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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,226 --> 00:00:04,040 Restoration and digitization with the support of the CNC 2 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:46,183 --> 00:00:51,964 The Kreutzer Sonata 5 00:00:52,031 --> 00:00:57,015 based on the short story by Tolstoy 6 00:01:09,004 --> 00:01:14,484 directed by Eric Rohmer. 7 00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:11,437 No, it's not jealousy. 8 00:02:11,750 --> 00:02:13,667 It's something far more horrible. 9 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:15,109 Hatred. 10 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:17,800 In which events took no part. 11 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:21,600 I killed her because her existence was a flagrant repudiation 12 00:02:21,762 --> 00:02:25,080 of all I admired, all that mattered to me. 13 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:27,320 She was my living disavowal, 14 00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:30,155 the constant denunciation of my slightest desire 15 00:02:30,315 --> 00:02:31,960 and most anodyne thought. 16 00:02:32,125 --> 00:02:33,500 Why did we have to meet? 17 00:02:33,667 --> 00:02:35,273 Why, from the very start, 18 00:02:35,625 --> 00:02:38,673 didn't we look away from each other? 19 00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:41,153 In that cellar, 20 00:02:41,322 --> 00:02:43,073 where I saw her for the first time, 21 00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:44,250 I had the impression 22 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,640 she would forever be inaccessible. 23 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:48,400 Is that why 24 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:49,923 I came to desire her 25 00:02:50,083 --> 00:02:51,920 more than any girl I'd known? 26 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:55,715 What did I find so attractive about her? 27 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:58,200 Nothing? Something imperceptible? 28 00:02:58,360 --> 00:02:59,960 The gently prominent cheekbones? 29 00:03:00,125 --> 00:03:04,113 And perhaps that air of continual sadness that imprinted 30 00:03:04,292 --> 00:03:05,553 her smile even. 31 00:03:08,333 --> 00:03:10,353 It was nearly one year ago. 32 00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,553 Life smiled on me. 33 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:14,393 I loved my work as an architect 34 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:17,480 and could look forward to a brilliant career. 35 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:19,840 I had my own practice. 36 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,960 I was landing major contracts. 37 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:25,400 After some difficult years, 38 00:03:25,583 --> 00:03:27,833 I could finally call myself a success. 39 00:03:52,292 --> 00:03:53,792 Was I happier? 40 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:57,480 What anxiety oppressed me that late winter? 41 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:00,000 I feared I had sacrificed 42 00:04:00,417 --> 00:04:02,208 my finest years to my ambition. 43 00:04:02,625 --> 00:04:05,458 Feverishly, I tried to make up for lost time, 44 00:04:05,875 --> 00:04:08,333 while not daring to leave the scene 45 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:10,120 I frequented in my twenties. 46 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:12,880 I began to think of marriage, 47 00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:15,360 not because I found solitude annoying, 48 00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:17,120 but rather humiliating. 49 00:04:17,292 --> 00:04:19,235 I thought that my self-esteem 50 00:04:19,417 --> 00:04:22,393 also had a right to be satisfied. 51 00:04:43,167 --> 00:04:44,193 I was bored 52 00:04:44,375 --> 00:04:46,953 and doing nothing to cast off my boredom. 53 00:04:47,125 --> 00:04:48,473 That world had lost 54 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:51,132 its picturesque charm for me. 55 00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:53,753 At most, the dismal apathy of those faces 56 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:55,993 could only serve as consolation. 57 00:04:56,458 --> 00:04:58,042 And a wretched one, too. 58 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:00,840 I liked to tell myself these kids 59 00:05:01,002 --> 00:05:02,713 were older than me. 60 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:04,400 Their fashions and fancies 61 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:07,625 were those I'd known ten years earlier. 62 00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:10,073 I needed a gust of fresh air. 63 00:05:10,750 --> 00:05:13,233 I'd gone to ground in a waxwork museum. 64 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,120 The old camaraderie was gone. 65 00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:48,680 I was changing category, to bourgeois, exploited. 66 00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:50,840 Tourists, as they were known. 67 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:53,542 Only my long familiarity with the neighborhood 68 00:05:53,708 --> 00:05:56,353 maintained for the time being my privileges. 69 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:59,560 I was a generation removed from them. 70 00:06:03,750 --> 00:06:04,833 And her? 71 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:06,750 What was she looking for here? 72 00:06:06,917 --> 00:06:09,593 She seemed as unlikely a bohemian as me. 73 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:11,792 There was, among the place's regulars, 74 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:15,073 a likeness that both of us had escaped, 75 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:16,800 which made us suspect. 76 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,753 I sensed in her the presence 77 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,640 of the same boredom, the same vice, as mine, 78 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:24,073 which only made her more desirable. 79 00:07:20,250 --> 00:07:21,250 More and more, 80 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:24,160 I was pained by this exile. 81 00:07:26,417 --> 00:07:29,333 All the most threadbare artifices 82 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:33,040 were fine by me if I could preserve my precarious prestige. 83 00:07:34,958 --> 00:07:36,393 I took with me 84 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:38,473 one of my journalist friends. 85 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:39,960 The pretext 86 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:42,715 of an article on contemporary youth 87 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:45,720 made our presence less peculiar. 88 00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:47,993 These tests 89 00:07:48,167 --> 00:07:50,583 served as board games for us. 90 00:08:12,708 --> 00:08:14,353 Naturally, our explanations 91 00:08:14,542 --> 00:08:15,542 were fanciful. 92 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:19,120 But with our careful handling of egos, 93 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,960 everybody agreed to sit the exam. 94 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:24,080 I found it amusing. 95 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:26,000 It kept up appearances, 96 00:08:26,167 --> 00:08:29,953 but deepened the chasm that existed between them and me. 97 00:08:39,167 --> 00:08:41,993 I wanted to bid farewell to the neighborhood. 98 00:08:42,875 --> 00:08:45,233 Why had I still not done so? 99 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:46,440 Was it her 100 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:48,200 holding me back? 101 00:08:49,875 --> 00:08:51,833 I'd picked up some hints 102 00:08:52,082 --> 00:08:54,633 that her fling was drawing to an end. 103 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,040 Our eyes had met once or twice, 104 00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,233 and I'd seen in hers barely concealed curiosity. 105 00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:03,458 A feeble glimmer of hope 106 00:09:03,875 --> 00:09:05,633 had started to flicker in me. 107 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:07,440 In fact, it was unusual 108 00:09:07,625 --> 00:09:09,275 that a chance to make acquaintance 109 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,240 in that sealed environment 110 00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:13,913 had not cropped up earlier. 111 00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:47,160 Most disappointing was that first contact, 112 00:09:47,333 --> 00:09:49,035 which, as chance would have it, 113 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:51,080 revolved around psychology. 114 00:09:51,875 --> 00:09:54,553 I thought I detected in her a mystery 115 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:55,993 that perhaps wasn't one. 116 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:59,160 I was surprised by the banality, 117 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:01,840 the prosaicness, of her replies. 118 00:10:03,083 --> 00:10:05,155 That which I had named anxiety, 119 00:10:05,333 --> 00:10:06,750 profound torment, 120 00:10:06,917 --> 00:10:08,873 was doubtless indifference, 121 00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,750 weakness of character. 122 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,800 But it hurt to admit I was wrong 123 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,600 and I failed to resist temptation. 124 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:19,200 That lack of willpower 125 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,440 led me to foresee an easy conquest. 126 00:10:22,625 --> 00:10:26,155 Hypocritically, I could not have been more thrilled. 127 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,673 Yes, I had only disdain for her credulity. 128 00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:35,708 Just as she must have disdained 129 00:10:35,875 --> 00:10:37,953 my abundance of precaution in seducing her. 130 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:42,760 Lacking in self-confidence, she wanted someone who might, 131 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:46,160 if not mistreat her, keep her on track, 132 00:10:46,333 --> 00:10:50,313 giving her a sense of direction she could not find herself. 133 00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:52,433 I... 134 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,120 I thought only of adapting to her. 135 00:10:55,583 --> 00:10:56,953 Of studying her. 136 00:10:57,917 --> 00:10:59,042 Studying her. 137 00:10:59,583 --> 00:11:00,993 Or so I thought, 138 00:11:01,167 --> 00:11:04,167 whereas I was the toy of my own imagination. 139 00:11:04,327 --> 00:11:06,000 Was it really her 140 00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:07,960 there, before my eyes? 141 00:11:08,375 --> 00:11:10,313 How could I be so blind? 142 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:12,553 I gave her a fictitious substitute, 143 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:15,433 that ideal woman every 16-year-old dreams of. 144 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:16,840 I filled her silences 145 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,040 and misapprehended my own device. 146 00:11:19,208 --> 00:11:20,833 I demanded nothing from her 147 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,713 other than not demolishing by sudden honesty 148 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,633 my laborious assembly. 149 00:11:47,667 --> 00:11:49,753 It was marriage I had in mind, 150 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,512 and marriage alone. 151 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:54,360 She meant very little to me, 152 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:56,520 as long as, at the appointed time, 153 00:11:56,708 --> 00:11:59,417 she took her place in the plan I'd drawn up, 154 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:03,800 at an age when I felt I deserved what I foolishly called love, happiness. 155 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:08,240 All that mattered was success, matching events to my outlook. 156 00:12:08,417 --> 00:12:11,153 Far from being surprised by my easy victory, 157 00:12:11,333 --> 00:12:14,512 I saw there the mark of destiny smiling on me. 158 00:12:18,125 --> 00:12:20,193 I merely had to pick the ripe fruit. 159 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:21,880 Everything was in my favor. 160 00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:23,553 Half-abandoned studies, 161 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,958 the prospect of moving back home, 162 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:29,080 and perhaps her recent romantic breakup. 163 00:12:29,250 --> 00:12:30,473 Unsure of my strengths, 164 00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:34,250 I dangled before her eyes the circles I moved in. 165 00:12:34,417 --> 00:12:35,917 However drab for me, 166 00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:38,995 in her gray life, they must have dazzled. 167 00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:41,033 Just up from the provinces, 168 00:12:41,208 --> 00:12:43,583 where the boys her age mistreated her, 169 00:12:43,750 --> 00:12:47,195 the solicitude of my friends and I won her over to marriage 170 00:12:47,375 --> 00:12:50,512 with a rapidity I would not have suspected. 171 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,280 Why did she say yes? 172 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:28,840 And so fast? 173 00:13:29,083 --> 00:13:30,193 Ambition? 174 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:31,400 Advantage? 175 00:13:31,833 --> 00:13:34,333 She could have found a wealthier match. 176 00:13:35,417 --> 00:13:36,417 Heartbreak? 177 00:13:36,833 --> 00:13:37,873 Weariness? 178 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,433 Or weakness in the face of my insistence? 179 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:46,440 Because I was able, at that moment, to flatter her vanity? 180 00:13:47,333 --> 00:13:49,042 Had she renounced love? 181 00:13:49,208 --> 00:13:50,667 And, prepared for the worst, 182 00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:52,640 did she think that this decision 183 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:54,800 was no more absurd than another? 184 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,840 Had she promised herself to exploit the weakness 185 00:13:58,002 --> 00:13:59,793 she discerned in me? 186 00:14:12,167 --> 00:14:13,353 In one peak of fury, 187 00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:17,040 I accused her of giving in to despair and sordid calculations. 188 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:20,398 It is clear she didn't love me for a single moment. 189 00:14:20,558 --> 00:14:23,593 Always the same stony face, the same hostile passivity. 190 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,593 The same resigned indolence. 191 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:28,880 This marriage evidently revolted her. 192 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,280 Yet, to all appearances, 193 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:52,080 no union ever was more freely consented to. 194 00:14:52,250 --> 00:14:54,875 I always respectfully requested her opinion, 195 00:14:55,042 --> 00:14:57,633 thinking I was attentive to her freedom and mine. 196 00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,360 It flattered my pride, 197 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:01,240 and that was the main thing. 198 00:15:01,417 --> 00:15:03,473 What would happen after? 199 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:05,600 I was concerned about the "after." 200 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:07,960 I didn't want to think about it. 201 00:15:39,250 --> 00:15:41,035 How could I have been so wrong? 202 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,590 I thought a new era was opening up before me 203 00:15:43,750 --> 00:15:46,793 without comparison to any I had experienced. 204 00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:49,667 I looked forward to leaving the world 205 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:51,280 where my youth had gone by, 206 00:15:51,442 --> 00:15:54,280 and which I now saw as pale and rigid. 207 00:15:54,875 --> 00:15:57,473 I scorned others for sinking into a rut, 208 00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:59,793 cultivating the same dreary pleasures 209 00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,593 that I had for too long enjoyed. 210 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:04,542 I could feel sorry for them, 211 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:08,960 dazzled as I was by what I pompously called 212 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:10,720 by the name of love. 213 00:16:46,292 --> 00:16:47,473 Was I truly in love? 214 00:16:48,042 --> 00:16:49,433 I don't believe so now. 215 00:16:50,125 --> 00:16:52,375 My pride alone was at stake. 216 00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:54,793 I was proud to see on their faces 217 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,667 that benevolent irony, 218 00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:58,760 which so flattered my vanity. 219 00:16:59,667 --> 00:17:01,793 Their barely concealed envy 220 00:17:03,333 --> 00:17:05,250 was the best encouragement, 221 00:17:05,667 --> 00:17:07,313 my purest pleasure, 222 00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:09,753 perhaps the sum of my happiness. 223 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,333 For me, it was an adequate verdict. 224 00:17:12,493 --> 00:17:16,000 My only genuine emotion was the joy that verdict brought. 225 00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:19,333 I indulged my scorn of my past. 226 00:17:20,083 --> 00:17:24,353 I saw not even the rockiest foundation to build the life I wanted now. 227 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:28,040 I failed to notice boredom piercing our constrained cheer. 228 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:31,360 The grimace that our smile struggled to conceal. 229 00:17:35,458 --> 00:17:39,542 Only a few months had passed since our wedding 230 00:17:39,708 --> 00:17:42,073 when I had to face the terrible fact... 231 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:44,560 I had been wrong about her. 232 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:47,583 As she had, I suppose, about me. 233 00:17:47,750 --> 00:17:52,033 Never had two beings been less made for each other than us. 234 00:17:52,958 --> 00:17:55,393 We continued to smile out of politeness. 235 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:56,713 Habit. 236 00:17:56,882 --> 00:17:57,993 Self-esteem. 237 00:17:58,458 --> 00:18:02,113 It hurt us to admit our mistake to ourselves. 238 00:18:02,458 --> 00:18:04,233 For fear of destroying everything, 239 00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:07,633 I kept putting off the time for an honest conversation. 240 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:12,080 I'd hoped the concerns of married life would smooth over our differences. 241 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:17,000 I was expecting from her a word or sign that never came. 242 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:22,520 I try in vain to remember her ever showing the slightest affection. 243 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:24,600 Everything in her attitude intimated 244 00:18:24,762 --> 00:18:27,593 I should be happy simply to have her as my wife. 245 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,120 But there was never any love between us. 246 00:18:30,292 --> 00:18:32,000 And there never would be. 247 00:18:33,125 --> 00:18:35,353 Others have known problem beginnings. 248 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:39,240 My sin, my crime, was to refuse to bend to the common law. 249 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:42,715 To believe that besides a fairy tale, crumbling day by day, 250 00:18:42,875 --> 00:18:44,353 nothing else was possible. 251 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:46,320 Friendship, esteem, seemed to me 252 00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:48,080 to be too prosaic. 253 00:18:48,250 --> 00:18:51,113 I could not accept that painstakingly won happiness 254 00:18:51,292 --> 00:18:53,673 was preferable to the most beautiful myth. 255 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:55,913 Light-headed from the summit air, 256 00:18:56,083 --> 00:18:58,353 eyes on the peak, the best, 257 00:18:58,542 --> 00:19:00,833 I glimpsed the slope down to the worst 258 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,600 and was mesmerized by its giddy curve. 259 00:19:04,792 --> 00:19:07,393 It was already impossible to climb back up. 260 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:10,115 We realized we had nothing to say to each other. 261 00:19:10,292 --> 00:19:11,633 Our projects went nowhere. 262 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:15,273 Our apartment was as cold as the day I moved in. 263 00:19:16,333 --> 00:19:18,913 We both lived in separate worlds. 264 00:19:19,083 --> 00:19:21,458 In an incommunicable dream. 265 00:19:22,792 --> 00:19:25,500 What was hers? What did she think about? 266 00:19:25,667 --> 00:19:26,833 Her misfortune? 267 00:19:27,002 --> 00:19:28,033 Her mistake? 268 00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:30,433 Why not try accusing me? 269 00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:32,593 Why this silence? 270 00:19:33,292 --> 00:19:34,753 Why this disdain? 271 00:19:37,458 --> 00:19:40,273 Hatred insidiously took root inside me. 272 00:19:40,667 --> 00:19:42,553 As, I suspected, it took root in her. 273 00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:45,192 This stage, which every couple 274 00:19:45,375 --> 00:19:47,553 has to get through at least once, 275 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,513 blocked my horizon with a line 276 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:52,798 that I thought and wanted to be definitive. 277 00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:55,393 When the first fights broke out, 278 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:58,583 I was relieved to feel a particular pleasure, 279 00:19:58,750 --> 00:20:01,393 which replaced for me the pleasure of loving 280 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:02,913 and being loved. 281 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,000 The rages 282 00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:40,458 and hypocritical reconciliations, 283 00:20:40,625 --> 00:20:44,417 in other people, would have struck me as vulgar, sordid. 284 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:48,880 Yet I accorded them a virtue, a grandeur, they did not possess. 285 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,160 I called it living at last. 286 00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:55,560 Anything seemed preferable to the dull boredom we were flailing in. 287 00:20:56,667 --> 00:20:57,952 I dared to hope 288 00:20:58,120 --> 00:21:01,880 these petty storms would provoke the desired rapprochement. 289 00:21:02,125 --> 00:21:04,713 But I sensed my anger was only paused. 290 00:21:05,917 --> 00:21:08,153 And I'd be the plaything of a force 291 00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:10,083 I had never encountered, 292 00:21:10,243 --> 00:21:12,760 but I relished in advance its exhilaration. 293 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:16,800 That was my state of mind when I first met him this winter. 294 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:18,542 An up-and-coming critic, 295 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:21,040 he asked me to collaborate on an article. 296 00:21:21,208 --> 00:21:22,208 He had talent. 297 00:21:22,833 --> 00:21:26,292 Our tastes were as similar as our personalities were different. 298 00:21:26,500 --> 00:21:27,633 The contrast, 299 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:30,075 far from dividing us, brought us closer. 300 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:31,400 Keen to lose myself, 301 00:21:31,958 --> 00:21:33,793 I have always loved the company 302 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,333 of friends very different from me. 303 00:21:54,542 --> 00:21:57,273 My wife, of course, showed him a long face. 304 00:21:57,458 --> 00:21:59,753 As with everyone I introduced her to. 305 00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:02,583 Anything that had any connection to me, 306 00:22:02,750 --> 00:22:04,375 my friends, my likes, 307 00:22:04,708 --> 00:22:05,792 my admirations, 308 00:22:06,125 --> 00:22:07,500 ever found favor with her. 309 00:22:07,667 --> 00:22:08,513 I was irritated 310 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:09,960 but also flattered 311 00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:12,798 that she snubbed us all alike. 312 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,960 I knew women liked him so I was on my guard. 313 00:22:16,125 --> 00:22:19,042 My disarray at the time was such that I was prey 314 00:22:19,208 --> 00:22:21,375 to the most contradictory ideas. 315 00:22:21,542 --> 00:22:23,993 While wanting him to entertain her 316 00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:28,680 and put on her face the smile I hadn't seen for months, 317 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,040 I also hoped, on the contrary, 318 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:32,800 that she would despise him, 319 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:36,680 denigrate my admiration and try her best to sap our friendship. 320 00:22:38,542 --> 00:22:40,873 That's what I wanted deep down, 321 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:44,920 but I sensed reality would be the exact opposite of my wishes. 322 00:22:45,083 --> 00:22:47,913 It was like a test I wanted to put her through. 323 00:22:48,083 --> 00:22:50,542 If his presence riled her, I said to myself, 324 00:22:50,708 --> 00:22:52,993 everything may yet be saved. 325 00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:56,600 On the other hand, if he had the slightest effect on her, 326 00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:01,440 our marriage clearly was the fruit of the saddest misunderstanding ever. 327 00:23:16,792 --> 00:23:17,875 I gambled. 328 00:23:18,042 --> 00:23:19,042 And lost. 329 00:23:19,208 --> 00:23:21,873 Any hopes I had left were blown away 330 00:23:22,042 --> 00:23:23,393 by my first suspicions. 331 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:28,240 Hatred implanted itself in me definitively. 332 00:23:28,708 --> 00:23:30,593 Nothing would be able 333 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:32,240 to dislodge it. 334 00:24:14,292 --> 00:24:18,353 That evening, I distinctly perceived, for the first time, 335 00:24:18,542 --> 00:24:22,673 the exact nature of the anger slowly massing inside me. 336 00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:26,640 We were both lost in our concerns, our momentary intrigues. 337 00:24:27,167 --> 00:24:29,458 I was consumed by jealousy and despair. 338 00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:32,520 Her and him, their harmony and joy, 339 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,160 consumed my thoughts. 340 00:24:34,333 --> 00:24:38,313 Yet, I perceived just as distinctly each stroke of the bow, 341 00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:40,153 or of the keys of the piano. 342 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:36,640 Such a terrible thing is music. 343 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,513 Those who say it soothes and ennobles are wrong. 344 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:41,073 It merely communicates 345 00:25:41,750 --> 00:25:43,353 a sense of excitement. 346 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:46,240 Excitement that is pure and without outlet. 347 00:25:47,250 --> 00:25:49,292 It multiplies your inner torment 348 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:52,480 without bringing you the food to satisfy it. 349 00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:54,880 The fury of the first presto, 350 00:25:55,375 --> 00:25:57,553 so well attuned to my thoughts that evening, 351 00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:00,640 far from being in itself fulfillment, 352 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,400 added a thousand tangents. 353 00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:06,360 I knew only that something had to happen, 354 00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:08,520 the most violent 355 00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:10,417 and terrible thing possible. 356 00:26:10,583 --> 00:26:12,473 No, music does not soothe. 357 00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:14,583 Like alcohol or drugs, 358 00:26:14,792 --> 00:26:18,458 it drapes in artificial grandeur our most vile sentiments. 359 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:23,240 It espouses movements, base or noble, drives them to demented heights, 360 00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,360 allows us to see only them, and urges us to obey. 361 00:26:27,167 --> 00:26:29,375 Nothing else mattered but my anger. 362 00:26:29,542 --> 00:26:33,033 I cradled it, pampered it, relished it, like a new love. 363 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:36,040 It was my only friend, my only support. 364 00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:37,440 My only refuge. 365 00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:19,757 Between the poverty and banality of the world where the others languished 366 00:27:19,917 --> 00:27:23,473 and the fascinating beauty of the one my fury revealed, 367 00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:25,600 there was no possible comparison. 368 00:27:25,958 --> 00:27:29,625 I was to wholly accept abandoning myself to her, 369 00:27:29,792 --> 00:27:32,667 slave to her every whim and wish. 370 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:37,560 I was to follow her with requisite submissiveness 371 00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:39,360 wherever she indicated, 372 00:27:39,792 --> 00:27:41,000 or demanded, 373 00:27:41,167 --> 00:27:42,673 including to madness, 374 00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:44,160 to catastrophe. 375 00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:45,480 To crime. 376 00:28:35,360 --> 00:28:36,520 She loved him. 377 00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:39,880 The truth could not fail to leap out to the blindest of eyes. 378 00:28:40,042 --> 00:28:42,953 Now, she reserved her smiles and glances for him. 379 00:28:43,125 --> 00:28:44,393 Her fond words. 380 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:46,840 Of which there'd been none for me. 381 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:51,280 He alone would have the spectacle of her abandonment. 382 00:28:51,458 --> 00:28:52,513 Of her joy. 383 00:28:53,125 --> 00:28:54,833 It wasn't supposed to be. 384 00:28:55,002 --> 00:28:57,113 It had no right to exist. 385 00:28:57,792 --> 00:28:58,793 And yet, 386 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:01,440 it was a few steps from me, 387 00:29:01,792 --> 00:29:03,233 almost before my eyes. 388 00:29:29,042 --> 00:29:32,673 My outbursts now no longer caused me remorse. 389 00:29:33,917 --> 00:29:37,633 All I knew was that, every time, they would be more violent. 390 00:29:38,667 --> 00:29:40,193 There was no limit anymore. 391 00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:43,120 Any pretext would do. Any absence. 392 00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:45,200 Any telephone call. 393 00:30:17,375 --> 00:30:20,333 I wished I could destroy her. Crush her. 394 00:30:20,500 --> 00:30:24,553 Dissolve her until no morsel of herself was left. 395 00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:26,433 But I knew it was impossible. 396 00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:28,033 Not yet possible. 397 00:30:28,792 --> 00:30:31,708 My anger had not gained the strength to go so far. 398 00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:34,160 Vestiges of goodwill and conscience 399 00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:37,880 brought even the most delirious outbreaks to an end. 400 00:30:39,958 --> 00:30:44,080 She thought I was putting on an act, trying to scare her. 401 00:30:44,242 --> 00:30:45,880 When I was merely ridiculous. 402 00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:48,040 Her reaction mattered little. 403 00:30:48,208 --> 00:30:50,473 It was like a rehearsal for the grand finale, 404 00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:53,560 which was bound to happen, sooner or later. 405 00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:56,033 It was too serious, too terrible, 406 00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:59,040 to burst out all of a sudden, 407 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:02,280 without a test, without a blunder, without repentance. 408 00:31:50,875 --> 00:31:52,667 Why didn't she leave? 409 00:31:52,917 --> 00:31:54,393 I think I'd have let her run. 410 00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:56,640 Did she not take my anger seriously? 411 00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:59,320 Had he been toying with her perhaps? 412 00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:02,960 Before breaking up, did she want to be sure he was sincere? 413 00:32:03,792 --> 00:32:06,473 It occurred to me she was playing for time, 414 00:32:06,642 --> 00:32:08,273 and found it better to pretend. 415 00:32:09,500 --> 00:32:11,292 Her dissembling disappointed me, 416 00:32:11,500 --> 00:32:14,473 while reassuring my more reasonable self. 417 00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:19,233 At this point, the tiniest spark would have set it all off in flames. 418 00:32:19,417 --> 00:32:20,873 In my moments of calm, 419 00:32:21,042 --> 00:32:25,713 I clung to everything, truth or deception mutually accepted, 420 00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:29,458 that postponed the imminence of the final blaze. 421 00:32:41,417 --> 00:32:43,673 She promised never to see him again. 422 00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:46,583 I was naive enough not to doubt her word, 423 00:32:46,750 --> 00:32:49,993 believing her incapable not only of deep attachment, 424 00:32:50,167 --> 00:32:52,667 but also of being faithful to a caprice. 425 00:32:52,833 --> 00:32:56,000 So I took her at her word, and apparent calm reigned 426 00:32:57,120 --> 00:32:58,680 for a week or two. 427 00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:03,120 Then came an intense period at work, 428 00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:06,080 which often kept me out of the house. 429 00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:15,640 One evening, when I came home without warning, 430 00:33:16,167 --> 00:33:19,292 the familiar smell of Turkish cigarettes, 431 00:33:19,875 --> 00:33:22,153 a spotlessly clean ashtray, 432 00:33:23,208 --> 00:33:27,033 left no more room for doubt about the number she was performing. 433 00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:32,920 It was like an ice-cold shower. 434 00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:34,600 Surprising calm 435 00:33:35,082 --> 00:33:36,793 gave way to my anger. 436 00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:43,320 If she was seeing him here, it wouldn't be hard to catch them out. 437 00:33:43,500 --> 00:33:45,393 I decided to act cheerful, 438 00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:48,600 obliging her in turn to do likewise. 439 00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:51,280 She played her part well enough 440 00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:53,400 to fortify my resolve. 441 00:33:55,720 --> 00:34:00,680 At the earliest possible opportunity, I invented a business trip. 442 00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:21,560 It was this very morning. 443 00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:26,320 The imminence of the conclusion suddenly revived my former self. 444 00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:30,480 My only fear was that my ruse would be in vain. 445 00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:33,708 No! Anything rather than the failure of my stratagem. 446 00:34:34,208 --> 00:34:36,915 If I caught them, it would feel atrocious. 447 00:34:37,083 --> 00:34:38,793 A brutal end to the doubts 448 00:34:39,125 --> 00:34:41,593 that lingered with no good reason. 449 00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:45,720 But nothing was more painful than those doubts. 450 00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:48,240 What could bring me out of them, 451 00:34:48,417 --> 00:34:50,160 other than the irrevocable? 452 00:34:50,833 --> 00:34:52,353 My pain was so strong 453 00:34:52,720 --> 00:34:55,960 that I was tempted to go far away and never come back. 454 00:34:56,458 --> 00:34:58,633 Then I thought that a walk 455 00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:01,583 and the cool air would do me good. 456 00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:08,200 Briefly, I envisioned leaping in front of a truck 457 00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:09,960 to end it all faster. 458 00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:12,240 But it would play into her hands. 459 00:35:12,750 --> 00:35:15,433 And what mattered unhappiness or happiness? 460 00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:17,913 All that counted now was my revenge. 461 00:35:18,833 --> 00:35:20,673 What would happen exactly? 462 00:35:21,083 --> 00:35:22,273 I could not say. 463 00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:26,400 It would depend on them, on me, and above all on my anger. 464 00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:30,667 I'd let her go as far as she could on her own, to guide me 465 00:35:31,125 --> 00:35:33,473 and take all necessary initiatives. 466 00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:37,040 It was a relief to think that his superior strength 467 00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:39,160 would stop me fighting cold-bloodedly. 468 00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:41,880 It would be no-holds-barred. 469 00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:44,240 I'd grab anything within reach. 470 00:35:44,417 --> 00:35:46,313 Paperweight, lamp, chair... 471 00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:49,520 Or the knife on the shelf in the hall, 472 00:35:49,720 --> 00:35:52,720 where the scene would probably take place. 473 00:35:53,500 --> 00:35:55,072 Yes, I would fight. 474 00:35:55,240 --> 00:35:56,552 Stupidly, like a fool. 475 00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:58,920 Not to hurt him, 476 00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:01,400 since I had never managed to hate him, 477 00:36:01,583 --> 00:36:04,673 but because it was the natural outlet for my fury, 478 00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:08,113 because the dream nurtured by my imagination 479 00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:12,000 needed to find at last its match in reality. 480 00:38:44,125 --> 00:38:46,292 He left, ducked out. 481 00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:49,680 Everything so far had been ordinary, licit. 482 00:38:50,875 --> 00:38:52,153 And she 483 00:38:52,333 --> 00:38:55,750 kept looking at me with that cold, disdainful gaze, 484 00:38:55,917 --> 00:38:58,273 barely any more frightened than usual. 485 00:38:59,500 --> 00:39:02,913 I needed my ebbing anger to recharge fast. 486 00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:05,880 One more second and the time would have gone. 487 00:39:12,542 --> 00:39:14,633 Everything happened as I thought, 488 00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:17,153 but not exactly how I thought it would. 489 00:39:17,333 --> 00:39:19,917 All I dreamed of doing blindly, 490 00:39:20,240 --> 00:39:21,480 in the thickest mist, 491 00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:24,040 I carried out in complete awareness. 492 00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:27,400 The gestures my fury showed me in my imagination 493 00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:30,280 were dictated in the event by the clearest resolve. 494 00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:32,632 At each moment, I knew what I was doing, 495 00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:34,920 all in time to a necessary progression, 496 00:39:35,082 --> 00:39:36,913 an inevitable sequence of events. 497 00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:40,080 Nothing could prevent me from finishing my undertaking. 498 00:39:40,250 --> 00:39:42,042 As if the horror of the end 499 00:39:42,202 --> 00:39:45,720 justified, magnified all the hesitations, 500 00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:47,640 all the uncertainties, 501 00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:51,360 which from the start had defined its route. 35193

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