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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,053 --> 00:00:09,248 Previously on SurrealEstate. 2 00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:11,549 - August Ripley. - Rochelle Decker. 3 00:00:11,595 --> 00:00:12,863 I get these things. 4 00:00:12,874 --> 00:00:14,624 I can't hear them anymore, I can't see them. 5 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,797 - [HISSING] - But I know them. 6 00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:18,598 You know, I always liked you, Zooey. 7 00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:19,944 She's one of us. 8 00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:22,648 One of us. One of us. 9 00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:25,279 I heard about the day you left the church. 10 00:00:25,290 --> 00:00:28,000 The organization wasn't meeting my needs. 11 00:00:28,097 --> 00:00:29,977 [SUSAN] Dear Luke, please consider this 12 00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:32,137 my resignation from the Roman Agency. 13 00:00:32,148 --> 00:00:33,453 Effective immediately. 14 00:00:33,978 --> 00:00:35,528 Susan Ireland. 15 00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:39,463 [DRAMATIC BOOM] 16 00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:41,830 [THUNDER BOOMING] 17 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,785 [LEAVES RUSTLING] 18 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:45,375 [EERIE SCORE] 19 00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:49,473 [BLADE RINGS] 20 00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:52,215 [SLOW NASAL INHALE, EXHALE] 21 00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:54,891 [LOW GROANING] 22 00:00:57,933 --> 00:00:59,483 [GROAN] 23 00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:05,365 Hasan! 24 00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:10,901 [HEAVY FOOTSTEPS ON PORCH] 25 00:01:10,946 --> 00:01:12,776 [GRUNT] 26 00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:14,323 [DRAMATIC SCORE] 27 00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:20,754 [BLADE RINGS] 28 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,633 [PAPER CRINKLING] 29 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,459 [THUNDER CRACKLES] 30 00:01:28,672 --> 00:01:30,222 [KNIFE THUDS] 31 00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:32,427 - [EVIL CHUCKLING] - [SHOW THEME PLAYS] 32 00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:34,935 [FOOTSTEPS RECEDING] 33 00:01:36,826 --> 00:01:39,826 - Synced and corrected by naFraC - - www.addic7ed.com - 34 00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:42,814 [MAN SCREAMING] 35 00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,403 [GENTLE SCORE] 36 00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:46,686 [LUKE] Mina, Tarik, 37 00:01:46,732 --> 00:01:49,612 I can't give you a guaranteed sale date or price. 38 00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:53,401 Nobody can. The market is a living, breathing thing. 39 00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:56,119 So, what was that number you gave us five minutes ago? 40 00:01:56,158 --> 00:01:58,368 That is a listing price that I think will put us 41 00:01:58,410 --> 00:02:00,700 in a very positive position. I suspect we'll get 42 00:02:00,746 --> 00:02:03,706 several offers above that, but, well, wait and see. 43 00:02:04,110 --> 00:02:05,289 So, 44 00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:07,794 is there anything else that I need to know? 45 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,955 - Mmm. No. - Mmm. No. Nothing. No. 46 00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,506 - No, I-I-I don't... - Sounds great. 47 00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:14,469 I don't think so, no. 48 00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:17,545 These older houses often have, uh, 49 00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,426 features and quirks that could impact 50 00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:22,143 the potential sales price and days on market. 51 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:24,394 Now, if this is the case, 52 00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:26,146 we are very good at managing these things, 53 00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:28,358 but now is the time to tell us. 54 00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:30,858 Did you tell him about the antichrist next door? 55 00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:33,031 - Daria. - He needs to know. 56 00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,158 The Masseys. 57 00:02:36,385 --> 00:02:37,925 Our neighbors from hell. 58 00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,742 Unreasonable neighbors aren't that... 59 00:02:44,218 --> 00:02:45,537 unusual. 60 00:02:45,548 --> 00:02:47,008 Unreasonable? 61 00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:49,094 They've been a problem since we moved in. 62 00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:50,627 We've tried to be good neighbors. 63 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,211 Ask anyone else on the block. 64 00:02:52,428 --> 00:02:55,138 - But with the Masseys? - If they find out we're selling, 65 00:02:55,766 --> 00:02:57,090 they'll try to sabotage us. 66 00:02:57,101 --> 00:03:00,221 Badmouth us. Scare away the buyers. 67 00:03:00,285 --> 00:03:02,825 Who wants to live next to murderous psychopaths? 68 00:03:02,836 --> 00:03:04,506 We generally try and keep those bullet points 69 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:06,267 out of the marketing materials. 70 00:03:07,368 --> 00:03:08,918 What can we do? 71 00:03:09,009 --> 00:03:10,897 Well, generally, I like to head off the problem 72 00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:13,031 by reaching out first; Create goodwill. 73 00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:15,488 Goodwill? Good luck. 74 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:18,619 You'd be surprised what a properly deployed muffin basket 75 00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:20,827 can achieve. Now, are you done with this? 76 00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,527 Nice landscaping. 77 00:03:31,538 --> 00:03:33,378 Least they keep the property up. 78 00:03:33,422 --> 00:03:35,842 That's what they always say about axe murderers: 79 00:03:36,377 --> 00:03:38,716 "Gee, what a surprise. 80 00:03:38,727 --> 00:03:41,477 They took such good care of their yard." 81 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,137 Hm. 82 00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,114 Hey! 83 00:03:58,226 --> 00:03:59,766 Nice greenery. 84 00:03:59,871 --> 00:04:01,411 Aren't they? 85 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:05,701 [SCORE FADES OUT] 86 00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,156 So, should be an easy one. A normie. 87 00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:10,786 Hm. Just like Susan suggested. 88 00:04:11,521 --> 00:04:13,071 [LUKE SIGHS] 89 00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,548 We've always welcomed every client, 90 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,919 regardless of their degree of metaphysical engagement, 91 00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:19,876 so the Hasans should be pretty simple. 92 00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,676 Open, show, closing. 93 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,760 But their neighbors have got them really spooked. 94 00:04:24,933 --> 00:04:26,973 Perhaps it's just bad chemistry. 95 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:31,024 Maybe, but, Phil, when you do the HCP at the Hasan house... 96 00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:33,192 I'll check the Massey place, too. 97 00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:35,281 Maybe they're just too alike? 98 00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,897 I mean, suburbia rots everyone's brain sooner or later. 99 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,614 The Hasans have lived there for eight years. 100 00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:42,164 They never had problems with anyone else, or so they say. 101 00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,409 August, I want you in there sooner than later. 102 00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,575 Hasans don't seem like the type to make this up, but... 103 00:04:46,586 --> 00:04:49,956 There was a fascinating study done on Norwegian rats 104 00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:52,294 - [PHONE BUZZING] - ... living in close proximity... 105 00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,917 Tarik? We were just talking about you. 106 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,501 [DRAMATIC SCORE] 107 00:04:58,605 --> 00:04:59,720 What? 108 00:05:02,573 --> 00:05:04,333 Okay... 109 00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,257 you're gonna have to believe us now. 110 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,426 I can't believe a normal person would... 111 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,895 Go all Ozzy Osbourne and then drop it on our doorstep? 112 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,815 I told you, these people are sick. 113 00:05:14,020 --> 00:05:15,429 - [MINA GASPS] - [TENSE SCORE] 114 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,360 I can't take this anymore. 115 00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,149 - [GASPS] - You don't have to. 116 00:05:21,071 --> 00:05:23,031 Tarik, this really isn't the time 117 00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:24,913 to get into an altercation with these people. 118 00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:29,826 [TARIK] Massey! 119 00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:31,411 [FOOTSTEPS RECEDING] 120 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,496 Massey, you cowardly pile of puke! 121 00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:36,633 Come out and face me! Massey! 122 00:05:36,967 --> 00:05:38,920 And don't just send out your freakishly tall wife 123 00:05:38,964 --> 00:05:41,384 to fight your battles! I want a piece of you! 124 00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,684 - Man, dial it down a little. - [DOOR OPENS] 125 00:05:43,970 --> 00:05:45,548 What'd you say about my wife? 126 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,049 I don't think that he meant anything. 127 00:05:47,060 --> 00:05:49,296 She's tall! Freakishly tall! 128 00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:50,887 Abnormally tall! 129 00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:53,071 - You take that back. - Or what? 130 00:05:53,082 --> 00:05:54,962 You gonna unleash Slenderwoman on me? 131 00:05:54,973 --> 00:05:56,804 I'm gonna do some unleashing, all right. 132 00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:58,945 - [DOG BARKING] - What kind of a sicko 133 00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:01,444 rips the head off a bird and puts it on someone's porch? 134 00:06:01,455 --> 00:06:02,825 The kind of sicko who's tired of getting 135 00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:04,454 a midnight suntan, that's who! 136 00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:07,715 - My porch light, my rules! - Tariq, put down the rock. 137 00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,914 My dog! Your ass! How about that? 138 00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:13,083 - Mr. Massey, put down the dog. - Whoa-ho-ho. 139 00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:16,503 And a shadow covers the land as the 50-foot woman attacks. 140 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,593 Eat a heaping bowl of shit, Hasan! 141 00:06:18,744 --> 00:06:20,798 You bird dismemberer! 142 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,089 - You're insane! - You're a sociopath! 143 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:26,013 - You're neighbors! - Come get your bird, Massey. 144 00:06:26,024 --> 00:06:28,524 Okay. Go get 'em, Buttercup! 145 00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:30,137 - Go on! - No! 146 00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:31,721 [DOG BARKING] 147 00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:35,350 - [MINA CRYING IN FEAR] - [DOG GROWLING] 148 00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:40,900 [MASSEY AND RENATA LAUGHING] 149 00:06:41,310 --> 00:06:42,992 Hope he saved me a drumstick. 150 00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:44,276 Hm. 151 00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:45,861 - [SCORE FADES OUT] - [BIRDS CHIRPING] 152 00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:49,201 [RENATA] The irony is I'm only five-nine. 153 00:06:49,393 --> 00:06:50,872 In heels. 154 00:06:50,883 --> 00:06:52,973 You always had this kind of, um... 155 00:06:53,605 --> 00:06:55,096 tension between you? 156 00:06:55,107 --> 00:06:57,197 Tension? They made our lives 157 00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:58,838 a living hell ever since we moved in. 158 00:06:59,105 --> 00:07:01,377 - Thought you were here first? - Oh! 159 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,971 Look. Look at the things they do. 160 00:07:10,841 --> 00:07:12,671 It's a little hard to make out. 161 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,852 Yeah, that's because of their goddam porchlight. 162 00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:17,483 Thing's gotta be like a 100 jillion lumens. 163 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,400 It shines right into our bedroom all night. 164 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,359 Well, did you talk to them about it? 165 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:24,569 Yeah. They suggested something involving a place 166 00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:27,281 where the sun doesn't shine. It was hurtful. 167 00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:28,952 Yeah, that's not even the worst of it. 168 00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:30,823 Here, look at this. 169 00:07:32,513 --> 00:07:33,782 - Does that say... ? - Yeah! 170 00:07:33,793 --> 00:07:35,081 - The 'f word'. - Son of a bitch 171 00:07:35,092 --> 00:07:37,392 snuck onto our property at night and wrote it in huge letters 172 00:07:37,403 --> 00:07:39,490 with a fertilizer spreader on our front lawn. 173 00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:42,091 We had to mow every few days to keep it from growing taller 174 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:43,958 and corrupting young people. 175 00:07:43,969 --> 00:07:46,929 Well, you did pin a note to their door with a knife. 176 00:07:47,182 --> 00:07:48,874 - [DRAMATIC SCORE] - Have you seen their hedges? 177 00:07:49,041 --> 00:07:51,030 They look like the lead singer from... 178 00:07:51,041 --> 00:07:52,628 - What's the name of that band? - The Melvins. 179 00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:55,099 The Melvins! And they refuse to trim 'em! 180 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,691 You know how something like that can affect property values! 181 00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:00,475 Okay. 182 00:08:01,308 --> 00:08:03,359 Look, you seem okay for a real estate guy. 183 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:06,190 And if you sell the house, we'll be glad to see them go. 184 00:08:06,302 --> 00:08:08,752 But... there's no goddamn way 185 00:08:08,775 --> 00:08:10,437 that we are gonna help them do anything. 186 00:08:10,612 --> 00:08:12,142 You mark my words: 187 00:08:12,153 --> 00:08:14,733 If we ever turn up dead and headless, bleeding out 188 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:17,544 on the porch like that poor bird Buttercup got hold of, 189 00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,500 you'll know the Hasans did it. 190 00:08:24,456 --> 00:08:25,572 Well, 191 00:08:26,974 --> 00:08:28,764 meanwhile, enjoy the muffins. 192 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,259 - [PENSIVE SCORE] - [AUGUST] Quitting? Already? 193 00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:37,226 Well, you've only been a real estate agent 194 00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:38,847 for a few days. 195 00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:41,813 You closed the Dunn-Herberts when no one else could. 196 00:08:42,082 --> 00:08:44,905 Yeah. And then I went home and took a 45-minute shower 197 00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:47,651 to wash off the filmy residue of capitalism. 198 00:08:48,379 --> 00:08:49,919 It's called growing up. 199 00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:52,730 No, this was called selling out. 200 00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:55,241 And I just don't think that it's right for me. 201 00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:58,084 But I also don't want to let Luke down either. 202 00:08:58,327 --> 00:09:00,711 It's fine to wander when you're young. 203 00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:02,289 Noble, even. 204 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,916 But one must eventually choose a path 205 00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:06,501 and follow it to the end 206 00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:10,628 because old wanderers lack direction, purpose. 207 00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:14,598 - And they often pee outdoors. - [ELEVATOR ARRIVING CHIME] 208 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,095 Ew. 209 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,680 [SCORE FADES OUT] 210 00:09:21,083 --> 00:09:22,623 Hi. May I help you? 211 00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,767 Oh, I'm-I'm looking for Phil Orley. 212 00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:27,074 - May I say who is here? - [SCOFFS] 213 00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:29,238 - [ELEVATOR ARRIVING CHIME] - Philly can't possibly be 214 00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:31,647 important enough to merit this level of screening. 215 00:09:32,201 --> 00:09:34,690 [CHUCKLE] Oh, Philly. 216 00:09:34,701 --> 00:09:37,285 Hey, Philly. Que pasa? 217 00:09:37,296 --> 00:09:39,623 - Abby! - [SIGHS] 218 00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,872 Wh-what are you doing here? Is everything okay? 219 00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:44,539 Everything's fine. I was just about to 220 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:47,004 submit a blood sample to your secretary here. 221 00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:49,015 [CHUCKLE] It's not too late. 222 00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:50,797 This is Zooey, our newest agent. 223 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,930 Zooey, my big sister, Abby. 224 00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:56,469 - Charmed. - Mm. 225 00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:58,063 Okay, come on. 226 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,891 So, Abs, not that this isn't a treat, but what's up? 227 00:10:04,410 --> 00:10:05,557 I was in town and wondered 228 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,555 if you and Anthony were free for dinner. 229 00:10:07,566 --> 00:10:09,116 In town for what? 230 00:10:09,244 --> 00:10:11,574 To take you and Anthony for dinner. 231 00:10:11,721 --> 00:10:13,490 I was taking care of some paperwork 232 00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:15,780 from mom and dad's estate... you're welcome... 233 00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,454 and thought what a great excuse to visit 234 00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:19,492 my third-favorite little brother. 235 00:10:19,796 --> 00:10:21,116 Play your cards right and that 236 00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,962 second-favorite slot might even open up. 237 00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:25,997 Okay, well, I'll have to check with Anthony. He's really busy... 238 00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,592 How 'bout that place we all went to last Christmas? 239 00:10:29,056 --> 00:10:32,356 - Fremonts? - Fremonts. Tomorrow night? 7:00? 240 00:10:32,908 --> 00:10:35,547 Abby, I've got a ton of work on my plate right now. I don't... 241 00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,303 I know you're so busy and important. 242 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,885 Let's make it 7:30. 243 00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:42,521 Give this a quick look. We'll talk at dinner. 244 00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:45,807 - Bye. - [PHIL SIGHS] 245 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,110 - [ELEVATOR CALL DING] - [ELEVATOR DOORS OPEN] 246 00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,993 My big sister, ladies and gentlemen. 247 00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:58,570 - Yeah, I'm not sure I like her. - Oh, me neither. 248 00:10:58,909 --> 00:11:00,909 Luke wanted you to call him, by the way. 249 00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:03,156 Okay. 250 00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:04,754 Philly. 251 00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:07,630 I hate to say it, but the records look clean. 252 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,207 Property line has stayed the same since it was farmland. 253 00:11:10,559 --> 00:11:12,109 Well, how long have they been there? 254 00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:14,092 That's gonna take a deeper dive. 255 00:11:14,352 --> 00:11:17,012 Farm bureau records, folklore, anecdotals... 256 00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:18,891 Well, these houses have been here a while. 257 00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:21,178 See if you can track down who lived here before. 258 00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,432 - I love a challenge. - Hm. 259 00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:25,274 - [PENSIVE SCORE] - [CALL DISCONNECTING CLICK] 260 00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:26,850 [BIRDS CHIRPING] 261 00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:30,690 [DOORBELL CHIMES] 262 00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:34,191 Good news is it's a great house at a reasonable price point. 263 00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,275 - [SCORE FADES OUT] - The buyers should be lined up. 264 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,155 I think we know the bad news already. 265 00:11:39,443 --> 00:11:40,983 They live next door. 266 00:11:40,994 --> 00:11:42,704 Honestly, I have to tell you, 267 00:11:42,806 --> 00:11:44,115 I spoke with them and they were... 268 00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:47,462 - Don't say it! - Reasonable. Even nice. 269 00:11:47,805 --> 00:11:48,917 You were here! 270 00:11:48,928 --> 00:11:51,414 Did you not see the decapitated bird? 271 00:11:51,425 --> 00:11:52,924 They told me their dog did that. 272 00:11:52,975 --> 00:11:54,645 And you believed them? 273 00:11:54,656 --> 00:11:56,196 Honestly, I don't know who to believe. 274 00:11:56,290 --> 00:11:58,500 You did some kind of extreme stuff to them, too. 275 00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:01,050 He showed you the lawn. 276 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,261 You're not exactly innocents here. 277 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,555 Then maybe we need to find new representation. 278 00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,812 - Mm-hm. - You'd fire us? 279 00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:12,937 Wow, that is wildly unprecedented 280 00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:15,442 and certainly your prerogative, but my solution 281 00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,705 would be to sell your house as quickly as possible 282 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,447 for the most amount of money possible 283 00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:22,239 and put some space between you and the Masseys 284 00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,453 before you develop a nuclear program. 285 00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:26,044 [PENSIVE SCORE] 286 00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,711 We have that block party coming up. 287 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,380 A lot of people come to that. 288 00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,128 Great! Everybody loves a block party. 289 00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:36,670 Gives people a real chance to get a feel for the neighborhood, 290 00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:40,014 see how well everybody gets along. 291 00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,431 If it'll get us out of here faster, 292 00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,179 we'll fake it. 293 00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:47,774 That is all I want to hear! 294 00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:54,356 Look, you don't need to love them. 295 00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:56,109 Just don't attack them for a while. 296 00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:58,608 We'll try. 297 00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:01,204 And maybe turn off that porch light 298 00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:03,279 that burns like a thousand suns? 299 00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,406 We'll see. 300 00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,659 There you go. Peace in our time. 301 00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:13,456 [SCORE TURNS DARKER] 302 00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,341 Your greatest advantage is that you live 303 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:18,920 in a highly desirable neighborhood 304 00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,885 and no other inventory is available here. 305 00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:22,795 - You get to set the market and... - [HAMMERING] 306 00:13:30,101 --> 00:13:31,641 This means war. 307 00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:35,478 [SCORE FADES OUT] 308 00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,896 [PHIL] I really appreciate you coming in, Mr. Flynn. 309 00:13:41,907 --> 00:13:44,134 Oh, my office is just around the corner. 310 00:13:44,145 --> 00:13:47,623 Great. So, you used to live at 4 Sotherfield Lane, right? 311 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,250 Next door to Rowan and Renata Massey? 312 00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:52,117 - Ohh... They were the worst. - [UNSETTLING SCORE] 313 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,255 - How so? - Arguments. 314 00:13:54,429 --> 00:13:56,389 Noisy. Nasty. 315 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:57,950 All the time... endless. 316 00:13:58,118 --> 00:13:59,658 About what? 317 00:14:00,849 --> 00:14:03,229 You know, neighbor stuff. 318 00:14:04,791 --> 00:14:06,341 Anything specific? 319 00:14:12,072 --> 00:14:14,032 They killed my cat! 320 00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:16,957 - Excuse me? - They put out a bowl of 321 00:14:16,967 --> 00:14:18,857 antifreeze and poisoned my cat! 322 00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,359 - That's dark. - Weird. 323 00:14:23,237 --> 00:14:24,907 I forgot it until just now. 324 00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,696 - Hey. - [BRITISH ACCENT] Yeah? 325 00:14:32,701 --> 00:14:33,945 - You work for Rita. - [PLAYFUL SCORE] 326 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:36,036 I'm her assistant. 327 00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,884 Hm. 328 00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:40,835 [DOOR OPENING] 329 00:14:41,651 --> 00:14:43,491 [DOOR CLOSING] 330 00:14:46,810 --> 00:14:50,070 Hey! You never mentioned you were thinking about selling. 331 00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:51,938 Oh, we been thinking about it for a while. 332 00:14:51,949 --> 00:14:53,590 You know, we got the nicer house 333 00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:56,061 and we're empirically better people, 334 00:14:56,072 --> 00:14:58,916 so why let them set the market, you know? 335 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,942 Luke! So nice to see you. 336 00:15:02,897 --> 00:15:04,817 I'm afraid this house is a... 337 00:15:04,828 --> 00:15:06,628 tiny bit out of your price range, 338 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:09,699 but maybe we can help you find a nice haunted amusement park, 339 00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,292 or something. 340 00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,745 - Can I have a word? - Hm. 341 00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:20,089 Look who's over there. 342 00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:22,588 Listen, Rita, there is something going on 343 00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,260 between these neighbors. 344 00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:26,048 A little friction between neighbors? 345 00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:27,682 Happens all the time. 346 00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:29,638 - [HASAN] You piece of crap! - [EDGY SCORE] 347 00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:31,219 [UNINTELLIGIBLE YELLING] 348 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,934 You had to horn in on our actions! 349 00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:35,064 We have every right to expose it to the open market, 350 00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,941 - just the same as you! - Swear to God, you better not... 351 00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:40,859 That cow meant everything to us and you took her for your own! 352 00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:43,188 The cow wandered onto our land! 353 00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:45,154 You were trying to claim him! 354 00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:46,824 ... whole crop of sorghum! 355 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,913 We will have nothing for the rest of the season. 356 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:51,908 - Don't dare tell me what to do! - I'll bite them off your hand! 357 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,871 - Tarik! - I've had enough of you, buddy! 358 00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:56,832 Tarik! 359 00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:00,504 Remember what we talked about? 360 00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:04,168 Back in the house. 361 00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:07,551 - This isn't over! Swear to God! - No, it's not over, 362 00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:09,512 because you're not lying in a pool of blood! 363 00:16:09,552 --> 00:16:12,012 - Hey! - Not yet! Not yet! 364 00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,604 No, come on! 365 00:16:14,626 --> 00:16:16,666 So, a little friction, you say? 366 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,450 Did you hear what they were screaming about? 367 00:16:19,461 --> 00:16:22,711 Uh, I dunno. Something about a cow? 368 00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:26,649 [PAPER RUSTLING] 369 00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:28,244 [SCORE FADES OUT] 370 00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:32,280 [ELEVATOR ARRIVING CHIME] 371 00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:36,252 [SLAMS PAPER ONTO DESK] 372 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:40,456 Hey. I got your text. I'm working tonight so... 373 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,380 You are not gonna believe this. 374 00:16:42,705 --> 00:16:45,285 It's Abigail. I might. 375 00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:48,551 This is an affidavit of posthumous variation, 376 00:16:48,591 --> 00:16:50,801 which is a precursor to post-probate allocation, 377 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,763 - which means... - Whoa, whoa, whoa! 378 00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:54,353 Start at the beginning. 379 00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:56,348 [DEEP SIGH] 380 00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:59,140 My parents were super involved in our parish church, 381 00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:01,275 my whole life. You know this. 382 00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:03,692 So they always told us, "When we're gone, 383 00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:06,071 everything's split between you kids except for 384 00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:08,438 this one piece of land. That's for the church." 385 00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:11,106 Like, to build a church, or... ? 386 00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:13,235 Who cares? It's a couple acres of dirt and weeds 387 00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:14,952 that I don't think Jesus could find 388 00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:16,952 without the GPS coordinates. 389 00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:18,544 - And yet? - And yet, 390 00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:20,909 when my mom passed it never came up. 391 00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,461 I just assumed that it was specified in the will 392 00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:25,041 and then handed over. 393 00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:27,835 - [GENTLE SCORE] - Apparently not. 394 00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:31,052 It's gone to us kids with the rest of the estate. 395 00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:33,549 So, it's ours now? 396 00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:36,434 Our summer place to graze the ponies 397 00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:38,602 and let the corgis run free? 398 00:17:39,628 --> 00:17:43,918 Abigail says that we should donate it to the church now. 399 00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:45,889 That's what these forms are for. 400 00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:47,775 See, you know, 401 00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:49,397 that's what kills me about Abigail! 402 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,202 She doesn't have the decency to forge my name 403 00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:54,238 and do this deal quietly. No! 404 00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:56,492 She has to ambush me and-and-and 405 00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:58,624 knowing perfectly well that, given enough time, 406 00:17:58,661 --> 00:18:01,751 not only am I going to say no, but hell, no. 407 00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:04,919 Your relationship with your sister is... complicated. 408 00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:07,959 She was always the favorite, the-the good one. 409 00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:11,174 It took a big gesture of me becoming a priest to pull ahead. 410 00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:13,591 Sort of a Hail Mary. 411 00:18:17,994 --> 00:18:19,534 Do you want to keep the land? 412 00:18:19,726 --> 00:18:21,276 No. I mean... 413 00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:24,392 What-what would we do with it? 414 00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:27,059 That's not-that's not the point! The... 415 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,776 The point is... she's asking me. 416 00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:32,191 Me! 417 00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:34,356 To give something that... with a not-insignificant 418 00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:36,075 dollar value to the church. 419 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,326 The same church that chose to model 420 00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:42,247 the tolerant ministry of Christ by tossing me out the narthex! 421 00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:45,288 I'm not good enough, but my inheritance is? No! No. 422 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:48,173 Okay, great, simple. 423 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,998 - Simple? - Just tell Abby 424 00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,587 what you just told me. 425 00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:56,385 Yes. 426 00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:59,014 No. 427 00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:00,895 Hell, no. 428 00:19:02,740 --> 00:19:04,140 Hell, no. 429 00:19:04,185 --> 00:19:05,735 [EXCITED CHILDREN'S VOICES] 430 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,690 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] 431 00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:15,204 [CHILDREN SHRIEKING EXCITEDLY AND LAUGHING] 432 00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:20,833 Now that is marketing. 433 00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:23,078 Oh, yeah. Kids at a grade-school rager 434 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:25,000 are known for their brand loyalty. 435 00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:28,457 I'm going to mingle. 436 00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,210 [SCORE FADES OUT] 437 00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:34,921 Hey. 438 00:19:35,219 --> 00:19:36,719 I'm Alvin. 439 00:19:37,612 --> 00:19:39,702 I-I work for Rita Weiss. 440 00:19:39,820 --> 00:19:41,900 Oh. Thoughts and prayers, Alvin. 441 00:19:42,212 --> 00:19:44,347 [LAUGHS] You're with Roman, right? 442 00:19:44,358 --> 00:19:46,358 - Mm-hm. - What's that like? 443 00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,439 It's okay. Most of the time. 444 00:19:48,712 --> 00:19:51,502 I ask because I hear things. 445 00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:53,479 What kind of things? 446 00:19:53,685 --> 00:19:55,225 Like, 447 00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:58,028 you made a pact with the devil that so you could move people 448 00:19:58,072 --> 00:20:00,322 into different houses so that he could eat their souls. 449 00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:02,026 [LAUGHING] Oh... 450 00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:04,286 Yeah, yeah. I can confirm that. 451 00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:07,870 - Oh! - [LAUGHS] 452 00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:11,132 - You had me there. - Did I? 453 00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:16,423 - Well, I better get back. - Gotta make sure 454 00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:18,585 nobody gets in there with, you know, sharp objects. 455 00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:21,094 We'll lose the deposit. Yeah-ha. Yeah. 456 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:25,181 - [CHILDREN LAUGHING EXCITEDLY] - Thank you for your service. 457 00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:34,316 Wish you'd thought of it, right? 458 00:20:34,671 --> 00:20:38,551 Yeah! The next pre-qualified toddlers to come by are yours. 459 00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:40,856 Listen, we talked to some of the people who lived 460 00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:43,236 in these houses before the Hasans and Masseys. 461 00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:44,914 [PENSIVE SCORE] 462 00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:46,622 - And? - Let's just say 463 00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:48,372 there's a history of violence. 464 00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:51,084 We need to close these places before they murder each other. 465 00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:53,207 [SIGH] 466 00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:55,668 [TENSE SCORE] 467 00:21:00,847 --> 00:21:02,397 [RENATA] This is a great idea. 468 00:21:04,138 --> 00:21:05,678 [UNINTELLIGIBLE] 469 00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:07,638 [HASAN] There you go. 470 00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:13,148 [DRAMATIC BOOM, RUMBLE] 471 00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:18,609 [KNIFE HITTING CUTTING BOARD LOUDLY] 472 00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:21,360 [UNINTELLIGIBLE] 473 00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,071 - Hi. - Oh! 474 00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:25,656 - Here we go! - [PATS STOOL] 475 00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:29,411 [SINISTER SCORE] 476 00:21:48,011 --> 00:21:49,561 [DRAMATIC BOOM] 477 00:21:53,604 --> 00:21:55,154 [THUD] 478 00:21:59,372 --> 00:22:02,132 - [BLADE RINGS] - [WOMAN EXCLAIMS] 479 00:22:02,822 --> 00:22:05,322 - [RENATA] Oops. - Oh! 480 00:22:07,368 --> 00:22:09,238 - [FOOT THUDDING ON LEG] - Oh! 481 00:22:10,079 --> 00:22:11,619 [TENSE SCORE] 482 00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:13,142 [GRUNTING] 483 00:22:13,153 --> 00:22:15,323 - [LUKE] Tariq! Rowan! - [YELLING] 484 00:22:16,377 --> 00:22:18,667 - [LAUGHING] - [GRUNTS] 485 00:22:19,087 --> 00:22:20,262 Ah! 486 00:22:21,131 --> 00:22:22,801 - [SQUELCH] - Ahh! 487 00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:25,762 - [SQUELCH] - [GRUNT] 488 00:22:26,428 --> 00:22:28,428 - [DRAMATIC SCORE] - No. 489 00:22:30,099 --> 00:22:31,849 - [DRAMATIC BOOM] - Ahh! 490 00:22:33,394 --> 00:22:34,854 - [POP] - [AIR HISSING] 491 00:22:34,895 --> 00:22:36,475 [EXCLAMATIONS] 492 00:22:36,522 --> 00:22:38,072 [BOTH GRUNTING] 493 00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:45,741 Ah, ah! 494 00:22:46,490 --> 00:22:49,740 [GRUNTING, GROANING] 495 00:22:49,785 --> 00:22:51,325 [THUD] 496 00:22:52,227 --> 00:22:54,737 - [GRUNTS, GROANS] - Stay! 497 00:22:54,930 --> 00:22:56,656 - Hey, are you okay? - I am. 498 00:22:56,667 --> 00:22:58,207 But this is getting out of control. 499 00:22:59,086 --> 00:23:00,626 Well, this is a mess. 500 00:23:00,671 --> 00:23:03,051 Where's that useless assistant of mine? 501 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,340 Oh, no, no, no, no. 502 00:23:06,385 --> 00:23:07,925 [RUBBER CASTLE CRINKLING] 503 00:23:08,679 --> 00:23:10,429 - [ZOOEY GASPS] - [DRAMATIC BOOM] 504 00:23:13,267 --> 00:23:14,807 Alvin bounced. 505 00:23:15,477 --> 00:23:17,017 [SCORE FADES OUT] 506 00:23:20,649 --> 00:23:22,279 [LOUD AMBULANCE HORN] 507 00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:24,900 - [SIREN WAILS] - [DRAMATIC SCORE] 508 00:23:28,032 --> 00:23:30,162 Well, guess who's picking up her own dry cleaning 509 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:31,830 for the rest of the week. 510 00:23:31,869 --> 00:23:33,409 He got knifed, Rita... 511 00:23:34,263 --> 00:23:35,803 and you don't even care! 512 00:23:37,291 --> 00:23:38,831 This has gone too far. 513 00:23:38,876 --> 00:23:41,336 - Oh, relax. - Nobody's pressing any charges. 514 00:23:41,378 --> 00:23:42,958 A stitch here, a tetanus shot there. 515 00:23:43,005 --> 00:23:44,765 No, we are gonna get on top of this thing. 516 00:23:44,798 --> 00:23:46,468 I'm gonna do a deep dive into the Hasans 517 00:23:46,508 --> 00:23:49,678 and I need your go ahead to do the same at the Masseys. 518 00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,300 Your people in my listing? 519 00:23:52,190 --> 00:23:54,978 We're never going to sell these places until we settle this. 520 00:23:54,989 --> 00:23:58,739 From a pure greed perspective, can't see how you can refuse. 521 00:24:01,231 --> 00:24:02,771 Well, when you put it that way. 522 00:24:07,571 --> 00:24:09,111 [SCORE FADES OUT] 523 00:24:09,156 --> 00:24:12,826 No area in the home is particularly active? 524 00:24:12,868 --> 00:24:15,538 I mean, it's mostly around that side, 525 00:24:15,579 --> 00:24:17,159 closest to them. 526 00:24:17,206 --> 00:24:18,746 [TENSE SCORE] 527 00:24:19,750 --> 00:24:22,630 Any odd sounds at night? 528 00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:25,862 No. Well, rats. 529 00:24:25,873 --> 00:24:27,666 [DRAMATIC BOOM] 530 00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:30,046 - Rats? - The Masseys throw dinner scraps 531 00:24:30,094 --> 00:24:32,054 into our yard almost every night. 532 00:24:32,262 --> 00:24:35,302 That brought raccoons. And then the rats came. 533 00:24:36,094 --> 00:24:37,606 That's despicable. 534 00:24:37,893 --> 00:24:40,153 It was his first gig as altar boy. 535 00:24:40,187 --> 00:24:41,897 - [PHIL] Mm. - And the cassock was 536 00:24:41,939 --> 00:24:43,479 a little too long. 537 00:24:43,524 --> 00:24:45,574 - [CHUCKLING] Oh. - Ethan tripped. 538 00:24:45,609 --> 00:24:47,189 - Mm. - Whoow! 539 00:24:47,236 --> 00:24:49,566 Body of Christ all over the place. 540 00:24:49,613 --> 00:24:51,203 He was devastated. 541 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:53,200 He was so worried Jesus would be mad at him. 542 00:24:54,137 --> 00:24:55,330 I know that feeling. 543 00:24:55,341 --> 00:24:57,860 Oh, he reminds me so much of you at that age. 544 00:24:57,871 --> 00:24:59,371 So innocent. 545 00:25:01,811 --> 00:25:03,311 [APPROVING TONE] Mm. 546 00:25:03,322 --> 00:25:05,417 Ruggedly handsome, just like his uncle. 547 00:25:05,462 --> 00:25:07,882 - Yeah. - [PHIL CHUCKLES] 548 00:25:07,923 --> 00:25:09,593 - He's a good boy. - Yeah. 549 00:25:09,633 --> 00:25:11,223 Obeys his parents. 550 00:25:12,636 --> 00:25:16,256 And so we segue gracefully into the business of the day. 551 00:25:16,684 --> 00:25:19,056 You knew mom wanted to give that land to the church. 552 00:25:19,114 --> 00:25:20,664 How could I not? 553 00:25:20,675 --> 00:25:23,136 Every festive dinner over the last four years of her life 554 00:25:23,147 --> 00:25:27,277 included a dry run of mother's post-mortem wish list. 555 00:25:27,317 --> 00:25:29,777 And she wondered why the desserts weren't moving. 556 00:25:29,820 --> 00:25:31,400 [CHUCKLES] 557 00:25:32,156 --> 00:25:33,866 But here's the thing, Abs... 558 00:25:34,491 --> 00:25:36,081 back then it was... 559 00:25:36,877 --> 00:25:38,427 it was abstract. 560 00:25:38,654 --> 00:25:41,074 And back then you were a priest. 561 00:25:41,498 --> 00:25:43,038 Yeah. 562 00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:45,090 O-okay, sure, but... 563 00:25:46,283 --> 00:25:48,903 Now? Now it's real. 564 00:25:49,419 --> 00:25:52,716 And now you're a gay guy who sells real estate. 565 00:25:53,179 --> 00:25:55,470 Yeah, and I feel pretty good about both, if it matters. 566 00:25:55,512 --> 00:25:58,392 - Yeah, it matters. - Of course it matters a lot. 567 00:25:59,141 --> 00:26:00,641 But while your world has turned, 568 00:26:00,684 --> 00:26:03,314 like, a thousand times, Mom's hasn't. 569 00:26:03,353 --> 00:26:05,277 Dying will do that to a person. 570 00:26:05,288 --> 00:26:07,349 It's a shitty two acres of nothing. 571 00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:08,870 Why do you even care? 572 00:26:09,818 --> 00:26:12,488 I care because you made it personal. 573 00:26:12,529 --> 00:26:13,758 [TENDER SCORE] 574 00:26:13,769 --> 00:26:16,995 Before it was something that just happened, like... 575 00:26:17,133 --> 00:26:19,723 February, or rickets, or the playoffs 576 00:26:19,734 --> 00:26:22,234 and all I could say was, "Well, that happened." 577 00:26:22,372 --> 00:26:24,832 But now you're making me sign off on it. 578 00:26:24,875 --> 00:26:26,925 Endorse it. And it pisses me off! 579 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,130 Do you have any idea how much you hurt her... 580 00:26:29,171 --> 00:26:31,131 - Oh. - ... when you left the church? 581 00:26:31,293 --> 00:26:33,553 Every time one of her friends asked about 582 00:26:34,009 --> 00:26:37,299 her son, the priest... she had to correct them. 583 00:26:37,346 --> 00:26:40,136 - Yeah. She didn't have to. - Yes she did. Phil... 584 00:26:40,724 --> 00:26:42,274 Come on! You knew mom. 585 00:26:43,060 --> 00:26:44,810 She did... 586 00:26:44,853 --> 00:26:46,403 and her heart broke. 587 00:26:47,314 --> 00:26:49,194 Yeah. 588 00:26:49,233 --> 00:26:51,153 I know that feeling, too. 589 00:26:55,697 --> 00:26:57,487 [SIGHS] 590 00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:02,580 Mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm. 591 00:27:04,897 --> 00:27:05,941 [CHAIR DROPS] 592 00:27:05,952 --> 00:27:09,742 You know what? Let's just try it back over by the shelves again. 593 00:27:09,753 --> 00:27:12,173 You know, I find myself envying Alvin 594 00:27:12,214 --> 00:27:14,884 and his reliable morphine drip. 595 00:27:14,925 --> 00:27:17,225 Ooh, you're a smart one. 596 00:27:17,469 --> 00:27:19,059 Yeah, I'm a genius. 597 00:27:19,070 --> 00:27:21,347 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 598 00:27:21,390 --> 00:27:24,520 You recognize the ultimate futility of it all. 599 00:27:25,018 --> 00:27:27,398 The trick is to identify what we can change 600 00:27:27,437 --> 00:27:31,227 and what we can't. We can move a coffee table. 601 00:27:31,275 --> 00:27:32,905 We can't force a lender 602 00:27:32,943 --> 00:27:36,783 to prequalify a buyer with insufficient income. 603 00:27:37,447 --> 00:27:39,027 Not legally, anyway. 604 00:27:39,074 --> 00:27:41,162 Okay, you're starting to scare me a little. 605 00:27:41,173 --> 00:27:42,868 That's real estate, kitten. 606 00:27:44,321 --> 00:27:45,871 Oh, Renata! Hi! 607 00:27:45,914 --> 00:27:49,004 Hi. Are you Alvin's replacement? 608 00:27:49,042 --> 00:27:52,712 - God, I hope not. - Uh, Zooey's, um... 609 00:27:52,754 --> 00:27:57,014 a special consultant here to evaluate the property. 610 00:27:57,050 --> 00:27:59,010 Yeah, I saw your R-rated lawn outside. 611 00:27:59,052 --> 00:28:01,762 God, the Hasans make it so difficult. 612 00:28:01,805 --> 00:28:03,425 See here! 613 00:28:03,473 --> 00:28:05,023 [DISQUIETING SCORE] 614 00:28:06,935 --> 00:28:08,555 Double-glazed windows. 615 00:28:08,604 --> 00:28:11,774 The Hasans play their music from midnight to six AM. 616 00:28:11,815 --> 00:28:14,605 They even put subwoofers on the ground to shake the walls. 617 00:28:14,651 --> 00:28:17,531 - They're evil people. - What kind of music? 618 00:28:17,571 --> 00:28:20,951 Show tunes; '80s TV themes; 619 00:28:21,300 --> 00:28:23,911 Hall. And. Oates. 620 00:28:23,952 --> 00:28:25,542 Monsters. 621 00:28:25,579 --> 00:28:27,459 Two o'clock in the morning and I need to be reminded 622 00:28:27,497 --> 00:28:29,417 that my kiss is on their list? 623 00:28:29,458 --> 00:28:30,998 Why do we even have prisons? 624 00:28:34,338 --> 00:28:36,628 - Just sign it. - No. 625 00:28:37,066 --> 00:28:39,933 Just no. Emphatically no. 626 00:28:39,968 --> 00:28:41,758 This land thing was their choice, 627 00:28:42,124 --> 00:28:43,303 not yours. 628 00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:45,694 You can leave your property to whoever you want! 629 00:28:45,705 --> 00:28:47,757 The Humane Society, Doctors Without Borders, 630 00:28:47,768 --> 00:28:49,478 the Broadway League Foundation. 631 00:28:49,519 --> 00:28:51,269 Leave Anthony out of this, please. 632 00:28:52,356 --> 00:28:53,896 If they wanted it so badly, 633 00:28:53,941 --> 00:28:55,941 why did they forget to have it in the will? 634 00:28:55,984 --> 00:28:58,954 This is what they wanted. Does that mean nothing to you? 635 00:28:58,987 --> 00:29:00,447 Clearly it means more to you. 636 00:29:01,770 --> 00:29:03,310 Perfect Abby. 637 00:29:03,867 --> 00:29:05,737 Always does what makes mommy happy. 638 00:29:06,370 --> 00:29:08,000 Never rocks the boat. 639 00:29:08,038 --> 00:29:09,908 [TENDER SCORE] 640 00:29:09,957 --> 00:29:11,917 You broke their hearts. 641 00:29:11,959 --> 00:29:14,789 You left the priesthood. You married a... 642 00:29:15,712 --> 00:29:18,012 A-a wonderful guy who I personally love 643 00:29:18,048 --> 00:29:20,468 and knows every lyric Stephen Sondheim ever wrote. 644 00:29:21,885 --> 00:29:23,465 And, still, you were their favorite. 645 00:29:26,636 --> 00:29:28,186 Mm-hm. 646 00:29:28,635 --> 00:29:30,135 You won. 647 00:29:31,353 --> 00:29:33,063 My third-favorite little brother. 648 00:29:34,564 --> 00:29:36,864 You went against everything they ever taught us, 649 00:29:36,900 --> 00:29:38,610 everything they ever dreamed... 650 00:29:39,987 --> 00:29:42,657 and, in the end, they loved you more, anyway. 651 00:29:45,075 --> 00:29:47,045 Yay for you, Philly. 652 00:29:47,077 --> 00:29:48,617 You won. 653 00:29:49,246 --> 00:29:50,956 [CHAIR QUIETLY SCRAPING] 654 00:29:51,271 --> 00:29:52,771 You know what? 655 00:29:53,834 --> 00:29:55,844 Sign the papers, or don't. 656 00:29:58,255 --> 00:30:00,135 You can let me know by mail. 657 00:30:01,425 --> 00:30:02,975 [FOOTSTEPS RECEDE] 658 00:30:12,425 --> 00:30:14,472 You're the boss, Luke, as always. 659 00:30:14,483 --> 00:30:17,069 But there is no sign of anything psychokinetic, 660 00:30:17,107 --> 00:30:18,687 only evil. 661 00:30:18,734 --> 00:30:20,244 So, your instruments are telling you... 662 00:30:20,277 --> 00:30:24,357 My sense of common decency tells me the Masseys 663 00:30:24,406 --> 00:30:26,366 should be sealed in a bell jar and studied! 664 00:30:27,117 --> 00:30:28,697 - [EDGY SCORE] - Hey, Zooey, what did you... 665 00:30:28,744 --> 00:30:30,584 Those people are animals! 666 00:30:30,770 --> 00:30:32,160 So, we agree. 667 00:30:32,205 --> 00:30:33,825 I don't think it's enough for the Hasans 668 00:30:33,874 --> 00:30:35,884 to just be cast into the pit of hell. 669 00:30:36,713 --> 00:30:38,045 The Hasans? 670 00:30:38,211 --> 00:30:40,921 We should set them on fire first! 671 00:30:40,932 --> 00:30:43,420 The Hasans? Innocent victims 672 00:30:43,467 --> 00:30:46,547 of the Masseys' sick, raccoon-based perversions? 673 00:30:47,304 --> 00:30:49,684 No one should be told at two o'clock in the morning 674 00:30:49,723 --> 00:30:52,893 that their kiss is on someone's list. Without consent! 675 00:30:53,336 --> 00:30:54,585 You're insane. 676 00:30:54,596 --> 00:30:56,018 Oh! You're bald! 677 00:30:56,409 --> 00:30:59,179 You wear unnecessary metal in your nose. 678 00:30:59,190 --> 00:31:00,685 - Okay. - Okay, before we say something... 679 00:31:00,734 --> 00:31:03,244 - Oh, farmer boy! - Needy girl! 680 00:31:03,278 --> 00:31:05,108 Needy? You're slipping, August! 681 00:31:05,155 --> 00:31:07,705 Why only use two syllables when six will do? 682 00:31:07,741 --> 00:31:10,371 You're a quitter! You've only been a real estate agent 683 00:31:10,410 --> 00:31:12,080 for a few days and already you want out! 684 00:31:12,662 --> 00:31:14,372 Your father should have taught you better. 685 00:31:14,414 --> 00:31:16,084 Oh, wait, you never really had a... 686 00:31:16,124 --> 00:31:17,674 - [SHARP SLAP] - Oh! 687 00:31:19,336 --> 00:31:20,916 [DRAMATIC SCORE FADES OUT] 688 00:31:23,815 --> 00:31:25,365 [GASPS] 689 00:31:27,302 --> 00:31:30,052 - [TENDER SCORE] - [ZOOEY GASPS] 690 00:31:30,097 --> 00:31:33,103 August, I am so sorry! 691 00:31:33,114 --> 00:31:34,954 Zooey... 692 00:31:35,644 --> 00:31:39,234 You mean the world to me and I cannot believe... 693 00:31:39,272 --> 00:31:40,822 I'm so sorry! 694 00:31:41,573 --> 00:31:43,113 Are you guys okay? 695 00:31:43,610 --> 00:31:45,280 How long were you inside those houses? 696 00:31:46,071 --> 00:31:47,781 - Less than three hours. - Four hours. 697 00:31:49,908 --> 00:31:53,038 But it isn't enough just to be inside the house. 698 00:31:53,995 --> 00:31:55,575 You need to confront someone 699 00:31:55,622 --> 00:31:58,372 who was recently inside the other house. 700 00:31:58,417 --> 00:32:00,497 That is when the fireworks start. 701 00:32:01,628 --> 00:32:03,798 So, what? It-it'll never end? 702 00:32:04,798 --> 00:32:08,298 People write songs and sonnets about everlasting love. 703 00:32:09,094 --> 00:32:10,644 But for true staying power... 704 00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:14,180 hate takes the taco. 705 00:32:27,946 --> 00:32:29,486 [INTRIGUING SCORE] 706 00:32:34,411 --> 00:32:35,951 [SWISH] 707 00:32:36,997 --> 00:32:38,537 [SWISH] 708 00:32:47,007 --> 00:32:48,797 - [TABLET THUDS ONTO DESK] - [PAPERS RUSTLING] 709 00:32:57,058 --> 00:32:58,598 A cow. 710 00:32:59,853 --> 00:33:01,403 Damn cow. 711 00:33:02,771 --> 00:33:04,311 I hope you're right. 712 00:33:04,483 --> 00:33:07,073 Phil... make it fast. 713 00:33:07,110 --> 00:33:08,650 I'm minutes away. 714 00:33:09,654 --> 00:33:11,204 [EDGY SCORE] 715 00:33:16,161 --> 00:33:17,701 [WHOOSH] 716 00:33:19,247 --> 00:33:20,787 [WIND WHISTLING] 717 00:33:21,541 --> 00:33:23,081 [DRAMATIC SCORE] 718 00:33:26,463 --> 00:33:28,013 [DRAMATIC BOOM] 719 00:33:50,067 --> 00:33:51,607 [RENATA] It's on, alright. 720 00:33:52,030 --> 00:33:54,240 - Bring it! Bring it on! - [UNINTELLIGIBLE ARGUING] 721 00:33:54,282 --> 00:33:56,492 [ENGINE REVVING, TIRES SQUEALING] 722 00:33:56,535 --> 00:33:58,085 [ANGRY ARGUING CONTINUES] 723 00:33:59,412 --> 00:34:01,872 Don't do this! Don't do this! 724 00:34:02,274 --> 00:34:04,411 Ambrose! Parker! 725 00:34:06,055 --> 00:34:08,768 It's not their fault! It's a curse... a blood feud. 726 00:34:08,779 --> 00:34:11,239 - [ALL SCREAMING] - [PHIL] Listen! Listen! 727 00:34:11,767 --> 00:34:13,897 Back a 100 years ago, this was all farmland. 728 00:34:14,010 --> 00:34:15,930 - [WHOOSH] - [DRAMATIC SCORE] 729 00:34:15,971 --> 00:34:18,471 Property line in the exact same place. 730 00:34:18,685 --> 00:34:19,977 Parker had cows. 731 00:34:19,988 --> 00:34:21,908 Ambrose grew sorghum. Everybody got along. 732 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:25,310 One day one of Parker's cows got into Ambrose's crops. 733 00:34:26,034 --> 00:34:27,068 Ambrose tied him up 734 00:34:27,107 --> 00:34:29,027 intending to return him by nightfall, 735 00:34:29,067 --> 00:34:30,857 but things got busy and he forgot. 736 00:34:31,444 --> 00:34:34,614 Well, Parker saw that Ambrose had one of his cows 737 00:34:34,656 --> 00:34:35,993 and got mad as hell. 738 00:34:36,004 --> 00:34:38,158 The two men came to blows but the families split 'em up 739 00:34:38,201 --> 00:34:40,331 and sent the sons out the next day to build a fence. 740 00:34:41,567 --> 00:34:43,237 These were hotheaded farm boys 741 00:34:43,437 --> 00:34:44,987 and they started fighting. 742 00:34:45,236 --> 00:34:47,769 First with words, then with knives. 743 00:34:47,780 --> 00:34:49,370 Shovels. Axes. 744 00:34:50,547 --> 00:34:52,087 [MUFFLED AUDIO] 745 00:34:52,831 --> 00:34:54,751 It turned into a slaughter. 746 00:35:01,474 --> 00:35:03,484 They say the blood ran into the postholes. 747 00:35:07,689 --> 00:35:09,229 From that day on... 748 00:35:09,274 --> 00:35:11,614 families on either side of that fence... 749 00:35:14,446 --> 00:35:15,986 hated each other. 750 00:35:16,031 --> 00:35:17,571 [TENDER SCORE] 751 00:35:34,299 --> 00:35:35,839 [AXE THUDDING] 752 00:35:38,803 --> 00:35:40,353 [THUDDING CONTINUES] 753 00:35:57,514 --> 00:35:58,746 Ready? 754 00:35:59,783 --> 00:36:01,453 [GRUNTS, GROANS] 755 00:36:03,536 --> 00:36:05,076 [FENCE THUDS] 756 00:36:21,012 --> 00:36:22,562 [SCORE FADES OUT] 757 00:36:33,149 --> 00:36:35,109 Yo. Philly. 758 00:36:38,571 --> 00:36:40,491 What are you doing here? 759 00:36:40,532 --> 00:36:42,162 The clock radio in my hotel room 760 00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:43,780 woke me up this morning 761 00:36:43,827 --> 00:36:45,907 and was playing a Judas Priest song. 762 00:36:46,496 --> 00:36:48,076 And I thought of you. 763 00:36:48,637 --> 00:36:51,214 You know, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about that, Abs. 764 00:36:52,752 --> 00:36:54,302 [SIGHS] 765 00:36:55,338 --> 00:36:56,878 I realized 766 00:36:56,923 --> 00:36:59,093 how you must have felt about the church. 767 00:37:00,343 --> 00:37:02,643 Whatever you decide about the land thing, just... 768 00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:05,770 send me the paperwork and I'll deal with it. 769 00:37:07,264 --> 00:37:08,804 Or not. 770 00:37:12,772 --> 00:37:14,692 Okay. That's it. 771 00:37:14,946 --> 00:37:16,906 - Tell Ethan that... - [TENDER SCORE] 772 00:37:17,402 --> 00:37:19,572 Jesus doesn't mind when you spill his body, 773 00:37:19,612 --> 00:37:21,572 but if you spill his blood, 774 00:37:21,614 --> 00:37:23,164 mix three parts hydrogen peroxide 775 00:37:23,199 --> 00:37:25,949 to one part dish soap. It gets the stains right out. 776 00:37:29,205 --> 00:37:30,661 Hm. 777 00:37:31,207 --> 00:37:32,787 You are a good uncle. 778 00:37:43,340 --> 00:37:44,880 Second favorite brother. 779 00:37:44,986 --> 00:37:46,526 [SNORTS] 780 00:37:47,140 --> 00:37:48,720 [ELEVATOR ARRIVING CHIME DOORS OPENING] 781 00:37:49,476 --> 00:37:51,016 [LAUGHING] 782 00:37:51,060 --> 00:37:52,600 [PLEASANT INDISTINCT CONVERSATION] 783 00:37:55,732 --> 00:37:57,282 [ENGINE TURNS OFF] 784 00:37:58,276 --> 00:37:59,816 - [CAR DOOR CLOSES] - Hey. 785 00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:02,660 Luke! It's perfect. 786 00:38:02,697 --> 00:38:04,867 Tarik was just saying now that the fence is gone, 787 00:38:04,908 --> 00:38:07,658 we can have full-sun hibiscus running all the way down. 788 00:38:07,702 --> 00:38:10,002 I'm so glad to talk plants with someone. Mina's hopeless. 789 00:38:10,038 --> 00:38:12,158 - [LAUGHS] So's Rowan. - [TARIK LAUGHS] 790 00:38:15,877 --> 00:38:17,957 What a tragic waste of time. 791 00:38:18,004 --> 00:38:20,724 The Masseys just told me they're no longer selling. 792 00:38:20,757 --> 00:38:22,967 Yeah, the Hasans feel the same way. 793 00:38:23,802 --> 00:38:27,142 Poor Alvin. He nearly bounced into eternity and... 794 00:38:28,244 --> 00:38:30,124 - died in vain. - Hm. 795 00:38:30,558 --> 00:38:32,098 Just out of curiosity, 796 00:38:32,685 --> 00:38:34,515 what do you think happens when we die? 797 00:38:34,841 --> 00:38:36,511 I have no idea. 798 00:38:37,273 --> 00:38:39,613 But it probably affects your credit scores. 799 00:38:45,365 --> 00:38:46,915 [LIGHT CONVERSATION, LAUGHTER] 800 00:38:55,416 --> 00:38:58,246 No? Hell, no? 801 00:38:58,257 --> 00:38:59,807 No. 802 00:38:59,818 --> 00:39:01,398 Hell, yes. 803 00:39:01,846 --> 00:39:04,006 I signed the damn papers over. 804 00:39:04,102 --> 00:39:08,022 Our ancestral land is going to be a vacation bible school, 805 00:39:08,555 --> 00:39:10,775 or a... popemobile parking lot, 806 00:39:11,349 --> 00:39:14,139 or a place where they train Jesuits to fight in the octagon. 807 00:39:15,157 --> 00:39:17,577 Better get a nice fruit basket from the Vatican. 808 00:39:18,456 --> 00:39:20,046 Oh, honey. 809 00:39:20,057 --> 00:39:21,937 Just wasn't worth the fight, you know? 810 00:39:22,902 --> 00:39:24,572 You're a good person. 811 00:39:25,113 --> 00:39:27,113 Mm. Not really. 812 00:39:27,657 --> 00:39:29,197 But thank you. 813 00:39:29,868 --> 00:39:31,828 Oh, any word from the adoption people? 814 00:39:33,288 --> 00:39:34,828 [TENDER SCORE] 815 00:39:34,873 --> 00:39:36,583 You gotta know, 816 00:39:37,208 --> 00:39:39,918 as much as you want this baby... and I do, too, we both do, 817 00:39:39,961 --> 00:39:41,501 don't get me wrong... 818 00:39:42,755 --> 00:39:46,965 please don't feel like we need a baby to be a family. 819 00:39:47,594 --> 00:39:50,604 Yeah, I know. I-it's just... 820 00:39:50,638 --> 00:39:52,178 Hey... 821 00:39:52,603 --> 00:39:54,153 You and I... 822 00:39:54,601 --> 00:39:56,981 we're a better family than most people will ever find. 823 00:40:00,726 --> 00:40:02,276 Come here. 824 00:40:07,780 --> 00:40:09,320 We can always get a dog. 825 00:40:12,410 --> 00:40:13,950 [SCORE FADES OUT] 826 00:40:15,163 --> 00:40:17,213 - Good night, Zooey. - Good night, Augie. 827 00:40:17,248 --> 00:40:18,788 [FOOTSTEPS RECEDING] 828 00:40:20,919 --> 00:40:22,669 [ELEVATOR ARRIVING CHIME, DOORS SLIDE OPEN] 829 00:40:24,797 --> 00:40:26,467 Hey. 830 00:40:27,300 --> 00:40:29,930 What August said earlier: Is it true? 831 00:40:30,410 --> 00:40:31,509 Yes. 832 00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:33,480 The metal in my nose is unnecessary. 833 00:40:33,556 --> 00:40:35,516 - [GENTLE SCORE] - The other thing. 834 00:40:35,976 --> 00:40:37,476 About quitting? 835 00:40:37,487 --> 00:40:39,027 Not being an agent? 836 00:40:41,314 --> 00:40:42,944 [SIGHS] I... 837 00:40:44,907 --> 00:40:46,447 I hate your job. 838 00:40:46,778 --> 00:40:48,398 [SCOFFS] All of it! 839 00:40:48,947 --> 00:40:52,027 The arguments with stupid people who think they're smart. 840 00:40:52,075 --> 00:40:53,955 Rita Weiss being my best friend... 841 00:40:54,260 --> 00:40:55,543 the whole thing. 842 00:40:55,974 --> 00:40:57,368 But you're good at it. 843 00:40:57,379 --> 00:40:59,589 Yeah, well, I'm good at karaoke, too! 844 00:40:59,666 --> 00:41:01,376 Doesn't mean I want to do it for a living. 845 00:41:02,418 --> 00:41:03,958 Look, I... 846 00:41:06,506 --> 00:41:08,916 I don't know what my thing is. 847 00:41:08,967 --> 00:41:10,507 Maybe I'll never find my thing, 848 00:41:11,219 --> 00:41:13,889 but I am absolutely sure that this thing 849 00:41:14,472 --> 00:41:16,022 is not my thing. 850 00:41:17,392 --> 00:41:18,932 I'm really sorry. 851 00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:28,070 You haven't heard from, uh... Susan? 852 00:41:29,445 --> 00:41:30,985 No. 853 00:41:37,996 --> 00:41:39,536 [GENTLE SIGH] 854 00:41:41,499 --> 00:41:43,039 [TENDER SCORE] 855 00:41:45,878 --> 00:41:47,418 [PHONE LINE TRILLING] 856 00:41:47,839 --> 00:41:50,759 Hi! You've reached Susan Ireland. 857 00:41:50,800 --> 00:41:52,640 I'm on a bit of a sabbatical right now, 858 00:41:52,677 --> 00:41:54,847 so if you need immediate assistance, 859 00:41:54,887 --> 00:41:58,217 press one. Otherwise, leave me a message 860 00:41:58,266 --> 00:42:00,176 and roll the dice! Drink the wine! 861 00:42:00,226 --> 00:42:01,766 Because life is a mystery 862 00:42:01,811 --> 00:42:04,401 and the sun is only a morning star! 863 00:42:04,439 --> 00:42:05,979 [HANG UP CLICK] 864 00:42:12,363 --> 00:42:14,033 [LAPTOP CLICKS SHUT] 865 00:42:17,869 --> 00:42:19,659 Damn it, Susan. What do you want me to say? 866 00:42:20,955 --> 00:42:22,495 I'm sorry. 867 00:42:23,124 --> 00:42:24,754 I'm sorry that you made it so easy 868 00:42:24,792 --> 00:42:28,342 to laugh at your process, at your color-coded paperclips. 869 00:42:28,379 --> 00:42:31,629 I am sorry that you did it so effortlessly 870 00:42:32,258 --> 00:42:34,218 that I forgot how good you really are. 871 00:42:36,512 --> 00:42:39,142 I'm sorry that this place just doesn't seem to run 872 00:42:40,516 --> 00:42:42,596 as good without you. 873 00:42:42,643 --> 00:42:44,983 And, most of all, I am sorry that I am saying it 874 00:42:45,021 --> 00:42:48,401 to this credenza instead of your face. 875 00:42:54,238 --> 00:42:55,778 [SCORE FADES OUT] 876 00:42:55,867 --> 00:43:00,867 - Synced and corrected by naFraC - - www.addic7ed.com - 62572

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