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1
00:00:00,301 --> 00:00:03,830
MEET GOD
2
00:00:05,305 --> 00:00:09,833
And now back to the late late movie:
"Screwing Total Strangers".
3
00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:17,849
We are in the middle of
nowhere, with no money.
4
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,619
How are we gonna meet girls?
5
00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:36,233
Hey boys, how'd you like
to come over to my place
6
00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:39,034
for a pointless coming of age
sexual experience?
7
00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:40,638
All right!
8
00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:51,640
Hitchhiking is cool.
9
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,988
That gives me an idea.
10
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,684
- What?
- Let's hitchhike.
11
00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:20,410
Is that the Great Pumpkin?
12
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,449
What's the Great
Pumpkin from again?
13
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:30,657
It's from that Charlie Brown thing.
That show about that bald kid.
14
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:36,021
It's that kid with the blanket
that believes in the Great Pumpkin.
15
00:01:37,364 --> 00:01:39,225
That's... Penis?
16
00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:44,129
His name's not
"Penis". It's "Anus".
17
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:46,472
Yeah, Anus.
18
00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:53,336
You're getting him mixed up with that dude
Choder who plays the piano. He's a penis.
19
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:57,837
Shut up, Butt-Head!
That's not cool to call someone
20
00:01:57,837 --> 00:02:00,182
a "penis" just because
they play the piano.
21
00:02:01,388 --> 00:02:05,291
No, Beavis, that's what you call someone
who plays the piano. You call them a penis.
22
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,887
Really?
That's cool.
23
00:02:09,496 --> 00:02:12,595
You know what we should do? We should
go to that piano store in the mall
24
00:02:12,599 --> 00:02:15,259
and just start saying
"Penis! Penis! Penis!"
25
00:02:18,905 --> 00:02:20,734
That's a good idea, Beavis.
26
00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:25,668
So, like, like, what happens
with that Great Pumpkin?
27
00:02:25,669 --> 00:02:27,505
Like, what's he supposed to do?
28
00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:31,250
He, like comes out of the pumpkin
patch at night, and he...
29
00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:34,719
You can see up
that chick's dress!
30
00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:38,152
So, anyways...
31
00:02:40,227 --> 00:02:41,717
what was I talking about?
32
00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:45,464
You were talking about
seeing up that chick's dress.
33
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,620
Hey Butt-Head, this
isn't working.
34
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,901
Are you using your thumb?
35
00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:33,141
I think there's needs
to be like, cars and stuff.
36
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:46,117
- Hey, here comes someone!
- Cool!
37
00:03:56,269 --> 00:03:57,668
Welcome, brothers.
38
00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:37,702
- You're lucky we found you.
- We are?
39
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:43,709
Yes, for you have found God.
Would you like to meet him now?
40
00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:46,319
- Who?
- God.
41
00:05:13,513 --> 00:05:16,483
You know, like, the main
reason that this video sucks?
42
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:19,386
It is, like, it reminds me
of other stuff that sucks.
43
00:05:21,788 --> 00:05:22,821
Really.
44
00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:30,891
Is this, like,
"Jeopardy"?
45
00:05:34,234 --> 00:05:37,431
I'll take "Stuff That Sucks"
for 500, Alex.
46
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,539
What is John Cougar Mellencamp?
47
00:05:45,111 --> 00:05:48,537
You're supposed to form your question
in the phrase of an answer.
48
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:52,018
You are now "discolorfied".
49
00:06:09,402 --> 00:06:12,294
It's that dude who
likes all those prostitutes!
50
00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:15,397
Check this out, Beavis.
51
00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:18,710
"I have sinned against you!"
52
00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:22,707
That was cool.
53
00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:34,992
Is this CNN?
54
00:06:37,697 --> 00:06:39,893
How come they never show
reruns on the news?
55
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,203
They do.
That's why it sucks.
56
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:46,131
Every time you see something,
it's already happened.
57
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:49,610
That would be cool if, like,
there was an explosion...
58
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:52,737
and they would tell you where it's gonna
happen so you could go check it out.
59
00:06:53,813 --> 00:06:55,303
That would be great.
60
00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:14,400
Here's the Lord, thy God.
You can call him Hank.
61
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:18,168
Our Lord? Lord?
Lord!
62
00:07:20,674 --> 00:07:25,475
Lord, lord, here are brothers
Beavis and Butt-Head.
63
00:07:32,218 --> 00:07:36,018
- Yeah. Right.
- You doubt Him?
64
00:07:37,524 --> 00:07:43,429
Like, if you're God, then what's the
name of that guy who built that ark?
65
00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:45,395
Noah!
66
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,348
This sucks!
67
00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:09,047
It's like, it sucks.
68
00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:13,848
This is horrible!
69
00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:16,351
And it sucks too.
70
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:21,623
Beavis, "sucks" isn't even
strong enough word
71
00:08:21,624 --> 00:08:23,624
to describe this crap.
72
00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:28,406
It's like, it's like it sucks… a lot!
73
00:08:38,718 --> 00:08:41,744
Cool! This sounds
pretty cool.
74
00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:44,086
It kicks butt!
75
00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:48,025
Hey, check out the skull.
76
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:52,988
That's not a skull, Beavis.
That's just like, a really ugly dude.
77
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,238
This kicks ass!
78
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:18,853
I wish, like, in school, they would teach
something practical, like, heavy metal.
79
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:22,061
They should have,
like, "Heavy Metal Choir".
80
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:43,879
This is cool!
81
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:47,286
This video has cool
looking stuff in it.
82
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:51,265
Even though it's not on
the screen long enough
83
00:09:51,266 --> 00:09:53,907
to see what it is,
you can still tell it's cool.
84
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:09,207
- You know what makes this band cool?
- Yeah! I mean, what?
85
00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:15,141
They have two dudes who are good screamers,
and they like, take turns screaming.
86
00:10:20,019 --> 00:10:21,817
Screaming is cool.
87
00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:35,062
And Moses said to Pharaoh...
88
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:39,272
"Let my people go, let's
fire rain on Egypt!"
89
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,937
And Nefertite said...
90
00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:47,339
"Moses, Moses can you not feel
my breast? Aren't they not full"?
91
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,681
- He is good.
- He is God!
92
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:59,719
And Charlton Heston did say: "Let me,
Ben-Hur, ride the chariot!"
93
00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:04,094
And Tony Curtis did say:
"I am Spartacus!"
94
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:30,821
Welcome to my breakdown
I hope I didn't scare you.
95
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:33,659
You dont scare me.
96
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:36,428
I'm scared.
97
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:58,343
Hey Butt-Head, doesn't
Slash wear a hat like that?
98
00:12:00,486 --> 00:12:02,811
But he doesn't wear
all that clown makeup.
99
00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:28,509
This is awful!
100
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:31,911
This is old!
101
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:42,119
Hey Butt-Head,
does this suck?
102
00:12:44,831 --> 00:12:45,831
Well...
103
00:12:46,866 --> 00:12:49,558
They're playing in the sewer.
That's pretty cool.
104
00:12:53,239 --> 00:12:55,271
Maybe they show
some fecal matter.
105
00:12:57,143 --> 00:12:58,143
What's that?
106
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:01,611
It's a word that
means, like, turds.
107
00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:04,813
I learned it when I did
my report on feces.
108
00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:08,313
Oh yeah.
I remembered now.
109
00:13:25,104 --> 00:13:27,903
So where were the spiders?
110
00:13:29,108 --> 00:13:31,236
This song is about, like, spiders.
111
00:13:34,213 --> 00:13:36,709
They should have some
spiders in this video.
112
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:42,311
- Like some tarantulas would be cool.
- Yeah. And some daddy long legs.
113
00:13:54,967 --> 00:13:56,032
Cool!
114
00:13:56,135 --> 00:13:57,534
He's in a body bag.
115
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:03,973
- He was injured stage diving.
- Stage diving is cool!
116
00:14:15,321 --> 00:14:16,914
Here is your new home.
117
00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:26,628
What?
Hey, where's the TV?
118
00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:31,695
- TV is the devil's tool.
- Yeah. Where is it?
119
00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:36,601
You don't need it anymore.
Good night, brothers.
120
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:54,825
Let's beat it.
121
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,755
Yeah.
This sucks!
122
00:15:06,973 --> 00:15:08,805
We gotta find a TV, dude.
123
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,368
Hey, I hear something.
124
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:18,816
Check it out!
125
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:28,890
I want my mounds!
126
00:15:51,217 --> 00:15:55,620
- I can see her whole butt!
- How about her butthole?
127
00:15:57,523 --> 00:15:58,718
That's cool.
128
00:16:12,171 --> 00:16:14,765
She's got a small,
furry animal in her mouth.
129
00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:17,970
That's cool.
130
00:16:23,182 --> 00:16:26,875
This chick was married to that dude who
would punch you if you took his picture.
131
00:16:28,087 --> 00:16:29,885
That... Woody Allen dude?
132
00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:35,526
No, assmunch! Woody Allen's the
dude that went out with his daughter.
133
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,797
Hey Butt-Head. If you were,
like, a chick
134
00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:47,005
- would you go out with your stepdad?
- Not if his name was Woody.
135
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,239
What if his name was Stiffy?
136
00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:58,417
Well, maybe.
137
00:16:59,919 --> 00:17:01,177
Stiffy Allen.
138
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:06,248
Stiffy Allen.
Woodrow Allen.
139
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:10,352
That was cool.
140
00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:17,832
She's almost naked!
141
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:22,266
That gives me a special
feeling on my Woody Allen.
142
00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:33,913
Look at her thingies!
143
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:38,118
I like when they push
together really close.
144
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:42,520
That's pretty cool.
145
00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:00,337
Check it out dude.
She's filthy!
146
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:20,460
Hey Hank, so like, why did
you create this?
147
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:26,163
- It's a little over your head.
- Yeah. Like, all over.
148
00:18:30,876 --> 00:18:33,106
Sorry we can't stay
and worship you.
149
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:38,512
- Gotta go.
- So let it be written, so let it be done.
150
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:41,887
What ever.
151
00:18:41,887 --> 00:18:46,222
"Moses, Moses let's see your
people make bricks without straw!
152
00:18:46,726 --> 00:18:48,587
Bricks without straw?"
153
00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:01,934
Here comes someone.
154
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,342
Hitchhiking is cool.
155
00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:25,397
Is this Wilson Phillips?
156
00:19:25,898 --> 00:19:29,562
Yeah. This is back when
they were cool.
157
00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:49,688
I'm your Beavis!
158
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:03,594
Hey Beavis, what rhymes
with "Venus"?
159
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,239
Venus Flytrap.
160
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:19,507
- These chicks should marry GWAR.
- Yeah, yeah! That would be cool!
161
00:20:20,619 --> 00:20:24,947
They would have offspring that would be
the coolest people that have ever lived.
162
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:31,822
- And they would rule Antarctica.
- They would rule the entire world!
163
00:20:40,439 --> 00:20:41,929
Satan's got back!
12327
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