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1
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In the history of mankind,
2
00:01:25,084 --> 00:01:27,491
has there ever been a more
obvious truth than the statement
3
00:01:27,526 --> 00:01:30,989
"We are all going to die"?
4
00:01:31,024 --> 00:01:34,597
And yet, in our bones,
5
00:01:34,632 --> 00:01:38,700
how many of us can
actually conceptualize death,
6
00:01:38,735 --> 00:01:41,703
understand it?
7
00:01:46,138 --> 00:01:49,447
A lifetime.
8
00:01:49,482 --> 00:01:51,911
Life...
9
00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:54,518
time.
10
00:01:54,553 --> 00:01:57,081
How long is it supposed to last?
11
00:02:41,666 --> 00:02:43,028
- Hey.
- The other day,
12
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:45,668
I was trying to text
"patience is a virtue" to Nora,
13
00:02:45,703 --> 00:02:47,571
but because I still
can't type on my phone,
14
00:02:47,606 --> 00:02:49,639
it autocorrected
to "patience is a vulture."
15
00:02:49,674 --> 00:02:51,069
- Ha!
As far as expressions go,
16
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:52,180
it's actually kind of great.
17
00:02:52,204 --> 00:02:53,478
- That's what I thought!
18
00:02:53,513 --> 00:02:55,348
So naturally,
I believed I invented the phrase
19
00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:58,010
and started having fantasies
of making t-shirts,
20
00:02:58,045 --> 00:02:59,858
debating whether or not
to put the vulture on it
21
00:02:59,882 --> 00:03:01,145
or just go with the expression.
22
00:03:01,180 --> 00:03:02,531
- Would you do
the drawing yourself?
23
00:03:02,555 --> 00:03:04,324
- No, I don't think so.
Why?
24
00:03:04,359 --> 00:03:06,304
- Well, you've always had
an overinflated opinion about
25
00:03:06,328 --> 00:03:07,360
your drawing ability.
26
00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:09,593
- I was planning on handwriting,
27
00:03:09,628 --> 00:03:11,668
and we can both agree
I have pretty cool penmanship.
28
00:03:11,696 --> 00:03:13,377
- You're aware that even
bragging about penmanship
29
00:03:13,401 --> 00:03:15,192
is ridiculous?
- Statement of fact.
30
00:03:15,227 --> 00:03:17,700
- Not really!
31
00:03:17,735 --> 00:03:20,736
- Anyway, I searched
"patience is a vulture."
32
00:03:20,771 --> 00:03:23,310
Turns out it's already out there
on multiple platforms.
33
00:03:23,345 --> 00:03:25,477
- How's the writing going?
- Terrible.
34
00:03:25,512 --> 00:03:27,281
Do you think I've peaked?
35
00:03:27,316 --> 00:03:29,943
That I'm already on the downside
of a largely forgettable career?
36
00:03:29,978 --> 00:03:31,285
- Seriously, I think
37
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,914
I might have ADD because even
38
00:03:33,949 --> 00:03:36,818
finishing a single paragraph
feels Sisyphean.
39
00:03:36,853 --> 00:03:39,216
My last book sold 896 copies.
40
00:03:39,251 --> 00:03:41,328
I've long since spent
the advance for this one.
41
00:03:41,363 --> 00:03:44,496
- I see you haven't
lost your flair for melodrama.
42
00:03:51,769 --> 00:03:53,373
- Elf, are you alright?
43
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:01,315
- Yeah.
44
00:04:01,350 --> 00:04:02,910
Yeah, I'm fine.
45
00:04:02,945 --> 00:04:04,912
You don't have
to worry about me.
46
00:04:04,947 --> 00:04:07,112
- I'm not worried, actually.
47
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:09,048
- I'm at the hall.
I have to go.
48
00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:11,589
Bye.
49
00:05:51,086 --> 00:05:54,560
In a tiny Mennonite
village in Siberia in 1917,
50
00:05:54,595 --> 00:05:56,353
the year of
the Bolshevik Revolution,
51
00:05:56,388 --> 00:05:58,630
while his parents were
being murdered in a field
52
00:05:58,665 --> 00:06:01,028
beside their barn,
my grandfather survived
53
00:06:01,063 --> 00:06:03,294
by burying himself
in a pile of manure.
54
00:06:20,082 --> 00:06:21,082
- Fuck you.
55
00:06:27,925 --> 00:06:30,563
Suffering is
something that is passed on
56
00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:32,664
from one generation to the next,
57
00:06:32,699 --> 00:06:35,029
like flexibility, grace,
58
00:06:35,064 --> 00:06:37,603
or colourblindness.
59
00:06:43,908 --> 00:06:45,303
- Mom?
60
00:06:52,147 --> 00:06:53,784
Working again?
61
00:06:53,819 --> 00:06:56,446
- I just lay down.
62
00:06:56,481 --> 00:06:58,855
It's part of my process.
63
00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:03,728
Yes?
64
00:07:03,763 --> 00:07:05,356
- Dad just texted me.
65
00:07:05,391 --> 00:07:07,391
He wants me to tell you
to sign the divorce papers
66
00:07:07,426 --> 00:07:09,261
before he gets back
from Borneo, and...
67
00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:12,264
that you should have
signed them weeks ago.
68
00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:14,299
I mean, you do realize
it's emotionally damaging
69
00:07:14,334 --> 00:07:17,610
to put me in the middle
of your divorce, right?
70
00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:19,271
- If we were getting divorced,
71
00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:20,657
then we wouldn't
have been married,
72
00:07:20,681 --> 00:07:22,582
and if we weren't married,
or at least together,
73
00:07:22,617 --> 00:07:23,946
you wouldn't have been born.
74
00:07:23,981 --> 00:07:27,246
So my guess, whatever
angst you're experiencing
75
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:31,855
has to be preferable
to non-existence.
76
00:07:31,890 --> 00:07:33,285
- Today?
77
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,859
- Whose side are you on?
78
00:07:35,894 --> 00:07:37,498
- Mine.
79
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:02,682
- Thank you.
80
00:09:02,717 --> 00:09:06,345
- Yeah, you too.
81
00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:07,918
- What are you thinking?
82
00:09:07,953 --> 00:09:09,887
- No, nothing.
83
00:09:09,922 --> 00:09:12,659
- No, something's bugging you.
84
00:09:12,694 --> 00:09:14,859
- Uh...
85
00:09:14,894 --> 00:09:17,521
Who says "Thank you" after sex?
86
00:09:17,556 --> 00:09:20,557
- Why did you fold your clothes?
87
00:09:20,592 --> 00:09:22,900
- What?
- Before sex.
88
00:09:22,935 --> 00:09:26,739
I can't imagine
folding my clothes.
89
00:09:26,774 --> 00:09:29,709
- You were in the bathroom.
90
00:09:29,744 --> 00:09:34,175
I already spend too much
on dry cleaning, so...
91
00:09:34,210 --> 00:09:36,243
Fuck, why am I defending myself?
92
00:09:36,278 --> 00:09:38,113
- You shouldn't.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
93
00:09:38,148 --> 00:09:41,545
I'm an idiot for bringing
it up in the first place.
94
00:09:41,580 --> 00:09:46,451
Sorry.
95
00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:48,695
- Hey, Mom.
96
00:09:48,730 --> 00:09:51,423
- Yoli?
97
00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:53,161
Your sister...
98
00:09:56,562 --> 00:09:58,331
she tried to kill herself.
99
00:10:25,998 --> 00:10:27,338
- Is it
too late to tell the elders
100
00:10:27,362 --> 00:10:31,430
that selling was a mistake?
101
00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,806
That we want to move back in?
102
00:10:38,340 --> 00:10:42,408
Or that they unfairly
pressured you into selling?
103
00:10:42,443 --> 00:10:46,313
- Pastor Behr needed the space.
104
00:10:46,348 --> 00:10:49,184
There was no room
in his house for an addition.
105
00:10:49,219 --> 00:10:51,186
We should never
have come back here.
106
00:10:51,221 --> 00:10:53,650
This is their home now.
107
00:10:53,685 --> 00:10:56,092
- But you built this yourself.
108
00:10:56,127 --> 00:10:58,556
- That was a long time ago.
109
00:11:21,053 --> 00:11:22,184
DR.- Hi.
110
00:11:22,219 --> 00:11:23,823
Hi, I'm Dr. Johns,
111
00:11:23,858 --> 00:11:26,892
the psychiatrist
here at the hospital.
112
00:11:26,927 --> 00:11:28,685
I've heard you play before.
113
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:30,995
It was...
It was beautiful.
114
00:11:35,265 --> 00:11:36,528
Don't forget, I...
115
00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:39,234
I want to help.
116
00:11:39,269 --> 00:11:41,038
I'm here to listen.
117
00:11:55,219 --> 00:11:57,681
You were here
almost a decade ago.
118
00:12:00,785 --> 00:12:03,423
And I see you've been prescribed
valproate and cariprazine.
119
00:12:03,458 --> 00:12:05,293
Have you been taking them?
120
00:12:10,234 --> 00:12:13,763
Elfrieda, I need you to engage.
121
00:12:13,798 --> 00:12:15,809
Please, just...
122
00:12:15,844 --> 00:12:17,107
just look at me.
123
00:12:24,116 --> 00:12:28,415
Alright, I will come back
and try again later.
124
00:13:02,187 --> 00:13:05,287
- Oh, come on!
125
00:13:05,322 --> 00:13:08,752
Have you seen my phone?
- Uh, no.
126
00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:10,303
- Are you gonna be okay
while I'm gone?
127
00:13:10,327 --> 00:13:11,722
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, honest.
128
00:13:11,757 --> 00:13:13,526
And Rachel
is staying over tonight.
129
00:13:13,561 --> 00:13:16,232
- Okay, no boyfriends in
the house while I'm gone, okay?
130
00:13:16,267 --> 00:13:19,466
- Well, there is only one,
singular, and he has a name.
131
00:13:19,501 --> 00:13:20,830
- Yes, he does.
- Mm-hm!
132
00:13:20,865 --> 00:13:22,601
What is it?
133
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:26,638
- Right now, we're doing this?
134
00:13:26,673 --> 00:13:28,838
Anders.
His name is Anders.
135
00:13:28,873 --> 00:13:32,380
- When will you be back?
136
00:13:32,415 --> 00:13:34,250
- I don't know.
137
00:13:34,285 --> 00:13:36,615
- Then I am not gonna
promise not to have him over!
138
00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:38,221
- God, come on, Nora, you're 16!
139
00:13:38,256 --> 00:13:39,937
- Okay, Mom, no,
if I wanna have sex with him,
140
00:13:39,961 --> 00:13:41,356
I am gonna have sex with him
141
00:13:41,391 --> 00:13:42,863
regardless of whether
it's in this house or not,
142
00:13:42,887 --> 00:13:44,337
so what does my age
have to do with it?
143
00:13:44,361 --> 00:13:45,371
- But who said
anything about sex?
144
00:13:45,395 --> 00:13:46,669
Are you having sex
with this person?
145
00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:48,044
- That's absolutely
none of your business,
146
00:13:48,068 --> 00:13:49,859
and I don't think you're
in the best position
147
00:13:49,894 --> 00:13:51,905
to be giving relationship
advice right now.
148
00:13:51,940 --> 00:13:55,007
- Yeah.
Yes, of course not.
149
00:13:55,042 --> 00:13:56,349
- Well, now you're
being passive-aggressive.
150
00:13:56,373 --> 00:13:58,505
- No, no, honest, I'm not.
I'm not.
151
00:13:58,540 --> 00:14:01,706
I just, I have to go
or I will miss my plane.
152
00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:04,742
- Say hi to Elf for me,
and tell her I love her.
153
00:14:06,581 --> 00:14:08,152
- I will.
154
00:14:08,187 --> 00:14:09,549
I'll call you from the airport.
155
00:14:09,584 --> 00:14:12,486
- Okay.
156
00:14:12,521 --> 00:14:14,554
- I love you.
- Love you too.
157
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:45,849
- Actually,
before we get to the hospital,
158
00:14:45,884 --> 00:14:49,358
can we stop at 304 Brightside,
please?
159
00:14:49,393 --> 00:14:51,888
- Yeah, you got it.
- Thanks.
160
00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:46,250
- So, we have heard
that Elfrieda has expressed
161
00:15:46,285 --> 00:15:48,846
an indiscreet desire
to leave the community
162
00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:51,288
and to eventually
go to university.
163
00:15:51,323 --> 00:15:53,191
To study music.
164
00:15:56,856 --> 00:16:00,627
- She's only 15.
If she goes, she'll get ideas.
165
00:16:00,662 --> 00:16:03,333
- Well, that's what
university is for, isn't it?
166
00:16:03,368 --> 00:16:05,269
- Please,
cleverness doesn't suit you.
167
00:16:07,471 --> 00:16:09,306
- Chuck you, Farley!
168
00:16:09,341 --> 00:16:11,638
- We have had
problems with Elfrieda before,
169
00:16:11,673 --> 00:16:14,047
but if she leaves,
170
00:16:14,082 --> 00:16:17,006
she may be lost to us forever.
171
00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:33,627
- Can you please
tell your daughter to stop?
172
00:16:44,002 --> 00:16:45,837
- Elf, please stop.
173
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:03,750
- We have to stop
meeting like this.
174
00:18:12,156 --> 00:18:13,463
- It'd be nice.
175
00:18:24,278 --> 00:18:26,509
- I overheard
a great line last night.
176
00:18:26,544 --> 00:18:29,215
- Yeah?
177
00:18:29,250 --> 00:18:31,415
What was it?
178
00:18:31,450 --> 00:18:34,781
- "Very much
amazed at what little
179
00:18:34,816 --> 00:18:37,487
"intelligence there is to
be found in Miss Von R."
180
00:18:37,522 --> 00:18:39,049
- They said that about you?
Who?
181
00:18:39,084 --> 00:18:41,018
- A nurse.
- Bitch.
182
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:45,198
- I can only assume that
in her professional opinion,
183
00:18:45,233 --> 00:18:47,926
that 'cause I'm not grateful
for having my life saved,
184
00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:50,566
I must be stupid.
185
00:18:50,601 --> 00:18:53,965
- What about your doctor?
186
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:57,001
- You know how they are, Yoli.
187
00:18:57,036 --> 00:19:01,841
Equating intelligence
with the desire to live.
188
00:19:01,876 --> 00:19:04,646
Or decency.
189
00:19:04,681 --> 00:19:05,977
- Or decency.
190
00:19:15,186 --> 00:19:18,693
Mom showed me your suicide note.
191
00:19:18,728 --> 00:19:20,398
Don't.
192
00:19:20,433 --> 00:19:22,466
- Well, if you didn't
want anyone to read it,
193
00:19:22,501 --> 00:19:23,797
you shouldn't have written one.
194
00:19:23,832 --> 00:19:28,131
More mysterious that way.
195
00:19:28,166 --> 00:19:31,376
Thank you for putting me on it.
196
00:19:31,411 --> 00:19:34,511
Yeah, you're welcome.
197
00:19:36,713 --> 00:19:39,648
- Can we talk
about my placement?
198
00:19:39,683 --> 00:19:41,683
I was, like,
two-thirds down the list.
199
00:19:41,718 --> 00:19:43,652
It feels...
200
00:19:43,687 --> 00:19:45,687
feels like I was
an afterthought, hmm?
201
00:19:49,924 --> 00:19:51,627
- I just didn't want it
to go to your head.
202
00:19:51,662 --> 00:19:53,695
- Yeah, no, of course not.
203
00:20:01,001 --> 00:20:03,034
- I wanted...
204
00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:04,673
want...
205
00:20:04,708 --> 00:20:07,643
to die.
206
00:20:07,678 --> 00:20:09,040
This wasn't a mistake.
207
00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:10,415
- No.
208
00:20:10,450 --> 00:20:12,912
No, none of this strikes me
as a cry for help.
209
00:20:12,947 --> 00:20:15,816
There are people
who want you to live,
210
00:20:15,851 --> 00:20:19,688
so it would seem then that
you have enemies who love you.
211
00:20:19,723 --> 00:20:21,921
- I hate you.
- I hate you too.
212
00:20:35,266 --> 00:20:36,672
I'm sorry.
213
00:20:36,707 --> 00:20:39,873
- Oh, don't apologize.
214
00:20:39,908 --> 00:20:43,514
Apologies are not the bedrock
of civilized society.
215
00:20:43,549 --> 00:20:44,713
- Now, remind me,
216
00:20:44,748 --> 00:20:48,079
what is the bedrock
of civilized society?
217
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:51,082
- Libraries.
- Hmm, yeah.
218
00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:55,559
Read any good books lately?
219
00:20:55,594 --> 00:20:57,121
- No.
220
00:21:11,940 --> 00:21:13,170
Can you leave me alone?
221
00:21:15,515 --> 00:21:16,515
- Yeah.
222
00:21:23,182 --> 00:21:25,281
Well, I'll be back tomorrow.
223
00:21:51,617 --> 00:21:54,112
- Hmm?
224
00:22:02,892 --> 00:22:05,530
Sometimes we have
to be brave, Yoli.
225
00:22:05,565 --> 00:22:09,963
That's it.
226
00:22:09,998 --> 00:22:13,868
- How brave, exactly?
227
00:22:13,903 --> 00:22:18,510
- As brave as
Alexander Solzhenitsyn.
228
00:22:18,545 --> 00:22:21,711
As brave as
Alexander Solzhenitsyn.
229
00:22:34,561 --> 00:22:38,222
- When I found her,
there was blood everywhere.
230
00:22:38,257 --> 00:22:41,863
I thought she was dead.
231
00:22:41,898 --> 00:22:44,228
I never saw the note till
I went back to the house
232
00:22:44,263 --> 00:22:46,670
to try and clean up.
233
00:22:46,705 --> 00:22:49,871
You saw what she wrote:
234
00:22:49,906 --> 00:22:52,203
"Please let me go.
DNR."
235
00:22:57,276 --> 00:22:59,243
- Would you have
done anything differently?
236
00:22:59,278 --> 00:23:01,817
- No.
237
00:23:01,852 --> 00:23:03,214
Of course not.
238
00:23:07,561 --> 00:23:09,594
At the hospital in her delirium,
239
00:23:09,629 --> 00:23:14,225
she asked me if I'd
Thomas Aquinas her.
240
00:23:14,260 --> 00:23:16,260
Later I decided
she must have meant
241
00:23:16,295 --> 00:23:18,636
will I forgive her?
242
00:23:20,904 --> 00:23:22,035
- And will you?
243
00:23:22,070 --> 00:23:23,839
- She doesn't need forgiving.
244
00:23:23,874 --> 00:23:27,040
It's not a sin.
245
00:23:27,075 --> 00:23:29,372
And she'd never admit it,
but she blames me.
246
00:23:29,407 --> 00:23:30,978
- No, Mom, she doesn't.
247
00:23:31,013 --> 00:23:33,013
- I'd blame me.
248
00:23:33,048 --> 00:23:36,819
Want to know the truth?
I was checking up on her.
249
00:23:36,854 --> 00:23:38,381
I wasn't supposed to be there.
250
00:23:38,416 --> 00:23:41,285
She told me she didn't
want to be disturbed,
251
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:44,629
she was practising,
252
00:23:44,664 --> 00:23:46,598
and I violated that request.
253
00:23:53,233 --> 00:23:55,574
All we can do now is wait...
254
00:23:55,609 --> 00:23:58,302
But wait for what?
255
00:23:59,371 --> 00:24:01,481
We're supposed
to help each other.
256
00:24:31,007 --> 00:24:32,644
- Sit.
I'll make some breakfast.
257
00:24:32,679 --> 00:24:34,547
- No, thanks, Aunt Tina.
I'm not hungry.
258
00:24:34,582 --> 00:24:37,506
- No, you have to eat.
259
00:24:37,541 --> 00:24:39,915
It's what we do.
260
00:24:39,950 --> 00:24:41,983
- Sure.
261
00:24:42,018 --> 00:24:43,688
Hmm.
262
00:24:48,629 --> 00:24:50,189
- She planned it well.
263
00:24:50,224 --> 00:24:52,565
- 'Ish.'
I mean, I beg to differ.
264
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:54,028
After all, she's still alive.
265
00:24:54,063 --> 00:24:56,525
- Yes, not like your father.
266
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:58,164
Or my Lenny.
267
00:24:58,199 --> 00:24:59,935
- No, they were experts.
268
00:24:59,970 --> 00:25:02,135
No warnings, no signs.
269
00:25:02,170 --> 00:25:03,873
- They had us all fooled.
270
00:25:07,912 --> 00:25:09,714
I don't know what to do.
271
00:25:09,749 --> 00:25:11,342
- Oh...
272
00:25:14,578 --> 00:25:17,689
You know, our family
was once big enough
273
00:25:17,724 --> 00:25:21,055
to field two baseball teams.
274
00:25:21,090 --> 00:25:24,256
Your mother and I buried
14 brothers and sisters.
275
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:31,703
Schlop scheen.
276
00:25:35,005 --> 00:25:38,072
- Schlop scheen.
277
00:26:00,558 --> 00:26:04,461
I should have seen the signs.
278
00:26:04,496 --> 00:26:08,069
She's my wife.
279
00:26:08,104 --> 00:26:09,972
I keep beating myself up
for going into work
280
00:26:10,007 --> 00:26:12,843
instead of staying home.
- No.
281
00:26:12,878 --> 00:26:16,044
No, she's really good.
282
00:26:16,079 --> 00:26:17,914
Does Claudio know?
283
00:26:17,949 --> 00:26:19,278
- Not yet.
284
00:26:19,313 --> 00:26:20,653
He's left messages.
285
00:26:20,688 --> 00:26:22,545
- You should let him know.
286
00:26:22,580 --> 00:26:26,483
At least that she might not
be able to get back on the road.
287
00:26:26,518 --> 00:26:30,256
Give him a chance to cancel
the dates or find a replacement.
288
00:26:30,291 --> 00:26:33,292
- I just worry
that without the tour,
289
00:26:33,327 --> 00:26:37,428
she won't have
anything to live for.
290
00:26:37,463 --> 00:26:40,266
- But we already know
it wasn't enough, right?
291
00:27:04,765 --> 00:27:07,931
- What are you reading?
292
00:27:07,966 --> 00:27:11,594
- My novel.
293
00:27:11,629 --> 00:27:15,103
- Another radio story?
294
00:27:15,138 --> 00:27:16,841
- No, this is the "book" book.
295
00:27:16,876 --> 00:27:18,304
The real book.
296
00:27:18,339 --> 00:27:20,141
Did you know that Mom
played the word "vulva"
297
00:27:20,176 --> 00:27:21,538
at the Scrabble club
the other day?
298
00:27:21,573 --> 00:27:23,078
- Is it done?
299
00:27:23,113 --> 00:27:24,761
- She said that the guy
she was playing with,
300
00:27:24,785 --> 00:27:26,961
who was much younger, couldn't
look her in the eye after.
301
00:27:26,985 --> 00:27:28,182
- Is it finished?
302
00:27:28,217 --> 00:27:31,218
I don't want to talk about it.
303
00:27:31,253 --> 00:27:34,760
- Hmm.
Well, it looks finished.
304
00:27:34,795 --> 00:27:35,838
You want to read me
a little bit?
305
00:27:35,862 --> 00:27:37,521
- No.
306
00:27:37,556 --> 00:27:39,358
- Come on, swift.
307
00:27:39,393 --> 00:27:40,898
Read me a page!
308
00:27:40,933 --> 00:27:42,867
- No.
- Okay, a paragraph?
309
00:27:42,902 --> 00:27:44,561
- No.
- A sentence?
310
00:27:44,596 --> 00:27:45,804
- No!
- Word?
311
00:27:45,839 --> 00:27:47,036
- Okay.
Alright.
312
00:27:47,071 --> 00:27:50,006
I will read you the first
letter of my novel.
313
00:27:51,570 --> 00:27:54,670
Yeah.
314
00:27:54,705 --> 00:27:55,705
- Okay.
315
00:27:57,411 --> 00:27:59,015
"L."
316
00:28:02,350 --> 00:28:04,350
- Mmm...
it's brilliant.
317
00:28:07,256 --> 00:28:09,168
I think it might be the best
thing you've ever written.
318
00:28:09,192 --> 00:28:10,653
- Really?
- Really.
319
00:28:10,688 --> 00:28:12,127
- Thank you so much!
320
00:28:12,162 --> 00:28:14,261
That means so much to me.
321
00:28:18,729 --> 00:28:20,564
- What's your book about?
322
00:29:02,707 --> 00:29:05,884
- I'm gonna go get a coffee.
323
00:29:11,023 --> 00:29:13,617
Continents
drift apart at the same rate
324
00:29:13,652 --> 00:29:16,686
as fingernails grow.
325
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:24,397
Or is it the other way around?
326
00:29:24,432 --> 00:29:28,137
I forget.
327
00:29:45,684 --> 00:29:47,486
- What's in the bag?
328
00:29:47,521 --> 00:29:49,521
- My novel.
329
00:29:52,361 --> 00:29:54,999
- Elf says
the first letter is great,
330
00:29:55,034 --> 00:29:57,969
but that you're being very
secretive about other details.
331
00:29:58,004 --> 00:30:01,401
- It's I...
I just didn't...
332
00:30:01,436 --> 00:30:05,009
I just didn't feel like
talking about it with her.
333
00:30:05,044 --> 00:30:06,978
- How many words do you have?
334
00:30:07,013 --> 00:30:09,343
- I haven't counted.
- And will it be sad?
335
00:30:09,378 --> 00:30:11,180
Because there hasn't
been a book of yours
336
00:30:11,215 --> 00:30:15,712
that I finished reading
and haven't felt like crying.
337
00:30:15,747 --> 00:30:19,892
You carry a lot of sadness,
and for that I am sorry.
338
00:30:26,428 --> 00:30:28,934
I wanted to tell
my mother that when I was a kid,
339
00:30:28,969 --> 00:30:31,970
I woke up every morning singing,
340
00:30:32,005 --> 00:30:35,732
that there was no freer soul
in the world than me at six.
341
00:30:38,638 --> 00:30:41,980
- You are not to blame.
342
00:30:42,015 --> 00:30:43,839
I'm not like her.
343
00:30:43,874 --> 00:30:45,742
I'm not like Dad.
344
00:30:49,088 --> 00:30:50,714
- No, me neither.
345
00:30:57,261 --> 00:31:00,196
- Oh, shit.
346
00:31:06,897 --> 00:31:10,404
- It appears
as though the car is dead.
347
00:31:10,439 --> 00:31:12,868
- Oh, boy.
348
00:31:12,903 --> 00:31:16,509
The metaphors seem to be
popping up all over the place!
349
00:31:16,544 --> 00:31:18,874
- Mom!
- Sorry.
350
00:31:18,909 --> 00:31:20,711
- Ah, thank God
the rest of our lives
351
00:31:20,746 --> 00:31:22,284
are going so well, otherwise...
352
00:31:22,319 --> 00:31:23,648
I don't know how we'd cope.
353
00:31:23,683 --> 00:31:25,452
- So...?
354
00:31:27,423 --> 00:31:28,851
- Uh...
355
00:31:28,886 --> 00:31:30,589
Well, we're not
that far from home.
356
00:31:30,624 --> 00:31:32,195
Should we walk?
357
00:31:32,230 --> 00:31:34,890
- Yeah.
Yeah, I need the exercise.
358
00:31:34,925 --> 00:31:39,301
And I haven't had a bowel
movement in three days.
359
00:31:52,910 --> 00:31:54,382
- Where have you been?
360
00:31:54,417 --> 00:31:55,922
I've been trying to get in touch
with you since yesterday.
361
00:31:55,946 --> 00:31:58,386
- Yeah.
Look, there's some sort of...
362
00:31:58,421 --> 00:32:00,586
I don't know, like,
accountant-looking guy who says
363
00:32:00,621 --> 00:32:02,357
that you sent him
here to check on me?
364
00:32:02,392 --> 00:32:03,930
- That's Finbar.
He's actually a lawyer.
365
00:32:03,954 --> 00:32:05,162
Yes, I did.
366
00:32:05,197 --> 00:32:06,757
- Who is he?
367
00:32:06,792 --> 00:32:08,957
- Well, why haven't you
been answering your phone?
368
00:32:08,992 --> 00:32:10,563
- I lost it.
Look, please don't tell me
369
00:32:10,598 --> 00:32:11,729
you're dating this guy.
370
00:32:11,764 --> 00:32:13,104
- How did you lose your phone?
371
00:32:13,139 --> 00:32:14,710
- I don't know.
I keep hoping it'll reappear.
372
00:32:14,734 --> 00:32:17,075
So you're dating him?
- No, we're friends.
373
00:32:17,110 --> 00:32:19,209
Will you pass him
the phone for me?
374
00:32:19,244 --> 00:32:21,409
- He seems creepy.
375
00:32:21,444 --> 00:32:22,839
- Pass him the phone.
376
00:32:35,018 --> 00:32:37,491
- Congratulations on
your upgrade to the psych ward.
377
00:32:43,961 --> 00:32:45,697
- Tell me something, Elf.
378
00:32:45,732 --> 00:32:47,336
Anything.
379
00:32:53,036 --> 00:32:55,146
- You still seeing
that violin player?
380
00:32:55,181 --> 00:32:57,445
- No.
381
00:32:57,480 --> 00:32:59,381
Kind of.
382
00:32:59,416 --> 00:33:02,417
- What about that lawyer?
What's his name, Alex?
383
00:33:02,452 --> 00:33:05,288
- Finbar.
384
00:33:05,323 --> 00:33:07,686
- Finbar...
385
00:33:07,721 --> 00:33:09,292
- Are you dating?
386
00:33:09,327 --> 00:33:11,019
- Oh, I don't know what it is...
387
00:33:11,054 --> 00:33:14,165
or how to define it.
388
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:16,332
Ending 16 years
of monogamy with Dan
389
00:33:16,367 --> 00:33:18,631
has triggered some kind of...
390
00:33:18,666 --> 00:33:22,206
I don't know, like,
weird animal reaction.
391
00:33:24,034 --> 00:33:25,737
To be honest,
the past few months
392
00:33:25,772 --> 00:33:28,212
have not been my proudest.
393
00:33:28,247 --> 00:33:31,908
I might be a slut now.
394
00:33:31,943 --> 00:33:34,548
- Are you using protection?
395
00:33:34,583 --> 00:33:37,518
- Would that make a difference?
396
00:33:37,553 --> 00:33:39,553
If I got pregnant, would...
397
00:33:39,588 --> 00:33:42,061
would that give you something
to look forward to?
398
00:33:50,764 --> 00:33:52,665
What are we doing here, Elf?
399
00:33:52,700 --> 00:33:55,470
- Talking.
- You know what I mean.
400
00:33:58,035 --> 00:34:00,079
Do you have any desire
to rejoin the world?
401
00:34:07,154 --> 00:34:09,682
And are you thinking at all
of the reasons to stay alive?
402
00:34:18,957 --> 00:34:20,308
How was your visit
with Nic last night?
403
00:34:20,332 --> 00:34:21,562
How's he doing?
404
00:34:21,597 --> 00:34:22,695
- Stop it.
405
00:34:22,730 --> 00:34:24,136
- It must be terrible for him.
406
00:34:24,171 --> 00:34:25,764
- Stop!
- Have you, um,
407
00:34:25,799 --> 00:34:28,272
showered, eaten breakfast,
checked your phone,
408
00:34:28,307 --> 00:34:30,043
taken your meds,
talked to your psychiatrist?
409
00:34:30,067 --> 00:34:32,111
- Don't interrogate me.
410
00:34:54,630 --> 00:34:57,796
- The other day,
I was walking down this alley
411
00:34:57,831 --> 00:35:00,766
and there was an old man
412
00:35:00,801 --> 00:35:03,604
trying to erase
413
00:35:03,639 --> 00:35:06,772
some graffiti from
the top of this wall.
414
00:35:06,807 --> 00:35:08,609
He was standing
on a really low stool,
415
00:35:08,644 --> 00:35:10,072
like a foot off the ground,
tops,
416
00:35:10,107 --> 00:35:12,745
and his wife was
holding on to his hips
417
00:35:12,780 --> 00:35:16,353
so he wouldn't fall.
418
00:35:16,388 --> 00:35:18,322
And they were so old
419
00:35:18,357 --> 00:35:22,150
and so concerned for each other
it made me want to cry.
420
00:35:25,463 --> 00:35:28,431
- Have you embedded some
type of parable into this story,
421
00:35:28,466 --> 00:35:30,664
something you'll
hope I'll take away?
422
00:35:30,699 --> 00:35:32,765
- You mean like
something about not giving up?
423
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:34,833
- Yeah.
- No.
424
00:35:34,868 --> 00:35:36,769
In fact, the lesson
one could take away
425
00:35:36,804 --> 00:35:38,276
from this particular anecdote
426
00:35:38,311 --> 00:35:40,806
is to stop risking your life
to maintain a clean wall.
427
00:35:49,850 --> 00:35:53,357
- Will you take me
to Switzerland?
428
00:35:53,392 --> 00:35:55,359
- Yes.
429
00:35:55,394 --> 00:35:58,791
Yeah, we could get Swatches.
430
00:35:58,826 --> 00:36:01,068
- Is that what you think of
when you think of Switzerland?
431
00:36:01,092 --> 00:36:02,828
- Mm-hm.
That and yodelling.
432
00:36:02,863 --> 00:36:04,533
And perfectly organized closets.
433
00:36:04,568 --> 00:36:06,744
It feels like there's nothing
out of place in that country.
434
00:36:06,768 --> 00:36:10,737
- They have clinics there
where dying is legal,
435
00:36:10,772 --> 00:36:13,036
where you don't
have to die alone.
436
00:36:16,976 --> 00:36:18,844
- Why are these here?
437
00:36:23,917 --> 00:36:26,456
- I was having coffee
with a young mother.
438
00:36:26,491 --> 00:36:29,217
She's going through a rough
patch and she asked me
439
00:36:29,252 --> 00:36:31,857
if I would keep them so she
wouldn't be tempted to fire them
440
00:36:31,892 --> 00:36:33,496
into her head.
441
00:36:33,531 --> 00:36:37,060
- How could she fire
two bullets into her own head?
442
00:36:37,095 --> 00:36:39,502
- The other one
was for her daughter
443
00:36:39,537 --> 00:36:43,671
so she wouldn't be
leaving her alone.
444
00:36:43,706 --> 00:36:46,839
- No.
445
00:36:46,874 --> 00:36:49,809
No, Elf, I will not
take you to Switzerland.
446
00:36:49,844 --> 00:36:51,514
- I'm asking you
to do this for me, Yoli.
447
00:36:51,549 --> 00:36:53,175
- No.
448
00:36:53,210 --> 00:36:54,550
- I have a terminal illness.
449
00:36:54,585 --> 00:36:57,113
- You don't.
You don't.
450
00:36:57,148 --> 00:36:59,885
No, you're asking me to take
you to Switzerland to be killed.
451
00:36:59,920 --> 00:37:02,624
Are you out of
your fucking mind?
452
00:37:10,469 --> 00:37:12,535
Do you have any idea
how much I would miss you?
453
00:37:42,468 --> 00:37:46,701
You're not a slut.
454
00:37:46,736 --> 00:37:48,505
Didn't I teach you anything?
455
00:38:07,658 --> 00:38:10,692
- You're Elf's
psychiatrist, right?
456
00:38:10,727 --> 00:38:13,090
DR.- Who?
457
00:38:13,125 --> 00:38:15,961
- Elfrieda Von Riesen,
my sister.
458
00:38:15,996 --> 00:38:18,128
Uh, I've seen you
around the hospital.
459
00:38:18,163 --> 00:38:19,415
Have you talked with her lately?
460
00:38:19,439 --> 00:38:20,603
DR.- I've tried.
461
00:38:20,638 --> 00:38:22,440
The nurses say
she won't take her meds.
462
00:38:22,475 --> 00:38:24,167
- Yeah, she's funny that way.
463
00:38:24,202 --> 00:38:25,916
You must have seen
this kind of thing before.
464
00:38:25,940 --> 00:38:27,841
I mean, she's a psych patient...
465
00:38:27,876 --> 00:38:31,141
Chances are she's bound to have
a few eccentricities, right?
466
00:38:31,176 --> 00:38:32,780
DR.- Unless
she's willing to talk to me,
467
00:38:32,815 --> 00:38:34,749
there's absolutely
nothing I can do.
468
00:38:34,784 --> 00:38:36,817
- So that's it?
You're just giving up?
469
00:38:36,852 --> 00:38:38,522
DR.- No, not at all,
470
00:38:38,557 --> 00:38:43,186
but it's essential
that she take the first steps.
471
00:38:43,221 --> 00:38:45,925
- She's begging for help
but she wants to assert
472
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:48,961
one tiny vestige of individual
power over her life.
473
00:38:48,996 --> 00:38:50,963
Where's the harm in that?
474
00:38:50,998 --> 00:38:52,635
DR.- There isn't,
475
00:38:52,670 --> 00:38:54,571
but it's a much
more complex dynamic
476
00:38:54,606 --> 00:38:57,904
than you might have learned
about in first-year psych.
477
00:38:57,939 --> 00:38:59,268
- She...
478
00:38:59,303 --> 00:39:01,303
she's obviously in pain.
479
00:39:01,338 --> 00:39:03,877
When do you apply all of your
training and your compassion
480
00:39:03,912 --> 00:39:05,142
to trying to fix her?
481
00:39:05,177 --> 00:39:07,210
Like, if you can't help her,
then who can?
482
00:39:07,245 --> 00:39:08,563
DR.- You're not
the first family member
483
00:39:08,587 --> 00:39:10,686
to take out their
frustrations on me.
484
00:39:10,721 --> 00:39:12,424
I'm sorry.
485
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:18,320
- Sorry.
486
00:39:20,324 --> 00:39:21,324
Sorry.
487
00:40:04,874 --> 00:40:07,270
- Hello, Elfrieda.
488
00:40:07,305 --> 00:40:09,338
The community heard
that you were in the hospital
489
00:40:09,373 --> 00:40:11,714
and suffering deeply.
490
00:40:11,749 --> 00:40:13,749
Well, I'm here to let you know
491
00:40:13,784 --> 00:40:16,015
that when you
give yourself to God,
492
00:40:16,050 --> 00:40:18,182
you don't feel pain anymore.
493
00:40:24,289 --> 00:40:28,896
Shall we pray
together for your soul?
494
00:40:28,931 --> 00:40:31,129
- What?
Holy fuck!
495
00:40:31,164 --> 00:40:33,230
I hope she told him
to go fuck himself.
496
00:40:33,265 --> 00:40:34,737
Also, where were the nurses?
497
00:40:34,772 --> 00:40:36,772
I'm not allowed to
talk on my cell phone,
498
00:40:36,807 --> 00:40:38,774
but they're just
letting strangers into
499
00:40:38,809 --> 00:40:40,787
the rooms of their patients?
What is wrong with them?
500
00:40:40,811 --> 00:40:42,272
- Ugh.
I wanted to kill him.
501
00:40:42,307 --> 00:40:44,615
- I hope she...
Seriously, she should have
502
00:40:44,650 --> 00:40:46,243
strangled him
with her underwear.
503
00:40:46,278 --> 00:40:49,444
- They don't let patients
on suicide watch wear underwear.
504
00:40:49,479 --> 00:40:51,116
- Really?
- No, they don't.
505
00:40:51,151 --> 00:40:54,922
- Huh.
506
00:40:54,957 --> 00:40:56,660
- What are days for?
507
00:40:56,695 --> 00:40:58,321
- What's that supposed to mean?
508
00:40:58,356 --> 00:41:00,455
- Days are where we live.
509
00:41:00,490 --> 00:41:01,995
- What?
What was she talking about?
510
00:41:02,030 --> 00:41:04,602
- That was
the poem she was reciting,
511
00:41:04,637 --> 00:41:08,397
Philip Larkin's "Days."
512
00:41:08,432 --> 00:41:11,906
- They come, they wake us,
time and time over.
513
00:41:11,941 --> 00:41:14,139
- They are to be happy in.
514
00:41:14,174 --> 00:41:16,944
- Where can we live but days?
515
00:41:16,979 --> 00:41:18,374
- I like that.
- That's the setup.
516
00:41:18,409 --> 00:41:20,277
There's a second verse.
517
00:41:20,312 --> 00:41:25,315
- Ah, solving that question
518
00:41:25,350 --> 00:41:28,857
brings the priest and the doctor
519
00:41:28,892 --> 00:41:31,926
and their long coats
520
00:41:31,961 --> 00:41:35,534
running over the fields.
521
00:41:38,495 --> 00:41:42,673
- He left pretty quickly
after the clothes came off.
522
00:41:42,708 --> 00:41:46,138
That's fucking amazing.
523
00:41:46,173 --> 00:41:48,844
I mean, a striptease
to a Larkin poem?
524
00:41:48,879 --> 00:41:50,582
It's brilliant.
525
00:41:53,180 --> 00:41:54,180
Maybe it's a sign.
526
00:41:56,381 --> 00:41:58,051
A turning point.
527
00:41:58,086 --> 00:42:01,956
That she gives enough of a fuck
to piss someone off, you know?
528
00:42:01,991 --> 00:42:04,189
Or to get out of bed.
529
00:42:04,224 --> 00:42:05,355
- Maybe.
530
00:42:14,498 --> 00:42:17,169
- Do you regret having kids?
531
00:42:17,204 --> 00:42:20,678
- What?
Why would you say that?
532
00:42:20,713 --> 00:42:22,537
- I don't know.
Just wondering.
533
00:42:26,312 --> 00:42:28,686
- Am I such a terrible
mother that I give you
534
00:42:28,721 --> 00:42:31,249
the impression that your birth
was a negative event in my life?
535
00:42:31,284 --> 00:42:34,219
- No, not really.
536
00:42:34,254 --> 00:42:39,224
I just wonder, and don't
take this the wrong way,
537
00:42:39,259 --> 00:42:41,523
you seem unhappy.
538
00:42:47,773 --> 00:42:49,806
- Do I seem unhappy to you?
539
00:42:53,779 --> 00:42:57,143
- Not any more
than the rest of us.
540
00:42:57,178 --> 00:43:00,883
- In comparison to me,
you and Mom just seem so...
541
00:43:00,918 --> 00:43:04,414
buoyant.
542
00:43:04,449 --> 00:43:05,889
Like people who
have a great capacity
543
00:43:05,923 --> 00:43:08,022
for dealing with things,
544
00:43:08,057 --> 00:43:11,223
for keeping
their heads above water.
545
00:43:15,064 --> 00:43:19,264
- When your father died,
he had $76 on him.
546
00:43:19,299 --> 00:43:22,300
Do you remember what
your mom did with that money?
547
00:43:22,335 --> 00:43:23,939
- No.
548
00:43:23,974 --> 00:43:27,712
- She used it
to get Thai takeout.
549
00:43:27,747 --> 00:43:29,747
I mean, what's the alternative?
550
00:43:29,782 --> 00:43:31,947
Keep the money and hope it will
551
00:43:31,982 --> 00:43:36,149
eventually reveal
some sort of answer?
552
00:43:36,184 --> 00:43:38,448
- The food wasn't that good,
if I remember correctly.
553
00:43:38,483 --> 00:43:41,220
- Or maybe it was
the best takeout ever,
554
00:43:41,255 --> 00:43:43,695
but to you...
555
00:43:43,730 --> 00:43:45,620
it still tasted like shit.
556
00:43:56,303 --> 00:43:58,435
- What's this?
557
00:43:58,470 --> 00:44:00,503
- It came in the mail
today for Elf.
558
00:44:02,848 --> 00:44:06,278
- It's very...
specific and thorough
559
00:44:06,313 --> 00:44:08,511
in explaining all the ways
to commit suicide.
560
00:44:08,546 --> 00:44:10,645
- She was able to order
this from her hospital bed?
561
00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:13,450
- No, before
she tried to kill herself.
562
00:44:13,485 --> 00:44:15,221
It was on back order.
563
00:44:15,256 --> 00:44:16,827
- You should throw it away.
- I can't.
564
00:44:16,862 --> 00:44:18,455
That's an invasion
of her privacy.
565
00:44:18,490 --> 00:44:20,325
You can't just throw out
someone else's mail.
566
00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:22,129
- Well, then hide it
in the back of a closet
567
00:44:22,164 --> 00:44:26,034
until she stops being suicidal.
568
00:44:26,069 --> 00:44:28,201
So, I was thinking.
569
00:44:28,236 --> 00:44:31,666
What if we did
something extreme with Elf?
570
00:44:31,701 --> 00:44:35,703
Like, we parachute her into
North Korea or Mogadishu,
571
00:44:35,738 --> 00:44:38,046
or, like, Baffin Island,
572
00:44:38,081 --> 00:44:40,191
and she's forced to survive
on her own like never before.
573
00:44:40,215 --> 00:44:42,512
Maybe it would jolt her
into a new notion
574
00:44:42,547 --> 00:44:43,711
of what it means to be alive.
575
00:44:43,746 --> 00:44:46,186
Like, her adrenal gland
would kickstart
576
00:44:46,221 --> 00:44:48,716
a new life strategy
and then she'll realize
577
00:44:48,751 --> 00:44:51,862
that she doesn't
actually want to die.
578
00:44:51,897 --> 00:44:55,261
- Are you fucking serious?
579
00:44:55,296 --> 00:44:56,592
- I realize that the plan has
580
00:44:56,627 --> 00:44:58,528
a number of
logistical challenges.
581
00:44:58,563 --> 00:45:00,662
- Like a child soldier
killing her?
582
00:45:00,697 --> 00:45:02,873
Or the fact that
she doesn't parachute?
583
00:45:02,908 --> 00:45:05,172
- So, what?
584
00:45:05,207 --> 00:45:08,670
We wait, in the hope
that miraculously,
585
00:45:08,705 --> 00:45:10,507
pragmatism, psychiatry,
586
00:45:10,542 --> 00:45:13,015
and pharmaceuticals
will save the day?
587
00:45:13,050 --> 00:45:15,281
- Doesn't she seem
to be getting better?
588
00:45:15,316 --> 00:45:16,678
- Based on what evidence?
589
00:45:16,713 --> 00:45:19,252
- She was asking
about Claudio, the tour.
590
00:45:19,287 --> 00:45:21,617
- She asked about the tour?
- Yes.
591
00:45:21,652 --> 00:45:23,960
- Without prompting?
- Yes.
592
00:45:38,471 --> 00:45:39,471
- Hello?
593
00:45:43,212 --> 00:45:45,377
- YVR.
594
00:45:45,412 --> 00:45:49,612
Your initials are the same
as the Vancouver Airport code.
595
00:45:49,647 --> 00:45:51,087
I thought it was you
when you called.
596
00:45:51,121 --> 00:45:53,616
I don't know too
many other Yolis.
597
00:45:53,651 --> 00:45:55,926
- It's good to see you again.
598
00:45:55,961 --> 00:45:59,292
So, how's my mother's car?
599
00:45:59,327 --> 00:46:03,197
- Yeah, that's a different
story altogether, isn't it?
600
00:46:03,232 --> 00:46:05,595
- It was a snapshot,
601
00:46:05,630 --> 00:46:07,311
and then I realized
that in the last 15 years,
602
00:46:07,335 --> 00:46:09,599
I've morphed into
all these other selves.
603
00:46:09,634 --> 00:46:12,074
A soon-to-be-divorced woman
who left her husband
604
00:46:12,109 --> 00:46:15,704
for reasons that seemed
valid at the time.
605
00:46:15,739 --> 00:46:18,707
A grotesquely
undiscerning lover.
606
00:46:18,742 --> 00:46:21,380
A mother who's afraid her
parenting will be the cause
607
00:46:21,415 --> 00:46:24,482
of her child's
unhappiness, and...
608
00:46:24,517 --> 00:46:27,584
sitting in his truck,
609
00:46:27,619 --> 00:46:29,861
we were so... old.
610
00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:34,261
- When I saw you,
all I could think about
611
00:46:34,296 --> 00:46:38,100
was our younger selves,
like how different I was at 21,
612
00:46:38,135 --> 00:46:41,906
how full of optimism,
expectations.
613
00:46:41,941 --> 00:46:43,666
And now, um...
614
00:46:43,701 --> 00:46:45,239
- I know what you mean.
615
00:46:45,274 --> 00:46:49,639
I was punching way above my
weight even going to university.
616
00:46:49,674 --> 00:46:52,015
I mean,
never mind creative writing.
617
00:46:52,050 --> 00:46:53,676
Oh my god.
618
00:46:53,711 --> 00:46:56,921
Yeah, I never graduated.
619
00:46:56,956 --> 00:46:58,450
- Any regrets?
- No.
620
00:46:58,485 --> 00:47:02,619
I mean, not about that.
621
00:47:02,654 --> 00:47:06,326
Did you know I had a nickname?
622
00:47:06,361 --> 00:47:07,998
- No, I don't remember that.
623
00:47:08,033 --> 00:47:09,395
Of course I knew.
624
00:47:09,430 --> 00:47:11,133
I was the one
who gave it to him.
625
00:47:11,168 --> 00:47:12,937
- Yeah, Sad Jason.
626
00:47:12,972 --> 00:47:15,137
- Really?
Why?
627
00:47:15,172 --> 00:47:18,173
- The only reason
I even enrolled in university
628
00:47:18,208 --> 00:47:21,506
in the first place
is because I had this girlfriend
629
00:47:21,541 --> 00:47:24,113
in high school,
and I was very in love,
630
00:47:24,148 --> 00:47:26,511
and she broke up with me,
631
00:47:26,546 --> 00:47:30,548
and I just was wandering around,
you know, in a daze,
632
00:47:30,583 --> 00:47:35,058
couldn't concentrate,
so I became Sad Jason.
633
00:47:35,093 --> 00:47:40,360
I truly was the Eeyore
of undergraduates.
634
00:47:43,068 --> 00:47:46,729
- Yeah, well,
aside from the alliteration,
635
00:47:46,764 --> 00:47:51,404
there's irony
as history repeats itself.
636
00:47:51,439 --> 00:47:54,605
I am in the middle of a divorce.
637
00:47:54,640 --> 00:47:56,838
- You okay?
- Yeah.
638
00:47:56,873 --> 00:47:59,115
God, at least
we don't have kids.
639
00:47:59,150 --> 00:48:01,513
That would be awful.
- Yeah.
640
00:48:03,781 --> 00:48:04,781
Yeah.
641
00:48:09,127 --> 00:48:10,588
Have you ever been to Rotterdam?
642
00:48:13,791 --> 00:48:15,758
- Yeah!
643
00:48:15,793 --> 00:48:18,035
Good times.
You?
644
00:48:18,070 --> 00:48:21,533
- No.
645
00:48:21,568 --> 00:48:23,898
I feel like I'm being weird.
I'm sorry.
646
00:48:23,933 --> 00:48:26,868
- That's how I remember you.
647
00:48:26,903 --> 00:48:30,839
- It's been really nice to talk.
648
00:48:30,874 --> 00:48:33,281
- Hmm.
649
00:48:33,316 --> 00:48:36,581
And so, I imagined we were...
650
00:48:36,616 --> 00:48:40,915
young and horny and very happy.
651
00:48:40,950 --> 00:48:42,620
Afterwards,
he wanted to know why
652
00:48:42,655 --> 00:48:45,128
I asked him about Rotterdam,
so I told him
653
00:48:45,163 --> 00:48:48,428
the premise of the book
I'm trying to write.
654
00:48:48,463 --> 00:48:51,200
- There's this harbourmaster
who ends up on a ship
655
00:48:51,235 --> 00:48:52,476
that he kind of shouldn't be on,
656
00:48:52,500 --> 00:48:53,807
like he should
have gotten off it,
657
00:48:53,831 --> 00:48:55,567
but there's a storm,
658
00:48:55,602 --> 00:48:57,778
and so he can't get onto
his little boat to go back home,
659
00:48:57,802 --> 00:48:59,637
so he's stuck on this ship
going to Rotterdam,
660
00:48:59,672 --> 00:49:01,870
and then he misses this meeting.
661
00:49:01,905 --> 00:49:05,247
Like, everything
goes wrong for him.
662
00:49:05,282 --> 00:49:07,513
- Wouldn't he be able
to explain to her
663
00:49:07,548 --> 00:49:10,615
he's trapped
with technology now?
664
00:49:10,650 --> 00:49:11,946
Text or whatever.
665
00:49:11,981 --> 00:49:15,092
- I know,
but for some reason he can't.
666
00:49:15,127 --> 00:49:16,731
I'm just... I'm having
structural problems.
667
00:49:16,755 --> 00:49:19,096
- Your structure is amazing.
668
00:49:19,131 --> 00:49:20,361
Please tell me he didn't say,
669
00:49:20,396 --> 00:49:21,956
"Your structure is amazing."
670
00:49:21,991 --> 00:49:23,760
- Those were his exact words.
671
00:49:23,795 --> 00:49:27,071
- Did you just
throw up all over him?
672
00:49:27,106 --> 00:49:28,501
- Yours too.
673
00:49:28,536 --> 00:49:30,833
- Oh, god!
674
00:49:30,868 --> 00:49:33,000
- I just think
the thing is about your book,
675
00:49:33,035 --> 00:49:35,640
it should move really fast.
676
00:49:35,675 --> 00:49:37,312
You know,
like pedal to the metal,
677
00:49:37,347 --> 00:49:39,644
so it doesn't get boring.
- Mm-hm.
678
00:49:39,679 --> 00:49:43,351
- Plus,
writing is so hard, right?
679
00:49:43,386 --> 00:49:46,453
You just want to get in there
and get the job done
680
00:49:46,488 --> 00:49:51,194
and get out,
like cleaning septic tanks.
681
00:49:51,229 --> 00:49:53,163
- Definitely.
682
00:49:53,198 --> 00:49:55,528
Elf, he compared writing
683
00:49:55,563 --> 00:49:57,695
to cleaning septic tanks.
684
00:49:57,730 --> 00:49:58,993
- Yeah.
685
00:49:59,028 --> 00:50:00,995
The more I thought about it,
686
00:50:01,030 --> 00:50:03,338
the more the analogy
didn't seem so shitty.
687
00:50:03,373 --> 00:50:05,703
Oh, come on,
you go with the easiest
688
00:50:05,738 --> 00:50:08,145
and most obvious pun
and you call yourself a writer?
689
00:50:08,180 --> 00:50:10,345
- Stop it.
Stop it!
690
00:50:15,913 --> 00:50:19,486
- As I brought my fingers
to my nose to check
691
00:50:19,521 --> 00:50:23,358
if I reeked of motor oil or sex,
692
00:50:23,393 --> 00:50:27,659
I felt so ashamed.
693
00:50:27,694 --> 00:50:31,058
- Shame is so unnecessary.
694
00:50:31,093 --> 00:50:33,368
- Maybe.
Maybe not.
695
00:50:35,768 --> 00:50:40,705
Shame motivates us to say we're
sorry and to seek forgiveness.
696
00:50:40,740 --> 00:50:42,476
It also motivates
some of us to write books
697
00:50:42,511 --> 00:50:45,347
as a futile attempt
at atonement.
698
00:50:45,382 --> 00:50:47,184
Shame helps
to fuck up relationships,
699
00:50:47,219 --> 00:50:50,385
and we all know fucked up
relationships are the lifeblood
700
00:50:50,420 --> 00:50:54,356
of books and movies and theatre.
701
00:50:54,391 --> 00:50:58,426
Get rid of shame
and you can kiss art goodbye.
702
00:50:58,461 --> 00:51:01,660
But I long for a life
without shame.
703
00:51:04,236 --> 00:51:06,104
- You look so defeated.
704
00:51:09,571 --> 00:51:11,868
- Tell me, Elf,
how should I look?
705
00:51:13,575 --> 00:51:16,213
- Well,
it was just an observation.
706
00:51:16,248 --> 00:51:18,413
- Hmm, it didn't sound like one.
707
00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:22,880
- Okay.
708
00:51:26,324 --> 00:51:29,556
Yoli...
709
00:51:29,591 --> 00:51:31,690
You gotta keep
your shit together.
710
00:51:31,725 --> 00:51:34,396
Especially for Mom.
711
00:51:34,431 --> 00:51:38,433
- Are you fucking kidding me?
712
00:51:38,468 --> 00:51:40,336
Oh my god.
713
00:51:40,371 --> 00:51:42,965
Oh my god, look at you.
714
00:51:46,476 --> 00:51:49,576
- I don't want
to do this right now.
715
00:51:49,611 --> 00:51:51,413
- Has it occurred to you
that I'm the one
716
00:51:51,448 --> 00:51:52,744
who's colossally fucked up?
717
00:51:52,779 --> 00:51:55,142
That my entire life
is embarrassing?
718
00:51:55,177 --> 00:51:57,188
The having a kid at 18,
the divorce,
719
00:51:57,223 --> 00:51:58,794
the pathetic affairs,
the mediocre novels,
720
00:51:58,818 --> 00:52:01,258
fucking all of it
is a clusterfuck...
721
00:52:01,293 --> 00:52:04,151
And even worse, a cliché!
- Okay.
722
00:52:04,186 --> 00:52:06,593
- Has it occurred to you
that I also lost my father
723
00:52:06,628 --> 00:52:09,233
to suicide and I'm having
a hard time getting over it?
724
00:52:09,268 --> 00:52:11,862
That I also am struggling
to find meaning in my pathetic,
725
00:52:11,897 --> 00:52:14,964
stupid life and that I also
think that this whole thing
726
00:52:14,999 --> 00:52:16,977
is a ridiculous farce and
the only intelligent response
727
00:52:17,001 --> 00:52:18,517
would be to kill myself?
But I pull back
728
00:52:18,541 --> 00:52:20,442
from that conclusion
because it creates
729
00:52:20,477 --> 00:52:22,378
a certain onus
that is unpalatable,
730
00:52:22,413 --> 00:52:24,644
like your fucking
Virginia Woolf.
731
00:52:24,679 --> 00:52:26,514
You have...
732
00:52:26,549 --> 00:52:30,177
you have an amazing partner
who loves you
733
00:52:30,212 --> 00:52:32,322
and a career that
the whole world respects
734
00:52:32,357 --> 00:52:33,983
and gives you shitloads
of money for,
735
00:52:34,018 --> 00:52:36,535
a career that you could leave at
any moment and just be labelled
736
00:52:36,559 --> 00:52:38,196
"mysterious" or "eccentric,"
and go live in Paris
737
00:52:38,220 --> 00:52:39,824
in the fucking Marais
or whatever that...
738
00:52:39,859 --> 00:52:41,837
That fucking arrond, arrondis...
- It's called the arrond...
739
00:52:41,861 --> 00:52:43,157
- Don't you fucking correct me
740
00:52:43,192 --> 00:52:44,675
with your superior
knowledge of French!
741
00:52:44,699 --> 00:52:46,479
You have a beautiful house
that magically cleans itself.
742
00:52:46,503 --> 00:52:48,800
- I have a cleaning lady, Yoli.
743
00:52:48,835 --> 00:52:50,516
You have a low-grade
understanding of despair,
744
00:52:50,540 --> 00:52:51,803
by the way.
745
00:52:51,838 --> 00:52:54,872
- Can you not see
that I need your help?
746
00:52:54,907 --> 00:52:56,511
That maybe you're
here for a reason,
747
00:52:56,546 --> 00:52:58,315
which is to be a sister to me?!
748
00:52:58,350 --> 00:53:01,351
- You have had my help
all along, okay?
749
00:53:01,386 --> 00:53:03,584
I had to be perfect
so you could fuck up,
750
00:53:03,619 --> 00:53:05,883
and you were more than happy
to take on that role!
751
00:53:05,918 --> 00:53:08,754
Also, you know, one of us
had to show some fucking empathy
752
00:53:08,789 --> 00:53:10,888
towards Dad and his
acres of existential sadness.
753
00:53:10,923 --> 00:53:12,824
- Why?
- Because nobody else would!
754
00:53:12,859 --> 00:53:14,155
- That means we chose life.
755
00:53:14,190 --> 00:53:15,904
It doesn't mean we don't
or we didn't fucking care.
756
00:53:15,928 --> 00:53:17,895
- You don't
understand a fucking thing!
757
00:53:17,930 --> 00:53:19,226
- I do understand!
758
00:53:19,261 --> 00:53:21,063
Just be like the rest of us:
759
00:53:21,098 --> 00:53:23,439
get fat, start smoking,
play piano badly, whatever.
760
00:53:23,474 --> 00:53:26,002
Just know that you'll eventually
get what you want most in life.
761
00:53:26,037 --> 00:53:28,543
- What's that?
- Death.
762
00:53:28,578 --> 00:53:31,073
So why can't you wait
around and be patient
763
00:53:31,108 --> 00:53:32,712
like the rest of us?
764
00:53:32,747 --> 00:53:34,846
Hasn't Mom suffered enough?
- That is so...
765
00:53:34,881 --> 00:53:37,112
- You just love the fucking
perverse idea of an encore.
766
00:53:37,147 --> 00:53:39,147
- Shut up!
You shut up!
767
00:54:15,658 --> 00:54:17,790
- Can't we just talk?
768
00:54:19,563 --> 00:54:21,255
- About what?
769
00:54:24,326 --> 00:54:27,767
- Anything.
770
00:54:27,802 --> 00:54:29,439
- Sure.
771
00:54:29,474 --> 00:54:34,642
But you seem to want me
to follow some hidden script,
772
00:54:34,677 --> 00:54:37,172
and when I veer from it,
773
00:54:37,207 --> 00:54:39,548
because I don't know
what it is in the first place,
774
00:54:39,583 --> 00:54:44,146
you're like,
"No, don't talk."
775
00:54:44,181 --> 00:54:48,183
You don't want me to talk about
the past because it's painful,
776
00:54:48,218 --> 00:54:51,659
because there were good times.
777
00:54:51,694 --> 00:54:53,155
There's life,
778
00:54:53,190 --> 00:54:55,432
and maybe it'll persuade you
to change your mind.
779
00:54:55,467 --> 00:54:57,764
And you don't want me
to talk about the future
780
00:54:57,799 --> 00:55:00,437
because you don't see one.
781
00:55:00,472 --> 00:55:05,442
So, um...
782
00:55:05,477 --> 00:55:09,171
okay, I'll just talk
about this moment.
783
00:55:12,176 --> 00:55:15,683
I inhaled.
784
00:55:15,718 --> 00:55:19,181
I exhaled.
785
00:55:19,216 --> 00:55:22,217
I'm standing up.
786
00:55:22,252 --> 00:55:26,122
I'm walking over here.
787
00:55:26,157 --> 00:55:29,631
A second is passing,
788
00:55:29,666 --> 00:55:32,436
and another one...
789
00:55:32,471 --> 00:55:36,033
and another one.
790
00:55:36,068 --> 00:55:38,409
- Have you thought
any more about Switzerland?
791
00:55:44,406 --> 00:55:46,681
- Does Nic know?
792
00:55:46,716 --> 00:55:48,584
- He would never take me.
793
00:55:48,619 --> 00:55:50,850
It has to be you.
794
00:55:50,885 --> 00:55:52,951
- What about Mom?
Did you tell her?
795
00:55:52,986 --> 00:55:56,284
- Yoli, listen to me.
796
00:55:56,319 --> 00:56:00,387
Mom and Nic can't know.
797
00:56:00,422 --> 00:56:02,829
Nic still believes
in some kind of medicine
798
00:56:02,864 --> 00:56:05,568
that's gonna cure me.
And Mom...
799
00:56:05,603 --> 00:56:08,164
Mom believes in
I don't know what.
800
00:56:08,199 --> 00:56:10,034
God?
801
00:56:10,069 --> 00:56:12,608
Or odds.
802
00:56:12,643 --> 00:56:16,645
But she's never gonna give up.
803
00:56:16,680 --> 00:56:21,243
It has to be you.
804
00:56:21,278 --> 00:56:23,410
- So, what?
We just sneak off to Zurich,
805
00:56:23,445 --> 00:56:25,522
just the two of us?
806
00:56:25,557 --> 00:56:28,118
- Yeah, why not?
807
00:56:28,153 --> 00:56:30,494
- Because Nic
would notice in five minutes
808
00:56:30,529 --> 00:56:31,924
that you were gone.
He would...
809
00:56:31,959 --> 00:56:34,388
he would put it
together somehow,
810
00:56:34,423 --> 00:56:36,423
find a paper trail.
Then he'd hate me,
811
00:56:36,458 --> 00:56:37,864
and Mom would have
a heart attack.
812
00:56:37,899 --> 00:56:39,932
It's so ridiculous, Elf.
813
00:56:39,967 --> 00:56:41,571
It's so improbable.
814
00:56:41,606 --> 00:56:43,936
- If you love me, Yoli,
you would take me.
815
00:56:43,971 --> 00:56:45,234
- I do love you.
816
00:56:45,269 --> 00:56:49,172
I love you so...
817
00:56:49,207 --> 00:56:51,075
- These came for you.
818
00:56:51,110 --> 00:56:52,846
- Oh, okay.
Yeah.
819
00:56:52,881 --> 00:56:55,442
You can give those to me.
820
00:56:55,477 --> 00:56:57,246
Thank you.
821
00:57:33,856 --> 00:57:36,989
I have a piano inside of me.
822
00:57:40,830 --> 00:57:44,029
- What kind?
823
00:57:44,064 --> 00:57:46,328
- An old Heintzman.
824
00:57:48,805 --> 00:57:52,939
- But it's completely
hollowed out and made of glass.
825
00:57:54,976 --> 00:57:58,912
I can feel it squeezing
against my ribs.
826
00:58:03,545 --> 00:58:07,250
Sometimes I can
feel the hard edge
827
00:58:07,285 --> 00:58:09,186
pushing against my skin,
828
00:58:09,221 --> 00:58:11,991
and I'm terrified
829
00:58:12,026 --> 00:58:15,456
that it's gonna break through
and I'll bleed to death.
830
00:58:18,670 --> 00:58:21,572
When I hear bottles smash,
I think,
831
00:58:21,607 --> 00:58:24,608
"This is it.
This is it."
832
00:58:35,511 --> 00:58:37,082
When I wake up in the morning,
833
00:58:37,117 --> 00:58:42,021
I have moments of
excruciating hope.
834
00:58:42,056 --> 00:58:46,091
The sun has risen and I think,
835
00:58:46,126 --> 00:58:48,698
"Maybe today will be different."
836
00:58:53,034 --> 00:58:55,771
But the day always darkens.
837
00:58:59,601 --> 00:59:02,206
It never changes,
838
00:59:02,241 --> 00:59:04,571
and I'm certain
that the future will be
839
00:59:04,606 --> 00:59:07,981
an endless repetition of
the same disappointment.
840
00:59:12,416 --> 00:59:16,286
No matter how hard I try,
I can't see beyond it.
841
00:59:27,970 --> 00:59:30,938
Take me to Switzerland.
842
00:59:38,750 --> 00:59:41,410
I don't want to die alone.
843
00:59:46,824 --> 00:59:49,616
- I don't want
you to die at all.
844
01:00:55,717 --> 01:00:58,520
- Yoli, you promised
to send the divorce papers
845
01:00:58,555 --> 01:01:01,292
three days ago,
and they're still not here.
846
01:01:01,327 --> 01:01:04,295
What's the problem?
847
01:01:04,330 --> 01:01:06,429
- You're young, you're in love.
848
01:01:06,464 --> 01:01:09,498
Irony is your default mechanism.
849
01:01:09,533 --> 01:01:12,039
"Let's get matching tattoos!"
850
01:01:12,074 --> 01:01:16,813
"Let us slay hypocrisy
with jokes and magic."
851
01:01:16,848 --> 01:01:18,848
- Till death do us part.
852
01:01:26,990 --> 01:01:28,286
- Hey, Mom.
853
01:01:28,321 --> 01:01:31,795
- Your aunt, she fainted today.
854
01:01:33,755 --> 01:01:36,129
- What... is... is she alright?
855
01:01:36,164 --> 01:01:37,526
- Well, she broke her arm
856
01:01:37,561 --> 01:01:40,529
and they've admitted her
to a chief cardiology.
857
01:01:40,564 --> 01:01:43,004
- Cardiology for her arm?
858
01:01:43,039 --> 01:01:46,667
- No.
She's having chest pains.
859
01:01:46,702 --> 01:01:50,440
That's why she fainted.
860
01:01:50,475 --> 01:01:53,113
- Okay.
861
01:02:22,705 --> 01:02:26,278
- Whoa, what's your problem?
862
01:02:27,886 --> 01:02:29,545
- Excuse me?
863
01:02:29,580 --> 01:02:31,283
- You're way
too close to my car.
864
01:02:31,318 --> 01:02:34,253
If you scratch it, I swear,
there'll be hell to pay.
865
01:02:34,288 --> 01:02:36,684
- Hell to pay?
866
01:02:36,719 --> 01:02:39,093
Did you really just say
there'd be hell to pay
867
01:02:39,128 --> 01:02:41,458
if I touch your fucking car?
868
01:02:41,493 --> 01:02:45,902
Can't you see that my car
isn't touching your fucking car?
869
01:02:45,937 --> 01:02:48,102
- Hey,
what's your fucking problem?
870
01:02:48,137 --> 01:02:50,632
- My problem?
My problem!
871
01:02:50,667 --> 01:02:52,139
Fuck you!
872
01:02:52,174 --> 01:02:53,613
My problem is that
I have to go upstairs
873
01:02:53,637 --> 01:02:55,472
and see if my sister
feels like living today
874
01:02:55,507 --> 01:02:57,540
or if they can fix my aunt's
literal broken heart.
875
01:02:57,575 --> 01:02:59,388
And in case you haven't noticed,
the parking spots
876
01:02:59,412 --> 01:03:01,280
in this hospital are
really fucking small!
877
01:03:01,315 --> 01:03:03,315
Hey, excuse me,
are you guys together?
878
01:03:03,350 --> 01:03:05,251
Is this shithead
the baby's father?
879
01:03:05,286 --> 01:03:08,089
Uh, just let me know one thing.
880
01:03:08,124 --> 01:03:09,783
Um, has he ever
cared about a human
881
01:03:09,818 --> 01:03:11,994
as much as he cares
about his fucking car?
882
01:03:12,029 --> 01:03:13,754
- Okay, okay, okay.
883
01:03:13,789 --> 01:03:15,789
- And God forbid
the biggest tragedy in his life
884
01:03:15,824 --> 01:03:17,464
is that his car may
get a fucking scratch!
885
01:03:17,496 --> 01:03:18,660
What the fuck are you doing?
886
01:03:18,695 --> 01:03:20,112
- I've got your
license plate number.
887
01:03:20,136 --> 01:03:21,465
Just don't hit the car.
888
01:03:21,500 --> 01:03:23,082
- Hey, don't you
fucking walk away from me!
889
01:03:23,106 --> 01:03:24,435
I am not finished yet!
890
01:03:24,470 --> 01:03:25,667
- Let's go, let's go.
891
01:03:25,702 --> 01:03:26,954
- Do you want
my fucking insurance?!
892
01:03:26,978 --> 01:03:28,318
You can have that!
Do you want my, uh,
893
01:03:28,342 --> 01:03:30,507
my tax returns
for the last ten years?!
894
01:03:30,542 --> 01:03:32,608
- You're crazy!
- Hey, fuck you!
895
01:03:32,643 --> 01:03:35,952
Hey, fuck you, you stupid fuck!
896
01:03:35,987 --> 01:03:38,317
Fuck you!
897
01:03:38,352 --> 01:03:41,551
- Fuck!
898
01:03:41,586 --> 01:03:45,126
Fuck!
899
01:03:55,105 --> 01:03:56,533
- Everything okay?
900
01:03:56,568 --> 01:03:58,909
- Oh, yeah, just had
a little trouble parking.
901
01:04:11,781 --> 01:04:14,518
My aunt was
being well taken care of.
902
01:04:14,553 --> 01:04:18,060
The nurse assured us that
her surgery would be routine.
903
01:04:18,095 --> 01:04:21,426
She looked us in the eye.
She laughed at our jokes.
904
01:04:25,069 --> 01:04:26,563
If you have to end up
in the hospital,
905
01:04:26,598 --> 01:04:28,763
try to focus all your pain
in your heart
906
01:04:28,798 --> 01:04:31,898
rather than in your head.
907
01:04:46,750 --> 01:04:50,092
- Yolandi Von Riesen?
908
01:04:50,127 --> 01:04:52,391
- Oh!
Hello, Mrs. Funk.
909
01:04:52,426 --> 01:04:53,788
- I thought you'd moved away.
910
01:04:53,823 --> 01:04:56,857
- I did, but I'm back.
911
01:04:56,892 --> 01:04:58,595
My aunt's in the hospital.
912
01:04:58,630 --> 01:04:59,860
- Tina Loewen?
913
01:04:59,895 --> 01:05:02,104
- Mm-hm.
She had an event.
914
01:05:02,139 --> 01:05:04,337
A coronary event.
915
01:05:04,372 --> 01:05:06,801
- My brother's
getting a valve replacement.
916
01:05:06,836 --> 01:05:08,242
Very straightforward.
917
01:05:08,277 --> 01:05:11,377
Doctors say he'll be
back to running in a week.
918
01:05:11,412 --> 01:05:13,280
Do you remember our son,
Gerhard?
919
01:05:13,315 --> 01:05:15,282
- Yeah, of course.
We were in the same grade.
920
01:05:15,317 --> 01:05:16,690
- Did you know
he's living in London now?
921
01:05:16,714 --> 01:05:18,615
- Ontario?
- No, no, no, England.
922
01:05:18,650 --> 01:05:20,386
Gives lectures
all over the world.
923
01:05:20,421 --> 01:05:22,091
Who would have guessed?
924
01:05:23,952 --> 01:05:25,721
- Not me!
925
01:05:25,756 --> 01:05:28,922
- Gerhard saw Elfrieda play
with the London Philharmonic.
926
01:05:28,957 --> 01:05:31,760
He said it was the most
amazing thing he ever heard.
927
01:05:31,795 --> 01:05:36,402
By the way, we were always very
supportive of her piano playing.
928
01:05:36,437 --> 01:05:37,964
What have you been up to?
929
01:05:37,999 --> 01:05:40,406
- Oh, just learning
how to be a good loser.
930
01:05:40,441 --> 01:05:41,737
- Yoli...
931
01:05:41,772 --> 01:05:42,772
I was looking for you.
932
01:05:42,806 --> 01:05:43,871
Hi, Marta.
933
01:05:43,906 --> 01:05:45,741
I got to speak to Elf's doctor.
934
01:05:45,776 --> 01:05:47,248
- Oh.
- Elfrieda?
935
01:05:47,283 --> 01:05:48,612
We were just talking about her.
936
01:05:48,647 --> 01:05:50,218
Don't tell me
she's in hospital too.
937
01:05:50,253 --> 01:05:53,584
- Yes, she cut her wrists
because she wanted to die.
938
01:05:55,225 --> 01:05:56,488
How's Gerhard?
939
01:05:56,523 --> 01:05:59,029
- Alright, Mom,
let's keep on moving.
940
01:05:59,064 --> 01:06:02,296
Really nice to see you,
Mrs. Funk.
941
01:06:02,331 --> 01:06:04,958
Say hi to Gerhard for me, okay?
942
01:06:22,186 --> 01:06:24,450
- Hi.
- Hi.
943
01:06:28,984 --> 01:06:31,457
- How's Aunt Tina?
944
01:06:31,492 --> 01:06:34,559
- Mm, you know, considering
she has a broken arm
945
01:06:34,594 --> 01:06:38,035
and they're about to open up
her heart, okay, I guess.
946
01:06:40,732 --> 01:06:43,073
- And Mom?
947
01:06:45,275 --> 01:06:47,275
- Stoic, as usual.
948
01:06:52,843 --> 01:06:55,008
Do you...
949
01:06:55,043 --> 01:06:58,220
do you remember
the letters you sent to me
950
01:06:58,255 --> 01:07:00,156
after I broke up
with that guy in Montreal
951
01:07:00,191 --> 01:07:03,126
and I was living alone?
952
01:07:03,161 --> 01:07:05,557
- No, I don't think so.
953
01:07:05,592 --> 01:07:08,164
- It was a quote
from Paul Valéry,
954
01:07:08,199 --> 01:07:10,694
and every day
a letter would arrive
955
01:07:10,729 --> 01:07:12,696
with a single word
written on it.
956
01:07:17,703 --> 01:07:20,275
"Breath."
957
01:07:20,310 --> 01:07:23,806
- "Dreams."
958
01:07:23,841 --> 01:07:27,073
- "Silence."
959
01:07:27,108 --> 01:07:30,351
- "Invincible calm."
960
01:07:30,386 --> 01:07:32,947
- "You will triumph."
961
01:07:42,090 --> 01:07:46,433
It took me months to figure out,
but when I did...
962
01:07:46,468 --> 01:07:48,105
wow.
963
01:07:51,836 --> 01:07:56,410
I don't believe I ever
wrote back to thank you.
964
01:07:56,445 --> 01:07:59,710
- I'm sure you did.
- Probably not.
965
01:07:59,745 --> 01:08:02,548
That would have been like me.
966
01:08:09,458 --> 01:08:12,525
I did some research
on Switzerland.
967
01:08:21,965 --> 01:08:24,537
- Thank you.
968
01:08:31,843 --> 01:08:34,976
But I think it's time I get
Switzerland out of my head.
969
01:09:26,733 --> 01:09:29,030
- Have you heard
of this Portuguese guy,
970
01:09:29,065 --> 01:09:31,472
Fernando Pessoa?
971
01:09:31,507 --> 01:09:34,134
- Is he on the Blue Jays?
972
01:09:34,169 --> 01:09:35,938
- No, he's a poet.
973
01:09:35,973 --> 01:09:38,347
This is his book.
974
01:09:38,382 --> 01:09:41,141
He's dead now.
He killed himself.
975
01:09:41,176 --> 01:09:45,783
- Oh, brother.
Who hasn't?
976
01:09:45,818 --> 01:09:49,886
- Just listen to this, though.
977
01:09:49,921 --> 01:09:54,561
"In the plausible intimacy
of approaching evening,
978
01:09:54,596 --> 01:09:57,366
"as I stand waiting
for the stars to begin
979
01:09:57,401 --> 01:09:59,797
"at the window
of this fourth-floor room
980
01:09:59,832 --> 01:10:02,371
"that looks out on the infinite,
981
01:10:02,406 --> 01:10:06,540
"my dreams move to the rhythm
required by long journeys"
982
01:10:06,575 --> 01:10:09,444
"to countries as yet unknown,"
983
01:10:09,479 --> 01:10:14,108
"or to countries that are simply
hypothetical or impossible."
984
01:10:19,918 --> 01:10:21,951
- I just remembered
how your sister's smile
985
01:10:21,986 --> 01:10:24,085
is exactly like her father's.
986
01:10:28,696 --> 01:10:30,091
I never...
987
01:10:30,126 --> 01:10:34,260
I never think about it,
and then I'll see her and...
988
01:10:34,295 --> 01:10:35,965
Whoa!
Oh...
989
01:10:41,742 --> 01:10:46,008
- Oh, Elfrieda!
990
01:10:53,886 --> 01:10:56,590
- It's okay, Mom.
991
01:10:56,625 --> 01:10:57,657
It's okay.
992
01:10:59,155 --> 01:11:03,630
- Oh, God.
Oh...
993
01:11:03,665 --> 01:11:06,259
Oof!
994
01:11:10,067 --> 01:11:11,968
- Hello?
995
01:11:12,003 --> 01:11:13,003
Oh, hi.
996
01:11:16,480 --> 01:11:19,305
Okay, yeah.
997
01:11:19,340 --> 01:11:21,846
We'll be there.
998
01:11:21,881 --> 01:11:24,486
Bye-bye.
999
01:11:24,521 --> 01:11:26,785
That was Nic.
1000
01:11:26,820 --> 01:11:28,589
He said they're
letting Elf go home
1001
01:11:28,624 --> 01:11:30,657
from the hospital Friday.
1002
01:11:32,353 --> 01:11:33,825
- No.
1003
01:11:35,862 --> 01:11:38,434
No, they can't.
1004
01:11:59,116 --> 01:12:01,952
- It's been going
really well with the doctor,
1005
01:12:01,987 --> 01:12:04,020
and for the first time
in such a long time
1006
01:12:04,055 --> 01:12:05,659
I've been thinking
so much about my music
1007
01:12:05,694 --> 01:12:07,397
and how I have
to get back to playing,
1008
01:12:07,432 --> 01:12:10,829
which is why I called Claudio
and I confirmed the tour.
1009
01:12:12,899 --> 01:12:16,131
- I know it's the right
thing for me to do.
1010
01:12:16,166 --> 01:12:19,167
We finally feel like
I'm back on track.
1011
01:12:21,270 --> 01:12:23,336
- Dr. Johns?
1012
01:12:23,371 --> 01:12:24,909
Dr. Johns.
DR.- Yes?
1013
01:12:24,944 --> 01:12:26,944
- She...
she's not ready.
1014
01:12:26,979 --> 01:12:30,948
She's pretending to be
normal, sane, cured,
1015
01:12:30,983 --> 01:12:33,093
and I'm sure you're thinking,
"Okay, let's free up a bed.
1016
01:12:33,117 --> 01:12:34,622
"Let's let this one go,"
but I am...
1017
01:12:34,657 --> 01:12:38,494
Um, I'm begging you,
1018
01:12:38,529 --> 01:12:40,221
please don't do that.
1019
01:12:40,256 --> 01:12:42,432
DR.- She's on
the right path,
1020
01:12:42,467 --> 01:12:44,676
and it's very important for
the patient to feel empowered
1021
01:12:44,700 --> 01:12:46,436
by being allowed
to make big decisions.
1022
01:12:46,471 --> 01:12:48,504
- Well, one big
decision she could make
1023
01:12:48,539 --> 01:12:50,297
would be the decision
to kill herself,
1024
01:12:50,332 --> 01:12:51,705
and we can assume
that nobody wants
1025
01:12:51,740 --> 01:12:53,872
her to make that
decision, right?
1026
01:12:53,907 --> 01:12:55,874
Last week,
she's completely depressed.
1027
01:12:55,909 --> 01:12:58,052
Asked me to take her to
a suicide clinic in Switzerland,
1028
01:12:58,076 --> 01:13:01,781
and this week,
1029
01:13:01,816 --> 01:13:04,410
what, she's just better?
1030
01:13:04,445 --> 01:13:05,917
For what reason?
1031
01:13:05,952 --> 01:13:07,754
DR.- She's agreed
to take her medications,
1032
01:13:07,789 --> 01:13:09,536
book follow-up appointments,
so I have to give her
1033
01:13:09,560 --> 01:13:12,022
the benefit of the doubt.
1034
01:13:12,057 --> 01:13:15,289
I've seen many patients leave
here in worse shape than her
1035
01:13:15,324 --> 01:13:18,094
and yet thrive once
they return to their lives.
1036
01:13:28,304 --> 01:13:32,372
Ah, solving that question
1037
01:13:32,407 --> 01:13:35,683
brings the priest
and the doctor,
1038
01:13:35,718 --> 01:13:38,048
in their long coats,
1039
01:13:38,083 --> 01:13:40,347
running over the fields.
1040
01:14:34,073 --> 01:14:37,305
- Well, I'm having serious
caffeine withdrawal.
1041
01:14:37,340 --> 01:14:41,342
This cast itches like hell.
1042
01:14:41,377 --> 01:14:42,981
- Your surgery is at 6 tomorrow?
1043
01:14:43,016 --> 01:14:45,654
- Yes.
1044
01:14:45,689 --> 01:14:47,348
- You nervous?
1045
01:14:47,383 --> 01:14:49,856
- No.
1046
01:14:49,891 --> 01:14:52,826
If your mother can
survive heart surgery,
1047
01:14:52,861 --> 01:14:54,355
well, so can I.
1048
01:14:57,294 --> 01:14:59,998
- Alright.
I better go.
1049
01:15:00,033 --> 01:15:02,737
I'll let you get some rest.
1050
01:15:10,307 --> 01:15:12,340
- We're Loewens.
1051
01:15:12,375 --> 01:15:15,046
Don't ever forget that, Yoli.
1052
01:15:15,081 --> 01:15:18,511
We're lions!
1053
01:15:18,546 --> 01:15:20,513
- Sure.
1054
01:15:31,933 --> 01:15:35,462
My aunt's surgery is over.
1055
01:15:35,497 --> 01:15:39,367
The operation had gone well.
1056
01:15:39,402 --> 01:15:42,843
The doctor was pleased
and told us so.
1057
01:15:42,878 --> 01:15:46,374
And then her organs
started to fail,
1058
01:15:46,409 --> 01:15:48,508
one by one.
1059
01:15:59,620 --> 01:16:01,796
- Is this almost too much, Mom?
1060
01:16:05,428 --> 01:16:06,900
- Almost.
1061
01:16:18,441 --> 01:16:21,343
- Tina was a sensation.
1062
01:16:21,378 --> 01:16:24,720
She adored big hats
with wide brims.
1063
01:16:24,755 --> 01:16:28,251
Whistles followed her
down the street.
1064
01:16:28,286 --> 01:16:33,124
She loved road trips,
talking late into the night,
1065
01:16:33,159 --> 01:16:36,897
bear hugs, and good deals.
1066
01:16:36,932 --> 01:16:39,702
She was a fiercely devoted wife
1067
01:16:39,737 --> 01:16:44,135
and mom and aunt
1068
01:16:44,170 --> 01:16:46,643
and big sister to me.
1069
01:16:50,506 --> 01:16:52,979
When my wedding veil
caught on fire,
1070
01:16:53,014 --> 01:16:56,543
I was signing the registry
and I was too close to a candle,
1071
01:16:56,578 --> 01:16:59,986
and she bolted to her house,
grabbed her own veil,
1072
01:17:00,021 --> 01:17:01,955
ran back to the church,
and plopped it on my head
1073
01:17:01,990 --> 01:17:05,761
without hardly missing a beat.
1074
01:17:05,796 --> 01:17:09,897
But her forte was coffee.
1075
01:17:09,932 --> 01:17:11,734
On the day before she died,
1076
01:17:11,769 --> 01:17:15,936
she asked me to please bring her
some good, strong coffee.
1077
01:17:15,971 --> 01:17:18,334
When it finally arrived...
1078
01:17:18,369 --> 01:17:20,842
Oh my!
1079
01:17:20,877 --> 01:17:23,680
- She was not able to drink it.
1080
01:17:27,114 --> 01:17:31,083
Tina, we will miss not only
your many helpful ways
1081
01:17:31,118 --> 01:17:35,417
but your positive spirit
spreading love and goodwill.
1082
01:17:37,487 --> 01:17:40,059
You were the last of the lions.
1083
01:17:44,296 --> 01:17:46,230
Rest in peace.
1084
01:17:49,400 --> 01:17:52,808
Life's always
teaching us lessons.
1085
01:17:52,843 --> 01:17:54,810
Just because someone
is playing with the ashes
1086
01:17:54,845 --> 01:17:56,537
of your protagonist
1087
01:17:56,572 --> 01:18:00,310
doesn't mean you stop
telling the story.
1088
01:18:00,345 --> 01:18:03,445
- And so, I was standing in line
1089
01:18:03,480 --> 01:18:07,515
outside the Notre-Dame Basilica,
waiting for the service.
1090
01:18:07,550 --> 01:18:10,023
There were over
3,000 in attendance.
1091
01:18:10,058 --> 01:18:12,223
Oh...
1092
01:18:12,258 --> 01:18:15,864
And the man in front of me
asks me where I'm from,
1093
01:18:15,899 --> 01:18:19,164
and he couldn't believe
I came so far for the funeral.
1094
01:18:19,199 --> 01:18:22,134
- He was your hero.
1095
01:18:22,169 --> 01:18:25,632
- In spite of his
many flaws, yes, he...
1096
01:18:25,667 --> 01:18:28,470
he was my hero.
1097
01:18:28,505 --> 01:18:32,474
And so, we began talking
1098
01:18:32,509 --> 01:18:34,850
and we had the loveliest
conversation about Trudeau,
1099
01:18:34,885 --> 01:18:38,216
his eccentricities, his gifts,
1100
01:18:38,251 --> 01:18:40,889
his life.
1101
01:18:40,924 --> 01:18:44,585
And then the strangest
thing happened:
1102
01:18:44,620 --> 01:18:48,930
the man invited me
to a party at his house.
1103
01:18:48,965 --> 01:18:52,901
And it was a very fancy house
in a very fancy neighbourhood,
1104
01:18:52,936 --> 01:18:55,596
with champagne.
1105
01:18:55,631 --> 01:18:57,235
- Oh!
1106
01:18:57,270 --> 01:19:00,238
- Imagine me at
a complete stranger's house.
1107
01:19:02,704 --> 01:19:05,408
Did you have
a glass of champagne?
1108
01:19:05,443 --> 01:19:06,816
- Oh, no.
1109
01:19:06,851 --> 01:19:08,950
Oh, no.
1110
01:19:08,985 --> 01:19:10,446
No.
1111
01:19:12,648 --> 01:19:13,988
No.
1112
01:19:28,466 --> 01:19:29,597
Hello?
1113
01:19:29,632 --> 01:19:31,104
- Have you spoken
with her today?
1114
01:19:31,139 --> 01:19:32,732
- No, but Nic's there.
1115
01:19:32,767 --> 01:19:36,604
- I know, I just wish they'd
answer it or text or whatever.
1116
01:19:36,639 --> 01:19:38,672
I feel like a needy girlfriend.
1117
01:19:38,707 --> 01:19:40,212
I can't stop calling.
1118
01:19:40,247 --> 01:19:42,115
- Yeah,
I'm the overbearing mother.
1119
01:19:42,150 --> 01:19:44,810
Whenever I stop by,
she gives me a look that says,
1120
01:19:44,845 --> 01:19:46,614
"I'm not fooled by you."
1121
01:19:46,649 --> 01:19:49,122
"I know you're
checking up on me."
1122
01:19:49,157 --> 01:19:52,323
But it's impossible not to.
1123
01:20:34,334 --> 01:20:35,828
- Again, again!
1124
01:20:37,271 --> 01:20:38,633
- Uh, no, just no!
1125
01:20:38,668 --> 01:20:41,306
Not even close!
1126
01:20:41,341 --> 01:20:42,868
- What, like that?
1127
01:20:42,903 --> 01:20:44,980
- Oh!
1128
01:20:45,015 --> 01:20:46,707
- No!
- Hit it.
1129
01:20:53,716 --> 01:20:56,288
- One second!
One second!
1130
01:22:14,236 --> 01:22:15,565
- Does my mom know?
1131
01:22:19,934 --> 01:22:22,968
Okay.
I gotta call her.
1132
01:22:42,891 --> 01:22:44,363
- Hello?
1133
01:22:46,367 --> 01:22:48,202
- Mom, are there people there?
1134
01:22:50,866 --> 01:22:52,437
- No, why?
1135
01:23:06,519 --> 01:23:09,982
- Yoli, what happened?
1136
01:23:12,789 --> 01:23:14,195
Tell me.
1137
01:23:17,057 --> 01:23:19,530
Yoli, tell me.
1138
01:24:06,777 --> 01:24:10,614
- Elf had asked me
to go to the library for her.
1139
01:24:10,649 --> 01:24:13,815
I said we should
have lunch first.
1140
01:24:13,850 --> 01:24:17,049
And lunch was normal.
1141
01:24:17,084 --> 01:24:19,018
And then I went to the library
to get the books
1142
01:24:19,053 --> 01:24:21,460
and she said she was
gonna take a nap.
1143
01:24:27,237 --> 01:24:30,997
- Libraries and civilization.
1144
01:24:31,032 --> 01:24:32,900
- What?
1145
01:24:32,935 --> 01:24:35,001
- She believed
libraries were the bedrock
1146
01:24:35,036 --> 01:24:37,146
of civilization.
1147
01:24:37,181 --> 01:24:38,873
- She said
that when you borrow a book,
1148
01:24:38,908 --> 01:24:41,645
you make a promise.
1149
01:24:41,680 --> 01:24:46,353
- To return it.
1150
01:24:46,388 --> 01:24:48,322
A promise to come back.
1151
01:24:59,764 --> 01:25:01,929
- The funeral director
said that...
1152
01:25:05,099 --> 01:25:07,737
because of the impact
of the train,
1153
01:25:07,772 --> 01:25:10,575
we might just
want to see her hand.
1154
01:25:16,418 --> 01:25:21,047
- I need to see Elf's face.
1155
01:25:31,026 --> 01:25:33,928
So there she was,
1156
01:25:33,963 --> 01:25:37,129
the hole in her head sewn up
like a homemade baseball.
1157
01:25:37,164 --> 01:25:38,603
And that's when I thought,
1158
01:25:38,638 --> 01:25:43,410
"Who's the jackass that
stitched up my sister's face?"
1159
01:25:43,445 --> 01:25:47,172
And after a minute of staring
at her, hoping she would blink,
1160
01:25:47,207 --> 01:25:52,012
open her eyes, and laugh
at the absurd spectacle,
1161
01:25:52,047 --> 01:25:54,146
I changed my mind
and felt a powerful,
1162
01:25:54,181 --> 01:25:56,984
oceanic wave of gratitude
towards the mortician
1163
01:25:57,019 --> 01:25:59,657
who did his best
trying to restore
1164
01:25:59,692 --> 01:26:02,231
my sister's beauty
for one last time.
1165
01:26:25,355 --> 01:26:27,487
So, Elf, I finally checked out
1166
01:26:27,522 --> 01:26:31,216
your beloved D.H. Lawrence.
1167
01:26:31,251 --> 01:26:35,022
I remember your incredulity when
you found out I hadn't read it.
1168
01:26:35,057 --> 01:26:38,531
God, you can be
a snob sometimes.
1169
01:26:38,566 --> 01:26:40,995
Anyway, you were right
about the first paragraph
1170
01:26:41,030 --> 01:26:45,230
of Lady Chatterley's Lover.
1171
01:26:45,265 --> 01:26:47,705
"Ours is essentially
a tragic age,
1172
01:26:47,740 --> 01:26:51,170
"so we refuse
to take it tragically.
1173
01:26:51,205 --> 01:26:55,284
"The cataclysm has happened,
we are among the ruins,
1174
01:26:55,319 --> 01:26:57,880
"we start to build up
new little habitats,
1175
01:26:57,915 --> 01:27:01,620
"to have new little hopes.
1176
01:27:01,655 --> 01:27:06,020
"It is rather hard work:"
1177
01:27:06,055 --> 01:27:09,958
"there is now no smooth road
into the future."
1178
01:27:17,407 --> 01:27:22,003
"We've got to live, no matter
how many skies have fallen."
1179
01:27:22,038 --> 01:27:25,204
- And no matter how much
shit we've buried ourselves in.
1180
01:27:32,950 --> 01:27:34,422
Do you remember when your father
1181
01:27:34,457 --> 01:27:37,953
tried to start
a library in town?
1182
01:27:37,988 --> 01:27:40,659
The elders, they kept saying no.
1183
01:27:40,694 --> 01:27:42,496
But he persisted.
1184
01:27:42,531 --> 01:27:46,566
Completely out of character,
he refused to back down.
1185
01:27:46,601 --> 01:27:49,866
Insisted it was
important to the community.
1186
01:27:49,901 --> 01:27:53,606
So they told him, "If you
can get 400 signatures,"
1187
01:27:53,641 --> 01:27:56,235
which was almost everyone
in the East Village,
1188
01:27:56,270 --> 01:27:58,204
that they would consider it.
1189
01:28:00,780 --> 01:28:02,450
- Hello?
- Oh, hello.
1190
01:28:02,485 --> 01:28:04,485
Is Elfrieda Von Riesen there,
please?
1191
01:28:04,520 --> 01:28:06,421
- How do you
spell the last name?
1192
01:28:06,456 --> 01:28:11,085
- R-I-E-S-E-N.
1193
01:28:11,120 --> 01:28:14,924
- I'm sorry, Miss Riesen
was released weeks ago.
1194
01:28:14,959 --> 01:28:18,928
Night after night he went out.
1195
01:28:18,963 --> 01:28:20,864
He was crazy.
1196
01:28:20,899 --> 01:28:22,635
- Seriously?
1197
01:28:22,670 --> 01:28:24,329
Are you certain some
mistake wasn't made?
1198
01:28:24,364 --> 01:28:25,671
She was very sick.
1199
01:28:25,706 --> 01:28:27,541
How can you be sure
she was ready to leave?
1200
01:28:27,576 --> 01:28:29,378
- Who is this, please?
1201
01:28:36,453 --> 01:28:38,310
- He was so proud.
1202
01:28:41,920 --> 01:28:46,758
- He was so proud.
1203
01:28:46,793 --> 01:28:50,025
Makes me want to cry even now
just thinking about it.
1204
01:28:59,003 --> 01:29:02,840
- No offence, but this place
is kind of a shithole.
1205
01:29:02,875 --> 01:29:06,008
- No offence, but the payout
from your life insurance policy
1206
01:29:06,043 --> 01:29:10,210
doesn't really buy a whole lot
of house in Toronto these days.
1207
01:29:10,245 --> 01:29:12,817
- Do you like
the monthly stipend of $2,000
1208
01:29:12,852 --> 01:29:14,819
so you can finally
finish your novel?
1209
01:29:14,854 --> 01:29:18,185
- A stipend?
1210
01:29:18,220 --> 01:29:19,967
I couldn't believe
you actually used that word
1211
01:29:19,991 --> 01:29:22,123
in your will.
1212
01:29:22,158 --> 01:29:25,995
So Virginia Woolf.
1213
01:29:26,030 --> 01:29:28,393
- "A woman must have money
1214
01:29:28,428 --> 01:29:32,639
"and a room of her own
if she is to write fiction."
1215
01:29:32,674 --> 01:29:36,038
So you finally got Mom
to move to Toronto?
1216
01:29:36,073 --> 01:29:39,041
- It was time
to circle our wagons.
1217
01:29:39,076 --> 01:29:41,582
We've lost half our men,
supplies are dwindling,
1218
01:29:41,617 --> 01:29:44,816
and winter is coming.
1219
01:29:44,851 --> 01:29:48,853
There was no debate,
no discussion.
1220
01:29:48,888 --> 01:29:51,053
We three ladies
will live in this old,
1221
01:29:51,088 --> 01:29:53,154
wretched house thanks to you.
1222
01:29:58,634 --> 01:30:01,393
- How are you feeling?
- Okay, I guess.
1223
01:30:01,428 --> 01:30:04,231
Some days are better
than others.
1224
01:30:04,266 --> 01:30:06,431
- Man, I keep thinking
how hard it must be,
1225
01:30:06,466 --> 01:30:08,301
especially because
she died by her own hand.
1226
01:30:08,336 --> 01:30:10,435
- Okay...
1227
01:30:10,470 --> 01:30:12,745
Can you please not say
"Died by her own hand"?
1228
01:30:12,780 --> 01:30:14,208
- Sorry, how should I say it?
1229
01:30:14,243 --> 01:30:16,210
- She killed herself.
1230
01:30:16,245 --> 01:30:17,420
If someone gets murdered,
do you say,
1231
01:30:17,444 --> 01:30:20,753
"They died by another's hand"?
1232
01:30:20,788 --> 01:30:23,855
This isn't
The Count of Monte Cristo.
1233
01:30:23,890 --> 01:30:25,120
- I can't help but think
1234
01:30:25,155 --> 01:30:27,320
it just seems like
such a selfish act.
1235
01:30:27,355 --> 01:30:28,761
- Selfish?
1236
01:30:28,796 --> 01:30:31,192
How can it be selfish?
If you...
1237
01:30:31,227 --> 01:30:32,798
if you haven't felt
agony firsthand,
1238
01:30:32,833 --> 01:30:36,296
you can't pass judgement.
1239
01:30:36,331 --> 01:30:39,970
- Can I get a refill, please?
1240
01:30:40,005 --> 01:30:41,972
- Actually lately,
more and more,
1241
01:30:42,007 --> 01:30:44,546
I've begun to measure a person's
character and integrity
1242
01:30:44,581 --> 01:30:46,911
by their ability
to kill themselves.
1243
01:30:46,946 --> 01:30:48,341
- This ought to be good.
1244
01:30:48,376 --> 01:30:50,376
- Thank you.
1245
01:30:50,411 --> 01:30:52,785
What the hell are
you talking about?
1246
01:30:52,820 --> 01:30:54,248
- Vladimir Putin?
No way.
1247
01:30:54,283 --> 01:30:56,525
Jeremy Irons?
Yeah.
1248
01:30:56,560 --> 01:30:58,219
Donald Trump?
1249
01:30:58,254 --> 01:31:02,058
Like, no question, not a chance.
That kind of thing.
1250
01:31:02,093 --> 01:31:04,632
- And me?
1251
01:31:04,667 --> 01:31:06,667
Do I have what it takes
to kill myself?
1252
01:31:24,786 --> 01:31:26,654
- When I looked up
Final Exit on Amazon,
1253
01:31:26,689 --> 01:31:29,756
I was shocked by how high
the user ratings were.
1254
01:31:29,791 --> 01:31:31,692
There were a couple of
verified purchasers
1255
01:31:31,727 --> 01:31:33,518
who left glowing reviews
despite the fact
1256
01:31:33,553 --> 01:31:37,896
that it was found next to
the bodies of their loved ones.
1257
01:31:41,836 --> 01:31:45,167
- I have to ask you something.
1258
01:31:45,202 --> 01:31:47,774
Why do you keep
calling the hospital?
1259
01:31:50,108 --> 01:31:52,471
- I don't.
1260
01:31:52,506 --> 01:31:54,341
What?
1261
01:31:54,376 --> 01:31:57,179
- I tracked your activities.
1262
01:31:57,214 --> 01:31:59,445
I've seen the cell phone bills,
the calls,
1263
01:31:59,480 --> 01:32:01,447
the empty wine bottles.
1264
01:32:01,482 --> 01:32:04,153
- Looks like all your years
of reading mystery novels
1265
01:32:04,188 --> 01:32:05,759
is finally paying off.
1266
01:32:09,160 --> 01:32:12,029
- Are you trying to haunt
the hospital for letting her go?
1267
01:32:19,104 --> 01:32:20,807
- That's an interesting theory.
1268
01:32:20,842 --> 01:32:22,809
Um...
1269
01:32:22,844 --> 01:32:24,679
I don't know what I'm doing.
1270
01:32:26,716 --> 01:32:28,584
- It has to stop.
1271
01:32:38,123 --> 01:32:41,861
- They screwed up!
1272
01:33:02,884 --> 01:33:04,246
- I'm sorry.
1273
01:33:04,281 --> 01:33:06,050
- Mm-mm.
1274
01:33:15,622 --> 01:33:19,228
You know,
we can all fight really hard,
1275
01:33:19,263 --> 01:33:22,594
but we can also
acknowledge defeat,
1276
01:33:22,629 --> 01:33:25,971
stop fighting,
and just call a spade a spade.
1277
01:33:29,812 --> 01:33:34,210
- What do you do
when a spade isn't a spade?
1278
01:33:34,245 --> 01:33:38,214
- Well, yeah, there
are things like that in life
1279
01:33:38,249 --> 01:33:41,481
that aren't spades,
and we can just let them...
1280
01:33:41,516 --> 01:33:44,924
stay that way.
1281
01:33:44,959 --> 01:33:47,289
- I'm a writer.
It's very difficult
1282
01:33:47,324 --> 01:33:51,194
for me to leave those
spades so undefined.
1283
01:33:51,229 --> 01:33:53,130
- I realize that.
1284
01:33:58,005 --> 01:34:02,007
The problem is
the pain of letting go
1285
01:34:02,042 --> 01:34:05,670
of grief is...
1286
01:34:05,705 --> 01:34:08,145
it's just as painful,
1287
01:34:08,180 --> 01:34:11,786
even more painful
than the grief itself.
1288
01:34:14,549 --> 01:34:17,418
We're meant to move on.
1289
01:34:41,741 --> 01:34:43,323
- You know,
this surely has to constitute
1290
01:34:43,347 --> 01:34:44,511
some sort of child abuse,
1291
01:34:44,546 --> 01:34:47,052
making me watch you
sign the divorce papers!
1292
01:34:47,087 --> 01:34:49,956
- Yeah, well, unfortunately
someone needs to bear witness
1293
01:34:49,991 --> 01:34:53,454
to my failure, and who better
than the product of the union?
1294
01:34:53,489 --> 01:34:55,236
- You know what?
That is an interesting theory.
1295
01:34:55,260 --> 01:34:57,007
I will be sure to bring
that up with my therapist
1296
01:34:57,031 --> 01:34:58,833
that I'm gonna need
for the rest of my life.
1297
01:34:58,868 --> 01:35:00,670
- Sounds great, as long
as your father pays for it.
1298
01:35:00,694 --> 01:35:01,694
- Mm.
1299
01:35:09,978 --> 01:35:11,571
You okay?
1300
01:35:21,220 --> 01:35:24,023
I could sense
the book was coming to an end.
1301
01:35:24,058 --> 01:35:27,323
The novel, but really a memoir
with enough red herrings
1302
01:35:27,358 --> 01:35:31,426
that I could deny everything,
was approaching 130,000 words.
1303
01:35:31,461 --> 01:35:34,330
I'd give my mother
the word count in the morning.
1304
01:35:34,365 --> 01:35:36,596
My guess, she'd be disappointed
with the sorrow quotient
1305
01:35:36,631 --> 01:35:39,335
my literary efforts
once again produced.
1306
01:35:39,370 --> 01:35:41,568
There was no Rotterdam plot.
1307
01:35:41,603 --> 01:35:43,438
I couldn't even rework
a tiny part of it
1308
01:35:43,473 --> 01:35:45,341
as some sort of metaphor,
1309
01:35:45,376 --> 01:35:47,442
though I tried.
1310
01:35:47,477 --> 01:35:50,412
I was in that beautiful zone
where the words came easily
1311
01:35:50,447 --> 01:35:53,283
and I was one of the productive
members of society,
1312
01:35:53,318 --> 01:35:56,022
that it mattered,
that I was making a difference,
1313
01:35:56,057 --> 01:35:58,684
that I had done my best.
1314
01:36:07,134 --> 01:36:09,794
I look at that
photograph and wonder,
1315
01:36:09,829 --> 01:36:13,534
were the lines already drawn
and we just didn't know it?
1316
01:36:19,311 --> 01:36:22,477
Elf's favourite poem
was "On Friendship"
1317
01:36:22,512 --> 01:36:25,447
by Samuel Coleridge.
1318
01:36:25,482 --> 01:36:30,287
"I too a sister had,
an only sister."
1319
01:36:30,322 --> 01:36:34,896
"She loved me dearly
and I doted on her."
1320
01:36:34,931 --> 01:36:38,229
"To her I poured forth
all my puny sorrows."
1321
01:36:42,037 --> 01:36:45,599
- Did you actually think I'd
get that inscribed on my back?
1322
01:36:49,803 --> 01:36:53,640
- For a minute there
I was worried, so yes, I did.
1323
01:36:53,675 --> 01:36:56,049
Wouldn't be entirely
out of character.
1324
01:36:56,084 --> 01:36:58,315
- Can you imagine trying
to explain that to a guy
1325
01:36:58,350 --> 01:37:00,988
you're about to have sex with?
1326
01:37:05,489 --> 01:37:07,324
- Might be
a bit of a mood-killer.
1327
01:37:07,359 --> 01:37:09,524
- I'd never get laid again.
1328
01:37:09,559 --> 01:37:11,691
- Don't sell yourself short.
You're a catch.
1329
01:37:11,726 --> 01:37:14,067
- Hmm, that's true.
1330
01:37:14,102 --> 01:37:17,268
I do come with drawbacks
that are not readily evident.
1331
01:37:22,143 --> 01:37:24,572
- Do you remember when
we watched that solar eclipse?
1332
01:37:29,018 --> 01:37:32,382
- It was so cold.
1333
01:37:32,417 --> 01:37:35,990
- We wore welding helmets,
didn't we?
1334
01:37:36,025 --> 01:37:37,926
- Where did you get them?
1335
01:37:37,961 --> 01:37:39,752
- I forget.
1336
01:37:39,787 --> 01:37:42,931
Some guy I knew.
1337
01:37:42,966 --> 01:37:45,890
- It was amazing, wasn't it?
1338
01:37:45,925 --> 01:37:47,529
- Yes.
1339
01:37:53,042 --> 01:37:55,438
The path of totality.
1340
01:37:55,473 --> 01:37:58,078
- Is that what it's called?
1341
01:37:58,113 --> 01:38:00,905
- Yeah.
1342
01:38:00,940 --> 01:38:05,844
Don't you remember
what Dad said?
1343
01:38:05,879 --> 01:38:10,090
The path of totality passed
over us in the early afternoon.
1344
01:38:16,923 --> 01:38:19,264
- The next one's
not supposed to be
1345
01:38:19,299 --> 01:38:21,794
for 1,500 years
or something like that.
1346
01:38:23,765 --> 01:38:26,106
- Then I guess I'll miss it.
1347
01:38:26,141 --> 01:38:29,571
- Me too, I suppose.
1348
01:38:29,606 --> 01:38:30,902
- Who knows?
1349
01:38:34,941 --> 01:38:36,776
Who knows?
1350
01:38:49,263 --> 01:38:50,966
What's your book about?
1351
01:39:07,908 --> 01:39:09,248
- Us.
1352
01:39:17,060 --> 01:39:18,719
It's about us.
97111
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