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CANOE
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I'm really glad the
school psychiatrist
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required you three to
come on in this canoe trip.
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Here in the great outdoors we're
brothers and we help each other out.
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You know, the Burgeoning
Men's movement holds
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that we spend too much
time fighting each other
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and not enough
time loving one another.
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Van Driessen is
looking for love.
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- He wants you.
- He wants you.
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Nice stroke, Beavis.
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Told you, dude.
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He wants to love you.
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- That dude has lettuce on his head.
- His head is lettuce.
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Let-us spray.
Ssssspray.
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Cut it out,
Beavis!
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- What are you doing?
- I'm spraying.
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That's pretty cool.
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- When did you start doing that?
- Just now.
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Boy, this really sucks!
20
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- Oh my God!
- Oh, dear Lord!
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This sucks!
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Good God Almighty!
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This sucks more than
anything I've ever seen.
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This sucks, like, like,
lots and lots!
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Let me count the ways
in which this sucks.
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One...
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Two...
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Four...
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Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
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Thirteen...
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Seven...
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Oh wait a minute,
we already counted that one.
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Yeah, but if it happened again,
that means it sucks again.
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Eleventeen...
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What comes after
eleventeen?
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- Thirteen.
- Oh, yeah.
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Fifteen. Hit him! Hit him!
Hit him! Pull his hair!
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Cool.
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Maybe we should like, take some
points off 'cause that was pretty cool.
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No way, Beavis!
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Just 'cause something's cool doesn't
mean that something else doesn't suck.
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What?
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I said: just because
something's cool
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doesn't mean that something
else doesn't suck!
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What?
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Nevermind,
buttmunch.
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Hey Butt-Head,
why are we watching this?
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I don't know.
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This is still
on?
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- That pisses me off!
- Yeah, that sucks.
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It's bad enough when, like, stuff sucks...
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but then when it's like,
really long, that sucks.
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Guys, I hope our little incident today
shows why we never wrestle in canoes.
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Luckily, and not coincidentally,
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all the important gear
was in my canoe.
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Where's the toilet paper?
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Well, that's the only thing
we put in your canoe.
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Fortunately Beavis, nature
has its own toilet paper,
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- the humble leaf.
- You wiping with foliage, dude.
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I gotta go too.
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Now remember, Beavis: bury at least
200 yards from the campsite
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away from our water and food.
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Okay, Stew, let's
pitch a tent.
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Grab this pole, Stewart.
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Stick it in the hole, Stewart!
In the hole!
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Stewart is the teacher's pet.
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Yeah.
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Ok boys, let's erect this thing!
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Stay tuned to see Beavis and
Butt-Head totally nude. Maybe.
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It's a good thing you went far from
the campsite, because that
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is the biggest poison ivy
patch I've ever seen.
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And human spores would lure bears
to the campsite, and we can't have that.
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Okay guys,
now it's time for the time-honored
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camping tradition:
the sing along.
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- That's stupid!
- What do you mean, Beavis?
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Where are you gonna plug it in?
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- That's stupid!
- Boys, you're in for a treat.
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Acoustic music,
"unplugged".
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After all, folk music began
with woodland minstrels.
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- What's he talking about?
- Flashback.
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This is a song I wrote
especially for this occasion.
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It's called "Men".
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Men have feelings too.
84
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May I share mine with you?
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I may softly weep or cry out loud.
86
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But either way
I'll still be proud.
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- This sucks!.
- Yeah.
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This kicks ass!
89
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And I'm not just saying that, either.
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Lemmy rules!
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00:08:00,246 --> 00:08:02,738
Hey Beavis...
check this out.
92
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I can do that too.
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- That was cool.
- I do it better though.
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Do you know who
Lemmy looks like?
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He looks like that dude down the street
that's always working on his car.
96
00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:34,403
That guy that parks his
car in the front lawn?
97
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Yeah. That guy is cool.
98
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How come Lemmy has those two
big Coco Pops stuck to his cheek?
99
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- Because it looks cool.
- Oh yeah. I forgot.
100
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Fartknocker.
101
00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:15,881
The inner child cries
from deep within
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- nurture me, brother, with both hands...
- This is the worst song I've ever heard.
103
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Yeah. This sucks.
104
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- Whoa!
- Cool.
105
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,537
What Butt-Head?
What?
106
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:19,016
- Come on Butt-Head, what?
- Tweeter.
107
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,518
Oh yeah.
108
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:26,121
- Change it, Butt-Head.
- No way Beavis.
109
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:31,054
- Something cool is gonna happen.
- Oh really? Ok.
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- So like, so like, what happens that's cool?
- You'll see.
111
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Come on Butt-Head, tell me.
Come on, what is it?
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Dammit, Beavis!
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I have ever told you something cool is
gonna happen in a video and it doesn't?
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Yeah, you do it all the time, buttknocker!
115
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- You mean "fartknocker", Beavis.
- Oh yeah, yeah.
116
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Ok. So like, so like,
what happens?
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It's, like,
a surprise.
118
00:11:09,702 --> 00:11:13,333
Yeah but it's like, if you tell me now
then it's like, I'll be surprised right now.
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Here it comes. Here
comes the cool part.
120
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Yes! Kick it!
Kick it! Kick it!
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So come on Butt-Head,
what's the cool part?
9071
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