All language subtitles for q1666

Here's where Rage and Zephyr

discover J.T. beaten and left for dead
by a gang of gay bashers.

- It's kind of gory.
- It's supposed to be.

- I'm sure that I left it here.
- Here's Rage

zapping the bashers with his mind distorter.

With his what?

He surrounds them with a mind distortion field
so they think they're all fags.

Then they beat each other to death.

Wow. Then what happens?

Then he swoops J.T. into his arms,

and takes him up to his lair

perched high above Gayopolis...

and he brings J.T. back to life

with lots of heavy kissing and
deep anal penetration.

Which if you'll notice

from the generous amounts of illustrations,

is Justin's favourite part.

Yes, I see.

Okay, where the hell is my palm?

Mm, well, try my bedroom.

You know, may have dropped out of your pocket

while you were dropping out of your pants.

Good thinking, boy-toy wonder.

You stole it?

Borrowed it.

Ben's got a buddy list in here.

So I'm gonna call everybody on it

and invite them to the surprise party.

When's his birthday?

Saturday.

No shit, that's mine.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Isn't that the most amazing coincidence?

What, that you two have the same birthday?

Or that you and Brian are both in love

with guys who have the same birthday.

Ahh, no luck in the bedroom.

That's a first.

You know, I know that my palm's
state-of-the-art, but...

couldn't have just walked away on its own.

You want to stay for dinner?

Ben's making Pad thai.

Then...

we are going to watch...

"Sunset Boulevard."

I can't.

Brian and I are going to...

- Babylon.
- Babylon.

Babylon, yeah.

Isn't that like, the most amazing coincidence?

That you, Ben and like, 17 million other people

have the same birthday?

So, how are you planning on
commemorating the big event?

A trip to Key West?

Something with four wheels and
a retractable hard-top?

That sounds good.

I'm not.

You're not?

What's a fucking birthday?

Anybody can get born, even you.

The only thing worth celebrating is achievement.

I seem to remember you throwing
Michael a little surprise party last year.

I agree with Brian.

I think birthdays are silly,

sentimental and unnecessary.

Okay, sweetheart,

thanks for the ride but, uh,

here's where I get off.

Some catch. How come you're throwing him back?

Not big enough?

Oh, I'm sure he's big enough.

You're still in mourning?

I've tried boys, I've tried booze,

I've tried pills...

but I am still in the Valley of the Dulls.

Well, Neely, maybe you need some spiritual succour.

Yeah, you should call my mother's minister.

He gives great head.

That's not the kind of healing I had in mind.

You're coming with me tomorrow.

To church.

Church?

The curtain has already gone up
on the biggest show in town,

in the universe, in creation.

It's called "Your Life"!

And it stars you.

The original cast, with lyrics and music,

and a book that could only have been written,

directed and conceived by...

God!

Isn't Reverend Brad incredible?

Yeah, yeah, he should...

win a Tony.

This is not a dress rehearsal, kids.

Let us sell it to the balcony and beyond.

Rise, rise,

and follow in your hymnals.

Hit it.

Imagine how good you'll feel.

I think it's going to take a little more than a show tune.

- Here, share mine.
- Thanks.

You know, I actually do feel better.

Told you.

Come on, Barnaby, let's go to Pittsburgh.

I was with the peace corps for a few years,

but then, I decided what i really wanted

- was to work with kids.
- That's sweet.

Ever teach second-graders?

Sweet's not exactly the word.

I'm sure they adore you.

I love it.

And it allows me time in the evenings

to volunteer at the gay youth support line

and to train for AIDS ride on the weekends.

And then of course I, uh... help out at church.

Of course.

I'm impressed.

Listen to me going on about myself.

Uh, what about you?

Tell me what you do.

Me?

Ted?

Where'd you just go?

Oh, uh...

Nowhere. I was, uh...

just thinking about what you said.

So, uh, what do you do?

I, uh... work in computers.

Um, sales? Programming?

I run my own dot-com company.

Really?

An entrepreneur.

- So, uh, what kind of company is it?
- You know.

Dealing with people's needs.

You might call it...

relief work.

Somehow I...

I knew you'd do something
that involved helping others.

A surprise party?

So what do you plan to do?

- Do?
- Yeah, you know,

after everyone jumps out of the woodwork
and screams "Surprise"?

I don't know. I... I thought we'd sing
"Happy Birthday"

and cut the cake, open presents.

Any thought of nudity and drugs?

This isn't one of your affairs.

Besides, I'm not rolling in dough.

I can't afford some elaborate party.

Sweetheart, you don't need a lot of money,

you just need a... theme.

What's, uh, what's Ben into?

Yoga, Buddhism.

Oh, we can meditate.

That sounds like fun.

Okay, give me a minute here.

Let me think, let me think.

Okay, okay, it's coming to me.
I'm getting an idea.

Why don't we do

a geisha-sushi "Miss-Saigony" kind of thing?

We can transform Ben's apartment

into a Far Eastern Fantasmagoria

with coloured lanterns

and, um... little... pagodas.

Yeah. Better yet,

why don't you buy a bottle of sake

and a copy of the kama sutra

and fuck your brains out?

It'll be cheaper.

Honey, you just leave it to me.

I'll make sure it is a party that's unforgettable.

Who's having a party?

Nobody.

Mustn't be much of a guest list.

Ben's birthday.

And Michael's going to throw him a Far Eastern...

Fantasmagoria.

That's nice.

Hey, Deb, your order's up.

Order's up.

Gotta get back to work.

What the fuck did you tell her for?

Why the fuck do you want to keep it a secret?

Because I don't want her to give me
any more shit about Ben.

Maybe if you invited her...

What for? She wouldn't come anyway.

What do you mean, he's not doing anything?

Brian doesn't believe in birthdays,
not even his own.

What kind of bullshit is that?

He almost killed himself when he turned 30.

Who's talking about his birthday?

We're talking about Justin's.

What's his problem with turning 19?

He believes in celebrating accomplishments,

not sentimental rituals.

Oh, blah, blah, blah.

What the hell did he do, brainwash you?

Everybody deserves a little attention on their birthday.

Especially from the person they love.

Well, if Brian's not going to do anything, we will.

Yeah. What do you say we, uh,
go to dinner and a movie?

Oh, that's not very special,
we can do that anytime.

Okay, let's throw a party.

I hate parties.

He hates parties.

Besides, Michael's already giving Ben one.

I know. You're coming with us,
Saturday afternoon.

Where?

A friend of mine who teaches in the
music department at your school

invited us to a violin recital.

A violin recital?

She said the student who's playing is a genius.

I'm not really into classical music.

Oh, maybe it's time you exposed yourself

to a higher form of cultural expression

than the thumpa-thumpa at Babylon.

Well, if he doesn't want to go, don't force him.

Although she also said he's really cute.

Why didn't you say so?

These are for you.

But it's your birthday.

Well, you know what they say, it's better to give.

Well, receiving's not too bad either.

You know, while we're on the
subject of your birthday...

Yes, while we're on it, please, nothing special.

Let's just keep it simple and low-key, okay?

Simple and low-key it is.

I thought we could go to dinner.

Someplace easy and casual, nothing fancy.

How about the Liberty Diner?

Not that casual.

How about I meet you at your place?

Um, what time do you get home?

Ah, if I had my damn palm I could tell you
for sure, but...

Let's see, I've got classes till 4:00,

then the doctor's, then yoga, so...

I'd say around 7:00. Um, no,
you better make it 7:30.

Perfect.

Ben.

Hey, Paul.

How are you doing, baby?

Mm, good. Yeah, and you?

Ah, no complaints.

Paul, this is Michael.

Oh, Michael.

I heard you were seeing someone.

Word travels fast.

Around here?

Uh, listen, uh, we should get together.

Why don't you call me some time?

- I will, I'll do that.
- Good.

- See you, Michael.
- See you.

- Nice guy.
- Oh, yeah, he's...

he's a sweetheart.

Actually, he and I were together
about five years ago.

- Oh.
- No, we stayed friends...

although at the time it wasn't that easy.

Wait, isn't that about the time
that you found out you were...

Positive, yeah.

- He's the one who infected me.
- Holy fuck.

No, no, no, it's...

it's okay.

He didn't know and I should've
been more careful.

Anyway, I've, uh...

I've forgiven him.

The man is perfect.

There's no other explanation.

How else could you forgive
the guy who infected you?

Try nuts.

If it were me, I'd want to kill him.

Ben's not like that.

He's managed to free himself
from all the emotional baggage

that the rest of us carry around.

I wonder how he does it?

My guess,

he sings a lot of show tunes.

You weren't doing such a bad job,

belting them out.

What about you?

Your duet with the boy ingenue?

Ah, you mean Saint Luke?

Something tells me your interest in him

isn't entirely spiritual.

He is the sweetest, the kindest, the...

sexiest, most adorable guy I've ever met.

So what does he think about you?

He thinks I run a relief organization.

- What?
- What?

- What?
- What?

- What?
- What?

Yeah.

Me, The Red Cross and The UNICEF.

And how, pray, did he get that impression?

Oh, he asked me what I did, and I, uh...

Lied?

Why the hell d'you do that?

He's a church-going elementary school teacher

who does charity work, for fuck' sake.

I mean, what would he think if I told him
I'm the CEO of jerkatwork.net?

Well, if he's as perfect as you say,

he probably wouldn't care.

Well, boys...

you date your saints,

I'll stick to the sinners.

It's his birthday, for Christ's sakes.

Couldn't you at least have a cake?

I don't need any cake.
I gained three ounces last week.

Now will you please get off my back?

I have a shitload of work to do.

Hey, you look spiffy.

A new sport coat?

Yep. My mom got it for me for my birthday.

Didn't your daddy ever teach you how to tie a tie?

No, he was too busy kicking me out

and beating the shit out of you.

Well, neither did mine. He was too busy

regretting the day I was born. Come here.

This isn't the birthday suit I'd like to see you in.

There, now.

Go get some culture.

Don't work too hard.

I'll catch up with you.

Did you forget something?

I don't understand you.

Few do.

It's obvious how much you love him.

Yet you won't celebrate his birthday

Because you don't consider it an accomplishment.

Well, isn't it an accomplishment
that he's alive and well?

Isn't that enough reason to celebrate?

I found it.

I wore it to the What-A-Drag Ball in '89.

I went as Cho-Cho-San.

Your mother went as Pinkerton.

I promised Emmett he could borrow it for the party.

It will make a fabulous hostess gown.

He'll be stunning.

Just don't be late.

And don't you be nervous.

I just want everything to come off
as planned, you know, for Ben.

It'll be the social event of the season.

What's the social event of the season?

The Homo Hop at Babylon?

Ben's surprise party.

Oh.

I was just telling Vic not to be late.

Uh-huh.

You know...

if you want to come...

Ah, that's okay. I got plans. I'm...

I'm, uh, I'm going to the movies with my... my...

my friend Rosie.

But please,

wish him many happy returns for me.

I will.

And I'll be sure to give this to Emmett.

- Thanks.
- See you, Michael.

You haven't spoken to Rosie in... 12 years.

Well, you never know, she may call.

Here, help me with this.

I thought you were going to make more of an effort

where Michael and Ben are concerned.

Do you see me giving him any grief?

I don't see you giving him any joy.

I agreed to tolerate it, not endorse it.

Well maybe you could up your commitment a notch.

You've got to admit,

Ben's been a positive influence on him.

Positive. Exactly.

And despite all of your darkest fears and dire predictions,

they both seem to be doing just fine.

So, why not be a sport...

and make the kid happy?

Was he amazing or what?

And to think that he's so young.

He started playing when he was four.

He studied with the great Andrei Vishnevski.

I thought you didn't know anything about classical music.

I read the programme.

I think we're witnessing a conversion experience.

Another lesbian success story.

Oh, there's Susan. I'd better thank her
for the tickets.

I just wanted to say I thought you were great.

The ravel was passable,
but the brahms was for shit.

I didn't notice.

Yeah well, you should've. It was all your fault.

- Me?
- Yes.

The way you were staring at me was very distracting.

I'm sorry.

Although not necessarily in a bad way.

Yeah, I'm Justin.

- Ethan.
- I know.

What's this?

- Oh, it's nothing.
- Let me see.

It's me in five variations.

It's a habit. You know, I can't...

Stop myself.

It's the sign of a true artist.

I play in my sleep.

You go to school here, right?

- Visual arts.
- Yeah,

I thought I recognized you.

Some friends brought me for my birthday.

Hello.

Here. Happy birthday.

- It's your own CD.
- Yeah, I made it myself.

A couple of Mozart sonatas, a...

Debussy, a little Bernstein.

Nice photo.

Yeah well, next time,
I'm going to use one of these.

Do.

Ethan.

Hi, how're you doing?

You...

are a wonderful lover, Ted.

You're so nice, so sincere...

so honest.

I felt immediately that you're someone I could trust.

Remember, uh, when you asked me what I did

and then I said I...

I worked in computers?

And that you're a service provider

for a relief organization.

Yeah, um...

Well, that's... that's not completely accurate,

although... I can understand from...

how intentionally ambiguous I was
about my job description

that you... might assume that, uh...

that I ship food and clothing

to war-torn regions of the globe, when...

in fact, uh...

the service I provide...

It's a porn site.

And, uh, the relief comes from...

well, I'm sure you can figure out the rest.

I guess we'd better get dressed.

No, wait.

Is that what you wanted to tell me?

Well, yeah, I, you know, I thought

after everything you told me
about yourself that...

you know, you might...

No, no.

I've even been on them myself.

Couple of times.

You have?

And you don't mind?

No. No.

Look.

You're what matters.

It was incredible.

Hooked on classics, are we?

Yeah, and the guy that played the violin,

I wish you could've been there, he was...

- He was incredible.
- Incredible, eh?

You know, it wouldn't hurt you

to expose yourself to some culture.

I've exposed myself to a little culture.

There was an oboe player I met at the baths once.

Are you up for another birthday treat?

No way.

Huh.

No fucking way.

I knew it.

All that bullshit about not doing birthdays.

You were just going to surprise me.

Oh.

What is it?

This way, young man.

I'm going to trip.

Oh...

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

Do you like your present?

He looks just like that underwear model...

you like, doesn't he?

Are you going to unwrap it?

Welcome, kind gentlemen.

Please enter.

I am your hostess for the evening.

Emmett, is that you?

Yeah, honey. What do you think?

You put the "gay" back in geisha.

Come on, hurry up and get in.

- Oh!
- He's going to be here any minute.

Uh, Michael,

Em butterfly...

- This is Luke.
- Uh, Luke, right.

We, uh, we met at the
Church of the Holy Show Tune.

Right.

It's nice to meet you, Luke.

Jesus.

This looks like a dream I had

after I ate some bad moo goo gai pan.

Yeah, it was just supposed to be a few red lanterns.

Okay, so I got a little carried away...

Come on in, have some sake
and corn doodles.

I kind of blew my food budget on the room.

Oh. Mel, Linz...

this...

is Luke.

Oh, so you're the famous Luke

that Ted's been raving about.

Ted thinks you're pretty terrific.

We think Ted's pretty terrific too.

Tell him more. Tell him more.

I'll go get some sake.

Uncle vic.

On time, just like you said.

I hope you don't mind, I, uh...

brought along a friend.

The more the merrier.

Ma, you came.

Yeah well, my... my friend rosie called

and cancelled at the last minute.

And, uh, since I had nothing else to do, I...

Well, I'm really glad you're here.

And I'm sure Ben will be too.

Listen, baby,

as long as he's good to you,

the least I can do is wish him a happy birthday.

And many more.

But it's true, Ted's just been raving about you.

I don't think I've heard anyone

use "est" more times in one sentence.

The nicest,

the cutest, the sweetest.

He thinks you're very special.

You gotta be,

considering what he does.

The dick channel, all dick all the time.

Well, this is by far

the most interesting discussion in the room.

We're just saying how great it is

that Luke's so open-minded about Ted's porn site.

Not everyone would be.

Well, I admire someone who's passionate about what he does.

Oh, he's passionate, all right.

Eats, drinks, sleeps porn, 24-7. Porn, porn, porn.

Oh, our little entrepreneur is not going to stop there.

He's far too ambitious for that.

Mm, I'm sure he's got like,

a dozen other websites planned.

Film studio.

Even a theme park.

- Sake?
- Oh, uh, no thanks. I don't drink.

Is he the kindest,

the sweetest, the cutest?

What'd I tell you?

Which I guess makes me about the
luckiest guy in the world.

There's somebody coming up the steps.

It's him, everybody hide!

Hurry. This is it.

Surprise!

Surprise.

It's 7:20.

You don't show up fashionably late for a surprise party.

Well, we were busy having our own little celebration.

You had a celebration?

Brian came through after all.

Yeah, he got me a hustler.

- What?
- Are you serious?

He's coming. This time it's really him.

Everybody hide.

Shhh!

Surprise!

Look, we... we really surprised him.
We really surprised you.

- Happy birthday.
- What the fuck is going on?

What do you mean? It's your birthday

and I called all your friends.

How do you know all my friends?

Well...

I borrowed this.

Oh no...

Okay, you've had this all this time?

I'm the culprit.

You had no right, Michael.

Well, I'm sorry, I was just...

What the hell's the matter with you?

I told you

I didn't want a party.

I don't want to celebrate my goddamn birthday.

Finally, a man with the right attitude.

But, Ben, all your friends...

Oh yeah, my friends.

Yeah, I want my friends out of here now.

Do you understand?

And this is the guy who's good for my son.

After all I went through

to do something special, to surprise him,

to make him happy, how could he humiliate me

in front of everyone like that?

Hey, will you slow down?

And here I am, thinking he's so wise
and so together.

You know, that he lives on
some higher spiritual plane

than the rest of us poor, dumb mortals.

Boy, did he have me fooled.
Was I fucking stupid.

- Hey, are you finished?
- Why?

You in a hurry to pick someone up?

No, I'm just tired of hearing you play

"Variations on the theme of poor little Mikey".

Oh, I'm so sorry I bore you.

Well then, try another song.

What did I do?

Besides throw him a goddamn party?

Never mind. Forget it. Go to Woody's.

Get drunk. Throw up. Pass out.

- You'll feel much better in the morning.
- No, tell me.

You want too much.

You expect too much.

And then when your hero disappoints you,

your poor little heart gets crushed.

So what's the alternative?

To expect nothing? To want nothing like you?

Oh, uh, Jack and Gilles, uh,
Rolf from Dusseldorf is online.

He wants you two to do a little
double-headed dildo action.

Danke.

Hey.

What a nice surprise.

Better than nice.

Did I come at a bad time?

Around here, no such thing.

Hey, let me give you the V.I.P. Tour.

So, this is my little kingdom.

over here, you see the boys,

doing their little thing...

with their big things.

Oh, easy, guys.

You've got 15 more to go,
so pace yourselves,

Pace yourselves.

God, you are just the cutest.

Boy, if my members got one look at you...

Uh, don't worry. Nobody gets you but me.

What?

I, uh...

I came to tell you, I think we're moving too fast.

Too fast?

In fact, I... I don't think we should
see each other for a while.

You're kidding, right?

Why?

It's because of this, isn't it?

Look...

I thought it wouldn't mean anything.

I tried not to let it.

Look, I even told myself it's just a job,

kike any other job. You're providing a...
a service.

That's all it is.

That's not all it is.

No... Wait, wait.

Please, don't make this more difficult...

Look, I'm willing to do whatever it takes. Okay?

Anything. You name it.

- I'll give it up.
- No.

No, you shouldn't have to give up
doing what you love.

Look, besides...

it's not your problem.

It's mine.

Then we'll work on it together.

I'm sorry, Ted.

At ease, you guys.

Pace yourselves.

Pace yourselves.

So how does it feel to be Leda's gofers?

She's doing us a favour.

We had to volunteer.

Yeah well, next time,
do yourselves a favour and me.

- Hire a professional.
- Yeah, you know about that, huh?

Shit, I left my credit card.

- You're sure?
- Be right back.

So, I hear you finally broke down

and got Justin something for his birthday.

- A hustler.
- Yeah.

He really got off on it.

Just what he needs,

to get laid.

I didn't hear him complaining.

Of course not, he wouldn't dare.

- Then why are you?
- Because.

I'm not in love with you.

Finally, someone who isn't.

You might've given him something
a little more thoughtful.

Would you save the Jewish mother
guilt trip for my son?

Ah, fuck off, Brian.

I'm just trying to let you know what he wants.

And what does he want, mama?

Something romantic.

Jesus christ, what do you think we are?
A couple of dykes?

You should be so lucky.

Maybe I should send him a dozen roses.

- Why not?
- Because,

he's not my wife.

We're not married, and we're not straight.

Couldn't you bend your...

holier-than-thou "I'm gay and if you don't like it

you can suck my dick" principles just once?

Let him know you care.

I thought he did.

Got it.

I thought you were the maintenance guy, there's no heat.

Sorry.

It's okay.

Maybe things will warm up,
now that you're here.

I was, um...

I was just cutting through the music building,

and I heard someone playing.

Thought it might be you.

So, I popped my head in and...

And what do you know, you found me.

You want some tea?

No.

I wanted to say thank you for the CD.

You listened to it?

Six times. You're incredible.

I know. How was your birthday?

Did you have a big party?

Um, not really.

My boyfriend doesn't think being born
is a reason to celebrate.

Oh. Well that sucks.

I didn't really want one anyway.

No, I mean that you have a boyfriend.

Oh.

Because if I was your boyfriend,
I'd give you a birthday you'd never forget.

- Like what?
- Like...

First... I'd bring you breakfast in bed.

And then I'd play for you...

one of Ravel's Valse noble e sentimentale,
because that's how I picture you,

noble and sentimental.

And then we'd make love a couple hundred times.

- Huh. All that before lunch?
- Yes.

But I'm not your boyfriend.

I gotta... get back to class.

I've missed you the last few nights.

Yeah, well, I thought it'd be best if I slept alone.

In fact, I think I ought to sleep
alone from now on.

Michael...

please.

I know I got a little upset at the party...

A little upset? You were a fucking monster,

- humiliating me, humiliating yourself.
- I know that too.

- And after all the trouble I went through for you.
- I know. I know.

Well, I won't be doing that again.

I mean, not that it matters, 'cause I don't think

we're going to be spending
any more birthdays together.

My T-cells went down.

What?

And my viral load's back up.

- How up?
- 125,000.

That's where I was before I came home.

At the doctor's, getting the results.

The cocktail's not working.

The virus has become resistant.

Well, can't they change the drugs?

They already have.

Since when do you smoke?

Since I'm nervous, Michael.

Would you stop looking at me like that?

Please, I'm not perfect, you know?

Yeah, I'm finding that out.

Well, god knows, I have tried.

Eastern religion, meditation, yoga,

you name it, I've practiced it.

Hoping to achieve some...
state of inner harmony.

And then this happens, and I realize
the only thing I have achieved

is to convince myself I believe all this bullshit.

It's not bullshit.

I hurt you, Michael.

I hurt the one person

who means more to me
than anyone else in the world.

And... there's no excuse for it.

There's just no excuse at all.

Sure there is.

You're human.

Those are nice.

Can I wrap them for you?

No, thanks.