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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,434 --> 00:00:03,626 SPERM BANK 2 00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:07,198 Do you wanna meet beautiful women? 3 00:00:07,222 --> 00:00:08,251 - Uh huh. - Yeah. 4 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:12,106 Do you want to go out with beautiful women? 5 00:00:12,107 --> 00:00:12,947 Yeah. 6 00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:16,314 Well, you will never feel comfortable asking them out 7 00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:18,876 if your hemorrhoids are bothering you! 8 00:00:18,919 --> 00:00:21,718 That's right. If you wanna get women 9 00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:25,853 you gotta do something for those darn hemorrhoids! 10 00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:28,425 ...to find out the answers to these questions 11 00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:32,064 we tracked down Rod Johnson, the president of the sperm bank. 12 00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:35,903 - Mr. Johnson? - I'll be right out! 13 00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:38,598 It's no use trying to dodge me, Mr. Johnson... 14 00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:41,768 I demand to know where your company is getting the sperm! 15 00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:45,435 Say, what's taking you so long? What are you doing in there? 16 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:49,076 Nothing! Nothing at all! Why do you ask? 17 00:00:49,349 --> 00:00:52,717 Look, I'll be out in a minute! Just give me another minute in here! 18 00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:56,656 - I've got customers coming in! - Cool! We could do that! 19 00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:58,556 We're there, dude. 20 00:01:03,030 --> 00:01:05,795 Check it out, it's those "brain" shrimps. 21 00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:10,731 No, those are sea monkeys. 22 00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:14,838 Sea monkeys are cool. 23 00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:18,601 Can you spank a sea monkey? 24 00:01:27,326 --> 00:01:28,363 Whoa. 25 00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:33,525 Is that his sphinxter? 26 00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:49,742 - I can do that. - No way. 27 00:01:50,243 --> 00:01:51,335 Check this out. 28 00:02:02,189 --> 00:02:04,021 Is this, like, magic? 29 00:02:04,045 --> 00:02:05,095 Yeah. 30 00:02:07,905 --> 00:02:09,243 - Yes! - Yeah, yeah. 31 00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:11,526 Pantera kicks everybody's ass. 32 00:02:11,550 --> 00:02:12,624 Yeah, yeah. 33 00:02:23,055 --> 00:02:24,892 Yeah, yeah. 34 00:02:25,912 --> 00:02:29,507 Keep singing, Butt-Head, that was pretty good. Come on, do it again. 35 00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:32,647 Okay. 36 00:02:35,201 --> 00:02:36,260 Yeah, yeah. 37 00:02:36,523 --> 00:02:37,554 Right on, man! 38 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,220 Rock! 39 00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:41,855 Yeah. 40 00:02:54,241 --> 00:02:56,733 - This singer looks pretty mean. - Yeah. 41 00:02:57,644 --> 00:03:01,103 - Do you think he gets all the chicks? - Probably not. 42 00:03:02,482 --> 00:03:05,110 - I bet he, like, scares chicks. - Yeah, yeah. 43 00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:08,079 The only thing cooler than bands that get lots of chicks 44 00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:10,590 - are bands that scare chicks. - Yeah. 45 00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:21,931 - Yes? - We'd like to... 46 00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:26,304 We're here to... 47 00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:29,203 You tell her, dude. 48 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,617 Are you here to sell sperm? 49 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,425 Please follow me. 50 00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:04,639 We're only interested in those potential donors 51 00:04:04,639 --> 00:04:07,269 whose cognitive skills are the highest caliber. 52 00:04:09,382 --> 00:04:11,373 Well gentlemen, go to work. 53 00:04:12,519 --> 00:04:14,480 - On your tests! - Oh. 54 00:04:17,944 --> 00:04:19,041 Yeah. 55 00:04:23,617 --> 00:04:24,707 Yeah. 56 00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:34,068 Nurse, the test tubes holding our entire stack of sperm have been destroyed! 57 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,166 I need new speciments right away! 58 00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:39,076 Well, their tests should be finished in a few hours, doctor. 59 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,946 There's no time for that! I've got clients with me right now! 60 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,813 I want your sperm! 61 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,117 There's more where that came from. 62 00:04:57,130 --> 00:05:00,464 - Where's your container? - I was supposed to use a container? 63 00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:05,404 There's really nothing to be ashamed of, sir. 64 00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:10,906 Sometimes nature just needs a little helping hand, that's all. 65 00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:15,042 As we gentlemen get older, certain of our... 66 00:05:15,081 --> 00:05:17,448 capabilities decline... 67 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:20,769 and well, occasionally it makes sense to turn 68 00:05:20,770 --> 00:05:24,012 to members of the younger generation for... 69 00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:25,520 assistance. 70 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:30,194 And what a great deal of assistance they can offer us! 71 00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:33,962 It's not that he is infertile. We have a son, Stewart. 72 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,048 It's just that ever since Stewart was born, my husband 73 00:05:37,049 --> 00:05:40,204 is having a little bit of form, you know... trouble, you know... 74 00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:44,075 I see. Well, if you're concerned about quality, 75 00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:49,378 we have a rigorous intelligence test that all our sperm donors must pass, 76 00:05:49,416 --> 00:05:53,614 and I can assure you that the individuals who contribuite at the sperm 77 00:05:53,653 --> 00:05:57,089 are among the very smartest we've ever encountered here 78 00:05:57,123 --> 00:06:00,058 at Stork in the Bottle sperm bank. 79 00:06:01,561 --> 00:06:03,757 Maybe we need to do that with two hands. 80 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:12,365 - You kids are gonna pay for those! - No problem, dude. 81 00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:16,074 You want cash, or should we just go spank the monkey again? 82 00:06:16,399 --> 00:06:17,400 Yeah. 83 00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:18,775 What the hell? 84 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:22,476 These are the boy geniuses you were talking about? 85 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:27,081 What's so funny, you little twerps? I'll spank your monkeys! 86 00:06:34,294 --> 00:06:35,386 Hey, Beavis... 87 00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:37,191 What? 88 00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:40,828 He's fallen and he can't get it up. 89 00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:43,508 Yeah. 90 00:06:50,149 --> 00:06:51,363 Yeah, yeah. 91 00:06:59,719 --> 00:07:01,580 What kind of music is this? 92 00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:07,385 This is music for people who, like... don't have any friends. 93 00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:08,556 Yeah. 94 00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:19,495 If you, like, go buy this album and play it 95 00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:22,268 all your friends will leave. 96 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:23,370 Yeah. 97 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,745 Except, that's what I was trying to say... 98 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:29,405 If you like this kind of music you don't have any friends to begin with. See? 99 00:07:29,582 --> 00:07:32,383 That was the point I was trying to make before, Butt-Head. 100 00:07:34,721 --> 00:07:35,817 Okay. 101 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,361 Peek-A-Boo! 102 00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:55,739 Hey Beavis, have you ever played Peek-A-Boo with your wiener? 103 00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:58,706 Yeah. 104 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,944 Peek-A-Boo! 105 00:08:02,782 --> 00:08:04,944 Peek-A-Boo! 106 00:08:18,765 --> 00:08:22,267 How does this chick ever expect to sell records without cleavage? 107 00:08:22,337 --> 00:08:23,405 Yeah. 108 00:08:23,770 --> 00:08:26,962 I like to buy albums that have lots of cleavage on 'em. 109 00:08:27,474 --> 00:08:28,664 That's cool. 110 00:08:31,978 --> 00:08:34,875 Bummer! We really had a good thing going... 111 00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:38,811 - plus we were getting paid for it. - At least we got some money. 112 00:08:40,551 --> 00:08:41,555 Hey. 113 00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:44,684 - We could spend it! - On what? 114 00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:47,592 I don't know. 115 00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:51,093 We could buy magazines. 116 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,994 - Why? - Dirty magazines? 117 00:08:55,445 --> 00:08:56,300 Oh. 118 00:08:56,636 --> 00:08:57,735 Cool. 119 00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:00,839 Well, what would it be? 120 00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:10,548 All right then, I'll just point to a magazine and you boys nod if you want it. 121 00:09:16,656 --> 00:09:18,283 You dillweed! 122 00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:22,350 You dillhole! 123 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:26,661 - Monkey spank! - Turdwipe! 124 00:09:26,966 --> 00:09:28,491 Waste of bumwipe. 125 00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,259 You... 126 00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:33,104 Butthole! 127 00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:36,271 You butt... head! 128 00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,976 I mean... buttwipe! 129 00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:51,586 - Parades suck. - Yeah, yeah. 130 00:09:52,492 --> 00:09:55,628 But I like it when the horses take a big dump in the street 131 00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:59,326 and the marching band has to walk through it! 132 00:09:59,350 --> 00:10:00,357 Yeah. 133 00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:02,600 That's kind of cool! 134 00:10:02,624 --> 00:10:03,701 Yeah. 135 00:10:11,711 --> 00:10:14,203 - The Chili Peppers rule! - Yeah, yeah. 136 00:10:14,914 --> 00:10:16,348 Especially Flea. 137 00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,451 - Flea kicks ass! - Yeah, yeah. 138 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,756 Anthony... Anthony Krokus, he is cool too. 139 00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:28,118 Is not Anthony Krokus, dumbass! 140 00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:31,022 His name is like, Anthony... 141 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,530 It's like, something else. 10130

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