
195
00:11:41,167 --> 00:11:43,167
- I blink.
- Barely.
196
00:11:43,250 --> 00:11:44,250
Fine.
197
00:11:50,542 --> 00:11:53,917
Okay. You didn't have to dive right in.
198
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,167
Who am I kiddin'?
199
00:11:55,250 --> 00:11:59,458
I can't start this rigorous workin' out
at this point in my life.
200
00:11:59,542 --> 00:12:01,958
It's too late. I blew it.
201
00:12:02,042 --> 00:12:04,000
I wasted my life!
202
00:12:04,500 --> 00:12:07,625
And now, it's almost over.
203
00:13:37,833 --> 00:13:40,000
Go about your business.
204
00:13:40,083 --> 00:13:42,417
Everyone, meet your new teacher.
205
00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:45,458
This is our substitute?
206
00:13:45,542 --> 00:13:47,750
You have to leave? So soon?
207
00:13:47,833 --> 00:13:50,958
Well, my doctor thinks I need
to rest through my pregnancy.
208
00:13:51,042 --> 00:13:53,667
So until I'm back, you'll have Ms. Malkin.
209
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:56,625
It's not brain surgery, gang.
210
00:13:56,708 --> 00:13:59,708
Guys, you don't have to be afraid
of change.
211
00:13:59,792 --> 00:14:02,208
Change is a beautiful part of life.
212
00:14:14,708 --> 00:14:17,542
- Oh, I don't sing.
- Oh, okay.
213
00:14:17,625 --> 00:14:21,667
How about we continue with the class.
I'm gonna teach with Ms. Malkin today...
214
00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:24,333
- Please don't leave us, Mrs. Salinas!
- Oh.
215
00:14:24,417 --> 00:14:26,833
Agh! Down! Now! Down!
216
00:14:26,917 --> 00:14:28,333
No hug! Sit!
217
00:14:28,417 --> 00:14:32,667
In class, we sit up straight,
pay attention, and we are what? You!
218
00:14:32,750 --> 00:14:35,750
What? Oh, my God. Um, we're quiet?
219
00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:38,875
That's very good listening, Logan.
That's a heart for you.
220
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:46,875
The hearts are for when the kids listen.
To motivate good...
221
00:14:51,375 --> 00:14:53,208
Listening is not a favor.
222
00:14:53,292 --> 00:14:56,625
When you listen, you get knowledge,
not a carnival prize.
223
00:14:56,708 --> 00:15:02,542
We have a chance to go to Magic...
224
00:15:02,625 --> 00:15:03,958
Ew. What was that?
225
00:15:04,042 --> 00:15:06,625
Peanut butter and ham. My dad overslept.
226
00:15:10,583 --> 00:15:14,500
Okay, well, we're out of time,
so let's wish Mrs. Salinas well. Bye-bye.
227
00:15:14,583 --> 00:15:17,167
- But, I... The class is...
- No, no. I know. Out we go.
228
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,750
- Better luck with your own kid.
- Okay, guys, see you in...
229
00:15:23,125 --> 00:15:28,625
Moving on. It's Friday. That means
one student has to take home a class pet.
230
00:15:28,708 --> 00:15:31,500
- What's this now?
- Uh, we don't do that here.
231
00:15:31,583 --> 00:15:32,792
Not anymore. No way.
232
00:15:32,875 --> 00:15:36,958
In my classroom,
you will learn responsibility.
233
00:15:37,042 --> 00:15:40,917
You will feed it properly
and return it in healthy condition.
234
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,000
Alive.
235
00:15:42,417 --> 00:15:44,583
Do we have a volunteer?
236
00:15:46,292 --> 00:15:49,208
- Come on. Somebody raise your hand.
- What?
237
00:15:49,292 --> 00:15:53,583
Remember what happens at the kids' houses?
They forget to feed you or abuse you.
238
00:15:57,042 --> 00:15:59,000
It'll grow back.
239
00:16:07,458 --> 00:16:09,917
- Yeesh.
- Hey, it looked cool in the '90s.
240
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,667
I'm waiting. Volunteer, please.
241
00:16:12,750 --> 00:16:14,792
Don't you get it? This is my shot.
242
00:16:14,875 --> 00:16:18,208
So I go with one of these kids,
case the house for open windows,
243
00:16:18,292 --> 00:16:20,583
then when I'm alone, zip! I escape.
244
00:16:20,667 --> 00:16:25,125
- Ha. You couldn't zip when you were 20.
- I'm zipping. And then I really live.
245
00:16:25,208 --> 00:16:28,833
Maybe climb a tree. Swim in a sewer.
See the Everglades.
246
00:16:28,917 --> 00:16:32,458
The Everglades?
With those untamed animals? Are you nuts?
247
00:16:32,542 --> 00:16:35,167
You know they don't even have names,
right? It's anarchy.
248
00:16:35,250 --> 00:16:37,875
You think a rock potato like you
can survive there?
249
00:16:37,958 --> 00:16:40,750
- Your last days will be in a beer can.
- Let's go.
250
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:43,375
Who's gonna take on some responsibility?
251
00:16:43,458 --> 00:16:46,042
- Or do I have to pick?
- Well, if no one else will…
252
00:16:46,125 --> 00:16:48,667
I don't want them to feel not wanted.
Everybody wants to fit in
253
00:16:48,750 --> 00:16:51,625
and shouldn't be judged
on looks, species, foreheads.
254
00:16:51,708 --> 00:16:53,750
I have to go indoor skydiving tomorrow,
255
00:16:53,833 --> 00:16:56,167
but my father'll be home,
so if it's okay to...
256
00:16:56,250 --> 00:16:57,750
- Pick one!
- Okay, the lizard!
257
00:17:07,458 --> 00:17:11,708
Listen, when you're out there in the wild
and those animals come after you,
258
00:17:11,792 --> 00:17:15,250
remember to change your colors
and blend in!
259
00:17:15,333 --> 00:17:19,292
- That's chameleons. I'm not a chameleon.
- Oh, well, then you're a dead man.
260
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:25,458
Tomorrow's indoor skydiving.
We have to get ready.
261
00:17:25,542 --> 00:17:28,125
It's exactly like skydiving,
except you can't get hurt.
262
00:17:28,208 --> 00:17:30,375
Okay, we have a busy weekend.
263
00:17:30,458 --> 00:17:33,750
Do I have to wear a dress to Grandma's?
It'll be pants weather on Sunday.
264
00:17:33,833 --> 00:17:37,583
Jayda said the word "puke".
She said it wasn’t a curse word. Is it?
265
00:17:37,667 --> 00:17:40,708
I feel bad leaving him.
Nobody wants him near the dinner table.
266
00:17:40,792 --> 00:17:42,417
He's good with his water. Back soon!
267
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:45,458
Kayla, don't look scared of him.
That's being mean.
268
00:17:55,250 --> 00:17:56,542
It's on.
269
00:18:15,458 --> 00:18:16,500
Yeah.
270
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,542
He's nice, the new kid Kabir,
but he doesn't talk a lot,
271
00:18:29,625 --> 00:18:31,875
at least not with me.
Maybe he's shy since…
272
00:18:37,542 --> 00:18:40,625
Then I burned my tongue.
It didn't, like, burn off completely,
273
00:18:40,708 --> 00:18:43,875
or I couldn't tell you
how I ate my mozzarella sticks.
274
00:18:57,667 --> 00:19:02,083
Hey, Leonardo. You missed a great movie.
Tomorrow I'll take you down for breakfast.
275
00:19:02,167 --> 00:19:06,250
I hope they have everything bagels left.
I don't know why we get sesame bagels.
276
00:19:06,333 --> 00:19:10,333
Mom asked me to try one, I was like,
"Why would you take off the poppy seeds
277
00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:11,292
and the salt…"
278
00:19:11,375 --> 00:19:13,042
Wait, where are you?
279
00:19:13,125 --> 00:19:16,083
This is a nightmare!
I'll be the kid who killed the lizard,
280
00:19:16,167 --> 00:19:18,000
no matter what I do in my life.
281
00:19:18,083 --> 00:19:21,250
Whether I do drama, be a doctor...
I'll never be a doctor now.
282
00:19:21,333 --> 00:19:24,375
I could work at the DMV.
Hopefully, the one next to Quiznos.
283
00:19:24,458 --> 00:19:27,417
I don't wanna go far from my parents.
284
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,375
Mother of Godzilla!
285
00:19:29,458 --> 00:19:30,458
What was that?
286
00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:32,917
Well? Who said that?
287
00:19:34,250 --> 00:19:38,417
The wall? Walls don't talk.
Why would a wall say anything?
288
00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:41,375
Why point to it?
They say, "If these walls could talk,"
289
00:19:41,458 --> 00:19:42,708
because they can't talk...
290
00:19:42,792 --> 00:19:44,625
The trophy!
291
00:19:44,708 --> 00:19:47,333
You said something! You just spoke! Mom!
292
00:19:47,417 --> 00:19:48,708
- No!
- You talked!
293
00:19:48,792 --> 00:19:49,875
You're talking!
294
00:19:49,958 --> 00:19:52,125
I'm telling Mom,
or people will think I'm crazy.
295
00:19:52,208 --> 00:19:55,125
I'll have to go to that school
in Tampa for kids with issues! I...
296
00:19:55,208 --> 00:19:57,750
But please, people can't know!
297
00:19:58,625 --> 00:20:01,458
- Why are your hands wet?
- They're naturally moist.
298
00:20:01,542 --> 00:20:03,792
Please, I'm begging you to keep quiet.
299
00:20:03,875 --> 00:20:05,333
If people know I talk,
300
00:20:05,417 --> 00:20:07,917
they'll send me
to a scientist or something.
301
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,542
- But I have to tell someone.
- Please.
302
00:20:11,708 --> 00:20:14,500
You're the only one
who can hear me.
303
00:20:14,583 --> 00:20:17,375
Oh. Then why are you whispering?
304
00:20:17,458 --> 00:20:20,333
Because you were,
and it sounded fun.
305
00:20:23,125 --> 00:20:24,375
Do all lizards talk?
306
00:20:24,458 --> 00:20:29,417
I don't know. I never met them all,
but we never talk to humans.
307
00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:32,875
- Why are you talking to me?
- Well, I didn't…
308
00:20:33,375 --> 00:20:37,083
Because I want to. I think you're nice.
309
00:20:37,167 --> 00:20:39,042
Really? Thanks.
310
00:20:39,125 --> 00:20:42,458
I don't know if people think I'm nice.
It's so hard to read people at school.
311
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:44,417
People say you're nice to be nice,
312
00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:47,083
and if they say you're nice,
you'll think they're cool...
313
00:20:47,167 --> 00:20:48,167
I get it.
314
00:20:48,250 --> 00:20:50,208
You say "I get it" a lot.
315
00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:55,000
That's 'cause I understand things.
That's all. "I get it." I've been around.
316
00:20:55,083 --> 00:20:58,167
- Okay. I thought it was something else.
- Like what?
317
00:20:58,250 --> 00:21:01,708
- That you want me to stop talking.
- Oh. Wow.
318
00:21:01,792 --> 00:21:03,833
Really? Like, "Wow, that's crazy"?
319
00:21:03,917 --> 00:21:08,417
No, more like, "Wow,
I didn't think you were that self-aware."
320
00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:11,917
I can tell. People are too nice
to say I talk too much,
321
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,268
but I can tell from their faces
that I'm talking too much.
322
00:21:14,292 --> 00:21:17,500
Like, old people make this face.
And babies kind of look sleepy.
323
00:21:17,583 --> 00:21:21,292
And the bus driver's face is like,
"Stop." But I can't stop and I…
324
00:21:23,417 --> 00:21:25,958
Sorry, I'm listening. Please, go ahead.
325
00:21:38,375 --> 00:21:40,667
I've seen a lot of kids who talk a lot.
They seem...
326
00:21:52,792 --> 00:21:54,917
Right. This is normal. A bunch of kids...
327
00:22:06,167 --> 00:22:08,250
I said, "I get it!"
328
00:22:09,458 --> 00:22:12,125
I know I said "I get it" again. I'm sorry.
329
00:22:12,208 --> 00:22:15,875
It's just that last one
wasn't even a rhyme, it was a repeat.
330
00:22:25,625 --> 00:22:26,708
They don't really like...
331
00:22:35,125 --> 00:22:36,542
Ask a question?
332
00:22:50,625 --> 00:22:53,625
Wow. It's not like I don't care
about the other kids...
333
00:22:53,708 --> 00:22:56,875
I know. It's great you're good
at talking about yourself.
334
00:22:56,958 --> 00:22:59,208
When people share stuff, they feel better.
335
00:22:59,292 --> 00:23:01,750
So if you get other kids talking
about themselves,
336
00:23:01,833 --> 00:23:05,292
they'll like being with you.
More than they do already, I mean.
337
00:23:07,042 --> 00:23:09,000
Five-second rule.
338
00:23:09,083 --> 00:23:11,750
Well, that was really nice. Thank you.
339
00:23:11,833 --> 00:23:13,583
Oh, yeah. Glad to do it.
340
00:23:14,417 --> 00:23:18,000
Hey, remember,
you can't tell anyone, ever.
341
00:23:18,083 --> 00:23:20,083
Or we won't be able to talk again.
342
00:23:20,167 --> 00:23:24,083
Okay. So I'm your special, secret friend?
That was a question.
343
00:23:24,167 --> 00:23:27,208
Uh, yeah. Sure. And good question.
344
00:23:27,292 --> 00:23:31,083
- Thanks, Leonardo.
- Call me Leo. Less Ninja Turtley.
345
00:23:31,167 --> 00:23:33,542
Summer. You need to get to bed, sweetie.
346
00:23:33,625 --> 00:23:36,458
Mom, what's the square root of 91?
347
00:23:36,542 --> 00:23:39,083
What? Please just get to bed.
348
00:23:39,667 --> 00:23:41,792
I don't mean just any question.
349
00:23:41,875 --> 00:23:43,625
Okay. Right. Got it.
350
00:23:47,292 --> 00:23:49,792
Find your new seats.
351
00:23:57,208 --> 00:24:00,833
Oh, back already?
You saw the whole world in one weekend?
352
00:24:00,917 --> 00:24:04,417
Wow. Hey, how were the Everglades?
How high was the Eiffel Tower?
353
00:24:04,500 --> 00:24:08,958
- What was the Pope like?
- Could you not do that on my pillow?
354
00:24:09,042 --> 00:24:14,542
Put those computers away. We will not
be studying our curriculum on toys.
355
00:24:33,583 --> 00:24:34,833
Russian judge.
356
00:24:37,083 --> 00:24:40,292
Slow down. No running.
357
00:24:40,375 --> 00:24:42,708
No eating the books!
358
00:24:43,417 --> 00:24:45,750
Oh, Coach Kimura.
359
00:24:45,833 --> 00:24:48,417
Oh, I apologize. Let me…
Let me clean that for you.
360
00:24:52,958 --> 00:24:54,125
There we go.
361
00:24:54,208 --> 00:24:58,792
This is so unfair. Ugh!
She'll work us till we have no energy.
362
00:24:58,875 --> 00:25:01,125
Then we'll only get into schools
with drug problems.
363
00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:03,667
Forget about winning the trip.
This is a nightmare.
364
00:25:03,750 --> 00:25:05,500
It's worse than when I lost my phone.
365
00:25:05,583 --> 00:25:07,583
Worse than when my dad wore bike shorts.
366
00:25:07,667 --> 00:25:10,707
Worse than when I got lost on a plane,
which is hard to do, but really scary.
367
00:25:10,750 --> 00:25:13,625
Like a horror movie,
though my parents won't let me watch them,
368
00:25:13,708 --> 00:25:16,333
unless you count the furnace
in Toy Story 3, but that...
369
00:25:17,875 --> 00:25:19,958
Oh. What should we do about it, Jayda?
370
00:25:21,208 --> 00:25:25,000
I'm totally telling my parents about it.
My dad has a lot of pull,
371
00:25:25,083 --> 00:25:26,958
because he gives the teachers
free zit cream,
372
00:25:27,042 --> 00:25:28,625
but you should tell yours too.
373
00:25:28,708 --> 00:25:30,792
Why are you talking to Summer?
374
00:25:30,875 --> 00:25:33,542
- I like her now.
- Uh, I know. I do too.
375
00:25:38,458 --> 00:25:42,167
- What was that all about?
- She likes me. She thought I was fun.
376
00:25:42,250 --> 00:25:45,625
You fun? What'd you do,
turn your head more than once?
377
00:25:45,708 --> 00:25:46,708
Oh, what a showman.
378
00:25:46,792 --> 00:25:48,708
Get all your mean jokes in now,
379
00:25:48,792 --> 00:25:51,708
'cause the next kid
who takes me home is the last kid.
380
00:25:51,792 --> 00:25:53,708
Sure they are, Mr. Chicken-to-leave.
381
00:25:53,792 --> 00:25:56,167
Whatever you say, Mr. Wants-to-get-bitten.
382
00:25:56,250 --> 00:25:59,583
Oh, I'm shaking,
Mr. Almost-as-brave-as-Scooby Doo.
383
00:26:03,458 --> 00:26:06,708
Duck, duck, duck, goose!
384
00:26:06,792 --> 00:26:10,583
Ow! Okay. Okay.
All right! That's not the game. Kids!
385
00:26:10,667 --> 00:26:15,250
…the Stamp Act. Eyes up here!
For those of you who did the reading…
386
00:26:15,333 --> 00:26:18,708
- Salinas never taught this stuff.
- Yeah. What's a stamp?
387
00:26:18,792 --> 00:26:20,625
…the first tax levied directly
388
00:26:20,708 --> 00:26:22,588
on American colonists
by the British Parliament.
389
00:26:22,667 --> 00:26:26,000
Skyler, what did I just say?
390
00:26:28,125 --> 00:26:30,875
Answer! How did the colonists react?
391
00:26:36,708 --> 00:26:37,708
Demerits!
392
00:26:42,500 --> 00:26:46,208
You do not want demerits.
393
00:26:46,292 --> 00:26:49,333
- What's a demerit?
- I think he played for the Clippers.
394
00:26:49,417 --> 00:26:52,167
You're going to leave 5th grade
with discipline,
395
00:26:52,250 --> 00:26:54,833
or you are never going to leave 5th grade.
396
00:26:55,417 --> 00:26:56,917
Eh.
397
00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,458
Who has the discipline
to take a class pet home this weekend?
398
00:27:01,708 --> 00:27:03,875
I'll do it. I'll take Leo again.
399
00:27:03,958 --> 00:27:05,083
"Leo"?
400
00:27:05,792 --> 00:27:08,750
Again? Who would want it twice?
401
00:27:16,917 --> 00:27:20,042
Not one of you is man enough
for middle school, are you?
402
00:27:20,125 --> 00:27:23,250
Ugh. Not now. I'll take the lizard.
403
00:27:29,083 --> 00:27:32,583
Oh, you'll have so much fun with Leo, Eli.
You think, maybe, I can visit?
404
00:27:32,667 --> 00:27:35,750
Really? That'd be great.
Zane's coming, but we can all hang...
405
00:27:58,708 --> 00:28:00,208
You kids having a fun play date?
406
00:28:01,500 --> 00:28:02,500
Uh…
407
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:04,000
Sure.
408
00:28:26,208 --> 00:28:28,917
Sorry about those chips, Zaney.
Can't be too careful.
409
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:30,542
Have a kale cupcake.
410
00:28:30,625 --> 00:28:33,208
Do I have to wear the safety suit
all weekend?
411
00:28:33,292 --> 00:28:35,000
Lizards carry disease, honey.
412
00:28:35,083 --> 00:28:37,875
Kids and dogs are especially vulnerable.
413
00:28:50,375 --> 00:28:53,333
Um, I think my mom wants to pick me up.
414
00:28:56,208 --> 00:28:59,833
- Thank you, Julie!
- They had the best time.
415
00:29:03,542 --> 00:29:06,792
Could you go cut his chicken
into non-chokeable pieces?
416
00:29:21,583 --> 00:29:23,083
Hey.
417
00:29:45,250 --> 00:29:47,083
Ow!
418
00:30:06,375 --> 00:30:09,083
Ha-ha.
419
00:30:16,750 --> 00:30:18,083
What? It'll grow back.
420
00:30:18,167 --> 00:30:21,833
You're dressed like a 1950s astronaut
and I'm the weird one?
421
00:30:21,917 --> 00:30:25,208
Oh, now you're threatening me,
Doodlepoo? Do that...
422
00:30:25,292 --> 00:30:28,250
What?
423
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:33,083
- What...
- Dinnertime, Eli!
424
00:30:34,875 --> 00:30:39,875
Eli, now! You need three hours
to digest your food before bed.
425
00:30:41,667 --> 00:30:44,250
This is totally crazy. You talk?
426
00:30:44,333 --> 00:30:45,417
Just to you.
427
00:30:45,500 --> 00:30:47,708
- 'Cause, uh…
- I'm special?
428
00:30:47,792 --> 00:30:49,458
Uh, yeah, that's right.
429
00:30:50,083 --> 00:30:51,542
Oh. Okay.
430
00:30:51,625 --> 00:30:55,375
But you can't tell anyone.
They'll try to kill me like E.T.
431
00:30:55,458 --> 00:30:58,792
But my parents told me when someone says,
"Don't tell anyone,"
432
00:30:58,875 --> 00:31:00,167
that's when I have to tell.
433
00:31:00,250 --> 00:31:03,583
Well, your parents are right,
but that's with strange humans.
434
00:31:03,667 --> 00:31:05,833
I'm just a strange lizard. Okay?
435
00:31:05,917 --> 00:31:09,917
- Please don't tell. Especially him.
- The drone?
436
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:13,333
No way. You saw what it did
to the Cheetos out there.
437
00:31:13,417 --> 00:31:15,583
I mean, it's nice that it's loyal.
438
00:31:15,667 --> 00:31:18,292
Come on. When I was six,
kids thought it was cool.
439
00:31:18,375 --> 00:31:22,667
- Maybe you should say something about it.
- I don't want to hurt its feelings.
440
00:31:23,458 --> 00:31:27,125
I know a way.
I've seen kids break up over the years.
441
00:31:27,208 --> 00:31:29,542
You write down why you're dumping them,
442
00:31:29,625 --> 00:31:33,083
and it gives the other person time
to soak it in and not snap.
443
00:31:33,167 --> 00:31:35,167
It's a "Dear Drone" letter.
444
00:31:35,250 --> 00:31:36,583
Get a pen and paper.
445
00:33:19,333 --> 00:33:22,042
He's just doing it for show. See?
446
00:33:22,125 --> 00:33:23,917
He knows he's recyclable.
447
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:27,958
Let's just give him some space.
448
00:33:28,042 --> 00:33:30,375
Nobody's ever gonna like me like he does.
449
00:33:30,458 --> 00:33:34,583
Kid, they don't even know you.
Now you can finally show your stuff.
450
00:33:34,667 --> 00:33:36,958
Uh, I don't have any stuff.
451
00:33:37,042 --> 00:33:39,583
Ah, you just gotta find your gimmick.
452
00:33:39,667 --> 00:33:43,250
There was a boy in 1998, Mike Djokovic.
453
00:33:43,333 --> 00:33:46,667
He memorized all the words
to "Walkin' on the Sun."
454
00:33:47,750 --> 00:33:51,542
Smash Mouth? No?
Look, it's got a lot of words.
455
00:33:51,625 --> 00:33:54,333
The point is,
plenty of kids have a gimmick.
456
00:33:54,417 --> 00:33:56,083
It's okay. I got a few.
457
00:33:56,167 --> 00:33:58,833
- Uh, get me a caterpillar.
- For real?
458
00:33:58,917 --> 00:33:59,917
Trust me.
459
00:34:12,625 --> 00:34:13,750
Oh, that's perfect.
460
00:34:13,833 --> 00:34:15,583
Okay, here we go.
461
00:34:15,667 --> 00:34:17,750
So gross!
462
00:34:17,833 --> 00:34:18,833
Wait.
463
00:34:19,542 --> 00:34:21,167
What the...
464
00:34:25,167 --> 00:34:27,417
Here, let me show you something.
465
00:34:28,375 --> 00:34:30,792
Eli, where's your safety suit?
466
00:34:31,583 --> 00:34:32,750
Try doing this.
467
00:34:48,583 --> 00:34:51,708
Very good.
468
00:34:51,792 --> 00:34:52,958
Fore!
469
00:34:54,250 --> 00:34:56,934
- You nailed that thing.
- What was it? A possum?
470
00:34:56,958 --> 00:34:59,500
I don't know,
but you hit it in the jellybeans.
471
00:34:59,583 --> 00:35:01,583
Wanna quit and go home?
Can't top that.
472
00:35:13,458 --> 00:35:15,167
Not everyone's invited.
473
00:35:28,417 --> 00:35:29,792
Yes, I'm back.
474
00:35:29,875 --> 00:35:32,625
Where's your tail?
You escaping one limb at a time?
475
00:35:32,708 --> 00:35:36,000
Just give me some space.
I got hit in the jellybeans.
476
00:35:37,333 --> 00:35:38,792
I forgot that was there.
477
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:44,667
Salinas was teacher of the year!
That substitute lady's unacceptable.
478
00:35:44,750 --> 00:35:47,833
Do the skin cream samples I give out
mean nothing to you people?
479
00:35:47,917 --> 00:35:50,375
How do I get that horrible woman replaced?
480
00:35:50,458 --> 00:35:52,833
Dr. Wenger, please.
She's sitting right here.
481
00:35:52,917 --> 00:35:55,458
- So?
- Jay, it's not polite.
482
00:35:55,542 --> 00:35:56,375
Fine.
483
00:35:56,458 --> 00:35:59,083
May I speak about you
as if you're not here?
484
00:36:03,375 --> 00:36:06,833
Listen, my kid was on track
to get into Westlake next year,
485
00:36:06,917 --> 00:36:09,500
Langley Prep in three years,
Dartmouth in seven years,
486
00:36:09,583 --> 00:36:12,083
then a moderately happy marriage
in 14 years.
487
00:36:12,167 --> 00:36:14,375
I paid for that smart board
and this light switch.
488
00:36:16,083 --> 00:36:18,917
If I'm letting you keep this animal
as her teacher,
489
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:21,750
you're gonna do something
for me to fix this.
490
00:36:23,417 --> 00:36:26,958
Four seconds. Three, two, one.
491
00:36:27,042 --> 00:36:28,250
Pencils down.
492
00:36:28,333 --> 00:36:30,250
Except Jayda,
493
00:36:30,333 --> 00:36:32,958
who will now be getting two more minutes
494
00:36:33,042 --> 00:36:36,625
due to her permanent jet lag.
495
00:36:36,708 --> 00:36:39,917
Quiet. No discussion.
496
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:43,208
Now, one of you
has to take home a class pet.
497
00:36:43,292 --> 00:36:45,333
Volunteer or be assigned.
498
00:36:45,417 --> 00:36:46,583
I'll take Leo again.
499
00:36:46,667 --> 00:36:51,208
- What is the deal? Leo? Again?
- You can't take a pet twice, right?
500
00:36:51,292 --> 00:36:53,625
Because I would...
I mean, why do you want him again?
501
00:36:53,708 --> 00:36:57,083
Um, 'cause he was awesome.
502
00:36:57,167 --> 00:37:00,000
- Why do you want him?
- Uh, same reason. Awesome.
503
00:37:00,083 --> 00:37:02,333
Wait. If it's awesome, I want it.
504
00:37:02,417 --> 00:37:04,667
It's supposed to say, "Dr. Skin,"
505
00:37:04,750 --> 00:37:06,042
not "Dr. Skid."
506
00:37:06,125 --> 00:37:08,792
S-K-I-N. No D's.
507
00:37:08,875 --> 00:37:11,292
Jayda, I dyed the cat green.
508
00:37:11,375 --> 00:37:12,583
So unoriginal.
509
00:37:12,667 --> 00:37:14,917
Isn't that great, what I got for you?
510
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:18,083
- Drake's coming to my party?
- Eh, I'm still on it.
511
00:37:18,167 --> 00:37:21,000
I meant the pop quiz,
the two more minutes.
512
00:37:21,083 --> 00:37:23,917
- Who takes care of you?
- What did Daddy do?
513
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:27,875
Well, Benji, Jayda's substitute teacher
is a horror show…
514
00:37:27,958 --> 00:37:30,333
Making the kids read big books.
515
00:37:30,417 --> 00:37:31,250
No!
516
00:37:31,333 --> 00:37:34,208
So Daddy got Jayda something
no other kid gets.
517
00:37:34,292 --> 00:37:35,292
What, Daddy?
518
00:37:46,250 --> 00:37:49,167
Should we put the lizard in my room?
The birthday party's coming up...
519
00:37:49,250 --> 00:37:53,208
Not now. Daddy's bragging.
520
00:37:53,750 --> 00:37:58,000
Ugh. It's like the worst day of my life.
Nobody's focusing on my party.
521
00:37:58,083 --> 00:38:01,417
It's going to totally suck,
and the other kids will be happy about it.
522
00:38:01,500 --> 00:38:03,208
What? Why would they be happy?
523
00:38:03,292 --> 00:38:06,542
Because they're all jealous.
Wait. What? Who said that?
524
00:38:06,625 --> 00:38:07,708
That was me.
525
00:38:07,792 --> 00:38:09,708
- Oh my God! You talk?
- No, it's not safe.
526
00:38:09,792 --> 00:38:13,958
- You're the only one who can hear me.
- So awesome! We have a talking lizard!
527
00:38:14,042 --> 00:38:16,792
- I can only talk to you!
- Oh my God! Daddy!
528
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:28,833
Uh, sure.
529
00:38:28,917 --> 00:38:31,583
That makes sense.
But can you do tricks at the party?
530
00:38:31,667 --> 00:38:34,042
Can you rap
and play the piano with your tongue?
531
00:38:34,125 --> 00:38:38,458
Nah, this is just between us.
I'm talking to you to give advice.
532
00:38:38,542 --> 00:38:42,500
- I don't need advice. I'm awesome.
- Nah, you're miserable.
533
00:38:42,583 --> 00:38:43,583
Wait, what?
534
00:38:43,625 --> 00:38:47,875
Just like Emma Lawrence in '03,
Nina Myers in '55,
535
00:38:47,958 --> 00:38:50,750
all pretty, all rich, all bright.
536
00:38:50,833 --> 00:38:52,542
- So?
- Not done.
537
00:38:52,625 --> 00:38:55,667
All snotty, all secretly hated.
538
00:38:55,750 --> 00:38:58,500
- People were jealous.
- Not of the snottiness.
539
00:38:58,583 --> 00:39:01,917
Look, people don't realize
the pressure someone like me is under.
540
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:05,000
My family is so amazing,
so I have a lot more to live up to.
541
00:39:05,083 --> 00:39:08,208
I have to get into the best middle school
and have the best party
542
00:39:08,292 --> 00:39:10,250
and, yeah, only the best people around me.
543
00:39:10,333 --> 00:39:11,167
No, you don't.
544
00:39:11,250 --> 00:39:13,542
Ugh, you don't get
what being awesome's like.
545
00:39:13,625 --> 00:39:14,625
But you're not.
546
00:39:14,708 --> 00:39:15,750
I'm what?
547
00:39:15,833 --> 00:39:16,917
Brace yourself.
548
00:39:27,042 --> 00:39:28,042
A middleweight?
549
00:39:42,542 --> 00:39:43,417
Great?
550
00:39:43,500 --> 00:39:46,250
You're great, but no one's that great.
551
00:39:46,333 --> 00:39:49,333
We're all just people and lizards.
552
00:40:04,792 --> 00:40:05,792
There you go.
553
00:40:31,750 --> 00:40:33,833
Bravo.
554
00:40:33,917 --> 00:40:36,708
- Thank you. Great job, guys.
- Thanks.
555
00:40:37,958 --> 00:40:41,125
- Honey, maybe you wanna tip them?
- What? The watches?
556
00:40:41,208 --> 00:40:44,875
- Guys, you want some water? Anybody?
- No, that's okay.
557
00:40:44,958 --> 00:40:48,333
- Okay. Well, thank you.
- Yep. Thanks, Mr. Skin.
558
00:40:48,417 --> 00:40:50,583
- It's "doctor." "Dr. Skin."
- Uh-huh.
559
00:40:50,667 --> 00:40:53,000
Mom, Dad, do we have any more invitations?
560
00:40:53,083 --> 00:40:55,542
More? I thought we excluded
everyone you wanted.
561
00:40:55,625 --> 00:40:58,167
Yeah, but we made a bigger list.
562
00:41:10,792 --> 00:41:13,750
- Hi, guys. I'm so glad you came.
- Thanks for inviting us.
563
00:41:13,833 --> 00:41:15,583
Of course. How are you?
564
00:41:15,667 --> 00:41:18,500
Uh, wait. I know this one. We're fine.
565
00:41:19,583 --> 00:41:22,250
That thing sounded like Cole.
566
00:41:22,333 --> 00:41:25,417
Wow. Zane is funny now?
567
00:41:25,500 --> 00:41:26,917
Zane was always funny.
568
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:28,167
Like in 2nd grade,
569
00:41:28,250 --> 00:41:32,208
when he told Mrs. Lemos
that Superman came from planet Crouton?
570
00:41:34,292 --> 00:41:37,667
- Hey. You kids try the bubble guy yet?
- Dad, we'll get to the bubbles.
571
00:41:37,750 --> 00:41:40,500
This guy's next level.
He makes bubble animals.
572
00:41:42,625 --> 00:41:45,750
Here you go. Next.
You're not holding it right!
573
00:41:47,375 --> 00:41:49,583
Jayda burgers. Jayda taters.
574
00:41:50,083 --> 00:41:51,667
Jayda vegetables.
575
00:41:51,750 --> 00:41:53,667
Please don't do this.
576
00:42:09,292 --> 00:42:11,250
What're you looking at, boss?
577
00:42:11,333 --> 00:42:13,417
Got a problem with compact legs?
578
00:42:13,500 --> 00:42:14,500
What?
579
00:42:14,542 --> 00:42:17,292
You think you got it so great out there?
What do you do in the box?
580
00:42:17,375 --> 00:42:19,583
Uh, I molt.
581
00:42:19,667 --> 00:42:21,250
Occasional blinking.
582
00:42:21,333 --> 00:42:24,542
All right. I'm sorry, brother.
We're fighting the same fight.
583
00:42:24,625 --> 00:42:27,875
I mean, the only fun I've ever had
was biting some of that guy's fingers off.
584
00:42:27,958 --> 00:42:31,083
I've asked you five times
to jump through this hoop.
585
00:42:31,167 --> 00:42:33,542
I'm just, uh… I'm getting old, you know?
586
00:42:33,625 --> 00:42:37,833
Ever feel like time's running out,
and this is all we're ever gonna know?
587
00:42:44,208 --> 00:42:47,833
Were you just talking to that horse?
Is he having a good time?
588
00:42:47,917 --> 00:42:49,000
I gotta tell you,
589
00:42:49,083 --> 00:42:52,167
the truth is,
no animal wants to be locked inside...
590
00:42:52,250 --> 00:42:54,833
Hey, Jayda. Hey, Leo.
I can't believe how much cool…
591
00:42:55,458 --> 00:42:59,958
Uh, I mean, hey, just Jayda,
are you having a good time?
592
00:43:00,042 --> 00:43:02,917
Thanks for asking me.
My parents never ask.
593
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,042
They just assume I'm having a good time,
594
00:43:05,125 --> 00:43:07,625
'cause they still don't realize
they aren't that great.
595
00:43:08,417 --> 00:43:11,875
- What would make you have a better time?
- Good question.
596
00:43:30,083 --> 00:43:33,500
- Okay. Standard magnetic lock.
- Circuits are cross-current.
597
00:43:33,583 --> 00:43:35,708
- Jumper cables. Balloon.
- Right here.
598
00:43:58,333 --> 00:44:01,333
This is so fun!
599
00:44:01,417 --> 00:44:03,875
I specifically said
"no mayhem!"
600
00:44:22,708 --> 00:44:24,708
- Thanks, PJ.
- Uh, TJ.
601
00:44:24,792 --> 00:44:28,292
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- It's cool. Jacked about the eye contact.
602
00:44:39,625 --> 00:44:42,000
Stop that stopwatch. He's got my wallet.
603
00:44:51,500 --> 00:44:54,417
You made it happen, boss.
Greatest day ever.
604
00:44:55,083 --> 00:44:57,667
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Leo! Where's Leo?
605
00:44:57,750 --> 00:45:01,875
- Did someone take him?
- Please, somebody find him. Leo!
606
00:45:01,958 --> 00:45:06,083
Leo! Leo! Leo!
607
00:45:08,083 --> 00:45:10,333
You're not holding it right!
608
00:45:10,417 --> 00:45:14,583
- Leo! Leo!
- Where is he?
609
00:45:14,667 --> 00:45:16,417
Leo!
610
00:45:16,500 --> 00:45:18,042
Leo!
611
00:45:18,125 --> 00:45:20,583
You guys are really into that lizard.
612
00:45:20,667 --> 00:45:22,208
He's just awesome.
613
00:45:24,458 --> 00:45:26,125
Cheese!
614
00:45:28,208 --> 00:45:31,500
- I had so much fun at the party.
- Did you get a bubble animal?
615
00:45:31,583 --> 00:45:33,000
Camel went on the waterslide.
616
00:45:37,500 --> 00:45:41,625
- Again? Whatever happened to zipping?
- Oh, you'll know when I zip.
617
00:45:41,708 --> 00:45:44,500
I'll be in the Everglades
dining on maggots
618
00:45:44,583 --> 00:45:46,583
you can only dream about.
619
00:45:49,750 --> 00:45:52,309
You were fun, Leo. I'll miss you.
620
00:45:52,333 --> 00:45:55,375
If Santa Claus has 39 elves
621
00:45:55,458 --> 00:45:57,708
making 1,981 toys an hour…
622
00:45:57,792 --> 00:46:00,875
Freezing here.
How about giving a guy some shell?
623
00:46:00,958 --> 00:46:03,958
Wait. Ho, ho, Mr. Popular,
now you wanna come in here with me?
624
00:46:04,042 --> 00:46:05,708
It's 65 degrees.
625
00:46:05,792 --> 00:46:08,500
These Central Florida winters are brutal.
626
00:46:08,583 --> 00:46:10,500
Just a couple of minutes.
627
00:46:10,583 --> 00:46:12,958
Hey, hey! At least buy me dinner first.
628
00:46:13,042 --> 00:46:15,542
Wait.
Are those my baseball cards?
629
00:46:32,333 --> 00:46:33,458
Call me.
630
00:46:37,583 --> 00:46:39,417
You're talking to them.
631
00:46:39,500 --> 00:46:42,500
- That's why you keep coming back.
- What? No.
632
00:46:42,583 --> 00:46:43,750
Just a little bit.
633
00:46:43,833 --> 00:46:46,542
No, no, no, no. There is no little bit.
We don't talk to them.
634
00:46:46,625 --> 00:46:50,208
These kids are all benefiting
from my insights before I drop dead.
635
00:46:50,292 --> 00:46:53,792
- Okay, so it's about your ego.
- That's not what this is.
636
00:46:55,458 --> 00:47:00,708
It's about sharing my 74 years of wisdom
to help these kids with their issues.
637
00:47:00,792 --> 00:47:04,250
Whether it's breaking up with the drone
or having hand-me-down pants.
638
00:47:04,333 --> 00:47:05,917
Oh, boo-freakin'-hoo.
639
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:08,500
I had to wear my sister's shell
till I was 16.
640
00:47:08,583 --> 00:47:11,292
I made a huge difference with that TJ kid.
641
00:47:12,500 --> 00:47:14,958
What? I don't understand. That's normal.
642
00:47:15,042 --> 00:47:19,250
First one? Usually, it's in the front,
but very nice. You're growing up.
643
00:47:19,750 --> 00:47:21,667
No, no, no. It's my dad.
644
00:47:27,458 --> 00:47:30,000
What's so funny?
I told him that Dave Connaire,
645
00:47:30,083 --> 00:47:35,333
in 1974, all of a sudden, grew a nose
the size of a Buick just like his dad's.
646
00:47:35,417 --> 00:47:38,875
And everybody still loved him,
'cause he was a cool kid, like you.
647
00:47:38,958 --> 00:47:42,000
And the next week,
Cole's problem was even tougher.
648
00:47:42,083 --> 00:47:45,750
You won't do sleepovers,
'cause you say things in your sleep?
649
00:47:45,833 --> 00:47:49,292
Well, if I'm not gonna tell anyone
about you talking to me,
650
00:47:49,792 --> 00:47:51,375
do you promise not to tell anyone?
651
00:47:51,458 --> 00:47:53,708
Yeah. Of course.
652
00:47:53,792 --> 00:47:55,500
This isn't my real voice.
653
00:47:55,583 --> 00:47:59,792
I really talk like this.
I can't let them know. I sound ridiculous.
654
00:47:59,875 --> 00:48:02,417
This is priceless.
655
00:48:02,500 --> 00:48:04,333
Well, I fixed it. I told him…
656
00:48:04,417 --> 00:48:06,750
- You sound like a young Bee Gee.
- A what?
657
00:48:06,833 --> 00:48:08,458
How 'bout The Weeknd? Know him?
658
00:48:12,583 --> 00:48:13,875
Yeah, like that.
659
00:48:14,708 --> 00:48:17,042
Last week,he sang at the winter recital,
660
00:48:17,125 --> 00:48:19,375
and I heard they went nuts.
661
00:48:20,875 --> 00:48:22,583
Nice job, Ms. Malkin.
662
00:48:22,667 --> 00:48:24,875
I'm sorry, was that praise?
663
00:48:24,958 --> 00:48:28,375
Keep it up,
and we may see more of you here.
664
00:48:28,458 --> 00:48:31,000
- The class did great.- Did they win?
665
00:48:31,500 --> 00:48:33,958
Nah, kindergarten always wins.
Way too cute.
666
00:48:37,958 --> 00:48:40,500
And you should've seen me
last week with Mia.
667
00:48:40,583 --> 00:48:42,583
You mean Huggy?
The human cling wrap?
668
00:48:42,667 --> 00:48:45,042
Excuse me. She has a name.
669
00:48:45,125 --> 00:48:47,958
As you know,
her parents were recently divorced.
670
00:48:48,042 --> 00:48:51,125
Only two hours late today.
Very considerate.
671
00:48:51,208 --> 00:48:53,708
Are you letting him cut his own hair now?
672
00:48:56,292 --> 00:48:59,708
You can't watch the kids next weekend,
so me and Aurora can have
673
00:48:59,792 --> 00:49:03,208
Valentine's Day together?
I'm asking you one favor!
674
00:49:03,292 --> 00:49:06,375
You don't have any plans. Because I know.
675
00:49:06,458 --> 00:49:08,958
I'm sorry, but lizards do not talk.
676
00:49:09,042 --> 00:49:12,750
Parrots, macaws, songbirds,
and certain killer whales.
677
00:49:12,833 --> 00:49:15,667
Don't believe everything
you read on the Internet.
678
00:49:16,542 --> 00:49:18,583
Why would you only talk to me?
679
00:49:18,667 --> 00:49:23,292
'Cause you're nice. You're great
at school, answering all the questions.
680
00:49:23,375 --> 00:49:27,750
- I love to learn things.
- You're a lot quieter around your family.
681
00:49:27,833 --> 00:49:31,083
Don't you ever wanna let 'em see
how big that brain of yours is?
682
00:49:31,167 --> 00:49:33,708
My brother and sister think I'm weird.
683
00:49:33,792 --> 00:49:34,833
Really?
684
00:49:37,125 --> 00:49:41,208
- You just looked like my grandpa.
- Yeah? Is that a good thing?
685
00:49:41,292 --> 00:49:42,208
Uh-huh.
686
00:49:42,292 --> 00:49:44,583
My grandpa used to talk to me.
687
00:49:44,667 --> 00:49:48,625
He really liked science,
and he would ask me questions,
688
00:49:48,708 --> 00:49:51,583
even if he knew the answer.
689
00:49:51,667 --> 00:49:53,875
What? He sounds like a great guy.
690
00:49:53,958 --> 00:49:57,583
He was my best friend.
691
00:49:57,667 --> 00:50:00,375
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I didn't mean to get that going.
692
00:50:00,458 --> 00:50:01,958
Please, kid, I hate that.
693
00:50:02,042 --> 00:50:04,917
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, no, no. Don't be sorry.
694
00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:07,000
Just stop. I… I can't handle it.
695
00:50:07,083 --> 00:50:09,375
But my mom says it's good to cry.
696
00:50:09,458 --> 00:50:12,750
Not where I come from.
Here. Let me calm you down.
697
00:50:12,833 --> 00:50:15,583
I'll sing you a lullaby,
and you'll go to sleep.
698
00:51:47,292 --> 00:51:49,333
Whoa. You scared me.
699
00:51:52,458 --> 00:51:55,458
You're just doing
what my grandpa did,
700
00:51:55,542 --> 00:51:58,833
pretending not to know something,
so I can tell you what's right.
701
00:51:58,917 --> 00:52:01,917
Here. Scientific research has established
702
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:05,417
that crying releases
oxytocin and endorphins.
703
00:52:05,500 --> 00:52:08,958
These feel-good chemicals help ease
both physical and emotional pain.
704
00:52:09,042 --> 00:52:12,958
I didn't know how to help her,
so I just listened. And that helped.
705
00:52:13,042 --> 00:52:15,625
Wow. So you got this E.T. scam going.
706
00:52:15,708 --> 00:52:18,375
Got every kid thinking he's Elliott?
This will end badly.
707
00:52:18,458 --> 00:52:21,167
All I know is these kids'll remember me.
708
00:52:21,250 --> 00:52:24,083
Did you hear about
Hammy #3's funeral last week?
709
00:52:24,167 --> 00:52:26,708
- Hammy #3 died? Didn't know that.
- Exactly.
710
00:52:26,792 --> 00:52:30,333
They say the funeral was a snooze.
No one had anything to say.
711
00:52:30,417 --> 00:52:33,750
I liked that white spot over his ear.
712
00:52:33,833 --> 00:52:35,750
I liked the way he breathed.
713
00:52:35,833 --> 00:52:37,458
He gave me pinkeye.
714
00:52:37,542 --> 00:52:41,750
My funeral is gonna be packed
with fond remembrances and anecdotes.
715
00:52:43,417 --> 00:52:45,958
Yeah, good for you
and your last week's vocabulary words.
716
00:52:46,458 --> 00:52:49,917
And, buddy, that funeral
could come sooner than you think.
717
00:52:51,167 --> 00:52:53,750
- Me! Me!
- My turn with the Geico thing!
718
00:52:56,625 --> 00:52:59,292
Have fun, Anthony! Leo's awesome!
719
00:52:59,375 --> 00:53:03,292
These things heads grow back too?
Or just their tails? I'll figure it out.
720
00:53:03,375 --> 00:53:07,750
Oh, no. Call my next of kin.
This is how I want to divide my estate.
721
00:53:07,833 --> 00:53:08,833
Help me!
722
00:53:11,167 --> 00:53:12,792
- What?
- I got your back.
723
00:53:12,875 --> 00:53:15,958
- I couldn't let you do this one alone.
- What are you gonna do?
724
00:53:16,042 --> 00:53:19,000
You lay back. It's harder to hurt me.
I got the shell.
725
00:53:19,083 --> 00:53:20,750
What about giving advice?
726
00:53:20,833 --> 00:53:24,000
Oh, like I don't know anything?
I can do what you do.
727
00:53:26,583 --> 00:53:28,500
Mm.
728
00:53:28,583 --> 00:53:31,583
That was an incredible move!
What strategy!
729
00:53:31,667 --> 00:53:33,542
- Hey!
- …Starting to let his…
730
00:53:33,625 --> 00:53:34,875
Go straight to his head.
731
00:53:34,958 --> 00:53:36,083
Hey, over here.
732
00:53:36,167 --> 00:53:37,667
- What?
- Ah!
733
00:53:39,292 --> 00:53:41,375
- Oh, come on!
- Forget that. I talk.
734
00:53:41,458 --> 00:53:43,833
Oh my God. Grandma!
735
00:53:43,917 --> 00:53:46,333
No, no, no. Stop, stop.
Can't do that or we'll all die.
736
00:53:46,417 --> 00:53:49,125
- What? Why?
- I don't know. I… I'm telling you.
737
00:53:49,208 --> 00:53:52,333
- You… You'll die. Just shut up. Calm down.
- Oh, okay.
738
00:53:52,417 --> 00:53:56,125
Fix your phone later.
I'm a talking turtle. I picked you 'cause…
739
00:53:56,708 --> 00:53:58,042
"I like your style."
740
00:53:58,125 --> 00:54:01,833
- Take it down a notch.
- I got this. Now, tell me your problems.
741
00:54:01,917 --> 00:54:04,667
- What?
- I… I can fix your problems. I… I… I…
742
00:54:04,750 --> 00:54:06,750
I seen a lot of things
in that 5th grade room,
743
00:54:06,833 --> 00:54:08,458
and I can help. So come on.
744
00:54:08,542 --> 00:54:11,292
I don't have any problems.
Other than I broke my phone.
745
00:54:11,375 --> 00:54:13,583
Ah-ha. Bully. I get it.
746
00:54:13,667 --> 00:54:16,333
Come on. You're insecure, right?
Every class bully is.
747
00:54:16,417 --> 00:54:19,083
No. I don't know.
748
00:54:20,208 --> 00:54:22,750
You're sad, you got something
tearing you up inside.
749
00:54:22,833 --> 00:54:26,417
Just say it. I'm a talking turtle.
I can't tell anyone else.
750
00:54:27,625 --> 00:54:30,708
Of course I'm a bully.
I don't know what else to do.
751
00:54:30,792 --> 00:54:36,042
- I'm just different. I'm not smart.
- Nah. Everyone's smart in some way.
752
00:54:36,125 --> 00:54:39,625
You're just afraid of trying
and looking not smart. That's textbook.
753
00:54:39,708 --> 00:54:42,083
- What's a textbook?
- You know what? Never mind.
754
00:54:43,167 --> 00:54:46,750
- I'm different in other ways too.
- There you go. Come on. Out with it.
755
00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:51,750
- You won't say anything?
- No. What is it? What's the sadness?
756
00:54:53,792 --> 00:54:56,375
I don't know how babies are made.
757
00:54:57,417 --> 00:54:59,417
Perfect. That's very class bully.
758
00:54:59,500 --> 00:55:00,750
Tough on the outside,
759
00:55:00,833 --> 00:55:03,625
a self-hating pile
of cottage cheese on the inside.
760
00:55:03,708 --> 00:55:07,708
- Can you just tell me?
- Oh. About babies? Sure. Here we go.
761
00:55:07,792 --> 00:55:12,375
First, the daddy climbs
on the mommy's back while she's swimming.
762
00:55:12,458 --> 00:55:14,542
He reaches under the mommy
to find her cloaca.
763
00:55:15,208 --> 00:55:17,250
This goes on for about 24 hours.
764
00:55:18,208 --> 00:55:21,708
Then the mommy comes ashore, makes a nest,
and deposits eggs in the sand.
765
00:55:22,833 --> 00:55:25,625
My mom made eggs in the sand?
766
00:55:25,708 --> 00:55:28,042
Yes. So the fish don't eat 'em.
767
00:55:31,583 --> 00:55:35,042
I crushed it.
Totally fixed the kid's problem.
768
00:55:35,125 --> 00:55:38,417
The taping me up,
maybe it's 'cause he wants to keep me.
769
00:55:39,792 --> 00:55:42,042
Stop!
770
00:55:52,750 --> 00:55:55,792
You miss your friends
from being held back.
771
00:55:55,875 --> 00:55:58,375
Worried about being behind?
772
00:55:58,458 --> 00:56:02,667
This is a tough time,
but these are the best years. Believe me.
773
00:56:03,208 --> 00:56:05,458
Enjoy not knowing everything.
774
00:56:05,542 --> 00:56:09,125
Enjoy being a kid. You're a good one.
775
00:56:09,875 --> 00:56:11,542
Do you miss being a kid?
776
00:56:12,667 --> 00:56:14,833
I'm just glad I'm still here.
777
00:56:17,375 --> 00:56:20,625
Okay, every one of you
has had a weekend with Leo here.
778
00:56:20,708 --> 00:56:25,708
So from here on, you'll be taking home…
What's the turtle's name again?
779
00:56:26,500 --> 00:56:29,542
Squirtle. My name is Squirtle.
780
00:56:30,125 --> 00:56:31,458
I think it's Squirtle.
781
00:56:31,542 --> 00:56:32,750
Squirtle sucks.
782
00:56:32,833 --> 00:56:34,625
I beg your pardon? Why?
783
00:56:34,708 --> 00:56:36,708
I don't know. He just sucks.
784
00:56:37,792 --> 00:56:40,208
- I like Leo, though. He's nice.
- The best.
785
00:56:40,292 --> 00:56:43,792
- Yeah! Come on…
- Leo's better than that turtle.
786
00:56:43,875 --> 00:56:50,000
Oh, stop that noise. Stop it!
What is so special about this reptile?
787
00:56:53,042 --> 00:56:54,708
I like his skin.
788
00:56:55,208 --> 00:56:57,917
His skin is like my grandma's elbows.
789
00:56:58,000 --> 00:56:58,917
Uh, same.
790
00:56:59,000 --> 00:57:00,167
- Same.
- Same.
791
00:57:00,250 --> 00:57:01,958
- Elbows.
- Same.
792
00:57:02,042 --> 00:57:06,417
All right. If you all so desperately want
to take home that lizard again,
793
00:57:06,500 --> 00:57:08,042
you'll just have to earn it.
794
00:57:08,125 --> 00:57:11,292
I wanna get picked!
795
00:57:11,375 --> 00:57:14,042
We'll do our homework
and promise to bring it in.
796
00:57:14,125 --> 00:57:17,958
You will all make my class
a model of excellence,
797
00:57:18,042 --> 00:57:23,542
and even win that Academicathalon,
or it's the turtle for all of you.
798
00:57:24,458 --> 00:57:26,125
Yes! Thank you so much.
799
00:57:26,208 --> 00:57:29,917
Was this your dying wish?
To turn a bunch of brats against me?
800
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:32,500
It's not about us. It's about the kids.
801
00:57:32,583 --> 00:57:33,667
They're motivated.
802
00:57:33,750 --> 00:57:35,750
They're gonna finish the year strong.
803
00:58:13,208 --> 00:58:14,625
Yes!
804
00:58:22,625 --> 00:58:25,458
Yeah, Louis Pasteur is the father
of microbiology.
805
00:58:25,542 --> 00:58:29,917
He discovered that dangerous
microorganisms could grow in open water.
806
00:58:44,208 --> 00:58:48,583
Wow! Well, now, that's impressive.
807
00:58:53,583 --> 00:58:57,958
Class 5-C, you're one step away
from going to Magic Land Park!
808
00:58:58,042 --> 00:59:01,333
How great a job has our teacher done?
809
00:59:01,417 --> 00:59:03,750
Bravo, Ms. Malkin.
810
00:59:03,833 --> 00:59:06,792
I know a lot of parents weren't happy
when I first brought you in,
811
00:59:06,875 --> 00:59:08,875
due to your rep as a miserable person.
812
00:59:08,958 --> 00:59:12,208
But if you win
the History Fair on Saturday, we'll...
813
00:59:12,292 --> 00:59:14,250
You'll prove all the doubters wrong.
814
00:59:14,333 --> 00:59:20,250
Well, Principal Spahn, in the classroom,
sometimes the old ways are the best ways.
815
00:59:20,333 --> 00:59:21,917
I can't believe it.
816
00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:25,042
Back to your posts. No five-highing.
817
00:59:25,125 --> 00:59:28,125
- Oh, that pic is fire.
- Thank you.
818
00:59:28,208 --> 00:59:32,250
Hey, what is the deal? I've been waiting
for your next Jenga move for 30 minutes.
819
00:59:32,333 --> 00:59:34,667
Now did you make the costume
or did your mom?
820
00:59:34,750 --> 00:59:37,417
Tell the truth.
You know I won't tell anyone.
821
00:59:37,500 --> 00:59:39,625
I only talk to you.
822
00:59:39,708 --> 00:59:41,583
- What?
- Is that another phone?
823
00:59:41,667 --> 00:59:45,333
Uh, I don't know.
Uh, must be on Malkin's desk or something.
824
00:59:45,875 --> 00:59:46,958
Oh.
825
00:59:47,042 --> 00:59:48,750
- Hello?
- Come on.
826
00:59:48,833 --> 00:59:51,000
Leo, where'd you go?
827
00:59:51,083 --> 00:59:52,917
I… I'll be right there.
828
00:59:53,750 --> 00:59:55,125
Leo?
829
00:59:56,208 --> 00:59:59,083
- Hello?
- Hey, pal, toss it here. I'll handle it.
830
00:59:59,167 --> 01:00:02,000
Can you hear me?
831
01:00:02,083 --> 01:00:03,417
Leo?
832
01:00:03,500 --> 01:00:06,083
Yeah, I think Malkin
must have an extra phone.
833
01:00:06,167 --> 01:00:08,458
Anywho, what did Summer say?
834
01:00:08,542 --> 01:00:11,917
Oh my God,
you can't all play Jackie Kennedy.
835
01:00:12,000 --> 01:00:15,000
And, like,
we so wanna slay this History Fair.
836
01:00:15,083 --> 01:00:18,417
I know. That Magic Land Park trip
would be awesome.
837
01:00:18,500 --> 01:00:21,625
Hey, you're awesome
because you tried your best.
838
01:00:21,708 --> 01:00:24,018
That's why I'm your special friend?
839
01:00:24,042 --> 01:00:25,792
Yeah.
840
01:00:27,042 --> 01:00:30,417
You talk to Skyler too?
841
01:00:31,292 --> 01:00:33,542
I… I just… Only because she...
842
01:00:33,625 --> 01:00:36,458
That's Summer's phone in there,
right behind yours.
843
01:00:41,708 --> 01:00:44,667
- You happy now? For ruining this?
- I don't know what happened.
844
01:00:44,750 --> 01:00:47,333
I… I must've butt-dialed ya.
I mean, butt-shot ya.
845
01:00:47,417 --> 01:00:48,917
You don't even have a butt.
846
01:00:49,000 --> 01:00:50,583
How dare you?
847
01:00:51,958 --> 01:00:55,583
- You talk to all of us?
- You said I was the only one.
848
01:00:55,667 --> 01:00:57,375
You said I was the only one.
849
01:00:57,458 --> 01:01:00,375
- I thought I was special.
- You're all special. I...
850
01:01:02,458 --> 01:01:04,625
I'm sorry! I just…
851
01:01:04,708 --> 01:01:08,750
Seeing you guys getting along
and doing great in class,
852
01:01:08,833 --> 01:01:11,958
it felt like
I was actually making a difference.
853
01:01:12,042 --> 01:01:15,500
You did. This year would've been
a nightmare without you helping me.
854
01:01:15,583 --> 01:01:19,583
Ms. Malkin's so mean.
Talking to you made the class bearable.
855
01:01:19,667 --> 01:01:23,125
I was just worried if you all knew…
856
01:01:23,208 --> 01:01:25,167
…other people would find out.
857
01:01:25,250 --> 01:01:27,375
You told me not to tell anyone,
and I didn't.
858
01:01:27,458 --> 01:01:30,875
- Nobody did. Because we can keep a secret.
- Yeah.
859
01:01:30,958 --> 01:01:33,875
What, did you tell everyone
I shave my unibrow?
860
01:01:34,750 --> 01:01:36,042
Because I don't.
861
01:01:36,125 --> 01:01:38,958
Hey, the only one he told
about your unibrow,
862
01:01:39,042 --> 01:01:41,333
or that you still eat your boogers,
was me.
863
01:01:41,417 --> 01:01:43,667
- And I barely chuckled.
- What?
864
01:01:43,750 --> 01:01:44,792
I'm leaving.
865
01:01:45,292 --> 01:01:46,125
I tried.
866
01:01:46,208 --> 01:01:47,792
Wait, it's Friday.
867
01:01:47,875 --> 01:01:50,167
Aren't you gonna take me home?
868
01:01:50,250 --> 01:01:52,333
Summer, it's your turn.
869
01:01:52,417 --> 01:01:54,583
Please, I'm so sorry.
870
01:01:54,667 --> 01:01:57,917
How can we trust you now?
That was a question.
871
01:02:00,542 --> 01:02:03,000
All right, what's everyone doing here?
872
01:02:03,083 --> 01:02:05,625
Oh, you're leaving.
Good. Take the whole day off.
873
01:02:05,708 --> 01:02:09,375
You need to rest up
for the history fair tomorrow. Go home.
874
01:02:09,458 --> 01:02:11,833
Go. Shoo. Come on, out you go.
875
01:02:18,750 --> 01:02:21,500
You and I have a lot to talk about.
876
01:02:23,833 --> 01:02:24,708
I don't understand.
877
01:02:24,792 --> 01:02:27,875
I… I know I lied to the kids.
What did I do to you?
878
01:02:27,958 --> 01:02:32,833
Excuse me, talking to my students
behind my back? Advising them?
879
01:02:32,917 --> 01:02:35,833
Okay. I feel terrible,
but I was just trying to...
880
01:02:35,917 --> 01:02:37,625
Undermine my methods!
881
01:02:37,708 --> 01:02:40,875
Cheat me out of feeling
any satisfaction from their success.
882
01:02:40,958 --> 01:02:44,875
What? They learned everything you wanted.
Why wouldn't that make you happy?
883
01:02:44,958 --> 01:02:48,000
Don't think you can analyze me.
I'm an adult.
884
01:02:48,083 --> 01:02:52,042
Not a shrieking brat who thinks
reading Canterbury Tales is torture.
885
01:02:52,125 --> 01:02:53,167
It's not torture?
886
01:02:53,250 --> 01:02:54,292
Quiet!
887
01:02:54,375 --> 01:02:59,250
Asking me to be happy
when I have nothing but these four walls.
888
01:02:59,333 --> 01:03:03,542
- What about your family?
- Excuse me, do you see any family?
889
01:03:03,625 --> 01:03:07,083
Oh. Uh, not unless you're related
to the gym coach.
890
01:03:07,583 --> 01:03:10,542
- Those pictures are none of your business.
- Gotcha. Never saw 'em.
891
01:03:11,292 --> 01:03:16,833
I put my whole life into teaching
just to be a mere substitute.
892
01:03:18,125 --> 01:03:21,667
Never had my own class,
never got any respect.
893
01:03:28,792 --> 01:03:31,583
Look, I also had dreams
that never happened.
894
01:03:31,667 --> 01:03:34,667
Like seeing the Everglades,
or spreading Salmonella.
895
01:03:34,750 --> 01:03:37,875
But this year,
I fell into something even better.
896
01:03:37,958 --> 01:03:40,250
I really clicked with these kids.
897
01:03:40,333 --> 01:03:45,625
Uh, maybe it helped, just a little,
that you're a talking animal?
898
01:03:45,708 --> 01:03:48,333
Yeah, but also, maybe it's you.
899
01:03:48,417 --> 01:03:51,583
'Cause I've seen subs come
through this school that kids love.
900
01:04:08,917 --> 01:04:11,250
A fine teacher.
901
01:04:15,208 --> 01:04:17,708
Wait, you were a student here?
902
01:04:17,792 --> 01:04:21,417
You don't remember me?
I was a lot different.
903
01:04:21,500 --> 01:04:22,833
I was…
904
01:04:25,250 --> 01:04:27,167
Oh, wow. Yeah.
905
01:04:27,250 --> 01:04:29,792
You were very sweet.
906
01:04:29,875 --> 01:04:32,708
I was adorable. And she…
907
01:04:36,958 --> 01:04:39,125
Yes, she did.
908
01:04:39,208 --> 01:04:41,750
She made me feel like I could do anything.
909
01:04:41,833 --> 01:04:44,125
And tell me, do you think she was…
910
01:04:46,708 --> 01:04:48,625
She made you her family.
911
01:04:48,708 --> 01:04:51,958
That's what great teachers do.
Even substitutes.
912
01:04:52,042 --> 01:04:55,375
With the little time they have,
they try to make a difference.
913
01:04:55,458 --> 01:04:58,042
And that's what keeps them happy.
914
01:05:38,667 --> 01:05:42,875
- Well, that felt wonderful.
- I know you got it in you.
915
01:05:42,958 --> 01:05:45,708
You're gonna get those kids
first place tomorrow.
916
01:05:45,792 --> 01:05:48,875
- Oh, you're coming with me.
- No, please. They're mad.
917
01:05:48,958 --> 01:05:50,917
Let… Let them focus on winning.
918
01:05:51,000 --> 01:05:52,833
Well, I'm still taking you.
919
01:05:52,917 --> 01:05:53,750
After they win,
920
01:05:53,833 --> 01:05:56,917
we'll make sure they appreciate
all you were doing for them.
921
01:05:57,875 --> 01:06:00,750
You know what? You are special.
922
01:06:04,875 --> 01:06:06,625
I couldn't sleep last night.
923
01:06:06,708 --> 01:06:09,708
I couldn't stop thinking
about what Leo did to us.
924
01:06:09,792 --> 01:06:12,875
Let's just not talk about Leo.
We're done with Leo.
925
01:06:12,958 --> 01:06:15,208
We're ready.
We can win this thing ourselves.
926
01:06:15,292 --> 01:06:18,917
Good morning, my dear students.
927
01:06:22,917 --> 01:06:26,917
- They look confident.
- You sounded nice. Real warm.
928
01:06:27,000 --> 01:06:29,208
Thank you.
I'll keep you posted when I can.
929
01:06:34,958 --> 01:06:36,083
I'm Betsy Ross.
930
01:06:36,167 --> 01:06:39,500
I designed the first American Flag
in 1776.
931
01:06:39,583 --> 01:06:42,542
But I didn't just say
what I thought the flag should look like,
932
01:06:42,625 --> 01:06:44,958
I listened to others
to see what they thought.
933
01:06:45,042 --> 01:06:47,583
The result was
the superior design we have today,
934
01:06:47,667 --> 01:06:49,208
and also, people liking me more.
935
01:06:50,500 --> 01:06:51,917
I'm Susan B. Anthony.
936
01:06:52,000 --> 01:06:54,500
I played a pivotal role
in the women's suffrage movement
937
01:06:54,583 --> 01:06:56,125
in the 19th century.
938
01:06:56,208 --> 01:06:59,417
But I'm not that special or great.
And neither is my family.
939
01:06:59,500 --> 01:07:03,625
So I can relate to average women
who couldn't vote until 1920.
940
01:07:03,708 --> 01:07:06,917
I'm Winston Churchill.
"We shall fight on the beaches."
941
01:07:07,000 --> 01:07:09,667
"We shall fight them
in the fields and in the streets."
942
01:07:09,750 --> 01:07:11,083
"We shall never surrender,
943
01:07:11,167 --> 01:07:13,833
but we shall let them down easy,
with a nice letter."
944
01:07:13,917 --> 01:07:16,667
- "So they don't lose their minds."
- This is wonderful.
945
01:07:16,750 --> 01:07:18,708
You've taught them life lessons.
946
01:07:18,792 --> 01:07:21,333
I… I can't hear anything.
Can you open your pocket?
947
01:07:21,417 --> 01:07:25,917
They burned me, Joan of Arc,
at the stake, but I am not afraid.
948
01:07:26,000 --> 01:07:28,958
Boo-freaking-hoo! Everyone's got problems.
949
01:07:29,042 --> 01:07:32,542
I talked about it to a friend
and felt a lot better.
950
01:07:34,042 --> 01:07:38,417
Aw, I think that friend is you.
951
01:07:39,500 --> 01:07:43,708
Malkin's Marvels,
you're going to Magic Land Park!
952
01:07:43,792 --> 01:07:46,833
Congratulations, class!
953
01:07:46,917 --> 01:07:47,750
Yeah!
954
01:07:47,833 --> 01:07:52,583
And to the first substitute
to ever win Teacher of the Year!
955
01:07:54,583 --> 01:07:58,458
You'll be chaperoned
by Ms. Malkin and Coach Kimura.
956
01:07:58,542 --> 01:08:00,500
Oh…
957
01:08:00,583 --> 01:08:03,708
Is it over? We win? When do I come out?
958
01:08:03,792 --> 01:08:05,208
What's happening?
959
01:08:06,250 --> 01:08:08,625
Ms. Malkin, can we go see Leo?
960
01:08:08,708 --> 01:08:12,417
- Honey, it's about to rain.
- We can't go to our class for one second?
961
01:08:12,500 --> 01:08:15,667
You know what the rain does
to my extensions.
962
01:08:15,750 --> 01:08:18,833
I gotta say, I thought you were
some kind of a twisted animal.
963
01:08:18,917 --> 01:08:22,542
A rabid, bitter bag
of mothballs foaming at the mouth.
964
01:08:22,625 --> 01:08:27,542
But I've never seen my Jayda speak
like that. It's like she's, uh, nice?
965
01:08:27,625 --> 01:08:28,958
That's our Ms. Malkin!
966
01:08:29,042 --> 01:08:30,917
You really got to know our kids.
967
01:08:31,000 --> 01:08:34,083
- What a special lady.
- Get this woman a full-time job next year.
968
01:08:34,167 --> 01:08:36,333
Oh, I think we can arrange that.
969
01:08:36,417 --> 01:08:38,625
She's helped Summer make friends.
970
01:08:38,708 --> 01:08:40,934
Cole's proud of his voice,
thanks to you.
971
01:08:40,958 --> 01:08:43,083
- How'd you do it?
- Well… You know…
972
01:08:45,708 --> 01:08:48,167
That's, um… my stomach. I… I better go.
973
01:08:49,458 --> 01:08:51,792
She's not gonna make it.
974
01:08:52,542 --> 01:08:54,542
What happened? I couldn't hear nothing.
975
01:08:54,625 --> 01:08:57,125
Did we win?
I thought I was gonna see the kids.
976
01:08:57,208 --> 01:08:59,375
We're going somewhere very special.
977
01:08:59,458 --> 01:09:01,375
We're all going to celebrate?
978
01:09:01,458 --> 01:09:02,667
What, a pizza party?
979
01:09:05,583 --> 01:09:07,833
Wow, this pizza's out in the boonies.
980
01:09:13,625 --> 01:09:16,708
What's goin' on?
You're leaving me here?
981
01:09:16,792 --> 01:09:18,250
What about the kids?
982
01:09:18,333 --> 01:09:22,125
They lost. The class
embarrassed themselves and blamed you.
983
01:09:22,208 --> 01:09:24,958
What? What was all that cheering?
984
01:09:25,042 --> 01:09:27,792
That was for the other class. I'm sorry.
985
01:09:27,875 --> 01:09:30,958
What did I do? I've never felt so bad.
986
01:09:31,042 --> 01:09:33,458
Don't say that.
You said the Everglades was your dream.
987
01:09:33,542 --> 01:09:36,917
Now you can live it out, with no chance
of ever running into the children.
988
01:09:37,000 --> 01:09:40,375
Or their parents.
Or the principal. Or the media.
989
01:09:41,208 --> 01:09:43,042
I said it was my dream.
990
01:09:43,125 --> 01:09:45,250
The kids are what I...
991
01:10:13,708 --> 01:10:15,108
- What?
- Where is he?
992
01:10:15,167 --> 01:10:17,167
- Is he hiding?
- He's not hiding.
993
01:10:17,208 --> 01:10:18,042
He was here.
994
01:10:18,125 --> 01:10:19,833
- You seen him?
- What happened?
995
01:10:19,917 --> 01:10:23,083
What a shame. He must've run away.
996
01:10:31,958 --> 01:10:35,000
- He left us?
- Oh, look.
997
01:10:35,583 --> 01:10:38,042
There seems to be some kind of note.
998
01:10:38,125 --> 01:10:41,542
- Leo could write?
- Of course. He could talk.
999
01:10:41,625 --> 01:10:47,042
Oh! He talked to you people too?
Oh, I thought I was special.
1000
01:10:49,458 --> 01:10:50,708
"Dear class."
1001
01:10:50,792 --> 01:10:53,625
"I've greatly enjoyed my time
with you this year,
1002
01:10:53,708 --> 01:10:57,333
but I wish to move on
and finally see the world."
1003
01:10:57,417 --> 01:11:01,000
"I realize I broke your trust,
and that can't be fixed."
1004
01:11:01,708 --> 01:11:03,458
"But if you would be so kind,
1005
01:11:03,542 --> 01:11:07,042
please keep our conversations secret,
so that I'm not harassed,
1006
01:11:07,125 --> 01:11:10,083
like E.T. or The Iron Giant, or Splash,
1007
01:11:10,167 --> 01:11:13,750
or the classic, The Shape of Water."
1008
01:11:13,833 --> 01:11:18,167
"Simply attribute your success
to Ms. Malkin,
1009
01:11:18,250 --> 01:11:21,708
whose integrity is beyond reproach."
1010
01:11:22,208 --> 01:11:24,208
"Best Regards, Leo."
1011
01:11:25,333 --> 01:11:30,375
Well, let's try and be happy for Leo.
He's doing what he wanted most.
1012
01:11:30,458 --> 01:11:32,958
But we never even got to thank him.
1013
01:11:33,042 --> 01:11:37,292
That's life, gang.
Life gets more difficult the older we get.
1014
01:11:38,500 --> 01:11:40,042
It's called growing up.
1015
01:13:58,125 --> 01:14:00,375
Okay, everybody.
Be careful on the Dragon Coaster.
1016
01:14:00,458 --> 01:14:02,208
Wipe the chair and the safety bar.
1017
01:14:02,292 --> 01:14:05,000
Doesn't matter what the teacher says,
you call us every half hour.
1018
01:14:05,083 --> 01:14:07,417
And don't lick anything.
1019
01:14:07,500 --> 01:14:10,958
They tried to put the shift on Kabir
when he was up, but guess what?
1020
01:14:11,042 --> 01:14:13,375
- He can hit to right field too.
- Oh!
1021
01:14:13,458 --> 01:14:15,083
That is something.
1022
01:14:15,667 --> 01:14:19,583
- What do you think Leo's doing right now?
- I have no idea.
1023
01:14:31,875 --> 01:14:35,542
Sure, kids, why flip over
the musty old turtle before you leave?
1024
01:14:35,625 --> 01:14:38,958
Even though he knows the truth?
But no, everyone's gone!
1025
01:14:39,042 --> 01:14:41,292
Everyone but me and that pathetic…
1026
01:14:41,375 --> 01:14:44,125
Wait.
Where's the allergy kid's phone? Ah.
1027
01:14:47,667 --> 01:14:48,958
Ha.
1028
01:14:49,042 --> 01:14:50,042
Here we go.
1029
01:15:13,375 --> 01:15:15,583
There's no time for lettuce. Flip me!
1030
01:15:16,250 --> 01:15:17,333
Okay, we gotta move!
1031
01:15:20,875 --> 01:15:22,333
Follow those brats!
1032
01:15:24,417 --> 01:15:26,208
Hey.
1033
01:15:26,292 --> 01:15:29,083
Shake it off, man.
You're freaking everyone out.
1034
01:15:38,042 --> 01:15:39,458
Okay, let's hit it.
1035
01:16:11,667 --> 01:16:13,167
Ouch.
1036
01:16:14,375 --> 01:16:17,333
This is our last field trip together.
1037
01:16:17,417 --> 01:16:19,208
Why does it feel like our worst?
1038
01:16:21,292 --> 01:16:22,417
What?
1039
01:16:35,417 --> 01:16:38,083
- What is going on back here?
- She did it!
1040
01:16:38,167 --> 01:16:41,333
- Excuse me?
- I saw it. I saw the whole thing.
1041
01:16:41,417 --> 01:16:44,375
She took him out of the terrarium
after you guys left that day.
1042
01:16:44,458 --> 01:16:46,542
She took him,
and I wanted to say something,
1043
01:16:46,625 --> 01:16:47,833
but her and her vacuum,
1044
01:16:47,917 --> 01:16:51,500
they gave me the stink eye,
and I slipped on, uh, somebody else's pee,
1045
01:16:51,583 --> 01:16:54,167
and I flipped on my back,
and this whole thing is my fault
1046
01:16:54,250 --> 01:16:57,167
'cause I got jealous of my best friend
instead of being happy for him.
1047
01:16:57,250 --> 01:17:01,000
I used the camera phone to bust him,
but now I gotta bust you, Demeritface!
1048
01:17:01,083 --> 01:17:05,083
He's lying! This turtle can't be trusted.
He turned on Leo.
1049
01:17:05,167 --> 01:17:09,167
Come on. You all know Leo's
the reason you got this stupid trip.
1050
01:17:09,250 --> 01:17:11,417
He helped you
with your weird kid problems.
1051
01:17:11,500 --> 01:17:12,625
That's why you won.
1052
01:17:12,708 --> 01:17:16,375
He wanted to do something meaningful
with the rest of his pathetic time,
1053
01:17:16,458 --> 01:17:17,292
and he did it.
1054
01:17:17,375 --> 01:17:19,250
Why did you say, "The rest of his time"?
1055
01:17:19,333 --> 01:17:21,000
- He's dying!
- What?!
1056
01:17:21,083 --> 01:17:23,708
He's gonna be 75.
That's lights out for lizards.
1057
01:17:23,792 --> 01:17:25,208
- Oh, no!
- He's dying?
1058
01:17:25,292 --> 01:17:27,875
But does Demeritface care? No!
1059
01:17:27,958 --> 01:17:30,667
All Demeritface wants is all the credit!
1060
01:17:30,750 --> 01:17:32,042
Another lie!
1061
01:17:32,125 --> 01:17:34,208
Then where is he, Ms. Misery?
1062
01:17:34,292 --> 01:17:37,125
Where's my best friend,
Demeritface? Where is he?
1063
01:17:37,208 --> 01:17:40,167
- Out with it, Demeritface!
- Where is he, Demeritface?
1064
01:17:46,250 --> 01:17:50,500
- What did you do with him?
- Stop it! Stop it! Stop it now!
1065
01:17:58,583 --> 01:18:02,417
I took him, and I drove him away.
1066
01:18:02,500 --> 01:18:04,583
- That's crazy! Seriously?
- I can't believe you!
1067
01:18:04,667 --> 01:18:08,083
He's right, I wanted the credit.
1068
01:18:08,583 --> 01:18:10,375
I thought it would make me…
1069
01:18:13,250 --> 01:18:16,542
- He's gonna die thinking we're mad at him.
- Where did you take him?
1070
01:18:16,625 --> 01:18:19,292
The Everglades.
1071
01:18:19,375 --> 01:18:22,250
You sent him to the Glades?
That's a terrible neighborhood!
1072
01:18:22,333 --> 01:18:26,417
- Those crazy animals will rip him apart!
- Ms. Malkin, please help us find him.
1073
01:18:26,500 --> 01:18:28,458
We can't not see him again.
1074
01:18:34,958 --> 01:18:35,792
Hey there.
1075
01:18:35,875 --> 01:18:39,083
We need to change course.
We're going to the Everglades.
1076
01:18:39,167 --> 01:18:41,000
What? We're going to Magic Land Park!
1077
01:18:41,083 --> 01:18:44,125
That's what the parents expect,
and that's where we're goin'.
1078
01:18:44,208 --> 01:18:46,583
Oh my, our first fight.
1079
01:18:57,625 --> 01:18:59,583
Thank you. I'm fine.
1080
01:19:00,917 --> 01:19:04,542
Children, we're going to Magic Land Park.
1081
01:19:15,500 --> 01:19:20,292
Thanks, but a little too murky for me.
How… How close are we to a drip tube?
1082
01:19:20,792 --> 01:19:23,333
Seriously, the microorganisms
will kill you.
1083
01:19:23,417 --> 01:19:24,792
A kid told me that.
1084
01:19:24,875 --> 01:19:27,125
You guys never heard of Louis Pasteur?
1085
01:19:41,458 --> 01:19:43,833
What the…
1086
01:19:44,417 --> 01:19:47,583
- Someone help me out here.
- Boss, is that you?
1087
01:19:49,500 --> 01:19:50,542
Wha... What?
1088
01:19:50,625 --> 01:19:54,167
Hey, that's the guy!
The guy who set us free at that party.
1089
01:19:54,250 --> 01:19:56,250
That's the guy?
1090
01:19:56,333 --> 01:19:58,917
That's the guy.
1091
01:20:01,625 --> 01:20:04,875
I don't know what Grandma's thinking.
We'll save him on our own, let's go.
1092
01:20:09,375 --> 01:20:11,583
Get this guy some algae.
1093
01:20:14,208 --> 01:20:17,250
And some of you.
1094
01:20:17,333 --> 01:20:20,792
Boss, you're gonna love it here.
No trainers telling you what to do,
1095
01:20:20,875 --> 01:20:24,042
no bratty kids joking
about your compact legs.
1096
01:20:24,542 --> 01:20:26,333
But I miss those kids.
1097
01:20:26,417 --> 01:20:27,292
What?
1098
01:20:27,375 --> 01:20:30,542
They're not bratty.
You just gotta get to know them.
1099
01:20:30,625 --> 01:20:34,458
Like this one kid whose father's back
had a gorilla situation.
1100
01:20:39,292 --> 01:20:41,417
I got this. You go back to the kids.
1101
01:20:44,542 --> 01:20:46,500
Hey, anybody see a buddy of mine?
1102
01:20:46,583 --> 01:20:49,458
He's green with bumps,
got a tail, wicked ugly.
1103
01:20:51,417 --> 01:20:53,292
Okay, moving on.
1104
01:20:57,208 --> 01:20:59,169
- We're here, y'all!
- Yes!
1105
01:20:59,208 --> 01:21:00,792
And I'm hungry.
1106
01:21:00,875 --> 01:21:03,333
- Let's do this.
- Hi, welcome to Magic Land Park.
1107
01:21:03,417 --> 01:21:05,000
- Okay. Let me get...
- A Cotton Dragon!
1108
01:21:05,083 --> 01:21:06,875
- A Wizard Puffs, please?
- Me too!
1109
01:21:06,958 --> 01:21:08,792
- I'll take a Unicorn Balls.
- Huh?
1110
01:21:08,875 --> 01:21:10,458
They're jawbreakers. Please?
1111
01:21:10,542 --> 01:21:12,750
Okay, gang.
You getting all of this?
1112
01:21:12,833 --> 01:21:14,917
Oh, and I need one Fireblower hat.
1113
01:21:16,000 --> 01:21:19,083
Okie doke. Now we're ready,
am I right, kids?
1114
01:21:21,125 --> 01:21:22,625
Are you kidding me? Hey!
1115
01:21:22,708 --> 01:21:25,000
- Go! Run fast!
- Come on. Move it!
1116
01:21:25,083 --> 01:21:27,750
Come on!
1117
01:21:34,292 --> 01:21:35,958
Oh my God!
1118
01:21:39,625 --> 01:21:41,792
- Come on, Ms. Malkin. Hurry up.
- Faster!
1119
01:21:41,875 --> 01:21:44,250
Just go. Go without me!
1120
01:21:44,333 --> 01:21:46,208
But you have to drive us!
1121
01:21:47,917 --> 01:21:49,625
Come on!
1122
01:21:59,250 --> 01:22:02,167
Come on, Ms. Malkin!
1123
01:22:03,458 --> 01:22:04,333
Huh?
1124
01:22:04,417 --> 01:22:05,417
The Purell!
1125
01:22:12,250 --> 01:22:14,917
Whoever did this will pay!
Help!
1126
01:22:15,000 --> 01:22:16,708
He's coming!
1127
01:22:16,792 --> 01:22:19,042
- We have to get out of here!
- I got this!
1128
01:22:19,125 --> 01:22:20,458
- What?
- I'm from the Bronx.
1129
01:22:20,542 --> 01:22:23,022
I've been driving since I was eight.
1130
01:22:28,375 --> 01:22:31,042
- Yeah! Yeah! Do it!
- Woo-hoo!
1131
01:22:33,417 --> 01:22:34,977
Oh my God!
1132
01:22:35,042 --> 01:22:36,833
Hey, pick a lane, lady!
1133
01:22:40,083 --> 01:22:41,208
A-ha!
1134
01:22:41,292 --> 01:22:43,250
I knew it. Leo?
1135
01:22:45,625 --> 01:22:50,208
Hey! Whoa, whoa. No.
No, no, no, no, no. I hate it out here!
1136
01:22:50,292 --> 01:22:54,542
And I explained to them,
I was just afraid someone would tell.
1137
01:22:54,625 --> 01:22:56,500
But now they're all mad at me,
1138
01:22:56,583 --> 01:23:00,667
and my funeral's gonna be
even worse than Hammy #3's.
1139
01:23:00,750 --> 01:23:03,417
- Who's Hammy #3?
- I think it's a sandwich at Arby's.
1140
01:23:03,500 --> 01:23:05,333
Why you talking about your funeral?
1141
01:23:05,417 --> 01:23:07,500
'Cause it's coming any day.
1142
01:23:07,583 --> 01:23:09,667
I'm almost 75 years old.
1143
01:23:09,750 --> 01:23:12,417
So what? We live to, like, 110.
1144
01:23:12,500 --> 01:23:14,625
What? But Skyler's dad said...
1145
01:23:14,708 --> 01:23:17,583
A hundred and ten,
unless eaten by alligators.
1146
01:23:17,667 --> 01:23:18,958
I'm 97.
1147
01:23:19,042 --> 01:23:22,583
A hundred six. He's 74? He's a tween.
1148
01:23:22,667 --> 01:23:24,333
Look how fast he blinks.
1149
01:23:27,458 --> 01:23:31,250
I'm gonna live!
This is incredible!
1150
01:23:31,333 --> 01:23:33,083
The guy's gonna live!
1151
01:23:33,167 --> 01:23:35,667
The guy's gonna live!
The guy's gonna live!
1152
01:23:35,750 --> 01:23:38,667
I gotta get back to those kids.
I can redeem myself!
1153
01:23:38,750 --> 01:23:40,250
And we're gonna help you.
1154
01:23:40,333 --> 01:23:43,208
The guy's gonna live! The...
1155
01:23:43,292 --> 01:23:47,042
I said I was sorry!
1156
01:23:49,208 --> 01:23:51,458
I'd kill for lateral movement.
1157
01:23:57,042 --> 01:24:01,625
Guys, before you do anything,
let's talk about why you're angry, okay?
1158
01:24:02,125 --> 01:24:03,542
Anyone's parents getting divorced?
1159
01:24:07,708 --> 01:24:09,458
- Aren't you gonna stop?
- I'm trying.
1160
01:24:09,542 --> 01:24:12,167
But I weigh 80 pounds
and this thing needs oil.
1161
01:24:12,833 --> 01:24:16,625
This looks scary. Oh, my God.
1162
01:24:19,250 --> 01:24:21,167
Come on!
1163
01:24:28,708 --> 01:24:31,042
What the… Is that
some kind of woolly mammoth?
1164
01:24:31,125 --> 01:24:32,805
I don't know, but it could kill us, right?
1165
01:24:32,833 --> 01:24:34,458
Uh, definitely.
1166
01:24:38,375 --> 01:24:39,375
We're here.
1167
01:24:45,792 --> 01:24:47,000
Get back.
1168
01:24:47,083 --> 01:24:48,708
- Oh, gosh.
- Oh, no, no, no.
1169
01:24:50,333 --> 01:24:52,500
That's a demerit.
1170
01:25:01,167 --> 01:25:03,375
You need to chill.
1171
01:25:15,083 --> 01:25:16,333
Summer, talk to him.
1172
01:25:16,417 --> 01:25:18,684
So I don't know if you know,
but it doesn't really matter.
1173
01:25:18,708 --> 01:25:21,083
We were supposed to go to Magic Land,
which is cool.
1174
01:25:21,167 --> 01:25:24,125
I've never been there.
I don't like magic and roller coasters.
1175
01:25:24,208 --> 01:25:27,375
They just seem really boring.
They're scary, which isn't boring,
1176
01:25:27,458 --> 01:25:29,500
but you're not doing anything,
you're just sitting,
1177
01:25:29,583 --> 01:25:32,042
when you could be
playing soccer or baking a cake.
1178
01:25:32,125 --> 01:25:35,042
I mean, my mom's on a diet, so...
1179
01:25:49,875 --> 01:25:52,500
How could Leo ever survive
out here?
1180
01:25:52,583 --> 01:25:54,958
How do we even start looking for him?
1181
01:25:55,042 --> 01:25:56,917
I just don't know.
1182
01:26:09,083 --> 01:26:11,792
What? Leo, no!
1183
01:26:11,875 --> 01:26:14,000
- Oh, no. Leo!
- Leo!
1184
01:26:15,208 --> 01:26:18,208
Leo,
we just wanted to thank you.
1185
01:26:18,792 --> 01:26:21,625
I'm so sorry I got mad. We all are.
1186
01:26:22,292 --> 01:26:25,292
We won the trip, Leo. All because of you.
1187
01:26:25,375 --> 01:26:28,042
You made me feel like I could do anything.
1188
01:26:28,125 --> 01:26:29,583
You brought us all together.
1189
01:26:29,667 --> 01:26:32,292
I never had a lizard
that taught me so much.
1190
01:26:32,375 --> 01:26:34,417
Or any non-lizards either.
1191
01:26:34,500 --> 01:26:38,958
I'm not scared.
I wanna hug you one more time.
1192
01:26:40,708 --> 01:26:43,042
What? They ate his insides!
1193
01:26:43,125 --> 01:26:45,375
I'm not...
1194
01:26:49,000 --> 01:26:51,083
Huh?
1195
01:26:51,167 --> 01:26:53,958
I'm okay, pal.
1196
01:26:54,042 --> 01:26:56,323
- I can't believe it.
- You're all right.
1197
01:26:56,375 --> 01:27:00,292
Sorry I scared you.
When I get nervous, I tend to molt.
1198
01:27:00,375 --> 01:27:01,292
Old habit.
1199
01:27:01,375 --> 01:27:02,375
Awesome!
1200
01:27:03,750 --> 01:27:07,958
That was the best funeral
I could ever have.
1201
01:27:08,042 --> 01:27:10,250
Wait, but if you guys won,
1202
01:27:10,333 --> 01:27:13,375
shouldn't you be celebrating
in Magic Land Park?
1203
01:27:13,458 --> 01:27:17,833
We couldn't celebrate.
We needed to see you before you die.
1204
01:27:17,917 --> 01:27:21,000
Oh. Uh, who told you I was dying?
1205
01:27:21,083 --> 01:27:23,000
The turt... Uh, Squirtle told us.
1206
01:27:23,083 --> 01:27:27,208
Well, I thought I was,
but I found out I'm not.
1207
01:27:27,292 --> 01:27:29,083
- You're not?
- You're not gonna die?
1208
01:27:29,167 --> 01:27:30,333
You're not still mad?
1209
01:27:30,417 --> 01:27:31,917
This is incredible.
1210
01:27:32,000 --> 01:27:34,000
- We love you, Leo.
- Are you crazy?
1211
01:27:34,083 --> 01:27:35,458
This is amazing!
1212
01:27:35,542 --> 01:27:37,458
I'm so happy!
1213
01:27:38,542 --> 01:27:43,292
You're right about the endorphins.
It really feels awesome.
1214
01:27:47,917 --> 01:27:49,750
Ah. Oh, boy! Ah!
1215
01:27:49,833 --> 01:27:52,083
Still coming. Give me a second.
1216
01:27:53,167 --> 01:27:56,833
Hey, glad you're okay.
Sorry about busting you.
1217
01:27:57,750 --> 01:27:59,208
I want you to have something.
1218
01:28:04,042 --> 01:28:06,333
- Least I could do.
- It's okay. Put it back on.
1219
01:28:06,417 --> 01:28:07,750
You're gonna get arrested.
1220
01:28:13,750 --> 01:28:18,708
You should all be proud.
We've all learned so much this year.
1221
01:28:18,792 --> 01:28:22,083
Now, before I go,
I want to finish something else
1222
01:28:22,167 --> 01:28:23,750
that Mrs. Salinas started.
1223
01:28:25,000 --> 01:28:28,333
I'm going to read
the rest of Charlotte's Web.
1224
01:28:28,417 --> 01:28:31,250
- Ugh, is she kidding?
- Let's just get through it.
1225
01:28:32,042 --> 01:28:33,458
"Charlotte was dying."
1226
01:28:33,958 --> 01:28:36,292
"'But I feel peaceful, ' she said."
1227
01:28:36,375 --> 01:28:41,375
"'Your success in the ring was,
to a small degree, my success.'"
1228
01:28:41,458 --> 01:28:44,125
"'Why did you do all this for me?'
Wilbur asked."
1229
01:28:44,875 --> 01:28:47,292
"'Because I liked you, '
replied Charlotte."
1230
01:28:47,375 --> 01:28:49,917
"'After all, what's life, anyway?'"
1231
01:28:50,000 --> 01:28:52,917
"'We're born,
we live a little while, we die.'"
1232
01:28:53,958 --> 01:28:56,833
"'Perhaps,
I was trying to lift my life a trifle.'"
1233
01:28:56,917 --> 01:29:00,167
"'Anyone's life can stand a little of…'"
1234
01:29:00,250 --> 01:29:04,833
What? I was wrong, okay?
Crying's doin' so good for me.
1235
01:29:06,042 --> 01:29:10,042
- Still wish I could eat spider babies.
- Nobody's eating any spider babies!
1236
01:29:10,125 --> 01:29:11,792
Hi, guys!
1237
01:29:11,875 --> 01:29:13,083
Mrs. Salinas.
1238
01:29:13,167 --> 01:29:15,958
- I missed you. Come meet Cole!
- Yes!
1239
01:29:16,042 --> 01:29:18,750
- Can I hold the baby?
- He's so tiny.
1240
01:29:18,833 --> 01:29:19,958
Only one baby.
1241
01:29:20,042 --> 01:29:23,167
I guess she didn't bury the other eggs
deep enough in the sand.
1242
01:29:57,000 --> 01:29:59,708
How are we gonna get
through middle school without you?
1243
01:29:59,792 --> 01:30:03,167
You'll be fine. It wasn't me. You did it.
1244
01:30:03,250 --> 01:30:07,333
You trusted someone to hear your problems.
That's all we need.
1245
01:30:07,417 --> 01:30:11,875
Remember, everyone's scared.
So don't keep it to yourself.
1246
01:30:11,958 --> 01:30:14,167
Find your Leo to talk to.
1247
01:30:14,250 --> 01:30:17,792
It could be your teacher,
your mom, your friend.
1248
01:30:17,875 --> 01:30:18,792
Your turtle.
1249
01:30:18,875 --> 01:30:22,625
They're ready to listen.
I promise they'll make you feel better.
1250
01:30:32,292 --> 01:30:33,875
Ms. Malkin!
1251
01:30:33,958 --> 01:30:36,292
Needless to say,
you've made your mark here.
1252
01:30:36,375 --> 01:30:40,792
And as I promised, I'm opening up a class
for you to run full-time next year.
1253
01:30:42,417 --> 01:30:44,958
Well, thank you, Principal Spahn.
1254
01:30:45,042 --> 01:30:47,167
But I'll need one condition met.
1255
01:30:47,250 --> 01:30:52,917
Whatever class I teach,
I want these two alongside me as pets.
1256
01:30:53,000 --> 01:30:55,750
Well, okay.
I don't see that being a problem.
1257
01:30:55,833 --> 01:31:00,083
- Look at this. We're going with Malkin.
- Change of scenery. Should be good.
1258
01:31:00,167 --> 01:31:03,125
Congratulations, meet your new students.
1259
01:31:07,083 --> 01:31:09,333
- Oh God!
- Not in the shell! Keep it clean!
1260
01:31:09,417 --> 01:31:11,208
Lot of energy.
1261
01:31:11,292 --> 01:31:13,917
This is good,
we're finally gonna learn the alphabet!
1262
01:31:14,000 --> 01:31:15,708
- Oh my God!
- Yeah!
1263
01:39:31,167 --> 01:39:33,047
- What about Summer?
- She's nice.
1264
01:39:33,083 --> 01:39:34,083
Uh, vomit.
1265
01:40:25,167 --> 01:40:26,833
Way to be strong, Dad.
1266
01:40:50,333 --> 01:40:51,542
The big time!
101376
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