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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Do you want subtitles for any video? -=[ ai.OpenSubtitles.com ]=- 2 00:00:53,521 --> 00:00:56,356 When I think back on my college experience, 3 00:00:56,390 --> 00:01:00,160 my fondest memories are... 4 00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:02,296 Damn. 5 00:01:02,329 --> 00:01:03,665 Where'd they all go? 6 00:01:04,264 --> 00:01:06,066 Ah, I've got it. 7 00:01:06,099 --> 00:01:08,503 Hold on, one quick second. 8 00:01:08,536 --> 00:01:10,070 Hang tight. 9 00:01:15,342 --> 00:01:18,412 Yeah. There they are. 10 00:01:18,445 --> 00:01:20,682 They always just come flooding back. 11 00:01:20,715 --> 00:01:22,282 Alright. 12 00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:24,719 When I think back on my college experience, 13 00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:27,087 my fondest memories are... 14 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:29,423 Go! Go! Go! Go! 15 00:01:31,993 --> 00:01:33,928 Four years of tailgating, 16 00:01:33,962 --> 00:01:36,296 serial dating, hookups, 17 00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:39,033 breakup sex, makeup sex. 18 00:01:39,067 --> 00:01:40,535 And then there's this guy. 19 00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:46,808 Four years of endless parties, no parents, no bills, no jobs... 20 00:01:46,841 --> 00:01:49,611 ...best friends and bitter rivals. 21 00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:54,949 Any sane person that ever graduated from an institute of higher learning 22 00:01:54,983 --> 00:02:00,153 will tell you that college was hands down the best years of their lives. 23 00:02:00,755 --> 00:02:03,091 Okay, try and keep your eyes open. Jeez. Okay. 24 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:07,695 My name is Molly Singer and in college, I had it all figured out. 25 00:02:07,729 --> 00:02:08,963 But now? 26 00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:11,933 Well... 27 00:02:24,012 --> 00:02:26,080 Mm. 28 00:02:26,114 --> 00:02:27,782 Oh, Jesse. 29 00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:32,820 I thought you were Michael B. Jordan. 30 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,891 Oh, Jesus! Mrs. Zimmerman. 31 00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:40,528 - What are you doing in my apartment? - You gave me a key. 32 00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,329 For emergencies. 33 00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:46,968 Yes, well, I thought you might be in distress, or dead. 34 00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:50,270 - You need something. - Yeah, I need something. 35 00:02:50,303 --> 00:02:53,508 Could you be a dollface and drive me to the market? 36 00:02:53,541 --> 00:02:57,344 I tried to get a car on Lyft, but apparently my, uh... 37 00:02:57,377 --> 00:02:59,814 "My account is blocked." 38 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,281 No, no. No air quotes. 39 00:03:01,314 --> 00:03:03,685 No, you have a shockingly high number of one-star ratings. 40 00:03:03,718 --> 00:03:06,821 Oh, and it's my fault that they all drive like Tijuana kamikazes? 41 00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:09,322 Mm. My God, the racism. 42 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:10,925 I'm sorry, what was that? 43 00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:13,895 I think I need to get some breakfast first. 44 00:03:13,928 --> 00:03:15,195 Kiddo, it's 9:30. I think... 45 00:03:15,228 --> 00:03:16,463 - What? - ...brunch would be more in order. 46 00:03:16,496 --> 00:03:18,398 - We can have brunch while we're out. - Huh? 47 00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:20,835 - Kill two birds with one stone, right? - Oh, I... Uh... 48 00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:23,370 You might wanna drag a comb across that head. 49 00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:25,640 - Yeah... - Come on, baby. Let's go. 50 00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:30,545 Oh, God, no. I didn't want to go to work. 51 00:03:45,325 --> 00:03:48,096 Good morning, everybody. We've got a ton of stuff to get through today. 52 00:03:48,129 --> 00:03:49,931 So let's get... 53 00:03:49,964 --> 00:03:51,799 Nelson, I swear to God. 54 00:03:51,833 --> 00:03:54,035 Are you curing cancer on that fucking phone? 55 00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:59,874 Is that your last life? 56 00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:00,875 Um... 57 00:04:01,776 --> 00:04:03,644 I have, um, one life left. 58 00:04:03,678 --> 00:04:06,514 Okay, why don't you go finish that up at your desk? 59 00:04:06,981 --> 00:04:07,949 Now? 60 00:04:07,982 --> 00:04:09,316 Right fucking now. 61 00:04:09,884 --> 00:04:10,852 Oh. 62 00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:17,491 Whose nephew is that? Can we please find that out? 63 00:04:19,527 --> 00:04:21,662 Thank you for joining us, Miss Singer. 64 00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:25,332 Yeah, I, uh, I've been here a while actually. 65 00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,001 Really? 'Cause it looks like you're coming back 66 00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:28,870 from getting your pupils dilated. 67 00:04:29,336 --> 00:04:31,172 Oh, the glasses. Yeah. Transitions. 68 00:04:31,205 --> 00:04:32,807 I don't know. 69 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,274 Not working. 70 00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:43,718 So do you need a little bit of nap time or something? Because I can-- 71 00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:46,154 I can give the Pebblebrook case to one of your colleagues. 72 00:04:46,187 --> 00:04:50,457 Perhaps someone with aspirations of becoming partner here one day. 73 00:04:52,827 --> 00:04:54,762 Realistic aspirations. 74 00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:58,566 Ah, no, no. I'm... 75 00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:00,835 I'm-- I'm great. 76 00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:03,971 Joe, how are you? 77 00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:11,478 Oh, God. 78 00:05:16,551 --> 00:05:18,085 What the hell was that back there? 79 00:05:18,119 --> 00:05:20,021 Oh, uh... Yeah, I think I just got, 80 00:05:20,054 --> 00:05:21,722 like, the flu bug or something. 81 00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:24,391 Really? Breakfast of champions, I see. 82 00:05:26,561 --> 00:05:28,428 Yeah, I'm just gonna be really honest with you. 83 00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:30,598 The Pebblebrook motion is giving me an aneurysm 84 00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:33,333 and I, I went out last night for a little stress relief. 85 00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:37,404 Think I just overdid it a little. You know? 86 00:05:38,139 --> 00:05:39,273 You think? 87 00:05:39,307 --> 00:05:40,508 Yeah. 88 00:05:41,576 --> 00:05:44,912 Oh, Miss Singer. 89 00:05:44,946 --> 00:05:46,514 You intrigue me. 90 00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:48,950 You are smart. 91 00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:52,253 You bill a ton of hours. You exude a charming 92 00:05:52,286 --> 00:05:53,988 yet ignorant amount of confidence, 93 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:58,391 that for some ungodly reason your clients seem to love. 94 00:06:01,896 --> 00:06:05,199 But if you think for one second that this firm needs you more than you need it, 95 00:06:05,233 --> 00:06:07,201 you are sadly mistaken. 96 00:06:07,235 --> 00:06:08,970 I've got it all under control. 97 00:06:11,606 --> 00:06:13,241 You're gonna throw up, aren't you? 98 00:06:13,274 --> 00:06:14,942 Yes, I am. Yeah. 99 00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:20,882 You screw up this hearing, you will never work in this city again. 100 00:06:20,915 --> 00:06:21,949 Am I clear? 101 00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:25,385 Yes, ma'am. 102 00:06:32,026 --> 00:06:33,261 Oh, that is sour. 103 00:06:33,294 --> 00:06:35,162 Oh, piss off, Nelson. 104 00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:40,935 Oh, hey, Paulie. How was your night last night? 105 00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:43,237 Oh, it was great. I hooked up with my Uber driver. 106 00:06:43,271 --> 00:06:44,437 He was really hot. 107 00:06:45,039 --> 00:06:48,376 You don't care 'cause you're not listening. 108 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,211 Okay. Just... 109 00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:51,679 Hey! 110 00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:52,546 Watch it. 111 00:06:53,014 --> 00:06:54,447 Okay, you know what? This is bumming me out. 112 00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:57,084 When you invited me to a work dinner, 113 00:06:57,118 --> 00:06:59,320 you didn't say there was gonna be work at the dinner. 114 00:06:59,353 --> 00:07:00,588 - Hmm. - So do you see me working? 115 00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:02,156 Well, I'm sure they've got 116 00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:03,724 a few cans of mixed vegetables 117 00:07:03,758 --> 00:07:05,559 you could crack open for them in the back. 118 00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:07,427 Whatever. At least I like my job. 119 00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:09,997 Oh, you do not like your job and you know it. 120 00:07:10,031 --> 00:07:14,035 I love my job. I get to work with kids and teach them about nutrition and shit. 121 00:07:14,068 --> 00:07:15,236 What? You work at a cafeteria. 122 00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:17,470 What kind of nutritional benefits are you teaching them? 123 00:07:17,505 --> 00:07:19,807 The difference between chocolate and 2% milk? 124 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,343 Mm. Joke's on you. We have oat milk now. 125 00:07:22,376 --> 00:07:24,779 - No, shit? Very fancy. - Yeah. So fancy. 126 00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:27,214 - What, are there a lot of white kids? - A lot of white kids. 127 00:07:27,248 --> 00:07:29,317 - Okay. - So many white kids. 128 00:07:29,350 --> 00:07:31,352 You know, I think that you should go back. 129 00:07:31,385 --> 00:07:32,687 Go back to school for the semester. 130 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,755 Get your parents to unlock your trust fund. 131 00:07:34,789 --> 00:07:36,857 Mol, can you just drop it. We've had this conversation. 132 00:07:36,891 --> 00:07:39,927 - Why wouldn't you do it? - It's complicated. 133 00:07:39,961 --> 00:07:41,228 It's your foolish pride 134 00:07:41,262 --> 00:07:44,398 and I am telling you that is gonna get in the-- Oh, shit. 135 00:07:44,432 --> 00:07:46,499 - Look away. Look away. Quickly. - What? 136 00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:49,103 - Look away. Look away. - What? 137 00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,204 Molly Singer? 138 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:54,474 Poles! Wow! 139 00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:56,777 Poles, yeah. 140 00:07:58,179 --> 00:07:59,280 Good to see you. 141 00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:00,514 - Hiya. - Hey, oh. Okay. 142 00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:04,352 - Poles? - Yeah. Mm-hmm. Poles. 143 00:08:04,385 --> 00:08:06,220 It was my pledge name at Barnett. 144 00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:08,122 - Oh. What does it mean? - Yeah. 145 00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:10,825 Well, uh, we were on this ski trip and Handy Moore over here-- 146 00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:14,328 It was a nickname. It was just like a semi-truthful nickname. 147 00:08:14,362 --> 00:08:15,696 - Oh, okay. - Mm. 148 00:08:15,730 --> 00:08:17,732 Yeah, she was just always in the hotel room, you know? 149 00:08:17,765 --> 00:08:21,702 Practicing her form with two very big ski poles, firm grip. 150 00:08:21,736 --> 00:08:23,337 So, like, kind of like this, like... 151 00:08:23,371 --> 00:08:25,272 - Ooh. Look out. - Yup. 152 00:08:25,306 --> 00:08:26,974 - We're going down a black diamond? - - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 153 00:08:27,008 --> 00:08:29,543 Totally getting it. That's it. 154 00:08:29,577 --> 00:08:31,312 - I was just thinking. - Yeah. 155 00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:32,913 - Yeah. - I thought you might be here 156 00:08:32,947 --> 00:08:34,982 - with your husband, but... - Um... 157 00:08:35,016 --> 00:08:37,485 Aw, it's just Paulie. 158 00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:38,753 But you guys are married... 159 00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:40,421 - Yeah. - ...so that's cool. 160 00:08:40,454 --> 00:08:42,223 - Very cool. - Four amazing years 161 00:08:42,256 --> 00:08:44,191 - with my Charles here. - Wow. 162 00:08:44,225 --> 00:08:48,295 White picket fence, two-year-old daughter, yeast rising on another. 163 00:08:48,329 --> 00:08:53,134 I guess the icing on the cake is I was just made full partner at my firm. 164 00:08:53,167 --> 00:08:55,970 Yeah. She's my rock star. I'm a stay-at-home dad. 165 00:08:56,003 --> 00:08:57,805 - Well, you know what they say. - Yeah. 166 00:08:57,838 --> 00:09:00,408 When you find love, you gotta hold onto it tight! Right? 167 00:09:00,441 --> 00:09:02,610 - Grab it! Never let go. - Really tight. 168 00:09:04,145 --> 00:09:07,048 It's just the two of you. Mm? Yeah, just like always. 169 00:09:07,681 --> 00:09:09,617 Well, have a good dinner. See you, guys. 170 00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:10,785 - Great to see you. - Yeah. 171 00:09:10,818 --> 00:09:12,286 Nice pearl necklace, by the way. 172 00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:14,355 - Thank you. I like to coordinate. - I bought it for her. 173 00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:16,991 - What a fucking asshole. 174 00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:18,859 So you liked the poles in your hands? 175 00:09:18,893 --> 00:09:20,594 - I don't understand. - Shut up, Charles. 176 00:09:25,534 --> 00:09:28,436 Alright. Alright, you got this. 177 00:09:28,469 --> 00:09:30,571 Confidence. Come on. Come on. 178 00:09:30,604 --> 00:09:33,774 Shirt looks good. Shark tooth, that's sick. 179 00:09:35,109 --> 00:09:36,477 Hair's good. 180 00:09:36,511 --> 00:09:38,312 Come on. You know this, let's go. 181 00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:39,780 Let's do it, come on. 182 00:09:39,814 --> 00:09:41,816 Badass, badass, badass, badass, badass. 183 00:09:43,084 --> 00:09:46,854 TikTok MMA style, motherfucker. Let's go. 184 00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:56,997 - Hey! - Aah! 185 00:09:57,031 --> 00:09:58,032 That was so great. 186 00:09:58,065 --> 00:10:00,468 So great up until that, you know, the end, 187 00:10:00,502 --> 00:10:02,002 but great form. 188 00:10:03,838 --> 00:10:05,406 Haven't you heard of knocking? 189 00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:07,741 I'm trying to perfect my TikTok game. 190 00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:10,512 Okay. Well, I don't even know what that means. 191 00:10:10,545 --> 00:10:15,649 But, um, I have a really great surprise for you tonight. 192 00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,651 No, no. I don't like surprises. 193 00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:19,253 They give me anxiety. 194 00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:20,321 Mm-hmm. 195 00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:25,426 Elliot, honey. 196 00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:28,262 You sit up here in your room all day. 197 00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:32,466 All you do is this TikTok thing and, and play video games. 198 00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:34,001 You don't show up for your friends. 199 00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:37,138 You don't show up for me, for dinner. 200 00:10:37,171 --> 00:10:40,341 We always used to go out to dinner as a family together 201 00:10:40,374 --> 00:10:41,976 the night before you'd go to camp, 202 00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:44,678 and this is so much bigger than that, honey. 203 00:10:45,146 --> 00:10:46,413 It's college. 204 00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:53,254 So can you please just humor your mother this one time? 205 00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:57,691 'Cause there's a really great buffet 206 00:10:57,725 --> 00:10:59,793 that I keep hearing about. 207 00:10:59,827 --> 00:11:02,096 I wanna take you to it, so... 208 00:11:03,264 --> 00:11:05,132 You do love buffets. 209 00:11:05,166 --> 00:11:06,568 Mm-hmm. 210 00:11:06,601 --> 00:11:10,171 I do. Alright. 211 00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:13,307 That's right, don't forget 212 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:14,576 to tip your cocktail waitress. 213 00:11:14,609 --> 00:11:16,611 And coming up to the stage to light it up 214 00:11:16,645 --> 00:11:19,713 for you fellas right now is Passion! 215 00:11:19,747 --> 00:11:20,915 Do your thang, girl. 216 00:11:20,948 --> 00:11:22,584 So you form the S-corp, 217 00:11:22,617 --> 00:11:24,619 and the club hires you as a vendor. 218 00:11:24,653 --> 00:11:26,887 The tax break was great, but it stopped you 219 00:11:26,921 --> 00:11:28,523 from getting all your deductions. 220 00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:30,925 It'd still cover shoes, though, right? 221 00:11:31,425 --> 00:11:34,094 Well, as long as you can claim they're a costume for work 222 00:11:34,128 --> 00:11:36,697 and, you know, not functional in your day-to-day life. 223 00:11:38,232 --> 00:11:40,834 Oh, yeah, girl, those are deductible. 224 00:11:42,036 --> 00:11:44,939 Oh. Is this great or what? 225 00:11:44,972 --> 00:11:47,241 Yeah, it's just-- it's kinda hard to breathe. 226 00:11:47,274 --> 00:11:49,511 Oh, it's all part of the experience, son. 227 00:11:49,544 --> 00:11:52,313 I know this would have been more of your dad's territory, 228 00:11:52,346 --> 00:11:54,181 but I think it's kind of cool. 229 00:11:54,616 --> 00:11:57,017 Great music, scampi. 230 00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:04,626 Hey, give it a little spanky spank. 231 00:12:04,659 --> 00:12:06,794 I-- I don't wanna spanky spank. 232 00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:09,531 No better time than the present. TikTok. 233 00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:12,066 No, that's not even what TikTok is! 234 00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:14,603 - Just tap it. Just a little tap. - No! No, stop. Stop. 235 00:12:14,636 --> 00:12:16,170 Be a man! 236 00:12:22,577 --> 00:12:23,678 - Oh. - Oh, I'm sorry. 237 00:12:23,712 --> 00:12:25,412 And that, son, 238 00:12:25,446 --> 00:12:28,415 is an important lesson in consent. 239 00:12:28,449 --> 00:12:29,950 From kissing to coitus, 240 00:12:29,984 --> 00:12:32,086 - what are we gonna do? - Ask? 241 00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:34,455 You're goddamn right we are and you're not gonna listen 242 00:12:34,488 --> 00:12:36,423 to PJ, Tobin, and Squee. 243 00:12:36,457 --> 00:12:37,891 Who? 244 00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:40,160 - Thanks, ladies. Nice work. - No problem. 245 00:12:40,194 --> 00:12:43,063 - Judge Stanton says hi. - Oh, I'm sure he does. 246 00:12:43,698 --> 00:12:46,433 Well, see you ladies at gym class. Let's go. 247 00:12:48,703 --> 00:12:51,171 What the fuck just happened? 248 00:13:02,717 --> 00:13:04,885 I cannot believe we ran into Poles. 249 00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:06,287 Are we still talking about this? 250 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:08,322 I might as well been holding a Daniel Steele novel 251 00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:11,559 and a bag of kitty litter for my seven fucking cats waiting for me at home. 252 00:13:11,593 --> 00:13:13,961 You're slipping, Mol. I would have lead with the fact we caught her 253 00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:15,429 giving two handies at that ski trip. 254 00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,931 No, we are too old to be slut-shaming, don't you think? 255 00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:19,867 Not if it's Poles. She's the worst. 256 00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:21,770 - Seriously. - Oh. 257 00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:24,271 Oh! 258 00:13:24,305 --> 00:13:26,641 - Back of the line. - Oh, I'm with her, so... 259 00:13:26,675 --> 00:13:28,075 That is terrific. 260 00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:30,210 Back of the line. Both of you. 261 00:13:30,244 --> 00:13:32,514 - What just happened? - Oh, my God. 262 00:13:32,547 --> 00:13:34,315 He can smell the loser on me. 263 00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:36,685 That's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard. 264 00:13:36,718 --> 00:13:39,219 No, no, no, no, she's actually right. She reeks of it. 265 00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:41,021 It's cutting through all the Armenian guys' cologne. 266 00:13:41,055 --> 00:13:44,592 So can you please make my job easier and get to the back? 267 00:13:45,259 --> 00:13:47,662 - Thank you. - Okay, that was a sign. 268 00:13:47,696 --> 00:13:50,030 I have Pebblebrook tomorrow. I need to go home and get some rest. 269 00:13:50,064 --> 00:13:51,332 You can't go home dry-docking. 270 00:13:51,365 --> 00:13:52,966 - You'll be in hell all night. - Yeah-- 271 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,669 Hey. Okay. We're not gonna end the night like this. 272 00:13:54,703 --> 00:13:56,003 Not on my watch. Okay? 273 00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:57,639 - Just give me a sec. - I'm not standing-- Okay. 274 00:13:57,672 --> 00:13:59,840 Give me a sec. 275 00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:01,909 Hello, gentlemen. 276 00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:04,945 Uh... 277 00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:06,947 I'm the manager, and, uh... 278 00:14:11,519 --> 00:14:13,621 What? What did you say? 279 00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:15,989 You're Carly Rae Jepsen, I'm your manager. 280 00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:17,826 - Just go with it. - Who? 281 00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:19,893 I really question our friendship sometimes. 282 00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:21,462 Hello. 283 00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:23,424 What? No. 284 00:15:28,429 --> 00:15:30,330 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 285 00:15:33,167 --> 00:15:35,035 Want some pancakes, Mol? 286 00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:38,873 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck me! 287 00:15:41,876 --> 00:15:44,378 Selfish. Selfish. 288 00:15:46,748 --> 00:15:47,981 Guess not. 289 00:15:51,285 --> 00:15:53,922 No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 290 00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:56,356 I left the car at the club! 291 00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:57,357 Fuck! 292 00:16:18,312 --> 00:16:19,313 El? 293 00:16:19,914 --> 00:16:23,116 - Yeah. - Wow. 294 00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:24,985 I thought I was gonna have to blackmail you 295 00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:27,020 to get you out of bed this morning. 296 00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:29,958 You gonna take that bag? 297 00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:31,325 Yeah, it's the one that Dad gave me. 298 00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:32,927 Yeah, I know, I know he did. 299 00:16:32,961 --> 00:16:34,328 And you know, when you were little, 300 00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:36,564 it was so cute when you-- you could fit inside of it 301 00:16:36,598 --> 00:16:39,132 and we'd joke around that we were gonna save money on tickets 302 00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:42,637 'cause we could fly you cargo, but this is, um... 303 00:16:42,670 --> 00:16:46,240 I mean, don't you think now this is a little tacky? 304 00:16:48,776 --> 00:16:50,578 You know, Mom, I-I've been thinking, 305 00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:54,582 um, about what you said last night, 306 00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:56,450 and you're right. 307 00:16:56,483 --> 00:16:59,654 You know, ever since Dad passed, I've just been... 308 00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:02,289 Well... 309 00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:05,593 Nothing really, I suppose. 310 00:17:05,627 --> 00:17:06,594 Um... 311 00:17:07,361 --> 00:17:09,731 But what I do know is that... 312 00:17:10,765 --> 00:17:12,132 Dad was all about showing up. 313 00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:14,101 So that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna show up. 314 00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:19,641 Okay, you can keep the frigging bag. 315 00:17:19,674 --> 00:17:22,242 I will get you a matching set for Hanukkah. 316 00:17:22,276 --> 00:17:23,611 Um, you're still in your robes, Mom. 317 00:17:23,645 --> 00:17:27,682 Right. Oh. Damn it. Um, 20 minutes, 20 minutes. 318 00:17:36,658 --> 00:17:41,529 Mr. Pebblebrook, your counsel has till I get through the sports section. 319 00:17:48,770 --> 00:17:49,737 Shit! 320 00:18:01,049 --> 00:18:03,083 Shit. 321 00:18:04,886 --> 00:18:05,853 Damn. 322 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:08,656 Coming through! Excuse me! 323 00:18:13,962 --> 00:18:15,195 Oh, sorry. 324 00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:20,702 Sorry. Sorry. 325 00:18:36,249 --> 00:18:37,652 - Objection. - Shit. 326 00:18:38,519 --> 00:18:41,121 - Manolo Blahnik or...? - What? 327 00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:42,422 Ooh, say... 328 00:18:43,057 --> 00:18:45,526 They say you snort the gel inside here, 329 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:47,260 you can fucking fly to the moon and back. 330 00:18:47,294 --> 00:18:48,763 I don't know what you're talking about. You can have those. 331 00:18:48,796 --> 00:18:50,732 - Oh, no, you-- - They're all yours, buddy. 332 00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:56,838 That's it. 333 00:18:58,539 --> 00:19:01,174 Sorry, I know I'm late. I know. 334 00:19:04,012 --> 00:19:05,513 Sorry, Mr. Pebblebrook. 335 00:19:05,546 --> 00:19:09,449 Based on absence of oral argument by the moving party, 336 00:19:09,483 --> 00:19:11,552 the motion for summary judgment is denied... 337 00:19:13,387 --> 00:19:14,822 ...with prejudice. 338 00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:19,093 I'm here! I'm here! Wait! 339 00:19:27,702 --> 00:19:28,670 Huh? 340 00:19:31,739 --> 00:19:34,909 Oh... 341 00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:07,340 Now that the leg is fully healed, 342 00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,677 are you taking us to the national championship game? 343 00:20:09,711 --> 00:20:12,345 Uh, with God's determination and his healing hands, 344 00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:13,781 that's the plan, no doubt. 345 00:20:13,815 --> 00:20:17,051 And you surpassed over a thousand yards last year. 346 00:20:17,085 --> 00:20:18,385 You plan to surpass that this year? 347 00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:20,788 Oh, yeah, most definitely. I mean, you know, 348 00:20:20,822 --> 00:20:22,056 this is what I do, so... 349 00:20:22,090 --> 00:20:23,725 So the dorms are great. 350 00:20:23,758 --> 00:20:26,359 Even though your room's the size of my shoe closet. 351 00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:28,096 Well, I don't think it's that bad. 352 00:20:28,129 --> 00:20:30,031 I mean, your shoe closet is pretty big. 353 00:20:30,064 --> 00:20:33,034 And the girl-to-guy ratio is really playing in your favor. 354 00:20:33,067 --> 00:20:34,502 Mom. No. Don't. 355 00:20:34,535 --> 00:20:36,704 I'm just saying from a numbers perspective. 356 00:20:36,738 --> 00:20:38,740 Don't you have to go to work or something? 357 00:20:38,773 --> 00:20:42,009 Anything other than talking about girl-to-guy ratios? 358 00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:48,381 This is gonna be the best four years of your life, I promise. 359 00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:53,420 You are gonna do great things, Elliot Steiner. 360 00:20:55,523 --> 00:20:56,356 Come on. 361 00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:03,296 Mm. All that's left is the body snatcher. 362 00:21:04,065 --> 00:21:06,466 You wanna get in it one last time for old time's sake? 363 00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:09,103 Mom, people can hear you. Please. 364 00:21:09,137 --> 00:21:10,972 Sorry. 365 00:21:11,005 --> 00:21:13,641 Dammit, I told her not to bother me on my last day with you. 366 00:21:13,674 --> 00:21:15,209 This is... 367 00:21:15,243 --> 00:21:16,811 Maybe it's an emergency. 368 00:21:19,981 --> 00:21:22,884 The office better be burning to the fucking ground. 369 00:21:24,986 --> 00:21:26,521 She did what?! 370 00:21:42,537 --> 00:21:45,206 Do you think you're gonna break your record from last year? 371 00:21:45,239 --> 00:21:47,275 - Oh. Oh... - Look out! 372 00:21:47,307 --> 00:21:48,943 Too many questions. Too many questions now. 373 00:21:52,013 --> 00:21:54,148 By the way it's going, I might not get tacked all year. 374 00:21:54,182 --> 00:21:55,983 Whoa! 375 00:21:56,017 --> 00:21:58,252 - Where does it hurt? - Fuck, man! I think I broke my ankle! 376 00:21:58,286 --> 00:22:00,288 - Which ankle is it? - This one! 377 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:01,488 Do you think you can play this season? 378 00:22:01,522 --> 00:22:03,691 What? I don't know. I just broke my ankle. 379 00:22:03,724 --> 00:22:04,859 Hey, it was him! 380 00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:06,928 - Let's fucking get him! - What? 381 00:22:08,529 --> 00:22:10,565 You better run! Get him! 382 00:22:10,598 --> 00:22:12,533 - Get him! - Come here, man! 383 00:22:13,466 --> 00:22:15,803 Well, Peter, a world record. 384 00:22:15,837 --> 00:22:18,573 While normally reserved for professional athletes, 385 00:22:18,606 --> 00:22:20,675 this week's Daily Upper Decker Award 386 00:22:20,708 --> 00:22:23,211 goes to none other than college freshman, 387 00:22:23,244 --> 00:22:24,477 Elliot Steiner, 388 00:22:24,512 --> 00:22:27,081 who single-handedly wrecked the MVP run 389 00:22:27,114 --> 00:22:30,885 of potential first-round draft pick, Demetrius Moss. 390 00:22:30,918 --> 00:22:32,920 Whoa! 391 00:22:32,954 --> 00:22:34,322 Where does it hurt? 392 00:22:41,028 --> 00:22:43,564 Time to get the fuck out of dodge, kid. 393 00:22:43,598 --> 00:22:45,032 ...fucking get him! 394 00:22:48,336 --> 00:22:49,604 Wait till I catch you! 395 00:22:49,637 --> 00:22:51,105 Hey, you're dead, man! 396 00:22:57,812 --> 00:22:59,046 Singer! 397 00:22:59,881 --> 00:23:02,750 Do you have any idea how fucked this is?! 398 00:23:02,783 --> 00:23:05,953 Pebblebrook is threatening to sue us for mishandling his case. 399 00:23:06,486 --> 00:23:09,056 You not only lost me money, you are costing me money. 400 00:23:09,090 --> 00:23:12,193 - Brenda, I can fix this. - Yeah, you can, by packing your shit 401 00:23:12,226 --> 00:23:13,895 - and getting the fuck out of my office. 402 00:23:13,928 --> 00:23:15,495 - Mrs. Steiner? - What?! 403 00:23:15,529 --> 00:23:17,932 - Y-your son is on line one. - Move. 404 00:23:24,471 --> 00:23:26,439 Hey, my love, how's your first day going? 405 00:23:26,473 --> 00:23:28,676 - I'm coming home. - What? 406 00:23:28,709 --> 00:23:32,313 - What happened? - Check your text messages. 407 00:23:32,346 --> 00:23:33,681 ...Elliot Steiner, 408 00:23:33,714 --> 00:23:36,284 who single-handedly wrecked the MVP run 409 00:23:36,317 --> 00:23:38,519 of potential first-round draft pick, 410 00:23:38,552 --> 00:23:40,254 - Demetrius Moss. - Oh. 411 00:23:41,421 --> 00:23:42,757 Well, I mean, it's-- 412 00:23:42,790 --> 00:23:44,125 I'm sure it's not that bad. 413 00:23:44,158 --> 00:23:45,425 It'll blow over. 414 00:23:45,458 --> 00:23:47,228 I'm literally packing my bags right now. 415 00:23:47,261 --> 00:23:50,831 Oh, come on, honey. Steiners are not quitters. We're fighters. 416 00:23:50,865 --> 00:23:53,433 I'm not a fighter. I'm a Daily Upper Decker. 417 00:23:53,466 --> 00:23:55,102 I don't even know what that means. 418 00:23:55,136 --> 00:23:56,771 It's shit, Ma! It's shit. Okay? 419 00:23:56,804 --> 00:23:59,472 It's when you take a-- a shit in the tank of a toilet 420 00:23:59,507 --> 00:24:01,075 and then when you flush it, it's just shit. 421 00:24:01,108 --> 00:24:02,843 It's perpetual continuous shit. 422 00:24:06,747 --> 00:24:10,051 Honey, your father wanted you to go to his alma mater. 423 00:24:16,489 --> 00:24:17,792 Give me that. Sit down. 424 00:24:17,825 --> 00:24:19,794 Sit down! 425 00:24:20,628 --> 00:24:21,929 What do you wanna hear? 426 00:24:21,963 --> 00:24:23,097 Yeah, 427 00:24:23,130 --> 00:24:25,833 you were dealt the shitty hand. So was I. 428 00:24:26,466 --> 00:24:28,903 But it's where you go from here that determines 429 00:24:28,936 --> 00:24:31,205 what kind of a man you become, son. 430 00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:34,608 Are you an Upper Decker? 431 00:24:35,676 --> 00:24:38,980 Or are you my brave number two? 432 00:24:39,814 --> 00:24:43,417 You realize in this scenario, I'm a piece of shit either way. 433 00:24:43,884 --> 00:24:45,653 Yeah, I'm just realizing that. 434 00:24:45,686 --> 00:24:48,356 It's not-- not my best analogy. 435 00:24:51,959 --> 00:24:53,894 But I have a feeling that, um... 436 00:24:55,162 --> 00:24:56,831 everything's gonna work out. 437 00:24:57,365 --> 00:24:58,833 Can you trust me? 438 00:25:01,469 --> 00:25:02,636 Yeah. 439 00:25:10,011 --> 00:25:14,248 You went to undergrad at Barnett University, right? 440 00:25:14,281 --> 00:25:17,318 Uh, y-yes, ma'am. 441 00:25:17,351 --> 00:25:19,353 And you were president of your sorority 442 00:25:19,387 --> 00:25:22,857 and I'm sure you were popular with all the guys, right? 443 00:25:22,890 --> 00:25:25,126 I mean, yeah, a little... Look at you. 444 00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:26,927 Um... 445 00:25:27,628 --> 00:25:30,064 - My son, Elliot... - Mm. 446 00:25:30,097 --> 00:25:32,433 ...is just starting his freshman year at Barnett 447 00:25:32,466 --> 00:25:35,403 and he's had a little bit of a, a misstep. 448 00:25:35,436 --> 00:25:38,305 - Yeah, the Upper Decker video? - What? 449 00:25:38,339 --> 00:25:40,241 Yeah, Nelson showed it to us earlier. 450 00:25:40,274 --> 00:25:41,642 Fucking moron. 451 00:25:41,675 --> 00:25:44,545 - Mm. - Um... 452 00:25:45,746 --> 00:25:47,314 The thing is, my son... 453 00:25:48,015 --> 00:25:51,085 My son is a really good kid, but he, um... 454 00:25:52,319 --> 00:25:53,888 He's a recluse. 455 00:25:53,921 --> 00:25:55,289 Oh. 456 00:25:55,322 --> 00:25:56,457 So it's gonna take somebody else 457 00:25:56,490 --> 00:25:57,992 to help him come out of his shell. 458 00:25:58,025 --> 00:25:59,160 Yeah. 459 00:25:59,193 --> 00:26:03,097 And that someone is you. 460 00:26:04,832 --> 00:26:05,633 Me? 461 00:26:05,666 --> 00:26:07,701 Yeah, see, the way I see it is, 462 00:26:07,735 --> 00:26:09,538 I want my son to be happy 463 00:26:09,570 --> 00:26:11,572 and you need a job. 464 00:26:11,605 --> 00:26:13,140 Oh, so I'm not fired? 465 00:26:13,174 --> 00:26:16,043 Oh, no, you're definitely still fired. 466 00:26:16,077 --> 00:26:18,746 No, uh, I'm saying that I would like to hire you 467 00:26:18,779 --> 00:26:21,816 to go back to Barnett as a student, 468 00:26:21,849 --> 00:26:23,851 but obviously with a different last name. 469 00:26:23,884 --> 00:26:26,187 I'll have the art and tech department hook you up, 470 00:26:26,220 --> 00:26:28,789 get you a new student ID, transcripts, everything you need. 471 00:26:28,823 --> 00:26:30,891 I just don't-- I don't think that they-- 472 00:26:30,925 --> 00:26:32,326 No, that's the problem. You don't think. 473 00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:34,862 Otherwise, you would still have your fucking job, so... 474 00:26:35,596 --> 00:26:36,831 - Ah... - I just-- I, I-- 475 00:26:36,864 --> 00:26:39,233 I want you to take him under your wing. 476 00:26:39,266 --> 00:26:42,470 You know, help him-- help him meet some friends. 477 00:26:42,504 --> 00:26:44,305 - His father was Ki Mu. - Oh. 478 00:26:44,338 --> 00:26:46,674 So he's a legacy. Help him get into the frat. 479 00:26:46,707 --> 00:26:48,809 Yeah, I mean, I-- I just don't know anything about-- 480 00:26:48,843 --> 00:26:50,377 You have until Homecoming weekend, 481 00:26:50,411 --> 00:26:52,113 which is exactly two months from now. 482 00:26:53,047 --> 00:26:56,551 In exchange, I will pay you half of your salary. 483 00:26:56,585 --> 00:26:59,253 - What? - And if you succeed, 484 00:26:59,954 --> 00:27:02,256 we can talk about you coming back to the firm. 485 00:27:07,394 --> 00:27:11,365 You wanna pay me to go back to Barnett? 486 00:27:13,134 --> 00:27:14,101 Yeah. 487 00:27:16,837 --> 00:27:17,805 Oh... 488 00:27:33,287 --> 00:27:35,456 Hey, there's my Becky. 489 00:27:35,489 --> 00:27:36,757 Thank you. 490 00:27:38,292 --> 00:27:41,095 You just had to give out that second fruit cup, huh? 491 00:27:41,795 --> 00:27:43,565 Why'd I do it, Walter? Do you know? 492 00:27:43,598 --> 00:27:44,899 'Cause you're a fucking kiss-ass. 493 00:27:44,932 --> 00:27:46,934 Oh, fuck you. It's 'cause... 494 00:27:46,967 --> 00:27:48,936 ...little Becky there's got a soccer game this afternoon 495 00:27:48,969 --> 00:27:51,640 and she needs the extra fuel. Isn't that right, Becky? 496 00:27:51,672 --> 00:27:53,707 Yeah! How many goals you scoring today? 497 00:27:53,741 --> 00:27:56,110 I'm the goalie. 498 00:27:56,777 --> 00:27:59,180 Yeah, you are! Goal! 499 00:28:00,414 --> 00:28:03,518 Get your cooties away from my station. What'd I tell you? 500 00:28:03,552 --> 00:28:05,686 Oh, I'm sorry, was it one workstation 501 00:28:05,719 --> 00:28:07,354 - behind you? - Yes. Jesus. 502 00:28:07,388 --> 00:28:08,590 Paulie! 503 00:28:08,623 --> 00:28:11,660 It is time to retire your hairnet, 504 00:28:11,692 --> 00:28:13,794 pack up your sh-- stuff. 505 00:28:13,827 --> 00:28:16,330 Hi, children. We're going back to Barnett. 506 00:28:16,363 --> 00:28:18,866 - What are you talking about? - Okay, so here's the update. 507 00:28:18,899 --> 00:28:20,134 Got to court, a little bit late... 508 00:28:20,167 --> 00:28:22,604 Look, you know, I'm really sorry about that. 509 00:28:22,637 --> 00:28:24,805 - Ooh! Ooh! - Ooh. 510 00:28:24,838 --> 00:28:27,576 Get back to your station and don't fucking touch me. 511 00:28:28,242 --> 00:28:29,944 Paulie. 512 00:28:30,645 --> 00:28:32,713 My apologies. Uh... 513 00:28:32,746 --> 00:28:34,882 That's on me. Juice boxes for everybody. 514 00:28:38,352 --> 00:28:40,888 Okay, I don't think you're getting it. I really, really don't. 515 00:28:40,921 --> 00:28:43,724 I'm getting paid to go back to college. Okay? 516 00:28:43,757 --> 00:28:45,859 - And you're gonna come with me. - Hard pass, Mol. 517 00:28:45,893 --> 00:28:47,261 Walter's got me on management track. 518 00:28:47,294 --> 00:28:50,297 Paulie, I need you. Seriously, we can go back, 519 00:28:50,331 --> 00:28:53,100 have a great time, party like we used to. 520 00:28:53,133 --> 00:28:54,868 You can finish your degree, finally. 521 00:28:54,902 --> 00:28:56,504 And then when you unlock your trust, 522 00:28:56,538 --> 00:28:58,573 you could just buy the whole cafeteria, 523 00:28:58,607 --> 00:29:00,274 have it named after you. 524 00:29:00,307 --> 00:29:01,509 Maybe even... 525 00:29:01,543 --> 00:29:04,078 ...fire Walter. 526 00:29:05,980 --> 00:29:08,115 - Fire Walter? - Why not? 527 00:29:08,148 --> 00:29:10,751 - Okay, I really wanna go. - Okay. We're getting you out. 528 00:29:10,784 --> 00:29:12,886 - Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got it. We got it. 529 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:14,321 Alright. 530 00:29:14,355 --> 00:29:15,690 Oh, I wanna fire Walter! 531 00:29:15,724 --> 00:29:17,258 - Yeah! - Fuck you! 532 00:29:18,526 --> 00:29:19,760 See ya, kids! 533 00:29:20,427 --> 00:29:21,462 Fuck you. 534 00:30:00,868 --> 00:30:03,070 Sorry, no housing available. 535 00:30:03,538 --> 00:30:05,239 Huh? 536 00:30:05,272 --> 00:30:06,940 What do you mean there's no housing available? 537 00:30:06,974 --> 00:30:08,809 Record enrollment. 538 00:30:08,842 --> 00:30:11,045 Did you not read your freshman orientation packet? 539 00:30:11,078 --> 00:30:13,914 Because if you had, you'd know that the dorms need to be secured 540 00:30:13,947 --> 00:30:15,949 - two months in advance. - Oh, okay. 541 00:30:15,983 --> 00:30:18,118 - Barnett... - Well, what about private housing? 542 00:30:18,152 --> 00:30:21,922 - Oh, yeah. - Oh. Record enrollment. 543 00:30:21,955 --> 00:30:23,457 - Oh, boy. - What is up with people 544 00:30:23,490 --> 00:30:25,527 that have the ability to hear? Yet nobody ever listens. 545 00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:28,162 - I hate that. - Okay, campus Barbie, listen. 546 00:30:28,195 --> 00:30:30,230 - I-- - Look, here's the deal. 547 00:30:30,264 --> 00:30:32,801 We've just been traveling so much the last few years, 548 00:30:32,833 --> 00:30:36,036 dedicating our lives to helping children in need 549 00:30:36,070 --> 00:30:38,640 on a grassroots level for little to no pay. 550 00:30:38,673 --> 00:30:40,040 And now... 551 00:30:41,375 --> 00:30:44,512 We need to come back and finish school 552 00:30:44,546 --> 00:30:47,682 so we can take our local efforts to the global stage, 553 00:30:47,716 --> 00:30:53,020 and I'm talking Malawi, Namibia, Darfur. 554 00:30:58,125 --> 00:31:01,061 - I'll tell you what I can do. Okay? - Okay. 555 00:31:01,730 --> 00:31:04,632 Not a fucking thing. America first. 556 00:31:05,533 --> 00:31:07,201 Student Housing. This is Amy. 557 00:31:07,234 --> 00:31:09,269 - Did she just say "America first"? - - Oh, yes, absolutely. 558 00:31:09,303 --> 00:31:11,706 - She said, "America first." 559 00:31:11,740 --> 00:31:13,340 Okay... 560 00:31:13,374 --> 00:31:14,441 Huh. 561 00:31:15,008 --> 00:31:17,846 What the hell was I thinking? Stupid, stupid Darfur. 562 00:31:17,878 --> 00:31:21,850 Yeah, she feels like someone who would run over protesters if given the chance. 563 00:31:21,882 --> 00:31:23,551 I can't believe we already fucked this up. 564 00:31:23,585 --> 00:31:27,187 "We"? Okay. Maybe it's for the best. 565 00:31:27,221 --> 00:31:28,790 I mean, this is the dumbest fucking idea 566 00:31:28,823 --> 00:31:30,391 since we both tried anal bleaching. 567 00:31:30,424 --> 00:31:32,926 Yeah, but if we don't do it, then we both go to living 568 00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:34,596 on the streets. 569 00:31:34,629 --> 00:31:36,330 - So... - Okay. Nope. Uh... 570 00:31:36,363 --> 00:31:37,998 My skin won't last a day in these streets, 571 00:31:38,031 --> 00:31:39,834 so we gotta figure something out. 572 00:31:39,868 --> 00:31:41,603 I know all about the skin... 573 00:31:42,436 --> 00:31:43,772 Hold up. Hold up. 574 00:31:43,805 --> 00:31:46,073 Excuse me. Hi. Hi. 575 00:31:46,974 --> 00:31:49,109 Can I borrow you for a sec? 576 00:32:09,163 --> 00:32:12,499 Why? No, no, no, no. What the fuck? 577 00:32:13,967 --> 00:32:16,136 Goddammit. 578 00:32:20,207 --> 00:32:22,476 So you're the Upper Decker, huh? 579 00:32:24,779 --> 00:32:27,214 I'm Lindsay. Looks like we're neighbors. 580 00:32:29,617 --> 00:32:32,953 So should I just call you "Upper" for short or...? 581 00:32:32,986 --> 00:32:35,155 Uh, I-I'm Elliot. Sorry. 582 00:32:36,256 --> 00:32:38,660 Hmm. Joe "Daddy" Stevenson. 583 00:32:38,693 --> 00:32:40,227 Uh, you know MMA? 584 00:32:40,260 --> 00:32:43,363 Hell, yeah. Well, I mean, I didn't start getting into it 585 00:32:43,397 --> 00:32:45,232 till Rousey started fighting but... 586 00:32:45,265 --> 00:32:47,635 Oh, that's, that's-- that's dank. 587 00:32:47,669 --> 00:32:50,638 Yeah. It's super dank. 588 00:32:52,339 --> 00:32:55,476 Uh, well, I will take these as I see them. 589 00:32:56,009 --> 00:32:58,145 The danglies are all yours though. 590 00:33:02,983 --> 00:33:05,452 "Dank"? What the fuck, dude? 591 00:33:30,177 --> 00:33:32,614 Oh, look, it's the International Man of Mystery. 592 00:33:32,647 --> 00:33:33,781 Oh, Amy. 593 00:33:34,749 --> 00:33:36,083 You passed. 594 00:33:36,584 --> 00:33:37,484 Passed what? 595 00:33:37,519 --> 00:33:40,087 The test to see if you are one of us. 596 00:33:40,688 --> 00:33:42,991 Can't be too careful in a college campus nowadays, 597 00:33:43,023 --> 00:33:45,527 what with the deep state liberal agenda. 598 00:33:53,668 --> 00:33:55,570 You-- you follow the Q? 599 00:33:55,603 --> 00:33:57,605 Do I follow the... 600 00:33:57,639 --> 00:33:59,841 Is George Soros the head of a major pedophile ring 601 00:33:59,874 --> 00:34:02,109 being run out of metro area pizza places? 602 00:34:03,443 --> 00:34:05,379 I know you said housing was full to the brim, 603 00:34:05,412 --> 00:34:08,983 but I think you and I both know it's up to people like us 604 00:34:09,017 --> 00:34:12,620 to make the silent majority not so silent! 605 00:34:14,756 --> 00:34:16,423 In places like this. 606 00:34:16,991 --> 00:34:18,660 And my girl Molly Sutter, 607 00:34:18,693 --> 00:34:22,462 she's down for the cause too. She is. So... 608 00:34:24,331 --> 00:34:27,602 if you can find it in your heart, 609 00:34:29,202 --> 00:34:31,706 maybe even consider it your patriotic duty, 610 00:34:31,739 --> 00:34:33,240 to put a roof over our heads. 611 00:34:35,242 --> 00:34:36,644 What do you say? 612 00:34:43,518 --> 00:34:44,552 What are we doing? 613 00:34:48,388 --> 00:34:50,324 Oh, yeah, you dirty little snowflake. 614 00:34:50,357 --> 00:34:53,528 I'm gonna assimilate you like a docile minority population. 615 00:34:53,561 --> 00:34:57,130 Uh, uh... assimilate me, you filthy little whore. 616 00:34:57,164 --> 00:34:59,433 Hey, don't be a misogynist. 617 00:34:59,466 --> 00:35:01,368 Oh, that's where you draw the line? 618 00:35:03,370 --> 00:35:06,440 I talk, you fuck. 619 00:35:07,909 --> 00:35:09,176 Mm-hmm. Yup. 620 00:35:12,479 --> 00:35:14,181 So are we doing this or what? 621 00:35:14,214 --> 00:35:16,350 Yeah, just getting it queued up. 622 00:35:16,383 --> 00:35:18,519 Yup. 623 00:35:18,553 --> 00:35:19,887 Yeah, okay. 624 00:35:21,889 --> 00:35:25,325 Oh, Michael B. Jordan. Michael B. Jordan. Michael B. Jordan. 625 00:35:25,359 --> 00:35:26,360 Oh, God. 626 00:35:26,393 --> 00:35:28,228 Molly, I could fucking kill you. 627 00:35:28,261 --> 00:35:30,798 You like that? 628 00:35:30,832 --> 00:35:31,866 Don Lemon! 629 00:35:40,608 --> 00:35:43,176 This place isn't officially affiliated with the university, 630 00:35:43,210 --> 00:35:46,146 but they do offer student discounts on rent, so... 631 00:35:46,781 --> 00:35:49,216 Amy, your country thanks you. 632 00:35:49,249 --> 00:35:52,687 Come back to be fucked by a real American patriot any day, 633 00:35:52,720 --> 00:35:54,656 you commie Antifa bitch. 634 00:35:54,689 --> 00:35:56,824 No, not if I... 635 00:35:57,959 --> 00:35:59,527 storm their capitol first. 636 00:36:02,664 --> 00:36:03,698 Oh, dear God. 637 00:36:22,717 --> 00:36:25,653 Okay, yeah. Just talk to her. Just go in. 638 00:36:26,219 --> 00:36:27,689 Hey. Hey, how are you? 639 00:36:28,923 --> 00:36:33,027 I didn't see you there. Uh, maybe you wanted to go on a walk? 640 00:36:33,061 --> 00:36:36,396 Okay, maybe you wanna go on a n-nature hike alone with me? 641 00:36:36,430 --> 00:36:39,033 What am I? Yogi fucking Bear? 642 00:36:39,067 --> 00:36:41,268 I-I like-- I like MMA. I like fighting. 643 00:36:41,301 --> 00:36:42,670 I mean, I know you do too. 644 00:36:42,704 --> 00:36:45,707 Maybe, why don't we just, like, spar or something? 645 00:36:45,740 --> 00:36:47,008 No, what? Spar. 646 00:36:49,844 --> 00:36:52,914 Just do it. Alright. One, two, three. Okay. 647 00:36:55,783 --> 00:36:58,553 Hey, I was in the neighborhood and I just wanted to see... 648 00:36:58,586 --> 00:37:00,655 Oh! Uh, uh... 649 00:37:00,688 --> 00:37:02,056 What the fuck, Chach! 650 00:37:02,090 --> 00:37:04,525 Get the fuck outta here, bro! 651 00:37:04,559 --> 00:37:06,226 - Aah! - Get the fuck outta here! 652 00:37:06,259 --> 00:37:08,663 Yup. 653 00:37:08,696 --> 00:37:11,132 Always... always knock, knock, knock. 654 00:37:11,165 --> 00:37:12,399 Fucking idiot. 655 00:37:21,542 --> 00:37:23,310 - Huh. - Is this it? 656 00:37:25,245 --> 00:37:26,848 Yeah, this is it. 657 00:37:30,084 --> 00:37:32,352 I think I'm good sleeping in your car. 658 00:37:38,391 --> 00:37:40,928 Ow! Ow! Fuck! 659 00:37:41,394 --> 00:37:44,999 Mother fuck! Mother fuck! 660 00:37:46,868 --> 00:37:48,903 Is that Scott Perkins? 661 00:37:48,936 --> 00:37:50,972 I think it is. 662 00:37:51,005 --> 00:37:53,241 Didn't he set fire to the art building senior year? 663 00:37:53,273 --> 00:37:54,474 For sure. 664 00:37:54,509 --> 00:37:57,845 - Okay. - Oh, Can't Sing Singer. 665 00:37:57,879 --> 00:37:59,346 - Scotty. - Paulie. 666 00:37:59,379 --> 00:38:01,481 - Yeah. - No freaking way. 667 00:38:01,516 --> 00:38:03,818 - Yeah. - I haven't seen you guys in years. 668 00:38:03,851 --> 00:38:05,186 Yeah! 669 00:38:05,219 --> 00:38:06,621 - Yeah. - Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 670 00:38:06,654 --> 00:38:09,157 It's good to see you. Yes. 671 00:38:09,190 --> 00:38:10,457 - Yeah. - Uh... 672 00:38:10,490 --> 00:38:12,126 Wow. So you work here? 673 00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:13,628 Oh, I don't fucking work here. 674 00:38:13,661 --> 00:38:16,230 I own the whole freaking building. 675 00:38:16,264 --> 00:38:17,430 - Whoa. - Oh, wow. 676 00:38:17,464 --> 00:38:20,467 Yeah, I just, uh, couldn't leave, 677 00:38:20,500 --> 00:38:22,737 - you know, like, after graduation. - - Mm. 678 00:38:22,770 --> 00:38:23,938 Like who does that? 679 00:38:23,971 --> 00:38:25,506 - Everybody. Everybody does that. - Yeah, well... 680 00:38:25,540 --> 00:38:27,074 - We did it. - So I was doing my art 681 00:38:27,108 --> 00:38:28,876 and like sort of squatting here, 682 00:38:28,910 --> 00:38:30,745 and then my grandpa died. 683 00:38:30,778 --> 00:38:33,047 - Oh, my God. Hmm. - Yeah. Yeah. 684 00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:35,516 No, it's okay. He was an asshole. 685 00:38:35,550 --> 00:38:37,618 - Hmm. - But like a really rich asshole. 686 00:38:37,652 --> 00:38:39,921 - Mm-mmm. - Which is how I got this place. 687 00:38:41,222 --> 00:38:42,623 And how's that working for you? 688 00:38:42,657 --> 00:38:46,294 Oh, fucking terrible, man. Really bad. Um... 689 00:38:46,928 --> 00:38:49,730 Like the first day I got the keys, there was a black mold scare. 690 00:38:49,764 --> 00:38:52,133 - Oh. - And then there was the incident 691 00:38:52,166 --> 00:38:54,367 where a student may or may not... 692 00:38:55,236 --> 00:38:58,338 have died after sliding down the pole. 693 00:38:59,207 --> 00:39:00,174 "Pole"? 694 00:39:06,047 --> 00:39:10,618 Holy mother of fuck pads! 695 00:39:10,651 --> 00:39:12,720 Oh, my God, air hockey! 696 00:39:12,753 --> 00:39:14,088 Ha! 697 00:39:16,591 --> 00:39:18,059 Oh, my God, the pole. 698 00:39:18,092 --> 00:39:20,460 - Yeah, be careful. - The pole. That's what just-- 699 00:39:20,493 --> 00:39:22,763 The pole! 700 00:39:22,797 --> 00:39:24,765 - Get it! Yes. - Yeah. 701 00:39:24,799 --> 00:39:26,667 - RIP, ladies. - Uh-huh. 702 00:39:26,701 --> 00:39:28,435 Got a little arcade action. 703 00:39:28,468 --> 00:39:30,204 Alright. Okay. Okay. 704 00:39:30,238 --> 00:39:32,206 - Wow. - Bowling bowl. 705 00:39:32,240 --> 00:39:33,741 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah, Grandpa's. 706 00:39:33,774 --> 00:39:36,944 - Ah! - Scott, this is perfect. 707 00:39:36,978 --> 00:39:40,447 So, uh, how many months are we talking about? 708 00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:42,683 Because I'm really behind on my payments. 709 00:39:42,717 --> 00:39:44,719 I was supposed to have a sorority sign a lease here, 710 00:39:44,752 --> 00:39:48,022 but they pussied out when they heard that somebody may or may not have died here. 711 00:39:48,055 --> 00:39:50,758 Oh, Scott. I get that someone died here. You don't need to be vague. 712 00:39:50,791 --> 00:39:51,859 Allegedly. 713 00:39:52,627 --> 00:39:55,329 So you're telling me no one's even had sex in this hot tub? 714 00:39:55,363 --> 00:39:57,198 Unfortunately, not a single sperm 715 00:39:57,231 --> 00:39:58,933 has entered that chlorinated water. 716 00:39:58,966 --> 00:40:01,936 Okay, so, um, how far behind on payments are you 717 00:40:01,969 --> 00:40:04,238 before the bank initiates foreclosure? 718 00:40:04,272 --> 00:40:07,608 Uh, 20 grand-ish. 719 00:40:08,342 --> 00:40:09,510 Okay. 720 00:40:10,410 --> 00:40:11,779 Yeah. Um... 721 00:40:12,412 --> 00:40:13,881 I think we can help you out. 722 00:40:13,915 --> 00:40:16,250 - Great. Just don't put it in my name. 723 00:40:16,284 --> 00:40:17,450 Hmm. 724 00:40:22,156 --> 00:40:26,459 ...Elliot Steiner has single-handedly wrecked the MVP run 725 00:40:26,493 --> 00:40:28,529 of potential first-round draft pick... 726 00:40:28,562 --> 00:40:31,165 Elliot Steiner has single-handedly... 727 00:40:43,511 --> 00:40:46,113 - What are you doing? - Trying not to blow our cover. 728 00:40:46,147 --> 00:40:47,715 With a newspaper? No. 729 00:40:47,748 --> 00:40:50,318 Most of these kids don't even know what that is. 730 00:40:50,351 --> 00:40:52,753 Just put it down. Act cool. 731 00:40:52,787 --> 00:40:55,189 Get your phone. Just relax. 732 00:40:59,193 --> 00:41:00,460 The Upper Decker kid. 733 00:41:05,533 --> 00:41:07,568 Okay. That's the guy who took out 734 00:41:07,601 --> 00:41:09,003 - Demetrius Moss. - Yes. 735 00:41:09,036 --> 00:41:10,438 He'll be lucky if he gets out of this semester alive. 736 00:41:10,470 --> 00:41:12,606 Okay, we do not have until the semester ends. 737 00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:16,010 We have until Homecoming to get this kid from zero to hero. 738 00:41:16,544 --> 00:41:17,845 Did you just quote Cool as Ice ? 739 00:41:17,878 --> 00:41:19,780 Hmm. Paraphrased, but, yes. 740 00:41:19,814 --> 00:41:22,883 - Well, how do you suppose we do that? - - With... 741 00:41:24,085 --> 00:41:25,052 this. 742 00:41:26,153 --> 00:41:27,621 Oh, my God. 743 00:41:27,655 --> 00:41:30,124 - Holy shit. Is that Demetrius? - It is. Yeah. 744 00:41:31,058 --> 00:41:32,492 - Is he? - He is. 745 00:41:32,526 --> 00:41:34,729 - How, dude? - Well, in-house investigator. 746 00:41:34,762 --> 00:41:37,198 Dude could dig up dirt on Jesus if we asked him to. 747 00:41:37,231 --> 00:41:38,599 Mm. 748 00:41:40,201 --> 00:41:41,569 Oh. 749 00:41:48,476 --> 00:41:50,044 Uh-oh. 750 00:41:51,112 --> 00:41:52,213 Who's the girl? 751 00:41:57,918 --> 00:41:59,253 Okay. 752 00:42:08,729 --> 00:42:10,831 - Oh, oh, oh, oh. - He's coming this way. 753 00:42:10,865 --> 00:42:13,000 - He's coming this way! - Yeah. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Okay. 754 00:42:13,034 --> 00:42:14,235 Just, uh... 755 00:42:15,436 --> 00:42:18,706 Whoa. 756 00:42:19,740 --> 00:42:21,375 Oh, uh, hey. Wait, wait, wait, wait. 757 00:42:21,409 --> 00:42:24,745 Hey, hey. Excuse me! Excuse me! Hi. 758 00:42:24,779 --> 00:42:27,181 - Sorry, you forgot your book. - Oh, uh, thanks. 759 00:42:27,214 --> 00:42:28,816 Benazir Bhutto: A Biography. 760 00:42:28,849 --> 00:42:30,618 Yeah, the world's first female Muslim prime minister. 761 00:42:30,651 --> 00:42:32,787 - Yeah, she's great. - You must be... 762 00:42:32,820 --> 00:42:35,056 what, like a poli-sci major or something? 763 00:42:35,089 --> 00:42:36,390 I'm undeclared actually. 764 00:42:36,424 --> 00:42:38,959 - Oh, me too. - Same. Same, same. 765 00:42:38,993 --> 00:42:41,896 - Yeah. This is Paulie and I'm Molly. - Yup, yup, yup. 766 00:42:42,630 --> 00:42:45,232 - Uh... - And you are? 767 00:42:45,266 --> 00:42:46,901 Elliot. Elliot Steiner. 768 00:42:46,934 --> 00:42:49,703 - Cool. - Steiner. I hardly know her. 769 00:42:49,737 --> 00:42:51,405 Okay, well, um, 770 00:42:51,439 --> 00:42:53,808 we're actually thinking about going to Stillwaters in like an hour. 771 00:42:53,841 --> 00:42:56,143 - Would you-- You should come with us. - Oh, yeah. 772 00:42:56,877 --> 00:42:59,548 - You think I'm an idiot? - What? 773 00:43:00,014 --> 00:43:03,317 Excuse me. Hi. Hello. No. No, no, no. No. What? 774 00:43:03,350 --> 00:43:07,254 Some old dude and, and a random lady just happen to run into me 775 00:43:07,288 --> 00:43:08,689 right after I become a meme. 776 00:43:08,722 --> 00:43:10,124 Whatever you have planned, I'm not falling for it. 777 00:43:10,157 --> 00:43:13,027 Look, okay, yes. We... we do know who you are. 778 00:43:13,060 --> 00:43:14,662 But this isn't a trap or anything like that. 779 00:43:14,695 --> 00:43:16,897 - No, no. - It's just we know our way around here. 780 00:43:16,931 --> 00:43:18,567 - Yes. - And, and we've all got a past 781 00:43:18,599 --> 00:43:19,800 - that we wished we could forget. - Ugh. 782 00:43:19,834 --> 00:43:21,936 Paulie here got so drunk freshman year... 783 00:43:21,969 --> 00:43:24,004 - Oh! - ...that he passed out in McConnell Hall 784 00:43:24,038 --> 00:43:25,806 and shit his pants in his sleep. 785 00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:27,942 - Remember that? - Yeah, that was you. 786 00:43:27,975 --> 00:43:29,977 - That was you. - Details. Anyway the point is, 787 00:43:30,010 --> 00:43:33,013 we all deserve a second chance at a first impression. 788 00:43:34,014 --> 00:43:36,250 I mean, I-I don't-- I don't even drink, so... 789 00:43:36,283 --> 00:43:41,188 Or, you know, we could, um, convince the girl to come with us. 790 00:43:41,222 --> 00:43:43,257 - Oh, yeah. - What girl? 791 00:43:43,290 --> 00:43:46,660 The girl. The girl you're making googly eyes at while you were eating. 792 00:43:46,694 --> 00:43:47,928 Yeah. 793 00:43:48,429 --> 00:43:50,097 Steiner? Hello? 794 00:43:50,731 --> 00:43:51,999 - Okay. - Okay. 795 00:43:52,534 --> 00:43:54,835 Uh, I don't have any plans. 796 00:43:56,337 --> 00:43:59,508 - No plans. There you go. - That's great. Okay, cool. 797 00:43:59,541 --> 00:44:03,811 Okay, so I think we have one thing to do before we go and that is... 798 00:44:03,844 --> 00:44:06,847 - Shave his balls. - Pretty Woman montage. 799 00:44:06,881 --> 00:44:09,717 - Pretty Woman montage. - It's gonna be fun. 800 00:44:27,067 --> 00:44:29,136 It's a little cowboy for me. 801 00:44:29,170 --> 00:44:32,439 It's like a Brokeback chic, but not so chic. 802 00:44:32,473 --> 00:44:35,309 - Oh, my God! - Yeah! 803 00:44:35,342 --> 00:44:36,343 Next. 804 00:44:37,612 --> 00:44:39,013 Yeah! 805 00:44:39,046 --> 00:44:42,183 No. He looks like a K-Pop video just took a shit on him. 806 00:44:43,117 --> 00:44:44,151 In a good way. 807 00:44:52,092 --> 00:44:54,563 Ma'am, I think you should just get rid of that outfit altogether. 808 00:44:54,596 --> 00:44:55,963 It needs to not be in the store. 809 00:44:55,996 --> 00:44:58,799 - The power of Christ compels you. - Yes, awful. 810 00:45:10,444 --> 00:45:11,646 Yeah! 811 00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:14,448 - Wow, I love this one. - Yeah. 812 00:45:14,481 --> 00:45:15,749 Done and done. 813 00:45:15,783 --> 00:45:17,451 You know what I'm saying? You look great. 814 00:45:33,834 --> 00:45:35,836 Alright. Here you go. 815 00:45:38,105 --> 00:45:40,808 Sure Baby Face Nelson there is 21? 816 00:45:41,710 --> 00:45:42,943 Absolutely. 817 00:45:42,977 --> 00:45:45,212 You've seen us in here before. 818 00:45:47,848 --> 00:45:50,818 A hundred times. 819 00:45:51,586 --> 00:45:53,622 Oh, right, Ben, was it? 820 00:45:53,655 --> 00:45:55,889 God, great to see you. 821 00:45:55,923 --> 00:45:57,825 - Cheers, you guys. - Yeah. 822 00:45:58,759 --> 00:46:00,294 Mr. Franklin. 823 00:46:02,129 --> 00:46:03,197 Here you are. 824 00:46:03,230 --> 00:46:04,999 So do you guys bring 825 00:46:05,533 --> 00:46:07,702 underaged boys here often? 826 00:46:09,504 --> 00:46:12,607 Look, that is the least illegal thing going on around here. 827 00:46:12,641 --> 00:46:15,610 Stillwaters is owned by the Dabrowski family. 828 00:46:15,644 --> 00:46:17,444 You mean the mob guys? 829 00:46:17,478 --> 00:46:18,812 Polish mob. 830 00:46:18,846 --> 00:46:21,115 Why do you think they have 1997 prices? 831 00:46:21,148 --> 00:46:24,184 It's all a front to launder money. Anything goes. 832 00:46:24,218 --> 00:46:27,855 "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy." 833 00:46:27,888 --> 00:46:30,558 So, uh, when's Lindsay getting here? 834 00:46:31,258 --> 00:46:32,226 Who? 835 00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:34,261 Oh, the girl. 836 00:46:34,295 --> 00:46:35,963 - Oh, uh... - Yes. Lindsay's not coming. 837 00:46:36,830 --> 00:46:40,669 Well, it would have been super weird of us to just go up to an underage stranger 838 00:46:40,702 --> 00:46:42,671 and ask them to a bar. 839 00:46:42,704 --> 00:46:45,372 That's exactly what you guys did... 840 00:46:46,508 --> 00:46:48,677 - Whoa. - - What is fucking happening? 841 00:46:48,710 --> 00:46:50,010 I'm not sure. 842 00:46:52,112 --> 00:46:54,848 - Is he powering down? What's going on? - Yo, Punxsutawney Phil, 843 00:46:54,882 --> 00:46:56,150 - get back up here, please. - Yeah. 844 00:46:56,618 --> 00:46:59,621 Upper Decker! 845 00:46:59,654 --> 00:47:03,257 Showing your face in my bar. 846 00:47:05,392 --> 00:47:06,827 Everything okay, fellas? 847 00:47:06,860 --> 00:47:08,563 Yeah, it's cool. 848 00:47:08,596 --> 00:47:11,165 Just a little, uh, crowded in here. 849 00:47:11,198 --> 00:47:13,735 About one freshman asshole over capacity. 850 00:47:22,577 --> 00:47:25,312 - Do your thing, Mol. - You know, 851 00:47:25,346 --> 00:47:27,549 I'd love to speak with you in private for a second. 852 00:47:27,582 --> 00:47:29,283 - Huge fan. - Oh, yeah, sure. 853 00:47:29,316 --> 00:47:31,318 Pretty sure you gonna be alone with me for more than a second though. 854 00:47:31,352 --> 00:47:33,621 Yeah, yeah, I don't doubt that. 855 00:47:33,655 --> 00:47:36,357 Hey, if he tries to run, sit on him. 856 00:47:50,605 --> 00:47:52,272 You like IPAs? 857 00:48:01,448 --> 00:48:04,251 Wow. That's just rude. 858 00:48:13,293 --> 00:48:15,764 Awesome. 859 00:48:17,998 --> 00:48:20,735 Everyone! Hello. Please listen up. 860 00:48:20,769 --> 00:48:23,337 Uh, Demetrius here has an announcement. 861 00:48:24,304 --> 00:48:26,340 Alright. So, uh, everyone, uh, 862 00:48:26,373 --> 00:48:30,911 I would like to speak on the events that have occurred and, um... 863 00:48:31,579 --> 00:48:36,350 Man, fuck this. Alright, the shit that happened last week wasn't your fault. 864 00:48:38,553 --> 00:48:40,688 Yeah, I think if I'm hearing this correctly, 865 00:48:40,722 --> 00:48:43,257 Demetrius is going on the record to say 866 00:48:43,290 --> 00:48:46,761 that his broken ankle isn't Elliott Steiner's fault. 867 00:48:46,795 --> 00:48:48,495 Am I right about that, Demetrius? 868 00:48:48,530 --> 00:48:50,130 - Correct. - Whose fault is it? 869 00:48:50,164 --> 00:48:52,299 Barnett University and its failure to create 870 00:48:52,332 --> 00:48:55,770 distinctive riding and walking paths on campus. 871 00:48:55,804 --> 00:48:59,406 And Demetrius here will be suing the university for upwards of, um... 872 00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:00,642 Twenty million dollars. 873 00:49:00,675 --> 00:49:02,476 Whoa! 874 00:49:02,510 --> 00:49:04,712 Uh, yeah, sure. Shoot for the moon. 875 00:49:04,746 --> 00:49:07,214 So, uh, we good, little man. 876 00:49:08,081 --> 00:49:10,819 Hey, yo. I'm gonna be rich, bitches! 877 00:49:10,852 --> 00:49:12,085 Shots on me. 878 00:49:12,119 --> 00:49:14,488 Whoo! 879 00:49:16,156 --> 00:49:21,529 Shot! Shot! Shot! 880 00:50:00,535 --> 00:50:02,069 So I just move that there. 881 00:50:02,102 --> 00:50:04,171 Oh, no, no, no, no, that's cheating. 882 00:50:04,204 --> 00:50:05,673 No, it's not. Why can't I go up the slide? 883 00:50:05,707 --> 00:50:07,742 You cannot climb the slide. That's not how it works. 884 00:50:07,775 --> 00:50:10,410 You climb the ladder and then you go down the slide. 885 00:50:10,444 --> 00:50:12,412 - That's how-- Okay, my turn. - But you keep-- Oh, fine. 886 00:50:14,616 --> 00:50:16,116 - Three. Ha-ha. - Okay. 887 00:50:16,149 --> 00:50:18,786 Three. One, two, three. 888 00:50:18,820 --> 00:50:20,020 Oh, see? Ladder. 889 00:50:20,053 --> 00:50:21,789 Climb. 890 00:50:25,827 --> 00:50:27,695 Van Singer, party liaison. 891 00:50:27,729 --> 00:50:29,363 Are you fucking kidding me? 892 00:50:29,396 --> 00:50:31,131 Uh... 893 00:50:31,164 --> 00:50:33,233 I am paying you to help my son get adjusted to college, 894 00:50:33,267 --> 00:50:35,035 not ruin his goddamn life. 895 00:50:35,068 --> 00:50:36,303 I'm not sure what you're talking about 896 00:50:36,336 --> 00:50:37,872 because I've been here for two days. 897 00:50:37,906 --> 00:50:40,173 The Demetrius Moss situation is fixed. 898 00:50:40,207 --> 00:50:42,376 We are taking him to a rush event later today and... 899 00:50:42,409 --> 00:50:46,280 minimized the MMA-themed wardrobe by at least 35%. 900 00:50:47,481 --> 00:50:49,651 Tell me you're a freshman in college 901 00:50:49,684 --> 00:50:52,754 without telling me you're a freshman in college. I'll go first. 902 00:51:00,127 --> 00:51:01,963 Okay, I can see 903 00:51:01,996 --> 00:51:03,731 by the looks of this video-- 904 00:51:05,232 --> 00:51:07,067 I don't even feel it! I don't-- 905 00:51:07,100 --> 00:51:09,771 - I don't even feel it! - Oh, my God! 906 00:51:09,804 --> 00:51:11,573 And that video as well, 907 00:51:11,606 --> 00:51:14,776 it may appear that I'm not in control here, but I can assure you-- 908 00:51:14,809 --> 00:51:17,210 I should have known this was gonna be a fucking shit show. 909 00:51:17,244 --> 00:51:20,180 You know what? Just forget it. 910 00:51:20,213 --> 00:51:22,817 Forget the whole thing. Forget your job. You're done. 911 00:51:24,886 --> 00:51:26,521 In one day, I've taken your kid 912 00:51:26,554 --> 00:51:29,256 from wanting to run home with his tail tucked between his chinos 913 00:51:29,289 --> 00:51:31,425 to wanting to get the fucking Badger fight song 914 00:51:31,458 --> 00:51:33,628 tattooed on his forehead Post Malone style. 915 00:51:33,661 --> 00:51:36,496 What do you think is gonna happen if I ghost him now? 916 00:51:37,799 --> 00:51:39,199 Let me get him through rush. 917 00:51:39,232 --> 00:51:41,703 And I promise you, the freshman tradition 918 00:51:41,736 --> 00:51:43,071 of buying Christmas presents 919 00:51:43,103 --> 00:51:44,806 entirely from the university bookstore 920 00:51:44,839 --> 00:51:46,608 will be well intact. 921 00:51:48,308 --> 00:51:50,912 Okay, keep him off the Tok. 922 00:51:50,945 --> 00:51:53,480 And if you ruin his chances of a future Senate race, 923 00:51:53,514 --> 00:51:55,049 I swear to God I will eat you alive 924 00:51:55,083 --> 00:51:57,184 and bury you in the goddamn desert. 925 00:51:58,886 --> 00:52:00,120 Thanks so much. 926 00:52:05,125 --> 00:52:07,160 - Everything good? - Yeah. 927 00:52:07,962 --> 00:52:09,797 - Refill? - Yes, please. 928 00:52:11,532 --> 00:52:14,669 - I saw you cheat, by the way. - No, I didn't. 929 00:52:18,006 --> 00:52:21,643 So officially, we are absolutely not able to haze you little bitches 930 00:52:21,676 --> 00:52:23,210 in any way shape or form. 931 00:52:23,243 --> 00:52:24,779 But unofficially, you little douche canoes 932 00:52:24,812 --> 00:52:26,514 better get ready for the suck. 933 00:52:27,214 --> 00:52:29,383 We're gonna have to suck your, like... 934 00:52:30,217 --> 00:52:31,919 What? No. 935 00:52:32,452 --> 00:52:35,089 The suck. Like from Jarhead. 936 00:52:35,690 --> 00:52:38,826 - Uh... - Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. 937 00:52:38,860 --> 00:52:41,562 Why don't you guys just go play some cornhole or something. 938 00:52:44,666 --> 00:52:47,935 I just don't think I'm really frat material. 939 00:52:47,969 --> 00:52:50,838 Oh, you're not a fan of relay races with marshmallows up your butt? 940 00:52:50,872 --> 00:52:52,974 No, no, not at all. 941 00:52:53,007 --> 00:52:57,945 Uh, well, you know, there's a whole brotherhood hoorah thing. 942 00:52:57,979 --> 00:52:59,479 Formals are fun. 943 00:52:59,514 --> 00:53:03,651 And there are certain other advantages. 944 00:53:05,318 --> 00:53:06,821 Ooh, not ready yet. 945 00:53:06,854 --> 00:53:08,656 Yeah. Two more semesters. 946 00:53:09,389 --> 00:53:11,626 Three, if your parents are religious. 947 00:53:11,659 --> 00:53:13,460 - What? - Hm? 948 00:53:13,493 --> 00:53:16,931 Nothing. Nothing. Just that, enjoy the party. 949 00:53:17,932 --> 00:53:19,767 Remind me to check Grindr later. 950 00:53:21,636 --> 00:53:23,104 Oh, hey! 951 00:53:23,137 --> 00:53:24,304 Oh, hey, Elliot. 952 00:53:24,337 --> 00:53:26,074 Steiner, how you holding up? 953 00:53:26,107 --> 00:53:27,274 Uh... 954 00:53:27,307 --> 00:53:28,976 Wait, you all know each other? 955 00:53:29,010 --> 00:53:30,111 Oh, yeah. We met Elliot 956 00:53:30,144 --> 00:53:32,113 at Stillwaters last night. 957 00:53:32,146 --> 00:53:33,346 Stillwaters. 958 00:53:33,380 --> 00:53:34,982 - Yeah. - Wow, how'd you get in there? 959 00:53:35,016 --> 00:53:36,718 - I... - Oh, he just walked right in 960 00:53:36,751 --> 00:53:39,419 like he owned the place. They didn't even question him. 961 00:53:39,453 --> 00:53:41,221 Mm. Cool. 962 00:53:41,254 --> 00:53:43,323 Very cool. Very cool. 963 00:53:43,356 --> 00:53:45,459 - Um, okay. - Um... 964 00:53:45,492 --> 00:53:48,763 Uh, should we get some refills? We'll surprise you guys. 965 00:53:48,796 --> 00:53:52,265 - Refills for us. Paulie. - We'll be back. 966 00:53:52,299 --> 00:53:55,235 - Guys. - So... 967 00:53:57,839 --> 00:53:58,973 So... 968 00:53:59,473 --> 00:54:03,410 Hey, um, I'm really sorry about Stu the other day. 969 00:54:03,443 --> 00:54:05,445 I just started dating him. 970 00:54:05,479 --> 00:54:09,050 He's sweet, but can be a little intense sometimes. 971 00:54:09,083 --> 00:54:10,718 No, I'm-- I'm sorry. I should have knocked. 972 00:54:10,752 --> 00:54:13,688 I didn't see anything, so don't-- don't worry. 973 00:54:14,222 --> 00:54:16,958 You didn't accidentally sneak a peek? 974 00:54:16,991 --> 00:54:19,326 God, no, no, no, I wouldn't do that. 975 00:54:19,359 --> 00:54:23,030 I, I-- No, I meant-- I meant they're great. 976 00:54:23,064 --> 00:54:24,364 You're-- you're great. 977 00:54:24,397 --> 00:54:25,833 You're-- you're pretty. 978 00:54:29,036 --> 00:54:30,337 Good crop this year. 979 00:54:31,139 --> 00:54:33,440 With a few fucking weeds. 980 00:54:33,473 --> 00:54:36,043 What are you doin' here, perving Peeping Tom next door? 981 00:54:36,077 --> 00:54:37,678 Oh, wait. Babe, be cool. This is Elliot. 982 00:54:37,712 --> 00:54:41,115 He was just coming by to apologize for walking in on us. 983 00:54:41,149 --> 00:54:43,050 Dude, I'm-- I'm so sorry. I-- 984 00:54:43,084 --> 00:54:44,484 It was a mistake. I-I didn't mean... 985 00:54:44,519 --> 00:54:46,521 Dude, don't even fucking worry about it, bro. 986 00:54:46,554 --> 00:54:49,056 You ain't the first chode to hallway jerk it to me and my girl getting it on. 987 00:54:49,090 --> 00:54:51,859 - You won't be the last. - "Hallway jerk"? I didn't jerk. I don't-- 988 00:54:51,893 --> 00:54:54,162 - Say, you like Jaeger? - Uh, yeah, I guess. 989 00:54:54,195 --> 00:54:56,697 - Who doesn't? Let's get some. - Okay. 990 00:54:56,731 --> 00:54:58,900 - I'll introduce you to the brothers. - Oh, great. 991 00:55:08,042 --> 00:55:09,811 Time to get a drink, man. 992 00:55:09,844 --> 00:55:12,180 Alright. Hey, listen, this is Elliot. 993 00:55:12,213 --> 00:55:13,815 Alright. Chaz, drinks, go. 994 00:55:13,848 --> 00:55:15,616 Go, go, go. 995 00:55:16,584 --> 00:55:18,451 Looks like the boys are coming around. 996 00:55:19,120 --> 00:55:21,354 Something's off. This guy's got a real 997 00:55:21,388 --> 00:55:22,690 "my dad's lawyer got me probation 998 00:55:22,723 --> 00:55:24,692 for roofing girls" kind of vibe. 999 00:55:24,725 --> 00:55:26,994 That's a very specific vibe, Mol. 1000 00:55:27,028 --> 00:55:28,328 Mm. It's what I'm getting. 1001 00:55:31,032 --> 00:55:32,767 Oh, Lindsay. Hey, girl. 1002 00:55:36,604 --> 00:55:39,607 Alright, my brothers and my brothers' ladies, listen up. 1003 00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:42,475 I wanna dedicate this shot 1004 00:55:43,311 --> 00:55:45,112 to my boy Elliot here. 1005 00:55:46,514 --> 00:55:49,517 Takes a giant set of boss level balls 1006 00:55:49,550 --> 00:55:51,919 to show his face around here after what he did to Dem. 1007 00:55:52,419 --> 00:55:54,487 - Am I right? - Yeah! 1008 00:55:54,522 --> 00:55:56,691 - Am I right?! - Yeah! 1009 00:55:56,724 --> 00:56:01,062 So, let's give him a big Mu welcome! 1010 00:56:01,095 --> 00:56:02,429 On three. 1011 00:56:02,997 --> 00:56:06,767 One... two... three... 1012 00:56:16,010 --> 00:56:17,545 Jesus! 1013 00:56:18,813 --> 00:56:19,981 Uh... 1014 00:56:22,016 --> 00:56:23,584 That's a huge dick! 1015 00:56:29,123 --> 00:56:30,658 Elliot! 1016 00:56:31,525 --> 00:56:34,695 What a fucking loser, dude. Fuck that guy. 1017 00:56:34,729 --> 00:56:37,632 - Wow, you are not very bright, are you? - Yeah. 1018 00:56:37,665 --> 00:56:39,667 You just did that kid a huge favor. 1019 00:56:39,700 --> 00:56:41,903 I think I did his parents the favor. 1020 00:56:41,936 --> 00:56:44,639 Probably saved them 50 grand in tuition money. 1021 00:56:45,706 --> 00:56:49,944 You just showed everyone the massive secret weapon he's been hiding. 1022 00:56:51,979 --> 00:56:54,548 I mean, it wa-- it wasn't that massive. 1023 00:56:54,582 --> 00:56:57,051 - I've had a few dicks. It's big. - Big. 1024 00:56:57,785 --> 00:57:00,420 Yeah, well, too bad he won't step foot in here again. 1025 00:57:00,453 --> 00:57:03,691 - Hmm. - My house, my rules. 1026 00:57:03,724 --> 00:57:07,128 Care to make a wager on that, William Cosby? 1027 00:57:07,995 --> 00:57:09,096 Mr. Pudding Pop? 1028 00:57:09,130 --> 00:57:13,768 Okay, first off, my name's Stu, Stuart Gable. 1029 00:57:13,801 --> 00:57:15,870 - And second-- - Second, I don't give a fuck. 1030 00:57:15,903 --> 00:57:17,738 Are you man enough to wager or not? 1031 00:57:17,772 --> 00:57:19,707 - Hm? - What's the wager? 1032 00:57:21,575 --> 00:57:23,476 Wager. Wager is... 1033 00:57:23,511 --> 00:57:25,346 - Booze-catholon. - Booze-catholon. 1034 00:57:25,379 --> 00:57:26,747 Saturday. Our place. 1035 00:57:26,781 --> 00:57:29,050 If we win, Elliot gets a bid. 1036 00:57:29,083 --> 00:57:30,418 And if I win? 1037 00:57:30,450 --> 00:57:32,887 Or, let me rephrase that. 1038 00:57:32,920 --> 00:57:34,088 When I win. 1039 00:57:34,121 --> 00:57:35,222 I fuck you. 1040 00:57:35,890 --> 00:57:37,425 - What the fuck? - Or... 1041 00:57:38,092 --> 00:57:40,227 Another option would be... 1042 00:57:40,261 --> 00:57:43,463 - How about... - Oh, there you go. 1043 00:57:44,198 --> 00:57:45,533 Keys? 1044 00:57:46,033 --> 00:57:47,702 Yes, the whole car, moron. 1045 00:57:47,735 --> 00:57:49,603 - Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. - The car. 1046 00:57:49,637 --> 00:57:52,406 You're on. You are fucking on! 1047 00:57:52,440 --> 00:57:55,309 Yeah! A fucking car, dude. 1048 00:57:55,343 --> 00:57:58,412 So much dudebro-ness. 1049 00:57:58,446 --> 00:58:00,114 Better get your pussy ready. 1050 00:58:00,982 --> 00:58:03,317 - My what? - Your pussy. 1051 00:58:03,351 --> 00:58:05,152 See you Saturday, Stu. 1052 00:58:10,758 --> 00:58:13,961 Steiner, open the door. It's me, Molly. 1053 00:58:13,995 --> 00:58:16,998 - Go away. - Oh, come on. It's not that bad. 1054 00:58:17,031 --> 00:58:19,100 Look, we've all been there. 1055 00:58:19,133 --> 00:58:21,936 We have? When was the last time that you had your wang exposed 1056 00:58:21,969 --> 00:58:23,304 to 100 strangers? 1057 00:58:23,337 --> 00:58:24,638 Did you just say "wang"? 1058 00:58:24,672 --> 00:58:26,741 Oh, my God. Molly, just go away. 1059 00:58:26,774 --> 00:58:28,242 Okay, seriously, Elliot, 1060 00:58:28,275 --> 00:58:29,777 - we will figure this out. Hm? - Excuse me. 1061 00:58:29,810 --> 00:58:31,979 It's quiet hours. So we need you to wrap it up. 1062 00:58:32,013 --> 00:58:35,149 Oh. You know what? It's so great you're here. 1063 00:58:35,182 --> 00:58:39,320 Because I'm a dummy and I just-- I locked myself out of my room. 1064 00:58:39,353 --> 00:58:40,888 Uh, well, this is the freshman dorm. 1065 00:58:40,921 --> 00:58:44,792 Um, the grad school dorm is on north campus. 1066 00:58:44,825 --> 00:58:46,994 First of all, that is very hurtful. 1067 00:58:47,028 --> 00:58:49,997 - Well... - Secondly, I just wanna say, 1068 00:58:50,031 --> 00:58:54,468 the two of you are doing one hell of a job. 1069 00:58:54,502 --> 00:58:56,337 No, I'm serious. 1070 00:58:56,370 --> 00:58:58,305 You're goddamn saints. Let me tell you, 1071 00:58:58,339 --> 00:59:01,175 all these drunk, horny freshmen running around here 1072 00:59:01,208 --> 00:59:03,044 like uncaged animals in heat. 1073 00:59:03,077 --> 00:59:06,180 All the-- the vomit and the foot odor and the one weird foreign kid 1074 00:59:06,213 --> 00:59:08,849 who insists on cooking his own meals in the communal kitchen. 1075 00:59:08,883 --> 00:59:12,086 - Always gets in my nose. - How do you handle that? 1076 00:59:12,787 --> 00:59:15,056 How do you do it? 1077 00:59:15,089 --> 00:59:17,425 - Whoa. - Hey, are you okay? 1078 00:59:17,458 --> 00:59:20,294 It's okay. 1079 00:59:20,327 --> 00:59:22,730 They're such assholes. 1080 00:59:22,763 --> 00:59:24,765 I know. I know. 1081 00:59:24,799 --> 00:59:27,268 - They're monsters. - I know. I know. 1082 00:59:29,036 --> 00:59:30,604 You're all monsters! 1083 00:59:30,638 --> 00:59:32,440 Wow, so much for quiet time. 1084 00:59:32,473 --> 00:59:33,808 They never trained us for this. 1085 00:59:33,841 --> 00:59:35,076 Oh, everything's fine. 1086 00:59:35,109 --> 00:59:37,211 Everything's good. Okay. 1087 00:59:37,244 --> 00:59:40,014 - You're alright. - Pull it together. 1088 00:59:40,047 --> 00:59:42,783 I know it is tough out there, but right now... 1089 00:59:43,451 --> 00:59:44,885 I need your help. I do. 1090 00:59:44,919 --> 00:59:47,021 I need to do a welfare check on Steiner in there. 1091 00:59:47,054 --> 00:59:48,789 I met him at a counseling center a week ago 1092 00:59:48,823 --> 00:59:51,592 and he has been sending me some very alarming text messages 1093 00:59:51,625 --> 00:59:52,660 this evening. 1094 00:59:53,260 --> 00:59:54,795 - Like what? - Alarming like...? 1095 00:59:54,829 --> 00:59:56,997 Oh, oh. 1096 00:59:57,031 --> 00:59:58,799 - Okay, okay, okay. - Blood. Everywhere. 1097 00:59:58,833 --> 01:00:00,901 - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, get us in there. Come on. 1098 01:00:02,103 --> 01:00:04,004 Whoa. What the hell! 1099 01:00:04,038 --> 01:00:06,575 Steiner! Thank God you're okay. 1100 01:00:06,607 --> 01:00:09,110 Oh, I was worried sick. 1101 01:00:09,143 --> 01:00:10,344 You look great. Perfect. 1102 01:00:10,377 --> 01:00:12,046 Alright, you two. 1103 01:00:12,079 --> 01:00:14,982 You have no idea what difference you just made in this kid's life. 1104 01:00:15,015 --> 01:00:18,219 - We matter. - Okay, now it's time to go. 1105 01:00:18,252 --> 01:00:19,554 - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. 1106 01:00:20,821 --> 01:00:23,190 Oh, yeah. Um, by the way, it's... 1107 01:00:23,224 --> 01:00:25,726 - It's still fucking quiet hours, so... - Oh, yes. 1108 01:00:25,759 --> 01:00:27,261 - Cool. - Shh. 1109 01:00:28,996 --> 01:00:31,398 - Phew. - Are you just trying 1110 01:00:31,432 --> 01:00:33,300 to ruin my life? Is that it, or...? 1111 01:00:33,334 --> 01:00:36,003 No. What? No, just the opposite. 1112 01:00:36,036 --> 01:00:40,241 I'm trying to get you to, you know, grab life by the tits and embrace it. 1113 01:00:40,274 --> 01:00:43,711 Come on, college is supposed to be like the greatest time in your life. 1114 01:00:44,678 --> 01:00:46,714 It is not the greatest time of my life. 1115 01:00:46,747 --> 01:00:48,115 Everyone wants it to be. You, my mom. 1116 01:00:48,149 --> 01:00:51,252 But it-- it isn't and it never will because... 1117 01:00:51,285 --> 01:00:53,888 Because you're a virgin? Look, we can fix that. 1118 01:00:53,921 --> 01:00:55,189 - Okay, we-- - No, no, because it just feels like 1119 01:00:55,222 --> 01:00:57,791 that it's not even my fucking life anymore. 1120 01:00:57,825 --> 01:01:00,361 And it's just a reminder of the absence of my dad. 1121 01:01:00,394 --> 01:01:02,763 Like I'm his fucking Avatar . 1122 01:01:02,796 --> 01:01:05,065 Hm, well, that is a great movie. 1123 01:01:05,733 --> 01:01:08,068 - Who the fuck says that?! - Sorry. 1124 01:01:08,102 --> 01:01:10,237 I don't know why I said that. That's not... 1125 01:01:10,271 --> 01:01:13,140 I just-- I don't, I don't even know what I wanna do with my life, 1126 01:01:13,174 --> 01:01:16,377 let alone what I'm gonna do here. Like I-I... 1127 01:01:16,410 --> 01:01:20,447 I just-- I know I just don't wanna be sad all the time anymore. 1128 01:01:20,481 --> 01:01:21,815 Hmm... 1129 01:01:23,585 --> 01:01:24,952 Wow. Yeah. 1130 01:01:32,259 --> 01:01:36,430 Look, I-I have no idea what it must feel like to lose your dad. 1131 01:01:39,668 --> 01:01:43,270 But I do know what it's like to have no idea what you wanna do in your life. 1132 01:01:45,507 --> 01:01:46,907 Hey, at least you care, you know? 1133 01:01:46,941 --> 01:01:50,878 You're not all numb to it and fucked up on antidepressants 1134 01:01:50,911 --> 01:01:52,780 in a career that most people would dream of, 1135 01:01:52,813 --> 01:01:54,949 but you're just so damn unhappy 1136 01:01:54,982 --> 01:01:57,284 working every day with people at their worst 1137 01:01:57,318 --> 01:02:00,387 fighting over who's gonna get to keep the fucking smart toaster. 1138 01:02:02,489 --> 01:02:05,594 Sorry, yeah, that's just an example of someone completely random 1139 01:02:05,627 --> 01:02:09,330 who is definitely more lost than you are. 1140 01:02:12,399 --> 01:02:13,367 Listen. 1141 01:02:14,268 --> 01:02:15,637 Give me one more chance. 1142 01:02:15,670 --> 01:02:17,037 And if I can't prove to you by tomorrow 1143 01:02:17,071 --> 01:02:19,039 that the best is yet to come, 1144 01:02:19,608 --> 01:02:21,008 then Paulie and I will go. 1145 01:02:21,041 --> 01:02:23,177 We will vanish into the night. 1146 01:02:24,044 --> 01:02:26,046 Why do you wanna help me so much? 1147 01:02:28,015 --> 01:02:31,553 Just think of me as your little Jiminy Cricket 1148 01:02:31,586 --> 01:02:33,754 on your shoulder hanging out, 1149 01:02:33,787 --> 01:02:37,525 trying to convince you to be young and have fun. 1150 01:02:38,859 --> 01:02:40,361 And to get fucked up. 1151 01:02:44,965 --> 01:02:47,234 Alright. Gotta get the party feng shui here. 1152 01:02:47,268 --> 01:02:49,903 - Where do you want this? - Oh, that's a good spot for it. 1153 01:02:49,937 --> 01:02:51,673 Just back up a little bit. 1154 01:02:51,706 --> 01:02:53,675 No. Go towards Steiner. Go towards Steiner. 1155 01:02:53,708 --> 01:02:55,009 A little bit more. Nope, nope, nope. 1156 01:03:01,282 --> 01:03:04,385 Hey, Mol. "Jews will not replace us. 1157 01:03:04,418 --> 01:03:06,954 - Jews will not replace us." - Uh-uh. No, absolutely not. 1158 01:03:06,987 --> 01:03:09,023 Yep, out of bounds. I felt that almost immediately. 1159 01:03:09,056 --> 01:03:10,791 - Wait. - No, no. No. 1160 01:03:10,824 --> 01:03:13,827 Steiner, you come back now. Yeah, we're just trying to even that out. 1161 01:03:13,861 --> 01:03:15,296 Oh, wait, stop. Yeah, that's perfect. 1162 01:03:15,329 --> 01:03:16,964 - Is it? You sure? - Yeah, that's good. 1163 01:03:16,997 --> 01:03:18,365 Maybe just a little bit over here. 1164 01:03:25,939 --> 01:03:27,742 Are you guys sure about this? 1165 01:03:27,776 --> 01:03:29,209 Oh, absolutely, Steiner. 1166 01:03:29,243 --> 01:03:30,944 This vitamin drip will keep us sober 1167 01:03:30,978 --> 01:03:33,682 - well into the later rounds. - Yeah, it's the same shit 1168 01:03:33,715 --> 01:03:35,215 they give to Armstrong for Tour de France. 1169 01:03:35,249 --> 01:03:38,218 - What? - Relax, I'm joking. Geez. 1170 01:03:42,489 --> 01:03:43,991 Why am I cold? 1171 01:03:44,559 --> 01:03:45,959 Oh, yeah, just let that happen. 1172 01:03:45,993 --> 01:03:47,796 - Mm-hmm. - Let it happen. 1173 01:04:15,155 --> 01:04:17,358 This is your party, sir. Take it all in 1174 01:04:17,391 --> 01:04:19,993 because you are the coolest guy in the room. 1175 01:04:20,027 --> 01:04:21,796 - I don't know about that. - Oh, yeah, you are. 1176 01:04:21,830 --> 01:04:24,098 Come on. Seriously. 1177 01:04:34,642 --> 01:04:38,045 No. Patience, young Padawan. Patience. 1178 01:04:38,078 --> 01:04:40,080 Singer is gonna get her to come to you. 1179 01:04:40,948 --> 01:04:41,982 Who's Singer? 1180 01:04:42,817 --> 01:04:46,954 Molly. I call her "Singer" sometimes because she loves karaoke. 1181 01:04:46,987 --> 01:04:48,523 But she can't sing. 1182 01:04:49,256 --> 01:04:51,225 Just shut the fuck up and just pay attention. 1183 01:04:52,660 --> 01:04:54,061 Goddamn. 1184 01:04:54,928 --> 01:04:56,363 This party is sick. 1185 01:04:56,397 --> 01:04:59,366 Yeah, how does a student afford a place like this? 1186 01:05:00,267 --> 01:05:02,169 I heard the Asian dude's a movie star. 1187 01:05:02,202 --> 01:05:04,204 Chaz. Beer. 1188 01:05:04,238 --> 01:05:05,640 Fuck off. Now. 1189 01:05:07,408 --> 01:05:08,475 You seem tense. 1190 01:05:08,510 --> 01:05:11,311 No, I'm good. There's ice in these pipes, baby. 1191 01:05:20,354 --> 01:05:21,455 IPAs. 1192 01:05:22,356 --> 01:05:23,991 Even their beer thinks it's better than me. 1193 01:05:24,024 --> 01:05:28,228 Well, hello, Miss Lindsay and a whole bunch of dudes. 1194 01:05:28,262 --> 01:05:29,430 How are we doing tonight? 1195 01:05:29,463 --> 01:05:31,498 - We were just conversing. - Oh. 1196 01:05:31,533 --> 01:05:34,001 How does a student afford a place like this? 1197 01:05:34,468 --> 01:05:39,473 Oh, well, um, you know how Imelda Marcos has like a lot of shoes? 1198 01:05:39,507 --> 01:05:41,275 Well, Paulie's mom has more. 1199 01:05:42,877 --> 01:05:44,546 Who the fuck is Imelda Marcos? 1200 01:05:44,579 --> 01:05:47,281 Yeah, I'm just saying that they're rich. 1201 01:05:47,314 --> 01:05:48,982 - Really fucking rich. - Okay. 1202 01:05:49,016 --> 01:05:50,585 Uh, is this your team? 1203 01:05:50,618 --> 01:05:52,352 Yep. And I assume it's you, 1204 01:05:52,386 --> 01:05:53,888 Kung Flu, and Home Phone over there? 1205 01:05:55,155 --> 01:05:57,157 Okay, first off, racist. 1206 01:05:57,191 --> 01:05:59,561 Second, it's, uh, Phone Home. 1207 01:05:59,594 --> 01:06:03,230 But, um, anyway, our fourth had to drop out unexpectedly 1208 01:06:03,263 --> 01:06:04,998 and I was hoping Lindsay could step in. 1209 01:06:05,032 --> 01:06:06,467 - Lindsay? - Me? 1210 01:06:06,500 --> 01:06:07,635 Yeah. 1211 01:06:07,669 --> 01:06:09,036 Yeah, that's not gonna happen. 1212 01:06:09,069 --> 01:06:11,171 W-wait. Why are you speaking for me? 1213 01:06:11,205 --> 01:06:13,106 Because you're here with me. 1214 01:06:13,140 --> 01:06:14,609 What, you just think I'm just gonna let you run off-- 1215 01:06:14,642 --> 01:06:17,612 You don't have to let me do anything. It's my decision. 1216 01:06:18,212 --> 01:06:20,548 - I'm in. - Oh, yeah. Get it, girl. 1217 01:06:20,582 --> 01:06:21,616 Okay. 1218 01:06:23,918 --> 01:06:26,253 Ladies and gentlemen, 1219 01:06:26,286 --> 01:06:32,961 welcome to the first annual Firehouse Booze-catholon! 1220 01:06:34,596 --> 01:06:36,263 Yes. 1221 01:06:36,296 --> 01:06:40,100 Presented to you by my man, the one, the only, 1222 01:06:40,133 --> 01:06:44,004 Mr. Upper Decker with huge lower decker! 1223 01:06:44,037 --> 01:06:45,439 He has a huge dick! 1224 01:06:45,472 --> 01:06:47,842 It's Elliot Steiner! 1225 01:06:47,876 --> 01:06:50,077 Yeah! 1226 01:06:52,079 --> 01:06:55,382 Now, this will be a test of will and endurance 1227 01:06:55,415 --> 01:06:58,285 - between the forces of Ki Mu... - Mu! 1228 01:06:58,318 --> 01:07:01,321 ...and myself, those two-- 1229 01:07:01,355 --> 01:07:02,991 We-- we don't really have a team name, 1230 01:07:03,023 --> 01:07:05,192 but you know, you get the, uh, point there. 1231 01:07:05,225 --> 01:07:08,195 So if we win, Elliot gets a bid into Ki Mu, 1232 01:07:08,228 --> 01:07:10,397 but if we lose... Ho-ho-ho. 1233 01:07:10,430 --> 01:07:14,401 If we lose, Stuart Gable gets to drive off with my baby Beamer-- 1234 01:07:14,434 --> 01:07:16,004 No! 1235 01:07:16,036 --> 01:07:18,673 No! 1236 01:07:18,706 --> 01:07:22,142 - Big boo! Big boo! - Mine. 1237 01:07:22,175 --> 01:07:25,513 Alright. You are all witnesses as well as judges. 1238 01:07:25,547 --> 01:07:27,147 Let the games begin! 1239 01:07:27,180 --> 01:07:29,149 Whoo! 1240 01:07:29,182 --> 01:07:30,919 In what once would have taken place 1241 01:07:30,952 --> 01:07:32,820 on the sands of the Roman Colosseum, 1242 01:07:32,854 --> 01:07:34,722 this is the Booze-Catholon. 1243 01:07:34,756 --> 01:07:36,991 Five events that could only have been conceived 1244 01:07:37,025 --> 01:07:39,027 at a liberal arts college near you. 1245 01:07:39,092 --> 01:07:40,995 First up, King's Cup. 1246 01:07:44,231 --> 01:07:46,500 Ladies of the night. 1247 01:07:46,968 --> 01:07:49,102 Mmm. 1248 01:07:51,973 --> 01:07:55,242 Nine. It's a rhyme. 1249 01:07:55,275 --> 01:07:56,443 - Stack. - Molly testing... 1250 01:07:56,476 --> 01:07:57,745 - Um, Black. - ...the short-term memory 1251 01:07:57,912 --> 01:07:59,547 - of these binge-drinkers with a rhyme. - Tack. 1252 01:08:00,048 --> 01:08:01,448 Jacked. 1253 01:08:02,717 --> 01:08:04,719 - Black! - - I can smell the student loans 1254 01:08:04,752 --> 01:08:06,588 not being paid back by this Chaz kid. 1255 01:08:06,621 --> 01:08:08,990 How hard is it to fucking rhyme, Chaz? 1256 01:08:10,959 --> 01:08:13,828 Johnny pays homage to the crowd 1257 01:08:13,861 --> 01:08:15,730 as does young Steiner. 1258 01:08:17,632 --> 01:08:20,034 Oh! 1259 01:08:20,068 --> 01:08:23,470 That pitcher is filling up faster than these kids' bladders. 1260 01:08:24,739 --> 01:08:26,239 And that seals it, folks. 1261 01:08:26,273 --> 01:08:29,309 The last king goes to Greg from Ki Mu. 1262 01:08:29,877 --> 01:08:36,684 Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug. 1263 01:08:36,718 --> 01:08:39,219 Greg's showing the chugging ability 1264 01:08:39,252 --> 01:08:42,255 of a toddler enjoying his sippy cup. 1265 01:08:43,357 --> 01:08:45,492 Having a drinking contest without Beer Pong 1266 01:08:45,526 --> 01:08:47,662 is like an orgy without a pivot person. 1267 01:08:47,695 --> 01:08:51,198 Beer Pong consists of-- Ugh. You know what? No. No. 1268 01:08:51,231 --> 01:08:52,567 If you don't know what Beer Pong is, 1269 01:08:52,600 --> 01:08:54,401 you need to focus more on the fucking rock 1270 01:08:54,434 --> 01:08:55,770 that you've been living under. 1271 01:08:55,803 --> 01:08:57,437 Let's just see where this goes. 1272 01:09:08,650 --> 01:09:11,819 Gable lining up this last shot with the same blind confidence 1273 01:09:11,853 --> 01:09:15,089 that allowed him to walk out of the door with that shirt on tonight. 1274 01:09:15,123 --> 01:09:16,289 Bang! 1275 01:09:16,323 --> 01:09:18,392 And the boys from Ki Mu 1276 01:09:18,425 --> 01:09:20,662 draw even with Team Molly. 1277 01:09:20,695 --> 01:09:24,032 Congratulations, you won the McDonald's of fucking drinking games. 1278 01:09:24,065 --> 01:09:25,365 Basic bro. 1279 01:09:39,514 --> 01:09:41,348 Steiner drops the thumb on the table 1280 01:09:41,381 --> 01:09:45,787 and once again Chaz proved to be as sharp as a goddamn bowling ball. 1281 01:09:50,424 --> 01:09:53,460 The Mu's Johnny fails to remove the Invisible Man 1282 01:09:53,493 --> 01:09:56,964 and will be downing the remainder of his brew. 1283 01:10:00,902 --> 01:10:04,505 Stu Gable drops the last card. What is this? 1284 01:10:09,744 --> 01:10:12,647 I want your shorts on your head, please. 1285 01:10:13,280 --> 01:10:14,982 No word if he's going commando, 1286 01:10:15,016 --> 01:10:19,587 though as white as those shorts are, I would hope to God not. 1287 01:10:21,956 --> 01:10:25,727 The pile is getting thick and the natives are getting restless. 1288 01:10:33,901 --> 01:10:35,103 Pop off that shirt. 1289 01:10:35,136 --> 01:10:37,404 Mm? Excuse me? 1290 01:10:37,437 --> 01:10:39,507 Stu, what are you doing? You won. 1291 01:10:39,540 --> 01:10:41,809 No, she made me wear my shorts as a hat. 1292 01:10:41,843 --> 01:10:44,377 Now, I'm the king. You're the asshole. 1293 01:10:44,411 --> 01:10:45,947 Pop off that fucking shirt. 1294 01:10:45,980 --> 01:10:47,582 Alright, yeah. He's right. 1295 01:10:47,615 --> 01:10:49,817 And you are the king after all, so... 1296 01:10:51,986 --> 01:10:53,386 Shirt's coming off. 1297 01:11:01,294 --> 01:11:03,998 Holy shit, Peter, look out! 1298 01:11:04,031 --> 01:11:05,833 It's a trap. 1299 01:11:08,770 --> 01:11:09,937 Put your shirt back on. 1300 01:11:09,971 --> 01:11:12,006 It is a little stuffy. I think I'll just keep it off. 1301 01:11:12,039 --> 01:11:13,708 Put your shirt back on. 1302 01:11:13,741 --> 01:11:16,110 I don't know, I'm feeling good like this. 1303 01:11:16,144 --> 01:11:17,912 You know that's not true. 1304 01:11:18,746 --> 01:11:21,549 - Tell her. - A victory for Ki Mu 1305 01:11:21,582 --> 01:11:24,018 turns into a moral defeat for Gable... 1306 01:11:24,051 --> 01:11:25,953 - Please. - ...and his cable. 1307 01:11:26,521 --> 01:11:29,624 Ki Mu really testing their lung capacity and IQs 1308 01:11:29,657 --> 01:11:32,392 as they try and blow the perfect smoke ring. 1309 01:11:35,696 --> 01:11:39,801 Meanwhile, Paulie, the prince, gives Ki Mu his resting O face 1310 01:11:39,834 --> 01:11:42,003 as he blows three perfect rings, 1311 01:11:42,036 --> 01:11:45,907 and we are tied going into the final event. 1312 01:11:48,341 --> 01:11:50,878 Alright. Fucking hands off. 1313 01:12:07,295 --> 01:12:10,064 Yeah! Attaboy! 1314 01:12:17,972 --> 01:12:19,006 You know what? 1315 01:12:26,280 --> 01:12:28,082 And then there were two. 1316 01:12:28,115 --> 01:12:29,984 What are you doing? 1317 01:12:31,018 --> 01:12:32,119 Letting you handle it. 1318 01:12:34,589 --> 01:12:37,490 - Hey. Whoa, Elliot. - Or maybe one. 1319 01:12:38,326 --> 01:12:39,594 Where are you going? 1320 01:12:40,228 --> 01:12:41,629 Why did you do that? We could have had him. 1321 01:12:41,662 --> 01:12:43,631 Okay. Whoa, whoa, we do still have him. 1322 01:12:43,664 --> 01:12:45,166 - You have him. - No, we don't. 1323 01:12:45,199 --> 01:12:46,634 I mean, have you seen that guy? 1324 01:12:46,667 --> 01:12:48,903 You're not fighting in the fucking octagon. 1325 01:12:48,936 --> 01:12:50,271 This is a game of skill. 1326 01:12:50,304 --> 01:12:51,906 - Yes, he is. - What? 1327 01:12:51,939 --> 01:12:54,942 Elliot, this your octagon. 1328 01:12:55,442 --> 01:12:57,845 It's Sarah versus Carter, UFC 31. 1329 01:12:57,879 --> 01:13:01,549 Yeah. Yes. Sierra Mist versus Aaron Carter, or... 1330 01:13:02,449 --> 01:13:03,951 Look, okay, no. 1331 01:13:05,519 --> 01:13:07,588 This is a defining moment. 1332 01:13:07,622 --> 01:13:09,389 Now what's it gonna be? 1333 01:13:10,124 --> 01:13:11,092 Hm? 1334 01:13:17,531 --> 01:13:19,600 Yeah! Alright! 1335 01:13:19,634 --> 01:13:21,002 Yo, look who's back. 1336 01:13:21,736 --> 01:13:23,104 It's not over yet, folks, 1337 01:13:23,137 --> 01:13:26,007 as it appears that Steiner is ready to re-engage. 1338 01:13:26,040 --> 01:13:28,876 What, did you grow some balls out there or something? 1339 01:13:28,910 --> 01:13:30,077 Yeah. 1340 01:13:30,111 --> 01:13:31,345 I doubt that. 1341 01:13:31,379 --> 01:13:33,147 Dynamite back and forth 1342 01:13:33,180 --> 01:13:34,882 between two wordsmiths. 1343 01:13:35,616 --> 01:13:37,919 - Come on. Nice and easy. - Chaz, do not touch. 1344 01:13:37,952 --> 01:13:41,622 The steady hand of the third-year senior raises up. 1345 01:13:42,957 --> 01:13:44,525 Whammo! 1346 01:13:44,558 --> 01:13:46,394 Gable gambles and wins 1347 01:13:46,459 --> 01:13:50,531 and Steiner has a cricket's cock of a chance of winning this. 1348 01:13:51,365 --> 01:13:53,000 Here's the pour. 1349 01:13:55,369 --> 01:13:58,205 Holy shit, he did it! 1350 01:13:58,239 --> 01:14:00,341 - Hey! - Nice! 1351 01:14:09,016 --> 01:14:11,585 Alright, man. Breathe. Breathe. 1352 01:14:11,619 --> 01:14:13,187 I'm fucking breathing. 1353 01:14:23,197 --> 01:14:26,000 Skadoosh! It's over! 1354 01:14:27,335 --> 01:14:29,370 The Upper Decker meets redemption. 1355 01:14:29,403 --> 01:14:31,605 Stu Gable meets rejection 1356 01:14:31,639 --> 01:14:34,375 and there is a fat guy in the corner puking. 1357 01:14:34,408 --> 01:14:38,079 It's like I'm watching Rudy for the first fucking time. 1358 01:14:43,017 --> 01:14:45,987 I can't believe you did that. 1359 01:14:47,722 --> 01:14:49,957 Oh, my God. I'm scared. 1360 01:14:49,991 --> 01:14:51,325 Jump. 1361 01:14:53,094 --> 01:14:55,663 Aah! 1362 01:14:55,696 --> 01:14:57,064 Wait. Wait, wait, wait. 1363 01:14:57,465 --> 01:15:00,901 I have to ask you a very important question. 1364 01:15:00,935 --> 01:15:01,902 What? 1365 01:15:03,471 --> 01:15:04,905 How far are the dorms? 1366 01:15:04,939 --> 01:15:07,675 Oh, pfft... Not even that far. 1367 01:15:13,414 --> 01:15:15,249 Yeah, that's like really fucking far. 1368 01:15:15,282 --> 01:15:18,386 Oh, rats. 1369 01:15:26,327 --> 01:15:27,928 Ooh! 1370 01:15:31,265 --> 01:15:33,934 Oh, my God. Look at his abs. 1371 01:15:33,968 --> 01:15:36,771 They look like the bottom of a carton of eggs. 1372 01:15:37,371 --> 01:15:38,806 He's called you, like, seven times. 1373 01:15:38,839 --> 01:15:40,408 You should probably call him back. 1374 01:15:40,875 --> 01:15:43,277 I mean, I don't think you'd like him when he's angry. 1375 01:15:43,310 --> 01:15:46,714 Are you trying to say that I'm dating the Hulk? 1376 01:15:46,747 --> 01:15:49,784 Well, I mean, I don't know if he has the charm of the Hulk, 1377 01:15:49,817 --> 01:15:51,552 but I mean... 1378 01:15:51,585 --> 01:15:54,088 he's got the abs, so kinda. 1379 01:15:55,556 --> 01:15:57,558 No, seriously you should probably call him back. 1380 01:15:57,591 --> 01:16:00,094 I mean, he is your guy. 1381 01:16:06,467 --> 01:16:07,735 Elliot Steiner... 1382 01:16:09,837 --> 01:16:12,807 I think that you are my guy. 1383 01:16:23,884 --> 01:16:26,821 Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey, wait! You two! Right there. 1384 01:16:26,854 --> 01:16:29,524 No, no, no. No whoopee in the amphitheater and you know it. 1385 01:16:29,558 --> 01:16:32,293 Get on back to the dorms now. 1386 01:16:33,260 --> 01:16:34,829 It's not a rabbit hutch. 1387 01:16:36,230 --> 01:16:37,631 Sorry, sir! 1388 01:16:54,381 --> 01:16:56,784 - Hey. - Hey. 1389 01:16:56,817 --> 01:16:58,919 Sorry. I didn't know if I should have left. 1390 01:16:58,953 --> 01:17:01,856 I didn't really feel right about leaving you alone, so... 1391 01:17:01,889 --> 01:17:03,124 I don't mind. 1392 01:17:03,824 --> 01:17:06,227 Pretty chivalrous actually. 1393 01:17:07,294 --> 01:17:08,329 Come here. 1394 01:17:21,909 --> 01:17:24,345 I really wanna kiss you right now, 1395 01:17:24,945 --> 01:17:27,616 but it feels like a cat peed in my mouth. 1396 01:17:27,648 --> 01:17:30,751 That's so tempting. I might just risk it. 1397 01:17:30,784 --> 01:17:32,686 Oh, you might risk it? 1398 01:17:32,720 --> 01:17:35,089 - I think so. Yeah. - Mm, you do? 1399 01:17:35,956 --> 01:17:39,226 - Oh, God. Okay, that was-- that was bad. - Fucker. 1400 01:17:40,629 --> 01:17:41,962 What were you watching? 1401 01:17:42,564 --> 01:17:45,132 Just an old show called The Pit. 1402 01:17:46,535 --> 01:17:48,335 Why do you like fighting so much? 1403 01:17:49,937 --> 01:17:50,905 Um... 1404 01:17:52,541 --> 01:17:57,077 A couple of years ago, when my dad got sick, 1405 01:17:57,111 --> 01:18:01,282 uh, he just got really, really depressed. And... 1406 01:18:02,883 --> 01:18:05,386 uh, we were watching TV one night. 1407 01:18:05,419 --> 01:18:07,054 Um, we were just surfing the channels 1408 01:18:07,087 --> 01:18:11,425 and I stopped on this show about this MMA fighter 1409 01:18:11,458 --> 01:18:13,928 who was diagnosed with leukemia. 1410 01:18:15,329 --> 01:18:18,933 I think seeing two guys, one in a similar situation to his 1411 01:18:18,966 --> 01:18:21,001 just beat the living shit out of each other 1412 01:18:21,035 --> 01:18:24,205 really fired him up to beat his own disease. 1413 01:18:26,140 --> 01:18:27,174 And did he? 1414 01:18:28,108 --> 01:18:29,143 For another year. 1415 01:18:31,912 --> 01:18:34,748 Oh, he sounds like a really great guy. 1416 01:18:35,783 --> 01:18:37,785 Yeah, he was. 1417 01:18:40,921 --> 01:18:43,190 You're a pretty good guy too, you know? 1418 01:18:43,224 --> 01:18:46,293 Are you just trying to butter me up for another cat pee kiss? 1419 01:18:46,327 --> 01:18:49,230 Actually, I was trying to butter you up for some coffee. 1420 01:18:49,263 --> 01:18:52,099 - Oh, okay. Well, I'll get some. - No, come here. 1421 01:19:12,753 --> 01:19:14,488 I can't believe it's already Homecoming. 1422 01:19:14,522 --> 01:19:16,156 It feels like we just got here. 1423 01:19:16,190 --> 01:19:17,891 Anyway, after the game, I was thinking... 1424 01:19:17,925 --> 01:19:20,828 Uh, Paulie, what is going on with all this action? 1425 01:19:20,861 --> 01:19:24,198 I've got a test tomorrow and my memory is not what it used to be. 1426 01:19:24,231 --> 01:19:26,267 So if I just write it over and over, maybe I'll remember. 1427 01:19:26,300 --> 01:19:30,672 No, no, no. I was talking more global, like, what's with all the action? 1428 01:19:30,705 --> 01:19:32,741 All the books and stuff. 1429 01:19:32,773 --> 01:19:34,743 Okay. So a few weeks ago, 1430 01:19:34,775 --> 01:19:36,745 I saw this cute TA walk into the psych building. 1431 01:19:36,777 --> 01:19:38,312 - Mm-hmm. - So I followed him. 1432 01:19:38,345 --> 01:19:40,014 - Naturally. - Right. 1433 01:19:40,047 --> 01:19:42,049 Didn't matter 'cause the minute I walked in, I lost him. 1434 01:19:42,082 --> 01:19:44,151 Fricking six-foot-three gazelle. I don't know how. 1435 01:19:44,184 --> 01:19:46,287 But it turns out, I wandered into one of the lecture halls. 1436 01:19:46,320 --> 01:19:47,254 Saucy. 1437 01:19:47,288 --> 01:19:48,856 Sat down, listened for a minute, 1438 01:19:48,889 --> 01:19:51,559 and it was a lecture on early adolescent psychology. 1439 01:19:51,593 --> 01:19:53,595 - Hot. - Tsk. You can stop. 1440 01:19:53,628 --> 01:19:55,329 - Oh, yeah, right. - Long story short, 1441 01:19:55,362 --> 01:19:58,299 I like what I heard, so I went to another one. 1442 01:19:58,332 --> 01:19:59,433 What? 1443 01:19:59,466 --> 01:20:00,702 - I know. - Paulie! 1444 01:20:00,735 --> 01:20:02,169 And another one. 1445 01:20:02,202 --> 01:20:03,971 - Wow. - Yeah. 1446 01:20:04,004 --> 01:20:07,474 Oh, my God. You're like a... student here. 1447 01:20:07,509 --> 01:20:08,976 I think I am. 1448 01:20:09,877 --> 01:20:11,045 That's great. 1449 01:20:11,078 --> 01:20:12,946 I'm really happy for you. 1450 01:20:12,980 --> 01:20:14,281 - You are? - Mm-hmm. 1451 01:20:14,315 --> 01:20:16,718 So happy you'll leave me alone so I can study? 1452 01:20:16,751 --> 01:20:18,319 Yeah, I'll leave you alone 1453 01:20:18,352 --> 01:20:20,187 - so you can study. - Yeah. Alright. 1454 01:20:20,220 --> 01:20:22,022 - You know what? Steiner. - Alright. 1455 01:20:22,056 --> 01:20:23,692 - Get me a burrito or something? - Oh, yeah. 1456 01:20:23,725 --> 01:20:25,125 - Thank you. - You want that brain burrito? 1457 01:20:25,159 --> 01:20:27,662 - Yes, please. Yes, please. - Okay. Good for you. 1458 01:20:27,696 --> 01:20:29,830 - Love ya. - Bye. Love you. 1459 01:20:29,863 --> 01:20:32,499 - Hey, Steiner. Ugh. Wait up. - Hey. 1460 01:20:32,534 --> 01:20:34,868 - What you up to? - I'm just headed to class. 1461 01:20:34,902 --> 01:20:37,706 - Oh, my God, it's spreading. - What? 1462 01:20:37,739 --> 01:20:39,541 Ah, no. Not important. 1463 01:20:40,207 --> 01:20:43,043 I just, um, you know, I haven't seen you in a while. 1464 01:20:43,077 --> 01:20:45,079 Wanted to make sure everything's okay. 1465 01:20:45,112 --> 01:20:47,314 Yeah, yeah, I just, um, I've been busy 1466 01:20:47,348 --> 01:20:49,383 with the other pledges and Lindsay, and it's just... 1467 01:20:49,416 --> 01:20:52,119 Ah, trading us in for a younger model. 1468 01:20:52,152 --> 01:20:54,288 What? No, no, no, no, not at all. I, I... 1469 01:20:54,321 --> 01:20:56,357 I'm just fucking with you, Steiner. It's all good. 1470 01:20:56,390 --> 01:20:58,425 I think it's great. 1471 01:20:58,459 --> 01:20:59,694 Lindsay's great. 1472 01:21:00,294 --> 01:21:03,063 But, hey, I'm still gonna see you at Tequila Sunrise, right? 1473 01:21:03,097 --> 01:21:04,766 - Yeah, of course. - Okay. Well, then I'll-- 1474 01:21:04,799 --> 01:21:06,735 I'll just let you get to class. 1475 01:21:06,768 --> 01:21:08,035 Where are you off to? 1476 01:21:08,570 --> 01:21:11,539 I, uh, I have a little homework situation myself. 1477 01:21:11,573 --> 01:21:14,208 - Oh, well, I'll catch you later. - Okay. 1478 01:21:16,544 --> 01:21:17,579 Oh. 1479 01:21:29,289 --> 01:21:32,292 Mm. I know we're coming down this weekend with Mom and Dad, 1480 01:21:32,326 --> 01:21:34,928 but when I found out my little baby brother was in the city... 1481 01:21:34,962 --> 01:21:37,498 I just knew I had to get some real food in ya. 1482 01:21:40,134 --> 01:21:41,636 Well, you are really digging into that. 1483 01:21:41,669 --> 01:21:43,705 I guess they don't have 1484 01:21:43,738 --> 01:21:45,305 any rib eyes on campus, huh? 1485 01:21:45,774 --> 01:21:49,209 I mean, dining hall's pretty much a Hometown Buffet, so... 1486 01:21:49,243 --> 01:21:52,346 Gross. Oh, anyhoo, how was the interview? 1487 01:21:52,379 --> 01:21:57,351 Ugh, I know Dad is so excited to have you interning at the firm this summer. 1488 01:21:57,384 --> 01:22:00,287 It was great. A lot of talent over there, though. I'll tell you what. 1489 01:22:00,320 --> 01:22:02,956 It'll be a good summer for the Stu man, if you know what I'm saying. 1490 01:22:02,990 --> 01:22:06,628 Oh, yeah, I get that. 1491 01:22:12,166 --> 01:22:14,569 - Goddammit. - Ugh. I know. 1492 01:22:15,169 --> 01:22:16,970 The service here is abysmal. 1493 01:22:17,004 --> 01:22:19,039 - Excuse me. - No, no, no, no, no, no. 1494 01:22:19,072 --> 01:22:21,543 Just a bitch I go to school with. 1495 01:22:22,109 --> 01:22:24,278 I'm just not sure I like you actually using that-- 1496 01:22:25,946 --> 01:22:27,314 That bitch? 1497 01:22:28,048 --> 01:22:29,283 Molly Singer. 1498 01:22:29,950 --> 01:22:31,318 No, Molly Sutter. 1499 01:22:32,854 --> 01:22:35,590 - Singer. - No. Sutter. 1500 01:22:35,623 --> 01:22:37,659 - Singer. - No. Sutter. 1501 01:22:37,692 --> 01:22:39,326 - Singer! - Sutter! 1502 01:22:39,359 --> 01:22:42,262 That girl sitting at the bar right now is Molly Singer. 1503 01:22:42,296 --> 01:22:44,431 I went to school with her. She made my life a living hell. 1504 01:22:45,533 --> 01:22:48,636 That girl right there is Molly Sutter. 1505 01:22:48,670 --> 01:22:50,572 I go to school with her. 1506 01:22:51,038 --> 01:22:53,273 She's friends with this asshole Asian, 1507 01:22:53,307 --> 01:22:56,109 shows up at every single fucking frat party I have. 1508 01:22:56,143 --> 01:22:57,679 - Must think he's-- - Paulie. 1509 01:23:00,113 --> 01:23:01,883 Come on. We're leaving. 1510 01:23:01,916 --> 01:23:05,486 Something smells rotten here. 1511 01:23:05,520 --> 01:23:06,855 And it is not the fish. 1512 01:23:06,888 --> 01:23:08,388 Wait a minute. Can I just finish my steak? 1513 01:23:08,422 --> 01:23:09,389 Stuart! 1514 01:23:11,391 --> 01:23:15,763 Oh, gotta admit, you really changed my opinion of you, Molly. 1515 01:23:16,631 --> 01:23:17,599 Really? 1516 01:23:18,465 --> 01:23:19,433 Yeah. 1517 01:23:19,934 --> 01:23:21,736 We lost so much money on Pebblebrook, 1518 01:23:21,769 --> 01:23:23,638 I had to lay people off. 1519 01:23:23,671 --> 01:23:24,772 Jesus. 1520 01:23:24,806 --> 01:23:26,139 Yeah, well, it was just Nelson. 1521 01:23:26,173 --> 01:23:28,108 Oh, well, that I could see. 1522 01:23:29,243 --> 01:23:31,245 So, Elliot. Tell me everything. 1523 01:23:31,278 --> 01:23:33,748 Every little detail gets you closer to being rehired. 1524 01:23:33,781 --> 01:23:36,049 Oh, uh, Elliot. 1525 01:23:36,083 --> 01:23:38,285 Well, he's nice as hell. A little too nice. 1526 01:23:38,318 --> 01:23:40,053 We've been working on that. 1527 01:23:40,087 --> 01:23:43,223 And he, uh, overanalyzes everything. 1528 01:23:44,124 --> 01:23:46,828 But when he takes a leap on something, he really commits. 1529 01:23:46,861 --> 01:23:49,329 You know, and I feel like he's walking this perfect tightrope 1530 01:23:49,363 --> 01:23:52,199 of having the world chew him up and spit him out 1531 01:23:52,232 --> 01:23:54,702 or single-handedly changing it for the better. 1532 01:23:57,572 --> 01:23:58,773 That was Carl. 1533 01:24:00,307 --> 01:24:03,410 You know, I used to think naivete was a-- a flaw. 1534 01:24:04,879 --> 01:24:06,146 I saw it in Elliot. 1535 01:24:07,015 --> 01:24:11,151 I think that's why I acted like such as tiger mom on steroids. 1536 01:24:11,184 --> 01:24:14,121 I just wanted to protect him from it all, you know? 1537 01:24:15,455 --> 01:24:17,959 Well, take it from someone who has met and dated 1538 01:24:17,992 --> 01:24:20,494 every shithead this planet has to offer. 1539 01:24:21,729 --> 01:24:23,297 He's a really good kid. 1540 01:24:24,032 --> 01:24:25,767 And you should be proud. 1541 01:24:27,100 --> 01:24:28,402 You both should. 1542 01:24:30,738 --> 01:24:34,576 Anyway, um, I was thinking after Homecoming this weekend, 1543 01:24:34,609 --> 01:24:39,179 you could come back and, you know, start generating some billable hours. 1544 01:24:39,212 --> 01:24:42,951 I've got a really messy divorce with a 200-page prenup 1545 01:24:42,984 --> 01:24:44,552 that's got your name all over it. 1546 01:24:44,586 --> 01:24:47,354 - Oh... - So... 1547 01:24:47,387 --> 01:24:50,090 - To Molly Singer. - Okay. 1548 01:24:50,725 --> 01:24:53,327 I hope your second time around was fun. 1549 01:24:53,360 --> 01:24:55,362 And welcome back to reality. 1550 01:25:18,853 --> 01:25:20,253 Are you sure we can trust these guys? 1551 01:25:20,287 --> 01:25:21,789 Yes, these are my boys. 1552 01:25:21,823 --> 01:25:23,992 - We're gonna fuck shit up. Right, guys? - Right. 1553 01:25:24,025 --> 01:25:25,325 - Yeah. Yup. - Yeah. 1554 01:25:25,359 --> 01:25:27,227 Does anyone have to make before we leave? 1555 01:25:27,260 --> 01:25:29,329 - No, we're good. Let's go. - Okay. 1556 01:25:36,104 --> 01:25:37,605 Goddammit, Chaz. 1557 01:25:59,961 --> 01:26:01,529 Yo, yo. 1558 01:26:01,562 --> 01:26:04,732 - Yo. - Oh, sweet. Beers. 1559 01:26:05,332 --> 01:26:07,535 - Yeah, I got you. - Perfect. 1560 01:26:10,872 --> 01:26:14,142 A little, uh, memory lane action? What brings these out? 1561 01:26:14,174 --> 01:26:16,811 I, uh, went to the old apartment in town today. 1562 01:26:16,844 --> 01:26:20,581 Ah. Got me feeling a little nostalgic, I guess. 1563 01:26:20,615 --> 01:26:22,416 Well, how very Homecoming of you. 1564 01:26:22,449 --> 01:26:24,418 Mm. 1565 01:26:24,451 --> 01:26:27,789 So as someone who has done it all over again, 1566 01:26:27,822 --> 01:26:28,856 how's it going? 1567 01:26:30,024 --> 01:26:32,492 Mm. I don't know. Kind of the same. 1568 01:26:32,527 --> 01:26:34,529 I guess I just have a lot of, uh, 1569 01:26:35,328 --> 01:26:38,032 you know, questions and no answers. 1570 01:26:38,633 --> 01:26:40,668 You wanna know what I learned this time around? 1571 01:26:40,702 --> 01:26:41,903 Mm. What? 1572 01:26:42,502 --> 01:26:45,807 Pride is a double-edged sword. 1573 01:26:45,840 --> 01:26:48,743 Right? You're always on my case about that foolish pride of mine. 1574 01:26:48,776 --> 01:26:52,647 Well, Miss Nostalgia, let's talk about pride, pride. 1575 01:26:53,114 --> 01:26:55,116 Remember that first parade we went to? 1576 01:26:55,149 --> 01:26:58,920 Oh, that weekend. I think we murdered a few good brain cells. 1577 01:26:58,953 --> 01:27:01,622 Oh, yeah. That's what pride's all about. Right? 1578 01:27:01,656 --> 01:27:03,791 It's about celebrating your authentic self 1579 01:27:03,825 --> 01:27:06,127 and twinks in Speedos and the rainbow floats 1580 01:27:06,160 --> 01:27:07,729 and dikes on bikes. 1581 01:27:07,762 --> 01:27:09,530 And that's fun to do, like, one weekend a year, 1582 01:27:09,564 --> 01:27:12,033 but then there are those queens who do it all the time. 1583 01:27:12,834 --> 01:27:16,336 It's not about the celebration anymore. It's about chasing the high 1584 01:27:16,369 --> 01:27:19,173 and they forget what pride was for in the first place. 1585 01:27:19,207 --> 01:27:20,575 And the next thing you know, you're 52, 1586 01:27:20,608 --> 01:27:22,577 you got skin of leather, you're addicted to meth, 1587 01:27:22,610 --> 01:27:25,445 you're sitting at a bus stop with your jock strap all hanging out 1588 01:27:25,479 --> 01:27:27,115 and you're talking to some imaginary friend. 1589 01:27:27,148 --> 01:27:28,750 I'm sorry, is this story going somewhere? 1590 01:27:28,783 --> 01:27:30,017 Yeah. Just... 1591 01:27:30,651 --> 01:27:32,854 Don't be the old queen, Molly. 1592 01:27:35,523 --> 01:27:38,325 Just don't lose sight of the road ahead. 1593 01:27:39,160 --> 01:27:42,295 Mm. 1594 01:27:42,830 --> 01:27:44,899 Speaking of which, what's up with the kid? 1595 01:27:44,932 --> 01:27:46,299 What do you mean? 1596 01:27:47,467 --> 01:27:49,704 The longer this thing goes on, 1597 01:27:49,737 --> 01:27:51,438 the worse it's gonna be when he finds out. 1598 01:27:51,471 --> 01:27:52,974 I was kind of just hoping I could disappear 1599 01:27:53,007 --> 01:27:55,910 and not mention the whole Brenda hiring me thing. 1600 01:27:58,579 --> 01:28:02,550 Should I just give you the meth dealer's number now, or... 1601 01:28:05,119 --> 01:28:07,320 Hey, I love you, kid. 1602 01:28:08,156 --> 01:28:09,456 I do. 1603 01:28:10,091 --> 01:28:11,726 Love you. 1604 01:28:13,326 --> 01:28:15,530 I will see you in a few hours. 1605 01:28:16,329 --> 01:28:19,299 I'm gonna go to bed with this guy. 1606 01:28:19,332 --> 01:28:20,902 Mm. Nice guy. 1607 01:28:20,935 --> 01:28:22,870 Good night. 1608 01:28:48,029 --> 01:28:50,064 Five, six, seven, eight. 1609 01:28:50,097 --> 01:28:51,766 One, two, three, four. 1610 01:28:51,799 --> 01:28:53,935 - Go Condors! Go! - Go! 1611 01:28:55,002 --> 01:28:55,970 Five. 1612 01:28:56,804 --> 01:28:57,772 Win! 1613 01:28:58,338 --> 01:28:59,807 Go, five, win! 1614 01:28:59,841 --> 01:29:01,976 Yes! 1615 01:29:02,009 --> 01:29:03,443 Nice! Great work, guys. 1616 01:29:03,476 --> 01:29:04,946 Heather, way to stick that landing. 1617 01:29:04,979 --> 01:29:07,181 Sully, I need you sliding in a little sooner, okay? 1618 01:29:07,215 --> 01:29:10,417 Guys, get some rest. The bus leaves at 10 a.m. tomorrow. 1619 01:29:10,450 --> 01:29:13,020 Awesome job! Great job. 1620 01:29:14,121 --> 01:29:16,858 - Jeff, do not be late. - Bye, guys. 1621 01:29:24,031 --> 01:29:26,499 Hey, guys, a little help with the, uh... 1622 01:29:28,102 --> 01:29:30,972 Okay. Fuck me, I guess, right? 1623 01:29:31,973 --> 01:29:32,940 Goddammit. 1624 01:29:36,443 --> 01:29:38,546 Goddammit! 1625 01:29:46,486 --> 01:29:47,855 Hello? 1626 01:29:53,194 --> 01:29:54,629 What the fuck? 1627 01:29:56,697 --> 01:29:59,000 What's with the masks, guys? 1628 01:30:03,237 --> 01:30:04,437 Oh, fuck. 1629 01:30:07,942 --> 01:30:09,210 Whoo! 1630 01:30:09,677 --> 01:30:11,913 Whoa! 1631 01:30:13,514 --> 01:30:15,583 Oh. 1632 01:30:15,616 --> 01:30:17,417 Try that shit on me, bitch. 1633 01:30:20,821 --> 01:30:22,990 What the fuck was that? 1634 01:30:23,024 --> 01:30:26,727 Thought these wings were just for show, huh? Whoo! 1635 01:30:27,595 --> 01:30:29,496 Oh, shit. 1636 01:30:29,530 --> 01:30:31,799 Ow! Ow. 1637 01:30:35,169 --> 01:30:36,203 Oh, my God. 1638 01:30:37,204 --> 01:30:39,740 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 1639 01:30:39,774 --> 01:30:41,142 What the fuck did you do? 1640 01:30:42,475 --> 01:30:45,379 Grab him! Get him. Come on! 1641 01:30:45,413 --> 01:30:47,515 Just grab him! Get him! 1642 01:30:47,548 --> 01:30:49,583 Get him, get him, get him! Wait, wait, wait, wait. 1643 01:30:49,617 --> 01:30:51,585 Ow! 1644 01:30:58,259 --> 01:31:00,493 Fuck. Did we kill him? 1645 01:31:00,528 --> 01:31:02,763 What do you mean "we"? You. 1646 01:31:02,797 --> 01:31:04,966 Where the fuck did you get a golf club anyway? 1647 01:31:05,700 --> 01:31:07,034 It was in the back of the car. 1648 01:31:10,404 --> 01:31:14,608 Alright, you guys grab his legs, I got his beak. Let's go. 1649 01:32:07,795 --> 01:32:09,096 I got the arm. 1650 01:32:10,064 --> 01:32:12,166 - Chaz, get a hold of him. - I got him. I got him. 1651 01:32:12,199 --> 01:32:15,536 You better pray this fucking asshat wakes up. Come on! 1652 01:32:15,569 --> 01:32:17,705 - You guys go first. Let's go. - Alright. 1653 01:32:22,676 --> 01:32:24,879 He smells like death. 1654 01:32:24,912 --> 01:32:26,981 Yeah, well, look where I'm standing. 1655 01:32:35,756 --> 01:32:37,892 Oh, you've got it bad, huh? 1656 01:32:38,626 --> 01:32:41,762 - She's pretty amazing, huh? - Yeah. 1657 01:32:42,596 --> 01:32:46,300 Listen, um, I wanted to tell you something 1658 01:32:46,333 --> 01:32:48,069 - for a while. - What? 1659 01:32:48,769 --> 01:32:51,205 Uh, I just wanted to say thank you. 1660 01:32:51,906 --> 01:32:54,008 Meeting you and Paulie has been... 1661 01:32:55,544 --> 01:32:57,311 the best thing that's ever happened to me. 1662 01:32:58,479 --> 01:33:00,581 - It means the world. Thank you. - Mm. 1663 01:33:02,283 --> 01:33:03,884 Yeah, you know, um... 1664 01:33:05,052 --> 01:33:06,620 Elliot, I, uh... 1665 01:33:09,256 --> 01:33:10,791 I just-- I think you're... 1666 01:33:11,492 --> 01:33:12,893 You're a good egg. 1667 01:33:14,028 --> 01:33:15,229 One of the best. 1668 01:33:17,832 --> 01:33:20,501 Why don't you get out there? She's waiting on you. 1669 01:33:20,535 --> 01:33:24,004 - Alright. - Yeah, get to dancing. 1670 01:33:33,814 --> 01:33:36,050 See you flip out of that, bird bitch. 1671 01:33:41,689 --> 01:33:44,992 Look, I don't know what you want. 1672 01:33:46,160 --> 01:33:49,797 If this is for ransom, my parents aren't rich. 1673 01:33:51,098 --> 01:33:54,335 If-- if this is for some furry fetish thing, 1674 01:33:55,102 --> 01:33:58,205 at least give me some drugs so I don't remember. 1675 01:34:01,775 --> 01:34:03,377 - What is this? - Do your job, Stu-- 1676 01:34:03,410 --> 01:34:04,812 Elliot. 1677 01:34:06,013 --> 01:34:08,449 "Oh, man, I can't believe we got away with this, Molly Singer." 1678 01:34:08,482 --> 01:34:10,585 "I know it, Elliot Steiner." 1679 01:34:11,285 --> 01:34:13,387 Why are you using your full names? 1680 01:34:14,188 --> 01:34:16,857 We're Scientologist. Okay. Like I said, "Elliott Steiner. 1681 01:34:16,891 --> 01:34:19,360 This will totally show those Hill--" 1682 01:34:19,393 --> 01:34:21,996 "...Hell-hurst assholes 1683 01:34:22,029 --> 01:34:25,499 that you and your Ki Mu brothers rule campus." 1684 01:34:25,534 --> 01:34:27,602 - Go Badgers! - Go Badgers! 1685 01:34:28,269 --> 01:34:31,472 Wait, this-- this is a Homecoming prank? 1686 01:34:31,505 --> 01:34:34,643 What is this? 1969? 1687 01:34:34,675 --> 01:34:39,480 I'm gonna sue the shit out of you, uh, Elliot Steiner, and, and-- 1688 01:34:39,514 --> 01:34:42,617 - What-- what's your name? - Molly Singer. Molly Singer. 1689 01:34:42,651 --> 01:34:44,485 - Her name's Molly Singer. - Molly Singer. 1690 01:34:44,519 --> 01:34:47,988 - Molly Singer! Fuck off! - You have a good day, sir. 1691 01:34:48,022 --> 01:34:50,257 I'm gonna fucking kill you! 1692 01:34:51,292 --> 01:34:53,027 You're both so screwed! 1693 01:35:03,337 --> 01:35:06,207 - Hey, hey, hey, Stu! - Go, go, go! Go, come on! 1694 01:35:14,248 --> 01:35:17,318 Guys, I think Paulie was line dancing when we left. 1695 01:35:20,487 --> 01:35:21,488 Hello? 1696 01:35:22,624 --> 01:35:24,158 Wait. Where are you? 1697 01:35:24,825 --> 01:35:27,194 Okay, uh, no, it-- it's fine. I'll be right there. 1698 01:35:28,162 --> 01:35:30,632 I gotta go. My roommate got locked out again 1699 01:35:30,665 --> 01:35:33,867 and the RAs refused to let her in because she keeps losing her key. 1700 01:35:33,901 --> 01:35:36,003 - Do you want me to go with you? - No, it's fine. 1701 01:35:36,036 --> 01:35:37,871 I'm gonna crash for a couple hours anyways, 1702 01:35:37,905 --> 01:35:40,140 but we should walk over to the game together. 1703 01:35:40,174 --> 01:35:41,442 Sounds good to me. 1704 01:35:41,942 --> 01:35:43,477 - I had a really good time. - Me too. 1705 01:35:45,813 --> 01:35:48,282 - See you, Mol. - Later, Linds. 1706 01:35:49,416 --> 01:35:50,851 Whoo-hoo-hoo. 1707 01:35:52,086 --> 01:35:54,922 Steiner, smooth looks good on you. 1708 01:35:55,389 --> 01:35:57,891 What the fuck? 1709 01:35:58,560 --> 01:35:59,960 Hello? 1710 01:35:59,994 --> 01:36:01,061 Uh... 1711 01:36:01,630 --> 01:36:02,896 Hello? 1712 01:36:02,930 --> 01:36:05,399 Get me the fuck out of here! 1713 01:36:05,432 --> 01:36:07,768 Right here, I'm right here. 1714 01:36:07,801 --> 01:36:09,537 What's that smell? 1715 01:36:09,571 --> 01:36:11,171 It's me, okay, asshole! 1716 01:36:11,205 --> 01:36:14,609 I had four Gatorades and I've been locked in this suit all night. 1717 01:36:24,753 --> 01:36:28,155 Well, I'm just gonna grab that head, okay? 1718 01:36:28,188 --> 01:36:30,057 - Coming in. - Yup. Easy. 1719 01:36:30,090 --> 01:36:32,126 Easy. Easy with-- 1720 01:36:32,159 --> 01:36:34,562 - My ear! - Sorry! 1721 01:36:36,765 --> 01:36:39,133 I'm gonna sue you! 1722 01:36:39,734 --> 01:36:44,138 And you too. Are you fucking insane? We're not even good at sports! 1723 01:36:44,706 --> 01:36:47,308 - My-- my dad's brother. - Your uncle? 1724 01:36:47,341 --> 01:36:51,145 Yes. My uncle. He's a fucking lawyer. 1725 01:36:51,178 --> 01:36:52,179 Hmm. 1726 01:36:52,212 --> 01:36:54,716 He's gonna eat your assholes for breakfast. 1727 01:36:56,685 --> 01:36:57,818 - Okay. - All up in there. 1728 01:36:57,851 --> 01:36:59,987 I think we should, uh, get you out of here. 1729 01:37:00,020 --> 01:37:01,989 - I'm just gonna, uh... Okay. - Analingus. 1730 01:37:02,022 --> 01:37:03,558 Undo you. 1731 01:37:03,591 --> 01:37:05,926 - What the... - What is going on here? 1732 01:37:05,959 --> 01:37:08,062 Hey, hey, hey, hey! Freeze, freeze, freeze! 1733 01:37:08,962 --> 01:37:10,831 - Elliot Steiner. - Me? 1734 01:37:10,864 --> 01:37:12,634 - Molly Singer? - Yes? 1735 01:37:12,667 --> 01:37:15,537 That's Molly Singer. That's the psychopath that kidnapped me. 1736 01:37:15,570 --> 01:37:16,937 Wait, what? 1737 01:37:18,540 --> 01:37:19,907 Who's Molly Singer? 1738 01:37:31,018 --> 01:37:33,153 Are you ever gonna talk to me again? 1739 01:37:37,826 --> 01:37:41,328 Okay, fair enough. I deserve that. 1740 01:37:45,499 --> 01:37:47,635 You gonna eat that sandwich they give you? 1741 01:37:47,669 --> 01:37:49,103 I didn't get a sandwich. 1742 01:37:49,838 --> 01:37:51,639 Oh, you will. You will. 1743 01:37:51,673 --> 01:37:54,609 - And when you do... - Yeah, yeah, it's all yours. 1744 01:37:54,642 --> 01:37:56,511 Fuck, yeah! You're my guy. 1745 01:37:58,212 --> 01:38:00,214 You meet the nicest people in jail. 1746 01:38:00,247 --> 01:38:03,384 Ooh, yeah. Oh, oh... 1747 01:38:04,918 --> 01:38:06,855 Were you ever gonna tell me 1748 01:38:06,887 --> 01:38:08,389 that you're working for my mom? 1749 01:38:10,692 --> 01:38:13,494 Honestly, I... I don't know. I had no... 1750 01:38:14,796 --> 01:38:16,497 No exit strategy. 1751 01:38:17,766 --> 01:38:23,203 I just thought I'd-- I'd meet you, pump a few beers in you and-- 1752 01:38:23,237 --> 01:38:26,340 Beers? Hey, now we're talking. 1753 01:38:26,373 --> 01:38:27,908 - Oh, I-- I'm just gonna... - You like beer? 1754 01:38:27,941 --> 01:38:31,044 I had an IPA the other day called a Crunchy Rooster. 1755 01:38:34,582 --> 01:38:39,086 My entire blueprint for this whole plan was like weird science, 1756 01:38:39,119 --> 01:38:41,455 for Christ's sake, but I didn't... 1757 01:38:42,022 --> 01:38:43,625 But? 1758 01:38:43,658 --> 01:38:44,726 But... 1759 01:38:45,392 --> 01:38:47,127 I didn't realize how much I'd like you 1760 01:38:47,161 --> 01:38:49,096 and-- and what great friends we'd be, you know? 1761 01:38:49,129 --> 01:38:51,465 Friends? Friends. 1762 01:38:51,498 --> 01:38:53,568 - Yeah. - Okay. 1763 01:38:53,601 --> 01:38:56,771 Steiner, Elliot M. 1764 01:38:56,805 --> 01:38:58,338 - Oh. - That's me. 1765 01:38:58,840 --> 01:39:00,675 You made bail. Let's go. 1766 01:39:00,708 --> 01:39:02,677 Hey, that's great, right? 1767 01:39:04,178 --> 01:39:07,347 You know, I thought we'd be friends too. 1768 01:39:09,283 --> 01:39:13,987 Steiner, come on-- Okay, I guess I didn't make bail. 1769 01:39:14,021 --> 01:39:16,056 You can't make bail till Monday. 1770 01:39:16,089 --> 01:39:18,593 You're a lawyer. You should know that. 1771 01:39:20,093 --> 01:39:21,328 What about him? 1772 01:39:21,361 --> 01:39:23,565 Looks like he had a better lawyer than you. 1773 01:39:28,202 --> 01:39:31,038 Oh, thank God. Finally. Are you okay? 1774 01:39:31,972 --> 01:39:34,576 Hey, Elliot, where are you going? 1775 01:39:34,609 --> 01:39:37,110 Goddammit. This is not a walk away scenario. 1776 01:39:37,144 --> 01:39:39,046 Stop it! I don't have the shoes to chase you. 1777 01:39:39,079 --> 01:39:40,981 What do you want from me? 1778 01:39:41,014 --> 01:39:42,983 No. Uh-uh. 1779 01:39:43,016 --> 01:39:45,419 You do not get to have an attitude with me. 1780 01:39:45,452 --> 01:39:48,322 I am not the one that went out and got drunk at five in the morning 1781 01:39:48,355 --> 01:39:50,625 and then went and kidnapped a goddamn eagle. 1782 01:39:50,658 --> 01:39:51,793 It was a condor. 1783 01:39:51,826 --> 01:39:53,795 Who the fuck cares what it was?! 1784 01:39:53,828 --> 01:39:57,331 You literally hired some chick from your office to infiltrate my school, 1785 01:39:57,364 --> 01:40:00,300 pretend to be my best friend and spy on me. 1786 01:40:02,135 --> 01:40:03,738 That is an excellent point. 1787 01:40:04,973 --> 01:40:06,541 - Jesus Christ. - But-- 1788 01:40:06,574 --> 01:40:07,709 Where are you going? 1789 01:40:07,742 --> 01:40:08,810 To my dorm room. 1790 01:40:08,843 --> 01:40:10,410 That is until they expel me. 1791 01:40:14,549 --> 01:40:15,583 Damn it. 1792 01:40:22,590 --> 01:40:23,625 What do you think? 1793 01:40:24,291 --> 01:40:27,060 Too veiny or not veiny enough? 1794 01:40:27,094 --> 01:40:29,597 I mean, some people like a veiny ding-dong. 1795 01:40:30,464 --> 01:40:34,636 Alright, Dick-casso. I'm gonna need you, like, five feet over there. 1796 01:40:52,520 --> 01:40:55,255 Alright, Singer, you just made bail. 1797 01:40:57,725 --> 01:40:59,226 Thank you for bailing me out. 1798 01:40:59,259 --> 01:41:01,428 Oh, thank your platinum card. So now what? 1799 01:41:01,461 --> 01:41:03,965 Well, I have to get dressed for court this morning 1800 01:41:03,998 --> 01:41:05,399 to defend myself in a kidnapping charge 1801 01:41:05,432 --> 01:41:08,402 and I need you to help figure out who the hell set us up. 1802 01:41:08,435 --> 01:41:09,904 Hmm. That's a tough one, Singer. 1803 01:41:09,938 --> 01:41:12,607 Whose cornflakes have we been squatting into all semester? 1804 01:41:14,542 --> 01:41:16,343 Fucking Stu. 1805 01:41:16,811 --> 01:41:18,846 - There she is. - Huh. 1806 01:41:32,827 --> 01:41:35,362 Hi. Hello. Hi. 1807 01:41:40,802 --> 01:41:43,538 - I'm gonna fucking kill you. - Yeah, we didn't do anything. 1808 01:41:43,571 --> 01:41:45,339 Oh, you think I don't know that? 1809 01:41:46,173 --> 01:41:48,408 Doesn't matter. You can't prove any of it. 1810 01:41:49,109 --> 01:41:51,012 You got my son in this frigging mess. 1811 01:41:51,045 --> 01:41:53,681 Yeah, I know. I'm gonna just... 1812 01:41:53,715 --> 01:41:55,315 All rise. 1813 01:41:56,116 --> 01:41:59,219 The Honorable Raymond Palmer presiding. 1814 01:42:02,790 --> 01:42:03,825 Be seated. 1815 01:42:04,959 --> 01:42:06,393 Look at this good-looking group. 1816 01:42:06,426 --> 01:42:09,097 Alright. What do we have this morning? 1817 01:42:10,064 --> 01:42:14,201 Mr. Elliott Steiner and Miss Molly Singer, are you present today? 1818 01:42:15,069 --> 01:42:16,938 - Yes, Your Honor. - Yes, Your Honor. 1819 01:42:16,971 --> 01:42:18,405 Good start. Okay. 1820 01:42:18,438 --> 01:42:20,173 You two are accused of kidnapping 1821 01:42:20,207 --> 01:42:22,442 one Mr. Sully Moran, a human being, 1822 01:42:22,476 --> 01:42:26,380 and it says here, the Fighting Condor mascot 1823 01:42:26,413 --> 01:42:30,885 from Hillhurst University. Are you kidding me? 1824 01:42:32,987 --> 01:42:33,955 Mike. 1825 01:42:34,522 --> 01:42:36,490 - Yes, Judge. - Yeah. Can we call the law clerk, 1826 01:42:36,524 --> 01:42:38,225 make sure these are not the type of cases 1827 01:42:38,258 --> 01:42:40,227 - we start a Monday with? - Okay. 1828 01:42:40,260 --> 01:42:41,963 Yeah. It really feels like, uh, 1829 01:42:41,996 --> 01:42:45,232 mascot kidnapping is a Tuesday afternoon sort of case. 1830 01:42:45,265 --> 01:42:47,035 - Okay. - Great. 1831 01:42:47,068 --> 01:42:49,003 How do you two plead? 1832 01:42:49,037 --> 01:42:51,572 Your Honor, may I make a brief statement? 1833 01:42:51,606 --> 01:42:56,243 For the sake of throwing all points of law out the window? No. 1834 01:42:56,276 --> 01:42:58,211 - What are you doing? - Ooh, here she comes. 1835 01:42:58,245 --> 01:43:03,316 Your Honor, I realize this is just a plea hearing, but I plead with you. 1836 01:43:04,018 --> 01:43:05,887 Please listen to me for a moment. 1837 01:43:06,587 --> 01:43:09,289 Though I can categorically deny any involvement 1838 01:43:09,322 --> 01:43:12,794 in the kidnapping of a stuffed condor, I implore you, 1839 01:43:13,460 --> 01:43:16,463 Mr. Steiner had absolutely nothing to do with it. 1840 01:43:16,496 --> 01:43:20,768 Any punishment should be directed solely on myself as I was acting as his guardian, 1841 01:43:20,802 --> 01:43:24,237 and any actions taken by him would have been done under my direction. 1842 01:43:24,271 --> 01:43:28,076 So I moved that all charges be dropped for Mr. Steiner and directed to me. 1843 01:43:28,109 --> 01:43:29,276 Myself. 1844 01:43:29,911 --> 01:43:30,878 I. 1845 01:43:32,046 --> 01:43:34,749 Wow, Mike. 1846 01:43:34,782 --> 01:43:38,753 Ay-ay-ay, Miss Singer, that was certainly a gallant gesture on your part. 1847 01:43:38,786 --> 01:43:39,854 Thank you, Your Honor. 1848 01:43:39,887 --> 01:43:41,421 And absolutely devoid 1849 01:43:41,455 --> 01:43:43,758 of literally any semblance of legal merit. 1850 01:43:43,791 --> 01:43:45,626 So... I'm sorry, 1851 01:43:45,660 --> 01:43:47,895 do we have something to add from the gallery? 1852 01:43:48,696 --> 01:43:52,533 Uh, no, I'm sorry, Your Judge, or, I mean, Your Honor. 1853 01:43:52,567 --> 01:43:53,400 I'm sorry. 1854 01:43:54,168 --> 01:43:57,538 Great. That being said, Mr. Steiner, how do you plead? 1855 01:43:59,040 --> 01:44:00,474 Not guilty, Your Honor. 1856 01:44:00,508 --> 01:44:02,275 Ms. Singer? 1857 01:44:02,309 --> 01:44:03,644 - Not guilty. - Great. 1858 01:44:03,678 --> 01:44:07,414 Mr. Steiner, I see that you have counsel present. 1859 01:44:07,447 --> 01:44:09,382 Um, Miss Singer, where's your counsel? 1860 01:44:09,416 --> 01:44:11,719 I will be representing myself, Your Honor. 1861 01:44:11,753 --> 01:44:15,823 Ms. Steiner, would you be interested in a two-for-one? 1862 01:44:15,857 --> 01:44:18,192 Oh, no, no, I'm not. 1863 01:44:18,226 --> 01:44:19,627 Great. Then may I suggest 1864 01:44:19,660 --> 01:44:21,696 you take your shoe and toss it out in the hallway? 1865 01:44:21,729 --> 01:44:23,798 And maybe you can clock another lawyer 1866 01:44:23,831 --> 01:44:25,265 that can help you with your case. 1867 01:44:25,298 --> 01:44:27,434 We're gonna take an hour recess and press on. 1868 01:44:28,502 --> 01:44:30,270 All rise. 1869 01:44:37,879 --> 01:44:40,748 I know he's not at the Ki Mu house because the asshole is here 1870 01:44:40,782 --> 01:44:42,083 and he's with Poles. 1871 01:44:42,116 --> 01:44:44,384 Yes. I'm telling you, these two are in it together. 1872 01:44:44,417 --> 01:44:46,721 Oh, my God. She's walking up to me. Right now would be a really good time 1873 01:44:46,754 --> 01:44:48,790 to find something, Paulie. Gotta go. 1874 01:44:48,823 --> 01:44:52,059 Uh, Poles, what the hell are you doing here? 1875 01:44:52,093 --> 01:44:54,095 - I have a case downstairs. - Oh. 1876 01:44:54,128 --> 01:44:56,864 Mm. But I heard about this and... 1877 01:44:57,665 --> 01:45:00,168 - Well, I had to see for myself. - Yeah. 1878 01:45:00,201 --> 01:45:02,637 - And-- - And Stu, how did you two meet? 1879 01:45:02,670 --> 01:45:06,274 At a hate group convention or is he just one of your hand job pals? 1880 01:45:06,306 --> 01:45:08,308 Hand job pals. 1881 01:45:09,143 --> 01:45:12,580 Oh, I guess you couldn't even be bothered to even remember my maiden name. 1882 01:45:12,613 --> 01:45:16,017 Even though we were in the same pledge class. I'll wait. 1883 01:45:17,919 --> 01:45:18,886 Gable? 1884 01:45:19,854 --> 01:45:22,990 And when I found out you were making my little brother's life 1885 01:45:23,024 --> 01:45:25,760 - as miserable as you made mine... - Hmm. 1886 01:45:26,493 --> 01:45:27,929 I knew I had to stop you. 1887 01:45:27,962 --> 01:45:31,999 So I'm gonna be there when they march you into prison. 1888 01:45:33,768 --> 01:45:35,837 How do you like those hand jobs? 1889 01:45:36,537 --> 01:45:38,773 It was worth the carpal tunnel. 1890 01:45:44,078 --> 01:45:46,814 Oh, come on, Paulie. 1891 01:45:51,786 --> 01:45:53,621 Oh, God. Okay. 1892 01:45:55,488 --> 01:45:59,760 Think, Paulie. There's gotta be something. 1893 01:45:59,794 --> 01:46:01,629 If somebody else died here, I'm so screwed. 1894 01:46:01,662 --> 01:46:03,798 - Relax, no one's dead. Okay? - Cool. 1895 01:46:03,831 --> 01:46:06,667 Some prick kidnapped the Hillhurst mascot and is trying to frame Molly 1896 01:46:06,701 --> 01:46:08,368 and that Steiner kid we've been hanging out with. 1897 01:46:08,401 --> 01:46:10,538 Ugh. Classic college bully move. 1898 01:46:10,571 --> 01:46:12,439 Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. So I need something, 1899 01:46:12,472 --> 01:46:14,175 anything to keep my best friend out of jail. 1900 01:46:14,208 --> 01:46:16,344 Oh, uh... Ugh. 1901 01:46:16,376 --> 01:46:18,378 Should I tell him? Should I... 1902 01:46:18,411 --> 01:46:22,216 If, if I show you something, 1903 01:46:22,250 --> 01:46:24,986 you promise to keep it top secret? Shh! 1904 01:46:25,686 --> 01:46:27,922 - Maybe. - Walk this way. 1905 01:46:29,223 --> 01:46:30,390 Okay. 1906 01:46:31,826 --> 01:46:33,294 Where are you taking me? I don't have time for this. 1907 01:46:33,327 --> 01:46:34,595 I need to find some evidence that will... 1908 01:46:34,629 --> 01:46:36,797 - Trust me. It's worth it. - ...break the case. 1909 01:46:36,831 --> 01:46:39,967 - Okay. But what are we doing here? - If I told you... 1910 01:46:45,773 --> 01:46:48,142 - I'm waiting. - I'm waiting too. 1911 01:46:48,175 --> 01:46:49,777 Oh, come on. 1912 01:46:49,810 --> 01:46:50,845 Voila. 1913 01:46:52,346 --> 01:46:53,881 What the actual fuck? 1914 01:47:01,522 --> 01:47:03,090 What am I looking at here, Scott? 1915 01:47:03,791 --> 01:47:07,828 Okay, okay. Before you think that I'm a total creepy perv, 1916 01:47:07,862 --> 01:47:10,865 it's just a mustache and some cameras. 1917 01:47:11,464 --> 01:47:14,869 So after the pole incident, I got really paranoid. 1918 01:47:15,303 --> 01:47:17,004 So it started off with one camera 1919 01:47:17,038 --> 01:47:21,609 and now we're looking at, uh, six of these big boys. 1920 01:47:22,710 --> 01:47:26,580 You sick Sliver watching motherfucker! 1921 01:47:26,614 --> 01:47:28,316 Please tell me these things record. 1922 01:47:28,349 --> 01:47:30,184 - Fuck, yeah, they do. - Sweet! 1923 01:47:30,217 --> 01:47:32,920 Again, not a perv. Just paranoid. 1924 01:47:32,954 --> 01:47:34,487 - Most of the time. - Okay. 1925 01:47:34,522 --> 01:47:36,489 I occasionally come in here and whack it. 1926 01:47:37,058 --> 01:47:38,592 Not often though. 1927 01:47:41,395 --> 01:47:42,663 Can I sit? 1928 01:47:43,898 --> 01:47:44,932 Yeah, go ahead. 1929 01:47:47,268 --> 01:47:49,103 Alright. 1930 01:48:00,614 --> 01:48:02,016 So, how's Lindsay? 1931 01:48:03,184 --> 01:48:05,720 - She's good. - Good. 1932 01:48:15,096 --> 01:48:19,467 You know, no matter how much I-- I do wanna hate you, 1933 01:48:20,334 --> 01:48:27,208 I do realize that I would have never had the courage to talk to her again. 1934 01:48:27,875 --> 01:48:31,078 Really, the courage to do anything. 1935 01:48:31,979 --> 01:48:35,950 So whether you were paid or not to do it, thank you. 1936 01:48:38,753 --> 01:48:42,023 Well, I think I should be the one thanking you 1937 01:48:42,890 --> 01:48:44,759 'cause without you, I never would have realized 1938 01:48:44,792 --> 01:48:48,229 that my best years are yet to come. 1939 01:48:49,196 --> 01:48:50,731 Not just in my rearview. 1940 01:48:52,500 --> 01:48:54,602 But I'm really sorry I didn't say anything. 1941 01:48:56,837 --> 01:48:58,439 We're gonna go to fucking jail, aren't we? 1942 01:49:00,341 --> 01:49:03,911 No. No, we are not, not going to jail. 1943 01:49:04,612 --> 01:49:06,480 Got my best guy on it. 1944 01:49:06,515 --> 01:49:08,315 Molly Singer! 1945 01:49:08,783 --> 01:49:10,651 I swear to God, I didn't know that was gonna happen. 1946 01:49:10,684 --> 01:49:13,721 Singer! Molly! 1947 01:49:13,754 --> 01:49:16,190 - Paulie? - Got it! 1948 01:49:19,260 --> 01:49:21,128 - Hmm. I guess you got something. 1949 01:49:21,162 --> 01:49:24,131 - Yeah. - Some information we need or something? 1950 01:49:24,165 --> 01:49:25,699 Are you okay? 1951 01:49:25,733 --> 01:49:28,537 Not okay. 1952 01:49:28,569 --> 01:49:30,371 And wheezing a lot. 1953 01:49:30,404 --> 01:49:35,810 Uh... 1954 01:49:36,744 --> 01:49:39,313 Alright, so what am I looking at here? 1955 01:49:39,346 --> 01:49:44,218 Your Honor, new evidence has come to light that clears my client and Miss Singer. 1956 01:49:44,251 --> 01:49:45,520 You didn't think to lead with it? 1957 01:49:46,020 --> 01:49:49,790 Well, it just became available to us a few minutes ago, Your Honor. 1958 01:49:51,258 --> 01:49:52,193 Good. 1959 01:49:53,794 --> 01:49:56,664 "Oh, man, I can't believe we got away with this, Molly Singer." 1960 01:49:56,697 --> 01:49:58,933 "I know it, Elliot Steiner." 1961 01:49:58,966 --> 01:50:00,668 Why are you using your full names? 1962 01:50:00,701 --> 01:50:03,237 Is that the jackhole that was laughing in my courtroom this morning? 1963 01:50:03,270 --> 01:50:04,972 - Elliot Steiner... - Stuart Gable. 1964 01:50:05,005 --> 01:50:06,907 He's a fraternity brother of Mr. Steiner's 1965 01:50:06,941 --> 01:50:08,909 and was trying to get him kicked out of school. 1966 01:50:08,943 --> 01:50:11,645 "...that you and your Ki Mu brothers rule campus." 1967 01:50:11,679 --> 01:50:14,081 And-- and who's this Meryl Streep over here? 1968 01:50:14,115 --> 01:50:16,183 - Go Badgers! - Trina Delgado. 1969 01:50:16,217 --> 01:50:19,253 She's trying a case downstairs as we speak. 1970 01:50:19,286 --> 01:50:21,188 Uh, she's a lawyer as well? 1971 01:50:21,222 --> 01:50:22,490 Yes, Your Honor. 1972 01:50:23,124 --> 01:50:25,594 You know, what is going on with law school? 1973 01:50:25,626 --> 01:50:27,428 Are they just letting anybody in these days? 1974 01:50:27,461 --> 01:50:29,163 Is it the new math? Is that it? 1975 01:50:29,196 --> 01:50:32,199 Participation law degrees? You know what? 1976 01:50:32,233 --> 01:50:35,903 Just save it, don't wanna hear it. Case dismissed. Mike! 1977 01:50:37,638 --> 01:50:38,806 Yes, Judge. 1978 01:50:38,839 --> 01:50:41,175 I need you to round up some more idiots. 1979 01:50:41,909 --> 01:50:42,877 Okay. 1980 01:50:45,379 --> 01:50:46,814 Thank you, sir. 1981 01:50:46,847 --> 01:50:49,183 You, sir, have no idea what you're doing! 1982 01:50:49,216 --> 01:50:51,018 I will have all of your jobs, do you hear me?! 1983 01:50:51,051 --> 01:50:53,854 - Do you know who I am? - Fine. Just call Dad, alright? 1984 01:50:53,888 --> 01:50:57,057 - Just call Dad! - What about this clit, Molly!? 1985 01:50:57,091 --> 01:50:59,426 - Just call Dad... - Hey, Poles, 1986 01:50:59,460 --> 01:51:01,162 how you like them hand jobs? 1987 01:51:01,195 --> 01:51:04,098 I hope someone rollerblades over your vagina, Molly! 1988 01:51:04,131 --> 01:51:05,332 - What? - What? 1989 01:51:06,066 --> 01:51:08,736 It's an interesting crowd you two hang out with. 1990 01:51:08,769 --> 01:51:10,037 Yeah. 1991 01:51:10,738 --> 01:51:12,173 Uh... 1992 01:51:13,207 --> 01:51:14,241 Not bad. 1993 01:51:17,878 --> 01:51:19,680 I guess I'll see you around. 1994 01:51:19,713 --> 01:51:21,682 Yeah. See you later, Steiner. 1995 01:51:21,715 --> 01:51:23,017 - Bye. - Bye. 1996 01:51:26,921 --> 01:51:28,923 Oh. There you are. 1997 01:51:28,956 --> 01:51:31,492 Yep, I'm here. Oh, God. 1998 01:51:31,526 --> 01:51:33,394 Uh, didn't you just drive here? 1999 01:51:36,531 --> 01:51:38,999 I could have in hindsight. 2000 01:51:39,033 --> 01:51:40,535 - I, I could have. - I... 2001 01:51:40,569 --> 01:51:41,902 - So you ran. - You're right. I... 2002 01:51:41,936 --> 01:51:44,205 I didn't have to. But I did. 2003 01:51:45,239 --> 01:51:47,107 - Let's get you some water. - Okay. 2004 01:52:02,022 --> 01:52:04,158 I know a lot of people think if they had the chance 2005 01:52:04,191 --> 01:52:06,393 to do it all over again, they would. 2006 01:52:06,927 --> 01:52:11,232 Well, I'm here to tell you, when it comes to your life, 2007 01:52:11,265 --> 01:52:13,500 it's all about living your present. 2008 01:52:14,034 --> 01:52:16,837 Constantly looking back will just give you a neck ache. 2009 01:52:17,838 --> 01:52:20,007 Elliot certainly got what he wanted. 2010 01:52:20,040 --> 01:52:22,076 President of his pledge class 2011 01:52:22,109 --> 01:52:25,212 and completely reshaped Ki Mu from the ground up. 2012 01:52:25,980 --> 01:52:28,816 Paulie finished first in his ed psych class, 2013 01:52:28,849 --> 01:52:30,451 graduated with honors, 2014 01:52:30,484 --> 01:52:32,152 won back his family's respect. 2015 01:52:32,186 --> 01:52:35,356 And now he's shooting for his master's degree in education. 2016 01:52:35,389 --> 01:52:36,725 Trust fund! 2017 01:52:36,757 --> 01:52:38,892 You know, for the kids and shit. 2018 01:52:39,827 --> 01:52:41,095 And me... 2019 01:52:41,128 --> 01:52:43,130 I finally realized what I liked doing. 2020 01:52:43,632 --> 01:52:49,503 Helping those shy caterpillars become full motherfucking butterflies. 2021 01:52:52,072 --> 01:52:55,909 Everybody says that college is the best four to seven, 2022 01:52:55,943 --> 01:52:57,911 maybe nine years of your life. 2023 01:52:58,412 --> 01:53:00,715 I used to be a firm believer in that axiom 2024 01:53:01,348 --> 01:53:04,018 until a really good friend showed me 2025 01:53:04,719 --> 01:53:08,222 life does get better as we get older. 2026 01:53:08,255 --> 01:53:11,492 It just takes longer for some of us to realize. 2027 01:53:18,966 --> 01:53:20,301 Uh, Amy, here's the thing. 2028 01:53:20,334 --> 01:53:22,704 We've been traveling the past few years 2029 01:53:22,737 --> 01:53:26,106 dedicating our lives to helping children in need. 2030 01:53:28,777 --> 01:53:29,877 I'm sorry. 2031 01:53:29,910 --> 01:53:31,879 You know, I'm sorry. The-- 2032 01:53:31,912 --> 01:53:33,347 So, sorry-- 2033 01:53:33,380 --> 01:53:35,149 Really sorry about that. 2034 01:53:36,350 --> 01:53:37,619 This is the same shit they give to Armstrong 2035 01:53:37,652 --> 01:53:39,119 - for the Tour de France. - What? 2036 01:53:39,153 --> 01:53:41,855 Relax. I'm just joking. 2037 01:53:43,957 --> 01:53:45,560 Fuck, what did you want me to say? 2038 01:53:45,593 --> 01:53:47,696 If we win, 2039 01:53:47,729 --> 01:53:50,364 Elliot gets a bid into Ki Mu, but if we... 2040 01:53:50,397 --> 01:53:52,833 Hold on. Let me try again. 2041 01:54:00,274 --> 01:54:02,443 Oh, you got it on the other side. 2042 01:54:02,476 --> 01:54:03,611 Good. 2043 01:54:05,212 --> 01:54:09,083 Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. 2044 01:54:09,751 --> 01:54:13,521 Oh. Mayor Pete. Mayor Pete. Mayor Pete. Mayor Pete. Mayor Pete... 2045 01:54:15,055 --> 01:54:17,124 Hey, I don't know if you-- oh! 2046 01:54:17,157 --> 01:54:19,527 - Get the fuck out of here, bro! - Aah! I'm sorry. 2047 01:54:19,561 --> 01:54:20,894 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 2048 01:54:23,297 --> 01:54:25,366 - Shit. - So like this? Like... 2049 01:54:26,033 --> 01:54:27,836 - Mm. - Yeah, yeah, you're totally getting it. 2050 01:54:27,868 --> 01:54:29,370 Or was it cross-country like... 2051 01:54:31,505 --> 01:54:34,408 Mrs. Zimmerman, I know I'm late on last month's rent, 2052 01:54:34,441 --> 01:54:37,211 but I did finally get to your groceries. 2053 01:54:41,048 --> 01:54:44,451 - Ah! Oh, my God. Whoa. - Oh, Molly. What a treat. 2054 01:54:44,485 --> 01:54:45,854 You do love buffets. 2055 01:54:45,886 --> 01:54:48,288 Yeah, we are going downtown. 2056 01:54:48,322 --> 01:54:49,957 Oh, oh! 2057 01:54:56,731 --> 01:54:58,566 Goddammit. 2058 01:54:59,634 --> 01:55:02,637 Scott, I'm gonna need you to give me the-- the footage. Okay? 2059 01:55:02,670 --> 01:55:06,373 I'm gonna need you to remove your pants, in which case footage is yours. 2060 01:55:06,407 --> 01:55:08,510 That is no. Give me the fucking footage 2061 01:55:08,543 --> 01:55:10,712 and get me out of fucking Freddy's Nightmares. 2062 01:55:10,745 --> 01:55:12,413 Fuck you, Elliot Steinberg! 2063 01:55:12,446 --> 01:55:14,716 - Steiner. - Steinerstein. 2064 01:55:14,749 --> 01:55:16,851 - Steiner. - Steinman. 2065 01:55:20,421 --> 01:55:22,256 What-- what are you doing? 2066 01:55:22,289 --> 01:55:23,924 Trying not to blow our cover. 2067 01:55:23,957 --> 01:55:26,026 What? Most of these kids-- Oh, fuck. 2068 01:55:26,059 --> 01:55:27,729 Fucked it. Fucked it up. 2069 01:55:27,762 --> 01:55:29,029 Okay, go back to one... 2070 01:55:29,597 --> 01:55:32,734 I want your undies on your head, please. 2071 01:55:36,738 --> 01:55:38,405 - I'm mic-ed up though. - Stu! 2072 01:55:40,040 --> 01:55:41,408 Okay. 2073 01:55:43,778 --> 01:55:45,179 Alright. Um... 2074 01:55:45,680 --> 01:55:47,615 And now... 2075 01:55:47,649 --> 01:55:48,716 Yeah, okay. 2076 01:55:49,349 --> 01:55:52,019 I'm crying. Okay. Okay. Maybe I'll just back it up a second. 2077 01:55:52,052 --> 01:55:53,353 Okay. No, no. 2078 01:55:53,387 --> 01:55:55,590 No, no, I can do it. I can do it. Um... 2079 01:55:55,623 --> 01:55:57,357 It's Michael, take two. 2080 01:55:58,058 --> 01:55:59,594 It's Michael, take two. 2081 01:56:00,461 --> 01:56:04,532 You like beer? I had an IPA the other day called, uh, Gnarly Beaver. 2082 01:56:04,566 --> 01:56:06,835 I had an IPA the other day called Swollen Frog. 2083 01:56:06,868 --> 01:56:10,638 Beers, huh? I had you pegged for more of a skinny Margarita girl. 2084 01:56:10,672 --> 01:56:12,306 Oh, yeah, I do love those. 2085 01:56:17,946 --> 01:56:19,848 You know what? I take it back. 2086 01:56:19,881 --> 01:56:22,449 Not gonna fuck you. Swipe left. 2087 01:56:23,083 --> 01:56:24,686 Fuck you. 2087 01:56:25,305 --> 01:57:25,321 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 158231

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