All language subtitles for Svenskjavel

-Does it hurt?
-No.

What if I twist your arm like this?

-Now?
-No, it doesn't hurt.

-No?
-No.

How much have you been drinking?

I don't know...

How long have you been
feeling intoxicated?

A few days.

I see here that you live in Oslo.

Is there anyone
who can pick you up at the hospital?

No.

What did you do to your arm?

What happened to your arm?

I've called fucking everybody,
hospitals, everyone you know...

Can you tell me where you've been?

I called your dad too.

-You didn't?
-Yes, I did.

-Seriously, I worked all night.
-Then go to bed.

UNDERDOG

I'm sorry you've had to wait all
morning, but there is no work today.

It's almost lunchtime.
But feel free to come back tomorrow.

-Whose ketchup is that?
-I don't know.

It's my ketchup.

I didn't know it was yours.
It's just some ketchup, who cares?

Do we need to have
a camera by the fridge?

And how about my cherries last week?
I didn't even get to taste one.

-What's so bloody funny?
-Nothing.

-You're laughing. What's so funny?
-I'm not laughing.

-Who the hell are you?
-André.

Fine. I'm so glad
you're having such a good time.

This one we can throw there!
Because this is everybody's food now!

And that!
And that one's not mine, or yours!

-Nothing belongs to anybody here!
-What the hell is he doing?

-Can he calm down now?
-Fucking stop this, Perry!

For fuck's sake, Perry!

Kagge Publishing, Stine speaking.

-I was wondering if you"re almost done?
-Five minutes.

-Did you have time to read it?
-Yes, it's well written.

I like the chapters about the French
Open and Boris Becker. They're cool.

Your journey from a tennis star
to a restaurateur too.

-You co-wrote this with...?
-Gudmund Skjeldal.

I read his essay about Wimbledon in
Morgenbladet and got in touch with him.

We talk, and he writes.

I understand.
It's very concise and clever writing.

-Has Erling read it?
-I don't think so.

-Shouldn't he read it?
-I don't think that's necessary.

The market
for sports biographies is tricky.

The target group don't read books.

-There are three Solskjaer biographies.
-He's one of a kind.

-Stig-Inge Bjørnebye?
-That came soon after his retirement.

People are quick to forget.

Are you warm?

There.

Why don't you draw something?
There you go.

-Hello. Are you okay?
-Sure.

Siri has a fever.
I had to pick her up from day-care.

-Here's the fish.
-Thank you.

-What are you doing?
-I've got water in my ear.

The girl from Worklife is here.

-Hello.
-Hi.

What the...?

You can go home. There's no point
in you being here with a broken arm.

What's she saying?

Isn't there anything else I can do?

This is Steffen Dahl at Dahl's Sushi.

Was it you I talked to recently?

I need help at my restaurant
for today's lunch.

But you've sent someone with her arm
in a cast, and that won't do.

I need some help here.

You realize
we won't be paying you for this?

-I have to take Siri home.
-Can't Ida take her?

Ida's at school.

I can take her.

Siri, why don't you show Dino
where you keep your books?

Maybe Dino will read to you.

Yes...

What do you want?

I don't want to talk to you,
and you know why.

I can tell that you're drunk, Dad.

Yes, you are!

What I want?
I don't want anything from you.

I just want a normal fucking life.

It won't happen.
I've made up my mind.

We've been through this so many times.
You have to sort it out yourself.

It's your life.

Yes. That's the way it is.

Hi.

I'm here for Siri. Babysitter.

-Who are you?
-I live here.

-What happened to your arm?
-I put a cast on it.

Well, I didn't do it, a doctor did.

4 km, ran. Pasta.
7 km, walked. Crispbread.

6 km, ran/walked.

-Is it a girls only flat-share?
-No, it's mixed.

-Swedes only?
-Yeah.

-What are you going to do after this?
-Sleep, I think.

After Oslo, I mean. Are you going to
study, or...? What do you want to do?

So you're asking
what I'm going to be when I grow up?

-Is that the wrong question?
-No. What are you going to be?

I'm already grown-up.

Isn't there something you'd like to do?

Any hidden talents?

No.

Nothing?

Anisa got some thrown-out brownies.

-Are there any left?
-Yes, if you get out here.

Oh, Swedish chips? Nice.

I've got the most horrible boss you
can imagine. So fucking hypocritical.

And if a customer doesn't spend
80,000 kroner on a wedding dress,

then she's white trash.

And she just walks in

and gets all judgmental
about my clothes and my hair.

"Aren't you going to dye your roots?"

Am I really supposed to feel like shit
about going to work

and then cry my eyes out every night
because I feel so useless?

And she prances in with her platinum
blonde hair and her silicon tits

which her filthy rich
upper-class husband paid for.

-What about your dad?
-My dad?

Isn't he a like
a super-rich businessman too?

He's an accountant
at Borås municipality.

-Not quite the same thing.
-He wears a suit and shit.

Dino, I need to pee,
can you open the door?

-Any work yet?
-Some construction job in Stovner.

-Long ago?
-Like two hours.

Hello, this is Dino,
who looked after your daughter.

-Hi.
-How are you?

Good, good. Nothing special.

I wondered if you need any more help
with Siri or cleaning or something?

Did you think our house was dirty?

No, it wasn't...no.

I could use some help with Siri
on Thursday. Could you come at 10?

Sure.
Let's say Thursday at 10 then.

That's a deal then.

-Was everything alright?
-Very good sushi. Wasn't it?

When you won in Paris,
that was really something.

And when you went like this

That's almost a classic now, isn't it?

-A pity you lost in the semi-final.
-Yeah...

-But you're retired now?
-Yeah, a while ago.

Okay. Of course.

-What are you drawing?
-I'm drawing a scary monster.

-Is that blood?
-Yes.

-I'm going to draw you.
-Are you going to draw me? Okay.

Then I should draw you too.

-Could you hand me the pink?
-That one? There you are.

-Hello.
-Hi.

Siri, when you're done,
we'll show each other.

-You're great at drawing.
-Thank you.

Really great.

-Okay, have you finished it?
-No.

-Now I've finished.
-Okay. One, two, three!

Wow! How nice I look!

But my hair isn't that long, is it?

Can you draw Mommy as well?

-But I've never met her.
-She works abroad.

-Where?
-Botswana.

-What's she doing there?
-Building houses.

-I need to poop.
-You need to poop? Well, good luck.

-Thank you!
-You're welcome.

What are you doing?
What's that?

Like these...head massage things.

What? Show me.

Oh God!

-Hello.
-Hello.

Ida...

-Can we have a talk in your room?
-About what?

Does it matter?

-Can't we just talk here?
-I'd rather not.

Why not?

-Your class teacher...what's her name?
-Simone.

She called and said you're failing gym.

You have brought these notes
signed by Mom, saying you were sick

and had to be excused from class every
time you were supposed to go swimming.

Do you know what it means
to forge someone's signature?

There are people
who go to prison for that.

They'd better put me in prison then.

If that's your attitude

then you won't be going to the cabin
with Trine next weekend.

-That's not your decision.
-Oh, isn't it?

No, it's not.

And that lawn...that you were going
to mow. When is that happening?

I just can't see the problem
with swimming a few lengths in a pool?

-How many hours did you work today?
-Five.

Your kids are...fucking amazing.

Yeah... Thanks.

Bye.

Hello, Marianne!

Yeah. I can't hear you very well.

Yeah, that's better.
Can you hear me?

No, I'm not smoking.

No, it's nothing important,
we can talk later.

How are you doing?
Are you almost finished?

Okay. What do they say in Nairobi?

Yes, the girls are fine.

Yes, Ida is in her room.
She's got a test tomorrow.

Geography, I think.

No, there hasn't been
any more eating issues.

Okay. I'd better call you tomorrow.
I can hardly hear you.

Great. Bye then.

Anna?

-Krister, hi!
-So you're here? You live here?

-Yeah.
-Okay.

Me too.
Or well, I commute weekly.

You look really different.
Short hair and everything.

-How are things?
-Good.

-Do you go to meetings here?
-No.

I run a group at the Swedish church.
Do you know where that is?

I think so.

Thursdays at seven.
Swedes only.

Why don't you drop by?

The meetings are important, you know.

-To stay sober.
-Yeah.

That's 209 kroner.
Do you want a bag?

Look at all that hair.

Let's go inside and put
a band-aid on it.

Thanks.

-Do you need a ride home?
-No, I've got my bike.

I've got a bike rack on the car.
We can use that.

-It's okay, really.
-It will only take a few minutes.

Is that what she said?

Building houses in Africa...no.

They're trying to build
infrastructure in Botswana.

I guess that's not easy.

How do the kids feel
about her moving away?

Well... They miss their mom, of course.

Our relationship wasn't
that great before she left, so...

I don't know...

Are you letting it grow?

No, I'm not.

-Does it look funny? Too long?
-No.

My god damn back...

-Do you want a cigarette?
-Yeah, sure.

-Shouldn't you go home?
-Yeah.

How did you get so good at drawing?

You should be an artist.

Girl, you're crazy.

Bye!

I don't want to die!
I don't want to die!

-Hello!
-Hello.

Are you scaring your Daddy?

-What have you been doing today?
-We've played cowboys and Indians.

-Did you have fun?
-I was the horse.

So I got quite the workout.

-Would you like a glass of wine?
-That would be nice.

-You want a glass of wine?
-That's all right. You can have mine.

Here comes "Captain Sabretooth".

I'm having guests over for dinner.

I'll just take
the clothes out of the dryer.

I thought you might like to join us.

You could be my wingman.

Do you want to?
Or do you have other plans?

-No.
-Then why don't you stay and eat?

-Dressed like this?
-Sure, it's not a...

I sweat like a pig when I clean.
Yes, I do. I smell like actual shit.

-No, you don't.
-You don't know that.

No, you don't!
So smell me.

Well, have a shower then.

It would be very nice.

It would be very nice.

Serve the ladies first.
Where are your manners?

-I'd rather have something else.
-Something else? Okay.

-Don't you drink?
-No.

-Never?
-There is some Coke.

Yes, please.

Line! Could you bring
some Coke from the fridge?

We've got some friends... or more like
acquaintances... Hanna and Eskil...

They hired a Filipino au-pair.

Then there were rumors about
some other families who'd done the same

and their au-pairs had brought
tuberculosis into the house.

So they take this poor, innocent
Filipino lady who can't speak Norwegian

to the doctor, and sit there
speaking over her head.

How rude is that? The doctor
obviously refused to examine her.

I mean, what do you do? You can't do
anything preventatively, can you?

Come on, they had heard her coughing
down in the basement for weeks.

I've met her. What's the name of that
kid she takes care of? Thomas, right.

The kid went to Siri's day-care.
Her name is Lin Po, the au-pair.

-You know her?
-No, we've just talked.

-You met at The Cock Kindergarten?
-That's right.

-The Cock Kindergarten?
-Don't ask.

What do you mean, "The Cock"?

It's not called The Cock.

It was the management of this private
day-care who decided they should vote

for the name of the kindergarten,
the kids and the grownups.

And these two kids said

that unless the others voted
for The Cock they'd beat them all up.

So all the kids voted for The Cock,
and that was that.

It ended up The Apple Orchard
after the parents had their say.

-I'm just having a piss.
-Okay. I've seen it before.

What's going on?

Did I tell you how Marianne
and that real estate agent met?

Wordfeud.

Okay...

They were playing Wordfeud,
and they started to chat.

-Are you kidding?
-No.

He had all these apartments for sale
that he took her to.

They kept it up for six months.

They must have fucked their way
through half of Oslo.

Sorry...

That's my wife.
I'm sure it was exciting.

If you're Norwegian, there's no excuse.
Our society is classless.

The entire country
is one huge middle class.

The gap between rich and poor is bigger
now than 30 or even 10 years ago.

Who are the poor?

The poor?
The poor are those who drive our buses,

who clean,
who make the beds in our hotels.

The Poles, the Filipinos, the Swedes.
I mean it.

-Karma.
-They are the working class.

I've read about that.
Thomas Hylland Eriksen wrote

that at a certain point there was a
power shift between Norway and Sweden.

He claimed it was when the Olympics
were held in Albertville in 1992.

Then we won a gazillion gold medals
and the Swedes got none or maybe one.

That's when the balance shifted.
Sport's important.

And the Swedish economy
dived at the same time.

Suddenly the Norwegian krone was worth
more than the Swedish. Great.

The Swedish krona dropped like a rock.
It's karma, seriously.

-What do you mean by karma?
-They were arrested by the karma cops.

During the war
the Swedes were just standing there

bowing to the Germans like prostitutes.

Fed them iron ore

and just stood there whilst the Germans
tore our entire country apart.

So it's fine
that they're cleaning our toilets now.

My life's so much better now that I get
my morning coffee served by a Swede.

And my lunch is served by a Swede.

And when I take a shit,
a Swede cleans it up after me.

-Kissing your hand: Thank you, Massa.
-It's karma.

Let's put this glass down
and put an alco-lock on you.

We do have a Swede here.
What's your opinion on all this?

Do you think
there's a class gap in Norway?

-We were talking about karma.
-In relation to Norway and Sweden?

I don't know much about the
class thing, but Sweden likes Norway.

We kind of think of you as
a retarded cousin who won the lottery.

And we're like... "good for you".

How generous of you.

-The cab's here.
-Okay.

There's room for you in the cab.

Don't you want me to help you clean up?

You can manage that
by yourself, can't you?

Don't you have
your bike here? Well...

-Bye!
-See you! Bye!

Well...

I don't think I have
the energy to do the dishes.

Me neither.

-Nice quality...
-You think so?

-We can"t let this get all awkward.
-No, no, no.

Come here!

Listen...

We need a condom.

-Do you have one?
-What makes you think I"d have one?

Okay...

Damn!

-This isn't easy.
-Wait.

Let go.

Wait a minute, careful, I'm coming.
Wait, wait, wait...

-What are you going to do after this?
-What?

Are you going to study, or...?

No.

Don't you have any hidden talents?

No.

How many hours
have you been cleaning now?

-Five.
-Five?

-Buy yourself something nice.
-Yes.

You've been fucking.
I can smell it.

Shit, I'm getting hungry.

One of those super greasy
kebab pizzas from home.

From La Mare in Västra Frölunda.

No, it has to be Campino in Borås.

With fries.

They think you were
kind of showing her off.

To prove something to us.

-But I said it wasn't like that.
-You didn't say that?

No, but I thought it.

But I did notice that there is
something between you two.

That there's something
serious going on.

And if that little girl is
the love of your life, then go for it.

-You have to choose anyway.
-She's not that young.

-She's Ida's age, right?
-Come on, she's almost 25.

-She was drinking Coke instead of wine.
-Well, lots of people do.

But let's say it's not going to work.
You couldn't handle being alone.

-Why not?
-What?

-What's so hard about that?
-Being alone? You can't handle it.

-How do you know that?
-Come on now.

What about Marianne?
What will you do when she comes home?

This break isn't going
to be forever, is it?

Or will the three of you live together

in this post-modern
polygamous relationship?

Can I come in?

How many of you are going to the cabin?

Is it Henrik and Trine and those guys?

Yeah.

Siri wants to go to the beach.
Do you feel like coming along?

I'm not going to swim.
I'm just going to hang out, so...

Listen, I was thinking...

Maybe we should go away
for a couple of hours, the two of us.

I need to go
and get some stuff anyway, so...

-Why are you speaking English, Daddy?
-I'm not. It's Indian language.

No, it's not.
I'm quite sure.

Me speaking English? No!

You want to watch a movie?
"Captain Sabretooth"?

-Yeah!
-Yes. Ida!

What?

I hardly know anything about you.

What do your parents do?

I'm going to Stavanger
to speak at a conference this weekend.

Do you want to come with me?
You could be my wingman.

You don't know what that means, do you?

You just use it completely at random.

-No. Wingman.
-Use it in a sentence.

A sentence...?

Well...

Per looked at his wingman
and asked him...to turn the lights off.

Oh... Hello.

-Hello. How are you?
-I'm fine.

This is Dino. She's Swedish.
She works at my restaurant.

Mostly Swedish waitresses
nowadays, you know.

Yeah, Swedes are so service-minded.

Much more so than us Norwegians.

This is Terje and Tone.
Terje is my wife's brother.

We're looking for a small coffee table
for Andrea, she's getting a new room.

Yeah, yeah... We're buying some stuff
for the storeroom, so...

-A king-size bed?
-No, shelves.

-Shelves?
-Yeah... Yeah...

-I'll see you soon.
-Yeah. Bye.

You can drop me off here.

I'll call you tomorrow about Stavanger.

Shit, how extravagant.

Hanna, how's it going
in that bridal shop?

Today I didn't even have
time for lunch.

-Cheers.
-Yeah, shit, cheers.

You have to hand it to them,
those Poles or gypsies or whatever.

They never give up.

-No, really.
-Roses, roses, roses...

Shit. Isn't this the bridal shop
where Hanna works?

Hold my kebab.

(Whistling the swedish national anthem.)

Doing okay over there?

You can't just stand there
and watch, Anisa.

What, why not?
I'm peeing too.

Ida!

Aren't Trine and the others
picking you up at five?

Make sure you're ready,
so you don't keep them waiting.

-You look so pretty in that dress.
-Thank you.

Okay, call me
if there are any problems, okay?

Have a good time at the cabin!

-Hello?
-Hi, it's me.

Are you at home?
I'm outside in the car.

-Do you want to come down?
-Not right now.

I just want to talk to you.

It wasn't that easy for me. I didn't
know... What should I have done?

This is completely new to me.
I haven't dated anyone in 20 years.

You were four years old
when I last dated someone.

-Are you smiling?
-Absolutely not.

I can see that you're smiling.

Dino, please...

I'm on my way to Stavanger,
and I'd love for you to come with me.

Come on, Dino.

I'll do anything if you come down here.
It would make me so fucking happy.

-You'll do anything?
-Anything.

Hello, it's Ida again.
I've been waiting...

I'm wondering when you're coming
to pick me up. I got everything.

Call me when you hear this message.

Go pick it up...

-No. I'm smoking.
-Pick it up.

You're amazing.

Hello?

Hello!

Ida, are you sleeping here?
Hello!

I was going to surprise you guys
for dinner, but the flight was delayed.

Are you okay?

What's the matter? What's the matter,
sweetheart? Darling...

I'm sorry, your card's been declined.
Do you have another card?

-Let's see now... There you go.
-Thank you.

That's been declined too, I'm afraid.

-Is your system not working?
-I don't think that's the problem.

I'll take care of it.

I'll pay you back.

Sixty. Keep the change.

-Do you want a receipt?
-No thanks.

-So... We'll speak tomorrow.
-Sure.

-Okay.
-Okay. Bye.

-Bye.
-Bye.

Mommy missed you so much,
she couldn't wait any longer.

Why can't I stay at Grandma's?

-Please stop kicking, Siri.
-It's not me!

There's Mommy!

-Hello.
-Hello.

Come on.

Hi!

Hi there!

I missed you so much.

-Nice beard.
-Do you think so?

No, I don't.

Did you get my text?

-You're not very tanned.
-Don't you think so?

I'm more tanned than you.

Siri!

Now I'll be the goalie.

Hello, you've reached Steffen Dahl.

If it's regarding bookings, please
call Equilibrium and talk to Jens.

The number is 22 47 32 68.

22 47 32 68.

If it's about the restaurant,
the number is 22 36 07 10.

22 36 07 10.

If it's about something else, please
leave a message after the beep!

Hello?

Hi.

You're the one
who's been helping out here?

-Yes.
-I didn't know you were coming today.

-Steffen!
-We're coming!

Are we going to eat?

-Dino, I'm a tiger!
-Oh...

-Hi.
-Hi.

I didn't know she was coming today.

No.

-Siri...
-Hey...

The food's ready.
Would you like to eat with us?

I'm good, thanks.

I'll get another plate.
Wouldn't that be nice?

Yes. Sure.

-Good.
-Okay.

Are you coming, Siri?

-Yes?
-I want my thousand kroner.

-For the hotel.
-Oh yeah, shit. Of course.

Listen...
Have you got 500 kroner?

-Take care.
-You too.

How do you know when it's done?

Shit, it still smells like a hot-dog
stand, even though it's been two weeks.

Smell it.

-Did you bring in the mail today?
-No, why?

Hello, my name's Anna Dinovic.
I just received a letter from you.

That's right.

881202.

4989.

I haven't done anything.

I don't even know what this is about.

-Hello?
-Hi, it's me.

-Hi!
-What are you doing?

Nothing.

I was just wondering
if you'd like to meet up.

-What, now?
-Yeah.

I don't know.

I want to show you something.

Where?

Right outside. I'm here.

-You got rid of the cast?
-Yeah, shit!

Damn, I have!

What were you going to show me?

First we're going to swim.

-No.
-Yes.

I'll catch pneumonia.

You don't need to undress.

Come on!

-Jump in!
-I'll catch a cold.

Ten, nine...

...eight, seven...

...six, five, four...

...three, two, one!

A half!

Oh fuck!

-Isn't it nice?
-Cold!

-What's this?
-Check it out.

Maybe you can tell me what it is.

Did you get in?

No, but I've been
called in for an interview.

Crazy, isn't it?

How did you know
I was the one who sent it in?

How did you even find this school?

-I googled.
-You googled?

-I googled.
-You googled.

-I googled.
-Yeah, you googled.

So you can picture me
at some art school?

Yes, I can.

Orwell, a community college.

-Do you know what time it is?
-No.

-Where have you been?
-Out with Dino. Swimming.

Swimming?

You've been out swimming with Dino?

You know what swimming is, don't you?

What are you smiling at?

Just because you pay her,
that doesn"t mean you own her.

Did I say that?

Did I say that I own her?

That's what it seems like.

Subtitles: Tone Sutterud
www.undertext.se